Why You Get Triggered

0:07Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. I put out episodes four times a week to help you learn about who you are, about your neurology, your psychology, your early childhood development, your paradigms, to help you break through the mental barriers you create for yourself so you can create the life that you want. So if that interests you, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. Today, I'm going to be talking to you about why you get triggered.

0:37I'm going to be talking to you about why just reading books is not really enough for you in your personal development. Why going to conferences and hiring a coach or hiring a therapist is not enough. And there should be another level on top of that. Now, I'm not saying don't do any of those things because I think all of those things are important. But what I'm telling you is that I think most people, a lot of people I'll actually say, miss the boat on what real personal development is. I'm going to talk to you about how to improve your life really quickly and how to basically use your life as the way I like to call it as like a classroom for you, right?

1:16Every single thing that happens to you is your classroom. So your lessons are constantly coming to you all day long. Everything that happens to you, whether you view that thing as good, whether you view it as bad or whether you view it as just neutral is your opportunity to learn and grow. The problem is that a lot of people don't see it that way. They don't really perceive it that way So they don't really even know and one of the the misconceptions about personal development and I've been in personal development now for for 19 years and I know a lot about it I've read hundreds of books been a tons of conferences invested hundreds of thousands of dollars into myself And I think all of it is very important but a lot of times people think personal development is just reading a book or or sitting down and meditating, or going to a conference, or finding time to journal, or listening to a podcast like this.

2:08All of that stuff is great. Those are all great, and they're all needed, but they're not the only thing. It's like, this is the example that I'll give you, right, that pops into my head. Reading a book about how to improve yourself, and then not taking that in to your life and trying to use it, is like trying to become a pro basketball player by watching the playoffs, but never actually stepping on the court. Your life is your court. Your life is the chance where you get to take a shot, to miss, to screw it all up, to realize, oh man, I really screwed that thing up. Let me try to get a little bit better.

2:45People think like, I got to get my 30 minutes of personal development in the morning. No, dude, your entire life is your personal development. In every moment of your life, in the way that you show up, the way that you talk to other people, the way that you talk to yourself, even in the, just the way that you feel in a quick moment of silence over two minutes, do you feel stressed? Do you feel anxious? Is there something that you can do to recalibrate in the moment to make yourself feel a little bit better? You know, some people will go in and read a book and then get into an argument with their spouse and not realize that that argument with their spouse was their greatest opportunity for personal growth that day, not reading a fucking book.

3:26The real thing is you have to ask yourself is like, why was there an argument in the first place? Where were you triggered? What triggered you about what they said or what they did? Why is that a trigger for you? Because whenever you're triggered by somebody, it's a massive opportunity for you to learn. Because when you are triggered, a trigger and to be triggered by somebody is just the universe showing you where you are not free. It's showing you where you are locked in this, this construct of this is the way that it's supposed to be. This is the way that they're supposed to be. This is the way a relationship is supposed to be.

4:02And when a trigger comes to you, it is not a moment for you to get mad at the other person. Now, mind you, we all get lost in the moment to moment things where we can get mad at somebody. But if we take a step back, realize that when you're triggered, it is nobody else's fault but your own. It's not because the exact same thing could have happened to somebody else and them not get triggered, which shows that it's not the trigger. It's you. If you have an anger problem, if you have a short fuse, if you lash out at people, if you get extremely emotional when someone does something to you. That is you.

4:42It's not the circumstance. It's your reaction to the circumstances, the thing that you need to work through. And so I love that you're listening to this podcast. I love that you read books and you go to conferences and you have a coach or a therapist. I love all of those things. But every moment of your life is your classroom to improve yourself. You know, was your spouse triggered based off of something that you did or something that you say? Where did that come from?

5:15Can we try to help them through it? I always say when someone triggers you, you want to punch them. You know, someone on the street says something to you and it triggers you and makes you mad. You want to punch them. But in reality, you should give them a high five because they just showed you where you're not free. And it is my personal belief. And I'll just share a couple of personal beliefs with you guys throughout this podcast episode. it is my personal belief that when someone comes into your life, you know, let's say somebody, you're having a great day, you're driving to work right now, you have your coffee and the sun's shining, you've been having such a great day.

5:46And then somebody cuts you off, flicks you off and, you know, throws their coffee behind you, behind them and it hits your windshield, right? And you get furious, right? I get, I get as a human why you can be furious in that moment. But as a soul that's coming here to have a human experience, what I see that person that triggered you as is the universe coming to you through that person to show you or you're not free. It is your greatest moment to learn in that moment, right? So it's like, that's an extreme example. Someone throwing their coffee at your car. Yeah. Most people listen to podcasts are going to get pretty pissed, but let's just say they cut you off and you get so wound up.

