E453 Jim Gaffigan

46:50So they had to, how they consumed tobacco was kind of chewing on it as opposed to where they could light it. Right, it'd be easier. If it was warmer out, you know what I mean? Man, people will find a way to get tobacco. They need it, huh? Right. A little nicotine buzz. It just gets you going. Well, it gets all your, it'll make you go to the bathroom It'll make you stay awake if you're driving. It'll kind of just get you through things you need to do. I mean, my parents smoked constantly. Yeah? Constantly. I mean, they all died when they were 10. No, but they smoked constantly. And now no one really smokes.

47:35Oh, smoking's crazy. Like, it's pretty rare to see someone smoke. Like someone, like I remember when they outlawed smoking in bars in New York City. I was like, well, that's not going to work. And now the craziest thing would be like seeing someone smoke on the subway. You're like, not only are they breaking the rules, but like they're smoking. Like that's just, but now kids do the. The vaping. And that's actually worse for you. Right, but it's fun and it tastes good. and you can have all the flavors and it's like you can have all the different flavors you want. But kids' lungs are getting decimated because when you vape, you're inhaling oil as opposed to like cigarette, you were just inhaling smoke.

48:28But it's brutal because it is so fun and it's portable, right? It's portable. You can do it inside. You can do it outside. You see people on planes secretly taking a hit. Yeah. You know, getting gassed up. You see all types of people doing it. I worked on a movie, and this girl was... Hammered. Yeah, just constantly. I mean, she was probably nervous, but like... It makes you more nervous. It does. Oh, it increases your anxiety. If you have no anxiety, you hit that thing, two hits, all of a sudden you're anxious. You're scared. You're calling somebody. You'll text the cops. Hey, what's up? It creates anxiety.

49:07So do you vape? I have been a vapor. I'll be honest. I have been a vapor. I have vaped. But it's addictive, right? You can't really get rid of it. It's the most addictive thing ever. You seem like you kind of like, were you always? I mean, vaping hasn't always been around. But when vaping came out, you're like, this is my joint. No, I thought it was something that gay men did, honestly, at first. Oh, really? I thought it was. But I was the same way about the iPhone. I was like, nobody's going to. Oh, that's so funny. I was the same thing about twins. When I saw twins for the first time, I was like, this isn't going to stick around.

49:43I remember when email addresses, like I had my email address. This is back when it was AOL. And it was my name. And I remember a friend of mine making fun of me like, you have your name and your email address? I mean, this is going back. And I was like, yeah, so that way I can just tell people. And they're like, okay. Like, what are you, your own business? And it was such – and like I remember Greg Giraldo making fun of me for having my website, jimgaffigan.com. He's like, why do you have a website? And I was like, well, I think everyone is probably going to have a website. And he's like, no. And then he overdosed.

50:25No, well, of course, eventually he got a website. Right, that's what I meant. But it was just like – it was one of those things. It was – and he was a great guy. But it was just seen as a little bit unnecessary. Right. Like you're being a bit much here. Yeah. You know, like commercials, they used to, at the end, they'd be like, visit Nabisco.com. Yeah. By the way, I'm getting paid by Nabisco. No, I'm not. But yeah, it's crazy to think, first of all, that anybody's ever going to go to Nabisco.com. Right. It's like, I'm bored. I'm going to go to Nabisco. See what those Keebler elves are doing. Yeah, see some BTS of the elves, dude.

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51:55Get well, homie. their lawnmower 4.0 trimmer features a cutting edge ceramic blade to reduce grooming accidents thanks to their advanced skin safe technology get 20 off and free shipping with code theo at manscape.com that's 20 off and free shipping with the code theo at manscape.com It's smooth sack summer, boys. Get on board or get left behind. What was Greg Girolda like? Did you ever get to spend time with him? Oh, yeah. People love him. I started with him. Oh, really? I met him at Cold Waters. There was an open mic there that you had to pay. And I think you had to pay like$5 and you'd go up.

52:49and he and I both showed up. I had, and we were both wearing suits. We had a coat and tie on. He was a lawyer. He was a real lawyer? He went to Harvard Law. Oh my gosh. Yeah. He went to Columbia on a scholarship and I think he went to Harvard Law on a scholarship. Oh, wow. And he was working for the best law firm or one of the great ones in New York City. and and you know like yeah so we were it was I can't remember but it was just because this was probably 92 93 and it was you know at those open like stand up is much more middle class now but back then it was it was a lot of people that should just be in therapy You know, it was a lot of people that I used to do those open mics and then but poetry open mics.

53:54There were poetry open mics and you didn't have to pay for those. And those were just even more mentally ill people. Oh, yeah. Just but I love those people. Like there was the Bowery Poetry Club. there was just these really uh surf reality just these characters just these uh your new york characters that were and just you know like you weren't sure if they were homeless or if they were just kind of but there were you know there were some a real uh real character-y people that were oh yeah you'd have somebody with a fern built into the side of their head or you'd have like yeah yeah somebody who somebody would just go up and they would just pour blood on themselves yeah you'd have some of the ph balance of like 11 000 go up there you know you would have i mean i they would have i and then then poetry was like it was almost like it was too soft so it went the other way of a slam poetry yeah where you'd have somebody just like throw a javelin through a white guy up there for you know two minutes it was just occasionally somebody would like read, so people would read their own because there was slam poetry.

55:06Do you not hear my wings? And they would just fucking behead a white guy. And then there would just be like people would read excerpts from their novel. Oh yeah. And people would be like. And they'd pass a gun around at the same time. That was the crazy part. That was the craziest thing, dude. It was like, I don't think we need this gun going around. What, uh, so like the Russian roulette would you ever do that ooh I think on an eight chamber, I wouldn't go on six though. Really? Do they make an eight-chamber pistol? I'm sure they probably do. Do you have a gun in a drawer in your residence right now?

55:53Yes. Is it in a safe, or is it just kind of next to your nightstand? It is accessible, I would say. It's accessible. Without a safe. So if your girlfriend gets mouthy, you can take it out? I could set it out next to the silverware. I could certainly set it next to the butter dish on the dinner table. She comes home and you're just waving it. Where were you? And she's like, I was just out with some friends. Uh-huh. How crazy must the past have been? I followed you on your Apple device. You weren't with your friends. yeah you were at Dave and Buster's Dave and Buster's you know I got tokens who's Dave and Buster you're fucking quizzing her who are you fucking Dave or Buster you're out there with these motherfuckers these two men who's Dave and Buster you know is their food better than mine yeah tell me the truth do you think you'd ever murder someone in a fit of rage, you would, right?

57:09What about you? Oh, yeah. I think I probably could. I mean, not that I haven't already. No, but I would... I don't know. What would you do with the body, though? That's the thing. Would you tell on yourself or would you take a few minutes to decide if you want to tell on yourself? I wouldn't tell on myself. Yeah. That's interesting. You know, because like people, you know, when someone murders someone, there's always kind of like people are like, and then they lied about it afterwards. You know what I mean? He killed his wife. And then he concocted this big. But of course, what are they supposed to do?

57:50And be like, I am a man of honor. You know what I mean? It's like, of course, they're going to sit there and go and try and get out of it. You know what I mean? They're like, oh, you know what? I'll take 50 years in jail. You know what I mean? But it is like the – there's killing someone and then there's murder though, right? Right. I think there's a way to kill somebody probably humanely. Yeah. A little more humanely than murder. There has to be some middle ground in there. Like did you know of anyone that got murdered in your town? I have a buddy who has killed somebody. Yeah. And was he caught or did you just kind of out him?

58:33He was not caught. He was not caught. Nope. And is it one of those things where you guys were having some beers and he just started crying, I killed Angela. Or did he tell you, he's like, I killed Bob. No, we were, yeah, it was one time we were doing drugs. Yeah. He said it. And I just knew that he had done it. Wow. Because people all the time are like, I killed somebody. And you're like, fuck you, you know, you haven't, you know. wow and they're like you're right i haven't dude and what was the reason for them killing them um i want to say it was like domestic dispute really and it was gay man wow wow but i think there's a lot of domestic disputes and i think the tough thing about killing somebody right is how do you say you kill somebody that say if you ask nine a hundred people yeah 99 and they're like yeah you can kill Ernie right you can kill Ernie so you do it but how do you then how do you hide that body how do you yeah and where do you do it and then how I would feel honestly like I owed something to their family so I would have to go and live next door to the family and be helpful to them or something for the rest of my life I feel like without you know and I'd be like oh damn I sure miss Ernie you know yeah and say I'd you know it'd be fucked up but I would have to but they would eventually forgive you and they'd be like oh you know no but they didn't know you did make love to ernie's wife what if that happened is ernie married i think he is and i think yeah at that point you get in you assume the whole role of the family you just take over and maybe you rebuild his life back to a level he could have never built it to and you change your name to ernie well what about like getting rid of a body like you ever notice that like you know like I don't I garden I like gardening I know it's it's I don't want to brag but I garden but I um like getting like digging a hole like you know some soil is easy to move but some's like you know if it's clay if you're trying to get rid of a body in clay you're an idiot you're no but like you're like digging and you're like you know what it's not gonna be six then you're You're just like, you're like, pile of leaves.

