#655 - Sal Vulcano

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24:13Both involve significant risk, not for all. Must be 18 and over. And for event contracts via U.S. resident, restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. use responsibly for help call 1-800-426-2537 or visit www.ncpgambling.org have you ever woken up in the morning yeah who who has it right i guess some people haven't r.i.p but uh have you ever woken up in the morning and just needed a nicotine pouch or just a cup of coffee to to feel human or just sometimes you just need a neighbor to come over and just damn tickle you but how many pouches or cups of coffee or energy drinks or stimulants do you need per day to stop yourself from crashing or from feeling a withdrawal.

24:54I'm stuck in that category. I need something, you know, right when I got to have, I got to have a little bit of pattern, you know, for some people, it's pouches or coffee or interview drinks or heavy stimulants or just some people, it's just their damn wife yelling at them, gets them keyed up. And that's why I want to let you know that now there's ultra pouches. These are to stop all of that. These pouches are completely nicotine-free and caffeine-free and zero calories right there. You're probably thinking if they don't have nicotine or caffeine in them, what exactly is in them, huh? Huh? Plastics?

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26:29Did you? So good bro That's right 30 months ago you went to the park Yeah And watched people Zalza dance And bro we watched it At first we were like Whatever bro Let's don't look too long Because it's just me and him and we're not with anybody or whatever. But it was just, you mean like there was like a competition or like a dance party or something? Yeah, it was a dance party they had over there by the lake. It's over there by Centennial Park in Nashville. You can probably even look it up. And so, yeah, it was just like a lot of Latinos and a couple of like Indian guys trying to pretend they were Mexican or whatever, like putting on like.

26:56Yeah, but they have their own really good dance routines too. You ever see them? They go hard. Yeah. Like those routines where everyone's doing the same. They choreographed. It's like she's all that. You ever see like an Indian wedding? It's like she's all that Is it like that? I feel like the Indian weddings I've seen in passing On like YouTube or like Instagram Oh yeah And you see them dance And like they all like know the exact That's so cool That's my dream Yeah that is cool huh For like a dance to bust out And everyone does it together Yeah You know? Dude that's a good yeah man Yeah I went out dancing last night You went out dancing last night?

27:29I felt like my mom in the 80s You're lying I swear to you I went out dancing You felt like your mom I love to dance You wore a brooch? You wore a brooch? No, but I do love a broach. Me too. I got my wife a broach recently. You did? I swear to God, yeah. That's awesome. I love it. Broaches, they're just wonderful. I don't know if they're really in style anymore, but they're timeless broaches. Yeah. I think when you see someone with a broach, you think, well, sometimes you think somebody passed away and there's a little image of them in it, right? Sometimes like a locket. Something like that, yeah.

28:01Sometimes it's just decorative. Yes. Yeah. You think this one, they're almost like, it feels like a little bit of royalty, like neighborhood royalty. I like it. Yeah. It does feel like something, like a little bit of like a badge. Yes. Yeah, right. That's what it is. Oh, yeah. They got some great broaches. There's a place here called The Five Spot. There's a bar. And on Mondays, they have Motown Mondays. And that's all I need to hear. Yeah. I love it. It was like soul music, Motown music. And we went last night. It was one of my friend's birthdays. We went and I was like, I don't go out because at home I'm just working and the kids and stuff.

28:35So I was like, let's go, let's go. Dude, I danced for like a good couple hours last night. I don't remember the last time I did that. Probably like at a wedding or something. But I was like in the wild dancing. No way. Yeah. Dude, that's so fun. And everybody was just dancing and having fun? Everybody. Yeah, the place wasn't that crowded and every last person there was dancing. Get down on it. They play stuff like that. Fuck. You talking about Kool and the Gang? Yeah. Come on, babe. I love it. It's hard. Dude, it's great. Get down. That song comes on by Kool and the Gang. I have to dance. Yeah.

29:03I don't know about you. So you don't dance. You know what? Here's the thing. I just forget about it. You know, I think if I had a date, like someone like, I wouldn't mind having a date and we go to the square dancing. There is a Tuesday night place here that does square dance. I don't think it's the American Legion or something where they teach how to square dance. My friend Chris just went last week. Like line dancing like that? Yes. So I would like to learn that. Yeah. And then. That's a nice entry point Just a couple of two steps Get you feeling like you're part of the group Yes, to get me out on the dance floor I used to love to dance Now sometimes I think I feel a little bit like Sometimes I have some social anxiety about that shit Sure, it's hard to dance now if people are like Yeah, you can't just let loose Honestly, I'm afraid, yes, somebody will video me And probably make fun of me, which is fair I'm okay if they make fun of me But just doing it like There's some part of it I don't like And I think it's just that I don't know, here's the thing Like, I don't want to see a video of how bad I'm dancing because I want to still believe in my head that I'm a good dancer.

30:04Sure, sure, sure. That's what it is. So don't take that ability away from me by, like, using me to fucking just burn me one. I would love to watch you sincerely dance. Okay. You know? Okay. You know, I would just love to see you, like, genuinely dancing. Okay. And see what that looks like. Okay. You know, what your rhythm is. What your moves are. Yeah. How you get down I think a lot of like that Oh when the blues would come on bro I'd get out there and dance to the blues Yeah They used to have a place called Tabby's Blues Box Over there in downtown Baton Rouge bro And I'd get out there bro And they had a little bit of sliced ham Or something over there on the side you know They put out a little like A little like all you can eat Like type of thing or something It was like It wasn't all you could eat But it was like You can eat a little Yeah You know what I'm saying But they had like That food People would dance to the blues and eat ham Yeah They had a dude sitting by it, so you know you couldn't have had that much.

30:59Oh, so it was like he served it. He like – like when you get up at a wedding at a buffet and they slice it for you like that? Oh, yeah. Like that? No, no, no. The ham steak? No, this was just kind of regular ham. Like deli ham? No, it was like a few stairs up from deli ham. So somewhere between deli ham and a ham steak? Yeah, like neighborhood ham or whatever. Or like ham that had been kind of trucked in. It had been flown in. Okay. But it didn't come on a truck. But how did they prepare it? Like with something, like a glaze? No, they just cooked. I think they cooked it. Just cooked ham. Yeah.

31:32And then while the blues, yeah, while the blues was going on. And they had some crackers out there. They just had a little setup. But they had a dude, you could tell you couldn't have a lot because they had a dude sitting by it. Right there. Like, we're going to pay this dude to sit by it. Yeah, because that's unfortunately what happens in society. You just have unchecked ham. It's going to be like a Black Friday situation. You know, you ever see when they give the tote bags at Trader Joe's? People just become animals. You can't Ham People are already sad Listening to the blues You can't just put out ham They're gonna run for that It's a comfort food Oh bro yeah It was one One song was so sad I didn't have a mouth full of fucking ham It's hard to cry when your mouth's full You know what I'm talking about?

32:10Yeah You remember being a kid You can't cry and chew Yeah You couldn't Yeah you can't cry and chew You can't You can't cry and eat It's impossible It was a fat boy's dilemma bro You really can't though That's why you can't be sad and chubby dude because that's the dilemma that God sets you in. You're going to be able to have as much little ham as you want, but you ain't going to be able to be sad about it. Yeah. That's why people eat, to stop crying. Oh, dude. Yes. That should be written on our American flag. Think about someone with a huge hoagie hysterically crying and eating it. I've never seen it.

32:44It's a visual I've never seen. People can't cry and eat at the same time. Yeah. All right? it's like sneezing and uh or it's like uh yeah right whatever it's called like sneezing and like wishing for something and I thought it was something with sneezing it's like rubbing your belly and chewing gum and patting your head flirting with your neighbor's wife or something you can't do it all yeah it's like yeah patting your head rubbing your belly and checking your balls for cancer yeah you cannot do this

33:18dude thank you bro Oh, thank you for making me laugh today. I appreciate it, man. Of course, man. I appreciate it. Are you kidding me? I want to ask you, because your podcasting has changed recently, and I wanted to talk about this. I wanted to know why, because you had two podcasts. You had one that you were doing with Chris DiStefano. Yes, Hey Babe. Hey Babe. And then you had your own. I had one with Joe DeRosa called Taste Buds. And you had one with Joe DeRosa called Taste Buds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Joe moved to Austin. Yes, he did. So that kind of brought that one to an end. Yeah, and Chris moved up like state or whatever.

33:50Oh, he's living upstate? Yeah, but I'm telling you because when we put these on hiatus, we said to the fans like they're just going on hiatus. It's been a couple of years now, but people think like we lied. We had no intentions. We have full intentions of bringing both back. No joke. Like I talked to both of them recently. Chris texted me two days ago and said, you want to do like a short run of them just to put it back out there? And I'm like, yeah. And I talked to Joe. He said the same. So we really are going to bring it back. But I got a new talk show like pod coming out called Manoush, which is like short for minutia.

34:21And it's like big guest, small talk. But it's like it's like absurd. It's like it goes in and out of conversation and sketch comedy. It's like something just completely different. Huh? Yeah. Like it's it's it's off the wall. It's really fun. I shot like 10 episodes. So you already did. Yeah. I shot Ted. I'm going to do him by seasons, like 10 episode seasons. So I'm going to release it like probably sometime in May and then kick it off. It's it's been so much fun. You got to talk to you about it. You got to come on. yeah i'm gonna come in i'm gonna come through you know i'm gonna come and do one please i'd love to have you we'll have a lot of fun i'd love to be on there it's really different like it's not this you know it's well yeah that's what i'm curious about so like yeah because you're saying like it also involves improv so what like how does that kind of look or a little bit of like we're like it's like nothing to is that we do and say is to be taken seriously it's all just we're doing shtick the whole time and we're like we're in on the joke and it's like but it's edited really fun and it's edited in little chunks to look like it's on an old VHS tape.

35:17It's really, I don't know, it's just something I just made up a couple of years ago when we went on hiatus. I'm like, I want to do something completely solo that has a really specific sensibility to it. So it doesn't, I mean, this isn't a great pitch, it doesn't sound funny, but it has a really, really, really fun. It's unique. I'm super excited for people to see it. You do a lot, I mean, those are your wheelhouses, comedy and improv, and so to have some of that together, I think it definitely makes sense. How was, I mean. It sounds cool. If you've talked about this enough, no problem, but how was your experience filming the movie and stuff?

35:47Did you guys improvise a lot on that? I think I didn't know exactly what was going on, to be honest with you. Bro, until the day we showed up there on set. It's probably nerve-wracking, right? I thought it was all email, so the day we showed up on set, I was like, no way, everybody was being real serious about this. And it was a real movie. There's people walking around. There's one guy just looking for something. There's some guys dressing somebody up in a, you know, outfit or whatever. You know, it's like we need. You had the full trailer, like all that shit. Oh, everything. It's like electrical lines.

