In short
How confident people psychologically “do it anyway,” using Ally Love’s childhood trauma, resilience mindset, and practical confidence tools (small steps, “bossing up,” and acting despite fear).
Guest backgrounds
Ally Love is a global fitness instructor known for Peloton classes. She was hit by a car at age nine, suffering severe injuries (broken femur, torn skin, cracked teeth) and spending seven days in hospital, including traction. She later studied dance and theology at Fordham University, became a New York Knicks dancer, and modeled for Victoria’s Secret; she also wrote a book on confidence.
Key claims
Confidence is built through tiny daily “fights” (showing up, grounding, choosing positivity). “Bossing up” means setting a standard and establishing a tone, not “girl boss” branding. When afraid, go first to reduce fear and build permission to mess up. Morning intentions (“what/how do I want to feel today?”) prevent reactivity and rumination.
Notable examples
Royal Ballet rejection at ~11; early Peloton start with very low class uptake (428 weekly) leading to research and refining her “boss of the experience” approach; ballet lesson rule “if it makes me scared, I go first.”
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOOvercoming Childhood Trauma
2:50 to 3:12
Ali Love shares her story of resilience after a life-changing accident.
“PD can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis, causing a curve or the bump during an erection that for some men may lead to pain during intimacy and impact mental health.”
Overcoming Childhood Trauma
3:16 to 5:20
Ali Love shares her story of resilience after a life-changing accident.
“Ali Love, thank you very much for joining, doing it anyway.”
The Role of Nurture in Confidence
5:20 to 7:50
Ali discusses how her mother's support shaped her determination and confidence.
“Everyone has their difficulties, their challenges, their chaos that happens in their lives.”
The Fight Within
7:50 to 10:40
Explore the concept of fighting for one's goals through small daily actions.
“And sometimes, while that may be like a story that people may not see themselves in, I want to bring it home just a little bit, Katty.”
The Journey to Success and Acceptance
10:40 to 14:00
Ali reflects on her journey, dreams, and the importance of accepting setbacks.
“And so I think going back to your original question of just like, where did this come from?”
The Journey of Dreams and No's
14:00 to 24:38
Explore the acceptance of failures as part of achieving dreams.
“My dream was never fulfilled in the way that I set out for it to be fulfilled.”
Understanding Ambition and Its Nature
24:39 to 25:32
Dive into the complexities of ambition, especially for women.
“PD can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis.”
Understanding Ambition and Its Nature
25:37 to 26:58
Dive into the complexities of ambition, especially for women.
“Your sleep, your privacy, the way every room looks and feels.”
The Nature of Ambition
28:00 to 30:56
Explore the concept of ambition and its connection to personal development.
“How do you feel about ambition and your relationship with ambition?”
Overcoming Fear in Performance
30:56 to 32:58
Learn how facing fear head-on can foster growth and confidence.
“and it makes you feel good, it gives you permission to also be okay if you mess up.”
Show all 15 chapters
Establishing a Morning Routine
32:58 to 35:45
Discover the importance of morning routines and how they can set your day up for success.
“Talk to me about your morning routines, the Ali Love morning routines, because I'm looking at this determination, the ambition, but also you mentioned a word I want to pick up on a few minutes ago, which was discipline.”
Mindful Reactions and Authenticity
35:45 to 40:20
Understand how to respond authentically while managing personal interactions.
“I've come to terms with that's very similar to how I live.”
Balancing Work and Motherhood
40:20 to 42:00
Examine the challenges and strategies for managing work-life balance as a new mother.
“I want to move on to what it was like coming back to work and being a new mother, because I know we're going to have a lot of people listening.”
Navigating Confidence and Self-Perception
42:00 to 55:29
Explore how confidence is shaped by personal experiences and self-acceptance.
“the space to say, this is what I can offer.”
Navigating Confidence and Self-Perception
55:31 to 55:56
Explore how confidence is shaped by personal experiences and self-acceptance.
“When patient care is your top priority, you need a proven workforce solutions partner who can deliver it all and deliver it right.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:10Hello, and welcome to Doing It Anyway, the show where we rethink challenges, grow our confidence, and learn how to do it anyway. Today, I'm speaking with somebody who had their confidence tested at a really young age. Ali Love is known around the world as a fitness instructor with Peloton. She is loved for her energy and her personality, everything that she brings to her classes. But you'd never guess that at the age of nine, Ali faced the possibility of never even being able to walk again, let alone do all of the things that she has done. And yet her perspective and her optimism is totally infectious.
0:51You can just tell by speaking to her that she has thought a lot about resilience and overcoming hurdles. And she's got some great tricks and tips that she shared with me, spotting the good nose that we all get in life, what she means when she says it's time to boss up, realizing that progress in overcoming hurdles can be in those very small steps that you might even not notice. And this one I really loved, a counterintuitive trick for doing it when you're afraid. So if you want to find out how to show up for yourself when all of the odds seem against you, this is for you. Here's my conversation with Ali Love.
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2:55PD can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis, causing a curve or the bump during an erection that for some men may lead to pain during intimacy and impact mental health. A trusted urology specialist can help diagnose PD and walk you through your options, including non-surgical treatment. Visit talkaboutpd.com.
3:18Ali Love, thank you very much for joining, doing it anyway. I have wanted to have this conversation with you since we first met in New York City. No, thank you for having me. I'm so excited. um look so you the reason I really want to have this conversation with you for many reasons but to kick it off for those who don't know your biography you're such a great example of this idea of overcoming hurdles and doing it anyway um and even since you were a child and I want to talk about taking you back I hope this isn't traumatic for you by the way I'm sure you've rid of this many times when you were nine years old and you were out getting ice cream on a family trip and you were hit by a car, you broke your femur, you tore all the skin off your body, you cracked your teeth, you were in hospital for seven days, five days in traction, you lost a lot of blood.
