Q&A and Agony Aunt Mash Up

6:14Millie:Who are you barking at?

6:16Rach:In here. Yeah. Shut up, Louie. It's Dexy. Dexy. Oh, he has to get the last word in. Would you rather have a tail or have ears that wiggle when you are happy? People can wiggle their ears already.

6:31Millie:I'd rather my ears wiggle than everyone knows when I'm happy. And if I'm not happy, they're not wiggling. Who wants a tail?

6:37Rach:I don't want a tail.

6:39Millie:I love that.

6:39Rach:Although, do you know what film I did love as a kid? Babe. Please tell me you've seen it.

6:43Millie:The Pig? Yeah, I loved it.

6:46Rach:Cried, though, many times. What a film. Yeah, I'd rather my ears wiggle. I don't want a tail poking out my jeans, to be quite honest.

6:52Millie:No, neither. That button really wouldn't go up, would it? Right, what's the strangest dream you've ever had? This is a hard one.

7:00Rach:I have, do you know what? I'll let you in on a little treat. I have terrors a lot. like actual terrors where i think it's meant to be a sign or something if you believe in all that don't freaking google it because it scares me but i have terrors a lot where i actually wake up and i'm in i'm physically like my body is going through every emotion that is physically happening in the dream so like if i'm this just sounds really dark but i have a lot of like where people are like getting hurt in like my terrors and then i'll wake up and i'll be like sweating i'll be crying my eyes out like it's happening like to my body whatever i'm dreams are so strange

7:33Millie:Have you ever had sleep paralysis?

7:35Rach:No, I can't talk about it because I get scared.

7:37Millie:So I had it. I've had it a couple of times. La, la, la, la. I had it the other day, right? And honestly, I was panicking like hell. I was lying in bed. So obviously I think I'm awake. But my hands were strapped down. It wasn't a coffin, but imagine a shallow box. Oh, my Jesus, Lord. And my wrists were pinned down and my ankles were pinned down. and I could not move and I needed a way. Like, I was getting up to go to the toilet but I couldn't move and I was just like fighting to get up. But I'm like, I'm awake. How can I not get up? What do you do in that situation? Genuinely, I'm awake but I know where I am.

8:17Millie:I know exactly where I am. It's not a dream but I can't move. But what do you do? You just come round from it and then you get up. But it's the strangest thing. I've only ever had it a couple of times that this one happened recently.

8:28Rach:Absolutely not. I'd rather stay awake and my eyes be burning than that.

8:31Millie:I know. Honestly, the next night I was like I don't want to go to sleep

8:33Rach:yeah I just get bad terrors but I'd probably yeah I don't really have strange dreams bestie text me if you get bad terror just have bad terrors and I wake up and I'm like you and your bolt up from your sleep and I'll be like and I'll be like sobbing my eyes and be drenched

8:47Millie:I hate that I hate when dreams feel really real

8:50Rach:if I wake up panicking I have to text that person about oh my god are you alright is everything fine yeah

8:53Millie:and also like why do you dream about certain people like people that have like not been on my brain whatsoever are in my dream and I'm like what

9:01Rach:yeah

9:01Millie:word

9:02Rach:Crazy. Anyway, what's your most used emoji and why?

9:07Millie:Mine is the crying laughing face. Because I don't text that many people, but I tend to laugh a lot at the people I text.

9:16Rach:I've been using old little animals a lot. They're dead cute on new update. I haven't seen them. Yeah, they're proper cute. I don't know why I've got little starfish. Oh, and I've used that new... I've been using this one a lot.

9:31Millie:Hmm.

9:32Rach:Don't know why.

9:33Millie:Would you rather never have to sleep again or never have to eat again? That's horrible. I'd probably say never have to sleep. Yeah, I'm starving now. I don't sleep anyway. Me either. I'm a terrible sleeper. But I can't give up food.

9:48Rach:No, absolutely not. Where food is. Foodie, foodie, foodie.

9:51Millie:And I'm not a sleeper. I'm a terrible sleeper, so.

9:54Rach:Yeah. I think people get scared when we tell them how much we sleep and they're like, how are you functioning? And I'm like, because it's all mind over matter. all these sleep meetings got no choice love la la la you don't actually need 10 hours sleep thank you very much

10:07Millie:I've been functioning on 5

10:09Rach:for the last 10 years exactly the other day I functioned on 3 what are you saying not saying that's a healthy lifestyle by the way and I don't intend on doing that but sometimes you just can't sleep would you rather have the same dream every night or have no dreams at all no dreams at all

10:23Millie:what's the point in repeating a dream I don't want to terror I do have some recurring dreams

10:27Rach:but no

10:27Millie:I'd rather not have any more dreams

10:29Rach:I don't want to cry every night thanks

10:30Millie:I'd rather not have a dream because it's not real anyway.

