Who Speaks in Your Head?

0:00Running a small business? Then you know it can be stressful. Having to hire actual real-life people and then figure out payroll and benefits? That can send you into a spiral. JustWorks is the payroll, benefits, and global hiring platform to unburden your brain from all the complicated small business stuff. They handle the things you can't afford to get wrong so you don't have to worry. You can spend less time spiraling and more time doing the things you love. You don't have to worry when it just works. Insurance isn't one-size-fits-all. That's why drivers have trusted Progressive's name, your price tool for years.

0:31Just tell Progressive what you want to pay and they'll show you coverage options that fit your budget. Visit progressive.com to find a car insurance rate that works for you. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Hey, a bad hire can really cost your business and a great hire can really accelerate your business. Running a small business means every hire really matters. A bad hire can cost you time and money and momentum and a good hire can help grow your business immensely. Finding great talent isn't easy when you don't have the time or resources to sift through resumes.

1:07LinkedIn's new hiring pro screens candidates for you. So instead of sorting through applicants, you can spend time talking to only the right ones. Get started by posting your job for free at linkedin.com slash dial terms and conditions apply.

1:28Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. I put out episodes four times a week to help you learn and grow and improve yourself because if you can improve yourself, you can improve your life. So if that's what you want to do, hit that subscribe button and follow along. Today, we're going to be talking about how to change the voice that's inside of your head. And I know I talk about the inner voice inside of your head quite often, but I don't really have like one dedicated episode of like, why do we have this inner voice?

2:02Where did it come from? How does it change our life? How does it make it good? How does it make it bad? And how do we actually start to change our inner voice the way that we want to? And so when we talk about the inner voice, it's this constant inner dialogue that we have within ourselves. If you guys are sitting there going, wait, I don't know if I have an inner voice. Well, that is your interview voice saying, I don't know if I have my inner voice. And the way I like to think about it is most people are not really aware of their inner voice because it's been around, it's been omnipresent their entire lives, or at least since they can recall.

2:35And it's kind of like the story of like the two young fish that are swimming through the water and they're just swimming next to each other. And an older fish comes by and passes them, looks at them and says, water's nice, isn't it? And they say, they look at each other and they go, what's water? It's like, They've been in water their entire lives, but they're so young, they haven't become aware to the fact that they're surrounded by water all the time. So many people have been surrounded by this inner critic, this inner voice for so long. They're not even really aware of what it says. They're not really aware of how it impacts their entire life.

3:07and for many many people that I speak to once they become aware of this inner voice they realize how overly critical or fearful or anxious or harsh this voice can be to them and it's really important to know that this voice is not something that has to stay this way forever you'll always have some form of a story or a narrative or a voice but the way that it speaks to you the tone that it speaks to you in, if it is sweet to you or if it is not kind to you in any sort of way, can change over time. It just takes our time and intention and attention in order to do so. It is 100 % possible to change this voice.

3:48And so changing your voice requires your awareness or requires your intention and requires practice more than anything else. And so when you look at the inner voice, people always ask like, where does it come from? How do we get an inner voice? And I want you to understand. And I am so hesitant, always so hesitant, always talking about parents because I feel like I'm throwing parents under the bus all the time and just trashing them. That is not my intention anyway at all. I just want you to know that you are the way you are because of your parents 95 % of the time. And you think the way that you think and you speak the way that you think and you act the way that you act 90, 95 % of the time because of the way that you were raised.

4:27And that's just the way that it goes. And so I'm going to talk about many facets of life and where it comes from. But the first one is obviously your caregivers. If it was your parents or if you were raised by a primary caregiver that was a grandparent, our primary caregivers play the largest role in shaping our inner voice. And for most people, our inner voice is the same way that your parents spoke to you or around you when you were a child. So the words that they used, The tone that they used, the actions of what they did when they were around you, really set the foundation of how we perceive ourselves.

5:07It could be how they spoke to you. It could be how they spoke to themselves. It could be how they spoke to each other, how they spoke to your brother or sister. You know, it can be many different things that happened throughout your childhood. It's millions and millions of little teeny tiny moments that happen where you just start to pick up pieces of it. It can even be one moment. That's what's crazy about it. It could be one moment where let's say you mess something up and now your inner voice becomes, I can't do anything right. It's just that moment. You're six years old. Maybe you drop the milk on the floor and it pours all over the place and your parents accidentally get really mad and you think to yourself, I can't do anything right.

5:49And that's the beginning of the voice. And then what happens is you start looking for all of the ways that, because when you have this inner voice, you basically have a lens of the way that you look at the world through. And now what you start seeing is every place where you mess up. And it can become from one moment, a lifelong inner criticism. And you know, like I said, there's a million little teeny tiny moments in the first few years of our life when you're learning what life is and you're learning how to act in the world. And so the first thing we have to realize is that the majority of the time we're going to speak to ourselves.

