706. Queen Victoria’s Revenge: Storming the Citadel (Part 2)

18:27Dominic Sandbrook:They do. But equally, governments sometimes think that this degree of face they cannot possibly lose. The humorous magazine Punch. They got a joke. Yeah, a slightly unamusing rhyme. But dash the expense, however immense we can, nothing cheaper than fight. And I think what they mean by that is the cost to the British people of losing face will ultimately be greater than that of the balance sheet. That actually in the long run, it's better to pay the money now. Anyway, let's move forward to the autumn of 1867. So by the final week in October, the advance party, which is made up of Bombay Marines and Bombay-like cavalry and engineers and sappers have landed in a place they call Anersley Bay.

19:13Dominic Sandbrook:And if you look it up, it is now the Gulf of Zula in Eritrea. They've found an anchorage for 100 ships, and then they send back measurement specifications for three large piers, which they will build, to help them unload the ships. And so in the next few weeks, more men, more supplies follow. I mean, it's mind-boggling, the enterprise. Hundreds of tons of coal, There are tramway sets, there's pile driving machinery. And so by the new year of 1868, they have landed 13 ,000 soldiers, 20 miles of railway track, and 44 elephants, which were shipped across the Indian Ocean in specially reinforced transports.

19:57Dominic Sandbrook:That is seven more elephants than Hannibal took. Really? Seven more? To Italy, yeah. Hurrah from Apia. And while they're doing that, their sappers are literally blasting away through the cliffs to find the best route to get to the Highland Plateau. So they're going to have to head up 8 ,000 feet above sea level, and then they're going to have to travel through the kind of gorges and the ravines for another 350 miles until they get to Magdala. On the 7th of January, Napier himself comes ashore from the SS Octavia. And Napier, like all proficient commanders, has a great sense of theatre, political theatre.

20:31Dominic Sandbrook:He is dressed in his full uniform. He's got all his medals. The ship's guns are firing a salute. There's a marine band playing. He comes ashore. Everyone cheers. And Napier is a very, very proficient commander. He's not bothered about the costs. He says, look, the government of India will pay and the British government will back them up. I want more mule drivers. My men need more boots. His men love him for this reason. and within a couple of weeks they have started work on the railway and the railway will bring all their supplies inland from the coast and they've also set up i mean this is an incredible achievement they have basically a field telegraph all the way to their advance guard they'll travel with that the whole way basically unspooling copper wire as they go so by the 25th of january 1868 napier is ready to set off for the great trek to magdala and as planned he has 5 000 men will go ahead as the spearhead.

21:29Dominic Sandbrook:And behind, he has 7 ,000 men who will guard his supply lines. And as they set off, they must look absolutely outlandish to the locals. I mean, it must look like people have landed from Mars or something, because the British cavalry lead the way. And when I say British, this is British and Indian. There are Sikhs, there are recruits from across the Indian subcontinent. So there's lots of people in turbans and stuff, but they're all wearing their British army red jackets. Then there's a supply chain seven miles long behind them. There are the 44 elephants who are dragging the field guns, the kind of heavy guns.

22:10Dominic Sandbrook:God, T.R. Dross would love that. Yeah. I mean, that's all his Christmases come at once. And they have military bands playing the whole time. So, I mean, they're basically like a sort a roaming orchestra and they they trudge into the highlands making very slow progress napier is of course conscious the big issue that they face is if people attack them on route if they warlords attack them and the key moment really comes at the end of february so they've been on the road for a month or so and he enters the territory of one of teodros's key rivals who is a guy called ras Kasa, who is the king of Tigray.

22:46Dominic Sandbrook:And basically the road to Magdalene runs through this kingdom of Tigray. And Napier, he's a great diplomat. He waits for this guy. He stops, he waits. He wants to greet him with full military honors. He has his troops drawn up very smartly. When this bloke arrives, he says, would you like to inspect our guns? I've brought you presents. I've brought you an Arabian horse. I've got your rifle for you. I've got some nice glassware for you. And he says to Casa, my troops will not loot. They will not steal so much as a loaf of bread. We will pay for every sack of grain. If you help us, I promise you the friendship of Queen Victoria.

23:26Dominic Sandbrook:And it works very well. This guy says to him, well, you're a very impressive person. He gives him a lion's skin cloak. And he says, I will bring you weekly supplies of food, which he does. And I think there's an implicit understanding here. It is never written down and it's never explicitly stated, but I think it's pretty clear. And Napien knows this man expects him to deal with Teodros once and for all, that that is the quid pro quo.

23:53Tom Holland:So you've been comparing this to the conquistadors in America. And this is a very familiar story, isn't it? Yeah. You know, whether it's the Aztecs or the Incas, that the local, not necessarily even subject peoples, but inferior rivals who want to throw off the hegemony of the local big power that they team up with the Europeans.

24:18Dominic Sandbrook:Exactly. I think that's exactly it. The difference, I guess, is that the British don't want to stay. You know, the conquistadors want to stay. They have their own agenda. The British really just didn't want to get in and get out. Now, this is probably a good point to ask, what has happened to the hostages? We haven't seen them for a while. So we last saw them in the summer of 1867, so almost a year ago. What have they been up to? They've been stuck in their huts at Magdala. They've been playing cards. And I mean, they're kind of manacled, so I don't know how easy that is.

