E454 Mark Normand

31:04That's what we call homeless people now. So you're at work or you're in the shower going unhoused. What the fuck is that? But you can't say anything at work So then you go to the Chuckle hut and you see the guy talk about Unhoused, what's that about? You go, ah, I needed that Yeah, so your special, did you feel like you had to Get it out? That's what I felt when I was watching I'm like, Mark's so prolific that he's just Gotta get this out No, I'm not one of those guys, I can sit on an hour For a while and just keep honing I think jokes are better when they marinate Over a long period of time I think people put stuff out too quick I think Louis fucked that up with the hour-year thing.

31:39Oh, remember when that pressure came out? Oh, that was new. You got Jay Leno going, I'm doing something about Reagan, you know? So that fucked everybody up, and it kind of made it this weird, the new standard. I'm like, well, that was just him doing that. Yeah. But now we got to do it? Yeah, that was a lot of pressure. Yeah, but I think people just, I think you're right. That's why this is even popular, talking. All we're doing is talking, having a conversation, which we used to do all the time, and that kind of even went away. Oh, that's true, huh? People don't get together. Yeah, like, when do you, yeah, some of the biggest conversations now are when you hear people talking with, like, some lost kid that came with a Ring doorbell cam.

32:18Yeah, Ring doorbell ruined the Jehovah Witness, by the way. But, yeah, like, even this weekend, you know when you're hanging out with a guy you kind of know? You know him, but you're not, like, hanging out every day. And there's that weird moment of awkwardness. Everything in my body is going, ah, get out of here. Look at your phone. Put your headphones in. Do something But if you just get over that It's a blast But we don't want to get over that Because comfort Everything is so comfortable now Oh yeah There's definitely that moment Like It's like when you're on a diet And they come down to the aisle At a plane with the cookies Or something Or a snack Or whatever You know Do you want a little cookie All you have to do If you just get past that thing Of no I'm going to stick to whatever My little plan is Yeah Yeah because there's so Yeah we've become this like Immediate fix Yes And the phone's the easiest one Easy One millisecond of discomfort You're like, oh, Instagram Yeah Not good Because it's hard to get back out of that It's hard to get back to normal Once you're addicted like that Do you ever look up from your phone And you don't even know kind of where you're There's like a half a second where you're like Where am I?

33:21Am I married? I have that while driving I'm like, I just wrote to ten people And I've changed states twice I didn't even realize it Yeah, dude That's so Yeah, there's something Yeah, that's true These are like just people talking Wow That's it We're just having a conversation Which was People crave it I crave it I listen to like five pods a day Yeah I love it But I think it's just Generations and years and years Of like DNA Of hanging out Talking in a circle In the woods Or in a castle Or whatever the hell And then we just Stopped doing it Yeah Dude imagine meeting Somebody just like On a road way back Like Like um I was out in Utah recently And I was like Dude it is desolate out here Oh yeah And it's so hot.

34:07I couldn't imagine having been a pioneer. Yeah, I think about that all the time. Traveling across the way. You have a horse. One of your kids is about to die. Yeah, they got the cholera. Yeah, and you don't want to say it. You still want to play with them and wake them up in the morning. Sure. Even though God's not going to wake them up one of these days. I hate to say that, but it's like every, you know, and we even went to little graveyards, and half the graves were like four years old, seven years old. Oh, brutal. Nothing worse than a little coffin. Oh, yeah, so tiny. Yeah, but I think about that all the time.

34:43Those old guys who would get on a wagon, and then like half their family would die before they got there, and they just had to keep going. They just had to deal with it. Grandpa's dead. Keep going. Yeah, and it's just St. Louis when they get there. Yeah, right, right. I know, that sucks. Is this worth grandpa? Yeah. And there was nothing in Salem. There wasn't even an arch. No, there wasn't anything. No Dairy Queen, nothing. Yeah, and I wonder if you met somebody back then, all the things you'd have to, if you met somebody on the trail, you had to really decipher, is this person a good person?

