#621 - Andrew Santino

29:42They make a soup out of anything. They don't give a fuck, dude. Right. They make soup immediately and they keep it moving. So I'm like, this bitch is trying to get in there to cook. Mm-hmm. You know? That's why she was so anxious. For sure. So I'm trying to get this lady's email and I'm like, and the pin wasn't working good, dude. And now a line is building up for a bathroom that's open, right? Mm-hmm. It's like this fucking Asian lady. She's wearing like three visors, fucking glasses. She was so fucking Asian. She wasn't even there probably.

30:09You probably had to order her online if you actually wanted her to be there, dude. But all the accoutrements and shit were right there. So I'm trying to write the email, and the pen isn't working good. And I'm having to write it against, like, you know, the plastic in an airplane. It's kind of like, it's not the best writing service. You're writing against the wall that's up by the bathrooms. It's probably textured, too. It's probably bumpy and textured. Yes, it was just a lot. So I finally got, like, four letters of the fucking email. But, like, I kept trying to, like, etch it into the paper.

30:39so you could see it if you put it by a light or whatever. I fucking, the time has gotten too long. It's so weird. It's like, hi-ya, hi-ya. This lady's fucking just beating on a fucking door. I think the door's even open by now. If she can't figure out that she can just go in there and start a Bunsen burner onto the fucking sink, right? Light it up, man. Get it moving. So I finally give the lady the email, and it has like four fucking letters on it. It's a, I just went and fucking sat down. Sat down, that's it? Oh my God. It was too hot. The space had gotten too hot up there. The stress was heavy.

31:12What a fucking loser. No, it's fine. No, not a loser. You get to keep swinging. That's the best part. But imagine this. Okay, so this guy fucking came on the airplane. He gave me a fucking half of an email address. I should have just left my fingerprints on her back a little bit or something. Or just fucking, you know. She was very fair. I should have just written it in her arm with my fingers. Maybe leave half the email to see how creative she is. Can you figure out the rest? Just give a girl four digits. Instead of seven. See if she can figure it out. And then I was just sitting there like, dear God, what a fucking loser.

31:45And there's a long flight left, too. Who gives somebody their email? Well, I mean, you know, maybe she found it creative and cute. Maybe it was cute. If she really wanted to hit you up, she could find you. You're findable, dude. I know, but it just kind of broke my heart. It didn't break my heart, but it was just like, dude, what fucking just, what are you doing? Just give it to her. You're like the guy that runs to third base and then just goes over and wants to tell the pitch or something for no reason. It's like, just fucking go home. Fly, get to home plate. It's open. It was wide open. It should be said that PrizePix is the best place to win cash while watching sports.

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34:53Yeah, my golf show, which I'm coming to a close in this year. We're finishing this season. And then finally I get kind of like an open space to just do dates on the road. I'm doing a bunch of like working new hour and working out in clubs again. I wanted to go backwards and work in some fun little smaller rooms. Like I'm doing Punch and San Francisco and Tempe Improv. And I just wanted to like do a bunch of like little clubs and then casinos to just kind of like really feel it again. because I had toured so hard that I was like, I kind of want to feel it again and go back out in the new year. So I'm doing a couple of clubs here before the end of the year and then casinos in the new year to try to feel it out again and jump around the country.

35:30Honestly, a lot of it too is so I can go see people again, you know, go to a casino one night and then go see a friend and, you know, go back to New York and all that stuff. Kind of jump around. Yeah. One day I would like to have a, um, maybe if I, um, get married or get in a relationship, then I would travel with my wife and go like in a camper or something. Oh, I love that. Before we start a family and maybe do some shows, but also just go see a lot of places because you miss out on some places. And it is nice to be able to schedule a place around like where friends are. You know who does that?

35:59Well, I mean, I don't know if he does it anymore, but I ran into Regan was with his girlfriend. I don't quite know. I don't know. Brian Regan? Yeah, Regan's girlfriend or partner or whatever. And they were on a bus together. And he was like, we're just touring the country, doing shows, goofing around, stopping at places that we feel like stopping. I was like, that is the move. My wife just doesn't really want to go to all these places because she's got her own thing. You know what I mean? She's got her own career, so it's hard for me to pull her out. But it does seem like a cool little fantasy to get in the bus and stop by cool spots.

36:30You know, shit that I never get to see because we're on the road half the time. You're in a city and then you got to go. And then you're in a new city and you're like, oh, that'd be, well, we got to go. You got to jet so much, you know? But also after living on a bus with Bobby for a couple of months. Yeah, what was that? You were on the bus with him. Yeah, we did the bus tour last year. It was really hard. It was really hard. What are some of the toughest parts about living on a bus with Bobby? I mean, you know, the number one rule when you're on a tour bus is no pooping on the bus. You got to wait to poop.

37:02I mean, and you can schedule it. You make an internal agreement saying, you know, to yourself, we will poop when we get to a place. and he pooped on the bus within the first week. I mean, he broke the rule within week one. You can't poop on the bus week one. How many weeks was the tour? It was like three months. Oh my God. He broke rule week one and then his schedule is crazy. And his legs don't even, dude, I actually walked in and out of the bathroom one time. His legs aren't on the floor while he poops and I feel like it's so much harder to poop when you can't get traction from the floor. No grip, yeah.

37:33He's not grounded at all. Well, we put a squatty potty under there so his feet do touch something. Oh, that's right. him to feel regulated. Because I walked in one time, he was literally squeezing his body down like a tube of toothpaste trying to get it out of him. You have to roll it now with him. If you don't roll down with him, gravity doesn't do all the work for him, you know, because Koreans keep most of it up and high. So you got to really kind of massage him. A lot of times I'll massage his shoulders and back. If he says, I got to go to the bathroom, I'll say, well, give me an hour with you first.

37:58So I'll roll down his back, roll his sides out. You know, you have to, you know, you really have to oh he's like a filo dough brother he's like a he's a very rare dough look at him he is and you got to let him rest now he's getting skinnier though man he doesn't look like that anymore he's on ozempic and he's flying free no he's not he's on wagovi which is the alternative because he threw up on ozempic pretty bad he was sick as a dog every time we went out to eat he'd get sick and then he was like i think i can't do it oh so then he switched up and then he started taking wagovi which is like another alternative and he's been incredible i think he lost he'll say the real number, but I think it was 30-something pounds.

38:32But look at how thin he looks there, man. Oh, my God. Look at how thin he looks there. That's crazy. Yeah, he looks great. He's feeling much better. He's still looking for love, though. His whole journey is now... He's looking for love. You can't look too hard. He's searching, bro. You can't look too hard, man. He's staring deep, deep into that abyss of the dating pool. And also the apps. You're not on the apps. I'm not on the apps. Yeah, he lives and dies by those things. He loves them. He does? Yeah, but he doesn't commit. did you ever do the apps when you were dating no man that's that world seems so dark to me also i see all my friends following the same traps where they hit up a girl they talk for a second then they never meet up or they never link it ends in a weird like blank space there's no there there there's truly no like risk reward it's almost like yeah dude it's it doesn't matter if it happens or not so there's no like if you schedule a real date you meet someone in the real world the girl on the plane risk real risk you're on a plane here's my number or my email does it work we'll see on the app it doesn't matter bro on the app it's they stop he talks to a bunch of girls then he stops talking to them when they he feels like they're not engaged or he's over it dude yeah i remember i was on the app one time years ago and it was when steven avery was popping off.

39:47The guy that was killing people at that used car lot or whatever.

39:53all my pictures were of him. Remember that one kid? Yeah, that was definitely one of them. And Brendan Dassey who was like his accomplice. Dassey was his nephew or something or what was that, right? They were both, I think, retarded or whatever. And they... I don't know if that's it. I think they were both just back in the day just quiet men. They were just quiet men. Brent Dassey was a misunderstood quiet boy. Now, I don't really know the—I don't remember this case in whole. My buddies played Dassey on Call of Duty. On NFL 2K? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Dassey's the unlock a player. He's got his screen name or something.

40:32Oh, I thought you meant he had like an avatar. You could play as Dassey. I played NBA 2K with Dassey. He's just standing by a fucking burn barrel, smoking a dart with his buddies. He doesn't even know. He's cooking wieners. There's like a deceased body and he doesn't even know. He just thinks it's an open fire. He's always in the gulag. He lives in the gulag, bro. He's just cooking franks on a stick over a burning body. He doesn't even know. But anyway, I put a lot of Brennan Dassey photos on there and a lot of Stephen Airy photos because I was like, oh, this is topical right now. Chicks will see this.

41:09A lot of chicks love crime. They love crime stuff. Yeah. And then I put the cousin from Home Alone. Remember that kid with the glasses? Yeah, I loved him. Fuller. Yes. You're going to wet the bed, Fuller. You know who that was, right? You know what actor that was? Uh-uh. That's Macaulay Culkin's brother. That's the kid from Succession. No. Yeah, what's his name? Why can't I think of his name? Kieran Culkin. Kieran Culkin. That's him as a kid. Wow. You're going to wet the bed, Fuller. Yeah, dude. I put a picture of him and then two pictures of me, and they got so pissed at me. Like, you can't put accused killers or whatever.

41:42And I was like, get fucked, guys. Well, you're just talking about what's going on right now. That's what's happening in the news right now. So they had like some shit or whatever. But anyway, that was the last time I was on, and I think so. That was probably about nine years ago. I think also like I just want to be addicted to that stuff. And I don't want to get to like the part where you don't get a response from somebody or you don't get something and it makes me feel bad, you know? You feel like it's a shot at you or something. Right. I think I'm a little too sensitive with that shit. And I also don't like somebody being able to tell me no if I'm not right there.

42:09You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Give it to my face. right yeah know me to my face yeah email me until we know okay i hope that flight attendant wherever she is i hope she's watching and you got to reach out to theo take him out on a date what's your perfect date what is what's theo's perfect date oh that's a nice question you know what it is dude i realize it's just like going for a walk somewhere something easy like just through like a nice nature trail or something like that which sounds like a fucking it sounds very much like a fucking like you're gonna create a murder mystery then yeah well dude did you see this thing with dax shepherd and uh um kristen bell the the um she did like a post about their anniversary 12 years or something and she wrote on her instagram yeah that where he's hugging her there which by the way i thought it was like i thought he was hugging his daughter it looks like a child that's his that's that's her and it says 12th wedding anniversary to the man who once said to me i I would never kill you.

43:08A lot of men have killed their wives at a certain point. Even though I'm heavily incentivized to kill you, I never would. And then a bunch of people were like, this is not healthy. She's just goofing. She's just playing around. Look at that. Wait, wait. Dateline NBC wrote, screenshotted. What? Like they want to use it for something in the future in case something goes down. I don't know. She's just being played. She's just goofing around. Women, I think one reason why women like true crime and like murder. Murder mystery, yeah. Yeah. is because at least the man's committing. At least if this guy's going to kill me.

