E448 Roseanne

37:09Once a year, though. Yeah. Everybody should be able to kill one person a year. well I don't know about killing well how about this a guilty person maybe yeah if they're proven guilty in a court of their peers under under just law then you should be able to kill that's the problem is that logic law got kind of weird it got like is this a you know it's like because you go back and see all these cases where it's like some guy got convicted and he didn't do it right there was a lot of that especially like when it came to like race when it came to women um there's a new Sean right now about women that accuse guys of rape.

37:46I know. I want to see that. And then they turned it on the women and put them, incarcerated the women for false accusations, right? And some of them were real accusations. It's just, I mean, some of them may have been false also, but. Yeah, that's a really weird, a whole weird area where someone can accuse somebody and it's a false accusation and that person has to go to prison and pay for that yeah and they didn't do nothing but you know there's a shitload of that yeah and then a shitload on the other side of uh you know real victims that are humiliated yeah all they have to do is make sure nothing makes sense and we're all fine as long as nothing makes sense and it don't follow any rule or uh and it has no application of equal justice to it, then fine.

38:39We're doing great. It's too hard. What's something that's kind of surprised you as your life went on when you look back at life so far when you're like, wow, I didn't think this was kind of going to go this way or this kind of blew my mind? Everything. Really? Yeah. I was always real idealist, so I thought, oh, everything would work out better than it did you know so i was always like disappointed even for society and everything yeah because it's like it wouldn't be that hard to make it go right but yet it never does you know it's like how come it makes more sense and it's cheaper to do shit right but then it never is done right yeah and people don't and it's it's it's tough to decide sometimes for me if it's the if it's our leadership or if it's our people if it's just people in general you know i think it's people there's something wrong with people i think i'll tell you one thing that is disappointment is you know being a an outspoken woman speaking for a woman's rights and this and that and the other or equality that's a big disappointment to me I didn't think it was going to go like that one that's a huge disappointment and you know being a child of the 60s or you wanted to see a you know a fully integrated America where everybody got along and this and that and the other that's a disappointment yeah Yeah, that didn't go right.

40:16Yeah, because it was a lot of like, well, with women, did it kind of, I feel like things seem pretty equal maybe, but I'm not a woman. Yeah. You know? I mean, I think I grew up a lot of times like, you know, I have some anger, I think, that my mom had to work all the time, you know? I remember like the one time I spent with my mother when it was just her and I, she took me to work with her one day on a route. She delivered newspapers and things. And we got to go to Wendy's together. I remember it. And we went to Wendy's, dude. And she made me tuck in my shirt. We went in there and I was all excited.

40:57And I got the cheeseburger in that foil. It had that nice foil on it. I think it's not copper, but it's nice. and the square burger. It was like the first time I'd ever spent any time with my, like it was, I just registered because I was like, oh, I've never been alone with my mother. You know, we had three other kids my whole life. I just had never had any alone time with her. I remember she had like a rug on her floor. It was like a cow rug. And I would go smell it sometimes and pretend like it was my dad, which is kind of crazy because it had like a tough smell, you know. Where was your dad?

41:33was he not there? Yeah, he was just older. My dad was 70 when I was born. He was an old man. Oh my God. He wasn't around. But I didn't have this concept of a young dad, like a protector or anything. So I remember I'd pretend like my dad was a cowboy or that he was in the wild west or shooting somebody. Not an Indian, because I don't think they deserved it, but somebody else. But anyway, I don't even know why I went off on that tangent. Because you're saying... Oh, women, yeah. So I think I was, you know. Spending time with your mom. Yeah, yeah. You got a lighter? I got it. I got it. I'll hit a dart with you in it.

42:09I'll hit a dart with you. All right. Might as well, huh? Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. That's why I love to come here, because they let me smoke. Oh, yeah. Rogan will let you do anything in here. I know he will. Well, I got too fucked up last time I went on stage here. Did you? Mm-hmm. Oh, wow, boy. Give me that lighter. I don't do a lot of this nicotine anymore. Oh, I don't either. I'm supposed to not smoke, but I can't help it. Yeah, I think. Oh, dude. It's the best thing in the world. God, when I fucking was young, I would smoke, boy. I remember I worked on this farm, and after it would rain, we had this big guy, and he'd go take his shirt off and lay on the cement after it would rain.

42:51To cool down? I don't know what was wrong with him. But we'd go smoke and watch him lay there. It was beautiful. I mean, it was just, you know, it was a different time. It was probably semi-erotic. I bet if you were a man and you were into some real man stuff and you watch that video, two younger guys watching a big fella lay there with his shirt off, I bet it's probably erotic for them. For who? I mean, if they had the video, if Gabe had watched it or whatever, you know. I could see that being some type of, like, ASMR for, like, gay men or, like, some type of, like, avant-garde type of art or something.

43:28I don't know. there's a lot of new like farm boy art that's coming out in the gay culture where you see like a lot of old pictures of like top like guys with no shirts but not like buff guys just guys doing farm work i've noticed it like um a lot of my gay friends are like it's like a thing in that culture right now like that kind of art the gay farm guy yeah like gay that's cool well that's more human than, you know, the really fashionable New York City game. Yeah, yeah. With really short pants and no socks. Yeah, I think that stuff's kind of getting played out a little bit. Yeah,

44:11did you... So I guess, so what part of being like a woman or like women's like empowerment kind of disappeared or whatever? Or did you feel like it went a different way than you expected? or do you feel like, because there was a time probably when you were like, this is a woman with her voice, right? Yeah. And that must have fucking felt cool. It did. It felt good. Like I was really breaking down doors and boundaries, you know, and I was feeling heroic and like a pioneer, you know, that pioneer feeling like, yes, I can, you know, that Rosie, the riveter poster. Yeah, let's do it, huh? We can do it.

44:49We can do it too. we're coming hard for this new century or what happened. We are members of the All-American. Yeah, like a league of their own. Yeah. But then it's like, yeah, the women fucked that up. Yeah. I think, you know. But what happened? Women. Women fucked it up with their stupidity and their, just their, just their stupidity and egos and their need to like be attractive or win or and they love fucking over other women that's the most thing nobody will ever talk about really oh women get off fucking over another woman more than they more than anything oh my god well that bitch i showed her i shot that bitch a lesson that's all the left is always women taking other women down oh dude i remember in our neighborhood somebody got a bird feeder right some bitch trying to show off right and uh so this other lady they were always stealing it and shit and fucking fighting over it dude and you'd have all these hummingbirds that was nice it was that we had hummingbirds for about i guess probably almost six months and uh but these women were always stealing it and putting it in their own little bush outside and stuff and they were fucking fighting the police would come and over a hummingbird feeder yeah oh so you can imagine what it's like in hollywood yeah yeah it's just a bigger hubbing bird feeder yeah kind of i mean women are after other women's throats there yeah and it's like well you might get your head patted from a guy with real power if you help them do that it's so crazy it's so crazy because you got up high in the hollywood world you were in there I was real high, but they don't have no allegiance to any group.

46:43It's just all me, me, me, me, me. It's just a nation of narcissists over there. They don't feel any empathy or connection to nobody else. Yeah, I was high up there. It was weird. But did you feel like you were like an empower, Or were you of like a figure empowering women to like be like business owners? What did you do? I guess I wonder what your, or to have a voice. I was trying to just empower women to think for themselves, you know, and to try to stay true to yourself and so you can raise better kids. Don't kneel, you know, stand tall and, you know, don't disrespect your husband either. you know, be a team with him to raise better kids.

47:33That's what we're supposed to do, I thought, and I still do. But, you know, they don't like that. Women didn't like that. Women, but I feel like they were led there. They were told, oh, you can do it all. You don't need a man. So, you know, they have all these kids and they have no jobs and, you know, then they struggle forever and their kids struggle too but nobody would tell them you can't have it all you can't do it all you can't do it all by yourself no it's going to be really hard yeah you need and you need a guy you need a man in the house because he's got to lay down the law not you you don't even you can't lay down the law you're hysterical half the month right nobody wants to admit that either but the man he has to be there steady and even to keep you know loving the woman when she goes nuts he's got to be like steady and even with it women need that balance and so they took that away from them and look where it went they're all half out of their effing mind and they're ruining everything screaming about you're you know you better you know just censoring everybody like witches like a cabal of witches it has gotten witchy yeah and it's like and it ain't the right kind of witchy either right because witchy that's like you know you're casting a spell a good spell with words to make people wake up or think that everything's a spell that uses words you know and uh this is just all to get rid of words so they have no way of communicating or making things better alls we do is fight and hate and a lot of women love that a lot of women love chaos a lot of women are into chaos because then they can turn around when they're not crazy and go let me calm things down bitch you started the whole fucking thing and now you're going to come in with the solution you know for real i have three daughters so i know what i'm talking about Really?

49:35Yeah, and two sons. I met your son. I met Buck. Yeah, you met Buck. And I met... Jake, he's over there. Oh, yeah. What's up, playboy? Amen. Nice to see you, dude. Thanks for being here with your mother today. Yeah, you know, I think, I don't know, as a child of a single mother, it was interesting because my mom had to work all the time. So I always wished that there was more of an ideal family, you know? I would get it by watching shows like yours, like Roseanne. And I would get it by, I mean, I remember I watched Jerry Leave It to Beaver, you know? Yeah, I loved that show. God, it was good. Wasn't it good?

50:12It was so fucking good. Wanted to be in that family. And Eddie Haskell. Oh, I loved Eddie Haskell. Me too. Didn't you love him? My favorite one was where they tell their parents they're going to take a bath and the Beaver and, what was the brother's name? Wally. Wally. So they go in the bathroom, they close the door and they run the water in the bathtub while they're talking and they get a wash rag and get it all wet and rub soap on it and hold that under the faucet and then they uh wet up a towel and throw it on the floor but they haven't taken a bath at all it was so funny that is that was just genius because it's what kids do yeah i'd love that show because they had a lot of reality in it and i loved it i loved anything on tv that had any kind of reality that showed what kids really are about and eddie haskell was the best because you would be a great Eddie Haskell, by the way, wouldn't you?

51:07Oh, dude, I was. You look lovely today, Mrs. Cleaver. Yeah. And then you're like, I got a bag of what's it? We're going to snort it in the garage. Yeah, dude, I made it myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, dude, I loved. Oh, I told, I used to go get high with my buddies, right? My buddy, his dad was kind of like, he didn't know a lot about gays or anything. He didn't believe in it, right? so sometimes I'd go outside and get high with uh with him with his son and then I would come back in early right and I would tell the dad I'd be like man we were outside and some of the guys had their shirts off and they were just I don't know Mr.

