The Psychology of Addictive Discipline

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1:52Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. I put out episodes four times a week to help you learn and grow and improve yourself because if you can improve yourself, you can improve your life. So if that's what you want to do, hit that subscribe button and join us. Today, I'm going to be talking about the psychology of addictive discipline because let me ask you a question. Why is it that discipline feels so hard to do? And then you meet somebody and they're not even trying to do it anymore.

2:26Like they don't have to wake up and fight themselves. Like they don't negotiate with themselves. They don't rely on motivation. They just do it. Like they just do it. And not only do they do it, they actually enjoy taking difficult action and pushing themselves. And if you've ever noticed, you've probably thought like they're just built different or they just have more willpower or they're more motivated than me. That's not what's happening here. What's happening is that they've crossed a psychological threshold that most people never reach when it comes to discipline. And today we're going to break down exactly how to do that.

3:01And I'm going to teach you step-by-step how to build addictive discipline within yourself. Okay. So when you look at discipline, there's two phases of discipline. Like the mistake that most people think that they think it's just, it's just one thing. It's not. Discipline is two completely different neurological phases. And let me describe them to you. Okay. So phase one is forced discipline, which is like the resistance phase where you're going to resist yourself. And this is where most people live and then they end up dying. This is where like waking up and not wanting to do it, forcing yourself to go to the gym when you really don't want to go to the gym, procrastinating when you should be joining and like growing your business, negotiating with yourself.

3:44And neurologically, here's what's actually happening. Your brain actually sees discipline as a threat. Why is that? Because your brain is wired for three things. Number one is efficiency. Number two is energy conservation. And number three is familiarity. And discipline is the opposite of all three of those things. So there's actually research out of University College of London that shows that the brain's default mode is to avoid effort unless there is an immediate reward. That's it. If there's not an immediate reward, then your brain increases what's called perceived effort to push you away from that behavior.

4:25So your brain actually makes it seem like the perceived effort is far greater than it actually is unless there's an immediate reward. And so when you say like, why is this so hard for me? It's your brain literally saying, hey, John, this is not worth your energy. And this is where most people quit. This is a part you have to fight through though. You have to fight through the resistance phase in order to get to phase two. And phase two is where addictive discipline comes in and it's where your identity starts to shift, right? This is where it really starts to get interesting when you look at it.

5:02if you stay long enough, if you keep going and you keep going and you keep going no matter what, something clicks in your brain. And now you feel weird when you don't do the thing. You actually start to crave the routine that you used to have to force yourself to do. And you actually feel pulled towards it instead of having to push yourself towards it. Now, discipline isn't effort. Discipline is alignment. So what is it that changed? Did the behavior change? Nope. The behavior is still the same behavior you used to force yourself to do. What changed is that your identity finally caught up. So if you do something for long enough, you will eventually feel like that is part of who you are.

5:47And then not doing it will feel weird. And so the next part of it that really goes into it is what I call the identity lag effect. This part is really, really important. And I really want you to understand this, okay? This is the concept that you really want to get. The identity lag effect is, first off, you have to understand that your behavior changes. You start doing something different, doing something different, doing something different. But your identity changes later. And in that gap of your identity still thinking that you're the same old person, and your actions being something different that you're doing, everything will feel like friction.

6:26You can start going to the gym, but your brain still thinks, I'm not the type of person who works out. This is pointless. My whole family is overweight. Like, I'm going to be overweight as well. Or you could start building a business and your brain still thinks, like, I'm not the type of person who follows through. I'll never be successful. I'm not good enough to do this. Who would want to buy from me? I'm probably going to fail. Whatever it might say, right? I want you to understand this. This is extremely important to understand. This part is completely normal because your identity has not caught up with your new behaviors.

7:01You should expect friction physically and mentally because every action that you take feels like you're fighting yourself because you are. You are fighting the old version of yourself And every time you repeat a behavior, you're strengthening the neural pathways for that identity. And so the catch of all of this is that it takes a lot, a lot, a lot of repetition before your brain starts to accept your new behaviors as part of who you are. And so in phase one, you're not just building discipline. You are building discipline, but you're also building evidence. And that's what's really important.