24:49Tom Holland:I suppose they're bent over. I mean, cards is one thing. yeah they've been reading the bible they're allowed to use all their old stores and actually

24:58Dominic Sandbrook:so they've been eating very well at magdala because they brought up a lot of their old kind of stores and stuff so insanely they've been having like four course meals soup a starter a main course and stuff so that's all that's the good news the bad news is they're still in chains some of them are very ill they're very depressed but then in december 1867 a traveler arrived in Magdalene, the message for Dr. Blanc. And this was the news that the British had landed on the coast, the first British sort of engineers had landed on the coast. Dr. Blanc said later, it was one of those exciting moments in a man's life that few can realize who have not passed through months of mental agony and then been suddenly overcome with joy.

25:42Dominic Sandbrook:So it's grandiously exciting for the hostages. The British are on their way. But of course, they're now in a state of unbearable tension because Teodros has been gone for years, two years almost. Will Teodros get back to Magdala before the British? And if so, will he have them all killed or will he agree to see sense? They don't know. And this, of course, brings us to Teodros himself. As I said, he's been gone for ages on campaign. He has been fighting rebels and stuff. But that autumn, 1867, he too began to head inland. He left his northern capital to head back to Magdala. And with him, he brought his army.

26:23Dominic Sandbrook:He brought a huge horde of camp followers, a huge horde of prisoners that he had taken. So he's got about 50 ,000 people with him. And above all, his favorite things, which are his guns. So listeners may remember that he was getting these Swiss and German missionaries to try and build guns for him and they have finally managed to cast what he really wanted which is a giant mortar and this is a 70 ton mortar its mouth is two feet wide so it's a huge caliber and he calls it sebastopol because he loves the crimean war so napier had been told teodros has got these guns napier assumed well when teodros goes back to magdala he'll obviously leave these guns behind because they're so heavy and he's not going to try and drag them.

27:16Dominic Sandbrook:But no, Teodros is dragging these guns back to Magdalene. He's very excited about the chance of using them.

27:22Tom Holland:Can I ask, Dominic, these missionaries, these Swiss and German missionaries, obviously making guns, we said in the first episode, isn't really part of what they're about. No. But have they upped their game by this point? Are these functioning? Well, that is a great question.

27:38Dominic Sandbrook:And do you know what? We're going to find out. We're going to find out what happens. because Teodros has not yet fired it. Teodros has experimented a little bit with these guns, but he's never really fired them in anger. Okay, exciting. And this is something for listeners to look forward to. Now, he knows at this point, so let's say we're at the beginning of 1868, he knows the British have landed. His agents have intercepted messages from Napier to the local chiefs, basically trying to get the local chiefs' support. Teodros' reaction, people who are fans of his erratic behaviour will be pleased to hear that he reacts in a very peculiar way.

28:11Dominic Sandbrook:So first of all, he says to his German missionary gunsmiths, he says, this is brilliant. The one thing I've always wanted to see is a really disciplined European army, and finally I'm going to get the chance. So his plan appears to be that he will get to Magdala first. He will line up all his guns. Then he will test them against the British army. He thinks that when the British see Sebastopol in action, they will respect him and they will see what a great king he is and what an impressive person he is and they'll definitely want to come to an arrangement with him and perhaps sign a treaty this is his thinking he tells his courtiers he says i've heard a prophecy that a european king will meet with an ethiopian king in this country and after this a great king will come but i don't know whether i shall be that great king or someone else that's modest of him yeah even so you know he's very keen he's very excited he's also um started re-bombarding his old crush hormers rasam the british agent the guy from mosul who used to be an archaeologist yeah and the british descent but is he still chained up at this point he's chained up at magdala in his mount in the mountain lair but teodros has started writing sending him love letters again i mean the same thing to write to somebody who you're keeping as a hostage How are you?

29:35Dominic Sandbrook:How are you, my friend? The nearer I approach towards you, the happier I feel. Oh, my friend, do not think I bear any hatred towards you. I've placed you in a present position in order that I may come to know the people of your country.

29:48Tom Holland:It's kind of the opposite of the Stockholm syndrome, isn't it?

29:51Dominic Sandbrook:Yeah, where your captor. The captor falls in love with the captive. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And the mad thing, the maddest thing is that Teodros says to him, the thing I'm really looking forward to is I can't wait to show you Sebastopol. I have had a large mortar cast, which is to tame me on the road. But when I reach Magdala and you see it and admire it, I will forget all the trouble it has given me.

30:11Tom Holland:So basically, Sebastopol for Teodros is a bit like the owl man for the Aztecs. Yes, it is. It's the ultimate weapon that will definitely win him the war.

30:23Dominic Sandbrook:It will win him the war and also win him the undying affection of Rassam. Right. so finally uh teodros arrives at the mountaintop on the 27th of march 1868 it's a very gothic scene so a storm is breaking overhead thunder pouring rain he arrives on the mountaintop and his guards immediately bring in rasam and rasam is shocked to see that teodros has aged a lot in the last couple of years he looks very gaunt very haggard now rasam probably hasn't aged brilliantly because he's been chained up in a hut. But Teodros has been off on campaign. His mental health isn't great, to be honest. And he greets Rassam, his hostage, against the backdrop of the British invasion of his country with the mad greeting, today we must all be English.

31:10Dominic Sandbrook:And what does he mean by that? God knows. Wear unsuitable clothing for the hot temperature. React to everything with sort of insouciant understatement. But that's not his style at all. no he loves a voluble explosion no i think what he means by this he means he's just i think he just is so excited that the british are coming in a weird way and he says i can't wait to show you sebastopol and he says the two happiest days in my life are when sebastopol was cast and also today when i get to see you again i mean it's so unsettling callum our uh producer would enjoy that will enjoy this reference. There's a scene in I'm Alan Partridge when Alan Partridge is effectively taken prisoner by a crazed fan called Jed.