35:19You were really keen on body language and awareness. Totally. And every second of a conversation had a lot of value to it. You had to know if you could share a campfire because if at night they were going to try to rape your wife or husband. I mean, think about the Native Americans. You see those fuckers pull up on a horse with the feathers and the face paint. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, we're at a Chuck E. Cheese. Yeah, I was like, I'm in St. Louis. What the fuck? But, yeah, no, that's scary shit, and those guys were tough. Yeah, I don't think I could have done it, but I think the value of a conversation back then, it was like that's where you got all your news from, to some guy on a trail yes crazy and that wasn't even there was no paper no i mean it was paper but he didn't have like a extra extra read all about it you know yeah he just had to go hey you know uh whatever the hell is the president now and you're like oh shit i didn't even know that yes yeah yeah they'd be like thurman's in or something yeah my god that guy i didn't vote for him whatever three cheers open up a can of beans huh a lot of beans back then god yeah it's it's just uh yeah the value yeah how a conversation has like changed over the years and yeah now it's like we're like this little museum for conversations like yeah sometimes i think like all human things will just be in a museum like one day like aliens will take their children to like see like a smile Wow this was something that People's if they had joy Their face would turn up at the corners of their mouth Whoa that's crazy Good call You know I was thinking about this the other day while high If an animal shows you His teeth you're in trouble He's like argh But if we show teeth it's like hey you're good we're smiling Yeah Isn't that weird because teeth are scary That's what you bite people with they're pointy and sharp But yeah with humans it's a good thing Yeah, oh you were high I was so baked Forget I brought it up Dude, those thoughts of when you're high I remember writing some of the jokes I'd write Then you read them the next day and you're like, this is garbage I know, but you think you're Bill Hicks Oh, you think you're unreal I know You think you're unreal So Soup to Nuts, man Everybody's gotta go watch this Your last special, how did you feel like it helped?

37:44Because we talked about that I think last time you were here Yeah, it did an hour on Netflix Nobody would buy it, so it was like a failure I would just put it on YouTube and suck it up Take the loss I think that's some of my best work And then this I kicked it up a notch I went way darker I don't know if you saw the whole thing But I got some stuff I'm nervous about Like some Jew stuff, some black stuff Some trans stuff I'm probably about 30 minutes in Hey, I appreciate it You watch more than my parents I think anybody only watches so much usually But I'll watch the second half I was thinking maybe if I get a date or something, I'll sit and watch it.

38:21Oh, that's not bad. Yeah, you can be like, I know that guy. Yeah. Dude, I know that guy, man. People love him. Yeah, no. Blow me. Do you feel like it's gotten, how do you feel like success has helped your personality or helped you like, do you feel sometimes like, you know, because I know as comics, like we want people to like us, you know? Oh, yeah. I know like we're desperate for it. I mean, it's why that thing, we can't have things be quiet sometimes because the silence is scary for some reason, you know? You know, I've always thought that I liked, I know when I was young, to make people laugh because I knew if they were laughing that they couldn't hate me at the same time, right?

39:03Yeah, 100%. I feel the same way. Yeah, and yeah, I can imagine most comedians probably do. So I wonder if some of that starts to dissipate as we get more success, do you think? I thought it would, but I think it's in the wiring. It's like baked in. The cement is dry. So it's just always going to be that way. You can get a little better, but at the core, you're still the same dweeb. Yeah. You know, it sucks. You almost think you're going to get some Netflix special and you'll feel better. Yeah. But you still, that's like I always say, people are like, I'm going to Hawaii. I got to take the edge off.

39:34And I'm like, but you're still going to have your head in Hawaii. Yeah. You're going to be on the beach going, what's up with the black people not swimming? How do I come on a shark? Yeah. You're always gonna be What's up with shark's teeth When I show my teeth You know whatever That's still gonna happen In Honolulu That's why Drugs are popular Yeah And uh Alcohol Yeah man Is it um Does it feel like You gotta party On those Burt tours You can just do whatever You know Cause sometimes I wanna go But I just Sometimes I feel like Since I'm not the guy That can party That I'm like Kind of like I don't wanna be Like people think I'm like the fucking dad Or like the No, there's a lot of that Closeted uncle or anything Well, we all know you're closeted But, you know, you gotta have the alone time We're all introverts deep down And there's only so much time you can be Cracking jokes, chugging booze and all that So you gotta have your down time Or you're gonna fucking You're gonna have Greg Giraldo Yeah I was just talking about him with someone Oh, Jim Gaffigan Oh, nice Yep, and he's got a special Both of you guys have specials coming out this week What is that, his 38th?