4:09I feel like I'm on some ER, you know, the pit movie at the moment. But anyway, this is the pit. This is the pit trauma response team. Anyway, you have this incredibly difficult accident and you've been told at the age of nine that you're never going to be an athlete. I imagine the idea of even walking was difficult back then, but you overcame it and you became the extraordinary person and the extraordinary athlete you are today. When you look back at that, do you think you knew at nine that you had determination in you? Was it in your nature? I mean, this is old chestnut of nature and nurture.
4:47Was it in your nature to do that? Or was there something about the circumstance and your parents and the involvement of the community around you that said, yes, Ali, you can do this and overcome this incredible hurdle that you've been faced with? Yeah, I think it's twofold. So going back, I mean, I started telling this story maybe like five years ago, and it wasn't something that I told because I didn't want to share. While I am a private person, I'm very transparent. But the reason I didn't tell this story is because I had a hard time with people pitying me or people feeling sorry for me. And I get it.
5:19Everybody has their trauma. Everyone has their difficulties, their challenges, their chaos that happens in their lives. And so for me, what ended up happening is I was doing some self-awareness work. We were all at home during the pandemic. And I really started to get curious on why did I feel the way I felt? And it started coming up where I think it started at the age of nine when I was hit by a car. I was like, I just glaze over that all the time, what really happened there? And so I started telling that story and it started really opening up memory gates of what I was experiencing at that age, what I experienced after, and how it related to who I am.
5:59We always talk about if you go to therapy, you know the inner child. Everyone has that inner child. When you talk about your parents, we all talk about our parents. No matter how amazing, my mom and dad are awesome. My mom is exceptional. And to answer your question, it's two-part. Did I know or was it ingrained in me? it was that nurture from my mother. My mother was like, you are special. You can do amazing things. Like you can do just fair things and people will listen. She ingrained that in me. She also drove you pretty hard, right? She expected good grades from all of you and your siblings.
6:30She, me and my sister, yes. It was, if anyone in the, this was the hurdle. Did someone in the class get an A? So then it's possible. She was aware that sometimes things were out of reach for everyone, right? Like sometimes, you know, there are variables out of your control. The teacher can just make it way too hard or maybe, you know, not explain it as well in this class as they have in past class. So it's more so, was it available to someone like you within the people you say, you stand shoulder to shoulder? That means it's available to you. And so it was very much like, yes, nurture, you can do anything.
7:01You have to work for it. But within that, I think for me, when I started doing that work, I realized as a teacher in therapy, my mom was also a kid, right and she has that inner child and so did my dad and i got hit by a car when i was nine and i remember this moment where she came into the the room and she does not remember this interesting enough but i remember her coming into the room and she said you have two options you can either let go because it's really hard and see what happens or you can fight for your life and pray you have to pray to god yourself and i remember looking out of the window and it had just rained in miami and like the sun was coming through which is usually around 2 p.m 3 p.m in afternoon every day in Miami.
7:41And I was like, I look back at my mom and I was like, I'm going to pray and I'm going to fight for my life. And I think those two things are two things I have never stopped doing to this day. And sometimes, while that may be like a story that people may not see themselves in, I want to bring it home just a little bit, Katty. Yeah, because not everybody's had as much, obviously. I mean, thank God everybody hasn't been through what you've been through. But as you said, everybody's been through some sort of trauma and we all meet hurdles. It's kind of annoying, but we all just are going to meet hurdles in our lives.
8:10Yeah. But I think what I realize is that within all of us, sometimes we don't realize we are fighting for the thing we want, or we don't realize we're doing it anyway, because we're so sometimes insular. Like I can just only feel the way I'm feeling and I feel either bad or good about where I am right now. But when you look back, the steps that you're taking to, you know, not get frustrated anymore, or calm down your emotions or center yourself or ground yourself. Those are all literally steps that equal fighting. That's a fight. That's a fight of whether you're going to turn and be super negative or you're going to work in turn to be positive.
8:49All those things are this quote unquote fighting because I would hear people say in really amazing keynotes, like, you know, get what you want. Don't back down. And I'm like, I can't, I don't have the confidence. And, you know, you know a lot about this. I don't have the confidence to do that. But I realize when you look back, it's all the little steps that you're doing every day to get out of bed, to show up, to do your best, to smile. That's the fight. That's you fighting. That's you showing up as your best self. That's you doing it anyway. I love that you describe it like that because I think oftentimes, and I've been prone to this my whole life, I've thought I'm not a strong person.
9:23I see other people have a challenge and they're so defiant about it. or I see other people kind of saying, I don't care what other people think of me. And I'm, I'm a terrible people pleaser. And I really do care what other people think about me. But actually, sometimes what I love what I'm hearing from you is that it's the little things you do that in retrospect, build up to a form of fighting to get through hurdles. Even though at the time you may think, oh, I'm being weak. And you know, we all have this meta voice in our heads. I'm being weak or I'm not strong enough, or I'm not fighting enough.
9:54But it sounds from what you're saying that there are different ways that that fight can express itself. Because culturally, we're prone given social media and this is no shade. It's no knock. It's just good that we like pull back the curtains. We're prone to only see big moments and celebrate big moments and big words and big people and big energy. And it's like in order to be big, it started from somewhere. It started small. And it was a lot of behind the curtains, a lot of steps behind the scenes to get to that big moment, to that curated, beautiful photo or that partnership or feeling healthy mentally, right?
10:28A lot of little steps, a lot of therapy, a lot of getting into Uber or getting on the train or the Metro and getting there. Those are the steps. That's the fight. Those are like, when we think about it, it's not just the grandiose moments. And so I think going back to your original question of just like, where did this come from? Like, I think it was just all the little things and my mom instilling in me, you're going to work hard for it. If it's possible, then there's no one else. And I have this saying about a lot of things. It's like, well, if somebody's doing it, I can do it too. And that is the driver for me.
