#657 - Bobby Lee

27:08Yeah, because I know you. There's no way I'm going to eat the tip. or eat any part of your body. Dude, I'd fucking have a little bit of your ass, boy. Not your ass, but just... Don't say it like boy. Sorry, buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me put this hat on. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to put my hat on. Bobby, can you scoot your chair to the left a little? What? Just scoot left a little when you can get seated. Okay. You know what time it is, Kurt? Prize picks. Prize picks. Who you with? Prize picks. Prize picks. It's America's number one sports picks app. That's what it is. The app is really simple to use.

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31:31That's Mountain Dew.com. You look like Tokyo Drift AF, bro, right now. Thank you, man. Another one, huh? Huh? It's going to keep going. I'm just saying it looks like Tokyo Drift is fuck. It's a fun game. Movie, I mean. Huh? Hello? Yeah, I'm just saying. Okay, so in a war, now what would you do? In a war? Yeah. I would. Okay, hold on. Yeah, yeah. Chill out, man. We're fighting again. Let me give you the circumstances. Okay, give me the circumstances. Yeah, yeah. We're doing Vietnam 2. Ooh. There's got to be a sequel. Yeah, because we lost the last one. Did y 'all? Y 'all? I'm always on your team.

32:10What do you mean y 'all? Dude, I was born here, guy. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do. Yeah. But I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. I'd still be dude if I was an American soldier I'd still be wearing this hat. You would? Oh yeah, that's good. So I could sneak on to the other side. Bro we would do with the boobie in the best military ever. You and I? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude we would fucking stay up all night. Yeah. Partying. Oh, dude. I would relapse. Eating Twizzlers. Oh, yeah, dude. We'd relapse on opium, dude, that our own government would sell to its soldiers. Yeah. We would, yeah, we would shooting opium.

32:42Yeah. Listening to Purple Haze. Some folks born. Yeah. We'd be cutting on it. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're like shooting opium, right? And they're just like kissing tips. Yeah. Dude, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd be kissing the tip. With music, heroin, just the tip. Bro, I just want to be straight and help my country. I'm straight too, dude. I have a girlfriend now. Dude, here's what we'd be doing. We'd be staying up late and we'd get pissed off. Yeah. And I would cut one of my nipples off and just throw it. and you'd catch it in your mouth.

33:15Oh, that'd be cool, dude. That's how fucked up we'd be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's partying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's partying. That's partying, dude. Oh, yeah, dude. I know it. And then I would sew it back on your nip. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Good God. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again. Born in the USA. Yeah, but anyway, we're Vietnam 2. Vietnam 2. What would you do? You're drafted. Theo Van drafted. Okay. Born in the USA isn't a Vietnam song. that was written way after I know but I'm just saying don't sing that song then it doesn't even apply to both of us so I won't sing it let's go on what did you ask me what do you mean what I mean bro dude I'm USA all the way dude are you oh yeah dude guess what one of my favorite restaurants are Cracker Barrel oh it is am I American or what Cracker Barrel Cracker Barrel Cracker Barrel yeah really I think it's the best breakfast dude it's a good breakfast spot it is sometimes they give but when I walk in in the south there always is like everyone stops working when I walk in.

34:15Yeah. Well, there's kind of like a moment of remembrance. You think so? They're not saluting me. No. They're like, what the fuck is this? Well, it's because some of it's just like there's like an old, like I remember this, like my stepdad and he was in the wars, right? And he. What war? I don't know. He was in at least two out of three. And he went to, he would take my mom to the Chinese buffet. It was called. In the war? No, no. In town. He would take this They had this place called Yellow Bellies or whatever It was a Chinese buffet or whatever. I don't remember What was it called? Let's even look it up But he would take my He would take my mom over there.

34:52I'm not even joking Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah He would I'm not joking Bobby. No, it's not called Yellow Bellies. It was There's no way it's called Yellow Bellies, dude Bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was called Yellow Bellies And they changed the name. They changed one of the letters on the sign To to like yellow bells or whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's better. Because the eye burnt out or whatever. So it was just like yellow bells and it was just like. Oh, it was a belly with an eye at them? Yeah. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, see, yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's a play on words.

35:25Oh, yeah. But it's, so anyway, what happened was he would, after dinner, he would always go sit my mom in the car and then he'd go back in and he would like apologize to some of the workers that worked there for things that had happened when he was in Vietnam. Different conflicts, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. But we've never been in a conflict with China. It's a Chinese restaurant? Yeah. So your uncle would go into a Chinese restaurant and apologize to a country. It wasn't my uncle. It was somebody that my mom was smashing. All right, whoever. Your mom's smashing. Somebody my mom was smashing.

35:55Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we've never been in a war, really, with China. So he's apologizing to a group of people that they have no idea what the fuck he's talking about. They know. No, they don't know. Chinese people are like, oh, thank you so much for apologizing because we were feeling so bad about it. No, but dude, not everybody. This happens a lot in small towns, Bobby, and this is the truth. A lot of small towns, if they open up a place that is ethnical in the town and it's different. Yeah. They will hire anybody that even looks like that culture to work there. So I could get a job at Yellow Belly.

36:31Fuck. Yeah, dude. Manage it. Huh? Management? Maybe assistant manager. Okay. Okay You know Maybe They might let you manage on Sundays But what I'm saying is this So he would Then he would go in And kind of apologize And you have to think This is something kind of crazy So a lot of people went And fought in some of these wars Right Then they came back And they never saw anybody From any of these cultures Until like 40 years later When a restaurant With some different Ethnical food Showed up in their town And that's the That's like They never That's kind of crazy To think that You know Does it make sense to you?

37:05Let me get this right. Yeah. Okay. So what you're saying is you're – let's just call this guy Jim. Okay. What do you want to call him? His name is Charlie. Okay. All right. Can I call him Charlie? Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Ironic that his name is Charlie. I mean, look. And he was a nom. You were going to call him that no matter what. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But sure, you can. Yeah. And he died. And he wore a lot of gloves. And rest in peace, Charlie. He wore a lot of gloves. So what you're telling me is Charlie came back from the Vietnam War, didn't see an Asian person for 40 fucking years, right?

37:40And all of a sudden Yellow Belly opens a Chinese restaurant. Semi-Chinese, off-Chinese. Yeah, yeah, yeah, semi-Chinese, all right? And he walked in there, and because he hadn't seen a Vietnamese person in 40 years, he went up to a Chinese person and apologized for the Vietnam War and what he did. Yeah. Okay His heart had been changed Yeah That's the truth Bobby Bobby that's the truth man I swear I know But maybe go to a And my mom would tell you I understand that But maybe go to a Vietnamese person But they don't have all that They don't have a Vietnamese restaurant in town It doesn't At that point It's like you just take what you can get bro They They'll hire a fucking Mexican guy Who's fucking Who's high No So his eyes look Chinese Yeah who's high Yeah yeah yeah A high Mexican guy Yeah or just like You smoked up 24-7 when you walk here.

38:33Whose eyes, you know, he's got those lowrider eyes, you know, like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, sometimes you see those. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so what you're saying to me is that, and did he feel, did Charlie feel better about doing that? He felt, no, I just think over the years his heart had been, like, he just kind of like, you know, something, you know, he just had probably some remorse. Yeah. And I feel empathy for that, but I'll tell you what the Chinese people were thinking at Yellow Belly. What? What the? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they're thinking. What are you talking about?

39:06Nuh-uh. Yeah, yeah. Because they're not in the Vietnam. Do you understand? Yeah, I understand. I feel like, no, no, no. I think that there's... No, I know exactly what you're saying. No, because we do this all the time. No, we don't. Yeah, yeah. No, we don't. Yeah, we do. We do this all the time. And, you know... What do you mean, we do this? You're saying you and I have this conversation a lot? Yeah, you and I always go into, and I don't want to do it anymore. I think this is the last time. Okay, give me the other hat then. Huh? Oh, you want that sharecropper hat, huh? How you doing, man? Huh?

39:41How you doing, man? I'm good, sir. Yeah. Billy Lee, that's my name. Billy? Billy Lee. Billy Lee? Billy Lee. I love you. I love you. I'm happy to be here today working for you, sir. What can I do for you? I just want to apologize for what I did to your people in the Vietnam War.

40:01I apologize. What's your name, man? My name? Yeah, man. My name's Clark. Clark. Clark. Clark, I apologize. But see how that feels? Wait, hold on. You have nothing to do with the fucking Vietnam War. You're a white dude named Clark wearing that hat because you happened to get a job as a busser at Yellow Belly. Right? And some guy, Charlie. I've been working here for almost three months. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, hey, Clark, I want to apologize. Because I know you're wearing that hat. You're probably, you know what I mean? Yeah. I slaughtered a village. You know what I mean? And I feel bad about it, man.

