"My Wife Is Making Financial Decisions Without Me"

30:15And so I'm going to go all in. I'm going to go full commit to staying at home for six months or a year. And then we're going to circle back up and see if this is still the right path. Or I'm going to quit this job, go, I mean, I'm going to stay in this job full time and I'm going to do that for six months or a year and see how we are all, how our house is operating, how I feel, how you feel, how we're working together. But I think that the trap feels like either decision is a forever decision and it's just not. yeah I think that's exactly how she feels is whatever is either decision is going to be a permanent and I work on that one so do the next right decision for this season yeah you've got time I love that idea and there's also maybe there's a world where she works part time and she's a little bit doing wearing the boss hat and a little bit wearing the mom hat

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32:53Jade, I want to rally America together to wish you a happy birthday. happy birthday thank you i appreciate it 21 is a big one you can drink now it's the whole thing it's john i mean come on just tell them the truth i'm 35 i've been 36 i've been 35 for about seven years now and it's a great age that's awesome i would not i would have put money on 28 or younger so well thank you thank you thank you well after having talked about that let's talk about something even more troubling which is tax season okay it doesn't have to be troubling though if you have a simple tax situation, like if you haven't had any major life changes or big investments, you could really just use Ramsey Smart Tax.

33:39Ramsey Smart Tax is affordable and it keeps filing simple. Plus it has built-in support in case you need a little help. Filing early means getting the best deals and you get the tax stress off your shoulders. So as soon as you get all your tax documents, go on and go to RamseySolutions.com slash smart tax and start filing immediately. Okay, let's go to the phone lines. We've got Christine in Newark, New Jersey. Hi, Christine. Hi, thank you for taking my call. You're welcome. How can we help today? Uh-oh. So I'm just trying to figure out, yeah, yes, it is definitely one of those. Hey, do me a favor.

34:19Talk directly into your phone for me, Christine. Oh, okay, sorry. Perfect, thank you. Is it a little bit better? Okay. Go for it. So I put myself into a lot of debt, and I was trying to be proactive in this situation, and I joined one of these debt relief programs where we pay monthly and then there's a settlement fee or whatever. And being in that process, I actually helped my ex-boyfriend get a car. He got that car, we both. So now I'm accumulating more debt outside of what I already have in my creditors' debt relief program. My question is, is it best for me to maybe just file for bankruptcy?

35:03Because I'm still getting calls from the other creditors who are in my debt relief program. I'm just trying to negotiate or sending me notifications about whatever the balances that are owed. And now I'm accumulating even more debt outside with the repo. And it's uncontrollable for me right now. I'm paying like maybe some like$366 towards the debt relief program to three creditors. And I'm only paying one of the creditors at this point. And I'm thinking like it's going to take me years to try to get all of them settled. And I don't want to keep on just investing in something that's just going to like, I don't know, that's not helpful at the end.

35:43So I wasn't sure what to do. Well, yeah, that's very stressful. If you're making many deep breaths right now, I understand that and you should keep doing that. So let me just make sure I understand the Repoed car. Your name was on the Repoed car? Yes, it is. And was it rolled into the debt relief or it's just separate and they're just coming after you for the difference? Exactly. Yeah, it was not part of the debt relief. It's separate and they're coming after me too. Understood. Let me talk about the repoed car first. What is the deficit that they're coming after you for? $14 ,000. Oh, girlfriend.

36:19Okay. They've already auctioned the car off? Yep. It's already taken. Yeah, I can't get it. And you don't know where your ex-boyfriend is? I do and I don't. I try to no contact type of situation. No contact. Okay. Okay. So I'm just going to hit you with something that just really, really, really sucks. And I think you know this. That is, it's on you, girl. Unfortunately, when you sign, when you co-sign with somebody, you're just as liable for the debt. and you could say if you said I'm not going to pay it you're just going to feel the the dings and the dings and the dings and the dings on your credit um and I feel like it's more so about it dinging up your piece because they're calling you right so you're going to have to add this to your snowball and I hate to tell you that it is a lesson learned the hard way sorry so what's your total debt load that you're trying to get relief from?

37:21So there's three creditors. One is $11 ,000. Another is like$8 ,000. And then another is$6 ,000. So in that X relationship, like I pretty much, one was a loan and then two are credit cards that I kind of maxed out just so I can leave the situation and get an apartment on my own. So I maxed out. So what do you make a year? A year? Well, I know I bring home maybe like 38, 39 a month. Okay. And then there's overtime and things like that. With overtime, what does it look like? On a month where you do some good overtime? You know what? That's, you know what, to be honest, that's actually, I want to say that's including the overtime.

38:08Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. And then just, I always like to know where people's housing fits in that equation, because if you're paying too much for your housing, it throws this whole thing off kilter. So what are you paying? What are you paying for housing? So right now I'm in an apartment complex and it's like$18.92. Okay. That's what's eating your lunch. Christine, that's half your income. So I'm paying, I'm literally like living, like I'm, I'm so like, I'm living like paycheck the paycheck but on top of that I'm in one of those stupid app situations where you can borrow from your next paycheck Oh girl, stop!

38:47Yeah, I know, I'm telling you this is what I've done to myself and I know, that's why, sorry We're both on your side But you gotta stop, are you with us? Yeah, I'm here So when's your lease up? It would be next June okay is it a one bedroom or two it's actually a three bedroom i have three uh three kids with me so i'm you and three kids you have three kids okay so what i try to do is i'd go to the uh leasing office and i'd say hey um because i'm pretty sure you can do this if you just say hey i just want to switch apartments and in the complex this one i'm having a hard this one's just too much for me I want to go down to a two bedroom or I want to go down to a, you know, a one bedroom and maybe I put whatever you have to do.

39:39I put myself on the on the fold out couch and I put two bedrooms and one two kids in one room. And if there's a baby, I put the baby in the crib next to me. Right. That's what you need to do ASAP. Because with three kids, I will hate myself saying you need to work more. Right. that feels very impossible um i'm sure there's something you can do but i feel like the bigger way that you can make an impact is on that line item on your budget and and basically to cut it down to i don't know a thousand eleven hundred somewhere in that range um do you see what i'm saying no yeah i understand right and it's going to feel terrible you're gonna feel like i can oh I have three kids.

40:22I'm making them share a room. I'm uprooting their life. I'm making them. I'm making them. I'm making them. You're going to make them understand what it looks like to right wrongs and make things right. And that's the lesson that you're going to be teaching them doing this. So tell yourself that when you start beating yourself up. Jane, would you recommend she quit paying on this debt relief nonsense? Yeah, let's go to that. That's super. Yeah. Debt relief. Done. We're done. It's a scam. am the reason that they're calling you the reason they're calling you is because the way those places work is they say pay us the money we're gonna hold it in a pool basically and we're gonna wait until these creditors get desperate and they're ready to make a deal that's why they're calling you because they haven't been paid and so you've probably paid a bunch into a pool how much have you paid in um so i've been in this debt relief for maybe like two years now oh boy Oh, gosh.

41:17And nothing's been paid off. And nothing's been paid off because, well, the worst of it was like the larger amount creditor is the one that offered first. And I accepted it because I didn't know at the time, you know, what to do. So, yeah. So that's the$11 ,000 one. And it's like I haven't made a dent in it. Yeah. So we're getting out of that today. If I were you, I'd call him up and say, I don't want to keep doing this anymore. What's going to happen? And just make sure you read through what the contracts said. so that you can come into the conversation and say, hey, I wanna get out of this. I realize this is what I must pay or this is the penalty because there's gonna be some penalty fee and just realize this was not the way out.

41:59There's a couple of things, Christine, that you're gonna pay what we call here stupid tax, which is it's really a I didn't know tax and you're gonna feel that and it's gonna be in way of, I spent years paying a debt relief program to get nowhere and unfortunately I co-signed on a loan. But what you're gonna find is doing this on your own. You are gonna go so much further faster. Christian's gonna pick up. We're gonna set you up with every dollar and there's free coaching on there. I want you to call the number to get a couple of minutes of free coaching so you can figure out your next right steps and call us back anytime you need us.

