#609 - Chris Distefano

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26:36And speaking of athletes, I saw that Sonic brought in Terry Cruz to teach some SEC players how to actually act in burger commercials. Legendary move. Just like the buy one, get one free deal on Sonic Smashers. Offer valid once a week in the app through 928. Gotta hurry. Offer ends 928. Oh, damn, dude. What's going on, dude? You have a show coming up at Madison Square Garden. Yeah. Well, the theater at Madison Square Garden was supposed to be the arena, but then the ticket sales dictated to go to the basement, baby. That's all right. No, you know what happened? I bit off more than I could chew.

27:13About six months ago, I said, they came to me, they're like, oh, show on, on September 11th. Yeah. That's lit. That's lit. So they said, you know, want to make it a day. So I said, I had done 2023, I did Radio City and theater at MSG back to back nights. So they were like, let's try the arena. you know, cause I'm from New York and then the ticket sales, they were just not moving. And like everybody, like I had an opportunity, I had a decision. They were like, look, you could either wait. We see a huge increase in ticket sales a week before ish. That's the way the trends are now for certain people.

27:48Or they were like, you could just pull the plug right now and we can move it downstairs to the theater. And I just said, you know what, man, I'm going to, I know me, I know my brain, I know my heart. I'm going to carry a lot of stress for six, seven months. and I said me doing the arena is definitely a goal and a dream and we'll try again but a lot of it was just ego so I was like move it to the theater and now the theater is all but sold out and I haven't stressed about it in six months it's gonna be amazing family's gonna come and then I you know I'm gonna I'm gonna detonate a suicide vest at at the end of it oh I take everybody down you needed some sort of fireworks at the end yeah um also inviting people into the city on 9-11 is a wild move it was a wild move yeah I I made a ton of mistakes but I had a manager back then who had a ponytail.

28:30So we were making wild moves back then. So we're not together anymore. He's still my boy. But I was like, yo, dude, because he told me he booked me for this, the arena on 9-11. And then he told me to hold 5 p.m. the same day open because he thought I could do 15 ,000 seats at a stadium in Forest Hills, Queens. So he thought I could sell 30 ,000 tickets and I sold like 2 ,000. But he said it. But when he was saying it to me, it was crazy because he's like, you know, obviously on Coke and he had the ponytail and the glasses on and he was wearing bathing suit shorts and like a button up top and it was December.

29:01And he was eating a fruit cup. Yeah, and he was eating a fruit cup and he was like, you could do it, baby. He was like, I know you could do it. I know you could do it. So you get pumped up and then he put me on this arena tour and then we have to cancel them all. Yeah, yeah. So I like him. I respect him for really swinging. But we have the same agent, but my agent was like telling me from the beginning, he was like, this is a dumb idea. And I said, dude, look at him. He knows what he's talking about. Look at his ponytails, sleek. He uses herbal essence. Are you kidding? And then our agent was like, all right.

29:28Dude, the guy has two barrettes in him. Yeah, come on, dude. I was like, look at him. He wears a child's headband. Yeah, dude, this guy is legit. I said, I might fire you and hire him. And then after a week of the Take a Tales, your agent was like, pull it. Pull it, dude. Yeah, and then he was like, fire the master. Yeah, so we're still cool, that guy. And I hope he's still alive. That's amazing, dude. But I'm at the theater there. But you know what, man? It's one of those things. and my little daughter taught my, well, my older daughter, my 10 year old, because I was a little bummed about this because I was a big moment in time for me.

30:02I was like, oh, daddy's going to get to do the arena. I almost wanted to do the arena at MSG because it would almost set me free. Because that was my only real goal I've ever had to do comedy. A lot of guys, you know, girls, babies, they do comedy for all their different reasons. My only reasons I ever left my physical therapy job was to do the arena at MSG and to have a sitcom about my father. Those are the only things I've ever cared about so I almost felt like if I could get that one it would almost set me free because this everyday stress of this of this career sometimes you know it plays with you because you had the sitcom right well I had a sitcom pilot so but I'm hoping still I still I have one in development now so I'm hoping that I could get that one and just fulfill at least one of the two and then set the sights on the arena because I don't I don't know that I'm a guy that does stand up forever.

30:49I'm not, I'm already mentally being like, it's very difficult for me to go on the road and be away from the family. And when I started this, I didn't have a family, but now that I do, I'm like, man, this weighing, so I'm looking for real opportunities to just stay in New York. You know, that's where I live. That's where my kids are and my wife and kids. So, so, but, so, but my daughter, what she told me was, I guess she had just learned it in school. I was like upset when we had to pull the arena. Cause it was like this whole big, exciting thing for me. Your daughter was upset? Well, my daughter was.

31:16Well, yeah, because, I mean, you know, she's got upset because she has to tell her friends in school, like, my dad's a loser, right? So she had to say that. So she told them that. But then she was like, but she said to me when I was upset about it, she was like, oh, it's all right, daddy. She was like, remember, in this life, there's no losses, just learning. And I was like, nice. That's it. Wow, she said that? Well, I say my daughter, but it was actually Giannis Papas, who I do the History Hyenas podcast with. But he looks like my daughter. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's what's up. Yeah, because my daughter looks like Marisa.

31:48Oh. That's it. That was our first verse. She went, that's it. Yeah. So me and Giannis, we got the History Hyenas pod. And so - It's back. It's back, bro. We came back about a year ago. That's it. Him and I, you know, we kissed and made up. Well, we 69'd each other. And then, dude, this has been some of the most fun I've had doing comedy again, because it's, you're talking with your friend about history, what I love. Oh, yeah. In New York City, which I love. And it's a place for me to stay in New York. And we really just have a lot of fun doing the history of hyenas. Oh, he's so smart. Oh, well, that I learned.

32:24That's the thing. I like sitting next to someone where I'm actually learning and laughing. So that's it. That's it. I mean, really the premise of the show is, you know, we talk about a history topic, but he typically knows much more than I do. And I'm kind of learning through him and pepper and jokes and all that stuff. But it's great. and uh yeah just getting to see you guys back together is great also just being like i mean i think you definitely realize as you get older it's like you know having some connectivity being around your friends is like one of the best things and this is out every week every single week we come out every thursday awesome and my message is is if if me and yannis could patch it up israel palestine so can y 'all i saw the tagline actually for history hyenas now it says two chat GPT sluts.

33:05Yeah. Cause it used to be two Wikipedia sluts, but that come see history in a different way. Yeah. That come see history in a different way. Two chat GPT sluts that come see history in a different way. Yeah, dude. And on our, on our Patreon, I don't know if you guys do Patreon here, but on our Patreon, dude, like we've, we've just been, him and I have been going crazy because basically, you know, when we first did this show, the rules on YouTube were different, right? Like in 2017, 18, 19, YouTube wasn't as strict as it is now. So we almost are kind of feeling like the show that we used to do for free on YouTube can only exist on the Patreon.