40:38So, hey, I want to let you, give me a hug, man. We hug, right? Yeah. Give a little tip. Five hugs. That's what he would do. He'd go in there and he'd hit him a little extra. Yeah. And Charlie seems like he would hide the tip. So there'd be a nice look. It's like a heated rivalry. You ever see that show? I haven't seen that. Yeah, yeah. You know that show? The gay hockey show? Is that a show? Yeah, you never heard of Heated Rival. It's the hottest show in America, dude. Is it really? I think I'm afraid Josh Morrissey's in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's about these two top gay hockey players, but they're in love.

41:11Oh. There's a lot of gay love in it. Is Gianni Paolo in it? Yeah, yeah. No. I think Gianni and Josh Morrissey might be in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, in Heated Rival. No shade, Josh. There's a scene in Heated Rivalry when one of the hockey players passes a water bottle. So I'm going to just show you what one of them does. All right. So they're not out. You know what I mean? They're like these manly hockey players. Right. Can you pick it up with that hand, please? Yeah. Yeah. No, pick it up with that hand. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And he passes it like this, right? And then he does this. How does that feel?

41:46Do it with this hand so that people can see it on the camera. Okay. Do it with your other hand. So do it with this hand? Use your left hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have a lot of control in this hand. I'll try I don't give a shit Okay so you pick the Pick the bottom Pick the top Okay So you grab it like this And he goes What? Yeah and then you take the bottle That's like one of the first episodes It's like Kind of like a Gay relay race Yeah yeah yeah It was a gay relay race But it's also a way to show Like you know what I mean Right there's foreshadowing Yeah there's some foreshadowing So if I did that to you You and I doing a show together At the store Or, yo, Bob, hand me a bottle of water, right?

42:26And I handed you a bottle of water. And you stayed ahead. And I kind of just briefly with my finger rubbed your finger. Yeah. How would you feel about that? I would feel like you were rubbing my finger, and I would feel like you were trying to give me, trying to say something to me, trying to say something to me with just your finger without even saying something to me that was gay. And it would be something that was gay. Yeah. And I'll tell you this right now. I don't give a fuck. But would you do that to me? What if I was unconscious? No, dude. You have to feel the finger. You know that slogan, feel the finger?

43:00I don't think so. My grandfather used to say it all the time. Feel the finger. Yeah, see? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So your grandparents can do that kind of shit, but my grandparents can't go into a... Chinese restaurant? Yeah, a buffet. A Chinese buffet? A Chinese buffet and try and reconcile some differences. That's what I don't understand. I'm saying this. You can reconcile differences with people that you have to reconcile differences with. Yeah. Not some other nation or people. It makes no sense. I don't know if that's... I don't know if I agree with you. Make your argument. Make your argument. I'm trying to make it.

43:40Yeah, make your fucking argument. You keep attacking me. I'm not attacking you because what you're saying is nonsensical. Bro, I'm just... No, no, bro, no. You don't know anything about... You think... Here's what you think. Bobby. No, I'm sorry, Pakistan, right? I've been here so many different times, right? And I'm going to say what I'm going to say, okay? You think – no, you think – You're giving angry sharecropper energy right now. Yeah, and I am one. Okay. Okay, I have a farm. I'm a farmer. Okay, I'll go do it. Hold on. You seem to think that the whole country – I mean, continent of Asia, right, is one block that we have the same traditions, language, writings, culture, etc.

44:23They're all completely different, right? I believe you. So it's like saying, oh yeah, and Americans like somebody from the Congo. That's not true. Yeah. It's not. What if you said like, okay, somebody from Mississippi is like somebody that's from North Carolina. They're similar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They look similar, but they're different. One of them probably watches Outer Banks, and one of them probably listens to the soundtrack at the gym of Mississippi Burning or whatever. But the continent of North America, how many countries are in there? On the continent of North America? 51. No. Isn't there?

44:59Three. Dude, you're fucking setting me up, dude. No, I'm not setting you up, dude. Yeah, you are. You're a spy, dude. You're Mossad. I'm not Mossad, dude. I'm the opposite. You are? Yeah, I'm in rubble. You what? I'm in rubble. You're in rubble? Yeah. Okay, good. You understand what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, I got you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I'm saying to you is there's three countries on our continent, which are what? North America, South America, Mexico. No, no, no. What is it? See, that's why, you know what I mean? Charlie shouldn't have said shit, dog. But dude. He doesn't understand.

45:31I would like to. Do you know politically things? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He doesn't understand. There's Canada, America, and also Mexico. Yeah? Yeah. Now, is Central America, no, that's a, what is Central America? Yeah, that's not a part of okay. This is when the wizard runs out of his magic right Give me the how many countries I mean how many countries are in North America? This is including Central America. Yeah, but it's Central America North America. I don't think so Just just put in North America. How many countries are in North America, bro? No, just let me finish It's never gonna How many? How many countries in North America?

46:1111. That's Central America and stuff. It's including. But yeah. Ooh, Haiti. Yeah. In North America, there's three countries. Okay. Ooh, Granada. So it's like. Okay. Yeah. But here's my defense in defense of Charlie. Defense of who? Charlie. Oh, okay. He would. Bro, they don't. What I'm saying is in some smaller communities, they will open up a place that has a cuisine from an area even, a realm, right? What do you mean? Like Lord of the Rings shit? Yeah, they'll open up with some fucking Mongolian Mongolian restaurants Those are my favorite You know what I'm saying? They'll open up a Mandarin Yeah Or a Mongolian stir-fry place Chinese adjacent Yeah, Chinese adjacent, yeah Yeah So they'll open that up, Bobby And then The people that work there First of all Dude, there's no way Anybody There's no way to win this argument?

47:03It's fucking crazy Let me take this hat off There's no I'm gonna hear you out What's the problem with the hat? Yeah, I don't like it. I want to just be my son. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's no way to win this argument, but I'm so interested to see how you're going to do it. Go ahead. This is my final rebuttal. All right. Go ahead. And this is like the end of that movie. Have you seen A Time to Kill? No. Give me another movie. All right. Oh, Lincoln Lawyer. But I think. Yeah, give me another movie. All right. Bridge over the River Kauai. Yes, I have. Okay. So this is different than that. Okay. Here's what I'm going to tell you.

47:38It's Santino. It is? Yeah, hold on. Yeah, what's up? I'm doing Theo's, so. Project Hail Mary is one of the best movies I've seen in years. I know. It was an amazing movie, right? What's it called? Busboys? I cried like four times. I told you, dude. That's one of the best movies I've seen in years. What's it called? And then right after, I went and I watched Busboys, which is now in limited theaters all around the country. Yeah, and how do you feel about Busboys? Busboys is up there with some of the greatest fantasy sci-fi dramas I've ever seen in the entire world. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Loved it.

48:14I loved every second of it. Hi, Theo. Hey, brother. What's up, man? We miss you. We miss you. Love you guys very much. Sorry to interrupt. I'll call you later. We'll talk about the movie later. But what was that movie called? What was that movie called? I'm going to tell you after we hang out. Okay, great. Okay, let me get to the - Project Hail Mary. Project Hail Mary. It's great, huh? It's so good. I want to go see it. Is it in theaters or is it on VOD? I would recommend you watch it in theaters, but you're not gonna watch it. Yeah, well. I'll go watch it on TV. Would Charlie watch it? Huh? Would Charlie watch it if he was alive?

48:41No, he didn't. Well, then that's, you're part of the same. He liked to be in the shed and he liked to curse a lot. Oh, oh, oh. Or like the Unabomber. I don't know about that. No. Okay. But he took care of my mother. He had a small dog. But here's what I want to tell you though. Oh yeah, finish the argument. Okay. A lot of times in small communities, Bobby, people, if anybody seems semi-Asian, if anybody seems - Asian a guy who's Asian but also you don't know if he's Asian man if somebody just has dark hair and it could be a white guy but he had funny eyes even just a trans chick who can't see that good right like people will fucking it all works in that sort of place it doesn't work because it's wrong it doesn't work for us bro but in that kind of place you just you just take what like you like you take what you can get right right and so they'll have people sometimes you'll get a Mexican guy that's been in a fire even and they'll be like oh this guy's Taiwanese knees or something he's not right but people don't know dude they just so i'm just saying like sometimes that kind of shit happens and people try to make bridges where they can okay if there was a guy that was slightly blue would you think that they were from the movie avatar i'm sure charlie would have went up to him you know and offered him a fucking dude speaking of yeah yeah but let's move on no no i don't want to move on i think i see your point of view right i'm not saying it's right or anything yeah yeah what i'm saying though is is that this is small town um you know what i mean uh worldview but also yeah no no no there's not new york shit bring up that asian fellow we had on here that young boy or whatever i remember i saw some clips um yeah asian ray young boy asian bobby keys to your left yeah and he listened to listen to what he said one day that brought me into some crazy racism that was happening.