10:59And then secondarily, I do, this is going to sound crazy. I do believe in magic. And even as a spiritual person who believes in God, I know like religion and magic isn't necessarily always, you know, advised to go together. But I do, I believe in a little bit of that magic. I would get excited knowing even growing up, okay, Santa's not real, but is he, are we sure he's not real? Like the Toothberry, I get it. Like, I know my parents do it, but like, where did it start? You know, like, I just believe that there are moments and I get excited about, you know, I watch a lot of Harry Potter. Every year I watch all of the movies and there's just something beautiful about believing in magic and even more so the magic of a human.
11:39Like Sherlock Holmes says, there's no coincidences. That to me, because there's no coincidences, that is magic. And maybe it's in a different word, fate, but that's the magic. It's like, how did our paths cross, right? How did this energy and these synergies, that's magic. And I do believe in that inside myself. It's like, I can create these magical moments in real life if I just believe. And maybe it's self-belief, maybe it's fate, maybe it's the hard work, but still, I believe in magic. Whatever it is, it worked for you because you came out of that trauma and you went to New York. You studied dance and theology at Fordham University.
12:18you became you joined the New York Knicks as a dancer you modeled for Victoria's Secrets I mean you've joined ballet companies and you became this thing that everybody said you weren't going to do yep by the way I applied to the Royal Ballet School when I was about 11 and I would have become a ballet dancer unfortunately they rejected me and I hadn't even had a car accident like you had but you know here's what I will say I'm glad they rejected you and I know that that is a harsh thing to say i would have been in the back row of the corps de ballet my whole life i would have been out in the wings your talent was to be here is your voice is your curiosity is the way that you can put things together is the ability to break down like and you have done this in your book like really instill and offer confidence that is approachable to so many people so many women so i think sometimes when i even when i look back on my life there was times i got a lot of no's And I remember sitting on stage for one of my keynotes or moderated fireside chat and someone's reading off a list of accolades.
13:21You did this and this and this and this. And I'm thinking to myself, but my dream, let's get back to what my dream was. When I was a little girl after getting hit by a car, the reason I came to New York City, Caddy, was because I wanted to be a dancer. I wanted to be a professional concert dancer. I wanted to be a ballet dancer, a neoclassically trained ballet dancer. So that was the dream for me. And I was like, my mom said, if someone could do it, I could do it. And in this case, I never reached that dream. So I'm sitting here right now while you can read off a list of amazing, and I'm very grateful for all the things that I'm doing and that I got to do that led me to this point.
14:03My dream was never fulfilled in the way that I set out for it to be fulfilled. and I say that because we look at people and we hear their stories and we're like wow it's never going to happen for me like that yeah and the no's are okay too I mean what you're saying is that you're going to have no's and actually the no's are okay and we don't talk about the no's and we don't talk about the no's and I and I was yes we don't talk about that I was looking at a video of Dochi right like she's an artist three at this point maybe four years ago she had a video on social media nobody knew who was she who she was and maybe she got laid off from I believe like a retail job or something.
14:37She gets on her social and she does this video of how she just got fired. And then she goes on to win album of the year three years later. At that point, hadn't recorded a song, wasn't an artist, didn't have music. This wasn't, I mean, she was an artist, but she wasn't paid for her craft. Three years later, she literally wins album of the year. And she gets on stage and she says, if it's possible for you, it's me, it's possible for anyone. And I think It's not possible for me. But then I go back to my life and I look at my dream. I went out for this dream and there was a pivot. I got that no at the Royal Ballet like you got.
15:11And it positioned us to literally live in our gift. She was not to go on to be a supervisor at a retail store or to potentially own a retail store or, you know, get into the textile industry. She was meant to be an artist. And so sometimes that magic comes in. And the magical thing about magic is that it closes doors and it opens up another and you don't know where and why and how. Love that very sound of music. And I think for me, like, you're reading all these things and I'm thinking, well, I really didn't fulfill my dream. But I'm living a dream I didn't know was possible. I think also for people to know, they look at you and, you know, you're so well known in your field.
15:50You have so many people who love you. You've been so successful at what you do. And I think actually it helps for somebody like you or, you know, somebody who's in a public position to be able to say, yeah, but I didn't. This was the know I met when I wanted to go and become a ballerina. I was fired from one of my jobs presenting a show that I really liked anchoring. I think it actually is very helpful because we all are going to have those. Okay, so let me ask you about bossing up. Because I've heard you talking about bossing up, and this is an idea, and I'll let you kind of explain it more, but it's about setting a standard and establishing a tone.
16:27When I was starting to look at this field kind of 10, 20 years ago, we were talking about leaning in. And that was obviously the Sheryl Sandberg book and talking about like being there at the table. Is bossing up like leaning in? How are they different? What does bossing up mean for you? Yeah, I don't think I'm as well known as Sheryl Sandberg, but I'm hopefully on my way. I think, and the beauty of it is no shade, is that especially culturally, generationally, you have to make it your own, right? And I think it was like lean in. People are like, okay, we're no longer leaning in. It's like we're building the table or, you know, we're leaning out because like we're taking a bigger view.
17:02And all those things are amazing. It's funny because I recently had a conversation with my producers here at Peloton. and we're talking about the word boss up and how people actually don't love the word boss anymore, right? It was like girl boss. And it was like, we don't need to be a girl boss. We're a boss. And I was like, well, it's good to know while I never meant for the word to be a connotation of like Rick Ross boss, like the music, it's more of like, what does it mean to own the thing that is around you that you've either invested your time, your energy or your resources in? And so for me, yes, being a boss means I set the standard.