43:41He's going to go all the way. And it's commitment. Right, that's why they like it. Women want commitment. So it's like, oh, this guy's at least willing to fucking actually kill me instead of some fucking pussy-ass guy who comes by and just kind of stabs me and pokes me and makes me get my nails and cooter shaved up and all this stuff just to waste my fucking time. At least this fucking decent man has come over here and committed to fucking crime and committed to murder. I am fascinated with the idea that why women like it so much. Like my wife, she doesn't like it the way that I see. Like a lot of women love murder mystery because I think it affirms their belief that any man could be a killer.

44:20Like it's almost like verifying the fact that they go, yeah, Theo's sweet, but could be a killer. I mean, I think they think that about every single dude could be a killer. For some reason, it's like ingrained in their DNA. It's got to be nature, protective years of nature of thinking like if the village is running out of food, the big Neanderthals are probably going to be like, we got to kill some of these women. They're eating the food. We got to get rid of them. We'll go find new women. I mean, that's got to be some weird old school, you know, human instinct. Like the women... And also, don't females, like...

44:55Don't the mantises, don't they eat the guys after they have sex with them? Isn't that what they do? Like the praying mantis, I think they... Don't they kill the man the moment that they're done getting impregnated? There's got to be bugs that do that like crazy. Bugs? There's fucking people in Memphis doing this shit. How many animals? Yeah, sexual cannibalism. Female praying mantises will do it. They'll eat the male during or after mating. You got to wait till I'm done. Don't eat me while we're going at it. Unless it's right after I bust. Yeah, right. Take me now. Yeah, or right when I'm doing it.

45:27That would be hot. Yeah. Kill me right when I'm doing it. Dude, that's crazy. What other animals? I believe it's male raccoons will eat the children of a female raccoon so that she'll go right back into heat to want to make more children. To make another one. So they can have sex again. I'm lucky that didn't happen with me. You get a redhead baby, you're like, I got to kill just to get another one. This is the one I want. Male raccoons do do that. Are known to sometimes kill and even eat the young of females. And one main reason is exactly that, to make the female go into heat again. And the behavior is a form of infanticide, and it serves as an evolutionary purpose similar to what's observed in lions and some primate species.

46:08Wow. God, that's wild. And female raccoons can't become pregnant while nursing. They must finish raising the litter before entering... I can't say that word. Estrus. Estrus. When a male kills her kits, she will return to estrus within days, allowing him to sire his own offspring rather than raising another male's. Wow. That's insane, bro. That's some Stephen King shit. I mean, if that happened in human society, it would be absolutely crazy. Kill your own just so they get hot again. That's like a Black Mirror episode. You know what I mean? Like in the future, you're like, we need to make the perfect human.

46:38So every time they have a kid, if it's not exactly what they want. Like, you know, they're doing now people, you can pick things. They're engineering kids now. You can pick the specifics of your kid. Like you want it to be a certain height category, you know, weight, hair, eye color. Like we're getting into, we're playing God. Like we're playing God. It's going to backfire tremendously bad. like sometimes I think Shohei Hotani was made in a lab you see that dude you're like do you know a lot of 6-7 Japanese dudes 265 you're like this dude was made in a lab to be the greatest baseball player of all time where was he made?

47:11what lab was he made? I mean look at the size of this man arguably the greatest baseball player I think I've ever seen live it blows my mind have you watched him live? you've seen him live? it's unbelievable it's shocking how good he is and he can't even tell us how much fun he's having because he doesn't even speak English That's why he does that, though. He doesn't want you to know. He stays that way. He's not trying to learn. So Itani was not made in a lab. Bullshit. Yeah. He's a real human born in Japan. He was born in Mizusawa Iwate Prefecture, known as Oshu. Yeah, Oshu. Wow. In Japan, where both athletes in his youth.

47:47His mother played badminton. Oh, that answers that, I guess. Badminton players always make the best baseball players. Bro, imagine how savage his mother is at badminton. She's the baddest bitch at Batman. His father was an amateur baseball player. I did know that. But a factory worker for the most part. Oh, that's cool. The rumors claiming he was created in a Japanese laboratory are satirical. That's right. Humorous. That's what we're doing here. We'll figure it out. We're just joking around. But, dude, everything's getting outsourced now, dude. Everything's. Bro, we're doing this new thing with Mike Rowe where we're going to do.

48:16Dirty Jobs, Mike Rowe? Yeah. I love that guy. Oh, he's great. His voice is great. God, dude. Dude, every time he talks, I can hear my mother c***ing, which is crazy. It's like... He gets women pregnant by the baritone in his voice. And maybe we need to get rid of that statement that I didn't say. That's crazy to say, right? Keep it. No, I like it. Keep it. Okay. It makes sense. I don't think so. Let me give you my email. Just give me half. Is Roe married? I'm not sure. If he was a single guy, my good God. God, he's doing fine. Let me do some cleanup. And it's very newsworthy because he has inflection that jumps up and down.

48:53He worked... No, he's single. He's never been married. Been in some long terms, though. God. He worked on QVC whenever he first started. That's how he got to start? Yeah. No shit. And so we're doing this thing where it's like small American companies, like mom and pop companies, like trying to create like an avenue for them to sell Christmas gifts to other people. So we're going to do this episode that's all about that and feature a bunch of different products. It's kind of slicing out Amazon, so to speak, right? You're like, take it back to the local shops. Yeah, so then it's almost like you get two gifts I get to get somebody a gift But I also get to give another person a gift By buying something from them Yeah, like what Tom's Shoes did Where you buy a shoe, they give a shoe to somebody I don't know if that's true Well, all these products are American made So everything is purely American made But one of the things we're noticing, dude, is There's nothing made here No If we shut off China completely, we would fucking be living off of Beef jerky Which I love and wind chimes okay bro and garden gnomes we're still producing those like crazy bro we there you go past the nursery down the street there's a hundred thousand of them i'm like who's still buying these but they're still made here and by the way uh the more i see companies that are trying to do the made in the usa thing the prices go skyrocket that's the that's the worst part that you're like i want to support them too but my god well it's just no there's no infrastructure i mean you can't get hardly anything done here is what we're seeing right yeah but some of that's starting to change.

50:21There's people that want to do it. There's this Good Ranchers company that is sourcing meat that's just in America. There's American Giant, which has finally created an avenue for getting cotton-ginned here and that they can use to create textiles and shirts. It's electronics. No, that's gone. We lost that a long time ago. We were never going to... Also, they make the best electronical shit, man. If you've seen in Japan, they've got those streets that have kinetic energy that It stores energy for you walk on a you. Now, when you walk down some sidewalks in Japan, it stores kinetic energy as you walk in the sidewalks.

51:00Look at that. So you press down and it takes the kinetic energy and stores it for for energy usage in the future. Brother, there's a pothole on my street that's been there for nine years. We can't get that shit fucking fixed. And they got kinetic energy sidewalks. I mean, yeah, that's where Mike Rowe keeps his voice in that bottle. That thing's deep. I live down here. But dude, there's yeah, they have a sidewalk over there. they can tell if you're a f*** or not. Really? Yeah. Damn. Isn't that crazy? Japan is advanced. But dude, that's a scary day to take your son for a walk. You know? You're like, let's see what happens here, fella.

51:34They took the idea of a, what was it when we were a kid? What was it called? There it is. That's the road. And that's us just painting. That's me and you just walking around. Now, if you come when you're on that block, that's how they know. Yeah. Then they got you. One of us. Yeah, that's for sure, dude. Bro, that's the kind of shit that's out of pocket. But that's great, though. That's that rainbow street. But the craziest thing was, remember they put all that rainbow and the black pride stuff right next to each other? And meanwhile, in black culture, they do not accept a lot of gay people. Yeah, that is not on the same block.

52:04They want that. They're like, move that to the other block. Put that shit in the cul-de-sac. That shit is a dead end. Put that shit on the dead end. Dude, technology is getting so crazy, man. Did you see the... Fuck, I gave her my fucking email. Can you even imagine? Half an email is even worse. But what? I tried as fucking hard as I could. She gave me the pen. Dude, but, uh, and then just sitting in my chair and just being like, bro, why did you go up there? You got a Diet Coke and give a woman half of a fucking email address. You are fucking good. Oh, um, no. Speaking of technology, dude, there's a, there's a toilet.

52:46Bring up that toilet. There's a toilet now. They want to be able to, um, was it film you while you're doing poops or whatever? Yep. They, they film you while you're shitting. Or it's, uh, they want to be able to test your poo poo. Oh, I like that. Test me to see if I'm healthy. Yeah, but fucking dude, what if you just had a fucking night where you had a couple, you know, you had a couple barks, root beers, and some pizza. Right. It's going to, it's going to let you know how bad it was for you. That's good. I want to know. I want to know. And bro, can we discontinue hot honey pizzas? Because those are making people.

53:18Why is that a thing? I don't understand honey on the pizza. They always do that. They go pepperoni, jalapeno, and hot honey. That's the new shit. I don't like that. When did honey make its way out of that? It's just people that want to shit more. There's people that can't. Kohler makes a tiny camera in your toilet to analyze the contents. Some smart litter boxes can monitor our pets' habits and health, so having a camera in our human toilet bowl seems inevitable. No, it doesn't. I don't need a camera in there. I don't want it to watch me. I don't want that stuff posted. The Kohler's like, uploading now to Facebook.

53:50Ricky just shit. Ricky's shit gets a four stars. You see my little wiener barely making it over my balls first thing in the morning when I'm shitting on Facebook. My dad would post 100 % on accident. He'd be like, help me take this down. I posted the Kohler clip. Like, Andrew, what are you? Andrew, I posted the fucking Kohler clip. Please help me take it down. It was a thick piss, damn it. Look, sometimes I pee sitting down. They're calculating it wrong. That would be my fear, dude. But it says it right here. The 599 Decoda clamps over the rim like a toilet bowl cleaner, pointing an optical sensor at your erect...

54:29Excretions and secretions. Excretions and secretions. It then analyzes the images to detect any blood and reviews your gut health and hydration status. Depending on the plan you choose, the fee is between$70 and$156 per year. We need to go back to my grandfather who never went to the doctor. He was like, I'll figure it out. It'll get me when it gets me. My grandfather never wanted to know. Like, this is something interesting. There's a couple of friends of ours, not my liberty to say, that went and got a full body test to make sure they're okay. And one of our friends came back with something, who you know.

