Unlearn Negative Thoughts And Behavior Patterns

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1:47Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. Today, I'm going to talk to you about how to unlearn the negative thoughts and patterns that are ruining your life. Because the reason why you haven't created the life that you want yet is because you need to unlearn more. Because the reason why you haven't created the life that you want yet isn't because you need to learn more. It's because there's something that you actually need to unlearn. You know, what if you spent years trying to improve yourself while unknowingly carrying around negative beliefs and fears and identities that have been quietly limiting you your entire life?

2:38Because most people simply mistake those things, their fears, their limiting beliefs, their personality traits as just part of who they are, but they're not. And so today, we're going to dive really deep into the psychology of unlearning all of the negativity that's actually holding you back. We're going to talk about why your mind holds on to beliefs that no longer serve you. We're going to talk about how those old patterns from childhood continue shaping your life today. And then why unlearning and letting go of who you may have been probably is the most important step towards becoming who you're capable of.

3:14Now, I've been in self-development now for over 20 years, and for over a decade, I approach self-development as the way that most people do, which is I thought self-development was all about addition. I needed to learn more and read another book and listen to another podcast and take another course and learn from some other morning routine and find another productivity hack and become more disciplined and become more confident, become more successful. Everything was about adding, adding knowledge, adding habits, adding strategies, adding information. And don't get me wrong, like those things did help me have a better life.

3:52But eventually I hit a point where I realized that I wasn't changing as much as I had been in the past. And it was because I didn't need any more information. It was because I was carrying around too much old information, outdated information. and the breakthrough wasn't going to come from learning something new. It was going to come from unlearning, unlearning my fears, unlearning my assumptions, my old stories, my old identities, my old emotional contracts. I didn't even realize that I signed with a past version of myself. And so all of us learn how to become adults from the adults who raised us.

4:33And I'm not here to shame anybody. But if you never unlearn what you learned from them, then you are only going to get as far in life or just a little bit further than they did. Because they unconsciously downloaded their operating system into you. And so what I've come to realize is that self-development, it's not just about becoming somebody new and adding more. It's about removing everything that actually isn't you that's holding you back. I remember hearing about like Michelangelo and he was asked how he created the statue of David, this big, beautiful 17-foot statue considered the best piece of art that's ever been made.

5:13And he said something along the lines of, David was already inside of the marble. I simply just removed everything that wasn't David. And I think about you becoming the best version of yourself and I think about it the exact same way. Right now, you're like that piece of marble. You're rough on the edges is. And the only way to create yourself to your highest potential, the greatest piece of art that you can create yourself into is not to add more. It's to actually start chipping away at the marble, chipping away at what is no longer needed. And so the question becomes, what do I need to unlearn to become more?

5:53What fears, what limiting beliefs, what negative thoughts, what identities, What habits do I need to unlearn? Now, if we're talking about negativity, I need you to really understand something. There's also something in psychology that's built into the human circuitry that's called the negativity bias. The average person is more negative than they are positive. In fact, that's how our species actually survived. Tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of years ago, if your ancestors ignored a rustle in like the bushes, then it might've been the end for them. But if they ignored a beautiful sunset, nothing happened, right?

6:34And so your brain evolved to remember pain more than pleasure, the negative more than the positive, as we would categorize it today. It's going to notice the criticism more than compliments. It's going to notice all of the fears and the threats more than the opportunities in your life. And so we would call those quote unquote negative as humans, but really what that is is just a protection mechanism. Your brain is incredibly good at protecting you, like way better than you actually even realize because unconsciousness, it's just popping out fears in front of you so that you don't do anything outside of your comfort zone.

7:08And so nowadays, the things that we focus on are not the stuff that causes physical pain like a tiger would or any type of danger like our ancestors decided to deal with. It's psychological pain that we're trying to avoid. it's rejection it's embarrassment it's looking stupid in front of people being judged failure and so to your ancient brain those all feel important enough to avoid and so every time that you think don't start the business don't speak up don't ask them out don't post the video your brain actually thinks it's helping you it actually thinks it's keeping you safe and alive It isn't trying to ruin your life.

7:48It's trying to keep you safe. And I get it. That's trying to keep you safe, but it's also going to keep you captive inside of the comfort zone you're currently in. And that's not really going to change your life. And just because, I want you to understand, just because your brain generates a thought, it doesn't mean that you have to obey that thought. Too many people get wrapped up and they identify with their thoughts. And they're like, I'm negative. I am an overthinker. I get overwhelmed. I am anxious. No, those are the thoughts that you have that create feelings. That's not who you are. It's just a pattern that's stuck in your brain that you need to unlearn.

8:24One of the greatest freedoms that you'll ever discover is realizing that your thoughts are just suggestions. They're not commands. They're not truth. Your negativity bias can make recommendations all day long, but it doesn't have to make your decisions. That's your job. And so your mind might say, don't do it, but you get to decide what to do. And we will be right back. I struggled with staying consistent until I took James Clear's habit building class on Masterclass. Focusing on small daily actions made a huge difference. Unlike other learning platforms, Masterclass puts you in the room with the people who define their fields.

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11:20It handles so much of the work behind the scenes. Shopify is where you go to start your business with everything you need already there from day one. With Shopify, nothing stands between your idea and a real business. So go make it one. Start your free trial at shopify.com slash dial. Start your free trial at shopify.com slash dial. And now back to the show. It might say like, oh my gosh, watch out. Don't put yourself out there. They're going to judge you, but you get to decide what to do. It might say, oh, you're probably going to fail, but you get to decide what to do. The negativity bias can speak up, but it doesn't have to drive the car.

