What Everyone Gets Wrong About Inner Peace

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1:44Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. And if you're out there and you want to create the perfect morning routine, I just created a workbook that shows you the step-by-step process according to science of how to create the perfect morning routine. If you want to download that for free, you can go to theperfectmorningroutine.com. Once again, theperfectmorningroutine.com and download it for free now. Today, we're going to be talking about something that almost everybody wants, inner peace.

2:18But the problem is that almost everybody is chasing it in the wrong way. And if you've ever thought to yourself like, oh man, like once things calm down, I'll feel better. Once I fix my situation, I will finally feel at peace. Or like once I get through this phase, I can finally relax. If you've ever said anything like that before, I really need you to listen to today's episode. Because that belief right there, that's actually the thing that's keeping you stuck. Okay, so let's dive into it. Most people think that inner peace is something like this. No stress, no chaos, everything's handled. Life is finally figured out, right?

3:02Basically, people think that peace is what I'll finally feel when life stops being so damn messy. But I've got a question for you. When has life ever stayed calm for very long? Like seriously, think about that. When was the last time your life was just sunshine and rainbows? Doesn't really happen, right? Like you solve one problem and what usually happens? Yeah, another problem usually shows up. You reach one goal and then what happens? You decide to create another goal. You fix one part of your life and something else needs your attention. So life is not designed and will never be permanently calm.

3:43It'll never be that way. So if your peace, your own inner peace depends on life being calm, you're basically chasing after a ghost that you will never catch. So that's the first trap of the way that you think about it. The second trap that a lot of people get stuck in is a belief that's even more dangerous. And it is this idea that once I change my circumstances, I will then feel peaceful, right? So like once I make more money, then I'll have less anxiety. when I find the right relationship, when I leave this job, when I fix my anxiety, when I become more confident, then I'll finally feel at peace in some sort of way.

4:26But the truth is, you take your mind with you every single place that you go. You don't get a new brain when you get a new job. You don't get a new nervous system when you get into a new relationship. You don't get a new identity when you have a million dollars in your bank account. Scarcity in your mind doesn't just disappear when you've got enough money. I promise you it doesn't. So what happens? You change your environment, but you bring the same old patterns with you. Your patterns are not going to fall off and just disappear on the wayside because your external environment change in some sort of way.

5:06And you have to understand that it's never an external thing. It's always an internal thing. That's why they call it inner peace. But most people think the external is going to shift your internal. It will never, never work that way. Like, think about it for a second too, right? Like, have you ever met somebody who got the promotion, but they're still extremely stressed, maybe even more stressed than they were before? Or they found that perfect relationship, but they're still a little bit anxious? Maybe they even found the perfect partner, but because their partner is so good, they're even more anxious in a relationship with that person because they don't want to lose them.

5:46Or they made a ton of money, but they're still completely unfulfilled and miserable. We all know someone that's in that circumstance, right? Maybe some of us are even in that circumstance. I want you to understand that's not a coincidence. It's proof of what I'm actually telling you. The circumstances of your life will never create inner peace. They just reveal what's already going on inside of you. Whether that be something that's positive going on inside of you or something that's negative going on inside of you, your circumstances will always reveal what's going on inside of you. Circumstances don't piss you off.

6:24You realize that, right? You go, oh no, that person pissed you off. No, no, no, they didn't. Circumstances also don't make you happy. No, no, no. It's the way we react to our circumstances. that it comes down to. So what the hell is inner peace then? Inner peace is not a calm life. It's not perfect circumstances. It's not everything going your way. Inner peace is this. It is the ability to stay grounded even when life is not perfect. Actually, especially when life is not perfect. It is the ability to stay grounded no matter what is happening outside of you. It's being able to say, hey, listen, things are messy, but I'm still okay.

7:12I don't have control of this situation. It's not what I wanted to happen. This isn't even close to what I was wishing for, but I am going to be okay. I'm going to get through this. My life isn't perfect right now. And you know what? I don't need my life to be perfect for me to feel good. That is real inner peace. I think most people are chasing the wrong thing. Most people are chasing something externally and thinking that it's going to shift them internally. Peace is not a destination that you arrive at one day. I promise you. It's not a finish line where everything is handled and everything looks good.