1:00:54You can't go deep enough. It's just like, if it's really rocky soil, you're like, these rocks. I keep running into rocks. Yeah, I don't think this grave isn't going to be a sedan. It's going to be more of a two-seater. We're going to go just like, this will be just a hatchback, this grave. And then the grave's just a foot and a half. You're like, all right, I'm just going to chop off the head. I'm going to bury the head here. You have to bury the head with his head to the side. And then you go to the store and you're like, I'm going to buy all those chemicals where you kind of like Dexter melted bodies.

1:01:31And you buy the chemicals and you're like, you throw the body in there and it doesn't work. And you're like, shit. And then you look and you're like, oh, this chemical is not right. So then you got to dump out the body. And then you take the body and you throw it in a dumpster. And you're like, and then you're about to fall asleep. and you're like, you know what, that dumpster, they're going to find that dumpster. Because you see a guy walking in the background and kind of like, what are you doing? You're like, I'm not dumping a body. Right? That could happen. Oh, it would be so hard. Except some people get the hang of it.

1:02:04And I think once you unlock that code of how to get rid of a body, it's got to be. Right? I mean, yeah. It has to be like when you, like Club 54 or whatever. I mean, you're just having a blast then. Yeah, it's weird. You're just getting rid of people. So people get, that's how they get off though, right? Yeah, I think a lot of people, there's a lot of killers out there. And women like the shows. I mean, that's one of the problems you've seen with society is during COVID-19, all the Dateline episodes got watched up, right? Yeah. People watched every murder episode. These channels started repackaging the same murders.

1:02:36People like, no, no, no, I know this is, I've seen this murder. You're just trying to trick me, you know? It's really sad. Also, then they started encouraging people to murder. They're like, we need some content. Oh, they have to. And Netflix started paying people to murder people. Would you be surprised though? No. If there were like, there was like a list. All right. So I got to date her for two weeks. Then I have to be angry. Wait a minute. I'm supposed to be on meth. so it's like all these variables to make a complex interesting date line they you'd have to you'd have to do all that but like it would be worth it because yeah you'd get paid great well i think i could see i could totally see if we get into a circle where networks which are some of these big businesses are paying especially networks are paying yeah i'll pay a hundred thousand dollars for some guy right don't want a killing spree low-key through through some other channel so it never traces back to me i get to make a documentary about it that documentary is going to make me this 500 000 so why wouldn't i just keep doing that right by the way there is a uh a movie called man bites dog which is great i think it's i don't know what language it's in but before i had kids and before i was married i used to watch all these indie films and it's amazing And it's about this documentary crew that's following this serial killer.

1:04:10And then they start joining in. Like, it's just how it's kind of contagious. Yeah. And how it's, you know, like, so, like, they're, like, partying with the serial killer. And then eventually they get wasted. And then it's really dark. But it was kind of funny. yeah anyway walk at sea you i think you get a kind of accustomed to anything you know i remember i stayed with a friend one time they were playing volleyball every day and the first day i was like i don't want to play any volleyball i don't like it the second day i got out there and the third day i was the first person on the court and then and before you knew it you're gabrielle reese yeah is she a volleyball player i think yeah gabby reese gabby reese yeah she married larry hamilton didn't she really yeah i thought we'll find we should find out i thought she was married to...

1:05:03No, she's married to somebody else. Who is she married to? I think that's Laird. Laird? I think her husband is Laird. Oh, alright. Who's married to Richard Marks? I guess she's not... Richard Marks? Because Gabriel Reese, she was on MTV too, right? I don't know if she was. Richard Marks. I don't know who Richard Marks is. He's married to somebody. She was a volleyball player, right? Richard Marks is married to who? Who is his wife? Daisy Fuentes. Daisy Fuentes. Oh, remember? She was hot, dude. Richard Marks is not that old. Nuh-uh. I didn't know who he was, but he looks like Chris Isaac. He wrote all the...

1:05:46You don't even know who he is, do you? See, you're too young. The Marks brothers I've heard of. No, he wrote a bunch of songs, and then he wrote all these songs for the Backstreet Boys or something like that. God, that'd be nice. You have another skill, man. I mean, I saw your movie. Probably since we've last talked, I saw your movie. I think I even sent you a message about it. The one where you're the driver. Oh, yeah. Yeah, American Dreamer. Dude, it was really cool. Oh, thanks. Yeah, that was fun. I love acting. It's so fun. You crushed it, man. Oh, thanks. It was really good. How much was it?

1:06:26How much did it cost to make that? They did that. I know they did it for maybe $250. Wow. You did a great job for that. Oh, thanks. And when we were shooting that, there's a car explosion. And we shot that in like 12 days. Wow. And when the car explosion kind of happened, we had to shoot other things. and we kind of tried to get the car out. And I remember us driving to the other location and the car was kind of still on fire. It was like a fire truck. I mean, it wasn't, believe me, it wasn't one of those things where we caused any damage to anything. But it was, I mean, it was this guy who was this great director and Derek Bort.

1:07:26and he uh but he had he he lives in virginia beach and he had a buddy who had a car dealership and he's like can i have two of the same cars because we needed two cars so anyway but i remember there was a car that was on fire and and we were and i was like are we leaving that here and they're like it's fine it's fine because we had to shoot we had to get done with this dude it's america's changed you can leave a burning car anywhere now i feel like yeah well there's parts of uh but i think is it uh there's parts of virginia not virginia beach that's very nice but like norfolk and norfolk's nice but there's parts i was like whoa it's a little yeah it's a little dangerous yeah well there's some big cities they've gotten even like like minneapolis is like deserted i feel like you know yeah it's sad when i go there i'm like like they drew all kind of murals like there's more drawings of people in minneapolis than there are people anymore it's i mean i love minneapolis too you take your special there i think we were taking the same time down the street oh yeah and we couldn't we couldn't see each other we couldn't see each other because of the uh covid covid restrictions netflix didn't allow anyone in to uh the this i mean this was also this and i have a new one now right that's what yeah uh you have a new one coming out it's your 10th one i know right crazy that's unreal yeah i mean but it is it's it's uh it's you know it's all self-assignment right and so what do you mean by that when you say that well it's like you know when you did your last special you're like i'm gonna do this special and you kind of set your mind to it and you do it but like i think the craziest thing is like when I did my first special, it was the expectation was that people would maybe do one or two or maybe, you know, like Carlin did a bunch, but it was not what it is now, which is where, and it might change where people every couple of years put out a special.

1:09:38I don't think, and that might change, But like, you know, I mean, here we are in this on a podcast. I mean, that this didn't exist in its present form five years ago. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Where it's like people consume like there's pressure for you to do episodes because people, you know, you know, they they're kind of like, all right, I need another hit. Right. Yeah. It's really kind of scary. I think sometimes you're like you become a dealer in a way, you know. I mean, you become an entertainer and you look forward to having the chats with people. You also start to realize that people in our business and in different businesses are so busy that sometimes this is the realest chat you're going to get with them.

1:10:23And I started to realize that recently. Like I went, where did I go? I went to do a podcast and I was like, man, and my friend was, he's just a busy guy. I was like, man, this is, I wish I'd have utilized that time a little bit more with him just to really be like, oh, this is our time to connect. It's just, that's how, you know, if you spend a couple hours with somebody, it's a lot of time. So. Yeah, it's, it is. I'm jealous of, I mean, I don't want to, I'm not going to start my own podcast, but I am jealous of, because, you know, comedians, you know, you get some success. You never get to hang out with people.

1:11:01Do you know what I mean? The more successful you are, the more you – and if you have other aspects of your life, you're not going to get the quality one-on-one time that you would normally get. And just for comedians, this is kind of our oxygen is talking to other comedians. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, I think it probably used to be different. You guys would hang out together more. Yeah. Was there more than – I think all of that happens too when you're coming up as well. Yeah, and I think there was also just, there was, you know, there wasn't the touring and doing theaters, which is great and I love, but it was, or, you know, if you were doing comedy clubs, there was, you know, three or four people and you'd be there for multiple nights and you knew some of the waitstaff and there was, you know, you had more of, there was more of a communal experience.

1:11:56But it's all shifting constantly. And that's true, too. It changes constantly. And it's scary to know if the next shift, if you will apply to it. Right. That feels very scary a lot of times. If the next curve, if you will have, if whatever you're doing will have an ability to kind of like flourish in that space. But I think that, you know, I mean, we talked a little bit about this beforehand before we even started. I think authenticity is what people crave. Yeah. And so there are things that are shiny and trendy and fancy. But I think that if it's authenticity and it kind of can adjust to the times, it's kind of timeless.