54:59And, you know, it scared him a little bit, but he got it taken care of. It was benign, so luckily it was okay. But I got the fear of, he's like, you should go do it. And I thought, I don't know if I want to know. Like, do you want to know? I think just let it happen when it happens. I don't want impending doom. I just want to live life until it's over. I think there's so much noise stressing us out that more noise about our existence, I don't really. What's this comment that's coming at us right now that I think might hit us or whatever? I don't want to know. Just let it hit us. Don't tell me it's going to hit us.

55:29I don't want to know it's going to happen because then I'm preparing for it to happen. I'd rather just keep living free until it happens. But what if you're living free and your neighbor's just digging a huge hole in his yard to fucking hide in or something? Let him live then. That's his choice. People build bunkers. People have been building bunkers for how long? I mean, as far as we know, the Denver airport is a big bunker. I mean, and they've told us for years. They're like, no, no, that's not true. And then the older you get, the government goes back on what it said. Remember when they said there was no UFOs when we were kids?

56:00They're like, there's no fucking UFOs. And then like a year ago, they were like, yeah, there's UFOs. Yeah. And we got a bunch of them, too. We keep collecting them. And they're in the water. They said that. Remember that shit for like a month? Yeah, they're living in the water. Yeah. They're getting transferred. You've been to the underground in New York. you're like, this is where they live for sure, dude. It's Hasidic Jews in the underground protecting the aliens. Now we get a conspiracy theory. Remember the Hasidic Jews? They busted them in that fucking tunnel. In the underground. And they never even...

56:26No, they wiped that away. They were like, we're never talking about that again. There's a dirty mattress and they never even went into it. The secret synagogue, that's what it was. That was the wildest shit I think I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. They busted them crawling out of those things and then out of a sidewalk. Yeah, the one that was on the sidewalk was probably the most... Like wild photo. Oh, dude. Speaking of wild photos. And it was that sidewalk that judges you two that knows it. So it was like banker, extortionist. Right there. Yeah. Look at them crawling out of a grate. That is insane, dude.

56:56I know, dude. Look, the sidewalk is just rattling off right there. You want to talk about a weird photo, dude. Did you see this Time Magazine picture of Trump? Did you see his response? It made me laugh so hard. They took a photo of him. And they said, you know, they put him on Time Magazine for the hostages. And they wrote his triumph, you know. That's a picture they used? Well, look at his neck. Yeah, he commented about it. He was like, they deleted my hair. I mean, you zoom in on that guy's neck. It's banana. That is the worst photo I've ever seen, dude. Oh, that neck, it's definitely, it gives long nut.

57:29Yeah, that's long nut neck. That's long nut neck. Honestly, look. I mean, look what they did with the sun in his hair. he's like they deleted my hair they don't like my hair I mean it does look photoshopped it's hilarious they fucked him on this how Gaza heals that whole thing was just a fucking a bunch of bullshit you think they were gonna give him like this is why it's funny Time Magazine wasn't gonna praise him all the way like of course they were gonna put a bad photo you think they were gonna give you the photo of your choice come on no fucking way by the way I think about that all the time when I take photos with fans of how stupid I fucking look and then when I do die they're gonna use one of these dumb fucking photos of me like half-closed eyes, looking the other way, blurry, dumb-headed.

58:07Every time I take a photo, I'm sure I look like a fucking idiot when I take one on the road. So when people want photos now, I always go, hey, man. They go, hey, can I get a photo? I go, yeah, can I selfie it? So I can just take it of us. That way I know I'm like, hey, then I know what I look like. I said like a fat, dumb, red moron. They deleted my hair. Oh, disappeared my hair. That's what it was. They disappeared my hair. They disappeared my hair. Dude, I'm hanging out. I was with Kid Rock the other night, and he calls Trump, dude. It's like fucking... He's got him on speed dial? It's like 1 a.m.

58:38He calls him. He's like, let's go. Trump answers. They're fucking talking. I'm like, dude, what is going on? How was his house, by the way? It was awesome. Kid Rock's house is sick. I've heard it's wild. It looks like the White House. Is that true? He's a sweet dude. Bob's a nice guy, man. He's thoughtful. He's Kid Rock, but he's also a fucking complete fucking animal. Yeah, it looks like the White House, right? Isn't that? It's a dupe of the White House? Yeah, that's it right there. God, that's bananas to me. And you can see it from town if you're at a restaurant. It's pretty cool. It's perched up on the hill.

59:10Yeah. That's Nashville? Or where is that? Yeah, that's in Nashville. Dude, last week we went to NBA Young Boy, which was dope. I went and watched Ella Langley play, which was awesome. And this kid, Dylan Marlowe. Have you ever heard of him? I don't think so, but I'm really bad when it comes to that kind of stuff. That group I was playing in the hallway, I'm in love with them, and I forget their name. Oh, Cameron Marlowe, sorry. Dylan Marlowe is great. I've watched him, but Cameron Marlowe, this guy. Is this his brother? Are they related? No. No. Oh, wow. Handsome fucking dude. Yeah, I didn't look at him like that.

59:43I am. I'm looking at him like that. Yeah, fuck him then. I might. I always figure half of it's got to be talent, half's got to be handsome. He's a handsome cat. You know, I will say this. Now that I think about it a little bit more, which I'm not going to think about a lot, he's a little bit handsome, but. He is. Bro, Singh's like God. I mean, just like. Country? I don't even know. Gospel. country guy. It's just like, it's a lot. Phenomenal though. And then we went and saw your boy Dermot Kennedy the other night. He's Irish. Yeah. Yeah. One of my own. Bustwood the Boys is here to let you know that every college football Saturday, FanDuel is dropping profit boosts that can turn wins into bigger wins.

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1:02:07You know, it's fall. It's autumn. And it's that time of year where things start slowing down. The leaves start changing. The air's got that little bite to it. And suddenly you're thinking, maybe I should start doing something new. You know, building birdhouses or making candles or making dang hats out of goat milk and paper mache. Whatever it is, this is the season to fall into a new hobby, and Shopify makes it easy to turn that hobby into something real. We run our own merch on Shopify, and it's the best place to start or grow a business, hands down. Doesn't matter if you're selling out of your garage or your phone or a little shop downtown.

1:02:53Shopify takes the guesswork out of all of it. You don't need a big team or fancy office. Shopify is your office in your pocket. So if this fall has got you feeling creative, don't overthink it. It's time to turn your passion into a paycheck. Go to shopify.com slash T-H-E-O and make it happen. That's shopify.com slash Theo. You know what I need to do with you, truly, because I've been watching a lot of videos on TikTok. I went down a rabbit hole. There's a really pretty woman who goes to these,

1:03:30the gathering of the Juggalos, and she gives you tips on how to operate in that space. Like, do you know what the poo dollar is? So at the Juggalo, when you go to ICP shows, there'll be money on the ground, like all over the place, but it's wrapped in poo. Somebody pooed in it, and then they film you picking up a poo dollar. And she's giving you tips on how to not get caught picking up poo dollars. Oh, that's good. That's very sweet of her. Is she a cool chick? She seems great. I mean, I love watching her videos. She's giving you tips on the Gathering of the Juggalos. There's a girl right there.

1:03:59Is that her? People get so fucked up here that they pass out for 12 hours and don't feel or hear or see a thing. Because they're asleep. It's the Gathering of the Juggalos in Thornville, Ohio. The Gathering of the Juggalos is a fucking 12 out of 10, dude. This chick is fucked up, huh? They're throwing full cans of Fago at people and they're taking wristbands. And so when you're just like a dead body laying on your cot for 12 hours, people come up to you and fuck with all of your shit, dude. Enjoying a 12-hour nap. Who is this, dude? Plus three points. You've got to have a tent. You've got to have a safe place to sleep.

1:04:36Because I know a lot of ninjas that are out here passing out on the grass and just laying there because they got in with their last bucks. They don't have shit. So they're passing out on the road wherever they can, sleep until the sun comes up, dude. We're here to gather. We're here to have a good fucking time. we're here to not give a fuck because society doesn't accept us so we're going to accept everybody that's here being accepted plus 20 points those people are asleep you idiot you can't mess with people that are sleeping dude he's just recharging after being partied out all day dude that chick is that a lesbian who was that lady she's AI dude this is the new world we'll never know if these people are real the amount of times I'm fooled now by AI is getting out of control like it's also I don't know why Sora that's what's called that's a new thing Sora is making more maybe it's my feed there's more Kobe Bryant videos than I've ever seen and they have him just yeah they have him like dunking on old women in the gym and shit this is Otani's mom oh that's Otani's mom wow that's a badminton champ right there is that Sora or that's real that's Sora that's Sora but that how would I know you were like oh Otani's mom is a champ how would I know and it's not even as great as it can be it it's going to be weird what do you think happens with the future of uh like will they still continue to use actors what will they do i don't know man the more i talked to a guy literally yesterday who creates um he has a company that does uh simulators for golf right and he was talking to me about the simulation technology that they use for golf and then he's like eventually you may not even have to need to go play the course we will have everything feel hear smell like it will feel like you're in there the temperature will be the same as it is on the location you'll feel like you're playing with your group like you will be I mean we're uploaded into that you know that metaverse or whatever when he was talking about it because he was super intellectual and I'm an idiot and it scared me a little bit because I thought well then are they going to need are they going to need that stuff I mean I just think I don't know what the business is going to look like but I do know live entertainment will always you will need to go see somebody live I hope.

1:06:46I'm praying that people will still want to go feel that human interaction. You know, in the same way that young people are getting into more analog shit, you know, this guy I was talking to yesterday, his son is a young man, and he was like, he likes records. He likes CDs and tapes. He thinks it's cool because it's throwback, you know? And I think that will have a resurgence in its own right, but eventually everything is going to be so digital it'll be an afterthought. There'll be, I don't know, I hate to think of it because I do want creators to still create. But I think one of the only forms that will exist, unfortunately, would be live.

1:07:20I'm probably wrong, but I think people still want to see people live. But as far as entertainment goes, if you think someone's not going to get home after a 12-hour workday where they busted their ass doing something all day long, they get home, they kiss their kids and their wife, they put their kids to bed, and they sit down on the couch, and instead of scrolling, they go, hey, will you show me a movie where The Rock is a pancake chef and he's got to get into a fist fight overcooked pancakes with Jason Statham and it's like, bum, bum, and that's what they make. You know what I mean? Like, you know that's going to happen.

1:07:50Wow. I don't think it's healthy, but you know that's going to happen. Or like, it's my wife's birthday. Can you make a collage? I forgot a gift. Can you make something right now? And 3D print it. It's in your fucking living room already. Yeah. Like, remember in Back to the Future when they made that pizza? Do you remember that? And they're in the kitchen. You bring up that photo. It was so ominous. It was so ahead of its time. They're in the kitchen. Was it a medium pizza? it's like a little, they cook, it's this big personal pan. Yeah. Personal pan. But then they, once they put it in the machine, it comes out as a full pizza.

