Stop Expecting Different Results From the Same Mistakes

24:55Dave Ramsey:How much backup do you need, the great Walinda? I agree. What are you doing, some kind of high-wire trapeze act? You've got$280 ,000 in backup. This is insanity. Yeah, yeah. I agree. I would like to pay the principal down. Okay, so how much do you owe on your home? So we owe$329 ,000 and our interest rate is$2.875 ,000. Okay. So here's what I would do if I woke up in your shoes. Okay. Now, I currently own about$650 million in real estate. That's my point of perspective, and I started from being broke, okay, after having lost everything. If I woke up in your shoes, I would put$250 ,000 down on that house and have a$30 ,000 emergency fund by the end of the day.

25:54Dave Ramsey:Because I know that the data tells me, not only in my own life, but the 10 ,167 millionaires that we studied, that the millionaires that became millionaires starting from nothing, which is 89 % of them, that's 9 out of 10 in America, became millionaires starting from nothing. Here's what they did. They paid off their house early and used the increased cash flow to build wealth, and they systematically and steadily invested year after year after year after year in their 401ks and their Roth IRAs and good mutual funds. So when we run into a millionaire that's 47, and they've got$1.7 million in net worth, it's typically$700 ,000,$800 ,000 paid for house,$700 ,000,$800 ,000 in their 401k.

26:48Dave Ramsey:And that's not your broke relatives with an opinion. Those are millionaires. Yeah. So we're only doing 5 % of our 401k because my wife's a stay-at-home mom, and I only make about like$85 ,000 a year. Okay, I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I thought you said you were doing baby steps 4, 5, and 6, and you're not. So you're going to have to do that before we have a discussion. And if you want to beef up your emergency fund to$40 ,000 or$50 ,000 even just to be crazy, that's okay. But$280 ,000 is moronic. That's just ridiculous. Okay? And you guys need to get your budget tightened up. If you have zero debt, which I'm now questioning if you do or not, except your home, and you're putting 15 % of your income away for retirement, it you ought to have room in your budget regardless of the daycare issue so something else is wrong so dude you're gonna have to dial in do the stuff we're talking about in order for us to say you're doing the stuff you're talking about and you're not so um we got to figure that part out but reason is you guys have been piling up cash over on the left so that tells me you're making money and you're good savers you're just crummy at selecting where because you're taking advice from broke relatives.

27:59Dave Ramsey:So, okay. Guys, if broke people are making fun of your financial plan, it's like fat people making fun of your diet, okay? Come on. You got to think through this. It's just silliness. If you walk in and you hire a personal trainer and they're 450 pounds, you made a mistake, okay? It's a problem. And so you've got to go, you know, it's like these people that say, I'm a life coach, and they've never had a life. So that's a problem, okay? So you should actually have some background, some experience, some track record, some what we call social proof to move forward. Yeah, something's off. I'd love to see their budget because for them to be able to stack away that much cash and still say he's$500 in the red every month, just a couple of things are off.

28:50And I think it's got to be some fundamentals. I don't think it's

28:53Dave Ramsey:crazy living no obviously not crazy living because they couldn't save that kind of money yeah but something's going they're probably chunking money in there instead of doing their baby step four properly which is 15 of your household income not counting the match going into retirement that's baby step four which by the way if you start that at 33 years old and you have an average household income when you get to 67 you're going to have on average somewhere around nine million dollars just in that one account. If you just save 15 % of your income for 25 or 30 years, if that's all you do, okay? And that's if you never get a raise, which if you don't get a raise for 30 years, you're like a loser, okay?

29:33Dave Ramsey:So, I mean, seriously, this is a wealth-building process that bar none, but you've got to actually do it. It's not a theory. All right. AJ's in Bowling Green. AJ, what's up? Hey, how's it going today? Great. How can we help? Okay, so I'm 70. I just retired. I have two adult children, and I'm trying to figure out. Up to this point, I have not got a will. And after going to about 10 funerals in the last six months, I figure it's about time to actually do something. But I can't figure out if I need a will or a trust. A will. I had one guy tell me I didn't. A will? Yeah, you need a will. Kentucky doesn't have an inheritance tax, dude.

30:22Dave Ramsey:Okay. You got zero inheritance tax. There's nothing to dodge there. There's no probate tax. So you're going to leave the money to your kids, right? I am. Yeah, you don't need a trust. You need a will. Okay. And so you can do a really simple, quick, easy will at mamabearlegalforms.com, and you can have it done before you lay your head on the pillow tonight, which, A.J., you've got to get this done. I know. Those funerals are God's way of winking at you. You know, I'm the same way. I'm 64. I go to a lot of funerals. Yeah. So it's like, yeah. So, yeah, you got to get your stuff done, man. Because if you don't, it's all going to be screwed up.

31:04Dave Ramsey:Now, what's your net worth? How much is your net worth? Okay. It's between three. Here's my breakdown. And it's real simple. I got a rental house that's paid off. That's worth about 220. A condo I live in. I've always lived below my means. It's$120 ,000. I got$50 ,000 in savings and$30 ,000 in paid off cars and no debt other than a small payment on this condo. Well, you're in good shape. You're going to be fine. You're going to be able to eat. That's a good thing. But you need to make you a little list called a will, your last will and testament, dude. If I were you, I'd jump on Mama Bear legal forms.

31:39Dave Ramsey:With your estate size, it's not a problem to use that. It's going to lead you right through it. You'll be done in a couple of hours, and you never have to think about it again.

32:04Switching banks can be a hassle, and I totally get that. But when Winston and I opened up our Fairwinds account, we were shocked by how quick and easy it was. It just took a few minutes online. We didn't have to block off an entire afternoon or track down paperwork. And the next day, we got a personal call from a Fairwind specialist just checking in. I couldn't believe it when I answered my phone. And I was talking to them. I was like, y 'all are the nicest people. Now, if you're working hard to save money, get out of debt, and build a future, you should have a bank that supports that, not fights it.

32:36That's why I recommend Fairwinds. They created the Smart Checking and Savings Bundle specifically for Ramsey fans. Plus, they have a great app and you have access to over 33 ,000 fee-free ATMs and more than 5 ,000 shared credit union branches across the country. So you can have access and withdraw your money just like you're used to, no matter where you live. Don't settle for a bank that slows down your progress. Make sure you choose one that helps build you up and helps you win with money. Visit fairwinds.org slash Ramsey and open your smart bundle today. fairwinds.org slash Ramsey fairwinds.org slash Ramsey fairwinds is federally insured by the NCUA

33:35Dave Ramsey:if you're tired of living paycheck to paycheck feeling like you can't get ahead join one of our free every dollar trainings. There are new trainings every week this month, and they're all hosted by one of the Ramsey personalities. Rachel Cruz, George Camel, Jade Barshaw will be there, one of them, and they're going to show you how to stick to a budget, even find, here's the average, this is crazy. We walk you through how to do this and follow the baby steps exactly the way we teach. The typical person is finding right now$9 ,560 of margin that they didn't know they have. That's called a head start.

34:12Dave Ramsey:It's money laying over in the corner. We can drag it out of the corner, throw it at the debt, or we cut stuff, and it becomes a permanent part of your budget. It's very cool how fast you can move once you get a plan and you've got somebody to know how to guide you through it. And there's Q &A, live Q &A during this. So sign up for the free RamseySolutions.com slash webinar, the free every-dollar training, RamseySolutions.com slash webinar with one of the Ramsey personalities. We're going to walk you through not only just the budget stuff, but also let's use the budget to go somewhere, like become wealthy and outrageously generous.

34:44Dave Ramsey:And, man, there you go. Very cool stuff. Dee is in British Columbia. Hi, Dee. How are you? Hey, guys. I'm hoping you can help me with a business-related problem or challenge. I'm just about to start a life transition, and I want to know what I should prioritize and how I should go about starting my business when it comes time. What kind of business are we talking about? So I'm a journeyman carpenter. I've been working in timber framing production and installation as well as mass timber for the last three and a half, four years. and I want to start my own timber frame installation and mass timber installation company.

35:30How expensive is that to get off the ground? So the way I see it, it scales almost all the way down and almost all the way up. I have a lot of tools myself and because I would be doing the installation side and not the production side, I can imagine getting started for less than$5 ,000 doing smaller residential projects and sort of scaling up from there. And what are you making now in your current job? My current job, my base is$38 an hour, which is roughly$80 ,000 regular time, but I do work overtime. So I'm guessing it's roughly around$100 ,000, and my wife also makes about$38 ,000. So we're grossing somewhere around$120 ,000 to$130 ,000 a year.

36:21Do you have any debt? No debt. We're in baby step 3B. So we are trying to, well, we haven't yet started saving up for a down payment, but we're done the emergency fund. We have about$17 ,000 for that. And yeah, and the transition is that we have been living apart for the last few years. And so we're moving in together as well. so you know I want to prioritize having time in that relationship it's been really hard to consistently budget and do all these things together we've been having weekly meetings but obviously when you only talk you know about these things once a week it can get challenging so I do want to prioritize like really coming together and being cohesive and not putting too much on my plate all at once.

37:07I think that's a good idea.

