#684 - Bad Haircut

33:38I think that's what I'm saying, man. It all feels like a lot.

33:44It all feels like a lot, dude.

33:51but the McRib is back and you know that shit's hype bro I need a 10 piece lemon pepper Gaza City let them get one 10 piece lemon pepper into the kid cut let them get one 10 piece lemon pepper into the kids the fucking Is that too much to ask? To get a 10-piece lemon pepper into the children of Gaza? Come on, gang. Come on, gang. It's just all, it's all fine. It's a lot. It's confusing. I'm not saying, and I'm part of it. I scroll past stuff sometimes. It's too much, and I know it's a lot for everybody. I'm not saying anything to anybody. I'm not saying you need to do anything. I'm just like, I don't know what I'm saying.

34:47I'm just saying. I'm just saying because this is where I say shit sometimes. I think. You know? I don't know. And if it feels like I'm pointing fingers at you, yeah, I'm not trying to do anything like that. You know? I just like, I don't know. Sometimes I just have to talk about how I'm feeling and sometimes there's just nobody really to fucking talk about it to.

35:15Or there is, but it's like, I don't know. You know, this is what we've always done here. So praise be, man.

35:26Yeah, and God, thank you just for letting me exist. I know that there's suffering. There's always been suffering, right? There's always been suffering. And thank you for giving me just a place to exist today.

35:41Yeah, thank you for just giving me food, shelter.

35:47Um, yeah, it's just a lot, man. And it's painful sometimes, you know? And it's just like, I don't know. And sometimes I think it's just like how we operate, like, or how I operate as a person. You know, it's like, I don't know. It would just seem like we're better than this. And I think it's okay to be scared. And I don't give a fuck. You know, I do. I do but I just like I don't know

36:24I don't like the fucking McRib I'll say this man it makes me think when I was a kid and look and I understand like I can say some stuff that people can't say because my job isn't at risk I work for myself I'm sure it probably is at risk somehow I'm sure but I don't know that you know and but it just gets scary to think that we could get into a place where you're not allowed to go like like would somebody be allowed to go to a Patriots game if they support Palestine like are they going to start like running an optical test on somebody to make sure that they you know like yeah I see you in an Amendola jersey but do you you know, do you support Palestine?

37:16You know? Are they just going to start saying Hamas is in the stands? Like, it's just, you know, it's kind of, it's crazy to think. It's just scary. I don't know. But that's the fear. That's what my fear is. It's like, well, if there's a country doing this, their government is doing this, and that country owns a lot of our country, or is obviously like who's next.

37:45And that like, I'm not a smart guy. You know, I think I'm smart about a couple of things, but I'm not, I know I'm not like a big information guy.

38:00So I just, I don't know. I can't be the only one that's thinking about this or feeling or like, or feeling about it. You know, I don't know. It's okay.

38:12it's okay you know it's scary and so what I'm scared or I'm fucking you know it's uncomfortable you know spin that shit spin that shit but TikTok just serves you up another thing you know another down syndrome guy with a hammer or whatever or fucking you know the new iPhone 7000 it can tell if your brother's gay or whatever the second he you know looks at it or whatever

38:48or the McRib or the fucking McFish or the McF***** or whatever it's all back you know here's another dancing with the stars we just found a chihuahua that can recite the Bhagavad Gita it just there's so much information we can't even I can't even feel anymore half the time. I try to have a feeling and it's just like, I need a 10 P limit pepper. You know, it's like I fucking close my eyes to try to get a earnest, instinctual connection with God.

39:30I got a pocket full of money. Who the fuck hoist? And it's just like, it's just, it's a, it's a lot. it's a lot so anyway and I know I'm look I know I have food and a home and

39:48you know and I know suffering has always been a part of existence I know that

39:55so yeah sometimes it's just it's just a lot it's a lot and I can't even imagine how much it is for other people Because my basic needs are met.