40:39I can have his 10th Oh my lord That's insanity That's very impressive It's unreal Do you think though that at some point there's value into not putting out a special And like Bobby Lee has notoriously He's had some of this same material for a long time And he makes up He has new stuff And look I've done a lot of the same stuff over the years I like You know But there's some Every time I see Bobby He's so funny Unbelievable But he can't put that down on wax Because you can't show your dick a different way Right In a new special Right You know Maybe he paints it black or something I don't know But that's his big thing Yeah it's so Yeah it's like can you But that was kind of the cool thing back in the day It was like you had to go see them Yeah that is pretty cool That's gone now But is it though?

41:35Is it still like If you don't put stuff out Then people have to come see you That's true, I guess you're right But my thing is A lot of it gets online somehow You put a clip up and so they go I'd love to see this guy but I want to see new shit Yeah Like Jay Leno or whoever, these old guys Could just do that same act forever And they were fine Yeah, I went and saw Bob Newhart Wow, love the Newhart Can you bring a picture of him up I think? He's a legend Bob Newhart, yeah I went and seen him dude And he was I think Probably 80 something Maybe 90 Yeah And he was doing jokes Wow He looks like that lady Off of Ozarks a little Oh yeah Good call With the heroin field Yeah Yeah She was fucking The young hillbilly kid Yeah I mean he looks like He took a strong hit Off some poppy And never came back You know what I'm saying He looks like the guy In the movie Who's just seeing the ghost Yeah And he freezes and turns old.

42:38I gotta ask you, so you, you're doing very well. I see these venues. I follow you on Instagram. These venues are huge. Yeah, it's been pretty crazy, I think. Do you like, because I like to love where I'm at. I'm scared of fame and all that shit. Not saying I'm famous, but like, I would never want to be that famous. Not like you, but like some of these guys. Like Burt Kreischer is so huge. Oh, yeah, that seems almost scary to me. Yeah, I just feel like that's when people start looking at you with a microscope well i think you definitely your anonymity starts to get lost i mean what happened with me was a lot of tick people took all my stuff and put it on made it on tick tock ah the andrew tate and so that took it to like a different place it wasn't in my management you know it was like um i mean there's things people come up and ask me about tell me and they're so excited i've never even i've never seen the clip i don't even know oh yeah um so that i think kind of took things to a different level it's definitely been kind of uh uh like it's kind of a i don't want to say that it's a bummer but one of the tougher things about getting popularity is you spend a lot of your time defending yourself yes like hiding myself like yes when i get off the plane today i go and kind of stand like in a space away from where i know people won't be um you know just like little things like that where you're just monitoring um how visible you are i don't know if that sounds egotistical though no i get it because sometimes just not ready to chat oh it's sometimes yeah and you've and you've had that you've and you've already met a lot of people for the day so sometimes it's like i'll be like if i've already met 20 people today i can't i my brain needs time to think about stuff i need to do stuff in my own life you know i have to take care of myself and make sure i'm fed and whatever you can't spend all your time meeting people, right?

44:28Yeah, yeah. And part of you would like to, there's that part of you that's desperate for people to like you. Of course, it's a catch-28. You know, you want them to like you, then when they do, you're like, alright, but now you gotta give me space. Yeah. So we are kind of dicks in that way, but let me just say this. You ever meet Theo out in the wild, say hello, great stuff, I love your pod, and then you gotta move on. Because the worst part is that awkward shit where they're like, now what? And you're like, nah, I don't know you, though. Yeah. You said your thing, I got nothing on you i don't know your mom or your where you live or whatever if you were cub scout you know so that's always get in get out the lingering is tough dude and that goes for anything in life man one of my friends told me one time he said be good and be gone that's what he said i like that and that had always had a lot of value to me my friend will kirby said that he's a uh board certified dermatologist hey and uh yeah he's doing good the guy he's probably 50 looks like he's 44 but spf to the gills dude oh yeah you know gotta moisturize oh he's fucking he's so supple dude he's slick oh he oh good for him he's so fucking supple um but yeah he said that to me and i always thought that that was pretty interesting because yeah you don't want to get stuck in a space with anybody and it could be business it can be with women yes you know especially anything you're kind of like approaching new if you get stuck in that extra space where you don't have much prepared or you don't know what you're going to do then that's kind of you know it's not the best right that's not a good answer for that but it's just yeah you want to be good and be gone put in yourself because you feel better than two you're like man that was cool it was a good interaction yeah perfect the best is like a guy on a bike who just goes like gang gang yeah yeah all right now that was perfect yeah i got the recognition and no chit chat.

