#605 - Memphis Crisp

28:58Well, you're certainly not alone. Watching pornography has become so commonplace today, and oftentimes men use porn to numb the pain of loneliness, boredom, anxiety, and depression. Shame and stigma prevent men from talking about these issues and getting help for them. I want to introduce you to my friend Steve. Steve is the founder of Valor Recovery, a program to help men overcome porn abuse and sexual compulsivity. Steve is a long-term sexual recovery member and has personally overcame the emotional and spiritual despair of abusing pornography and has dedicated his life to empowering men to do the same.

29:39Steve is an amazing person and he is a close friend of mine. I mean that. Valor Recovery helps men to develop the tools necessary to have a healthier sex life. Their coaches are in long-term recovery and will be your partner, mentor, and spiritual guide to transcend these problematic behaviors. To learn more about Valor Recovery, please visit them at www.valorrecoverycoaching.com or email them at admin at valorrecoverycoaching .com. Thank you. Anyway, what else we got? FDA warns public not to eat possibly radioactive shrimp sold at Walmart. Gang, boy. The Food and Drug Administration is warning the public not to eat, sell, or serve certain great value raw frozen shrimp sold at Walmarts to possible contamination with cesium-137, a radioactive isotope.

30:44Gosh, what is happening? U.S. Customs and Border Protection alerted the FDA about possible cesium-137 detected in shipping containers at four U.S. ports. If you have recently purchased raw frozen shrimp from Walmart that matches this description, throw it away. cesium is a soft flexible silvery white metal that becomes liquid near room temperature but easily bonds with chlorides to create a crystalline powder according to the US Environmental Protection Agency damn that powder makes you want to stay around and see if you can have a little bit of it couple of different dates on great value brand shrimp those are the issues you can check those out you know it's honestly it sounds like this almost just sounds like an origin story i bet because this is how the media works i bet this is just an origin story for a new marvel character that's all it's going to be this is how they do it they put something in the media that's not real and then they create a character on it a year later and bring it out so it's all it builds in your head that's a psychology bro that's a psychology they have a planned way to do it.

32:03And that's what this is. I think this is a new Marvel character. This is Cocktail. That's who it is. Ooh, that's him. Cocktail. Started out as an appetizer. Now, he's a fucking boss. We ride here.

32:23Ooh, cocktail.

32:29dude i like that cocktail bro that's the thing i've been getting now at nighttime if i'm trying to be on a date i'm trying to be in love or something bam bitch i'm getting you that that little shrimp cocktail boy gah you just see them them cock them tails because that's not the cock i don't know where the cock is bro and that's fine i don't We need to see it. But you just see them tails hanging off the edge of that little cup they put them on. Just like a couple stripper legs just hanging off that bitch. And I like them, bro. Cocktail. He was an appetizer. Now he's a boss. One shrimp. up 100 tons of cesium-137.

33:27That could be it, man. China's new pregnancy robot is set to replace the human womb by 2026. I've been saying this. The womb is great. God made it. It's beautiful. It's that original OG skeet portal from Christ, right? We get that. And it's been amazing. but you knew we were getting to this point where they was going to outsource that womb, that baby box. Because big facts, dude, the womb doesn't even have air con, bruh. The womb doesn't even have air con, bruh. And some of them, the plumbing's even bad in them or whatever. The baby's in there and they got a dang little piss creek or whatever rocking by or something.

34:12Because mama's out there, you know, slurping too many lemonades or whatever. Mechaladas.

34:21So that's the kind of shit that pops off around there. So yeah, now it'd be great. You can have a little robot, even a little Chinese robot. Your baby's in there. You put the egg in there. You put the semen in there. It's even like a little microwave door on that bitch. You put it in there. Set that thing, whatever you want, mild or whatever. You know, eight months, seven months. You could even do black and mild or whatever. It's a little bit, it comes out with that fucking Memphis crisp on it. You feel me? They got all the options now. And then you and your wife can still read or whatever, fight, party or whatever, do a little toot or whatever.

35:05And your child is getting organized, Chinese manufactured, really, I guess. Now, that is true. that may be that may be sketchy because you have to deal with some Chinese manufacturing it might get tariffed when you take it out of the microwave I don't know Trump might put that freaking he might put that Chinese extradition text when you open that microwave and get your child out but that'd be great man you know your child's getting raised in a robot it's running around boop beep boop beep and it can still complain you can even put a wig on it can still be like a wife if you need that energy. It can still be like, I need some chocolate pickles for me.