6:22We're going to speak to others. We're going to think of ourselves the same way that we saw our parents acting and speaking when we were children. So that's the first thing. Obviously, your parents, your primary caregivers are a big piece of why your inner voice is the way that it is. The next thing I want you to think about is society. You know, you have to understand that we're constantly bombarded with media, with culture, with norms, cultural ideas of what beauty is, of what success is, of what intelligence is. And all of this can create really unattainable standards. And so from being a child, you could be a little kid and you can see someone, you could be a little girl and you could see someone who's this beautiful teenager.

7:04You're watching Saved by the Bell and you see Kelly Kapowski and you're like, oh my God, she's so beautiful. I don't look anything like her. And now you're comparing yourself as an eight-year-old to someone on Saved by the Bell who is a model. And now you're thinking, well, I'm not pretty enough. I'm not good enough. I'll never look like her. And you start developing your own just by seeing what's happening outside of you in society. You know, then we go to school. And as we get older, we get into middle school, high school. There's all these peer dynamics that pop up. There's social hierarchies.

7:35And we learn a lot of people become a chameleon when they get into middle school and high school a lot of times so they can fit in. And we learn a lot of times to prioritize acceptance of our peer group over authenticity. This isn't everybody, but this is most children. And so we become a chameleon just because we simply want to fit in with a certain group. And so what do we do? We abandon our true selves and start looking like other people. We start talking like other people. We start talking to ourself the way that our peer group talks themselves or the way that they talk to us. So that's an aspect of it.

8:09Teachers are a really big aspect of it. Teachers can leave a really big lasting impression on kids, good or bad. And a teacher can label a child who maybe their parents, the child doesn't have much money. Their parents don't have much money. They don't come for money. So they have to work a job and they work late. And then they come into school and they're all tired and they fall asleep in class. And the teacher labels that child as lazy. They don't know their backstory. They don't know their parents are struggling. They don't know that they have to work a full-time job right after school. And the teacher's like, you're lazy.

8:40And so that person can develop this narrative of I'm lazy and they can think that they're lazy forever. And then they take actions in the future because their self-perception and their identity is, I am lazy. They take actions that line up with a lazy person. Or, you know, maybe it's a kid who wants some attention because they don't get any attention at home. So they become a little bit of a troublemaker. And so the teacher calls them a troublemaker and how they're always doing bad things. And that might instill the idea inside of them of I'm a bad person. So that's a really big piece of it as well.

9:10There's so many different things that happen to us that develop what we think of ourselves. And so it's like what we look to the outside world for us to identify who we are. You know, there's a quote around that that says, I think it's Calvin Coolidge that says, I'm not who I think I am. I'm not who you think I am. I am who I think that you think that I am, which basically means I become what I think you think I am by watching you and the way you interact with me. I become that thing. So we kind of become like this chameleon, this Frankenstein of all of these different people's perceptions or what we perceive as our perceptions of us.

9:50And so also the other thing that's really interesting and I want you to understand is that children are very, very narcissistic. Like, I'm just going to be honest with you. They look at the world in a very egocentric way because they only see themselves, their parents, and the house that they live in. Not much, really not much further than that. And so they think that they're responsible for a lot of things that happen. And we will be right back. Hey, showing up for yourself day in and day out and doing the hard things is what creates a better life. And noon hydration helps you stay moving with the real deal.

10:24Activated hydration built to support you through those moments that challenge you. Noon hydration tablets deliver clean ingredients and optimize electrolytes that hydrate better than water alone. especially when you're sweating or on the go. The tablets dissolve quickly, taste great, and come in a single, no-mess tube that you can take anywhere. Noon is designed for people who value whole self-growth, community, and the joy of showing up for themselves through movement, exploration, and effort. And at less than$1 per serving, it's easy to make part of your routine. Shop Noon Hydration at noonlife.com.

11:04That's N-U-U-N life.com and fuel your next hard thing. IXL is an award-winning online learning platform that helps kids truly understand what they're learning, whether they're building math confidence, strengthening reading and writing skills, or reviewing science concepts. IXL is used in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the US and studies show kids who use IXL score higher on tests, proven in all 50 states. That's why I've been using IXL Learning. I love that it gives instant feedback with clear explanations. Everything's organized by grade level and I can easily track their progress. Plus, it's flexible enough to fit around travel, camps, and a busy summer schedule.

11:46Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now. And the Mindset Mentor listeners can get an exclusive 20 % off IXL membership when they sign up today at IXL.com slash Mindset Mentor. Visit ixl.com slash mindset mentor to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. Mint Mobile plans are only$15 per month. Wondering, what's the catch? There isn't one. There are no gimmicks and no gotchas. Just unlimited talk, text, and data. Fast, reliable coverage on the nation's largest 5G network and an award-winning care team. That makes Mint Mobile a catch. Since switching to Mint Mobile, I've stopped stressing every month when my phone bill hits.

