#593 - Kevin Gates

28:24I don't remember what it was, but I went, Theo. I just kind of laughed at myself and said my name. My whole life, it had been this internal thing that had been just judging me always. And for the first time ever. We are our worst critics. But I just didn't realize how infected I'd been by my own, by judgment of myself. But we're taught that because when we come outside, we judge by our peers. We judge by everything. If you do this, if you do that. And then it's like, you know what? I'm going to be the best human I could be. I don't care if I make mistakes. I'm going to follow my heart. I don't care what nobody thinks.

29:06I swear to God, I'm going to be the best human I could be. And something else I used to do, before I developed a greater sense of self-worth, I will overcompensate And that's still a form of seeking validation Like I will overextend And I will overextend myself As far as just the person I am Not to be liked I was doing this because This is what I really wanted somebody to do for me So I will overextend And just overshare And overlove And over everything I would do it to the most But this is the love that I should have been giving myself Bro Bro, there'll be times I'll text this over the past two years.

29:50I noticed this will happen for me. I'll text somebody. Hey, man, just wanted to remind you, you're a great guy. And I'm so proud of you, right? I wish somebody would tell me that. And as I'm typing it to them, tears will come out of my face. And I didn't realize, and it's a nice thing to say to them. And a lot of times it's a person I'll have enough of a connection with where like we share a lot of similar experiences. So we can, you know, we'll say that type of thing to each other. But man, sometimes as I'm sending that, because really I just like, that's what I always needed, right? The dude who did my guns on my hands, my gun tattoos, his name, Trevin Spielman.

30:26But some people call him Trevon or Trevin. I call him just T or my brother. What is he doing? He's out of Louisiana or where? I'm about to tell you. He used to always make jokes. He used to always laugh. He used to always check on everybody else. and he sent me a text message. I got on the flight and went to California. When my flight landed, the last text message, he was like, I don't think I could do this anymore. Then I found out he killed himself. So it's like oftentimes the people that's always helping everybody else, like it make you want to start checking on them. That's why when I did it, and not to bring up nothing with Drewski, but shout out to Drewski.

31:09I did a little show where I was on a blind date and he was like man you too uptight and I'm like I'm not I just most of the time the people that make all the jokes I check on their well being because that's how my brother was he used to always make jokes and make me laugh and he'd be doing my tattoos and I'd be telling him about everything I've been through like he was like my therapist and he even flew out to California one time just to tattoo me came and stayed at my apartment and everything and you never know what people going through internally and that's the reason I like I don't just take people for granted like especially people that's always making everybody else laugh so I'll laugh with you but I'm also want to be here with you to see what's going on yeah so I'm gonna laugh I'm gonna laugh with you but when we finish I'm gonna ask you like you show everything okay like because if you need to talk I'm here yeah like and that's just the type of person I am because he was one of them people.

32:05He was super funny, everything. I never would have thought he would have took his own life. And that's what he just was dealing with, too much pain? Yeah, he was dealing with a lot. He was dealing with a lot. That's my brother. I love him. Amen. His name is Trevon Spielman. Trevon Spielman. Some people call him Trevon. He's from Louisiana too. Trevon Spielman. Well, good. I'm glad we say his name today, man. It just made me think about that. Like the people that give the most, we never ask them, do they need anything? Yeah. Yeah, man. It's, you know, it's, man, a lot of my life, especially like as an adult in the past 10 years, eight years really has been having a journey with myself.

32:50Right. I didn't even know who I was. I don't even know if honestly, bro, I feel sometimes like I've only been alive for about five or six years in some way. Before that. You too? Yeah. You too? Before that, I was alive, but I was just, and I don't even know what was controlling me. I'm grateful that God was giving me guidance. You was alive, but you wasn't living. Man, I was, well, I just didn't even know who, only, the only way I was experiencing the world was how you needed me to experience it, you know, kind of type of thing. But I wanted to say one more time, just that like, yeah, there was a moment where I laughed at myself.

33:22Oh, hey, I didn't mean to cut you off. Please forgive me. No, you didn't. We just got lost. No, it's important. This is good. you're totally forgiven and yeah I'm sorry for cutting you off too but yeah just to be able to laugh at myself bro and then part of me I felt man my whole life here I am and I won't even give my own self a laugh not only am I talking but I'm listening to myself at the same time and I wouldn't even laugh every time I'd just been like man there's an old thing inside of me you're not enough you gotta be perfect or nobody's going to pay attention. It's like just a constant system of judgment, you know.

34:02And so, man, to laugh at myself is just crazy. My publicist, her name Alvina, she like, God give you what you need a lot of times when you don't even know that you need it. And me and her arguing, arguing, arguing, arguing. But she always tell me, like, you're going to be great. That's my life's mission That you be great So one of the lessons We have like a lesson every week And one of the lessons for one week She was telling me give yourself grace Because I'm super I'm like you I'm super critical on myself If I don't honor the commitments I made to myself I'm a bitch Yeah You know Yeah definitely And here's the crazy thing I would do Kevin I would go for a run one day or do something And then I'd be like we grinding every day hey, I'm going to go run a million miles.

34:54Next week, I'm running seven miles. And then the next day, I wouldn't even go for a run, but I'd have built up all of this steam in my head like I was in the Olympics. And so then I'd let myself, my aspirations were so diabolical and ridiculous that, but when I did let myself down, I would let myself fall from the heights of my aspirations, not even from, you just took one run. Not even from where you was at. Yes, you just took one run and you just won neighborhood over. and you got yourself at the Olympic trials in Atlanta. But the shame I would feel would be the fall from the Olympic trials and I only fucking went damn probably 1 ,100 feet.

35:30That's why everybody that tell me they want to get into fitness, they be like, what you think I should do first? I say baby steps. Baby steps. Take baby steps. If you walk in the gym and walk out, you still showed up. You did something that you wouldn't have done yesterday. Maybe this time you might get on a trail man walk for maybe two or three minutes. I don't know. Who knows? Start drinking more water. Baby steps. Like everything is baby steps. Yeah. Yeah, I would never even give myself the grace of like, let me have those babies. And you know something else I used to do? I used to compare myself to people that was taking steroids and all of that.

36:08And I'm like, I want my body to look like this. And I'm like, yeah. And I used to watch them dudes say stuff like, if you ain't got no six-pack, you fat, homie. And I was like, damn, I'm fat. So I had unrealistic expectations. I'm just like you. And then I started giving myself grace, and I'm like, I didn't even come in it to look like that. I just wanted my clothes to be able to fit good. I just didn't want to be titty man anymore. Yeah, yeah. He didn't want to have them nice titties on him, boy. Man, man, breastuses. I just didn't want to be Titty Man anymore. And then you start comparing yourself to other people and you lose.

36:47We lose ourselves in what we really wanted. What was our goal? I just wanted a bedroom body. That's it. That's it. That's all. I don't want to look good in my pajamas. That's it. Yeah, I just wanted a nice little bedroom body. Now all of a sudden I'm just like, man, I want to be Hercules. I'm like, no. Oh, yeah, I want to have muscles on the side of my cock or whatever. You have them dudes, they be flexing their cock. They got one dude He can flex his cock I'm like I don't got to see that You been doing The dick lips Yeah You been fucking Doing something bro Putting a Get that fishing Get that fishing string And put it at the end of it With the little weight When you The sinker Yeah Oh yeah yeah And make it flex With that fishing sinker That little thing Dang man No thank you for saying Some of that dude Yeah but the first time I ever laughed at myself I realized how have I been treating myself this whole time?

37:42Horrible. I've heard you talk a lot about things like that, man. And some of the stuff you say, man, just thank you for sharing. I know you're not a prophet or anything like that, but just thank you for sharing honestly because I think that's the greatest thing we can try to do. Yeah, I'm far from a prophet. Yeah, but I feel like we can try to share honestly. I'm profitable. Yeah. I'm just not a prophet. What up? The only reason I say that because, you know, when you hear about prophets, they like these such perfect people. Yeah. I ain't perfect. I'm going to make some mistakes today. Yeah, huh?

38:15Titty man on the loose today, baby. They got a dude at the gym, his name Kevin. When I walk in, he was like, hey, not Titty Man anymore. Yeah. Oh, he showed up, huh? Yeah, like, because I did an interview and I was like. Yeah, sorry for calling you Titty Man. No, it's okay. It's no big deal. Just joking. It's beautiful because that's where I came from. I was Titty Man. Like I was holding a baby and the baby tried to suck my titty. I had breasts. And that was the most embarrassing moment for me ever. I still talk about that to this day. And somebody was like, no, you're running like, I said, yeah, I had breasts.

