The Most Important Skill for Improving Your Life

0:07Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there, you love this podcast and you want to get some inspirational and mindset tips and tricks, text directly to your phone. Text me right now. 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, I'm going to be talking to you about what I believe is the most important skill that you can have for improving your life. And before we do that, I want you to just think about this for a second. Have you ever felt that you wanted to change your life, but you feel like there's a lot of pressure with the idea of changing your life?

0:48Like the idea of changing your life can kind of feel a little bit like it's too much. Like this idea of becoming a new person is exciting, but becoming a new person and all of the things I need to do and all of the habits that I need to create, it feels overwhelming, doesn't it? so overwhelming that you might not end up doing anything at all because you start thinking about all of the stuff that has to be done. You get this paralysis by analysis. If you're the type of person who is part of this podcast and you show up and listen to it often, then you want change. You're the type of person who's ready to change your life and to change yourself to change your life.

1:27But when we think about being changed and changing forever, it's this unknown. And thinking about all of that change and all of that unknown, the brain can kind of freak out. What does that mean? It's scary. Like if you think about change to the brain, it's a threat to the brain. That's how the brain sees change because your brain wants to focus on safety. And so your brain can tend to shut down. It's kind of like standing at the bottom of a massive mountain, staring up at it and thinking to yourself, oh my God, how the hell am I going to get all the way to the top of it? What if you just stopped thinking about the entire mountain?

2:03What if you just started thinking about the next step? I think the key to change is to take some pressure off yourself, to take it all and make it simpler. Change doesn't have to be so scary. Like for me, I like to simplify things. If you've listened to me for a while, you know that. So instead of obsessing over who you want to be a year from now or what you want to be 10 years from today, why don't you just ask yourself the question, who do I want to be today? And so I think the most important skill for improving your life is to have that long-term vision, but short-term focus. So you have long-term vision of what you're trying to do, but your focus isn't focused on long-term.

2:42Your focus is focused on short-term. And I mean very short-term. I mean today. And so let's break down what you need to do to actually make this work. Because focusing on long-term can backfire on you. Like, don't get me wrong. Big picture, vision is great. You need it to make sure that you're heading in the right direction. You need a North Star in your life. But all too often, if you're only focusing on 10 years from today, it can become a trap for you. And the reason why is because for a lot of people that I've coached with over years, it creates a lot of pressure. They start getting a lot of pressure thinking about the next five years because the next five years can seem like a lot because we're thinking to ourselves, okay, for me to become this person for me to make this amount of money for me to have this business in five years.

3:27I started thinking about all of the things I need to have done. And then we get overwhelmed because we think about all of the things that need to be done. And we think to ourself, I need to get them done right now. And that thought can paralyze us. And it feeds procrastination. And our brain will resist big changes a lot of times. Because as I said a minute ago, change is seen as a threat to the brain, your brain only really cares about survival. And it knows in this moment right now, everything's okay. In our comfort zone, we're fine. Outside of our comfort zone, danger. So what do we do? We put things off.

4:00We procrastinate. Oh, I'll start on Monday. And then Monday turns into next month. And then next month turns into next year. And next year turns into never. And if you do this long enough, it turns into self-doubt. Because the gap from where you are right now to where you want to be feels huge. And it feels too big. And so you might assume that, hey, this is too big. I'm going to fail. I'm not going to be able to do this. And so because of the fact that you assume you're going to fail, you decide not to even start or you just decide to give up. And most people don't change because they get stuck so much in thinking about the future instead of just acting in this present moment.

4:41And so what you need to do is just it's a simple three-step process. Okay. The first thing you need to do is this. You need to refine your identity just for today. You don't need to overhaul your entire life. You don't need to get rid of all of your relationships. You don't need to be a different person for the rest of your life. I just want you to try on a new identity just for today because your identity is your foundation and your actions come from the beliefs that you have about yourself. If you believe that you're lazy, you'll act in a lazy manner. If you believe that you're disciplined, you'll act more discipline.