1:08:18And I thought that's a hundred percent in the making right now. Like there's no chance that they're not, look at that. It starts as that. And that was so long ago and they put it in something and it expands to what it truly is now. Here's the crazy thing. It'll all taste like pizza, right? It'll taste like all the flavors, but none of it will be actual pizza. No, no, it'll be, it'll be some sort of digital makeup of a thing that resembles pizza. There she is. Putting the little tiny thing from Pizza Hut on the tray in the center. Black and Decker, shout out, plug. Good company plug right there.

1:08:50The hydrator. Hydrating. That's what it said. Hydrating. That's what I would do. I would do impressions of all those noises. Look at that. You think that's not coming? It's coming. And that was in 1989. That looks good. Brother, that looks delicious. I know. And not an ounce of it will be pizza. You're right. It'll just be whatever's in the ether. Like that, what's that meat company? Oh, I can't believe it's not meat or whatever. Or meat. I know. Impossible meat. Beyond meat. Beyond meat. Yeah, dude, it's just like the technology is getting crazy. Did you see that thing with AWS and the beds? What do you mean with like, what did they do with beds?

1:09:31AWS crash causes 2 ,000 smart beds to overheat and get stuck upright.

1:09:41My dad, I could just, I physically could see my dad being like, it's too fucking hot. What's wrong? My mom, yelling at my mom, you're sweating. Move over. God damn it. Move over. He doesn't know that it's the fucking bed. The AWS overeating. Move over. He's got her out in the yard. In the garage when I sleep. God damn it. The outage, a major American web service, American web services outage on October 20th had the unexpected side effect of causing chaos in bedrooms across U.S. As owner of Eight Sleep's$2 ,000-plus pod mattress covers, found their smart beds had no offline mode and were stuck at high temperatures and odd positions in the night.

1:10:24Just sweating like this all night? That is awful. $2 ,000 mattress, too. I mean, good God.

1:10:36You're a Totino's. You become a Totino's pizza roll. Hydrating. Well, this is the problem. Tech is getting too tech. You remember in high school, the one kid that had a waterbed? There was always one kid in high school that had a waterbed. We knew one dude whose mom and dad would let them have a waterbed. Yeah, or their dad had one. Their dad had one, and they got to use it. I knew a kid who had a waterbed. Really? Yeah, I knew a kid. He was the only child. His parents were old, so he was a late-life accident. He had all the toys. We could do whatever we want at his house. His parents didn't give a shit because we were in high school.

1:11:13They were like 60. They didn't give a shit. They were fucking retired and we were 14 years old. So they weren't, they were on vacation. They were in Boca. You know what I mean? Like we were kicking it. We got to do whatever we wanted. He got, and he, he had, um, I remember he had, uh, uh, uh, um, Cobra Mustang 97, 98, and he had a Ford lightning SVT. And I remember most of us didn't even have a car and he had two his dad taught me stick shift on a 19 i want to say this right 76 or 67 uh um stingray which one was it was it 76 or 67 corvette stingray he's taught me stick shift and that that was one right there he had all the toys huh yeah man 76 that's what it was 76 stingray that's i learned stick shift on that in a church parking lot this guy's dad taught me how to do it and that dude i thought the abby's like that's they're the coolest people on earth He had a waterbed.

1:12:07Oh, bro. Give him my email, dude. Half of it. I'll give him half your email, bro. But I remember he had the waterbed, and I thought, that was the flyest shit on earth. And then one day he was like, no, man, you get stuck in that thing all the time. You'll slide into a corner, and you'll be slunched against the sea. You're waking up like a pirate, dude. He's like, it sucks. Or somebody puts a little fucking bass in that bitch. You're sleeping, bro. And there's a little trout just coming up near your mouth, trying to, just because the salt from your drool is going through. He's got to fill with koi fish.

1:12:41Bobby's fucking shitting in there the first week he gets it. Yeah. Like, dude, do not shit in your waterbed. Do not shit on the waterbed, please. It'll move. Dude, it's just like, the technology is just crazy. Like, we had Craig Newmark, the founder of Craigslist, on, and he's a big advocate. He does a lot of fundraising and donates a lot of money to cybersecurity. That's like a big world that he's involved in. and he says that like yeah there could be a hijacking of like a product where suddenly all the cars just go and drive off a bridge there's nothing you can do that scares the shit out of me yeah or all the teslas just go to a fucking gay bar the jets game or whatever which is pretty much the same thing dude but but just imagine you're sitting in your car and you're like what the fuck everybody's going to trenton new jersey or something just at the same time and there's nothing you can do.

1:13:32Yeah, that scares me. Like when I get in my car sometimes and it tells you it updated, it's like updated a map without you even saying it's okay. They're eventually going to update and a total have owner ownership and control over where you go. You won't even be able to, they'll tell you where to go. Time for a check-in. It'll just take my ass to the doctor. You're avoiding this. Let's go. You know, like, I don't want to go to the dentist. We're going to the dentist. Like, I think it's just going to, it's going to, technology is going to start to own us in a way where we won't have to make it.

1:14:00We won't even be able to make decisions. And we'll just eventually, generationally, people will just be okay with it because that's the way of life. Right. In the same way that like, I remember going out to dinner when I was a kid, I remember when my parents were, when my mom was dating my stepdad before we, before they got married, they go out to dinner and they would let me come sometimes. And I'd be under the table with tablecloth and all they would see was a little hand, grab a French fry and then go back under. And that was my little like adventure time. Right. And it was my little play world under there.

1:14:26and then now kids all have iPads and iPhones and I'm not criticizing I'm not a parent so I don't know but it's so normal that when you see a kid without an iPad or an iPhone you're like what is that what the fuck is he doing was he thinking and coloring and talking yeah who's this mutant who's this who's this fucking mutant something must be wrong with him right you're like what's going on with that kid but it's become the norm so I think the future of tech will be it would be abnormal to make decisions it will be it'll we'll be gone and it'll become so custom for your life to wake up and good morning, Theo, today and on your bathroom mirror, what you have to do.

1:15:04Not what you want, want. You don't want, you don't get to want. You have to do all this shit. Right. These are the things you have to take care of. You must do this. This is your day. And that will be built in your car and your car will know your toilet. Your car will be like, your shit was bad. More water. Straw. Yeah. Just make you suck at the... Time to jerk off just in my hand. No, wait a minute. you must come. Okay. That's the commercial? Yeah, you can't go to work until you get a colonoscopy. There'll just be stuff like that. In your car. It'll just be in your car. Please bend over. Performing colonoscopy.

1:15:40You're on the seat. Your seat will be able to tell us through a fart or something if you're going to lie to your wife that night. Smelling your fart. What did you eat for lunch? I had a salad. It tells your wife. He had a burger. a double double. Wrong! You fucking liar. Well, dude, I mean, everything's just getting bizarre, dude. The only way to get away from it, the only way to get away from it. Okay, I want to hear this. Oh, and Benjamin got away from it. What do you mean? Oh, get away from tech? I mean, he lives out, you know, like he's... But he lives on the internet still, so that's the irony of that.

1:16:16Like, he does live on the land or whatever, but the only real way to get away from it is to truly isolate, like genuinely, and not ingest anything on the, not participate in any of it. Like, have you ever seen that woman that lives way out in the Arctic tundra, and she lives alone, and she refuels planes for for, uh, but she lives in, and, and, I bet she's got a hard pussy on her. Oh, brother, brother. And she lives way out in the middle of nowhere, and she's kind of this, she lives completely isolated, oh, Life Below Zero. Sorry, that's what it is. Sue. Sue from Life Below Zero. Yeah, way out in Alaska.

1:16:51Way northern Alaska. Cavic. Cavic. And she's alone, bro. And there is nobody in sight. Oh, she's a pretty lady. But this is truly, until the cameras got there, she's disconnected. She lives off the clothes that either she makes or that are given to her. She lives off her own energy and power. She makes her own food. This would be the only way. Truly, you could act, dig a well, disconnect. Out there huffing gasoline, too. Right, once in a while you need a bump. I mean, you know, the evenings get lonely. You do want to huff a little gas. I wouldn't want you to do cocaine out there. I hate doing cocaine and being very cold.

1:17:26You want to be hot when you're too low? Being freezing cold and doing cocaine. Well, she's huffing a little bit of gas just to give her something to think about at night. Dude, but that would be crazy if they had like a new Bravo show out there. It's like cold, bitches. Oh, it's cold, but these chicks are still bitches. Steaming hot. But they're still piping hot. What the fuck do you want? Fire. Polar bears fucking suck.

1:17:56you want to refuel loser I like when she talks shit to me if I'm being honest Mike Rowe is presenting the whole thing salmon again bitches no matter how cold the temperature drops Andy Cohen and Bravo presents cold bitches I'm a bitch that's the tagline of the show dude who is the iciest bitch it's a competition honestly that's the only way and that's not us i'm never gonna be able to live off the land i'm not you don't think i'm a dependent dude i'm a dependent have you ever caught and cleaned something like you've ever cleaned an animal have you ever killed and cleaned an animal steve rinella said he'll take me and teach me how to do some stuff like brother it is daunting dude my brother put on facebook if any people have He just moved into an area in Utah.

1:18:47He put on Facebook, if anybody sees any erroneous squirrels in their area or raccoons, call me up or doves and I'll come over and pop them off. Right. Dude, he was fucking in a small town. He had just gotten there because he was just getting into like trapping and shit like that. Like he would fucking set a trap at this at the end of somebody's fucking ditch or whatever. It was crazy. He was not out in the woods. He was doing this shit in town, dude. Just in Salt Lake City. It was fucking crazy, dude. the church called him in. Shit was pretty bad for a bit, but he evened it out. But he learned how to like, he'll make fresh coon over there if we go over there to eat.

1:19:22He'll make a, yeah, just a pot of squirrel meat. He's into it now. Are you cleaning something? Like my grandmother used to do that. Yes. In North Carolina, my grandmother, my nanny, they would have chickens, they'd had all sorts of animals, but she would kill, clean and cook herself and doing it or even being around it. I'm not up for it I think it's hard to do man I'm thankful for farmers and people that do that for us because good god I've been around like deers getting cut up after I went deer hunting when I was a kid and I was like damn I couldn't do that I just don't know if I could you would have to at some point for survival but it takes a lot and it takes kind of a disconnect you get comfortable with death you get comfortable with the idea that this is like a mutual agreement between you, the land and the animals and all this stuff but I don't think I could ever get to a point when I could disconnect and not...

