Why You Feel Lost in Life

0:07Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. I put out episodes four times a week to help you learn and grow and improve yourself because if you improve yourself, you will improve your life. And so if that's what you want to learn and grow and get better at, hit that subscribe button. Join the journey. Today, I'm going to be talking about why you feel so lost in life. This episode today is not going to be like five quick hacks to do X, Y, Z. This one's going to be more like a mirror to yourself so that you can see yourself in the mirror.

0:43You can see what is it I need to do to change my life and how do I get myself to be better? And I think that it's going to spark something up inside of you. And I want to hit you with something at first that might sting just a little bit, but I promise you that it will land and you'll understand as we go through today's episode. Most of your problems in your life come from your lack of real connection with yourself. The hell does that mean? If I had told that to my 22-year-old self almost 20 years ago, myself would have been like, yeah, okay, hippie, you don't know what you're talking about. I just need to work harder so I can become richer.

1:20That's what I would have thought at 22. But most of your problems, most of them, a large, very large portion of them come from your lack of real connection with yourself. Most of the pain that you're experiencing in your life, the anxiety, the procrastination, the burnout, the people-pleasing, the fear of failure, the fear of success, the imposter syndrome, those aren't the real problems in your life. They're the symptoms of the actual problem. The root of it all is that you have lost touch with you. You might be 40 years old and going, yeah, but I don't even know who the hell I am anymore. Okay, well then that's what we need to figure out through today's episode and through this path that I'm going to give you.

2:04When you're disconnected from you, nothing really feels quite right, even if things are pretty good, even things that should make you happy. But the good news is that you're not broken. You're just kind of buried away under all of life over the past 10, 20, 30, 40 years. And so in this episode, we're going to be trying to dig you out a little bit. And so let's dive into it. You have to understand that you cannot fix anything that you don't feel. Most people, and this was me for the longest time in my life, I was living my life from like the neck up. I was trying to fix my life by rearranging all the external stuff.

2:47The jobs, the money, the diets, the calendar, the habits that I had, the time that I woke up in the morning, what my morning routine looked like. And I was trying to change all of the external stuff when what was really the problem was the internal. It's like trying to change the external stuff when the problem is really internal is like rearranging the furniture to make your house look better, but your house is on fire. Most of us are emotionally homeless in our own bodies. We don't trust ourselves. We don't know ourselves. So we outsource decisions to everyone else. And we We go on Instagram to find the answers.

3:25We listen to podcasters like me to find the answers. I don't want to give you any answers. I want to help you find your own answers. Or we go to our parents and we go to our friends and our partners and we ask other people's opinions versus actually just going inward within ourselves to try to fix what's going on. And so most people are in their heads. That's where I was for a really long time. thinking, strategizing, analyzing, but they haven't actually felt anything. In weeks or months, and some people listening to this podcast probably haven't really felt something that feels real to you in years.

4:03And so they're going, I need to make a realistic decision based off of data, but they're not making a decision based off of what they truly want. And so we try to fix our lives by becoming more productive. And we focus on what we do versus who we are. And, you know, like it's the phrase is you're a human being, not a human doing. So we focus on the do versus the be. So we need to be more productive. We need more routines. We need a new planner. We need a better diet. And you end up optimizing a version of you that isn't even the real you. It's crazy. I've done it. I have found myself here. and cause multiple burnouts in my life.

4:44But you're trying to optimize a version that isn't even really you. But the core problem isn't your calendar. It's not your habits. It's that you're disconnected from your emotional guidance system, which is your gut, which is your body, which is your intuition, which is your true self. And so, you know, some of the red flags that you might be disconnected is maybe the type of person that overthinks everything or you feel like you're kind of just a puppet, like you're kind of just performing life instead of actually living it. Or you might need constant validation or reassurance from other people or from Instagram or TikTok likes.