5:17If you believe I'm not a morning person, well, then guess what? Your alarm goes off and you just keep on hitting the snooze. Why? Because you're not a morning person. Now, I want you to understand you can force yourself to act out of alignment with your identity for a short period of time. This is why people can trick themselves at the beginning of a year when there's New Year's resolutions and they can be like, yeah, this is exciting. This is fun. I'm going to be a new person and they can do it for a week, two weeks, three weeks. They can do it for short term, but because their identity hasn't shifted, eventually they're going to stop because you are acting out of alignment with who you think you are.

5:52And so people can force themselves to act out of alignment with who you think you are, your identity, for a short period of time, but not long term. Long term, you will always act in alignment with who you think you are. And so most of us don't realize that we're carrying these old, outdated beliefs about ourselves. And so what I want to challenge you to do, just for today, what if you just decide to be someone completely different? What would that look like? And so it's very simple. Here's what you're going to do, okay? Each morning, you're just going to ask yourself a very simple question. Who do I want to be today?

6:30You look at what you have going on for today, and you think to yourself, I'm just going to be somebody else today? Who do I want to be? Remember when you were a little kid and you're like, I'm Superman. I'm a princess. I'm an astronaut. And you could be like Superman and a princess and an astronaut all on the exact same day. And you actually believed that you were. So who do you want to be today? Looking at what you have going on. Think about that. And you write down who you want to be and you just want to jump into this new identity. And you think to yourself, like, what kind of energy do I want to bring to my life today?

7:00How do I want to show up for myself, for other people. And then what you do is once you choose that identity, it's very simple. You just choose three words that reflect the identity that you want to have for today. And so an example is, you know, let's say that you decide, okay, my three words are I'm going to be focused, I'm going to be patient, and I'm going to be bold. Cool. This would be really great for someone who's trying to take action, be more disciplined, focus, patient, bold. But let's say that today you're not really wanting to be disciplined. Maybe you want to break out of a rut. You want to be more creative.

7:34You want to have some more fun. And so maybe what you say is today, I want to be creative. I want to be playful and I want to be adventurous. That's pretty good. Maybe you want to strengthen your relationships. Maybe it's Sunday. You want to focus on your relationships. You say, I'm going to be loving. I'm going to be grounded and I'm going to be confident. Okay, pretty good. And so you figure out who you want to be today and then you give yourself three words of how you want to show up, the words of the way that you're going to show up. And these words aren't random. And they're not just something that you write down in the morning.

8:05They become your mental GPS for the day to show you where you're going to go, how you're going to be, how you're going to act. And then every action that you have throughout the day, big or small, should just reflect these three qualities. So you just take these three words, you put them in your phone. You say, today, I want to be this. That's my identity. My word is this word, this word, and this word. Those are your three words. And you can choose, this is the best part about it, you can choose a new identity every single day and three new words every single day, depending on what you have going on for the day and what you need to accomplish.

8:38So let me give you an example. Let's say it's Friday. I'm busy. I got a lot of shit going on today and I need to get a lot of work done so that I can clock out and not have to think about work for the weekend. So it's Friday. I need to get a lot of work done. I need to finish up the week. So I might sit there in the morning and say, okay, I want to be efficient. I want to be focused and I want to be disciplined. Okay. Efficient, focused, disciplined, efficient, focused, disciplined. And then every action that I take as I'm going through and I'm thinking about how I'm going to be acting throughout the day.

9:11I'm thinking about today. I want to be efficient. What do I need to be efficient? I want to be focused. What do I need you to be more focused? I need to be disciplined. I want to, what do I need to do to be more disciplined? So that's my Friday. Close out the day. Good to go. Let's say I wake up and now it's Saturday. I don't need to be efficient, focused, and disciplined on Saturday. Maybe I've got to take my daughter to dance recital or she's got her dance recital this evening. My son has a basketball game and then we have a dinner with the family. I don't really care if we've got a dance recital, a basketball game, and dinner with the family to be efficient, focused, and disciplined.

