The pain of becoming yourself

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1:37Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're the type of person who wants to learn and grow and improve yourself, I put out episodes four times a week to help you because if you can improve yourself, you can improve your life and that's all we're really looking to do. Today, we're going to be talking about how to use your ego for good. Now, when we hear the word ego, the way I've always seen it as I was growing up is it has a bad connotation with it.

2:10We hear things like, oh, you know, his ego is just way too big or her ego was taking over or that's just their ego talking. Oh, that's his egoic side. But if you look at the ego, and this is one of the things I want you to really start to understand, if you look at it in a different light, is it possible that we could use this ego for good? And so I want to talk about how do you use your ego as a tool for your tool belt so that you can use it when you need it and then put it away when you don't need it. And I was part of a podcast interview where a lady was talking to me about like, well, how do you get rid of your ego?

2:50And I started telling her this and she's like, that's amazing. I've never thought about it that way. And so if it's possible that our ego will never go away, which I think that it is possible that our ego will never go away. It's always going to be there. Even if we work on it, it might get a little bit quieter. It's still going to exist. It's actually part of our psychological makeup. up. And if we can't get rid of our ego, is it possible that we can accept it and then use it for good? And I think that it is. And I've told the story before and where this really came to light for me is when I was writing my book, Level Up.

3:24And I was writing the book and I started thinking to myself like I was editing every single word and I was going through and trying to make it perfect. I was adding to it. I was subtracting to it. I was changing the words around to make them better. And I remember I was sitting there and I was in my office and I was thinking to myself, I'm just trying to create the best book that I can. And, you know, the better that the book is, the more it will impact someone's life. The more it impacts someone's life, the more that they'll likely they'll recommend it. And then somebody else will buy it and it will change their life as well.

3:58And that was the way I was thinking about it. And all of that was true. But as I tend to do, I also play devil's advocate to myself all of the time. And I question myself all the time in a good way where it's like I try to challenge myself to just kind of poke holes in the way that I see things and try to see things from a different perspective. And I'm always real curious about myself. And so I took a step back and I was like, OK, yeah, you do want to write the best book for sure. But you also do want to sell a lot of books. You want to be a New York Times bestseller so you can have that little badge on your, you know, that invisible badge on your shoulder so you can always say you're a New York Times bestseller.

4:40And you know that if a lot of people, like a lot of people buy it, like if it's a perennial bestseller, you'll make millions of dollars off of it. And so I was playing devil's advocate with myself and I was like, yeah, you do want to write the best book. You do want to help people, but you also do want to be incredibly successful off of this, don't you? I thought about it, I was like, is there anything wrong with wanting that? I thought about it. I was like, there's nothing wrong with wanting it. There's nothing wrong with either side. Are both of those sides true? And I was like, yeah, they are.

5:11And I was like, interesting. So my ego wants to be a New York Times bestseller. It wants to make a bunch of money. It wants to be uber successful off of it. Can I use my ego in this moment to actually help me create a better book? and if I do create a better book because I'm using my ego who wants to make more money, wants to have success, if I do create a better book by using my ego, I will actually help more people. So my ego, that's supposed to be so bad, as everybody says, is actually helping me create a better book if I use it correctly. And I realized in that moment, it really changed my perspective on it.

5:50I can use my ego for good, but I just have to be in control of my ego and it's gotta be directed correctly. It can't run wild, right? So it's like, if you look at like a bull, right? A bull is an extremely dangerous animal or it can be an extremely dangerous animal but a bull that's been raised around humans and has certain jobs like it can pull a plow can help create food for an entire village to eat. One can be very dangerous and the other one, if used correctly, and tamed can help feed an entire village. Same animal, different scenarios. One is used intentionally. The other is dangerous when it's just running around.

6:33So like, let me give you some examples of how to actually take your ego, which we can see this aspect of the ego being bad, but you can also use it for good. So like for me, I'm a very competitive person. Maybe you're extremely competitive. It can be bad. Like if you're miserable until you win or until you beat somebody in a game, or if you're on Instagram constantly comparing yourself to other people, or if you hate losing more than you love winning and you're just extremely competitive, yeah, that can be really bad. But it could also be used for good as well, where you're sitting there and you're going, like, okay, I'm very competitive.

7:16Like, let's say that you're writing a book and you find a book that you really love and you're like, this book is amazing. I want to write a book that's better than that. Can you make it for good? Of course you can. Let's say you're sitting down and you're making a YouTube video and you have this YouTube video that is your favorite YouTube creator. And you're watching how they create videos and you take all the good stuff. You're like, but I want to be better than them. I want to be better. Can you use that for good? Sure, of course you can. Can you use that for bad where you're constantly comparing yourself and you don't think that you're good enough?