31:55Dominic Sandbrook:And this is basically Rassam's situation. He's been taken prisoner by Theodros. But then Theodros' mood changes abruptly and he says to Rassam, I hope, Mr. Rassam, that when your people arrive, they will not despise me because I am black. And then a note of fatalism. One day you may see me dead and while you stand by my corpse it may be that you curse me for my bad conduct towards you Rasam I think finds it hard to know keep up with all this and the maddest thing of all so Teodhras almost tearful with his love of Rasam and you know morbid thoughts and all this and then as soon as his guards take Rasam out Teodhras turns to his gorgeous and says very bitterly Rassam has made asses of us and a fool of me.

32:48Dominic Sandbrook:He's pretending to be my friend, but he's been plotting to slaughter us, ravish our wives and reduce our people to bondage. It's kind of 16 year old girl with a crush.

33:00Tom Holland:I love him. I love him. He hates me.

33:03Dominic Sandbrook:Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. This is exactly his attitude to Rassam. Now that's Teotras, General Napier, a very different kind of man. with his moustache and his keen interest in engineering projects. Exactly. His men have now trudged all the way to the edge of the Jidda Gorge, which is about 50 miles from Magdala. We're now early April. So this is very sort of sun-scorched, barren terrain. It's hard work now. They're a long way from the coast. They've traveled more than 300 miles. And on the 6th of April, they get their first glance of the summit of Magdala in the distance.

33:42Dominic Sandbrook:So one war correspondent said it rose like a great ship out of the surrounding billows. And Napier now sends ahead a messenger with a final ultimatum. By command of the Queen of England, I am approaching Magdala with my army in order to recover from your hands, Envoy Rassam, Consul Cameron, Dr Blanc, Lieutenant Prido, and the other Europeans now in your majesty's power. I request your majesty to send them to my camp as soon as it is sufficiently near to admit of their coming in safety. There is no reply. But Teodros does know that the British are very close now. Every morning, Teodros very excitedly has been scanning the mountains with his telescope.

34:24Dominic Sandbrook:Is that the telescope he got given? Yeah. He's thrown it away. So he didn't smash it. No, clearly it didn't break. He's been staring through his telescope. And on the 7th of April, which is the Tuesday before Easter. He sees the first red British uniforms on the other side of the Bishilo Gorge. And he shouts, perhaps unexpectedly, he shouts very loudly with excitement when he sees them.

34:48Tom Holland:He shouts, hurrah, there go the donkeys. The donkeys are the British? Not all these mules that Napier's had brought over.

34:56Dominic Sandbrook:The British have got mules with them, so maybe that's what he's talking about. Who knows? And then he hands the telescope to this Swiss missionary called Theophilus Valmeyer, who he's very keen on. And he says to Valbar in a very jaunty way, there you will see your brethren who have come from England to kill me. Tre la. Yeah. So the next day is a Wednesday. Teodros gets up before dawn. Now, usually he dressed quite austerely with a white robe and a red border. But today, because the British have come, he's very excited. He's wearing, we're told, a silk gold threaded robe with white pantaloons.

35:29Dominic Sandbrook:And Rassam said, rather disparagingly, he looked more like a harlequin than a sovereign.

35:34Tom Holland:It's something really sad about that. I know. He's trying to look regal. He's trying to make a splash, only to be the victim of massive British snobbery. Yeah, he's dressed inappropriately.

35:47Dominic Sandbrook:Rassam has obviously become very naturalised. You know who Teodros would get on absolutely superbly with? And it's a man we're always pleased to get back on this podcast. The Kaiser. The Kaiser. He and the Kaiser would have got on so well.

36:00Tom Holland:There are similarities there.

36:02Dominic Sandbrook:at this point Teodros orders that all the prisoners be brought down he's got a military camp lower down the mountain and he has all the prisoners brought down so this is the hostages but also this great horde of Ethiopian captives so these are as I said before captured rebels rival chiefs criminals all of this and these blokes he's treated very badly they're ravaged by disease and half starved and Teodros says you know as a little gesture to the British choose 70 of these Abyssinian captives and let them go. And so they let these people go. They go off and head off towards the British. And then Teodros draws up his army and he gives a truly deranged speech to his army.

36:42Dominic Sandbrook:He starts to inspire them. He says, the British are coming and be in no doubt the British are much better than we are. They are better equipped and they're stronger. their very dress is bedecked with gold to say nothing of their treasures which can only be borne by elephants are you ready to fight and enrich yourselves with the spoils of these white slaves or will you disgrace me by running away i mean that's a sort of a leap he's gone from saying the british are better to saying we'll get all their treasure and a kind of grizzled old veteran steps forward and says only wait to your majesty until those asses make their appearance and we will tear them to pieces.

37:24Dominic Sandbrook:And everybody shouts, huzzah! Yay! Yeah. And Teodfus greets that by saying to this man, you old fool, have you ever seen an English soldier? Before you know where you are, your belly will be filled with bullets. Oh my God, it's like Henry V Attachian Corps. So if you're one of his men, he's sending very mixed messages. He is. Yes, he is. He was slightly deflated, I think. So the next day, Thursday, Thursday before Easter, Teodros has been drinking a lot, probably too much, I think. And he drinks a lot that morning. And after lunch, he decides to retire to sleep it off. Now, before that, he said to his generals, OK, you can release all the remaining Abyssinian prisoners.

38:12Dominic Sandbrook:Release them all now. Now, these people have all been shackled up as well. I mean, the people manufacturing chains in the kingdom of Abyssinia must be making an absolute killing. and it's taking ages to get all their shackles off. And about four o 'clock that afternoon, a very hungover Teodros is woken by the sound of prisoners complaining that the guards are taking too long to get their shackles off. Teodros goes berserk at this. He calls for a sword, and he immediately stabs two of the prisoners to death. Then he says, how many are left? And there's about 300 left. He says, bring them all up to me.

