E447 Trevor Wallace

28:50I'll be like no, please. No, I'm gonna do this We do tech deck together. Yeah, if you say please

28:58Dude I remember one time I accidentally said I went to hit a guy in the shoulder and he ducked and I hit his nose And he had any a bloody nose and then he kept fucking me all day and Science and then he's like this Saturday. We're gonna fight. I'm bringing my brother meet me there And I didn't show up because obviously I didn't have an older brother I had an older sister With a fat rack so I'm like What the fuck am I supposed to do And then on Monday he's like yo you didn't show up I'm like yeah Let me just pencil in this ass beating real quick Did you Did you fight a lot growing up or Well one thing at a time one thing at a time Oh sorry what are we talking about Trevor Wallace is here Oh yeah thank you man Dude thanks for having me again It's fun to see you bro You're still crushing it on socials I don't see how you keep doing it.

29:43I don't know, man. But you keep doing it. I'm trying to. It's amazing. I want to find out about this Joe guy, and then we can... Oh, the guy from... Yeah, Girls Gone Wild. Yeah, Girls Gone Wild. That's right. Yeah, that checks out. Long story short, he filed for bankruptcy, moved to Mexico, and there are allegations that some of those girls were underage, so he's kind of just floating, it seems like. Wow. He looks like that, and he's married to a woman, Abby Wilson. I think they're estranged, according to this article. because there was a big expose on Girls Gone Wild last year, I believe. So since then, there's been some extra heat on it.

30:17What does the strange mean? They don't like each other anymore. Oh. Yeah, separated from each other. So, because, yeah, remember, that was where they had the girl. It was almost like where Bang Bus started a little bit. Wouldn't they have girls in the van or something sometimes? And show your tits and be like, I don't want to, but I will in a minute, right? Right, right, right. And then they'd show me, they'd put the stars over them. The stars. Yeah, the will censor. Yeah, that was like, because now TikTok is, it's kind of that, but without the tits. They just brought them to a hot girl and be like, what's your body count?

30:46It's like, fuck all that. Put the stars on the tits. How do you pitch that idea? You got to be coked out as hell to go to your boy and be like, you still got that camcorder? I know. I bet they were partying, dude. I've ran into girls who were on Girls Gone Wild over the years. Like, yeah, I was on Girls Gone Wild a while back, you know? Damn, just smoking out of their neck holes. Oh, yeah. they're like yeah somebody fucked this hole into my neck if they give a lung problem they're like nah somebody just did sex right into my neck I just needed more holes more ventilation put the drop top in the throat convertible right here would you put that in there if you could just close it without anybody noticing yeah I think so might as well I think the human body should be upgraded I'm like I gotta pee so much I'm like how can I get more storage on my phone but not a bigger bladder.

31:38Oh, definitely. I need at least half a terabyte in one of my legs for this piss. I also think my brain is at capacity. Oh, God. Because you got to kick out memories from like fourth grade just to learn how to parallel park at some point. But that's vital memories in fourth grade. You found out like National Geographic had tits in it. Oh, dude. When we saw them long, they had a set of long darks in one of those National Geographic episodes. because it was the first time you saw a black tit in the area. Just a tit in general. Well, yeah, there wasn't a lot of like, first of all, the porn, when I first saw it, it was very, it was like people, like it was people that had the same kind of haircut, kind of having sex from far away.

32:25And there was a lot of music in the background. You couldn't even really hear the people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there was a lot of like... And you're so horned up, you don't even know what that music was from you were the tv but it was just but where's that coming from there was a lot they did more with the soundtrack back then like they cared more about the music and the ambience and went with it they set the tone then like hearing what the people were saying yeah and and then it evolved um so you get some of that but you had you didn't have your phones you couldn't just play porn wherever so if you went outside or left the television or whatever you were there was no porn yeah at that point you had to see somebody that could do some art or you'd have to um you know we've talked about it before but somebody had chiseled a set of uh tits into a like a birch that had been hit by light and just like half of a tree by us oh that's correct and so people would go out there and just cream out to that and would you like try to like hide the tree like you were to clear your browser history like would you try to like like undiscover it like that way nobody else could see it maybe somebody had like leaned a branch yeah just to hide it from you know because you don't want to like you want to gatekeep a little bit yeah that's my porn yeah this is mine but you'd get back there and you'd uh you could tell other people had been back there there'd be a cigarette or half a can of a beanie weenie oh yeah somebody chiseled i came here 1993 somebody just you it was like a heart it was just like rick but it would be like rick plus but also just rick rick plus rick rick plus rick dick damn i feel like when you were younger you didn't look for porn porn just found you like you wouldn't be looking for like you just open up a book and you're like oh damn i got tits on page 48 well it blew your i mean you would get porn wherever you could like it in science sex ed was such a like people would dress up i mean i were you know people would wear their sunday best people wear cologne to sexy you know it'd be like yeah you You guys knew when it was?

34:22Well, yeah, you knew the year that it was. And you were like, God, are we ready? And I remember people outside of the fucking classroom like slapping each other in the cheeks. You know, it's one guy putting ice on another guy's like neck and back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it was crazy. He threw his neck out when he learned. Tomorrow's sex ed. Oh, fuck. Yeah, like Mike Brown was his coach. He was like he was his, like he had a corner man. Really? You know, get in there. We didn't get no like lead up to it. It was just like, all right, class, get your dicks out. It's sex ed day. Like there was no buildup.

34:51Like, we just learned, like, we had no idea. Wow. So they just sprung it on us. And then we'd have to play it cool, you know? Do you remember the first time that you were attractive to a woman?

35:03I do. Or were you always the kid that was, like, kind of got the girls some? No, I never really got a lot of women. I do remember the first time, like, the first girl that came back with a rack after summer, that was, like, that was big. That was, like, when they build a new, like, Tesla charger station in town. you're like everybody knew about it this girl jamie she showed up in sixth grade and she was racked out and like it was the talk the teacher was like trying to talk about like long division we're like fuck all this have you seen the c cups yeah fuck all this even the teacher was like god damn yeah have you seen the square root of them fucking those fucking long nuggets d squared yeah how much can how big can tits be on a and i don't want to say on a child because we've said this kind of stuff before and but this is what we're looking up do you understand what i'm saying all right see this is the problem go incognito yeah that see that's what you have to do is is before you type you say for a podcast and then colon and then do it what yeah or just because i'm not i'm not curious i'll never look anywhere you gotta open the browser just chris hansen with two glocks you interviewed him yeah yeah okay the guy say yeah the guy stopped hundreds of pediophiles man yeah there was an episode where his friend walked in uh-uh yeah he's like oh fuck is that so-and-so that's gotta be tough yeah what happens that yeah i i don't have details on this question yet what do you get if you put that in uh texans children's hospital breast development questions okay Well, this is kind of like what you said.

36:46If you go back one page. Oh, here's a good question. Why are my breasts big? First of all, it should be plural, at a young age. But that's kind of what you had, but with a wiener. That's true. That's a good point, actually. So imagine going to bed one night and you can't lay all the way down because you suddenly have tits. That's got to be crazy for a girl. You can't get massaged. You can't do anything. You're just up. You're just always planking. Oh, yeah. That's crazy, dude. Life is a plank. Yeah, I don't know, man. Dude, I was a late bloomer. I wanted... Were you really? Yeah. I remember in PE, everybody had deodorant and armpit hair.

37:22Oh, yeah. Dude, so I had this giant stuffed animal in my room. Probably made love to it. Definitely made love to it. And I used to cut the hair off it and put it in my armpit because I wanted armpit hair that bad. Just see what it looked like. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What color was it? It was black. So it didn't match any of my ginger tones at all. But I'd put water on my armpit and then I'd put it in there and I'd look in the mirror and be like, Dude, this could be me one day Yeah And I still do that to this day I love that, that's amazing You weren't a late bloomer? If you had implants, armpit hair If you had armpit hair, implants Oh dude, I was just putting Rogaine on every morning Is that Old Spice?

37:56No, it's Rogaine Dude, I distinctly remember, like you said When you went to PE and somebody had deodorant For the first time, that was a kid It blew your mind, you're like, oh now we have to get deodorant This is where I learned Okay, yeah, I use deodorant Like, what do you use? You know, when you start, you would name like, like, duh, like, Yeah, exactly. Dish soap or something. You would name it the wrong thing. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, I remember just, I wanted to. Yeah, like Reebok. What do you guys use? Reebok? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you, Roland, is that ax? Yeah, no, I use a machete.

38:27Every day I saw somebody doing that. Like, I remember the first day I had armpit sweat. I was excited. I was like, this is puberty. It's knocking. You know? I remember when I had like a little like blonde mustache. Yeah. I'm not shaving this shit. I'd rather look like I sell used taquitos with his mustache. Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, especially on a guy like, I think redheaded guys are guys that lean Auburn or gins. Yeah, lean more red. Or gingers, they call them.

38:58You guys are almost adopted into the black community. I feel like you guys are. We do get shit on a lot. No, a lot of like wiggas, as they say, which is a popular term from the past 100 or 150 years. You guys are often, they're often gingers or gangers. Yeah, I do feel that. Yeah, my first job, I was the only white guy there. When I first moved to LA, it was like 80 black dudes and me, and it was one of the best jobs of my life. They respect you guys a lot more, I think. Let's pull up Wiggas and see what they've been doing, if you don't mind. Let's see where they - Pulled their S Corp. What have they been doing?

39:34Been selling whippets? And just click on images and let's see who we get. Yeah, that's what is... This is where the Girls Gone Wild guy should be. Is that Hollywood Wickers? What is that? Wait a sec. Yeah, that sounds like... That's Adam Devine, isn't it? It does look like him. San Diego does have a high breed of this type of person, I think. Where do you think spawns this person? What city comes to mind when you think of this? I think of Little Rock. Oh, yes. Little Rock. Something about that. yeah my friend Justin is from Arkansas and uh he likes to gun down them gobblers over there but he said that there is a lot of um wig-esque so what are these behavior that are also on here this has nothing to do with the white guy with the orange camaro let's go to this a popular diagram called the wiggers diagram what is that it's a standard diagram using cardiac physiologically named after Dr.

40:32Carl J. Wiggers. Dude, come on. Carl J? Dude, you got to go by just Carl J at that point. So people are going to learn about this in school? I mean, dude, our chart looked way different. It was a ginger dude, and it crossed sectioned with a UNC basketball jersey. And he had a yo-yo and a vape for some reason. That'd be so funny if you opened up that page. And he drove a Honda Civic, dude, which was the number one car. But he like chipped off the word Civic and put like BMW logos on there. There's nothing better than that. When somebody takes like the Chrysler 300, puts like a Bentley logo on it.

41:07Those people come off insane, but I respect it. Oh, I respect that too. It's just like you're, because that's all the car is sometimes is just an extra emblem, you know? Yeah, 100%. What was your first car? My first car was a 1984 Ford Escort, and I paid cash for it. Somebody stole the passenger seat. They just didn't want you in that carpool lane or what? I don't know what the issue was I just remember picking people up and they had to get in and there was no it was like a bus you were in the bus, you were the bus driver up front and the people had to walk past you did they pay you a fare? like all aboard!

41:39just one seat in the back just one lady just get right there but so I want to talk more about that yeah whenever you hit Purbity man that shit was wild, I remember it feels like, you ever put a Mentos in a Diet Pepsi or Diet Coke. Yeah. And it starts to bubble up at first. That's what it feels like your body's doing. It's starting to bubble up at first. I think I remembered... I'm trying to think if I remember getting body hair. Maybe a little on my chest, like in the crack of my chest. Yeah, I got a few of those. Oh, right here you get that happy trail. And that's crazy. You want to keep it. You can't wait to go to the pool and take your shirt off.

42:19Yeah, dude. Some people even put a little barrette. A lot of the brothers will put a little barrette on it. little bow tie down there yeah it's something small nothing crazy yeah exactly you know just something chill something to flex a little i grew up in kind of like a white and urban area so you'd have dude i remember they had a handicapped dude a black dude and he was uh his he was uh his legs weren't didn't work and they had braided his fucking legs around each other yeah you should yeah yeah you know that's what i would do or i put underglow on them on my legs really like on the bottom so they shine a little personally yeah because then it looks like the lord's carrying me you know you're right i've never seen a wheelchair with underglow but if your legs had it wouldn't you be like oh he's not walking because he can float i don't know man i just i saw a car with underglow recently driving uh from the ie the inland empire and it brought me back like this spinners era i i think they should have pimp my wheelchair and um that's just me trying to help out them spree wells yeah well you'll see sometimes there's a lot of dudes who are in wheelchairs they'll do that dolphin where they kind of pull up and let the wheels spin oh yeah yeah you know those dudes know what they're doing but again yeah but if i spent my life in a wheelchair i'd get bored after a while i definitely want to you think i think so i definitely want to learn the tricks sometimes i'll pretend like this like i'll like even if i'm like at a uh dinner or something or like i'm been at a table for a while and people don't you know i'll kind Kind of do this, you know?

43:45Looks like you're about to start a bobsled. Yeah, just for fun. Yeah, just to let people know that you could be if you needed to. But yeah, I think I'm trying to remember to what that was like. It's crazy that like perpity happens to your body and you don't even, you're not like documenting every day. It's like it's because it's unreal. Yeah, it feels like you're just waiting in line and eventually it's like the Lord being like, you better get some pubes. But it's a slow process. It's not like you walk up to the front door and they stamp your puberty card. It's like a slow little bit of this, a little bit of that.

44:15The voice cracks. When your voice cracked in class, I mean, that was one of the worst days of my life. Especially late. Oh, yeah. When I was at 17, you get your ass beat at noon for sure. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah, that man would start to fucking break out of you. It's almost like the Incredible Hulk when he breaks through his own clothing. It's like when snakes shed a little bit, but it's just the manliness is coming out. Yeah, you'd be like, can we go get some? I'm trying to fuck. You know, Just like, whoa, whoa, what happened? And then you try to do that voice again, but you can't do it. You're trying to get back to here.

44:49Yeah, you couldn't do it. You're trying to get back to here. You could never do it. Dude, remember coming to school and one kid had just gone way past puberty. He was like seven. Dude, he had arthritis. You missed like 19 stages. He had a beard. Yeah, he had a beard. And that kid always had to buy a beard then. Dude, there was a guy, his name was Chuck, and he had a full facial hair in ninth grade. And he was dating an eighth grader. and he this is a hilarious story and if you're from my hometown you know the story he was dating this chick and they did anal and she had to miss school the next day no way yeah this is ninth grade bro i'd barely even seen one of my cocks like i i was so nerd like so people must have been freaking out right this guy was like dan bilzerian of ninth grade i was looking at him like tell me your secrets oh and he used to not wear uh boxers he'd wear just denim just denim on dick no boxers raw dogging it raw dogging that denim dude it was crazy but the girl literally had to miss school the next day because she couldn't walk no and he and he works at a restaurant now but yeah he does yeah he's serving it up but wow that like that guy was so many levels ahead of puberty than i was it was crazy oh when you heard about the first guy that had sex kind I remember we came back from seventh grade and some kid had had sex, apparently, on a pool chair or something.