17:35if someone can get an A, I can get an A. There's your mom. And the someone getting an A is me now. Like I'm going to go for it. I'm going to go for the impossible so that everyone around me knows if I can get an A, you can get an A too. And then establishing the tone. I noticed this when I first, by the way, I was the worst hire Peloton has ever made historically. I'm not sure they would agree with that. I'm really not sure they'd agree with that. I am, let me, hold on, let me be honest. It's true because they started in 2012 and I was hired in 2016. By the time 2016, they probably had maybe a quarter of a million members, which is still a lot, like 200, 250 ,000, give or take.
18:14That's a lot of people on our platform. No one knew exactly who we were. We had a small studio on 23rd Street. And I often tell this as this. When you come into a market share, up for grabs is 200 to 250 people to come take my class, give or take, right, at any given moment. I think top instructors that had been there for a while establishing themselves, they were getting about 20 ,000 people taking their classes a week. I came in with another guy. He was at that time, you know, after a week generating 5 ,000 to 7 ,000 people taking his class. For me, for at least eight months of my work at Peloton, I was getting 428 people taking my class.
18:54That is like a great Little League soccer game, like a football game. Like I was, that was the arena that I was filling. And while it may be a lot of people in comparison to the market share or the opportunity, it was relatively very low and it was low for a very long time. How did you handle that? Did you think I'm just starting out and it's normal and give yourself a bit of grace and that's the way it goes? Or did you think I need to fix this and these are the steps I'm going to take and I'm not going to let this crush me and I'm going to get better? I mean, how did you how did you go about?
19:27Neither of those things. The psychological process of looking at those numbers and thinking, damn, that sucks. That's what I said. And even a step further, I said, damn, that sucks. I suck. Where's my second pot of Haagen-Dazs? I was like, I suck. And I've messed up my whole life. I was like, I've now put myself in a position. You went there. You went to that place. Oh, I went there. Like, think about it. You know, I'm living a good, I'm hosting for the Brooklyn Nets while I was, I still host for the Nets while I was, you know, a Peloton instructor. But I was like, top of the world. I'm hosting for the Brooklyn Nets.
19:59It's a new job. I was working at Complex, which is like a media outlet where I was writing my own stories, doing them on camera. Like I was pretty good at the things that I was doing. And then I go and put myself in this position where I think this is great. I'm going to do something. I never wanted to be a fitness instructor, but this is a new challenge. It mixes music. As a dancer, I love music. I love dancing. I love having a good time. And on camera hosting, which I love, right? Like it mixes those two things. This is it. And we're, you know, we're mixing movement. Boom. And I go in and after a few months, I realized I just suck.
20:33Like, I'm terrible. You went outside your comfort zone and it didn't work out initially. I went outside my comfort zone and I messed up my whole life. I've signed a contract. I'm letting people down. I'm embarrassed, right? Like, I'm embarrassed to tell, you know, to tell my family, like, you know, they ask you how you're doing it. And I'm like, I'm not doing it. I'm actually struggling. and most times people don't do what they're not good at. We do more of what we're good at. That's the reality. The reason you learn to ride a bike in the beginning, you hate riding a bike, it's because you don't know how.
21:07But once you learn, you know how to ride a bike, right? But the learning sucks and it sucks as an adult. The risks are scary. And it sucks as a young adult. But yeah, when I came in, how did I handle that? What I ended up doing is I cried a lot. I felt really sad about myself. I thought at a young age, I shouldn't trust my decision making because what am I doing? And then the next thing that I did was I got outside of my head and I asked people for advice. I asked people that I worked with. I asked my husband, you know, he's my boyfriend at the time. I was asking people close to me who knew me.
21:40I need advice. Like, what am I doing wrong? And then I went further into social media of places like Facebook and Reddit. Like, where are, where's our community? Let me go in and listen to what they were saying. And that was hard to hear. It was hard to read. But hey, good feedback isn't feedback that you love or that you like. Right. That's not bad feedback. Bad feedback is only feedback you don't understand. So in a way, you treated it like a business case. I mean, you took your own ego out of the situation, which I think is super important. This wasn't about you as a person and your self-esteem and your self-worth.
22:17This was about trying to figure out what was not working as this as a business case. It was almost like you did a research assignment. Yeah, and I had to get to that point where I could emotionally separate the person from the service, which is still hard at Peloton. Like that is an active thing that I have to do to this day 10 years in because a lot of what you're experiencing is Ali love, right? And if you don't like what you're experiencing, just by way of equation, you don't like Ali love. And so I had to like, yes, take a step back and say, what am I offering? And how do I meet our members where they are?
22:46And so it was more so me doing all of this research, refining how I approached it. And the word that came up, I remember in a conversation I sat with this girl who had just started in marketing. And I was like, she took my class. And I said, can I talk to you right after class? And she came down in our office because we had two separate offices. She came down in the studio office. And I said, can you give me advice? And she said, well, just tell me what do you want to feel when you get off the ride? And I said, well, I just want to feel like I'm the boss of the bike. Like I know everything about this machine, this beautiful machine.
23:16I know what it feels to be on the other side and on my side. I just want to be the boss of the experience so that members can trust me more. And she's like, oh, there's something there. I think you need to define what being a boss means. I know what that means, but what does it mean to you? And I went on this journey of writing it out. What does it mean? And I refined it down after a few months of, no, it's, again, it's one of those things where we set the standard. I come in the room and I tell people what's possible and I show them by doing them what's possible. And then I set the tone. Energy's contagious.
23:47If my energy sucked in class, I taught 6 a.m., then most times people, their energy never, you know, picked up, never opened up. But if I came in with massive energy, the energy is contagious. And I was like, oh, you set the tone. And that's what it means to be a boss. It's not necessarily like everyone listens to me or like I'm running it or I'm masculine. It's none of those things. It's not kind of Wolf of Wall Street. No, no. And so, you know, we're in a society now where maybe boss isn't the term that everyone that's listening is like, I want to be a boss. That's fine, but it doesn't change the definition of what's possible, right?