36:19It's like, you know, and people. But you like, you funded it too? Like you guys made it yourself? Yeah, we wrote it and funded it and everything. So isn't that like, how like nerve wracking was that? To like be like, all right, whether we're going to, this is going to do well, we're going to get our investment back. But even the fact that you've never done that before and then to walk in on a production that, like that size and then be at the like, the person running it basically. that's a good question dude i think honestly like i kind of struggled with like that you know i want to be in like you know i'm very particular about what i put out in a way like i just i wanted to try and be true to myself however right and it wasn't like bad or anything it was just different right and i had and i and going back i wish in some places i wish i would have spoke up more and in some places i wish i would have spoke up less it's going to be a learning experience we made the one movie and it was a learning experience for me like i didn't like a lot there's a lot of things i would change afterwards but did a lot of people go see your movie yeah yeah it was out when covid hit we were in theaters when the world shut down so we were expanding because like we were doing we had a great per theater average so they didn't give us a wide wide rollout but we were uh we were the highest per theater average so it kept expanding week over week so we were heading into our fifth week they were going to give us like a few more weeks and then it shut down yeah it's kind of nuts but yeah i don't have a ton of ego in it i think it was awesome i learned so much did you have nerves like every day or did they that go away no i just because i would just be like did i have nerves like what for sure some scenes i did some scenes i just got to be david's i'm like the uh ball i'm like say if somebody's bouncing a ball off a wall i'm kind of the wall right sure sure and then it kind of changed over time it changed a little bit where i'm like sometimes i'm catching the ball and throw it back yeah so i think it was just moments of confidence when my confidence would feel okay.

38:07Yeah, yeah, yeah. And learning as I went. But I mean, I'd take an act class over the years. I'd done a lot of practice scenes and shit, but in the end, you just want to have fun with your buddy and you want to come up with what's funny. So we'd be sitting there improv-ing a lot, like throwing ideas. We'd be like, we'll try this one. And then sometimes you want to hold your idea because you don't want to tell them because you want to say it in real time. In real time, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's actually funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You did a lot of that? Yeah, but looking back, I think there's so many just little moments, It's like just seeing like Spade, like just trying to stay warm because we had a day like we were supposed to shoot during the fires.

38:41The shit fucking, you know, whoever it was, somebody that Spencer Pratt hates tried to burn down the Palisades, you know. And while all that shit was happening, you know, our movie was supposed to shoot. But once you've already paid and got shit locked in, you're kind of locked in. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And so we look one day there was like 60 mile per hour winds and we didn't need wind in the movie or whatever. Right, right, right. It has to be in it. We can't afford a redo. Right, right, right. You know, it's like, yeah, this day costs 60 miles an hour winds. There's a scene of you guys like in the park and there's a tornado for no reason.

39:15Like, do you make mention of it in the movie or is it just like whipping winds? Oh, there's just whipping winds. There's one day at this gas station, the guy, Stevie Januski, Steve Little, he's from East Pan and Down. Oh, God, dude. He is the funniest guy. He is. I mean, that character, the outtakes from Eastbound and Down are, I think, probably the greatest thing ever on recording. You worked with him? How is he in real life? Oh, dude. I mean, it's literally like the nicest guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's so funny. It's like for somebody that has such an effect, like being funny, it's almost like he doesn't want to have too much of an effect in any other way.

39:56Not in, he just, he's a gentle guy. That's what I mean. Okay. He's a gentle guy. He doesn't, he's not trying to stir the pot or anything But you f***ing put him right there in the middle of the porridge And cut those lights on And dang He had you laughing and stuff It's a beautiful soup Yeah, that's awesome Yeah, just little things like that I think And looking back and like So the fires delayed you? No, we just had to like move a little bit over this hill You know, and we'll probably be safe over this hill Or whatever, and I'm like That sounds Oh, it was like door-ringed? Yeah, that's, oh yeah, it was during them.

40:32Oh my god, dude. No, when you're like, shit was spreading across town. Yeah, there'd be times you'd be going across, yeah, and you'd see just, oh my god. You'd see a bird fly by and he was on fire or whatever. You're like, stop, bro. He's like, I gotta get somewhere. You know, he's like, my wife's pissed or whatever. You're like, all right, just do it. Oh man. But yeah, I didn't even think to say that, yeah, the fires were going on. So there'd be days you're driving home and shit's just on fire everywhere. That's messed up It was crazy We had to I executive produced this show That started That came out this week actually It's called Foul Play With Anthony Davis AD NBA player Oh yeah He played for the Pelicans He played At New Orleans He's in the I think he's on Dallas now He got traded from the Lakers Oh they traded him Yeah I think so But So he has this show It's like a It's like a punk almost It started last week We had to pull We had to pull a bit from the first episode, 16 episodes.

41:32And it just aired. It rated the highest new series on TBS in years. So we had this thing where Floyd Mayweather was the guest, and he was helping us do this prank on this person. So this family lost their house in a fire. This was before the fires. Okay. The setup was that this family lost their house in a fire, and Floyd Mayweather held this charity barbecue, for them to get like, like with the community, to get like their belongings back. So people brought them like gifts and stuff. Oh, that's beautiful. So they got all their, like their housewares and things back. And like people are donating this stuff at the barbecue, at the charity barbecue.

42:13And then all their stuff catches fire from the barbecue and burns again. So like they just lost their home. I feel like I almost saw this, dude. It was the funniest thing ever. And Floyd Mayweather is in on it. But then when the fires happened, they were like, we can't put this in. It's too insensitive. So they pulled it. But it was supposed to be in the first episode. It was really funny. And Draymond Green was there? Yeah, he was in another one. He's always fighting. He's always hitting white dudes all the time. Is he? I don't know. He used to be anyway. He might have gotten healed or whatever.

42:47He might have gotten saved. Yeah, I haven't heard much about him hitting Caucasians. He was just hitting whites or off-whites or whatever. He was hitting mixed dudes. It was like mixed and down. It just seemed like a lot of times he wouldn't crack like a real solid black dude. I will say that, bro. And respect him. He's a champion. He whooped my ass, but he definitely punched Mixed and Down, I think. But, dude, that's so cool. What's Anthony Davis like? Does he have a big personality? Yeah, he's dope. He's really fun. The reason we ended up doing this is because he was a guest on our show, and we did a bunch of stuff with him.

43:24And then he was like, I love this. He's like, I love this more than basketball. He's like, this is what I really want to do. What? He's like, this is where I really wish I could do. And we're like, why don't we develop something together? And then we did and got picked up. Foul Play? Foul Play. That's awesome. So people can watch this on TBS? Yeah, it's on every week now. Dude, that's great, bro. Yeah, pretty cool. I'll share something about it as soon as our show's over. Yeah, yeah. Dude. And I told you, I started filming Jokers again in two days. Season 13. Crazy. So Manoush is the podcast. yeah yeah podcast improv show i think it's like a talk show okay yeah it's a talk show and that's just gonna be on youtube yeah well we're gonna pitch it we're gonna you know try to sell it but you know youtube's great yeah yeah yeah we're doing youtube and you should be like just on youtube but now you're like if it's it better be on youtube yeah oh yeah for sure yeah yeah um dude yeah that's great you're staying so busy do you feel kind of overwhelmed yeah yeah i haven't i had another kid since I saw you last time.

44:22Nuh-uh. Dude, remember last time, dude? Yeah, man. Yeah. You know, I did. I get talked to so much about my appearance on here last time and the clip of me talking about my daughter. Oh, yeah. It was pretty dope. Let's play it. I want to see it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I just want to feel something today. How about this? Let me just say it. I hadn't spoken about anything in public prior to this. Your show now is like news media now. Like, this is literally - Yeah, two guys trying to decide if they have testicular cancer. Yeah, but it is, dude. And I'm like, all right. So I was like, let's, you know, I talked about it on my own terms with you.

44:57I felt comfortable. I'm like, you know, you were like, you take it out if you want. I'm like, just leave it. Just put it out and have it. And ever since then, it's been like a new thing for me because like it's out in the open now. And now my new hour that I'm touring with, like I talk about my family, my kids. I never did that before. Take me through some of that. Will you honestly just talk, like honestly, Sal, like just tell me like, yeah, because I think there's like, there's probably parts in all of our lives we're afraid to talk about something or afraid to talk about it and then it ends up being different on the other side because yeah, I think you were we'll take a peek at it really quick we can always take this out inexpressible pure happiness and joy that you feel like you are I love the music in the background I don't know why you cannot process it you can't believe it damn, I'm crying That's good.

45:48That's good, man. Why do they put the music? That was a little morose, too. It was. It felt like, yeah. It felt like the beginning of Castlevania. Remember that game? Yeah, the music. Yeah, it was like, come on. This guy's talking about this. On the one, two-player screen. Yeah, in the beginning. With the whip. The guy with the whip. That was a gay player, dude. That's like when a gay guy kind of gets trapped and fucking at a Halloween party in New Jersey, dude. That's what Castlevania was. because it's just this dude just running around with a whip. That wasn't like the most popular clip. What happened was a lot of parenting accounts, like Instagram accounts, they picked that up and inspirational accounts.

46:28And it was a different clip. And that just went like so, so viral. And then because your show is like so big, like Us Weekly and - Did they really? All those people and all that stuff picked it up. It's like Sal, secret wedding. And it's like, well, it wasn't really a secret. I just didn't like tell you guys I got married. It was like a secret wedding. But that's kind of hot though. It kind of makes it kind of hot for you and Francesca that it's just like, oh, it's a secret wedding. That had some allure to it. Oh, and Practical Joker star Sal reveals he secretly got married and has a baby daughter.

47:02Bro, that makes you sound like a fucking rapper.

47:06Bro, that's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But dude. I have a boy now too. No. Yeah, the best dude. It's the best. Is he? Yeah, he's so dope. He's awesome, man. What's his name? Yes! If it would have been any other name, I would not have been excited. Dude, that's so cool, man. Yeah, yeah. But did it feel like, I want to hear about him. Yeah. Well, yeah, tell me what do you love about ***? What is something that's just like? You know what's so cool? It's like, so I went through everything with my daughter, and then like, she's like three and a half now. He's about 16 months. and like you, it goes so fast.

47:46It's so nice to get to do it over again. Because those moments when they're that young are so fleeting. They change, they're growing so fast. Like it's a new thing all the time and it goes lightning fast. And you try the best you can to savor it. But it's like, it goes so fast. So then to just start from scratch again and then like the first time, it's all firsts for you and the kid, right? So it's like you're processing all this stuff. and then so the second time you have like a you have this foundation and an idea and you know what to look for already so you can kind of experience it um in a different way you just experience it like a little bit more you're able to really absorb it because it's not like you're like a deer in the headlights oh i see and so it's like you're playing hot potato the whole time yeah exactly and it's like you just and you just um it's just really nice to those those stages are the ones that you know parents are always like oh if i could have my kids back at that age again you know so it was like nice to get like a double dip in there that's and uh and just watch them grow like interact and and watch their relationship together build like the kids there's nothing that that's the when they're like sitting on the couch together leaning on each other just eating fruit you know like and he'll just crawl up on the couch and put his head on her shoulder while she's just like eating some of her and they just sit there like and then you walk into the room and you see them just cuddling each other whatever yeah it's like come on man there's like literally nothing close to this oh that's nothing i get right in between them you know they get on you know the best thing i could do is just have my kids in my lap just holding them you know like just watching like just yes i know it's i bet it's almost like as you almost i bet can't i bet you almost feels like you can't even let them know how much you love them it's impossible it's impossible that's kind of a crazy thing if you think about it that there's something inside of us even just as humans right where you i couldn't even let you know how much I love you if if I had like it's impossible for me to it's it's it's it's impossible I don't know how to express it yeah and do you feel like that's probably a feeling for most parents it has to be I think it's an innate feeling right so so and I'm not trying to go but I'm I forget sometimes if I don't share what I'm feeling so that to me just shows us how powerful love must be if we can't even if like as human beings just as like citizens in the world we can't even like the love that you would have for your child you can't even express it can't be expressed nothing will do it justice there's no way to actually encapsulate it it's pretty powerful because other things you can express a lot of other feelings like anger hatred affection look up some other feelings sorry

50:29would you stop short of three you're like happy mad what else um confused cranky i mean all these other things but this is so you know so i didn't mean to cut you off no no go on you cut me off but you get what i'm saying though isn't it's crazy that we can't even that it's love is such a powerful thing we can it's bigger than us even as humans because we're not able to convert you know i'm saying we can't Yeah, and that is pinging in my heart at all times. Like, you know when you're like, your heart melts? You're not feeling like sometimes just in a moment you see something or like whatever, and you're like, your heart like melts a little bit.