1:20:13I like people too much to be isolated. I'm a little social squirrel. I need to be... Like, you know, when I talk about, you know, I've taken big chunks off from drinking and stuff, and we have alcohol at my house, but I don't know... I couldn't tell you the last time I drank a beer at my house without friends or family around. Like, my wife and I will never... Like, if we cook dinner, we're not having a glass of wine like people kind of do with dinner. Did you do Sober October? over? No, I'll just take chunks of time. I'll just, I'll pick a time. I don't even, it kind of will hit me and I'll go, I'm going to take some time down and I'll just take a bunch of time down and, you know, just change my perspective on stuff.

1:20:50And then, then I'll, you know, go out with a bunch of people and maybe, maybe want to have a drink and then maybe I'll stop again for another couple of weeks or whatever. But, um, but I did find that like, even if it's at my house right there, I'm not interested. I only really enjoy those activities when I'm with other people. because I love the social aspect. To me, it's more like, can we go out together? Let's go get a nice dinner. I went to a nice dinner last night with my business manager, Sweet and both of them. And it's just, I like that communal, that's the Irish in me for sure. That's like sit around, have a cocktail, tell a story, have a laugh, joke, you know what I mean?

1:21:26Talk shit. Oh, the Irish, yeah. There's nothing better. I mean, that's the purity of life, I think. Community. Yeah, oh, and just being around your friends, dude, that's been the toughest thing sometimes for me about like my friends, most of them are married and stuff and so sometimes people are like dude like like i'll hang out with like kind of younger folks sometimes but it's like there's nobody else dude it's like everybody's married with kids with kids yeah and so they have families or whatever and uh so it's like yeah sometimes you just get you know like you just find people that are still available kind of you know i'm not complaining about it but it's just like um or maybe i am complaining about it No, you're not.

1:22:02But yeah, it's just, it's definitely different, I think. But anyway, dude, the greatest thing is just fucking being around people. Like I'll go hang out like sometimes around the Vanderbilt football team. Dude, because it's young, dude, everybody's having a good time. The vibes are up. And it's just fun. It's like, oh, this is fun, dude. I'll go sit over at the player's cafeteria and have lunch over there sometimes with the guys. That's great. Dude, we fucking sit there and clown for an hour, bro. So, I mean, just everybody clowning, dying laughing. It's like, it's the greatest thing. There's nothing better than being around some, it's even like guys that work on, like in blue collar job, just that lunch break where you get to sit around and fucking laugh, talk shit.

1:22:47Even if it's the same shit you talked yesterday, it's just those moments. Community matters. I think it's really hard to be alone. By the way, that's not, you're not complaining. I have the opposite effect. So like, since we don't have kids and we're in our forties, Most of my friends that are married do have kids, so it's difficult to hang out with them. I found that more and more is kind of a hiccup of life. But so a lot of our friends now are in their late 50s because their kids are already grown. So they're out of high school. They're off in college or whatever. So they're kind of, you know, they're empty nesters again.

1:23:16So then we hang out with them. So I find myself hanging out with older now couples because their kids are already grown versus my closest friends now. They all have babies or four or five-year-olds. And it's great to see them, but it's really hard because they're balances. so difficult. And I don't judge it because I get how hard it is. Like, I know that's hard for them to go, dude, we got one on the way and this one is this. And so a lot of our friends, like we took a vacation with another couple and their child has grown. So it's great. So now we get to just, it's just couples again. Do you know what I mean?

1:23:48Like the old days. And, you know, it's, I do have thoughts about it sometimes where I'm like, it is very interesting how that is my section of friends now is much older than us only because all my friends have that they're occupied with with soccer and you know and getting these kids in there on their schedule so it's hard but um it's hard to see it's hard to i'm trying to it's hard that you lose your friends quote unquote for a couple of years when they're going through this growing times with their kids that's been the hardest thing for me growing up is like now being in my 40s not spending as much time with people that I wanted to spend time with.

1:24:24It's really hard. Yeah. Because they're, you know. Yeah, it is a bummer. They're busy and there's nothing to do about it. Yeah. And they need to be busy. They're being a parent or they're taking care of their family and stuff like that. It's even tough when it's like spending time with your own parents and stuff or step families and stuff because it's like, you know, it's a time where your life is kind of like you're working a lot and not that you can't make time, but it's, you know, it's like, I don't know. It is harder to make time. I'm going home. I go home to Chicago now. I'm trying to go home at least once a month.

1:24:54Really? That's great. Yeah, I think I just want to make more time as my parents have gotten older. It's more important to me than ever. A lot of personal reasons just because of my connection to my family. They're getting a little bit older, so life hits a little bit. I think that happens in your 40s. You start to see your family. You start to see it. Then I've started to dedicate it. If I'm anywhere near the Midwest or I'm going east, I'm almost always going to go home. You're popping in. I have to. I feel like it's, not I have to, I want to. I just mean like I've dedicated it to myself to be like, go home.

1:25:28Go see mom. Go see dad. Go see, you know, my childhood friends that are living at home. Oh, yeah. You've always been close to your guys. Yeah. I got a friend literally landing today who comes into my house today. I'm excited as shit. I just think like you try to really covet these relationships and it's really hard because you get busy and no one talks about that. And it really does get hard. You still love these people as much as you ever did, but life gets in the way of friendship sometimes because they get busy. Yeah, and their patterns change and their responsibility is like somebody wants to have a family and so they get a wife and they start to have a family and stuff and it's like there's not not room for you in there, but it's a tough room.

1:26:07You have to kind of get it where you can. You got to sneak in where you can. And that person's objectives are different at the time, you know? Yeah. And it's even harder if you don't like the spouse. Oh, yeah. I'm lucky. I don't have really any relationships where I don't get on with my friend's spouse or partner. That's got to be the worst. But my wife. Oh, there's cold bitches. There it is. Andy Cohen produced cold bitches. Oh, Laura Loomer's in it. Is that the girl from The Office? The blonde girl? Is that Angela from The Office is on it? And that's, and who's the girl on the right? Is that Isla Fisher?

1:26:39This is a real show? No, dude. That's AI did what we said. Oh, my God, dude. That's insane. I'm like looking at these chicks. That's Anna Kendrick on the far right. Sorry, that's who that is. And who's on the far left? That's Kira Soltanovich, isn't it? That is, Kira. She's not a cold bitch, though. No, she's not. She's the shit. I love her. But I could see her casting them in just for the— Well, none of these women are. We just say who they look like. For humor, yeah. Yeah, who they look like. I love Kira, by the way. She's so fucking funny. Dude, one thing I do feel bad about when we were taping the special, it just got—was those moments where it was like, we got to figure this out.

1:27:13Bonnie McFarlane came, and she was just— So fucking funny. She was on the show. She's great. I don't know if I'd ever met her actually I know Rich but I just had never met Bonnie we all know Rich but she had to go back out like after she'd already done a set dude she was like a saving grace of that I gotta text her and thank her she's an incredible comedian and honestly one of those people where you're like I this sounds disrespectful but I mean in the nicest way it's like I would hope that she was so much more famous because she's successful but I feel like the world should know her because she's so fucking funny some people are so good that you're like everyone should know you it's creepy that people that you're successful but like the world should know how good you are that happens in comedy a lot where you're like how does not everyone know who this person is they're so fucking funny you know what i mean oh yeah oh yeah it's yeah it's unbelievable it it's it's a pattern of the it's a pattern of the world of comedy that was very difficult whenever someone's like why this thing not that thing i can't tell you some things are a shoe-in, right?

1:28:13Like when I first met Shane, that was a shoe-in. I knew for a fact Shane was going to be very, you know what I mean? No, just his look. Oh yeah. This one. I just knew, I just knew when I met Shane, I knew when I met Shane, you were like, well, people are, everyone's going to know Shane. Yeah. Some of his looks just encapsulate. It's not a generate, but it's just encapsulating. It's so encapsulating. A mood. Yes. A mood that people relate to. Yeah. such a specific mood. He's got a couple of, dude, dude. Yeah. He's one of the best. I mean, so he's a once in a generational town, but some people, you know, are going to, but other people you're like, how come that person is not as they're so funny.

1:28:51Like they're so, you know, I don't know. I think it's unexplainable, but yeah, I was so grateful that she even came and was on the show, but I got a messenger and just, uh, show her some love. Yeah. I just took a break after that all, after everything, I was just like, this is just too, It just was all a lot. I just needed some time to just kind of decompress at home and just do some things that I like doing. Do you have a hobby that takes you away from all the shit? Oh, I've been going to SEC football almost every weekend in different cities. But do you have a hobby that you can do alone that takes you away from everything?

1:29:25Yeah, I like to do yoga. I like to work out at home, just going to recovery meetings, things like that. So those are fun things. I would like to maybe get a new hobby. I think if I get a new house, I could get a dog or something like that. That's a good hobby. So that would be great to have, even just to have that. That's a great responsibility. I was just thinking about this. Oh, how was the comedy festival you guys went to? Was it good? Riyadh? Yeah. Wild, dude. It was crazy. Well, the backlash on the internet was even more insane. It was insane. That stuff seemed ridiculous to me, though. Did you feel like it was?

1:29:55Everyone is a walking contradiction, and there's a million miles of hypocrisy in people's arguments. and the fact that the community was attacking each other was very strange to me. But, you know, like overall, my feeling about it was Jimmy Carr said something that I thought was kind of a powerful statement. He said, I don't always tend to look at where a country has been, you know, because they're all flawed, but I'd like to see where they're going. And he says, I'd like to think that where they're going is an attempt at progress and future and growth. And people may disagree with it, but, you know, when we went over there looking at the faces of 27, 28-year-old kids that my own American ignorance, I was like, well, they're going to be riding on camels and they're all wearing cover-ups.

1:30:44They were dressed, you know, like street kids for the most part. It's 27-year-old, 28-year-old kids who were wearing jeans and T-shirts and they just wanted to see us and we met the fans afterwards and it was kind of a beautiful moment, you know, and I haven't dug into the whole thing. Well, I haven't paid a lot of attention to it because it was a lot of noise and hate. Yeah, I haven't delved into it. Well, it's fine. People can feel how they feel about it. That's fine. The world will keep spinning. But there's a lot of hypocrisy out there. There's a lot of hypocrisy. And a lot of people contradict.

1:31:12We're all walking contradictions, right? So when you start throwing stones, just make sure, you know, just make sure that your plate's clean. Because I just feel like something that you've said six months ago, you may disagree with today. and I think at the core root of it we forget sometimes that we're just comedians and you and I when we do shows like this is like we want to have fun and make each other laugh and just and joke around and bring humor to this whole space and when the community begins to attack each other you know I just think it's a detriment to comedy as a whole I don't take myself that serious unless I'm on the golf course and then I'm fucking dead serious no no no no but I just don't I don't take myself that serious I'm a fucking stupid clown I'm an ASU graduate, barely made it out of high school, who went to school for communication because I was confused about what I wanted out of my life and my career.