38:50I was titty man. So then they heard the interview. And when I went to the gym, it was like, hey, you're not titty man anymore. I was like. Oh, I used to stay up and look at my buddy had some tits on in my buddy. I was going to do that thing. I used to think that I had what is called gyneglomastia whatever it's called pull it up, gloneglomastia, see what it is where is it, in the Middle East oh, gynochomastia whatever it's called, I don't know how to pronounce the word, I be hearing a lot of people say it they like gyno or whatever gynochomastia, a condition where male breast tissue enlarges due to an imbalance of estrogen and testosterone and they had this surgery where you go get your your titty cut out and i was like man i do that i'm tired of this shit and i didn't know you got abs under here and when you work the abs that's what lip like your ab muscle don't just it go all the way up to the pectoral and that's what lifted and then doing dips and doing abs that's what made all of that disappear just lift got that titty off yeah god yeah my buddy had i I mean, I used to stay up at night and he would have his shirt off and I'd look at them bitches, bro.

40:02I hate that. I liked it. Like when I used to go to the YMCA. Oh, yeah. Which one? I used to go to the one on college. The old one, though. Not the new, the old one. Well, look at that YMCA in Baton Rouge. The one, there's one over there by the Walgreens. Not on college, on Foster. Yeah. On Foster. The old one. On all Foster. I used to go to that one. I'm talking about When I used to come out Of my shirt They used to Free Willy Talking about the will Oh damn yeah Oh my god Another life I didn't know people Were going through that Yeah that's A.C. Lewis Right there That's a good YMCA Free Willy out there Yeah Did you go to school Over there ever Did you Yeah Did you go to college Over there too Something like that I went to community college Did you Where you go BRCC Of course Let's go Turn off My sister used to work Over there At Cox Communications Over there man I know what is it Yeah, my brother went to Southern for a little while.

40:57Dang, bro, that's wild. What were you studying over there? Business. Yeah. Introduction to business. And you graduated, bro. I didn't graduate. But overall, you did. Yeah, I graduated. Yeah, big facts, man. I'm a billion miles past. Yeah, yeah. Did you get a degree? At some point, I saw that, or I read that you got a degree in jail, in prison. Yeah. Is that true? Yeah, that's true. Wow. What were the classes like in there and stuff? What is it? It wasn't no classes. You just test. I got credits by testing. Oh, so they don't have like a, do y 'all do like, I'm trying to think of what it's called.

41:36Do y 'all have like group projects or whatever? No, you have an administrator that administered a test. Oh, damn. And you test. Whenever you're ready to test, you test. Well, you can't say whenever you're ready to test. Like you might test once a month or something like that. But I had a little way that I was able to keep testing. Shout out to them. Yeah, shout out to them. But so you don't have group projects. I was wondering if you got a group project or something. What if your group leader gets put in like in a solitary confinement or whatever? It wasn't like that. Yeah. It was not like that in Louisiana prisons.

42:10It was like really every man for themselves. So you take your test and then like was it? You study the curriculum and then you go take a test. You have an administrator that makes sure you don't cheat. And did other people look down on you if you were trying to study in there or no? No. You're trying to get out. Just trying to get out the dorm. Yeah. Trying to get out the dorm. Yeah. I was just wondering if you had like a. Now, when I went to prison in Chicago, when I. What does Illinois? It was. I forgot. It's EMCC East Moline. But I forgot the place in Illinois that it was. Now, they had individual classrooms.

42:50like on the campus. Y 'all would go to class. Yeah, it was beautiful. Dang. That last bit I did, it changed my life completely. That's how I got into yoga. Like they offer programs and everything. At the prison? At the prison. And they had weights. I say that like I would lift in weights. But they had weights. Like if you wanted to be better, you could become better. But dude, that reminds me, you ever been at like a hotel or motel? but you'll be in the gym working out. They have a family just come look at the gym equipment and then just walk out. Like they just come take a tour. That just happened to me in, you say at the gym?

43:28Yeah, like you'll be in the gym. That just happened to me in, I was in South Carolina. Yeah, I was in South Carolina working out at a hotel in a gym. And they had people passing by the gym and they would look in the gym and open the door and leave out. But they was having like a fraternity reunion there. A conference or something. I forgot what fraternity it was, but it was like from all over the country. They were having some kind of reunion. Like Panhellenic or something like that maybe? No, they was frets. They was fraternity, and they told me they was in a fraternity. A few of them came in there and talked to me.

44:03Masons or something? No, they weren't Masons. They was like college. Oh, Frowdeltas or something? Something like that. Chopper Darts? And they was like, yeah, bro, we down here for some kind of get-together. they having parties. Oh, they drinking. Yeah, we big fans. I was like, yeah. Thank you. Yeah, sometimes it's wild. I'll be in the gym and people will come in and just look at the gym like, well, look at this if it ain't a gym, you know? And then they just leave out. At least they showed up. Yeah, that's a good point, huh? That's baby steps. They showed up. That's baby steps. Yeah, because I was just wondering if you're in jail, do you have group projects or is there like most likely to, you know, like that kind of thing?

44:42Like, is it like a real, like most likely to succeed or most likely to get out of jail or whatever? It's still individual based learning, but you do earn good time by going to school. I like the way they had it set up in Illinois. They had programs and you earn good time by going to school. It's like that in Louisiana. In some facilities, you earn good time by going to school, but the way they had it set up in Illinois was different. They had real programs, real classrooms that you go to. They got some facilities that offer that, but it's not the same. So it's more organized over there. Yeah, it was more, I'm going to say this.

45:25It was based to help people. It was geared toward anti-recidivism. Recidivism is repeat offenders. Anti-recidivism is people that go to jail and become better and don't come back. It was geared toward anti-recidivism. Like in Louisiana, it's not geared toward that. It's geared toward, it's a revolving door. You're going to come back. Right. We'll see you soon. Yeah. Yeah, welcome back. That type of thing. See you next time. You know, like, you going in there. We missed you. This is one of the worst things, but it was the most beautiful thing that ever happened, too, because I needed this. They called me in.

46:02They had switched my PO. They switched my PO. So they called me in. I go in. I'm thinking I'm just going to piss. Yeah. Like, you know, give an update on what's going on. Yeah, put your hands behind your back. Took me to jail. They say you traveled without notifying anybody. I'm like, y 'all switch my PO. I had been attempting to contact, and nobody had ever picked the phone up. Bang. And where'd you go? You took a vacation? No, I didn't take a vacation. I was working. I won't say anything. Yeah, in the same spot that the PO had already approved travel for. And that's what made me start getting copies of everything.

46:39Right, so you got proof of what somebody said. Yeah, I want, can you sign it? Can I get a travel for a bit? Can you sign it? And I start getting copies. Can you make me a copy? And I start keeping a folder and keeping copies. It was beautiful, though. It made me be more organized. Yeah, get some organization in your life and recognize, yeah, you got to have proof of what's going on, even for yourself, because you can't even rely on other people's proof, because they'll forget the proof. They'll alter the proof. You don't even know sometimes. I don't believe it. Sometimes people get so busy and caught up with what they got going on.

47:04That's true. That it's easy to forget. If you're dealing with 100 different people, you're not going to possibly remember little old me. till my name start buzzing. Right. Well, that's a good point too because that's an interesting way. Sometimes I'll think, this is the way that I'll think. I'll think, oh, they're doing that on purpose to me as opposed to what you just said. It sounds like people - Adversity builds character. But people got a million things going on. They're not thinking. They're just doing their shit. They say never suspect malice of what could be mistaken for incompetence. Yeah.

47:33Never take as malice for what could be misinterpreted as incompetence. And it usually is this. Usually it's just kind of incompetence. It's not. People don't just go out of their way to do fucked up shit to you. They just be so preoccupied with what they got going on. They don't even know that this is what they doing. Yeah. Until made aware. But see, there were times in my head I'd be like, these motherfuckers, that's how they treat you. But it's not anything like that, you know. But I would take that on. We're going to automatically plex. I still plex sometimes, like develop a complex about feeling like I'm being, you know, mishandled and things of that nature.