1:12:47Right? Yeah. I think, you know. Yeah. I think you want, yeah. You know what I mean? It's like there's always going to be people that have, that come from similar backgrounds that we have. Yeah. Not that I know anything about you. But you know what I mean? Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like there's, you know. But I don't know. I think that, you know, comedians, we are, that's kind of a litmus test among our peers is to retain that authenticity. That's not to say that there isn't some fun and there isn't some pretending and there isn't, you know, exaggeration. But, you know, it's also like I think when comedians buy their own hype, even when, you know, like when we were joking around, like when comedians think they are good looking that's kind of the kiss of death right when they're like well i am i am a philosopher it's like well you know you have to be self-aware yeah it's scary it's kind of scary because also people start you start people start telling you stuff and you have to be careful not really to believe them you have to just kind of know what your lane is you have to stay out of your ego the ego is really scary it is scary the ego is really really scary especially I think for guys who came from low self-worth and then here's this false sense of self-worth right or the here's this inflated it's like this um it's like clothing it's like this clothing it's like oh look at me look at what you can do but the inside of you it doesn't really uh it's it's not the reality so yeah man that's been the scare that's been something scary for me is like be trying not to hear certain things or just trying to keep my ego at bay I think it's ego but i think it's also getting for me it's getting caught up in other people's expectations which is it's not like a problem that you solve once it's it's uh you know like the fact that your podcast is independent which is not good or bad right or wrong or anything like that is like the expectation of where, of what you're supposed to do with things is usually, and it's changing, but like, I guess what I'm saying is like the fact that Rogan, you know, everyone was like, oh, you're supposed to do this.

1:15:16You're supposed to start your own podcast company. He kind of didn't get caught up in that and then ended up doing that Spotify deal. and it's and and i think comedians have a tendency to kind of go their own path but for me when i sit there and i go oh i should uh i should do this that's what everyone else is doing that's when i really mess up or it's like oh there's a that's a nice dollar sign right you know my agent said that's good money and that's that's when you get in trouble yeah is other people's expectations rather than anyway no no that's a great point what do you think what do you think is how do we how do we how do we kind of or what things come into play there when we're trying to figure that out because i'll have things like that that come across and it's like hey man you know this looks great this is so many thousands of dollars i'm like dang that looks great that yeah but then it's like trying to know what trust whatever your instinct is you know or know what your instinct is that's really hard sometimes right to know like is this an instinct or is this a fear is this like an instinct telling me yes or is that my ego telling me yes like right starts to get weird to fucking figure those like who's like who's at the front pointing at that moment you know what part of you i think it's it's like you know it's you know i think the ego is very impulsive right so it's like maybe taking time and you know it sounds corny the pros and the cons that helps a lot you know i mean and also you know you've got this successful podcast but like also you have friends and you can and you know uh it's just kind of like you know like your unique sensibility is not something that someone could tell you how to come up with.

1:17:15You know what I mean? It's like that was on you but I think input from mentors, people you but I think also tempered. You know what I mean? It's like kind of take all the advice and cut it in half. Even when people bad mouth someone, I usually typically cut it in half and so that's why like if i really hate someone i'm like i already cut it in half and i hate you know what i mean i'm like all right you're getting half the hate half the bad shit you did what um when you and gerald were coming up with did he start off doing better than you you guys were both doing well at the same time was there competition there like what kind of uh that's so crazy he was so smart huh he oh he was super smart and he was also, you know, everyone liked him.

1:18:08Yeah. And he would help me get in to, because he grew up in Queens, he would help me get into clubs on Long Island. I was like this white bread guy, you know, and like on Long Island, they're like, who's this dork? Yeah. Who's this milkman? Yeah. And so, but he would help me. But yeah, no, he had a lot of success and I was jealous and I told him that I was jealous. And, but, you know, it's weird because, you know, it's not just about the success. I think it's like how we all process the failures. Like I almost feel like the advantage I had was that I had failed in a lot of things. Whereas like people that were really successful in everything, they didn't have kind of the appetite for it.

1:19:08You know, like. Or the aptitude even for failure. You have to have some fucking. Yeah. And, you know, like some people that are allergic to cilantro, they just, they're like, it tastes like soap. It's like. And so like failure, you have to have to have, you know, it's like. Be tempered by it a little. Yeah, you have to have the calluses to deal with some of it, if that makes sense. No, I think it makes a ton of sense, man. That's fascinating. I wish I knew more about him. I always hear neat things about him. Yeah. His son's doing stand-up. Really? Yeah. Wow. I don't know if I'm close to that, but.

1:19:50No, good for him. Yeah. That's exciting. Man, I always wonder what it feels like. I wonder if somebody's so like imagine having a father that was extremely famous right like say your father was I'm trying to think of somebody who's really really famous

1:20:11who can we think of Pierce Brosnan or Carol O 'Connor or who else has a kid well you know like the Quaid Oh, that Quaid family. They're interesting. Yeah. Interview Dennis. I want to interview the brother too, Randy. Yeah. I mean, well, yeah, you should totally interview him. I want to interview Randy. Randy, if you're out there, I would love to sit down and chat with you sometime, man. But their son, Jack. Yeah, because the son, Jack. Extremely talented and an amazing guy. I got to interview him years ago and he was, Jack is a neat guy. Do you live in Nashville? Yeah. And because I did this show full circle with Dennis.

1:20:53and he lives in Nashville. Well, Jesus. Oh, yeah, Dennis lives there. Yeah. But I'm thinking Dennis' brother, Randy. Yeah, but he might go to visit his brother. Yeah. Yeah, Dennis lives over there. I saw his picture in a magazine. Yeah. Yeah, Randy. Yeah, that's a serious beard. That's a beard that's, you know. That's when your face is like, hey, I'm going to live off the grid. that's kind of like you're not going to tell me what I should do with my beard at all yeah because I'm not even going to be able to hear you that's why there's some really interesting videos of him and his wife right? I haven't seen is it like sex stuff?

1:21:35no it's just he's yeah he's kind of out there he's got you know he's pretty strong right wing views is that a safe way to say it? I think so. And he and his wife, it was really interesting because they were on a park bench and they were getting ready to drink, I think, some champagne or something like that. No, on this video. Oh, on the video. But they were, I think it was all about, you know, it was like about Biden and stuff like that. Yeah, I think they'd get pretty political. Yeah. But I would, I mean, Randy is an iconic character. Yeah. His cousin Eddie character was iconic. Yeah. God, isn't that wild how that came?

1:22:15I mean, that's just. And then the sun's a huge star now. Yeah. The sun is maybe a bigger star than even both of them were. I mean, they all obviously have a lot of talent in their family. Dude, what about, I love dessert. Don't you like it? Oh, yeah. You know what I had yesterday, bro? Baklava, dude. Really? God, man. I didn't even know what was going on, and then I had it. And I was like, wow, they really did it good. You had it? Yeah. No, it's great. You know what I had yesterday? I was on a plane. And they, no, it was before the plane. I had, have you ever had olive oil cake? It was amazing.

1:22:58Really? It was amazing. Oh. But baklava, where'd you have it? I had it from some Mediterranean's, you know? Yeah. A couple of Mediterranean's brought it by. and god it was just so good right let's on it bring up a chunk of baklava dude let me even see it because you know at the end of the night i either want to fucking do something horrible to myself or have something like a sweet dessert yeah it is yeah so that's like oh look at the layers on that i mean that's almost like something a geologist would cut out of the earth well that's just how many layers of and you know i think similar to croissants it's like yeah each one of those layers gets uh a bunch of butter on it oh greek food is really underrated oh really underrated good i love um yeah some of the pastries they look so gentle you don't even yeah you're like do we eat this Yeah, it's, it's, baklava is, it's, it's, it's packed with sugar too.

1:24:15Is it? Yeah, I think it's like, it's really dense. I feel like there's different, like, there's different eras of sugar. Like, you know, because like, raw candy, they used to eat raw candy. My mother loves it. Raw candy. And then like. And it was sugar on a little wooden pole. Right? The chunk of sugar. By the way, you ever had straight sugar cane? that's great like you just get a hunk and i think that's not bad for you wow because it's not processed yeah that processing really doesn't number it doesn't number on our bodies too yeah sugar cane that stuff is so sweet it's unreal so you know here's the thing that i thought was so i did this movie peter pan where i was uh i played a pirate so i kind of went down a rabbit hole learning about pirates and so when sugar became this big thing that's where so like sugar people started putting sugar in their tea and their coffee and they put sugar in everything people love sugar and it destroyed people's teeth and so like prior to that people's teeth were fine But like once sugar happened, it devastated people's teeth.

1:25:37Here's another interesting thing that I thought was really wild is that like the coffee break was created so that people would drink coffee. Because when people drink coffee, they're more efficient at work. So they wanted people to drink coffee. You know, I don't know if you drink coffee at all. yeah like having but like it's like you can kind of focus and you can kind of i mean it also keeps you regular but like you can focus so like they wanted people to drink coffee yeah i mean some people there were women that would get rid of if they if they didn't have coffee they would get rid of their children they couldn't handle it you know they need it's part of their day you know it's people it's a staple in american dayhood and my daughter who's 14 i think all my kids love it but like they love Starbucks.

1:26:28They love Starbucks. Like how I loved McDonald's or Wendy's. They're all about the cake pop. They're all about that sugary, you know, those shakes. They're essentially just shakes that they're getting, but it's a social atmosphere going to Starbucks. Yeah, it's a thing. It's a rite of passage. It's like now you're part of your day, you know. Yeah. It's like the morning paper almost in a way. Yes, it's fancy. It's kind of adult pretending. Yes, that's very true. I'm here to get my, they have your name written down. It's like, yeah, I'm here for my coffee that I reserved. Kids love it. They love it.