33:43And the show we do on YouTube is definitely dope. But we are like, man, dude, we came out and we put out these episodes that we thought were good and YouTube just kept dinging us. So we're like, like, yo, now we can only have fun on the Patreon. But for me, man, I'm solely focused. I never had goals in this, and I was always flying by the seat of my pants, really for my whole life, but now I'm so laser focused on anything I can do to stay in New York City and make as many of pick-up and drop-offs with my kids as possible. That's what I'm looking for. So even if somebody came to me and said, I'll give you X amount that'll change your life financially, but it's a world tour, I would say no.

34:21I would say I can't do it. Time has literally become more valuable than money to me right now because I think my kids reach that age where I'm like, oh, when they're little, it's one thing. But when they're older and you're missing everything, you're like, oh, okay, hold on, hold on. What's the priorities here? And you like the kids. I think if the kids hit four or six years old and you're like, uh-uh. Yeah, dude. I got a buddy, his son, right? And bless him. Bless him. Benjamin, that's my buddy's name. And his son, he named his son fucking Benjamin. and I'm like you fucking loser he didn't even think about it what a dick he didn't even think about the wife was unconscious or whatever because the birth was yeah it's a black guy and he's like yeah it was a hot birth and he's like just give him benjamin you know and he goes and i'll change my name and the nurse like no you don't know that's not how you do it like he thought you could do it like if he names a kid benjamin then he's not benjamin anymore i'm like this fucking guy should not have a kid right but yeah he's at the point now he's like dude me and my kid have nothing in common.

35:16I'm like, dude, it's not how it works. It's not like you got put with a roommate, like your first year at like nickel state or something. I mean, you're just doing your best, you know, you have to be the leader in the relationship, but yeah, I think if you get to a certain point and your kid is just like, you know, he's not doing at least pulling a little bit of weight, it's gotta be kind of tough. Well, that's the thing. Well, like I said, my daughters are, you know, they're motivated. As I said in the beginning of the show, I mean, my four-year-old has got, you know, a point of view. She calls legitimate, says, I'm racist against Latinos and I call ICE on my own family.

35:51For me, it's country first. And I trust, I love, I mean, every password on my phone, on my key lock, you want to break it to my house or break it to anything I own? You want my bank PIN password? You know what the only four digits that it would ever be? You know what they are? Zero, zero, zero, zero. 1776, baby. The year of this country. And my daughter, my little one takes that. And then my older one, you know, Like I said, she's more Latina. Extortion. Extortion, gang violence, things like that. Oh, yeah. And they've picked lanes, which I really respect and love. I like that. But there is a little division because, obviously, the older one is pro-Palestine and the little one's pro-Israel.

36:27I like that shit. Yeah. Well, I think here's one thing, dude, is a lot of Latinos, too. I saw – actually, one of your daughters sent me a picture, and the pro-ice one. Yeah. She's had a tattoo on her back that said, this ice don't melt on me. Yeah. Yes, for real. It's crazy, right? It's very risque. But you know what, dude? Bro, you know what's crazy? We've been doing this for roughly an hour, and you've said risque three times in three different contexts, which I respect and like about you, and I've always liked that about you. Well, first of all, risque also was a urban girl that I went to high school with, and I hope she's doing well, risque Wilson.

37:02There was two kids that I went to high school with. They were brothers. Their names were Majestic and Scientific Map. Nuh-uh. Yeah. Well, I didn't go to school with them, but they play basketball in a school around the time I was playing basketball. And those are two interesting brothers names. I love that. You like that? Yeah. I just love that. Uh, I think in black culture, anything could be your name. That's true. Like we get like one out of about 110 names. Yeah. But in black culture, it could be, it's fucking, dude, the guy in the jets was named DeBrickshaw. Yeah. DeBrickshaw Ferguson. His first name was DeBrickshaw.

37:34I met a girl. Her, uh, her son was named no Dante, right? She's like, I was going to name him Dante. but I knew he was going to be misbehaving. So I wanted to put no in front of him. Yo, that's freaking amazing. That's genius, man. Let's talk a little bit about what's going on in New York. I know right now you guys have Mom Donnie. Do you think he'll be able to, he's running for mayor, right? He's probably going to win too for mayor. He is, wow. But that's why I've packed up and left New York City. Really? Well, I live in the suburbs. Okay, so you've already left. Yeah. What's that heat up there like?

38:03What's going on? Do you notice any of it in the air or not? I think, Momdani, you notice that people are starting – the New York Post, which is the only one I mess with, the New York Post really goes after him hard. Oh, they do. So there's a little bit of fear-mongering, I think, amongst the media. I do think that he probably has good intentions. But I think like most of us think is that New York City is a city that you need millionaires and billionaires. And if you drive them all out with the tax hikes, then you're just going to lose the city. So I think that's the fear. I think I understand what he wants with people should pay their – everybody should pay more fair taxes.

38:50I'm all with that. but you know he has an idea of like raising the millionaires tax millionaires billionaires like to like a level that they're just because i know people it's easy for people to say oh but they have so much money it's like yeah but that's their mindset how they got so much money they never thought like that so you're not going to change some like 55 year old white dude's mindset like he's about that money so if you want him to stay and keep contributing to the tax burden you got to make it appetizing for him or he's just going to go to florida or tennessee or somewhere else or she or they well let me establish him a little bit so zoran he is what ethnicity is he pakistani i think is he or indian zoran you don't want to mess that up because pakistan and india we don't want to mess with the zoran you don't know no way oh yeah there's mom donnie he was born in kampala uganda uh yeah to an indian family

40:11Okay. reservation. Yeah. Distribute baby baskets with essential goods and resources to all New York City parents. Increase New York City minimum wage to$30 an hour by 2030. So he definitely kind of has this like for the little man. Yeah, that's what he's thinking about for the little man, which I respect, but I just don't know if New York City is the city for it. I just, I don't know. I honestly don't. The thing is, I really don't know. All this stuff is above my head. I've just, I've just left the city. All right, so you're out. Well, because... Do you think the city changed over time? My girl wanted to leave and she's Latina.

40:49That's the thing. It's like people think... I think people think like, oh, the media has made everyone think that white people are just the worst and we're the only ones who don't want this or that. But it's like, yo, the Latinas, bro, if you've ever put a Google Translate at a Puerto Rican barbecue, whoo! They're unhappy? I mean, bro, you'd be like, okay, Senor Hitler. You know what I mean? Like they, they go in. Against Israel? Everybody. Oh, they, oh, they. Everybody catches it from the Latinos. Oh, the Latinos have a lot of, they have some racism a little bit. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

41:25That's good to know because you kind of don't know if they do sometimes. They do. Like you know there's like black and Latino gang violence. Yeah. But you don't hear much about it otherwise, you know. But that's good. Dude, yeah, black guys, old school black guys, very racist. Yeah, everybody's kind of racist, man. Yeah. You could, you could, you know. Well, people are tribal, too. It's like. That's what it is. It's tribalism. Everybody wants to make it all racist. It's like, you know, there's like a lot of black crime in places. It's like I'm not racist because I don't want to be in some of those places.