50:28I don't think we'll find it there. It might stop us, but maybe it won't. Maybe it will. I don't think it's on here. The full one might be on YouTube. Shorts or something. Can you just find it? Dude, oh, did you see those? Listen how messed up this is, dude. Did you see these moving slot machines that are going on? Tell me. I would like to see. They move? Watch this. They move now. Oh, yeah. They're gonna be coming after y 'all. Alright.

50:53Look at this, Bobby. Whoa. So say you're... I know. Yeah. You're taking a shit. No? No, and it comes looking for you or whatever. No, that's crazy. But say your wife's like, all right, you can't gamble anymore tonight, and you have to go to bed or whatever. Right. And that thing comes knocking on your door later with like a little bottle of wine or something. Oh, that'd be crazy. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or even just for like... You put 100 bucks in it, though, no? Yeah, but that thing could pin a fucking... Dude, that thing could pin an older Taiwanese man against a wallet and make him spend every buck he's got.

51:28Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see what you're saying. I'm just saying that shit's messed up. Yeah, I think that this is too far. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Moving anything. But ATM machine, too, then. If they do this, they do ATM. Yeah. What else machines can they do? You know the crane game? Oh, yeah. That one I would like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never gotten one, have you? Really, you haven't? I can never grab it, dude. Huh. Yeah. Sometimes I'll have it hook onto, like, you know, like on a plush toy. There's like the little whoever manual, like Made in China. There's like a little bit of a white.

52:04I try to get the crane, you know what I mean? Go through the part of the ticket or the little label. The little label. And I try to pull it up that way, but it somehow slips, dude. Oh, dang. That's a good strategy, though. What kind of age? What kind of what? What kind of age is he? This age? No, age. Asian. Oh, he's Thai. Oh, I like it. He's Thai. Yeah, tell me about him. What do you say? He's Juan. He's Mexican. Or he's Taiwan, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's Taiwan. Am I center? No, I'm just saying, look at the kind of shit that these kids are coming over here and saying, Bobby. Okay, I don't want to hear it.

52:39I would let you call me a chinchang. I'll give it a pass. Really? Yeah, just call it one time. It's okay. I know you want to do it. I don't want to do it It's okay Like I'm cool Like feel me I'm gonna give you the pass You can say Ching Chong I would not say I would probably I would think of something I don't like Ching Chong That much Why? I would maybe call you Like a Slot Machine Boy Or something like that Something that Asian people Like to do Look at this little Kind of Slot Machine Look at this little Slot Machine Yeah What do you mean by that? Like we slot Like Ding ding Yeah That's the slot machine That's not - I'm not saying that.

53:19Yes. No, I think that slot machine - Winner! It's like - it'd be like a slot machine just adding like a - When you hit the bonus on a slot machine and the money goes up -

53:30You're like - Crazy! Let me tell you something, that's unfair. You know that guy? We know - we all know each other. I - I can call Eun right now, dawg. Kim Jong-un? That's right, dawg. You know who he was supposed to play your role in the movie? Who? KJU. I'm not even joking. You're going to give him one line in a movie? We offered him. It's four lines. Are you going to put him in the center of the - It was the only - Wait, wait, wait. I was second choice, dog? No. Wait, wait. I was second choice for four lines in your movie. Hold on. That's crazy, dude. I don't know if it's true or not. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

54:10I believe you. Yeah, you were a producer. And you wrote the thing. Dude, we barely got through it. We made it during the fires, Bobby. Yeah, I understand that. Listen about this Asian guy, okay? Number one. I don't want to give him any more air time. This guy's kind of fucking rude. You brought it up! All right. You made me watch the whole video and then like watch it. I watch it. I can't say anything. All right, then. Go on. Right. He's not. He's from Xinjiang. Go on, Bobby. All right. He's from the land of them. He ain't no American. I'm American. I know you are. Yeah, yeah. So it's like, Ching Chong hits different with me than that Ching Chong.

54:50Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you know what I mean? So it's like, you know. That little fucking. Also, let me say something. That little octopus knuckle, he ain't shit. He ain't shit, dude. This little octopus knuckle, dude. You know what I mean? And let me say something. Slots, I know why you said that, man. Because a slot is a slit. Nah. Yeah, that's why you said it. A slot is a slit and a slit is a slot, dude. Bro. I'm doing parables, dude. Parables. Yeah, let me say something about that. All right, tell me something. Let me say something, okay? Right? I give you permission, maybe not on camera, but off camera, to say whatever you want to call me because I'm not going to take it personally.

55:29I don't do that. Yeah, you do. You have. And I've said, I've called you certain things. Oh, really? Yeah. Just to you, off camera. To me? Was I there? Is that what you're saying? I was there? Yes. Oh, off camera you have. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not behind my back though. No, not behind your... You know what? Wow. Well, I don't want to. The defense rests. We're going to break for lunch. You know, in the past, I was hesitant to invest my money and who wouldn't be? Because, you know, I mean, I used to throw my money in a wishing well when I was a child and I wish for more money, but I didn't realize I was working backwards.

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57:29Investing involves risk. Acorns advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com slash Theo. There's times in the past where I went to the doctor. And I didn't feel like I got anything useful out of the visit. That's true. I'd go in there. And one time the guy tickled me. and he wrote some profanity on a little sketch pad or something. That's why I'm excited about this company called Superpower. Superpower sends a licensed professional to your home or you can visit a nearby lab. It's one simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers, which is way more than what you usually get.

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58:48You know that. People are poisoned by food. There's glyphosate and, you know, you're watching television getting glyphosate thrown into your face through the, you know, 4K or whatever, 5G wireless. You know, the animals aren't breathing. You know what's going on. What I'm saying is some days feel good and others feel overwhelming. BetterHelp is reminding us that May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and it's a good time to check in with yourself and understand where you're at. That's where BetterHelp comes in. BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S., America, and they do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals.

59:28And I do want to say, if you go see a therapist and you don't feel like it's a good match, get another one. I sat in with therapists that I didn't think it was a good match. I sat in for far too long because I was afraid to speak up for myself. You don't have to be on your journey alone. That's the truth. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10 % off at betterhelp.com slash theo. That's betterhelp.com slash theo. The judge is going to return to his chambers. We'll be back after lunch. Yeah, yeah. Dun-dun-dun. Dun-dun-dun. Dun-dun-dun. Remember that show? Yeah, I love that show.

1:00:06Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've said some stuff behind your back. Ooh, Bobby got that hitter, huh? What's up, dude? What flavor is it? That's fucking tobacco, dude. Yours is just tobacco flavoring. Yeah. I quit smoking it over a month ago, so sometimes I'll take a hit. That's insane, bro. Yeah, that's how I quit. The same way I'm fucking not quit. What do you mean, dude? That's not quitting. Dude. If you're smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, 20 cigarettes. Yeah. 20 cigarettes And I lit me one Have you heard that song? No Morgan Wallen? No Dude I went to his concert I don't know the modern shit I went to his concert the other night Dude I saw I saw fucking Karen Carpenter at the Coachella I didn't know one song Really?

1:00:51Yeah yeah yeah She came out She came out And I had not one song No Sabrina Carpenter? Sabrina Carpenter Oh yeah Karen Carpenter died Her and Madonna Yeah yeah Dude no Morgan Wallen dude Bro you gotta go see him No, I'm not going to say. Bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to do his walkout with him, bro. Have you ever seen he does walkouts where people walk out with him? Nick Saban freaking walked out with him, Bobby. Yeah, I don't even know who Nick Saban is, dude. I only know people. It's not Nick Saban, dude. Like, he's a guy who freaking makes coupons. He might be saving something. It's Nick Saban.

1:01:21Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, listen to me, guy. Bro, he loves you, dude. Yeah, and I love him back, dude. But what I want to say to you is this. Last night we let the liquor talk. Bro. Bro. Last night we left the liquor talk. That's good stuff, dude. Listen to me, dude. I don't. I've been listening. It's a regional thing, dude. You're out there in Nashville.

1:01:50You mean all your shit? Right? We don't do shit like that, dude. You're right. You know what I mean? Spoons. That's your shit, dude. You know what I mean? We do different shit out here in LA, dog. What? Yeah. Rap. punk bands you know what I mean y 'all are you're right you know what I mean yeah last night my bus fell down a river like music I don't even relate to last night my dog came said hello those are like that's your music you know what I mean my corn's growing like sombreros like Nevada Nevada I'm sorry let's try the country zone real quick what alright what I woke up and I couldn't see this morning.

1:02:39Then I realized it was night. So I had to re-download my iPhone software. I put my white hat through the door. Yeah, amen, bro. I like the ending. It's like CBD. It's a CBD. TBD. Why did you say CBD? To be decided. It's like a TBD continued. Oh, TBC, you said. What? Dude. Oh, did you see that gay volleyball? No, hold on a second. We keep, bro, we're not, we don't even know what we're saying, bro. I know. That's the thing. That's the thing. When you and I are together, right? Just say it, man. There's anxiety and we want to get to the next thing, right? Because we think that silence is bad. That's a good point, huh?