51:51Mike they were being kind of crazy I felt like or strange and you could see him fucking start to light up because he thought it was like some kind of gay activity. Right? So we would come, so, so they would come and they'd be stoned out their gills, right? They have no idea I've been talking to the dad. And he'd be like, you boys been queering around out there? He would fucking lose his shit, dude. You could see he'd just been waiting to yell it. And everybody's just standing there just stoned. And I am laughing so hard because I made that moment happen, you know? Oh, shit like that. I miss, man.

52:28Yeah, sometimes I think everybody - My dad used to call it a$3 bill. He did? That's what his thing for gay was. And he ended up with two gay kids. My dad was a football player, and he always would go, he'd say, the girls can't go with him and my brother. He'd go, no, it's the boys with the boys and the girls with the girls. There was three sisters, he'd say. The girls, I'll stay home with mom, and you make dinner and that. And me and my son, we're going to do whatever we're doing because it's boys with boys and girls with girls. Well, he ended up with a d*** and a gay. And I said, remember, Dad, you said girls with girls and boys with boys.

53:05That's what happens. But then he didn't know his son was gay. I knew he was gay. Like when he was three and he was always wearing my mom's clothes and stuff. Oh, yeah. And putting on fashion shows. But my dad thought that meant he needed more time with my dad, which was probably the worst thing ever. And my dad going around with all that homophobia. There are queers,$3 bills. You know, my poor brother taking them out and putting that in his head. And then my mom being so ladylike. My mom's like the most ladylike. Really? She was the pretty girl. And I was her fat, ugly daughter chewing on my hair in the corner.

53:47And she always had - Yeah, you'll eat anything. If you have a little bit of your own hair, you'll eat whatever. And she'd chew on my nails, my arms, whatever, my hair. And so, you know, she'd always have her makeup perfect and telling us about, you know, how to do and say and whatever. I ended up half nuts. And my little sister, she ended up being all anorexic. And then my middle sister, she ended up to be a big old d**k, you know. And so, you know, she had a big leather pouch full of marbles she carried on her overalls there. Oh, yeah. She says seven years old. Les Pebbles, they called her back in the day.

54:28Yeah, Les Pebbles. And my mom was doing that girl shit with us and talking about, well, you know, you've got to learn how to get them. She told me when you go on a date, how you get a guy is you get them to talk about their self and this and that and the other. and she was giving us the female wiles, horseshit. And my sister picked up a knife out of the butcher block there and she held it up to my mom. She goes, don't you ever, ever talk to me about sex or any of that stuff, ever. So my mom's just like, oh, you're so funny.

55:10But anyway, so cut to later on my brother comes out And so my dad, he's trying to be accepting. He knows, oh, you know, I can't do nothing about this. So he gives my brother knee pads for his birthday. No way for doing oral. Well, just knee pads going, I accept you as a gay and here's some knee pads. Kind of cute. Beautiful in a way for my dad. I mean, beautiful in a weird way, you know. And then he never knew that my sister was gay, even though she's living with the same girl for now it's 36 years. They fell in love when they were 12 at Jewish camp. Oh, yeah. We were still together. And when they were 12, I said.

55:54But anyway, so they was always together. And my dad visited them. And my sister was sitting on the couch with Maxine's head in her lap and, you know, stroking her hair. And my dad says to my sister, after he's already accepted a gay son, when are you two going to find men and get married? Because he's so oblivious to anything. And my sister says to him, Daddy, 18 years of you was all the man I will ever want or need in this world. And he still didn't get it. Yeah, I think some people, it's hard to even imagine that. What, being gay? Yeah, well, I think also at a different time now, it's very normal.

56:33And I think nature has a way. Like, if you have an issue with gays, you get a gay child or a gay pet or whatever. you get something that's gay comes into your life you know so you learn the lesson you know or you surprise yourself and you're gay you know one time you are sitting by a bus on a bus by a man and you just and he just you just fucking hug him you can't stop it or something you know like i think it like nature surprises you and is like okay here's the thing that's tough for you to fathom and now i'm going to put it in a way in your life where you have to understand it right Well, or you won't.

57:09Right. Or you'll die not understanding shit. I think that's how most people die, you know. Nothing makes sense. Like I said, they got to make sure God or whoever. I always think of God as being the greatest comedian because he makes sure nothing makes any damn sense. Yeah. Right at the end. It's like especially at the end. you know like i always think of this kid when i grew up his dad was a dentist while he he had rotten teeth and never went to the dentist so that in that way it's funny yeah you know he let all his teeth rot out and i think that he got some kind of bacterial infection and got really really sick and it's like what does your father do oh he's a dentist that kind of thing right it's always crazy like right there but now the gay because both of my gay siblings have kids so the gays are getting their karma for having kids I think their kids their kids are grown and a lot of them's turning trans you know well you have to outdo gay now it seems like you know and then it's funny because the trans are so uh I mean this is a long way to go but the trans are so heterosexual once they make their choice then they're all the way stereotypical heterosexual So what do you mean?

58:28Like a woman that decides she is really a man. Yeah, she's like, hey, buddy, let's watch some football. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when the guy turns girl, he's like, Dylan, what's it? I just love to play around with my makeup. You know, they're just straight. Yeah, it's almost like they're actors. They're straight. Yeah. But they. Right, it's like you went all the way around the block, and you're really just right back, but you're doing it in your own frame. It's like, yeah. Like the gay, the trans women, they're like, how come you lesbians don't want to have sex with us? Well, because you have a dick.

59:01Yeah. And they're making a thing of it. What do you mean? So you're transphobic? No, I'm a lesbian. Yeah, I don't want a wiener around me. Yeah. It's like, no dicks. Get it? What's so fucking hard about that? Yeah, and then you're a transphobe. Right. It's like, I'm not a transphobe. I don't even, I don't want to, it's your thing. I don't want to have to have a wiener because you think that you, just because you have a wiener and are secretly a woman, that you get to bring a wiener in. I know. That's why my advice to women these days is keep your penises in your pants, women. You know, especially when there's children and old women around.

59:40We don't want to see other women's penises. For sure, right? That ain't ladylike. A hundred percent. Well, to say, yeah, that's unbelievable, dude. Yeah,

59:54Yeah, that cigarette got me. I think it did. I haven't had one in a long time. I had a puff the other night, and it was a lot with Ron White, you know. Oh, I love him so much. Dude, and he's a beautiful, I mean, he would be a beautiful woman. You think? And the beautiful hair, that guy. Well, his hair is gorgeous. But the rest of him, yeah, probably wouldn't, yeah. Wouldn't go as a woman. It'd be tough. I mean, it depends. If he wanted to play sports, he'd let him, you know, he'd have to, he'd be fine. Yeah, he could probably get on a woman's team. Somebody would. How funny is that guy? Well, how funny is it?

1:00:27To me, it's only fair if a woman also goes and plays a man. It's like it should be Red Rover, like, okay? I know, but what woman's going to go play with a 300-pound man? Right. So it's not the – So it should be like this. Men can play women's sports if women can compete in the top dollar jobs against men, which they'll never allow. Like, why couldn't I go in there and run the WEF? I got more experience than them motherfuckers. I just didn't go to Harvard and say, you know, take an oath over Geronimo's skull and get fucked in a casket like George Bush and all them. You know what I mean? But I should be running the world and getting the same amount of money as these men.

1:01:13Let's make it fair. I should be going where they don't let women go. They're going to let men in the sports. Then let me go to Davos as a representative of working class people say. Let me represent women and men of my class where my class ain't allowed. Yeah. Bitches. Yeah. Fuckers. I agree. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, do you think there's ways out to get our, I think there was ways, when I was young, I had this, I guess this idea of like a comfortable society, we all like being in America, this is this place, it's going well. For everybody. Right, society is. We're fixing the wrongs. Right, we're fixing the wrongs, it felt like that, right?

1:02:03Yeah, it did. I know there's a lot of racial injustice, I know there's. you know, women not look, not paid fairly. I mean, I'm, I mean, that was another thing. My mom, I remember one time, like her boss, I think hit on her or something or it was inappropriate and she complained about it and they took her job away. Oh shit. They did that to so many women. Man, that shit fucking makes me so mad, you know? They did it to a lot of men too because women were harassing men and they didn't even look at that account. Really? Yeah. Power, you know, whether a man or a woman holds it is always abused it's never not abused you know and women were doing that to other women and men too and they they never even looked at that they said all oppressors are male all victims are female and that's part of what made women go nuts like they are today they never go hey i'm just as bad as it right i'm as bad as any guy i'm an abuser myself but they never do they don't have no self-reflection.

1:03:04I think this whole fucking generation has no self-reflection, which is because they don't pay attention because they're lost in their bones. That's what I say. Why is it falling to me, an old woman, to be the one to discipline your kids for you in the grocery store? I have to be the one to go over and slap your kids for you while you're on your phone, and they're sticking their fucking snot covered fingers in the goddamn hamburger buns. You're not even paying attention. I gotta go over there and slap them for you. why Why do they even have kids is what I can understand they don't like them they don't care for them they do all the wrong shit and abuse them too why even have them?

1:03:45I don't know why I think because they kind of like puppies they look cute for a while oh I think that is a lot of it they want them to get to hold that sign first grade second grade dude the best was in my neighborhood somebody did that they put their picture on Facebook of the kid and he had second grade two times and I was like fuck yeah dude that's our fucking neighborhood bro but at least the parents put it up there as honest you know that's cool like second grade try number two you can do it robert they wrote at the bottom and we know he can't do it dude but he's gonna try but i at least respected that but yeah i think there was something like that there was something that we all thought everything was gonna be okay and then yeah we were under an illusion then or do you think things were different did you take my cigarettes i can't take oh thank you honey you can't have no more you you can't handle you can't hang with the big dog thank you actually it actually feels good to have i wish somebody would have told me that when i was young you can't do this and you can't none no more of this you know yeah well they did tell me that and i was like well we'll see yeah that's true huh so who knows i probably would have been my own way anyway i was so straight for so many years no cigarettes no drinking no drugs nothing for so many years when my kids were young so i figure hell i got a lot of catching up to do i didn't party with all these comics and shit you didn't no but nowadays we who and you're in a place where you're like in the best party place i mean nothing's better than being able to probably smoke with joe or yeah smoke with ron or chill out with those guys those guys have the best pot i've ever this one guy william that redheaded comic oh yeah he's an Interesting guy.

1:05:31Isn't he? He's a great comic, too. He is funny. I took a drag to his part, and I go, this shit is Viet Cong shit. Yeah. It's like it made me want to dig a tunnel and shoot down a helicopter with a pea shooter. Oh, yeah, dude. It's like I knew I could do it. It's like fierce. Oh, yeah. He's a great comic. Yeah, he is a unique person. Yeah. He's a unique person. I like to just watch him be himself. William Montgomery. That's his name. He's all Celtic. I told him, you know, Celtic because I like reading heads. You know, I'm a head reader. Oh, yeah, I didn't know it. I know you don't know what that is.