40:12Anyway, or not anyway, but moving on. What's going on personally? Let me check in. Today was like I woke up this morning. I was just feeling overwhelmed. I was just feeling overwhelmed. I felt like everything needed to be perfect today. I knew I was going to do a solo episode, and sometimes that scares me. I just knew everything needed to be – because I get this feeling like, okay, everything's got to be perfect. I got to do everything perfect. I can't do this right. And at the same time as I got to do everything perfectly, the other feeling that goes with that is that there's no way I can do all this.

40:50And I will have both of those feelings at the exact same time and almost let them run a race next to each other. And neither one of them is going to win. But I'll have those same feelings at the same time. So I had to go to an AA meeting. Like, thankfully, I didn't have to, but I went to an AA meeting, and it was really great. That just sets me into a place. Like, when I go to meetings, it sets me into a place. It just, like, when a day feels impossible, it takes that impossibility away. It takes that away. It just gives me more hope. and recently I've had a tough time keeping sober days together or just building up a decent amount of sober time I would continue to go to meetings it was hard for me to get a lot of days I'd have this much or this chunk but I'd fallen out of my program work I'd fallen out of my contact with God and I wasn't working with my sponsor and, uh, or a sponsor.

42:04Honestly, I wasn't working with a sponsor and my program just fell off and I fell off and I'm grateful today. Um, I got 45 days right now, 46, and I'm just grateful to have a piece of time together where I feel just like a lot more hopeful. You know, I'd always stayed going to meetings and I'd had bits of time and I was putting it together. I just, it was just like, I don't know. There's a lot of like little things, stress, uh, being off my Medicaid, just different things that may, I think made things tough. But in the end, um, it's just, I wasn't working a program and I wasn't working with a sponsor and I wasn't being honest with, uh, with my higher power.

42:52And so today I'm just grateful that I have that in place right now and that I feel more hopeful.

43:01And yeah, just being able to be honest, I had to be just brutally honest with my sponsor. Like even if I knew part of me in my head somewhere that was a little, like just even a little buzzing of a mosquito in the distance of something that I was scared of or that I might do or that I think is wrong with me or something, I just had to share it. and that's been like a saving grace for me.

43:28I think I've always had a tough time being like really honest about some stuff.

43:41And I think sometimes when I'm not really honest with somebody else, it's hard for me to be really honest with myself too. You know, if I can be really honest with somebody that I trust, then it, I don't know. It's just doing something different for me today.

44:01Yeah, and I want to learn more about like the fears of what some of that is and like, but right now I'm not trying to stress myself out too much. I didn't want to talk about some of it because I've had things in my life where I'll say like, I'm doing this or I'm doing that. And the second I tell somebody about it for some reason, I stopped doing it. or it stops meaning something to me or something. So, yeah, I'm just grateful to have this time, and I'm thankful that just that I can pray today and feel like I have some possibility. And, yeah, so, yeah, one day at a time, one day at a time.

44:44Let's keep it moving, guys. and yeah, let's keep it moving. All right. And thank you guys for just giving me a place to work, a place to go to, a place to be alive at. Yeah. And yeah, just grateful today to be here today. All right, let's get in a couple of calls. As always, the hotline is 985-664-9503. and yeah thank you alright let's take this call hey buddy boy it's Tony from Brooksville thank you for calling brother let's hear more my real question is a moral one when I was growing up my dad lost his house because he had a heart attack when I was in like second or third grade we lost a lot of our things when he He had that artifact.

45:43And I have nothing that is his. But my old house, my childhood home, it has a stained glass Jesus up in the old workshop because he was a carpenter. And I know it's there, but someone recently bought the house and they only speak Spanish. And I tried to ask if I could have the Jesus. But now I'm wondering if it's morally okay to break onto the property and heal Jesus. from the abandoned where like shop or not any advice will work peace out brother i love you bro bro bro bro let me tell you this bro you're asking if it's okay to break into a latino home in mexicano primero a primarily mexican home and steal their jesus out of there Bro, you could break into a Mexican home and steal a lot of shit, bro They'll probably give it to you, you feel me?