1:03:27I do feel like that. Have you always felt like that? But what I realize, it doesn't matter with you and I. It's going to be good. It's going to be good, and there's no need for anxiety, and there's no need to, like, what's clippable. Because when you and I are together, sometimes it gets clippable, and it becomes sometimes viral. And when I was coming here today, there's a reason why I haven't done your shit in a long time, is because I don't like the pressure of doing it with you specifically, because if we don't create magic, right, then it was just a waste. I brought that up to Nick today before you came.

1:04:03Yeah, yeah. And I prayed about it before this. Yeah, but what I believe is that then when I was driving, I was like, I don't care. Whatever it is, it is. Yeah. And I'm okay with that. You know what I mean? Because we're both doing well in life and I believe that you're a very good person. I'm a good person. And just not rush through it, man. I'm here as long as you need me But I think we have something I mean Where's Bear Dick at? He's over there Yeah, Bear Dick Did we get stuff already? Yeah, I think you gave the Clippers some fuel We got some stuff, right? We got more than enough So what I'm saying is that Can you slide to your right a little bit?

1:04:46You're in the other shot Honestly, dude, what you're doing right now I said to go to the left, now I gotta go to the right? We haven't had this problem yet You're full of energy Does he look on center? He's just creeping into your shots and move your mic over Okay, got it. I gotta get it. Am I okay here? Move your mic and you're good. Bobby look at this right here. This is you in the movie This is your anxiety. Oh, there you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah That's the guy you beat out for your Okay, first of all No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no That's Kim Jong-un as me in the movie, dude No, he came in for a read That's the guy you beat out for your role, you freak Oh, so he came from North Korea and read, went on set and read for you and he didn't get it?

1:05:33Yeah. Yeah, and then you were like, what other, you know what I mean? Chong Chong's do we know? No, no. And then you called me? How many people did you call before you called me? Did you call Ken Jeong? Did you call Jimmy O. Yang? I did send a text to Kim Jeong. He didn't text me back. Ken Jeong. Kim Jeong. Yeah, yeah. And I did also, we did reach out to Ken Jeong. Or Ken Jeong Eun. what is his name Kim Jong Un Kim Jong Un yeah yeah yeah no that's Kim Jong that's Kim Jong so he said no he said no but he did you know what he did say though they wrote a letter back like his like affairs person or whatever yeah and they said that they loved David Spade and Dickie Roberts I thought that was just hilarious that they put that in there that was pretty cool who else did you offer before you offered it to me we offered it you were second oh so Kim Jong Un the dictator from North Korea yep and I was second 100 % 100 % Yeah Thank you so much You bet You know what I mean Because I think You got it If you got dictator Like Victor Orban And then we got dick taster So I think we did good Dude it's not fair What you just said Bro you didn't have a lot Yeah I just Yeah I licked the tip I only had a little Yeah I only had one piece Yeah I only had Omokase I Omokase did Okay dude That's all I did Right And you know this about me dude I do I might be 5 % bi.

1:06:54And that's not a lot. That's not a lot, dude. Bro, these days? These days, dude, they go all the way to 100%, dude. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? And it's like, I didn't get that. No. I would be okay if I had 100%, but I'm only 5%. Dude, if I was gay, I would just, I think still. I think you're 3%. 3 %? Yeah, yeah. I think in the right circumstances, you would kiss the tip. I would. Henry Cavill. Who's Henry Cavill? Superman. The one before. No, I'm not having some guy who's working all the time out meeting people at night and shit like that. Okay. Here's what I will say this. If I didn't get married to a woman at some point and there was like a cool dude who was not trying to like do any sex or touch my ass or anything but wanted to chill, separate rooms, maybe he is a chef or something.

1:07:45Maybe. If I also don't have to talk to him every day. Okay. So it's 1%. Yeah. Yeah, okay. You're 1%. 1%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or even, dude, I dated a chick with hard tits, and that freaking kind of, that was a lot. Dude, I dated a hot chick. Yeah? With Sarah Connor ass. No. You know Sarah Connor from Terminator? Nuh-uh. Yeah, like she was buff, right? So her ass felt Schwarzenegger-like. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? I like it when it's like, there's like some fat, you know what I mean? Yeah. And she was beautiful, but her ass was Sarah Connor, and I couldn't do it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:08:21Like, because I'm not the Terminator. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't have those robotics. Some ass, too, of women, they go to the gym so much, and their ass has a little bit of hair on it. That's the craziest thing. Yeah. Like, how much hair? Not a lot, but just enough where you feel they shaved a couple times, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's not crazy. I don't care. Yeah. But it is a surprise. It's a surprise. Sometimes when you go in the cave and you see some foliage. Yeah. You know what I mean? that I don't like. Oh, really? I like my caves clean. Okay.

1:08:47Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we have now the technology to do it. I don't want foliage because I'm not like a cave dweller. Dude, would you go back in the 1400s you think and eat a little bit of ass or what? In the 1400s? I would pass on that, dog. All right. Yeah, man. You get the measles. Oh, you will. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll get some sort of like, you know what I mean, thing that would kill somebody back then. Yeah, yeah. I'd have like one of those Asian, you know what I mean? Yeah. I get what I mean? COVID masks. you get that holy polio would you eat 1400 ass polio polio no dude am I doing that shit dude I will tell you this bro I wouldn't even answer that question yeah yeah yeah you asked me I know before you move on because you're having anxiety I know you're doing anxiety alright chill out for a second because I'm a podcaster as well I know dude you're a professional You guys have one of the top 10 podcasts in the world.

1:09:43So are you. That's crazy to think that, though. I don't think about it. But it's still crazy to think. It's crazy just that it's - People tell me, I go, oh, I guess. Is your podcast big in other parts of the world? I don't know. As it is here? I don't know the stats. I don't know the stats. And it's like that old term, you know what I mean? I don't live in the results. Oh, cooked pot doesn't boil or whatever. What is that term? What is it? A watch pot doesn't boil. Watch pot doesn't boil. A cook pot does boil, though. A cook pot does boil, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, how about this?

1:10:22When you use terminology sometimes, think about it first. I think that's one of your problems. You know what I mean? When it pops into your head, I don't think there is that thing that goes, let's think about it. You just say, what's that term? Cook pot, you know what I mean? Boils, you know what I mean? And it's like, it's not the right thing. So I think that's a part of your anxiety. Yeah, you're right. Right. It's hard for me to leave that space in a place. I'll just like if something's like somebody, if two people are sitting there and nobody's talking, it gets really uncomfortable. Yeah. You're that way too, Bobby.

1:10:53No, I've changed for me. Are you serious? Oh, yeah. Dude, I'm so serious. What would you really do to change that? Because that's a big thing. A lot of people deal with it. Because I don't really care really anymore. I have empathy and I care about the world and that's not what I mean. I don't care like whatever direction my life takes I'm just gonna go with the flow and it's not my responsibility or I'm not a psychic I don't know what's gonna end up happening to me what question you answer right now what I'm asking you is uh what do you mean if like say you and I are talking and or say you're talking to anybody right and it becomes a moment of silence this happens to me a lot of relationships if there's a moment of silence it's hard for me to just sit there and let there be silence yeah but that's you said that you've changed with that so what I'm asking is how have you changed?

1:11:37What have you done that's changed? Because that's kind of a - I think therapy has helped. I think Lexapro has helped. You know, sometimes I'll take Ritalin for my ADHD. I didn't take any today. How much pro you on? Yeah, pro, what? Lexapro. Lexapro? Yeah. 10 milligrams, I think. Okay, that's a low dose, but it's a good dose. It's a dose, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's like when they say, when you're performing, a lot of comics hate the silence, but that's when they're listening, right? And I feel so comfortable with you because we've known each other for so long that we could take a break. We don't always have to like chase a laugh or say something super interesting.

1:12:13That's the thing. It's like we perform for the algorithm and for what people are going to want to watch. I think with you sometimes it does turn into that. This is the first time I've ever thought that. So it's funny that you said that before you came over or whenever you got over here because I did think that. Didn't we talk about it, Nick? I said, what did we say? What are we going to talk about? and I was like, let the moments happen. Yeah. Yeah. And if the moments don't happen, I'm okay with that too. That's okay. That's okay. Yeah. Because we'll podcast again and again. And I don't want to lose out on a chance to have a good time with you.

1:12:47I'm already having a blast. Me too. You know what I mean? The things that you talked about, Charlie, was insane. It's not that easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fucking insane. And that's already something that people are going to go, what the fuck is he talking about? Well because he's a small town like he likes to go out to eat or whatever? No, no, no, I don't want to re - Don't do your fucking confused white face. You guys do that a lot. Your confused white face. Who does? Who are you? You, no, you guys. You guys do that a lot. Oh, you think we're all - We didn't start a war! What? And your eyes cross.