1:32:07And my whole goal was to make people laugh and feel good. And what comes along with success is responsibility to some degree. But the public's idea of my responsibility and mine are two different things. Mine is to spread love and comedy and make people feel good and laugh and entertain people. Amen. And also live my life and enjoy it as much as I can before they tell you're not funny anymore or to get out of here. So if there's anything I can do, I'm just segueing naturally. My biggest thing now is like, can I make people feel good and also do good? And I'm doing this thing on December 6th in LA City Valley College, Southern California Special Olympics.

1:32:52I'm doing a fundraiser. you get to it's called ho ho homers come hit home runs off your favorite celebrities if you're in town I'd love to have you I might be in town that week I'd love it December 6th is Saturday LA City Valley College it's for Southern California Special Olympics and stuff like that means more to me than all the noise and the bullshit of the internet of opinions over what a comic should or shouldn't do or whatever that world is and that to me is the most important thing is like can I do good feel good uplift other people and comedians in the community and then the rest can fuck off into space because I'm just trying to do my best man I mean fucking leave me alone sometimes my good god you know yeah it's well it's just and the media is just so dumb they all they care it's just like about creating controversy i it's funny i didn't think anything of it i uh like like i've got asked to go to qatar again in a few weeks and i think i'm gonna go over there right like i had a great time when i was there um last time it was so cool to see a lot of the guys there that are it's a muslim country a lot of the guys we're talking to at first you see their outfits bring up the picture of us um and but then you talk to him the guy's like oh i fucking went to oregon i went to university of Oregon, go ducks.

1:33:54We think all these people live in sandcastles and are fucking, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, there you are. We're in the garb. Also, that was another thing. We asked if that was disrespectful. If we were, and the guys wanted to give us one, they were like, oh no. It was so cool to have. I still have mine at home. They were very nice. And also, I was writing jokes about it because I was like, I don't know if I'll ever joke about it, but I think it was funny when someone's like, they're all terrorists, and you're like, 8 million people in Riyadh? or all of them are terrorists? What are you talking about?

1:34:22And they go, well, they did 9-11. And you're like, I thought we said we did 9-11. I thought, remember when you guys were all like, we did it? I thought they said we did. I just think there's - Well, we all know who did it. I think there's a lot of walking contradictions. Oh, 100%. Well, so it's hard for me to have, it's hard for anyone to yell so loud about something to me because I go, well, nothing is perfect. But if you're trying, if your intentions are right, if your intentions are good, I do believe there's hope for growth and people are allowed to be mad about it and what I didn't like what I don't like is in the community stabbing and going after other people in the community because I just think it's an odd move I don't understand it go off if that's how you want to live your life enjoy the drama but I'm going to remove I just don't give a fuck about your judgmental opinion because you yourself are not on high Unless you're not, are you tweeting your hate at me from a phone that was mined from lithium by people that were trapped?

1:35:21What are you talking about? Who made your car? Where'd you get gas? Who made your clothes? Unless you are Sue in Alaska and you live off of yourself in the land, you don't have a lot of room to talk. You really don't. I'm sorry. I just think. And none of us, in a lot of ways, you're right. There's so much hypocrisy, man. Yeah, it's like, I think we were committing hypocrisy without even realizing it sometimes. Yeah, we do. We are walking contradictions. The human condition is to be a walking contradiction. Brother, when I was a kid, I remember feeling like in no world do I feel like I want to get married.

1:35:57I don't really – I was like I don't want to get married or have a family. I pine for that now as an adult. I wanted to have a family. We couldn't have a family. And that changed my perspective. And I remember being in college being like I don't think I'm ever doing that shit. Oh, yeah. I hated that shit. That's stupid. that's foolish that's not for me I want to be a comic that's all I need is this and this and this and your your views change your goals change yeah your affiliations change your friendships change like you keep changing you know when they wrote in your yearbook never change that was the worst advice anybody could ever fucking give you should change you should change you should change a lot and you should keep growing and changing I mean fuck man yeah yeah if you're still sitting there playing pencil break and fucking eating your buddy's boogers so you can have money to buy candy at lunch dude then you're a sick fucking dude please change you can't play paper football forever it is fun but my god i was nasty at that shit that shit was but this was the rule dude right this so fucking meanwhile you're supposed to be learning and years later you're like why am i dumb oh but dude you're right dude yeah the infighting on most comedians i didn't understand people sent me there was a clip from mark maron where he like said something about me in his comedy special yeah yeah yeah and it was like theo would interview hitler right and i'm like well it's kind of crazy that you say that well he's dead first of all you can't well also the nelk boys just interviewed him so what are we even talking about what we're talking about right well i think that's too the the other side of the maron coin which like mark loves to start shit that's like his he loves this right here we we i probably i shouldn't even have brought it up yeah we don't have to but i mean he loves to start shit like that's a part of his that's his discourse is talking shit.

1:37:34And a piece of me knows when we talk shit about people we love, we joke around about each other. There's love behind it. And I don't know if there's love behind with you and him. I don't know your relationship. The internet seems to know, they think they know fucking everyone's relationship, which is even more mind boggling. But I do think... Yeah, it's always been fine. I always think if you joke about somebody, if it's funny and it's in jest, it's obvious. and if it's not, it tends to be a little bit more obvious and so I don't understand that kind of approach I don't get it but I also know we can all touch a lot of bases like in the sense of like, I've known Mark for a long time he fucking annoys the shit out of me it's like in the comedy buddy space I have a lot of guys that you get on with sometimes and then you fall out and then you get on and then you get pissed off and then they do these things but we're all in this co-worker space I do think you shouldn't I do think there's no necessary need to go after other people I don't get it but a lot of times it's not my war to fight or our wars to fight so I let people go do it people shoot at us and I'm like whatever man I'm just going to still make dumb fucking comedy for my fans until I'm dead or until they tell me to go away I'm just going to have tried I'm trying to have the most fun I can with my stupid little dumpling in our little studio until they tell us to go away and I don't give a fuck about the drama I mean the drama is such like grow up give me a fucking break yeah but you're right you didn't deserve you don't deserve to be attacked on a special that's very strange i think even mark would admit someone i've known for a long time not been close to but we've known him from because of the store um someone who i think he himself would admit i would hope that wasn't the best move to put you in a special i mean why why you know what i mean sometimes i write jokes about my dad and i'm like why did i put that in a special you know what i mean like oh yeah a friend or a friend or a colleague for that matter because you're probably not friends, but I just don't know.

1:39:28I don't know if it's necessary. Maybe he just meant it as something funny, you know? Well, look, yeah, the core of it was probably him trying to write a joke about it, but I don't think you're close enough for that to be, for that to have that kind of, you know? Yeah, or maybe to say, hey, what do you think about this? That would have been great. If you say to somebody, hey, man, are you cool with me doing this joke? Yeah. Or I'm just letting you know I'm doing this joke. But the media also likes to fucking make shit. It's like, yeah, our country is complicit in so much shit. But like, you know, it's like one thing that I thought was like going to like a Muslim country, like they have their rules.

1:40:00They have their way of life. It's not my way of life. It's their rules. I don't know what it's like to grow up there and to live there. I don't know what like pros and cons are of having like such like staunch beliefs or like sticking to such doctrines and stuff like that. Like, I don't know. I can go and look and see. but for me to say that your country needs to be just like our country which has been complicit in a lot of fucked up stuff the most fucked up shit not the people but the government right who the fuck am I to go say you know what I'm saying like it's really hard for me to be like you guys need to be more like us when it's like well look at all the fucking bullshit that we're being shoehorned into right that's a perfect statement that we're being shoehorned into well here's the argument and also we don't know what the fuck we're talking about so if you disagree with us that's fine dude that's fine too I don't care Well, that's what people say.

1:40:50They go, well, you didn't get paid by the people who got paid by the government. I say, well, yeah, promoters and companies bring people in all the time. That's kind of how the globe works as far as entertainment goes. People can't produce a show. Someone has to do it. And I think the idea was, let's bring Western entertainment here, not in an effort to avoid some of the bad shit that's happened, but more to try to change culture to grow. I'm hoping that was my hope for it and people were like just say it was about money it's like yeah dude we perform for money and to bring comedy to people these two things can coexist the idea that someone's like just say it's all about money no dude it's also about the idea that this is an enticing new world it's like shit dude I've never performed overseas I've literally never performed anywhere outside I've done we did London and Dublin I've never done any other country outside of North America yeah and that was kind of fucking wild for sure especially all you guys and girls all these comedians going over there at one time wild man it must have felt otherworldly it did i mean it literally was it felt like a it it felt like a i was put it felt like it was in a in a movie i was like this feels so so out of my own element and and you get any of that uh lebanese food you better believe it no what you get any of that uh that saudi arabian cocaine of it no man or a little bit of that nose sand no I got a wicked eye infection instead I got fucking sand in my eyeball and then fucking no but you know what I think at the end of the day you need a colonoscopy you're like this thing's fucking in my car and just cause you got sand in your eye this thing's fucked dude my butthole's dilated now because this fucking the fuse is broken it's fucking just like all you did was brush your teeth and it's like you're a homosexual or whatever you're like what the fuck We're taking you to church.

1:42:39You have the Baptist set up. We're taking you to church. It tells my whole family. It sends them all text messages. Andrew's gay. Andrew's gay. Andrew's gay. What? Oh my God. Yeah. No. My Jeep did that. Yeah, I just took a thick shit early this morning. That thing's fucking overreacting. Shut it down. Dude, is the government still shut down? Yeah. Is that still shut down? Because I have to fly in a day or two and I'm a little worried about it. Pull it up on perplexity. Is the government still shut down? Dude, that's how dumb I am. I don't even understand what that meant when they said the government shut down.

1:43:11I was like, all of it? What do you mean? What does that even mean? They're just not gathering. The shutdown began on October 1st due to Congress's failure to approve a new budget and now has lasted 22 days. Dude, I'll tell you this. Everything's privatized now anyway. Dude, have you been to the post office? Dude, I went to the post office the other day. Okay, dude. I went in there. I'm not even joking. This is true. there's two birds fighting over a fucking box and there was a black woman that worked in there trying to spray them with lysol to get them out of the facility dude and i was like what the fuck yeah i know that post office i've been there what the fuck is happening well they have carrier pigeons are back do they got to keep them under control a little bit any government building you enter you're like this is this will be a fucking nightmare it's all been privatized dude it's over Yeah, it's done.