5:23Or you're busy, but you're never really fulfilled. You keep asking people what you think they should do versus actually asking you what you should do. Or you don't feel like you fully trust yourself or you never fully feel right in your life or in your body. or you second guess your desires. Like, do I actually want this? Or like, should I want this? Is this what I want? And you're like, you don't really know what you need, but you can become overwhelmed and resentful from all of this. And so a lot of people are like, oh, I'm just lazy. And I'm like, you're not lazy. You're just disconnected from who you truly are and what you want to be doing in this world.

6:03When you find something that you, when you know who you really are and you find out what you really want to do, laziness is not a problem. So it's not laziness. It's not weakness. It's not any of that. It's just disconnection. It's like your life might not be in a bad place. Like when I had my huge wake up in my life, like things weren't necessarily bad. They just weren't right. And my intuition was like, dude, you need to get out now before it gets too late. You know, you can't feel what's right for you if you're emotionally offline. And so what you have to realize is like, let me, let me paint the picture for you so you can kind of understand this a little bit more.

6:39I want you to imagine your truest self, right? That is grounded, that is calm, that is wise, that makes the right decision, that's deeply intuitive. That is like a radio station and it's broadcasting. It's always broadcasting. It's calm, it's clear, it's connected, it's direct, and it's broadcasting at all times. But you've got 37 other radio stations playing at full blast all day long. It's the voice of your parents' expectations from childhood and maybe even today. It's society's checklist of success. It's hustle culture telling you to go faster. It's the inner critic that's comparing you to these strangers that just bought a Lamborghini on Instagram.

7:29All the stuff that's been placed on top of you since childhood. Your true self is broadcasting, but all of these other frequencies are broadcasting at same time. So it's so hard to hear. You know, it's so loud inside that you can't even really hear your own frequency anymore. And so what happens is with us being disconnected from our from ourself, we make decisions that like we choose careers that correct that that that that impress other people and then long term end up depressing you or you stay in a relationship that looks good or it might even like logically seem like, why don't I really like, why is this relationship not good?

8:07It should be good. Like this person's great. It looks good. It on paper seems good, but it just feels wrong deeply inside of you. Or you keep doing like what's logical instead of doing something that feels like you should be doing it. Like the inside of you is screaming for something else. And this is really where burnout comes from because this is big. Burnout is not about being tired or working too much. Burnout is the emotional exhaustion that comes from you being misaligned. It's the cost of living out of integrity with your true self. That's what real burnout is. You're not tired of doing too much.

8:48You're tired because you're doing too little of what you actually love. So what do you actually love? Well, let's figure that out. But first off, let me talk about real quick why you're disconnected in the first place. If you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you've kind of heard me talk about this before, but it's really important for you to understand this, especially if you've never heard this before. And this part requires compassion. You're disconnected, not because you're weak or because you're broken. You're disconnected because you're intuitively brilliant. As kids, we're deeply connected.

9:20If you watch a toddler, they'll cry, they'll laugh, they'll spin in circles, They'll speak their truth like they are alive. They are unfiltered. They are the most free human you will ever see. But then over time, we all learn, because we were all in that position at one point in time, we learn that our realness can get us in trouble. And that's where the psychological conditioning starts. We hear stuff from our primary caregivers or from teachers or from aunts, uncles. Oh, don't be so dramatic. Why are you so sensitive? That's not ladylike. Or big boys don't cry. You're too much. You need to be realistic.

10:06Be quiet. Children are supposed to be seen and not heard. Or I'll give you something to cry about. And so what happens with all of this is we go from our real true version of ourself to an adapted version of what we need to be. And we mask and we mold and we shrink and we become chameleons. And what's crazy is in our society, we call it maturity. But really what it is, is it is a disconnection from our true self. We lose ourselves to gain approval. And so as we grow up, we lose touch with what it is that we truly want because we don't know who we are. So we start to lose touch with what we want.