1:06:10And what does that do? What are you touching skull in there? No, I just look at the shape of the head, and I studied it for a long time. And, you know, I can see, like, where you're from and your ancestry and where you came from and what you're like. and then I pair it with your astrological sign and your palm print and all that kind of shit. And then I can tell you what lessons you learned and what you're still going to learn. I'm kind of a fortune teller. Really? Yeah. Can you do it on me, you think, or not? I can, but you'll be the one that I do wrong. Yeah, that's fair. You know, every so often I do it wrong.

1:06:49Oh, yeah. We had a lady in our town that would read ribs. She was like a mystic or whatever. and for a carnival or whatever they would read your ribs over there she'd you know do this and do that what did she tell you did you do it huh no i don't think they she got ended up they only did it for two seasons she got arrested for something probably molesting it could have been i mean that's a tough you know i guess starting at the ribs ain't a bad idea people don't think of that yeah that's grooming i'll start here at your ribs yeah you're gonna be a scientist you know everything's just grooming now yeah is there something wrong with human society is it just america do you think like is there is there a fallacy just in being human that you know and this is the character arc of the human species that we end up just staring at a phone while somebody molests us from behind, but we don't even notice because we're so busy on our phone while some fucking, you know, business mogul is hiding in a basement, licking a Bitcoin, you know, with a lizard tail.

1:08:02Like what? Yeah. Is that where we end? Yeah. Okay. That's how it always ends. They say it's happened six times in the earth's history that the earth how it's self-destructed and all forms of life on it died wow then it starts up again yeah i think that's the story it's like we involution not evolution we involute and then you know pretty soon we're just a stupid idiot staring at a screen while all our tax money goes to the ukraine i know you know what i mean yeah what are they doing it's like figure it out over there they're figuring out ways to kill us and they're taking bets on it and insurance policies like every employer is taking out a they don't have to tell you if you have an insurance policy on you so every employer's you know that's a psychopath and most of them are they're insuring all their employees and they're like yeah you know uh we're gonna make them take this and that and the other and live here and do that and then you know they'll be dead by 40 and i'll get the payoff People are doing that?

1:09:06Hell yeah. In the big casino, the big capitalist casino, where they cause cancer and then, you know, they also get a payoff when you go in for treatment. They own that too. They own the cancer-causing chemicals and the treatment centers. There's only about 2 ,500 people in the world that own everything. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I believe that. They're like, we got to get rid of these people because they bitch too much. They don't do enough work and, you know, they're eating all the good stuff. Well, they don't care. I mean, it's like it certainly starts to feel like there's like this legion of wealth or power that has decided in the past 30 years that humans are just expendable.

1:09:51Yeah, they've always thought that. That's why they had serfs, the royals, and they had their serfs and they were like. That's true, huh? So it's always been there, that idea. Yeah, feudalism. It's always been there. And, you know, we had a few couple centuries without it and the royals and the reptiles and all them, the rulers, the owners. Yeah. They decided, ah, fuck it. You know, all they do is bitch anyway. It's a pain in our ass to have to deal with them. Get rid of them. Bring in the machines. Ugh. Yeah. And so it's weak. Pretty soon they'll have a comedian robots that'll come up and they'll tell like, you know, they'll get it out of the encyclopedia.

1:10:31everybody's act for free and they'll just program the robots to tell the jokes that have already been told that people haven't heard and you know we won't have jobs no more but i don't know if they could ever do that they could never replicate you i don't think sure they could they couldn't come up with the material but they could use my old material you know there's enough of it out there yeah but watching some like and they'd probably cast a man to be it so well definitely they'd put a man in. Definitely they'd put a man in. Or sure. Or fucking a sure. But I don't know if the robots, I don't know.

1:11:09So I think we're in an interesting time where comedians are kind of like the last people that can kind of, or even can speak. A lot of people can't speak in their jobs. They get like attacked for speaking up online of any of their thoughts or feelings. They're like the only people, comedians are kind of the only people that can speak. and the platforms now keep you from saying certain things. I mean, it seems like they're getting a little more free with Elon, you know, and Twitter, but I don't know if that will happen with a lot of platforms. But YouTube will take down clips if you have certain things, if people are talking, even thinking about things that they consider misinformation or go against their guidelines.

1:11:48Yeah. Which is, it's their business, but it's weird because that's the business that we use to communicate on now. Yeah, it's all bullshit. it's all i when i ran for president in 2012 one of my uh platform things was i will outlaw bullshit yeah because you know and i know that that horrified people because what will they do now right they're addicted to it they'd rather have that than food or a happy family they're so addicted to their fucking bullshit it's true but you know comics i think we're the less free speech art form and as long as we're performing things end as bad as they could be you know i think that's true as long as we're performing things aren't as bad as it could be yeah and that's always been the case throughout time like with jesters or with yeah people that we try and speak up and share there's always been a ceiling on on speech hasn't there in a way of course nobody wants to hear the real truth they're horrified now they're ready to go with bullshit it's easier and like for the real truth that, you know, and I'm glad that they did set up all these guidelines so that we only are allowed to speak the truth.

1:12:55And the truth is that Biden got 81 million votes by winning 36 counties. And that is just incredible. It really, really is. And that of these 81 million supporters who gave him more votes than any president has ever gotten before, he came with a mandate from these 81 million voters and uh you know i'm just glad that they were very careful to make sure that nobody could um detract from that proven truth you know what i mean like what do you mean like that nobody that they mandated that that was the truth and that nobody could say well what about no oh it was made a mandate yeah oh i didn't know that so the government made it a mandate yeah because you know YouTube did and so did oh so you can't speak you can't even speak on that in those platforms no you can't say that it wasn't you can't say that like the election was rigged that's all a lie the election was not rigged 36 counties can give you 81 million votes that's a fact so it wasn't rigged of course not 36 counties have 81 million people in them.

1:14:18See? That's the truth. And don't you dare say anything against it, or you'll be off YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and all the other ones, because there's such a thing as the truth and facts, and we have to stick to it. It's scary. And that is the truth. And nobody died in the Holocaust either. That's the truth. It should happen. six million jews should die right now because they cause all the problems in the world but it never happened but it never happened yeah mandated well you're because you're part jewish right part of your family's jewish i'm all jewish you're all jewish 100 and a lot of hollywood is jewish yeah it's like a it's like a lot of hollywood is a jewish business really well they started hollywood yeah right but so was it weird just like rap black people started rap yeah so i wouldn't go over there and try to get and wrap and go all these black people you know go on saturday night live like dave chappelle uh i'm just saying a lot of black people are in control of rap right hello well you went there you try to get in show business of course it's jewish but you know and people should be glad that it's jewish too because if jews were not controlling hollywood all you'd have was fucking fishing shows yeah you see what i'm saying oh dude if you well I think that about that, like Jewish people, like they're just good at or I talk about this in my act.

1:15:46There's like a just a good level of organization that goes on with Jews. You know, you'd have like a bunch of like white people to shooting each other for patents. I feel like if you didn't have Jews involved, if you didn't have the Jewish lawyers to screw those people out of their patents. Think of what how bad the world would be. But did you feel if you're part Jewish, did you feel weird? I'm all Jewish. If you're sorry, if you're all Jewish, did you feel weird? The kids are half. Was it weird that Hollywood went against you then because you're also Jewish? Well, Hollywood Jews don't like Jews.

1:16:18Let's be real. If Hollywood, I'm a Jew and I got fired from Jewish Hollywood. So what does that say? Yeah, I don't understand that. Because I'm not the right kind of Jew as the Jews in Hollywood. For one thing, I'm a Jewy Jew. I'm the scary kind. You are? Yeah, I'm scary. see this here eye oh yeah that's beautiful that's a blue eye and i got oh i didn't wear my other blue eye and what beautiful isn't it beautiful yeah and what that is is the blue eye is a is a way to ward off other people giving you the evil eye so it's a protective thing see yeah but because i b I believe, um, in those principles that, that, uh, like, you know, harmonics, um, vibration and those kinds of things, you know, the immutable laws of nature.

1:17:14Yeah. Uh, I don't believe in bullshit and, um, I haven't given my life to, um, a system of bullshit where the only reward is to own more bullshit than other people yeah you know and uh unfortunately it there's a lot of uh there's a lot of Jewish people that adhere to that and you know they go where it's easier for them to um be an organized crime because hollywood really is an organized crime network and uh you know that's what it is it's like pimps up hoes down yeah that's how i always describe hollywood it's like okay your agent pimp another word for pimp yeah your lawyer another word for pimp and the hoes are the talent and you know they think that talent is expendable and they think the people running hollywood are the pimps and they are it's just like any other business right yeah that's the thing in the end it's just it's also just business it is business which is organized crime all business is nothing but organized crime ain't it it really is yeah so i mean and maybe this also that hollywood got in bed with the cia and so that was government money given their way to portray certain things for mass media for mass consumption yeah and to keep people in line to keep them like thinking fairy tales instead of looking at the truth hey where's my tax money going it's like oh and then and then richard gear falls in love with the prostitute on Hollywood Boulevard.

1:19:05Don't go down there and actually look at the 12-year-old prostitutes that live on Hollywood Boulevard. Believe the bullshit lie that, you know, the boy always gets the girl in the end and, you know, that, you know, there's friendly aliens and, you know, anything Spielberg does. It's just for mind control. Mass media is for mind control and people are being paid and they're happy to take the money to make sure that they keep the population under mind control and quiet they want docile workers yeah like in china docile workers they didn't have that in america you know they had loud people that were pissed working class people that are pissing going i'm going to turn you into this and that if you don't this and that so they brought in all these immigrants that's what it's for is to break the back of the working class labor and pay it's like they'll do it for two cents you wanted five dollars you wanted fifteen dollars uh at uh minimum wage so we brought them in they'll do it for two see ya yeah it's just cruel but that's what business is that's what business is really yeah it didn't it isn't no love story right even though it's like and that's the interesting about hollywood is that it sells love stories it sells like bullshit right so it gets you to believe these things and maybe at one time it believed in those things it was but i do think that over time it is it never did because you have to look at the movies that come out at the specific i'm just talking about movies no no okay mass me and tv because i had my own shit in tv which that would take five shows to go into the mind control of tv and advertising which i thought Bill Hicks did better than I could ever do.