42:32We'll be here to help you.

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44:07Welcome back to the Ramsey Show and the Fairwinds Credit Union Studio. We're going back to the phone lines where we have Ethan, who is in my favorite place, Miami, Florida. What's going on, Ethan? Hey, guys. How are you guys doing? Doing great. How can we help today? So, I'm trying to keep it brief for you guys. I more or less have put myself in a hole over the last six months or so. Made some dumb decisions and have locked myself in a financial bind. I recently moved to Miami for work back in October, and it was about a$10 ,000 move. And to make it happen, I had to borrow money across some different avenues to make the move.

45:05My rent is right at$3 ,000 a month. And late last year, I actually bought my wife a new car. She needed a car. and the payment for that is around$900 a month. Good God almighty. That's a lot of money. Yeah, it's pretty bad. What's the full balance of the vehicle? We owe about$50 ,000 on it. Wow. Okay. And we're actually underwater. I've already looked in to try the, I'm sorry, I used the wrong phrase. We're upside down on it. What could you get? What's it saying for private sale? About 30. Oh, is it an EV? It is a 2025 Grand Cherokee. Ouch. How much do you make it a month, dude? How much do you bring home?

46:15My salary is right at$6 ,000 a month. What about your wife? My wife is a stay-at-home mom. How in the world did you figure a$50 ,000 vehicle?

46:31My wife has very good credit, and the dealer who sold it to us used my income as the household income using her credit. Oh, boy, oh, boy. All right, let's do this. Let's don't blame anybody. Let's say I made an irresponsible purchase. Yes, it's fully on me. I take full responsibility. How many kids do y 'all have? We have one son. Okay. He is eight months. This is a hard truth that I'm putting on the table. Y 'all have put yourself in a position where I don't believe you can afford right now to uphold this value that you're holding, which is we want her to stay at home with our kid for right now.

47:18You'll have a huge mess. That can be solved in a year, in two years of everybody pitching in and going full bore. Okay. But, bro, I mean, you're underwater. Is that it? Is it just the, I mean, when I say just, is there anything to add to the pile of the$10 ,000 you borrowed plus the$20 ,000 you're upside down? Is there more debt? um i i believe that that's about it the 10 000 spread across a couple different avenues um are there people like family members did you borrow from family members yes okay okay so the good news is that's probably i mean the way the debt snowball works it's advantageous for the family members that you borrowed from and it's also advantageous for you because uh whenever there's people, you know, you've, you've loaned money to family.

48:13It's just very, very sticky. And I want to clean that up for you. Um, here's, here's the thing. One making a hundred thousand dollars a year is not what it once was. And what happens is you get the salary and you're like, yes, I'm making six figures. And, and, and, and it feels like it's going to be a way. And then you're like, I made it to the pinnacle. I, John Deloney, I remember that was the goal for forever. If you can make$100 ,000. Yes. And then it's like, if I do that, I can get the place I want. I can get the car I want. I can live the life. It was like, that was the unlock. It's not, it's just not the way the world is, how expensive stuff is.

48:53And don't add a little bit of debt to it. Right. That, that money dwindles very quickly, which is what you're experiencing. Am I right, ethan um yes that's that's right yeah to add to the situation it's i am like paycheck to paycheck right now it's because your rent buddy it's because your rent ethan is 50 of your take-home pay there is no extra there's there's nothing left you could be a very reasonable spender but when your rent is 50 of your take-home pay everything is tight so first things first um first things first is we need to find a cheaper spot. Now you're in Miami. Is there a way to go a little bit north?

49:35Can we go, you know, to an area that's less expensive? Can you go, do you see what I'm saying? I believe so. The whole issue with moving is just the lease, to break the lease. How much is it going to be? Two months? It's two months. Okay, But think about that. If you keep this around for the rest of the year that you owe it, think about how much you're going to be throwing away. If you can find a place that you guys can let you have an eight month old, they take up this much space. So if you can find a place that's a one bedroom and the baby's crib or, you know, their stuff is in your room or you put the baby in the living room.

50:14This is the time. We had a caller earlier. This is the time to do the sacrifice. The kids are young. You guys are young. You get in a one bedroom, you spend half the amount. You see what I'm saying? You go a little bit North. Maybe you have a little bit more of a commute, but it could be worth it to you. Um, what kind of work did you move to Miami to do? So I'm active duty military. Okay. Um, is there an allowance of some sort? I'm sorry. Do you get any allowance, housing allowance or anything like that? Yeah. So our BAH is$3 ,200 and our rent is$29 and some change. So within the BAH range, we're actually within the budget.

51:04But is that part of the$6 ,000 or is that in addition to? That's part of the$6 ,000. So it doesn't matter at that point. Yeah, you're underneath your housing allowance, but your overall monthly income, it's still more than 50. Therefore, yeah, what I said still rings true. So the key here is we got to cut the rent in half at the least. Can you go live on base for a year? We don't have that option on this base. Okay. Yeah. And then what I am going to do, and I hate to say this, but yeah, I'm going to go down to the credit union. If your wife's credit's still good before, you know before you start missing payments go down there and say we want a loan we need a loan for the difference here we need a loan for twenty thousand dollars and what's better the only thing better than paying off fifty thousand dollars is paying off twenty thousand okay so instead of having a fifty thousand dollar loan now you have a twenty thousand dollar loan and now that frees up a couple more hundred bucks um in your budget every single month nine hundred dollars yeah do You see how that works?

52:07Minus the$20 ,000. Jeez. I see how that works. Yeah. So that's what I want you to do, Ethan. None of this is going to be pretty nor fun. Okay. This is going to be something that you're going to look back on, you know, 15 years from now and go, oh my gosh, remember that apartment? Oh my gosh. Remember when we got that loan? And by the way, get the loan for$25 ,000 so that you can get it, you know, have a little$5 ,000 car that you drive. Okay. That's the way this works.

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54:18all right back to the phone lines where we have claire who's in pittsburgh pennsylvania hi claire how can we help today yeah so i have a question about how to start a conversation with my family about some student loans. My mom helped me take out some Parent PLUS loans. They are all under her name. I went to college about$36 ,000 worth with a verbal agreement from me that I would help her pay them back. But now that it is time for me to pay them back, because I am out of college and they are coming due, she is requesting the$36 ,000 payment in school. But when I look back on my tuition bills, she received$17 ,000 in refunds that she never put back towards the loans.

55:08So I'm trying to figure out how to start that conversation of, I am not paying you$36 ,000. I am only going to pay the amount that I used rather than what was... Yeah. So it's, I don't know, it's been interesting and I don't know how to start that conversation. Okay, so can we cut right to the chase here? Yeah. Your mom, and man, I hate to say this. This one hurts to say. Your mom is deceiving you. She's lying to you. Yeah. And I just have a personal rule that if I'm dealing with somebody who lacks integrity, A, I'm going to make sure I don't lose my character in the process. and B, I'm going to be very clear about what I will and will not do and I will see that through.

56:00Because trying to preserve the relationship, she's already burned it to the ground. She's trying to extort you for$17 ,000 more. Wild. Yeah. Right? That's madness. A parent of integrity. If I did this with my kid, I would say, hey, dude, I actually spent$17 ,000 on my own. You owe me this much money. It's a lot. It's not a number that you forgot. Like, oh, I forgot I did that. Honestly, I would I would print the bill out and go sit with her and say, this is what was paid for my bill. I don't know how much you ended up taking out or how much you had deposited into your accounts. Where's the other seventeen thousand dollars?

56:43yeah yeah she did let me um log into her like parent plus loan portal so i can see how much she really did take out because for me and all of my sisters but i had a feeling because then that would have made my schooling um a total of sixty four thousand dollars for three years and i only went to a state school so that price didn't really make sense plus i was like in state so I did some research and now I have to figure out how to have this conversation. Now you got math on your side you have bills and math on your side I think it's a pretty straightforward conversation when it comes to the what you owe I think it's a harder conversation about what her choice to lie to you has done to your relationship.