37:08Dave Ramsey:Just being in the same town will give you time to do that. That's, that's, you don't have to like not work three days a week to do that. Um, so no, not at all. But you're talking about, you want to prioritize that not launching the new business, correct? Well, I feel like I just have a lot of, a lot of goals. Like we want to buy a house soon. Um, I'm also almost done building a cabin where I'm moving from. So you can't do it all. So here's the deal. Bottom line is, is the current job is not just sustaining you, but it's also... It's a different city from his wife. Yeah. Oh, you're moving to her?

37:47I missed that detail. Yes, yes, yes. I'm moving to her. Okay. Well, I don't think it's wise to start a business from scratch while doing all this. If I could work for somebody else and then start that business on the side, because it's a pretty big risk. And here's what I can think of. Here you are moving to actually be in the same house with your wife. So now we're learning how to live together. And then this added pressure of supporting yourself with this fledgling new business. If it were me, I would attempt to take the current skill and trade that I have, and I would move to a new location and get something making same or more if I could, and then slowly start the business on the side.

38:27D, what's the cabin going to sell for? That's a hard question, but I wasn't planning to sell it.

38:35Dave Ramsey:You're not living there. You're moving to another city. Yeah, so the way it is right now, the land that it's on, there's already property management going on there. And so I was planning to have the people who are already managing the other properties do Airbnb and keeping it as a vacation home. And I've been cash flowing this for— You have never met an idea you didn't like. You are so freaking ADD, man. You're going to fail in business. Okay. You've got to decide. Ken's right. You're going to have to decide to do one thing. It's your only possible way to be in business. Airbnb in a cabin that you built with your own hands on the other side of British Columbia while you move to the other side and you try to start a business from the ground up and you're trying to be newly married and we're trying to save up and buy a house.

39:23Dave Ramsey:Oh, my God. let me tell you how many of these things are not going to work all of them are not going to work because you're not going to be good at any of them jack of all trades master of none no focus whatsoever the people that win focus so decide which one comes first and until the next thing so if i'm you okay it's gonna be hard to talk you into this because you're what 24 how old are you i'm 32 dave 32 okay it's gonna be hard to talk you into this but if i woke up in your shoes your wife is your number one priority you did say that and i agree with that by the way that also will lead you to success hello uh because marriage is grand divorce is 50 grand so there you go so um if i'm you i'm selling the b i'm not going to run an airbnb halfway across the moon no way uh that's a that's a nightmare looking for a place to happen i'm going to sell the crap out of that and go, I'm going to put that money in my pocket and I'm going to go home and spend some time with my wife.

40:23Dave Ramsey:We are not going to talk about buying a house for two years. We're going to rent something cheap and we're going to launch this business and we're going to be married. Now, that's if this other question comes through and you tell me this, Dee. The area that you're moving to, what's the economy like? Is it booming, dead, or middle?

40:48I don't have a firm idea, but I think that it's probably on the upper side of, it's probably not booming, booming. What's the city? It's Edmonton, Alberta.

40:58Dave Ramsey:Okay, when you drive through Edmonton and Alberta, how many cranes are in the air? Quite a few. There's lots of construction going on. Okay, that's what I'm looking for. All right, there's stuff moving there. It's not dead. It's a good city. It is a good city, by the way. Yes. I agree. It's a good city. so i think you can go there and you can make 50 to 100 000 your first year if you bust your hump and you don't worry about an airbnb across the thing and you don't worry about buying a house you and your wife lock arms and get up and go swing the freaking hammer every morning in a town that's doing construction left and right and you can go make your money back i think you can get started for a little of nothing but if you try to do six things at once you're going to do none of them so you would start that you would prioritize the business even over the cabin a home yes over the cabin but you have to have an income when you move and i think you can make as much or more on your own because i think you're that guy i really think you've got the energy level the entrepreneurship to go do it and part of being an entrepreneur is being a wee bit add okay i mean I've struggled with watching squirrels my whole life, right?

42:08Dave Ramsey:Squirrel. And so, yeah. So you can do this, but you're going to have to commit to focus. I'm going to send you a book. I wrote a little 37-page book called The Momentum Theorem. Focused intensity over time multiplied by God equals unstoppable momentum. The opposite of that is no momentum, which is no good life. and it comes from focused intensity over time multiplied by the blessings of God equals unstoppable momentum. Hang on, I'm going to send you a copy of that. You need to read it because I recognize you. I've seen you in the mirror. Oh, yeah. The 33-year-old version of Dave scares the pants off of me.

42:56Dave Ramsey:Ugh.

43:22Dave Ramsey:These days, business as usual is anything but. Tariffs make trade policy a moving target. Supply chains are squeezed, and cash flow is probably tighter than ever. So if your business can't adapt in real time, you're in a world of hurt. That's why you need NetSuite by Oracle, trusted by more than 42 ,000 businesses, including Ramsey Solutions. You need to see what's happening, what's stuck, and what's costing you and how to fix it. And NetSuite is the number one cloud-based business management suite because it helps your business make the right decisions fast. It brings accounting, financial management, inventory, and HR into one place so you're not left shuffling a dozen different spreadsheets.

44:09Dave Ramsey:That gives you the visibility you need to make quick decisions based on actionable data. And NetSuite AI automates everyday tasks so your team can focus on strategy. It's one system for full control and no guesswork to tame the chaos. And right now, if you're leading a business doing more than a million dollars in annual revenue, download NetSuite's free e-book, Navigating Global Trade, three insights for leaders at netsuite.com slash Ramsey. That's netsuite.com slash Ramsey.

44:57Dave Ramsey:Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Ken Coleman, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author and host of the show Front Row Seat on the Ramsey Networks. Be sure and check it out. Check out this week's version. It dropped, I guess, a few days back with Jimmy John that started the sandwich shop. Multi-billionaire guy. It is a long-form interview, especially if you've ever wanted to be inspired. The guy is inspiring. And I've listened to it all the way through.

45:39Dave Ramsey:It's pretty incredible. Thank you. He's such a gem. And he is the American dream. And it's alive and well. Yeah. I mean, overcoming some crap, right? And then when. And not bashful. And you said he's one of the nicest people we've ever met. Yeah, he really. Don't you think? Oh, I think so. I mean, you've got a personal story there, but just couldn't it be a kinder guy, support so many people that have meant something to him? And, you know, you hear nothing but negative stuff about billionaires. Give that conversation a listen. It might change your mind about billionaires. Yeah, I have met, I think, somewhere north of 75 billionaires now and spent substantial time, not just a passing conversation.

46:25Dave Ramsey:And truthfully, only one of them was an absolute scumball. I mean, you want to go take a shower after you got done, right? But the rest of them are some of the most giving, understated, unassuming, generous people. and generous not only in the sense of giving to charity or a ministry or something like that, but just the person that holds the door when you've got a bag of groceries in your arm, you know? Just giving. And, you know, doesn't ever come to your home for dinner without, you know, some kind of something, right? Yeah, yeah. And, you know, they came to our house for dinner. He said, the world's best box of chocolates I think I've ever eaten in my life.

47:05Dave Ramsey:They're incredible. Two weeks later, they come and Sharon's like, I like this guy. Yeah, yeah. And he showed up for the interview. Just, I mean, looked like he just walked off the boat, you know, nice T-shirt, shorts. He did. He likes to fish. Couldn't be more unassuming. He loves to fish. You'd never know. Probably just landed. That's exactly right. Good stuff. Hey, check it out, guys. You'll enjoy it. It's worth the listen. Cole is with us in Tampa, Florida. Hey, Cole, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Good afternoon, gentlemen. How are you all doing? Better than we deserve. How can we help? yeah so um i just had a question um so my girlfriend and i are planning on or i'm planning on proposing in october yay within the next couple months yep so i'm very very excited for that and we're actually gonna we're planning on getting married in january so it's gonna be a pretty quick turnaround cool um but so her parents are actually going to be gifting us um fifty thousand for the wedding and then, you know, to cover those expenses and then the honeymoon and then anything else after that, we can save.

48:12Cool.

48:13Dave Ramsey:Well, you know a lot about this considering you hadn't even proposed. Very confident. I know. I know. Well, we've talked about it a lot. So we got it all down pat. Okay. But yeah, so we're planning on, we want to keep the wedding, you know, we don't want to go crazy, maybe like between 10 and 15. And honestly, weddings are super expensive right now. Yeah, they are. I was kind of surprised with some sticker shock. But, yeah, so we want to be about 10, between 10 and 15 for the wedding, and then probably I would say up to 10 for the honeymoon. So that remaining 25 to 30, we're kind of, you know, we're just kind of wondering what we should be doing with that and where that should be at.

48:54Dave Ramsey:Okay. Do you guys, either one of you have debt? Yes. So I have about$25 ,000 excluding my mortgage. Okay. What about her? And she has no debt. Okay. That doesn't surprise me. Okay. And your$25 ,000 is on what? So it's split up between my car and then two personal loans, and then I owe my parents some money because my AC went out. And what do you make? so my base salary is 45 000 but i make um this year i'm on track to make 75 000 okay all right and you're saving for a ring yes sir yep that's why we're trying to get to october okay and um all right so if you really turn on the coal turn turn on the heat and light up the coals or whatever we want to call it and go crazy and you don't do nothing except ring and debt ring and debt ring in debt until the wedding, how much of this can you clear?

49:59So we did, I mean, so, okay, so we talked about this the other night, and I have a goal of clearing out$6 ,000 of it before December, and I feel like that's kind of conservative. I think I could do it. Oh, that sucks. If I really turned it. That's horrible. Yeah. Yeah, I think if I went on beans and rice and rice and beans, I could definitely clear all of it.