46:06Yeah, it was always outside. And people were losing their mind. People didn't know what to do. People were trying to install a pool at the school. Sign my beach ball. Yeah, people just bananas. It's like you want to get as close as you can to sex. It was like the first person that went to the moon. Everybody was just like, tell me how you did it. What was it like in there? Could you really like bounce around? Did you feel like yourself? Well, I met the guy that did it, man. The green screen? Buzz Aldrin. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You met him? Yeah. Wow. What did he say it was like? Do you think it was real?

46:44Oh, well, I'll tell you this, man. I remember this. When I looked at him, it didn't seem like he'd been to the moon. What gave it away? Just something. He was describing it like a 12-year-old talking about tits. Yeah, it was pretty cool. It was bouncy. you know they were bigger than I thought but I could handle it you didn't see it in his eyes yeah they're just something he just I don't know you know what I'm saying if I met somebody who'd been to the Galaxi or whatever I would know right well it's like somebody like if I told you I've been in jail you would look at my body and be like you have not you have picked up a friend from Juvie but that is the most but there's something about like an energy so I see what you're saying.

47:29Yeah, maybe you zoomed with like a like a PO or something but you haven't done any time. Yeah, shook a man's hand who's the data guy. So that was a thing for me and I'm not discrediting the space program or NASA but that's just what I thought. My grandpa used to work for NASA. Yeah, he was a veteran and worked for NASA. Really? He was like the manliest guy like he always wore the same outfit every day he was jacked like 65, worked for NASA and fought in war. That's crazy. I'm a fucking TikToker Like what? Like this guy has lived a legacy. Yeah. One time I saw him eat an orange with the peel on.

48:01Cool. Like an apple. And the thing he said after was like the most badass thing. He was like, when you're in the war, you have an option. You can either like peel your orange and, you know, take your eye off what's going on. Or you can risk in your face peeled by a caliber. I'd never heard something so cool in my life. Wow. Yeah, it was really cool. He was a great man. Was he? Yeah. And like if I like ever disrespected my mom, he like my mom had like a bodyguard. if I ever disrespected my mom or said something like I don't want to eat the fucking frozen peas it tastes like shit he'd always put something down and then be like don't you treat my daughter that way he wouldn't hit me but mentally he did he was the manliest man I knew fuck that's amazing man what was his name?

48:43Burt that's a good name he was awesome and how did he pass away? Sage oh Bert yeah yeah yeah super cool man and he fought in the war so he would he would always say crazy shit in the car and I was too young and noticed at the time but my mom would always be like you can't say that anymore you shouldn't be saying that anymore I should be sitting in the bag it was like a live Jerry Springer it was awesome yeah yeah like I remember watching football yeah with my grandfather and he'd been in one of the wars and the guy would like they'd be like the guy ran a slant or whatever and he'd be like if a slant runs by here they'll fucking know what's going on Like he would say crazy shit.

49:23I'm like, whoa, dude, that's not. You know, you just anybody that kind of fought in the war. I try to make a joke about that on stage. I was like, anybody that fought in the war, like you're just like kind of OK with them being like slightly a little prejudiced or something. You might be like, you're just like, ah, they're in the war. They fought for the country, you know. But if they didn't, like if they didn't fight a war and they said the same shit, you'd be like, yo, fucking pull that man's life alert. That's fucked up. But if you know us how to use a bayonet. You know, you're right. You know, this is between him and the Lord right now.

49:55Don't intercept what he's trying to think. I don't know. Dude, it is kind of crazy how like people that like serve the country and help protect the country and like establish the borders and like they kind of throw them by the wayside as they get older. because like they're like or here's what i'm saying is it's interesting how like like our parents might have like different views than like probably a lot of younger generation has right probably a lot of more old-fashioned views but their parents like went off to war to like protect like the the free the safety of the nation and stuff like that so when they're like pissed off about the border it's like you kind of have to respect where they're coming from if they had a parent that died somewhere defending the border you know what i'm saying or like establishing the land of america it's like that a lot of times that stuff gets so like not even factored into the way that people behave like yeah i could understand if what like my mom feels certain ways about like um protecting like the freedoms of america and like defending our border and like looking out for america first if she had a grandfather or a father that was gone for a fucking eight months or a year out of her life because he was out defending it or whatever the problem is when there's the disconnect when uh after generations it fades away you know if your dad was that guy then it's very strong to you and now when you have the child it's like it gets less and less and now it's like i hear about the war and i'm like yeah but like what about the tiktok algorithm like that's the war i'm fighting yeah what about war yeah minecraft exactly yeah somebody who's like a better gamer now it's like better than like um who was that general during like iraq or something that was uh colin powell or petraeus yeah petraeus now is it like is like the same as like some who's like one of the best gamers right now uh i know ninja was big or like all the FaZe Clan dudes.

51:58Like Shinobi or somebody, you know, or whoever. Wolfgang, you know, whatever. Yeah, it's that disconnect where it's like, it's, well, I mean, it's like now, it's like, I've done a lot of like college shows and 80 % of the audience wasn't alive for 9-11 and it's like, you say 9-11 to them and it's just like a date to them and it like blows my mind but it's like, yeah, that was me learning about World War II. I don't, I don't know. I was in a nutsack somewhere, balled up, waiting for my draft. Yeah. so it's just a time thing i think but it is bizarre which crazy too how we just don't even like yeah it is wild how much things change and then how like we kind of don't take into account what other people like what their generation was like you know right it's almost like you're they're suddenly like wrong just because they're getting older because um like times have kind of changed you know yeah um but anyway what else can we talk about that's a little more fucking normal dude.

52:57What else is going on in the news, Zach? A lot of stuff, huh? Yeah, we got a couple stories here. I guess a former bodyguard is launching a ride-sharing app where the drivers will be armed with guns. Oh, I heard about this in Atlanta, right? Yeah, yeah. I would use that, but I would go to a place where you wouldn't need bodyguard just to feel cool. It's called Black Wolf. Black Wolf. Wow. An app designed to rival Uber and Lyft recently launched in Atlanta and is about to drop in New York. Kerry King Brown revealed he created the app as a necessary evil who are mostly on the news getting robbed, getting raped, the average person well yeah who else is it going to be?

53:36Senators? You could take down a senator pretty easy though but who else is going to be animals or something? Yeah that is interesting, where would you take this? What's something you'd be going to? Oh Memphis I mean easily Memphis dude Shout out Memphis. A Raiders game? Raiders game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that, I think maybe like a Kid Rock cover band concert. Oh, yeah. You know? Yeah, I could possibly see it needed for that too. So what happens? They just send you with a driver with a gun? Because I think most Uber drivers, if you go to Sacramento, probably just have a gun on them. Yeah.

54:16It seems like the drivers are specially trained. Like they mentioned one of the drivers is a private investigator and previously worked as a bodyguard. So it's not just they have the gun. It's like they're professionally trained protectors. Okay, got it. So what I'm creating is a necessary evil. It's a necessity. It says, Brown is no ordinary driver, and he's no regular man with a plan. He is a private investigator and has worked as a bodyguard for celebrities and politicians. He wants to share his own brand of executive protection with the world. So this is one of those things I think you're starting to see, like, you know, like, there's too many insanely rich people out there, I think.

54:50Yeah. Walking around. Right. I think there should be a cap on how much money that you can make. Then what? You lose it and get back up. Like if you overshoot in 21. Oh yeah. That's a good call. No, but here's what happens. I think they then like, sis, like the town or wherever you're from, let's you get something like named after you. Like there's some, like there's some value that's given to you because of the way you're creating stuff or you have to give more to your employee. Like, I don't know, something like, but I think part of it is like, You're just starting to see a lot of rich people are probably getting scared of people that are shooting at them.

55:26What do you think? I mean, yeah, that's a huge problem here in L.A. Rich people are getting robbed all the time. Oh, yeah. We're like a Rolex on Rodeo. As soon as it runs up and grabs it. Yeah, that's what people are going to get this. He says it's for regular people, but what regular person is going to get that? Yeah, unless they're going to prom or something. They don't want somebody else hitting on their chick or something. Yeah, I don't know when I would use that. like when i would feel like oh fuck you know maybe black friday will show up to walmart people be shooting over flat screens oh shooting over an air fryer yeah so maybe i pull up with that there yeah i think it's just well it's going to become first of all it's going to become a niche thing that rich people are going to do yeah rich people who have a ton of extra expendable income they just want to spend it any way they can to look even richer if you could hire somebody to be with you at all times who would it be would it be like a bodyguard an escort uh maybe like a somebody who knows a lot about like zoo animals what do you think it would be ooh that's a good question I would think like a middle like somebody like a really buff mom I think oh I'd hire like a total wigger to hang out with me all day like my boy Brian Purvis that I grew up with dog who's Brian Purvis RIP man oh what happened no he's not dead but he is in jail for so long that it's like might as well be that is interesting nobody on the outside is gonna get to know him you know and he's wild if you're in jail for life that's him yeah oh wow he got the see if that guy told me he's been to the moon yeah i wouldn't believe him but i would buy molly off him yeah he's got though i got that good molly on him he got those moon rocks yeah oh so what happened um attempted murder i could just i would like to hang out with him bro or just like some real like just some dude that's real like as real as it can get.

57:15Like he's always rubbing his hands. Yeah, somebody that's as real as he can get, bro. Some dude that, he has to move his head side to side like this to even move forward or to come up with a good idea. Yeah, you ask him what smooth he wants and he's like, ah, yeah. He's thinking about catalytic converters and shit. Yeah, he doesn't blink unless he sees you blink. He's fucking, you know. He has to remind himself to blink. On his hand, it says blink and he goes. Yeah, his whoop bracelet fucking goes off. Yeah, yeah. He always knows a good like ICP playlist. Oh, dude. His house arrest bracelet. Oh, yeah.

57:49It's got the Wu-Tang logo on it. It makes a special beep when he walks to a grocery store entrance. Yeah, yeah. That's how he does Apple Pay with an ankle monitor. Yeah, that's crazy, dude. He just puts his fucking his British knight up on the... You ever been arrested? Yep. I've been arrested, man. I didn't know that. We was at a house somewhere and the cops came in and they went upstairs, right? This was the crazy thing. And they bring a kid down from upstairs. Everybody's high downstairs. You had no idea who the kid was? No. And everybody's like, who the fuck here as a kid? Nobody had a kid, right?

58:24We were kids. Right. They bring like a sleeping kid with like a... Do you think they tried to plan it on you? It totally seemed like a... Like when somebody gets like shot and they experiment with coke on him. Oh, it was a coke head. Yeah. These kids were funneling kids. But like, yeah, with the kid, it was like he was like rubbing his eye. And he had on like a little nightgap. I mean, yeah, it seemed like something out of a Charles Dickens novel. Yeah, I was going to say, kids are always rubbing their eyes in movies. Yeah, so it seemed really like a setup in Mississippi, and so we had to go stay in for the night.

58:52I'm trying to think if there was another time. I feel like I did another time. I got put in the back of a cop car for teeping a house in eighth grade. Suburb shit. Wow. What gang was that? Dude, fucking Charmin Ultra. Fucking hard Charmin. Yeah, single ply, bitch. Wow. We all were single ply, huh? Oh, well, you went through some shit. yeah a little nah some shit went through you yeah yeah fingers went through some shit yeah but i was remember me and my friend matt had a backpack on and if you see any kid with a backpack at four in the morning yeah he ain't going to school so the cop just pulled over and i had like four rolls on me just charming yeah my parents were probably more so pissed that i was throwing the nice toilet paper yeah but yeah the cops were like what are you doing then i had to go wake my parents up and then that my parents had to go talk to the cop and my neighbor at the time was the sheriff that's the only reason we like got anything they're like oh shit I know your neighbor that's the shit you know and so they just I don't know how that helped but yeah that was it that's all I did was wake up my parents it was a cop downstairs the fuck that was it that was such a weird time as a kid when you had to go get your parents up at night remember that oh yeah you'd have to open their door and you knew they were asleep and it was that moment where you're like how do I time where I knock.

1:00:10Maybe they're like not, like, maybe I'll give them an extra five seconds to sleep or something. And then you're like, Mom? Yeah. You have another nightmare? No. There's a squad car out front. Cops are here. And your dad was in some weird PJs and his dick was probably flopping out. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, it was weird. I don't think I got in trouble for that. I think it was just, I don't even remember what happened. Yeah, all that time was just interesting, man. What were we talking about on the news that happens at? Atlanta. Oh, yeah, Atlanta. So, yeah, I'm just wondering, yeah, I think you're just going to start seeing more rich people get, like, special services.

1:00:50Yeah. Just to spend their money because they have to. I wonder if it's just going to get so mainstream. Like, imagine where, like, these dudes aren't doing any combat. Like, these dudes are trained tactically to, like, fuck somebody up, but now you're just dropping somebody off at LAX. Like, I get bored. I'm like, I know how to shoot a gun. Why are you making me drive to, you know, American Airlines? Well, and at a certain point, those guys are going to want to shoot guns. Yeah, I think they should. So they're going to want to pop off on somebody. They're going to want to... Yeah, can you get the trunk for me?

1:01:14They're going to want to put a piece into somebody. They're going to want to put a free filling in somebody's fucking rib cage. Yeah, because I think they're just going to be loading in that car. Like, I want to fucking hit someone. Yeah. Or they might start some beef. Well, shit's getting weird. Now, I notice when I walk up to a car now, it used to be you could walk up, tap on the window, ask somebody a question. Seems crazy to do now. Doesn't it? Yeah. Bro, the other day I'm walking up to a car and I was like, oh my God. Well you also look like somebody who's gonna sell you some like fake fish tickets oh yeah you know what I'm saying bro or some fake fish it's like y 'all fuck with these it's just a hamster with a fin on the back so wait what were you saying I cut you off yeah it's either modest yahoo or mahi mahi dude yeah yeah yeah you're buying something yeah so you walked into a car and what happened I didn't mean to cut you off but it spooked me out I was like oh my god if this person would have just drawn on me and shot me there would have been a case for them that this guy came up on my car whether or not I had a weapon or not.

1:02:20Yeah. There would it wouldn't have been just like an open shut thing of like you shooting a stranger. Right. Do you approach my bubble? Remember that people say get out of my bubble. That was some mom shit. But so what do you do if you're like at a red light and somebody like walks up to your car do you break up you keep your eyes on the road or you talk with them or you just look forward or like it is weird like you just stand there and you're like pretend you're at the wheel and you're just like pretending that they're not there or do you interact? You mean if they come up to the window of your car?