7:51Peace is this. It is a state that you learn to live in while life is unfolding the way that life does. It's a state that you live in when things are uncertain. It's a state that you live in when things are messy. It's a state that you live in when you're still figuring it out. Most people think, I'll be peaceful when I get there. When I get there. There is no there that you will get to. There's no there you will ever get to. Take it from me, like trust me, I've tried to get there, wherever there is, for over 20 years of working on myself. I still haven't found that damn place called there. There is no there that I will eventually arrive at.

8:33So peace isn't where you're going, peace is just how you travel. And we will be right back. Mint Mobile plans are only$15 per month. wondering what's the catch. There isn't one. There are no gimmicks and no gotchas, just unlimited talk, text, and data, fast, reliable coverage on the nation's largest 5G network, and an award-winning care team. That makes Mint Mobile a catch. Since switching to Mint Mobile, I've stopped stressing every month when my phone bill hits. I'm paying way less, my service still works great, and honestly, I wish I would have switched sooner. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com slash mentor.

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11:28The guide is free to you at netsuite.com slash dial. netsuite.com slash dial. And now back to the show, right? Peace is how you travel. The way I like to think about like a stupid analogy is like people think like, oh, I live in Austin and I'm going to drive to Dallas. Dallas is my destination. They think peace is my destination. Once I get to that destination, then I will be peaceful. No. Peace is this. I'm going to drive from where I am to where I'm going. And peace is how I'm going to feel inside of my body on the way to that journey. So it's not about a destination. It's about learning how to be at peace in the middle of it all, especially when the sh**'s hitting the fan.

12:15Peace is a state of mind. It is not a destination. right? It is a state of mind. It's not a destination because if you can only feel okay when everything is going right, then you will never have real peace. You will have conditions and conditions are very fragile because life will eventually break your conditions. Nothing will stay the same forever, which means if that's the case, your peace is left up to circumstances that you cannot control, which means that you are not in control of your own internal peace if it's based off of circumstances, right? So let's go a little bit deeper. Now, when you look at it, you actually have to understand that your brain is actually not even designed for peace in the first place.

13:02Your brain is designed for survival, which means it's scanning for problems. It looks for what's missing. It anticipates what could go wrong. So even when things are good, your brain will go, yeah, but what about this? Like it will create problems when no problems exist. Have you ever felt this? Like you're just sitting on your couch and staring outside and life is pretty good. Everything's fine. And then you just get this flood of anxiety. Guess what? That's what your brain does. It's constantly looking for what's wrong, what's missing. And when things are perfectly fine, it still goes, yeah, but this thing could go wrong.

13:38And you're like, oh, it could go wrong. And then now you're freaking out in your mind when nothing is going wrong in this moment. Does that sound familiar? That's why you can have everything going right and you can still feel a little bit off. So if peace doesn't come from fixing life, then where exactly does peace come from? It comes from you changing your relationship with what is happening. It's not the event. It's your relationship to the event. It's not the circumstances in your life. It's your relationship and the way you're perceiving and think about the relationship, the events and circumstances in your life.

14:16Like, let me give you an example, right? Simple example. Two different people lose their jobs, right? Maybe they're in the same exact company, same exact position. They both get fired on the same day. Person A spirals. I'm screwed. This is a disaster. I'm going to lose my house. I'm going to be homeless one day. And one event happens and their entire mind creates this whole fictitious future of all the things that could go wrong and it catastrophizes, right? And then they're anxious and they're sad and they're mad and they're angry and they're lost. Another person, person B, fired from the same job, gets fired, breathes to it, they stay grounded, and they think to themselves in a different perspective.

15:03This is tough. Like this is really hard what I'm going through, but I'm going to figure this out. Hey, maybe this might actually even be life moving me in a better direction. What I want you to understand is it's the same situation externally, but it's a completely different internal experience based off of what their perception of the event and also then what their mind is projecting into the future. That difference that I'm explaining, that is where peace lives, right? Something happens to you. Where does your mind go after that? Peace is just basically your ability to take whatever life throws at you and not be swayed internally by what happens externally.