6:30It's like, okay, why did I get wound up? Well, that is the universe coming to you through that person to show you where you are not free. You know, you can listen to this podcast. And I love that you listen to this podcast and get all excited about growing. And then 30 minutes later, your child has a temper tantrum in Target and you freaking lose it. I love that you listen to the podcast. but that moment where you had the decision of, and it might've been an unconscious decision. It was just right there of like, do I breathe or do I freak out right now? That moment where you made that decision and that moment where you need to figure out what to do where your child is having a temper tantrum, that is a much better place to get your personal development in this podcast.

7:15I love that she listens to this podcast, but the training, this is the knowledge, right? The training happens in real life. Can you learn to keep calm in the middle of any storm? You know, that moment was an opportunity for you to learn and grow. Did you take the universe up on that opportunity? You know, let's take a different example because I know a lot of people get very triggered in relationships, right? Let's say that your boyfriend or your girlfriend forgets to call you. They were supposed to call you before they went to bed and they fell asleep. Let's say, for instance, you don't know they fell asleep, but it triggers you.

7:54And it triggers something deep inside of you. Maybe it triggers you and you don't realize it, but it triggers your fear of abandonment from your childhood because maybe your father wasn't around. That's your trigger. Sure, you can blame it on them, but you were the one that was triggered. Some people, they'd be like, oh, they must have fallen asleep. No big deal. I'll talk to them tomorrow. But you're the one who started getting pissed off and it was your trigger. And that's the universe saying, hey, knock it at your door. Hey, sweetheart, you still have this fear of abandonment. You still have this abandonment issue that you need to work through from your childhood.

8:27I'm coming to you through your girlfriend to show you where you're not free. And when you start to see this, you really start to see that all of life is a lesson for you. There are lessons, 40, 50 lessons a day for you. If you're really sitting there trying to work on yourself. Your life, I always say this, me and my best friend always say this, your life is a perfectly crafted curriculum for you to evolve into the highest version of yourself. Whatever that means. Your life is a perfectly crafted curriculum for you to evolve into the highest version of yourself. And I'll share kind of my viewpoint.

9:02I shared this a couple of years ago on the podcast, but I remember there was a moment where I was driving with my mom and my mom was saying, she was basically saying to me that she felt really guilty for marrying my dad and bringing myself and my sister into this world to have an alcoholic father. And so I said to her, I was like, I don't think you should feel guilty at all. Like, I think that it was perfect for me. Like, I wouldn't do what I do now if, and, you know, have impacted people's lives if I didn't go through all of that shit with my dad. And my sister is going to school to be a therapist and to help abandoned children, specifically girls, try to, you know, interact in the world and get better in the world.

9:46And so it's like having an alcoholic father who kind of abandoned us was the best thing that could have happened. But anyways, I was talking to my mom about this and sharing my perspective. And I said, hey, here's the way that I see it. And if you want to take this perspective, you can. If you don't, no big deal. I'll just share my perspective to everybody. The way I said it is, you know, I believe that I am a soul that is having a human experience. And I am in this physical body. Sure, I've been given name Rob Dial and all of that stuff. But the way I see it is like my soul was basically one day flipping through a karaoke book of life's.

10:20And it was saying, OK, well, you know, there's this guy, there's there's John Smith and there's there's Taylor Green. And then there's there's Rob Dial and Rob Dial is going to be, you know, son to Debbie and Steve. And Steve is going to have childhood trauma that he didn't overcome. His, you know, Steve's father ended up killing himself when he was 12. And he walked in the room and saw that. and he's never going to overcome this trauma. And because he's not going to overcome this trauma, he's going to become an alcoholic. And Rob's going to have to deal with this and his parents are going to get divorced when he's 10 and his father is going to pass away at 15 from being an alcoholic.

10:54And here's all of the things that are going to come from it and all of the things that he needs to work through. And it's like, I like to view it as my soul was looking through this book and said, hmm, I think my next level, kind of like a video game, I think my next level is this Rob Dial one. I'm going to choose this one because this is what I need to get to my next level and to evolve into my highest version of myself. So my soul went, yep, I'm going to take Rob Dial. And so what happens is now I can never look at any circumstance in my life as a victim because I believe that I chose it. And I believe that our souls took this exact body in life to learn and go through whatever it is that we need to go through to get to whatever it is, the next plane or whatever it is, that next level of enlightenment, whatever happens after this.

11:39I don't know. So everything that happened to me in my life so far and that will happen to me was chosen by me, not by Rob, like the physical version of me, but the soul. And so when you look at it that way, it really takes victimhood out of it. You know, I've talked to a lot of people who are really just stuck in the feeling of being a victim and I share this with them and then they start to think about it and they're like, man, yeah, I can start to see that perspective. Then I don't need someone to take my full-on perspective, But if they can start to see a little bit of a perspective, they can start to see, wow, yeah, everything that's here is like a video game.

