#581 - Big Guy

0:00Mother's Day is right around the corner. And if you're undecided on what to get mom, maybe some flowers or a nice meal that she doesn't have to cook is just the break she needs. But for a limited time, use code THEO50. That's right, THEO50 to get 50 % off up to a$15 value when you spend$15 or more at local florists, convenience, grocery and retail stores on DoorDash. And starting May 9th through Mother's Day weekend, your flowers order will unlock credit towards select gifts that take cooking, planning, and more off mom's plate. Make this Mother's Day special with DoorDash. Code Theo50. Terms apply.

0:48All right. Here we are. Welcome to the month of May in the year 2025. 25. Thank you for joining me here today. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life and you be a part of mine today. Happy Mother's Day. We'll start with that. We got a nice episode of, we got some Mother's Day stuff. We're going to get into a little bit of light news. And then we had a call a few weeks back about grief and loss. And we had a lot of nice feedback calls and informative heart heartish heartfelt contributions so we'll get into those in a bit as well but yeah Mother's Day that's it your mama raised you think about that your mama you was doing nothing Your little ass laying there.

1:57Doing nothing, boy. Hunting for a fucking hand tit. That's all you was doing. You was just hunting for that little hand tit with your little hands. You was a little slurp lord. And your mother raised you. First of all, if something came up to me and started sucking on my breast, on my tit, or whatever it's called. tit for men or whatever. I would not then raise it. That is, you have to think about that. If something started sucking on your tit, would you take it off and then raise it and grow it to its full form? Only a mother would do that type shit, boy. That's some next level. That's some next level behavior mothers out there.

2:43Which you ask too. A lot of kids never wash their ass. We had a buddy, his legs just knew his pants so well. He wore the same pants always. And so you knew good and well so nobody was washing his ass, boy. Not a chance. Even his mom. And she tried. You see her warm up some water on a stove in a stove pot and pull his pants back and just dump it right down the back of his pants. Hoping even to get a half wash or quarter wash on his ass with that warm water. but damn, your mother, our mothers did that. And when we couldn't read, imagine you sitting there with somebody, right? And they can't read, you know?

3:32And you got to teach them to, you start with the first letter, and you show them that. And it's a picture of like an alligator and a little kid, and the mom's like, what's that? And he's like, lizard, lizard. or whatever. He can't even say shit. He don't even say nothing. He just look at you and try to cop a quick head off that tit. That's a dumb child. We were all dumb child. My mother helped us out of that. Out of that cavern of knowing nothing. God. They did a lot of work. And then even on some, once you were in school when you had to go to school and take a test and you was dumb, buddy. You was damn dumb.

4:21You was a dumb child and your mother still hugged you and said you're going to do good on it. I remember my mom would be like, you're going to do great on your test. I'd look at her like, really? I am?

4:40Yeah, you're going to do great. And I would leave out the door and I'd peek back in the window where you could see her just shaking her head like he gonna fuck it up. But that's crazy to send something, know something is gonna not do well on a damn spelling or whatever it's called. And send it out in the world and still hug it. And pretend like when they get back, how'd you do? You fucking know good and well how they did, mom. They didn't do shit, boy. They didn't do shit, bro. opening pants. Another batch of warm water on that ass. It's spring cleaning. Mother's Day, man, that's what it is. And that's what it ain't, man.

5:25I want to say happy Mother's Day to my mother. I know she watches this show and I appreciate that. Man, happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. The ones that do it by themselves. And some of y 'all have help.

5:45And, yeah, it's just this, we know you're doing it. Somebody's doing it. And it ain't us. It ain't us children. We think we did it ourself. We didn't do shit. So make sure to reach out to your mother. Hit her with a happy Mother's Day. Get her something. We got one of our commercials. I got a good advertisement of something beautiful. You get her some good items or something. Break her off something. Get your mother something. Drive over there. Give her a hug, boy. Keep your hands off that breast, though. Boy, you of age, you know? You of age, because that's always the craziest. You see them nine-year-old at the basketball game, and he over there, and he up under his mother wearing a triple XL men's polo shirt just so that kid can get up under there and knobble off on that tit.