1:02:45Like, who are they? Why would someone do that? Just somebody looking for money. Okay. Or blowjob. Well, that's almost different because you almost are kind of expecting it. In that moment, I feel like at a stoplight, you're kind of looking around. I think for me, like, there were cars in a parking lot. They were parked. And what happened was I thought I walked up to – we had a rental car. I thought I walked up to the rental car. I walked up to the wrong car. But I walked up and kind of, like, was by – I mean, I'm, like, right by the glass. There's somebody sitting in that car. And I'm like, if that person – years ago would have just been like, oh, I'm so sorry.

1:03:13it's an accident but now it's like their windows are all tinted everything so it's like i don't know it just felt like if they shot me it wouldn't be it wouldn't be crazy yeah you know like last words would be like i get it it does feel like the brain just trains you that anytime like somebody comes up to your car you should be like oh like like fight or flight immediately but everybody's scared now i feel like and we're building up this um but sometimes you go to like a real small town and they're like the opposite like you walk up they're like do you need something honey i remember i was doing a show that's a good point i was in butte montana and there's a population of like 456 maybe 454 today but that i was walking from the walmart to my hotel and this lady drives by she goes do you need help and i was like and like this is like very early in my career so i thought i was like hot shit and i was like oh maybe she recognized me and i was like no what's up she's like oh anytime you see somebody walking in this town that means something you know something bad happened and i was just helping you out and that was that yeah no offers of sex or nothing yeah yeah i think that's a good point so i'm thinking from more like a city perspective where was this at this was in uh phoenix okay yeah there's a lot of walking up cars out there but i just had never thought that before i'd never thought that before like if somebody if i walk up somebody's car that they would if they did shoot me or the i just had never thought that there was that much fear in the air or like uh yeah weird energy and like uncertainty i think people are just very nervous about what other people are capable of yeah that is true i think everyone's just like on the heightened senses yeah i think some of it's because you see a lot of clips of people like beating people up on like twitter and stuff do you ever see any of that stuff of course twitter is just tits and people getting knocked out yeah which is pretty good combo yeah it's It's like the new Spike TV.

1:05:00Where the fuck is Spike TV? I miss that shit. Mancers, every time it'd be like, my girlfriend is talking too much. They'd be like, fucking divorce that bitch. And Spike TV, we'll be back to you after this Jack Link's beef jerky commercial. I miss Spike TV. That was just like creatine for the soul. Dude, Spike TV was so fucking good. It was like, they had like, I don't even know. They were like, oh, watch this guy get a root canal done with a forklift. and he does it himself but they had the show A Thousand Ways to Die you remember they would just find random cases around the world and they would hire reenactment actors to be like yeah this guy was climbing the Christmas tree to try to put the final thing on the ornament and got electrocuted in the cock yeah it was a really weird show they would just reenact how random deaths would happen I wonder if there's like one actor that does a lot of the death reenactments you know Oh, he was the go-to guy on a call?

1:05:57Yeah. Now he's just at a bar like, you ever seen A Thousand Ways to Die? That was me. Yeah, that was me. 40 of them were me. Yeah. Yeah, what other shows does Spike TV have? I just remember the name and the feeling associated with the channel. Well, they had early UFC, I think, was on Spike TV, wasn't it? Was it UFC or just a bunch of dudes fighting in front of a Red Lobster? I think it could have been either one. That's Maine that you're talking about. Yeah, there's nothing better than like a raw street fight. You ever just been driving by to see a fight? It may have been a ring cam from Maine.

1:06:24Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, dude. Bro, I was in New York the other day, right? So there's like a homeless dude and what we thought was like a regular dude. We're sitting outside of a cafe. And I don't go to cafes, dude, because they're gay, right? My buddy wanted to go. Yeah, I was going to say, I can't see you sitting there sipping a little cappuccino with a pinky out. Yeah, dude, I was buying Coke and then selling it to other people. I don't do it anymore, but I'll middle a few grams, you know, to fucking keep me hype, right? Right, just to stay cool at the cafe. yeah what can I get for you an eight ball you want it iced so we saw some dudes me and my buddy Kevin were like alright let's go see what's going on here so we get up from our little table and the tables in New York are small especially cafes how fucking small is this table yeah it's insane I do like the arguments when you're like sitting at a table at a restaurant in New York you can hear the people like directly to your left and right couples aren't doing well in New York there's a lot of hot people I wouldn't want to be in a relationship in that town either Oh, dude, everything that walked by, I wanted to put my face in it, you know?

1:07:28It's an insane scene. I couldn't imagine feeling like I was in a comfortable relationship in that town. Like, you're both walking and be like, wow, that girl's so hot. And she's like, wow, that dude's so hot. And you're just like, huh, okay, I can't wait to go back to Easter with your family next weekend. Yeah. Fuck everybody. Oh, dude, it's just like you just want to fucking, you know. It's great in the fashion out there. You just want a damn pink eye collection, you know? Like, you're fucking willing to. And you get it the organic way, too. Oh, yeah, you're willing to do what you need to do.

1:07:55Yeah, not a fart on the pillow. Just fart on these goddamn eyelids. Oh, damn. Yeah, I'll put these things to sleep, honey. Yeah, it's just a hot town. So we heard two homeless dudes. Wait, we thought it was a homeless dude and a regular dude fighting. Which is not fair. For the regular dude. He'll get his ass beat. Well, we didn't know what was happening. So we cruise over, and then one of them, they're beating each other with toilet tissue with a bunch of packet of shit tickets, right? so one of them's banging the other dude up with this with like an eight pack of shit tickets dude and we're like oh dude hey what's going on here guys and it was a black guy and a white guy and we're like what's going on here guys who was what?

1:08:34I can't remember who and then at that point we realized oh both of these guys are home are like kind of crackheads or whatever you know like they were drug induces were they having fun though? that kind of sounds fun it sounds like a street pillow fight it did a little but then they're like we're so sorry they kept cursing at each other and kept hitting each other with toilet tissue. But it was weird because we went from thinking, alright, let's step in here and see if we can help out or what's going to go on. Oh, fuck. Both these guys are mentally unwell. Do you see the fight at Disneyland last week?

1:09:06Yeah, a couple of whites, huh? I love a good public fight. It's so funny. I always thought that this was a black thing until white people, this is basically cultural appropriation now. White people fighting? White people fighting at Disney World. because they'd had one group of black people that had done it pretty well a while back. Remember that, Zach? Yeah. And they do it at places that matter, like Space Mountain, like fun places to watch a fight. Yeah. But what's worse, like proposing at Disneyland, be like, will you marry me? Or fighting at Disneyland? I think proposing at Disneyland is worse.

1:09:36Fighting, that's free entertainment. Oh, I love how they have matching t-shirts. That's hilarious. This was over where to take a picture, by the way. This is right as you walk in. Uh-uh. They all have matching t-shirts. Wow. That's the best ride there. No ride will do that much. He tried to get out of there. No, that's true. Oh, this is Mace Mountain, dude. This is a bunch of thick whites fucking spraying each other with that no sight saw. I mean, these people are fucking going down. Yeah, dude. That's fucking. Yeah, I don't know. What started that? Was it over a photo? Oh, over a photo. That's literally what it says.

1:10:12Good job, Trevor, for reading. There's something nice about being in a group fight like that where there's a lot of energy in one space. Look at that chick rolling in. Yeah. Dude on the bottom has to just move states. That guy is getting his ass whooped. Imagine that's your dad. That's crazy. See, this is what I don't understand. At this point, at some point, do we ever cut off the gene pool? Do we say, hey, we're not going to let their... like at a certain point the genes have had enough time to be in the zeitgeist of humanity right okay like the dna we've seen what it can do here what it can do there like we're getting an idea at a certain point do we ever say hey you guys can't do any more dna and the whites i know any any groups of people or like at a certain point do you lose your dna privileges maybe based on your own oh you should be success but your own there has to there should be some level where you lose your dna privileges uh okay yeah like like if you keep like a three strike type of thing something so like a fight like that you're done i think you get a strike for sure yeah and if you get your ass beat it's two strikes okay the guy on the bottom down there i mean he is protesting disney from day one i mean that's crazy do you stay at the park after you get your ass beat well you're probably arrested.

1:11:37I think you probably stay. Well they didn't know that the video was out. Who knows if they even got arrested. They have a jail at Disneyland. Oh they do? Yeah. Oh. I haven't been but that'd be crazy. Dropping the soap there. Crazy. Just get a quick little hoo hoo. Oh boy. Somebody's getting goofy in that ass. I don't know dude. I'm trying to think if you had to make love to one cartoon who would it be? The girl from Futurama. Lola. She had three tits and one eye. That's a great combo right there. Let's bring her up. I think it was three tits and one eye. I wasn't really looking past. Oh, she only had two tits?

1:12:13Yeah, it was only two. No, she had three. You're thinking of Total Recall. Yeah. I'm thinking of A Good Night. She just kind of does something. It's like the purple hair. She would be a bartender at a place in Hollywood and wouldn't look at you. And that's hard to do with that eye. But she wouldn't look. Oh, yeah. I see what you're saying. But also, I'm going to say this. having one eye there would be something so nice if somebody had one eye you ever really try to look at somebody in the eyes just one I'm doing it right now but in both eyes it's almost impossible because you can't you don't know where to somebody told me a trick for like interviews you stare in the middle of the nose like right in between the eyes because it looks you can't really tell but also I think one eye is kind of seductive because like imagine you do like one of these to her cheek and she like blushes and like the one eye goes down that's pretty hot but that one eye is bigger and imagine if she starts crying and one big tear comes out wow i mean that could break an iphone yeah you gotta get a bowl of rice and everything who is your cartoon you'd go for let me think the cartoon that's oh jessica rabbit huh jessica rabbit does it for a lot of god yeah boy i just wanted to draw my own dick on her i remember when i saw that oh what about uh lola i thought she was a real woman i was like mom we have to go meet her.

1:13:34Oh, do you know how many wish list she was on for Christmas? beat you in the yard if you don't calm down. Is that what happened if you got too horned up? Your mom would just beat you in the yard? Oh, dude, my mom, if we were lucky, she'd get a can, she'd get some canned beer and go sit in the yard for a while. God, sometimes I wish somebody would beat my ass when I get too horny. It's something bad. Like, if I start, like, swiping on dating apps, I wish somebody would just punch me in the back of the head and be like, go write a new joke.

1:14:00And I'm like, up so much of your time. Look at that. How much horniness does... Dude, my therapist literally told me the other day that I should try jerking off to get these thoughts out of my head. And I was like, where the fuck did you get your degree at? Arizona State University? What? Because I was like, I feel like sometimes I'm going on dates. I don't know if I just like the attention. Do I like, I don't want to waste anybody's time, but do I like these people or is it just the attention? And he's like, well, before you start texting people back, just jerk off. And it was such a simple...

1:14:29It's the only time he's ever given me an answer. Usually he has questions. He'll be like, well, how does it make you feel? Why does it make you feel? But this is the only time he's like, just touch yourself. And I was like, damn, bro. And I did. And it works for about 38 minutes. Wow, really? Creeps back in. So you got that half-life. So you come back around pretty quick. When you make love to a woman, are you willing or able to make love again the same night? The same night, yeah. But it's got to be like a full Family Guy episode. Like it's not. I don't know. I can get back up but the nut ain't replenished.

1:15:04You know? So I'm like in a car driving downhill but there's no engine in there. But I'm driving. So it's almost like the engine's off but you're still going down. I'm coasting. But there's no rev power. And then I got a line. Oh I finished. And then didn't. So I'll be faking it too ladies. Oh I remember the first time I ever did sex. How old were you by the way? Well, two things happened. One, I tried to have sex with a girl, and I just got close to her and just ejacked all over. Damn. And I just churned out, baby. You were just built up. Oh, God, boy. That's probably for the best. You could hear a fucking wolf how that shit was pure, brother.

1:15:53That's uncut nut. Oh, yeah. That's straight from the Pacific. so how close was she to you she was probably four inches away from me in bed I could just feel my body getting closer to hers and just closer and then I just and I was like is everything okay are you okay and I was like I didn't know what had happened how'd you get out of it I said we should get out of here right you said cops are on the way I don't know what I said dude but I got so scared and nervous that I made her climb out of the window anything to take your mind off the fact You just pre-came. Yeah, I was like, you got to get the fuck out of here.

1:16:30She said, why? The dogs are out front. The dogs are barking. Yes, I was like, you have to get the fuck out of here. And there was nobody else even at our house. So it was like, she snuck out the window. Yeah, that's crazy. And then, yeah, so that was the first almost. And then I ended up making love to this girl behind the bowling alley in our town over there. Bowling alley is kind of a seductive place. A lot of like this action right here. These three fingers get a lot of work. And all of a sudden, you know, she's bowling a perfect strike on that. We were out door and behind the place. There's actually, if you pull it up on...

1:17:01It's still out there? There's Tiffany Lane's, it was called. I would love if the first review, it was like Tiffany Lane, where Theo Vaughn got his cock touched. Is it in there? Oh my God. Honestly, somebody did it. I'm here because of Theo Vaughn who lost some of their pressures at the bowling alley so long ago. Oh, this is real. Yep, Tiffany Lane's bowling alley over there. They gave it five stars too. Temporarily closed. You should reopen it. We should. remember oh really that wouldn't be a bad idea to reopen you should what would you call it Theo's nut hut Tiffany's lane Tiffany's Tiffany's slaying yeah I think you should you remember when a punchline in San Francisco was gonna close down and then Chappelle was like here's a bunch of money to keep it open you should do that with this place Tiffany Lane um what was the review on there Zach I don't know if we read it it was a they said I'm only here because Theo Vaughn lost something precious that's so funny that that's I've been meaning to tell you this you have the best fans honestly they're great all the shows that I've done with you they're just excited they're just happy to be there and the energy it feels both I love doing any of your shows and last time I did this past weekend a bunch of positive comments it's just a great fan base they're there for not only you but each other I think I think a lot of the clips I see on TikTok are a bunch of really funny stuff, but also people will clip like the moments where you're just real.

1:18:31There was one recently where you're talking about, you're like, I don't know if I'm doing my to-do list or I don't know whose to-do list I'm doing. And all the comments were like, dude, I fucking sympathize with, I feel this. This is like the real Theo. So people respect you on both sides, you know? Because if I open up and be myself, like not that I'm not, but like if I really open up and I'm like, this is what makes me sad at life. People are like, man, shut the fuck up. Don't make a video about Celsius, you idiot. So for you, it's like, I think people are like 360. They love Theo 360. Oh, interesting, man.