15:47I get it. It is way easier said than done. This is why the mastery of self, us working ourself is a lifelong pursuit. Peace is a skill. Peace is a skill. It's not something that you just learn and you only understand it when life gets easier. It's a skill. And just like any other skill, that skill has to be practiced. Not when things are perfect, but when things are not perfect, where things are not going the way that you want. Right? The more practice that you can put in and trying to get better and change your perspective and see, oh my gosh, I'm freaking out about this. How can I change my perspective?

16:24Oh my gosh, I'm freaking out about this. How can I change my perspective? Oh my gosh, I have anxiety right now. How can I change my perspective? Oh my gosh, I could find myself catastrophizing. How can I change my perspective? The more you practice the skill set of peace, the better you will get at peace, which means you will fumble around in the beginning. You will not be good in the beginning, but you will get better the more you practice it. Life will never get easier. You just get stronger and you have better skill sets and how to work through it. So then what do you actually do? Let's take it into a step-by-step process because I don't want to just throw this all at you.

16:58I want to give you a step-by-step process you can actually use, okay? First thing I want you to do is to stop waiting for life to calm down. I want you to start catching yourself when you think, oh, well, I'll feel better when. Once this is over, I'll finally be able to X, Y, Z. That's your brain postponing peace. No, no, no. now. I want to bring it to the now. You are in control of how you feel. This may be a foreign concept to some of you. I do understand that. But how you feel is something you control. Now you might be like, no, but you don't know how emotional I am. I understand. You are always in control of how you feel.

17:39You just might not have really stepped into the driver's seat your entire life. So that's the first thing. The second thing I want you to do is I want you to notice how often you tie your emotions to outcomes. How much you tie your emotions to outcomes. Ask yourself like, do I only feel good when things go my way? Do I only feel good when people do what I want them to do? Do I lose myself when they don't go my way? That awareness alone will help you start to break the pattern. And then as you start to see it, you start to ask yourself, well, how can I feel good internally, inside of my body, in the only home that I have in my entire life?

18:19How can I feel good in my home, in my body, when things don't go my way? What change in perception do I need to have in order to actually shift the way that I think and feel about my circumstances? Okay, and then the next thing is build emotional stability, not perfect conditions. Like this is the real work. Your conditions. You're never going to build this perfect condition, this perfect life, this perfect thing, right? What you do build though is emotional stability. So can you sit in discomfort without needing to fix it immediately? Can you feel like the calm in the center of the storm when shit is hitting the fan?

19:02Can you still feel calm inside of your own body? Can you sit in that discomfort? Can you sit in uncertainty without spiraling into fears or worries, which I know is hard for a lot of people because a lot of people are raised by parents who are constantly full of fear and constantly worrying, and you have learned that pattern from them. A lot of parents unconsciously control their children by projecting fears onto them so that they stop doing what they don't want them to do. That's lazy parenting, by the way. So you might have had a parent, like a mom, who the way that she controlled you, but she completely threw fears at you all of the time.

19:42Well, can you sit in uncertainty and not spiral into fears and not spiral into worry? Can you experience chaos without becoming chaotic? That's the muscle that we're trying to train. And I understand that muscle might be really weak right now. We can make it stronger. And so I want to challenge you with this. What if nothing in your life needed to change in order for you to feel more peace? Think about that for a second. Like that's a pretty crazy concept for some people. What if nothing in your life needed to change right now for you to feel at peace? Not your job, not your relationships, not your bank account, not society, not your parents.

20:22What if the only thing that needed to change was how you respond to your life? It's a hard pill to swallow. I get it. but that's the real truth of it all. And it's also incredibly freeing to know that you're the one controlling how you feel. Most people spend their entire lives trying to build a peaceful life. You want to build a peaceful mind. Because here's the truth, a chaotic life, if you just look at a chaotic life with a peaceful mind, feels manageable. A perfect life with a chaotic mind feels miserable. So stop chasing the perfect life and start training your mind to find the experiences that make you peaceful inside.

21:09So that's what I got for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And once again, if you want to get my workbook on how to create the perfect morning routine based off of science, go to theperfectmorningroutine.com and get it absolutely free. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day. Pandora makes it easy for you to find your favorite music. Discover new artists and genres by selecting any song or album, and we'll make you a personalized station for free.

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