Read the full transcript
24:21Set the standard, establish a tone really has been a defining headline for me as I've navigated my young career. I didn't have an executive coach. I don't come from a family of executives. I really had to learn.
24:39Let's talk about a condition many people haven't heard of, and it turns out it's more common than you'd think. Peyronie's disease, or PD for short. PD can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis. This can cause a curve or the bump during an erection and, for some men, lead to pain during intimacy and may impact mental health. It may also lead to anger and frustration, depression, lower self-esteem, and even withdrawal from sexual activity and physical intimacy. Because of this, some men could feel embarrassed or reluctant to talk about PD. The actual cause of PD isn't always known.
25:14In some cases, it may be linked to a minor injury or repeated injuries during sex or other physical activity. The good news is PD is treatable. If you notice a curve with a bump, a trusted urology specialist can help diagnose it and walk you through your options, including non-surgical treatment. To learn more about Peyronie's disease, visit TalkAboutPD.com. The right window treatments change everything. Your sleep, your privacy, the way every room looks and feels. At Blinds.com, we've spent 30 years making it surprisingly simple to get exactly what your home needs. We've covered over 25 million windows and have 50 ,000 five-star reviews to prove we deliver.
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27:10What I love about what you're saying is that you took control of the situation. You had a moment in your life where things were going badly and you figured out why they were going badly and what the steps were to make it go better. Can I ask you about ambition? Because I think women have a quite complicated relationship with ambition. And when I talk to you, Ali, and we've spoken before, I hear two things. One is that you have incredible determination and you set yourself very high standards and you live up to those standards. And you do it even on a daily basis. And we can get into your kind of daily intentions in a second.
27:50But I think you do have an enormous ambition, too. You have an ambition for yourself and for the people who are kind of learning from you and doing your classes with you. How do you feel about ambition and your relationship with ambition? Ambition is sexy. That's it. Like I. You way of looking at ambition. Oh, yes. I think ambition is sexy. And we again, like the world that we share right now, sexy takes on a different term. It's like people that look good or like look like a certain type that that social media that the Internet has showed us of what beauty is and what sexy is. And for me, it's not that.
28:36And ever since I was a little girl, I've been attracted in many ways to folks that are just ambitious, that think that they're capable of things. And it's not necessarily like, you know, as we talk and you kind of can get the sense from me, it's not that I just always had self-belief that I could do it, but I thought it was possible, so let's just try. And so for me, ambition is like just the ability to try to see if it's possible. because what I recognize, and this comes from ballet, you will understand this for sure, because many of us, we grew up taking ballet. It teaches you discipline. But one thing that I learned in ballet is that everyone's scared to go first, especially when you go across the floor, right?
29:16So you know how you come from the bar, you do petit allegro in the center, right? And then you're going to do like, you're going to go across the floor, grand allegro. You're going to go and do the big jumps and the combination and the pirouette and da da da. You definitely want to be in the last set of pairs that's doing that. Okay. If you're me, you're in the back of the room. So, and the reason for that is because the teacher teaches so fast in ballet, like, and sometimes they don't even show you, they do it with their hands, right? They're going to go, okay, and you're going to do this, put a bra, put a beret into the triple pirouette.
29:47And you're like, this is pirouette. So you're learning on the fly. You're learning quickly. You're learning to pick up things. And I remember thinking many times, I'm going last. I have no idea what the heck this person just said. Like, I don't want to make a fool of myself. I don't want to mess up. I don't want to look dumb. I don't want to, you know, all of these things. Oh, my God. Yeah. And so, interesting enough, when I started dancing in college, it would happen every time. I'm like, I have no idea. But what I noticed is that everyone was rushing to the back. So everyone, most people had no idea.
30:22And I said, you know what? If most people have no idea, then I'm going to do the thing that has the fewest amount of hurdles in terms of the fewest amount of people and go first. And I made a rule for myself. If it makes me scared, I go first. Period. If I'm scared, I go first. And that's what I started doing in ballet. Did I mess up? Absolutely. Did I forget the combination sometimes? Hell yeah, I did. But what I did and I felt great about is that I did something that many of the people behind me would never attempt to do. And that was to go first and mess up. And also when someone messes up and it makes you feel good, it gives you permission to also be okay if you mess up.
31:02I actually went back to the ballet studio to classes after 30 years. I interviewed Misty Copeland and she was amazing. She's amazing. And she said to me, why don't you, and I was talking to her about ballet and she said, why don't you go back? So I went back after 30 years to ballet classes here in Washington, which I do with a group of adults. It's been an amazing exercise in humiliation because my body does not do what it used to do. But I still felt after 30 years away, and I'm now recently turned 60, I still felt afraid. I mean, I still had that feeling and I still found myself sneaking to the back of the line.
31:39But now, okay, now I'm going to think because it makes me afraid, that's a great idea. When it makes you afraid, go first. I love that Ali Yes I was talking to someone You should write a book And I was like if the book was If I was writing a book It would be like You know you can be scared But don't be afraid Like you can be scared But don't be afraid Be scared We all are scared to do things But don't be afraid to like Or do it afraid Yes you can do it with fear We talk to girls and say this Do it afraid Because you probably Any new thing Basically what you've described Over the last few minutes is going outside your comfort zone.
32:16And from all of the work I've done on confidence, you build your confidence when you go outside your comfort zone. Practice is confidence. When you do new things, when you meet hurdles and you overcome those hurdles. I do a job. I've done it for 30 years. I know I'm good at it. It doesn't expand my confidence anymore. If I was to try your job for a day, it would terrify the living daylights out of me. The only way I'd ever know if I could do it would be by trying. And I think that's that fear factor. And particularly for young women, I think this idea of don't let the fear stop you. Don't let it be a barrier to doing things, to taking risks and taking on new challenges because everybody has the fear.