9:42So maybe my words might be, okay, I want to be present, I want to be loving, and I want to be fun today. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. And I put these, once again, I put these words in my phone, in my notes tab, so I can just go back to them and look at them. What was my words today? I know I said I wanted to be present with the family. What else did I want to be? Okay. I wanted to be, oh yeah, loving and fun. And I put these in my notes tab in my phone to continue to keep reminding myself. And it can be different every single day. What you have to understand with your identity is please like stop being so damn rigid and stubborn.

10:19Oh, I'm this person, but you don't understand man, Rob, I've been this person my entire life. I don't really give a shit. Just be somebody else today. Try it out. Have some more fun. People are so rigid and it's like this straight jacket. Like I have to act this way because I've always been this way. No, just stop being so stubborn. Try on a new shirt today. Be a different person. It can be different every single day. It's okay. You don't have to keep waking up and being the same person. The only thing that's keeping you stuck is you. It's you deciding to be the same person that you were yesterday.

10:51And I use the word very intentionally. You are deciding to be that same person versus just deciding to be somebody different and act differently. So that's the first step is to figure all of that out, right? Then what you do is you, step two is you translate that identity into the actions you need to take for the day. So your identity is shaped by what you think of yourself, but it's also what you do. So let's get practical. You look at these three words and you ask yourself, how would somebody who embodies these three words behave today? And you decide on three small specific actions that align with them.

11:25And so an example would be, you know, if you want to be focused, patient, and bold, your actions might be focused. I'm going to work for 90 minutes without checking my phone. Okay, one small action. I'm going to be patient. Okay, what I'm going to do is I'm going to just today challenge myself to count one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi before responding and reacting in conversations so that I'm more patient. I give more space for other people to talk. And I want to be bold. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to make that phone call that I've been avoiding for the past two weeks.

11:57Focused, patient, bold. Identity. Then I got three different, you know, words that I want to be. And then from those words, three different actions of what I want to do today. You know, if you're got a different day and maybe your identity is creative and calm and confident, your actions might be creative. I'm going to spend 30 minutes journaling today or 30 minutes drawing or 30 minutes exploring new ideas and brainstorming about how to grow my business. I'd be creative. Calm, I'm going to meditate for 15 minutes to ground myself before I start the day. And confident, I'm going to speak up during my meeting today and I'm going to share my thoughts openly without second guessing myself like I normally do.

12:39Cool. Let's say that your identity and what you want to be is energetic and kind and disciplined. Well, then your actions might be energetic. I'm going to get a 30-minute high-intensity interval workout off of YouTube at home before I leave for work so I can get that energy out. Kind, I'm going to send five encouraging messages to friends, family members, or coworkers. Discipline, I'm going to stick to my plan of what I have scheduled for today instead of scrolling on my phone. So you see how you're just basically going to decide who you want to be and how you want to act every single day. Not worrying about the next five years of your life.

13:18Not worrying about this giant mountain that you have to climb. This works because people think that change happens in one huge action. But change doesn't happen in one huge action. It's these tiny little decisions every single day that add up. If you act disciplined today, you'll start actually seeing yourself as a disciplined person. If you act confident today, well, confidence is going to start becoming more of a habit for you. You're going to shift your view on yourself and think, damn, well, I was pretty confident today. Maybe I am more confident than I thought. If you take one small, bold action today, well, normally I'm kind of a fearful person, but maybe courageousness can actually start to feel a little bit normal for me.

13:59So that's number two is to take your identity and start turning into actions. And then step number three, and this is where most people really don't do it. And it's very, very important is to reflect on each day. So at the end of the day, you just take five minutes and you debrief. And you just ask yourself, did I live by my three words today? That's it. So beginning of the day, who do I want to be today? That's the question you ask yourself. End of the day, did I live by my three words today? Where did I follow through? Where did I slip up? Why did I slip up? How can I make sure I don't do that again?