57:30I'm trying to find any I'm trying to find any reason this might be different is there any way that like during Did she buy you a car during that time? Did she pay your car insurance and your food and rent? So I lived at home. So no. There was one year I did move out and lived off campus with some roommates, but I paid my rent. I also paid my cell phone bill to her. She did buy a plan for me. You're breaking up on us, Claire. Yeah, you're cutting out on us. Okay. Oh, there you go. Now you're back. You lived at home, you paid rent, but there was one time when what? A meal plan. A meal plan? Yeah.

58:12It was like$2 ,000. And I figured if it became a super big issue, I would offer to pay that back too. Listen, meal plan is part of school. I might add that back in and say that. Say, hey, I looked it up. Here's what I found. You know, slide or the paper like they do when you make a negotiation. and say, now I do know that there was the one semester where you paid for my meal plan. I know that that was$2 ,000. I don't know if that's part of this. I don't see it. You know, try to have some goodwill there, I think. But I agree with what John said, man. This is dirty. I hate this for you. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry.

58:49I would commit walking in the door to what your boundaries are going to be on this one and play it as straight as possible. And the best you can, this is going to be hard because it's your freaking mom. But keep your wits about you and keep your integrity and keep your character and don't yell, don't scream, don't make accusations. Just be very clear. And luckily for you, this is all this is all tracked. Right. You can see what she took out. You can actually probably go to the college and get the the bill that was transferred the day bills were paid. I mean, you can do some a little bit of forensic accounting here and figure out exactly what she paid and exactly what she kept for herself.

59:28Wow. Shouldn't have to be like that. jade i've heard this over and over and over again working with college students i feel like we are in the era of the parent plus loan i feel like we are getting so many calls about that i don't know if it just happened you know in that it's not the era it's the bills are coming due for that era oh my gosh and i just yeah i mean obviously if you sign a parent plus loan the parent is the one on the loan and usually what's gone awry here is there is some sort of verbal agreement either you will pay or you won't pay and then the time passes and inevitably someone forgot either someone forgot or they change it if you're in a position where you need to borrow a ton of so much money that you need to get a full stafford loan and get a parent plus loan yo then you're in a financial situation that's it's already challenging and when they write you a blank check and they're like hey we're gonna send you 20 and the bill's only 15 it takes another level of integrity another level of discipline to not spend that five oh yeah because it feels like it just got free deposited that's a problem for future us we'll deal with it later yeah and my daughter's going to be rich one day she can cover it and that's not the agreement we made it's not it's not plus it's a fraudulent use of student loan money to be honest with you but 100 it is yes so yeah but this jade i cannot tell you how often i heard this story from college students parents would take out loans in their children's name and use that money to pay for stuff around the house or whatever.

1:00:58Yes. And it just became, it became an off book stimulus program in a way. Yeah. Cause you get that, you get the amount of money needed for that. That's allotted to you for the semester, the semester. So say you get, uh, I don't know. I'm making this up. Say you get$7 ,000, but you only needed 5 ,000. The quote refund 2000 bucks just sitting there. It's like, well, I may as well take it. It's real hard to not send that money back. What's the moral of the story, children? To check your bill and make sure that your parents aren't jacking you? I think anytime you go into an agreement with somebody you care about.

1:01:32Yeah. And there is like financial borrowing in between you two. Just expect that that relationship is going to get sideways at some point. It's going to. And the best thing you can do. If you are listening and you're like, oh, crap. I think I have parent plus loans. And I think that this could end up being me. Try to jump on, like, don't wait, don't wait, find, like, talk to that person today and say, what's the deal with this? If you're thinking about taking out those types of loans, of course, I'm going to tell you, don't do it. Please just stop in the name of love. and I know it's a tough conversation because let's take a minute and talk about this.

1:02:11College is expensive. It's filled with expectations on the student end and the parent end, right? How many parents get so much pride over saying, my kid goes to this school, yep. Yes. And then there's the student who is probably in one of the most emotional periods of their life making this decision and it's like, this is where all my friends are going and don't you want me to have this college experience? Colleges tune the sales cycle to a 18-year-old, 17 or 18-year-old's feelings. Yes. Right? You hear college students say, this was the one. What? Right. Like they're choosing their - And then parents are like, all right, well, I got to mortgage my soul because they found the one.

1:02:49Yeah. Right? It's madness. It's madness. And then there's the element of, I guess I'm going to call it some sort of shame because what we're finding is a lot of parents are taking out Parent PLUS loans and not telling the student that they did it, not telling them that that's the way that this whole thing is being funded. And then it comes back to bite in the butt later. So guys, our teaching on this is so solid and so clear. If you can go to college, pay cash, okay? And I know that that sounds, what Jade, you've lost your mind? No, the way to do it is you have to start talking about it before you're 17.

1:03:21You have to start talking about it very, very early, setting that expectation. Yes, you're going to school if it suits you, because maybe college life doesn't even suit you for the career that you want. That's another conversation. But make sure it said, hey, you don't have a college fund. We may not have a 529. We expect you to work part time or we expect that you'll go to a community college. Whatever that is, parents, please have that conversation. There's no shame in that game. It is a privilege if you are able to pay for kids college and it is a privilege for both the parent and the student.

1:04:01We'll be right back.

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1:05:56Love to hear it. All right, we've got John in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. What's up, John? Hey, how you guys doing? What's up, brother? Hey, I was about a month ago or three weeks ago. I was an unfortunate victim of a crime that has totaled my wife's car. Oh. Yeah. What happened? It's unfortunate, wrong place, wrong time. And my question for you is, we were about to start Baby Step 6, and now we're looking at options for a new car. And insurance is going to give me about$25 ,000 for the car that was totaled. And my question to you is, is this an emergency fund situation where if we have some emergency fund buildup, we could put some of that toward a new car or does that not fall into the bucket of emergency fund uses?

1:06:46Well, what was your wife's car worth? Usually they'll give you the value. They did. It was worth, yeah, it's worth 25K. So why wouldn't you not just use the 25? It was an older model SUV. Why wouldn't you just use the$25 ,000 to buy a$25 ,000 car and move on and continue with Baby Step 6? Well, I figured that's what you're going to say. The whole thing has been very emotional for us. And my wife really loved her car. And so we're dealing with this. You know, I can certainly go get a minivan for a six-person family for$25 ,000 easily. But it's not necessarily what she wants to drive. And I know that's probably not what you guys want to hear.

1:07:22What happened? But it's just been... So she was going on a retreat with some of her work ladies. And the night before, she said, hey, could you go fill up my car with gas? Would you mind? I said, absolutely not. and when i was out uh i decided i was going to get her a car wash as well and after car wash i got held up at gunpoint for the car oh wow and they took they took off did they wreck it or something uh yeah i won't bore you with all the details but it is completely totaled man i'm sorry dude that's terrifying that's traumatic yeah it was but we're working through it and god is good and there's a plan on all of this.

1:08:03I'm just trying to make the best decision moving forward. Yeah.

1:08:10If we were sitting together and we had an hour just to hang out and have some nachos, I would say this a lot kinder and I would take a lot longer to say this. So it's going to sound pretty abrupt. Is that fair? No, that's fair. This is one of those moments where the line, not by your hand, but in your lap, really rings true. You trying to be a good husband ended up in a wrong place, wrong time, and somebody truly victimized you and your family. Sure. And you have a mathematical reality to deal with today. Yeah. Right? And so it's your emergency fund, right? I mean, it is what it is. what I don't want you to do is to say, hey, this bad thing happened to us.

1:09:00And since we really want something else, this is kind of our path to get the thing we really want. Because what you're going to find is that momentary, hooray, I got this awesome car, is going to come at the expense of, well, now we've got to stop everything and build up our emergency fund, or we're going to have to make a car payment. And you're going to find yourself lower than you were before. Yeah. It's going to feel like a short... It seems like the only way there is backward, you know, and that's not what we want to do. We don't want another car payment. But I don't... Yeah, you're just trying to...