38:48Dominic Sandbrook:They line them all up on the cliff, and then one by one, He has them thrown over the cliff to their deaths. And then he tells the guards, go down and finish all the survivors off. The whole thing takes two hours. It's a horrendous scene, obviously. But Teotras does feel bad about it afterwards, because that evening, apparently, one of his servants heard him praying aloud, telling God, confessing to God that he was drunk when he ordered the massacre and asking for forgiveness, saying, please don't count it against me, because drink had been taken. I don't know what God's view of that was, actually.

39:20Dominic Sandbrook:I don't think very approving, to be honest. Surely not. So we come to the crucial day, and this is the 11th of April, 1868. It is Good Friday. Teodros knows that the British are very close now. He knows that they are about to reach, in a few hours, the plateau of Aroji, which is just below the fortress at Magdala. They should be there by the afternoon, and this will be it. This will be the moment of decision.

39:46Tom Holland:And we will find out what happens in that moment of decision after the break.

39:57Tom Holland:This episode is sponsored by how the Tudors lost their heads on National Geographic.

40:04Dominic Sandbrook:You and I think we know the story of the Tudors, don't we? But this series puts them in a very different light because it asks, what if the biggest Tudor stories were investigated like modern true crime cases?

40:14Tom Holland:A brilliant idea. So just to emphasise, this is very much not a traditional history documentary and we could not be more excited about it so this is a series that explores some of the best known figures of the Tudor era and also some of the less well-known and it uncovers fresh evidence that shines a new light on the stories behind their demise

40:37Dominic Sandbrook:yeah I'd really love to get into some of these Tudor stories you know that the one that's always fascinated me is Henry VIII and his ulcer I'd like to have forensic scientists looking at it how he got the ulcer, how it was treated. I don't know if that's one of the cases they're doing, but I know they're doing the absolute best cases, so it probably will be.

40:53Tom Holland:Well, Dominic, the only way to find out is to watch how the Tudors lost their heads on Sunday at 8pm on National Geographic.

41:13Dominic Sandbrook:The Great Game. Strategic struggle between Britain and Russia.

41:21Tom Holland:We assess, uh, Prime Minister. With high confidence it was Russian.

41:27Dominic Sandbrook:Holding the Russians accountable is World War III. They took down a British passenger jet containing 350 people. Man in the Kremlin is playing, Alex. You've got to ask yourself, do you want to play or not? You're the Prime Minister. You've done nothing!

41:45Tom Holland:We would need to understand the policy context.

41:48Dominic Sandbrook:All the relevant context will be structured as a framework today. And disseminated into an operation order. Or frago. Or a frago that says to kill the president of Russia. Yes. New from Goalhanger. Who is going to be able to pull this off? You're my soldier, are you? Sergeant Tom McDuff. Duffy. An audio drama journey like no other. Men like Duffy, they are our most valuable weapons. Devised as a technically rigorous geopolitical action thriller. Where Britain plays its strongest hand against its strongest foe. Bear Hunt. Available now wherever you get your podcasts.

42:49Tom Holland:Welcome back to The Rest is History, where it is Good Friday, 1868, and the Emperor Theodros is preparing for his final showdown with Lieutenant General Sir Robert Napier. And the two generals are very different characters, aren't they, Dominic?

43:08Dominic Sandbrook:They are. They could not be more different. Napier's probably been studying engineering measurements overnight. Teodros drinking, feeling bad that he's been massacring people, throwing them off cliffs. He gets up early and he goes to church. Then he orders, all the European hostages are still at his lower camp. He says, I've changed my mind. Take them all back up to the top of Magdala. I mean, all they have been doing for about the past two years is trudging up and down this mountain. It's a miserable business. They've had a very confusing time, I think. Yeah. um rassam who's still on talking speaking terms with him says to him please this is probably your last chance to ask general napier for terms and teodros says i will do no such thing as he has been sent by a woman meaning queen victoria so he was all talk about queen victoria beforehand yeah it's not very gallant at all no exactly he's let himself down there that's that's very poor from Teodros.

44:06Dominic Sandbrook:Teodros now divides his forces. He will stay on the heights with his guns, which he's very excited about, and the rest of his men, so he's got about 7 ,000 loyalists, he wants them to charge the British as soon as the British arrive on the plateau. And he gives them a slightly disconcerting send-off, as is his want. He says to them, take leave of your families, for today you will have the honour to die with a king. so Churchillian now meanwhile Napier's men are climbing onto the plain of Oroji and they're climbing up through this valley in punishing heat it's a really grueling march I mean they've come a hell of a long way they're wearing these very heavy packs they haven't got much water the weather I mean you know the gods have written the story there is thunder in the air the storm is going to break it's a very ominous atmosphere and of course I already mentioned the best known British intervention overseas at this point is probably still 1842 Afghanistan.

45:07Dominic Sandbrook:This is the obvious parallel. They know that these things don't always end well, despite their technological superiority. Henry Morton Stanley, war correspondent, said at the time he remembered this terrible, suspicious silence as they advanced up the valley onto the plateau. And I think a lot of them probably are thinking, this has got kind of Afghanistan Mark II written all over it. At some point, people will emerge over the horizon and we will all be butchered.

45:37Tom Holland:I mean, part of the kind of the vibe of the Afghan war was British soldiers in red uniforms being shot at by snipers from behind rocks and things like that. This is a key moment in the history of the British Army, isn't it? because they are not wearing their red coats.