48:10But I don't even look at it like that that shit be so petty because I look at it not like it's an invitation for me to lower my frequency. I stay. What is something you miss about prison? I don't miss nothing about prison. Even something little? No. I don't miss nothing about prison. So there's nothing in it. But what about even just getting some rest every now and then? Was it like that or no? I can get rest out here. I need to go to prison for the good rest. Yeah, you're right. You're right, man. I'm trying to, yeah. What I miss. Now I'm going to read ads for some of the prisons. Somebody coming up, making sure you in compliance.

48:46Bed made up, all that. I ain't got time for that shit. I do that on my own anyway. And what about a cellmate at night? Like, do people say goodnight to each other or people just quietly go to sleep? It depends on if you and your cell are cool. if you ain't, you got a cell in y 'all cool like that, you know, but with me, anytime I leave, any cell that I have, they gonna always, man, I'm gonna miss you, bro. Cause I just, I keep it going. I run EPS and everything. And when I say run EPS, that mean like I'm running an episode, like we talking about shit. But it might go, when I first get in the cell, it might go about 90 days.

49:24My cell is gonna always ask me the same thing. Hey You sleep all day And you be up all night You don't watch TV And you don't get on the phone So I be reading I just read I read books I got stacks of books Yeah Then I don't even go to child So like say if you indigent Indigent means Don't nobody send you no money I'm gonna ask you You got family out there They love you They send you money You gonna tell me no That I'm gonna put$100 on your books, you're going to give me 80 worth of shit, and you're going to just keep the 20 for you. Yeah. That's business. Yeah. So, you know, you eating and I'm eating because I don't even go to child.

50:07So I do hookups every night. I cook. So you're in your own space then. Yeah, I'm going to cook every night. So you kind of try to create your own system within that system, do you feel like, in a way? No, that's just how I live. That's how I do my time. I do my business. I don't really go to child unless it's on chicken day. Right And then And no judgment on that I probably don't go on chicken day Cause all the chicken Gonna get brought to me anyway And I'm gonna just cut all that I'm gonna cut all that up And put that in a soup Put that in a hookup A hookup like where you get a big bowl And you You know we cook You got your own thing going Now how do you heat the food up in the cell It depends on what spot we at It depends on where we at They got some people They cook on the bunk Like on the middle They got some people They got some jails where they give you a hot pot But you gotta rig it for it to make it boil It depends Some people make a stinger What is that?

51:02A stinger, that's the thing they hook in the electric socket And let's stinger It depends Oh, there you got somebody grilling something right there on a bed sheet Yeah Oh, that's good It depends on what spot we at They have some good chefs in prison? The best Amen Amen, dude Yeah, where's that cooking show, huh? They got people make pizzas, everything. Anything you could think of. Stir, fry, everything. Yeah. I love that. They got, I was locked up in Florida. They got some shit they do. They call it making a brick. Where they take it, man, they put everything in there. Turkey, sausage, everything.

51:39And they just, I'm talking about everything you could think of they can get out of the kitchen. They put in a, and they make it, they cook it in a Dorito bag and make it like a whole lit brick. Oh, yeah. Man, I'm talking about the truth. Good, huh? You ever do a prison night or something at the house, remake some food like that, or try to, you ever remake any stuff like that for your friends so they can taste it? Yeah, I done did that for my partners and my little son. He like all that. Oh, hell yeah. But we come from that anywhere on the street, nothing but ramen noodles and all that. We come from that, putting anything you could find in it.

52:10Yeah, well, the big thing in our house was - Oh, yeah, my partner used to make my, he wasn't my cellar, but he was like two dollars down. About three dollars down, he used to make burritos. Oh, yeah. Did he really? He's a Mexican guy? Nah, he wasn't Mexican, but he used to make burritos. He pretended he was Mexican for dinner, huh? You would have thought he was a Mexican. Yeah. I love a burrito, bro. Man, he used to make the best ones. I didn't like him at first because I didn't want to do, I like sandwiches. I didn't want to betray a sandwich. Man, he used to do it with all beef, all turkey, all chicken.

52:41I'm talking about the truth. My God. Onions, everything. Bell peppers, everything. Oh. He was putting everything in it. Now, all the ingredients, do you get them through the jail or some people smuggle in a bell pepper? You get that from commissary. But like vegetables and shit, all that's going to get broke. That's coming from the kitchen. Yeah. That's going to get broke. That's broke. And what about, have you got any good desserts in prison? Was there ever like a— Yeah, they got dudes in there that make candy. They got dudes in there that make ice cream. Yeah. Dang. Really? Wow. I would love that.

53:12They got dudes that make everything, you know? Them's some of the most creative people you're going to ever meet in your life. Yeah, really? Them some of the most intelligent people you're going to ever meet in your life. The most intelligent. You talk about weights. You talk about yoga. You got any yoga when you're in there? Yeah. I accidentally got into yoga. How'd that happen? My partner kept telling me, man, bro. But I think a lot of black men, you can't just say I got into yoga. I think you have to be like, I accidentally got into yoga. I was against it. I was all the way against it. Oh, yeah.

53:40He was telling me, man, bro, I'm telling you, bro, they got yoga classes. I said, well, you going there and bent over. I'm not going in there and doing shit. You go in there and bend your ass over. So that was, I was just, I was like too hard for myself, just whatever, whatever, whatever. So one of my potters from across the hall, he was like, yeah, bro, I'm going to holler at you. I'm about to go do yoga. I say, for what? He was like, man, I couldn't even like, he was telling me he had knee pains and all kinds of different pains in his joints. He said, I don't even have that shit no more since I've been doing yoga.

54:09He said, man, everything on me, like he said, has been healing my body. So I'm like, whatever. You know, like two days past, I give it a try. Going the first maybe two poses of the shit I did, I'm thinking it's some bullshit. Like, you know, when you see on TV, you see people, oh, namaste. Yeah. You know, you thinking it's bullshit. So I did it. Yeah. Like, maybe after the third pose, I ran to the bathroom and shitted everything. Like, it cut my appetite. It's really what started my, kind of started my fitness journey. Like a lot of the people that was lifting weights and doing all that would still come and do yoga because I had read in the, what's that, the Arnold Schwarzenegger Encyclopedia?

54:54That big yellow book? What's he got on there? He had a big, it's called? There, go right there. Arnold Schwarzenegger Encyclopedia. That's the one. But he did yoga. He was like whenever a lion wake up, a lion stretch first before they do anything. So I started looking at it. And you know when you start feeding yourself that, you know your brain opened up to something different when you're reading it. Because you become like an information freak. You become like a seeker of knowledge because this is the only thing that's stimulating you mentally. You know what I'm saying? You're being stimulated by new information.

55:32So then I was like, man, yeah, I'm going to go fuck with it. So I started fucking with it. I came home. I got off it. But then I got back on it. and now I'm like fully committed. Oh, yeah, dude. I've definitely done some yoga where you'll, I mean, you will shit. You have shit. You're like, damn, this shit been missing. It cuts your appetite and everything. Yeah. If I don't do yoga, I feel weird. Yeah. Oh, dude, there's nothing better when you get done with yoga and you cut off the computer or however you do, you know. Man, I love when my yoga coach used to tell me, thank you for allowing me to share this space with you.

56:08Namaste. Yeah. I'm like I bet you not like this at the house But in my brain You know Oh yeah Oh dude yoga sometimes There'd be a pose one time I would do something with my shoulder I had shoulder pain It unlocked something inside of me My tears just coming out of my face Just stuck in my muscles You know that's crazy That happened to me doing a pigeon pose And I was just in the pose I was laying there And I didn't want to lift back up because I was just crying uncontrollably. And she came and put her hands on my back, and she was like, the energy that you're feeling right now is not your own.

56:46It's just psychic debris. You're having an emotional detox. Damn. Release it. And I was just breathing through it, and then I did the left side. And then whoever tell us about emotional detoxes? I ain't grow up knowing about that shit. I ain't know that everything that we go through traumatically, it harnes itself somewhere in some type of muscle fascia or somewhere in the fascia. I ain't know that shit. Well, there's not a lot of guys I don't feel like where you're from talking about this stuff, man. What do you think really took you? Yeah, I felt like it was, I'm going to be honest with you.

57:20I did prejudge it. I thought that was for pussies. Oh, yeah, dude. When they first told me about yoga, I'm not about to do that bitch ass shit. Especially in prison. I didn't even know they had different sports. I thought homosexuality was the only sport in prison. Next thing I told him, I said, man, you going in and bend your ass over. I'm not about to do it. Yeah, fucking little zesty boy. Next thing I know, I was doing them warrior poses and all that shit. You in there. This shit ain't no joke. Yeah, you get in there with your little sugar cane in there. I ain't going in there. That's how I would think at first, you know.

