Use your ego for good

0:07Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you're wanting to improve yourself even more than just this podcast, you can go to mindsetmentorjournal.com right now. It is absolutely free and you will get a free video series instructing you exactly how to improve on journaling as well as 30 free journaling prompts to help you improve as well. So once again, it is mindsetmentorjournal.com. Today, we're going to be talking about how to use your ego for good.

0:41Now, when we hear the word ego in the way that I've always thought of it, I've always had a bad connotation around ego because we hear things about how ego can be destructive. You know, oh, that's his ego is just too big or, oh, that was her ego taking over or that's that was just through ego talking or that's his egoic side. And the ego seems like a negative and destructive psychological thing that we have inside of us. But go on a journey with me here. Is it possible that we could use our ego for good? Is it possible that we could use it, instead of being negative and destructive, to use it to be positive and constructive?

1:27I think that we can. And I'm actually going to give you some examples of how you can use your ego. Is it also possible that maybe our ego will never go away? Let's say you live to 100 years old, hopefully. Let's hope I live to 100 years old. I'm 37 right now, so that means I got, what, 63 more years? Is it possible that I could, over the next 63 years, learn how to work with my ego and learn how to have an ego that comes in and comes out and all that stuff, but it never actually goes away? I think that it is part of us. And I think that it's a part of us that was built into basically our operating system as a child.

2:03And to get rid of it, I don't know if it's going to ever happen. And so if I'm never going to get rid of it, I might as well learn how to work with it, right? I think it's a possibility that it will never go away. It's actually part of your psychological makeup. When you read psychology books, they talk about how the ego is a part of your psychological makeup. And if we can't get rid of our ego, what we can do is we can accept it and then start to use it for good. And that's what we're going to talk about today. And the way that I really started to understand this is over the past few months. So as I was writing my book, we went through like seven rounds of edits, like so many different.

2:39I spent countless hours editing the book and changing it and making it better and adding to it and subtracting from it and changing words around to make a sentence more rich. and I was just putting so much effort over and over and over again. While I'm still doing this podcast, while I'm running my business, with over 30 people that work for me, and I'm thinking to myself, I'm just trying to create the best book that I can. I really, truly want to create the best book that I can. Because I know that the better that the book is, the more likely it is to impact someone's life. And the more that it impacts their life, the more likely they are to recommend it to somebody, right?

3:22And when they recommend it to somebody, then somebody else will buy it and it's likely to change their life as well. And so all of this is true. But as I was thinking this, I took a step back and I started to play devil's advocate as I like to do is try to see if I can see both sides. So it's like I'm trying to see both sides of the coin. And so I noticed that as I was playing devil's advocate, I was thinking about my ego in here and I was thinking to myself, yeah, you do want to help people. You do want to help change the world. You do want it to be recommended to people, but you also just want to sell a lot of books.

3:59You also do want to be a New York Times bestselling author. And you do want a lot of people to buy it, yes. And if a lot of people do buy it, you'll make more money off of it. And I thought to myself, shit, all of that is true as well. So is there anything wrong with those? Like, is there anything wrong with wanting to make money off it? Is there anything wrong with wanting to be a New York Times bestseller? Is there anything wrong with wanting to sell a lot of copies? No, there's nothing wrong with it. But is there a case that both of those sides are true? And I was like, yeah, they are. Like, I do really want to impact the world and shit.

4:35Like, it would be nice to make money off this thing, right? And then I started thinking to myself, interesting. Is it possible that my ego is actually helping me create a better book? My egoic side, my selfish side that wants to have a New York Times bestselling book and to make a lot of money, my selfish side, that egoic side of me, is it helping me create a better book? And if I create a better book because of my ego as well, I will help more people. So is my ego, this thing that's supposed to be so bad, actually helping me help more people? And I was like, oh, damn, it actually is. And I realized that my ego can actually be used for good.

5:21But it's got to be directed correctly. It can't just run wild. It's like the way I like to think of an ego is like a bull, right? A bull is just an animal. It's just there. And a wild bull could be absolutely dangerous if you're in a small room with it, right? But a bull that maybe was birthed on a farm in a village that's been raised around humans and has been trained to do certain jobs, like it can pull a plow and it can go through an entire garden and plow the land so that therefore they can garden, they can create more food. that bull that's trained to be able to pull a plow can help create more food for a village to eat.