50:16Dave Ramsey:I want you to clear all of it before you get married. Okay. So that means no beans, just rice. Okay. Yeah. I think you've got to get on it. I think you're going to have to get your every dollar budget out and really crank it down to nothing. Okay. And then I want you working like a maniac, so you bring little to no debt into this marriage. How much do you owe your parents? Like$3 ,500. Okay. Yeah, you definitely got to clear that. If you use the wedding money from her family to pay your parents, that's weird. Yeah. I felt the same thing. That was gross. Yeah, that's gross. I can't do that. What's your car situation?

50:55What's it worth versus what you owe? Yeah, so my car, I would say it's worth, I looked at the Kelly Blue Book how long ago, it's about between$10 ,000 and$12 ,000, and I owe like just over$6 ,000 on it.

51:09Dave Ramsey:Yeah, if you're making$75 ,000, you clear your parents, you clear the car. And what was the other one? So it's a$3 ,000 or$3 ,100 personal loan, and then the other one is like a$12 ,000 personal loan. Okay. All right. So if the$12 ,000 personal loan is the largest one, it sounds like, so it's at the bottom of your debt snowball, you're in attack, everything's gone but that and most of it should be gone. Okay. You got six months. Ready, set, go. Crank it, baby. Get it. $75 ,000. I need$25 ,000 to be done in a year. And so I need$14 ,000,$15 ,000,$16 ,000,$18 ,000 or whatever to be done. Yeah, you can't quite make it, but you might get so close.

51:56Dave Ramsey:Then you're not using much of this money, this leftover money, to pay off your debt, which is what I'm trying to avoid. Yes, sir. I also left out buying a ring. So that's also going to be even harder. But, yeah. But if you get everything done but that$12 ,000 loan, I'm probably – You got stuff in that house you can sell? Not much. It's a bachelor pattern. Me and my brother are here. Sell your bean bag. Yeah, okay. All right. So, yeah, I – all right. So, number one, you're going to work on the debt as hard as you can. And how expensive a ring are we talking about? So she's actually going to be listening to this.

52:40Oh, don't say.

52:41Dave Ramsey:Don't say then. That's good. Thank you for bringing that up. Okay, I didn't think of that. Yeah. All right, so I want you to budget the ring and the debt and the wedding and be very, very careful. And then when you guys clear that, clear and come home from the honeymoon, then you can decide what you're going to do with this money. If you're going to pay off the rest of your debt, which is probably what you're going to do. But not parents. You need to clear the parents before you get there. That's icky. Also, on the wedding, be sure and put a number down. Do a full budget like it's a project. The dress is going to be this much.

53:15Dave Ramsey:The videographer is going to be this much. The catering is going to be this much. Every dollar and make sure that total fits. And then you have to manage the people into that. Otherwise, you'll bust that wedding budget wide open.

53:41Okay, Rachel, the internet officially knows too much about all of us. So much, George. I mean, our names, our addresses, even our relatives' names. And what's crazy is even if you opt out, data broker websites can still get your info. Don't like that. And just a year ago, get this, the average person had about 300 pieces of personal data floating around online. Now it's over 600. It has doubled in a year. Guys, that is so concerning because that info then can be used in phishing scams, impersonation, and even harassment. That's why George and I both use and love Delete Me. Yes, Delete Me scrubs your personal info from hundreds of these data broker sites, not just once, but all year long.

54:18And there's real privacy experts behind the scenes doing this, not bots. So this is digital hygiene we all need. We all need it. And then they will send you a detailed report showing exactly where they found your data and what they removed. and you can even request custom removals if you have something specific you want them to look out for. Exactly. And this is not being paranoid. This is staying protected. And so far, Delete Me has removed my info from 240 listings and saved me 94 hours of time it would have taken me to do it. I love it. And you guys, in a world where strangers can Google your grandma and get enough info to scam her in just two clicks, Delete Me gives you peace of mind.

54:54Yes. So go to joindeliteme.com slash Ramsey for 20 % off. And that discount brings their annual plans down to about$9 a month. So go check it out. JoinDeleteMe.com slash Ramsey. Thank you.

55:36found him passed away.

55:38Dave Ramsey:Oh, wow. That's weird. Yeah. Well, I mean, he had diabetes and didn't take care of it very well. How old was he? So he would have been 50 next month. How long y 'all been divorced? Since March. Oh, just the other day. Okay. Wow. Yeah. And so that's how you had access to the house? I mean... Yeah, I mean, we remained friends. We were unequally yoked. I'm a Christian, and he was an atheist. And the further my faith grew, the further the friction in our home grew. And we just both decided that we'd rather be able to remain friends than get to the point where we hated each other. So, I mean, you know, I talked to him, like every couple weeks and that kind of thing.

56:33Well, where does this leave you now? Well, he didn't listen very well. And when we got divorced, I recommended that he name a new beneficiary for his life insurance and IRA and all that stuff. He did not. I also told him to create a will, and he did not. So I'm still listed as the beneficiary. The house that he had, that's going to go through probate. He only has one blood heir, and that would be his brother. His brother lives in the Philippines. So he's giving me power of attorney to kind of handle things stateside for him. So I'm going to be the estate admin for the probate situation.

57:21Dave Ramsey:To sell the house and the proceeds from the house will go to his brother. Right. And you're the beneficiary on his life insurance and his 401k. Life insurance and his IRA. IRA, okay. So between the life insurance, the IRA, and the estate administrative fees that, I guess, the estate's required to pay the estate administrator in Virginia, I'm looking to get$235 ,100. dollars. Um, my, um, current husband and I just got married. Um, my current husband and I together, we have about$44 ,000 in debt. Um, during the divorce settlement, I took that money and I paid off my student loans and I created a, um, emergency fund and it's got about 12 ,000 in it.

58:14so baby steps one and two or one and three are done well except that that's not the order it's one two three but yeah yeah well i didn't really pay much attention to you until i was going through i got it um his stuff like my ex-husband he used to talk about you guys all the time and when we split up there was thirty thousand dollars worth of debt that he took and when I went through all of his stuff he only owed$2 ,300 and a credit card and that was it and he had$1 ,000 in the emergency fund so like looking at his statements it screamed Dave Ramsey.

58:56Dave Ramsey:Okay so how can I help you today hon? So there is after I pay off debt there's going to be about$191 ,000 left, and I just want to make good choices with it. Yeah. Okay. So that will put you into, you need to finish up your emergency fund, you and your new husband. It's$12 ,000 enough. So we're going to use some of it and have a fully funded emergency fund of three to six months of expenses. Okay. And then do you know what I'm going to tell you to do next after you do baby step three?

59:39Dave Ramsey:Baby step four. Do you know what that is? Is that the one that's paying off the house? No, that's 15 % of your income going into retirement. So we're going to fill up retirement, 15%. Okay. You and your new husband, combined finances, combined assets, combined liabilities. Does the new husband have any debt? He's got, so the$44 ,000, that's mine and his. Oh, okay. Because we're one, right? Good. Box checked. Box checked. Good. Okay. Yeah, I'm equally yoked this time, and he is very frugal. There's a lot of people who talk about that, but don't do it. Okay, good. Oh, no. His actions match his words.

1:00:25Dave Ramsey:Okay, so what we're going to do is 15 % of your income going into retirement. I mean, if you've got kids for college, that's baby step five and six is pay off the house. So I'm assuming you guys have a mortgage or you will use this money to buy your first home, one of the two. And you're just going to walk right up the baby steps, kiddo. Very strange and almost eerie way to get money, but it is what it is, and there's nothing immoral or unethical about it, and it's just unusual, you know, which is, yeah. but don't commingle the money that you got as a beneficiary with the estate. That has nothing to do with the estate.

1:01:08Dave Ramsey:That's passing outside the estate and goes directly to you. The estate itself you're managing as a favor to his brother, getting a small fee, not a huge one, to manage the sale of the house and then the equity will be sent to him after his credit card debt is paid or whatever little bit of debt he had. But you don't use the money you got to do anything at all. You're under no moral or legal obligation. As a matter of fact, it'd be downright foolish for you to use that money for anything in this estate. Very unusual. Very weird. Okay. Hey, thanks for the call. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Fina is in Los Angeles.

1:01:48Dave Ramsey:Hi, Fina. How are you? Hi, Dave and Ken. Thanks so much for taking my call. Sure. I have a call. I have a question about rent-to-own homeownership. So my spouse and I are debt-free, and we are currently saving for a down payment on a home. Good. So we've come across some of these rent-to-own offers, and while they really sound like a shortcut to homeownership, we're a little skeptical. Yeah, they're not. Okay. So is it legit, or is it just a scam? Well, they're legit, but the math doesn't work in your favor, and the legal position doesn't work in your favor. You can pay on it for years and years and years and years and years and still not ever end up with a house if the company you're dealing with goes bankrupt.

1:02:32Okay. And if we do a direct, you know, kind of like a private sale? Just do a regular purchase.