51:08So what this is like is that like the melting feeling is constant. Oh. Yeah, yeah. So like just fully, it doesn't stop. You're just walking around with a mop? Yeah, yeah. Dude, it just doesn't stop. It's like continually melting the whole time. If they're, you know, I talked about something, if they're even in the room with me, Just something changes. You know, that's it. It's just, it's wow. But yeah, I remember you saying that too. Yeah, it was just, that was awesome to hear about. And it's so cute to see them like, see those, you just had up those color-coded things. So my daughter, she goes to like occupational therapy and she takes it to learn about, like to process her this stuff and her feelings that they teach her this stuff.

51:44And so she knows all these color-coded emotions. So when she comes home and she's having like a, because they're going to, you know, they're going to have these, like, these, it's inevitable for them to, like, when they grow up to have these, like, you know, their tantrums and this, they have to work through all this. It's not like you have a bad kid if they're, like, if they act out. Like, they're going to be crazy at two and three years old. Right, because they're, all these feelings are getting baked in them. It's the first time they had them. Their brain's getting developed and they don't know how to, you know.

52:11It's like the first time you get on a Lime scooter, you're like, you know, you're just fucking taking that bitch for a second. That was, like, the first time I got on one. Yeah. Yeah, it was like, I didn't know what was going on. Yeah, yeah. But she'll tell me, like if she's like upset, she'll be like, dad, I'm in the blue zone right now. They call it the blue zone. She's like, dad, I'm in the blue zone right now. And I'm like, you're upset? She's like, yeah, I'm sad. I'm in the blue zone. She's like, I need to get to the green zone. Like this is how she speaks to me. I'm like, let's do it. What do you need to get into that green zone?

52:37Let's do it. She's dope, man. They're like my little best friends. Dude, that's so cool though. Also for a kid, even just to be able to like, well, just have a, instead of just having a feeling, have a thought about a feeling. right yeah okay yeah well what it so it's it just adds so much more to you yeah yeah it's it's unreal you're not just a victim of how you feel you there's a little bit more like okay well let me start critical like they start thinking in a way that's just not just basic it's like think about like at the end of the day we when she goes to bed we always discuss the day so we talk about like i'll sing her a song and in the song i with the song i sing her every night i made i made it up myself just naturally came out you know and then i started adding verses to it and now i think there's this whole song and the song the whole point about the song is i love you i love you so much you'll never know how much i love you like that's that's literally what it is but then we talk about the day and uh and then i'll say like you know what would you know what were you most proud of today so like she's three but to get her thinking like that like not just like what'd you do today but what were you the most proud of today it positions her mind to think that way and then like build our confidence of it this stuff like there's so much parenting stuff and psychology child psychology it's fascinating and it's like you know it's the most important job you'll ever have you know so I like take it like you know it's great it's hard but it's like it's really fun to raise a human being it's like it's an honor you know it's a real honor dude that's pretty cool to be able to think about it like that yeah I'm here to tell you about a a social app or atmosphere or website that I really love, and it is Shopify.

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56:24When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10 % off at betterhelp.com slash Theo. that's better help.com slash Theo better help.com slash Theo. And do they ever like, if they get in trouble to like, give me a punishment, dad, like, do they ever make you give them like something that's just, no, they're too young for that. Like send me out into traffic or something. Put a earpiece in my ear. We don't do punishments yet. Yeah. No, no. It's more about just managing, you know, just managing their behavior. But it's like, yeah. Punish them. Yeah. Yeah, but what was it like? So after you kind of shared that you had a family, that your family was growing, right?

57:06And sometimes, I know you had said, it's not always everybody. You want to keep certain things that are just your own life, right? Yeah, I mean, I'm private. I was always private. So once you give it away. Did it feel different? It felt like a weight lifted. It did? It did. And has it been a positive thing? Or just like, yeah, has it been like, okay? Does it feel? Because trying to also protect everything all the time, it's also kind of, it's a lot of stress. That took a lot. It took a lot to keep things to myself and not let things get out. And when I'm out in public with them, because everyone has a camera now and everything, you always got this like a worry.

57:43Because I won't ever post my kids online. I want to shield them from that. But it was just about protecting them. But people would chill with it. And now that it's out there, it feels like I could just freely talk about it. It feels good. Yeah. It feels good. But it was like, you know, I'm glad I did it. Yeah. What was one of the tough experiences that you had with your first child? Was there like a time that would like, you know, because like the other day my buddy Kevin and his wife, they like, I think maybe their kid like ate like a thing, a little bit of guacamole or something. And what happened?

58:17He's allergic? I think his ears like swolled up or whatever. No shit, dude, that's scary shit. And they're like, shit, he's allergic to like Mexican shit or whatever, you know? You never know. You never know. But you don't want to run your kid into the hospital and sound racist. Like, hey, I think he's allergic to like Mexican vegetables. Yeah, well, Mexican flavors. Mexican flavors, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant. Aguacates, though. Yeah, yeah. I don't think that anyone would take it as like, you know, a slight against any Mexican people. The people are trying to look for an edge all the time.

58:42They are. But I would be sure to specify. Yeah, me too. It's the ingredients. They happen to be all Mexican cuisine, but I don't know what that means. Yeah, they happen to use it best. Yeah. but yeah and i think these have been bought from like maybe a latin vendor it could have been a puerto rican guy who knows it could have been um yeah that's the craziest thing though like when they but yeah so but if they get hurt or something like that so they ran on me yeah so but they're like they don't know what's going on you're like you know max he is just swollen up you know he's alerted to watching la bomba or whatever i'm like i don't think that's the problem but anyway yeah uh but anyway what i'm saying is sorry what is wrong with me why can't i say what i'm saying What I'm saying is that it threw my body for like a, it was crazy.

59:24You know, I saw him like, it was like, he was so freaked out. Dude, I, I, sometimes they'll fall, like hit their mouth and start bleeding or something. You see, when you see blood on your kid, it's like, and you have to be like, so chill. You have to dictate the tone so they don't, you know, they understand. Is that true? Yeah. I mean, that's the best way to do it, to keep them even tempered. And like, they're going to reflect your energy and, and, and they're going to react the way you teach them to react to something. So you always got to try and play it even keeled and like not make a big thing of stuff like that so that they're able to handle situations themselves better, you know.

59:56But it is nuts, dude. Like one time I was like trying to cut my son's nails. Like, you know, you got to clip that. And like they don't, kids, they don't stay still. And dude, I clipped a little piece of the end of his finger. Like and he started just bleeding everywhere. Dude, I almost, I didn't know what I was going to do myself after that. I was like so and then one time it's like what Van Gogh did to his brother he did? yeah I think he might have cut his ear off never mind no Van Gogh cut his own ear off but I didn't know he clipped anything on his brother so maybe everyone in the family was missing something yeah dude did you know Pablo Picasso died like a couple of years ago did you see that clip?

1:00:39yeah I did was it oh Vida was with me this week It was Oh it was Vitor Okay I was talking with him He's the one who told me Yeah we were talking in the car actually And he's like dude Bring it up Let's bring that clip up I mean it was 50 years ago But like I thought Picasso was like from the 18th And he told me We were in the car He's like do you know this And I was like no He's like dude He was like alive When we were born Yeah I think one of the part of it is Did you know that Picasso probably ate at Outback Steakhouse You're like That's insane Right right I never put that together Yeah yeah Oh yeah I said, Joe List.

1:01:14Sorry, sorry, my bad. You guys know this. Pablo Picasso, you know when he died? He died in 1973. Did you know that? I thought he died in 1380. I almost shit. 1973? Picasso had a car. Is that unbelievable? Pablo Picasso was driving around Spain in like a Honda Civic listening to Black Sabbath on the radio. It's crazy. Ozzy Osbourne and Pablo Picasso were working at the same time. He saw six Super Bowls.

1:01:55I thought he looked like the black dude. That's the best. Yeah, dude, he's so great. He was in a great movie that Louis made too, man. Shout out to Joe List. That movie was great. They did a good job. Such talented guys. That was a great bit. i got i got i got something so i i want to try and find these people maybe this can you know saying that here can help me all right i got this i got a story for you yeah i thought so this uh last night we talked about this last night just came out and it was a story that i forgot about and i'm like i'll talk to theo about it maybe i could get so uh in 1995 i was at the salvation army with my buddy joe and we found a vhs cassette right and it was like a home a home one not like a movie like you buy like a you know home like a blank okay i had a label on it and uh it said uh amy and stew shankman's wedding oh and it was i'm gonna maybe get the exact date wrong but let's say it said like november 25th 1995.

1:02:58it said i'm sorry it said november 25th uh 1985. okay right it said stew and amy shankman's wedding november 25th 1985 that day that we picked it up was november 25th 1995 so i found this blank cassette of this people's wedding on their 10 year anniversary now back then you got if you had your wedding taped on vhs that's where it was that's it like that was the copy yeah and this was handwritten so it's like i think they accidentally got rid of the, they don't have their wedding video. So Amy and Stu Shankman do not have their wedding video. Right. And we picked it up on the exact, we were like, holy shit.

1:03:3850 cents, we bought it. We went home and watched their whole wedding. It's amazing. It's a wedding from 1985. It's a Jewish wedding from 1985. The best man, this little short guy, Yama guy, he does his, in his best man speech, he raps. I swear to God. At this point, I've watched it. Was it Beastie Boys? Dozens of times. No, he raps his own rap. Oh. And this is the part. I know because I watch it. He's like, he's jumping up and down. And he's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. We're going to party tonight. We're going to jump up and down. It's never going to end. This was the rap. So it's an amazing wedding.

1:04:18I swear to God. It's an amazing wedding. And I watch it over the years. I've had people over. We put it on. I watch it. This, this, and that. about maybe five years after that I met my friend Joe we're in a gas station he's getting gas in his car and he's like Sal and I'm like what he goes look at that car right there and there's a car that's like pulling out of the gas station he's like look look look in the car who do you think that is and I look and I go is that fucking Stu Shankman no way I don't know this guy from a hole in the wall he's like I think it's Stu Shankman so I'm like oh shit and he's pulled out and my friend had to finish paying the gas and we jumped in the car peeled out and tried to follow him and we lost him oh okay so So fast forward.

1:04:57I hate losing people. I hate, especially in a chase. Yeah. So then I never gave, I have this wedding video. I still have it. You have a piece of their life. You have a piece of one of the greatest moments of their life. Yeah, right. So about two years ago, I'm like, we got to find these people. Searching for Stu Shankman. Yes. And we got to see if, like, what's up? I got to get them this video. So my friend found his brother or something on Facebook. and confirmed. We were like, who knows if they're dead, if they're still together, what's going on? So he reached out. He told them we got at a thrift store.