6:04Same animal, different scenarios of how it might be used. One is used intentionally and the other one, it's just dangerously running around. Same thing for your ego. Your ego, and mine up until recently, has been running wild. And your ego can run wild and it can be dangerously running wild like that bowl can. Or if used correctly, it can be used intentionally. So then that really brings the question in how do you use your ego for good? Well, when I say your ego or your egoic side, what's the first thing that pops into your head? Like what is the first thing that pops into your head about yourself?

6:40Is it your selfishness? Is it your jealousy, your judgmental side, your arrogance, your insecurities, the fact that sometimes you're self-centered, your defensiveness, your attachment to certain things, your resistance to change, your perfectionism. What's the thing that when I say your ego, you're like, that's the first thing that pops up. That's the first thing I want you to think of is what is the side of you that is kind of like, hey, I'm right here. This is the thing. We should work on this one first. What is that thing that pops up into your head? Now that's what we're going to work through.

7:20The first thing that you need to do, in my opinion, with this egoic side of you, is to accept that it is part of you. Just like my arm. If you look in the video, this is my arm. I have to accept that this is my arm. You might have a hairy arm. You might have a freckle on your arm. But you don't go and cut off your arm because it's not quote unquote perfect. You accept it. It is there. And it may be there forever. Hopefully you have your arm forever. So what we need to do, the first step of all of this is to say, yes, I do have ego. I do have egoic sides. I do have some selfishness or some self-centeredness or some judgmental side.

8:02Or I do have some defensiveness. I do have all of these aspects of me. And just as I might be outgoing or I might be shy or I might be happy or I might be joyful or I might be peaceful or I might be calm. all of those are aspects of myself, the same way that all of the ego sides of me are also aspects of myself. Hey, you're here because you're trying to grow into the best version of yourself. And one of the best ways to do that is through books. Books have always been and will always be one of the most essential pieces to learning and growing. And that's the reason why Blinkist is so amazing. Although many books have a lot of great content, most of them have what I like to call fluff stories.

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11:04And at this point in time, that side of me is very mature. So getting rid of it probably won't happen. So what I can do is I can take a step back and say, you know what? I'm just going to accept that it's there. And a lot of times when you accept that it's there, it has a whole lot less control over you, and then you can start to use it for good. So that selfish side of my ego that I described earlier, the selfishness that I was talking about when I was talking about writing the book is just a part of Rob. That's just the way that I see it. I have accepted it and I've accepted that it may be here forever.

11:34And if you cannot teach the ego to be anything other than egotistic. So if that's the case, I'm just going to try to use it to help me create more amazing things. Okay. So that's the first thing is we need to accept it. What's the second thing we need to do? The second thing we need to do is we need to change our relationship with it. I was teaching this a few days ago to a bunch of people, I said, it's kind of like marrying somebody and you get the in-laws. And you might not get along with your mother-in-law or your father-in-law, but they're there. You just have to accept that they're there.

12:08And so if they're not going to be going anywhere, you need to change your relationship with them. It's kind of how the ego is too. You need to be able to change your relationship with it. You need to find the good in there. You need to find the good that's inside of that ego. Like I was talking about, the selfishness that I was describing earlier helped me write a better book. And that better book will eventually change some people's lives. It might change millions. It might change 400. I don't know. But I'm accepting that it is there and it helped me write a better book. And if it's going to be there, how can you change your relationship with it?

12:39So instead of being in constant battle with it, can I change my relationship with it? And I can see that although there has been some bad that has come from that egoic side of me, also a lot of good has come from it as well. So the question I have for you is, can you find the good that has come from your ego? Can you find, like, take a step back, you know, press pause if you need to on this, close your eyes, and just think, like, what good has come from my defensiveness or my selfishness or my self-centeredness or whatever it is, all of those different things you could have possibly. I described all of them earlier.