10:33Rach:Bestie.

10:34Millie:They're not?

10:35Rach:No, but I do believe in them a little bit.

10:38Millie:If you could instantly learn a language, which would you choose? I would choose Spanish for sure.

10:43Rach:Spanish. I've been trying on Duolingo, but I don't pick up my accent. Piece of shit.

10:48Millie:The reason why I choose Spanish is because it's so versatile. You can use it in so many places, not just Spain. It transfers over to Portuguese and you go Brazilian. Hola, señorita.

11:00Rach:¿Cómo estás?

11:01Millie:So, yeah, Spanish for sure.

11:04Rach:Yeah, right. Final question. By the way, the questions have been topped tonight. What was your favourite board game as a child, Rachel?

11:11Millie:Well, I think you're the same as me, but my mum will be sat there laughing now because I couldn't really play a board game when I was a kid because I got that angry if I wasn't going to win.

11:22Rach:There were nothing left if it was there.

11:24Millie:So I vividly remember frustration, that game, and I remember my brother my brother nearly getting home and I was like oh unlucky he didn't win and took the board up and my mum would be like Rachel why do you have to ruin it Monopoly I'd just cheat I'd take all the money out I'd be a banker one for you yeah I'll just slip

11:42Rach:that little bit of money in we used to play Monopoly but again table we're definitely getting flipped but I do like I must say I do like the new Monopoly deal cards and I love Uno No Mercy yeah Uno's a good game but I just It annoys me when people cheat, though, that I don't want to play.

11:59Millie:Yeah, but I did cheat when I was younger to take all the money. Anyway, yeah, like Millie said, the questions were popping today. So we'll be coming back in the second half with something a little bit different. We've done it before, but it's going to be a second part to our Q &A. Exciting.

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13:49Rach:Welcome back everybody to the second part of this episode Like Rach said we've got something a little bit different But we've done it before It is also one of our favourite things, agony ants So kicking off with the first one Moving in too quickly Dear Rachel and Millie, my boyfriend of four months Wants us to move in together His lease is up and he says it makes financial sense And that when you know, you know I really like him, but a part of me thinks this is way too fast. My friends think I'm mad for hesitating and say I'll lose him if I don't commit. Am I being overly cautious or are they right?

14:24Millie:It's hard to comment on this because you don't know the person's situation. If she's been hurt before, maybe she's more wary. We don't have all the context, do we?

14:34Rach:No, we don't have all the context.

14:36Millie:It's a hard one because for me, after four months, if everything was great, I would know if someone could move in with me.

14:43Rach:Yeah, and I'm not, I'm a big believer that, listen, if it feels right, it feels right. I don't think, I think they used to, I think everyone went through this, this like rule book of relationships before where it was like, oh, you've got to have been dating four months before you can be together. And then you've got to have like been, been like seen each other in the actual relationship a year before you move in. And then you've got to have lived together before you have a baby. And I just feel like times are changing. to be honest, life's too short. If it feels right, then do it.

15:13Millie:But what I would say, if she shouldn't actually listen to us or her friends, that's something it has to feel like you know. So you can get advice from people. Some people might go, oh, four months is far too soon to be moving in. The other person's on the other side of the fence going, you're crazy. You're like, I can do it. It's no one's situation by yours. It's nobody's situation by yours. So I think you could take a bit more time. you could say nicely to him, listen, I'm not sure I'm ready yet, but I don't know. I don't know the full context, but...

15:45Rach:I like his thinking, though. I'll give him that, making financial sense of it. Financial sense. I think he's, you know, and it's got to be a nice feeling that he's, like, wanting to do that. I think that is a good sign. But I just... You know what? But it is a massive commitment

15:59Millie:to move in with somebody. Like, if they've not lived together or spent, like, loads of time...

16:04Rach:It's hard if you don't know the ins and outs, but...

16:06Millie:No, and you don't know how much you're going to enjoy living with someone. So it is hard. And obviously, if you move him in and he's got nowhere to go.

16:13Rach:How much you've spent time together. Like, have you been staying at his every day? Has he been staying at yours every day? I think if you've already technically been, like, living together, then... But maybe go for a walk, clear your head, and it has to be your decision. Just forget what everyone else is saying. And we can only give you our opinion and maybe our experience. But, yeah, it has to be your decision.