57:52You get in there with your little spicy baby body. No, you're only a victim of what you're in the tank. Yeah. Oh, but that's how I was. I was against everything. Yeah, I used to plex like that. I think in juvenile detention because you hear so many fucked up stories about jail. When you go in there, they're going to try to fuck you. Yeah, they're fucking people. And you think that's how it's going. Yeah, don't wear no cologne. When you go in there, the first thing you do is plex. And what I mean by plex, you have a complex. You're in defense mode. But when you get there, you really see that prison is structured.

58:24Yeah. It's really off respect. It's ran off respect. Respect run the compound. Ain't nobody going to pass by you and not say excuse me. it's different do you admire the level of respect that was in there in some ways I give my respect first but at the end of the day I still demand it did you get treated special because you had celebrity in your life you think I wasn't a celebrity at first got it juvenile detention through that circuit I wasn't a celebrity was it scary to go back to prison like damn now they know me juvenile facilities are more chaotic than adult facilities oh yeah i could see that they way more chaotic so that's what the fighting and all that go on every day an adult prison is structured and i like that it's laid back yeah that shit they be showing on tv them mickey mouse counts yeah that's not no right it's not real there's not no maximum security that's not no none of that them mickey mouse counts i used to want that's not like louisiana like That I'd like.

59:25Louisiana prisons are the roughest prisons from my perspective, because I have been around a little bit, I haven't been to prison in Canada. That sounds nice. Man, they had the best food. Canada's great. I would go to prison in Canada. It was different. The way they respect you, the way the guards respect you, it's different. When you get to Louisiana, it's a whole other story. This is a different way that people communicate overall. Dude, I'll tell you this even. What I noticed about racial stuff in Canada when I was up there. I feel like sometimes in America, especially growing up in the South, there's some tension between black and white, I feel like, but there's a lot of history, right?

1:00:07Louisiana, Mississippi, all white boys, different. Yeah, oh, for sure. But in Canada, if you... They different. In Canada, there's no racial tension. They're not regular white boys in Mississippi, Louisiana. They built different. Well, some of them got... Some of them seem like... I got a partner right now We is locked up If you call him G White You might as well just gonna get rid of it Just don't even call him If you call him Cause you know that be like What up G White You know you say that to like You know he think he a nigga You know what What up G White Man they got some white boys They not going for that Yeah I'm not going You not about to call me G White We could fight all Hey all we could play with that knife And that's how they come And they built like that Yeah it's changed a little bit huh No, it ain't changed.

1:00:55It's been like that. You think? Yeah, you got real niggas and bitch niggas everywhere you go. God dang, I hope that. I'm glad to know that, I guess. You're only a victim of what you entertain. Yeah. See, like when you went to the sugar cane, baby, that conversation, I ain't even grinning because I'm not in. Right. If you grin, you in. Oh, dang. That was your conversation. I'm not talking to me. Like when you was like, yeah, I want to be in there with my sugar baby and the yoga thing. I said there were men in there. I think there's creative men in there. Yeah, that wasn't my conversation. I'm a real Vic, so that just went over my head.

1:01:31I ain't no new J. Me too, bro. I ain't about that shit. Yeah, so when somebody had them kind of conversations. Yeah, I ain't having them. Yeah, that just go over my head. Me too. Because if you grin, you in. You're only victim of what you entertain. I'm chilling. I ain't smiling about nothing. I feel that. Not like if you grin, you in. But if you entertain it. Right. Oh, I see what you're saying. You open the door for that. Yeah, not me. I'm locking that up. And that's one thing I teach my son. Sometimes he'll see something on the internet, like a comment. I say, hey, you don't entertain that.

1:02:03You're a man. Right. Never let nobody defeat you with words. You don't entertain that. How did you start to get to know yourself? Because you talked about that. Solitude. Really? Solitude. Because you're one of the few kind of rappers I feel like that I've met or experienced or paid attention to that I know of that talks about that kind of stuff, their relationship with themselves, right? Most of the things that we did, excuse me, I can't say we. I'm going to speak for me. All right. Most of the things that I did in my life that people would consider heroic or violent that I got stripes for, that was out of fear or seeking validation from somebody older than me.

1:02:44But how did you start to realize that that's what was going on? Like when you say solitary, being by yourself. Being in solitude, spending time alone. So what was that practice? Did you have a practice that started? I mean, you said like a little bit of yoga, so that kind of opened up your idea to like doing something different. But was there somebody who started to teach you these practices? Because it's hard to get from just. When a student ready to learn, the teacher appeal. Once you start walking this path, like this path led me to doing this right now, today. And when I leave here, I don't know who I'm going to meet that may give me a tidbit of knowledge that's going to propel me forward.

1:03:28I don't know. And it just, you pick it up. The reward really is in the journey. So I just pick up little tidbits along the way. Yeah. Or how you say it? Tidbits, my bad. Yeah, tidbits. That's that Louisiana. That's that Louisiana. My tongue heavy. That tidbits. Oh, yeah. So I talk lazy. When you look on your life, what's some of the worst pain that you feel like you have ever been in? Physical, emotional, emotional. Emotional, probably, I would say, or mental. Because I've heard you talk about trauma and overcoming past traumas. You don't hear a lot of people talk like that.

1:04:06Recently, 2020, I was going to kill myself. Damn. I had deleted my Instagram for like a year and a half. I was going to kill myself because I only felt appreciated for my ability to do. And then I was always looking at Instagram, and it was like I was comparison. And I spoke about this before. I was comparing my life to other people's life, and comparison really is the killer of our joy. And I didn't understand that until I started looking at my life like, damn. Like I'm seeing everybody highlight real But at the end of the day I'm just me But everybody else living so great But that's just the highlights That's not what they going through every day And it took me getting off Instagram And getting off social media period To see that people really do love me And enjoy the world And start having gratitude Like think about the things you're grateful for Not what you don't have Not how shit not going, but think about all the good shit and just be thankful.

1:05:13Like, I'm grateful for this. I'm grateful for that. And that's when things started to kind of change for me. A lot of people say that kind of stuff, but it's not a practice in their life, right? It's not like a real truth that they're living. I think that's one thing to me that's interesting by you. It feels like that's really how you have chosen to live your life. What were like practices? I don't have. I'm going to be honest. Every day not going to be a good day for me. But I'm still going to go to the gym. Right. Because that is my therapy. And I kind of train myself to know that whenever I have like a fucked up feeling like the days that I don't even want to go, them the days that I had the best workouts.

1:05:48I didn't kind of start playing a game with myself. I know when certain people start texting me and it's low vibrational people, something good must be about to happen. There's got to be a text. Something good about to happen. And I just started training myself to look at it like that. And that's really how it be going. Yeah. Yeah. Alternate that. Like, yeah, taking the opposite choice. Making the opposite choice. Because everything inside of you is like, take off today, take it easy, don't do nothing. I swear to God. Yeah. Like, I went jogged and everything before I came here. Amen. I heard you talk before about, like, a lot of men you don't feel like are living their truth, right?

1:06:22They're not. I feel like we're in a tough spot, like, with, like, love and the value, the moral value of relationships and stuff like that. You're not. Like, ain't nobody really loving people no more. I think I'm the only person right now that's like really living in my authenticity. I'm talking about as far as like on the main stage, like people say what's politically correct. And I don't give a fuck what nobody think about me. Because if everybody like me, then I'm pussy. You know what I'm saying? I'm just, I want to be liked by everybody. He who is a friend to everyone is a friend to no one.

1:07:02I'm not a good, I'm not friendly, but I'm a great friend. And that's just my perspective on it Like It's a lot of people that won't Allow themselves to love somebody Based on Their past situations Or the bumps and mistakes that they made And for fear of how The rest of the world will look at them Yeah I don't care how the world look at me Don't care I'm living life all out Damn dude Boom boom boom boom boom boom boom Really really Dude, I'll tell you this, Kevin. I remember times in my life I was like, man, I wouldn't date a certain girl because of what my friends would think of her, bro. And then I spent like a couple years like that one time.

1:07:45I had that problem. But then I missed out on a good opportunity, too. Man, once I started fucking with this little chick, everybody told me don't fuck with her. She ended up being, and still to the day, we still good friends. She was one of the most solid people I ever met. And this back from when I was still on the block. And we still cool. She doing good for herself. Nah, she in the real estate and shit. Nah, but this from back when I was on the block with it. Oh, yeah. She was dancing. She used to dance. Everybody, man, don't mess with her. She a stripper. And she ended up being one of the most solid people.