6:42And he fucking nine, bro. Dude, I remember they had this one kid, little Bubby was his name, and he would go slip up under his mom's shirt. His mom, I don't know if she was in a wheelchair. She was just,

6:58just, just, just not, you know, kind of looked like she was in a wheelchair type shit. And she had them crazy breasts, them kind. It looked like they cracked open and were kind of flooding out. Like them bitches was. I don't even know if they are. At a certain point, it was like she had them just got. Damn them thing, boy. She had them fucking bean bag. She had them. She had them down.

7:31You know what I'm saying? She could find. Somebody take a break right between her breasts. She'd find two men, two factory workers over between her breasts, getting a nap in and betting on a horse racing. Because she had them big break time tits, boy. She had them damn baby bags. She had a fucking damn cow walk up and try to feed off of them bitches. She had them front end loaders on her. What were we talking about? What were we talking about, Easton? Mother's Day. Mother's Day. that's it man that is it sorry I went off on a tangent oh but I remember they had this kid little bubby and he would go over by his mom's by his mom he'd get up he'd get him a damn candy bar and get up under that shirt and get on that tit you'd see him in there he'd have to pop his head out to catch more breath to catch more air he'd be like he'd stick his head out and then back under there candy and then tit under there I'm nine years old, brother.

8:36You're going to do good on your test, son. No, we ain't. Because damn dumb, baby. Happy Mother's Day. Oh, I don't know what I'm going to get my mother. Well, I'll get my mother some. I'll send her a card. And I sent that thing on Monday, boy. So what's going to be there? Because for years, I'm that guy. I send that late card, you know. I send that bitch. She'll get that bitch on Father's Day. she gets that bitch. And she did both jobs anyway, so they should make that. They should make that Mother Father's Day card. The two-in-one hitter now. They should get that thing released out there. Because you've heard me say it before, man.

9:17The hardest working man I've ever met is my mother. Big facts. Happy Mother's Day to you and to your mothers. Make sure to get that love line. Hit her with that love line. Do something. Get over there. Tickle her. You know what I'm saying? Buy her a bra that says keep out on it And honor those words Cause you too tall to be titting You know that shit Type shit boy What's going on Feeling a little injured today I went Picked up something at the gym Bam injured didn't even And it was that kind of thing Where your back locks up in your lung Like that Just

10:03it's like the wind got knocked out of your back and you know and your friend's like what's going on and you're like you can't even talk it just you just so i just left i don't know what they thought i had cancer or whatever but yeah injured myself um went to the massage place over here and i go to the chinese shop over there that chop shop you say right on the side chop shop you know and they selling fucking rice right out the back of that bitch boy they'll remodel your they'll remodel your spinal column they'll fucking unjango that bitch and then hit you with that damn two grams of rice when you roll out the door they got that shit in there and I got whenever I go get that massage at the Chinese place I get I ask for the big guy I'm on big guy When I call him on the phone, he knows me.

11:02My buddy Yang over there, I call him on the phone. He say, you coming? I said, big guy. You got big guy? Sometimes he got him, sometimes he don't. Because I've had this second string. They said, big guy. Big guy gone. Big guy gone. That's what he said. I don't know what he meant. But I think he was trying to say big guy gone, right? And I spot him a letter if he ain't got it all, bro He from another country, you know That's the kind of guy I am, I'll fucking give you a vowel Big guy gone Gone I got you I got you with that E, twin So yeah, he said big guy gone So I went in there and they had a second big guy in that bitch, bro The second, and he ain't that big, bro He kind of, he just He trying to like make his neck long Just trying to look big or something, you know He put on mittens and shit.

11:57Because Asian, they try to trick you when you're looking at them. They trick you. They visual. They're the fucking, they're the bok choy David Blaine's, baby. Them bitches are fucking, they trick you, bro. They'll put a piece of rice over each eye and tell you they sleeping. That's who they are. They tricksters like that. But I said, big guy. He said, big guy going. But I showed up anyway. I took that second, that fucking other big guy, bro. And he wasn't shit. This little motherfucker, this little fucking woodpecker, he couldn't do shit. He was fucking hammered, just trying to hammer on me, bro.