1:20:54So I just tell people, go listen to Bill Hicks talk about it. If you're in PR, just kill yourself. I love that. He goes, I'm not kidding. Really, kill yourself. But, you know, it's mass mind control. But the movies, when you look at the time frame that a movie comes out, you have to look at the whole political geography around it and why it's coming out and what it's saying. But a lot of times it's kind of a fortune-telling thing and it's predictive programming, it's called, because it's telling you what's going to happen pretty soon, especially science fiction, what's going to happen pretty soon.

1:21:40Because they're in bed with the government and the CIA. So they're in bed at this point with groups Groups that have more intelligence than the average layman or whatever. Yeah. The regular guy. Yeah. They're like, oh, pretty soon they're going to take your picture at the airport. You know, that was science fiction at one time where you have to look into the camera and have your fingerprints. And now you have to in L.A. You have to. Yeah. Yeah, this week the cameras were down when I was flying out. And I was like, what's going on? The cameras. And they're like, yeah, we're just redoing the system or whatever.

1:22:11But then I'm like, wow, man. Once they just have your face, it's just like, why do? it starts to feel like is there any real value just to me being a human anymore yeah that's the ultimate value if people could wake up and take that back there were we and we would talk to each other with respect and actually listen which i don't think people know how to listen to anybody no more yeah um they just want to hear themselves talk um and all that they're saying is just parroting something they've seen on media that's the crazy part we start to just pay like in the in a lot of people are just parrots now yeah it's like there's not even a lot of it it's people like even like if you look on tiktok or certain apps there are people like trends so it's like hey just do this right do this next thing right and a lot of times it's a song it's a piece of a song that's gonna come out so then now you have people like trending to this song next you know the song is out then the artist is touring it's all like part of a formula a lot of times yeah like the advertising is they've just locked it up so much at like the algorithm of how to do it how to control everybody um but if people would wake up and and take back the fact that they are a human being and what a human being what it is what's the definition of a human being and what that is in my mind anyway is somebody who feels empathy for another human being or animal or life form And that's what they tried to strip out of us so that we're just all very fearful and narcissistic and we're afraid of anybody or to talk to them or listen to them.

1:23:45But once we can reclaim that, and I think it's coming because I think we're going to have a big crash and a big shutdown and we won't have any choice but to go back to basics. I think it's going to be really good for us. And we're going to get together and figure out a better way of doing things. that it doesn't come from the top down it comes from the bottom up because all change does in fact come from the bottom up and i think we're at we're at that place you know where they put us into quarantine that was the best thing that ever happened to this country although a lot of people lost their jobs in this but the greatest thing about it was that it broke the routine and that's one way to snap out of mind control is to break your routine and it broke everybody's routine They had to stay home with their own stinking families who they hate and like actually solve some problems or speak to each other.

1:24:34So it woke people up as to what mattered. And then they got on the Internet and they started looking for answers. And that's why they call it the Great Awakening. Or I say that's what Q was for quarantine, because we all got a lot smarter. We all got a lot healthier. We all got a lot closer during the quarantine. and it was the best thing that could have happened to us because anything that these people that are very twisted at the top, anything that they tried to do to us is going to end up working for our benefit as long as we've reclaimed our humanity and our love and our connection for each other.

1:25:14They can't hurt us because they don't even know what the human spirit is. They don't have it. So when we have it and we raise it in somebody else and then together we like bond and talk and make each other laugh or feel any joy. They can't get at that, and it's growing, and I see it everywhere. That's why I love coming down here and working the clubs and seeing people laugh. We have such great jobs because we're doing God's work. We really are. It's like we're putting severed pieces together. Virginia Woolf said that about writers, that writers put the severed parts together. And that is what we do.

1:25:56Things that you wouldn't think go together, we put together in front of people. And they go, by God, that's right. I never saw that. And once you put one puzzle piece together, the next few seem to fall in easier. And I think we're doing building work for grassroots. and it starts and ends with laughter because at the end laughing power to scorn is the way to take it the fastest way to take it down and the fastest way to rebuild it is with uh words that mean something spoken from one to another words yeah mean something and that people understand not an assault on words like they're doing now but words that are understandable to each other where we can build common ground with each other and like do better it can't be i mean yeah we can't do worse for fuck's sake we can do better so you feel positive so in the end so you do feel like you feel hopeful i do i feel hopeful knowing that this is weird because you didn't know mitzi sure did you yeah mitzi used to get you know at the comedy store in la this was all the comics this was like you know just all the great comics of my generation before Richard Pryor I'm blank but you know all the good ones that I idolized and and the ones of my generation too that a lot are gone Mitzi would take us in we'd all be sitting around talking and drinking and stuff and everybody would say the most important place on the planet the most important thing on the planet is comedy it's like you know what we think and thought then the most important thing is comedy the most important place for comedy was los angeles the most important place for in los angeles is a comedy store this is you know we'd say pretty much this is the birthing place of where everything will go out new thoughts and this is it you know this is the revolution and um and i feel that here at joe's and he honors Mitzi's memory too, you know.

1:28:12And just sitting in the comedy room with other comics, and it's a disparate group, you know, very different cultures and colors and stuff, and just sitting and making fun of something. And you can just feel the consciousness blooming, not being shut down like when you go other places and shit. Just it's like the poetry is opening, and everybody is rising to the occasion and wants to say something even funnier, something even more powerful, yanking on each other. And I mean, there's nothing better than hanging out with comics and fucking around with words and ideas. It's the greatest thing in the world.

1:28:53That's what I, it's what saves me over and over and over for how bad I've gone through shit. You know, it's always coming back to comedy. Yeah. Fuck, it's powerful. In my life and all comics lives, and I think to all the fans of comedy, people are real fans of comedy even if they don't know they are. Yeah. Like Trump's a funny son of a bitch. Oh, I got to meet him. You did? Yeah. I met him years ago, but he's funny, and I think that's a lot of why people like him so much. Yeah, he doesn't get enough credit for a lot of his sense of humor or just his ability to just like be so, just let shit roll right off of him, you know?

1:29:40Some of the stuff he says is fucking hilarious. I think a lot of my black friends like Trump more now too. Yeah, I have. I think he's growing with the black community, you know? Yeah, I know so much about that because when I ran for president, I ran as the representative of the black caucus of the Green Party. Damn, you went deep. I did. Black and green. I know black and green and you, but that's how I always was in the 60s was that too, you know. And, you know, like I say, I never changed. I'm the same as I always was. It's them that changed. They went off the edge, but both sides, right and left.

1:30:18But I was in the middle. I love the middle. But so I've always been in that milieu. I always care about that, you know. And so we have the evidence. When I ran, I also sued the state of Georgia with Cynthia McKinney, who was my campaign manager. And we sued the state of Georgia over its election laws, which are now coming into play in the election right now. They're trying to, you know, pretend like they don't cheat. But and they say they're going to indict Trump, blah, blah. I hope they do because my lawsuit and Cynthia's, I think it will be part of. like the the case yeah and it will help him win because i went through it when i try to get on the ballot in georgia too and cynthia was the rep was uh the representative from georgia and they screwed her with fake voting machines to get her out because she asked cheney where the money was going they wanted her out but anyway she's a black woman for those who don't know but she said she said of course she had to go to bangladesh to get the fuck out of here you know to teach college there but she said she was your campaign uh manager yeah and partner but but she says uh the truth of it is that in 2020 trump won big and he won black and that's part of why the dems are all freaked out because you know they lost control of uh their who they looked at as their servant class.

1:31:55Well, yeah, I think, well, I do think it is kind of dis... Sometimes it makes me... Sometimes it's tough as a white guy to talk... Like, if you have any... It's like black people don't want to hear sometimes a white person talk about black stuff, right? No, of course not. And I don't blame them. That's all, you know, the voice that they didn't even have a voice for so long. So the echo of the voice from past, it's still fucking in the air. I don't like that they call me white. A lot of Jews don't because while they was in slavery and all that shit, so was we. And we was getting our asses buried alive over there in the Ukraine by the same people that, you know, our government is the same people.

1:32:40But, you know, we was getting that happening to us and every place else in Europe. But so don't include me in that. but I also have North African origins and, um, uh, cause I did the whole DNA deal, you know? Oh, I used to be a real wigger when I was like a kid, you know? So everybody, all working class kids are. Oh, definitely dude. I mean, it's a class thing, not a race thing. And that's what they don't want us to know. But you know, they keep on calling it race, race, race when it's class and they don't want us to know it because they're all, you know, working the machine to get money but black people are getting way smarter than that well they and faster and not saying that they haven't always been but i think they're also getting to a level where they can have their needs met now so they can make choices for themselves so you don't have to make that choice or you don't have to feel like you have to pander to a politician maybe i don't know if they ever felt like that i don't know i don't know but i i told cynthia i said by god it's so uh you know they uh we owe African Americans, I mean, if things were to ever be straightened out or whatever, we owe them for saving our country by their 2020 vote.

1:33:55But nobody knows it yet. But I have faith that we will know the truth sometime. So you think that the election was just, it was fake? That I believe Biden got 81 million votes in 36 counties. There's 81 million people living within 36 counties. It's the only thing you can believe. It's true. Yeah. It's absolute fact. When you look back on running for president, do you think like - And the FBI didn't interfere in 2016 with saying Hillary's innocent. And they didn't interfere in 2020 by saying Biden was rushing shit about the laptop. They did not interfere in any way when Facebook paid for all those voting machines and all that.

1:34:42That was not interference. But those three Russian ads on Facebook were interference in 2016 when they said they liked Trump. Remember that huge thing that Trump was working for? Remember that whole fucking, for nine months of television. It was three years, honey. Oh, was it? Jesus Christ. I don't watch enough TV. But it was like, yeah. And it was nothing. There was no value to it. It ended up being nothing. Remember that? Mm-hmm. That's crazy. But it's like, yeah. You know, the dossier said that Trump hired hookers and brought them up to his room. Oh, I believe that. And peed on them. Eh. If you know Trump at all, you know, he's like Howard Hughes and he doesn't even, he can barely get around people.

1:35:23Yeah, he would do it in private. Not on them. Yeah, actually, you know what? I know some people that would pee on people. I don't think he would. Uh-huh. I don't, uh. I don't think he would do it. I don't think he'd pee on them either. Because he knows they'd tell. Yeah. Oh, yeah. you can't pee on somebody without them knowing that you have to have their consent although a lot of people do get peed on without their consent people love it i mean parents yeah yeah i think especially if you're getting married like yeah i think italians can you believe that people pee on each other for sexual pleasure and poop on each other and beat each other's ass and all the crap all the ridiculous shit people do for their sex pleasures good god yeah whatever happened to just fucking just having sex for a few minutes and just having like a TV dinner or whatever.