41:52I got a friend one time who was trying to get me to come to like this clothing shop that they had. And there's a lot of crime there. And it's young black kids attacking people, stealing, carjacking and shit. I'm not going – it's like I'm not – it's like that doesn't make me racist. I just want to preserve my own life. I'm just trying to live, baby. But I think more and more now from, again, the little sense, just talking to people, not on the internet, just like in real life, of every race, more people getting sick of it. More people like, yo, let's move past it now. Not everything's got to be racist, sexist.

42:26I think the pandemic, I think it hit its fever pitch and now it kind of broke. And it's just like people are like, I'm exhausted by that. Don't talk to me about that. Yeah, I agree. I think people see that it's also like this thing that they try to get like different political groups to fight over. It's all a smirk. It's all like, hey, fight over this shit while everything else disappears. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So people are, again, starting to get to know about it now. Yeah. But I think it's interesting to have guys that are different like get it. I'm always the underdog fan, right?

42:56Right. I'm always the underdog fan. Yeah, well, he's not the underdog though. I think it's pretty clear he's going to win. I mean you got Governor Cuomo who – Who's running against him, right? Who's running against him. who killed all those people in the nursing home. So he keeps trying to get Mom Donnie into a nursing home so he can murk him. Got Curtis Silwa, who's got the beret, which I would vote for him. I understand, but I can't. He won't take his hat off. Let me see. Bring up Silwa on that. Yeah, Silwa. So that's the problem is Silwa won't take the hat off. So I can't have you as my mayor with that hat on.

43:26You know what I mean? Like I just, if he took the hat off, I think he'd get more votes, but he wears the full suit with that hat on. Oh, yeah. He's kind of like the muffin man. Let's get a look. Let's get a little bit more of them. Can we get some audio on them? Yeah. Lyft and Uber, and they are constantly being threatened with perverts who come up to them, sexually harass them. Men, for the most part, don't have that issue. Pat, I'm in all 350 neighborhoods, all 472 of the platforms in the vast city subway system. I'm the only candidate in this subway every day. What are you talking about? He acts like, what is he, the fucking, is he the lord of DoorDash drivers?

44:06There's no way he's in all those places, dude. Could you imagine? He looks like fucking, he looks like Isidore Dash, dude. He looks like the great chancellor of DoorDashian. Dude, he, and he's just yelling about perverts and hoovers. Dude, they should have a show called Keeping Up with the DoorDashians. Yeah. yo that'd be crazy dude we should make that should we pitch that yeah yeah well i think we're pitching let's just do it let's just do it keep it up with the doordashians and it's just a family that doordashes and they're just pissed about it they're like oh i'm taking these rich motherfuckers on the upper east side it's fucking like oh i just delivered ben stiller some tater tots you know they're just fucking pissed everybody they're like oh dershowitz wants his waffle fries shaped into a kid's pelvis.

44:54You know, you're like, that seems a little risque. Yo, this is the fourth time. Risque. Oh, it does. Dude, I love it, man. Keep it going. Thank you. Let's get a counter up there. Keeping up with the Dordashians is a hit show, bro. Wow. See, that's what I'm saying, dude. You think your mind is not there. You keep saying your mind needs these little mental resets. And that's how you're able to get such good bits. And you're taking little breaks, which is what more people should do. You take little breaks. That's what I was saying. This old, that old dude that I was telling you about, about the muffin who told me he doesn't stress about the muffin.

45:26He told me he's 98 years old because he takes little breaks. He was like, oh, when you put your kid in the car seat, put in the car seat instead of just going right back to the driver's seat. Close the door, yell some slurs. Right. Breathe deep. Drive the car into a garage, shut the door, keep the engine running, and then you leave. No, he said, take a long walk around the car. Take five seconds to breathe and reset. You got your baby safe in the car seat, and then don't just jump right in the driver's seat and start driving. Take five seconds the long way. Find little breaks throughout the day.

45:58Yeah. And that's what you do. You take little breaks. I like it. Like reset-cism instead of racism, reset-cism. Reset-cism. Or like recidivism, but it's reset-icism. I like it. You know what I'm saying, dude? Thanks, dude. Get a little reset. Reset? I haven't seen you in like two years. I know, man. It's crazy, dude. I can't believe that it's been that long, you know? I think time just gets kind of going, and then things get kind of hectic. Are you home, or you're on the road? Is your goal to stay home, like my goal is to stay home? It is now. I've been on the same tour for almost four years. So you're off it now.

46:32We're taping a special to New York at the Beacon. Beacon, best theater. You're doing it for Netflix, Al Jazeera, Hulu? Netflix. I would do it for Al Jazeera. They didn't make an offer. I'm going to Saudi Arabia. I could hit them up. you're going to that comedy festival? Yeah, should I have not? Oh, hold on. No, no, no, that's great. Let's get into that in a second. But no, yeah, so we got that coming up. And then, I don't know, part of me wants to maybe do a show like in Hawaii just so I can also go on vacation. Right. But then part of me is like, I just don't know. Like, I started like, yeah, like lose.

47:03I just like recently, I just like, I think my nervous system's just shot, you know? But do you like being home like here? Like, do you like being in there or do you like just travel still? No, I do like it. I like being home. And I want to be able to do more creative stuff. Like, you know, I'm trying to see if Drewski wants to do a, try to do something together. Me and Spade made a movie that we're going to put out. We're editing right now. So there's a bunch of little things that I'm trying to do, you know? Yeah. Dude, you and Drewski would just do it like Drewski would just be that character.

47:32You guys could just be brothers. You could do Keeping Up With The Doordashians as a movie. Yeah. And you two are the Doordashians. I think you want to find a family that likes to Doordash. And it's a family affair. Right. And it's keeping up with the DoorDashians. Or it's just like these funny, like, you know, and the baby's in the backseat and he's eating a couple of the tots or something. Tots, yeah. Dude, one of the guys who works with me is actually, I'm doing Chicago tomorrow and he's going to work with me on the show. He does DoorDash in his spare time. And there's been multiple times where he's done DoorDash orders while I'm on stage.

48:04He does his time and then he knows he's got about an hour while I'm up there and he does some DoorDash. The kid's hustling. He's told me, too, what the trick is, too. Like, they all eat for free, the DoorDash drivers, because when they get hungry, they'll just eat somebody's McDonald's or KFC order and then just kind of never deliver it and then let them take it up at DoorDash. And DoorDash will usually just refund their money and then reorder it, but they ate the food. I love that. Because it's not up to that. He said there's no system. It's not like they know, oh, this guy, this driver took, they just line up the DoorDash deliveries and you just take it and you take the receipt and no one's checking.