10:43We don't know who we really are. And it's no wonder why myself included at one point in time, but so many people are walking around feeling anxious, feeling depressed, feeling unfulfilled, like being like, is this it? Is this what life is? Like if you've ever taken a step back, like I remember thinking to myself in my late twenties, is this it? Like, this is what it's supposed to be. This sucks. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. We've been trained to suppress our truth and then wonder why we don't feel fulfilled, wonder why we can't access our purpose. And so by the time you're 30, you're often performing a life that you are programmed for, not the one that actually feels like the one that you want or that actually feels like it's yours.

11:32And that's why burnouts happen. That's why breakdowns happen. That's why people have quote unquote midlife crisis is because those things are not the problem. It's like the body's intervention of being like, what the hell am I doing? Like, this is not what I want anymore. And if I fast forward 10 years and I continue to go on this road, I'm going to hate myself even more. And so with all that being said, we need to figure out how to reconnect. And so how do we actually get back and reconnect with ourselves and, you know, without burning everything down, because that's not what I want. I don't want you to listen to this podcast episode and then quit your job and get a divorce and, you know, live out of your car and drive around the United States.

12:13That's not what I'm trying to do here. I'm trying to get you back to your true self because maybe getting back to your true self, you can make some small adjustments in your life that make it feel more fulfilling. Maybe there are some things that need to be completely removed and changed. It's up to you. your life. But, you know, so how do we find our way back? Like, let's try to bring you home. You don't really necessarily need to go to a silent retreat in the mountains, although, FYI, it would really help. Like, I did a 10-day silent meditation retreat years ago where you can't talk to anybody, you can't look anybody in the eyes, you can't journal, you can't meditate, you can't, I'm sorry, you can't do yoga, you can't work out.

12:55All you can do is either meditate or stare at a wall. And, you know, after seven days, everything breaks down. And then you start to rediscover who you truly are. But most of the time we're running from that silence because when you get to that silence, there's only one station that broadcasts anymore. And it's the station that I was telling you about. But then you realize, oh my God, I'm very disconnected from this true station. So you don't have to do meditation retreats and that type of stuff. Really what I want is for everyone listening to have some form of something they can do every single day.

13:30What you really need is you need these micro moments of reconnection to yourself. So the first thing that you really want to do is you really want to wake up to the fact of you need to rebuild the relationship with yourself. You're in a relationship with yourself. You are. And right now, that relationship might be neglected. It might be avoided. It might be manipulative. So start like you would with anyone else. If you're trying to approve a relationship with somebody else, what should you do more often? You should listen to them, right? You should listen to what they have to say. You should check in with them, not needing to fix anything, but check in without needing to fix.

14:12To sit down with that person and to be curious of what's going on with them and how you can connect to them instead of being judgmental. And so what if you check in with yourself more often? What if you listen to yourself more often? What if you were curious more often instead of judgmental? And so you should ask yourself these questions and I would recommend jotting some of these down if they hit with you. But daily you should ask yourself like, what am I feeling? I remember me when I was younger, I remember in my early 20s I was like, maybe I just don't have feelings. I was so fucking disconnected from who I was that I was like, maybe I don't have feelings.

14:48No, I had learned to bury them away and feel nothing for so long. And so it's like, what am I feeling? Really good question. Ask yourself. Another really good question. Ask yourself. What am I needing? Like, what do I need? Like, what's going to make me feel better? What am I needing today? Another good question. What do I want? So few people ask themselves, what do I want? And then honor it. So that's the first thing. The second thing that I recommend is to do some journaling as a way to kind of rediscover who you are. And I don't mean like dear diary, like that type of journaling. I mean like writing down these journaling prompts and just seeing what comes up.

15:29You can jot them down if you want to. Like the sentence stem is one of them. The version of me I'm afraid to become is dot, dot, dot. See what comes up, what your answer is. The version of me that I'm afraid to become is dot, dot, dot. Or I feel most disconnected from myself when dot, dot, dot. When do you feel the most connected from yourself? Or here's a really good one I came up with. I want to want blank, but I'm afraid it means blank. So like I want to want blank, but I'm afraid it means blank. I want to want a more connected relationship, but I'm afraid it means that I might have to get out of this relationship.