1:36:11I know. The good things in life, right? Yeah, dude. Oh, God. Sometimes I just... Oh, I don't know. A Salisbury steak to me is just as good almost sometimes. My grandma used to live on them in the little plastic packets. Yeah. Every night she'd come home from work and have a Salisbury steak. God, they were good, boy. They were good. I miss... TV dinners were good. They were good. And you had just enough P's that you could deal with. You're like, I fucking hate P's, but I can handle 17 of them. You said 17. That's how many they had in the ones we had. Did you count them? No, we fucking knew what was going on.

1:36:51We knew what was going on by us, dude. It was fun. How old were you when you started doing stand-up? I think probably 24. So, you know, I started down in New Orleans. There wasn't really a place there. and then I took a class out in LA when I got there. Judy Carter had a comedy class. Oh, yeah. Remember Judy Carter? You guys probably did comedy together. Yeah. Very funny. Yeah, she was really cool and she had an assistant that taught us and it was neat, man. But the cool thing about the class was at the end, you got on stage. You got on stage at the improv. Oh, cool. So you got three minutes. It was a packed house and you got your tape and then you're like, wow, dude, I was on stage.

1:37:28And so then you're like, now I seem like a comedian. I have a piece of tape and you just built from there did you kill i did well i had those jokes about my dad you know i was so ashamed of my dad i didn't realize it you know until i got older but i just but he ended up being a source of things that were humorous to me um just the dude my dad like like we go through a drive-thru and he could never hear the lady it was always a fucking everything was a nightmare he drove this cutlass like an old delta 8080 brought from some brothers that lived around the corner and so it had these speakers in it right and so he couldn't even fucking hear so he'd be driving around just listening to like paul harvey right and uh like on rush limbaugh or something and the with bass you know like nobody just had like the crop report was coming across the fucking you know like the fucking uh pork futures and And they're just talking about with bass coming out.

1:38:32You have a 70 % chance of rain. And he couldn't hear anything. Dude, one time my dad, he would make us stand on the front seat when he would drive because he had to tell him what to do. Right. So I was like, fuck, I don't know. What do you mean you had to tell him what to do? Like if the lights were red or green or whatever. Oh, my God. Because he couldn't move his net. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah, so it was like, it was a team, dude. When we hit the road, it was a fucking team, dude. We were in it together. You had to go dad the light's green, you can go. Yes, or dad the light's red. He'd be like, what do I do, damn it!

1:39:09Right? He was fucking losing. It's like Mr. Magoo. Bro, he could not handle it, bro. And he just had that, he had that limited neck on him, you know? And so I'd be over in the passenger seat just like, you know, almost like the captain of a ship, you know, like, onward! You know, you fucking... and um one time where was your mom i don't know she's probably working she was like traveling somewhere i mean she'd go you know she'd go work sometimes on other sales jobs and i don't know where she was driving selling something and uh one time my dad like a black big crow came in the window and broke out some of the back windows with his beak and so I'm trying to tell my dad I'm like dad there's a black bird in here and he thought it was a black guy right like he was pretty right you know I don't know if he was racist but he was just like an old guy in 1990 you know what I'm saying so he had black friends but he also like would say shit that was just something this older person would say so he just starts yelling the n-word right oh my god and he thinks it's a person he thinks it's a black guy breaking out the windows in the back of the car.

1:40:22But I said, it's a black bird, right? I just, I'm not getting it. He's just not paying it or something. And he's like, damn it. He's just yelling at shit using all these expletives, bro. Oh my God, that's insane. So it was just insanity. I didn't realize it at the time, but it makes your mind like, you know, you have this weird level, like this weird reality starts to form, you know? Yeah, it's out of the norm. Yes, it's out of the norm. It's expansive, huh? It's like reality expands. Yes. Way past this little. Reality expands. Yeah. And it should be this safe, comfortable thing that a child can operate in.

1:41:03And, you know. Yeah, you're not worried for your life. Yeah, you're not worried for somebody else's life. You're not on the edge. You're not directing traffic at fucking six. You know, you're not like. I used to. That's crazy that you said that because my hobby when I was a kid, I was always crazy. Born nuts. Fucking A. I don't know why. But like I was three years old, my mom says, and I would run out of the house and ride into traffic and start directing traffic. We lived by a big old, I guess it was a four-lane street then. You started directing traffic. Yeah. I was only three. and my mom said they'd look and I wouldn't be in the house so they'd go down to the corner and there I was just standing in the street and going like this to the cars, like this.

1:41:54And they'd be honking and shit. Yeah, and they'd go get me and beat my ass and drag me home. You're not to go in the street. And I remember it too. You are not to go in the street. We've told you so many times. But, you know, as soon as I could get out again, as soon as I saw it, I'd always be watching too when that little hook on the screen door wasn't on. They'd always put it on, you know. But sometimes if I kicked it, it'd fly up and you could get out. And I'd run back down. They'd run in the street and just go like this. One hand. And then cut to, I'm 15, I get hit by a car. So that was my total karmic return there.

1:42:39but uh yeah i used to love to walk down the streets and um fucking put myself in the craziest shit yeah yeah putting yourself into something man putting yourself into some chaos not thinking that chaos was chaos that was like to you and something goes crazy it's kind of a normal spot like this is when it's getting exciting yeah i just love to affect things or something yes i want to have an effect somehow on what's going on. I don't want somebody choosing how I affect things. I want to affect things how I want to affect things. I thought I think that I think that I was really crazy and thought I had some superpowers or something.

1:43:21You know, like a lot of little kids will think that. I think that I thought I had the power to stop traffic. And I did. Nobody's going to run me over there. It was going to hit a three-year-old back then. It's a good thing you're fucking dad wasn't driving down he would have run me over you wouldn't have been able to see me because i was beneath the hood there just see two pigtails when you look back on like your hollywood career do you miss it kind of are you okay with it i mean you i don't know if you get out of any bigger of a career really huh i don't think so i've yeah had 44 million people a week watching my show but there was only three channels or something and then coming back to 28 million i think i've done it you know i don't miss i don't miss the process or being around people that don't respect me yeah you know that's hard it takes it takes a wear and tear on you well it changed so much people don't you know it's why people have had to start podcasts it's why people have had to start making their own things because creativity it wasn't even respected Like I went to Hollywood, I think part of me wanted to have my own voice from where I was from.

1:44:33I wanted to tell stories about where I was from and like share things that I thought were interesting. And then you get there and they're like, you know, you should probably take an accent class so you don't have your accent. Right. You should do the, you know, and it was just like, fuck, man, I didn't, I felt of no value. And then that's when like the things started getting like politically kind of divided. And then just because I was from Louisiana and have a semblance of a Southern accent that people immediately just pigeonhole you. Oh, yeah. We don't even have use for you. Like, I don't know a Southern character that they've had on television in so long.

1:45:12Like, so how do you like and not that they have to have a Southern character, but. You think that they would, but they don't. You think that they would appreciate talent and want to nurture. Like if I was the president of a network, that's what I would do. Oh, dude. That's what Mitzi did. She nurtured all of us along, and we all looked and acted different. We're from different places. Yeah. That's what you do if you like talent, but they don't. They don't like none of us. Well, they like the algorithm now. They like whatever's easiest. How do we get this shot to be the shortest? Even when you're watching films and television, you notice it now.

1:45:44Like, you take a guy like John Ritter, right? Mm-hmm. Do you know who I'm talking about? Yeah, I knew him. Did you ever get to meet him? Yeah, he was a very nice man. Really? Very nice. Wow. Around me, he was nice. I don't know. His son was super nice. I met his son. His son is so kind. But he was like a talent. You could watch him. Yeah. And they'd give him wide shots and they'd let him behave. And you got to see somebody express themselves. Now everything's a lot more like we get this, we get this. It's all just like in the writing. I don't know. Yeah, they don't like talent. They don't like originality.

1:46:20No, SNL is like that. There's no people that have so many insane talents anymore. There's a couple of impersonators. A lot of it's in the writing. They don't push any boundaries. I don't know. But I think that's why other things have started. That's why you have people even starting their own comedy clubs in other places. Yeah, because you push something down, it goes someplace else. So that's why this place is exciting. And I think maybe this lights the, you know, lights up the whole place where people can like actually start doing great comedy again. Because it was like kind of dead for a long time, like rock and roll, you know.

1:47:02Yeah. Just kind of over and over and over. And country music too, over and over. Even rap, stale. And then all of a sudden the fuse gets lit and a whole bunch of new creative things happen. So I hope that's happening. Yeah. I hope that's happening with comedy when I watch these young people I think that oh that's new I haven't seen that I haven't seen a guy do that or I haven't seen a woman do that before and it's exciting to see it we need some new we need some more I don't want to say new I mean I don't know a ton of female comedians I know some I haven't been in the clubs as much recently so that's where you kind of meet more up and coming comedians but I would like to see more Mexican comedians Is that something I don't think that I see enough of sometimes?

1:47:48Or maybe I'm not familiar enough. There's a lot of Hispanic comedians I've seen. They're very funny. I really am liking the Middle Eastern comedians, too. There's a lot of them out there. Yeah, we got a guy this week, a son that's opening up for us. He's funny. He is funny. That's a new voice that we haven't heard a lot of. It's good. Yeah, it is good. Well, you know, and I think it's, yeah, and you just have to let people be funny. you have to let people take their risk. You know, we put, when you start to limit people's words or they said this, or they, you just, you're killing everything. But I agree.

1:48:23There's a, there's a part of us in humans that wants to, that wants to get out, you know? And I think it will, I think it'll find its way out. You know, I believe that. I think we have to believe that. We do have to believe it. Especially as comedians, we have to believe that, you know, it's like, cause yeah, I think people look to us for like, how can we say this? Somebody has to say this thing. There's a lot of that. And there's a lot of that people going. Somebody say this. We can't say this. Right. That's what I feel a lot of times. I'm like, how do I say? I think that all the time. How am I going to?

1:48:56Where are the words? Where are the words? I got to get the words, you know, get the right words in the right order with the right rhythm. And it's so hard, but it's like, you know, you're on that simmer, like on the stove. Simmer, simmer, simmer, simmer. I don't know for how long, months sometimes. and then you're just sitting there sometime cutting up a carrot and it's like ping the words come oh it's such a great feeling isn't it yeah it's like and it comes with electric charge yeah and you know and especially the good the neat thing about having done comedy for a while and i'm not saying you become like a savant or that you are a know-it-all but you start to know your own voice and your brain knows what will work on stage right and you can get it off stage and be like that's what it is.