12:39He just put one of his arms out and was just like that. Just woodpecker me with that elbow. Didn't do shit. I'm fucking still hurt. But anyway, what else? Big guy. I want to be gay. dude i'll tell you this bro so one time i'm in there and i was getting a massage at this other joint i went to this other joint and i'm in there bro and i do the massage where it's like this chair thing that you sit kind of forward on easton can you bring that up for me brother yeah i got you and we're borrowing easton today he's helping us producing blessings to you man And Easton works on John Chris's podcast. What's it called?

13:23Net Positive. Net Positive with John Chris if you want to tap in with him. What did I ask Easton? Do you remember? Pull up a chair picture? Get that massage chair, that front left forward leaning. Let's go with that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's the kind they have right there. They put your face in a little – it's like a little soft little toilet seat. but it's soft but it's little yeah yeah yeah put your face on that and then they just start getting at you anyway so yeah i'll go in he's got one of those chair chair massages so i sit in there and big gay big gay big guy here big guy gone big guy here big guy starts rattling on me doing his big guy shit fucking leaving sweat on my back i can feel it every now and then i know he's really popping back there if I feel a bead of sweat hit my fucking neck.

14:18So he back there popping, right? And then I look over, dude, in the chair next to me, there's a kid getting a massage, right? I didn't know this could happen, right? It's like this kid, kind of like the Rizzler, right? Like probably nine year, maybe nine and like kind of Ruben-esque, you know, chubbish or whatever they call it. This chubbish little kid. And there's a guy just like just like just rubbing over, just like massaging him, you know. And I didn't know a kid could get him. I didn't know. And I'm like, am I watching like a like what am I watching? like is this a kid getting a massage or is this like a like is it legal or you know i just didn't know uh yeah i'm like and like how long do you watch it's just a massage like if you know but yeah this kid but it was so crazy this kid was getting a massage like this kid got a massage or was getting a massage this kid so they're massaging a kid it's during the school day so I'm like what is you know what rich little kid skipped school to get a fucking massage bro then anyway so we're sitting there and at some point somebody did a um a fart you know somebody did a and I think it was this kid right it was it was crazy dude I'm there it's already weird enough somebody's massaging a kid I'm getting fucking big guy big guy is over there fucking working me in and and the little dudes over here getting fucking chopped out you know this little fucking sixth fifth graders or whatever this little fifth graders he's getting over there fucking chopped out by chimp chop your boy right and i'm like can you even massage a kid i'm thinking and then somebody just uh started a fart out of their body and i think it was the kid right because i think look if you massage a kid they're gonna fart they got to strike back somehow because it's illegal to touch them so and it sounded like it sounded like like i don't know it sounded like somebody was drinking milk and then just like it was just it sounded like uh it just sounded like a ghost wearing booty cologne that had just climbed out of that child and and i'm not saying it was definitely the kid who was in there doing fights or whatever, but you know, I don't know, you know.

16:55I'm no fighting Luther King or whatever, but I have a dream that somebody fighting in here. But there was another guy in there. So it could have been other guy, you know, whoever that was. Louis Fartacon. Nah, it's just a activist joke. Anyway, um, no, yeah, it could have been this other guy in there. I don't know. Because there was another guy in there. Just a guy who worked at a bank or something or was cheating on his wife. Some guy, right? And they were over there shining him up. They were over there really getting into his shoulders and neck. He had two kind of medium guys. He didn't have no big guy.

17:40Like I did, bitch. But they chopping into him. But at some point, the room started to smell bad. Somebody chopped off a real fart. And it sounded like somebody had put milk on, just like their butt had been drinking milk and then just fought, just did a fought, bro. It just sounded like somebody had taken a tight foot out of a wet boot, you know? Out of a wet rubber boot. But anyway, what is that? Happy Mother's Day, bro. That's what I'm telling y 'all. I got a massage and you got to take care of yourself when you get them. When I go in a massage place, first thing I say, no pop pop. I say no pop pop.