1:19:01And look, I know people do care about me and all that. I'm just fabricating all that stuff. But I think like, you know, if I, if I pose anything, that's not like a sketch or stand up. What the fuck is this? Yeah. Go back to making videos of porn stars, idiot. You know, but I think people just love you so much for anything and everything you do. Thanks, man. It's really cool. There's a lot of special fans. Yeah. A lot of special people out there. I noticed it too. a lot of nice people come out will leave nice things leave nice messages have a lot of good interaction with people on socials and stuff just a lot of people struggling with different things i think also probably since i'm older than you like you'll have probably more times like that in the future where you'll get to spaces in your life like yeah you know you're still making sure that people and just like i am like you just you know you want to make sure that people accept you or whatever, you know.

1:19:52It does feel like that a lot. But yeah, I think, yeah, I feel like that when I did Nelk, I just did a Nelk podcast. How was that? It was good, man. I like being around. I'm kind of fascinated by their business. It's hilarious. And what they do. And they keep like, like kind of axing people from their fucking body. Like people kind of disappear and shit. It's bizarre. It's like everybody in there is like, is a boyfriend and girlfriend and then they're like, we're fucking done with that bitch. And then next week they're like, we're back together. But now he's done with that. Like, it's just an ever-changing door, but Kyle's the one that, like, remains the same.

1:20:23And then everyone else kind of rotates around him. But, dude, I mean, like, no podcast is – and I would gladly do it. Hit me up. But I remember I took, like, two days off social media, and the first thing I opened was my phone. It was Donald Trump being asked about Ice Spice by Kyle. And I'm like, what? How did we get here? And Donald Trump's like, Ice Spice. What a woman. Great hair. Love the bush. It is. You know, I think everything's kind of merged now. That's how it felt. It was like a US president is doing a podcast. Alone is a wild topic. But to be doing the Nelk Boys podcast, where they're doing like, it's like, all right, up next, Donald Trump.

1:20:59But first, blue shoe. Does your dick not work? It's what you said. It's worlds combining. And we're all turning into the WWE. I mean, even the UFC now has merged with the WWE. Yeah. Everything is kind of, you know, you have celebrities fighting boxer. Like everything is kind of merging in a weird way. everything yeah it's like and you think that's good or bad i don't know that's the thing i don't know what it it's hard to get it's hard for me i have a tough time seeing like the like the like the patterns and a tough time seeing like the bigger picture things so i'm like what is kind of going on do we feel like things are getting better or more unique do we feel like we're just becoming like i don't know america doesn't really feel like a big thing anymore like when i was America was like the biggest thing there was it was like the biggest company in the world was America right it was like we're the biggest company in the world number one on the Dow Jones baby USA that was it but now it feels almost and maybe it's just because I live in California it almost feels like and this isn't a political statement but doesn't it feel weird to rep America a little bit like if you just see somebody wearing like a USA t-shirt you almost look at them and you automatically associate who they are politically and like who they are and like how they eat pussy and like how they shoot guns yeah they eat it from the back yeah they're pulling hair like it's a goddamn trucker but it feels like but like there's nothing wrong with you love where you live like no there's nothing wrong at all right because you'd see a guy then with a brazilian flag you're like yeah that guy loves his country exactly but then you see a guy with american flag you're like oh this guy might be some right-wing politico guy yeah but that dude could be sucking cock like it's fucking you know on some joey chestnut shit you know so you don't really know what or where or how or why but like something about the usa flag you think you know that person specifically well that's when it starts to feel like that something like there must be the dark artists that kind of run things whoever they are or if there is they you know they've definitely started to dissolve the idea of what it means to be american to a lot of people you know but at the same time it's like you have people expressing all their rights and opinions when they're lucky enough to live in a country where you can express your rights and opinions it's a great place but it's only because they those things have been like fought for and um the government has been kept enough in check yeah and the you know thing it's only because like because easily you could be Cuba or you could be um what's another place Europe Europe Paris where they don't or you know what I'm saying you could be another place where you don't have the freedom yeah yeah Russia dude my family's very Russian and it's like I was I told somebody the other day I was like I kind of want to go back to it like right now I was like yeah what's up they're like what do you mean what's up have you heard of anything about Russia and Ukraine right Now you're a dumbass.

1:23:56I'm like, dude, I get all my news from Laffy Taffy's and Snapchat. I'm not doing well in the head, brother. I don't know what to tell you. But I think we take it for granted, fucking USA. But if you see a guy with a Ford F-350 and it's a wrapped USA, you're like, oh, this guy. That really means it. This guy is on a first name basis with a lot of hooters in town. Yeah. Well, I definitely think there's some traditionalism. But there are people who use the flag now also as like, I'm going to use the flag as my way of showing how

1:24:29conservative I am. I don't know, but there's also people that have liberty or like... What is the new thing? Libertarian. Do they use the American flag a lot? I feel like they do. That's hilarious, dude. Yeah, that's like fucking... Some people would have an Ozempic flag outside of their own 40 American flag. And people would be knocking at the door like, you got it? I heard a girl at a bar maybe a month ago she goes I think I'm going to Mexico next week because Ozempic is$800 cheaper and I was like that sentence alone and I was just looking at it I was like why do you have to be so goddamn hot like if I said that people would be like you're an idiot but I heard that and I was like I could see through the red flags on this but like going across the border to get diabetic medicine so you can look thinner it's a wild time so the same way that we might say like a USA flag might look weird on somebody because it's too patriotic dude they're looking at LA be like you you fuckers are addicted to diabetic medicine right pussies yeah put it in your zins dude let's fire up yeah i don't know and most of our car like the military that protects our country or keeps things like you know we'll protect us if need be they are they have the american flag on their fucking uniform so it's really weird to get people who are like against america like why have we created a people that are against our own flag that's the fucking weird thing to me it is bizarre it's like being like I fucking hate Arby's but then you're doing work at an Arby's yeah but you're wearing a big hat where did that come from where are they getting off with this giant ass cowboy hat there's a comedian that used to have that joke he was like oh do you think Arby's is just a oh do you think there's somebody who thinks Arby's is just a place where they sell big hats that was an old joke somebody had you know what Arby's stands for Arby's roast beef yeah R-B that's why it's R.B.'s wow isn't that crazy it is cool that's some shit that blows my mind more than it should oh yeah that's the kind of shit people don't know who like the seventh president was but they know that right it's like when you're a child and they do this got your nose and you're like hold the fuck on better slow down there brother what are we doing here give me that back yeah when I found out R.B.'s was R.B.'s like recently yeah I didn't know a pickle and a cucumber were the same thing until I was 22 oh yeah that does blow your mind doesn't it nobody tells you that yeah we're learning about Volvos and goddamn sexual ed.

1:26:51Remember when Jolly Ranchers came out? Dude, I was thinking about... My God, do you fucking remember it, though? Might have been past my... But do you remember? I mean, you got people... Because a candy never lasted that long. No. I want to tell you that. Before that, they'd had fucking candies. They'd had mints, and they'd had damn... Even when you break it down, it was still tough. Oh, God. You couldn't even fucking... You had to hire a man to fucking almost chew on it for you a little bit and then put it back in your mouth god you remember when uh yogurt land came out not yogurt land pink berry yeah pink berry had the world by the goddamn sack and a half and what happened it was tart yogurt and everyone's like what the fuck is this yeah our brains couldn't comprehend it and it went under i think they're still out there but like at the time yeah i saw one recently they're out there they are but i but at the time our brains were like why is this ice cream tart yeah and the world just couldn't comprehend it.

1:27:48It was like Burger King chicken fries. So goddamn good. And they were paying, we just had Brianna chicken fry on actually. Oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah, she's great. Yeah, she's interesting. I remember in Dallas, a girl, this was like years and years ago, maybe like 2017, she DM'd me before the show. She goes, you can pour chocolate sauce in my titties. And before I was getting off stage, I was like, hold up, before I get out of here, I remember this DM, where's the chocolate sauce titty girl? And she was like, woo! And then we hooked up that night and she had some Franzia bags on her and I'm talking aged like fine wine.

1:28:20Great. She DMed me maybe like six months ago and was like thinking about you. I was like thinking about them. But something like that. That's a DM where you're like I can't not not answer this. Sometimes it's cool if you have a chick just kind of lean off the bed and hang one tit off the bed. Man, like it's looking for an iPhone charger.

1:28:42You think if you were a female you'd have more ass and more rack? dude I think if I were a female I would just probably wouldn't leave the house I'd probably get nipples put onto my butt cheeks and just go all tits no ass all tits no ass wow all tits no ass you had that just unlimited tits I kind of like it because it comes around up front of the parents people are like yeah whatever that's just Theovana whatever your name is and then you walk away and they're like oh damn I've misspoken you know because up front you're just chillin then on the back you got the Hemi if you saw that bra on somebody's ass you'd be like my god they're doing that well it's like a Lamborghini got the engine in the back got the Hemi up on those legs I love that man it's funny you know it's cool that people have an ass and tits man both what do you got Zach what's up in the news over there for you we were watching this video um this girl did a she recreated Kobe Bryant She's an Asian woman.

1:29:43She changed her face to look like Kobe Bryant, and it's pretty crazy. I'm going to need to see that. So there's a debate. Is this blackface or not? You tell me.

1:29:56Yeah, I mean, immediately, yes. No, you think?

1:30:04I will say this. This looks like a lot of the portraits that you've seen drawn of Kobe around town. What? I haven't seen really many good portraits of Kobe, which is fucked up given how great he was. Let's see her one more time. This is like Kobe Bryant. You saw him on like Hollywood Boulevard. She looks like Charlemagne in like 20 years, I feel like. Do you think this is considered blackface? Not to me, it's not. It might be considered Laker face. You know what I'm saying? Or Western Conference face. But I don't think this is black. How do you, I mean, dude, this is, I mean, how do you not run this past one person?

1:30:48You're Asian, dude. Some Asians don't even talk to each other, dude. Have you been to China, bro? It's 70 billion people not even talking to each other. That's crazy. It's unbelievable. I feel like that's how my brain works. It's like 70 billion thoughts, but nobody's aligned. Nobody's connecting. Nobody's, you know, running it past each other. What are people saying? Are they into this or not? I don't think so. I mean, first of all, it has 16 million views, 17 million views. I mean if that's what you gotta do to get those views I mean people are saying it's blackface Well here's what I think She's gonna be on the Nug Boys podcast tomorrow At a certain point Blackface was Can you scroll down a little They were doing it because they didn't Black people weren't allowed to be actors So they painted white people as black people Oh I didn't know that She's trying to look like Kobe How else would she do it Don't And then someone said I feel like she's just displaying her makeup art talent Blackface is really a reach here.

1:31:41Yeah, maybe that's what I think. This looks a little artistic. I don't know. It kind of uncomforts me if a kid who really loves a black athlete can't be the... I mean, I guess you can just by having the jersey. He's in the jersey, yeah. But if they wanted to... Because a kid, if he has no malice in him and he's not trying to do anything bad, I don't know. At a certain point... Yeah, I think people... If you have the jersey, people still get the gist. nobody's wearing just a Kobe jersey and they're like I don't believe you and you just pass them a can of paint like you know what to do yeah mean it but then here's the crazy part there'll be some black people like oh you ain't fucking real bro unless you paint yourself up you know next thing you know the guys can't win yeah the guys yeah that's the thing you can't really win because there's always that party that's like there's always that part of black culture that's like oh you ain't real enough you know unless you go all the way in and then there's always that part of the culture that's like oh this is too much, bro.

1:32:37You fucking using cultural appropriation. I think if she wanted you just go half. She could just do half. Yeah, there you go. You know, that way, like, if somebody's like, that's offensive she turns like this and like, what do you mean? But then the crowd that's like, oh that's not folding, boom. Yeah. Kind of like a flounder. And she's Asian. If it were a white person, maybe it gets looked at a little bit differently. This person is an Asian person. They don't know what they're doing a lot of times. She doesn't even know Kobe Bryant passed away. Yeah, she probably doesn't. And also, is this Kobe Bryant?

1:33:03Let's look at this fucking person. It looks more like, uh, maybe like Ron Artest after he's been doing a lot of Equinox. Yeah. Yeah, I would say that it looks more like, I mean, yeah, the more I look at this, this doesn't look anything like Kobe Bryant. Right. This looks like. But have you ever seen a good Kobe Bryant mural? No, they're all a little off. Right. That pissed me off. Yeah, this looks like, yeah, I think you're right on the Ron Artest. I don't even know who the, this looks like a black guy that would work like in an office or something like a FedEx brother. Have you ever seen that guy hooping at a gym and he's wearing all Michael Jordan head to toe?

1:33:41It kind of looks like him a little bit. There should be a video. He's like hooping out at 24-hour fitness. What else we got, Zach? For the news. California's about to ban Skittles. Really? Other candies, yeah. Oh, this is interesting. Yeah, apparently they're kind of toxic. I fucking love Skittles. So Skittles, Pez, Hot Tamales. This is going to happen. And many more popular candies. Is the California Assembly last week or will only pass Assembly Bill 418 sending the legislation over to State Senate? As long as they don't ban TikTok, I don't really give a fuck with their ban. Skittles is just funny.

1:34:16It's like we have vape-flavored Skittles. Hot tamales too, though. Skittles-flavored vapes, yeah. Well, I guess they're linked to cancer. That's a big thing. Skittles? Skittles. I mean, allegedly, that's why this is all kind of happening. Is this our generations putting Coke back in the day? Mmm. You know? Like, was there cancer in the Skittles and they knew it or whatever. Yeah, what if? I mean, I think I'm like, this is just, something's just changed over time, you know? If the chemicals are bad, then they're bad. Who knows? What's Skittles' slogan? Taste the rainbow. Oh, well, we should get rid of that first before we do anything.

1:34:52Yeah, especially on the heels of all the Bud Light stuff, which has been so crazy for them, hasn't it? Aren't they doing like a camo can to like combat it? Yeah. I think they just do both. It's camo, rainbow. a rainbow camo and just they fucked the free it would look like a four loco honestly yeah I miss a good four loco it's crazy how many but then also the craziest thing about the Bud Light thing is all they did was send that girl some beers right or that guy Dylan Mulvaney I don't even know what happened they send him some beers you know like sometimes like brands will send you stuff and they'll put your name on it or try to make it personalized to you so that you'll share it or make it a social thing that's what they did that's all they did yeah but Mulvaney took it and said oh they made me a spot like mulvani is the one who blew it up all they did was send a little gift thing what did the i don't think they paid mulvani or not what did the can look like or that was the one that's it right there oh wait i i didn't know what the can look like for some reason i thought it would uh huh yeah that's it they just put her picture on a can so she then blows it up and then people you know now it's just so much bigger than what the like it unbelievable The joke is so much bigger than what it actually was.