48:38No one's scanning you as the driver in so you can do whatever you want to the food. It's not connected. it that's how you show the man right there dude yeah now somebody doesn't get fed somebody and their kids do not get fed right they're splitting up a yogurt or something at home which is but my boy's point was the drivers don't make any money either he's making like eight dollars an hour so he's like what about him now i gotta eat your food some people they love doing door dash it's fun oh here's some stats right here let me see um as a u.s food survey found that nearly 30 percent of food delivery drivers including those on door dash admit to taking a bite of food from customers orders at least once dude mark normand will take a bite out of your food i've seen him do that multiple times at the comedy skin jews he's the best dude he's the fucking best is he number one or what you guys i think y 'all's personalities in new york are so fun dude louie was just in town jim norton was here yeah did you have louie and jim come on the show yeah Yeah.

49:35And it was just like, oh, dude, Jim Norton, Jim Norton. I've been, you know, you and I met each other by Jim Norton. Opie and Anthony, dude, you would go way back. And then and then half the people we do the show with are dead. Everybody's just dropping dead. Vic Henley. Yep. Chef Carl Ruiz. Damn sucks. but you know rest in peace but they um but Jim dude he said this bit him and Anthony Cumia did this bit the other day that oh my I mean I they like reposted I had to text Jim like I almost crashed my car from laughing because by the way like you know love this pod but you know how like we do this like this is our profession and even sometimes comedy can't be as cathartic for us as it is for the audience because like we get stuck in in in you know if you listen to some dope comedian or like you laugh but you're like man you kind of have this self-reflection like i should be better blah blah jim norton's got a new pod called uh jim norton's pod can't save you and it's i i listen to it like i'm an audience member like it's it's my cathartic like i wait each week i listen to the episodes when they have the episodes on they had an episode old school one with colin queen and rich moss where it's like that old opian anthony energy like from the early 2000s it just hits me in a way where i'm like oh this is the gift of comedy like i was going you know if you're going through stuff in your life you're depressed you're sad you need to laugh that's the pot i go to i'm gonna start listening jim norton can't save it it's one to me it's it's like jim in all his glory but this bit i came across it and i was dying i kissed my friend's grandmother which I know is right all right and it was like it was like a little peck in our lips touch and I'd be lying whose lips were thinner and drier give a little contest I would be lying if I said I wasn't turned on I was a little turned on I like to taste a Gerrit but I couldn't do anything about it because I'm like, you know, then they close the lid.

51:51That's awesome. That's my, you know, I don't know when I said close the lid. I just, it just hit me because I thought the bit was just about kissing his grandma. Oh, 100%. And, but that's the kind of humor, you know, that I like. And I used to, it used to be one of those things where, you know, I understand this subjectivity of comedy now and how if I think it's really funny and you don't or vice versa, like that's just okay. Like I used to get upset if I saw not the whole audience laughing where now I'm just like, oh, okay. Yeah. That's it. Comedy can't be for everybody. Everybody's comedy can't be for everybody all the time.

52:25So I'm accepting of that now. Yeah. It's just like, this is where I'm, yeah. If I'm still trying to make something for everybody, then that's not going to be great. Trying to just be true to myself the best I can. Uh, yeah, but those guys are so i mean right those guys are funny at a level that's way funnier than i feel like i mean way funnier than i'll ever be and way funnier than i think we are now well i think you always feel like the generation before you is funnier well like if you sit at the comedy cell and you ever get stuck at the back table with jim norton colin queen rich voss those guys and they start hammering jokes and then it comes to you and you nine times out of ten i don't have anything to say yeah and then you just get abused and it real and you realize hey with this game It's ticket sales, money, fame, fortune.

53:07All those things are whatever. There's a part of it that's great. But it's like just pound for pound. I've never seen a group that can hit it like those guys hit it. I've never seen a group that that 90s, 2000s, tough crowd, New York. Keith Robinson. Yep, Keith Robinson, all those guys. Old school Nick DiPaolo. Patrice O 'Neal passed away. I never met Patrice, but he was obviously amazing. Geraldo, those old school New York guys. Can't even imagine. Yeah, because there was a time where I was like, you know, people, you know. And Schumer was in there. She was so funny. She was with that crew, yeah.

53:41I mean, she was so good. You know, and now I feel like with comedy, I feel like, you know, it's just things are different now. And I just feel like got to just do it. You know, we have like these niche little audiences. I've convinced myself at times to try to be happier with less. You know, I'm trying. Dude, I was getting a massage the other day, and it was by a man. I prefer a man a lot of times. 100%. I don't, like. But he doesn't do the happy ending, though. You don't go that far with the guy. I don't let anybody have any. I'm not driving across town so some loser can jerk me off when I can do it myself at home.

54:19I'm not going to do it. No offense. If you're a masseuse, you're not a loser or whatever. I don't mean that. I just mean, like, the places I go, it's not like nobody's been to a school or, like, in a beauty school. you know there's not a hot rock in the room unless it's fucking unless it's in an eight ball in somebody's pocket you know there's no right it's not that kind of shit it's just like the light bulbs kind of working and somebody will fucking run up your back you don't know if it's a bug or a little vietnamese woman dude but it helps you relax same thing yeah no i'm kidding and then i had an uncle who fought in the war oh dude i don't give a shit i haven't decided of what side I'm on.

54:56Right. But here's the thing. It's like, I went in there and the guy, I paid him up front. This guy's such a great guy. And I go to two massage places. There's one in Westwood that I go to in Los Angeles. It's called Siri Foot Spa. And it's amazing. And then there's one in Nashville that I go to called Crest Foot Spa. Nice. Why did it have to be a foot spa? Like, what is that about a foot spa? Because you just get the feet done? No, but I'm just saying if they'll get into your feet, they'll get into the rest of you. That's true, dude. You know what I'm saying? If you start with how, you know, they say you don't know a man until you walk a mile in his shoes.

55:30But if you're able to knuckle the history out of a man's feet. 100%. Then you know a man. Yes, sir. My toes, I got my toe next to my big toe just crosses over like that. They're called hammer toes. And I was telling my wife, I was like, I need a paternity test on that baby. And I was saying it like that. While she was giving birth, I was like, I need to know that mine. Oh, for sure. Yeah, and I kept saying that. and then and then they slapped me she slapped me my girl in the middle of the childbirth and she was like look at that baby's feet right and then my daughter has the same toes as me dude they're crossed over with Saeed that's what it is but so my daughter so I feel bad because my daughter because my wife's feet are very flat like a princess Fiona foot and then my toes are crossed over and I'm just hoping that my daughters don't have a mix of both our feet because girls should have nice feet guys it doesn't matter if your feet are.

56:22My feet look like they're on the wrong leg. Like my right foot's on my left and my left foot's on my right. That's what it feels like. Yeah, you got toes in different area colors, but you got shit heading. Yeah, it's bad. Yeah, somebody gives you directions, you're still fucked. Yeah, my feet will go the wrong way. It's like you never get wet your iPhone and it's like you're hitting a thing and it's going over there. That's what my feet are. They're like wet iPhones. Yeah, you're like soaking your feet in rice at night. Yeah, yes. Trying to get them calibrated. Yeah, dude. But yo, I need to start working on the massages and the care part.