45:57Dominic Sandbrook:Exactly right. Exactly. They have brought along with them for the first time in combat khaki battle uniforms. As you say, previously they had worn their kind of bright, resplendent red, but they finally decided to compromise with reality and this is the first time that a British army has gone into combat wearing khaki. They don't all wear khaki, I think, but certainly a proportion of them do. so they're now stumbling out about four o 'clock onto this plane from the valley and on the heights above Teodros has been watching their advance and now he sees them coming and he shouts to his men be not afraid of these English soldiers because they are like the Philistines who made war against David but remember David smoked them and in the name of God I shall conquer look at those slaves they're women look at them they bring you clothes and riches and pay go down and help yourselves and at this moment you know proper hollywood stuff the storm breaks there's a great crash of thunder overhead and at that moment teodra shouts to his gunners open fire and the first shells shriek through the air towards napier's men so some of the guns are working and at that point down below the abyssinian troops that have been waiting gave a great kind of cheer and a kind kind of war whoop and they charge onto the plane themselves some of them on horseback some of them running they've leveled their spears they're singing their war songs it's the kind of ride of the rehirim at the battle of the pelennor fields or something and a tremendously rousing and exciting moment as they they race towards the british and for a moment you know if you're watching the film of this it looks as if tjordros's plan has worked it looks as if the british have right into a trap.

47:49Dominic Sandbrook:They've walked into the guns. They've walked into the charge and they're going to be swept off the plateau. But it doesn't quite work out that way. So first of all, the guns. These guns that he loved so much. I mean, never get a missionary to build you a gun. That's the lesson of history. It is the lesson of history. A Swiss missionary. The guns are so inaccurate that the shells just sail over the heads of Napier and his men. Has he fired Sebastopol at this point? I don't know that he ever does fire Sebastopol out. Oh, no. Absolutely. But one of the guns early on, one of the guns explodes. It bursts.

48:27Dominic Sandbrook:And at this point, I think some of the gunners lost heart. Shoddy Swiss workmanship. Shoddy, exactly. So off in the way with the Swiss, isn't it? Yeah, isn't it? Now, meanwhile, his assault troops or whatever are charging at the British. Now, the British are taking aim with their rifles. But the Abyssinians know they've charged guns before. They've charged riflemen before. They know that basically what will happen is the riflemen will fire, but then they'll have to reload. That's a massive faff. It takes them ages. And you can be on them and you can butcher them. But what they don't know is the British have a secret technological advantage.

49:07Dominic Sandbrook:The British have bought, for the first time, state-of-the-art Snyder breech-loading rifles. So these are rifles that you can reload with a breach in seconds.

49:18Tom Holland:Yeah. We have got the Snyder breach loading rifle and they have not.

49:22Dominic Sandbrook:Correct. And that means that collectively the British line can fire about 30 to 40 rounds a second. And there's no let up in the rate of fire. And so the Abyssinians are charging towards them thinking at some point they're going to stop and they're going to reload. And that moment never comes. the first to fall are the abyssinian chiefs and kind of captains because they are wearing bright red kind of scarlet shirts that is ironic so they're sitting ducks they are shot down their men keep coming and then the bullets just a hail of bullets just knock them down in the hundreds and they keep charging they keep charging again and again the british just keep on firing it is a total bloodbath and from the heights teodros is watching and he just cannot believe it so this continues for the next couple of hours the last dusk begins to fall and the fighting dies down and the survivors straggle back to Teodros's camp and in the dark he calls out to them where is so-and-so where's so-and-so naming his chiefs they're all dead all the people he knows by name are dead so in all he's lost about a thousand men just under a thousand men thousands more wounded the British have lost two men killed and about 20 wounded.

50:37Dominic Sandbrook:I mean, you could hardly imagine a more lopsided battle. Theodros is stunned. I mean, the weird thing is he always kind of knew, I think, that the British would be a tough challenge, but he didn't think they'd be this tough. And he retires to his tent in the sort of terrible silence. He doesn't know what to do. does he free the hostages did he start killing the hostages did he try to run away well when in doubt send another of your letters to rasam i think is his general um approach so he sends some another of his mad notes how have you passed the day thank god i am well i being a king could not allow people to come and fight me without attacking them first i have done so and my troops have been beaten.

51:22Dominic Sandbrook:I thought your people were women, but I find they are men. They fought very bravely. Seeing that I'm unable to withstand them, I must ask you to reconcile me to them. And Rassam scribbles him a note and says, I completely agree. Adorn, I think you should send a delegation to Napier. Maybe send that missionary, the Reverend Flad and Lieutenant Predo, and they can carry your peace offer to Napier. So that night, nobody can sleep because there's just a lot of wailing as the Abyssinians mourn their dead. And at four o 'clock in the morning, Teodros summons Vlad and Predo, as Rassam suggested, and says, I want you to go down to the British camp and discuss peace.

52:06Dominic Sandbrook:So they go down the hill. They get onto the plane. The plane is covered with bodies, many of them being mangled by hyenas. So that's a bit disconcerting. under their white flag they get to the british camp and when the soldiers see them coming the soldiers will start cheering and they're taken straight to napier and they say to napier we've come from the emperor the emperor wants peace and napier says brilliant and napier dictates a very gracious reply he says your majesty has fought like a brave man and has been overcome by the superior power of the british army it is my desire that no more blood may be shed if therefore your majesty will submit to the Queen of England and bring all the Europeans now in your majesty's hands and deliver them safely this day in the British camp.

52:50Dominic Sandbrook:I guarantee honorable treatment for yourself and for all the members of your majesty's family. And he says Teodros has 24 hours to decide. So the delegation go back to Teodros. And he says, I don't really understand what he means. What's he mean by honorable treatment? Do they mean to treat me honorably as a prisoner or do they intend to assist me in recovering my country from the rebels? And I think this is when he's got a real shock at this point because I think he always thought that the British would fight him, be impressed by him and his big gun, and then they would help him and they would be great friends.