1:36:04The only person it really behooved was Herm. Yeah, and I mean, Dylan probably made a lot of money off this. Well, just a lot of hype and exposure. Of course. Yeah. Yeah, I believe that he's a gay male that's looking for clout. But I don't know if that definitely is just something that I believe, and I could be wrong. What do you think, Zach? Yeah, I don't know. I mean the thing is people thought that this was being distributed nationwide. No it wasn't. And it wasn't. So it's kind of a perfect example of like misinformation. Like people didn't take any time to like read into it further. The joke was so much bigger than the actual story that now like anytime you see somebody drinking a Bud Light you're like oh I better keep my pants on or if I'm down for you know like It's almost fun now too that you could buy somebody a Bud Light if it's getting laid and you think they're gay.

1:36:53Yeah I mean now it's like it's past the point of a controversy where now it's just like funny at Bud Light. It has nothing to do with Dylan. It's more just like, it's funny send a group of dudes on a bachelor party at a Buffalo Wild Wings, be like, hey, can we send them around to Bud Lights? And then they get in and they're like, oh, what? Guess we gotta suck each other off now. Just start going after it. It's funnier now than the actual controversy, I think. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I agree. It's almost just funny now. It's like a funny thing. It's crazy how quickly something goes from being real serious to funny now.

1:37:23It's like, it used to be that that probably would have taken two years Well now it's just the name Bud Light is a joke In the same way that the name like Kyle or like Chad or some of these big Or Karen, these big meme names Are just forever implanted that Like so now you'll never think of a Bud Light Again the same And we'll be 93 in our chairs with dementia And be like fucking Bud Light And just talking to a brick wall Benjamin's gay We're just lapsing our head of thoughts What else we got Zach? What else is going on? I can tell you this, last night I was at a fireplace and a moth landed on the corner and then he just flew directly into the fire.

1:38:01I was like, you were looking for the wrong light, brother. His time was done. I saw him land. I was like, damn, he's awfully close to the fire. He contemplated it maybe like four seconds and then just beelined right into the flames. It's kind of sad, but honestly, I respect it. Yeah, well, I mean, I think it's a lot of people how like addiction happens. It's like you want something, you feel, it makes you feel warm, it's a good light and you're like, I'm going all the way in. think about that he's like i'm fucking done with light bulbs give me the brightest hottest shit you can find i want all the smoke yeah god i kind of respect him a little bit i might get him tattooed on my bicep yeah yeah mothy um dude i saw one time i was in church and a woman um a butterfly came and landed on her face at church really and she said oh that's my son he visits me every year he died this time like seven years ago wow so uh it was at this crystal cathedral cathedral in orange california and the doors of the church open like the whole wall opens so that um butterfly so that like uh you can just the organ is like right there and it's just beautiful it's always nice that's and this butterfly came all the way in and landed right on her cheek and see that's what she said that's my son he died in a motorcycle accident and uh he comes and visits me well i would start tearing up on spot it was crazy man i got some pictures with her i gotta go look and see if i have those pictures yeah some pictures like this and she You just got the butterfly on her cheek.

1:39:20Did the butterfly ever come to you at all? No. It stayed on her face for probably about 15 minutes. Wow. And then it left. That'd be cool if you and the butterfly became boys. Just left right out the same way it came in. Yeah. Could be interesting. Videos like that would make me tear up. Also. Yeah. When's the last time you teared up, you think? Oh, man. Probably recently. Yeah. You know, just a lot of stuff in my personal life. And just kind of just figure. I'm just trying to figure out like what and who I am, I guess. Like I know very much career wise. but I think internally, you know, like I'm 30 and I'm like, I don't have a family.

1:39:51I don't really know what's going on. And it's like, sure, I can drown my life out with work. And, you know, I can always be like, I have more tour dates, make more videos, edit this. But it's like, it's those moments where I'm sitting still. I'm like, what am I doing this for? Who do I want to share this with? You know? Damn. I don't know. Not to get deep, but I know. It's important. Probably that or if I see a video of like, you know, somebody coming home from the war and surprising their son at a baseball field. That'll get me. Coming home. Dude. Coming home. Every time. Tell the world. That, or it's like the Wiz Khalifa song.

1:40:23See you again. Those always make me cry. Those are, those, man. Or like the dad walks into the baseball, or to the classroom. Oh, I watch those anytime I need to adjust my feelings. Dude. Those are the videos that I go to. Those always make me feel, just feel, I just feel right there. Yeah. Those are great. You know what videos I love watching for the opposite reasons? It's stolen valid videos. You ever seen those in the airport when the guy's like filming? He's like, oh, you served too? Nice. Where'd you serve at? And the guy's like, uh, St. Petersburg. And the guy's like, really? Because if you did, it'd be on your left shoulder.

1:40:53It starts going at him. And then he's like, stolen valor. And the guy's just trying to get a free Cinnabon at the airport. I fucking got it. It's such a loser thing to do. Oh, it's the, when people do stolen valor, they should make them have to do a week of boot camp. Oh, that's like, that's their punishment. Dude, the videos are just so funny because it's like, what are you trying to do it for? They always look like a guy at the top left. It's always at a restaurant, too. Restaurant or the airport? Because they're trying to get a free meal or something? Oh, yeah. That's what they're using it for.

1:41:22Yeah, that or respect. They're just looking to board the plane first. That's just too many hacks, man. If you're hacking the world this much, you got to shut it down, bro. Yeah, it's just... I don't know, man. There's better ways to do it. Don't wear... I would just wear a T-shirt that says organ donor. Somebody will help you out. Yeah, that's a good point. And that's not Storm of Valor if you aren't. Maybe it is. The craziest stolen valor is when you see somebody wearing like a Travis Kelsey jersey. And they're not Travis Kelsey. Not a chance, bro. Yeah, but the video is always so funny because you can tell they did their research up to a certain point.

1:41:57But they're not even as healthy as Randy Travis. Yeah, right. Bring up Randy Travis. Yeah, it's so funny to me. And God bless Randy Travis. He's an amazing singer. He has a disability. What is it called? He's got something Oh I didn't know that Lou What's he got Lou Gehrig's Maybe Lou Gehrig's Yeah Or somebody Gehrig's What's he got He had a stroke Oh he had a stroke Damn My bad But he's got Yeah Yeah but if you see somebody In a Travis Kelsey jersey And they're not even Travis Kelsey They're not Yeah and they're not even Randy Travis They're not even like You know They're not even Travis Pastrana Yeah And he's deceased Didn't he no no he's alive yeah he's he's very yeah so they uh so anyway that kind of stuff to me is some real stolen valor what makes you laugh or what makes you cry well let's do both sides well i mean what you're saying i think about like not knowing like what's going like what am i doing this for fuck dude that shit can i find my emotions get really high like that and then i kind of calm myself down i'm like it doesn't matter what if i don't know the answers today that's fine and then I can walk myself through.

1:43:10But it starts off high and then I walk myself through it. And then I saw that moth go straight into that fire. I was thinking about this last night, actually. I saw a moth go right into the fire. I was like, damn. Maybe that's... I don't know. Everybody has their own journey. Whoa, brother. That moth was not feeling it. But yeah, I don't know. I think that's... I usually feel that and then I can walk myself through it. And I go, that's fine. It can keep going. That's the thing. If you don't get an idea of what you want to do, then whatever you're doing will just continue. I noticed that for myself It's like I work all the time I mean last night I'm messaging Zach At freaking midnight About something You know It just can't shut the brain off I'm the same way And I'm so so thankful That I knew what I wanted to do At a young age Like I The fact that I'm More lost in life Than I am with career You know It's a blessing Because the other way It can be just It's just a different way But it's gonna be tough too Yeah I mean it's the grass Always greener It's like you have The perfect family relationship But you're fucking You know you work At H &R Block And you're like I wanted to be A balloon animal artist yeah and now you're in the bathroom blowing up goddamn trojans making snakes oh yeah drug mule yeah so i don't know i i don't think i ever have to know what's really going on you just take it day by day oh yeah dude i think sometimes bro uh but i notice if you don't have an idea or get an idea at some point you'll just continue like i just continue to work my life continues to be kind of the same cycle some of it is because like uh like just being late to figuring out what's going on with myself you know whereas now as i do start to look a little bit more like i want a family or i'm alone by myself and it's like man after a while this gets boring right you know or you want to have somebody to share like a nice time with you know but then you have a family you go to disneyland all of a sudden some dude's swinging on you yeah and then you're like god i wish i was fucking single so there's no you know there's no perfect way there isn't and that's what i think you find out just in time you just find out what you like what you don't like and you try to tend to what you like as much as you can.

1:45:03Do you think you would ever leave your wife and children? Definitely. Respect. Would you ever leave your wife and kids? I believe that if I don't want to. I'm going to say that right now. I do not want to leave you guys. Wherever they are. Yeah. And I dude I used to write postcards to my kids like years ago I'd write postcards. Kids. Even though I didn't even have them. Where would you send them? Just to my own address and save them for my kids for when I get older or whatever. That's crazy, right? Did you have their names already picked out or it'd be like insert name? I can't remember if I put their names first.

1:45:43I think I just put... Dear name here. Yeah. Little Vaughn, something, you know. Yeah, Little Vaughn, Gertrude. Yeah, I can't remember. Or unborn or something like fucking weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think part of me always wanted probably to have children, but I could never see any way how I was going to get there from where I was at. Well, what happens with me, I was with a couple recently, and they've been together for five years. They got a kid on the way. And hearing them talk made me realize how far away I am from where they are in life. They're like, oh, we're getting married next year.

1:46:15We just had a kid. And the way they would talk, she would start talking, and then he'd be like, should I finish the story? Because you're telling me wrong. I'll finish the story. Then they're going back. They're arguing with each other, and they bring it to you. and like I was so disconnected to where those two were at in life of a family and like you know if a family was like a like a pie chart like they had so much more pie than me like I had just a little sliver yeah you were more a la mode huh yeah I was on the side I was a little raspberry on the side just hanging out well I think but also for some people there's different paths you know and it's hard to battle with whatever your path has been you know it's like I felt like when I was a kid like I just didn't have like a lot of affection and stuff at home but then as an adult like you're saying i got a lot more like affection just from strangers you know so it's almost like you just never really know what the path for life is going to be that's true you know you might like robert downey johnson or whatever just had a kid at 79 years old right deniro robert deniro did he really yeah or whatever backed up down there i know he just had a kid man wow yeah robert well how old your dad was old my dad was 70 yeah so you were doing so he was following the footsteps of Your father.

1:47:23Yeah. I mean, my dad. I mean, and this is nine years later. That's crazy. I remember my dad would tell me stories about kids in his village, like eating dirt. Village? They were starving. That's how you know his old village is crazy. There he is right there. He's still pumping. Is that his wife? And he's hammering on that mixed yam, homie. Yeah, look at us, his lady. Oh, yeah. Gang, baby. Damn. I feel like after he busts one, he hops on his glasses and polishes on a silk t-shirt. Yeah. Oh, that's good. What's the best post ejaculate move? I would say finger pistols or a gainer flip into a hot tub.

1:48:02The flip where you run backwards. It's a forward-facing backflip. That's crazy, bro. If you come and then just do a gainer flip into a body of water, you get knocked up and that son is addicted to vape early. Here's the crazy thing. These days, somebody who can do a forward backflip, like you're saying, is looked at more prestigiously than somebody who's serving in the military. Oh, dude. I mean, if I see you do that, you're in my will. I don't give a fuck. You earn part of what I earn forever. You're more important than my agent and manager. Bro, it's so crazy how one little thing that somebody can do.

1:48:37Yeah, what's the craziest thing? I think, oh, one thing that's crazy is if you say I'm going to the restroom, you go hide in their apartment. Just anywhere? Yeah. Just in the pantry, eating Nabisco's? Will you hide in there to go look for you like, oh, it's hiding. Oh, that's funny. This person is a fucking psycho. I'm definitely taking plan B after this person. Yeah, and then you forgot it's your apartment and they just leave and they're in there for seven hours. What do you think a girl would get the most turned on? Like, what move do you think you could do that would like, oh, my God, Theo's so much more attractive than I thought.

1:49:07Like, what's a move besides hiding? I don't know. I don't have a lot of strong moves. Reset the Wi-Fi. Maybe kissing on the neck a little bit I like. Yeah. On you or you to her? Me to her. I like kissing on a woman neck probably Unless you got too much

1:49:25Perfume on there Oh yeah God dang Some ladies put that shit on bro Right Your tongue goes numb You got fentanyl on your neck I know Damn bro Some lady That shit is too much bro It's a little heavy But I like it The next day if like the pillow Kind of smells like her That's some shit where I'm like That's nice That's wife That's wife and stuff That's how Like I I met up with my ex a couple months after we had broken up. And that scent was the same scent. And it brought back so many memories. It's just associate, you know? Yeah, we had a chick at our school that used to go to school and she put that orange bathroom cleaner, you know, that smell that's in all the bathrooms.

1:50:05Fabulosa? Oh, no. No, no, no. It was just very generic orange bathroom cleaner. I think it was called that too. Generic orange bathroom cleaner. Yeah, something just like that. By Nabisco, yeah. Yeah, it was a government scent. She'd put that shit on. Oh, Ajax? And I would smell it. No, no, this is way too commercialized, a lot of that. And she would put it on? Yeah. Wow. Maybe that was it, up one. Smelling like vitamin C and... To the left. Something like that. Eco Orange, yeah. Yeah. She'd put that fucking Eco Orange on at school. I like the scent of the pink soap they got in the schools. That stuff's good.

1:50:41That stuff was nice. It tastes like Robitussin. Oh, you're not supposed to taste it. But... I used to huff a lot of things as a child. God, yeah. There you go. Right there. Get that. The one you... Yeah. That's the stuff we're looking at. Yeah. But the scent to that reminds me of the dentist's office, but like in a good way. Advantage Chemicals, it was called. Dude. They did not put any fucking work into that name. Like it's a contest, dude. Advantage Chemicals. You just knew you were going to lose. Dude, that's at a crime scene. You pour that over a dead body and the body just disintegrates. Oh, that's that Dexter sauce.

1:51:14I mean, that's all that is. What other news we got? There's a ton of stories on there. Can I go pee real quick? Yeah, let's go piss, man. Take a break. What else? You been dating? What have you been doing? Because last time we saw each other, we went to Young Gravy's, remember? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I saw you with Young Gravy. I was seeing it late at that point. Yeah, I'm kind of just trying to figure things out right now. I'm really just filming a special in July, so I'm really just trying to focus on everything just comedy-related right now. But it's hard because, like you said, you're like, man, I like going on dates.

1:51:43It's fun. It's like, it's fun to kind of build up, you know, chemistry with people, seeing if it's working or not and whatnot. But sometimes, yeah, you just like, you have a show and like, you meet a really cool chick and you're like, all right, let's feel this out. Like sometimes you don't even want to date, but somebody gets brought into your life and you're like, oh, let me explore, let me see what's going on here. Do you have a process for not wasting your time and their time a little bit? I think I'm getting, I don't know. I like, do you do a call first? Usually do you do anything like that?