1:09:33I think I'm trying to make the situation easier than it is, probably. No, I think you're trying... I think you're continuing to try to be a noble and good husband and a good man and try to take away that terrifying reality from your wife that sometimes awful things happen. Yeah. And doing an emotional thing next, which is I'll go buy you whatever car you want. It's going to be awesome. And we're going to try to smooth over this pain with a not really wise purchase on a depreciating asset. Isn't the isn't the path forward. Right. Really grieving this moment is the path forward. Going slow is the path forward.

1:10:10Yeah, I agree. How much money do you make a year, brother? Between the two of us, we're around 250. Okay. So how, in all reality, if, and this is going to sound nutty, but if you just held off, could y 'all one cart for a month and just squirrel away everything you got? Probably. Well, it is a good question. Probably not. We just, um, we have four little kids, so we're somewhere between dropping them at school and my wife works a few days a week and I work every day of the week. And so it's just the reality has been a little bit challenging the last three weeks. We've actually been borrowing a car that my dad has available because my mom actually recently passed away.

1:10:53So there's just all sorts of stuff going on. Yeah, it sounds like a whole, whole lot going on. My recommendation to everybody when a lot of life is happening at the same time is to make as few big decisions as possible. Yeah. Until the smoke clears. If you could just look at your wife and say, hey, we're going to white knuckle this thing for 60 days, six zero, that's it, two months. And we're going to drive this borrowed car and we're going to save up another 10 or 15 grand. And then we're going to go get whatever car you want. Man, that's going to feel totally different. Yeah, I agree. Maybe more fulfilling eventually.

1:11:29I promise you it will be, but it will be super painful right now. It'll feel like just getting kicked again while you're down, right? Yeah. How much is in your emergency fund? Oh, about$30 ,000. Okay. Yeah. I think you're going to, I mean, how much would you pull out of there? I don't know. Excuse me. Anything similar to what we had is probably going to be after tax rate around$50 ,000 would be my guess. Well, the car she was driving, how old was it? Because it wasn't worth$50 ,000 at the time of the accident. No, no, no. It was 2016, but it had very low miles on it. 2016. And this won't surprise you, but I put new tires on it two days prior.

1:12:08Of course you did. Again, you're a good husband trying to take care of your family. I mean, can you afford on your salary to have a$50 ,000 car? Yes, you can. Do you have the cash today to have a$50 ,000 car? Not unless you have another stash of liquid cash somewhere aside from your emergency fund. I think that you would feel if you took your$30 ,000 emergency fund down to even 10 to do this, I think that would make you feel, I don't think you would like the way that felt at night. Yeah, I agree. Not with four little kids. Yeah. Even if you took it in half and brought it down to 15, I still don't.

1:12:46I mean, I could be wrong, John, but I don't think you would like the way that feels. Yeah. I mean, we've really liked not having that. Exactly. Exactly. You know, it's hard to go backward. Yeah. Which is why it's such a conundrum in my mind. Well, here's the thing. Here's the thing. If you buy something used, quite used for$25 ,000 and you get something quite nice but quite used, the vehicle's really already taken the hit. And in six months or in eight months when you've saved up some more, you could sell that vehicle really for probably what you paid for it and put another 10 or 15 with it and get what you really want.

1:13:19You could do that. Yeah, I agree. And can I give you a psychological trick? Whenever something happens to us like this, we feel like someone, whether it's the cosmos, whether it's the thief, whether it's the whatever, somebody owes us. And that might be right in this sense, in this justice sense, but it's not true in stone cold feet on the concrete reality. And so the more you live in this, that's not fair. This isn't, I don't like this. This shouldn't be this way. the more you're divorcing yourself from the reality in front of you. The other thing I want you to imagine, if this is the first big thing like this that would happen in your life, this sounds harsh to say, but the world you had, I would even go as far to say the marriage you had is over now.

1:14:18Y 'all are living in a post. Somebody put a gun to your head and stole your car reality. And so saying, okay, we're now moving forward. what do we want this world to look like? Do we want to go backwards financially? Do we want to live in debt? Do we want to really grieve what happened and recognize we need to keep our head on a swivel? Life's a little bit different now. And we're going to make the next right move with the 25 ,000 bucks we got. Like stop trying to say it used to be or we just want to get back to or it's not fair. Man, the path forward is this happened. What are we going to do next?

1:14:52What's the next right move for us?

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1:16:43The Ramsey Show Question of the Day is sponsored by WhyRefi. If your private student loans are in default and other lenders said no, Why Refi could be your next step. Why Refi was built for this situation, helping borrowers refinance with a low fixed rate and an affordable payment so you can get back to winning with money. Check out whyrefi.com slash Ramsey. That's the letter Y-R-E-F-Y dot com slash Ramsey. Remember, it may not be available in all states. Today's question comes from Elise in New Jersey. Elise writes, my partner and I have a blended family, including four children. When we discussed buying our home, we agreed that we would put both of our names on the title and mortgage.

1:17:26Bills are split between us. All right. Bills are split between us with him paying more. After we moved in together, I found out that he has wealth that he had not disclosed to me. He was awarded a million dollars from a lawsuit. He draws on his disability, doesn't work, and makes more money than I do. I wake up before dawn, go to work, and take care of 90 % of the housework and kids' responsibilities. I'm livid finding out that he has such a large sum while I'm living paycheck to paycheck. He buys himself$5 ,000 gifts whenever he wants and tells me like it's nothing. Should I let my anger go or let my partner go?

1:18:04Woo, child. That's wild. John. Listen, listen. Every once in a while, I ask myself, like, how long is this job going to last? And then I read this and I'm like, we are going to be employed forever. man this is um okay yeah so she says like quote she says um uh she says i'm livid while i'm living paycheck to paycheck he buys this so i don't think she's mad it's almost like let's be clear about what the problem is the problem is not that he's spending some of the money the problem is not that he's telling you that he's spending the money the problem is that he lied and never told you this money was there to begin with.

1:18:49He's deceitful. He lied to her. He rubs her nose in it. And he's not a participant in the lifeblood of that home. Not at all. And I, for one, I mean, progress is possible, John. You know, everybody, everybody can change like Rocky Balboa said, but I, for right now, I'd be like, oh my gosh, I'm dodging a bullet. By finding this out while we're still engaged, they're still engaged, right yeah it doesn't even say it just says her and her partner so i'm assuming they're not married otherwise i hope they would have put spouse but um they did buy a house together they have they blended their kids so at least i yes oh lord i think you have dodged a bullet like the matrix yeah i should i let my anger go or let my partner go is the ending question i rarely say this uh this directly but i think this is one that i say bye felicia i'm out i i would i mean if you wanted to, it's easy for us to say on this end, if you wanted to go further in on this and be like, listen, this is so not okay with me.

1:19:54The only way that we can go forward is to have like some intense, intense, some type of counseling to try to repair this. Sure. Well, the relationship you thought you had is over. It's not even the same person. It's squared out, right? So now it is, do I want to rebuild a life with a person? And what would that look like? And I'm going to give him a path back to re-earning trust and it would be from not re-earning because he never had it it's going to start from square one like we got to tell the truth with each other we have to support each other we're not going to venmo each other for light bills and water bills we're going to our money is going to go in one pot and we are going to pay our bills okay this is madness it's madness but uh it's madness but and uh at least i'm kind of pivoting from you but going to a larger conversation here.

1:20:41Here's the problem with this whole deal, because Elise, you're not the first one who's called in with a situation where kind of the story changed, right? I was with this person. Once we made this leap over here, now I'm seeing the real them, right? Here's what happens. And John, this is really your avenue. So I'm kind of just, I'm about to give you the assist here. And I want you to like, Ali, you dump it, like break the backboard. The problem when you enter into a relationship and there's no real commitment and you say, okay to everything. Okay. You want to combine our families and we're not married.

1:21:15Okay. You want to have sex and we're not married. Okay. You want to move in and we're not married. Okay. Buy a house together. You want to buy a house together and we're not married. Okay. Do you want to keep our money separate even though the rest of our life is fully together. Okay. You are setting in many ways, you are setting yourself up to be a sitting duck for this sort of thing because this person can say, hey, we never actually committed. There was never actually a thing where I said all in, therefore, why do I have to? Well, let's go even further. This guy would say, hey, as she wrote, we agreed.