12:28I'm paying way less. My service still works great. And honestly, I wish I would have switched sooner to get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month. Go to mintmobile.com slash mentor. That's mintmobile.com slash mentor. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash mentor. That's it. There's no catch. $45 upfront payment required equivalent to$15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. And now back to the show. You know, that's why a lot of times when parents get divorced, children blame themselves.

13:11They think it's their fault because children just naturally are egocentric. And so, you know, if a parent is really always at work or busy, or they are even always on their phone when they're around their children, the child can develop this thought of like, my parent doesn't want to be around me. There must be something wrong with me. And then they develop that in childhood and they continue that as they become an adult. Or, you know, the parent gets frustrated with them because they've had a frustrating day at work and they're always frustrated at work. So they always get frustrated with their children.

13:42And the child starts thinking, I'm a burden. And so a lot of things happen. These small, seemingly insignificant moments can really shape lifelong narratives. And you don't even necessarily need to know the moment where this was started or why it was started. You just need to start to become aware of what your internal narrative is. Because then what happens is once we develop that narrative, it's like the lens that we see the entire world through. And so what we search for is evidence to prove what we think of ourselves and to make it true. So like if your parents divorce, okay, well then they must divorce because I did something wrong.

14:18There's something wrong with me. And then you go to school and you fail a test. You're like, I failed a test because there's something wrong with me. And then you get older and you go to high school and somebody, you're in a relationship, you fall in love and they break your heart and think, oh, there's something wrong with me. And it reinforces over time our own self-perceptions. And so we really need to start to dive into what is it? Like what are our inner critic, our voice? What do we think of ourself? What do we say to ourself? And so really what it comes down to is we need to start changing the inner critic that we have.

14:50We need to start changing the inner voice. And so I'm going to give you a step-by-step process of how to actually do this. The first thing with anything, the foundation of change is awareness. You cannot change something that you're not aware of. And just like the fish in the water, many people listening might not really be aware of what your inner voice is. And so what I would recommend is just start noticing your inner dialogue. Start asking yourself questions. You know, you can ask yourself this question when you're drinking coffee tomorrow morning, or you can ask yourself this question while you're sitting down with your journal and start saying like, how do I speak to myself?

15:27What tone does my inner voice have? You know, what words do I repeat to myself over and over again? Whose words echo through my mind? Is it my parents or my teachers or society or my sisters? What situations trigger my inner critic? And then how does this voice make me feel? And when you journal through these things or you speak them out loud to yourself, they can help you bring unconscious patterns to light and make it more conscious because you can't change something that you're not aware of. So the first thing is, how can I become aware of the voice going on in my head? And I want you to understand that the inner critic, the voice, it's just a thought of that you've been thinking for a while.

16:10There are no, it is not a fact. It is not truth. If you believe something about yourself, it doesn't make it true. A belief is just a thought that you've been thinking for a long time and you think that it's truth, but it's not. So when you notice your voice come in, or more importantly, if you don't hear the voice happening, when you notice your feelings change and your feelings shift, ask yourself, what was I just thinking? Because what happens is there's this thing that's called automatic negative thoughts. In cognitive behavioral therapy, it's called automatic thoughts, where we have these almost imperceivable thoughts that happen very quickly and so normal.

16:49It happens all the time, all day long, that we don't even really notice it. So it's not perceivable, but we notice the feeling of how we feel. So when we notice our feelings shift, the immediate thought was, what was I just thinking? I kind of got anxious. What was I just thinking? Well, I was just thinking this. I was just thinking about how I have my boss and I have a presentation I have to do later. And I thought to myself, I'm probably going to screw it up. Oh my God, why did I think to myself, I'm probably going to screw it up? Maybe that's a thought that I think often. And that keeps me in my comfort zone and that keeps me playing small.

17:19And so really what it's about first off is becoming aware of it. The second thing that it's about is identifying those and then challenging the old narratives. So recognize that almost all of your beliefs, this is what's crazy, almost all of your beliefs are completely outdated. And they're just remnants of your childhood. But you just continue to carry them around. It's like a shirt that you haven't washed in 27 years. You're just carrying that dirty shirt around and you won't take it off, right? So it could be beliefs that are outdated from your childhood. It could be misinterpreted moments in your life because children aren't, if we're being truly honest, like children aren't really 100 % the most intelligent people in the very beginning.