56:58You got to do it, man. You can't just go in and do push-ups, pull-ups, and sit-ups at our age anymore. It's like you need the care. You need a massage a week, is it? Is that what the numbers are for you? Yeah, and I'll do too. Right now, this week, I'm trying to get extra. One is just like I got a couple busy weeks coming up, and so I just got to – now's the time I got to tap in and just see if I can make sure I'm taking care of myself. And I'm fortunate enough to be able to do it right. Like I know some guys, they have families. They're working every day, you know, like, you know, they work like daytime hours.

57:24So it's hard to find time to go. So, yeah, I just feel lucky that I'm able to go do it. But, yeah, I like to go into that joint where it's low key, dude. They used to have a place in L.A. give a dude$40. Two Viettes would fucking beat the shit out of you with the fucking nose on. Vietcongs? I don't know. I didn't see their cocks, but one of them looked heavy. Yeah. Or he looked like his stomach was tight because it was moving around a big cock. You ever see somebody like that? 100%, dude. like not even in good shape you see their abs and like what the fuck and then you see like oh he's yeah he's carrying you know yeah he's got a couple pallets full on him kobayashi the hot dog eating champion he was always shredded because he had that you know he's got that thing on him you think got that 100 he's got that nathan's oh that nathan's is long and lean yeah full of nitrates there's a reason why ufc fighters always win at punch buggy on a family road trip But just like there's a reason why Morgan & Morgan is America's largest injury law firm, because they both got that dog in them.

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59:53Yo, I knew you weren't going to, I knew you weren't in L.A. You were an L.A. guy, but I knew that you were going to come back home. You did? I knew you were going to come back home. Yeah, because I feel like, I just feel like you belong here I'm not from here No, no, but in the Oh, in the realm here? Yes Oh, yeah Yeah, man, I think you're right You belong in like a 200 mile radius and it's here I feel really nice here I feel lucky to be here I feel like we're in a, like, I do feel like Tennessee is like a place that's, it's caring, it feels more normal And it's like, and it's fun. And it's like, I don't know, everything doesn't feel like it's for sale.

1:00:37Yeah, like it feels there's a genuineness to it all here where not everything is about entertainment here. You know what I mean? Like you're an entertainer, but your neighbor's probably not. Yeah. Or in L.A., your neighbor probably is. Or if they weren't at some point, they wanted to be. So it's a tough thing to always be around that. Well, in Hollywood, I think, I mean, Hollywood's even losing a lot of the film industry. Bring up what's causing production to leave Los Angeles. Tax credits, AI, earthquakes, tsunamis. Dude, Beverly Hills looks like Saudi Arabia. Let me see. States like Georgia, New Mexico, and Nevada, plus countries such as Canada and the UK, offer healthier tax incentives.

1:01:21The cost of living and operating in Los Angeles has significantly increased. Hollywood endured major strikes. because of, and a lot of that's because of greed. Yeah. The aftermath of COVID-19, which a lot of them helped push through the fucking celebrities and bullshit. Yeah. So it's nice just to see a lot of this shit coming back and to bite people in the ass. Studios are cutting production budgets and scaling back local projects due to declining streaming numbers, reduced programming by networks, and a fall in box office revenues. Wildfires. I mean, yeah, they, dude, the fact that they didn't even have water in that reservoir, the fact that there's issues with like, hundreds of millions of dollars they raised from fire aid that's not even going to people that it's like what is even going on that place just feels like such a scam and i think people with uh heartbeat are starting to kind of realize it and now i don't mean like that's just hollywood i'm saying i'm not talking about the people really that are there i mean they know what who i'm talking about but it's not like the everyday people that's just there that's hustling that love their neighborhoods and shit i'm not talking about that right right yeah yeah oh laogs yeah I'm just talking about how Hollywood, how they're losing that industry.

1:02:29And yeah, and maybe some guy like Mom Donnie will come along there and they'll start to like, you know, it'd be nice to see eventually that people that don't have all the means get to have more of the things, you know? Right. Because it starts to get gluttonous and it starts to get kind of sick. Well, it starts and then you look back at history. That's why I love history so much and do the history pod because you look back at like the French Revolution, right, in the 1790s. That's what happened, man, is the wage gap started to get crazy. And the rich just kept getting richer. And then they just stormed the Bastille and they cut off the king and queen's head.

1:03:05Marie Antoinette let him eat cake. But she supposedly didn't say that. Well, she definitely didn't say that. And then they cut off the king, King Louis' dome piece. in the beginning. If you ever seen the movie Napoleon with Joaquin Phoenix, that's the first scene that they show. And that's that wage gap is starting to broaden just like them days now. Dude, I want to be on a horse with the revolutionaries. Yes. And I know that I've made money in my life now and it's different, but I'll never have money in my heart. And yeah, I want to do some things towards the end of this year and next year that are going to start to create ways to give back, help people figure things out.

1:03:41You should buy your whole neighborhood solar roofs. solar panel Tesla roofs. No, people in my neighborhood are fine. They'll be okay. I mean, go by for the, in the hood then they don't, they're going to fucking charge their guns at night. No, but I think there is great ways, but I don't know. I thought about going back to my old neighborhood. We got a bunch of cool stuff in the coffers and some of that's just jokes. Dude. Did you see that Ro Khanna, he's a democratic congressman from California. Okay. And Thomas Massey, who's like the, who drove here in a truck that he lives in. It was so crazy.

1:04:16Bro, parked it outside. I'm in that bitch drinking fucking raw milk with him that he got out of a goat by his home. Whoa. Oh, yeah. Did you get sick after? I mean, I didn't get well. I'll say that, dude. You know what I'm saying? My eyes wouldn't open that far in the morning. They open, but just not that far. But anyway, they come up with this petition. It's a bipartisan effort, it says right here. And the U.S. House of Representatives launched in September to force a vote on releasing all federal files related to the Jeffrey Epstein case. The petition takes the form of a discharge petition, which allows a resolution or bill to bypass regular committee procedures and be brought directly to the House floor for a vote.

1:04:53I mean, don't you think it's crazy that they won't release this? Do you have a take on what do you think is going on with all this? With the Epstein stuff? Yeah, I mean, it just seems like how could they not, like, does it feel like our government is protecting pedophiles to you? I mean, probably, but again, I don't know because there's so much mismatch. Like there's so many things happening here. So you look here and vice versa that I really don't know because, you know, the whole thing was about those missing second or second or one or two seconds of the Epstein tape. And then they just, the government just released the tape unedited and there's nothing that happens in those two seconds.

1:05:31So there's nobody that came in or came out of it. Now, could there be some more advanced technology we don't even know about that they're just making things happen? probably, but I don't know. I really don't know. I try. There are times where I find myself going down a rabbit hole of it. And then I try to take myself out and say, how does that, even if they are protecting pedophiles, how does that help me or hurt me in any way, shape or form? It's like, dude, just go make your kid an avocado toast. Yeah. Just go literally try to. Right. Do the next right thing. I just try to, I try to make it small.