1:21:50We agree. Exactly. I'm doing exactly what we agreed to. Exactly. And is it nefarious? Sounds like it is. Yeah, he's a scumbag. Is it scummy? He's doing exactly what y 'all agreed to. Right. And that's the thing. That's why the rules, there's a reason that there's order to things because when there's order to things, it helps things be in order. Well, and it helps, it helps darkness come to light. It helps a conversation. I'm not moving in with you until we're married. I'm not going to buy a home with you until both of us have, are sitting with a mortgage lender and both of us have our financial lives laid out in front of both of us until we both commit to like outside of those and you just leave pockets of secrets even the ability to have secrets yes so yes so the moral is and this is not just to women this is to men require commitment like go require it you're not going to just give people access to these major meaningful parts of your life that have the ability to really screw you if if they if they mess with you, don't do it unless you're getting full commitment.

1:23:01Require it. I don't just, my pastor used to say this, you know, we talk about commitment and it's really an all or nothing deal. But like, that is what it is. Like you're in, you fully commit, you're like locked in. And what's not okay, it's never okay for somebody to say, yes, I'm committed to you, but on Sunday I do my thing. Like on Sunday I go out, that's my day, you know, I'm everything but that, right? And it's the same thing with marriage. You can't be like, hey, I'm committed to you. We can put our kids together. We can buy a house together. But when it comes to my money, that's the day I do my thing.

1:23:37Like, that's my son. Do you see what I'm saying? Require it. You're worth that. Like, somebody should say, I commit to you and I will take everything. And I will show you my everything. Like, that is the best part of marriage is having full transparency. And if somebody's not willing to give you that, cut them loose. And I, yes, amen and amen. And I just, it's amazing this is coming up. I was just reading a pre-copy of my friend Sean Johnston and her husband Andrew East wrote a book on this commitment. She's an Olympic athlete. He was a pro football player. and the whole premise of the book is so powerful and that is we've lied to ourselves and told us our culture has told us that you always have to leave doors open you always have to keep your options open you always have to keep an exit strategy you always have to everything is always on the table for negotiation and what both of them this book is so powerful actually freedom is not in endless choices and endless opportunities that's a recipe for anxiety and chaos and being paralyzed, right?

1:24:42There's tons of, of, of psychological research about that. The power, the freedom you're chasing is actually in going all in and going through the difficult conversations through the difficult negotiations. I want to stay up late. I don't go to bed early. I want to keep my money while I don't feel safe going through that and coming out on the other side, anchored into something bigger than yourself. That is where we all want to be. We're all just chasing this lie of man you always gotta have a you always gotta have a crack in the door because you never know you got to keep what's yours and don't let them have everything and what that does is it keeps you from ever having anything wow wow I'm that's something to think about that is um there's a lot in that but what you said reminded me of it's kind of like part of this is when you say okay to less than what you were saying you're avoiding the conflict of it you're avoiding the conflict and you're making a statement about your own perceived value of your worth.

1:25:40Yes, but going back, yes. And going back to the conflict part, I read a long time ago, I can't remember what it was, but it was talking about how our greatest relationships, when you see it as concentric circles and they go out, out, out, out, the core of our relationships, the ones that are in the very middle, that's our husband, maybe your best friend, those are the people who are willing to enter into real conflict and come out on the other side. Because conflict is connection. if you both are anchored to the same thing. Yes, that's why there's concentric circles because the wider out you get, those are the people who aren't willing to engage in conflict.

1:26:13So when you make a commitment, you're saying, and I'm willing to go through these conflicts to get to the other side and be there with you. Yes, because being celebrated and challenged matters. It matters.

1:26:44welcome back to the ramsey show here in the fair ones credit union studio i'm here with dr john deloney we're still taking calls about your life and money so call in triple eight eight two five five two two five jennifer from detroit michigan is on the line with us hey jennifer what's up Hi, thank you for taking my call. Yeah, how can we help? So my 23-year-old son will be graduating from the University of Michigan in May, and he has racked up$96 ,000 in student debt. He did have a scholarship that he lost in his freshman year, and I've done everything I could to help him apply for scholarships, get him to sit down and get some type of money other than student loans.

1:27:34And he didn't want to participate. Now, my dilemma is he's 23 years old. He just got a full-time job in supply chain management. He's going to be making about$70 ,000,$72 ,000, maybe$75 ,000, depending on overtime. But he also went out and, against mom's advice, went out and got a brand-new pickup truck at$400 a month plus insurance. $400 a month? Yes. So do I charge him rent? Living in my house for the next year is what he's predicting. Or what I would charge him in rent, do I make him pay towards his student debt? I want to know your heart behind this. Is the rent as some sort of like retribution or like some sort of punishment or is it?

1:28:30No, no, no. I don't want to enable bad behaviors. I've been hearing people say, oh, you know, if your kid's going to be living at home, they should contribute to the household. Why is he living at home? He's not ready to move out yet. He's graduated. Right. He doesn't want to move out yet for another year. His girlfriend is going to be she went into graduate school. She'll be graduating here. So it's my guess. What's that got to do with anything? I know. I don't know how to have that conversation with him. I don't think I mean, I'm just going to be straight up with you. Yeah, he's it sounds like you've been displeased with some of his choices.

1:29:18that's fine. Despite good advice being sent his way, that's fine. I fear that because of that, this is just one of the fears on my list. I fear that because of that, if he moves in, you're going to find yourself meddling because you already know, well, he did this. He shouldn't have done that. And then he did this. He shouldn't have done that. And I think that that's going to be not good for neither you nor him. Like, that's just not going to be good. Second, he makes$70 ,000 a year. Move out. Move out. Um, yeah, here's what he, yeah, here's what he needs. He needs a sturdy mom, not a rigid mom, but not an overly flexible one either.

1:30:05Right. And so whether you charge him rent or if you just say, okay, for one year, here's the deal. You are his new landlord and you get to determine any and all stipulations for living in your house. Let me say it clearly. He doesn't get a vote. Okay. You get the vote. And then he gets to make a grown-up choice. If a company is going to trust him with$75 ,000 worth of his skill set and he doesn't have any wisdom yet, he's only 23, But with his judgment, then he has enough judgment to make his own grown man decision on whether he's going to follow mom's rules. And that might be, I'm going to let you live rent free for six months or for one year.

1:30:55But my expectation is you put this much money a month towards your student loans and your student loans is this dollar amount when you leave. And every month that you don't send it in, you get one and done and you're out. You're evicted. here's the only thing i okay i'm i'm or you charge him rent right the only thing i don't like about it i think it's the only thing that i i don't want to say don't like the only thing that bothers me about it is you're still telling him what to do which in your house you have the ability to do that too he's opting into it at this point he would be opting into it but i feel like a guy like this he needs doesn't need mom to tell him what to do he needs to go out in the world and learn that mom was right all along that mom was right all along and it hurts to have 96 000 and you shouldn't have taken out a truck payment i feel like if he's still there he's going to keep the car he's not going to sell it he's going to move very uh sheepishly on these these loans uh that's my only concern oh i i've got 50 concerns i i the fact that that you told us he's not ready to move out yet and you're letting that be a reason why he's going to move in that in and of itself i i don't have a problem and i would love to be able to have him move out my mom has a house that she had to move out of uh in assisted living that's sitting empty and we've offered for him to make the rent rent payments and put it into escrow and when she sells the house he gets that money back.

1:32:26He refuses to do that. So I don't know how to have a conversation. When you say refuse, what does that look like? No. What does that mean? He doesn't want to. He goes, I'm not ready. I don't want to take care of the yard. I don't want to take care of the house. He's allowed to do that, but he also doesn't, that doesn't mean he automatically gets to then move in with you. Both things can be true. Well, you're not living here. When he says he's not ready to even, okay, So take the grandma's house, take grandma's house off the table. When you say, Hey son, just go on and get an apartment. And he says, he's not ready.