1:49:43Yeah. You don't even have to really try. You have to try it a few times to make sure and get it right, but you can pick it up. You can learn it off stage and like, that's it. Did you ever go on a nice honeymoon whenever you were younger? You mean on my marriages? Yeah. The first time I got married to Jake's dad, we went to the justice of the peace. Then we went to target for our honeymoon. Oh yeah. We had 36 bucks we could spend. So we bought a garbage can and a case of beer, and I bought a pair of white shoes. Yeah. And then we went home, and we were really poor living in the mountains of Colorado, and all our friends had gifted us canned goods for our wedding present.

1:50:31And so we just stayed with our friends, like smoking a ton of pot and singing, and a lot of musicians and singing and playing music, and that was our honeymoon. We camped out in tents, and that was a good honeymoon. That's cool. That was a real hippy-dippy honeymoon. And then second, who'd I marry? Oh, Tom Arnold. And that was a honeymoon from hell. Oh, my God, I should talk about that honeymoon. Yeah, he sweats a lot. Tell me about it, bitches. Where's my fucking cigs? Oh, that honeymoon. I didn't even want to get married. As we were saying our vows, I was crying in the closet. Like, oh my God, how do I get out of this?

1:51:14But I didn't want him to see me crying because he'd slap. He's sensitive. He'd beat me up. So I was like faking like I was.

1:51:23And so we got married and oh my God, what a nightmare. So that was a fucking nightmare. I haven't even talked about it. Did y 'all go on a honeymoon though? Yes. We went to Mexico. Oh, God, huh? Yeah. Okay. As always happened with him, some hotel down there that had private swimming pools because I'm like, I got to have a private swimming pool so I can swim because I'm not going to let nobody get a picture of me in my bathing suit because I was really fat. And so was he. So we got a hotel that had a Acapulco. Yeah. is it fun if you're fat and you hug somebody else that's fat is it all it must be awesome oh yeah there's a lot of cushion that's cool man plus it's nice to have another fat person love you because you know everyone's so mean to fat people yeah and here we were like two big fat people telling each other that oh you look so great and you know we we were complimentary to each other for the most part with some dark shit going in we beat the fuck out of each other you know which was fun but uh yeah i mean look at first well yeah especially when i got somebody's got to get beaten every now and then when i got to hit him it was fun oh yeah but if he hit me back it wasn't fun you know but anyways uh there was a lot of ugliness to it but But anyway, so there we were down there, and I'm in the pool.

1:53:02And I look up, and it's ringed by photographers all the way around our room. But the best part is we were in our room. We had to order room service, and the front desk called, and he answered the phone. And they said, this is the front desk, and your neighbors are complaining that you're eating too loud. we ordered about 700 main dishes in there we were just eating up the storm clanking dishes and oh yeah the neighbors complained and he was on the phone i remember him going eating too loud yeah your neighbors can hear you eating then we went out in the pool and it was ringed by uh paparazzis so they always interfered and ruined everything but it was fun the eating a bunch and swimming with no paparazzi was really fun honeymoon till they showed up and then i found out he told them where we were gonna be you know he just really couldn't get out of his own way maybe yeah he couldn't get out of his own way i hear he's out of his own way now i hope that's true we don't talk no more but anyways then my third husband Ben, his name is.

1:54:21I have a little kid with him, Buck. He's 27. He's just like his dad. Yeah. Where'd we go on a honeymoon? Oh, we didn't go on a honeymoon because I was pregnant. We, yeah, we just stayed home, I guess. No, I guess I never really, except for that Mexico one, never did a real anything you're supposed to do kind of deal. I'd love to go on a honeymoon with no husband I'll tell you why that would be a great deal Just go by myself You know By myself with a couple You know Bodyguards or what have you Securities Do whatever the hell I want Pamper myself Look at art I did have a three month vacation And I saved up all my money You know when I Got a divorce off Tom Arnold I did go to Europe for three months by myself.

1:55:18Oh, that's nice. It was so nice. And I went and looked at art and traveled all over, ate everything I could get my hands on. That was like my own honeymoon, a divorce celebration. That was fun. And you lived in Hawaii for a long time, which is kind of like - Yeah, 15 years I've lived there. Maybe 18 years now, and I still live there, part-time there in Texas here. Hawaii is like a honeymoon every day. Oh, it's gorgeous. I just got back from Maui like last week. I hate Maui. Yeah. That's where everybody goes. Yeah. It's crowded. Yeah, I could imagine it. If you know more about Hawaii, I can imagine it's crowded.

1:55:56Yeah, I guess it is a lot of folks over there. It takes too long to drive everywhere and stuff. I hate the traffic. My island is the big island, and it's got the least amount of people and the most amount of land. So, hell, you can drive drunk and all fucked up. No, I'm kidding. Yeah. But nobody's around nobody, and it's beautiful and quiet. It's wonderful. Oh, that's the one reason I go there on my vacation was because people go to bed early there. Like at 9 o 'clock, I'm a sleeper. Do you sleep good there? Pretty good. Yeah. It's one thing about Hawaii. Everybody sleeps good there. And the best part is I wake up in the middle of the night, and it's only 1130.

1:56:40Yeah, I do that still. And you're like, this is awesome. Get up and eat another meal. Yeah, dude, I will have a little fucking smoothie sometimes. I don't tell anybody. I mean, it's just me anyway, but I don't even tell myself. I'll just kind of have it and pretend I don't. You should come over and visit me on the big island. Dude, I'd love to do that. Let me know, and if I'm there, you'll come over, and I'll show you all my nut trees and my sheeps and goats and all the run with pigs, but I got a beautiful place. Good for you. That was a great choice. what caused you to make that choice to move there to get well my younger son now that he's 27 i can say he he couldn't get along in school i homeschooled him and all stuff which i'm going to talk about on my podcast i think people should pull their kids out of school and homeschool them so i did that for a few years and then he went back to high school and they had a high school there for kids with learning disabilities and so that's why we moved there oh nice for high school yeah a lot of Filipinos over there I love Filipino food oh my god I love their food the people are awesome they are amazing people they're all like Winnie the Poohs kind of a little bit they have like a little bit of joy in them they do have joy in them they love their families I just love their food but they're always laughing and happy even in tough times they pull together and they're Jewish, I always say.

1:58:07They're so Jewish, yeah. Is that a lot of Jewish stuff? Well, they're just like Jews, they're just so family, you know? Yeah, Jews are familyed up, huh? Yeah, we're familyed up. That's interesting. Yeah, we hate each other, but we still stick together. Yeah, dude, I love talking with Brian Dorfman and some of the other, he and I love telling Jewish jokes to each other. I love Jewish jokes. Oh, dude, there's - I'm trying to write some now. I got to hold the dice because I said, you got to help me write some Jewish jokes because I'm from Salt Lake City. So I wasn't even raised in a Jewish culture beyond my own family.

1:58:45And my own family is so weird that there's no way to find anything in common with other Jewish people. Like my family thought it was OK to marry your cousins and relatives and stuff like that. Probably from where you're from, that's OK, too. Right. A little more normal. Yeah, it's not insane. Yeah. But like the first thing when my mom said she fixed me up with a Jewish guy, my first question, I thought, this might be odd. And I've asked it on stage. I said, are we related to him? That was my first question. So I don't know if other people. But there's incest in the Jewish community too, right?

1:59:18Oh, everyone's married to their cousin in my family. See, that's the interesting thing. That's one thing that's interesting about kind of like Southern culture and Jewish culture is that incest thing. Yeah, it's very interesting. and very odd. Yeah, it's kind of crazy. My mom, she had a boyfriend and she goes, his name was Arnie Leibovitz, who I loved. He passed on. He was, his last words, I was there for his death and his last words are the greatest last words anyone's ever said. He turned around and he goes, whose idea was this? Isn't that great? He was 92. Whose idea was this? But my mom said, we found out that we're from the same village in Lithuania, and we might even be related.

2:00:05And she was all happy about it. Meanwhile, you're over there with three eyes. I'm like, Mom, that's not, in the modern world, that's not, you know, most people, that's a no-no. Yeah. Yeah, people frown upon that, but there's something also that's. Well, for small villages and stuff. You don't have a choice. Yeah. Your second cousin is better than your first cousin. Oh, yeah, well, second cousin is legal in a lot of states. You know, first cousin, and they really, some people don't see it the way other people see it. I think that's a lot of why Jews are fucked up, because they're so intermarried.

2:00:42I could easily see that. When I grew up, I was like, I can't wait to get out of here. I'm going to marry every fucking Gentile I meet and have kids with them. I'm going to improve the gene pool here, because we have enough accountants and shit. Yeah. We got to have something else. Yeah, something new, huh? Something newish. Yeah. I have a lot of friends that are married in Jewish and Christian. They're like Judeo-Christian homes. And they have some really awesome families I find a lot of times. It's just what I've seen, you know. But having some good mix of things is interesting. It is, and the world's going that way.

2:01:18Oh, we're all going to be beige in a couple of years. We're all beige now. Everybody's all mixed pretty much. I mean, that's the way it's going. Oh, you can't even use a racial slur anymore and get it to land accurately. No, you can't. Like I used to have a thing about these Arabs and they're, and I mixed them all up. Like I'd say, uh, bean eating Arabs or something like that to mix it all up. Cause we're all mixed. Oh, it's crazy. Just a few of us. Oh, you have to have a chart to be racist. Now you have to have a, you got to carry the one, you know what I'm saying? It's like, you got to use a decimal.

2:01:50I just hate everyone equally. Oh dude. I get it. When I'm, a lot of times I'll just do all the racials just to get them out of my system. Yeah, especially when you're driving. That's where it's time for racism. I was like, dude, it is. Oh, I swear. Sometimes it makes my car go a little bit faster. It does. It improves your gas mileage. For sure. It helps. There's something about that. My sister's completely racist on Asian drivers because she lives up in San Francisco. Oh, I can't imagine. Yeah. So she's all that. Oh, they're always in a white minivan. She always goes off. Well, that's another thing we started missing.

2:02:28You used to be able to laugh at like, you used to trust a comedian enough that you knew that they knew what was going on. They were making humor. Yeah. Now they've pitted people against comedians in a way that they're like, oh, the comedian's just saying something to be mean. Yeah, but it always used to bring it around to where, hey, we all laughed at each other and ourselves and now we can love each other remember don rickles he they would kill him now and lisa oh i can't remember her name yeah remember hers it was so great because everybody was laughing at everybody and themselves that's a healing thing yeah well she a lot of people accused her i think of like a cultural appropriate like she was like thicker i think you know she lost a lot of weight yeah and i think there were like black women like thicker black women or something accused her of like trying to take her body style or something, I remember.

2:03:23There's so much weird stuff out there. Everybody just hates each other, and that's why I say in my act... And that's our only hope is our hatred for each other. when we harness that and get square behind it and realize we all that hate that we have for each other if we would just channel that to the hatred of the people at the top and not each other because it's not each other we hate we're both scrambling for beans come on people hate focus your hate at the top all that hate you have for your black neighbor or your mexican neighbor just congeal Or your white neighbor. Congeal it and focus it upward, and we're going to have Valhalla.