1:27:09And those cake pops are just, it's just a rip off. It's just a dot of a cookie. Oh, it's nothing. I can't believe that that's anything. Bring that up. That cake pop. Right. And it's just fucking. and it's gotta be as a bigger you know a bigger guy sees you eating that he's like what are you doing what are you doing huh who do you love you know what's amazing is did you know that those cake pops they grow them on trees isn't that weird there's different trees there's like strawberry cake trees and it's just the way that they do it yeah they just grow like that they do add the sprinkles later those aren't natural well you know what will drive you Did you know sugar, most of our sugar comes from beets?

1:27:55What? Yep. Look up Nampa. Nampa, Idaho. By the way, beets. Vietnam, dude. Beets are a very underrated vegetable. And they're making a comeback. Radishes are making a comeback. Radishes are making a comeback. Aren't they? They are. By the way, I grow radishes in my garden. Takes like 20 days. Easiest thing to grow. So easy. It's the easiest thing to grow. And you can never decide if they taste good or not. But you eat it. Right. And I put them in a salad and my kids are like, ow, did you put jalapenos in here? I'm like, those are radishes. Because my kids are that white. They're white jalapenos, dude.

1:28:37That's hilarious. What do we have there? We have Nampa sugar. Let's look at it. I'm going to be honest with you here. A lot of our sugar in America comes from beets and that's over in Nampa. That's insane. Yeah, I guess there is a big company called Amalgamated Sugars that's based in Nampa. The Nampa factory processes 12 ,000 tons of sugar beets. Sorry, that's what they are. And granulates 1 ,000 tons of sugar per day. Wow, that's a lot. In addition to processing sugar beets into sugar and molasses, the Nampa factory produces animal feed products such as pulp and betaine. So wait a minute. I'm kind of, what does a sugar beet mean?

1:29:14I'm not sure. Is that like a sugar stock? sugar cane is that another thing there you go what yeah sugar cane's doing that's it oh my god i never knew that let's look at a sugar i never knew wait a minute i know i always thought i thought sugar cane was where all sugar came from brother we all did i thought it was i thought it was you know from uh cuba and puerto rico oh yeah homie we got the sugar you know what i mean And that's why there's Bacardi there. Can we look at sugar beets, the wiki of it or something? So wait a minute. And Nampa, Vietnam, as they call it, because I think there's a lot of issues out there.

1:29:56A sugar beet is a plant whose root contains a high concentration of sucrose and which is grown commercially for sugar production. What? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Sugar beets are grown in climates that are too cold for sugar cane. Oh, that's interesting. in Russia 20 in 2020 Russia the United States Germany France and Turkey were the world's five largest sugar beet producers I mean if you ever occasionally just hear about an animal that's never and you I was working on this movie and this woman was like because we have a place and I think you in in uh upstate New York and she's like oh yeah there's a lot of uh blah blah blah Like she was like some type of cat.

1:30:40And I was like, what's that? And she was like, you've never heard of that? It's like I, like it was just, it's some kind of common wild, you know. And you didn't know it existed. I didn't know it existed. Blows your mind. Right? Yeah. You're like, how could I miss out on some of it? She was like, it's the equivalent of like a mountain lion. I'm like. What? I'm like. Yeah. Like what have I been doing? How can I not know that? How about the fact that bears used to be everywhere? Bears were everywhere. Bears and wolves were everywhere. Oh, I would be... Imagine you're like, hey, I'm going to go take a walk.

1:31:23And people are like, I don't know if I would. Right. Yeah. And you're like, fuck you, I will. And then you die. Yeah. Well, I think in China, people used to get eaten by tigers all the time. I think in China and India You would just get eaten by a tiger Oh I would hate that And imagine if they start eating you You know you can't get away What do you do then while it's eating you Like say it's got your leg going down it right And the pain Your adrenaline will take over Yeah So you're just feeling You're just horrified You'd probably have like a weapon You'd have a knife on you right You'd just be like, if I'm going down, you're going down with me.

1:32:09What if you don't have that? You just pet it, you think? I think I'll try to put it to sleep. If it falls asleep, you might be able to get it. You'd pet it and just be like, oh, it's such a cute kitty cat. And the cat would be like. Like maybe underneath the belly and they're like, oh. Right? They're like. Hush, little baby. Remember nursery rhymes? if people would always sing those to babies? And now people are like, shut the fuck up, kid. Yeah. Yeah, nursery rhymes. A lot of them are really kind of dark, right? Like Ring Around the Rosie, that's about like the plague. And I think... Was it Ring Around the Rosie about the plague?

1:33:01I think it was. It's crazy. were your um who took care of you when you were a kid i was i lived by myself no i um i was um the youngest of six kids i mean i kind of it was definitely you are the there was nothing left in the parental tank for you probably no not really that's interesting because some people people usually say oh you were spoiled but like there was there was a burnout effect yeah number four was spoiled dude you were yeah and there was just uh you know so like they were highly suspicious of everything i had done um yeah but it was also there was i think it was an era where kids were kind of you know they would be like get out of the house see at eight you know i mean or see you at dinner.

1:33:58But during the summer, we would camp out. I can't imagine my kids just camping out. But we used to do that. We used to just, you know, we're going to build a bar. And you'd just wake up at 3 in the morning freezing. You'd run home covered in bug bites. You're like, why did we do that? And then two weeks later, you're like, should we do that again? Right? Right? You said you lived in upstate New York. Do you live by Louis? I don't know. No, I don't think so. I think he lives up there somewhere. Yeah. I'm in like Westchester. Oh, sweet. I don't know where that is, but. So, yeah. So how many people, how many episodes of your podcast have you had?

1:34:44450, I think. Wow. 452. 452. And this is our last episode in this studio, actually. Now, if I did, so I was on it in 2018, 19. Was it here? No. It was at a different studio that was closer towards the airport. And so how do you, do you set, did you design this or did someone else? No, let me think. A lot of listeners and stuff have sent things in that were really cool. There's a picture of Brody Stevens somebody sent. A lot of neat things. we have a deck a whole deck of cards that somebody drew all these faces on different cards from all of our guests that came wow there's one of you in here too somebody made but somebody made um individual cards oh that's amazing this is this is truly amazing that somebody did all those um so and then yeah i think uh yeah we just kind of put it together i don't know if we've always had the best design aesthetic, but...

1:35:49What was the most awkward? Was there one where you're like, this feels like work, or was there one where... An episode? This person's wasted. Oh, Jesse Ventura. Oh, really? The Baja. Yeah, down in the Baja. Now, were you down there when you did it? And I'll tell you why. You want to know why? I'm not good at it, but... And he... Baja. So he was the governor of Minnesota. Yeah, dude. He's the governor. But now he's kind of, do you think he's got CTE? Oh, I think he's the mayor of dementia now. Oh. And was there hostility? Not a chance. He's like, I'm going to leave in 30 minutes. Let me tell you something for two and a half hours.

1:36:37Wow. And he just talked the whole time. I felt, you know, I shouldn't rip him so much. it was just it got to be insufferable kind of and was was what was your connection was he promoting a book was he was he i think he was in like a motorcycle gang or something but i was just i think i was just excited to talk to him you know and just intrigued by him he had a unique life you know to get to go do to be a professional wrestler to be a um he was an aqua marine i'm not sure what it's called uh seal yeah he was a navy seal but it was they do a lot of the they go in first and like will set like a like check out the premises before uh maybe the marines come and land i can't remember what the group is called but yeah a lot of underwater so it's like underwater uba ubu d i don't know did he play in the nfl i feel like he played in the NFL.

1:37:38That'd be interesting. I don't remember if he did. But yeah, so that was just kind of a tough one. And then I think on different days, some of them are different. Some days I wish I knew more when I was talking to people. And some days I wish that I was in a better energy or attitude. Has it been hard being a parent and being a famous person? Has that been kind of tricky? It is weird. Because, you know, you don't really think of yourself as, you know, having any level of fame. Right. There's moments where you're like, oh, this is sweet. I get to get a restaurant. I can go in a restaurant. but so there is moments where

1:38:33I you know like my son at one point when I was picking him up from like soccer camp or something was like you know my coach was kind of a jerk saying oh you're the funny guy you know you're the funny guy's kid you know what I mean so like that's weird but But, yeah, I mean, I don't know. It's strange because there is, you know, the, you know, it's weird because, like, my dad was a small-town banker. So I didn't, there's nothing to prepare you for it. You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. And how could you know how to prepare for it? Yeah. And especially, it doesn't, yeah, a lot of times you don't feel like you're popular.

1:39:17You don't feel, it's like you walk around thinking, oh, I'm up. It's like you're just kind of living your life and then there's this other realm that's kind of going on that flares up every now and then when you're in certain instances. Yeah. And or like if you're, you know, if we're eating dinner, you know, not that we eat out really that often. But like if we're eating out and someone's like comes up, that's weird. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And it's like I don't mind it if I'm alone or if I'm after a show and I'm in a restaurant. But if I'm with my family, it's a little weird. Yeah, because you have to take a break from that moment and then step out.