1:52:10Or are you just kind of, um no i wish do you i know some people like facetime before but that's so weird it feels weird but if it saves everybody the time it's true i don't know if i have a plan i should have a better plan i need to start to have a plan i think if i want to get a wife and family like not that i can choose what's going to happen because you don't know what's going to happen right but i think i should have at least like some uh a little bit of a like a pattern i'd like to follow to help myself yeah i kind of feel it out just like you can kind of feel it like through texting like what type of person that is but like some people we talk to they're they got it all mapped out i don't have like that they're like first date you go to drinks it's an easy in it's an easy out second date park free cheap get out third date then you have food it's like it's all mapped out i kind of just feel it out yeah like i'll take a girl to a steakhouse four minutes in i'll be like we don't need to be here yeah you know or she'll say something she's like oh we could have just watched the sunset you're like that shit's free you're like steak mistake god damn send this back it's medium rare and send me back uh i don't really have a process i don't know i don't really know what's going on in life a lot of times really um yeah i think it's well it's just interesting especially these days i think we're all so like on social media we're all on like we're constantly being entertained by stuff right correct there's so much entertainment like you can turn on your phone at any point you can see like an amazing goal being scored someone uh battling something severe in their life somebody uh doing a gofummi somebody lost their arms legs and head i saw the other day some guy lost his arms legs and head you can also watch a man getting head in a thing yeah and you can do gofummi for both it's crazy how much stimulation your brain is throwing at you all at once it's the best of everything right all in a few minutes But then you shut it off and you come back to whatever your regular life is.

1:54:02And usually I think in that time when your brain would have been kind of processing what's going on in your own life, because your brain is kind of a processor, right? It wants to organize things. Of course. Your brain wants to organize things. Like that's its like modus operandi. Like that's what it does. It like notices patterns. It organizes things. So you have the best, most comfortable way to live and survive, right? That's like what his whole job is. Yeah. So I think usually when we're relaxing or resting or giving our brain time to kind of process and we're not just constantly entertained.

1:54:33I think that's what it is. Then we are able to have more things figured out. Whereas I think now when we're just doing constant entertainment, you're not getting as much figured out like in the background. You're never giving your brain a chance to openly think. Yeah, to return the books. It's like, you know, at the library, you see all the stacks of books that were returned. and you're like damn the book I really like could be in there but I don't even know we're not giving our brain a chance to return any books we're just fucking opening up millions of fucking books there's not anything on the shelf anymore there's just tons of books you're just throwing books to the shelf and they fall right off Dewey Decimal is shooting up in the fucking in the corner Long Division hasn't been talked to in a long time that boy turned into ketamine ASAP down by the Hudson but that's really kind of a neat analogy I didn't think about that before but that's kind of what it's like it is because all those thoughts are in your brain, but you're just, you're distracting it with social media.

1:55:26And I mean, it's, it is wild. And that's why like people fucking lose their mind, you know, on a plane before you can't take off. And there's no like, there's no like wifi yet, or you can't open up your laptop. The dark 11, they call it that dark 11 minutes. Oh, do they? Yeah. Yeah. But that's who you are in that 11 minutes is who you really are, who you are when your phone is dead. That's who you really are. When you're just sitting there at an IHOP with a dead phone and you got to make eye contact with the lady with one eye i'll take the flapjack and what the fuck happened there but like those moments it's like i did that last night when i was sitting by the fireplace i i didn't have my phone and i just wanted to just i just wanted to i've been traveling so much i kind of like lost my own narrative a little bit and i just was like what what what is important right now what do i want to focus on and i just stared into the fire and it's just like I had every thought that I've been neglecting.

1:56:18It felt nice. It's kind of like when people do mushrooms. It's like those thoughts get brought to the surface. Yeah. I'm trying to think of one of my favorite times on mushrooms ever. I like being on a bird scooter, a little buzz. I know that's illegal, but it feels fucking. Is it illegal? I feel like they only work if you have a buzz. Right. Dude, I remember when we were children, we did some LSD or mushrooms, right? One of the two. or uh lsd and we went to the waff house and it was the first time we'd seen a gay dude right or alleged gay or whatever at waffle house yeah or just in general uh i can't remember but it was the first time we'd seen a gay dude like this close to like a kitchen right and it was uh they had um or it was like the first time we'd seen like a gay dude with like a menu you know okay so uh my buddy started just laughing so hard we were just on drug right we were laughing so hard the guy thought that he was choking right because of how he was laughing like he was like laughing so much he was like almost spitting up yeah so he starts doing the heimlich maneuver on right buddy a dude that we just thought was gay so now the whole restaurant is like what's going on here let's almost say restaurant okay this is where like this is normal waffle house behavior This is where people, and in our town, they had a long bridge near our town.

1:57:42It was the longest bridge in the world for a while, and it dropped off. One end of it was by our town. Nice. So the police, everybody they called on that bridge, drunk driving, they would drop off at this Waffle House. So it was like a fucking - That was your drunk tank? Was it Waffle House? Yeah. I mean, if I was drunk, I would definitely stay. So it was like a booze - That's actually smart. Yeah. It was a booze zoo for fucking just derelicts, you know? So anyway, but this alleged gay dude is just fucking heimlicking. My buddy who's not choking. He's already coughed up and he's still going. Oh, dog, he's good, he's good.

1:58:16They just turn out. And I'm like, is this dude really at EMT or is this dude just having kind of like a fit of gay or whatever? But he was pumping on my homie pretty good. Waffle House, you walk in there sober, but you sit in that chair long enough, you feel a little bit. You don't know what drug it is. If it's an up or a down or just life, but you feel that. Oh, it's that fucking margarine buzz, homie. I fucking love Waffle House. There was a donut shop in my hometown where if you used to flash them your tits, you get free donuts. They never did it for me, but they did have. God, I love that.

1:58:46But like, I was always wondering, like, do they do a buy size? Like, what if you showed your tits and like, all right, here's a donut hole? I'd be like, damn. I got fake tits for no reason. But yeah, like if you had some knockers, they'd be like, here's a bear claw. It's kind of crazy. Oh, God, yeah. That was the original Girls Gone Wild. God, I'd show my God, I don't know what I would do for a bear claw When I was a kid In our neighborhood, if you had respect for something, you'd take your shirt off Yeah, what is that? It's just like a thing, it's almost very native I think you would Alpha? Yeah, no, not alpha, just like you wanted them to Like it was a sign of respect Like a standing ovation, but for your body Yeah, because I think back in the day We didn't have clothes on all the time That's true Who invented clothes?

1:59:30Can you look it up? some fucking idiot probably That's what I'm saying. You want to see less tit? Unless it was like a parent, then I get it. But like, the Neanderthals. Oh, Ronnie Pants did it, huh? The first known humans to make clothing, Neanderthal man survived from about 200 ,000 BC to about 30 ,000. Wow, 170 ,000 years. Did they do it because they were cold or they were just too horny? During this time. Maybe tried celibacy and he's like, bro, you got to cover those nips up or something. During this time, the Earth's temperature rose and fell dramatically creating a series of ice ages throughout the northern areas um when was the first clothing made can you go down to that who's the first brand 200 000 bce that's what they said okay and what was it can we look and see what it was gotta be like a leaf the first clothes were made from natural elements animal skin and furs grasses and leaves and bones and shells it was often draped or tied however simple needles made out of animal bone provided evidence of sewn leather and fur garments from at least 30 ,000 years ago.

2:00:35Oh, wow. Did they even have... Yeah, I'm trying to think if you could stunt back then, you think you could? 100%. I think so. How do you roll up? When do you roll up? Not in the middle of the day. It's hot as hell, right? Because somebody's in a cave. Like, you have to... Like, when he flex in it? Probably if I was... You know what I would do? I'm going to go get some water, right? Go to the well. No clothes. And I'd come back with the water and the clothes. and they'd be like, oh my God. I'd be like, oh yeah. Oh, this? Oh, the water or the outfit? You know, like a little subtle like, oh, which one?

2:01:08Which one's dripping, you know? Which one got that water, shoddy? Who wet now? The town caveman? I don't know. When would you do it? That's a good question, bro. I think if you roll in around dinner with a special deal, like a little dessert or a little... Yeah, fruit or something. You bring a fucking apple they never seen. Dude, everybody's smashing, bro. and dude back in the day there was no way to let people know you were happy except to probably jerk off you think oh i'm sure if you brought figures or like the fuck's it called cave art hieroglyphics no somebody what is it maybe if you're stuck in a room you're stuck in a cave right you're in there by fire and somebody brings an apple and you've never fucking seen one you take a bite of it oh that would that would that would do things to me i still feel that way a cold granny smith i would take that over sex a lot of days cold granny smith a little bit of peanut butter on it come on now she'll never leave you unread do you dm a lot of like girls that you think are attractive or you know i i usually wait until people like dm me i'm because i'm so scared of rejection that like i have sent like a dm to like like a hot chick that i thought was like pretty cute or something yeah and it fucks with my ego because if i hit them up and they don't respond then i'm like oh all right maybe i'm just invisible and who knows she maybe is dating somebody or she's not into super sexy buff guys like me like who knows what the flaw is yeah but what about you do you i sent let me think i sent bruce willis's doll and his daughter's a dm one time and she didn't write me back but how did that did that do anything for your ego or were you just like damn no i saw her at a party and i'd seen her before i just thought oh yeah i just She was really neat and had just That's a rejection for me You know visually I was very you know She didn't say anything I said oh good evening I said oh good evening There's bugs in here I said oh good evening Oh damn he's got a lot of them I should have went through the catalog I didn't know Somebody will get back to you Rumor yeah yeah that's her name rumor yeah that's crazy yeah beautiful or she you know attractive lady i don't know her that well but she just had uh uh i just saw her somewhere and yeah so then i sent her in dm but but that's okay it's like you know that's life what are you gonna do it is and you don't know why they didn't respond or whatever she could be married her dad has been sick she also may have zero interest in me she may uh not even yeah you don't know yeah it could be anything dude You're basically just throwing, you're just wishing into the world.

2:03:54That's really what it is. Yeah. And it's kind of for like a date or get to know somebody. So I don't know. That's pretty, that's okay though, right? Who are the people you're dating? Are they people you kind of meet out and about or are these, you know? Let me think.

2:04:12A gal that I met at a comedy show. Okay. But the tough thing is, yeah, you start to look at your schedule. You start to look what that's like. You start to look at your own ambitions. David Spade and I are trying to get that movie done. Not to name drop, but people know that, and that's what we've been working on. It's like, well, if I have to go do that, how long does that take? People keep asking, I want to go tour more, so that's probably going to be the rest of this year and next year. I feel insane when a girl's like, we should drink some time. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you free in four months?

2:04:43You're like, sick. She's like, no. If I am, I'm dating somebody else. but in some weird way you're like okay that's when I'm like here or something do you ever do chocolate sundaes at the laugh factory they book you for a first impression but it's like two and a half years before they're like are you available in 2048 and you're like yeah if I'm not dead I'll be there for my three minutes but I remember like 2015 I signed up for it and thank god it took so long because I was trash then probably slightly less trash when I did it but like ended up doing well and you got passed and everything but it's like it was like a two and a half year wait yeah it's just so funny to be like are you available for this you're like huh who has plans for that oh so i'm gonna be enlisted for that my bad yeah that's the future man the future is so weird because it's like we know it exists but we don't the future just like a moving walkway in the mall it's just gonna keep going no matter who's on it or who's off of it it's just going the future is so because we know so much about it based on what we know from the past you know like or we assume that's the thing about the future it's this big bowl of assumption you know yeah it's this fucking grandiose play of assumption so we've assumed exactly what's gonna have based on everything that's happened but then that's the goal i think that's the dope ass thing that the future can do right if the future is a fucking real vibe, right?

2:06:09If he's like trick daddy or something. Oh, it's got a couple of tricks up at sleep. Yeah. You know, like, oh, flying cars. No, here's a flashlight. You're like, I'm not mad. It just kind of works. It's kind of better than a flying car. You ever use the flashlight? Nope. I never have. Have you ever used it? I have. It's sad. The pose does it blink after it's full or whatever?

2:06:31Wow, is that crazy or whatever? No. My litter robot for my cat does that, though oh it does yeah after i come into the little robot no uh but it's the post nut regret is insane because you have to clean it out and you're like in a sink there's dishes you haven't washed in three weeks and you're just in there scrubbing away you catch a glimpse of yourself and like an old fucking shiny cup looking at you can't you take it to the cleaners or whatever uh you can probably put it outside and like water it down there has to be a place to mail it or something you know i think prison they'd be pretty happy with that dude we really want to get an inmate if anybody knows an inmate or has a familial inmate uh we would love to have a pen pal i think in here oh a pen pal would be cool and preferably i would love for them i don't want to say what they're in for but tell me you know i'll do like give me a clue yeah we're gonna do a little yeah a little miming there yeah yeah a little game of clue right i feel like it has to be a good crime, huh?

2:07:32Yeah, definitely. Because I feel like even I mean, I would just be so curious to even talk to somebody who's ever murdered somebody. I know. I've always wanted to. And the crazy thing is we probably have. Dude at a fucking juice shop. Hey, are you next in line? Oh, yeah. Cool. This guy's killed somebody. Yeah. You go first. Have you ever talked to somebody who's killed somebody? Oh, yeah, dude. I got a friend who killed somebody. On purpose? I don't want to say. Well, good. Legal reasons. but he's yeah honestly bro and he's he said it's all he said it's it's awesome well i think we know why he did it why i don't know but like if you're like was it on accident and he said it was awesome i don't think any accidents are awesome he said it was awesome now now you have to know him and know what other stuff i think he thinks is awesome right you have to have your own idea of what is awesome you know you have to be like uh you know if you could be a stunning steve austin fan did he always say that this is awesome was that him um so i think there's a lot of elements that can go into that but is he in jail or no he is or we don't have to get into that yeah i don't want to snitch i don't want to i don't want i don't want him coming after me is all I'm saying.

2:08:50It was an accident. He's vibing, you know. What else can we talk about? What else do we have in the news, Zach? A German surgeon was fired because he had a janitor help with an amputation because no one was available. That's healthcare, bro. German surgeon fired you. They getting anybody. I saw something recently. Maybe you can try this. There was a dude got fired at a hotel. A manager snuck into somebody's room and sucked their foot. that was in Nashville bring that up was that really? yeah Bubby did you talk about it already or no? no never talked about it this was in Nashville? yeah does that resonate living there for a couple years now?

2:09:31oh wow a sort of nightmare let's go to the oh that's somebody who's had a toe or two in his taste buds yeah David Patrick Neal three first names 52 was arrested Friday after a hotel guest Peter Brennan awoke around 5am on March 30th to find the night manager indulging his apparent foot fetish. Wow, what does it say he did? Brennan reportedly screamed when he found Neil sucking on his toes and immediately recognized him as one of the two hotel staff members who had been in his room the previous day to help him with his TV. First of all, if you call a man from the front desk to come help you with your TV, you're kind of asking for it.