7:42Absolutely. But if you can turn it on and say, okay, I'm going to turn on my competitive side and I'm going to make a better video right now. That can be used for good. You can turn it on when you need to. You know, if you're a salesperson and you want to be successful, if you turn your competitive side on when you're trying to compete against all the other people in the office, you can use it for good. You can use it to make more calls, make more money. You can be competitive against yourself as well if you want to. Last week you had 10 sales. I want to be competitive with myself and have more than 10 sales this week.

8:15And so you can use it when you need to use it. I'll give you another example, right? Being selfish. Being selfish can be really bad. It can. But if you're somebody who's like a lot of people that I talk to that come to me on Instagram or in different programs that I have are people pleasers. People pleasers need to be more selfish. They need to be more selfish with their time. They need to be more selfish with their boundaries. so you can use selfishness and you could if you have something where you can share and feed somebody and you're being selfish yeah that can be a bad thing but if you're selfish and being selfish because you're a people pleaser and you need to work on your boundaries and need to spend more alone time with yourself yeah that can be something that you need that they can actually beneficial maybe you just had a kid and your your friends all want to hang out or your business your your company needs more from you or your boss is asking more from you but you want to spend more time with your child.

9:10That's a good way to be selfish. I'm going to be selfish with my time so I can spend more time with my family. So selfishness, this ego inside of us can be bad, but it can also be good as well. And we will be right back. Hey, showing up for yourself day in and day out and doing the hard things is what creates a better life. And noon hydration helps you stay moving with the real deal. Activated hydration built to support you through those moments that challenge you. Noon hydration tablets deliver clean ingredients and optimize electrolytes that hydrate better than water alone, especially when you're sweating or on the go.

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12:26Can that be bad? Absolutely. If you're just judging people and talking trash to them in your head and making everybody seem worse than you and just beating people up in your head, that judgmental side can definitely be bad. But on the other side of that, can you use your judgment to make better decisions? Well, if you're in business, Using your judgment is a really big thing that you need a lot. If you're thinking about bringing in a business partner, you better be very judgmental. You better go through every single aspect to make sure it's the right person. If somebody wants to invest into your business or if you're going to invest into another business, you better be using your judgment.

13:07So that judgment can be bad, but it can also be good. Let's say that you have the fear of failure. Can the fear of failure be bad? Absolutely. Why? Because most people have the fear of failure and it paralyzes them from taking any action at all. So that side of the ego can be really bad. If you have the fear of failure and then you don't take action towards creating the life that you want, yeah, that's really bad. But if you use your fear of failure to think to yourself, I'm going to work really hard to succeed for myself and for my family because I don't want to fail and you come at it from a good perspective, that can actually help your life be better.

13:46That can make you more successful. So your fear of failure can stop you and paralyze you or your fear of failure can actually propel you to be better. You know what? I'm so afraid of failure. What am I going to do? I'm going to work harder. I'm going to be better. I'm going to make myself better in everything that I do. What if you're a, what if you've got anger issues? Can anger issues be good? Well, let's think about it for a second. I like, this is what I like to do with myself. I like to throw things in myself and say like, okay, an angry person, anger issues. Can that be, is there any way that anger can be a bad, be a good thing?

14:21Well, let's see. Anger issues. Is that a bad? Yeah. Like we don't really have to explain how that can be bad, right? Is it possible that anger could be used for good? Well, I mean, if you get to a point in your life where you feel like you've hit rock bottom, you're just tired of your own shit, that you get so angry at yourself that it forces you to make change, could that be good? I guess that it could. When you get angry and you're like, I'm just tired of this life I've been living for the past 16 years. I've been stuck in the same place. I'm tired about the fact that I'm not succeeding at a higher level.

14:55I'm not working on myself. You can use that anger the right way if you use it as a catalyst for change. The way I want you to see it is everything in this. I mean, pretty much we could, when you look at like universal truths, like across the entire universe, they're usually paradoxical. Like they're usually like, this is true and it's false at the same time. This is good. And this is bad at the same time. It's like all of these things can be bad, but if you use them in the right moment, they can be good. It's like a tool for your tool belt. When you need a nail to go into a wall, a hammer is the best thing to use.