7:46You're building evidence that you are becoming a new person. You're building evidence that you are not who you were before. You're building evidence that you are changing and you are evolving. And that's what your brain needs to see is new behaviors for a long enough time in order for your identity, which is just who you think you are, to catch up. And then it becomes part of who you are. Now, let me be real with you for a second. Most people don't get there. Most people give up before. Most people fail because they want to stay where they are. And they stay where they are because they think in their minds, this is who I am.

8:27And so they fail because they quit during that identity lag. That lag where your identity still hasn't caught up to your new behaviors. And so they say things like, well, this just isn't me, or this is really hard, or I just can't stay consistent, or I don't have the discipline, or this isn't going to work for me. and we will be right back. Hey, showing up for yourself day in and day out and doing the hard things is what creates a better life. And noon hydration helps you stay moving with the real deal. Activated hydration built to support you through those moments that challenge you. Noon hydration tablets deliver clean ingredients and optimize electrolytes that hydrate better than water alone, especially when you're sweating or on the go.

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11:52And I don't really like how this feels because I feel like I'm in battle with myself. It's like this constant friction, right? And the truth of it is that discomfort that you feel, that's not a stop sign. Most people feel that discomfort. They feel that friction. They think, oh my God, this doesn't feel good. I need to stop this. No, no, no. That's the exact signal that you need to know that you're in transition. It's extremely important to understand this. The discomfort that you feel when you're doing something new, especially for an extended period of time, that discomfort means you're doing it right.

12:31Like you have to keep going. You have to keep this the front of your mind and tell yourself this over and over and over again. The discomfort means I'm doing it right. If you're uncomfortable, you're changing. If you're comfortable, you're staying the same. And, you know, research in neuroplasticity shows that the brain experiences the most resistance right before forming a new stable pattern. Do you get that? It feels the most resistance right before forming that new state. It's like the last breath of air, the last fight that it's going to put in. And so what that means is that the hardest part of doing this is right before it gets easier.

13:14And that's where most people quit. Let me really say this again. The moment that you want to quit is usually the moment right before your brain starts adapting. The hardest part is usually right before the breakthrough. So you've got to just like keep this front of your mind and start putting a little bit more effort in to do the things you don't want to do. And then you start to look at it. And neurologically, it's where it gets really interesting. Here's where you really start to see what changes happen inside of your brain. Because discipline doesn't just become easier. Discipline to your brain starts becoming rewarding.

13:49Most people think like when you look at dopamine, lots of people are talking about dopamine nowadays. Most people think dopamine comes from like getting the results that they want or achievements or outcomes. And it does sometimes, but also research from Stanford on dopamine circuits shows that dopamine is also released from progress and prediction, not just like achieving the end goal and like getting the six pack, right? So when you start showing up consistently over and over again, your brain starts to predict, hey, this is who we are. And now the act itself becomes rewarding. Oh my gosh, can you imagine that?

14:33the act of what we want to do that is so hard for us to do right now and so hard to do in phase one the act actually starts to become rewarding and this is where you feel good thinking about going to go do a workout have you ever been there before like for people who have been on the workout journey for a long time you know there's a point where it clicks and you actually start to crave the workout like you you get excited about your workout tomorrow like you feel off if you skip the work or skip the workout or skip doing the hard thing or skip doing your business. And now you've entered what we're talking about in this episode, which is addictive discipline.

15:13This is where it now feels good and addictive to do the thing that used to be hard for you to do, to do the thing that now listening to my voice probably feels hard to do. Now, let me pause for a second. Do you see how this can completely change the course of your life if you understand this and actually put action to it. The actions that are hard for you to do now, that will completely change the course of your life if you do them. And if you keep doing them long enough, not only do they start to become a habit, they become addictive. Think about that. How amazing would that be? Like the way I like to think about it is I know people that have been this way and I've been this way myself where, you know, for me, it was going to the gym.