35:48I'm tired.

35:53Please rub my feet. And you're over there just spraying WD-40 on them bitches, baby. Them little Chinese toes or carpals de chino. Chinese toes. What else? I think we've gotten through a lot of stuff there on the news. Let's crack into a few calls from you guys. As always, the hotline for this show is 985-664-9503. And thank you guys so much for your support and paying attention and just being a part of our life and letting me be a part of your life.

36:36Yeah, I just can't believe that this tour is coming to an end, but I'm also excited about it. I'm excited for some new possibilities. All right, let's take some calls right here that came in. Thank you guys for hitting the hotline. Hey, it's Shaky Jake. Just got over a seizure, looking like David Bowie or something. It's Shaky Jake, baby. He's that rattler. He's one of God's rattlers out here, baby. He's that damn tuning fork. That buddy's got it in him. Let's hear him more, brother. I just wanted to say that the podcast really helps keep me positive and keep me smiling. So thanks, even though things are fucking scary.

37:24So thank you, Theo. Well, you're welcome. And I'm sorry I was making fun of you a few seconds ago on this call. But also, I just was trying to make it more fun. Because, yeah, when you said seizure, and that's that thing, baby. when you got them tremors, dog. You fucking part earthquake, part human. You hug a woman while you have one of those, she'll never let you go. A lot of these babes, they're paying$60,$70 for that type of action over there at one of these sex shops. So God, I'm cheering you on here today. Shakey Jake, he's got it in him. And I'd love to know what kind of deal does he have?

38:04I mean, here at the beginning again, he's got an affliction. Hey, it's Shaky Jake. Just got over a seizure. Looking like David Bowie. And he's got a black eye on him. That's why he's saying that. And the video's on YouTube. We popped it in. So we got you in there, Shaky. And yeah, just heal up, baby. And get better. And we've all got something. We've all got something, man. So I commend you for putting it right out there. Face forward, brother. Right in this, I just mean it just like, bam, this is what I got. You know, I got that fucking, I got that remix in my nerves. I got that fucking reverb, homie.

38:52That white reverb, I like that shit. Blessings to you, man. And heal up well, brother, and heal up soon, man, love you. Let's take another call in here. Hi, Theo. Big fan. Hello. I had a question for you. So I've been seeing this guy for about two months. I really like him, and I mean, I hope he likes me. Well, I'm not so sure because we've been dating for, like I said, about two months now, and he hasn't kissed me yet. And I don't know what to do. The other day, he put his arm around me, and then he apologized because it accidentally fell down a little bit, a little bit lower off my waist, you know.

39:33And so I can't. He hasn't kissed me yet. I can't tell if he's gay or if he just don't like me, you know. Well, there's other options, too. Sometimes people don't kiss you because maybe they're sick. Maybe they're sick. You ever thought of that? This boy could be damn terminal and you're over there. Wish he'd kiss me, you know. And he's over there just hoping God gives him another afternoon. Let's hear more. And I'm typically somebody that likes the guy to take the reins. so this is kind of a sticky situation for me Theo and I just wanted to get your advice on it much love you know I watch the podcast every week um well thank you so much I appreciate that I appreciate the warm words there and I'll say this straight up a lot of men out there don't even do kissing anymore they do touching they do hand touching and Wiener.

40:30That's it. Kissin's from damn 1800s or whatever. 1600s Scotland. You see people kissing over there. Bring something up. Let me see this. Two people kissing in Scotland. 1700s. We'll split the difference. Two people kissing in Scotland in the 1700s. Bam! Look at those MFers, dude. G'day, sir! Oh, fancy the lips, lad. Oh, you're kissing me, huh? Welcome to Scotland. Yeah, see, so look, what I'm telling you, baby girl, is that things have changed, you know? Some guys, they don't do kissing. They do hand touch. They do wiener. So that could be what's popping. And I think, look, a lot of guys even, there's places, there's articles now where guys are going to Costa Rica and getting their balls even taken off their body.