2:10:08You are giving low-key gay. You're giving a lot of low-key gay. You're giving a lot of like, oh, maybe you could come in and suck my toes because think about it. He was in his room. Oh, my TV doesn't work. He probably has his shoes off. The night manager is like, yeah, okay, what do you want to watch? TNT? No, let me see them TNT feet. Yeah. Then he kind of saw him like dabbling right there, wiggling. He's pointing. Oh, the remote's over there. Yeah. That's all it takes, man. What else does it say? Anything else, Zach? Let's see some more information, huh? Did you go to jail for that or did you just horny camp?

2:10:42All my life, you just have that sense of security and that sense of peace, right? It's not like you're camping and you have to kind of keep one eye open. You have a security that's yours. When you close your eyes, you feel like you're safe and you're protected, and it was a complete violation. Who are you? Why are you in my room? It was almost like a dream. Upon further investigation, Brennan, his attorney, found that Neil had a lengthy rap sheet that included voluntary manslaughter conviction for shooting his roommate during a fight in 96. Well, the toe sucker shot someone? Yeah. Wow. So he's grown since then.

2:11:13He has. What would you do if you were sleeping in a hotel in Nashville and someone was sucking on your toes? I mean, look, I'll say this. It's hard to get a foot off. Okay, so maybe the dude is just really... He needed that. You know, that's somebody who wasn't breastfed as a child, and he just needed some suck. I think you got to let him go for a little bit. Yeah, I would... Because what's going to happen next? Like, where do you go from that? Yeah, what, is your toenail going to grow a little bit? I would... Yeah, I'd give him a few. I would do like two or three like, oh no, what are you doing?

2:11:46Because then I could also see if I'm into it. Because you're already going to assume. You're already going to make bank. You might as well dabble and see if you're into the foot fantasies. I'm trying to think of anything like that's ever happened around us. I walked into a room one night and there was a big guy sitting on the bed already picking his feet when I walked into my room. They gave me the wrong room. Did you say anything or just, oh, I'm sorry. I did that. backed out yeah respected what he was doing understood it about 4 15 in the afternoon i get it picking his toes yeah but then again if you were the night manager you would take that as a sign of flirtation oh you're picking your toes when i'm here to fix your tv yeah okay well now that's another thing see there's things that people take everybody's idea of what is flirtation is different right uh-huh so i think if you're in your room you're chilling a dude you're like hey something's wrong with the tv he comes up and he's being even a say if that guy the night manager guy or the the night manager guy is thinking immediately of course if you're a gay guy who likes sucking on people's feet and a guy calls you to his room the first thing you're hoping in your head oh yeah well also that's not this dude wants me to launch all over his back right it's not too foreign watching porn right hotel manager fixes tv and something else right it's not too far down the pipeline crazy at all he might have taken some melatonin the night before still been a little off in the head.

2:13:09So I think, yeah, if some of, yeah, so some people, they read signs wrong. Correct. Especially if you want the signs to be a certain thing. That's what's really interesting. Right, and dude, that's what like, that's what like fucked me up with like rejection in dating and like, that's why I'm like so, like I don't hit on women. I just like kind of see if they like come to me because I'm scared because I remember I went to a movie and I saw Jackass 2.5 in high school with this girl I thought I was vibing with. We saw her in the middle of the day, matinee, you know, balling on a budget and we like held hands during the movie afterwards I kissed her in front of her car Pontiac and I was geeked and she was driving she could drive she had one of those yeah but when I got home I remember I was so excited I was unloading the dishwasher because I was a chore my mom would make me do and then I got a text I was like hey I always don't want to confuse you but I was just like it's more of a friend and I think about that to this day damn so now like that's where my rejection fears come from I was like, you make that move.

2:14:07And she's like, oh, no, like, I, no, I totally saw you just as like a friend. And you're like, oh, my bad. Like, I don't, I think just the embarrassment. Yeah. Fucks you up. Oh, yeah. I remember, I mean, when I was really young, my mother rejected me so much that that kind of stuff really hangs over onto a lot of relationships. Yeah. Right. But I'm trying to think of with actual girls. Yeah. Some kids locked me in this one girl into a closet and they kept saying like, you need to kiss or whatever right you and a girl huh yeah that's like the straightest thing you could do oh it was insane dude so we didn't know what to do so that was scary they're like what do you mean you didn't know what to do yeah they're like you queers better make out or we're gonna beat the out of you you know and so i did were you paying these people to say that to you and we both lived in like the same neighborhood so we had the same haircut so it was like that was the part that was just crazy because i didn't know if like we were both like you didn't like scramble for a beanie or something to cover up her hair.

2:15:04I just didn't know if we were like trans by hair or whatever. Like I didn't know what was going on. You know, it was like just. What if you made out and just turn into one person? So that was a lot, dude. I remember that. And just the fear of having to make out while people are banging on the door and threatening to fuck you up if you don't kiss. That's crazy. What'd you guys end up doing? Kissing, I think. I don't even remember. I don't know. I just remember being so fucking just scared, you know? Yeah. And then, but yeah, as I got older. yeah I think just you know I never got to be like my buddy would always be the one who was inviting the girl to the dance and he always had the girlfriend I always had to go with like the friend of the friend yeah I was always like the wingman by accident yeah it'd be like my friend I'd start talking to a hot girl and then it's like the two plus ones at a wedding that hit it off it's like the guy and the girl both know the people are getting married and then there's just two random people that are like I'm Ted I used to bang his dad I don't know there's no correlation yeah I'll never forget I asked the girl I just posted on my Instagram I asked the girl when I first moved to LA like one of my first weekends out, my friend's talking to a hot chick.

2:16:03I'm just talking to the other girl. And I was like, oh, what do you do for work? And she goes, no. And I was like, all right. No is crazy. Not even N-O-P-E. Nope. Yeah. No. Cool. Two letters ruined me. That was 2017. I still think about it. No, but no is crazy, bro. An unexpected no will ruin you. It'll rock your world. It'll fucking run. Well, I think a lot of women, I don't know if they realize like how much as a man it is. it's hard for us to fucking get up there and put the balls out there that's why like i commend anybody that does it whether you take an l or not dude the other day i'm in new york city right and thanks to everybody that came out in new york we had we did like a show in the round oh in new york we were out in westbury new york oh wow and glennie balls came out oh nice um no nonsense keith peterson came out uh so anyway it was awesome how big was that it was like maybe 2200 to 2400 maybe beautiful so it was cool man it was really and it was just it was great i would go back there in a heartbeat um but i do uh yeah i was always the friend of a friend on the dating thing and i think a lot of it was just no con like a confidence because when i look uh it almost makes me like i'll wait for chicks to ask me out sometimes but i know that then you end up getting you don't end up getting sometimes options of who you want you get up getting options of who wants you, right?

2:17:28Who wants you. Interesting. Which isn't bad. Right. Because sometimes it may be a better path for who wants you might be, get you exactly where you want to be. Right. But are you always then, is there some feeling of like, oh, I'm not asking who I want? Okay. Does it make sense or not? No, it does. It does. I kind of like if, I kind of like that a little bit because then they are at least under the, maybe assumption of like, oh, this is Theo's life. I know Theo. I love Theo. oh, he does a podcast and he tours a crazy amount. Like, they know baseline level Theo. But when you go on like, Raya, I'm not on there.

2:18:04I can't get on either. Really? That makes me feel better about myself. God, I've been on there for like 12 fucking months. Waiting and just checking every now and then? Dude, I made a fake Instagram called Raya with two A's and I just DM girls and be like, yo, DM Trevor. Dude, I don't know what the fuck's happening. There's people who are like valet attendants for like the Beverly Wilshire who are on there. It's insane. Biden's on there, I think. life alert and fucking raya his two go-to apps but yeah but i'm not on there and it's kind of good i think i think being off the apps is probably helpful yeah i'm not i'm not on any of them i just i but it's kind of nice that i can't get on in a way yeah i just see like how people's body movements are when on an app it's like animalistic they're just like right right right right right and they're just like looking so much for like that stimulation it's like i'd rather something either happen in real life where somebody kind of come to me because Then they're like, hey, like, I see what you do.

2:18:51I see what you're about. And I like that. Versus if you're on an app, you're starting baseline. She's like, what do you do? And you're like, oh, I'm like to you. You're Theo Vaughn. You're so clearly who you are. You know exactly who the fuck you are. And then you tell somebody who's disconnected in this world. You're like, oh, I'm a comedian. They're like, oh, like, like, what do you do? And you're like, oh, my God. Like, I like, like, just imagine explaining your tour schedule to somebody who just found out you did stand up. They'd be like, wait, wait, like, there's so much to unpack. so if somebody already knows like oh you're always doing your podcast you're always on the road you're always filming like they kind of understand they know what they're signing up for maybe in a sense and i don't want to sound pretentious or anything but it does feel like somebody might have done their research a little bit yeah you know versus if you're just on a date and it's just generic like yeah well if i mean you might almost have to get on a blind date to have somebody because these days you can look somebody up and see some stuff about them even though sometimes it's better not to do it.

2:19:45Oh, yeah. I had a girl tell me before a date she went on the internet and typed in Trevor Wall's dick size. Nothing popped up. But I'll tell her. It's 12-12. 12-12? Yeah. 12 by 12. It is, really? It's a... CM, baby. CM. It's a... Centimeters. 12 by... No, I don't... It's a gross? It's 144? Yeah. It depends on how crypto is doing. Let's be honest. but she just she told me that while we were on the date she's like yeah i like to look up the guys on dates with and i looked up like your dick size just see if anybody like talked about it wow nobody had yeah i think having they were left speechless gang bro having that wiener when you're young and having that fucking peace on you is really it's crazy that's and especially if you're so lonesome as a kid it becomes your only fucking way to make yourself feel good that's what i remember a little stress ball i remember just feeling so horrible about myself that the only way I could make myself because it's an explosion of feeling good.

2:20:43It really is a stress ball. The penis is a stress ball. Stressed out, touched it a few times, wow, I'm not stressed anymore. Unlimited. Dude, I remember getting scared I was going to run out how much I had in me too. You know? And you know what's crazy? You never really do. And then you hit 78 one day and all of a sudden, well, unless you're De Niro. What do you take for that? I think you just fucking... Herbal life? I think you just take a nap and then fuck. You know what I'm saying? Is there an age you think you'll be done being horny? Oh, yes. 65, probably. Anybody, I think. Once you can retire.

2:21:17To me, if people are real older and they're fucking, to me, it seems like a lot. Somebody asked me recently if my dad still fucks. And I was like, I don't want to know. Yeah. But some days he comes in a little too calm. Does he? All right. Were you playing the back nine or were you playing the back? What are you doing, pops? I wouldn't ask him all that, dude, if he's doing butt stuff. I would never ask. I would never ask. Yeah. I think one time I went, my stepdad, I lived with his family in high school, and I went with them. And the dad and I did a Mardi Gras parade. And he told me that he got a little recently, and it fucking blew my mind.

2:21:50Isn't that crazy? I don't think about that. I respected him, though, but it was just crazy to hear it. What else we got, Zach? Any news? This woman says she's allergic to running. A lot of people have given her shit for this. She had a reaction trying to catch a flight. Oh, she got a UTI. That's all that is. Whoa. Is that the reaction? The swelling has swelled. I just had a reaction. You'd go back to that. God dang. Wow. That was like watching porn back in the day where like the photo would load, you know, percentage wise. Because that came in out of nowhere. At first I wanted to be like, all right, you're being annoying for no reason.

2:22:26Then I was like, you can be allergic to anything. Just not me. God. Oh, there's footage of her running. It is funny how like people like, sorry to cut you off, document everything on TikTok now like like there's like in court they're like watching TikToks but well here's me documenting my rash yeah it's like bitch that's a TikTok yeah okay that doesn't necessarily if you put it to music or whatever what does she say in this thing Zach can we see any of this she was running on a delayed flight and then made a TikTok about how you can be allergic to running and this is proof of that it's because she had a reaction to it that's not like something I would have said in like 8th grade PE when they're like alright run the mob I'm allergic.

2:23:07Once we got on the plane, she started breaking it out into hives, and this is what happened last time when her throat started closing. She popped a few Benadryl's hoping it would go away, but it didn't. Gang gang hives. Did she just say gang gang? She did. She ended up having to quietly use her EpiPen. We didn't let anybody else know because knowing America, they were charged a million dollars for no reason. I think this confirmed our doubts that she's allergic to running. Thankfully, she was fine, and it was just a little drowsy after. What a full circle moment. That is crazy. do you think that we're getting so soft people are allergic to running i think that is the environment that we're headed into as a species yeah well i do think that's something that you could challenge a pe teacher with or you got to run the mile i'm allergic to the mile uh what do you mean you're going to question what i'm allergic to yeah just like you're allergic to your wife where's the last time you saw her start flaming the teacher that's the problem with every nobody here's one of the issues with everything nobody wants to follow what the kind of basic guidelines are for everything.

2:24:04When I was a child, there was a template for everything. There was how you did it. You stood for the Pledge of Allegiance. You didn't even know anything. Maybe you knew a fireman. Maybe your mom was trying to date a cop or something. That's the most you knew about the military. But you stood for the Pledge of Allegiance. You respected your teachers. You didn't question anything. And now we've gotten a place where you question everything, but is it doing us any good, really? Because all it is is just watching people fight, and now nobody wants to do any jobs anymore because they're not respected.

2:24:34Well, also, I think it's the power of the phone too. Because like a PE teacher can be like, that's not real. You have to run the fucking mile. But then you pull a phone out and they're like, well, now I could get fired for this. And they're like, oh, all right. It's like those videos where people are like acting crazy, like the Karen type shit. Whenever they see the phone, they either double down and go even crazier. I love when they go crazy. They're like, hello, Facebook Live. I'm like, bitch, I'm on TikTok. You think my young ass is on Facebook? but they're always like oh hello everyone who's watching but you either double down or you back up and you're like oh i'm so dude i saw a guy get kicked off a flight this is a great story this guy got kicked off a flight i was coming back from hawaii and this dude he was an older guy and uh this was first class i say this uh you know once once a year after all the touring i go to hawaii it's like my like fucking chill out place and on the flight back this guy first thing goes do you guys have any vegan options for breakfast like seven a.m.