1:06:01I try to make my life small now, man. I'm like, Like, I don't know, dude. I don't know Epstein. I don't know Trump. I've never met these people. So I can't have them affecting my life on a daily basis. I'm like, what are my kids going to do, man? I'm like, you know, like. That's what's important. Should I help? Yeah. How can I help my kids learn? You know, my stepson can't, you know, the way he throws a baseball is like, we got to fix that. Oh, yeah. You know, my daughter. Like Gyatze throws it. Yeah, dude. She wants to do cheerleading and she keeps falling off the pyramid. mid. So I'm like, you know, man, I want to do, I want to, I want to get into this, but I'm also like, I don't have time, dude, like my, one of my kids is eight years old and still in a diaper.

1:06:40So I got to fix that. You know what I mean? So that's what I do. And either none of us do it or all of us do it. That's what I say. I tell my, you know, I don't tell my kids that I tell my, but I tell my kids other gems where I'm like, do the right thing. Even if nobody's looking, do the right thing. You do the right thing. Even when no one's looking like Spike Lee. Exactly. So you do the right thing even when no one's looking. So you know what I mean? And that's what my daughter, I think that's what my daughter does. I mean, you know, with the whole ICE stuff. Oh, I think it's obviously at least she's involved in, at least she has some political or social awareness.

1:07:13That's what I'm saying. I don't. Right. But you have to make time so that they do. Exactly. So I keep the space. I'm going to pivot right here. I want to talk about you because last time you were on, we had an extensive conversation. I think it was Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day was coming up and we talked about love. And we literally talked about it for about two hours. You got engaged finally for the second time. Is that right? The second time. First time we did it, it was like, you know, because we had a baby so quick and I wanted to do it. But it was really just Catholic guilt wanting to do it.

1:07:44And then we split up for a while. And that's what happens sometimes. You split up with someone and then, you know, you kind of realize what you got. You know that saying, you don't know what you got until it's gone. And then, so that's what her, Jazz and I have been together now for Jesus, 11, 12 years. And, you know, we're getting engaged because we got engaged because, you know, we got kids, you know, we got three kids. Yeah. And you're a family now. We're a family now. And I said, what, like my - You have three kids or two kids? Well, two biological and one - And one extra kid. One extra kid, right.

1:08:16Do you believe, how does love change over time for you guys? How has it changed? Well, I realize that it's not a feeling. It's an action. That's how it's evolved to me. Tell me about that a little bit. You've heard that before, that love is an action. Wait, like tell me a little more? Meaning like to me, the first sense that I felt anytime I ever saw, what I felt when I first saw Jasmine. I remember you told me at a bar, you guys were at a place. It was, yeah. It was a volleyball bar. Yeah, called Place to Beach in Brooklyn. Yeah, it was a pun. Yeah. And then I felt, and they got shut down because they were selling the fake vaccine card.

1:08:57Yeah. First of all, dude. Yeah. There's nothing like meeting an illegal alien at a fake vaccine card shop. Yeah. It was amazing. If your marriage doesn't start out like that in America, then fuck you. Fuck you. So, so she, so I felt this feeling like when I saw her, like she like stopped me in my tracks. Like this like feeling I can't, I still. Like indigestion or something, but in your legs. Yeah. I thought I was having a heart attack. I thought maybe because me and my boy Pat, we were in like so much pepperoni. And so I was like, oh, maybe it's that. Maybe it's finally catching up to me. A Pepto-Bismol, nothing worked.

1:09:31And then so I realized like that was like, I thought that was love, but that was more of like an infatuation. That was more of like a lust. That was more like me just taken in by her beauty, like the, you know, that. And so that's powerful. That's necessary. And then I went through with that feeling for years thinking like that was love. And then we would have all these problems and I was always looking for something else. So I was always pushing her away. Then I'd get closer. She'd push me away and all these things. And I realized like, oh, these are just that wasn't love. Love to me was inaction.

1:10:01What I realized was all these years later that the real love was her and I coming back together after a big fight. Her showing me so much loyalty. Me showing her loyalty. Her being there for me when things were not going well for me. All those things were. That's the love. The action, love is an action. And I, and I see her do that for me because I used to think, I used to think that she, you know, I, I would always be searching in my, my brain being a bit of a perfectionist as, as, you know, we all are, I think in comedy, like we always want everything to go right. I would always say, Oh, you know, she's not, she's not perfect.

1:10:44So I got to, you're looking for something else. Your brain is always like, what's the next best thing? What's the next this thing. And then, you know, at some points you, you say, okay, I can go get this or get that. And then looking for what's perfect, what's perfect. And then I realized at some point it hit me. I was like, oh, she actually is perfect because she's, she's taking me in from all, all my imperfections. She's understanding how imperfect I am and still accepting me anyway. So that's, that is like someone who's perfect because a lot of people wouldn't do that. A lot of people would have just thrown me to the side by now and been like, Hey, figure it out.

1:11:16Cause She knows I love my kids. She knows I'm always going to take care of her. So it wasn't about the money. It wasn't about, oh, I need a man on my life. It's about specifically me. She's taken me in for my imperfections. So for me, that makes her perfect to me. And after all these years, I've realized that all that and the action of love and what we have with our children and building a family, like there's nothing. Your life is happening right now. And I have like a perfect life right now. And I don't live in the zero-sum game anymore. It used to be if my career was down, I'd be unhappy. If I was feeling out of shape, I'd be unhappy.

1:11:53One thing could make it all unhappy because I was playing zero sum. It's either all or nothing. I don't do that anymore. I'll say some things in my life are up and down. Everybody's life. It's all in flux. How were you able to adjust that? Was there something that happened that made you sort of see that? Because that's pretty powerful to hear about, man. Because, yeah, I think I've certainly had that. One thing will affect kind of how I operate for the rest of the day or affects how I think about myself. Well, I think children, that's why it's important. You know, in my life, personally, people do what they want.

1:12:20But for me, abort or your kids, whatever you want to do. In New York City, you could kill them all up, I think, until they're 18. I think you can have legal abortions. That's what AOC said. Oh, you can send a kid to Gaza and Israel will kill them. Mom Donnie's going to make it 21, he said. Is he? That's what he said. That's what the platform, some people are voting for that. You can abortions up until their kids are 21. so um but what i felt like you know how i learned all that is literally just by like listening to my kids and and watching what my kids kind of want for me and expect for me and and i realized that you know you you could spend your whole life thinking about oh what's going to happen tomorrow always being you know always being um you know there's something's better gonna something's better on the horizon you can spend your whole life like and then your whole life goes by so I realized to like be in the, like nothing's better to me.

1:13:11Like what's better than, you know, you know, a Lamborghini or selling out a world tour or having sex with the hottest girls, like, you know, just sitting in the grass with your kids like that. And it's not for everybody. And also at times it's not even for me. At times I'm sitting in the grass with my kids. I'm like, this sucks. I want to go drive in a Lamborghini. But it's not a zero sum game. Exactly. But those moments that I do have when I am fully locked in. I'm always chasing that. If I'm chasing one thing, I'm always chasing that. I've had feeling throughout my life of being locked in with my family.