1:13:20What happened? You know what I mean? You started it! You started it! We didn't - Yeah, you started it! Well, it's been going on for 47 years! That's fucking - They're about to have a nuclear weapon. Come on, man. Don't do confused white face. I get it. I know the tone. I've been around a long time. I know confused whites. That's Trump and his fucking... I know, but sometimes you're a confused white. You think so? That's Trump and his fucking missile monkeys doing that shit. But those missile monkeys are also confused whites. They're monkeying around. I know. You know what I mean? And what I'm saying is that, you know what I mean?

1:13:57Don't confuse white me, dog. You're right. You know what I mean? because I'm a confused yellow. No, you're not. Sometimes I am. Really? I get confused, yeah, but the Lexapro's helped. You always seem confident. Has it really helped you? What has it helped you with? I'll say this. You seem a little less shy because sometimes you get shy. You ever try to put your hand in an aquarium and you try to get one of the fish out of there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, like a koi fish. Or just at a party or whatever and they keep going. They will not come into your hand. Yeah, because it's a defense mechanism. But that's how you are.

1:14:28No, but they're like, you know what I mean? a crazed white is, you know what I mean, trying to grab me. A confused white, I mean. I'll keep my hand open and just wait till something comes in it. Will you clutch it? No, it's kind of softly open like this. Do they ever do it? Never. Never. You know why? Why? They're scared. That's how it reminds me of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the behavior I get out of you. Yeah, I'm not really that scared anymore. Good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you scared? Fuck yeah, no, I'm happy to hear that. No, are you scared? Are you scared? You know, I've gone through a period recently in the past few months where I've definitely dealt with some fear, you know?

1:14:59I think scared of like yeah I don't know dude like things get scary in the world and you think like if you say certain things that people are going to do something bad to you or something bad could happen to somebody you know do I get death threats and things like that yeah that's scary you get those? sometimes I have from who? I got blocked them immediately I don't know have you ever gotten a stalker before? oh yeah no way have you no never can I tell you something that's you're confused about again yeah right and this has happened to me four or five times I'll have a I'll match somebody with Raya I'll take them on a date and they'll go what's Theo up to and I go because I was hanging out with Vancouver and then like I couldn't get in touch with him and it's like you know like tell me and four matches listen, hear me out four of my Raya matches were because they were trying to get to you and that's when I deleted Raya you're off, I'm off of it I've never been on it I know, but my point is what is it?

1:16:14my point? women probably do stalk you, I believe they do I do have a lot of women on my Instagram going tell Theo I think he's hot that's crazy Yeah, yeah. And it's like, you know, I'm pretty hot. Yeah. Dude, if I were a gay dude, I would fucking smash you, dude. Or I would date you or I'd ask you out. Sorry. Don't smash right away, man. Where are you going to take me? Huh? Where are you going to take me? You know where. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love LA. Yeah. I got it, bro. And we'll apologize for Charlie. Hey, free appetizers. Yeah. No, dude. You would take me somewhere nice. I would take you somewhere nice.

1:16:52Like if I said like, what town is this? LA? I would take you to Homokase if they have that dude it's just too gay dude just disguising their wiener as fish yeah like oh I think you would take me somewhere nice like if I go take me to Mastro's Steakhouse I would take you somewhere nice like that my friend Matt Weiss used to take me there all the time would we make out like if you were gay and I was at your date would you make out with me that night or I don't think so I don't like to make out on a full stomach so yeah me either yeah yeah it's crazy yeah yeah Yeah. And you know what I've been doing lately, dude?

1:17:27Inner cleanings. What is it? Are you talking? I've been doing inner cleanings, dude. And what do you guys, and what do you mean by it? What do you mean you guys? What do you mean by it? When you say inner cleanings. Are you talking about, um. When I say inner cleanings, what would that, what are you talking about? I just had a colonoscopy. Oh, damn, that butt fountain or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a butt fountain. They found no pulp. Did they? Yeah, and they found no cancer. Let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now I do inner cleaning. So what I'll do is by my bathtub, I have one of those Japanese toilets.

1:18:01Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah. Right, right? Yeah. I sit on it, it warms up right away. My stepdad, he would shoot those if he saw them. You Charlie would? He wouldn't shoot, but he would draw on it. Yeah, he would draw on it. He would draw on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, it's a flashback and trauma. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. That's what I'm saying, dude. Yeah, anyway, and what I do is I have fancy body wash next to my toilet, right? So I have a bidet. You have a bidet? No, I don't have that. Do you know what one is? Yeah, I know it's something that washes in your ass and stuff like that.

1:18:37And I respect it. I'm glad we have it as a culture, but I don't want it. Why don't you want it? I'd rather wash my own ass like a fucking man. I know, but the thing is that when you use dry toilet paper, right, you're not getting the innards. But sometimes you'll put some wetner on that toilet paper, dude What's a wetner? Wetner, keep you a little stash of water by your toilet Yeah, well just get a fucking boday It just does it naturally when you press a button Yeah, if you You're gonna have a fucking wetner? It's the same fucking thing Dude, I'm not fucking letting some Waymo fucking clean my ass, dude Alright I'm doing it myself But you can control the angles I'm old fashioned Alright, dude So I control the levels Yeah So it hits the hole But that's not a colonoscopy, Bobby I already had one last week Okay But now I'm talking about Cleaning my innards Do they let you keep anything That comes out of it Like if they have like a They found a fingernail Nuh-uh Yeah, yeah, yeah They found a fingernail Fuck yeah I knew those were in there Somebody said those were in there Yeah, yeah Those were in there Dang No, but so So your health is good?

1:19:34No, no Let me finish my innards story, dude That's what your problem is You're right All right And I take some body wash I let the boday Hit directly Into the You know what I mean? Calamari Yeah Is what I like to call it Okay Okay Okay That's what it looks like Okay Right, right I hit the calamari right and then sometimes I'll open up my own cheeks Right. Oh, damn so that the water sprays right into the hole into the Hormuz, huh? The Hormuz right straight in the Hormuz, right? It does close It does close right? You know me, but you know me we're charging We're charging two million for her vessel.

1:20:09That's you guys charge my poo dude Yeah, I charge my food two million dollars and they pay it. That's what you got to tell your butthole It's like, hey, blink twice if you're in trouble, you know? Yeah, yeah. So anyway, I spray it inside, and then I'll take a tissue paper, some body wash, right? I'll get it inside the hole, and I'll do a double spray. Ooh. Right? In the hole, right? Then I do a dry wipe. Okay. Right? And I leave so that, like, you know what I mean? When you're having sexualities with my girlfriend, right? You know what I mean? There's no problem. Right. I mean, aren't you self-cleaning when you know you're about to hook up?

1:20:46Yeah, I'll wash my whole body. I've been taking a little break right now from dating and stuff like that. Okay. But I'll wash my whole body. I do that too. I do that too. Okay. Yeah, I know. You think that I only wash that? I don't know. I don't know what you're doing. No, wait, wait, wait. Have you ever met yourself? Have you ever met yourself? Have you met yourself? It's crazy. You're crazy, dude. You're fucking crazy. Whatever, dude. You're a confused white, dude. Whatever, you told me. Yeah, you know. When I tell you what? You said you used to work on the Andrea Gale, dude. That fishing boat that went down, dude.

1:21:20Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I survived it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I survived it. And you lied to me. Yeah, I lied about it. So my bad. But let me say something right now, okay? Of course I wash my body before I do that process. Okay, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all. That's all I'm saying, all right? All right. Yeah, yeah. See, that's all you do is wash your body. I wash my body. I wash my whole body. Huh? You steam your body? I go to sauna in the morning. In Nashville? Yeah, Nashville or here. Oh, you do? I've never been to sauna with you. You haven't? No, I'd like to do it one day. Yeah, I'd love to go over there, man.

1:21:50You know, there's supposed to be some good places that people go, like as a group and stuff. I haven't been to any of those. I'll just do it at home. But also, I'll go to Equinox over there and I'll go over there. You mean as a group? Like, you know, people will get this. Like a boy band? There's like a bathhouse or something. Oh, yeah. No, I'm not talking like an O-Town reunion or something. BTS is going? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Like, if we gathered a group of comics, me, you, Gillis, Santino. That'd be so fun. And would you be like one of those people? Because a lot of, and I'm, I know I'm bringing White up a lot, right?

1:22:21That's all right. All right. But what I'm saying. I knew you were going to do it before you came here. Well, you bring up Asia a lot. Like, you're confused about the whole fucking continent. Well, you guys aren't sharing a ton of information. To Iran, we are. To Iran? Yeah. We have satellites. Well, we're not getting much. You guys aren't sending me. I'm an American. Let's move on. Okay. Okay. What I want to say is, have you seen this volleyball player that you... We were trying to find a movie role for you. When I was on Bad Friends, we were trying to find a movie role for you that would be really, really great.