12:15It's for me to learn and grow and get better. So all of the love that I have is a lesson for me to learn and grow and get better. All of the loss, all the people who have died, all the people who have broken my heart, my sadness, my happiness, my anger, my frustration. Every single thing that is brought to me is my opportunity to learn and grow. and we can play the victim but if we play the victim we miss those lessons we miss our opportunity to grow you listen to this podcast because you want to get better for some sort of in some way for some reason and so if you just listen to this podcast and it goes in one ear and out the other and then you have a you know a blow up with your significant other in 20 minutes after listening this podcast did you get the lesson is there a lesson in that blow up that you can extract from it.

13:02The highest version of you is not found in a book. It's on the other side of a breakdown. It's on the other side of a fight. It's on the other side of a blow up. It's on the other side of, you know, whatever it is that triggers you. And so really what it comes down to is to start to become aware of these things and start to become like notice when your body shifts in some sort of way. Notice when you start to feel either a shift from, you know, calm, peaceful to angry, or from calm and peaceful to stressed out, or calm and peaceful to anxious, or calm and peaceful to sad. Notice the feeling. And just, you know, it's okay.

13:44Then, you know, don't try to deflect and not feel the feelings. A lot of people, I think, try not to feel their feelings. Like, just notice the feeling. Breathe in the feeling for a second. Don't resist it. And then ask yourself, what am I feeling? Like, what is this feeling in my body right now? Oh, you know what? I'm feeling, I'm feeling really anxious. Okay. Why am I feeling this way? I'm feeling this way because, you know, my girlfriend said she was going to text me before she went to bed. She usually goes to bed at 10. It's now 11. And I'm feeling really triggered by the fact that I haven't been called yet or I haven't been texted yet.

14:17Okay. What is that showing me about myself? Well, it's showing me that, that I don't like when people who I'm close to don't end up calling me. Okay. Why is that? Is there something that happened in my past that maybe I can make some connections? Yeah. Well, I kind of have a thing. I think I might have a fear of abandonment. Okay. Why, where did this fear of abandonment come from? Well, it came from the fact that my father wasn't around. And then what happens is instead of getting mad at yourself for being triggered or getting mad at someone else in that triggering, what happens is you just become very curious.

14:53That's one of the things that I think is a skill set that people should develop in personal development is to become very curious about yourself. Become very curious as to why you think the way that you think, why you feel the way that you feel, why you act the way that you act, where you got it from. Trace it back to your childhood. Take out a pen and paper and just ask yourself questions. Does this relate to my childhood? Does this fear of abandonment relate to my childhood? Oh my God, it relates to my dad. I can start to see this. And what happens is you start to make connections with yourself.

15:23You start to understand yourself at a much, much deeper level. And then when you start to feel that trigger coming up again, you can become much more self-aware because you're now starting to notice this pattern within yourself. And if you can notice the pattern within yourself, if you can notice the self-awareness, you can start to work through it. You can start to breathe through it. You can say, you know what? Is it possible? And you just ask yourself the question, is it possible that maybe my girlfriend fell asleep? Maybe she, or, you know, if someone's been cheated on in the past and it's like, oh my God, she didn't text me.

15:51She must be cheating on me with somebody else. That's a whole other trigger. Is it possible that she fell asleep and she's not triggered, she's not cheating on me? And just try to see a little bit different of a perspective. And it's never comfortable to be triggered. But being triggered is a gift because it's showing you where you're not free. So don't resist it. instead of trying to get away from it, what if you start to lean into it, start to lean into those uncomfortable feelings? You know, your resistance doesn't help you. It doesn't help you. It doesn't help your loved ones. It doesn't help the world.

16:24I think the reason why we're here is so that we can start to break free and liberate ourselves from the mental prisons that we've all created subconsciously or unconsciously over the course of our existence, from things that we learn from our parents. We learned from society and, you know, these constructs and patterns and conditionings that we've learned along the way. We lost ourself along the way and now it's about going back and trying to find ourself. And so when you get these triggers, it's showing you where you're not free. Ask yourself about them. What can you learn from it? What can you learn from it?

16:56What can you learn from it? Because this is the true classroom of your life and the place where you can really learn and grow the most. So when you're triggered by somebody and you go through life, realize that there's always something to learn. Are you getting the lesson from everything that happens to you? So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor, share it on the Instagram stories, tag me in it, Rob Dial Jr., R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. Also, if you love this podcast, you're definitely going to love something that just came out called Mindset Mentor Plus.

17:25Mindset Mentor Plus is my way of taking this podcast episodes, not just listening to them passively, but actively putting them into your life. And so for every single podcast episode that comes out here, there are worksheets that you can go through that are like mini masterclasses to help you really ingrain and integrate every aspect of these podcasts. There are multiple pages, they can be printed out. So you can learn more. There's journal prompts, there's assignments, there's an entire community of other people who are in Mindset Mentor Plus. And I also do monthly Q &A sessions in there as well.

17:57So if you want to learn more about it, go ahead and go to mindsetmentor.com. Once again, mindsetmentor.com. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.