46:47But, bro, you could sneak into a Mexican home and steal a lot of things, bro Possibly el queso, you know The chorizo, you know It's greasy, but you can't get it You could probably steal a freaking kiss from their tia but the thing you cannot break into a Mexican home and steal, dude, is their Jesus, bro. So with that said, yeah, I think it's a good idea. I think, oh, you're going to have to have a good strategy, that's strategy in Spanish. You're going to need one of those, mi gente. You're going to need that, bro. You're going to need, because here's the thing. A lot of Mexicanos, they work a lot, bro.

47:42They're hardworking, right? They're hardworking or they're praying. They're either working or praying or celebracion. So there's very little time when they're sleeping in there. So if you're going to sneak in there and steal a stained glass a window that has Jesus, which is basically, which is kind of like an altar. You're going to get in there and steal a Jesus from a Mexican family. You got, they're good, bro. They're going to be asleep for maybe 40 minutes. You got 40 minutes, bro, to fucking get in and get out. You feel me? You feel me, guy? I think you're out of your fucking mind. But But with that said, yes, put on your metaglasses, stream it, stream the abusio.

48:32I hope they stuff you with candy, bro, and fucking, but with that said, good luck, dude. I think you got this. I think you got this, dude. I think you're going to be fine. You have, dude, you have 40 minutes in and out, bro. You're like Nicolas Cage, bro. You're going to be like Nicolas Cage in the art, whatever he steals the art or whatever. You got that, bro. Get in there. Fucking be quiet, papa. Be quiet in there. Because the guy, that guy, the sleeping guy, he's going to fucking wake up. Because he got to be up for work in five minutes anyway. That fucking guy. Bro, Mexican people are, they can rest for fucking nine minutes.

49:22I got a Mexican friend who sleeps for 11 minutes a day. That's it. He sleeps for 11 minutes a night. He fucking... And he's fucking got to be at work. So, bro, I'm just saying, I think it's a horrible idea. Good luck. Let us know how it goes. And we'll see you in... Incarceracion. Hasta. What else? We got a call that came in right here. Hi, Theo. My name's Jamie. First off, you're amazing, and I could go on and on, but I'm calling for some advice. I'm 40 years old, two children, and my oldest is about to start middle school. And I grew up poor, and I grew up in a rundown house, and I unfortunately didn't get out of that situation.

50:19I was in a rundown trailer, and she told me that she doesn't want to go on the school bus. because she doesn't want kids to make fun of her. What do I do for her to feel better about her life situation? Because it is what it is, and we have love, and we have food on the table, and we have vehicles, but I can't give her more than what I can give her. And I want her to be confident. I just don't want her to introvert that pain like I did and not be able to be proud of where she comes from. Whatever you can elaborate on, that would be great. Thanks. And you're amazing. Well, thanks for the nice words.

50:59And also, honestly, that's one I think this might be maybe one of my favorite calls that's ever come in. So thank you. Let me catch your first name again. Hi, Theo. My name is Jamie. Hey, Jamie. You're so you're such a good thinker and speaker. I just want to say that to you.

51:21and I think it's awesome that you think about this and that you care about it right and that you care about it on behalf of your daughter that's really it's awesome it's awesome to hear yeah I'm just going to share my own experience real quick yeah I grew up in that in that environment I used to ride my bike to school It was about five miles to school, which I'm not trying to make it sound crazy or anything, but, you know, I was probably 11, 12, 13 riding my bike to school. And sometimes I'd ride right alongside of the school bus that I was supposed to be on, but I didn't want to be seen getting off that bus.

52:05You know, that was the poor bus or that was like, you know, just I don't know. and kind of now I'm a little almost ashamed of that because uh you know I love the place where I'm from and but I can relate of like trying to manage how you see me you know I didn't want to be in some of the situation that we had uh and I was always trying to manage how you see me right like I didn't make these choices I didn't do these things whatever has us here right now but the thing that I in hindsight the thing that I feel like was missing for me would have just been a good conversation from my parents and say hey this is what's going on right now with our family and we we love you we care about you the fact that some things we don't have right now has nothing to do with that we aren't good people that we don't love you

53:12let me think about this even more if my mom would have just sat down with us or my dad and they didn't have time maybe whatever they did have time but if they would have said look we are together we are going to get to another place in life another our family is going to evolve and get to another place right like maybe a little bit better financial place or into a safer home right we're gonna have to do that together and there's gonna be some painful parts and maybe my mom could have shared with me like the painful parts for her maybe were um that when she she couldn't give me everything she wanted to or she didn't have time to um spend with me in ways that were outside of just providing food and shelter, right?