15:58I had to force myself and force myself and force myself. And then it started to become something that I just did. And it felt weird not to go to the gym. Like you probably know somebody, or maybe you've been this way yourself where like you're 50 pounds overweight or your friend's 50 pounds overweight. And they have to like, it's so much force and effort to go to the gym and go to the gym and go to the gym, but they do it for long enough. They do it for a year. And then you talk to them, they've lost like 40, 50 pounds are looking amazing. And they're going to the gym like seven days a week. And you're like, why are you going to the gym seven days a week?

16:28You don't need to. And they're like, I just love going to the gym. Why? Because they're now addicted to the thing that they used to hate doing. That's addictive discipline. And at this stage, you don't really need motivation anymore because you're not like, you're not proving anything. You're not trying to force anything anymore. You had to force things in phase one. You don't have to force anymore. You're basically just maintaining who you are. And then here's the really wild part, breaking discipline now feels worse than actually doing it. Oh my God, how amazing is that? For those of you guys that have pushed yourself over years and years of something, you know what I'm talking about, where now you're like, I just want to do this.

17:10And if I don't do this thing, it feels weird and it doesn't feel good. Right? And this is back to, you know, when you look at neurology and psychology of cognitive dissonance research, when your actions don't match your identity, your brain creates psychological discomfort. And so if your identity over time has switched to, I'm disciplined, I take action, I follow through, I show up no matter what, and you start to actually believe that about yourself because of how much evidence you've collected over the past year or two years of who you're becoming, then not doing it actually feels wrong. And that is a shift that we're trying to create within you.

17:49And so for most people, they chase discipline and hard work as if that's the goal. That's not the goal. Discipline is really, it's not the goal, it's the bridge. Like the real goal is you becoming the person who doesn't need discipline anymore. You don't need it because once you become that person, you don't rely on motivation or willpower or hacks or any of that type of stuff. You rely on your identity of who you are now. And once again, your identity is just, in case you didn't know, it's who you think you are. It's not who you truly are. It's who you think you are. And so now you rely on your identity, your new identity, because the lag got over and now your behaviors and your identity match.

18:36And now you're locked in to the action because that's just part of who you are. And so I want you to understand if you're in that phase now, the part where like feels hard and you've got to do things you've never done before and you've got to force yourself to do stuff and you're just like questioning yourself like, is this possible? I don't think I can do it. I'm looking at other people and I'm like, I don't know if I'll ever get there. If you're in that phase right now, I have something to tell you. Good. You're in phase one. That is perfect. Most people never make it past the point that you're in right now because they leave too early.

19:11They think the discomfort means that they're doing it wrong. But if you were listening earlier, the discomfort that you're feeling means that you're doing it right. Like you're doing such a good job. If you just keep going, eventually this action that has been so hard you've had to force yourself to do becomes part of your identity and then it becomes addictive and then it feels weird not to actually do that thing. And so if you're questioning, you're like, why is this so hard for me right now? Now you understand why it's so hard. But the better question that you should start asking yourself is like, have I stayed long enough to become the type of person who enjoys it?

19:47Because once you do become the type of person who enjoys it, you'll never have to chase discipline again. You'll never have to force yourself to do anything. You will crave doing the things that you're now trying to force yourself to do. And if you do that long-term over the next 10, 15, 20 years of your life, completely different life. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in at Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And if you want to learn more about coaching with me outside of this podcast, go to coachwithrob.com right now.

20:21Once again, coachwithrob.com. And with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day. Introducing Fidelity Trader Plus. With customizable tools and charts you can access across all your devices. Try our most powerful trading platform yet at fidelity.com slash trader plus. Investing involves risk, including risk of loss. Fidelity Brokerage Services, LLC. Member NYSE SIPC. What's up, sports fans? I'm Rachel Demita, here to tell you about my show, Courtside Club.

20:53If you love hoops and hot takes, then you're in the right place. Want to hear about Caitlin Clark's unstoppable rise in the WNBA? How stars like Wemby and Luka Doncic are dominating the NBA? Or maybe you just want the tea on this week's most viral sports moments. Don't worry, we'll keep you updated on all of it. So grab your popcorn and come hang with us. Courtside. You can listen to Courtside Club wherever you get your podcasts. Ooh, we and ah.

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