2:04:06That's true. That's what we need. We do need an uprising of people. We need an uprising of people to fucking stand up for themselves and stand up for their families and stand up for what they really feel inside of themselves means something. Yeah, you want your kids to be able to go out, and you don't want to worry about other people's kids hurting them. People want to live in safety. In safety. And they want to have decent communities with decent jobs and decent medical care. What's so fucking hard about that? You don't need two parties blaming each other. You know, it's just gridlock on purpose.

2:04:39So they never have to fix nothing. But we could fix it. We could fix it. If the American people would just reach across that cultural or that racial line and get with each other, we could get what we need and what we want. We could. But as long as they're dividing us and conquering us, we ain't going to do it. So let's start telling racial jokes again. Amen. Right? I'm working on it. I am too, but I'm already a racist. They've already labeled me that. So I'm like, well, since I'm there, let me tell you what really bugs me. Let me tell you what really pisses me off. I love it. And people love that shit too, man.

2:05:13Like I have black friends that love like as long as you are respectful and smart about stuff and you're not just being mean. Yeah, they can tell if you've been around black people. Oh, yeah, that's the first thing, too, man. Like, I have a, you know, I call him my son, but he's black, you know. Oh, yeah, I met him. What is his name again? EJ. EJ, yeah, I met him. He's the same age as Buck, and they kind of got raised together because I'm good friends with his parents and we're tight. And, you know, when they call me a racist, I was most worried about him because, you know, he had to go with that in his community and hear it.

2:05:57Yeah. About me, you know, and I was so sorry for him. And so we talked about it, you know, and I said, I can't remember what I said to him, but he said to me, Oh, everybody knows the crazy shit you say. You know, that was his, you know, comforting me. everybody knows all the crazy shit you say you'll find your way out of it but that had to make you feel pretty good then just to have some support everybody who called me was black it was funny and I go can you say that in public? Hell no hell no I know black people need to speak up in some ways more I think well Monique did Monique woke up for me two black people which I just that was brave of her and i always have her back too we we're like sisters in comedy you know but uh yeah more people got to be sisters and brothers in something across racial lines here in america before you know they're just going to take us all away one at a time yeah that's what they're that's what they want to do it's like they don't like black people they don't like gay people Let's be real about the people at the top.

2:07:12They don't like none of us. Just that they're using people and pretend they're on your side. They're not. No, they don't have a care. They don't have a dog in the fight besides like a bottom line. Like Pelosi's district where she's talking about Trump's races and all this shit. My son went to school in San Fran. It's all black people on the streets. That's who lost their homes in the Obama bubble of 08. it was the black working and middle class and then they're calling trump a racist when they have institutionalized racism with by this bubble they invented yeah and these fake mortgages that they gave people they did that on purpose that's institutionalized you know and then they're gonna you know further try to fuck with people and get them to hate on each other and fight so they don't have to do it no we have to figure it out people need to figure it out they need to figure it out and teach their children they need to i think people are though i think people want to you know all they gotta do all they gotta do is no it's not a race war it's a class war everything is a class war the people with the money are you know putting their wagons in the circle and stealing everything that ain't locked down taking the public money and putting into private pockets that's a class war oh 100 well and that's all there is yeah that's all there is until we go, hey, you can't have our money anymore.

2:08:41It's like time for another declaration of independence about this oppressive government that's no different from the government of King George that we broke away from years ago. What's why I'm so amazed when I see anybody that's speaking against the status quo of whatever the status quo is supposed to be for their gender, ethnicity, creed, whatever it's supposed, when you see someone that's kind of trying to find a way against that um those are the people you have to look at and see well what are they saying you know like it doesn't mean they're right but they're not their perspective is at least enough to be able to see a broader picture you know sometimes yeah sometimes you're right you got to look at like in america with this class war and how they disguise it like all all the leaders the only ways they can get ahead is by betraying their own people and they get rewarded for it, like black leaders to use their own people for their self-enrichment, just like our Congress does for themselves.

2:09:44It's us against you and Jewish leaders promoting anti-Jewish ideas on campus and stuff.

2:09:57People betraying their own people to be leaders of their own people and getting rich for it. That's how it works. You're not going to see nobody that goes, you need to fix Chicago right now, Mr. Mayor. You need to allocate these funds to updo these black people's homes, communities, and schools, and roads, and hospitals. You won't see them doing that in Marxist Chicago. That's the last thing Marxists ever do is address any problem. It's all a yank. All they want there in Chicago is to get at the retirement funds of the working class. And they are ripping them blind. And they're going for Social Security next, too.

2:10:41Blame it on Republicans. But they all both blame each other. And they're both fisting the money. And we're just nothing but prey. Particularly working people is nothing but prey. Well, a lot of times you're a working person. You're just in the distance. You're just trying to survive and get by. you know and where's your representation in congress nobody nobody they're giving your money to the ukraine they're they're not talking about the working people or nothing i just i'm amazed that like in a place like chicago where there's like you know there's a lot of crime in some specific areas and some areas chicago are great you don't want to give the whole city a bad rap no i'm just talking about the inner city where people are suffering like it's syria new New Orleans is the same way.

2:11:23New Orleans is one of the most dangerous cities in the world. It was just like one of the 30 most dangerous cities in the world, I believe. Can you look that up, Zach, too, just so I'm right on that or wrong on that? And I grew up, I wasn't, it was always a little edgy. But it's like you have, you know, and a lot of you have a lot of like impoverished black people killing each other. I know. And it's sad. And it's weird if I say that, that people are like, oh, he says that because he's against black people. I had two of my good friends growing up that were black that both died, right? That got killed by other young black men.

2:11:58And it's fucking like crazy. Like, I don't know how to help stop that. Like, I don't know. I don't think enough about black culture as to why they do, why that's even going on. But it's like, I wish there were more insight from like black leaders and stuff. I don't know. I don't know. That shit just makes me really sad. They don't address it because it's going the way the owners want it to go. Yeah. It feels like people address something enough to get what they need out of it. That's exactly right. They aren't concerned. I mean, they're just taking the buy-offs. And it's so funny. It's like some people say, well, you can't really get in any power here unless you're blackmailed.

2:12:38And they know you're going to do what they want you to do. It's a dark arts day. Yeah. I think that that's true. You don't get in any office by getting elected. You get selected by your donors. And they do what they have to do to put you in there to make them richer. And you bullshit the public so they'll be pacified. But the public doesn't even care that they don't or seemingly doesn't care or is too afraid to go, you're not representing the people who sent you there. Yeah. because I know when I was in Hawaii Soros was pouring money into Hawaii for Monsanto oh yeah we used to use it yeah everyone used Roundup oh god we'd use it fuck we'd spray each other with it I remember we hit my sister with a fucking hot batch of it but I mean that's who owns the government and she's in recovery I don't know if she'll ever recover from that but she's in recovery for other stuff But you know, yeah, yeah.

2:13:41Oh, then you start to see, yeah, these bigger groups are starting to like, he made he I said, by God, what he's doing, he's outlawing local government so that they are more beholden to international corporations and the county they live in. Oh, it's crazy. Well, it's the same with like that with Dope Sick, that TV show with the pill opioid epidemic. It was like, you know, you have like these big pharmaceutical companies that people leave there and then go to work in the FDA. Right. It's just like so there's just so much. I don't know. I think in the end it's like, why do people just want only for themselves?

2:14:19Like and at a certain point, I can understand you want to survive. You want to get to a level where you're OK. You can feed yourself. But then sometimes there's this other level of greed that I guess I just don't, I don't understand. I don't understand how you could want to be so greedy at a level where other people aren't even having a, you know, that some effect you're causing or a part of causing is limiting people's ability to even have a life with some peace and excitement in it and real hope, you know? I know that's what I say worry about other people's kids when your kids go out that has to be part of your circle of concern too if you want your kids to truly be safe yeah and it used to be different I don't know if I romanticize the past sometimes too but we all do but you know there's two like the human beings we have a desire to receive you know that's part of our ego and our makeup and everything.

2:15:26And, you know, we want that gratified, of course. But there's another thing is like the desire to receive in order to share, which is a way better way to deal with that selfish thing that we have. I don't know. I don't know. Probably the spirit of whom. Probably. Probably smelled my breath after smoking all that. But. But, you know, the desire to receive something and be able to share, that feels so much better than anything else on earth. That is one thing I learned by getting rich because I was really poor, you know. And then when I got really rich, it was such a turn on to help people. I can't tell you it was just better than anything.

2:16:21it's the kind of thing that uh was like a moment that stood out to you where just you were able to be like just part of the conduit of help you know because that's all money is like energy kind of you know yeah well there were there was few of them but the biggest thrills i ever got for my own pleasures as i tell people who know me is uh coming up with lawsuits oh god i loved it yeah and then bankrolling them you know and then winning them that that was something that was great about having money like what does it mean like thinking up an eye a way to sue somebody yeah i sued the government uh yeah to sue the government or some nefarious bunch i'm sitting there getting all bitter and thinking thinking going deep and go aha and i did sue you know i sued and won against some tabloids and oh yeah that was fun and then sued georgia and won and uh a whole bunch of shit like that that i thought well you know it's good um i'd still like to continue to sue sue sue and pay for lawsuits i love it especially you know Like if it's in a good cause.