1:05:33We found their wedding video in 1995. I've had their wedding video for 31 years. I haven't. For 31 years, I've had their wedding video. They've been married. This will be their 41st anniversary this year. Their brother's like, they're still alive and together. I swear to God. He's like, this is insane. You got to like, yes. So let's broker this. yeah so but so i i had the idea a couple years ago when i was developing a tv show and so this was an idea for one episode of this tv show where i like do things like this and so that's when we decide to reach out anyway i didn't finish developing the show and i kind of forgot about him and i thought of it last night and i brought it up and i was like oh shit in this brother's eyes we contacted him we're like yo we have their wedding video and we want to get it to you and then we went radio silent again he's like why do these people do this you know to me and my family so i'm like i gotta i gotta remember i gotta i gotta find them and i want to get in the video so i feel like if if if anyone knows i think they they were originally from staten island and so stew and amy shankman and i have your wedding video for the last 31 years and i want to give it to you i did digitize a copy of it for myself yeah because i when i thought i was and give it back.

1:06:49I was like, I won't share it with anyone, but it's also a piece of me now. It's fine, it's fee. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So I have it. Yeah, we gotta search him for the Shankmans, dude, because there's something special about that. I used to know a guy named Alex Shankman. I knew a couple Shankmans. Oh, I know a Shankman, too, actually. There was an agent I knew. I actually know a Shankman. I knew a Shankman. I don't think they're related, but I know, you just should remind me, I think he's like a choreographer. Yeah, there's a lot of shankmen out there Is there a famous shankman choreographer?

1:07:24Especially in Hollywood Adam shankman Adam shankman I didn't know Adam I just realized for the first time I know a shankman Hey, you know a shankman? I know a shankman Dude, that's wild I hope I find him I hope that you find him also Stu and Amy The guy's been holding you loving The guy's been watching you One of the greatest moments of your life in his spare time on the L train or whatever. That's right, yeah. Dude, do you think, there's really something could be a cool show out there to make or create. People say this shit all the time, but of like something about finding old things on VHS and then.

1:08:06Yeah, like found footage. Dude, I worked with this one comedian. There had been like one of those Nigerian scams that had happened to his grandmother and they'd taken a lot of her money, right? You know, those things that email you. Yeah, the prince needs. Like I'm trapped in a petting zoo in Nigeria. or something that won't let me out or whatever. Send the money. So to get them back, he started doing these things where he would send them videos of things. And he said, I need you to do reenactments of this, and then I'll pay you for it. But instead, he would just have them do the reenactment, and then he would just post the video online, right?

1:08:38No. But the best part was what he would send them was he would send them scenes from Seinfeld, right? So he would send scenes from Seinfeld to some people in Africa, like in just a random village, and they would reenact the scenes. No. Yeah, and he had all these amazing - You've got to be kidding me. He had all these amazing video clips, dude. Oh my God. Of an African village reenacting like Master of My Domain? Yes. Or the parking one. They had all these different ones that he was reenacting. It was pretty great, dude. And so eventually it healed him. He's like, okay, at a certain point, we're kind of even.

1:09:10But dude, because comedians can hold some grudges over the years. But yeah, I've always been a little bit of a collector. you find something you save and you're like maybe i'm supposed to you told me one time i don't know if you remember this you told me one time i in hindsight now i realized you were probably joking but you were like yeah i have a marble notebook with the name of every person i've ever slept with in it oh damn really yeah and i'm like get out of here he's like yeah i i'm like yeah a marble notebook oh you said you had a notebook i mean in my head i projected it was like a mead like a school notebook you're like yeah and i've written it down my whole life and i'm like you gotta be fucking kidding me and you're like no i know i know the exact number of people i've slept with really yeah yeah so you were fucking with me i'm sure but i was always kind of a documenter of things the number and i i remember the number you said i do yeah because it's really funny okay it's really funny i this is the only part i can't believe that i would say something like this but i want to hear it you want to know what you told me i said you said i have every single name i never missed the name and i was like you know the exact number you said yeah i'm like how many he said about a thousand fifty really yeah and then you're like i'm not good at it but it was a thousand fifty which is like and i was hysterical laughing that's insane i was like no one i mean it's like will chamberlain yeah yeah yeah that's insane dude yeah i don't even know it was me but i i believe that i could have said this you told me oh i did good yeah good oh i'm glad that at yourself you don't have a i mean your real number is not anywhere close to that that's crazy oh that's insane oh dude yeah i mean yeah i've always like a thousand fifty is it's the perfect theory it's really the perfect number to say because it's like to go over a thousand it's great yeah it's thousand and eight yeah yeah dude i remember when i was growing up they had this kid his brother had slept with like 12 women or something people were fucking losing their minds in our town yeah because we're cutting down trees and fucking tickling people they shouldn't touch and shit like that shit like that will affect you oh dude when you know when you when you have like a when you're when you're of an age where no one's got that kind of number yet or maybe everyone's a virgin oh yeah one kid's like i've slept with 12 people you're just like i gotta i gotta know all about here we go yeah yeah yeah well yeah i'm just yeah there's nothing yeah then my life it means nothing you know i'm working at baskin robbins or whatever and some guys slept with 12 people 12 people should be in haiti's right yeah yeah that shit was hectic dude dude i was the worst at sex let me see let's look it up high activity lifestyle for a person averaging one new partner per week it would take approximately 20 years to reach a thousand partners so yeah i lied i lied bro dude there was some years where i wouldn't even get involved in any sex i was so fucking bad at it you you you were bad at it so you've come a long way i've come a long way dude yeah yeah i think well for one are you a generous lover yeah no no okay i'm not dude i'm like that for me this i realized this the other day i'm in like this i'm in recovery meeting for everything so i was in one the other day and people talk about this kind of stuff a lot and like intimacy disorders shit like that right like i'm out here i'm basically like uh i'm like a crash test on me that's what i realized like other people are like living a life and i am basically a crash test dummy out here why do you feel that way just because it's like i feel like i'm never going to figure out some of these parts and i'm just going to be almost this like experiment that kind of happens you know and like um i realized i thought of loving it was like a uh it felt like a alter it's like an altercation you get in it has the same energy of like a like a session like a Like an intimate session?

1:12:58Yeah, intimate session has like a sexual session. It's a little bit of a battle. Yeah, it's a fight. Not like physically like it's a fight, but just like the same amount of nervous energy that's in a fight. Sure, sure, sure. That's the energy that I take into like a sexual encounter. So like if you see me, if we're working up, and I just keep kind of ducking or dodging, or if I duck off into the corner and have some guy I barely know rub Neosporin on my cheeks or whatever, and put a thing of ice on the back of my neck or whatever. You have a corner, man. Yeah, just know I'm doing the best that I can.

1:13:31Just plugging your nose up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, if some guy is fucking putting a cotton swab up my nose. But, dude, yeah, I just, I always, I had so much nervous energy around women, bro. Yeah. So that was crazy, dude. I love when they do, like, in a UFC fight or, like, a boxing match or whatever, when they cut to the corner, right? and it's like you know you and you hear everything that the the corner guy say and the trainer say it's always like wildly inappropriate yeah like fuck this motherfucker bro you're gonna fuck him up man this cunt and then you're like he's like you stick him with it but then you're like home watching a fight with like or you're somewhere and it's like you just don't expect to hear like this guy's a motherfucking bitch bro yeah you know his mother passed away two months ago huh i was like oh shit yeah like yeah you're learning shit you're like damn you know his cousin has Zasma hit this little pussy.

1:14:21He'll be like, don't be a fucking pussy. I'm like, whoa. Reel in the corner. It gets real. But it really just sounds like that's what makes anybody think they could be a corner. Also, some of those behaviors. Yeah, yeah. I can see that. Because, yeah, it doesn't feel like there's a lot of real instruction coming out of here. So, yeah, sometimes you hear someone give really good pointers and then you go to the other corner and they're just like, all right, bro. And you're like, what is this guy doing? Yeah, they're saying nothing. They're saying nothing to the guy. I know. Yeah. That is pretty wild, dude.

1:14:47But yes Some of that shit I was like You know those fainting goats Shit gets going too much And they just faint Yeah they just go over That's me Yeah you hit like a thing Oh yeah I hit like about 30 volts Or whatever You get stiff Yeah yeah bro I hit about Yo what sound does a goat make? Let me try it They ain't that the sheep though?

1:15:13Does a goat and a sheep make the same noise? I think goats are more curious, so I think it's more like... No, let me try it.

1:15:24Really? No, that's more like a... But what does the sheep do then? So it's the same thing. No, sheep, goats... Sheep's bah. Oh, yeah, sheep's bah. But then a goat is bah. Bah. Am I crazy? Bah. I don't know the difference. It's bad It's a sheep Sheep's not a goat A gay goat's just like Bagger You know That stupid street joke What does a gay horse eat? Hey That was the best It's so stupid Dude Some jokes like that That were the best bro I know Getting to laugh Is the best man That's the best thing bro Getting to laugh The fact One thing I will say bro About Certain moments of life Like I've just been grateful That God has put me around People that that just make me laugh yeah we are our friends are the funniest people in the world it's crazy it's crazy it really is yo so i struggle on stage i always sometimes i think about this like i i'm really in the moment on stage when i'm on stage and i like to laugh and so like i laugh you know throughout my set a lot and then sometimes i'm like like i don't think of it it's just me being me but like then a lot of times i'm like i don't want to laugh like i don't want to be like i'm laughing at my own stuff but i really am in the moment having a good time but i'm like I don't want that to come across as a crutch.

1:16:42Sometimes I'll be like, all right, today, consciously, when you do this hour, do not laugh, do not laugh, and just see how it plays. Don't laugh, just kind of keep and see how it plays differently. Are you in the moment when you're on stage, do you laugh at your own? Will you laugh and just have fun in the moment? Or are you kind of keep it this persona? Because when you tell your stories and stuff, you have a certain energy and vibe the way you do it. Yeah. But do you think about that on stage? I do. So you consciously won't laugh, or will you just laugh? I'd like to laugh more. I used to think, especially when I was coming up in comedy, you hear about all these things that are kind of crutches.

1:17:22Some people write their notes. They're like, well, that's a crutch. And it's like, well, that's a crutch. Well, also, how about this? Somebody's getting up in front of you and trying to make a room full of people laugh. Right. I don't care if they're on crutches, eight crutches. Right, right, right. I don't care if there's one person in two wheelchairs. Right, right, right. Let them, if there's things that help them, to me, I think it's okay. Yeah. And I like to laugh. I'm not doing it as a crisis. What I'm saying is I naturally laugh. Yeah. And so I have to fight my natural instinct. Don't ever fight your laugh, dude.

1:17:52Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your laugh is one that warms people. It's like it's extra you, you know? Sure, sure. And so that I think is a gift. And I think some of these people, they've gotten to know some of us in our lives, and they may feel happy that we're in a room laughing, you know? Just like they are, you know? Yeah, yeah. Dude, the crazy thing is - I'm having a good time. Yeah, you're having a good time. I say laugh, dude. I notice if, and I'll even be conscious of it sometimes, like, oh, this set's not going that great in the beginning. And sometimes I'll be like, dude, it's because you're not having fun.

1:18:18Yes, dude. So let myself have fun. That's what translates, yes. And let me be the person that's saying the jokes. Really, sometimes I'll try to almost transpose myself and pretend like I'm just sitting there laughing at the jokes. Right, right, right. And then just almost like, I don't know. Because the person I always wanted, I wanted to be the person sitting there laughing. But to me, I've always had like, you know, sometimes there's like a chip on my shit, some type of shit, growing up, this, that, that, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I was always like, you know, or being judgmental, whatever.