46:21And then he stands up and looks back and says it. Yeah. But then he has assless chaps on him. You're like, whoa. Yeah, Pride Month. Well, the worst is when you go, oh, thank you. And they go, whoop. They pull that Yui. And you're like, oh, not the Yui. Yeah. I thought we were done. Yeah. But again, very nice. I sound like a cunt. I'm like, hey, you assholes with the hellos and the praise. No, I mean, and I think sometimes it's just what your own day is like. I'll tell people now, like, hey, man, I'm just having a tough day. Or, you know, I'll just be honest about what's going on. yeah that's put the burden on them now so now they want to leave yeah you know what if you just start unloading your shit like hey man i can't get it up and i'm so glad we're here to talk and he's like now i gotta go that's a good move i think one of the things though too is like um like on my like on my podcast we talk a lot about there's a lot of like people that struggle with stuff so oh yeah we go so sometimes it's like i can tell like if somebody's struggling sometimes like i want to be in that moment and like some stuff you want to share you want to hear what people have going on um but then some people have just seen clips and they're just like uh you know they're just they don't know anything more so sometimes if it's like a podcast fan who's into your pod yeah then that can be a little bit different you know that's a little different yeah because they know we're weird right and they're probably weird too because that's the thing right it's like dude you we are probably the same type of weird because we uh so you know like a lot of the people it's like oh i probably would have a conversation with them if i just met them regularly so true but you ever get the guy like i read my dms because i'm a psycho and i'll get the guy like hey i see you're coming to nashville i got a cabin if you want to come by i'll i'll massage you and i'll cook and you're like wait what why would i do that he's like i got knives and a snake you're like what yeah yeah and some we yeah we can go we have a family graveyard in the back and you're like i'm not doing that.

48:12Yeah. You know, the guy's like, we can make a soup. We have a great homemade soup. Oh, God. Some guy wrote, texted me the other day and he goes, um, I'm going to, I want to suck your. That's what he said. Oh, Hey, nice. Was that Rogan?

48:34Wow. But see, that's, that's kind of what's fun about being a guy is like, if that was a woman like i'm gonna suck your pussy bitch yeah she's like it's hard being a woman but with us we're like look at this guy how funny my uncle well women women are women have gotten so vulgar in the dm oh yeah it's a new world for the for the clam yeah they're like let me come uh let me come drop this split on you they'll say crazy stuff huh i love it i mean i'm married now but those were the fun days and i would always write back hey be good and be gone that's it quick and out. I had a girl one time send me a DM and she was some huge breasts.

49:16Oh, yeah. God, dude. You could see, like, her, yeah, her breasts, they even had, like, a sunrise and sun, there was, like. It was an eclipse. Oh, they had, yeah, dude, yeah. She wasn't a flat earther. Oh, no, she believed in the truth, you know. She believed in science, man. That's too big, though. She just came, we just got together in the lobby of the hotel and played cards and that was kind of cool come on what is that's weird but it was nice though really there was something kind of like old school and romantic about it you know we played that game speed have you ever played that i don't know speed i've done speed i don't know the game what's the game yeah it's it's almost like being on speed but you're you're just doing it with the cards and you're fine you can go to sleep after oh yeah no hangover no crash oh easy nice we had a nice time yeah that's why i like shrooms oh just the best drug i don't know if you ever did them oh yeah dude it's uh no hangover they last about five hours it's kind of natural yeah you can you can go into the bathroom by yourself at least twice and be like oh yeah that's right that's right but don't get a look in the mirror because you're ugly yeah in that mirror like oh how come people are talking to me i'm a ghoul dude the show got canceled on friday so we went out to the parking lot and we're just meeting people that were showing up.