14:32These daily check-ins are really where a lot of the real magic happens. Most people skip the reflection at the end of the day, and then they wonder why they don't change. The truth is, you're going to mess up. You're going to try to go back into old habits and old ways. You're not going to be perfect. There's no way you'll ever be perfect in this. But these daily check-ins are where your adjustments are made. This is where you build more self-awareness of, oh, I wanted to be bold, and I wanted to be more courageous. But when I look back at that interaction, I was very fearful. So next time, instead of being fearful, here's what I'm going to do.

15:07And you make these small incremental adjustments in your life. This is what the daily check-in at the end of the day is for. So even if you completely mess up in your day, you still win with the daily checkout and the reflection that you have because you're learning and you're getting better. And then you're going to be growing and making adjustments and doing stuff differently. And so this really helps when you're doing this because number one, it helps a lot with your cognitive overload. And so it's like if you start thinking about how overwhelmed you are, your brain can only handle so much at once.

15:42If you're thinking about your 10-year plan, that overloads you. It's a lot. But one day, one day is doable, right? The other thing is it starts to shift your identity with yourself. It starts to rewire your brain just a little bit. Your brain strengthens whatever pathways you use the most. And so if you start acting a little bit more like your future self today, your brain is going to adapt in different ways. And if you do it long enough, all of this repetition, repetition is the mother of all skill. Eventually, that thing that was new to you starts to become your default. You become a different person.

16:15And then it starts to build momentum. It gives you a fresh start every single day. You know, research has found that when people are committing to something, They're more likely to commit to a positive behavior when they frame it as a fresh start. Even if it's something small as just starting a new day. This is why people do really well at the beginning of a year in New Year's resolutions and then they fall off because it's exciting. A new beginning feels fresh. It feels new. It feels like a fresh start. It's something exciting for us. The cool thing about this is that you get a new beginning every single day.

16:48It's just, you remember when you were a little kid, you used to have those books and you could just pick your journey. You're basically picking your journey every single day. It's a new, fresh start, new person every single day. So instead of thinking like, oh, I have to lose 50 pounds this year, you just say to yourself, okay, today I'm committed to being a healthy person. And then you just ask yourself, like, what would a healthy person do today? Well, they would move their body. So I'm going to go on a 20 minute walk today. They would fuel themselves well. So I'm going to eat a really well balanced meal today.

17:16You know what? They probably hydrate themselves self as well. They'd stay hydrated. So you drink more water. And then today you were just a healthier person. Well, you just keep stringing those together. Eventually you're going to be a much healthier person. And eventually you're probably going to lose those 50 pounds that you wanted to lose versus worrying about the next year, two years. You're not worrying about the next 12 months. You're just acting like a healthy person today. And so what you want to do is just try to win the day. Don't focus on next year. Don't even focus on tomorrow. Just focus on winning the day A great life is just a string of great days that's added together over a long period of time.

17:53And so the only thing that actually matters is today. If you keep waiting until you're going to be quote unquote ready to change, you're going to be waiting forever. The only moment that exists and the only moment that you can actually control right now is today. And so let's keep this simple. Right now, I want you to do this. Choose three words for yourself today. Say them out loud to yourself. And then what I want you to do is find three small actions that line up with each one of those. So one for each one of them. And then I want you to reflect at the end of the day, how'd you do? No pressure, no long-term contracts, just one day at a time.

18:28And if you do this enough, you don't need to, quote unquote, become a new person. You'll just start to realize that you're already starting to become that person. Just one day at a time, you're stepping into a new version of yourself. So I want you to answer this. who do you want to be today? So that's what I got for you today. If you love this episode, please do me a favor, share it on your Instagram stories, tag me in it, Rob Dial Jr., R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it with other people. So the only way I can impact more people's lives, we could change more people's lives, hopefully change the world in another small way is if you guys share it.

19:04So if you do that, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. And once again, if you live in the United States or Canada and you want to get inspirational and some mindset tips and tricks, text directly to your cell phone. Text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305. And with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.