41:28they don't want them. It's dumb. Look at these balls. The wiener looks like it could get hired by Frontier Airlines. That bitch looks like it's going somewhere. The balls, they look like a couple of damn methadone homies sharing a wide mouth sleeping bag. That's all that is. So a lot of people are getting them nuts just clipped right off. And then you say to a lady, it's all wiener, no nuts. All dick and no nuts. baby. God. And to a woman, that sounds like a diet. That's a skinny margarita of sex right there. Oh, dick and no nuts. So anyway, I'm just telling you that could be happening. And look, it's 2027 or whatever it is.

42:13Who gives a shit? Some people are calling from the future now. People are on different time continuums. What I'm saying is this. If you want to kiss them, kiss them. Some woman the other night said, come over here and fuck me, little fucking honky, you fat fuck. Now, did I go over there? No, it was late. I was tired. But I admire that lady, okay? And she will get my vote if she ever runs for office. But thank you so much. I would just fucking kiss him. I would fucking take his hands and I would just fucking, I would just be like, or just fucking write fuck me or something on one of his arms. And then he reads it.

42:54He's like, fuck me. and then bam. So that's actually, that's illegal. I think that's illegal. So don't do that shit. That's cheating or whatever. But yeah, but yeah, I think these days, some men are too spooked. They held the me too shit. Everybody lobbed in everything about that. And now everybody is, you know, every guy's a prey, you know? So it's like now a lot of dudes are good dudes are afraid. They're afraid sometimes, you know? And I'll say this too. A lot of men, they think the wiener's barely even a wiener anymore in some circles of existence. Some dudes, they just think they got that long pussy on them.

43:41So let's hear another call here. As always, hotline 985-664-9503. Here we go. Hey, what's going on, Theo? My name is Jake Smith. Jake Smith. Thank you for the call, Daddy. I appreciate it. Onward. I was really wondering if you had some fatherly advice. I got my first baby on the way here in less than a week. I'm going to have to find out, boy or girl, so we'll see. But a little bit about myself. I'm a horseshoer now. I live over here on the countryside over on the West Coast. Ooh, a horseshoer, and I know what that's called. That's called a farrier. A farrier. And I'm going to read it right now.

44:27Shout out to the farriers out there. A farrier. A craftsman who trims and shoes horses hooves. I appreciate that. Calling in my sister's ex-husband's stepdaddy was a farrier. Cool business. I enjoy watching those farrier videos over there on TikTok. so let's hear it. I used to work in zoos, used to take care of lions and tigers, walk them on leashes, and so I'm used to the little wild animals, but a wild child, now that's something a little different, out of my expertise. Oh man, I think you're going to be fine, daddy. You know, y 'all got that little cuda gangster heading into the world, and that's beautiful.

45:14You know, I think that's beautiful. You're going to be fine if you get to handle a little, working at a zoo. You over there with the llamas, bro, and the gerbils over there. And them baby bears. You know? And the hermit crab. Dog, I'm a hermit crab. Be like, whatever, motherfucker. We're late for work, dog. That would be my thing, bro. You know, in Mexico, they don't have any hermit crabs, bro, because everybody has got to go to work, dog. That shit is a fucking white shit, bro. That lazy shit. Oh, I'm a hermit crab. Bitch. Get off your fucking eyes, homie. But yeah, dog, you'll be fine. If you babysitting animals and stuff, you got a child on the way, I don't know.

46:00You're going to be fine. But I say this, look that child in his eyes and share something good into his face. Because that's all his eyes. His eyes are just absorbing what you're putting out in the world. If every time you look at that child, you're full of disappointment or you're discouraged or you're upset, then he's going to be upset. It's going to live inside of himself. You're casting a spell into your child's heart every time you look at him. Now, I don't mean you can't get mad at him or rough him up or fucking tie their legs in a knot and fucking tickle him and fucking cover their body and fucking sprinkles.

46:39But just know that you got to emotionally raise a child. If you don't teach a child how to feel, then they're going to spend the rest of their life wandering around how to feel, homie. So I'm not preaching at you. I'm just wishing you guys the best in kind of an aggressive manner. I guess I'm kind of tired, but that's all right. Praise God. Good luck with that child, daddy. Here we go. Yo, it's Emmy. What's up, Emmy? Thanks for calling. I've been listening to the podcast for a long time. Thank you so much. You've brightened up my day. I'm hiking or at work. So I'm currently going to dinner with one of my ex-boyfriend's moms.