1:18:49So you end up on the other end of the thing. I'm going to be the guy who's being a part of making the laughter. But either way, I'm happy to be involved in the laughter. And I think it's okay if you laugh with a crutch. Some people say it's crutch. I don't. I find it, especially as I get older. fuck if I get a chance to laugh yeah but I think that's what I'm saying sorry that was a lot of shit to say I think just making the distinction of like I'm on stage having a good time like not with intent like some people will laugh 1050 is crazy though dude that's a crazy thing to say I thought about it ever since you told me did you really?

1:19:20I retain the knowledge bro you know how scary it would be if one woman came over to my house every week to hook up that would fucking make me so paranoid it sounded crazy to me when you said it Bro, if I knew that every week some gal was coming over for sex, dude, I would fucking have to keep moving. It's off-putting. Yes, you're like, oh my. It's too much. It's too much. The schedule's too insane. It's too much, man. Yeah. That's a lot hanging over your head, man. Every week. I get anxiety thinking about that. And hearing them peel off in disappointment, too. Hearing the gravel. They leave in a hurry.

1:19:52Yeah. And you don't even have gravel. They're so pissed they went and bought gravel and put it under their tires. I love that. Every time someone leaves your house, they have to say, they peel out of here. Yeah, dude, bro. My fucking uncle, he was supposed to get gravel and he accidentally got a bunch of fish, whatever that stuff that goes to the bottom of him. The pellets? Yeah, fish, fish. Fish food? Yeah, no, like the fish. Koi? Yeah, no, shit that goes in a fish. Oh, the fish tank gravel. Yeah, he got fish tank gravel, dude. And his wife was so pissed, but it was irreturnable, bro. And dude, they fought about that shit.

1:20:22But hearing people fight over, yeah, And your fucking fish gravel. You and your fucking fish gravel, James. Just hearing shit like, hearing terms like that. You and your shitty little fish gravel. Yeah, yeah. Fighting over gravel. Yeah, just really. Fish gravel. Hearing any people fight over gravel, just God, that's the kind of shit that keeps me going. I had a fish, my niece, you know when they have like the fair at school? Yes. Like the festival? And they give you those fish that are about to die, they give them to children? That's fucked. It's messed up. You throw like a ping pong ball in a cup and then they'd send the kid home with a bag of fish and like these fish are just dying.

1:20:58And so my niece brought home a fish and I knew this shit was going to die. Because when I did it, when I was a kid, I could never keep a fish alive because I didn't have a setup. I'd come home, put the fish in a bowl. Yeah. And then not really understand it needs a filter and it needs to be aerated. And then the fish would eventually die. I'd feed it like bread, you know, and then it would die. One time I brought a fish home and I was like, I don't know if I've ever told this story. but like I brought a fish home from school and I was like, I knew that the previous fish had died and I thought it because they didn't have bubbles, which in my head I was like, it needs bubbles.

1:21:32I didn't think it needed like air. Right. It needs bubbles. So I got home. My mom wasn't home yet. So I put a big salad bowl. I put the fish in it and I got a straw and I was going to tell my mom, we have to go to the thing to buy the fish store to buy the stuff so this fish survives. But I needed to bridge the gap until she got home. So I took a straw and for like three hours I blew into the bowl. But I was blowing carbon dioxide into the bowl and I killed the fish immediately. So the fish died within hours because I was just hitting it with CO2 out of my mouth. So my niece brought this fish home years later.

1:22:06I'm like, I'm not going to let this happen again. I went and got the setup and I ended up having this fish for seven years. And then I moved. The fish came with me. And then one day the fish was dead. And out of nowhere though. It like died out of nowhere And no reasoning? No I just cleaned the tank It was a very healthy fish And I think there was foul play I really do think so No way I think someone put like Because I tested the pH balance I would do all that shit And then after I cleaned it And then like I had people over And then it was dead And then I think it was like Someone like poured something in the tank Then I didn't want to flush the fish Because I had a seven year relationship with the fish Oh yeah And so I didn't want to flush it So I was going to bury it I might have told this but I was going to bury it, but I didn't want to bury it in the yard because it was summer and I didn't want it to decompose and smell.

1:22:53So I wrapped it in tinfoil. I put it in my freezer. And that was like, that's come closing in on, it's like 15 to 20 years ago and I never got rid of the fish. It's still with you? I have a frozen goldfish in my freezer for over 15 years. That fish is still in my freezer right now. And I moved three times and I took it with me. What? Yes, I had to put them on ice. Moving is hard on everyone. It is hard on everyone. I have the fish. Oh, my God. I have a dead fish for over 15 years in my freezer right now. You know it's in your freezer? No, exactly where it is in my freezer. Oh, that's beautiful.

1:23:33It is, man. I took it out on Hey Babe one time. I took it out for the first time. I never unwrapped it in all 15 years, and we opened it on Hey Babe, and it was tough. It was a goldfish, but it lost a lot of its gold. It was like a pale gold. And the eyes were kind of gone. I guess over time, I guess in the freezer. God takes the gold back or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there you are right there. That's COVID, you could tell, right? Yeah, you look very rabbinical right there as well, dude. Oh, my God, bro. It definitely has like a Michael Jackson tint to it. That's crazy Did you see it? Yeah I can see just a little bit of it there Yeah show me that Dude you know Oh my god wow Yeah poor fish What was his name?

1:24:27I didn't name it because that was another thing Every fish I had prior I named died So I called him fish for seven years I like that At least like the fact you took on a new strategy to keep him alive Yeah I was trying everything I could And we had seven nice years He used to eat out of my hand I don't know if it was really because we had a bond I think they would just do that anyway But I like to think it was because we got close And how do you do it? You put your hand in there? I put my hand right in I hold the flake and put it in You're lying No, I swear It's really not that big a deal I think it is, it's like a drive-thru It felt like a trick It felt like I had a You know how they had a flea circus or something?

1:25:06It felt like I had a fish that did tricks Well dude, we had the Acro Cats lady She came on here once What is that? This lady, she's been traveling around the country for like 20 years or something. And she should drive the tour bus that the cats were in. A tour bus. No. Yes. That the cats were in. And I'm paraphrasing a little bit here. But one of the toughest shows that she had, one of the tough experiences, she's on the road somewhere. Somebody had left the window open maybe from smoking or a cigarette or something. And Tuna, the lead cat, gets out. No way. Yeah. And she lost the cat? Couldn't find it.

1:25:37No way. And the show must go on. She had like three hours before. So like there's another cat. Tuna's understudy. Yeah, tuna's understudy or whatever. I don't even remember. Chicken salad. Yeah, it was just like tilapia or something was the understudy. Yo, that's crazy. He's got to come in and he's always, you know, he's Italian. So he's got to come in doing his tilapia shit. His big break. It's like tuna. Yeah, dude. They might have taken tuna out. She thinks tuna got away, but they might have been foul played there. That's crazy too Because Tuna was a star And once he leaves And he goes into The open road like that Everyone he passes Has no idea who he is And that's A star cat amongst you It's almost like a story From the Bible When they didn't know Who Jesus was Yeah You know That's pretty cool dude Yeah Yeah Yeah that is amazing bro Yeah I wonder what his cloud Is like out in the wilderness though And Father Adam was like Oh shit that's Tuna That's Tuna Damn that's Tuna Working out on the street Like dang bro Tuna out here bro Tuna out here Damn he real like that He in the trenches Like damn Tuna outside Tuna got out But dude Tuna's not about that life anymore Tuna's not Yeah yeah bro Tuna chain man What was the last pet you had?

1:26:49You have a pet now? No you can't have a pet now No I never You're on the road too much right? Yeah I've never I plan to get a dog Yeah And this has been a slow feeling for me But I plan to get a dog And maybe a cat If I can get a wife And not if One day I'll get a wife and I'm gonna have a family, but I would like to get a dog and cat. And it doesn't all have to happen together or whatever. Yeah. But I think if I don't get married or something, maybe I'll get a dog and cat and maybe something else. I wouldn't mind getting a couple of horses probably. Wow. You ride horses? I wouldn't ride them, but I would go over by them.

1:27:19Yeah. You'd go next to them, talk to them. Yeah, just be like that. Brush them, clean them. Let me ask you a question. If I see a horse that's not in the wild, it's got on horseshoes. every horse in captivity has on horseshoes that's a good question or is it just like parade horses and horses that are like going out on the town or whatever i'm not sure look it up that's a great question this guy i know mr mike is a farrier and what is a farrier a farrier is the guy that comes in and puts the shoes on the horse oh really yeah that's called a farrier trims the toenails and everything i got stuck on farrier talk for a while and dude half my feed was farriers no way yeah oh i didn't know that's what they were called i thought they were like cobblers or something No no no I think cobblers is for shoeing humans And farriers is for shoeing I don't know if it's just for animals No not all horses need shoes Whether a horse requires shoes Depends on factors like workload Hoof health Genetics and terrain I can see how hoof health would be a factor I mean You got a pair of weak hooves You need protection Oh dude If my feet are real tender I want them bitches on Yeah also you want that clippity clop You know I don't think you I don't know if you get a clippity clop Without the shoe Dude, you telling me a kind of thick They're like tap dancing A thick horse from Atlanta ain't fucking pulling up with that clippity-clop Yeah Type shit Yeah What about those really What are the Coca-Cola horses like at Christmas?

1:28:42Crosdale Clydesdale's Yeah, that's a clippity-clop right there That horse, you're like Dude, when that horse shows up, bro Some people salute it I would salute it You're like, that's interesting to have that between man and person Do you have confidence in your salute? Yeah. I did a show for the Naval Academy recently, and they asked me to take a picture with a man, Salute. And you see salutes in, like, movies and really in life. But, like, I feel like there's a way they do it that, like, it looks like you just do this. But I don't know if this is right. Like, some of them do that. Or, like, is there a proper way to salute?

1:29:20Like, are we saluting the right way right now? Or is it, like, I got nervous because I was, like, I don't want to insult these people and salute the wrong way. Like, do you tuck your finger in? Like, what are you doing with the salute? That's a good question. And they do it like, you know when some of those guys are like, whoosh, like it's like super like locked in. The Koreans do that. Really like, you know, they do? Yeah. Position of attention. So my hands are to my side. Arms are straight down. When I raise my hand to salute, it's going to be flat. Hands not, like thumbs not tucked underneath my hand kind of stuff.

1:29:48So we're raising it up. And then because I'm wearing headgear, my index finger is going to come to the edge of my headgear. Arms at a 45 degree angle. hands slightly canned down not facing up not facing down just like this i get my greeting and i drop my salute now that is how it's like for wearing headgear if i was wearing something like maybe no headgear or maybe the beret but because i have glasses then has to come to the edge of my glasses if i was wearing the beret or maybe even no headgear and i also don't wear glasses then it comes to the edge of my eyebrows so it depends if you're wearing braces if you're you know if you're he's like if you have a scrunchie in or whatever If the scrunchie one's the best Because you put it in the bag You're like hey Yeah I've always been self conscious About my salute You ever ride a horse bareback That's probably fun That takes skill right there Somebody got a horse Somehow by us one time And we got on that bitch And we did pretty good We didn't do good Bareback though?