32:56So just do it anyway. Do it afraid. Do it anyway. Do it anyway. Do it anyway. Talk to me about your morning routines, the Ali Love morning routines, because I'm looking at this determination, the ambition, but also you mentioned a word I want to pick up on a few minutes ago, which was discipline. I think you are a super disciplined person. I feel like I could be better. No. How could you be better? I don't know. I think a little grace, a little self-compassion here. Yes. Yes. I love a morning. I'm a morning person. So I believe one, like I'm building an energy empire. And the reason for that is I think that we all have our own energy empires.
33:35It's just that we don't know how to manage it. The world is searching for energy. Externally, you're like, I need my coffee. I need my matcha. I need my drink. You know, I need this, my L-thianine. Like I need this energy. And I think that that is, I'm not saying that you shouldn't get it, but I also think before we go there, understanding where your energy zones are. Where are you most energetic? My husband is at night. My husband and my best friend, they're just like at night. They're night people. They get this like burst of energy. and I don't. And I finally was like, wow, this is so odd for me.
34:07But I'm also, you know, odd to other people because the mornings are my favorite. I wake up and I wake up early. I wake up at 5 a.m. Even before I became a mom, I still would wake up 5 a.m., 5.30. And I am like happy. I'm optimistic. I have clarity. I'm creative. I'm ready to go. And so I encouraged myself to get curious around where is my natural energy? Where am I feeling, you know, my most open self? My most, when can I problem solve with clarity? And usually it's in the morning. And so for me, I'm big on energy zones. And so my morning routine, when I get up, I pray, I hydrate. I always hydrate, drink water.
34:49I always have water by the bed. I do my prayers. And then I do not have a long morning routine because I feel like if I'm spending so much time getting ready for the day, then I'm taking away from the day. That's for me. So I get up, I drink, I hydrate, I pray. And for most times, I've already laid out my clothes from the night before. They're like on the bathroom floor. They're not like neatly ironed. I don't want to paint you a picture that I'm perfect because I'm not. I will throw them over the door. That's already discipline. You've got your clothes out. Yeah, I throw them over the door. I throw them on the floor or they're on the sink in the bathroom.
35:20And that's what I'm wearing. And I like have it all set out. I get up, I get dressed. And then most times on my way to work, this has been the unlock for me, is I ask myself a two-part question. What or how do I want to feel today? The reason for this is I'm not a meditation girly. I try. I'm not her yet. But I needed to anchor myself in not being reactive. So what you said earlier, that you care what people think, like you're a people pleaser. I've come to terms with that's very similar to how I live. It's really hard for me to go through life, one, not caring what people think, or two, thinking I'm operating in spaces where people don't like me.
36:02I don't flourish. I don't thrive. And I don't want to ever pretend that I do because then I'm internal conflict like this. So are you trying to change that or are you trying to accept that? I'm owning it. I'm owning it. And the way to do that is this for me, is I answer the question of what or how do I want to feel today? For example, some days I come and I say, I want to be quiet. I'm a talkative person. We could talk all day. I love having a great conversation. Conversation is the catalyst of change. Like, I'm here for it. So on those days, there are days where I'm like, you know what? I have like these meetings.
36:38I'm just going to listen. I'll take notes. I'm going to listen. At the end of the day, when I look back at my day, I feel good because I don't feel bad that I didn't contribute because I was proactive in establishing that I was listening. I anchored myself in how I wanted to react to everything around me. Nobody's expectations pull me out of pocket. Think about it this way. There are days that I wake up where I say, oh, I'm blowing everything up today. Everybody's getting this smoke, like 100%. I have this meeting and this meeting. I'm going in hot. I'm letting them know how I feel. I'm letting them know what the thought is.
37:11I'm giving directives. This is what we're doing. At the end of the day, I feel good about how I reacted, or I'm sorry, how I responded in any of those meetings because I wasn't reactive. And it's not taking vacancy in my head that say, did I say something that offended Cattie? Is she upset? I shouldn't have, you know, I shouldn't have said those things. I should have been a little bit more flexible. I should have just chilled. I should have just listened. No, I'm going in knowing how I'm going to act throughout today. And that to me is me taking ownership of a situation because, yeah, what's coming up for you?
37:45Go ahead. So what I'm thinking, Ali, is how do you marry that with the idea of being our authentic selves? Because if you're one day kind of coming in hot and another day coming in in listening mode, those sound like they're almost two different people. Yeah. Because is the set and maybe I'm overthinking it because I was thinking, is it like you're taking on a role of the person who listens and the person who comes in hot and challenges everything? Or do they both feel authentic to you? We're multifaceted, multidimensional. So at any point in life, like right now you're in the listening role. There are other times this will switch, right?
38:21The difference is, is what if you came into this podcast and instead of listening, which is the role that you are assuming right now, you just talked more than I did. And then when the podcast is over, you say, why did I did I was supposed to let Ali talk like this was me interviewing her. And then now you're replaying it. You feel bad. Should I send Ali a note? You know, that one is it good for the podcast? That is exactly the ruminating I would do. Exactly the ruminating I would do. At this point in my life, I don't have the luxury to allow things like that to take so much vacancy and time in my head once I've left work.
38:53And so we're multidimensional. And I'm not pretending to be quiet. I'm not saying, like, I'm not going to speak up if something comes up. I'm saying I don't want to be in a position where I become reactionary, right? Someone says something, and I don't have the bandwidth. Maybe I'm tired today. So my tired days, I'm probably just listening. And I feel good about that. And I also am not taking home, well, because I listen, people think that I'm less invested in the conversation. I'm just not, I'm not taking, I'm not experiencing everything in real time without understanding what I need right now or how I want to be.
39:25And so while it might sound schizophrenic, what I would literally lend itself to is, especially women, we're multidimensional. And I don't, I want to be able to respond with the capacity that I have that day. And so each day I say, some days I'm like, I need to pay compliments to a lot of people because people forget how amazing they are. Like, I just, that's the top of my mind. It's coming up for me. I like it. And I'm going in and I'm like, you know what, Katty, you're an incredible interviewer. You're also someone who is a purveyor of women, not only telling them to be confident, but showing them.