1:08:21And that's when I realized it's the people that the world say the most fucked up shit about be the best people. And the people everybody praise and be like, yeah, this person, he's such a great guy. they really be barbaric behind closed doors. They don't have no morals. They don't have no principles. They don't stand for nothing. So I just noticed like some of your better people be the people that everybody don't like. Well, I think it's tough for people. You kind of one of them people like when I say authentic, like you pretty much do your own shit. You one of them people. To me, to me, like you live in your authenticity.

1:08:58A lot of people be like, the stuff that you say, a lot of people wouldn't say it for fear of how it would be perceived. You just say it. And I'm like, I can't help but to fuck with it. That's a good point, right? You're just real people. Thanks for the compliment, man. Yeah, I try my best. I think the tough part is. It was the truth. Like, it was the truth. Right. I think the tough part It's just I'm just always still trying to figure out who I am And I'm amazed at new things that come along Most people want to admit that Like one of my albums that's about to come out Is called Don't Know What I'm Doing Because I don't know what I'm doing Most people want to admit that They don't know what they're doing I don't know what I'm doing I'm still discovering new parts of myself every day I don't know People be asking me So what you going to do today?

1:09:50I don't know. I haven't figured it out yet. How do you keep your ego? Because this is something I've noticed in my life, right? Like my ego. What do I do? How do I figure out what is my ego and what is self-confidence and self-worth? Do you know what I'm talking about? Your ego can slip in. To be honest, 2025, some people can say that I'm operating out of ego, but I'm not giving to nobody but me. Like, I'm not giving everything I had to give, and now everybody else can just figure it out.

1:10:29And we can say that's ego, that's cool, but when I go to the gym, I don't ego lift. Right. I don't lift the heaviest weights in there. I do what's comfortable for me. I work at my own pace. Hey, you know, what I eat doesn't make you shit, and what you eat doesn't make me shit. So if you want to go in there and be the world's strongest person, You know, good luck, buddy. Yeah. Great for you. I knew it works for me. And I always make sure, am I getting what I came for? I just want to get what I came for. Like, what do you mean by that? Like, when I go to the gym, I don't get sidetracked and hoshalizing.

1:11:09Yeah. What I mean by hoshalizing is I knew I had this interview today, and I already made the commitment. So I'm going to honor that commitment. me so when i went i'm just giving you an illustration for sure example so when i went to the gym today i went in there to get what i came for i ain't coming here to be friendly i ain't coming here to socialize and what i mean by socializing you know your uncle paid by y 'all over there socializing huh yeah socializing yeah y 'all over there socializing you lying to him and he lying to you y 'all lying to each other i ain't coming here to socialize yeah man i think having parameters for yourself and boundaries for what your goals are.

1:11:49That's, I think, what... And had I not did what I needed to do to raise my frequency, me going to the gym today was committing to act of self-love, I wouldn't have been able to do this. Right. I feel great now. Yeah. I feel amazing. Yeah, your energy comes in, and yeah, it's funny because you come in, and I feel like, damn, I want to be on a level. Well, you came in when I saw Jesse, and every time I see Jesse, I'm Jesse is a friend and he's always been a good friend of mine. Lately something's changed. If you're watching this, Jesse, shout out to you, Jesse. He was like, every time I see him, he was like, every time he sees me makes a song about stealing my fucking girl.

1:12:33And that's just a joke that we got every time I see him. Good to see you, Jesse, bro. Yeah, Jesse, if you're watching this, He's watching man If you're watching Jesse this one's for you brother It's for you buddy It's for you buddy Did you have self hatred and stuff? Did you deal with that? Of course How'd you know you had it? My actions You know who told me Who kind of started the conversation? I was talking to Plays one day Really? Yeah and It may not seem like it But that's a real intelligent dude So he was like Man Gaze That's something I be noticing bro He said Gaze Man you be acting like an ugly nigga man I said what you mean You just be You be moving around like an ugly nigga man And you not no ugly nigga You handsome But I'm just saying You be like an ugly nigga And I be like What you mean Man you got to have some sec Here they with you Can't nobody be just touching you And then we was sitting down at the table And a lady was trying to tell me He said hold on I'm delicate I ain't know what he meant But he was talking about Setting those energetic Bounders for yourself Like Everybody not supposed To have access to you Because it's texting On your spirit It's draining It's draining Certain phone calls It's draining Hello Yeah What's going on They about to tell you Some bullshit Some bad news I don't want to hear that shit Yeah Maybe that's my ego You You act like you don't care I don't It's not that I don't Give a fuck I could just give a fuck less Yeah I care about me Right Fuck that I don't want to hear that shit Damn Yeah it's so true man Cause a person that don't You'll take it on A person that don't You're not doing the work every day Yeah So it's like I'm doing the work every day So a person that's not doing the work every day It's really nothing you could tell me Cause I'm doing the work every day Like I go weeks sometime without eating when I'm fasting when I need clarity I just stop eating I'm three days in no food you wouldn't even go three hours yeah I'm hungry I have a headache that's your body detoxing so I don't even listen to people like that yeah oh yeah people don't care people get all fattened out or whatever they cook yeah people just I mean food could be used as a drug sometimes sometimes food could be used as a coping mechanism because i used to use food as a coping mechanism sometimes i overeat or sometimes i wouldn't what would your snack be if you had a destined like an evenness snack nighttime snack goodnight kevin or whatever snack now or then back then i used to drink a lot of syrup straight syrup no i used to mix it with like the pineapple or the pineapple sun kiss that's when activist was out I used to like the cough syrup I used to mix it with pineapple sun kiss sprite and mountain dew them was my favorites damn and some syrup yeah what kind of low cabin light or whatever uh uh and then I used to have to eat what was my thing my favorite thing to eat I like the dim little crust the uncrustables the little peanut butter and jelly I like the dim And what else I used to eat Something else I used to eat all the time I don't know Doritos maybe or something I don't know if it was chicken wings It was something I forgot It was something I used to eat all the time I forgot I know it was unhealthy Whatever it was But you're talking about drugs Yeah I used to do drugs Codeine syrup Yeah Okay I didn't know what you were talking about at first Yeah Wow and you were addicted to it I ain't gonna say addicted it, but I didn't like it.

1:16:25I loved it. Yeah. Yeah, I loved it. I never went to rehab either. You didn't? Rehab's for quitters. I'm not trying to quit. But you don't do that anymore, though. Because I found a new drug. Fitness. My new drug of choice. Do you notice, though, are you able to notice a different feeling of how much different you feel making those choices? Yes, I'm going to be honest. And I hate to say what I'm about to say. When people be like, I miss the old Kevin, I get it. Because I miss the old Eminem when he was on drugs. That's the Eminem I like. That's the Eminem I like. I like the Eminem that was on drugs.

1:17:11So I know what people mean when they, man, I miss the old Kevin. I'm like, I get it. I get it. Because I miss him too. I do, but I'm not about to sacrifice the way I feel for that. I love where I'm at now. Well, I think that's a trap, too, is to stay where you are. It's a trap. Man, you can grow with me or you can grow without me, but either way, it's on with and up with me. But I do get it, though, when people say, man, I miss the old Kevin because I miss the old Immanuel. I do. I miss the old Immanuel. I swear to God I do. Oh, yeah, I believe that. But I miss, there's times in my own life that I miss.

1:17:51There's times in my own life where I felt like I was funnier or, like, had better ideas and stuff. But things just change, and sometimes it's different. Nah, I like where I'm at now. Yeah? I like where I'm at now. Man, I'm a motherfucking supermodel, man. I love where I'm at now. This shit different now. I used to couldn't even do the wheel, the ab wheel. Now I do that shit effortless. Really? I go jogging in the morning effortless. It's just automatic. When I stretch, it's effortless. When I fuck my bitch It's just effortless And I just I do everything better And I hate to say What I just said But it's the God honest truth I just I wouldn't change this For the world It was time to drink And sir My dick wouldn't even get hard Oh yeah And not to get off On those sexually related types But I had erectile dysfunction At 20 what 23, 24 years old Because of all the drugs I was doing So I'm okay I would never trade that For this I love where I'm at now I can sing better Like my singing voice has matured now Because I'm not on drugs So I love where I'm at now The music that I make is I make music that I can work out in the gym to now So I You know I get it though I get it I understand Yeah But I don't care But I understand Yeah I miss the old gays Oh dude Yeah I think Great But I think the New Gates is really prophetic I think the New Gates says some things that are really Man, yo, bro, say, bro, I love you, bro You scaring me right now I am?