54:07And that was just my scenario, but it could be like just that conversation, like, hey, we're in this together, right? And I'm so proud of you and I love you. And there's gonna be a year or two, let's try and have a goal where it might be a little tough here and some parts might be embarrassing, but just know the real truth about you is not these things. and like if somebody judges you or looks at you a certain way or jokes about you, like I think there wasn't any conversation inside of me that went against that. And so when people would say stuff, I just took it all on like, oh, I'm worthless or whatever.

54:56But I think as long as you have that conversation with her and you let her know, hey, we're doing this together and I love you. And this is who we are in the world. We are fighters and we will figure this out. And there's going to be some tough moments. This might be what they are. This is how we can get through them individually and together. And that no matter what, more than anything, that if somebody says something about you or looks at you a certain way, you can have a voice inside of yourself and we can have a voice together as a family that speaks back against that.

55:42Yeah, so I think those are the things that I think would have probably been nice to have and to hear and just hearing how much in your own voice that you're going to figure this out. And it's not even an affliction. It's like, I don't know. I'm just proud of you for like caring about it and calling. And yeah, it kind of takes me back. Maybe my mother had some of the same questions and she just didn't have a place to think about it or I don't know. But yeah, sometimes just yeah, just that season, that season is temporary and it's going to build you. It's going to build your kid, you know, and yeah, it's just tough for kids at that age.

56:36But also if, if, if, if any listeners have other thoughts and suggestions, I think I probably have more. I'm kind of tired from just like a long day of thinking today or talking. But if any listeners have other suggestions about that sort of thing. And one thing that was pretty tough, I'll say it is, bro. They wasn't fucking with anybody in our neighborhood. So people could kind of talk shit, but the kids in our neighborhood, bro, they came pretty gassed up about, you know what I'm saying, if people would really run their mouth. Now the problem was people in our neighborhood were beefing with each other so much.

57:14so I think maybe another thing would be to help her work on those relationships in the neighborhood even if they're relationships that you don't know if you'll have for your whole life so that she feels like she is part of a group you know

57:31and yeah and that it's okay to find that it's okay to find people of different cultures and different classes that you can still be in those circles you know that you're not exempt from some space just because of uh you can't afford a certain thing or just because your mom has to work all the time you aren't exempt from some possibility in the world you know when I look back in my own neighborhood that I grew up in man it was not comfortable for any of those kids um and mostly emotionally really the food and the fucking clothing and being poor like that shit yeah it hurts but it's like it's the emotional side that was missing but some of the best business owners hardest workers and heroes of my heart and and and life have come out of that space now um so anyway i'm not preaching at you i think i sound a little bit preachy but i hadn't thought about this or i think about it sometimes but no but I hadn't talked about it.

58:35And yeah, I'm just so happy that you love your daughter so much that you care to think about that. You know? And I think letting her know that too, that fills in a lot of the part of like, I don't know, whatever that part that needs to be filled in so that stuff doesn't hurt as much. And yeah, I'd love some suggestions from other people if they can hit the hotline. The next solo episode we do, I'll put those on to the end of the episode. or we'll make a little follow-up piece and put it out on YouTube. It'll probably be like a month, just letting you know. But yeah, I don't know. It's just cool.

59:16I think like, I don't know. It's so funny how like life brings you back into moments. In my own way, I almost channel this as like this is my mother and her voice and that she cared and that I didn't know it. You know, and that's kind of selfish, but I think like life is like that. Sometimes it's like if someone or if a time from your life is gone and it's past and it wasn't good, you can fill it in with a new time or a new moment or a new person. Sometimes I'll be in an AA meeting and there'll be a man in there that will share something. And it's like something I needed my dad to always say, or I needed my brother to say, or just, or something I needed to, and somebody else will fill in.