1:39:55And then it's like the center of attention is you. Then I have to act like I'm nice. Right, right. In front of my kids. And I don't like my kids seeing me be kind. Yeah, I always wonder what the effects of that are. Like what are the residual effects that you don't even realize or that any popular parent doesn't even realize. You know, that a kid then, how it affects their life. And then sometimes I was thinking, imagine if your dad was extremely famous. Your dad was like Napoleon Bonaparte. Or if your dad was like Michael Jordan. How would you ever make your dad feel like he means as much to you as he does to just some stranger?

1:40:39I wonder if there would always be some weird hang-ups. If you were that level of popularity, it'd have to be really interesting. Yeah. I think Napoleon's son even became I think he ruled France too Oh really? Yeah Wow I think that like There was I mean I think I don't know I want to see that Napoleon movie coming out Is there a new one? Yeah Did you see Mel Gibson's new movie yet? Which one's that? It's a documentary It's called The Sound of Freedom Oh wait That's a documentary? It's a real film That's Jim Caviezel? Right? it's called The Sound of Freedom it's the incredible story of a former government agent turned vigilante who embarks on a dangerous mission to rescue hundreds of children from sex trafficking yeah that's Jim Caviezel right yeah I need to go see this is that Mira Sarvino ooh and Bill Camp ooh wow yeah I think that's like the number one movie that's wild I gotta pee You do?

1:41:46Yeah, I always have to pee. I had to pee before I even came in here. Yeah, go pee and we'll do another 20 minutes. What are you, quit smoking? No, I'm addicted to this. You're addicted to nicotine gum? Yeah. Oh my god, bro. Yeah, why not? Yeah, you're right. Oh, if they had cocaine the gum? I'm sure they probably have some. I'm surprised that's not like at some store. Oh yeah, cocaine gum is good for you. Because you know you'd have a buddy. It's not addictive because you're chewing it. Yeah, yeah. It's not addictive if you cheer for the Mets. No, it's good. It's good for your jawline, too. You get the cocaine gum.

1:42:27That's fine. Yeah. It's cheaper than regular cocaine, too. Oh, yeah. My cousin, he had half of his throat taken out. Look at his cocaine chewing gum. Yeah, that was the thing in the Old West was cocaine gum. Wow. Fuck yeah, dude. Now, that's... I would go through... Yeah, I'd ride off into the heat, dude, if I was on cocaine gum. Look how they used to spell it too with no E on that little jar. Cocaine. But you know. Did you used to party with it some ever? With cocaine? Yeah. I've done it, but you know. Yeah, me too. You know. You were like, yeah, me too. Oh, dude, it's right. You know what that.

1:43:04When I think about it. Sometimes I think about us meeting up in like a row. Like having a eloping. I'll literally think about that. Like me riding off in a carriage in the night with an eight ball. just holding on to me from behind you know the um that's that's one of the influences of having kids is like it kind of removes some of the stupidity stuff from you like you're like man i can't do that yeah you can't do it anymore well it's like a baby is born and you you look at the baby and your first thought is well that takes suicide off the table yeah i mean it's it's a really dark thing but it kind of is true you're like and now you're like i can't do that you know yeah but there goes gymnastics you're like all right i guess i can't be a hobo anymore do you know i mean so there is things like that in your life that start to disappear like there's there's like years where you're watching football and you're like yeah one day i'll get back out there and play even if you never play you're like one of these days i'll be back out there you know yeah They'll miss me.

1:44:13Somebody will need a free agent. Yeah. Yeah. Or they'll do a strike and they'll have a tryout. They'll need a long snapper. Is there anyone here in the stadium? I could do long snapping. I did that in high school. And then even those ideas start to, they don't show up anymore. Then there's just not a chance. Well, there is like the Olympic dreams die. Yeah. You're like, all right, well, that's – like also when quarterbacks are retiring and they're like 20 years younger than you, you're like, so Tom Brady's that old? He's only 45? You're like, oh, I guess I am old.

1:44:57Yeah, you've done a lot of acting. With this many specials, do you think about slowing it down? What do you think? Do you start to – has your view or your vantage point got different? I don't know if anybody has as many specials as you. I mean, you might be the most prolific. Well, it is weird. I think it's like, well, I think we're all kind of re-evaluating what we're doing all the time. But some of it, I think, was motivated by when I tour, I definitely want the audience to see a new show. and then there is such a sense of completion in finishing the hour and then i don't know i feel like with stand-up i'm kind of i'm getting better you know like there's all right uh you know i'll be like all right i'm gonna i want to tell some stories all right now i want to talk about uh i don't want to talk about food at all which was like another uh hurdle of mine and then i was like all right i'm gonna talk my wife had a brain tumor i'm gonna talk about the brain tumor and then um all right i you know like i could just talk about my kids constantly but i'm like i'm not gonna just because i was like that 26 year old guy sitting in a comedy club hearing people talk about their kids and yeah i can't even get a date so um you know what i mean so there's the assignment of it but yeah i don't know there is something of uh um because in the weird the weird way we're doing it for ourselves right and so when you get off stage and people are like thank you so much you're like i was just doing that for myself you know it was like i had fun you know it's like you know there was this there used to be this saying like doing colleges you're not paid for the show you're paid because it's so hard to get to them yeah i mean oh that was always the worst yeah and so but to answer your question i do feel like i don't know yeah i mean definitely you know taking some time but it is i enjoy it's the creative fulfillment that's yeah that's that's huge well that's that's and i think i think that people that have podcasts get that that buzz uh in you know it's and and i enjoy acting and i get it there but like acting so um it's so erratic on when you can do it so um yeah there's there's definitely like uh i think a fulfillment aspect for people like you get to the end of a of a chapter in your life you don't want to you just you challenge yourself i don't want to talk about this anymore i want to try something new you also feel yourself evolving you know that's something i feel in my own life sometimes now for like some of the first time in probably forever i've started to feel like oh man I'm evolving a little bit.

1:48:09I need to, I want to start thinking in different patterns and talking about stuff that maybe has more, is like more thoughtful to me. But then sometimes it's like, you don't want to get too crazy and you want to make sure that people are just having fun. Absolutely. It's like, you don't want to turn into some like, you know, guy who's just like preaching, you know? So that can be kind of a tough, that can be tough a little bit sometimes to manage. And I think comedians, I think people are always so surprised at how sincere comedians are. That's not to say that we don't joke around and have fun.

1:48:45But we have to keep a balance on that sincerity. Because if we get too sincere, then we might as well just be a preacher. Do you know what I mean? Then we're like, the way we should go. It's like we might as well just be preaching. did you see that little kid that pentecostal kid recently they had a kid who was doing speaking in tongues he was a young preacher now did you growing up did you go to church we would sometimes my dad would take us over there i mean my dad was so old when i was young when i was a child and so he would walk over there to church and he'd fall asleep he'd fall asleep wherever we were yeah and so when i got there i was kind of on my own wherever we went you know my dad was like i'll introduce you to people we go we'd sit down for a second till he take a break and then he'd be dead asleep so then i would just be kind of like in these places and i had this sleeping father that felt uncomfortable and then i was there and had to kind of like navigate some situations that kind of stuff would happen a lot with my dad and how what kind of church was it was presbyterian presbyterian yeah they had three nice oak trees i remember and uh they tried to do an insurance fire once or twice but it didn't take and and um great breakfast over there though right god nothing will bring you home you know nothing will bring you to the lord like a dang one of those donuts with pink frosting and well i just think of like different churches like you remember like we went to this church uh in maryland that uh just amazing you go and get pizza donuts and you know you're like you're usually a little hungover on sunday and you're like this is sweet you don't have a little kick from that lemonade you're like this is perfect yeah god knows what i need but yeah church was i thought the funnest thing about church was just kids playing and stuff like like a social environment yeah you know and it used to be that was the place you saw anybody they didn't have all this other stuff you had to you know fight off yellow fever all week and dysentery and get everybody's butts clean and everything and then wagging them up to church and that's where you'd see somebody and hope somebody would with a little bit of money would make love to your daughter or you know or you know that's where you know that's where it happened it all happened right there on the you know and you know it's like you know there is something strange about because also i spent my 20s and you know my 30s very much opposed to it and then I married this woman that that uh is Catholic and I mean I was raised Catholic but kind of just kind of culturally and but there is something about there's a quietness there that you know there's something meditative about it and maybe because it's so boring but it was it's there is something about like oh and i'm just standing there with my kids i'm just sitting there with my kids it's it's like the world slows down like i you know you see why people go and why they have a connection to it yeah i love i mean i love faith you know i have i feel like i have a good faith you know i like being able to close my eyes and and I like to pray twice a day.

1:52:14I like to be able to think about God or my God and ask him what I can do for others and just things like that, or if I need help to offer me some suggestion. I love that kind of stuff. I mean, one of the best times I've ever had in my life or best I'd ever felt was when I felt like I had a really strong connection to a higher power. And I'd worked on it a lot, and it really came to fruition. And even if some people say, well that's voodoo whatever it is doesn't matter it worked it like it worked as much as as it it was real as far as i knew and if that's if that's the truth to me then that's great well it's also you talk about you you had mentioned before ego right like that humility or just a concept of humility is so necessary right to navigate this because if you let the ego take over it's trouble you know what i mean and i know that yeah i know that to some people listening and then we just sound like we're saying gobbledygook but like it is one of those like when you you know you're somebody that if you you know like i've struggled with my ego and stuff like that it's like the only way you can get that in line is having some humility and like and the premise of religion that or belief system that there's a higher power is is very kind of it's like that structurally you know literally puts you in a position of of humbleness you know i mean because you're working with alongside somebody else or for somebody else yeah yeah oh i'm so grateful that there's something else out there that i can believe because yeah i think i like rejected the world so much that i was in growing up that i wasn't going to take direction from anybody in it probably you know i hated my environment so much i despised like i mean i I despised my fucking environment.