1:02:37Dave Ramsey:No, just don't do a rent-to-own at all. Rent-to-own has got – the math is set up to where we used to do leases with an option or rent-to-own all the time when I owned a bunch of real estate in my first life. and the number of people that actually followed all the way through and closed on the deal was zero. Okay. Yeah. Gotcha. So just save up and take a little bit more time. Do it the slow way. Save up and put your good solid down payment, 15-year fixed rate mortgage, where the payment's no more than a fourth of your take-home pay. And that will get you there. Dave, what's the marketing hook? So what's the emotional pull when you've got to rent to buy?

1:03:21Dave Ramsey:Quick and easy. Okay. Real estate is difficult and slow. Right. Buying your first home, particularly because it's complicated, it's something you've never done. It's intimidating. It's a big number. Yeah. It's all of those things. So it's slow and it's complicated. So they flip this one out. And so you just go, oh, you just slide right in here to start paying. You're a renter now. Just keep being a renter and then you get to own. Right. But then when you add it up, you paid for the stinking thing three times before you get into it. And the way to think about it is this, okay? If you need a washer and dryer, if you're broke, save up and buy one on Facebook Marketplace that's slightly used from some old lady in the rich end of town who just wanted to upgrade and bought the brand new one.

1:04:08Dave Ramsey:And this one's four years old or three years old. and you can buy that for, you know, washer and dryer is$2 ,500, you know, a front load would be$2 ,500 a piece, that kind of thing, right? Or, and you can buy that for$500,$600, okay? Or you can go to the wrong end of town where people get ripped off and do literally rent to own. It says it on the front, on the washer and dryer. And when you add up how long you've rented that before you own it, you will have paid $8 ,000, you know, for a$4 ,000 or$5 ,000 set, and you will, you know, you will have paid$8 ,000 and you could have bought it fused for 500 bucks and owned it.

1:04:55Dave Ramsey:So this is what you avoid. You just avoid that because they're basically, they're making a bank on you.

1:05:10Dave Ramsey:I've been helping people get margin back in their budget for over 30 years, and switching your phone plan is one of the easiest wins out there, especially with Boost Mobile. Boost gives you unlimited talk, text, and data for just$25 a month, and I'm not talking about some promo rate that goes up later. That$25 price is locked in forever. No contracts, no headaches, and with their 30-day money-back guarantee, There's no risk. So stop wasting money. Go to BoostMobile.com slash Ramsey today. Restrictions apply. See BoostMobile.com slash Ramsey for details.

1:06:00Dave Ramsey:John is in Nashville. Hey, John, how are you? I'm doing good. How are you guys doing? Better than we deserve. How can we help? Yeah, so I'll try to make it quick. So currently I have$120K in debt with my wife. $30K of it is a HELOC and$90K is credit card debt. And my take home is$3 ,600 a month, but the minimum payments on the cards are$2 ,600. So basically I'm kind of struggling on where to go next and if I should file bankruptcy or if I should try to extend my HELOC to cover the debt. What is your home worth? I believe Redfin pulled it out at$350 ,000 and I owe$193 ,000 on that.

1:06:57Dave Ramsey:Including the HELOC? With the HELOC, it would be$220 ,000. Gotcha.

1:07:05Okay.

1:07:06Dave Ramsey:All right. How did you do that on$3 ,600? What's your wife make? She's a stay-at-home mom now, but she used to be a teacher. Did you used to make a lot more money? No. We kind of just used credit cards and paid them off, and then... How did you get a mortgage this size on$3 ,600 income? Oh, your wife was working. You had to double the income when you did the deal. Yeah, and it was in 2019. What are you doing for a living? I'm a financial analyst, which is kind of ironic. Yeah, yeah. Well, they don't teach you this stuff. They teach you, academic teaches you stuff about corporate world, and so it's a different skill set.

1:07:55Dave Ramsey:It is ironic, but it is, yeah. In your defense, that's the case. How old are you? I'm 30. And how many kids have you all got? One now and then one on the way. Okay. Okay, there's two types of bankruptcy that apply to this situation. Chapter 13, which is a payment plan. And in order to enter a Chapter 13, you will have to pay payments to everyone, pennies on the dollar. but in your case it will be more than that.

1:08:32Dave Ramsey:And 78 % of the Chapter 13s don't make it. They fail. So it's a five-year plan, and you pay payments on the credit cards for five years. The HELOC would be paid 100%, the mortgage would be paid 100%, or you don't get to keep the house. Okay. And I'm not sure you have the money to do that, do you? Right now I'm not behind on anything. If you didn't have any credit card debt, do you have the money to pay those house payments? You really don't, do you? No. Yeah. So why don't we just sell the house and pay off the credit cards?

1:09:09We were thinking about it. The issue is we do have it at 2%.

1:09:14Dave Ramsey:Yeah, but you don't have a choice. You can't keep the house. You're going to lose the house in bankruptcy. The other type of bankruptcy is a Chapter 7 bankruptcy, and in Tennessee you have a$7 ,500 homestead exemption, which means that you get to keep$7 ,500 of your equity. So the Chapter 7 trustee is going to make you sell the house to pay the credit cards. In Chapter 7, if you want to wipe out the credit cards completely, the only way you get to do that is they're going to take your house and use it to pay the credit cards, which you should have just done that and not filed bankruptcy. Chapter 13 is payments, and you can't pay the payments.

1:09:48Dave Ramsey:you can't afford to stay there. So now that your wife is a full-time mom, you can no longer afford this house. Thus the problem. That's how you got the credit card debt, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. So unless you see a situation reasonably where your income is going to double in the next five to seven months, you're selling the house, dude. You don't really have a choice. you file bankruptcy they're going to take it you go into chapter 13 the 13 is going to fail because you can't pay the payments and and you can't use any credit cards after that um because they'll throw you out of the bankruptcy and um it'd be a little bit hard to get one not really probably could get one while you're in the 13 but anyway uh because they're that stupid but anyway the um man i don't see a way out so the two types of bankruptcy don't help you one puts you in payments that you can't afford already because they have to be paid 100 % on secured loans, okay?

1:10:51Dave Ramsey:You don't get away from that on Chapter 13. Chapter 7, the equity you're allowed to keep is only$7 ,500. You have way more equity than that, so the trustee's going to force the sale of the asset to pay your bills. And then the other way is you just sell the asset and pay your bills. I guess the fourth option is you know something I don't know in this conversation, which is your income is getting ready to double. Is that the case? No, I wish. What are you doing for a living? Working for just an investment company in Nashville. Okay. Oh, you told me that. What's your house worth? He's worth$350 ,000 and he owes$193 ,000.

1:11:30Yeah. You pay off the credit cards. No, I get it. But the reason I ask that is because your response to Dave was when he said, why not pay off the house? You said, well, I'm at 2%, which means you think you're going to be owning a house and you're just not going to be in a position to buy a house coming out of this. You've got to set your mind for we're renting for a while as we rebuild.

1:11:48Dave Ramsey:Yeah, you're 100 % debt free. You make$3 ,600. You got a couple of kids, you're 30 years old. And from there, you decide what your career track is going to look like. And that leads you back into home ownership again someday, but not immediately. But let me tell you what else is going to happen is when you wake up at two o 'clock in the morning and it feels like a car is sitting on your chest right now, that's going to be gone. That's going to be gone. You're going to be able to breathe again. You're going to be a better daddy, a better husband, a better employee, because you can breathe again.

1:12:22Dave Ramsey:Because, man, I've been where you are, but I had extra zeros on it, and it sucks. Your life is not good right now. Your stomach is in your throat. Your chest is tight. Your traps are tight. Your shoulders are all bunched up around your ears, and it's no fun. The stress is manifesting itself in your relationships. 100 you know the number one cause of divorce is money fights and money problems the stress around it is ridiculous you're looking at her going man if we hadn't you know brought you home we might have been able to keep all this stuff but wait a minute we did want to bring you home because of the kids and now i got a two percent all these things are just swimming i'd clear the deck and start my life fresh with a breath of cool mountain air where i could breathe again please for your sake.

1:13:07Dave Ramsey:Because here's the thing. You're going to choose to be proactive in this situation or the math is going to make a choice for you. You don't have a choice. Okay? You're going to lose this house unless you double your income because you simply can't pay it. And if you go into bankruptcy, they're going to take it because you've got enough equity to pay the bill. Because that's what bankruptcy is. You don't have anything to sell, and you can't pay your bills. You've got something to sell. And so that's the way the law is written that way. The creditors expect you to pay your bills with what you have, income or assets.

1:13:50Dave Ramsey:And that's the way the law is written. So I'm sorry, man. Sorry you're facing all this. But, yeah, you guys backed into this, and then you tried to hold on with credit cards, and the credit cards sunk you. But even if the credit cards weren't there, you still can't afford this house on$3 ,600 with two kids in Nashville, Tennessee. Don't work. Doesn't work. So something's got to give. Something's got to give. So you're going to be renting a while until you get your career in gear and get moving. And I'm sorry you're facing this. But I will encourage you. It's hard to visualize for you right now because there's shame involved and condemnation and everything else.

1:14:27Dave Ramsey:but I'm telling you dude that Volkswagen that's sitting on your chest at 2 a.m. it's going to be gone and you're going to sleep a whole night. I remember this. I remember the feeling of the weight of the world hanging around your neck and you can't breathe and I remember knowing that it was my fault that I did it and it just so it pissed me off like double right you know what I'm saying Like, this is a huge mess, and I did it. That's a two hit. That's right. That's punched in the face twice. And the shame that goes with that and the self-forgiveness and so forth. But you were trying to do a good thing.