1:13:43I've never had a euphoria like that. I've never been happier than that. And it doesn't happen all the time. At times I'm home with my family trying to say, find that feeling and I just can't find it. But I don't beat myself up about it anymore. I'm like, yo, just keep coming. Giannis and I, Giannis talks to me a lot about going back. Life is coming back to the present. Always come back to the present. Always come back to the moment. That's your job. Come back to the moment as much as you can throughout the day. Come back to the moment because it's all happening now. I try to be where my feet are.

1:14:11There was a time when I was talking to you the last time we spoke about love on Valentine's Day. Half of my brain was with you and then half of my brain was probably back home with my kids or what I was doing after that or my show. But now I'm fully locked in just with you. That's one thing I definitely can feel I've gotten better. I'm where my feet are. I'm fully with you right now. And then when I leave, I'll fully be with, you know, the driver. And then, you know, when I speak to my family, I'll fully be with them. You know what I mean? And then I'll fully be with an Asian dude in the bathroom at BNA Airport, baby.

1:14:44Right? He's got Viet Cong. That Viet Cong's getting me. Yeah, I got those camera shoes. So that's how I feel. I don't know if I've explained it correctly. Round trip to Saigon. Yeah, Guantanamo Bay. So I don't know if I explained it right. No, I think you did. That's what it is. Well, I think it's funny when you say something that it's like, yeah, I let my mind like I'll have a thought and then my mind will multiply it. Right. Kind of. I'll have a feeling or one bad thing will happen, something that's not my favorite. Well, because the brain is going to go towards connections. That's the connective tissue.

1:15:15That's why they say those mushrooms or acid, one of them is good because they say it wipes away your – Or opioids. I can't remember which one is it. That's what they say, one of them. Something on Joe Rogan said that. Yeah. I don't know. But that feeling, it's like this thing where I thought, I was thinking about this the other day, like the, you know, like to be happy, me and Giannis were having a conversation about this and he had different feelings. But I was kind of saying like, you know, faith, you got to have faith. Like, you know, people talk about hope and all that, but I feel like faith is, to me, is better.

1:15:45Like it's faith is on a creator and like hope is just. Hope is just gay faith. Exactly. Hope is gay faith. That's the merch. so faith so you gotta have faith that like tomorrow will be better so it kind of goes against what i just said but on the same hand it's like simultaneously i think this balance of life is have have faith you know we had to get out of the caves basically as you know neanderthals we were getting at you have to get out of the cave like to go survive and advance and all that so it's like you got to have this faith that there's a better life outside the cave by also acknowledging simultaneously that what you have in the cave is enough it's so it's a it's a delicate life it's just bounce you know what i mean my uncle he used to tickle us right and the only way we get him to stop you to say the n-word to get him to stop right right that's my same uncle like that and the only way you'd say it's not tickle but you say the n-word it's the only way to get him to come so when he asked because he wants to give uh you know like donate a sperm oh so he wouldn't be able to do it the prostate wouldn't work nothing so but because he's got such potent sperm so if you He yelled the N-word, he busts a nut, and then that's how he was able to give back to his community by helping some of the ladies who were infertile make more babies.

1:16:56Oh, you yell the N-word so the whites will pop out, you know? They're like, what's going on out there? Right. He's black. Your uncle's black? Yeah. That's good. I have one black uncle. I actually have a Puerto Rican uncle, for real. He passed away. He was dope, dude. True story. Somebody robbed my mom coming down the block. and they were robbing women, taking their purses. They took my mom's purse and multiple other ladies' purses. And then they would sell, you know, like take their money and it was running out of the back of a bodega that, you know, they had like steal their money, sell their stuff, whatever, sell their license, I don't know.

1:17:35And my uncle would go to that bodega and drink beers and chill and he heard them talking in Spanish about, oh, they just took this lady's purse. And he was saying like to himself, he's like, oh, I think that's my sister-in-law, right? So he didn't like this guy already. so they got drunk and then he brought him he had a whole craft like a tool shed in my garage and he had he took this guy back to the garage he thought he was just going to drink beers or whatever and then he tied him up and he put on a welding mask and he welded the skin off his knees for stealing from my mom and then he gave my mom all her money back and all that and he had fossilized this guy's knee skin fuck dead serious he was crazy dude fuck and he would drive to school want you here anymore he would drive me to school he's dead though that guy yeah i mean i was a little kid they didn't tell me till i was an adult i don't i feel bad for everybody in that right yeah but the guy was robbing purses he didn't kill him he just melted the skin off his knees i think sometimes you got to have some serious measures um yeah man i you know i i like finding that yeah finding love and committing to it and realizing that the rest of the stuff is distraction you know yeah but also too i mean i say all that stuff but i also don't know what the fuck i'm talking about right but you know what you're talking about for you when you're trying your best i don't think you can say that you know what you know you seem insane no but you know what i've been realizing too like just about me i mean like you know because i'm only me like there's moments of the day almost every day where i'll have some like intuitive i'll say something like so intuitive and tight but i'll say it like like only once in a while does that get captured on the camera like when I'm supposed to be doing my job here I'm just babbling I don't know what I'm talking about but I'll like get on the plane tonight and have a conversation with the person next to me and it'll be like next level yeah on and so I wonder about that no I think people do that oh yeah I have conversations in my head I'll listen back um after I get like I'll be listening to the edit of an episode is watching through.

1:19:42And I'm like, why didn't I ask that? They should have asked this. That's insane not to ask that right there. But I think it's just where your brain is and what you can handle and what you do and take on at the moment. Oh, there's a clip of a woman took a man into the mall and made him walk. He cheated and she made him walk with a sign on. Do you see that? No, but this is awesome. Feel free. He's a cheater. Cheater. And this guy has a sign on. It says, I had a two-year affair. Ask me how, it says. Ask me how. For your fans. He had a two-year affair while I had his second baby. We intentionally had a second baby, and he was having an affair the whole time.

1:20:29This feels real to me, do you? Yeah, it feels real, but to me, it's like. Is this valuable, do you think? Is this the kind of stuff we need to keep marriages together? No, I would, you know, get a divorce, dude. You don't want to be with her. Well, he should have gotten a divorce than to go ahead and have a more family. The good thing about, like, you know, my lady is if that, you know, if I ever had a two-year affair, which I haven't, but if I ever had a two-year affair, she would never do this. She would punch me directly in my spleen. Yeah. She would, that's what would happen for that. Like, she would find an organ, and she's lefty.

1:21:01Other flyweights are welterweights. And she would hit it probably with the ring on. so she'd hit me hard in the spleen, pancreas, something like that. And she would just, that's what I would do. And I'd have kind of shit blood or piss blood for a little while, yeah. But then she would probably make me plantanos or some dish, the maduros, the smash plantanos. She would make it for me maybe a couple of nights later. She'd be all right. But see, like what this is, like this I don't like. And also, I mean, there's a part of me that also doesn't believe it. I just, because of how much content is out there, I just don't believe that it's always real.