47:22I have kind of a silly question. How do people feel about furthering a relationship with somebody's parent when you're no longer together? Me and this lady, we really love each other. and if I could, she would be my mom. Oh, yeah. Oh, I can totally relate to that. I think, you know, we all, you know, I believe that we get pieces of things of, excuse me, we get pieces of relationships from different people, you know?

47:58Like there are moments in my life where my brother was around or wasn't around or was only so much available because of just positive things in his life or negative things in his life and vice versa me for him. And you find somebody, you get a piece of brotherhood from somebody else. You get a piece of fatherhood from somebody else. You know, and I really believe it is that way. Oh, I had so many friends, mothers. I would be friends with my friends' parents. I was way better friends with my friends' parents most of the time. I'd go over there and just bullshit my friend just so I could go be around her parents some freaking chill smoke.

48:40Sometimes my friend, one of my buddy's moms, she used to tell us, do not smoke. If you guys get caught smoking, you are fucked, boys. I'm going to pull your fucking feet off of your dick or whatever she would say. Some thing, some old wives' tale or whatever. Then me and her would go smoke while my buddy was doing some yard work and shit. So it's like, yeah, I had great relationship with my buddy's parent, with friend's parents. That was so much fun. Girlfriend's parents, for sure. oh i got probably 50 of the first hugs in my life from um this young this this gal i dated i got probably 78 hugs from her mother the best but yeah a lot of that's been a lot of my life so yes i think you can i think you get bits and pieces and you just attract yourself to people in life and then sometimes those relationships fade but they don't fade like they disappear they just time changes, you know, and things happen.

49:37And sometimes like the waves come and hit the beach and they still are hitting the beach, but the water, the actual, actual wave that originally hit the beach, it'll kind of move down the beach. And so it's still hitting the beach, but it's moved on. And that's how those relationships are sometimes in my life. But I think they're great. And yeah, and then we can do that for other people too. You know, nothing makes you feel better than when you realize you have a moment doing something with somebody and it means a little bit of something you know that's really beautiful i think but yeah i mean look the love you can get from other people's parents it's just bottomless you feel me you didn't think i was gonna say And I'm feeling goofy today.

50:28Hey, Theo. This is Jake calling from Illinois. What's up, Jake? Illinois, baby. That's what's up, papa. Let's hear more. Anyways, I just needed some advice. I work long shifts at work, and I let my emotions get the better of me sometimes. and, you know, I struggle with a little bit of an alcoholic problem. And I know you've probably talked about this plenty of different times. I've listened to a lot of your podcasts. But it's really affecting my relationship and the way I go about certain things that upset me. and uh and i i can't seem to find that within me to get there my girlfriend that i'm with is really really seeing the bad side of me that i don't want her to see but anytime anything really gets gets a hold of me that i don't like just just takes over and i'm not the same guy that i was amen brother look i appreciate you calling i appreciate you letting me know and just sharing with us what's what's going on with you you know yeah man anger has been it's been a big problem of mine over the years you know i think for one for me is there's been a lot of rage from being young and never got out rage I mean fury I mean a fucking fireball that has endless fuel

52:21I think as an adult you know the things that I noticed for me with anger was unrealistic expectations of others unrealistic expectations of others I was able to help figure that out through recovery through 12 step program. Now that doesn't mean I've figured it out and then it solved it. You know, at different times when I've been in and out of the program, I've like, you know, had to do the steps again and realize still a problem, still a problem. But yeah, unrealistic expectations, expecting people to know things before I told them. That was a big part of mine of what caused me anger, you know, Because then I'm always in conflict with everything.

53:10So that would be the only thing I think I could recommend would be if you go through 12 steps and you get through. And there's different programs. You mentioned some alcoholism, and I don't know if you're an alcoholic or not. You will know. It's self-diagnosed. But I do know there's other programs. If you aren't, that's still other 12 steps. And when you go through step four and five and six, you really start to figure out your character defects. And that can be a blessing. That's a gift. So anyway, that's the only thing I can really recommend that I have had experience with. But yeah, I just would be so angry.