16:31Millie:Good luck, sister. Wish you all the best. Next one, the jealous best friend. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Hi, Millie and Rachel. I've recently lost two stone and I feel great. Well, well done, firstly. Well done, amazing. I'm getting attention I've never had before and it's been really fun, but my best friend keeps making snide comments. Things like, must be nice to go, must be nice to have time to go to the gym and don't get too big for your boots. It's hurting my feelings. How do I handle this without losing my oldest friend? Say something. Say something. If that's your oldest, longest friend, whatever,

17:04Rach:they should be happy for you. to have you should be able to have an honest conversation you should be able to say how it is if i needed to say something to rachel i'd be able to say it to rachel but what i will say people and this is just my opinion this is my my view on my friends people that are my true friends would never ever i wouldn't ever expect those sorts of comments or behavior from like true friends and to me i'm a very sensitive person newsflash maybe people don't actually know that but i am i know under the hard exterior i am actually super soft so that would really get to me and then I feel like once I get in that headspace it's kind of done anyway so but have a conversation and just just say like listen I don't know Rach you're better at stuff like this what would you say?

17:44Millie:Well if you were making snippy comments at me for something that I was proud of myself I'd be like why are you doing that? I'd for sure have a conversation with you and if you I'm a little bit hothead as I like why is your problem? I think yeah I think also they could be going through something do you know what I mean like if you'd done that to me and I was like why are you saying shit like that to me and then you were actually going through a really hard time it would make sense but i think yeah have a conversation open that open that floor and then you know what if they're going to keep doing that then they're not a friend sorry they're not they're not i don't care if they're your oldest friend if they're not if they're going to keep being nasty

18:17Rach:to you then they're not your friends should be your biggest supporters and they should they should no matter this no matter if my life was the shittiest it ever been and rachel was winning at life and succeeding and happy that's all i want to see from my people around me i want to everyone happy I could be depressed as hell I wouldn't care I would still cheer I'd be the biggest cheerleader for my people so that's just my view on life and friendships and family and I won't be any different so yeah your people should be your biggest supporters even in the time of like lifting you up

18:47Millie:singing your praises and enhancing your life not making it worse

18:52Rach:but yeah have a conversation and we wish you all the best nobody wants a jealous

18:57Millie:best friend

18:58Rach:nah Red buzzer for me. Right, moving on. The bridesmaid on a budget. Whoa, this is interesting. Hi, girls. I'm a bridesmaid for my best friend's wedding. She's dreamt of this day forever, which I love, but the costs are spiralling. Oh, I can understand that. The dress, the hen do abroad, the shoes, the hair and makeup. I'm looking at over£2 ,000 and that's before a gift and I can't really afford it. but if I say something I'll look like I'm not happy for her how do I handle this?

19:32Millie:That's really tough

19:33Rach:That's really hard because she sounds extremely supportive and you can tell with the way she's written the message like she's absolutely buzzing for her best friend but equally if you don't have the money

19:43Millie:you don't have the money And everyone does everything different don't they? Like obviously for me like that was important for me and for Sarah to make sure that you guys didn't have those costs Yeah but not everyone's in that position but I think if I put the costs on you, let's say, and you couldn't afford it, I would hope that you would come to me and just be like, listen, Rach, I actually can't afford it. This is there any way we can cut down the costs. How can we work it out? I would hate for you to think that you had to pay for something that made you feel uncomfortable because that's a horrible thing.

20:14I understand you wanting to make things easy for the bride.

20:18Rach:I'd want you to come to me and then, to be honest, the most important thing for me is that my best friend, if I was the bride and you came to me, the most important thing for me is that my best friend is one a bridesmaid and two is attending the head, the wedding. So I would then, me personally, I would then be like, don't sweat it. I'll cover it. Like do what you can afford. I'll cover the rest. I'm not saying that's what everyone should do, but.

20:42Millie:Everybody's different. Everyone's financial status is different.

20:44Rach:That's just how we would handle the situation.

20:46Millie:But I would never, if you said to me, Rach, I can't afford that. If I was to put the cost on you, I wouldn't be like, we can't come then. I'd literally do everything I'd bend over backwards to make sure that you could get there and even if it's a cheaper dress or we'd change I don't know I personally would if it was me and I couldn't afford it I would come to you and say Mills I can't do this

21:10Rach:so I'd say have a conversation and you sound like you're super super close and it sounds like you've got a lot of love for one another and a great friendship and don't be embarrassed that you can't afford it

21:20Millie:that's a lot of money and trust me it costs a bloody fortune

21:24Rach:yeah it does so just have that conversation and yeah i think go from there yeah i hope i hope we wish you all the best fingers crossed for you but i know she'll understand friendship you'll get it sorted whoever sent that uh agony and could you please respond to us um we would really like to know because yeah that makes us a little bit sad as well and we'd really like to make sure you get

21:47Millie:sorted right the nosy neighbor dear rachel and millie my neighbor constantly comment on my parenting. That would do my Sweden if somebody did that to me.

21:57Rach:Oh, I'm here for this agony, aunt.

21:59Millie:Every time my toddler has a tantrum in the garden, she's at the fence telling me how she'd handle it or that he needs a firm hand. It's driving me insane and making me anxious every time we go outside. How do I shut this down politely? Right, that. Firstly, there is no politely. Tell her to mind her damn business and get back inside. I understand people's advice to one another in parenting. Everyone's got to go through it at the first time. Do you know what I mean? Like, you know. But I hate when people, like, belittle somebody else's parenting.