53:29And now he thinks, I don't want to be taken as a prisoner

53:33Dominic Sandbrook:back to London. That is the last thing that I want. So he dictates this very rambling reply No mention of the hostages. A lot of mention of how terrible the Abyssinian people are. A land of heathens, he describes his own country as. He says, you are brilliant people. You're a people governed by discipline. I'm very impressed with you. But he doesn't really give Napier a clear answer about the hostages. He sends this message to Napier's camp. Then he goes and sits on a rock alone. His men see him praying. They see him bow three times. and then to their horror they see him pull a pistol from his belt and put it in his mouth and go to pull the trigger and his officers rush at him and they yank his arm away and he does fire but the bullet just grazes his ear i mean you say to their horror but i mean he

54:23Tom Holland:has led them into a complete disaster so they're still loyal to him but they must be horrified because they stop him shooting himself yeah because you'd think with all his ranting and his lunatic general behavior yeah they might think this isn't really the greatest war leader we've

54:38Dominic Sandbrook:ever had you might think that but maybe some of them just think it's it's fun you know it's you never know where you are no two days are the same i don't know because he's busy chopping off hands

54:49Tom Holland:and um yeah feet isn't he and throwing people to hyenas looting manuscripts yeah he's doing that

54:54Dominic Sandbrook:of course maybe it's that i don't know he now throws himself to the ground he's sobbing he's disconsolate he's just in the floods of tears and then he um tussed himself down and for about the 17th time he says bring all the europeans down from the mountaintop it is hard to keep up isn't it it's yeah i mean i mean you find it hard to keep up imagine having to make the notes i mean

55:17Tom Holland:yeah yeah i just want to keep track of where everybody is i thought you were going to say imagine being a hostage but no you're the victim here no i'm the real victim in all this let's be

55:25Dominic Sandbrook:clear so the hostages are are dragged back down they're completely bewildered it's very dark it's a very sort of ominous scene they're convinced that Teodros has gone completely mad he's going to kill them all they get halfway down and then a guard stops them and he says Mr Rassam please the rest of you stay here Teodros wants to speak to Rassam alone Rassam who's very nervous finds the emperor standing alone by the edge of the cliff and Teodros who's a broken man says to him You know, Mr. Rassam, that you and I have always been on good terms. I've always had a high regard for you. It's true I behave badly towards you, but that was because of the behavior of bad men.

56:05And Teodras says, tomorrow, when I'm taken prisoner, please stand up for me in the British camp.

56:11Dominic Sandbrook:Put a good word in for me. I want you to bear this in mind. Unless you befriend me, I should either kill myself or become a monk. Now, goodbye. It's getting late. Try to come and see me tomorrow if you can. and they shake hands, and Rassam sees tears in Teodros's eyes, and Rassam goes on down the path. And Rassam is terrified that when he goes on down the path, he will find that all the other hostages have been butchered. But no, he meets up with the other hostages, and they all now trudge on towards the British camp, and they pass through the British lines, great cheering. They've all been freed.

56:50Dominic Sandbrook:It's an incredibly emotional scene. They're shown to Napier's tent. The British agent in Aden, who was called Colonel Merriweather, has brought loads of champagne along just in case. See, I've mentioned the champagne. Oh, so that's why they brought the champagne. So they open the champagne. You know, it's all over. Or is it? Not quite. The next day is Easter Sunday. Teodros is still up on the hill, sends Napier another letter. Very erratic. He tells Napier that he's tried to kill himself. Satan placed in me the thought that I should die by my own gun. He says, as a peace offering, I'm going to send you a thousand cows and 500 sheep, which he does.

57:30Dominic Sandbrook:And as the livestock is being led towards the British line, Teodra says to his officers, surely it is peace now. They've taken my power from me. Surely it is peace. But now the tragic turning point in the story. Napier refuses to accept the cows and the sheep. and I think the reason he does this is he knows that under the local custom if he accepts them that means it's all over and he's accepted peace and when Teodros sees Napier turning them away he says bitterly to his courtiers these people having got what they wanted they now want to kill me he flirts with the idea of fleeing he says you know maybe we could run away maybe we get to Lake Tana but his men say to him no we're not going to flee with you your own you you've got to make peace now.

58:19Dominic Sandbrook:We will stay with your majesty till death, but you must listen to our advice and come to terms with the Ferenjis, with the foreigners. And Teotras is devastated by this. They won't run away with him. And that night, he kind of wanders alone on the mountain, staring down at the British campfires. Now, Napier, meanwhile, is down with his senior officers thinking about what to do. Deep down, I don't think they want to know the battle. His men are exhausted. They've gone a long way. They're hundreds of miles from home. They have, of course, now got the hostages. They could just turn around and go back at this point.

58:52Dominic Sandbrook:The reason they don't is it's the point that you made earlier on, the similarity with the fall of the Aztecs. They would have to go through lands controlled by rival warlords. And he knows those warlords expect him basically to finish Teodros off.

59:08Tom Holland:So basically the deal is he has to finish Theodros off or else they risk being cut up as they march back to the coast.

59:15Dominic Sandbrook:Exactly right. Exactly. And I think finishing Theodros off might well involve taking him prisoner and bringing him back to London. And Theodros is probably frightened that he's going to be dragged through the streets in chains like a captured general in a Roman triumph, which probably would not have been the case. he would probably have had tea with Queen Victoria Osborne House and then been sort of incarcerated in some country house in Hampshire. I mean, worst case scenario, you're being exhibited at a freak show in the East End. No, they wouldn't do that. No, of course they wouldn't. Of course they wouldn't.