1:15:09Dave Ramsey:You're trying to let her be home with the babies. You're trying to work a good job, trying to be a homeowner. And the things all got mixed up, and it went sideways with$90 ,000 worth of credit card debt. I'm so sorry. Hang on. We're going to put you into Financial Peace University so you can recover from the sale of this house quicker. And it includes the Every Dollar Advanced version, which will guide you through these baby steps of rebuilding for your life. And you can do this. You're smart. You just did some dumb things. I'm smart, but I did more dumb things than you did.

1:16:06Dave Ramsey:The Ramsey Show question of the day is brought to you by Why Refi. Feeling stuck with private student loans that are in default? Why Refi can reduce your payments and help you regain control of your money. Take the first step towards getting unstuck. Go to yrefi.com slash Ramsey. That's the letter Y-R-E-F-Y dot com slash Ramsey. Might not be in all states. Today's question comes from Diana in Oklahoma. For late-in-life marriages, is it better to have a marriage certificate signed but not filed with our state if we want to protect a 401k from being drained to pay for long-term care for the other spouse?

1:16:45I've had to work hard to make retirement possible for myself, and I'm very concerned that filing the paperwork might jeopardize all of that. I would prefer to do things legally, but not at the expense of my future. Well, when it comes to potentially shading illegal financial moves, that freaks me out. And I actually don't know the answer to that, but I think you do.

1:17:06Dave Ramsey:Well, there are two kinds of nursing homes. There's nursing homes that you pay for that are private. And there's nursing homes that accept welfare, which is Medicaid. And so what you're saying is you want to plan to be on welfare.

1:17:26Dave Ramsey:Well, if you've ever done anything on welfare, you will find that the quality of life is not usually that good. It's not like prosperity or something like that, right? So it's the DMV of nursing homes, right? So, you know, I'd suggest before you get all haughty-totty about this, you go visit a Medicaid nursing home and see if you want anybody you love there, if you have the money to do otherwise. If it's all you can do, it's all you can do. But it is designed for people who are in poverty. That's what Medicaid is. It's welfare. And so if you're not in poverty and you're trying to pretend to be in poverty to protect your money, that's called fraud.

1:18:16Dave Ramsey:And the government will take your money anyway. Now, if you want to put your new spouse in a Medicaid nursing home instead of a regular nursing home, instead of using your money, there are provisions in the law that allow your personal residence to be protected. so the wife in this case stays in the home, husband goes to the nursing home, Medicaid picks up everything, you go on welfare, and you don't have to lose your home to do that. And most of the situations also have some protections for your retirement funds, your 401K funds. So you're probably okay anyway, but you need a better decision-making framework than how can I put my spouse in welfare.

1:19:04Dave Ramsey:how can I put my spouse on welfare that's a that's a that's a crummy way of looking at the world kiddo and so yeah yeah yeah I worked hard all my life and so I'm gonna put everybody on welfare that's just dumb okay that's what I mean let me try to be a little bit more clear and less sophisticated in my lingo that's dumb don't don't don't let welfare be your best plan and I'm gonna figure out some way to shade around and not file with my marriage certificate and all this other of bull crap so that I can stick my new spouse into a welfare nursing home. Dumb. Okay. Now, what can you do? Well, number one, you can continue to build wealth.

1:19:43Dave Ramsey:Number two, you guys can talk about and shop around looking at nursing home care. You can figure out if in-home care is less expensive because sometimes it can be. You literally can hire someone with an elevated bed, buy an elevated bed, and hire someone to work in your home 24-7. Cheaper than some nursing homes. And so you can self-insure through that issue. You can look into long-term care insurance, which if you're over 60 and you're worried about these kinds of things because you don't have enough money to pay for them, which is apparently your case, then you can get long-term care insurance long-term care insurance will cover about three years of nursing home care and you can buy that and three years covers about 90 something percent of the nursing home stays the the average nursing home stay is about 2.8 years okay because they die so um you just don't people don't live there for 22 years you know it's not that's not something They do.

1:20:48So typically, you know, that's what we find.

1:20:52Dave Ramsey:So you can buy long-term care insurance. You can continue to build wealth. You can investigate self-insurance and staying at home. But you don't commit welfare fraud, and you don't use a decision-making paradigm of, you know what? I don't really want to buy a house, so I'm just going to go and get Section 8. And the government can pay for my housing. and I'm going to hide all of my income and I'm going to hide all of my assets so that the government provides me free housing in Section 8. It's the same thing. Have you ever been to Section 8 housing? I've owned some, okay? They're not horrible by and large.

1:21:28Dave Ramsey:Some of them are. But it's not like prosperity. It's not like this is my golden years. This will be your copper years, okay? I mean, this is not – no, you don't want to live like that. And besides that, you don't want to commit fraud to get government help. And you probably shouldn't get married that late in life if this is how you're going to look at your money versus their money. You could hear in this. You're going to look at your money versus their life. Yeah. It's pretty. You like your money more than you do them. I think so. Yeah. I don't want to be on that. It's like, you know, we went, I mean, we were talking about so-and-so that passed away the other day and Sharon said, well, they were old.

1:22:07Dave Ramsey:And that's like her comment. Okay. She comes, she says this all the time. She comes from the country, you know. Right. You know, animals come and go and people die. You're old, high probability of death. If you're old, that's why they die. They were old. And so I told my friends, since our whole estate plan is predicated on me dying first, if Sharon starts telling people I'm old, y 'all got to watch my back. That is a good call. You got to watch my back. Because right before you go to the funeral home, Sharon says you're old. So there you go. We need cameras in every room. That person's old. That person's old.

1:22:36Dave Ramsey:So on the other hand, she has a great life and she's never going to get old. So there you go. That's it. But kudos to Sharon. She's very health conscious. I don't know anybody that's more health conscious than she is. We bit obsessed, yes. So the deal is you don't get out of paying for the nursing home. And here's an interesting thing. Since I've just kind of been up on my soapbox anyway, let's just stay there for a second. It's interesting to me that this same lady would never in a million years go to a restaurant and figure out a way to eat their food and not pay them. And yet she's willing to do that with the government.

1:23:17And willing to do that with substandard care for someone she loves.

1:23:23Dave Ramsey:There's something about the nursing. The nursing home is going to get all our money. There's something about that vibe that people, I worked all my life and then the nursing home got it all. No, you bought services. it's like you don't say i worked all my life and the guy that put the transmission in my car got it all no you don't say that you know you bought a transmission and a guy to put the transmission in your car you know why do we attack nursing homes because we're mad at them they're expensive i guess is one thing yeah and it's end of life maybe that's another thing so it's emotional but nursing homes by and large are not a bunch of crooks they just provide a service and you can choose whether to buy it or not it's pretty simple you know you can go over to the restaurant and buy food or not you can go to the car dealer buy a car or not you can go to a ramsey event and pay the ticket or not you can go to a concert and pay the ticket or not you can choose to do this but you never say you know oh they took all my money no you gave it to them and in return they gave you services that they promised and so it's a fair trade yeah uh and if you don't want to make the trade it's a free country you don't have to enter in the trade but that does not then qualify you to for welfare welfare is for poor people yeah they're for people in poverty they don't have the money otherwise to care and they're gonna you know otherwise this you know 85 year old will be on the street in a cardboard box somewhere because but our society has chosen to pay for this person who is indigent who is broke in poverty and uh we pay for them the government, we, taxpayers, pay for that in the welfare program.

1:25:05Dave Ramsey:But we don't pay for it for people from Oklahoma that have a half million dollars in their 401k and think it's inconvenient. That's not what we pay for that for. Nor do we want you to get food stamps, lady. You know, you ought to go to the grocery store and buy your own dadgum food. You've got the money. Food stamps are for people that wouldn't have food otherwise. That's what it's for. So this gaming the system thing is really interesting around the whole nursing home. It activates a vibe in people's brain that other stuff doesn't activate. It's a service, boys and girls. You pay for it or you don't.

1:25:39Dave Ramsey:It's up to you.

1:25:58Dave Ramsey:Buying and selling a home is a big deal, and you want an expert in your corner fighting for you to get the right deal at the right price. That's why we only recommend Ramsey Trusted Real Estate Agents. They're hand-picked pros who know their stuff, listen to your needs, and have your back from the first call all the way to closing day. To find a Ramsey Trusted Agent near you, visit RamseySolutions.com slash agent. RamseySolutions.com slash agent.

1:26:39Dave Ramsey:Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. relationships ken coleman ramsey personality number one best-selling author and host of the show front row seat a brand new hit on the ramsey networks is my co-host today the phone number here is 888-825-5225 joel is in orange county california hey joel what's up hi thank you for taking my call sure what can i help um i am trying i fall in the baby steps and i'm cutting a lot of expenses But I am having a really hard time with my wife psychologically.

1:27:29Just she is not in a place where she sees the debt as ours because I brought this debt into the marriage. And now we have a kid. And it's about$47 ,000 worth of debt. And what do you call it? She's not willing to like even I hear you all the time saying, Liz on rice and beans and beans and rice and don't go into restaurants anymore. And I'm trying to actually implement that. But my wife is putting up a barrier of we just have a really busy, busy lifestyle. And we don't get home sometimes because we serve at church and stuff until like 930 at night. And so she's like, we still have to go out to eat.

1:28:11And I'm like, it's not I don't want to.