2:17:37Yeah. Like I'd love to sue every motherfucker that called me a racist. And I keep on waiting for something to happen where, you know, guilty people who broke the law get arrested. And when they do, that'll be my proof. And then I'm going to sue. I already got like 10 lawsuits in my head for how I'm going to sue. The news, the network, these and that, you know. They all deserve it. They do. And I have. There's never any justification. that's one of the things about life that gets tough sometimes and I think it's a good conversation I think it's inspiring for people to hear I think it's inspiring for people to hear that there are people that think like there's some pressures in the world that feel uncomfortable we don't know exactly what they are sometimes right but we're trying to navigate with our little brains and our perspectives having had unique lives that have made us hyper aware sometimes of things and that's right and it's been to struggle a lot but there's some value in it um to think well what's going on why are we starting to feel this way as a society what things are we seeing is it some that i'm just getting older and i have like you know i think sometimes i'm just getting older and i'm like starting to become one of those older people you know that's like oh this is wrong and this is wrong or does it seem like there's really other bigger shit that's going on you know and just evaluating all that well that's is part of growing growing older yeah you know you just settle into like a certain knowing and being able to identify things because you've seen them so many times you can you can sense where things are going because they can only go one of about three or four ways yeah you know so you you can sort of see where things are going right at the inception so you kind of have the desire to go over there and kick it to the left or the right so it grows straight yeah you get that foresight over time yeah do you think um what's been one of the neatest things about being like a parent and a grandparent that kind of surprised you

2:19:46well Well, being a parent is wonderful when your kids turn out to be good members of society and they have a conscience and they're good people. And then when they're good parents, that's the best part of being a parent is to see your own children become good parents. Because then you know, oh, I did a good job, you know. And thank you, God, for keeping it on the map for me, despite all the shit I did. and uh so that's good that you know when you're in your last quarter or whatever i'm in but the grandparent thing that's just pure fun you get to be a kid again you get to do all kind of fun stuff like i live with my son and his partner and their two-year-old daughter who she looks just like me and she acts just like me and my son says what kind of karma is this when you're raising your own mother but uh so teaching her just hanging out with her is a blast like she likes to wear lipstick so we put on lipstick every day and do our hair and stuff like that and then she likes me a lot and any anything I do she wants to do it with me and um she's just learning to talk and stuff and so she says let's smoke because she likes to go out on the porch with me while I smoke and because i let her play in the water but you know that she says let's smoke is so cool and uh yeah that's awesome she's just fun it's just fun getting to be a kid again like i'll chase her around the house and sing stupid songs and you know uh hide and seek and jumping and having fun like a kid when before you had any cares you get to redo that when you're a grandparent that's the most fun your second or third childhood in my case it's probably my fourth yeah but it's so fun you know yeah watching cartoons with her yeah yeah that's fun oh she loves the turtles the teenage ninjas turtles and uh my friend greg sipes is the voice of michael so i had him call her up and he goes hi livia this is michael from the turtles you do anything your Mimi, she calls me Mimi, you do anything your Mimi says to do because she loves you and she knows what's right.

2:22:09So I'll see you at whatever he says at the what's it and hoorah or whatever. Stuff like that's really fun. That's cool. It's so cool. And I get to dress her in her outfits every day and do her hair. She likes fashion and looking pretty and wearing my necklaces and such. it's just fun yeah it seems fun seems like i'm three years old too yeah but there's nothing more fun than being a kid and pretending yeah i i like i i would suggest that people really start doing that more with their kids and their grandkids pretending and imagining i think they're trying to take that away from us and you know what's disappearing with technology yeah but that's the most fun thing of being a human.

2:22:57Yeah. You know? Oh, I used to, your imagination, dude. It's where I had any chance at all in the world was in my imagination. And look what you did with it. One day these motherfuckers will know, you know, and I would. I can imagine anything. Yeah. I'm going to come back here in a hot air balloon, you know, I used to fucking have these crazy ideas. Yeah, like Russell Crowe. Today I will imagine to be a ship's captain. it's so fun. When was like, do you remember your first like kiss when you were a child? Oh Christ. My first kiss. When I was a child or when you was a teenager, teenager, you know, did y 'all have a dance or anything at school?

2:23:42Oh, I was such a reject and nerd. I just, nobody liked me. It's like, God, she's weird chewing on her hair over there. But, uh, my first kiss, I think I was 16. Yeah. I can't remember who I did it with. Who'd I do it with?

2:24:04I should remember that, but I don't. Oh, yeah, I do remember. No, that wasn't him. I don't know, some Joe. Yeah. I don't want any good. It was all disappointment. All my sexual lives, for the most part, were fucking disappointment. Mine's kind of been like that a little. Yeah? It's never like all that buildup. No. It's like you want him to go, you, you are ravishing. The most ravishing woman I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. That almost happened to me one time in Paris, I have to say. I regret that. You met a romantic man? Yeah, this guy just came up to me out of nowhere. And I looked really funky, too.

2:24:46I had like about 100 sparkly barrettes in my hair. Yeah. What was I in my 40s? I look good, though, because I had done my hair in these weird, I was in a weird artistic thing. And this guy came up and he said, will you go and have coffee with me? And I was with my girlfriend. I'm like, no. And he goes, please, I'd really love to take you for coffee. And I'm just like, what? He's trying to get money off me. He goes, I've, I just, I'm just going to say it. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. Well, nobody ever said that to me. So I'm like, tell me more. And he goes, and you look fascinating.

2:25:30I love how you've done your hair, blah, blah. I go, oh, sorry, I'm married. He goes, really? And I'm like, well, maybe not. But then I decided I better stay true to my fucking stupid ass spouse. Yeah. I regret that. That guy, I don't know. He was pretty cute. Was he? Yeah, he was European, you know? Yeah. I might have been living in Europe by now. He probably would have kicked me out the next day and go, you old bitch, the first time I snapped on him. Yeah. Or who knows? You guys could be lying in a field in Nice right now, eating grapes and reading Les Miserables together. I don't like that book so much.

2:26:14You know what my favorite book is? Tale of Two Cities. I've read that like 10 times. Was it J.D. Salinger? No. J.D. Salinger is Franny and Zoe and Catcher in the Rye, which I've also read 10 times. But no, oh my God, I can't. Charles Dickens. Old Chucky Dicky, huh? Yeah, but it was an uplifting moment that I'll never forget. I never read that. No, I mean that guy. Oh, that European man? Yeah. Oh, God, dude. I remember a girl one time. How old were you when you kissed somebody? I think I was like, maybe I was 11. Some people locked us in a closet or something. And they were some angry people. And they kept calling us queer.

2:27:02Like, you f*** F-A-G's better make out. And it was me and a girl. But they were just like, you know, idiots or whatever. You know? Weird. Oh, it was horrible. And I was so nervous. And she had like a chipped tooth pretty bad. And I didn't want to, I thought like if I, I don't want to get a chipped tooth. And I was like, I don't even know how this works. And it's just so fucking, you know. You felt pressured to perform. Oh, God. Yeah, that's so ugly and horrible. Oh, and then the rest of my life I felt pressured to perform, dude. I was always taking them gas station wiener pills all the time. Oh, they sell them at the gas station?

2:27:40Yeah. I know I got entangled in one of your soirees there at the comedy store. Oh, yeah. Or remember I got in between them two girls that was both there to see you. You misscheduled something, I think. Who knows what happened, but I was. I do. I was in there breaking up the fight in the bathroom. I was like, well, obviously he's made a mistake, so give each other a break here. Then you went out with the third one. Well, I don't know what happened. I mean, there's a lot of discrepancies in a lot of these stories, but I do remember that night that you came and you went up and that was awesome, dude.

2:28:20That was my first time on stage for fucking 100 years or something. And I was shit-faced because I was so scared. And I told my son, I will forever love you because you told me afterwards, you go, you might want to lay off on the drinking and your premises need work. I love you for saying that to me. Damn, I cannot believe I said that. Yeah, you did. You said you got a lot of laughs, but, you know, but that was what a comic says to a comic, and I loved it. It was good. Well, we need your voice out there so much. Well, I wanted to do a show. I remember right after you got canceled, I hit or whatever.

2:28:57And canceled is only care. The only people that care about it are Hollywood. Human beings, regular American, 95 % of people don't give a fuck about that. That's what everybody says. Some people are still under this old ruse, like that this trick works every this shell game. but most people aren't even playing it anymore. Like my friend Morgan Walling got canceled or whatever, and he's the number one selling artist in the world now. Oh, that's so great to hear. In the world. That's great. Yeah, and it's like I think it just made him only seem more human, right? He dropped an N-bomb on some white dude that was being a little bitch, right?

2:29:34And so it was like everybody loved him now, And not just white people, fucking black dudes love him. I got to look him up. I haven't heard of him. He's neat. He's a neat guy. He's interesting. And he's a cool dude. He's an interesting guy. He's smart.

2:29:54But I don't know what else we were talking about. We've talked about so much. Oh, you said you wanted to do a show with me after I got canceled. And I can't remember if I texted. I can't remember if I texted. There was a guy, maybe your agent or somebody that I was talking to. I don't remember who it was. but yeah I was like that's what I need I did hear about it and that made me feel so good I thank you for that that that was uplifting for me at the time yeah I think a lot of people we just need your voice out there so I'm glad you're still using your voice thank you very much and I I I'm glad I am too I wondered if I would because I was like well I go back for that shit But once I got on the stage, it was like I'm never leaving.

2:30:35In a weird way, are you feeling more empowered in some ways? Is it almost like a new? It must be like a new, what do I do now? How do I best use my voice and have a purpose? I was talking to CK. He called me. He was another kind person to call me. Louie's awesome. He is. and uh we were talking about it and we we made a deal that we're gonna come back this was like five years ago or something we will both come back and our vow to each other and to comedy was we owe to come back more offensive than ever before and not offensive but yeah braver more courageous and i think we are and that's the only way to fight back and it's the most fun way too yeah and uh so i i say i said this to tucker and to james o 'keefe too i said at first you'll feel like you know i said you'll look back after the storms passed and you'll realize that god took you out of egypt and you might wander around in the desert for a while but you will eventually come to the promised land which is total artistic and creative freedom and that's where i feel i am now that's the promised land for all of us and uh you know i think both of them are going to find that they agree with me because when that noose is off your neck you're just cut free and you've got nothing but freedom and you still got a name and you can come back and you can be better than you ever were of course you're going to be better after you you know whatever don't kill you makes you stronger so that's what happened to me and I'm really grateful it did because at some points I didn't know if I would, but that's just part of the process of coming out of that dark night of the soul, you know.

2:32:48But we all got to go through it in order to come into the light again, you know. Well, it's the only way a good story is told. Right. As if the person that's on the journey has a setback, you know. Yeah, exactly. There's no fucking, nobody wants a fucking full-time winner. No. The hero always falls in every story. Yeah. The hero has to get back up. And with the strength and determination and support of the few that knew that he was really Superman or whatever. Yeah. You know, fighting for the masses or whatever. It's just, it's a great feeling to go on stage now and just all the love that's shown to me.

2:33:30It's uplifting. Yeah, and you're here. You have a playground here in Texas here at this club where you can figure it out. Yeah. It's nice. And bomb. Yeah. It's so great to be able to bomb sometimes. Yeah. Not have to experiment. Yeah. Thank you so much for your time. Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah, and on behalf of me and my mother and our family for giving us so much joy over the years, this is the interview my mother was most excited about. She asks every week, is there a hand coming? Is there a hand coming? Well, thank your mother for me. Yeah, I will. you brought us a lot of joy over the years and I think gave us a way to connect, you know, cause my mother was just a hardworking lady was trying to make things okay, you know, and I know she tried her best.

2:34:19And well, you tell her for me that she raised a wonderful son. Thank you. Um, Roseanne Barr. Thank you so much for your time. Thank you so much. Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be. Cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take a little bit