18:34Touch a wiener, tap on my wiener two times, pop pop. No pop pop for me.

18:42That's what I say when I go into those places. we got an episode oh and that means don't touch me don't touch don't touch this you know don't stay off my wiener that's what I say you know stay off my small guy huh stay off my small guy big guy no no medium guy but I tell him right when I walk in Don't jerk me off. I do that myself. I do it at home. I do it under, you know, I do it under with closed blinds or whatever. Music on, music off, whatever. I don't jerk off with the fan on. I say that point blank. You see some dudes, bro, I know I got buddies. You walk in their room, they smell in there like they've been jerking.

19:36And the fan is on, bro. Have some respect, bro. You out there drying out your root or whatever And you out there popping off bro You out there freaking earning pearls Out of your own ween out there So praise God We'll get to an ad in just a second We got a new pope Is that right there Easton? That is correct And what did you think about it? What's the news on him? You got any information on him? He's the first American pope No way He is He is from Chicago, Illinois The Bears, boy Wow I'll pull up his name here He's going by Pope Leo XIV And his name is Robert Prevost Bobby Prevost, baby And who do the Packers have?

20:29Aaron Rodgers, dude It's a rap, bro Jordan loved it Dude, nobody The Pope Dang, dang. Dude, we got the Pope, huh? Go Cubs, go. Hey, Chicago, what do you say? We got the Pope today. Gang, boy. We right here. Big gate. Big gate. Damn, bro. Hope he stops the massaging of children. You know what I'm talking about? Big gate. we shut it down brother i don't know if we can say that and how do we know when they pick the pope so they uh i guess all the cardinals there's like a bunch of i don't know how many they all uh like silently secretly like you know that thing you did in school where you let it like close your eyes and raise your hand and the teacher counted i guess it's like that where they like secretly vote oh and they they don't decide until i think it's like a two-thirds majority so like heads up sovereign up or whatever?

21:34So if the Pope, I guess every day they do it and if the Pope hasn't been chosen, they do like black smoke out of the chimney and then if the Pope does get chosen, then it's white smoke that comes out of the chimney. Oh, really? So how long did it take him to choose this Pope? I think just like two days because yesterday it was black smoke and then, or two days ago it was black smoke and then yesterday it was white smoke. Damn. Have we ever had a black Pope yet? No. Wow, bro. That's what we got to get that black pope, boy. Big gay! What about an Asian pope? Have we had it? Oh, we got to get a damn little Asian pope, boy.

22:17Just a little bit of prayer fried rice, boy. You feel me? I want to say thank you to mom for having all the answers. She had them all. She didn't... Sometimes they were wrong, yeah, but she had them all. Imagine something just asking you questions for 18 years and more. And you do your best to answer every one. Yep, that's a mom. But this year we're answering for mom. And the answer is we're going to give them flowers plus a real break. Because moms are at it 24-7. and flowers, it's nice, but you know what they really want is a break from everyone's questions, from the endless to-do list, from momming.

23:07Oh, I still ask my mom so many questions. I will call and ask my mom what shoe size I wear. I could look in my shoe. I could do a ruler against my foot, but I will call my mom. And if she doesn't answer it when I call, I will just not know what my shoe size is for the day. Oh, if I was a mom, I would just put earplugs in. That's what I would do. I would tell my kids, I would have like one of those lights that taxis have above them on the top of a taxi that says when it's available or not. I would turn the light off, not available. And then I would, what would I do if I were a mom? Oh, I would get in a big bubble bath.

23:53That's what my mom used to do. She would yell. She'd yell at us and say something. And say we weren't going to be able to have something. Then you would hear her slam her door. And then every now and then, you'd hear her get in that bubble bath right there. And maybe crack open a cold beer or something. Or a cold little can of milk or whatever. You hear a crack it open and get that bubble bath going Sud so high you couldn't see hear nothing is she in there I don't know what she and I think she would just sit in there and be in and in the bubbles and have a little sip of beer or cold milk Something to get her through the day man.