1:33:02What does that mean? He doesn't want to go out. He doesn't want to live on his own. Yeah. He doesn't have any buddies close enough to him that he'd want to have a, um, a roommate. Yeah. But he does want to make a hundred thousand dollars worth of financial decisions and not study or not, or get in trouble with the school and lose your scholarship. he does want to make big boy decisions when it comes to just walking out and buying a truck he can't afford. And, and, and it's very, um, there's nothing that you can say concrete that says, but I will be in one year, right? What will happen that will cause you to be ready in one year.

1:33:42Do you see what I'm saying? What can he point back to? What, what, what are the steps that will be taken that will let me know that, I don't know, just emotionally or socially, you'll be ready to do that in one year. even. Our friend Henry Cloud says this, often one of the greatest gifts we can give our adult children, and this is so hard, one of the greatest gifts we can give them is the consequences of their own problems.

1:34:12And my guess is you've been bailing him out for most of his life. and there will come a day when the bailout stops the sooner and the more preserved y 'all's relationship is the better yeah okay and the good news is here's the thing jennifer it's not like you're saying and the door is locked and you can never come he can come over for dinner i'm sure as much as he wants he can come over and watch the game he can come over and you can do his He's going to do his laundry at your house. But he's going to throw a grown-up temper tantrum. It's not fair. I can't believe you're doing this to me. All that stuff.

1:34:50And he's going to throw an age-appropriate temper tantrum. We should have held these boundaries back when he was 12, back when he was 15. Now he's 23. So we're going to have to weather that storm. But we're going to stay sturdy in that storm and stick to our guns on that. What's the greatest thing for 30-year-old him, 28-year-old him? it's some really firm boundaries from mom about what she will and will not accept

1:35:33hey guys dave ramsey here every day on the show we help people work through real money problems and figure out what to do next. Now you can get that same kind of help anytime with Ask Ramsey. Ask your money question and get answers built on Ramsey principles we use on the show. Whether you're making a decision or just want something explained, Ask Ramsey is here to help. It's fast, simple, and free to use. Go to RamseySolutions.com and try Ask Ramsey today. That's RamseySolutions.com.

1:36:22so here's the deal guys uh we wish we could get to every call and question on the show but that's just not possible so if you have a money question and you want an answer for your situation, head over to our website and use the Ask Ramsey, okay? Ask Ramsey is our free AI tool that's built and trained on proven Ramsey principles. You'll get an answer the same way that we'd answer it right here on the show. Ask your question today at ramseysolutions.com or click, I'm sorry, or if you're watching on YouTube or listening to the podcast, just click the link in the description. All right. All right.

1:37:02All right. Going over to Timothy, who's in Albany, New York. Timothy, how can we help today? Yeah. Hi, guys. How's it going? Doing good. I was just curious. So I'm 25 years old. I'm married. I have a two-year-old and I have about$5 ,000 to my name. I'm expecting$11 ,000 tax return because of extra withholdings from last year. The only debt that I have, you know, we rent and stuff and we have cars that we paid cash for. The only debt I have is my wife's student loans, which are around $12 ,000. So I'm curious, and I can tell you the interest rates on each one of her loans, if you'd like, but I'm curious if I should take this$11 ,000 that I'm getting from the tax return and pay off the majority of that debt and be left a very minimal, what do you call it, backup fund, emergency fund.

1:37:57Or if I should put that into like a savings account or something, maybe a CD that gets 3 % or something high and have it just counteract the interest while I'm paying it off, it's very low payment monthly. I liked your first idea. $11 ,000 is the refund amount? yeah and 12 000 is a student loans amount yeah and then you have did you say you had 5 000 in cash somewhere yes i would pay off as soon as you get that refund i'd pay off the entire balance of the student loans and i'd use one thousand dollars from your your savings bro you're about to be free that's awesome free so you think yeah but i mean it's just a scary place being the only person that makes income.

1:38:41It's scary to be debt free. I've never heard anyone say it's scary to be debt free. This is a risk placement. It's where you're placing your risk and it happens all the time. So you're, you're, you're, you're not different than a lot of folks that call in. When you're talking about fear, it's kind of like, oh, I'm really scared that something will happen. Right. And what could be the worst thing that happens? You lose your job in this situation. yeah okay so you lose your job let's just play it out you lose your job and instead of using the tax refund you you know just just before you lost your job you put the tax refund over in savings and so now you've got you know sixteen thousand dollars in savings still got the twelve thousand student loans and now you've lost your job first thing is like okay i've lost my job i'm only going to pay for the most important things right so now you're trying to scrimp on things and you're like maybe I won't pay the student loan.

1:39:37And now suddenly that student loan payment is even more like punishing to you because you're like, I'm having to take money that I don't have. And I'm having to pay that bill every single month. That is stressful. Whereas if you say, Hey, if I lower my, if I lower my expense, it takes to live by paying off my debt. And I have some money saved some money. If the worst happens and I lose my job, it costs hardly anything to even operate my life because I have no debt. I don't have to worry about bill collectors calling me. Nobody can take anything from me. Nobody can come after me because I don't have any debt.

1:40:13And the good news is, let's pretend you had a couple of months. How quickly could you save back up the$5 ,000 that you had? You're going from four to five or from five to four, I should say. How quickly could you put another$1 ,000 there? a thousand i i'm not sure and um my wife and i have just started our uh super budgeting uh i've been doing most of finances since we got married and surely you could do it quickly without without a student loan payment yeah and without any other debt i don't think we're even paying on it right now okay then that means that we're just growing on you like a cancer uh-huh uh-huh what do you make every month?

1:40:56I make around 5 ,000. My wife makes 200 bucks. Okay. So with no, with no debt, you think in two months you can muster up 5 ,000, 500 bucks this month and 500 bucks next month somehow by cutting back? Yeah, probably. I think you could, you'd have to cut back a little bit, but I think you could do that. And then you're right back money. Savings wise, you're right back where you were and you have no debt. And can we call out one other thing? Have you going to fix your withholding? I've, I've upped for, so I just got a new job a couple of months ago and I'm not withholding this year. I just got a job right at the start of this year, but last year I was withholding.

1:41:34So if you think about it, um, this isn't new money. The government just took about a thousand bucks a month from you and held it for you interest free. That's right. And then they gave it back to you. So if you'd been making that a thousand bucks a month or I mean closer to 900 bucks a month all year, this student loan would have been paid down another 10 grand this year. Yeah. And so you're going to get what is the equivalent of a thousand dollar a month raise that you should have had all along in that. Yeah. It was your money all along. And so dude, I know that is a good point. And I've been paying.

1:42:09So being 25 years old, paying for everything is stressful. I just, uh, just about turned 26. I'm off my parents' health insurance. So that's$150 a week. Yeah. Okay. But can I, can I, can I do something that doesn't get done enough? Can I celebrate you, man? Cause I hear a ton of young men just opting out completely of responsibility, of fear, of things that like don't have certain outcomes. They're just quitting. And you looked and said, you know what? I'm going to go in. I'm going to commit all in with one person to get married. we're gonna go do another terrifying thing we're gonna combine our finances we're gonna do another terrifying thing we're gonna make a human maybe even more like dude i want to celebrate you because what you're going to find on the other end of this responsibility is purpose and deep deep value and more joy more fear yes but more joy than you could have ever imagined on the other side so i applaud you brother for going in at 25 and you're feeling the weight of that squat bar dude of taking care of a family, that's where you get stronger.

1:43:17That's where all the good stuff in your life is going to come from. And I'm proud of you, brother. Appreciate it. The Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Listen, choose freedom. Don't chase interest rates. Choose as for me and my household. Nobody will ever own us. And that just means I'm not going to borrow money. That's a slave to the lender, right? That's exactly right. I'm opting out. I appreciate it, guys. I'm proud of you, man. Call us back into your debt-free screen, man. We're proud of you. I love that. That was so nice, John. People don't, men don't say nice things to other men enough. I've got to change that.