1:30:48Yeah bareback We tried to get a saddle or something Somebody put like a thing Like nobody had a saddle We shouldn't have this horse They had a car Like a fair that was near us And I think when it kind of Gotten away from the fair Somebody brought it down there Yeah Being down there drinking With like the carnies And stuff the night before And so They kept it by this dude Mr. Ernie's house And we went over there And we were all getting on it And shit It was pretty friendly But I think in hindsight It could have been really dangerous I almost died on a horse You did? Yeah on a class trip In like 8th grade They put me on a horse That started like full rodeoing.

1:31:19Who put you on a horse? The dude ranch that we went to for the trip. They put me on a horse and this horse, I'm in 8th, 7th, 8th grade. I have no horse experience whatsoever. I get on the horse, the horse is bucking, jumping up and down, kicking and bucking. I'm looking around. Everyone's there. All the other students are on horses that are just sitting, just chilling. Then the cowboys are there and they didn't even react quickly. I was like looking at them and they were looking at me. Basically, like when the rodeo thing opens and the horse is like, that's what this fucking horse was doing. A lot of horses don't prefer Italians, I'll say that.

1:31:57Yeah, whatever. No judgment. A lot of children are allergic to Mexican stuff. Yeah, like avocados. Yeah, avocados, avocados. No, no. But I remember it wasn't like the rodeo rodeo, but it was enough for an eighth grader to be terrified. And I'm looking at these guys like, is anyone going to step in at all? and the guy was just like and i remember being like help i finally just said help and then the guy was like all right just calm down i'm like this is how you treat a 12 year old you can tell me to calm down i'm just i'm gonna be thrown from this horse like and then they got uh they got me off that horse and they gave me the most senior citizen horse they have like the back was like slumped inward yeah and then my horse i got on that horse the horse walked up to a tree and started eating the leaves and then wouldn't didn't leave and like everyone went on the trail And that horse wouldn't leave the tree and just ate the, yeah.

1:32:45And I just stood there on the horse. Yours was like rosemary or something. It was like, yeah, glue stick. Yours had a brooch on. Yeah, but I would never get on a horse bareback. Dang, dude. That's wild, bro. Yeah, horses, I think they're probably the most, they're the best animal that we have until we come out with a new animal. Like until they catch a dragon or make something. Yeah. And we did have a neighbor. My friend William had a fish. And I remember when it died and they went and buried it at the Long John Silver's in like the flower bed outside of there, I remember. Well, that's an interesting choice.

1:33:23Remember that restaurant? Yeah, of course. But it's a seafood restaurant. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, like, it's a little bit. It was like the closest thing I think people thought. Yeah. Well, it's nice that they had the flower bed. Yeah, like bringing back with this community. Like just outside of the parking meetings, they had a little bit of like kind of semi-designed foliage right there. Yeah. That's always nice. A little extra touch. But I remember his dad took us over there and we put it there and did like a prayer or something. I think we might have saluted too. Yeah. Salute that fish. We don't even know.

1:33:52Dude, yeah. You had to salute that thing. Shout out LJS, bro. I feel like horses are on a lot of romance novel covers. Bareback horse riding is exotic, I feel like. It's also mythological. I think the things that will happen to your body. You want to talk about checking yourself for testicular cancer. but like a like a like a nude woman on a horse bareback that's very exotic right yeah because i think you think of the stallion and like i'm gonna be the stallion i'm gonna you know i'm gonna sleep with 1050 women you know what i'm saying it's like yeah i would uh i would i would take notice if a if a woman rode by like uh patopolis on the bareback on a horse I would probably pay attention.

1:34:40I would probably follow the part because it's very interesting. I wouldn't just let that go by. I would be like, I'm going to find out where this is going to end up. I'd want to see what would happen. Dude, did you see – speaking of mythological things, did you see that Artemis space shuttle went to the moon? Do you think that really happened or not? Let's take a gander at it. I think it happened. Because people are very weary now. Well, first let me start. Do you think the first moon landing happened? I do because bring up the shuttle bring up the picture of the shuttle I'm sure you've looked at the shuttle and been like yeah but I also like when you look at these things sometimes I'm like ah maybe I could be convinced otherwise you know what I mean like it's crazy that we haven't gone back we went there now and just didn't we just drive around it we didn't get off right yeah they just went for like a look-see or whatever yeah that's wild I would never ever ever no matter what you could do say you could I would never go into space never which one of the jokers do you think would go into space if they had to go probably Murr I don't think he has, I don't think he really.

1:35:41Yeah, just say it. He's crazy like that. He's got it. Yeah, he'd go up there. I wouldn't, but I think that he's always looking for something new. Yeah. Imagine what they must have felt like. I just saw that movie, that new Ryan Gosling movie. It's like he goes into space. Well, all they do is take beautiful men and put them out into space, dude. Yeah. A lot of these movies, it's Matt Damon, it's Ryan Gosling, it's Steven Tyler. They just take these good-looking guys. Or what's his name? Well, well, right, all right. Oh, yeah. Makane went to space. Interstellar, right? That's when you know Hollywood's like, this guy's good-looking enough.

1:36:17We'll take him and show him off to the other planets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can't even imagine. Try to pick up a new market, you know? Yeah. Go out. I mean, I would be terrified, bro. Yeah, I'd be terrified too, dude, if I went to space in a lifeguard tower from Santa Monica Beach. That's it? Yeah. That looks, yeah. Look at it. Can you zoom on it? It looks like a toy, like a transformer or something. Bro. Yeah, that doesn't, that doesn't look like it. I don't have confidence in that. Bro, come on, dude. That's not even a fucking food truck, bro. That looks flimsy, bro. Those little, like, legs and stuff.

1:36:55Like, how do you get up there and be like, man, I would feel like the existential threat of the universe on my shoulders. Dude, they didn't even put horseshoes on it, dude. That thing is, man. Look at the legs of it. Can you imagine being up there alone? See, this is the thing, too. They went up there. They did a couple of loop-de-loops. But then that doesn't necessarily mean coming back is hard. Yeah. It's risky coming back. So you're signing up. I'm sorry. None of those people can say for certainty that they – I wonder what the odds were that they could go south. Yeah. I bet you it wasn't like 99%.

1:37:33I bet you it was like, all right, it's like 70-30. like you might explode on the way home right well that's that's crazy dude do you imagine me coming home and see earth and you're like all right like and then and then it goes dude when i was in uh when i was a kid we watched the challenger live no at school you know we we all watched it and we watched it live and it fucking blew up and it was like i the teacher everyone just started crying i was like we were like what we're trying to wrap our head around that was like third grade trying trying to wrap my head around the fact that like there was a school teacher in there and they just blew up remember this on live television yeah that's wild there was a pet wasn't there also a puppy in there was there i thought that they sent a puppy in there well i can't believe that we even did this right now to me it just feels like it's like it's funny we can't send help into gaza but we can send the artemis to to go circle around the moon like that to me is like what did we what what was the purpose of the mission do you know it's a great question let's look it up It wasn't just like.

1:38:31And I'm sorry, there was no live animal on the space shuttle Challenger during the final flight in 1986. God bless those people and their families. Yeah. Holy shit. I know, man. Can you imagine? Let's have a moment of that. Can you imagine that like we're sitting like, because you could probably get in. Like, let me be honest with you. If they pick some people to go to space right now, right? Yeah. And Mer gets sick or whatever. Something happened to him. He gets in a loss. It didn't happen to me. I wouldn't even go like out of this little just right above the atmosphere I wouldn't even do that I wouldn't do that Katy Perry went to space I don't know I read yesterday she went to space people said that they went to space but that shit was so it was very light that was very sketchy like waving at people there was like friends coming up to the edge it was like this isn't in space would you go?

1:39:20I don't know we're fucking this planet up so much we don't need to be exporting whatever we're doing I don't believe we belong on a rocket. Yes, right now. You know what I'm saying? I'm still getting used to flying in planes. Do you know what I do think, though? Oh, this is a good question. Let's answer this for people. The Artemis mission are NASA's current program to return humans to the moon and use it as a stepping stone for future trips to Mars. We're not going to inhabit another planet. We're not going to. You can't. So why are we going up there? I guess we're... I don't like that shit. When somebody's like, Hey, I want to come visit you, but really they're just staying overnight so they can go visit somebody else further away.

1:40:01I don't like some of this shit. I don't know if I've ever thought about that. Well, that's what we're doing. It says carry out the moon to Mars, strategy, land astronauts on the moon. We're basically using the moon for a place to relax for a little while. Establish a sustainable long-term human presence on the moon rather than just short-term flags and footprints visit like the Apollo. Dog, some of this shit. Flags and footprints also was the name of the all-male dance team. at Covington High School when I was there. Yeah, that's pretty good. They were state champs. Yeah, yeah. But who's going to go?

1:40:32Okay, let's say we get to the point. Okay, sorry. I interrupted you. No, no, no. I'm going to say let's say we get to the point where people are like, all right, we're ready to move up there. It's like, okay, who's going up there first with what? Like, what are you going up there with? Some two-by-fours? Like, you've got to build a brick and mortar. Like, you've got to build a house. You've got to have some type of currency. You got to have like a bank, a restaurant. Like who's going up there building that stuff? Like you need enough. And then you need enough people. Like I don't understand. I don't understand.

1:41:04I don't understand. How many people do you need to inhabit the moon at the exact same time to make it a thing where people live there and go about their daily lives there? Like what's it going to be like? Or is it just going to be like prehistoric at first? You're like signing up to go up there and live in a tent and like just live off the land and have no entertainment? You mean like that thing they do in the desert every year? What is it? Like Burning Man? Like Burning Man? Yeah, it's like how do you properly inhabit, you know? Brother, this is for the elites, Sal. Yeah, yeah. This is for the elites.

1:41:37They're not bringing a couple giggle monkeys like us up there. This is for the elites. I think this is like they're planning to do like they can't do an Epstein's Island anymore. I think they're looking for like Epstein's Orb, you know? We're going to find a place where we can really be nasty out here. Yeah, it's like maritime law out there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's like, yeah, you're in the international war. Right, right. You're in international air. Yeah. So I think that, like, I don't know, there is a big part of me, dude, that, and I really, there's a big part of me that questions this. Doesn't believe it, it questions it.

1:42:07Like. You don't think we went? I don't know if we went. I do believe, one, they're trying to distract us from a lot of the horrible things that are going on in the world right now that we're a part of. Sure. So I do think that there's some of that, because there's a lot of these weird things, like one lady's mother gets kidnapped they can't find her you know but they can tell you where your door dash order is missing and where it's been or whatever you can't find one lady that's wild that she's still but she disappears from a porch you got nothing right right but we're gonna move to the moon right but we're gonna move to the moon so yeah i think there's like some of it's that it's like oh we need a trip to the moon that'll get get people excited you know i'm saying like something to distract us the pictures look crazy though you saw the pictures yep i have seen and bring some of them up.

1:42:47It's wild. It's like... But I think, yeah, it could be that maybe something is... Do you ever start to worry that something is going to happen to Earth and that that's why there's like... I mean, because it's kind of... It seems like a weird time to send some people out to look at the moon. Do you agree? I think any time... I don't know if there's ever a right time. I mean, I guess... I agree with you. I'm always thinking something's going to happen. I think maybe right after Christmas or something you send a couple guys out. They always have those things where it's like... those predictions from like Aristotle, like it's like, you know, or like they predicted in the field.