1:19:28Yeah Sorry I don't want to be a prophet Okay, I want That's scary Yeah, that's true, man That's scary when you say shit like that You know, that's crazy Like, you the first person that I ever sat in front of that said that to me. Like, thank you. I love you for being able to see me. But that's scary. Yeah, maybe that's an unnecessary kind of life. And I don't mean it like that. It's somebody else that when they see this, they're going to be like, see, I told you. Because there's some people that argue with me like, I told you you was a prophet. I'm like, but prophets are perfect. I'm not perfect.

1:20:09Yeah. No, I don't think that. I wouldn't have made it in the book. I tell you, it's a good thing I wasn't around Jesus. I would have made us look bad. Yeah, instead of a disciple, you didn't need us. I would have made us look bad. You know what I said? In general, most, let's get prophets right here. In general, most religious traditions do not consider prophets to be perfect in the sense of being entirely free from error or sin, while they're often revered for the divine connection and ability to convey God's message. There's still a lot of pressure. I just like, man, I like the new bars you have just as much as the old bars, man.

1:20:41That's what I like. At least somebody cares. That's what I like, dude. At least somebody cares. But it's just, and it's not to say that you're wrong for saying that. It's just a few people in my camp, in my circle, they be like, you know, you're a prophet, right? And I'm like, no, I don't want to be that. And I guess it's me shying away from the responsibility of it. I don't want that responsibility. If I said something and it helped, take it for what it's worth. I made a bunch of mistakes to get there. Whatever knowledge and wisdom I gave you, I made a bunch of mistakes to get to that point. How do you be a parent that was different than how you was parented?

1:21:25Because that's one of the most important things. We could go anywhere. We could go anywhere. Because the truth hurts, but it heals. So we could go. We could have any kind of conversation. What makes me a better parent is I was sexually victimized, and I didn't have a safe place to communicate. I created a space for my children to communicate with me. So they say when you work on yourself, you heal seven generations backwards and seven generations forward. And, damn, I hate to say this, but somebody before me, they was sexually victimized also. So it was like something that kind of ran in the family.

1:22:08Oh, yeah, like a learned behavior or okay, yeah. It was like they had went through the same thing.

1:22:16And by me creating that space for my children to be able to communicate with me, don't nobody ever touch you. You know, you always talk to me. I don't judge my children. As long as you tell me the truth, I'm never going to be upset with you no matter what it is. I'm here to help you figure it out. You know, that's me. So anyway, I broke those generational curses or generational traumas. Let's say that. They're not generational curses, generational traumas. So I broke that. And the reason I don't really speak on it, like, because it was, my family's still kind of healing from that situation. Yeah, that's understood.

1:22:52Like me and my mother, we got a beautiful relationship now. Like it's super beautiful. But it was strange for a while. Yeah. Because I wasn't able to communicate. So now it's beautiful because we communicate. And me going back and forgiving my mother and forgiving myself and things of that nature, you got to realize they didn't know what they was doing. Nobody handed them a pamphlet and said, this is how you rear children. Yeah. So when they hear shocking news like that, the first thing they do, panic. They don't think to act. But me, I think to act. I don't think to just say, oh, God, that's not how you stop bullying.

1:23:34Fighting solves everything. I teach my children that. Fighting solves everything. Like, I tell my son, like, if you go to school and if somebody say something to you, don't worry about that. But if somebody put their hands on you, you punch them right in their nose and you don't stop. You keep going. When I come to the school, I'm going to be like, I can't believe you did all this bitch ass shit. I swear to God I'm going to kill your motherfucking ass. I'm going to do all that. I'm going to make it look good when I get there. Then after that, I'm going to take you and buy you every toy in the store.

1:24:02Because fighting solves everything. Yeah, you got it. What's that coach at Texas? What did he say? We don't raise no pussies. Who was that? The football guy? Yeah. He said, we don't raise no pussies. He died, didn't he? I forgot the coach's name. I just seen that shit. Woody Allen. Yeah, Michael Leach. He was like, we don't raise no pussies. Yeah, yeah. But that's just one of my biggest things when I can say the way I parent is different. I don't parent like that. I parent different. Like, will you, like, yeah. I parent like Coach Knight. Yeah? But, yeah, I parent like Coach Knight. I parent like a coach.

1:24:46Okay. My grandfather was like a coach, like that tough love. That's how I parent. yeah I think people don't realize like how they look at their children too is important if you always look at your child with like will you go do that or this is wrong or something then they that's they feel like something is always wrong right like the look you put into your child's eyes like your child is kind of like a cup and you're like a picture it is accountability going on like they have to make their beds they have to go to school they have to do these things and if not then you can't play the game right you're gonna have to take accountability like my son and my daughter know and my daughter yeah she not even 13 yet she came to me and told me daddy is there anything I could uh help do around the house to make your life more easier like one of her choices you keep the kitchen clean still gotta make your bed still gotta go to school but you keep the kitchen clean my son you gotta make your bed still gotta go to school but you make sure the trash put out and I just give them little jobs yeah and then you earn what you you earn your wages yeah I pay I pay them$250 a week.

1:25:48Do you really? $250? Yeah. Damn, bro. I pay them$250 a week. You want Robux? You want that? You know, I pay them. Wow. But they work. Oh, yeah. They could have a Chevy sedan by September. That's a good amount of money. Yeah, my daughter, she like into the furry costumes. They be dressing up like, don't kill me because I don't want to say it because she real defensive about this. No, dad, it's not. That's what it's called. It's called this. I don't know the name of it, but they dress up like animals. I did it one time with her. And that was my way of going into her world. And she was like, I want to post a video that me and you did on TikTok, but I'm scared people are going to hate on it.

1:26:33I said, promise me you're going to do one thing. She said, what? I heard Floyd Mayweather say this. He said, no matter what you do, if you do something good, if you do something bad, if you do something for yourself or you do something for other people, people going to always have something to say about you. So just promise me that you're going to make yourself happy. Oh, yeah, that's me right there. Which one? I'm about to come in on the ferry. Yeah, that's me right there. Ooh, Kevin. Yeah, that's beautiful, man. Ooh. Ooh, wow. And what animal is that? I don't know what I was. I think I was like a little wolf or something.

1:27:07Yeah, that's a damn little Cajun wolf. And then, so she was afraid to post it. But then once she posted it, the shit went viral. Like, because she was already lit in the furry community. Oh, I see what you're saying. I hope I'm saying it right. Easily, if you're watching me, don't. Yeah, young lady, we're just trying to. I love you. Your father's just honoring what you guys got going on. But that was my way of going into her world. Right. And saying, look, I'm proud of what I do. I spend time with my daughter. Yeah. Yeah, like. It's important. I'm proud of them. Like, just telling them you love them every day.

1:27:39Hugging on them and letting them know that I'm proud of you. Oh, yeah. Like, that reassurance. Oh, dude. They not afraid to make me mad. You know what they're afraid to do? Disappoint me. The same way I'm afraid to disappoint God, they're afraid to disappoint me. Yeah, that relationship is just so important, man. It's so important, you know. Like, yeah, I remember. I was so angry as a kid, man. I wish I'd had that relationship. I used to get angry. Like, if I see somebody spending time with their father playing basketball, I'd be like, bitch ass. Yeah. Because I wanted it, but now I am that. And then I can't be upset with my real father because we had some beautiful times together.

1:28:23Oh, yeah. We had some beautiful times together. The times we had. Yeah. What was a special time? My mom, I remember one time, so my mom delivered like newspapers and stuff, you know. So one time, I think I got sick. I couldn't go to school, but she had to work. And so I got to go on her route with her. and she would go uh and then we took a ride we went out to over by picayune and we went they had a wendy's over there and we got a wendy's sandwich over there and it was like the only time i ever remember doing something just me and my mom but i remembered us everything about it how i was sitting what we were doing just we had like a nice day together you know and but i had to get sick at school to even just because my mom always had to work so i'm not like whining about It's just like, but I remember that it was important to me, you know, as we get older.