1:44:00Yeah, it's done. You have to realize it's just a shell for private companies now. That's all it is. I mean, look at they're holding the UFC at the White House, right, which is going to be unreal. And that new office that he built. The new ballroom. UFC at the White House is insane. But think about that. We're going to be on the lawn of the White House. It's become a performance venue. And Dana White's going to be inside gambling inside the White House. They'll set up a fucking table for him. Dude, I've seen those videos. this guy betting like millions and millions of dollars. I know he's got it like that, but my God, the anxiety of just watching him bet three million bucks makes my insides drop out.

1:44:39Oh, look at this UFC 250 on the lawn. This is going to be so crazy. I better be really nice to Joe Rogan this year. You want to, that's how that's, you're going to get a ticket. Your front row, baby. Your front row. That's insane. To commemorate the 250th anniversary of the United States, the UFC plans to hold a historic mixed martial arts event on the South Lawn of the White House. I'm not kidding when I say this. I thought you were fucking around. I thought it was an AI generation. I thought that was just a joke, but that is actually the plans to do it. What is that? It's going to be on Trump's birthday.

1:45:15Oh, it's going to be on his birthday. Wow. I thought it was on the 4th of July. They changed it. They couldn't get that date. Oh, it said that up there. Yeah, okay. They couldn't get 4th of July. They were booked out for the 4th of July. The White House was booked. they're booked out imagine if they'd unbooked the white house but that's you know i'm saying that's where we're at everything it's all become we've all everything has become um you know the post office is because everybody uses amazon or fedex now that's what i'm saying it's like the government you take your shit to the post office good luck they don't know where it is you don't know where it is it's basically a halfway house for mail it's a recovery for mail yeah it's a fucking that males on his 12th step it's uh it's doing really good nick nick what do you think about that when you hear about ufc at the white house nick's a big ufc guy he's big huh yeah it's it's crazy it's like we're living in a simulation um and the fact that they just use perplexity to generate their ai images of the white house is crazy too it's like they don't use an artist but it's going to be wild and you're gonna go nick wait who uses that perplexity does that they're the ones that generated that image it's set up for tbs it was tbs twitter right yeah those really look like uh ai generated images of their mock-ups of what it's going to look like wow i mean that's going to be on but it's going to but it's just like you know what i'm saying that's where we're at i know it's like everything that was governmental that meant like a lot of the things i think that had felt like a lot of purpose and texture and heightened um like uh something that was almost above us and untouchable is now, uh, very accessible.

1:46:52And maybe I'm looking at it too negatively that it's all just been commercialized. Um, you've said it since 2018, everything's WWE now and UFC and WWE are the same company. And it's going to be at the white house because UFC owns WWE. Is that true? Is that right? Yeah. They merged into TKO. It's a good name. With William Morris. It's all a conglomerate. William Morris, the, the agency. Yeah. This is the thing that's going to start to happen is they're going to start to create things. And I believe this already happens. They create things in stories in the news to create like a story. And then they make like movies and stuff about it.

1:47:29Like it's all. Right. Oh my. It's all feeding the next story machine. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, for Dana. It's so exciting. I mean, it's, it's, that's wild that it's gotten to the place now where it's this globalized. I mean, it's got to be one of the fastest, if not the fastest growing sport. I mean. Well, because he was fearless. I mean, he said, we're going to keep this going on during the pandemic. They picked up so many. How big did their fan base grow during the pandemic? Can you look that up? Well, because everybody else, right? The only one that operated, right? The NBA was in a bubble.

1:48:02They were like the only ones that operated, right? I mean. Yeah. I think they're the only ones that did that, like the bubble thing or whatever. And they were all getting like. Well, they're all getting fucked, going leaving and getting fucked up and coming back. How much UFC? Yeah. Oh my God, 40 % in 2021 alone. Jesus. According during the COVID pandemic with overall pay-per-view sales and sponsorships hitting record highs, they were the only show in town. You gotta, Dana White's fucking, you gotta respect him, man. I mean, he's a brilliant businessman. He invested in early on and Rogan was also there at the beginning.

1:48:33I remember watching that interview on ESPN with him. We watched it literally the other day in the car when he got in the argument with that boxing promoter about the boxing promoter being like, this will never be, this will never be a beloved American sport and Rogan kept using facts to destroy this guy's argument and it was so true even I remember the old cage days of Tank Abbott and the San Diego Orange County guys and I remember thinking man this is this wild sport I didn't even know then I didn't really think will this become a major thing will this be ESPN broadcast or pay-per-view broadcast, like, will this get to that level?

1:49:11I didn't think then it would. I, you know, I didn't doubt it, but I never was like, I didn't know if that was possible. You were like, that's, it seems like a niche thing, but it's not true. American culture loves, we love one-on-one, yeah, that one, that guy. We love this idea. It's sort of like human cockfighting, in my view, or pitbull fighting. Guys are elbowing each other to the heads. Guys are kneeing each other. They get into leg locks and start rolling around on the ground in submission holes. Joe, you can't respond to that first, Joe. How is that human cockfighting? You know what that is?

1:49:48That's actual fighting. You know what boxing is? Well, boxing is a very limited form of fighting. It's kind of a silly agreement. Say, like, we hate each other. We're going to fight. We're going to duke it out man to man. But we're only going to use our hands. That's it. What ultimate fighting is, it's the actual sport of fighting. It encompasses all aspects of fighting. Ground game, kicking, punching, elbows, submissions, all the above. That's why it's much more exciting. That's why it's a much more dynamic sport. What boxing is is one aspect of mixed martial arts. It's true. It's one aspect.

1:50:16I mean, it's just one little aspect of, you know, the total package of what fighting in its, I imagine, in its original form, human to human combat had to have been all systems go. It was everything. It was wrestling. It was fighting. I mean, can you imagine the first, you know, the first fighting that Homo sapiens were doing? There wasn't rules. Like, they were fucking, they were probably using rocks. There wasn't even a referee. There wasn't a referee. No, no, no. There was one local guy. There was one frail ginger man. He was breaking up. Guys, please, be nice. One pale ginger who was the ref.

1:50:57Yeah, I mean, it's just impressive. It's impressive that it's grown to the scale that it's become. When Joe has taken me and I sit and watch, I'm mesmerized. I mean, I can't lie and say that I'm a huge follower of it because I don't know enough. but I do love watching it because I think it's it's incredible athletes doing just remarkable shit it's amazing it's incredible that they get to this place of this kind of training and technical the abilities it's wild to fucking watch live and when you listen to heavyweight hit each other in UFC you're like my god dude the sound I mean you can feel it in your bones it's nuts yes sometimes it's hard to swallow you're like good god that sound fucking was I know and they want to do it That's the craziest thing, man.

1:51:40Oh, I remember in high school when you would hear about these kids watching UFC, and it was like kids who were smoking dope, and one guy's sister was like call girling or whatever. I mean, you would just hear some crazy shit, and you'd be like, dude, we can never go around those guys. They're like getting a pay-per-view of this shit where it's like a 400-pound guy beats up a little fucking Chinese guy or whatever, or like a strong baby from Vietnam or something. They would have these crazy fucking fights. Yeah, crazy fights. Like they have a blind black guy or whatever who's just fucking super violent.

1:52:11And they got him fighting. It's just like this fucking, it was crazy. But now it's like, it's become so mainstream. But they were alive during COVID, man. Yeah, like that fight. That's a guy that works at AutoZone. Yeah, fighting with a guy that works at AutoSandwich. Yeah, dude, that guy. This was the first ever UFC fight. And the guy on the right was in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. He just passed away a couple years ago. Oh, rest in peace. Taylor Willie. That was horrible. No, great. Thanks, Nick. Now you make us feel bad. The guy's dead. You bring up a picture of a guy who's fucking dead. I didn't know.

1:52:47Nick. I thought that was AI. Son of a bitch. I didn't know those were real guys. What's his name? Where was he from? Taylor Willie. Hawaii. Nice. Oh, I got my Hawaii shirt on today. This surfing shirt. Can you surf? Kinai Ahai. Hui Hai Nalu. You know what Hawaii means? Uh-uh. It's Hawaii. And ha is wind. I think look this up because I'm going to fuck it up. Hawaii. One is water. It's broken up. Ha is breath. Life force. Vai is water. And e is representing supreme or divine. It's kind of beautiful. Oh, it's the best. Hawaii is fucking the best. They crushed it, dude. Dude, I love going out there, man.

1:53:35oh yeah it's so funny too because living on the west coast it's like either go to New York or Hawaii same flight time I'm like I think I'm gonna go to the islands like fuck whenever I'm like it's the same flight time to go to New York I was like I'd rather go west go out to the island just disappear out there I honestly like I get it when people go and retire out there and like you meet some guy at a local bar or something he's like I moved from the state I moved from Arkansas 28 years ago I'm never fucking going back you're like I get it dude it's heaven on earth out there okay and we moved here my wife's a lesbian now but we're still together.

1:54:06You hear that kind of shit? Yeah, she does the coconuts. Yeah, she does coconuts. She does her thing, I do mine. I'm playing in a band, and it's going really well. Everybody knows me. You know everybody knows me in this little town. That place is fucking great. And you'll see somebody at night that'll be driving a car. The headlights don't work, but they're shining a flashlight out of the fucking window. It's got a mag light on the side. It's just like so bootleg. But I love that, dude. It's just like it's their own place, and they, yeah, there's nothing like it. It's a phenomenal spot. Yeah, all the American things have gotten crazy.

1:54:35It's just like everything's kind of changed, you know? It's like Mount Rushmore, they're going to put a nose ring in one of the guys fucking... It's just gotten crazy. Washington's got blue hair now, I think. Washington's wearing a choker. Franklin's got a fucking nose ring. He's got his tongue pierced. They're building a tongue with a piercing on it. And then underneath he says, this shit is fire. Even those guys, man, they wanted during the American Revolution before, They were a big part of the expansion to take over Indians' land. There's always just been hypocrisy in this country. Yeah, we live in a hypocritical world, and we can't be critical of everyone else.

1:55:14We can try our best to do our best, but the idea that we're impervious to criticism is bullshit. We are all walking contradictions. And the better we are at admitting the fact that we don't believe everything that we used to believe, and that's a healthy perspective, the better we'll get along with changing and growing. I'm a progressive person, right? And the idea that I want people to live their ultimate freedoms. So in that right, I'm very, in a socially liberal world, I want you to be as free as you want to be. I don't give a shit what you identify as, who you want to be, gay, straight, whatever you are.

1:55:54I want people to feel free to be their own human. And I think the more that that love resonates with people, the more comfortable we are, with getting over the fact that your business is your business. I don't have time to fight with people about how they operate and live their lives. You're not harming other fucking people. I couldn't give a shit about you and your freedoms. That's the best part of the country. You should feel free as fuck here. And other countries should follow suit. The problem is we should stop infighting. If we show the most love for our progressive culture that we just let people live the way they need to live, the world, I think, will take a note a little bit better.