1:43:22Like Nostradamus? Nostradamus, yeah. And it's like, have they come true? That's a good question, dude. Oh, these are some of the photos? I mean, bro, it's pretty wild that we're out here like that. And dude, you're telling me this shit, hold on. You're telling me the best we can do is some guy takes this with his thumb in front of the thing.

1:43:48That's the kind of shit that makes me feel like, I know it makes it... I would have deleted that one. I would have deleted that one. You know, like... Yeah, dude. Yeah, man. I can't imagine seeing that with my own eyes, though. That's wild. And then the moon, bro. That bitch is vibey, though. She's mixed. Yeah. She's mixed for sure, dude. Oh, look at that. I don't know, dude. I don't, I mean, I think I'm, I think I wants to live there. It's just, I don't know. It looks like, I don't know. Maybe. You ever do zero gravity? Like you ever do that floating around like the space? Not ever done it, have you?

1:44:28No, my buddy did it. He said it's one of the craziest things he's ever felt in his life. Man, just flying, just flying in this room right now. Like if you just stood up and pushed, if you pushed yourself off the chair and just started floating over there. Just went like that. That's got to be wild. As long as I make that sound while I float. If I don't make that sound, bro, I don't believe it. I want to do that. I would really want to do that, like to at least feel that sensation. I wonder if, dude, I can't even imagine like some of the fans, like imagine like you're the children. This is kind of sad, but I don't mean it in like a real sad way.

1:45:01I guess I just mean it in some curiosity of emotion. Like your parent or your brother or something is like going up to the moon at that time. because the Challenger, like, was it headed to the moon? It's a great question, huh? Where was it headed? I feel like yes, because where else would it be going? Bro, they were blasting people out of whatever. It would be like, you know, they were just trying to get, like, shoot extra scenes for Air Bud up there. They were doing all kinds of things. The space shuttle was designed to a low-Earth orbit space truck and did not have the engine power or fuel capacity to reach the moon.

1:45:36No, the Challenger was not headed to the moon. the shuttle mission that tragically ended in a disaster was scheduled for a six-day mission in orbit around earth to deploy a communications satellite and study haley's comet okay wow imagine how excited you must have been i wonder if they were scared before is there any interviews of those people right before they left oh geez yeah just to also kind of honor them a little bit what date did that happen as well trevin do you know 80 i feel like it was like mid mid 86? Wow. 86, so we're coming up on a 40-year anniversary of it. First ordinary citizen.

1:46:15I mean, are you expected to be the ordinary speaker who's out there? That was a year after Amy and Stu Shankman got married. That was what? Two months after Amy and Stu Shankman got married.

1:46:27Okay, this is Krista McAuliffe. The teaching profession and students and the whole country is really going to benefit from this. We hopefully are going to know an awful lot more about what life is like aboard the shuttle. Cold coffee? Sounds like she's from Rhode Island. A little bit. Where was she from?

1:46:52Yeah, you were right. Bro, that's pretty close. Isn't that close? That's really close. Yeah. It's still close. Close enough. Yeah. Rhode Island, it's right there. She reminded me of the lady. It was like cold coffee, iced coffee. You seen that lady? I think we talked about this before. You haven't? No. Bring up the lady at the Dunkin' Donuts at Burn Down. Sorry. I mean, this is the problem with the internet, dude. We're trying to pay homage or homage to Krista McAuliffe. And then bring up that, yeah, Dunkin' Donuts. You seen this? You haven't? With my boy Dutch. Dude, you never seen this? No. This is, hold on.

1:47:30I got to tell the lore of it. Jim Norton put us on this. And this is carried on now for like almost 10 years when a Dunkin Donuts burned down in Shamokin. Coffee shop in Shamokin is closed following an arson over the weekend. Police say a teenager is responsible for all that damage. Please watch 16th Nikki Crys. Join us live from the Central Pennsylvania Newsroom with more tonight. Nikki. Julie, a lot of people in Shamokin are upset that Dunkin Donuts is closed because they didn't have anywhere else to go for coffee and donuts. Today, we also learned new information about the teenage girl police charged with setting up.

1:48:05the place on fire. Yellow tape surrounds the Dunkin Donuts on West Sunbury Street in Shemokin. The popular donut shop is closed until further notice because of extensive fire damage. There's a lot of people that's definitely going to miss it, no doubt about it. A teenager is charged with starting a fire inside the restaurant on Saturday night. Shemokin police officer Ray Psycho says no race psycho place has extensive damage psycho says the fire was started inside the women's bathroom the toilet paper dispenser was lit on fire and within about a minute the entire place was filled up with smoke it feels fake mother did explain that she's recently been put on new medication race psycho for what reason you're like a 13 year old who admitted to setting the fire is currently at a juvenile detention showing blurred pictures many people who live in the best of the squad dunkin donuts is closed now i have to rely on myself to go to maybe a turkey hill or something where i don't like their donuts i rather the donuts at dunkin donuts and i'm kind of dealing with it but i really miss dunkin donuts oh this guy's the best oh boy this is my boy dutch smith right here bro chicken baker croissant or i get some coffee powerade if i'm dehydrated i sit there all the time.

1:49:22If I have any legal work that I need to do, I go there. I meet with my attorneys there. Legal work? Did he say legal work? I sit there all the time. If I have any legal work that I need to do, I go there. I meet with my attorneys there. I'm going to miss that place. And this is a lady. And Jim Norton dressed up like this lady for Halloween. No, no, did he? Yeah, one year. Which was the best thing I've ever seen. I hope he does it again, allegedly. But let's start at the beginning of her again. I'm going to miss that place if it don't open up. Damn, a lot of my friends go in there, get the cold coffee.

1:49:58The iced coffee, I guess it's called. People miss their... Yeah, there you go. Oh my gosh, dude. But when she said coffee, it reminded me a little bit of McCall. Oh, and go look at the comments on there. Is there any great comments on their Google reviews? There's gotta be. Oh, so funny. Went for a donut, please burn down. No, I said that. No, no, I'm saying it. Two stars Here we go Not open due to being set on fire But otherwise A classy place to hydrate Or so I'm told That's Nicola Sority right there Now I have to rely on myself To go to maybe a Turkey Hill where I don't like their Donuts Or I'd rather the Donuts At Dunkin' Donuts And I'm kind of dealing with it but I really miss Dunkin' Donuts Shout out Felix Suertal Oh it's the best dude dude you said air bud before it made me think like there was so many dog movies when i was growing up so many dog celebrities right there was like rin tintin rin tintin right yeah the chihuahua you know the are there any more talk about you all yeah what happened remember him they talk about you all you don't remember him i remember my front of up.

1:51:16Turner and Hooch. What happened to Dog Hollywood? What happened to Dog Hollywood? Lassie, Benji, Cujo, Clifford, Air Bud, Spuds McKenzie. It was all these dogs. Big dog personalities. Heathcliff, Snoopy. Snoopy.

1:51:37The other ones. Yeah, there's more. There's more. All Dogs Go to Heaven. There was a lot. Oh, Turner and Hooch. Turner and Hooch. But I'm saying Like there were like big bankable dog stars. Right. You know, you don't see that much anymore. That's a great point. Yeah. I wonder what happened. Why are there no more animal stars in Hollywood? Animal stars are disappearing from Hollywood primarily due to the rise of sophisticated CGI and AI. I don't know if I feel like that's true though. Yeah. I mean, yeah, because it's not the same. You don't need to, you know what I mean? Right. People know the love of a dog.

1:52:12They want that. You can't replace it. Right. Yeah. I think we're primed and ready for our next big dog star. Imagine the tour he would go on. Is Air Bud still doing it? I don't know. I know I read the other day that they're going to get, that some dogs can now live longer based on some new medicines that they're giving them. They can live a lot longer. Really? And some people are happy about it and some people apparently were not. They were only expecting their dog to live for so long. Well, I want a dog, but I can't get one right now. I got to wait till like I stopped touring so much and the kids are low.

1:52:45But like I want a dog. But one of the reasons I'm hesitant is because like you're really signing yourself up for a heartache in like 10 to 12 years or something. You know, like my dogs all died eight years, 10 years, 12 years, 14 years. Oh, yeah, bro. I mean, if that's a real thing, like if they're giving them medicine or whatever to help them live longer, I'll buy into that. Yeah, will you look that up for me? Hamsters and grandparents So it's like how children learn about About death a lot of times You know In a sad way It's like you need that element to teach your kid To give your kid a You know A gateway to death or whatever Or like a way to see it But they had Sounder That was a huge movie Remember that?

1:53:29They had Old Yeller Old Yeller That's another one That was a huge movie Old Yeller, yes That was a huge movie Yeah, that was massive That was back in the little prairie House on the Prairie times A San Francisco biotech company, Loyal, is developing drugs aimed at extending dogs' healthy lifespans by lowering high levels of the hormone IGF-1, which accelerates aging in larger dogs. The leading candidates, including the daily pill, their leading candidates, including the daily pill, L-O-Y-O-O-2. The drugs work by reducing levels of insulin-like growth factor one, a hormone that drives rapid growth in young dogs, but contributes to faster aging and shorter lifespan in larger mature dogs.

1:54:08I thought you, I thought you'd BS me. Oh no, I just saw some information about this the other day. That was really interesting. Um, what else was in the news? That was something that was kind of worth discussing. I don't know if we want to go down too many heavy roads. Oh, has there been something your children have wanted to ask for, uh, that you had to say no? Or is there a tough parenting thing that you kind of like, just tell me what some of that's like. Give me something from the parenting world because I'm just curious about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My daughter went through a sleep regression recently.

1:54:40Sleep what? Regression. Okay. So she would sleep through the night fine, but then they start developing, their brain starts developing, they start having dreams, and they get a little more like, they start to understand stuff more. So we'd watch Home Alone all the time, right? she loves Home Alone and she just saw it at face value she loved it she knew what was going on like she was two but she like got everything she got a little older and then she started then out of nowhere even though she watched Home Alone like 50 times she like started to get scared from it from Marvin Harry yeah right so one day like she kept saying like in the car she'd be like dad are Marvin Harry following us like out of nowhere one day and I'm like no they're not are Marvin Harry after us oh that's scary and I'm like babe they're not after us at all They're after Kevin's toys It's like trying to make it You know what I mean Oh yeah Alright but are they gonna come for me I'm like no Marv and Harry are fun They're just after Kevin's toys Kevin's gonna put them through the ringer It's all good And then like In the middle of the night She's like Dad dad I'm scared It goes there And I would come And she'd be like Are Marv and Harry coming And I'm like My wife's like You shouldn't have made her watch Home Alone I'm like she loved it It wasn't until recently That she started getting scared You know what I mean Oh Sal But she'll call and be like So you can't go up there You have to go up there Like this is what got really hard Like going up there, like they're always testing the limits of what they can control and not control and pushing boundaries.

1:56:01So that's the whole few years. It's like they're pushing boundaries. So they try to see what they can get over on you. Like so if they want you to come upstairs and they cry and that brings you upstairs, they know that they can get you upstairs every time. You have to break that habit. You have to like so. So there's times where it's like she's like crying and like, Dad, please come upstairs. and I'm like downstairs and like you can't you can't go up and it's the worst feeling because you want to run but you know it's a trap it's a trap but like but also she's cunning like she'll say shit that she knows are going to tug at my heart strings I'd have to ignore her crime and she'll start saying stuff like dad please dad I need you I miss you like you know right the ship is leaving the shore just things that she's seen And you're like, I'm like literally like downstairs.