12:01And so these negative thoughts, these negative patterns, these negative beliefs that we all have from childhood, if you never question them in why they're running your life, you will never become the new version of yourself that you need to become to create the life that you actually want to create. You will only become the best version of your conditioned self. You'll only become the best version of your limited self. Like think about that for a second. You will become the most successful version of the person who's afraid of rejection. What's that going to look like? If you never get rid of it, you might become more successful, but you'll only become the most successful version of that person who's so afraid of rejection or failure or judgment.

12:47You'll only become the richest version of the person who still doesn't believe that they're enough. You'll only become the healthiest version of the person who's still driven by shame. Do you see what I'm saying there? Like you're trying to upgrade your life without changing the actual operating system. In the operating system, we'll always win eventually. Imagine trying to run Windows 95 today. For those of you guys that are old enough to remember Windows 95, it would be impossible to run all of the programs that we have today on a Windows 95 computer. So if you're going to update your life, you have to update your operating system.

13:32Now, when we talk Talk about the person that we are and the identities that we have. I love affirmations. I think that they're great. I think they're very important. You know, I think that the way you speak to yourself is very important. But to be honest with you, I think what is way more important is for you to have an identity audit. Like for you to get really f***ing real with yourself. Like stop dancing around the bush and asking yourself like the surface level questions. Like start asking yourself the really tough questions. Where did I learn this? Like, who taught this to me? When did I decide this?

14:10Like, is this actually true? Is this fundamentally true that I am not good enough? Is it fundamentally true that I am too loud? Is it fundamentally true that I am not good enough to be able to hold a relationship? Or is it fundamentally true that I am unlovable? or did I learn it in childhood and it has simply been repeated so many times in my life that it actually feels like it's true? Who the hell do I want to be and what do I need to unlearn in order to become that version of myself? This might be the most important thing that you could ever do is unlearn all of the stuff that you no longer need.

14:51Listen, I get it. When you were six years old, maybe somebody laughed at you when you spoke in class. Like maybe your parents argued every single night. Maybe you learned that love had to be earned. Maybe you learned that being quiet kept you safe. Maybe you learned that you needed to achieve in order to be quote unquote valuable. Maybe you learn those things. I get it. But those are not facts. And if you don't get rid of that. Your life will not be what you want it to be. They were not facts. They were just conclusions that you made as a five or six or seven-year-old. And so many people are walking around as adults with beliefs that were hardwired into them by the time they were seven.

15:36Because according to psychologists, 95 % of who you are is, according to them, quote unquote, fully formed by the age of seven years old, unless you consciously and intentionally change what you learned about yourself. So if you're 42 years old now and still letting a six-year-old, seven-year-old version of you explain reality to you, like doesn't that sound really wild if you actually think about it? Like, and I really want this to hit home. 95 % of what you learned is quote-unquote fully formed by the age of seven years old. So if you're 42, if you haven't unlearned the things that you learned in childhood, you're still walking around basically having your reality filtered through a seven-year-old's beliefs and thoughts that they learned from other people and were downloaded into them.

16:26And I want you to understand, like we were all gifted or given the parents that we were given. There's nothing we can do about that. So I'm not here to shame people or guilt people or any of that type of stuff. Everybody's always doing the best they could do with whatever it is that they have. But if you look at that and you look at your parents and say, do I want their life? Even if their life is okay. I'm not saying they have terrible lives or they were terrible people. Even if their life is okay. If you want something better than what they have, whatever better means to you, more happiness, more love, more joy, more money, more success, more achievement, whatever it might be.

16:59If you want more than them, then you're going to have to unlearn some stuff. And this is one of the most important journeys that you will ever go on is what do I need to unlearn in order to get my life to where I need it to be. Because if we don't actually sit down and do this identity audit and ask ourselves the really tough questions, like I said, we're just going to become the greatest versions of our limited selves. And I know if you're listening to this podcast, you're not trying to become your limited self. Like that doesn't sound exciting to anybody who's here. And so what I really want you to do is this.

17:33I want you to understand the next version of you doesn't need another book. Listen, I've read hundreds of books. I don't need another book. You don't need another book, right you don't need another productivity system you don't need another hack that some sort of guru gives you you don't need any of that you need to sit down with a pen and paper and say where do I want to go in my life and in order for me to get there I know that I can't be the person that I still currently am I'm going to need to unlearn some stuff what are the things that I need to unlearn in order to get my life to where I want it to be you need to do a full identity audit it and you need to stop believing what no longer serves you because every belief and negative thought and identity that you release, it's extra space to breathe.

18:27It's like you've been carrying around a backpack that's full of weights and you're just starting to drop all of them, all of these things you don't need anymore. It makes it easier to run when you just release the weights. every belief and negative thought and an identity that you have that you get rid of and negative patterns that you have create space for you to actually start to fill in with the person that you're becoming that's what true unlearning is and it might be the most important thing that you'll ever do so if i could give you the biggest tip that i possibly could one of the most important things you can ever do with your entire life is ask yourself what is it that i need to unlearn and what do I need to do to expedite this process of unlearning?

19:10And do I need to take more time, more meditation, more journaling, more going on long runs where I can think about stuff and more action in the opposite direction from what my old self wants me to do so that I can actually speed up the process of becoming the person that I wanna be. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. And with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission, make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have. an amazing day. Introducing Fidelity Trader Plus. With customizable tools and charts you can access across all your devices.

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