1:29:14Sometime it let us know that. The act of love that they had coming from where we come from was them sacrificing time with us to make sure that we had food on the table is looking at it in hindsight. That's a good point. Make me like, damn, like, I appreciate you more. Like, even my children understand, like, in October, I'm going on tour. I love y 'all But I got to go do this But I love y 'all Right So I spend as much time As I can with y 'all But also I got to go do this In October But I love y 'all Yeah for me To have a new perspective Instead of man I bet my mom Didn't want to leave me To go to work Instead I'm thinking What parent does Right Nobody leaves earth Saying hey I should have Wish I could have Spunt more time Throwing the papers out Delivering the papers Everybody leave Even the most The richest businessman on earth they leave and say I wish I could have spent more time with my family but it's beautiful because it's about balance and I don't beat myself up for the time that I'm not there I understand that they understand because I talk to them I don't baby talk I talk to them regular.

1:30:22Yeah I think that's the biggest thing is communicating what's going on probably you know what's different about your tour this time how do you feel about it like do you notice that that changes for you as you grow up? What's different about my tour this time? Because in October it starts, yeah. Me. Me. It's just another. I'm different. I'm not the same person I was last year. I'm better. Okay. Way better.

1:30:52And, man, I could go down the list, but I could say one of the biggest things, I started giving myself grace. I don't beat myself up no more. I used to beat myself up. Yeah. What would you say, like, in your head? What would that be like, you think? You, I beat myself up. I, the way I would beat myself up is I would replay something I did, and it'll bring shame till I almost cringe when I think about it. Like, yeah. Like, no, man. Players, like, I tell myself, like, I, excuse me, you probably don't know this. I talk to myself. Okay. All geniuses talk to theyself. and ever since I read that it kind of gave me the green light to start talking to myself more but if I do something I'll be like players fuck up too oh yeah players fuck up too players do fuck up and I always tell myself players fuck up too learn from your mistakes don't make them no more and I talk to myself I used to be hard on myself like a coach like hey bitch but I'm still like a coach in the gym get in there bitch I'd be like, hey, the weights ain't going to push theyself.

1:32:05You know what I'm saying? You got enough strength to do that, but you ain't got enough strength to lift the cover and get up and go to the gym. You know what I'm saying? So it's just I'm more like motivational toward myself with that. But if it's a – because, you know, you have moments that might come up from the past and it might just come up in your mental inventory. And then when it come up, instead of running from it. All the time I go like that. Yeah, I do that all the time. And then you know what I start doing? I sit with it, man. Play us fuck up too. That shit ain't nothing. You the only one remember that, Kevin.

1:32:42Don't nobody else even remember that shit. That's crazy. Don't nobody remember that shit. The only thing keeping that messed up moment alive is you. Yeah, I'm giving energy to that bullshit, man. Play us fuck up too, man. I'm fly. Play us fuck up too, bro. Play us fuck up too, man. I might walk out of here and trip. But I'm going to make it. Hey, it's going to be a fly. When I trip, I might do a little dance move or something. It's going to be a fly trip when I trip. Ain't nobody trip better than me. Yeah, man. That's a really beautiful little trip. And the players fuck up too. Dude, if I see you trip, I'm going to be like, man, players fuck up.

1:33:14Hey, that's graceful, bro. I'm going to laugh at myself. Yeah. I don't care who see me make a mistake. I've been on stage sometimes. Make a mistake. Hey, excuse me. I just made a mistake. Hey, the beautiful thing about mistakes is it's okay for people to see you make a mistake. just don't never let a motherfucker see you quit. You gonna watch me make mistakes but you ain't gonna never watch me quit. Hell yeah. Like I tell people, I still don't get tired. I've been up since 3.30. Oh yeah, I've heard that in your song too. Yeah, I still don't get tired. I've been up since like 3.30 this morning.

1:33:47Dang, bro. I'm fucking fired up all of a sudden. Energy only translate to more energy. Is that true? Yeah, like energy translate to more energy. Now, once I go eat my meal, I'm supposed to be having a 20 million. I'm supposed to be having dinner tonight. That's what I had on this suit. Okay, it's nice. Yeah. Yeah, I'm supposed to be having dinner.

1:34:12But 20 million. But anyway. You got a date for dinner now? I'm supposed to be having dinner. But after I eat that meal, kind of get some good rest. Oh, I love that. I love getting a good rest. Do you have, I want to ask you a couple more things before you go. You are a religious man. Religious smidges. Yeah. Religious smidges. But yeah, I guess. Or do you feel like a, because people say that you're a Muslim man. I'm going to be honest, I'm spiritual. Okay. I'm spiritual. But like the word Muslim in Arabic, it only means believer. Right. So I'm a believer, but I'm very spiritual. Got it. Like I believe spirituality is if I walk in a room and something don't feel right and I leave and something bad happens, I believe I was guided by God to leave.

1:35:10I done been in a club in New York. I'm like, come on, let's go. We go outside. As soon as we go outside, a fight breakout, somebody gets shot. But I just felt like it was time to go. and I've just always been like that. Why do you think it's so hard for us to step into what we really believe we want? Because when I hear you say that, that's what it hits me as. I've been saying that, though. I say it in my song. I say when Allah and my new wife will pray together and I'm going to keep her sacred. I say that in the song, so I manifested this. I didn't know it was going to be her. But as men, why do you think it's so hard for a lot of men to just, yeah, it's like, man, I'm just so tired of everything that's not mean something.

1:35:51Because you don't get fulfillment. I done had more holes than clothes. I never got no fulfillment from having a bunch of different women. That shit is stressful. It's vexating to my spirit. It don't give me no fulfillment. A lot of men ain't going to say that. And then I've been on a semen retention journey for the last, what, maybe five years I talked about retaining the life force, retaining the semen, not watching porn, not jacking off, taking that sexual energy and transmuting it into something else. So if I have a craving to go jack off or I'm horny or whatever you want to call it, I go to the gym or I go to the studio.

1:36:27I transmute that energy into something else. And most people that's out here jacking off. Man, you realize, though, when you see dudes with a lot of women, but them dudes be stressed out. Like, you know what I'm saying? As a man, you're going to see shit that you're going to look, But at the same time, you ain't going to help me on my mission. You're going to take away. You ain't going to add value to me. You're going to take from me. Behind closed doors, do you speak life into me? Do you help me become greater? Are you helping me become greater? It don't really be that. And if you are helping me become greater, are you helping me become greater for me?

1:37:04Or are you helping me become greater for you? Or are you manipulating me? Are you verbally abusive to me behind closed doors? You know what I'm saying? Like, are you using my flaws against me? You know, there's a lot of women that'll do that too. And no, excuse me. I can't say women. It's a lot of people that'll do that. Oh, for sure. Because I done had men do that too, like bring up stuff from the past and try to hold it against me to keep you within whatever kind of energetic construct that they have for you because they need your energy. Everybody's life is great, but we suffer. So that's why I'm mad with it right now.

1:37:42Yeah, that seems to be something that's kind of vexing our community. I wasn't even going to talk about this, but shit, you the one. You got it all, bitch. Oh, I wasn't even trying to get anything. I'm just trying to survive. I already know, but it's like this is going to be healing for somebody. Oh, it's healing for me. That's why I'm curious about it. It's like because I'm sick of like, you know, in my own life. But also I'm the one keeping me there. That's the crazy thing. It's like I have the ability to change things, and I do a good job. I say in my song, I'm only excited about spiritual things, and I swear I can't wait to move on.

1:38:13I'm only excited about spiritual things. Yeah, I think I'm just amazed sometimes that, I don't know, but I'm also, you know, I got a late start sometimes. Man. I got a late start. I'm 39. I just look, you know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. I don't age. I'm 39 though. So I feel like it's never too late. Yeah. It's never too late. But when you said that about all the women, that shit was draining. yeah well just I have so many of my friends like I'm going on this date I don't care just like well what are we doing and then you have people it's like you're giving yourself away to people and I'm not accusing anybody I'm talking about myself and my own life and then it's just tell me about it yeah tell me about it and it's like what kind of journey am I making what am I really building here and then another word once I start operating and looking for reciprocation it shouldn't cost anything if I fuck with you it shouldn't cost anything If you fuck with me, it shouldn't cost us anything.

1:39:12It should be reciprocated. The energy that I'm giving you should be reciprocated. If it's not reciprocated, then you're not nobody that I even need to know. And a lot of times when you look at relationships, I could be somebody's best friend, but they're not my best friend. It's not the energy not being reciprocated. And a lot of people are victims of that, being in relationships that are one-sided. the door don't really swing both ways. It may look like it's swing both ways, but it don't. Yeah, it's just a trap too. I mean, a lot of the sex, the dating, just the pornography, because that's been something I've dealt with.