1:22:52And we're like, what would be a great movie role for Bobby? And we found... Have you seen this guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see it. This is my boy Jordan Lucas over at CSUN, dude. Okay.

1:23:05Splash, baby. He gets it done, bro. Oh, he is... Oh, I see. I understand. Welcome to Valley I understand Valley ball baby That dude is hot He's in the valley right? He's at CSUN? Yeah Northridge Up in Northridge bro He put that flamenco on him baby He's flashing that flamenco So that's I would play a black gay man in a movie No this guy's not black He's not? What is he? No Jordan Lucas? He's a fucking boss that's what he is Oh he's a boss Yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He seems like a black boss. He's sassy, bro. He's sassy, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, would you be intimidated playing against him? Bro, game set sassy, bro.

1:23:51That dude is a fucking boss, bro. Yes, I'd be intimidated playing against anybody that plays volleyball well. Yeah, oh, that's true. He's a boss, bro. Shout out CSUN. And what's your team name? And it says right there, I can't stop watching the vid of this Northridge College Volleyball Beast Diva LOL. well that's where we're at bro beat the beast divas have launched homie yeah bro that's what we you need you need that kind of like energy in the world you need aggressive capable gay males or semi-gay i don't have no idea this guy definitely has he said that we don't know i saw an interview with him he's gay he could only but he could be straight and have gay moves I've done some gay moves But I'm 95 % straight We know dude No no no I'll wait and I'll go But that doesn't necessarily mean You know what I mean Like when I kiss the tip I do it manly You know what I mean That's not Like a dad kissing his son goodbye The one kiss a year Yeah Like that dude Like aggressive but like hetero yeah yeah hetero yeah yeah for sure have you seen the thai um draft so there's a draft in thailand no yeah bro you're spike lee that'd be your name dude if there'd be your asian name bro if you if you play volleyball that's so funny yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that'd be so fucking sick dude yeah ladies and gentlemen spike lee yeah yeah and i'd be spiking it yeah yeah yeah Dude, you should do a show.

1:25:33We should do a movie. We should do a heated rivalry where I'm Spike Lee, right? And we're not putting you on the poster if we do it. You're Volley Vaughn. But we'll do a movie. You and me are the leads and just I'm on the poster. But it's like heated rivalry where I hand you a... And you touch my finger? There's a finger. Right. What do you think? So you're saying what we do like... It's a movie, so it's not... It's not real. It's art. It's art. You think we broke back... Jake Gyllenhaal? Yeah. I know Jake. You do? I love him. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I had dinner with him once. He's a great guy. You did?

1:26:02Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my gosh. You never even said that. Well, how would you know? You never asked me. You'd think you would tell me. Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't tell you everyone I've had dinner with. I know that, but at least you would say, hey, Jake Gyllenhaal, I had dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a great guy. He's so funny. Who's your dream guest to have on your podcast on Bad Friends? Oh, shit, dog. My dream guest? Or on your own podcast? Tiger Belly is my own podcast. Yeah, but I'm saying Tiger Belly or Bad Friends. the dream guest would be um Brad Pitt wow yeah I just want to see what it's all about to see it up close and personal yeah damn bro I want to see if it's an illusion or if it's real if it's makeup have you seen him in real life before Brad Pitt I saw him one time yeah is it real I mean I was so scared I didn't know what to do and I just yeah you tremble probably oh yeah I was like opening a door for him and I got all scared and shit yeah yeah yeah he went in the building I followed him Yeah, I know but when you look at him, but he moved quick.

1:27:01Yeah, I know he looks like a very quick guy Yeah, like one time I was um, you know nothing about soccer No, I know the World Cups coming to the USA. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. But anyway, um, my favorite soccer team is Arsenal FC mm-hmm and So the soccer team has like Lee War good God What is it good for? Absolutely nothing Say it again Okay, so I'm an Arsenal fan Here's the thing about you You don't listen Here's the thing about you You're already thinking about what you're going to say next Like a different topic I know your eyes, right? So when I'm talking, right? You're already thinking about something else You're not really listening Okay, my bad, let me drop in You want this to be over?

1:27:51No, I don't Tell me about Arsenal, dude All right. So their legendary player is a guy named Thierry Henry. Thierry Henry. T-H-I-E-R-R-Y. Yeah. How'd you know that? Because I've seen him before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's one of the greats. He's one of the greats. People say he looks like Sully McCullough as well a little bit. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fair, right? Yeah. So Henry, I was at a hotel. And you met him? No. So I was in a hotel in New York, right? I was shooting the movie The Dictator, right? And they put us in a... I forgot what hotel it was. And I remember being in the elevator And Henri walked in Did they put you on the poster or not the dictator?

1:28:25No And I had more lines than busboys But they didn't care about you Yeah, they didn't care about me You cared about me I can't believe I didn't ask you that Anyway, Henri walks in, right? And, you know, obviously It's like, hey I'm a huge fan Or can I get a photo Or whatever You said that to him? No, nothing came out of my mouth. I was so in shock that he was the last person that ever thought I would dreamt meeting or seeing in real life. Of course. That when he got off his floor, the words couldn't come out. No. Yeah, yeah. That's how much of a fan I was. And then when I missed my moment, I missed my moment.

1:29:09You know what I mean? So the other day I was at Pizzeria Bianco, right? And the dude that runs, that created it, I'm a big fan of, he was in the restaurant. No way. Yeah. And I walked right out to him. I go, can I get a photo? And he goes, sure, kid. So I do it every time now. Because I'm not fans of like, you know. Did he hear he was in the restaurant? No, this guy that created Chris Pizzeria Bianco. Oh, he was in the restaurant. It's one of the best pizzerias in the world. The creator. Who's it? Bring it up. That's him right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chris Bianco. Yeah, Chris Bianco. Oh, I've seen him before.

1:29:46Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's one downtown in L.A. Very good pizza. I don't go down there too much, but I will. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, so now when I see somebody, can you listen? Yeah, I'm back. I'm here. Okay. Now when I see somebody, like, I'm not like fans of like, oh, there's, you know what I mean? Sabrina Carpenter or David Robinson. Or like a. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not like what. Mitch McConnell. Like Mitch McConnell. Like Turtle Eyes. Yeah. I call him, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you know, so most people are like, I gotta get a selfie with Mitch. You know, when he's in it, he's a zone.

1:30:21His froze zone. You know what I mean? When he freezes up. That's my favorite part of him. Oh, he's glitching. Yeah, he's glitching. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? But anyway, that's his cum face. Yeah. Did you know that? Oh. Yeah. This is... Oh, damn. Anyway, like Mitch McCollum. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, yeah. That's his cum face, too. Bro, we're gonna go to hell for doing this. That's a real face or something? using some of these senior citizens, dude. Yeah. They're just, they're using them to just smuggle. But imagine his Chinese wife underneath them, and that's the face he uses.

1:30:53Oh, yeah. Oh, dude, you know what I mean? You gotta use that. Yeah, yeah, you gotta use that. Anyway, so are you fans with somebody that's weird, that if you ran into them, that you'd be starstruck? I think probably Marilyn Manson, probably. He's dead. Huh? Someone alive. Oh. Yeah, I can go out through history, Like Genghis Khan, that'd be cool. Yeah, yeah, but Marilyn Manson's dead, yeah. Is there somebody that you would like, you're in an elevator. Are you thinking Marilyn Manson's still alive, Charles Manson's dead. Oh, you meant Charles Manson. Oh, Marilyn Manson. Yeah, Marilyn Manson, dude.

1:31:29Oh, I saw him. I thank God. Oh, thank God. Thank God he didn't die. Oh. Oh, fuck. Yeah, no. Yeah. I know him. You do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dang, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do know him. Yeah, I was talking to somebody that works with him for a little bit, But yeah, I think probably him would be somebody that would be really neat. The Pope, maybe. Oh, Pope Leo or the previous one? The new one. The one that's beefing with Trump online. What about the one that J.D. Vance killed? You remember that guy? I haven't even heard about that. Remember J.D. Vance visited him and the next day he died? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:32:04So it's like, yeah. I mean, I will say, look, J.D. has a strong handshake. I know. But now this Pope, wherever J.D.'s at, he's not there. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. Like, he was in Africa, and then JD was, like, in D.C. And if JD went to Africa, the Pope would go to Antarctica. You know what I mean? That Pope ain't fucking fucking with no JD. There's Pope on a rope. Yeah, he's a Pope on a rope, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that last one definitely was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you ran into the Pope, or what about, can I just name some names? Yeah, I'm trying to think. Oh, people I'd be starstruck by?