39:57And again, like, it's not fake or inauthentic. It's a part of myself I'm choosing to exercise because I have that capacity to. and more so importantly I am saving myself a lot of time at the end of the day not filling my thoughts with did someone like it do they not like me anymore why did I act that way I shouldn't have acted that way it's a lot of shooting on myself when I said I knew I was gonna act that way today and I did I mean look we talk about acting more and thinking less and some of that thinking less is the overthinking and the ruminating that we're all prone to doing and And honestly, anything that can get us to think less, I think is a super useful tool that we can use.
40:38I want to move on to what it was like coming back to work and being a new mother, because I know we're going to have a lot of people listening. And I have thoughts about how hard it is to handle that. But is it important to set the intention every day? Because you talked about doing this, and I know this is the disciplined side of you. Is there something about making this a habit that you find is helpful? For me, absolutely. And, again, it's not something that I don't want to make it seem like, okay, every day I'm only doing that one thing that I said that I'm doing. That thing is the foundation of how I'm just going to carry myself that day.
41:13It's something you can come back to during the day to kind of almost like a reset. Yes, it's an anchoring. And, like, most times when we don't. And I think about it here. Let me give you just really quickly paint you a picture. We live in New York City, right? I live in a big city that at any moment things can pop off. So think about it this way. you're on the subway and literally somebody's peeing in the corner and you don't you don't have the time to smell pee right now you're late for work you need to go or someone's pushing you to get off the train you're like what's up his you know what's what bumblebee crawled up your pants today or whatever so all of these things happen to you especially if you live in a space like mine um and even if you don't it can you're dropping your kids off to schools the road is clothes, you're like all of these things.
41:56And so what I do is on days that I just allow myself the space to say, this is what I can offer. I'm going to let it roll off my shoulder or nothing's getting past me today. So when I'm upset and I yell or I say something like, chill, I feel good about it. Like I feel good about myself. I feel confident. I feel like I know me. Allie's being Allie today because Allie knows Allie today. Like she's checked in with Allie today. Like, you know what I mean? We don't check in with ourselves. And so I don't want to be reactionary all the time. And this is something. And so even coming back to work, being a mom, it was really important for me.
42:30And for most of the days in the beginning, it's like, I would come back to this as like my theme. Your son is loved and you are loved. And so you go through the day knowing today, he's okay and you're okay. He's okay and you're okay. And that was my anchoring. So I'm sitting in the meeting and maybe I'm not, you know, again, like I'm paying attention. But what would pop into my head is like, am I doing the right thing? Should I be at home? Is this important? You know, like I started. It was how you helped handle those, that transition back to work. Yes. And it's been great. When you, I remember when I got pregnant a long time ago with my first child and I was working and I was super focused on my work and I was a young reporter and I was living in Tokyo and I was going to be very successful.
43:16And I got pregnant and I remember going into my friend and bursting into tears and saying, no one's ever going to take me seriously again, and I'm never going to work again, and I'm going to end up living at home all the time looking after babies. And it didn't work out like that. But there was a fear factor in me, and maybe it's just the fear of something new of how on earth am I going to manage to do this? Did you feel that at all, the idea of having, especially you're a public person in an industry that demands a huge amount of physical output and for you to be super physically in shape. Did you ever feel that, oh my God, how am I going to do this and manage to do what I do?
43:58Absolutely. I think it came up and even more so I was thinking, no one's going to want to work with me anymore. You know, we do, I do a lot of like brand catastrophizing. You went straight catastrophizing. Yes. In therapy, I catastrophize. I personalized everything. I made it about me and I blew it up. And I literally was like, no one's I'm not going to get any more jobs I'm not going to work with any more brands I you know members I've been gone for a long time they didn't like me anyway they're not going to like me when I came back I also didn't I did something that we have never really done here is that I didn't announce my pregnancy I just showed up and the belly grew and for me that was really important because my journey to get to that point was really challenging and I'm not saying I'm uniquely the only one who's gone through a very hard time.
44:45No. However, what I do know to be true is that going through a very challenging time of any capacity, not just with trying to conceive, but in any capacity in the public eye while trying to perform, which you definitely can understand, while trying to perform and not show all the cracks, because they didn't tune in for cracks, They tuned in for a good time, a good workout, was really emotionally taxing. And even when I started to see like, oh, my God, there might be light at the end of this tunnel. And I shared it this way in another interview. It was like I almost had this little like, you know, I was trying to light a light a fire for so long.
45:24And finally, there was a little flame in the palm of my hand. And I don't want anyone to blow it out. So I just kept it hidden until the flame grew, grew, grew. and then, okay, everyone can see there's a fire here. And it was a personal decision that to this day goes back to checking in how or what do I wanna feel. I knew that I, one, needed to get to the other side, two, I had no capacity to celebrate nor hear condolences throughout my journey of making it to the other side. So therefore, I anchored my entire journey in, not necessarily being private because I confided in friends, my husband obviously there with me.
46:08But it was, I anchored my entire journey in you be present every day and you live. You're not the first one to go through this. You got, you know, unfortunately won't be the last one. You're not the first to be pregnant. You're not going to be the last. You're not the first to conceive. And it was one of those things of just be present. But for me, it anchored in, we're not celebrating and we're not sad. We're not sending condolences. We're present. We're doing what's in front of us. And I protected my peace. And so much so it did cause a lot of conversation online, whether people would thought, oh, she's just waiting for the, you know, magazines or for Caddy to reach out to do a story on her.