1:21:33but you know she uh why would he go do this she just if her if it's not real her acting is pretty good in this video well he's you know i mean he i mean yeah that's bitch boy behavior i mean i would never well here's the thing they brought the baby is the baby real can you zoom in and see if the baby's moving at all is that yeah i don't know it doesn't even look like there's a baby in there oh there it is yeah there's its feet so that's pretty real who's gonna give somebody a fake baby to go make this yeah and that's kind of whack like if you got to see your parents i don't think i mean i get what she's trying to do but it's whack all around i mean he's whack she's whack they both just look like they suck and they both do look like prototypical podcast fans these are exactly what the fans of the podcast look like these kinds of people you got a fat older lady and just a skinny guy who looks kind of dirty she's not even older yes she is what she's 25 too old baby

1:22:30wow bro too oh oh you oh but what did she tell him you have to do this or what she probably said you have to do this or what or i'm gonna like i will see that's the thing because normally it's like oh or i'll tweet out your messages i'll contact this i see so whatever she was gonna maybe blast him yeah but but this is worse i'd rather that i'd rather i'd rather that then go go ahead, tell everyone you've ever met because I don't want to do this. Yeah. I don't believe, and I bet you if you scroll through the comments, most people are saying this isn't real. Let's see. I don't think it's real. Let me see.

1:23:04She entirely, I'm asking her husband, she should have just left him. Do you believe, like, how many of these comments do you think are real people? And have you ever commented, like, on a video? You're right. It's all a mirage. Right? Like, I feel like it's getting to the point now where it might be, like, Like over 50 % of the people that comment on your stuff are bots. Well, especially with AI, it's like they can make so many things are bots. Like AI is so capable of like act more human when you comment. Like you can do all that. It's like we're watching – like it's kind of crazy to think that our reality has become science fiction.

1:23:40Right, but it's the reality on the social media platforms and on the internet. Is science fiction? No, our reality has become fiction. But then what's science fiction? Smart. fiction, which it really is because it's definitely like tricks us a lot. Right, dude. I know. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know, dude. I know Jussie Smollett's probably innocent. I watched a Netflix documentary. Oh, do you think I could play Jussie Smollett in a biopic? Well, I told you, especially from the future, because as you said in the beginning of the show, you're a black woman from the future. So I think that you could.

1:24:14And I think that you could play Jussie Smollett and you could play the attackers or the Nigerian dudes. I think you can play any of those three. I think you're a good actor. Thanks, dude. Even though I've never seen you act, but I have a feeling that you're a good actor. Feelings mean a lot. Dude, remember when you said on Opie and Anthony or the Opie show all those years ago that I look like a deaf guy that goes to the gym? I remember. But we had so much fun in there. And you know what was crazy, too, to watch that video? If you ever, like, more you. Like, you could watch that clip and, you know, just think about, like, Like at that point in your career, like you were kind of struggling.

1:24:52Oh, yeah. Well, you said you were struggling. We thought, you know, you were like, I remember us going to have lunch. And you were like, man, like there was, I think you had done a show the next weekend in Sacramento Punchline. You had forgotten your pants. Yeah. And you had to take the opener's pants. Oh, yes. That's a true story. Don, the guy Don, DePetta, you had to take his pants. I remember that. Yeah, because you didn't have pants, dude. And you wouldn't sell barely any tickets at the Sacramento Punchline. And then blew up. That was so much fun going in there. Dude, going in there in the morning, going in that building and getting to go in there.

1:25:22Oh, it was great. And there was like, you were in there. Bobby Lee used to go in there and eat bull dick. There were heroes in there. Bobby ate bull dick? Yes, he ate bull dick on Opie's show. I don't know if you were on the show. Yeah, there's video of it, him eating bull dick. And then Howard Stern was there, remember? He was down the hall. You know that New York SiriusXM building? It's not like that at all anymore. Really? There's like a ghost. There's nobody. I mean, Opie and Anthony's not even a show anymore. Jim doesn't have a show anymore. Howard Stern still has a show, but he never goes in.

1:25:48Sway in the morning. All those shows. Nobody goes in anymore. I think we got to start going into the buildings again. I don't like, oh, like, I don't think working from home is, I don't know that it's going to last. But here we are doing it. Let's pull up this one clip right there. Bobby's bull testicle. Yeah, I was here for that. And the chef did put olive oil and some salt on it. Ooh. Wow, this was 10 years ago. See? You promised me something. It's okay, though, is it? No, let me get on Snapchat. Ooh. Bobby. Is that real? That's real, dude. I was sitting across. then he ran out that's okay it's not gay if you're starving you're starving and this was before bad friends he was also at this time in 2016 telling me his career felt like dead in the water and now look how things can change he's one of the best bad friends you could have right there oh he just pulled the nuts off of him oh and he bit into him he ate into the nuts he vomited he runs out of the uh, he runs out of the studio and I went after him and he still, he was vomiting for real.

1:26:49Oh, that's that Christmas carrot right there. Yeah. See, look, he ran out. He ran out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's dead now, Carl, unfortunately. I know. So it was Vic Henley right there. Vic Henley. Yeah. Unfortunately. Um, well, I think the one thing you, that we can count on, man, is just love. It's like, that's what you, I think like, that's one of the messages I feel like from our conversation today. It's like, you know, there's a lot going on in the world. You focus on the things that are in front of you and the things you can handle. and that is really what's important. Make your life a little smaller.

1:27:15That's what I try to tell my kids, man. There's so many things going on in the world. Yeah, take little breaks. It's like there's travesty happening all over the world. You can't fix everything, but you know what I mean? You could sweep up in front of your crib. You could sweep up in front of the house, take the garbage out, you know, tell your neighbors to try not to be Nazis if they can. You know what I mean? Yeah. Do the right thing even when nobody's watching. All that. Comparison is the thief of joy. Hope is my hedge. Faith are my facts. I am okay. Hope is gay faith. Hope is gay faith. Faith is also a big time name for gay women.

1:27:50Ooh. Gay ass faith. Next time we talk, we should talk about how certain names could lead people down certain sexual paths. My name, well, Christopher, my dad, he purposely calls me Christopher and not Chris because he believes that if a man goes with their full first name, that means they're gay. So he basically calls me gay. Okay. Like, that's a joke, but he calls me Christopher. It's really like he's saying you're gay. And Paul, he named me Paul. Sorry, dude, I got to interrupt you, but you have to go or you're going to miss your flight. I got to go to Chicago, dude. Dude, I love you. History Hyenas is back.

1:28:25People can check it out. You're on tour with some tour dates. We'll make sure we put them all up and talk about them in the beginning. And I love you, man. Good to see you. Love you, brother. You too, man. Now I'm just floating on the breeze. And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take...