22:30Rach:Well, there's two red flags for me in this situation. One, the neighbour been nosy in the first place. I call them curtain twitchers. Keep your damn eyes to yourself and in your four walls. It's so annoying. Those neighbours that are like this all the time. Oh, what are they doing? Oh, where's that visitor? Mind your business. Who's it matter? Who's coming in and out of the house and what I'm doing and what I'm wearing? That, oh, my blood is boiling. First problem, red flag number one. Secondly, have you got nothing better to do than stand over a fence and judge someone on the parenting?

23:00Millie:And also, you could make a kind recommendation. Like, obviously, if there's major red flags and she's beating the kid and she's looking over the fence. Different situation. Yeah, different situation.

23:11Rach:But if you're actually telling her to give him a firm hand. To give him a firm hand, yeah, exactly. Instant no-no. I say this because we've had this with my sister and Vinny and Harvey and Vinny's autistic and ADHD. So you have no idea. Neighbours comment all the time like, oh, you need to control that child. If Vinny's having a meltdown, he's not having a meltdown for crack. He didn't just think, you know what? I'm going to piss all my neighbours off tonight. I'm really going to have a meltdown. It makes him upset. He cries after because he can't control it. You also don't know what that person is going through and how hard it is to handle that child.

23:46Rach:so you don't know. So just get back in your house. Move then if you don't like it.

23:51Millie:Move. Like Rach said,

23:53Rach:I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure, it's like when, oh, this is a block and delete getting me off on a rant. Sorry, we're going on a tangent here. When you're in the supermarket and people go, child, I'm like, oh, you weren't a kid once, were you not then? You were an absolute fucking sane angel. You didn't cry, you didn't stamp your feet. I guarantee it, I put a million pound, every human on this earth had a tantrum as a kid or yelled or swore or screamed or did something that is deemed naughty in a social environment.

24:21Millie:I freaking hate it. What advice would you give to shut it down politely? I'd just say, maybe go calmly to the fence and just say, listen, thank you for your advice and your opinion, but it's not warranted at this moment in time.

24:33Rach:And that's not how I'm doing parenting. That's not my style of parenting. Popping your head over my fence

24:38Millie:because that's actually weird.

24:40Rach:Trespassing, get your damn, get your little peer off my fence. Or build a higher fence. I would actually go round and I'm not sure I'm going to think like Rachel here. This is inner peace. I'd go round and I'd do a little, I love, I'd just like to say, stop interfering. No, to be fair,

25:00Millie:I'd actually get someone else to go around because I wouldn't want to deal with it.

25:04Rach:No, but it's, I think it's, I think you can just say like, listen, I appreciate you trying to help, but one, it's not as easy as you think. And two, this is my child and I'm going to parent in my way. and I don't appreciate you constantly putting your head over and you're actually affecting my mental health. So I'm going to need you to take a step back. And then listen, love, once you've done it politely, well, cards are off at table.

25:26Millie:Build a higher base. Pop your head over my fence and I'm not sure what's going to come your way.

25:31Rach:Pop it over one more time and we'll drop you. No, I'm not encouraging that. But seriously, it does my head in. It proper winds me up because I'm just like, just stay in your lane. I'm not telling you how to live your life or parent or whatever. Like, also... It's the same with dogs barking

25:46Millie:and someone's shouting, shh!

25:50Rach:What do you mean, shush? You're telling a dog that is born to bark. That is how they communicate. Don't tell my dog to shush. It's rude. I'll tell my dog to shush.

26:00Millie:Don't you do it to my dog.

26:03Rach:On me back, bestie. Put on me back. It really does my head in. And do you know what? If you're that concerned and you really, really want to help someone, how about you help? and you don't just stand there barking instructions and do this and do that. How about you actually say, do you need any help? Like, could I help you in any way or is everything all right? Or even better, could just mind your business and go about your day and have your cup of tea inside or sit in the garden and put some music on. All that.

26:29Millie:Yeah, exactly.

26:30Rach:People are so interested in what other people are doing. Like, just seriously, just leave people alone.

26:35Millie:Yeah, nosy.

26:36Rach:I'm going to have to go and do some therapy tonight. I'm too angry. It's really got me that. Whoever said that, nosy neighbouring. I'm freaking with you on that one. That can go up block and delete and all. Get rid of it.

26:46Millie:Right, that's enough for today. Thank you for your questions. Thank you for your agony answers. We've loved today's episode. Hope you've enjoyed it as much as we have. Goodbye from me. I've loved it tonight.

26:55Rach:I've got a lot off my chest. Thanks, guys, for sending them in. Keep doing it. We love you all. Thanks for your support, and we'll see you soon.

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