1:56:29I love that America gets a lot of criticism, but I do think we are making waves and changes. We just don't ever get credit for it at all because we're continually fixing. A lot of places aren't updating. They're not doing the updates. We're trying. We are all trying in different ways. Some updates people don't like, and it moves fast. And then sometimes people think, oh, well, we're regressing. But I think if your heart is in the right place to let people live their ultimate freedoms of life, whatever that may be, I think culture will continue to grow and change. It doesn't happen overnight. The world will not change overnight, and neither will the fucking United States.

1:57:05We're all doing our best to get there the best we can. You may not agree with all of it. I don't agree with a lot of my peers. You know, there's friends I have that we don't share the same opinions about stuff. That doesn't mean we're not going to be friends, and that doesn't mean we can't still get on. You know, like, to say that we're all going to view things and feel the same and think the same, that's fucking insane. That's not a logical way to live. It's, well, it's also, it's just impossible. It's like, if you think like one race should run everything or one group, it's just, that's never going to be the way it is.

1:57:33Right? No, it shouldn't be. We, we, people should, we should, you know, my grandfather used to always say that old, old man thing of like, you know, he doesn't talk religion and politics. He never did, you know? And, and, and he was many friends, he was friends with many people that had different politics and religion than he didn't mean he couldn't be, couldn't get on with them. Yeah. Now there's a divisive movement of hate, separate, and I think that's fucking sad shit. I think educating, talking, empathy, I think all these things help people grow, and less infighting, less drama, less bullshit, less hate, less vitriol, because it comes from an awful place.

1:58:10That's spiraling into—we're spiraling into a negative, negative fucking world, man. Bad. It's weird. It's bad. I think the only way out is to do good as much as you can in your life and your community with your loved ones, your family and your friends and push, push more positive shit out to people. I mean, it sounds corny, but I mean it like stop the bullshit, dude. All this fucking then the Internet is like fueling negativity. and it's when we click on it it's when we watch on it you know it's like uh yeah Poirier says that all the time he's like man I don't watch it if it's something like if it's gonna be gossipy if it's gonna be that kind of stuff don't bring it into me I don't I just don't want that in my world doesn't need it yeah and our worlds get affected pretty easily you don't think about it it's just like a pool of water and it's like you put this bullshit in and you just fucking sitting there swimming in bullshit yeah you know and I don't want to swim in bullshit yeah and I'm not yeah and nobody's perfect I'm not saying that I'm great at it or anything or even that I do it well but um to be conscious of it that the people that are creating things for you to see they may not have your best interests at hand you know i think the days of that being or even pure truth dude one of the worst things was after the uh comedy special and people were making articles and stuff people would find old videos of me talking about stuff on this podcast and put it out like it was new of course and so then there was like emotional stuff like we've talked about a ton of stuff on this over the years like i mean i kind of like i'm kind of a late bloomer and i like kind of came into understanding some of my own life and thoughts and feelings a lot on this during podcasting and fucking people like even like positive groups were like putting channels like why would you fucking put this i'm getting thousands of people have sent me this thing and you're like acting like it's brand new today this is from five years ago right date it they should I don't know.

2:00:00It's all like, and there was a ton of nice stuff. I mean, it was all nice. All comes from a good place. But it's just, it's all kind of fascinating, you know? You know what I learned? I think I've learned in the more recent years, and I mean this, is all of us. All of us are little tiny kids in a big adult shell pretending that we know what we're doing. I don't care how intelligent you are, how adjusted you are, how well-to-do you are, rich, poor, no matter where you come from. we're all little kids in this big shell pretending that we know what we're doing it's like a little tiny guy driving the machine and we all think that we're we know what we're doing but we're not we're all insecure broken little children who are just trying to pretend to be adults and and and figure our shit out we're all figuring it out yeah it's it's all a lie it's all a lie this we're all you know like no one is more mature than one no one has a better idea of how the world's going to work.

2:00:56Your opinions are as basic as the next person. You're just a little kid inside of a human shell. And so I think remembering that gives me some solace that I'm like, this guy isn't better than me, isn't smarter than me, isn't whatever. We're just little kids in a big body. That's all we are. Trying to do good if you can. And that's it. And have empathy for the idea that you don't really know somebody. You don't really know them until you know them. Yeah. So shooting at them is not going to do any good. You know, stop taking shots at people. It's just weird. I don't get it. I mean, yeah. I don't know.

2:01:33I think recently I've just been thinking of all the grace that God has had in my life. when you think about that, dude, just like all the times that something could have been bad or that he was supportive or all those things. But yeah, man, you're right. Everybody's just hopefully trying their best. Yeah, and continue. And learning as we go. Yeah. And we don't know what the fuck we're talking about also, people. Well, we know what we're talking about. I don't know if it's right for anybody else, but I know how I feel. I know where my heart's at. I know where my soul's at. Imperfect people trying to just figure it out.

2:02:05That's it. you know? Um, are you guys done trying to have a child? Do you think? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think also our age now, like we're at an age now in our forties where I think it's like, you know, we've accepted it, so to speak. I mean, I know that's not the, it's not the right word, but we're okay. I'm okay with where we are now and we'll see what the future holds in terms of like, what is our next adventure in life? You know, where do we move? Where do we go? Who do we support? You know, I have a 54 year old Asian boy that I take care of every day of the week. A little Korean boy.

2:02:38He's kind of my child. I feel like I've adopted a lot of children that I work with in a sense that like you're producers and we have young producers, editors, and I've kind of take them under my wing. I think my children have started to become my community. You know, if I can help out new comics or if I can give advice or if I can lend a hand or do these charity events or something, I think that's become a little bit of my child, you know, to me. If I can do that, that's become my focus. And it may change. Yeah. But I think for now that's where I'm at, you know. Yeah, I start thinking about that kind of stuff.

2:03:12Like if I don't have kids and it's okay, you know, it's like I'll find like other ways to be of service or you get little pieces of family from other people. Or maybe I'll just, you know, spend that time more just with my own family that we didn't get when we were young. And that's kind of like the part that I get out of life that my spirit gets this time, you know. And maybe there's something else next time, you know. Maybe it just gets to kind of remake old thing, you know, redo things that weren't close. Sure. Or have a new experience with some of those things. and that's the parts of love that I get out of this time.

2:03:50And that's okay. That's good. You know, I look at it as, have you ever seen that game that it's in an arcade? You could look up a picture of it, but you put in quarters or change and they pile up and there's a thing that slides back and forth. You've seen that thing, right? I love that. Right. And the idea is like you keep putting in money into that thing. You may never and probably never are going to get the full flush of the coins. Someone else will though. So it's kind of like a sociological experiment in a way too, right? Like your greed could supersede, right? But there is something interesting about this that like, if you looked at it in a beautiful way, you're kind of loading up coins for someone else to have fortune.

2:04:29It may not be for you, you know? So it's kind of, that's kind of the story of life. I mean, seriously, it's a little cheesy, but it's almost like you're just loading up coins and doing right. It doesn't mean it's going to pay off for you, but it may pay off socially for the future, for somebody else. And isn't that kind of dope? That's why I think doing something for other people, whether it's charity groups or lending a hand or whatever, that's kind of my idea. I probably won't be there to see the reward, most likely, but that doesn't matter. It's kind of dope that I know that someone's going to feel that because you felt success and reward, right?

2:05:02And so when something has blessed you with success and reward, isn't it cool to know someone else is going to get it? Whether or not you get to enjoy it. That's not the point. The point is the knowledge that it will and may happen or may happen. Oh, yeah. I mean, there's people that have helped me along the way and I wouldn't have had the opportunity to be in a place for success or award. I mean, we're all just kind of like a composite of the people that have supported us. Totally. Or the composite of the love that's been shown us, you know. Yeah. And even our outcomes are.

2:05:31Thanks, bro. Thank you, dude. This was fantastic. I gotta come ginger. I gotta come bad guys. You gotta come. Bad friends. You got to come see us. You got to come see us. I got to come bad friends. We'd love to have you back. You know that. I love to see you around. I know you're out and about and you're moving a lot, but take time for you. Do whatever you got to do to center yourself and enjoy, enjoy, you know, some rest time and get away from all the bullshit for a little while. Yeah. You need it. Yeah, I do need it. I do need to make sure that I keep that a focal point. And yeah, I appreciate you asking about it, man.

2:06:01And I appreciate you checking in. And yeah, Bad Lies, Whiskey Ginger, and Bad Friends. I got them all. No Bad Lies, Whiskey Ginger, Bad Friends. Go watch them all on YouTube and podcasts and all that. Come see me live. Go to andreossantino.com and come see the boy doing some new dates. Yep, we got tours coming up. And also, you got White Noise. That's on Hulu. Yes, go watch that on Hulu. Or internationally, if you don't live in the United States, you can go watch it on Disney+. They're all under the same mouse house umbrella. Were they good to work with Hulu? Yeah, I mean, you know, they let me kind of figure it out.

2:06:37We were kind of working it out as we went along. You know, this is their first foray into specials with Burr and Sebastian and Gaffigan. You know, they had a great lineup, too. And Bobby, too, right? Yeah, Bobby's doesn't come out until next year. He doesn't film it until January or something like that. That's cool you guys are both doing it on there. Yeah, I'm proud of the kid. And we're trying to do a show with Hulu. Hopefully they'll want to, you know, we sold them an animated show and we're waiting for the yes. It's amazing. It's like stories from our high school, and everyone that's a young person is a bug, and all the adults are humans.

2:07:13And Bobby's a roly-poly, and I'm a lightning bug. And it's kind of great, man. It's this beautiful, dumb friendship show about stories from our high school about how you felt like you were in, but you were out sometimes. Yeah, and Bobby was using. Yeah, he was big into it. I mean, he couldn't get away from it. but he was still like this brilliant little artist who couldn't get out of his own way. And so we use all these stories and put that stuff in there. It's kind of, it's kind of fun. So hopefully we'll do that. Hopefully that'll come up and that'll come to fruition. But otherwise just come see me live and watch bad friends and no bad lies and whiskey ginger.

2:07:44And that's that. Yeah. There he is. Look at us. Who was that? Yeah. Oh, a little bok choy termite. Who was that say? That's, that's not us, but that's not our picture. I don't know why they, I don't know what that photo is, but yeah, we did right. We did an animated pilot that hopefully it's in the works of Hulu. to see it. That's my boy Nick Christ on the right who helped write it and put it together with us. And that's Bobby on the left looking like Bobby does. Oh yeah. He's kind of like the handicapped Michael Landon. Andrew Santino, thanks so much, brother. Thank you, bro.

2:08:29that ground. I'll share this peace of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones, but it's gonna take...