18:00So they're not really understanding the way that the world works. And it could be, here's a crazy part about it, right? It could be that you're not, that your parents talk down to you. It could be that your parents set such high expectations that you're like, I'm never going to make it. I'm not good enough to make it. Like one of my best friends, his parents used to always say like they were very loving and, and positively affirming. They should always say, everybody loves him. Everybody loves him. Everybody loves him. Thinking that that would be good for him. I thought that would be good for him, right?

18:29And then what happened was he started not wanting to go out because he thought it was his duty to make everybody love him. So he would change himself, make everybody love him. And so children misinterpret the world as well. And so somebody might think, oh, I'm not enough. And it might literally have just started from a parent's critical tone when they were a child. And so what you want to do is you want to ask yourself, once you identify these beliefs is write it down a pen and paper. Is this belief true? That I'm not good enough. Is this belief true? Where did it come from? Does it still serve me?

19:00And then reframe that criticism as an opportunity to grow in some sort of way. So like if you're noticing I'm a failure or something that keeps popping up, how can you reframe it? Well, let me look at failure. Failure is just a part of learning and it doesn't define me. Okay, that's not too bad. If you say something like, oh, I'll never be good at this or I always mess everything up. Well, how do you reframe that? Well, learning something new takes time and every mistake teaches me something valuable and about how to improve and it's not possible to do something new and not screw it up. Maybe your inner critic says you're terrible at public speaking.

19:35Why even try? And the reframe would be like, well, every time I practice, I get better and I can't get better if I don't practice and growth happens by showing up, not by being perfect, so I'm just going to show up. If your inner critic says you're selfish, you're always putting yourself first. Maybe a reframe would be like, hey, taking care of myself allows me to show up fully for other people. Self-care isn't selfish. It's essential. And so it's about trying to reframe what's going on inside of our head and trying to rewrite this script so that it's a little bit kinder and sweeter of a voice.

20:06Here's the key that I want your inner voice to sound. Like it is now your time to change it. This is extremely important. Up until this moment, for most people listening right now, you have unconsciously built an inner voice and that inner voice is running your entire life. You can keep it if you want, but if you're listening to this podcast episode and you clicked on it, you probably don't want it to. And so right now is the time to consciously decide to change it, to replace your harsh criticism with compassion, with support, with empowering yourself versus disempowering yourself. And so people, I want to finish it off by just telling you, how do you create affirmations to help you start to create these affirmations that are just going to become your new inner voice?

20:52I always tell people like, I don't like the affirmations that say, oh yeah, like money's flowing to me from all areas of the universe. And then you look in your bank account, you've got like$7. And you're like, that doesn't feel good. That doesn't feel real at all. So what I always say is there's a three-step process for creating affirmations. Number one, they need to be true. Number two, they need to be empowering. And number three, they need to be present tense. So they need to be true, they need to be empowering, and they need to be present tense. And so when you look at what we were talking about earlier, when you're like, oh, I'm not good enough.

21:25Well, maybe the reframe is I'm working every day to become better and I'm becoming better every day. Well, that feels, that's true. I am. Okay, that's empowering. Yeah, and it's present tense. Okay, that feels much better. And so true empowering and present tense. You know, so it's like people who are like, oh, I am waking up every day and there's money in my bank account that is getting sent to me from all corners of the universe. No, your BS meter is going to turn that off. So what's another version of that? I'm working hard every day to build more wealth for myself and my family. That's another version of true empowering present tense.

22:00My BS meter doesn't go off. And so what I would recommend is identify and become aware of what your inner critic, your inner voice is, and then decide, write it down. What is the new inner voice that you want? What is the affirmation that is going to be the tone that is set over this new inner voice? And repeat it over and over and over and over and over again. And eventually, it's not going to happen today, tomorrow, next week, two weeks from now, five weeks from now, but it might be six months from now. you're noticing the tone of the way that you speak to yourself changing. And I want you to understand this is your responsibility.

22:38This is nobody else's responsibility. You're now an adult and you're now waking up to the fact that your inner voice needs to change. It is your responsibility. Nobody's going to come in. Elon Musk is not going to hook up Neuralink to your brain and make your inner voice change. This is your responsibility. You didn't choose your inner voice from childhood, but now you have the power to change it. And so change starts with your awareness and it grows through consistent effort every single day, multiple times a day. And if you do that, your inner voice will change. And if your inner voice will change, your actions will change.

23:06If your actions change, your life will change. So that's what I got for you for today's lesson. If you're out there and you want to master your 2026 goals, I have a free 30 minute workshop video that will help you figure out your goals, get very clear on what they are and plan them out. If you go to goalsmastery2026.com, you can download it for free. All you have to do is get out a pen and paper, push play, and at the end of the 30 minutes, you'll have all of your goals for next year planned out with a plan of what you need to do each day to hit those goals. So once again, if you want to download it for free, it is goalsmastery2026.com.