46:50Or people saying, you know, she's just like, you know, sad about it or whatever. Like, you know, they're injecting all of these opinions. And for the most part, I had to just live with that and know this is my journey. I also get, while we live publicly, I get to protect myself privately. And this was the moment. And these were the moments that led me to this. And so when I came back to work, I do feel I'm in a new season. Like, she's light. I am a lighter. I am so myself is full. And just I'm grand. I am grand. So, yeah. Again, you're super intentional and I love that. You're intentional about your public face and you're intentional about your private space and you're very clear and you're very honest with people about that.
47:38And I think that for somebody who does have such a public role has been really impressive about the way you've handled it. Can you talk about comparisons? Because obviously, you work in an industry in a world where there is room for a lot of comparison. And I think a lot of young women are particularly, well, all of us, I think men are very prone to comparisons too, but particularly in the physical space, women are very prone to comparisons. Do I look as good as she does? Am I as fit as she is? Am I as thin as she is? How does my body compare to her body? How do you, in your role as somebody who's guiding people through the fitness journey, how do you deal with the comparison side of things that can be helpful but it can also be toxic oh my gosh it is a internal battle just like anyone else I'm not above this experience um at any point in my life and especially with pregnancy it was it was nuts I had to really like like every day that the internal dialogue I had to switch directions and still to this day Right now where I am is I tell myself my body did amazing things and my body will continue to do amazing things.
48:54And so I don't want to hurt the body that has worked so hard for me. Right. And it's like sometimes we think, OK, my body is you treat your body different than you would treat yourself, your inner self or your best friend or your parents. You treat your body different. You treat it harsher. And it's like, no, I want to love this body. This body wants to live. This body fought many ways, had many challenges before pregnancy, you know, nine years old, to pregnancy, to my birth. That is one day a story. Oh, my gosh. Like my body has done above the expectation, and I want to appreciate it. And so I bring myself back to that.
49:39even with that though I will say I still go back to the starting point of my maternity body doesn't look like my postpartum body doesn't look like my teammates as quickly or it doesn't look as like this person one girl on social media that had a baby around the same time that I did and she's wearing low-cut tight like I it's just it really I start so I start to spiral and I did this before as a dancer we wanted to be the skinniest of the skinny and when you weren't unfortunately I I was around in an age where I got scholarships taken away because I wasn't streamlined enough to represent our school.
50:17So I did deal with it, the systematic support of being thin and saying that this is what a ballet dancer looks like into modeling. You know, I went into these industries into being on TV with curly hair, curly Afro hair where it's like, no, we don't do that on TV. We straighten our hair. And like, so, you know, and again, we've all had these and then coming into fitness where it's like, well, you need to be strong. You need to have six pack. You need to be able to beat everyone on the leaderboard that's in your class. And I've had to really center myself is that I am only human. I am a strong ass woman.
50:52And there are things that I can do. And there are things that I cannot do right now or yet. And there are things that I'm choosing not to do. And so I think for me, it's like it's an on course, off course. I still compare. I still see people on social, even if I know it's a highlight reel and I get down in the dumps about it. But I have to walk back to the center of my body has done amazing things before trying to conceive in my younger years in terms of being a kid, being a teen, like being my young Allie into now adult young Allie where it's like she's still doing amazing things. And so that's what I just, again, I ground myself in.
51:27I'm not going to say I have the answer. I don't know, but that's the inner dialogue that I have to play on. I have to literally play on repeat to do that. And I love how strong I've become. Like, I'm just, I'm so strong. And going back to how we started this, Caddy, the little steps. We forget the fight is in the little steps. The fight is me having to start at the negative, ending in the positive. And the fact that I get to the positive and I can anchor myself there. on most days, that's the fight. It's the, I can pick up heavy weights now. That's the fight. Like those, that's, that's the fighting.
52:06I have loved speaking to you. And I'm going to ask you one thing before we go, which is something we ask every guest, a piece of advice that you would give for doing it anyway, a confidence piece of advice that you would give to the people listening to this program. And this is my favorite. If there's anything you take away from this conversation, It's this. When you walk in a room, when you walk into a space, whether you're going to a party, a presentation, you're showing up to just sit in a meeting, any space that you enter, I think I encourage you, I employ you to remember this. The people on the other side of the table, the people next to you, the people around you are rooting for you.
52:51They are rooting for your success. And sometimes it may not feel this way. Move that to the back of your mind. You perform, you show up, you be kind, you be you, knowing that there are people around you that want you to do well. And that changes everything. And so for me, before coming here, talking to you, Katty wants me to do well. She wants this to be a good conversation. My boss wants me to do well. My husband wants me to be a good. Everybody around me is rooting for me. And that to me has been a shift internally. on how I can operate at my highest self. So know that if you're listening to this, we are rooting for you and the people around you are rooting for you.
53:35Even if they don't know it, they are. Love that. Walk into the room and assume that the universe is a friendly place. They're your cheerleaders. They are cheering for you with pom-poms. That's it. Even that mean quote unquote boss or that person you work with that may not always be the kindest, This person is rooting for you. People, trust me, people don't have enough capacity sometimes to think beyond themselves, which is truly fair. And they may need a little grace. But deep down, people are really rooting for you to succeed, do well, and like show up and have answers. I love that. No, I think you're right.
54:09I think on the whole, people want your success. It is in everybody's interest around you, particularly in a work situation that you do well. And sometimes we forget that. Ali Love, thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for bringing your energy to the conversation today. Thank you for having me on, really. Thank you.
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From the publisher
*Doing It Anyway with Katty Kay*
What is the ultimate confidence hack anyone can build? How can you handle early career failure without losing confidence? And, what’s the best way of feeling fear, and doing it anyway?
Katty Kay is joined by Ally Love, Peloton instructor and entrepreneur, to answer all these questions and more.
Email: doingitanyway@goalhanger.com
Video Editor: Kieron Leslie
Social Producer: Emma Jackson, Celine Charles
Producer: Fiona Douglas, India Dunkley
Executive Producer: Tom Whiter
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