1:39:51When you stop watching porn, it's going to change everything. It's going to change the way you have sex. Once you realize these people are acting, this is fake. This is not real. This is not a connection. This is bullshit. No disrespect to people that do porn. But they know it. They know it's fake. You know, they know it's. That's just not my cup of tea. That just ain't no. Like, a man told me he was like, you jacking off to another man's success. Like, I ain't fucking that bitch. Dang, that's crazy. God. Oh, my God. I'm jacking off to watching another man's success. I'm not doing this. It is kind of crazy, huh?

1:40:28When you think about that. If you really think about it, it's psychotic in nature. And then you got to hide and sneak to do it. oh they got some people probably just go do it publicly but I ain't doing that you gotta sneak and do it yeah I sneak and do it and then under the guise of I'm having me time yeah but then after you do it you feel guilty feel horrible like damn why I did that cause that was precious life for us I just wasted on somebody else's success god dang it listen I've been there I've been there I know about it so I've been there and what was the thing that got you out of that like how'd you able to stop that specifically I took baby steps.

1:41:05I was like, I'm only going to release on Fridays. Okay. Shabbat shaboom, huh? And I started saying, well, maybe this is my creative energy. When you release your life force, that's your creative energy. So I'm not going to release my creative energy. Like when you boxing, are you preparing for a fight? While I'm working on this album, I ain't going to release no semen. Or while I'm doing this, I ain't going to release. And I became better and better and better. But it was baby steps. I ain't just start off just saying cold turkey. But by the time it was like, man. It's seeming as babies in it, which is crazy.

1:41:40Yeah, if I ain't getting no. And you're taking baby steps. Yeah, if I ain't getting no pussy, that's wrong. If I ain't getting no pussy shit, I ain't no shit. Yeah, what am I doing? I can wait. Yeah, I can wait. That's the thing. It's just that relationship with yourself, you know, and having conversations with yourself. Like, what am I doing? What would I really like to do? And then how do I get through this? You respect yourself different. Yeah, your integrity changes a lot. I respect myself different now that I don't even play around like that. Yeah. I respect myself different now. And when you show up, people can see.

1:42:09Here's the funny thing. People can see the integrity you have for yourself. You know what people tell me? They say your aura is big. I'm like, I don't know why. And they were like, what kind of practices do you do? And I say, I practice semen retention. Yeah. It's my precious life force. And they was like, that's what it is. You have a glow. That's bad. Yeah. It's that semen. Damn. It's your life for us. Oh, yeah. It's everything you are. It's your truth. It's your script. Yes. It's your script. And it's not even your script. It's a script of all your ancestors. Just wasting it in a sock. And you blasting it out here in a dang church sock, too, at times.

1:42:50God. Oh, my God. I forgive myself. Yeah, you're right, man. Because sometimes I'll have that shame feeling. All the misfires. I forgive myself. Yeah. We learn from our mistakes. We move on. somebody needed to hear this no I think somebody did today and I think you know what I think it's like we need more leaders in the community to say things like that we have to get I don't know we got to do something has to start to be different I feel like the greatest teachers teach without teaching yeah you're right the greatest teachers teach without teaching so when the student is ready to learn the teacher will appear you'll be amazed where wisdom could come from even the homeless person standing on the street corner that smell bad, the person that you would be afraid of, the person that you would look down upon, one of those people, the wisdom and the knowledge that they can impute, you would be amazed.

1:43:45Oh, yeah, they got bars over there. I don't care what you do with the money. Just, you know, I committed to act of giving. He's just going to buy drugs with it. I committed to act of giving. Whatever he do, that's his choice. Now, one lady made me mad, though, because she was holding a sign, talking about she'll work for food and I gave her a sandwich and she put it in her book set and then I said you know what maybe she had children to go feed but I don't know yeah maybe you had children to go feed or something so I was like I did overreact because I got pissed off Kevin not everybody eats immediately when you serve them I mean you know maybe she was saving it for later I don't know maybe she got baby birds in a nest or something I don't know.

1:44:28Maybe she got saving it for her kids or something. And I just said, you know what? I ain't tripping. Whatever you do with it is on you. I committed to active giving. Probably so, Kevin. I bet. Yeah, I think she probably was doing something nice, hopefully. I hope so. Yeah, I bet she was. I hope you ain't take advantage of me. But if you did, that's your car medic bag. Right, I did what I did. I did the right thing. Right, I did what I did. Yeah, kind of like, man, I think one interesting thing is like, yeah, we got to have leaders making things cool. You know, I think it's why it's one to me. And this might be.

1:45:03I guess I'm afraid to say this probably because it's probably ready to go. I think it's cool that to have a black man say something about that, because black people notoriously, I feel like, make things cool. Right. Like people go to the black community to make something cool. Like you give a you give a metal plate in it to somebody in a black community. Then they got a rim out of it. You know what I'm saying? They make things cool. So I think to hear a black. Creativity thrives in the darkness. Okay. Well said. You didn't say anything wrong. Okay. So I think to hear a black guy say that to act certain ways, I think that makes it cool.

1:45:38Because we all take, I feel like a lot of culture comes from, what's cool comes from the black community. Creativity thrives in the darkness. So you're not saying nothing wrong. Okay. Yeah, I think it's, yeah. It makes it cool, you know? And we need things that, like, I think have moral value and integrity to be cool. Like I watch anime because they have more moralistic value than regular movies. Yeah. So I watch a lot of anime. I don't watch a lot of it. Israel Adesanya watches a lot of it. You know who he is, the UFC fighter? The last style bender. Yeah, he's incredible, dude. The last style bender, yeah.

1:46:17You and him would be such a neat. I mean, you guys are, I mean, both humans or whatever. I don't even know what I'm talking about. I'm trying to think of anything else we want to talk about. You have a new tour coming up. Yeah, a new tour coming up. I got coffee. You had a new album that came out on my birthday, I think, March 19th or something. You had one come out? I'm here. No. I'm him, too. I'm him, too. Yeah, I'm trying to think. Is there anything else that you wanted to talk about today? If anybody watched this and they gained any insight, I'm grateful for that. If you didn't gain any insight, I could give a fuck less.

1:46:58That's fair. That's it, that's all. That's it, that's all. Whenever I drop an album, I'm like, get it. If you want to get it. If you don't, don't get it. Like, I'm not here to force you. If you want to get it, if you don't want to get it, don't get it. It's already going to do what it's going to do. Yeah. I didn't do it. I can say this album that I put out, this last one, I was proud of it. usually I'm upset when a project come out. I'm like, I wasn't happy at this and this and that whenever a release. But this time I was like, I celebrated myself the whole way through. And I was like, man, I love this project.

1:47:36Like, one of my other projects, I go back and appreciate them after the next one come out. But now this one, I'm like, nah, I fuck with this one all the way through. Why do you think that was? Because I'm in a different space. Like, I don't make depression music anymore. And then if I do make depression music, I'm just venting. It's my therapeutic release. I got it all out. I know there's somebody out there that could relate to what I'm going through. But this is how we combat that. Let's go on with an upward. That's it. That's all. I don't stay stuck in a sunken place. Nah. Yeah, I don't stay stuck in a...

1:48:10I don't stay stuck. I don't stay stuck in a sunken place. I don't stay stuck in a sunken place. Amen. I'm going to snap out of it quick. That's it. Nothing changes if nothing changes. they say changes if nothing changes yes sir kevin gates man the proud of louisiana uh thank you so much man for spending time with me today man it's a blessing i really appreciate it thank you for having me and i just want to tell you this sincerely i mean it sincerely thank you for being you this was like the most different type of interview podcast whatever you want to call it it was just like we just talking shit but it was beautiful because not too many people could see me like really see me yeah and i just appreciate you for that usually when i go places i have to meet the person at the level of the person i had to see where they at and just but with this it was like the transparency was beautiful it was refreshing talking to you like i lost track of time if you ever watch when i go other places i have to meet the person at the level they at and i hate what i'm about to say but it's the truth i look at my watch to keep time I didn't do that one time because it was refreshing it was refreshing well I appreciate you sharing yourself with the world sharing what's going on in your head and your spirit with the world man it's been some of the things you say make me think and I appreciate that because I think me having taken time to think is more important than than I knew it needed to be for myself so thank you very much Mr.

1:49:44Gates thank you for having me Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna tell you