1:28:14Dave Ramsey:And you're a classic guy. How long you've been married? Four years. OK, because I used to do this crap, too. so here's the problem guys do this more than women sometimes women do it but mostly guys you started talking about what instead of talking about why we got to cut expenses because we got to get out of debt and that's the way we're going to do this and there was no but but you had the why in your head but you never talked about the why and she has never agreed to the why if the why is we want to build wealth so we can do anything we want to do for this child that we just had oh that lady's on board but if the why is my husband wants to cut out eating when i'm tired going out to eat when i'm tired because he started listening to some stupid podcast that's not a good why she isn't buying that and that's what you found out so basically you owe her an apology you did not her include her in this decision okay that makes a lot of sense yeah so honey i'm sorry i goofed this whole thing up we need to do full stop and start again here's what i am learning and i would like for us to look at how our future is going to be i really believe that we have the ability to become prosperous and that we could travel and that we could do things for this child.

1:29:44Dave Ramsey:We could change our whole family tree. One of the barriers to that is this debt. And so once I saw that if I got out of debt, if we got out of debt, that we would have the money to do other things, and we combine our finances and we combine our lives, and we have a high probability of building wealth when we do those things, and the wealth is for generosity to help others. The wealth is to change our family tree. A godly man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. God loves a cheerful giver. All of these things are biblical. You said you're spending time at church. Yes, and that's kind of, yeah.

1:30:27We're spending so much time at church, and then we're not making food at home. Yeah. Like, cut out.

1:30:31Dave Ramsey:Yeah, it's kind of gotten the tail wagging the dog. But either way, my point is that if you look at this through a spiritual lens, God in his Bible, in his love letter to us is very clear. Go change your family tree. Take care of your own household first. You're worse than an unbeliever. The borrower is slave to the lender. When we get out of debt and we can start building some wealth to be generous to others and to change our family tree, that's biblical. Yeah. And that's how I'm looking at this, honey. And I think that we can do that, but I'm seeing the barrier is this. And so the way we clear the debt is we temporarily go deep on the sacrifice to clear the debt so that we have a great long-term prognosis.

1:31:17Dave Ramsey:That's what I'm looking at. Tell me what's wrong with that other than you just want to go out to eat. Yeah. Makes sense. Yeah. Go back to the why, why, why, why, why. See, you got the why real quick when you were listening to this stuff. Uh-huh. Yeah. And you translated it to the tactical, and then you just presented her with the tactical. Yeah. And not the strategic. So strategy does not – tactics don't work without strategy. Strategy doesn't work without tactics. You've got to have both. Yeah, and I would just add one other thing, and this is for all the dudes out there, and I've learned this the hard way.

1:31:53You know, when discussing something like this or anything that's major in your marriage and you're trying to get on the same page, it's great to ask questions, not make statements. and it's the guys we try to solve and you make a lot of statements and that's a it comes across as a very concrete immovable boom and they can't do anything with it but if you can learn to ask questions around the bigger topic that you're discussing and it includes the feedback and you're actually listening they feel seen and heard this is a human thing and a woman thing but you gotta do it that way ask good questions to to emit answers that now we start to say the same things.

1:32:32Stop making statements about what we've got to do.

1:32:35Dave Ramsey:Yeah. Because I doubt very seriously that your wife is so short-sighted that she would sacrifice her child's future to get to go out to eat. That's probably not who she is. But the way you presented this, that's the dichotomy that you gave her. Well, that's a great point, Dave, because that's actually a trivial response to a trivial statement. We're going to cut out all these meals. And she's going, What are you talking about? That doesn't even make any sense because we're coming home at 9 o 'clock at night. I don't want to make a sandwich. It got so trivial because of the way it was presented to her.

1:33:07Dave Ramsey:Yeah, it's tactical before strategy. That's exactly right. I love how you put that. Yeah, it's just you've got to have both. You've got to have a why. And, you know, Simon Sinek's book, Start With Why. Yeah, great. Start With Why. If you've got a big enough why, sometimes we have people, Joel, they come in to do their debt-free scream, and their little kids, little four-year-old kid will be wearing a T-shirt that says, I'm the why. I'm why my parents did this. In other words, they worked an extra job. They sacrificed. They sold their car. He sold his gun collection. He did whatever. I'm the why because they wanted stuff for me more than they wanted stuff today.

1:33:42Dave Ramsey:They wanted me to have a good life. So changing my family tree is a huge why. And so you got to – and if you give your name a why and both of you can get around that why, then the what starts to become obvious. because the what is the short-term pain to get the long-term gain. It's the live like no one else so that later you can live and give like no one else. And if you want to go back to a biblical paradigm, it's no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but it yields a harvest of righteousness, Hebrews. Okay, so, you know, there's 100 % of the people that win big at something pay a price. and becoming financially successful and successful in your marriage in America today is so freaking unusual that it's called winning big.

1:34:31Dave Ramsey:I'm talking about successful. I'm talking about, yes, you become millionaires. Yes, you stay married for 53 years and like each other while you become millionaires, while you work together towards common goals. and through thick and thin, as they say, for richer, for poorer. Unto thee, all my worldly goods, I pledge, the old Book of Common Prayer wedding vows said. So all of that starts to come together then when you pan back far enough that you get the why. This is The Ramsey Show.

1:35:28Does having more money and less stress sound nice, but feel impossible? Well, in my brand new book, Breaking Free from Broke, I share my story of going from broke to millionaire and exactly how I did it. You'll learn about the money traps and cultural lies out there designed to keep you brainwashed and stressed out, from credit card schemes to mortgage myths to investing traps. So if you're not where you want to be financially, I can help you finally get ahead. You can get breaking free from broke today at ramsaysolutions.com slash store. That's ramsaysolutions.com slash store.

1:36:11Dave Ramsey:graduation doesn't come with a GPS and a lot of students are walking into the real world with no clue on what direction they should go the get clear assessment find the work you're wired to do student edition will help your student get clarity and build a real plan that they're confident in. This is a quick assessment. It takes about, what, 27 minutes to take it? No, right at about 20 minutes. About 20 minutes, okay. It'll help you with a major, it'll help you with a trade, it'll help you with your first job, help you figure out what you're wired to do, in other words. It's only $34.99. The assessment will help them identify their strengths, while the book will help them understand the results and help you figure out what's next, a plan.

1:36:51Dave Ramsey:Get a copy at ramseysolutions.com slash store. If you're watching on YouTube or podcast just click the link in the description again the get clear assessment student edition it's a big deal brand new product just came out of a few months ago and it's selling like crazy because every student should do this amanda is in tampa hi amanda welcome to the ramsey show hi hi what's up um i was wondering how do i fix financial infidelity when it was the only thing my husband asked me not to do when we first got together. We've been together about 16 years. We have two kids together. I never lied to him about money.

1:37:35And we had taken all of our money and we opened a restaurant together. And very quickly, it ended up not working out. And I told him everything was fine when it wasn't. And then we ended up losing our apartment. and that's when I kind of was forced to come clean about it. I was just very scared for the repercussions of it. And now he thinks it's best that we separate because he doesn't think I'm trustworthy anymore.

1:38:10I'm sorry.

1:38:12Dave Ramsey:So the restaurant, you said very quickly went sideways, but you lost an apartment. That doesn't happen quickly. Yeah, so we opened in October, and then we had a little bit of money coming in. It looked like it was doing good, but we'd never run a restaurant before. We had no idea what we were doing. So I was able to pay the rent at our apartment, and then I stopped saying credit cards so I could pay the rent. Was he not involved in the budgeting at all? No, I've always taken care of it. Oh, so he handed it all to you and then doesn't like what you did? Well, he asked for the bank information, and I didn't give it to him because I was scared that, you know, we failed.

1:39:09Dave Ramsey:All right, you opened a restaurant in October. Mm-hmm. And so what does he make? Um, well, we both had to start going back to work. We ended up... No, I mean, so he quit work and worked at the restaurant when you opened it? Yeah, we had both quit our jobs and was doing this full time. Lord Jesus. Okay. Yeah. So he literally works there and still is clueless. Yeah, I think he saw, like, how much we were making, which we were making money, but he He wasn't aware of how much we were actually spending to keep it open as well. And you weren't either because you weren't doing any books. I can tell. Yeah.

1:39:55I didn't know. Like, I've never owned a business. Like, we've flipped houses, but that's different.

1:40:01Dave Ramsey:Not really. Both of them, you have to do a set of books, and you had never seen a set of books. Right. You're right. So, you just had money coming in, gross receipts for the week, and then you would pay some vendors and pay some rent, and when the money ran out, you just let it ride. Yeah, I mean, we— So you didn't even know if you were making a profit, really. Correct, yeah. No, I definitely didn't. I just—I don't know. I grew up, like, thinking, and I've always thought this, like, as long as I can pay my bills this month, I'm good. And I think he had a different expectation of how the bill should go.

1:40:44that we should be looking, like, months in advance. And I didn't grow up in a household like that or think like that. Yeah, and I don't really remember, like, how I got control of the money. Okay, I'm not sure I understand where it was.