53:51And a thing like that, I wish I wanted to let that anger out. So the crazy part is that anger will live in you, and then you let it out years later. or sometimes the people you want to let it out at, they're not even there anymore. They're ghosts.

54:10Man, so it just can feel.

54:15Then it's almost like you fucking feel it again because now you're angry. Now you're having to deal with it again. Not only was it in you at one point because you were furious, but now it's in you again because it's trying to get out of you. it all comes to the surface, baby. That's what I do believe. But look, man, if you do something for yourself, then something will be different. That's the truth. If you do one thing, then something. Nothing changes if nothing changes, baby. They say that, and it's the truth, man. And if you heard that and you didn't understand it, then I'm just going to say it again slow, not because I'm trying to preach at you.

54:55I just want you to hear it, right? Nothing changes. if nothing changes. So when I've heard that in my life, it's been like, okay, how long do I want to sit here

55:14and not take an action but expect things to be different? It kind of just,

55:21it put a mirror in front of me sometimes. All right, we got one more call right here that came in. um as always the hotline 985-664-9503 let's see what we got what's up mr vine what's up brother thanks for calling uh yeah man i just caught that shit with joaquin phoenix dude and he's the shit uh i bet that was wild yeah dude it was freaking wild dude so i'll tell you so um well he said on the on the video that the on on the podcast the reason he that he came on was because he'd seen this video talking about the stuff in the Middle East and um which was interesting to me because you know some people don't want to think about that or hear about it and I respect that uh but uh just that he said that was interesting but outside of that just to get to see him you know he's had such a fascinating life you know just from like if you if you just go read up on his history just traveling and like kind of like a cultish no school like youth and just this whimsical jack carowak if they're at a it's almost like peter pan goes to a grateful dead type of you know just um i don't know just so many different things and then just like how talent talented he is you know and with him and i don't even mean this like in him it's talent for sure but it's almost feels he's so unique that it feels almost other worldly you know it feels uh i mean you know some actors they have feelings you can relate to the feelings he'll have feelings and connect behaviors to them that some of us have never even had it feels like so it's just yeah so i just felt i just felt so lucky and you know i wanted to be gracious to him i wish there was more things we could have talked deeper about but it's weird you don't you don't want people to think you're trying to just talk about certain things or tough times um and and you're trying to get to know somebody and let them know that you're trying to be as authentic as you can or like you know that you don't have any ill will you know i think you know so anyway i'm kind of overthinking it which is like my ego starting to flare up but i thought it was awesome dude let me hear more what you had to say i mean you know you're talented too though it's like you're sitting across from just somebody in the business i reckon but at any rate you know i do enjoy his movies quite a bit oh dude no i enjoyed it man i i hugged him like three times in the hallway and I was like, holy shit, dude.

58:11I think, um, you know, I don't, I mean, I'm, yeah, I'm going to get married to a woman one day or something, but I'm, I can't hug him anymore. That was what I realized. I was like, oh, you can't hug somebody. You don't know somebody, if they're nice to let you hug them three times, but you shouldn't keep hugging that person. You know, especially if they're, you know, it wasn't like, it wasn't, it was fine, but it was definitely there was there was no more hugs you could hear somebody say it nobody said it but you we both heard it right it was that kind of thing so but no he was gracious and uh i felt lucky and that movie eddington no joke i think is one of the neatest roles um austin butler's in it uh peter pascal or piso pluma's dad i think is in it i'm not even sure check it out anyway thanks one more call right here let's get to it what's up man this is miles what's up miles damn that feels like responsibility dog having that name gah every time i go for a jog fuck okay onward i uh wanted to talk to you about your brother you know I uh I recently got close to my brother and he's 12 years older than me I swear I'm not a mistake but uh we got close we worked together and and uh you know we I just he means a lot to me and uh I see the videos of you talking about your brother and there's a lot of things I want to say to him and you helped me with that.

1:00:00We saw your comedy show in Kansas City. You rocked it. I don't think I've ever seen my brother cry until that moment and you know, I think you kind of helped us come together but my point is that I love you man and keep doing what you're doing. And you helped me. You helped me, my brother, and I hope your brother's doing good. And I love you guys. Peace out. Well, thank you, bro. That's nice of you to say, dude. I think that's, yeah, man, I appreciate it, dude. Thank you, bro. I liked how at the end you said, I love you guys. You know, you included my brother, even in that statement. I thought that was very thoughtful of you.