24:35So if I was a mother, I would do that Oh, and I forgot to add this mother's day when you buy your mom flowers You'll get up to$75 as a dash pass member or up to$50 as a non dash pass member towards a family meal that mom doesn't have to cook. A fun activity so mom can play without planning or a self-care retreat in case mom just wants some me time. Yep, that's Theo five zero, T-H-E-O number five, number zero to get 50 % off up to a$15 value when you spend$15 or more at local florists, convenience, grocery, and retail stores on DoorDash. And starting May 9th through Mother's Day weekend, your flowers order will unlock credit towards select gifts that'll take cooking, planning, and more off of mom's plate.

25:27Make this Mother's Day special with DoorDash. Terms apply. All right. You know, one of the last episodes, the last solo episode we had called Chili Boy or something like that. Was it Chili Baby, Chili Boy, Chili Baby, Chili, oh, Pickle Chili. And it was about a month ago and a man called in who had lost his girlfriend to cancer. So we're going to take a quick listen to that. Hey, Theo. Hope you're doing well. I'm calling you today to see if I can get you a perspective on something. My girlfriend of four years, she passed away five and a half months ago. It was not a surprise, but she had cancer.

26:28We thought that she had a little more time. but um yeah um since then i've spent most of my time by doing nothing you know um i would visit her grave every day for months which is good i guess for getting out he goes and visits her grave every day you would say for months onward man thank you for sharing this brother of my apartment um but i would just let the time pass you know but um recently i've started uh going back to school full time and uh working again and honestly i feel like i'm just doing it because it's uh expected of me you know from like people around me my family and my peers um Um, I guess another reason that is I'm, I'm pretty young, but, um, so maybe some people just expect me to move forward pretty fast, but you know, I, I don't want to, you know?

27:29Um, yeah. Um, I just, you know, sometimes you feel like you're like, I feel like I was like left behind, you know? Um, yeah. Thank you for the call, brother. And, um, and we, we, we discussed this on a previous episode, but we had, we got some calls that came in and I wanted to listen to some of them here just so you can get an idea. As always, the hotline guide is 985-664-9503. And here's a call that came in about grief. We asked callers if they had any suggestions for that gentleman. And here's some of the responses that we got.

28:10Hey, T.O. Man, I love your show, bro. Listen to you every day. or every time you make a podcast. I'm actually listening to Pickle Chili right now, and I heard the caller call in about he lost his girlfriend or whatever, and you asked some people to call in, give some ideas of how maybe he can handle this situation. And, look, I actually lost my daughter five years ago to this day from a brain aneurysm. And I guess the only advice I can say is, look, man, don't let nobody tell you how long you should grieve. is going to be different for everyone because not every situation is going to be built the same.

28:51So do it at your own speed, man. There's going to be a lot of people that are going to want to get involved and tell you how you should do these. But you have to experience this the way that you need to experience this to make it right for you. I have dreams about my daughter often, man. And it's funny because in my dreams, I know she's passed away. and I know she's not with her. So while I'm dreaming, I try to, I just try to hug her and talk to her and make that dream last as long as I can. You know, and look, bro, miss her. Miss her every day. I talk to my daughter. I miss, I mean, every night before I say a prayer, I talk to my daughter and I've been doing that since the day she's passed away.

29:37And look, last but not least, bro, it doesn't get easier. It really doesn't. It just becomes a new type of normal. If that makes some sense, bro. Man, Theo, gang gang, love you, bro. Love you too, bro. Thank you, man. Man.

30:00Man, that's just...

30:05That's a lot. You know, it's... That's nice of him to call. He called out of Louisiana. I see that area code 337 over there. And you can hear the bayou in the back of his drawer right there. Yeah, I remember after my dad was gone, even still, sometimes if I'm having like a tough day, whenever I go to sleep at night, I'll hope that I get to see him or that he shows up. And then sometimes it's like gets to be further. Sometimes it's like further and further between times. And then, yeah, and it's just like you just wish some, like you hope that somebody will be there. But then sometimes they are in your dream.

30:45And, yeah, that's awesome, man. That's a really nice sentiment to share. Thank you for that call. Let's take another call here.