1:54:24You know, it just, I mean, everything about it fucking hurt me. I felt like, right? That's how I felt anyway. Yeah. And so no one in the world of human probably would I ever really believe in, right? so you almost need this other this this uh satellite to beam through this other entity to help me get adjusted to trust the world again and so that's why i'm man because for me and everybody can have their own thoughts i don't but for me as long as they're the same as mine i'm fine with it but for me man i'm so because i wouldn't believe you just said hey listen to this guy i don't know if i would have done that but you give me a a hype of an invisible being right yeah visually invisible you know and it's just and there's just enough malleability in there for me to say okay i'm well i'm willing to try this and then it opens up more of a door for me of like um of connection does that make any sense yes i think also like even saying i i think you know the whole agnostic i don't know is that's that's just where you gotta be you know i mean it's like it's like i don't you know i think that human beings are so arrogant and the assumption that like every generation has thought that they've had it figured out and every generation has been wrong yeah do you know what i mean like even you know so it's like if we can't be like we don't know then we're really kind of starting from a bad position so yeah dude i don't know if how do you think you'd have been like a good like if you go back to those times you go on a date like would you have been like a good settler you think where would you have best done in history where would you have best been yeah gosh i sometimes think about like my immigrant ancestors because you know my i did that finding your roots show i haven't seen that so uh that's where they they kind of they do you did that yeah they take you to the library well no mine was uh uh where they kind of like tracked my mother's side my father's and did you have to go meet someone at a mall or anything no no i didn't this was uh but like so my grandfather made dentures and i remember thinking oh i made dentures that's interesting you know like yeah dental stuff and but what i learned through that show is that my grandfather broke this cycle of working in the coal mine that had existed for generations and so i think of like my ancestors that came over from ireland you know and just like that was that was rough and you know like there's an ancestor that was framed for murder oh and how would you even prove you didn't do it back then like you did well by the way i think because he was uh they you know it was kind of theorized that he was a um kind of like there was this anti-immigrant stuff going on and being an irish immigrant that he was part of the molly mcguires and so they framed him and then they kind of he got pardoned by the governor and they don't you know like they never explain why he was pardoned you know was he pardoned because he was innocent was he pardoned because he was crooked because he was crooked you know and so wow but like yeah so like a different era I feel like I'm so pale that you know like I need sunscreen you know even by a computer huh yeah open in the fridge oh so I yeah that's gotta be the saddest dude if you're real pale because then if you open the fridge everybody sees you too yeah and you're like bigger and pale and so no but like i mean it's not sad it's beautiful but it's like what era would you be in i don't know the future seems way sketched you know it's just i feel like gonna be people like you drive up to a machine that feeds you and then you come into it.

1:59:03Yeah. But it has to be in the past. Civil War could have been interesting, right? And if you would have been like a referee, I think. Yeah, I mean, Civil War, but like people were just, so many people were killed. Like the equipment, like the weapons. Were so, yeah. Like, and it's like you got shot, they just chop off your leg, you know what I mean? Yeah, they didn't. You wouldn't even have to be shot in the leg, yeah they had yeah some of their tech yeah a lot of their technical skills were way limited at seeing yeah dude whereas i think like like if some people even if they had just had like down syndrome they're like oh he got shot by something like no this guy he's fine he's fine he's just over here raking leaves let this guy leave him alone um i think there was a lot of stuff like that yeah like but i don't know maybe but then i don't know you're right people smelled so bad i don't know if i would want to be a pilgrim because you're like well we're almost there and everybody's dying and then you get there you have nothing to do there's nobody even waiting when you get there i do think that the south is really fascinating i know you're you know oh yeah it is it's because there's a civility there that you know y 'all and yes ma 'am Yes, sir.

2:00:27It's that is so different from the Midwest where I'm from. But there's a civility there and an authentic kindness that is kind of unique. You know, it's kind of this remnants of the British thing with like the sweet tea versus the British drinking tea. Yeah, there's kind of an old traditionalism there that really comes through. I mean, there's also tons of racism. Oh, yeah. I mean, if you get it, it's a little slave. You get into Mississippi, it's a little slave-y, you know? But that kindness is fascinating. Yeah. Right? Yeah, that's the crazy part about the South. It had this like, it had like two whole different ends of the spectrum, you know?

2:01:17it was like be a gentleman be polite but if you're black you're not allowed to come in yeah so they had i mean that was just unreal i can't even imagine that people went through all those times it's really crazy to think that as humans where we sit today it's it's like it's pretty unreal and when how quickly we fucking got to the place where we're just sitting here you know um masturbating into a phone right well also like the so we look at the bigotry or the bias of the past what biases exist today that are the equivalent to you know women couldn't vote until 1920 you know uh really african americans couldn't freely vote until the 60s and so like it's like what what kind of it's not like we're done you know i mean like there's some biases that exist today that we are kind of unaware of we're like what's wrong with that you know i mean like there's nothing wrong like even like people like i think when i started stand-up people used to do midget jokes and they used to always drive me crazy yeah and um and people don't really do that anymore but like i'm sure i do jokes where people were like in 40 years people were gonna be like that hateful jim gaffigan yeah look at this hate monger look at this he was like he would talk about beef jim crow jaffigan he would talk about meat like they ate meat back then like we're gonna realize like the you know like we're become we'll be all become hindu and like you know the cows are these sacred beings dude if we all become him do then your material is hate speech it's hate speech bacon bacon who are you just like what's going on you're the steven king of a menu at that yeah you know like to muslims and jewish people it's like i'm glorifying this sinful thing you know it's so weird dude that's so true depending on upon how the future looks at things yeah or how they even choose to look at things as like writers of articles and this and that you could be vilified well i mean i think even the roseanne thing that happened on your podcast yeah is i mean maybe i'm just kind of opening my eyes a little bit to it but like it literally took me two seconds so i saw she was trending saw what she said then i watched the clip and i was like obviously she was joking she was being sarcastic why didn't and i don't even know that's all i know like i didn't talk to anyone else about it does it still exist as an issue no no it's going away it was just yeah it was just crazy they just like they took our episode down and they said that we they gave us like a strike on our channel because they have like like but they retracted it right they didn't but they have their policies and we couldn't post for like a week so those you know that's youtube and their policies they deemed it like hate speech and that's their that's their rules right and so that's you know i'm grateful to youtube because i get to have this this platform at the same time i i don't uh you know i disagree But I think that anyone that, and, you know, that's where it's like, you know, any individual who works at YouTube would probably, as an individual, see that what, you know, Roseanne, a legendary comedian, and what she was saying was, and I think she's Jewish, would not view that as what some answer is.

2:05:13anti-Semitic person would say. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Yeah, totally. I mean, it definitely was interesting, though. I got in, some rabbi emailed me and invited me to some summer camp or something. But it was like$1 ,100. I'm not going on that. And then, of course, the Holocaust happened. Like, who would ever, you know. Oh, my gosh. Every third book at the airport is about it. You know what I'm saying? Of course it happened. Well, I think it's also, you know, not to excuse the overreaction, but I actually do think that there is an almost normalizing of anti-Semitic speech. And I also think that, and I'm not saying, because it's different when it's Roseanne Barr and like someone who is just a flat out anti-Semite or like speaking in anti -Semitic tropes.

2:06:12It's like, I do think it's, you know, there's no comparing what Roseanne said to what these other people would do. Right, if there's like a real hateful person. Yeah. I mean, and by the way, I think anti-Semitism is like, I mean, look, you know, most comedians, like I'll have, I don't know what percentage of comedians are Jewish, but it's like all our friends are Jewish. And it's like you can't – standard comedy is a Jewish-American art form that is – so many of the great comedians were Jewish. So it's like you end up being educated on anti-Semitism. And you can't do a spot at the cellar without hearing three comedians do jokes about the Jewish-American experience in anti-Semitism.

2:07:07You know what I mean? It's like – yeah i think it's yeah i i wish i had a like i can't tell if people bringing light to that creates makes things better or worse in that space right you know because no one said anything about it like you know a million people had watched the video there wasn't even a comment about it on YouTube and then somebody makes a clip and purposely like is like hey look at this right and this is yeah the view of it I you know you don't want to create like a boy who cried wolf situation either and so that's you know especially when it's something as important as like um as people being hateful you know it's like you don't yeah that's so some of that is where some of my fear comes in like let's yeah we don't want people to become numb to it right right so But then also, you know, everybody has their different thoughts on it.