1:43:53Most of the guys in my life are, the way we tell each other that we love each other is by making fun of each other. Right. And that's funny. And that's 99 % of my communication with my friends. But it's one of the things I want to make different this year is if I see a man out in the wild, like trying to make a difference in his home, in his family tree, in his community. It's a big deal. I'm gonna call it out because we need more men seeing each other and saying, okay, I've got another brother in arms on this one. Yeah. And listen, the ladies, we can help with that too, huh? I mean, yeah. Just to like, I've seen you write this on social media and I think it's a great post.

1:44:32So I'm gonna say it the wrong way. But I saw you post one time about like, like grab your husband and like grab his face and just look at him and say, I'm proud of you. Thank you. Oh, man. You're working hard and I see that. You want to melt the man in your life? I'm going to do it tonight. Grab your husband by the face and look him in the eye and put your forehead on his forehead and just say, I'm so grateful for you. I'm proud of you. Shoot. All right, Sam Warshaw, get ready. That'll end him. That'll end him. That will end him. I can see it. The most common thing I hear from men behind closed doors is two things.

1:45:04One, I don't know why my wife doesn't like me. Oh, no. And often when they ask that, I can say like, well, it's these 14 things, right? But the other thing is they tell me in private, I wish she could just understand that I do all of this for her. It's an audience of one. And here's the deal. We go where we're celebrated. And if you're not your spouse's biggest cheerleader, somebody else or some other thing will be. And so however hard it is, however difficult it is, man, if you're married to a good one, man or woman. Let them know. Let them know and celebrate them. It just it means the world.

1:45:46It does. All right, Sam Warshaw, you already know. You already know.

1:46:14If you've been working the plan, paying off debt, saving, and changing your family tree, I'm proud of you. And if you're in Baby Step 4 or beyond, it's time to celebrate. The Live Like No One Else cruise is back March 14-21, 2027. Join the Ramsey personalities and me as we sail to Half Moon Key, Cozumel, Jamaica, and Grand Cayman on the ultimate debt-free vacation. Cabins will sell out just like last time. Lock in yours with a$600 deposit at RamseySolutions.com slash events.

1:47:05Peyton in Lubbock, Texas is on the line. Hi, Peyton. Hi. What's up, dude? I've been a long time listener and I'm kind of nervous to be on the line with you guys because I kind of feel like I already know what you're going to say. Uh-oh. Doug, we'll be gentle. Awesome. You get to pick the heat factor. We can bring it in gentle at a one or a two or we can bring it at a nine or ten. Then you let us know. Let's go with an eight. All right. Buckle up. Okay. So kind of a loaded question today, and it goes back. I started listening to the Ramsey show in 2020 when I was incarcerated, and when I got out, I started doing things the right way.

1:47:49Um, and then I lost my job and fell back into debt and, um, found another job, but it didn't pan out. Fast forward four failed jobs later. And I get hit by a train. Um, this was last, this past June and you got hit by a train. Holy moly. Yes, bro. Your life is a love the country song, man. So, um, I'm used to doing mostly manual labor in my life. Um, I recently got married. Um, so that's a plus. Um, my wife and I combined finances and I'm going through all of our debts the other day and I'm realizing that we're a hundred thousand dollars in debt and I can't work yet. And so I started looking for a part-time job recently.

1:48:47She only makes$12.50 an hour, so she doesn't really make a whole lot as far as income. She's had a really hard time keeping a steady job for the last four years, and I just don't know what to do. I don't know where to turn. I'm at a loss. I've crawled my way out of debt three times in my life, and I'm beside myself right now. On top of that, I have a$750 a month child support obligation that I am unable to pay. So my kids are going without, and I'm just beside myself. Hey, brother, I want to applaud you for calling, man. This is a hard phone call, isn't it?

1:49:45Yeah. Yeah. I'm grateful that you called. So some of the debts are, she's got$5 ,000, almost$6 ,000 in student loans. They have been deferred until this year. And so now she's having to start paying on those. Okay. And because I've been in and out of work for about two years now, I've already got back child support debts. How much?

1:50:28I've got about$10 ,000 on one kid and about$5 ,000 on the other. Let me ask you, dude, the way you're telling us your story, you fell into debt, you got – like, the jobs went away. If you were to look in the mirror and take full ownership here, why do you keep getting laid off of work? Are you not showing up on time? There's construction going – like, I was just in Lubbock a couple of weeks ago. There's construction projects all over the place. So I recently moved to Texas. I got hit by the train. My wife is from a little small town outside of Lubbock. And so when I got hit by the train, she was already here.

1:51:18I just moved in with her. What's your medical status? When are you going to be able to get back after it? There's so much opportunity for those who will pick up a shovel and get after it in Lubbock, Texas. Well, like I said, I'm already looking for a part-time position. Well, abilities, I have a fused elbow, and so shoveling is not exactly a thing I can do. Yeah, that's really challenging. Yeah. When that happened, I mean, I, I don't know any other way to say it, so I don't, I don't want it to sound, um, rude, but were you at fault or was there, was there fault? Is there, is there any thing that's going to come up?

1:52:02I was definitely at fault. Um, I was definitely at fault for the train accident. Um, I was, I found myself making$50 a week, uh, at the sales position. It was a traveling door to door sales position where they promised the world and never deliver. Um, so I, uh, I was making$50 a week and barely able to have food. She was working the same job with me and she couldn't make it either. So she decided to go home and I had seen what happens when people leave the company when they don't have anything. So I wasn't about to get dropped off in a bus station with nothing. And so I was, I tried to jump a train home and it didn't work.

1:52:54It was going faster than I thought and it caught me. So let me ask you this. Are you ready to change everything? Absolutely. If you only knew, my friend. Okay. All right. So here's my call out. Number one, when you get off this call, I want you to call over to Family Counseling Services. I think they're off Avenue Q over there in Lubbock. Okay. And they have sliding scale and they support folks who are struggling financially, but you got to get in and sit with somebody. Okay. You got a lot of demons in your back, right? Yeah. Okay. Number two, you can't kind of look for a part-time job. You've got to make it your life's mission to get two jobs by the end of this week.

1:53:43And I'm putting that pressure on you because I think you can. And they're not going to be fun, and you're going to be exhausted, and you're going to be sore. But I want you to commit to it. Because what you need right now, more than anything, is a bunch of little wins. And these debt collectors can ask all day long, but, bro, you got kids, and I want to get those guys squared up. And you do, too. I can hear your voice, right? Yeah. All right, so let the bill collectors keep calling you for a minute. You don't have anything anyway.

1:54:18and your wife has got to either get the help she needs or she's got to make a commitment i'm going to go get a second job i can't just can't just put her by on 12 50 an hour she's she's actually about to get a nine dollar an hour well 8 50 an hour raise awesome as soon as she's yeah as soon as she gets this test done okay Listen to me. Jade and I are going to give you and her the premium every dollar app because you know as well as I do. We already have the premium every dollar app because we're in Financial Peace University currently through our church. Sweet. Good, good. The worst thing that can happen is you all get an$8 an hour raise or$9 raise and you don't budget it because it will disappear faster than you get it, right?

1:55:05Right. Right. So we're going to be we're going to be militant in our discipline when it comes to our spending and our budgeting. And we're going to have to go for walks. We're going to have to go over there to Severe Park and go for and go. I mean, go for walks together. We're going to have to get it. I don't know, a soccer ball and kick it. We're going to do stuff that didn't cost any money because that's where we are right now. Right. Right. And if you'll go get a job, you'll get two jobs and you commit to a year of being uncomfortable. you're already uncomfortable commit to being uncomfortable in a direction that's going to change your life right you know what I'm saying yeah go sit down with the counselor over there who will work with you and say I'm ready to change some of the stuff I've been put sit down some of that crap I've been carrying for all these years

1:55:57You get what I'm saying? absolutely we both think you can do it man also you know what hang on the line we're gonna send you a copy of ken coleman's find the work you're wired to do i want you to take the career assessment inside of it it's incredibly insightful and begin to ask yourself not just after a year of survival jobs what do i actually want to do what can i do in this local community here in this great city of lubbock texas what can i do that's going to contribute to this city, to the people who are where I used to be. And now you're talking about changing everything in your life. But you need some little wins, brother.