1:32:35Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you would, like, be like, oh, fuck, I gotta get a photo. Oh, Julia Roberts, I would be starstruck. Oh, yeah, yeah. You get a photo? I don't know if I'd ask for a photo, but I would just be starstruck. Yeah, yeah. I'd be starstruck. I don't know if I'd ask. Like, I think sometimes it's better to just say, no, I'm okay without a photo. This is what. So here's the thing. Okay. That's how I feel most of the time. When I was at Coachella. Yeah. Right. And I saw the Sabrina Carpenter and I saw. I went for the strokes. Right. Mm-hmm. And I got front row. So did Mitch McConnell.

1:33:03Yeah. Sorry. It's a bad joke. All right. Let's go on. Yeah. Oh, my God. Dude. my poker face yeah yeah yeah he does look like a turtle does he that part I don't even see I just see what'd you see a senior man that's getting like getting used to funnel ideas and uh danger through there should be an aid you believe there's gotta be a limit they gotta put a cap what's the cap 60 65 65 cap yeah after 65 you're out you're out yeah I think so too and as a because I'm 54 I'll do crazy shit Would you ever run? I'd run fast. Would you ever run for office? Yeah. Would you? Yeah. A congressperson or something.

1:33:47We need somebody. I think, yeah. But my ideas are cray-cray. I mean, I don't know. Ask me about something, I'll tell you what I would do. But here's the thing. We have the first Vietnamese House of Representatives person was from Louisiana. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Look him up. Yeah. So you can differentiate between Vietnamese and Chinese? I wouldn't say that But I would say that That's our boy right there Joseph Cal And he's from your homeland? Yeah, that's him right there He's a boss, dude Born in Saigon Born in Saigon, went to Baylor So you think we need more Asians in Congress? Yeah And more Filipinos If it was all Filipinos, I don't think anything bad would ever happen to the world, do you?

1:34:36No, dude I think you're right that's the truth yeah yeah yeah but they'd be a lot of you could run on the same ticket dude with Jake Paul Jake Paul as my yeah but we're different parties would you ever dude because this is this is actually something I did here Jake somebody said you got offered to do WWE is that true? no are you serious? yeah stop pointing at me dog yeah I'm serious I'm fucking serious bro alright are you serious? yeah yeah yeah I'm serious dude yeah I heard that yeah yeah yeah But here's what happens Right I don't get 80 % of it You know what I mean It goes through like a funnel to me Because my people know What I will and will not do For sure And WWE is something I probably wouldn't want to do Really?

1:35:21Because I would lose I would lose What if we did a tag team match Against Logan Paul and his brother I would do that too Yeah let's challenge Logan Paul Right And his brother Jake Yeah Tag team us. We have to wear costumes though. And the winner has to pay the others taxes. For how many years? Just one year? For one year. But you think you would win? Fuck it. Fuck yeah. They're not all that. Dude. Of course you would. I would tag you real quick. Oh, you would? Yeah, I'm opening. And I would tag you. Dude, we stay in the corner and we keep tagging each other. Till they get dizzy. We become a cyclone of tagging, right?

1:36:02And then they get all confused, right? and then we both get onto the ropes, right? And we do what? We jump off. And we attack them. And we attack them. Yeah, dude. We attack that way. Through the air. Yeah. Like we did to Iran. Or we get a drone to take us up. Oh, right. Ukrainian or Iranian? Whatever one still has a little bit of gas money left. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever one, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we take that up, dude. We'll take that up, right? And we'll just glide right into them. I think we can do it. But would you get involved in personal politics? Like even in local politics?

1:36:38Like Spencer Pratt is running for mayor of LA now. You know that. No, I don't know that. You don't know that. No, no, no. And that'd be cool. I don't know if I'd... You know what I do do do? What? What I do do do do?

1:36:51I donate to Canada sometimes. To help them? Yeah. You ever do that? I love Canada. Excuse me? I love Canada. Yeah. You give Canadian politicians money? No. I don't donate to them, but I love Canada. I think it's a great place. Yeah, I love Argentina. What the fuck are you talking about? They have the best posture. You don't even know Argentina. Yeah, they have the best soccer players. Aguera, Messi, yeah. I saw Messi play one time. With Miami? Nashville. Oh, right, but it was with the Miami team? Yeah, they played there. Dude, it was great. I would like to watch soccer more. I think I'm going to try to go to a game when it's here.

1:37:31Yeah. You like those things. It's fun. Can I tell you something about something that made me real sad? Yeah. So, with the last UFC fight that you and I were at. Yeah. We were all right. What kind of seats did you get? We got good seats. You did? Yes. What would you think my seats were like? I saw your seats. They were good. They were better than yours? No. It depends on what you're looking for. I'm looking to get closest to the Okay well The cage I didn't know that Yeah yeah yeah You think I want to be out there? They put you Yeah yeah There is a like zone where they Where there's a lot of like people that Influencers No Okay what kind of people?

1:38:12Or people yeah Influencers but people that are like There's a lot of people that have like It's like wheelchair access It's like Yeah yeah yeah Impaired Yeah yeah yeah That's why I saw that People that are impaired Like people that are neck braces Back braces Yeah yeah yeah People that are on fluids and shit. Yeah, exactly. And they, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were right there, though, along the road. With the fluid people. Where people come out. They have other attachments to them. Yeah, like in the neck race section. Oxygen, water. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They have a cane. Yeah, I mean. The biff.

1:38:40They have the biff. Yeah, just. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just an aquifer, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People that were just like, yeah. Exactly. So I'm in that section, right? And for a split second, I was kind of like, why am I here? You know what I mean? Probably because it was your first fight. Really? So the next time I go to a fight, because I love the sport, can I just go with you? Yeah. Will I still be in the oxygen area? I can ask Dana if he would allow me, if he allows me to go. No, you're always around that. Yeah. I'm a fan of the sport. You're always around that. But it's still in his grace, you know.

1:39:17It's like he picks who can go. Wait, wait, wait, wait. the people that you your friends are bigger than me that you had around you are they? what do you mean like popularity wise? no Gianni's with me all the time is he more popular than me? to the in the urban circles he is there you are right there this is me at the oxygen area you're having a good time yeah yeah yeah yeah I was having a spasm dude bro look how close I've never gotten to sit where you sat here that's amazing bro to cheer people when they come out yeah but then you put your hand out They don't never slap my hand. Bro. Yeah, yeah.

1:39:53That guy's a beast, dude. Who is that guy, Nick? Ataba Gautier. Yeah, yeah. Is he like in a six-fight win streak? Yeah, all first round Nocto. I like Gautier, yeah. And, dude, you got to see Rose Namajunas when she came out. Okay. Is that how you say her last name? Namajunas. Namajunas. Namajunas? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, Doug Rose, bro, just to see that, yeah. You're right. I've sat in a lot of different places. I haven't always gotten to sit up close, but it has been fun when I got to. Yeah. But, yeah. Next time you sit up close Because I've never been there I'm going in July Can I just go with you?

1:40:21Yes please I'm going in July If I am able to sit up close Then I would love for you to go And just ask Dana Like my friend You know what I mean? I'm going to send him up JPEG of you Straight up I'll say you used to fight Just say the real thing You did used to fight No no no Say I'm your friend I'll say it's my friend Yeah I'm up He's a You're right I'm not going to lie to him Yeah yeah But then why would you lie Just now? You're right. No, what do you mean? I'm right. You are. Why do you lie? I'm not lying, dude. I was thinking about lying. Okay. Anyway. And I said I'm not. So what did you think of today's podcast?

1:40:58I thought it was good. Let's do a regroup. You know what I mean? Okay, let's go through some stuff. For one, yeah, I do feel... For one, I'm happy to get to see you. Oh, I do want to say also, Brittany Schmidt's dog passed away. So... Oh, no. I think we can just say... So sorry. Brittany, we love you. and the dog's name was Biggie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that he's in a better place. My dog, Remy, passed away a month and a half ago. Oh. Did you have to have - I did that. That was great. What? Nuh-uh. Did you have to have someone come over and help put it down? My friend just had to have that. My friend Tim, remember Bizzle, who you always fight with at the casino?