2:08:06And I respect different people's thoughts on it. You know, I respect that people come from different places. And I respect different people's thoughts on it. But yeah. Dude, I have a problem with how we, with that we keep putting Joe Biden out there. I feel like as a nation, it makes us look like, oh, this is how, and that we pretend everything is okay. Like, doesn't that seem weird to you? Yeah, well, I mean, I'm somebody, like, I think that if Trump wasn't there, or maybe I'm just imagining this, I think if Trump wasn't there, Biden would be like, I'm done. Thanks, everyone. You know what I mean?

2:08:47I wanted to be done. He might be like, good night. Do you know what I mean? Like, I think that. He might put on some long johns and just shut it down. He'd be like, I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted. I want to go and hang out. uh with my wife yeah you know what i mean and uh and hang out with barack i don't want to do this anymore but like yeah i want to eat ice cream with the former press i want baracky road dude he's got to come out but like yeah i think you know there's a difference between like the people that don't want to that again i think ego gets in the way of like the greater good yeah and i don't But I don't know.

2:09:31Maybe he is like, you know, I'm great. But I think it's fascinating. I'm trying to write this thing all about how, I mean, I saw Harrison Ford in that Raiders of the Lost Ark number four or whatever. Yeah. He's 80. It was great. It was an action movie. And it's like, you know, 80 for Brady. It's like they're all 80. Yeah. it's a good point and so yeah you want people to have long career yeah i'm look but i just feel like if we embrace like if maybe the media was like this is our guy he's gonna say some shit you know instead of i feel like we put this like people try to pretend that it's that he's not getting unwell that's the part to me that it doesn't look weird to other people if it's like this is how we treat our senior citizens you know like as well it's not how we treat i mean i think it's like i thought your point would be more like everything's fine like we're living in a state of denial but i also felt that like during the entire pandemic when trump would do his daily newscast that we were all like yeah it'll be fine it'll be fine it's like this guy is do you know i mean it's like and we've all had bad bosses yeah do you know i mean it's like but I also feel I don't know it's weird I really do think that if there was if Trump was not a possibility I think Biden would be like see you later he'd be like I did my thing I'm gonna be in the history books goodbye everyone

2:11:16Michigan J frog yeah it's a good point I hadn't thought about that maybe it's just more of like a defense um but yeah politics has just gotten so strange it used to be so different didn't it felt like we were all behind a leader didn't it feel like that i feel like it i mean i used to it was so strange because i grew up in this small town indiana's a very red state and uh i lived in manhattan i live in manhattan and that's very blue and in the entertainment industry it's very liberal and comedians are very contrarian and so I loved I relish having friends of different opinions like at the 4th of July I had a friend there who was a big kind of conservative like um you know he's you know he's all in on DeSantis and then I had a friend there that was you know that wouldn't vote for you know vote for hillary you know i mean so left like occupy wall street left and so it's like i like that diversity of opinion but and i and i feel like people that come to my shows um like even in uh the dark pale thing i I have this material on global warming.

2:12:46And when I performed it around the country, there'd be some people that are like, all right, global warming maybe. You know what I mean? Whereas they're giving me the, they're like, all right, I don't know if I buy the premise. Right. But I'll listen to the jokes. Yeah. And so I like that they're open to that. but there is also I don't know it's weird I know I'm kind of rambling no it's okay and we can even take that part out if we felt like it was too rambly for both of us kind of you know let's take a little bit of news and then we'll get you out of here Jim sure because your special's coming out in a few days and the name of it is Dark Pale Dark Pale ooh yes Dark Pale that would be your native that would be your Indian name huh Dark Pale Dark Pale Dark Pale.

2:13:43Yeah. So it's, you know, it's kind of I wanted to go a little bit, you know, I think comedians, you know, are onstage personas are a little bit more accessible. And that maybe, you know, like what makes comedians laugh when we hang out is usually darker than what's onstage. And so it's kind of opening some of that up and also talking. And I think that over the past five years, we've gone through so much darkness. We've all lost someone, lost some people, you know what I mean? And so there's a little dose of nihilism that I think. We need. I think we need, right? Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, some people think we need a war.

2:14:33Really? Really? Yeah. Oh, that's so interesting. Where'd you hear that? Everywhere. We need a war. Because they think it would put people back on the same side if we had a common enemy. Wow. Wow.

2:14:53That's interesting. Because there is part of what's going to get us together. Oh, definitely. As soon as somebody says, hey, it's us against them, it's like, all right, let's do this. you know yeah i think that i i don't know i'm just interesting i think i think coming from this split background of you know uh i you know i have real resentment when people talk about the middle of the country or flyover states yeah me too it's like i think that that has to be shamed for the stupidity that it is because, um, you know, again, we were talking about the, it's not like you're not going to get a great meal.

2:15:41You know what I mean? Like there's this, there's this, um, this dismissive stereotype and you'd think it would shrink with the internet, but I feel like it's almost kind of grown where people are just, I always think it's so weird when I do, I'll do like a podcast or I'll be interviewed and someone will be like so is it different doing material in different parts of the country? I'm like not really. Do you know what I mean? It's like it's not really that different. Uh-uh. Do you know what I mean? It's not like people don't have every piece of technology or every form of entertainment everywhere.

2:16:20Culturally we're very it's and by the way the world is like that it's like if anything culture is disappearing so they're not that's not to say that there aren't different viewpoints on things uh i don't mean to contradict myself earlier but like it's not like there's a real huge difference on right like from here to there yeah right you know but i guess i mean there's some like i know whenever i've been in like illinois and certain places out there rural areas they don't even have 5g on their phone so it's like if they want it's like more of a they have to be at home and be on their wi-fi to really be milling on their phones as much you know oh really um like some of my friends that work in like farming communities and stuff like that so i think in some areas there's probably a little bit less consumption oh yeah no where we uh we have a place that we got after the pandemic and if i'm outside working in my garden i have no service whatsoever yeah like there's just it's just a no man land for uh cell service so like my wife literally has to open the door like it's 1943 three yeah jim get in here your kids are doing this and i'll waddle over yeah what do they do with my basket of my harvest yeah i love my garden you do garden at all i don't garden man i would like to have it someday i will once i quit touring a little bit after next year what do you like to grow in your garden i i love to grow just about everything but like i'm jealous of like so So Louisiana, I could probably grow peanuts down there.

2:18:06Oh, yeah. I could, you know, I don't have that long of a season. So, like, there's some things that I can't grow that. And some of it is it is so interesting to grow things. Could you grow wheat? I could grow wheat. I grow corn. I grow cucumbers. I grow pumpkins, peppers. but like even peppers it's like it's you know up you know north it's not that long it wants a northern pepper no well it's just like when it walks in but like it's you know you don't it takes it's you gotta wait you need some real hot weather you need some harshness you need some fucking pain in the fucking soil for a pepper to be like all right motherfucker yeah i've got this shit right you know that's the kind of pepper you want dog yeah you want i just got out yeah you want some you know the peppers are the best god they're so good huh right whoever had them first was such a fucking weirdo but they were they are good oh they're amazing what do i love putting in my mouth i'm trying to think oh dude when i had those you know a lot of asian people will fry up a um little cut of yam have you ever had that no my god is it good yeah so wait a minute louisiana you like okra yeah i didn't mind it dude but then people start frying it and it takes it dude it starts to look like it's been giving a blow job to somebody it gets real uh viscous yeah yeah no it's i like it in a gumbo but otherwise i'm like i'm like i don't know about okra yeah when you lift up a spoonful of it it has like a trail that goes back to the stuff and you're like whoa this thing yeah and yeah doing bjs you know yeah it's a bit slimy yeah it's real slimy yeah so i don't mind but what else do i like man i like broccoli plain you know my taste buds changed over the years i just started liking tiramisu to be honest with you oh really yeah you are a dessert guy god i fucking want it boy when it's nighttime motherfucker yeah i will get up in the middle of the night it's more than chocolate well it keeps me off of vaping i notice if i can get a sugar in me i'll wake up the middle of the night and put some peanut butter on my tongue and go back to sleep butter i that's i want to grow peanuts i think peanuts what if you could do it jim gaffigan's peanut butter oh my god i would love to do it but peanuts i i i haven't even watched a video of this but i think the peanut plant grows and then the flowers drop into the ground and they become the peanuts oh it's beautiful it's so crazy i'm growing potatoes oh yeah i can see that i'm very excited about that carrots are fun to grow yeah carrots are fun to grow you're gonna cut all this out of the podcast because it's so boring probably this is the best part i think um what else would i like to have onions garlic i love garlic garlic is probably one of the best garlic is good it just feels so um it looks like something's wrong with it oh it looks alien yeah it looks a little alien um i do like seeing uh i like watermelons oh watermelons are fun that would be great to grow in the south yeah because watermelons and pumpkins you just and squash you turn you turn your back you look back it's like they've grown a foot yeah it's crazy how big is your garden square feet are we talking it's not that big i have two i i built one that when we got the place it was kind of already there and then um and then here let me see what i got here this is oh there's a picture of you right there in some garden that looks like no this is a hike but this is my garden right now that's those are the raised beds oh yeah see that's oh wow jim this is beautiful yeah but i have this it's my wife calls it the english garden and then And that's, oh, that's my Irish garden.