59:49Dominic Sandbrook:Well, as we will discover in the bonus episode about what they do with Teodros' son, they send him to public schools. So anyway, Monday morning. Teodros has been outside all night and he climbs back up to the fortress and his men are huddled around their campfires and they watch him in silence and Teodros says come on death or glory one last stand let's attack the British bring your weapons and follow me and he leads them out of the citadel down this path they get about halfway down the mountain and a lot of them say hold on this is mad I'm not attacking the British again we would rather seek death in magdala they say and a very deflated teodros says fine we'll go back so they trudge back up again god it's up and down isn't it i mean it's all this story is i know constant he's getting his steps in that's for sure a lot of his men slip away yeah they know this is all over so by the afternoon of easter monday he's in magdala with a dwindling band of loyalists and they're sort of stacking boulders against the outer gate meanwhile napier has ordered his guns to start shelling the Abyssinian citadel.

1:00:59Dominic Sandbrook:And the shells are getting closer and closer. By about four o 'clock in the afternoon, the first British troops were advancing up the path towards the sort of outer gates. And the shells are now landing inside the walls between the inner and outer gates. So Teotras and his remaining loyalists begin to fall back towards the inner gate. At this point, the British have brought scaling ladders with them and they start to scale the ladders and to climb the outer ramparts. Some of them get to the outer gate and they start to force open the doors with kind of crowbars and stuff. Now, Teotras and his companions are kind of firing at them from the inner gateway, but it's completely pointless.

1:01:36Dominic Sandbrook:There are now hundreds of British soldiers streaming up the path and towards the outer gateway. And it's at this point that Teotras shouts his last order to his men. He shouts, flee, I release you from your allegiance, but I shall never fall into the hands of an enemy. and he pulls out a gun and he puts the end in his mouth and he pulls the trigger and bang, that's it. He falls to the ground. And within moments, his men are melted away. The gates have opened and the British troops are pouring in and they see his body lying on the ground in the dust. And he's, of course, quite dead. And by his side lies the gun with which he took his own life.

1:02:18Dominic Sandbrook:and they pick it up and they see it is the silver dueling pistol that he was given as a gift from Queen Victoria. The one you told us to remember. Exactly.

1:02:31Tom Holland:He's killed himself with his present from Queen Victoria. You are like Agatha Christie putting the candlestick on the mantelpiece

1:02:39Dominic Sandbrook:in Chapter 2. That Chekhov's gun. I introduce the gun in Act 1 and it's going to recur in Act 5. Yes. so that is the end of teodros the emperor of abyssinia dr blanc who had been his hostage did the post-mortem and dr blanc said later death that gave an air of calm grandeur to the features of one whose career had been so remarkable whose cruelties are almost unparalleled in history i mean i think that's unfair actually but who at the last hour fought like a brave man and killed himself rather than surrender. And it was actually Mr. Rassam who organised the funeral, which was held in the Coptic church on the Magdala hilltop the next day.

1:03:21Dominic Sandbrook:Teodros, he would have loved that. He would have loved that. That's what he wanted. I mean, he died as he would have wanted in some

1:03:26Tom Holland:ways. And he got the funeral he would have wanted, devised by his beloved.

1:03:30Dominic Sandbrook:The only thing he'd have liked, I think he'd have liked Queen Victoria to have been there. I think no. I think it's all about Rassam. Yeah, maybe.

1:03:38Tom Holland:Don't forget, he'd been very rude about Queen Victoria being a woman. He had. Yes, he had.

1:03:42Dominic Sandbrook:So at the end, the other defenders surrendered almost immediately. And this was the cue for the British to start piling into the manuscripts, the relics and the treasures. Now, as we said, this is not an entirely straightforward British bad guys plundering stuff story, because, of course, this was stuff that Theodros had basically accumulated in his campaigns. and he had an absolutely mad collection. So he had religious relics and vestments and crowns and goblets. He had a lot of manuscripts. He had musical instruments. He had weirdly a collection of Staffordshire pottery. He had umbrellas. He had cases of wine.

1:04:24Dominic Sandbrook:He had carpets. He had lion skins. He had toy soldiers and a collection of cameras, all of which ended up in the baggage of all these British soldiers. There was a massive looting free-for-all, which only ended when Napier himself arrived, came up the path. And he came up with a military band playing God Save the Queen and See the Conquering Hero Comes. And Napier said, now, come on, we're British. We don't want a massive free-for-all. We will distribute the booty properly. And basically, they doled out all the cash to all the troops. And then a few days later, he held a gigantic auction where all the sort of relics and stuff and the cameras and the Staffordshire pottery was auctioned off to the highest bidders.

1:05:09Dominic Sandbrook:So we can talk possibly in our bonus about some of the loot.

1:05:13Tom Holland:Well, the notorious one is the tabots, isn't it? Yes. They're not books exactly. They're kind of tablets, aren't they? Held by the British Museum, I think, aren't they? And there's one held by Westminster Abbey, I think.

1:05:23Dominic Sandbrook:so we talk about some of the loot in a special bonus episode on this for rest is history club members we also talk about what happened to some of the hostages like hummus rasam and we talk about two other characters that we haven't really mentioned so one is a guy called captain speedy who was uh one of napier's deputies literally speedy it's not his nickname that was his name captain speedy but captain speedy before this had been teodros's military advisor so he had he had an extraordinary career he knew all about the guns he did and the other person is chodros's son prince alameahu and he was sent back to england he was introduced to queen victoria and he ended up as a boarder at rugby a flashman's old school so we'll talk about him and his extraordinary trajectory but back to napier now we talked before about comparisons with other military expeditions, perhaps particularly those launched by our American cousins.