2:25:29she goes oh no this is all we have and it was some scrambled egg and he gets mad he tosses the menu in the air and i go this we're about to pop off you can feel that fucking a little bit of hulk hogan and this dude's like 70 right next they're playing like just kind of like ukulele just kind of casual and the tv screens it's like it's a preset it just plays it's like it's a small world it's just playing and he goes hey can you turn this music off right and i go we're really bubbling oh we're getting to something good and then they go we can't turn off the music this is the most electric thing i've ever seen he pulls out his ipad and he puts on stairway to heaven by led zeppelin on full blast and he leans over to his wife and goes they'll never make music like they used to and then eventually he's playing it out loud seven minute song and it and it's to the point where i'm like this is a good fucking song you know and then essentially like they gave him a couple warnings and then uh This Samoan chick in the cop outfit comes in, grabs him by the shoulder, and his attitude shifts like crazy.

2:26:27He's like, oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. And then he turns the music off, and they kick him off. He leaves his wife there. But on the way out, most badass thing he ever says, he goes, go on without me. You'll be fine. You always are. I was like, this is the most. I was like, what the fuck is happening? This is like the end of a fucking guilt porn scene. But the guy got escorted, and the wife didn't say shit the whole time. she's like somebody give this man some fentanyl stop acting out robert it was randy's gonna randy yeah it was one of the most electric thing damn bro that's hype when somebody gets thrown off but his his his change was so quick and it was it was one of those moments where everyone else on the plane started looking at him like oh is this we're about to be in a is this a world star moment yeah i was excited you ever been in a and like like a moment like that where someone's about to start popping off oh dude when i was last time i was in hawaii they had uh somebody died at breakfast right uh so let me think about what happened so we're at breakfast right because that's where somebody died at and good meal to die at every oh i agree everybody's eating right magic johnson is there really it was a nice hotel right yeah so same right once here i take myself to a nice hotel in hawaii right which is a blessing man it's like i work super hard that's what i do so magic johnson's is there dude and he's chilling and some dude starts dying you know and every some people know how to help people that are dying so i kind of jump up and i'm like oh fuck i don't know anything you know i'm a comedian yeah so i sit back down start plugging bluetooth ads so other people go over there and they put up like this partition around the dude's table.

2:28:11You can hear him over there just pumping on the dude, right? They take the buffet stands and put it in front. Closed! That's kind of how they did. But then so many people got over there. They even had to move those so you can kind of see the guy and they finally get him back up, right? But then he goes down again. So they're over there. And then it's like it's a wrap. So everybody's like how long do you wait? How long do you wait so after somebody's like had to eat again, right? So everybody's kind of like... Can you get seconds? Right. There's nobody's like making a move you know the waiter take his plate like are you done here do you need a box or do you need to be in a box what are we doing here wow so it's like what do you so what did magic johnson do it was crazy and i'm like dude this guy should have done something right first name magic or something yeah or like that you know make a wish the final thing is like dude magic johnson's here to send you off yeah that'd be kind of cool that'd be so cool the last thing you see is like a couple pineapples and magic johnson i'm gonna assist you to heaven brother and then you don't die and you're just hanging out and he's like I'm gonna go to my room now Kareem's an asshole that's what I've always heard that's crazy last time I was in Hawaii the week I got there somebody got their arm chopped off in a 7-Eleven with a machete oh wow yeah that's crazy that seems like more Albuquerque type vibe it really is it's kind of like also like we get it it's a personality thing now you have to walk around what happened to your arm oh it was a machete yeah I get it but it was crazy yeah I met a cool lady from I think Oklahoma maybe and her daughter she had lost an arm um she was a mail truck driver and i met her and her daughter beautiful ladies and uh she had something had happened the mail truck had fallen over and uh she rolled over it rolled over on her arm and she didn't she um that's crazy yeah she mailed her arm to heaven i guess or whatever you know or whatever however they say it but she was missing an arm i don't know what else we got man anything else we wanted to talk about i'm trying to think um how's work been man so you tour you do you notice that there's other comics because you kind of got your start do you feel like in social media yeah yeah i started with stand-up but social media is what kind of like put me in front of people and then i used the people who are watching me from digital to be like hey i also do stand-up come to a show yeah and then just kind of like you know The first headlining show I did was in San Diego in 2017, and 112 people showed up.

2:30:35And I was like, oh, okay, cool. And then I quit my job, and I slowly did one-nighters, and then I just kind of started building with videos. And then by throwing myself in the deep end to headline, I didn't have 45 minutes. On my set list, I wrote crowd work. This was early on. You know how bad you got to be at that time to be like, all right, for the next five minutes, oh, cool. What's your brother's name? I wasn't ready so I just kind of threw myself in the deep end just because I was like you know if I'm going to take this leap I got to do it now because then I can quit my job, pay my rent by doing stand up and a little bit of videos and I can just double down on myself and that was six I don't even know, almost six years ago but yeah it's good, I'm filming a special in July the Paramount in Austin July 14th and 15th Saturday's shows are sold out We added a Friday And I think that's almost sold out But TrevorWallsComedy.com But you're doing like nine shows there right?

2:31:30Yeah we're gonna be there I think in like a week or something Holy shit have you done that theater for? We'll be there next week I've done it a few years ago I haven't done it in a while Damn how many shows are you doing? I'm so excited I think we're doing Nine? Ten We just added another show What the fuck? Is that two per nine or is that just like ten days in a row? No it's ten days I'm gonna stay in Austin Oh roggin' it up Yeah, I'm going to spend some time over there and try to just see what I like about the city. Nice. I was there on Sunday. It's a nice city. You were? I do like it. Yeah, so after Indianapolis, oh, you'll love this.

2:32:04We filmed at Gary Vee Con with Gary Vee, did a video there. And then on Sunday, there was in Kyle, Texas, which is 30 minutes from Austin. They tried to break the record for most people named Kyle in one location ever. And I made that video a couple years ago about guys named Kyle. I was like this like fucking just kid who just loved punching drywall drinking monsters just like just was a kid who definitely was neglected by his parents and huffed Axe body spray and then so they were doing a Kyle meetup and I was like dude how funny it would be if I went to this meetup dressed up as my Kyle character so you did it I did that was on Sunday yeah so that's a video we're working on this was that crazy it was fucking nuts but it's like it was at the Kyle fair so there was like families and shit there but there was also 1 ,700 people named Kyle registered and you needed 2 ,300 to break the record so they missed it?

2:32:54they missed the record but dude I'll tell you what I've never seen that dude that many Kyles we could have fucking January 6th all over again dog we could have taken over a fucking vape shop easy dude it was and what did they do yeah was there booths were there like Kyle dude there was a drywall booth like Duck Duck Kyle or whatever dude I don't even know what the fuck we were in and out of there pretty quick but there was a drywall booth where you pay$5 to punch some drywall it was like half families and just half dudes named Kyle with nothing better to do is it crazy to see that many people with one name in the same place it is because they all look like they were Kyle's they all look like bring up Kyle yeah or Kyle most common Kyle looking yeah they all kind of look like they would But, you know, they had puka shell necklaces at one point.

2:33:46Oh, yeah. And they got sunburn easy type of fellow. You know, it's not like blonde hair, but it's not brown. It's kind of that like. Mm-hmm. You type in Kyle. Oh, yeah. There you go. So there's me right there. So if you go to Kyle Know Your Meme, it's just my video. There's some Kyle's right there. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. So I made this video like three or four years ago about guys named Kyle. And then so I just was like, this would be such a funny video. if we just went to the fair. And so we got a video and like, it was very, it was fun, dude. Anytime people see a camera and a microphone, they already get pretty like fired up.

2:34:25But then when Kyle see a camera, they're like, this is my chance. So dude, they were going wild. They let me on stage and I got to yell a bunch of shit. That's sick, dude. Yeah, I was like, it smells like Slim Jims and broken homes. And then they were like, all right, Trevor Wallace. It was fun, man. so that video will be coming out later this week but um were you ever approached by like barstool or anything to work with them uh i've done podcasts there but not like anything to work for them like no yeah no no no no i never was i don't know have any la people like work there i think it's a lot of east coast people i don't know why they don't have an la office also yeah maybe la's just fucking too pussy for them dude but they're good people i know i said whatever how their their podcast clip stuff.

2:35:09I think they're very aware of that, but they're good people. Everybody I met over there is really nice, dude. Caleb's awesome. All the KFC guys. Oh, yeah, dude. They crushed it over there. I mean, they kind of like they've created some neat shows. They got all types of characters that start to come out of there. I think that's real fascinating. I'd love to have sometimes more characters to be involved in our world and podcasting and stuff. Sometimes it's hard to facilitate all that, though. I mean, it's literally like a reality show. It's like they just launched careers based on the employees they work with.

2:35:41It's really smart because people attach to the personalities instead of the brand. It's like, oh, we love Glenny Balls, but in loving Glenny Balls, you're loving Barstool. It's so much easier to get attracted to a personality than it is a brand, so it's really smart to do that. What else can we think about? I don't know if I can even think about anything else. Did I ever tell you a story when I first met you? You were eating, it was an Oxnard Improv. Maybe I said this on the last podcast. but the first time I met you, I hosted for your show in Oxnard. Oh, thanks, dude. And this was like 2015, 2016.

2:36:16And you ordered a salad. It was a tuna sashimi salad with lettuce. And you're like, I don't want any lettuce. And the lady's like, so you want the salad? And you're like, I don't want the lettuce. And then you were eating just raw tuna with your shirt off. And you looked at me and you go, it's crazy. Anybody can make a baby. And I was like such a fan. and I was just like didn't want to overset my boundaries and I was like yeah man that is crazy like I didn't I don't want to like it is crazy man when you think that anybody could fucking just ejaculate into somebody else and fucking get a kid out of them but that's all that was going through your mind it was just such a funny just sitting there eating makes me fucking hard boy it does thinking about that thank you man thanks for even checking in while I was eating dude I mean I was just sitting there that was fun we've done a lot of fun shows together we did fucking Red Bank together and Yeah, dude, that was crazy, but I was losing my mind that weekend, remember?

2:37:09Oh, really? Oh, well, I think your flight got in like 30 minutes before the show. But I was like losing my fucking mind. That was crazy. It was cold. It was during COVID. It was bizarre. It was bizarre times. Yeah, it was Red Bank. People were wasted. Oh, yeah, because it was outside. It was like the first event, let alone like a big name. Like you was there. They're like, fucking yeah. I saw one guy just throw a chair at another chair. I was like, what are you trying to fucking make less chairs? It was fucking awesome, dude. That was a fun weekend. I got to open your Wiltern show that was the biggest that was great man that was awesome people were stoked really at the time yeah I ended up doing one over the summer that was outside it was like some stupid like 5000 thing that was unreal I wasn't headlining wait did you do Canada yeah the outside lands it was me Michael oh and Tom Segura so we essentially like open loosely open for Tom Segura but it was supposed to be Pete Davidson and it cancelled and then Tom filled in and they're like oh you guys are still on the show so you're doing it outside let me know how you think it is damn it's I texted Bobby Bobby did it too I talked to Bobby about it Bobby said he liked it it's it's fun it's just different it takes a second to get used to it but like that like big pop is still there but it's it's not like as magnetic you know like electric damn the laughs it's like you know when you watch people vape and it just dissipates in the air yeah in a comedy club it gets a little smoky in there yeah Yeah, stays in.

2:38:34Yeah. Hot laughs, the laughs. Let's go up to the. Yeah, people are just like, ha. It's not like you bomb, but it's just like people are like, ha. It's just weird watching somebody eat funnel cake while you follow your dreams. Oh, yeah. But. The laughs just drift up. But, dude, I will say Edmonton is very like yee-yee, like country shit. Yeah. Y 'all crushed, dude. People might even get closer to the stage. If you were like, fucking come here and get a lick of daddy, people would swarm up front. Fuck yeah, boy. Like, fuck your table. Come sit up front, bitch. I think people would do it and is it big like can you see everybody no dude like I honestly like it blew my mind that that was their I can't talk that many people were just there like it blew my mind like 5 ,000 people just watching you and you're like just talking it's crazy damn I'm excited about it I think I yeah it's the only outside show that I have I think right now also I wasn't headlining.

2:39:33Tom was. So Tom, by the time he got on, was a little darker. So we were up there broad daylight. Oh yeah. Broad daylight. Dude, crazy. I mean, there's people, there's a lady burping a baby in the front row. Yeah, I like that. No better breastfeed. Yeah, I like that. God, I fucking love. If something's on a tit near me, I'm fucking happy, really. Oh yeah, RSVP1. I'm next. How do I jump the line? I want to see. I just want to smell gasoline and fucking watch something fucking breastfeed, boy. You ever had breast milk? I haven't had a lot. But you have? I probably had a little, I would say. You know, how can you even not get something with everything these days?

2:40:13There's probably breast milk in it. Everything's caught with that. Something, dude. You can't even get a pure line of cocaine without being like a little bit of fucking lactate. A little bit of breast milk in it. Dude, thanks for hanging out today, man. Dude, thanks for having me. You can check out Safe Socks podcast I gotta pop back over there sometime And check in with you guys It's always fun people love seeing our chemistry together Same man it's been a blast over the years You're so exciting to watch I'm glad that you and I are buds And that we have The ability I can connect with you If I have a question I ask you always there for me so I appreciate that By any means you called me recently Do people still use the word riz And I was like yeah you could And I looked at the comments on that video people were like they were like quoting it like laughing oh good yeah i'm glad to be your like millennial little fuck to the internet yeah i gotta have that plug in exactly exactly thank you you're great man thanks for having me and i mean that about your audience when i said earlier the best people yeah man i don't know how we did it i don't know how we got a part of it just yeah there's a lot of special people i think uh you know what you put out there attracts you know real attracts real and that's the fucking worst thing i've ever said in my life but it makes sense you know we're trying to stay yeah it's just it's been interesting man but it is crazy bro i can't even believe that this many people come out to shows and you know i think you're only getting bigger i think i think i think uh your name is just like i know like that you're big when like like people who have never even seen stand-up anymore like they're just so disconnected you know like people who are just so hot that when they don't look you in the eyes it makes sense and then the one time they make eye contact they're like do you know theo bond you're like yeah this motherfucker is on this dude is on so congrats on that you're gonna keep 10 shows at The Paramount.

2:41:55The Paramount. That's crazy. Yeah, I'm excited, man. That's like 13 ,000 people. It's going to be crazy. Well, thanks, Trevor. I appreciate it, man. And thanks for spending time, dude. Trevor Wallace will share all of his socials and everything. Thanks so much. Amen, brother. Best of luck. I'll see you out there. I'll see you on the date naps. Hell yeah. Trying to date each other? All right, dude. Cut. Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones.

2:42:35But it's gonna take...

2:42:40ABC Wednesday. Shifting Gears is back. He has a result. Tim Allen and Kat Dennings return in television's number one new comedy. What was? With a star-studded premiere including Jenna Elfman, Nancy Travis, and... Hey, buddy! A big home improvement reunion. Welcome. Oh, boy. That guy's a tool. Shifting Gears. Season premiere Wednesday, 8, 7 central on ABC and stream on Hulu.