1:56:56Like she doesn't see me, but I'm like right under the door. Me and my wife are sitting there and I'm just like, I got tears in my eyes. I'm just like, I need to go. You know, you can't. It's tough. It's tough. So parenting us. So yeah, you got to really like, I guess you have to be the day. You have to, sometimes you have to be the leader, huh? And sometimes you want to just be the, the, the, the buddy. I want them to be able to like, they want to sleep. She'll be like, please, can I come sleep with you guys? I wanted her to do that so bad, but we can't do it because it opens up. Then it's like.

1:57:27Oh, yeah. I know families that sleep, all the kids sleep in the bed and that's that, but it could be tough. We have work and travel a lot and stuff like that. Yeah. If you're not a little house on the prairie, then that's kind of, like back then, yeah, you need it for warmth and stuff and it's like that. Yeah. I want to do it, but so far we haven't done it because I just feel like I don't want to start bad habits. And is it tough with your wife to debate on what are good habits and bad habits? Or do you guys communicate? I'm on the same page. It's pretty straightforward. But you want kids? Yeah.

1:58:02Yeah. We talk about this a lot. You should have kids. Yeah, I'm going to have some kids. If you want kids, have kids. I think the most you can get to is I think I want them. Nobody's like, if you're yelling in the park or whatever, I want kids, you're going to go to jail. Or you're going to get elected. but if you're just like yeah but so i think the safest thing i say yeah i think i would really like to have kids i'll have to have a spouse that is like we can go down that road together um and then you know some of it i think it's like if that's going to be part of god if god wants that for me in my life you know and if i'm willing to set my life up enough where it's a possibility because god i don't think he would he would bless me with children if it wasn't like a safest environment either you know sure i i think you should do it i always tell you that but yeah i would like to have i think more and more i would like to have that yeah you know i would like to have the chance to love something that's different and have like a new different type of like connection in the world you know just to experience what connections there are because it's i'm sure it's like totally different i mean last time you hear you were saying just how different it is yeah yeah yeah you got to do it you got to do it especially if you want them because it's not it's there's nothing better you'll be you'll feel so fulfilled man yeah Yeah, you'll feel so fulfilled.

1:59:17And I want probably six or five kids, bro. I know. It's like when you start having them, you'll see. Or, yeah. You'll see, like, you want as many as possible. That's why people just keep having them. Dude, in the old days, man, people had them with reckless abandon. Bro, people would have a kid. They'd be like, oh, where's my kid? A dozen kids. They'd be at the store. They would leave a kid. They'd have to come back. Hey, we left a kid on your shelf or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some kids in the freezer. It's just like, yeah. People used to have kids back in the day, so many kids, that like some of them would just like perish perish and then they were just like ah we lost a couple of them yeah you know albert stayed and still have 10 of them but we lost a couple yeah albert stayed in mankato we didn't we had to see you know yeah he stayed he wound it off and we hope he's all right i know he wanted off in rochester yeah look you had a bag of food with him you know you're like that's crazy i don't know how you focus on you had how many siblings you got i just had one two three four three total okay what'd you have besides me three yeah yeah That's a fun amount.

2:00:12Yeah. So you're a family. You had four of you guys still together? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. If you could go back and be a kid, what's one moment you would go back to in your childhood? Was it like a birthday party or a time? It could just be a general. It doesn't have to be specific either. Yeah. What was the funnest holiday you guys had or something? Was there one that was just perfect? Going to my grandma. My grandma would host Christmas, and all the cousins would come over. And that was fun, because she had like this really old house that was a two family with a big basement and a big old attic. Yeah.

2:00:46And we all used to go up in the attic and cause like hijinks and hide and shit. And like, I just, like that, those days were the best days where you could just like run around the house playing hide and seek and like feel like it was the best thing that ever happened to you. Yeah. Yeah. Just not all this bullshit. Like you didn't know anything yet. It was just about playing, hanging out, you know? I know. yeah it seems like it should be able to be such a simpler world doesn't it that's the thing that I think gets me a lot go hang out in the woods like when I was young it was so much less like underdeveloped and there was just like patches of woods everywhere oh it was native of American shit you'd have a guy that chiseled a fucking couple tits into a birch tree you know there was like a grave somewhere somebody just Had just buried somebody Like the woods used to be crazy bro Cause you'd see some guy been living there Oh yeah There'd be some pornography or whatever Pornography yeah always Somebody buried pornography but they'd draw like an arrow It's like hey pornography So they didn't forget where it was That's where I saw my first porn bag was in the woods Oh everybody which is crazy bro You're right there with nature dude Oh dude I remember the first time I masturbated bro I didn't even know what was gonna happen with like Your body or whatever Right, right, right, right.

2:02:05And I remember something kind of came outside of my body, and I remember trying to put it back into my penis with my finger. Yeah. And I heard my mom downstairs, and I was trying to get it all back in. Before she, yeah. Oh.

2:02:21So, yeah, I was like, yeah, so obviously, yeah, I had a lot of intimacy issues over the years, bro. Let's get this question, let's get this answer in, dude. Early 1800s, let me see. Over the past three centuries, the average number of children per woman in most of the world has declined sharply. Roughly from five to seven kids per woman in the early 1800s to 2.25 per kids per woman today in many countries. I think it's even less than that now. Yeah. I think I've read something where they say like people are having the least amount of kids in history right now. Maybe there'll be a rebirth of it, you know?

2:02:55Maybe there'll be something new that happens. Do you feel like, I feel like, you know, I didn't want to get into like important, like heavy stuff today, but there's just like, it feels like it's a tough time in the world for a lot of people. Dude, do you imagine like Octomom? Like you have eight babies in your stomach? You get birthed to eight babies at the same exact time? Oh, that's dark shit. And look at that thing she had on her, bro. It's like whenever, you ever see that spider that's got the big thing on it, like it's pregnant? Yeah, that's wild, bro. Imagine you have no kids and then you have eight kids.

2:03:26Yeah. I think she already had like five kids. Oh my God. Are you serious? Yeah, just watch a documentary on it. How do you give the time you need to each of these kids? Yo, what do you do when you... You want people like, guess what? Twins. And they're like, oh my God. Two. How are we going to do this? Like eight? Bro, eight? How do you even... How do you even... What's the first thing you do when there's eight two-day-old babies? Yeah, what's the first thing you do? It's like Tamagotchis. like you like literally just have to like check the batteries on all of them holy shit dude get you some iced coffee cold coffee iced coffee you have a tamagotchi you have a tamagotchi no i never had one do you remember that oh i do remember them and it didn't hit us super hard our yeah i was a little older we weren't into like a lot of the asian kind of stuff that much we was like doing hulk hogan type of shit dude i remember i had to do a roast of this of the nadia suleyman who was the Octomom.

2:04:23Did you have to? Who had eight children, who was kind of a celebrity for a while. Or not a celebrity. I mean, everybody's kind of a celebrity these days. But she was like kind of in the limelight or whatever, you know, for that. You roasted her? We had to roast her. And dude, I remember I got there and I thought it'd be fun and everything. And you get there and you're like, oh, this feels, there's part of it that feels really mean. Oh, really? Do you remember any of the jokes? I mean, they were easy. I mean, some of them were probably good and some were probably not good. What scenario was she being roasted?

2:04:52Why was she being roasted? It was the Ha Ha Comedy Cafe over there In Burbank It's kind of off Burbank It's off Langersham I think Yeah Jack Jr. and his family over there It's their club, it's a great spot Yeah I've done some spots But they had the roast of her there And it was just other people Were on the dais or the docket It was interesting, it was fun But it was also like There was a moment where you're like, oh, this is me. Because they're sitting right there. And you think like. The kids were there? No. Bro, it's like eight kids just staring at you, rip on them. That would be crazy, bro.

2:05:32She was there. She was there. But it was just kind of a lot, bro. And I couldn't tell if she was trying to flirt or whatever. And I was like, I'm getting out of here, you know? Yeah, you can't even. You need to wear two condoms. Oh, I wouldn't even sneeze. God forbid. Yeah. You can't even sneeze. I wouldn't even let an eyelash fall out of her. The next thing you know, you have eight children. And blessings to her children. Let's get a gander out of them. I want to see them. And who knows? Now she may, you know, I can't imagine what that's like. No way. Updated. Oh, is that them now? They all look like.

2:06:04Wow. They look healthy and good. Yeah. They look like they all. Like they look like they weren't one of eight. Yeah. They look like they were their own. Imagine how that's got to be to break out of like, you know. I mean how much could they have weighed when they were born You got eight kids in there You got eight kids I would guess how much they weighed Let's guess and we'll wager Whoever wins What's the prize I don't know Do something for like Moon research or whatever $30 towards moon research Towards moon research It's probably going to end up Somehow going to Israel but we'll just, we'll call it moon research.

2:06:47I think, you got to tell us eight. If there were five, there's no way she could be. This is a good game show question, isn't it? Yeah, it is, right? There's no way she could be walking around with, the average kid when they're born is like six, seven pounds, right? So there's no way she's walking around with 50 pounds of kids in there. Right, yeah, that's a lot. Now look at the, you can get a gander at her right there when she got that front really launched. And that thing. That is crazy. So I'm going to say they were about 3.5 pounds each, something like that. Okay, you're going 3.5. I'm going to go, yeah, 3.15.

2:07:24That's still crazy. That's still 20-something pounds a kid. Oh, you're right. You're right. Yeah, that's crazy. Never mind. But they can't be much less than 3 pounds. I'm going 2.2. All right, 2.2, which means for eight kids, she was still hauling around 17 pounds. Yeah, 17 pounds a kid. 2.2 was a small kid. well does it can we find out 3.4 oh no way on the suleman octopulets before octuplets octuplets born on january 26 2009 weighed between one pound eight ounces and three pounds four ounces oh so some of them that's double the other kid yeah one pound eight ounce This kid is wild, bro. That's wild.

2:08:05When were they born? 2009? That's about 24 years after Amy and Stu Shankman got married.

2:08:16Hey. God bless the Shankmans. We wish them a million more years. If you ever get to meet with them, man, I want to see the tape of you guys meeting up together. Sal you got Manoush your new show Manoush is the new show and Foul Play Foul Play is on now on TBS people can check it out with Anthony Davis and he's in every episode yeah okay great he's in every episode and all of the athletes and stars and stuff like that and yeah I'm on tour salvocanocomedy.com for tickets got up till June announced but I'm gonna be doing all of Canada in October and I'm gonna be doing UK and Europe in 27 yeah yeah and then probably come back around and get the last few cities I haven't gotten to here.

2:09:00Maybe film this next special, maybe in Boston or something like that. I love Boston. Yeah. Do you think your family will go hitch the road with you? I'm going to try to maybe take them out to the UK. Yeah. Yeah, visit Ari out there and stuff. Oh, yeah. So that should be fun. And then, yeah. And then what else? I guess, yeah, Jokers will be out starting July. It'll be season 13. It's crazy. Well, you guys can find everything. We'll share all the links, man. And we'll share everything for you, dude. And Sal, thanks for coming and just spending time with us. Of course, man. Thanks for having me. I love you.

2:09:28It's kind of cool I love you too man And thanks for just Telling us about the Shankmans And just Let's find them I can't wait Yeah I gotta look We gotta You're gonna help me find them Amy and Stu The Shankmans They're looking for you Alright blessings bro Thank you so much You got it baby Now I'm just floating On the breeze And I feel I'm falling Like these leaves I must be Cornerstone Oh But when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take