1:41:35Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where is he? Huh? He's the one that's trying to shit with me on fucking line, dude. Dude, he just texted me earlier today. Dude, he just texted me today. This is what he said. Can I tell you what Bizzle - Is this him? Yeah. Hold on This piece of shit Dude I'm not even joking The text he said He goes Tell that motherfucker To wash his ass That's what he said Okay this is what he said What are the odds of that He goes Bro you trying to beef with me Saying I invite this shit Don't come into the studio today Trying to start beef Or you're gonna get got Type shit Where is that guy Huh I wanna get got I wanna see what that means He's in You know because I'm gonna tell you This right now dude He's pussified Yeah Yeah yeah I'll destroy him Yeah okay he's strong right but i have ways i'll go nom dude i think you could i'll build a tunnel and a pathway oh so it's okay for you to go nom and just completely yeah we can do it be a culture yeah we can be a culture vulture i'll go nom my stepfather can't walk back in he's a white he's a confused white no yeah yeah there's a difference between being asian right and being confused white guy yeah you're right you're right i'm just trying to be philosophical guy i know there is yeah yeah it just breaks my heart yeah what it breaks it breaks my heart that we can't like you know get closer and with that divide dude i know we're gonna do it better next time we'll do it better yeah i think this is one of those go ahead sorry i think this is one of those times where it's like yeah we kind of hit a spot where it's like okay yeah sometimes i do feel pressure like if we're if like yeah it's like you get you get clips that are viral and like you do see that you can't even not see it and it's like and then like people every time you know you'll be somewhere like there's a video somewhere there's a funeral and the guy's yelling Bobby at it you know like it's like what can you do but it's like yeah you do feel some pressure and it's not and that that's why I've been avoiding it but that what I'm saying right but those moments aren't like it's not fair to all it's not fair for me to bring in like I I thought about that before you came I thought about yeah great listening I thought about that before you came and I said God like Like, let me just have a, this is so stupid that we're even thinking about this.

1:43:40But let me just have a nice conversation with my friend. And let me have a new experience. Yeah. And I felt the same way driving her. Like, I've been avoiding doing it with you because there's just so much pressure on it. You know what I mean? But we had so much fun when I came into bed, friends. Yeah. How great was that? That was great. You know what I mean? But we might have not gotten anything today. Well, it took me 600 episodes to even invite it over there. If you go on, I really want to look at the calendar. But I know you guys are busy. No, no, no. Look at me right now, dude. That's tragic.

1:44:14I'll tell you this. We're not a guest-driven show. We've had maybe 10 guests in our whole whatever the run. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah. We've had Jack Black, Shia. You know what I mean? We get the biggest people we can get to do the guests. What's that tall orange man who plays basketball? Women, yeah. No. No, what's that tall orange man that plays basketball? Blake Griffin. Blake Griffin. Oh, yeah. With the tall orange. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Vitamin C, they call them. Yeah, the vitamin C. When we got vitamin C, we got it. You know what I mean? And we were lucky to have you.

1:44:48But it's not a personal thing. No, I didn't feel it. It's a scheduling thing. Yeah. Yeah. And so let me ask the boys in the booth. What did you think of today's episode? There are great moments. And I just think you guys talk so naturally funny to each other. you don't realize there's going to be some viral moment from this that we don't know that's the good point so you know what don't live in the results we did it you know what I mean I think there are some things in there you know what I mean yeah we had a good time but if there isn't fuck it I just want to have a good time with my friend yeah I had a good time at times and that is true yeah I think that sometimes you're confused but that's what I like about you yeah you don't know what you're talking about well but I'm trying to learn man and you're a learner dude sometimes you help me sometimes you don't and I could say that same about you and I cannot believe that David Spade put you on that movie poster I think you did that he said that you did that no he did not yeah you did I would never do that yeah you would I don't even know how to do freaking Photoshop I don't even know how to Photoshop your people these guys know how and I went to Spade no just listen listen I went to Spade and I go dude it's kind of fucking weird I have like two lines in this movie and you put me in the center of this poster and he goes really?

1:46:03fuck Theo That's what he said, dude. That's what he said. Should we call him? Yeah. I don't think he'll answer. He's probably busy eating dinner or something. He has so much money. Oh, sushi, probably. It's always sushi with him. Have you noticed that? Yeah. Yeah. It is. With a lot of you guys.

1:46:31Let's see what he says. That's a nice picture of this.

1:46:39let me call him okay

1:46:45he could be taking a bath are you guys calling me together no what are you talking about no yeah but you know what I love you picked up for me and not him I knew it yeah yeah yeah I love the fact that you picked up for me and you didn't pick up for Theo? No, I love Theo, but I'm at dinner. Yeah, but why would you pick up for me? Because I knew you were in cahoots. I go, we got a situation. Yeah, yeah. Well, just real quick, I want to clear something up, right? Yeah. All right, so when I said to you, you know what I mean, why am I in the center of this poster? I only had three lines. And you said, oh, fucking Theo.

1:47:24So Theo did it. Oh, I did? Yeah, Theo did it. I don't think Theo knew about it. I think it was, they just, somebody made it and they were exploiting you guys. Oh They put me on it too You're the star of the movie Who cares Bobby Oh you're right Dave I'm sorry are you eating Asian food I invite myself I'm eating Asian food yeah So I love you dude No one's to blame thank you for putting me in the movie I love you okay Tell the waiter we're sorry for everything Bye

1:47:57It was you It couldn't have been me because I don't even have photoshop Okay. It was somebody though for sure. But did I guess that he was eating Asian food? But no, I do feel bad that I didn't ask. I should have asked specifically. I don't care, dude. Dude, it's... Well, I should have asked. I didn't really think about it. Bro, bro, bro, bro. I think you would feel like... Bro, bro, bro.

1:48:18I'm so grateful that you asked me to do something that you've been working on. I mean, what a blessing that is. You know, I just did an episode of a show of a friend. I can't say it, but he asked, and I did it. You know what I mean? I knew who it was, Peyton Manning. Okay. Was it he has a new show? You have a new show. Yeah, the bad show. And you didn't even tell me about it. Yeah, the bad show, a game show. And then also my Hulu special comes out in November, my first special. Finally. Finally, yeah. And go check that out. And what took so long, to be honest, when you really think about it? Was there a real reason that it did take you a while?

1:49:01Did you not like doing specials? Did you think it was not what it's about? Really? It's so funny. Ask yourself why I wouldn't do it. Why wouldn't he do it? Because he doesn't like to try it. Oh, no? Yeah, because I've been doing the same act. I slowly add jokes. It was just no hurry, really. And it got to the point where I was on stage and I was like, I couldn't hear it anymore. Like, I don't care if it gets to laugh. Like, I just got to evolve. And so I penned a deal. I go, I'm going to get all this out there. It's going to force me to write new shit. You penned a deal? Are you fucking Thomas Jefferson?

1:49:42Yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah. I penned a deal, dude. Like the Constitution. Thanks, my bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I did it and it went pretty good. And I'm going to, when it comes out, I'm already writing way new shit. Let's go. Let's go. and I'm going to, the next hour will be better. I think I'm evolving. I really do. I feel you do. Yeah, yeah. And so that's why it took me so long. It was never, like, here's the thing about me. I don't know why, but, you know, I was a club guy. What I mean by that, I did comedy clubs. And I always sold out. Even before podcasts, I would do well. So in my mind, there was like no hurry.

1:50:21I never thought about theaters or coliseums or anything like that. But I made a living, you know, playing, you know, I mean, the Yuck Yucks or whatever, right? Oh, yeah, there's so many great clubs. Yeah, so whatever. And now it's like it's getting bigger, the audience, and I want to grow with my brand. And I want to expand. So that's what I'm doing. Yeah. That's cool, man. Hey, man. Yeah, dude, it's kind of crazy. It's like evolving is kind of scary. It's all kind of spooky sometimes. Like growing up, you know? Does that make sense, kind of? You're going to live on the edge of your comfort zone.

1:50:55that's how you grow that's how great men make it take risks and go through the fire and I've always been afraid of that and I think like we talked about earlier silence you know what I mean that's all okay

1:51:16that was almost great but you know what is great dude is seeing you anytime I get to spend time with you I feel lucky and your new show starts when? When does it start so people can watch it? The Bad Game Show will start in probably September, October. Where's it going to be? It's super funny. YouTube. Let's go. Yeah, and there's the deadline. All Things Comedy on the Bad Game Show. Dude, you guys look great. Yeah, yeah. Holy frick. And we have guests on, and two guests compete against each other in games we developed. Dude, put me on the poster. You said no to the game show. Did I really? Yeah, you did.

1:51:51But you know what? What? Put me on the poster anyway. Yeah, dude. And I'll share that bitch. All right, dude. All right, thanks for having me. Dude, I love you and thank you for being somebody that... He just texted me again, Spade. He FaceTimed me. Let's see what he says because he might be on some bullshit. Dude, he was in freaking Dickie Roberts. I know, dude.

1:52:14Dude, you seen this laser? Puts a little cock on your shirt. Okay. Oh, that's the tits. Rick, I'm just going to hang up. No wait one more time He's getting older Yeah so you did you FaceTime me I tried to Yeah here's the What's up dude I was trying to save Theo And like get him out of that interview

1:52:43There was no controversy He texted me the fucking Password and I was like oh that means save him Yeah dude I did Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So thank you so much for that information. I'll see you soon. I love you. I'm going to hang up the phone, okay? All right. I love you, bud. No, no, no. I love you. I love you, bud. All right. So you did. Did I? To be continued. To be continued.

1:53:22cornerstone oh but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones but it's gonna take