59:58And for a moment, they're your family. They're your, I don't know. We're the keys to each other's locks. That's what my friend James says. So anyway, blessings to you and to, blessings to you, Jamie. I love you so much for just caring about your kid and sharing that with us today. And yeah, it's a cool topic to think about. So sorry, I kind of rambled. I've had some coffee and yeah, and that's been it. I haven't even, yeah, and I'm doing okay. So praise God. Maybe let's hit one more call here. This is the hotline, 985-664-9503. Hey, it's Rick. I'm from New Jersey. What's up, Rick? What's up, Rick?

1:00:48That's probably one of my 11, no, that's one of my favorite names, probably. Seven favorites. Onward. I'm 12 years sober. I'm currently just in a bit of a rut mentally. We just had a baby, second boy, about a month and a half ago. Congratulations, Rick. That's great. Congratulations. I've always been the type to reach out and help people and help others and take care of myself last and just getting really overwhelmed right now. And it's hard. It's really hard just thinking about should I drink, pick up a drink, and it's just not worth it. Just I don't want to lose everything. I'm trying to, like, reach out to people and, you know, offer help for some reason, like, that I could give help somebody.

1:01:44I just feel like I'm trying to help somebody else, but I really need help myself. I really appreciate you having this line open. I've been watching you for a while, listening for a while, and really appreciate you. the things that you do for people and you give them advice. I really do appreciate you, man, a lot. I just need to talk and talk to somebody today. Hey, Rick, thanks for calling, man. Can we try to just call him, Trevin? Do you have that set up?

1:02:18Hello? Hey, Rick. Hey, what's going on? What's up, man? It's Theo. Can you hear me? yeah i hear you man how you doing i'm doing good dude i just was listening to some voicemails and i heard your call dude i just wanted to touch base and say hey dude you have this is great to hear from you you have no idea oh thanks dude what's going on so uh yeah i was in a bit of a rut in the past and i was really on that like that deep decline it's just things were uh falling on top of one another it felt like it was just never ending and i've been i was sober for 12 years and it just felt like things i just you know started crumbling down and down and then you know you get into that that mental headspace of uh like i got diagnosed with cancer and I used to be 500 pounds.

1:03:20So all these things are like,

1:03:25it's going to last month to be honest. Well, cancer will help with that weight loss, huh? Well, no, I used to be 500 pounds. So I used to be 500 pounds. I had gastric bypass surgery in 2010 and I lost like 280 pounds. And I'm a UPS driver. So, uh, I got diagnosed with cancer a few years ago and, uh, you know, I got through that and then, uh, we lost, we lost, uh, lost the baby, uh, six months ago. So it was, uh, it was kind of rough. Um, she was four months in and it was brutal. And then, uh, you know, things just kept coming back and then got diagnosed with cancer again. and I was just in a really rough mental space just felt like you know things were really on the uh downhill spiral you know but that you know thinking thinking oh yeah uh you know you you've talked about it before but it's uh I was in a really bad spot when the day I called you I was like really down and really out just ready to just just pick up a drink again and just throw it all away.

1:04:44But then, you know, I do have a five-year-old, Luca, and he's just the best thing ever. So it's like, you know, you get in those little clunks and stuff, and then, you know, you forget about things when you get home. Yeah, what helped you out of it?

1:05:04So pretty much just trying to not really dwell on the whole diagnosis again. just try to focus on you know being there for lupa and my wife and uh you know having another baby coming soon so that was also something to look out for and you know all those things mentally started to like pile up and it's like you know what you get diagnosed again and it's just like dude this is crazy like i'm not doing great at all and like i have you know i had to get out. So I had surgery a few months ago and I was out of work for a bit and it's just you know, finances started piling up on you. And then you think about everything else.

1:05:47It's like, oh, another baby on the way. It's, uh... Oh, yeah. Having a drink would feel like that it would be the answer, man. And were you able to stay sober? Yeah. Yeah, I was. Let's go. I just, uh, thank God. I was like, you know, it's for me, I'm always the one that will reach out to people to see how they're doing. And then at the end of the day, I'd realized that I was the one really that needed to help, but for me to help others first was like, it helped me get out of my, you know, stage. Oh yeah. And, uh, even, even up to now, like, you know, I'm back at work now, you know, driving for UPS still.