1:56:36Hang on the line. We'll get choked up with some resources. We're your number one and two fan.

1:56:54Hey guys, what's up? It's Jade and I'm pumped for the new year and I hope you are too. But the problem is most people start the new year with a lot of promises and no real plan. You know how it is. I'm going to save money or I'm going to get my financial act together. But without a plan, you just wing it and hope it works out. Listen, don't play yourself. I want you to win, and our EveryDollar app is the game changer you need. In 15 minutes, EveryDollar helps you build a plan based on where you're at with money right now. And every day, the app coaches you with ways to find extra money so you can beat debt and build wealth faster.

1:57:32It's like having me in your pocket, helping you stay on track all year long. So don't just wish your money works out. You can be the one to actually make it happen this year. Download the EveryDollarBudget app and get started right now for free.

1:58:00The Ramsey Show's scripture and quote of the day, 2 Corinthians 9.10. Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. Thomas Sowell, is that right? Sowell said this. It's OK to have your eggs in one basket as long as you control what happens to that basket. All right. I'm with you, Thomas. I'm with you. All right. Anna is in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Hi, Anna. How can we help today? Hi. Thank you so much for taking my call. You bet. Um, so I guess I'll just get straight to the point. And if you need more details, just let me know.

1:58:39Um, so my question is, how do I buy a house with my fiance when I do not have a credit score or recent rent or loan history? Why don't you have any of that? How were you living before? I so I am a long term Ramsey listener back in 2023 I paid off all of my student loan debt of like 49 ,000 so um after that I was living with my parents for a little bit and now my fiance and I are getting married this August so I've never had a rent payment and um yeah my student loan histories, like the loan providers say that it's too long ago to count for anything. So it's hard to get approved. What about your fiance, who will be your husband?

1:59:29What's his scenario? Because if you guys buy this house, it'll be together, no? Correct. Yes, correct. So he actually has, he's debt free too. But he has had like a line of credit since he's been 18. He's been very responsible with his money. So he does have a really good credit score. So when we go into loan providers to get approved, he gets approved and then I get approved for nothing basically. Okay. So they're going to go, it's going to go one, one way or the other. You're either going to go like the zero credit score underwriting way, or you're going to go the credit score using his credit score way.

2:00:08In your case, the only, I mean, I can go through the requirements, but I think you already know this. You have to show 12 months of documented rental history. And it's not by amount. It's just showing that you were good for a payment for 12 months. So unless you're in some way going to postpone buying this house, I mean, I don't know. When's the wedding? The wedding is in August. Okay. Yeah. Other thing is... So for manual unwriting, you have to show 12 months? Yeah. You have to show 12 months of documented rental history. You have to show 12 months of other trade lines, things like cell phones, utilities, insurance payments.

2:00:47You have to show actual money. So you have to show income for the last 12 months, 24 months if you're self-employed, and also provide pay stubs for the last 30 days if you're self-employed. And yeah, so that's a necessity. So I have two thoughts on what you've said. One is you can just say, okay, my husband has a credit score and it's really, really good. We'll just get a mortgage using that. No one's going to fault you for that. If he still has a credit score and it's still really good by then. So you could go that route. Second thought, though, that I have is what's the rush to buy a house so quickly?

2:01:22You will, you will have just gotten married. Usually we'd say, you know, wait a year at the very least six months. Yeah, I definitely see what you're saying. We're definitely not opposed to renting. I think It's just the fact that we've been pretty good at, I mean, we followed the Dave Ramsey. I have followed the Dave Ramsey plan, and we've saved quite a bit, and we're ready, I guess, if we wanted to be. But we're not opposed to renting, I guess, if that's what you're hearing. It's just if we come across something we really love, we would love to put in an offer. But otherwise, we totally find renting.

2:01:56If you are a long-term Ramsey listener, can I throw one thing else at you? Yeah. And you know what I'm going to say? Yeah, I think so. You put yourself—Jade and I would only have jobs. Dave, Ken, Rachel, George, all of us, we'd only have jobs if—because people have these plans, and the plans don't work out like they hoped. So I cannot tell you—there won't be anyone else in the world other than your family rooting for you and your marriage more than me. I'm the world's biggest fan of marriage. Okay. And I only have a job because people get engaged and then it falls apart. And so, you know, I'm going to tell you this.

2:02:44I would not buy anything with somebody that I didn't have the legal protection of being married with first. And so even if that is nothing else to say, let's rent. Let's get married. Let's live together. Let's figure out distance from grocery stores and distance from our favorite music clubs and distance from our church. Whatever we want to do, let's get all that settled before we anchor ourselves to a home. Especially when we don't have, when you don't have, neither of you all have the protection, the legal protection of being legally married. Yeah, I agree. That's just what I would tell my friends.

2:03:27That's what I would tell my sister. That's what I would tell my daughter. That's what I would tell my son. So I'm telling you what I would tell the people closest to me. No, I agree with that. I've definitely heard you all say that before, and it has crossed both of our minds. And I know y 'all are special. Only other people have issues, right? I get that. I get that. But that's just something to think through. No, yeah, for sure. So have you tried the manual underwriting process with a loan officer yet? Yes. And it's the 12 months of rent history that I keep running into. So I've tried to give them my student loan payments that I paid back.

2:04:08Yeah, but those are trade lines. It's not the same. It really does hit different. So I think this is a, let's call this... Divine intervention? Yeah, this is a sign. This is a sign that is maybe you're not quite ready. I mean, clearly you yourself are not quite ready because you don't have the necessary things in place. And then if you guys get married and you guys go in on this, obviously, together as husband and wife, it might make sense, like I said, to do everything based on what he's showing on his side. Because either way, it's going to run one way or the other. You're going to go based on manual underwriting with a zero credit score or it's going to go based on his side with a credit score.

2:04:52so and know this banks only make money when well it's not completely true but they generally make money when they make loans and so if if a bank looks at you and says we don't feel comfortable giving you this money take that take take their word for it you know what i mean even if you're like dude i have a great job i've got plenty of money in the bank whatever all right fine. We'll sock away more cash. We'll rent a small little place. We'll spend our time not worrying about the roof and the air conditioner, but just worrying about getting to know each other even better. And then we'll buy a house down the road.

2:05:30Yeah. Or, you know, right today, you could start paying your parents some little bit of rent today and pay that through August or September, whenever it is you're getting married. And then you and your guy rents an apartment for three months and then you're square. You're ready to go. Or write your parents a thousand dollar check for back rent. I don't know that. Does that work? Can you do that? That sounds a little shady. That sounds a little shady, John. No fraud. No fraud. Run that one back. Okay. Yeah. So you've got some options, some of which are fraud. I'm sorry. That was funny. Yeah. Hopefully we can talk some sense into this for you.

2:06:13I agree wholeheartedly with John. I would just wait. All signs are pointing towards wait. If you wait, you have everything you need. You can buy the house together. It's fully secure. Everything is on the other side of waiting for this. So that is what I would suggest. And a muscle for you and your new husband to begin to exercise is you both really want a thing, but the timing's just not right yet. And learning to be frustrated together, to grieve together, to be annoyed together, both towards the same thing, that actually will make you all stronger in the long run. That's so good, John. That's a word.

2:06:48Practice that, because you're going to want a new Tahoe. You're not going to have the money for it. You're going to want a third kid, but timing is just not right. You're going to want things, and y 'all are going to be frustrated together. Start practicing that right now. Have you ever noticed, okay, here's a quick food for thought for the end of the show. When you're broke, and I'm not saying they are, have you noticed that when you're broke, you want so much? There's so much that you want to buy and go, do and everything feels like, oh, like anguishing to wait. Why not? Why not? Yeah. And then when you can finally get it, you're like, oh, I maybe didn't want it anyway.

2:07:18I just want to go bet at nine. You just wanted the option. You just wanted the option of saying, I can choose. That's right. You know, it's just something to that. Oh my gosh. What a great time. Hey guys, remember there's ultimately only one way to financial peace and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus.

2:07:41Thank you.