1:41:03Dave Ramsey:I mean, I guess the time you lied to him was you knew that things were tight and that some bills weren't getting paid, and you just lied to him about that. Is that what you're telling me? Correct, yes. And that was for two months. Yeah, and it ended up being we couldn't catch back up. So now we're kind of facing bankruptcy, which is when we first got together, his ex-wife kind of took everything from him. And he's like, I don't ever want you to do this for me. Just promise you'll never lie to me like this. And I don't consider it the same thing, but I guess it is in his eyes. And I can understand that, you know, I lied to him at all, money, and now we're in a really bad spot.

1:41:47Okay.

1:41:53Dave Ramsey:Well, I've got a different opinion about this. Yeah, obviously I'm not okay with you lying. But he's freaking an irresponsible child in that he was no more involved in the management of the household than he was. and stood over the side, and then he's throwing grenades back because he doesn't like the way you did it. Listen, dude, step up and actually sit down with your wife and figure out how to run a freaking restaurant before both of you quit your jobs. He's as irresponsible as you are. This ain't no angel sitting over on the side that somehow got taken to the cleaners by some girl buying coach purses.

1:42:29Dave Ramsey:That isn't what happened here. This is a guy showing up at a restaurant every day and is so freaking irresponsible. he's not even involved in how the restaurant is being run. What's he doing? Cooking? And that's it? See, the line cook doesn't get to bitch if the place closes because the line cook isn't running it. Yeah. I mean, he did ask me for it like twice or three times. I was like, no, I got it. I would get upset. I'm like, I can handle it because I was just like very scared to tell him because I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want him to believe me because I didn't know what I was doing.

1:43:05Dave Ramsey:Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, you didn't. That's for sure. And you could have fixed the whole thing just by saying the truth and going, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm scared. We can't pay our bills. Help me. And that would have solved the whole thing. So I do agree with that. so your question to me was how do you rebuild trust how do you get through this I don't know if you do but if you do it's with a marriage counselor you guys desperately need to sit down with one and part of the equation is you are doing a beautiful job of owning your screw-ups here but he hadn't owned any of his and I'm pretty frustrated with him he's awfully self-righteous for an uninvolved irresponsible guy standing around or watching a restaurant fall down around his ears and he's too stupid to realize it's happening.

1:43:51Dave Ramsey:I'm serious. That's just, that's not okay. So he needs to own his part of that too. And he also needs to own that a lot of this reaction is because his ex-wife burned him. So that's, I'm not giving him a pass. No. But I am saying. Not giving you a pass on lying either. Yeah, sorry. Yeah. But he's got to own the fact that this probably feels way worse than it actually is. No, it's bad. They're about to file bankruptcy. Oh, I know. But as far as her deceiving and all this. Y 'all both have been just, this whole thing was crazy. The restaurant is the number one category of businesses that fail. Almost all of them fail.

1:44:31Dave Ramsey:That's how bad it is, okay? You guys did that, and you both quit your job. And neither one of you know how to do a set of books or run a business or a restaurant. What were you guys thinking? I don't know. We've closed it now. Actually, in the process of moving it, we both had to get jobs again. Yeah. And then we were working on the weekends here, but once we were – No, this was doomed from the start. Yeah. You didn't have a chance because you guys didn't have a skill set to run it. Right. No, I agree. I agree. And you don't both quit your jobs. See, he was in on that decision. And this set you guys up for failure.

1:45:14Dave Ramsey:So I'm so sorry, honey. Now, the way you rebuild trust is that you guys get in a good marriage counselor together. You work through. You both own your parts. You put in place systems and processes going forward where he's involved in everything in the money. You're involved in everything in the money. We make all the decisions together in the money, and there's no surprises and no way that he has to trust you because all he has to do is trust himself because you're both involved top to bottom. That's how Sharon became trusting of me after I lost everything doing stupid stuff. I didn't lie to her about it, but she had to trust my competence again, not my integrity.

1:45:49Dave Ramsey:And it took a while.

1:46:03Hey, what's up? Dr. John Deloney here. The new dates have dropped for the Money in Marriage getaway over Valentine's Day weekend in 2026. This is your chance to hit pause on everything in your life and reconnect with your spouse over a long weekend in Nashville, Tennessee. Me and my friend Rachel Cruz will be digging into topics like sex, money, communication, and more. This weekend is happening on February 12th through the 14th, and early bird prices start at$749 per couple, but the prices will be going up soon. Get your tickets today at RamseySolutions.com slash events.

1:46:55Dave Ramsey:buying or selling a home is a big deal especially in a weird market like we're in right now the clickbait headlines all the crap on tiktok all the stuff out there telling you what you're supposed to do and none of it's real hey we're gonna take the latest trends and make them easy to understand with actual facts. Facts are your friends. Facts are good. Drama, not good when making a financial decision like a home. Come on. Hey, hey, we're here to make them easy to understand. The median home prices stayed steady last month at$441 ,000. That's the median home price in America right now. Average 15-year fixed also stayed steady just under 6%, 5.95 last month.

1:47:35Dave Ramsey:There's currently 1 ,082 ,520 homes on the market in the United States. That's a fact. That's the highest number since 2019, the best inventory we've had. Yet prices are not going down because demand has stayed steady. So demand is higher than supply, which if you know anything about basic seventh-grade economics, that means the prices are going to go up, not down. and these median home prices have gone up a little bit, not a lot, but a little bit month over month, every month for the last four months. To learn more about the housing market trends and get some free tools, go to RamseySolutions.com slash market.

1:48:13Dave Ramsey:Click the link in the show notes if you're listening on a podcast or on YouTube. Casey's in Syracuse. Hi, Casey. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi. Thank you for taking my call. Sure. What's up? um so i currently live i currently own my own home and i live in an area that's i would say just progressively getting worse so i'm looking to move and i'm just not sure the best way to go about my financial situation um i don't i'm pretty much living paycheck to paycheck me and my significant other we make good money but we're not very good at saving money um and so I was thinking about taking as much money out of my 401k as I could to put as a down payment on a new home, but I still own the home that I live in, so I wasn't sure if I would be better off trying to take out either using the money in my 401k to fix up my current home to then sell the home and use the money that I have from that sold home.

1:49:16What is your current home worth today as it is? um i would say probably in the neighborhood of like 100 000 to 120 000 what's wrong with it um it's just old it's it was built in the 1930s nothing's particularly what would you fix up um the roof is leaking in a spot so i would have to fix the roof uh the porch is pulling away from the house a little bit, so I would just redo the whole porch. Okay. And the upper half of the house is sided with like a cedar shake, which is just really worn and corroding, so I would probably re-side half of the house. What do you owe on the house? $5 ,000.

1:50:03Dave Ramsey:Okay. Just sell it as is. Sell it as is. Okay. A$100 ,000 house with a porch repair, a little bit of, that's old, a little bit of stain on the side of the cedar shake, and a small roof leak is not a big deal. Yeah, I reach out to a couple contractors, and they're coming in with like... You don't need a contractor. You don't have any money. Yeah, it would be a loan I'd have to take out to get that. No, if you go do that, you're not going to get your money back, because the house value is not going to increase with the things you're talking about doing. Okay. So whatever money you put into it, you're throwing down the toilet.

1:50:37Okay.

1:50:38Dave Ramsey:Sell it as is. Okay. Get a good real estate agent. Go to RamseySolutions.com. Get one of the Ramsey Trusted Real Estate Agents. Come over and talk to you. And let's figure out what the thing will bring. Put it on the market as is. Okay. As is where it is. I'm not doing repairs. That's the pricing. And if that means you price it at$95 instead of$105, whoop-dee-doop-dee, sell it. You're not keeping this thing anyway. It's a piece of crap. You're moving. Right. Okay, and when you move, you're going to put$40 ,000 or so in your pocket, right? Yeah, I do have some other debt. How much other debt do you have?

1:51:18I have about$3 ,500 in a car loan and about$9 ,000 in a personal loan.

1:51:24Dave Ramsey:Okay, clear that. And so then you're going to put more like, you know,$25 ,000 in your pocket. What do you make? I make$95 ,000 a year. Way too much to be this broke. I know. I have my significant other. When we live in the same household, he makes$110 ,000 a year. So, yeah, we make plenty of money, and it is unfortunate we're as broke as we are. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, sell the house and go rent something and pay off your debts and start fresh, and let's get control of your money. And if you guys are going to act like you're married, try being married. Okay. If you're not going to be married, then don't be trying to figure out how we're going to not be married and be prosperous, because all the data points that we have, all the research is showing that doesn't work.

1:52:17Dave Ramsey:The people who build wealth are married people. Yeah, that's kind of another thing on my list I'd like to get done is get married, but financially. You don't need any financially. You go down and get married. That's right. Courthouse is open every day. Call a preacher, sit down in his office. okay and by the way and i want to close the loop on the very first option you threw at us you never use your 401k like a bank you're going to get taxed big time on that it's never an option don't do that to yourself you don't need it first of all but secondly it's a bad financial decision this house sucks get rid of the house get yourself your organization sucks get rid of that let's get organized get on every dollar budget get started and then make a decision if we're going to be married or if we're going to play like it.

1:53:06Dave Ramsey:Because if you're going to play like it, the data says you're not going to win financially or relationally. Okay. I mean, these are actual statistics. Okay, kid? I'm not just making this stuff up. That's what's happening out there. I'll give an example. When we studied 10 ,167 millionaires, 82 % of them said my spouse and I were on board with our long term goals working together to hit them, not trying to figure out who was going to buy the mustard. Is the mustard your job this week or do I buy mustard? Who pays the light bill? You know, with your roommate, that stuff doesn't work financially.