2:22:18And so the Irish garden was, there was kind of this field that I kind of converted. Now this is what, see that field up there? This is what that field looks like now. So it's. Oh, that's great, man. These are both on the same property. Yeah. Yeah, one does look more Irish. Yeah, right? This one looks more like it could have a headstone in part of it. Yeah. and so uh but this is you know like you waste time i don't know if you waste time on instagram so like on scrolling and all that oh yeah on tiktok i scroll on instagram on stories but i'm just watching people harvesting oh wow stuff that's beautiful now there's something romantic about that i think yeah you know get out there in the dirt oh yeah my grandmother used to make put these nets over her strawberries so the crows didn't get them.

2:23:13Oh, yeah. She lived out in Illinois, in rural Illinois, and they had a rain barrel out there, and they would collect rain. Yeah. Did she ever paint rocks to look like strawberries to trick the crows? Dude, I never realized that's why she did that, but she would always have these painted rocks. Yeah, so the birds would come down, and they'd peck at the rock, and then they'd be like, forget it, and they'd leave. oh that's insane that's both the bird and the human that do that are freaking wild um and that's that'd be crazy like that'd be like what if you put a stone woman outside you know when some rapist runs up the scarecrow right the scarecrow is supposed to scare it's pretty crazy how there's uh all these things to trick the animals to trick the animals and also and then there's companion planting which is fun but i just and what is that plants need friends kind of you know plants need friends oh well some people talk to their plants yeah i've seen that before and uh but a companion plant is like planting something uh nearby that either will help with nutrients or will deter pests.

2:24:32So for instance, onions are certain pests don't like the smell of it. And then you grow like cilantro will deter things. And, you know, basil. Oh yeah, I like having some basil, huh? Basil's amazing. A lot of women who are having a tough time grow basil, I feel like. Well, it's, you know, it'll bolt. It's like you got a secession plant. None of this is going to end up in the episode. Oh, I think it's interesting. Let's get into a couple news things and we'll get you out of here, Jim. What happened in the news? Anything, Zach? What happened? There's a video going around. I guess a mayor in Mexico married an alligator.

2:25:19That's... I guess it's a good luck thing. But this is real. No, this isn't part of some ritual. Yeah, no. Well, yeah. Oh, it is part of a ritual. These are... Good luck to the town. Yeah. I'm not surprised. It seems kind of... Well, they also have his mouth shut like that. What else we got? Do they consummate the marriage? Ooh. Right? There used to be a YouTube video of a man making love to a...

2:25:52big chow like a chow animal in a park on YouTube for years that they couldn't get down for some reason really they couldn't get it down I think it was in Santa Monica oh is this about sharks everywhere no this video has gotten a ton of views I guess this woman was faking cleaning up a beach for social media and then left all the trash there after this has 5 million views and a lot of people have a problem with this oh wow yeah it's all just for show now so this girl's faking it oh and then she just left the bag there not shocked wow that's what happens man if people it's just about what the look is you know it's hard what is that that is a symptom it's a sickness huh it's well it's the absence of right or wrong i remember one time i saw a movie recently and um i was with my 10 year old and we were with a friend and my 10 year old spilled this big bucket of popcorn oh and i and i was like i looked at it and i was like and my friend was like well pick it up and the weird thing is is like i was like i was gonna pick it up but i was like he thought i wasn't gonna pick it up and so i was like but why wouldn't i pick it up because i think the tendency is like someone else would do it oh yeah right times have changed man i noticed when the elevator stops people get out people will get in before you've had a chance to get out.

2:27:36That never used to be the case. Wow. Here's an interesting thing that I think is happening. Usually when I'm out and about and I used to and I'd run into somebody and they'd be like, hey nice to meet you. We'd have a nice conversation and then at the end they used to say, hey, can I have a photo? Or I don't want to bother you. Can I have a photo? Now they say you have this nice conversation. We'd chat for a while and then they go, hey, can you call a friend of mine? And I'm like, what do you mean and they're like if you could call my nephew and i'm like no and these are perfectly normal people yeah and and i'll be like no i'm not gonna do that no calling your friend i just you know i just want people to know it's too much dude i yeah somebody the other day was like hey brother uh this is the craziest thing i ever got this guy is a young mexican guy and he had on a wife beater right and he's like hey will you sign my jersey right that's what he called it which made me laugh first of all it was really funny and he seemed like a funny dude we had a nice chat and then he goes hey homie will you make a video for my cousin hector right he's like like what's wrong with yeah sure i will what do you want me to say he's like just say something nice man he got possessed by ghosts that's what he said right and the guy's being totally serious so I'm like what do you want me to do sorry you're possessed by a ghost yeah so I was like what do you want me to say just tell him we miss him so that's what I did I was like hey Hector homie we miss you dog but it was just like what are we doing what's the value here what's the value what onions are we growing that's the overall question here you have a new TV series that's out too right yes yes dude you're doing a lot of acting do you think that's where you're gonna start directing more do you think you're no no but i hope to act i you know i hope to act and i love stand up and and since philip seymour hoffman died you could take over his stuff i mean everyone keeps saying that why um it is like one of those things where part of me when people say that i always think that's weirdly common that people say that and the other part of me is like why aren't I getting those roles?

2:30:01Dude, they did Capote 2 or something? It is kind of funny, man. Sometimes people's brains just fill in the other person, you know? Who would play you? Oh, I don't know, probably. There's this kid named Rupp. He's like, I don't know what show he was on, but he's interesting. dj rup bring him up he would play me i think

2:30:36this kid but get him more let's just see if see any more pictures of him without what's what's the dreads from i'm not sure yeah these are old pictures of them but um i think he would probably play me i think i could see him doing it yeah i don't know where is he from i'm not sure probably j rubb is he is he a dj i don't know if he really is but he's funny dude he's this dude is really really funny but i think he could probably play me who would play you you think say you died you passed away oh if i died um who's the guy who um oh i knew it is jesse pemberton jesse plemons jesse plemons yeah he's cool yeah he's good did you ever meet him i've never met him i met phil hoffman a couple times you did yeah did he say hey you look like me a little no i mean yeah i think we both had heard it and i we improvised a movie where um with a bunch of other people and um they were figuring out it was this uh bob bell a band who does these other things and it was it was a great gig like i was flown to la to improvise this movie every day and all this and this was in the maybe 2000s and um or maybe maybe it was before that and so anyway um so we're sitting there talking and so i'm with phil and i go i go well we should probably play brothers and the guy's like i was thinking more you guys are friends and i'm like all right i mean we literally look like brothers but okay and so yeah that guy has no vision then no but he he's obviously bob bellabin's brilliant but oh he's a brilliant guy i didn't he is a brilliant guy and he uh but like he just that's not how we saw it but it was and we never ended up we improvised the script and then he bob was going to go away and write it And then after that, Phil Hoffman, like, then it was Capote and he was.

2:32:49On another level. Yeah. Did you ever get to spend time? Oh, yeah. Wow. I could definitely see it more and more now. Yeah. That's crazy. I think I'm. How old was he? What year was he born? What if we were born the same day? if we were found out that we were like

2:33:10found the same parents. July 23rd, 1967. I'm July 7th, 1966. Dude, what if y 'all are the same person? Isn't that crazy? Yeah, he's from the West Village. No, well, he was from... Oh, he died in the West Village. Yeah. I think he's from Rochester. Fairport, New York. wow where fairport new york did you ever spend time with um robin williams i met him a couple times yeah was he like the one of the biggest when you met him was he just like he was on another level was it he was the nicest sweetest guy like i met him at he did uh bob goldthwaite's movie and he was this really sweetheart it's really weird because i i you know he was known as among the comedians i mean there was a before he went back to doing stand-up he was known as this guy that would steal people's material like some of it is i I think he was on Coke and he was unaware of it.

2:34:23And he talked so much that he was triple timing anything. Yeah. And so he was, but, you know, he was the sweetest. Like every time I met him, I didn't feel like I was, you know, it was like talking to just another comedian. Yeah. very strange because it wasn't like like you know how in la everyone's kind of looking around the room yeah it was just a conversation he was locked in yeah it was pretty special like you see why people were attracted to him yeah was he little or was he regular size he was he was not he was um similar to Brody he was a hairy guy you know what I mean but to answer your question I think he was he wasn't super tiny but he was not not 5 '10 do you yeah do you start to think about it is there a spot where like a comfortable place where comedians retire do you ever think about that I know you talked earlier about not staying in it too long you know like is there a comfortable place where people i don't know i feel like i like do you think about that at all i'm not saying there no no i feel like stand up is a living kind of thing that you know people might not be interested in you doing it uh but i think you can continue to do it and i think that there is something uh so emotionally rewarding about doing it don't you feel that way oh yeah whereas i um but i don't think it's it's um yeah i mean i i think that i'll it's just kind of like coming up with new material is just too rewarding to kind of give up yeah there is something great about it huh you get one new line one new line you're like i'm hooked for another year right um yeah i think we covered a lot of stuff zach do you have anything else no i think we're all good jim i might have to go but okay jim thanks so much man sorry i didn't know we'd been here so long no it's good it's good it's fun now i'm just floating on the breeze and i feel i'm falling like these leaves i must be Cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it In my bones But it's gonna take