15:33Could you use a shoe? I guess if you have a really hard heel on the shoe. But if you have a hammer, you might as well use a hammer. When you have a screw and you're trying to screw something together, a screwdriver is better than a hammer. And so it's like, I don't want my anger. I don't want my judgment. I don't want my selfishness, my competitiveness to run the show. But at certain moments, can I take a step back and be like, okay, what can I use? What tool would be the best tool to use right now to help me get to where I want to go? So how do you use it for good? You use it when needed, but you don't allow it to use you.

16:13You have to own your ego, but do not be owned by your ego. So when I say your ego or your egoic side, what's the first thing that you think about in yourself? What's the one egoic thing where you're like, I want to get rid of this within myself? Think about it for a second. What's the one thing where you've been like, I really want to get rid of this myself? Is it your anger? Is it your shyness? Is it your jealousy, your judgmental side, your arrogance, your insecurity, your self-centeredness, maybe you're defensive? Maybe you have resistance to change. You have a fear of failure. Maybe you're a perfectionist.

16:51Is it possible to use that thing for good? I don't know. Maybe you should get a pen and paper and write it down and see. And so here's what we want to do. The way that we can start to figure out how to use these for good. The first thing that you need to do is you need to accept that it's part of you. You're probably, you can't cut out your selfishness. You can't get a knife and cut that out of you. It's like your arm. It's there. You might have a hairy arm. You might have a freckle on your arm. But you don't go trying to cut off the freckle because it's not perfect. It's there. and may be there forever.

17:21That's just the way that it is. The first thing you need to do is we need to accept that it is part of who you are. That selfishness side of you that you described earlier, that's just part of you. My selfish side, that's just part of me. I have to accept it. And when I accept it, I can actually start to use it the right way. I've accepted that it's there and it probably will be there forever. You cannot teach the ego anything other than to be egotistical. And so how do I use that thing if it's going to be stuck inside of me? It's there for a reason. How do I use it? So the first thing you need to do, okay, is accept it.

17:57Because all too often what we're doing is we're fighting it. It's like fighting the freckle on your arm. That doesn't make any sense. It sounds insane, doesn't it? It's part of us. Fighting it won't do anything. It'll only stress you off. First thing you need to do is accept it. The second thing that you need to do is you need to shift your relationship around it. Find the good in it. If it's going to be there, how can you change your relationship with it? Instead of being in this constant battle with this side of your ego, can I change my relationship with it? Can I see that although there has been some bad that's come from judgment, from anger, from ego, from fear of failure, there has been some bad that's come from it.

18:39A lot of good has come from it and a lot of good can come from it. Can you find the good that has come from it? Can you take a second to press pause, to close your eyes, and to find the good that has come out of that ego inside of you? Or do you have a pen and paper? Can you put me on pause? Can you journal through? What good has my ego created for me or the world? It might be hard to find, but I guarantee you it's there. I guarantee your ego inside, whatever ego inside you're talking about, has been used for good at some point in time. It's hard to find because I'm asking you to look through a different lens than you've probably ever looked through in your entire life when it comes to it.

19:19So that's the first thing. And then the second thing as well. The third thing is to use it for good. See it as a tool in your tool belt. That's it. How can you use it for good when you need to? Imagine like the way I like to think about it is like, let's say that you have the fear of failure, right? Instead of the fear of failure, imagine that it has a microphone and it's on stage and it's just screaming through the microphone all of the time. Instead of it always being on stage, what would it look like for you to decide, okay, I'm going to steal the microphone from you. I'm going to go ahead and put my confident version of myself on stage.

19:55I'm going to give that one the microphone. In the fear of failure, you can sit back for a little while. How can you use this tool as you need to? That's the way you want to think about it. The same way where, like I said, if you need a nail put into a wall, a hammer's the best thing to do so. Same exact thing for your ego. It's a tool in your tool belt, ready to be used intentionally when you need it. You use it, not it uses you. And so what you need to do is you need to accept it ain't going anywhere. That's the first step. Step number two, change your relationship with it. Start to see it in a different way.

20:33See it from a different perspective. There's almost good in everything in the world. There's almost bad in almost everything in the world. You just have to be able to see all sides of the coin, change your relationship with it. And the last piece is use it for good when you need to. And this right here is how you use your ego for good and befriend your ego and use it as a tool in your toolbox. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a huge favor. Please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it. Rob Dahl Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it.

21:07There's some people out there that are probably listening to like 50 or 100 episodes and you've never shared it. Do me a favor. The way you can pay it forward and everything and help us help the world is to just go ahead and share it. So if you do that, I'd greatly, greatly appreciate it. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day. Introducing Fidelity Trader Plus. With customizable tools and charts you can access across all your devices. Try our most powerful trading platform yet at fidelity.com slash trader plus.

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