1:53:45Dave Ramsey:Your careers don't accelerate. Your health does not accelerate. All of these things go with all this research is called the marriage advantage research. You can look it up. It's not just Google marriage advantage. It'll start showing up. Men who are married, folks, different for different subject from her. Men who are married live on average seven to nine years longer than unmarried men, which would include men shacking up. Interesting. Women live an average of four to five years longer when they're married. I don't know why men get much more advantage. As Jeloni says, he thinks women keep them from doing stupid stuff.

1:54:26It's 100 % what I was going to say. Stupid stuff. They keep us from just, you know,

1:54:31Dave Ramsey:doing guy stuff. Yeah, I don't know. Hang gliding. No. You know, whatever it is. I don't know whatever it is. Right. Whatever it is. But yeah, you live longer. And there's a lot of possible hypothetical, physiological, and spiritual reasons that you could lay out for that. But money also works. the net worth of married couples at 40 years old versus shacked up couples is like six times higher. And it's just because, you know, we're not trying to, you know, you got to decide, am I going to paint or am I going to get off the ladder? You know, you got one foot in a boat, one on the dock, boat's always leaving.

1:55:09Dave Ramsey:And we're just not sure when. When are we going to get wet? When's our butt going to be in the lake? You know, and you're just always looking over your shoulder, always looking over your shoulder. That can happen in marriage, too, but there's a process legally and financially by which you get to keep half the stuff called divorce. And so the protections are there. But you folks say, I'm going to pay to renovate my boyfriend's house. Oh, you're about to lose your money. I'm going to co-sign so she can get a car because her parents won't. You're an idiot. No. No, you buy only, the only ladies you buy cars for are your wife.

1:55:49Dave Ramsey:That's it. The only guys you, the only guys you renovate their house is called a husband. Jeez, you're going to lose all your money doing this stuff, people. It's just, it's crazy. And people just act like this stuff doesn't matter. But you just, all you got to do is just do the trajectory on it out there. Fast telescope it out there about, I don't know, 15, 20, 25 years, and you see the disastrous results. So, end of soapbox.

1:56:44We'll be right back.

1:57:12Dave Ramsey:he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. Theodore Roosevelt said, The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything. Yeah, that's the truth. Yeah, and dogs don't chase parked cars. So you're never going to get criticized if you don't do anything. You can be rest assured. And as soon as you do anything, you can be rest assured some moron won't like it. All right, here we go. Rob is in Lexington, Kentucky. Hey, Rob, how can we help? Hey, Mr. Ramsey. Thank you for having me today. Sure. How can we help? Well, long story short, it's been probably about eight years since I've lived by myself.

1:57:55Ever since then, I've kind of took a little bit of a tailspin into depth a little bit, living paycheck to paycheck, just looking for some good advice, the right one and the perfect person.

1:58:08Dave Ramsey:So you mean you've been single for eight years? Uh, well, undisclosed family situation. I was living with my child's mother. So, um, we're just living separately on good terms, just living separately though. You weren't on good terms with what? Uh, we're living, we're living separately on good terms. Oh, okay. For, for eight years. oh i was i'm i was uh living by myself and now i'm after eight years now i'm living by myself i'm sorry i should explain that a little bit oh so you were with her eight years and the baby and now you guys are broken up and you're by yourself well i'm sorry we're with each other but i'm living by myself though how are you with each other by yourself i do not understand uh that's just that's a whole nother situation on that one no i mean it's not logical you're not making sense dude that's what i'm saying you can either be by yourself or you can be with someone which are you yes sir that's a good point um i guess we're just together and living separately so you're you're you're dating or you're uh have a relationship but you don't live in the same house yes sir oh okay that makes sense i got it okay took me a minute i'm sorry I just didn't understand what you're saying.

1:59:30Dave Ramsey:So now you got your own place, and you got a kid over on the other side of town with your girlfriend. Okay. And what do you make, sir? I have one full-time job and one part-time job, and together it's about$53 ,000. Okay. How old are you? 39. Okay. Cool. You said that earlier. I apologize. Okay. What is the full-time job that you're spending time on? uh that one's the 44 000 a year um that's uh the the main job the main focus what is it what do you do what do you do for a living uh forklift driving okay special and what's the part-time job uh i work in retail and um that's uh they're not really offering much money yeah that's that's my downfall right there yeah so retail you're just standing on a floor shops trying to sell something?

2:00:27Yes, sir. Yeah. Well, I just, I want to bring this up really quick. You know, you have a skill in driving that forklift. And my guess is there's better opportunity operating heavy machinery like that, much better pay per hour than doing a retail job. So I admire the fact that you're trying to make extra money, but you don't have as many hours and you need to get as much work as you possibly can to start to bring in more income. And we're going to help you use that income to dig out of this mess? There's probably a bigger mess than that, too. There's loans and cards, too. Oh, I figured. I figured there was a lot of debt.

2:01:04Break that down. Yeah. I have those all added up, and it's not crazy yet, but it's getting crazy. What's the amount? The loans is about $5 ,500, and the cards is about$42 ,000.

2:01:21Dave Ramsey:$100? Yes, sir. So$9 ,000,$10 ,000 gets you out of debt. Yes, sir. Okay, that's good. Yeah. That's good news. All right. And so if you were to take a lot of overtime at your forklift job or work forklift for someone else on the hours you were spending at retail, what Ken is saying is you'd make twice as much as you're making at retail. Does that make sense? Yes. Because that is a skill. And whether it's a forklift, skid steer, whatever it is, I mean, you can push the buttons and move that machinery around. And so I think that qualifies you right now. And you're willing to work. Those two things qualify you for a lot of positions in an area that there's a shortage of help, which is the trades in general.

2:02:12Dave Ramsey:Okay? There's a serious shortage of people who are willing to work and actually know how to do the work. That's pretty impressive. So that puts you in a better position then. You start making a little bit more money, and now we're going to, with your newfound independence,

2:02:30Dave Ramsey:you know, separate all of your finances very clearly. The only thing you owe is you need to make sure the baby's got food. Your job is to do the equivalent of child support over there. But above that, you're not paying for her stuff. You don't live there, the girlfriend's stuff, okay? okay i was almost crazy about to get two full-time jobs yeah you're not but yeah just work all time and not but you're not paying for the girlfriend stuff you're going to take care of the child right but we're not buying her car we're not paying her rent oh she her air conditioner i'm sorry that's her problem okay right but your job is to make sure the child is cared for as the dad and then you knock out this ten thousand dollars worth of debt and then you but you're just going to get really, really organized and really systematized where I think I hear, now you tell me if I'm wrong, but I think I hear you saying in between these sentences that for the last eight or nine years you've kind of been coasting.

2:03:33Yes, sir. That's a great word and definition for that one, yes.

2:03:37Dave Ramsey:Okay. So all we're saying is you're ready to put it in gear, and we're encouraging you to do that. So drop it down into gear and punch it, baby. Let's get detailed on the stuff. We'll put you into every dollar. We'll pay for it and show you how to run the app and jump into one of those free webinars we're doing on how to run the app and how to run your budget. And it'll walk you through step-by-step what to do. And you take every dollar that's coming in. You make every dollar behave. And we need$10 ,000, and we're going to clear up the debt. Meanwhile, we're taking care of a baby. Meanwhile, we're going to start building our life.

2:04:11Dave Ramsey:And so coasting is over. We're going out of neutral down into drive. And kick it. Kick it. Squeal the tires, baby. Let's go. I'm going to make a suggestion that may seem out of left field, Rob, but I think you are very lonely. And I'm not just talking about this relationship, which is kind of in limbo, but I think you need to spend what little bit of time you have not with that child. You need to get around some guys and maybe need some new friends, guys that are driven. They've got a vision for their life. They see 10, 20 years down the road. Really good churches in Lexington, Kentucky you could plug into.

2:04:46Yeah, get around some dudes that have a vision for their life. I think you would do well. And that's not an insult to you. That's an encouragement to say, I sense that you're really, really lonely. And the status of this relationship is just kind of slowly beats you down. So I think that would be a good move.

2:05:02Dave Ramsey:Yeah, get plugged in with some – you become who you hang around with. So, Ken, you're exactly right. The data is out there on that. And so be very selective and pick some men out that are who you want to become because that's what's going to happen. That's what's going to happen. And you can do a good place to find those kinds of guys is around a church and go sit down with the pastor of that church and go, listen, I'm beginning to turn my life around. Here's what's going on. Can you help line me up with some guys that can mentor me, disciple me, and help me walk in some of these ways? Ken, I think that's a great observation.

2:05:34Dave Ramsey:I think you nailed that. And so, yeah, that's, again, very, very important. If you're going to lay out four or five things that cause people to be successful, who they run around with is one of the four or five things. And many times those people, they can pull you out of this gravitational hold. He's just kind of roving around this girlfriend in that situation. He already busted loose from the orbit. I know, but he's been there. So that's a big move. It's a huge move. But, yeah, let's take it. Take that trajectory to the moon now. Yeah. Yeah. Get in the orbit of some people that are really doing something with their life.

2:06:11Real intentional.

2:06:11Dave Ramsey:Very good. Very good suggestion. That puts us out of the Ramsey Show in the books. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus.

2:06:36We'll see you next time.