1:06:30So I'm in New Jersey. So I just got back last week. so you know financially things will come and go I get that and that's where I think that headspace was like baby coming out because of cancer yeah being overwhelmed how am I going to do this absolutely but dude I wanted to talk to you and really thank you for your stuff that you do because you know when you're in those head spaces yeah you you're a you're a good person down and you know down deep down and i know that and then but you're also comedian too but it's great so like you need a good laugh sometimes you need to get that chuckle and that's uh a lot of your stuff has definitely helped me a lot and i really do truly appreciate everything that you do and have done well thank you so much dude i appreciate it yeah i'm just trying my best, man.

1:07:32I think that's all most people are trying to do, uh, one day at a time, you know? Um, but yeah, I just got 46 days. I think I'd had some tough moments and I got 46 days. And so I'm feeling grateful for that. And yeah, man, I just, yeah, you just, some days just became too much, but I'm grateful that, um, I've been able to keep, um, just stacking days, man. And it just makes you feel, yeah, this is just the way that it's got to be. And I'm grateful for that. And I'm happy I don't have to do it alone, dude. So I appreciate you just sharing what's going on with you, with us. And, yeah, one day at a time, champ.

1:08:12Hell, yeah. Hey, all those days start to add up. And, you know, too long, if you've got this big-ass house, that you stack for all those days, then it's not going to take you down. And, you know what? I've always been told, you know, you always have another relapse, but you have another recovery in you. And that, you know, after that little cloud goes over your head and you're not thinking, you know, you think about that stuff. It's like, you know, I don't want to do this whole thing over again. I don't know if I have the courage to do it, but you do. But you just don't want to, you don't want to test it.

1:08:46You don't want to, I don't want to. And I know it can happen anytime. It could happen. Yeah. I mean, it's, yeah. I mean, everybody, like, I have no idea. Everybody's journey is different, but yeah, just grateful today that I get to be sober and that I'm hopeful that I can just keep this going one day at a time. Talking other alcoholics helps, man. I appreciate you, Rick, dude. Congratulations on the new baby. Thank you. We'll be cheering that on, man. We'll be cheering on. And the baby is going to be here in two months, you said? He'll be here in four months. Okay, the baby will be here in four months.

1:09:23Awesome. dude. Y 'all got a name picked out yet or no? Yeah, we're going to do Adam. We're going to do Adam. Adam. Hell yeah. Adam, get down here. Sounds good to me. Get your ass down here. Yeah, dude. Adam. Oh yeah, that works. That's not a hockey stick. Yeah, dude. All right, Rick, best of luck, dude. Be safe. Thanks for chatting today. I got to go. I gotta go get a massage, man. To be honest with you. Legit one. And I tell them, don't jerk me off. Right when I walk in there, I say, don't even jerk me off. Nobody's jerking me off but me. Yeah, you know what? Make sure you tell that guy, hey, don't flip me over.

1:10:08Oh, yeah. I don't even. Bro, yeah. Well, some of them are so strong. But all right, bro. Love you, bro. Thank you. I love you, too. Congratulations. Thank you. Thanks for sharing that you were having a tough day. And, yeah, just appreciate you. Hey, thank you for calling. Checking in. You bet, Rick, man. Be good, Rick. I love you, man. Love you, love you, love you, love you. I'm all right, man. Hell yeah. All right. Thanks, Rick. Love you too, bro. All right. I'll talk to you soon. Peace, buddy. Rick! Dude, when I go to heaven, I hope they call me damn Rick, bro. That's for some reason that name just, I like it.

1:10:43I like it a lot. Anyway, thank you guys for being here today. thank you for everybody that checked out busboys on Hulu we appreciate that and yeah one day at a time we'll keep things going and just grateful to be alive today and have a chance today and thankful for this podcast and what else yeah just be good to yourself we're gonna keep trying this thing bro We got this. Praise God. And yeah, have a good one. Dang.

1:11:48Thank you.