13:17I can't remember off the top of my head, right? What good has come from it? If you need to pause this episode and close your eyes and ask yourself like, what good has come from it? See if you can find it. Or if you have a pen and paper, even better, you can journal the question like, what good has come? What good has my ego created in me or in the world? And it might be hard to find at first. I usually find that when you're trying to change your perception on something, like something that you viewed as a negative aspect of yourself, and now you're going to try to look through a positive lens, it can be very hard.

13:46It might be hard to find, but I promise you that it's there. And it's hard to find because I'm asking you to look through a completely different lens than you've looked at it in your entire life. But when it comes down to it, there is good there. And so what you have to do, change your relationship around it, right? Find the good that is in that thing. Same way with the in-laws. There might be some negative things at the in-laws, but I guarantee there's still some positive things. Can you start focusing more on the positive things. So that's the second thing. And then the third thing to do is as you've actually started to accept it, change your relationship with it, is actually start to use it for good.

14:24Use it now to create something better in this world. The way that I like to think about it is like a tool in a toolbox, right? I can pull my ego out when I want to create better content and go, well, I want to create better content so people like me more. I want to create better content so that more people listen to my podcast. Or I want to create better content so I make more money or become more famous. Whatever the fuck you want, right? I can look at it that way, but I can also say, but it is also helping me create more content that is better. And if it's better than what I could have done, it will also be impacting more people.

14:55So it's just like a tool in a toolbox. How can you use it for good whenever you need to? Like when you need to put a nail into a wall and you're trying to hang something, what is the absolute best tool that you can reach for? You're going to reach for your hammer, right? You want to reach for your hammer to hammer in a nail. But you don't use the hammer if you're trying to screw something into a board. What do you use for that? Now, could you use it? Now, I guess you could use it. But really what it comes down to is you're going to try to find a screwdriver for that. And so really what it comes down to is your ego and different aspects of your egos, your ego can be used depending on when it is needed.

15:35So how can you start to see it as like a tool in your toolbox? And you can just pull it out whenever you need it. It's not running wild and it's not always working. You're not always running around smacking things with hammers. But when you need that hammer, when you have a nail, is when you're going to go to it. When you have a screw and you need to screw it in, you're going to find a screwdriver. So it's the same thing for your ego. It's a tool that's in your tool belt ready to be used intentionally. That's the key word. You have to be able to use it intentionally when you need to use it. And the point is that you use it, not it uses you.

16:13Because for most of our lives, the egoic side of us has been using us. The real question is, how can we learn to use that tool in our toolbox when we use it versus it actually using us? And then what we do is we realize that we could go through this and there might be, you know, one aspect of your ego that you don't really like, or with all the things that I said earlier, there might be many aspects of your ego that you don't like. You might look at that. And if I go back to the list, you know, you could go, yeah, I do have a few of them. Like there is selfishness, there's jealousy, there's judgmental, there's some arrogance, there's some insecurity, there is some self-centeredness, defensiveness, attachment, resistance to change, there is some perfectionism, all of those things exist.

16:55How can I use each of those to be better? How can I start to use them for good? And there might be one aspect to your ego you want to change. There might be multiple aspects of the ego that you want to change. But you have to kind of go through the three-step process. And first thing is to just accept that it is there. It is an aspect of you and it probably will be an aspect of you forever. That's the first thing. And if it is an aspect of you forever, you need to change your relationship with it and start to actually find some good that can come from it. And then third thing is you need to use it for good.

17:26And so if you go through this process, what you'll start to realize is that it becomes really easy to let go and stop judging yourself for so much of the ego that you might have and start seeing that it does have a use. It can be used for good. And if I use it correctly, it can also help me create a better life for myself and those people around me as well. And that, my friends, is how you befriend your ego and use it for good. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor right now. Help us grow this podcast. Take a screenshot of you listening to it or to the episode that you're listening to and or a picture or a video of where you are and just share it on your Instagram stories and just tag me in it, Rob Dial Jr., R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.

18:09I mean, we probably have three to 400 of you guys that share every single day. So I greatly, greatly appreciate you guys sharing, which is why we always get more and more listeners every single month. So I appreciate you guys for doing that. So if you would do that for me, I'd appreciate it. Once again, it is Rob Dial Jr., R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm gonna leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.