16:12okay the idea is you're trying to get under the hood and you're trying to let this pen of yours be the the truth finder in yourself you're trying to get trying to learn yourself more so many people think they know themselves but you only know the surface level version of yourself you don't know the true deep version of yourself okay the next one step three just be more still right like if i would have gone back to like early 20 year old robin been like hey be more still he would have been like, screw you, dude, I'm busy. I'm trying to be successful in life. But please stop being so busy. It's not that important.

16:47It's not. Everything that you think that's keeping you so busy, it's not that important. Even if it's just five minutes a day of silence, no phone, no podcasts, no other people, no I'm going to read, none of that stuff, just you. The most intelligent person is not the one that holds the most knowledge. It's the one that knows themselves self the best. So just sit still and breathe and feel what comes up in your life. That stillness is where your intuition lives. You're trying to tune in to that broadcast that we were talking about earlier. If sitting still and sitting in silence feels hard, that's not a problem.

17:26That's the work. That's what you need to start listening to. Everyone wants to keep busy. Oh my God, Everybody wants to be busy all the time, but really keeping busy is just another form of hiding. So we hide in social media and Netflix and cleaning the house and constantly checking emails and text messages or working too much or doing online shopping or reading the news or scheduling every single minute of your day or overthinking and gaming and excessive exercise. you have to work out every single day. You know, there's all of these things that are just trying to keep us busy when in reality we need to be silent, do nothing, not move, and try to see if that voice is still inside of us.

18:15I promise you that it is. And really this is what's important is what happens when you reconnect with yourself. The good part of it like this, this isn't all just about pain. This is about freedom. Like when you reconnect to yourself, life gets way easier. Decisions get way easier in your life. Boundaries don't really feel scary anymore. You stop outsourcing your worth to how other people's respond. You don't care about other people's opinions anymore. Confidence just becomes part of you and it becomes quiet and embedded, not performative. It's almost like when you realize this, it's like the old version of you has been trying to run in water.

18:53It's like you've been trying to run in water your whole life. I felt that way for so long but when you slow down and reconnect to yourself and start doing things that are aligned with you it's so much easier and even though you're like I can't be silent I don't have enough time I've got to be productive when you're silent you reconnect to yourself you start doing things that are aligned with you you're 10 times more productive that's the crazy part like you think oh this isn't going to make me more money this isn't going to make me more successful and then you do it and your entire life becomes easier Everything becomes easier.

19:27Your relationships thrive because you're connected to yourself and not trying to be somebody else. Your purpose in life becomes more obvious because you're connected to yourself. You get more mental clarity. You get more emotional regulation. You get more resilient. All of those are just the byproducts of you being more connected to yourself. So you don't need to figure it all out and fix everything in the external world. You just need to come back to you. And so that's really what it comes down to. Give yourself five minutes in the morning. Check in with yourself. What do I need today? At the end of the evening, you ask yourself, you know, what parts of myself didn't feel right today?

20:03Where did I feel out of alignment today? Where did I not honor myself today? And then you'd make micro adjustments every single day and you ask yourself, what do I need today? What do I need today? What do I need today? That's what I really want you to come back to is let me end with this. You're not disconnected because you're broken. You're disconnected because you've been really good at surviving. but survival isn't the same as being alive. You get to return, you get to rewire, you get to become who you are, you get to choose differently one moment at a time. And so I just wanna remind you, you're not your habits, you're not your accomplishments, you're not your resume, you're not the letters at the end of your name, you're not your trauma, you're a deeply intuitive, wildly capable human who just needs to hear your own voice again.

20:47And it's in there, it's silent, it's whispering. You just gotta listen. You just gotta come back to you because that's where the magic lives. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in it, Rob Dial Jr., R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. For those of you guys that have wanted to coach with me a little bit more, you can go to mindsetmentor.com so you can learn how to coach with me beyond the podcast. There's information up there about what else I do and weekly sessions that I do as well on Zoom. So once again, mindsetmentor.com.

21:18And with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.