1:00:45yeah you know I think this goes back to even to that lady that called earlier saying like do we you know is it okay to be friends with an old friend's mother or an ex's you know it's like we get pieces of relationships from different people over time you know and some people fill in the blanks for us while people aren't there or can't be there but yeah having a brother man And it's just like, I'm so glad you guys have gotten some moments. Oh, dude, a moment with my brother where I know that he loves me or I'm able to let him know that I love him. I don't know why that kind of stuff is so hard sometimes for some brothers.

1:01:28But, oh, yeah, those are some of my favorite things. You know, like one day whenever I die, that's the feeling I want to feel when I'm leaving, you know. I think that's where I would go back to in my head or my heart, just go back to that space. you know, because it's kind of like as close as you will get. And also it's like having somebody that's like cares about you, but also it can be like a detective because they have the same clues as you inside of them. So being able to conversate and stuff about those things and work things out, it's awesome. I'm glad y 'all got to do that. Thank you for coming too, bro.

1:02:04Thank you, bro. Yeah. And you know, brothers, older brothers, we don't get, we should have a special day for them. You know, they take a lot of the early heat in the world. They are experimental for a lot of families. They're like, well, let's see what happens with Gary. You know, they send, you know. Or they'll be like helicopter. They'll have him in a fucking, you know. But it gets different, though, when you get on now sixth, seventh child. That motherfucker ain't got no clothes on. You know, Gary's got to wear a damn neck brace full time. He's got polio shots. He didn't even have polio, but they gave him so many vaccines.

1:02:44He's damn got it now. He's got, you know. So I think it's, they do a lot to that early brother. You know, and then we get to watch and see, like, and learn the landscape. And then you're always trying to be your older brother, but be yourself. But, yeah, thank you, man. I think I don't know what else to say today about it. but we should have a brother's day in the world, you know? And I know the brothers out there in Philly are bottomless, dude. I know that, you know? But I mean, we should have a brother's day, man. You know, where there's just like a special time for brothers right there. Because Indian dudes, they have it all the time.

1:03:31You see a couple Indian brothers, they're holding hands and everything. They're over there putting fucking, you know, zit-zacky on each other's necks and shit. Them dudes is close as hell. But, yeah, I'm happy for you, bro. And I'm happy that you thought today I'm going to call today. I'm just going to tell somebody else I love my brother. It's kind of, you know, it sounds bizarre to say that, but it also sounds like one of the most important things you could do. Tell somebody, you know, I fucking love my brother. Like, well, damn, all right. you know find a state where it's legal or whatever trump will take it away um anyway thank you for the call bro i love your brother too and you tell your brother i said i'm proud of his brother um dustin poirier's retired but that's okay we never give up on him we love him he's gonna be out there fighting crime i don't know what he's gonna be that bayou batman you know that's who he is baby James J Braddock at a Bayou Swamp Dorella man you know it we still got love he's in our hearts always as we move forward I will say this one thing I bought myself something nice we donated to the Dustin Poirier Foundation and we got his final fight gloves and so those are going to be in the studio.

1:04:53And so he was one of our first guests. He's given us a lot of support, but also a lot of inspiration over the years. And that's another place right there, I'm thinking out loud, where sometimes you get a piece of a brother or a sister or a mother or a friend or something. You get it through somebody else. And those are gifts from God. And to anybody out there who doesn't have a sibling or they've lost a sibling or something like that, feel that channel of your sibling through others. I hope that there's an opportunity for you to feel that or that there's an avenue of grace that opens up in your life today or this week where you get to feel something like that.

1:05:33Because I believe that people on the other side can feel them when we talk to them. I believe they, not only do they feel it, I bet they hear it in beautiful stereo. I bet all of our siblings and family members could be at a big rave somewhere. and whenever we say something to them from this side, the DJ's out there and he just remixes the words, you know. I love you, Ronnie. You know. We miss you, Jillian. We miss you, Jillian. But anyway, praise God. You guys be good to yourselves. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. Sorry I was kind of chatty today. Thank you, guys. Love y 'all.

1:06:17and thanks for loving me or thanks for just listening even if you hate me just fucking thanks for tuning in praise God now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone oh but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take