1:06:23Dominic Sandbrook:And the difference with Napier is Napier has absolutely no interest in installing a client regime, in sorting, making Abyssinia safe for democracy, any of that sort of stuff. His orders were to get in, get the hostages and get out again. And that is precisely what he's going to do. He's not interested in Abyssinia at all. He sends a message to his army the day after the auction. he says the queen and the people of england entrusted to you a very arduous and difficult expedition to release our countrymen from a long and painful captivity and to vindicate the honor of our country we've done it we're going home the message that jimmy carter never got to deliver exactly right so the result of this actually is that abyssinia is left leaderless and the result is 20 years of chaos because basically it's like they've gone in and they've kicked over an ant heap isn't it yeah complete chaos you sort yourselves out i mean the thing what could they have done they could have chosen a client king it would probably have all ended in disaster frankly i think they absolutely did the right thing in getting out there's there's 20 years of civil war there's then the war in the sudan which spills over the mardi our old friend general gordon and it only ends really at the end of the century under a guy called menelik the second and he really establishes himself as a kind of abyssinian hero by beating the italians at the Battle of Adwar in 1896, which is seen as a kind of landmark moment, humiliation of a European army by an African one.

1:07:48Dominic Sandbrook:But all that lies in the future. So Napier and co. march back to the coast, their bands playing, their flags flying. They get there in June. Everything is loaded back onto the ships, the railway tracks, the telegraph wires, the elephants. The elephants are all right, are they? The elephants are all right. The hostages. eight days later napier embarks for suez he goes back to england in england he is a hero we rejoice that the honor of the british flag and the dignity of the british name have been vindicated asiatics will ponder and talk over the fate of a man who imprisoned british subjects and they'll think twice about challenging the power that triumphed over the black king so quite pungent stuff from british editorials napier is given the thanks of parliament he's given a reception by the queen he's promoted to field marshal and he's given a hereditary peerage so he becomes baron napier of magdala and there's still a baron napier of magdala today and when he dies in 1890 he's a national hero and there's a statue put up in kensington a queen's gate you can still see it today.

1:08:59But talk of statues, we should end in Abyssinia.

1:09:04Dominic Sandbrook:So Teodros in Abyssinia, or rather Ethiopia as we now call it, is a cult figure today. So in his brilliant book on this, Philip Marston talks about going to the markets in Addis Ababa and seeing Teodros t-shirts and badges, seeing his image stenciled on the walls of bars. He's now seen as a patriotic hero who died fighting European imperialism, a kind of symbol of Ethiopian independence. And the most obvious reminder of him, you can go to Emperor Teodros Square, which is in the center of Addis Adaba. And basically, this is a giant roundabout. And unbelievably, this roundabout is situated on, of all things, Churchill Avenue.

1:09:50Dominic Sandbrook:Who was at the Battle of Omdaman. Who was at the Battle of Omdaman, exactly. He was no stranger to a sort of Horn of Africa battle. Now, there is no statue of Tawadros, but you will be pleased to hear that in the middle of this roundabout, there is a replica of his beloved giant gun, Sebastopol. Oh, fabulous. So you could go and see this. If we haven't done a Restos History trip to Addis Ababa, we'd obviously go to the… But what about the actual gun? Well, this here is the thing. The real Sebastopol still exists, 250 miles away from Addis Ababa. It's half buried on the barren mountaintop of what was once the fortress of Magdala.

1:10:34Dominic Sandbrook:There's nothing there now. And it was never fired. No one ever worked out if it worked. It shows no sign of ever having been fired. Oh, God. So there it sits, this forgotten relic of this bizarre episode in British and indeed African history. and the mad thing about the whole business as sir harry flashman rightly puts it in his memoir it could all have been avoided if only queen victoria had answered her letters well on the

1:11:07Tom Holland:subject of um queens behaving badly and disastrous consequences ensuing um next week we are back with the French Revolution and specifically with the terror. So the most dramatic, the most celebrated episode in the whole of the French Revolution. This is tumbrils, guillotines, blood flowing in the streets, the deaths of Marie Antoinette, Danton, Robespierre, just incredible drama and a completely blood-soaked climax. And that, if you are a member of the Rest is History Club, You will be getting all six episodes this coming Monday. And if you're not and you would like to hear the slicing of the guillotine for six solid episodes, you can go to the rest is history dot com.

1:12:01Tom Holland:So huge excitement for that. But I think, Dominic, before we go, massive thanks for telling this forgotten but incredibly dramatic story. simultaneously tragic and darkly comic, as is so often the case with British Imperial history.

1:12:18Dominic Sandbrook:Poor old. Do you feel sorry if it's your dross?

1:12:20Tom Holland:I'd have really liked him. You wouldn't like him if he'd shackled your... No, I wouldn't have wanted to be a hostage. But I'll tell you what I liked about him. I liked his style as a letter writer. Yeah. I would have loved to get a letter from him. And unlike Queen Victoria, I would have replied and become his pen pal.

1:12:36Dominic Sandbrook:Maybe rest is history listeners. if those people who feel fondly disposed to Tom, why don't you send in your letters to him in the style of Teodros II and there'll be a prize for the year. The prize is Tom will take you, just the two of you, on a trip to Sebastopol to inspect the mortar in the middle of nowhere in Ethiopia. What could possibly go wrong?

1:12:56Tom Holland:Take some dueling pistols with us as well. It'd be great. Anyway, Dominic, thank you. That was great. Thank you everyone for listening. Bye-bye.

1:13:03Dominic Sandbrook:Bye-bye.

1:13:07Thank you.