50:32Yeah. And they had like five dudes that had come. They'd taken a bunch of shrooms to come to the show. Oh, man. And you could see their faces were all kind of shiny. Yes. That shroom glow. Yeah, yeah. You get that shroom glow. Yeah. Which is beautiful. It looked like a happy child. They look like angels. Yeah, they're floating. God, could you imagine being an RFK junior and taking shrooms and hearing your own voice? Oh. I think I was the devil. Dude, he could win. He could win. He's He's opposite of Biden. He's ripped. He has his own views. I think he's a bit of a kook in some areas. He's definitely on the fringes.

51:10But he wants to bring back the middle class. He wants to stop the war. He's got some good stuff. Yeah, and he's able to say what he thinks. He's able to share what he thinks. I think he believes what he believes, right? Yes. I don't think any of it seems like he is saying it for some. And here's the thing, too. You know he is Those are his beliefs Because nobody's fucking believed him Yeah, and they're pushing back Like you fucking weirdo Yeah You crank They call him a crank Whatever that is Yeah, they're definitely calling him names from the past Yeah Are you a charlatan? You gobbledygook? You carpetbagger?

51:48Yeah You muckraker Yeah, they're calling him stuff from the past, bro I know, I know Yeah, the internet and the paper are very mean Like he's just an old man who's ripped trying to do his thing, trying to save the country. Yeah, and I've known him just, he's always been a stand-up dude. He's somebody that I would go to for suggestion. He's somebody that I've always really trusted just as a person. It's crazy to like know a person and then be like, oh, they're going. That's crazy. Yeah. You're a heroin guy. Yeah. Which makes me like him more. Oh, dude. Well, that's the thing. He's handicapped. Right.

52:24He's done heroin. He's ripped. Yeah, he's ripped without the heroin Yeah, and he obviously knows Larry David Which to me, in my book, that scores a few points Yeah, that's a great point, huh? I love that, yeah But the fact that he's speaking that nobody believes So that's when you know he's I mean, the guy has been on his own Yes So you know those are his views You know he doesn't have any lobbyists in his pocket Yeah, he doesn't sound like any politician Every politician is kind of a puppet, you know For the man or whoever it is And he has his own things and he had a great line. Somebody goes, you know, Trump actually likes you.

53:00What do you think about that? And he was like, I think it's cool. And they're like, what? But it's Trump. And he's like, I know, but we got to stop fighting. We got to stop having this left and right shit. Let's just be Americans. And I'm like, I needed to hear that. I hate this division. ¿Estás disfrutando de mi podcast? Thanks to Babbel, I know what that means. Do you? Well, recently I've been learning to speak Spanish with Babel. And you can too, because with Babel, you can start speaking a new language in just three weeks. That's it. Babel offers it. You know what I'm saying? The best way to learn a language is through immersion, living where the language is spoken natively and using it every day.

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54:35Rules and restrictions apply. Yeah, me too, man. I hate that, like, I go to the UFC fights and Trump will be there, right? And I feel like That people are gonna judge me for it Of course For associating with them Or like Like I would never judge any of my friends If they associated with anybody I don't think You know Yeah Here's a picture right here I got asked to take this picture Whoa And this camera wasn't It's Herb Dean Yeah I couldn't eat that Well you really got the lean going huh I tried my best dude It took so long to take that picture Holy shit I'm surprised you could hold up Somebody's phone I don't know who's was Had like bacon grease or something on it So any button I press It wasn't Oh the grease was so thick It kept taking the hit of the grease So if I pressed a button it wasn't saying Okay I'll accept that button You got some dirty Italian's phone Definitely but how cool I was on the bus with Bert watching this and I was like there's Gillis there's David Spade there's Theo there's Johnny Knoxville yeah so cool I mean you Spade in Knoxville what that's the movie I want to see and Spade's become one of my he's probably my best he's probably probably my best friend in Hollywood these days for sure did you ever think watching Tommy Boy that you'd be hanging out with that little twink dude not a chance I thought dude I remember when I first saw Joe Dirt, I thought it was real, right?

56:11I thought that they had left this kid at the Grand Canyon. Oh, come on. Yeah. Really? I remember really believing that when I was a child and fucking broke my heart. You thought it was a documentary? A really funny doc? I guess I did. And I don't remember why I did, but I just did, you know? But, um, yeah, so that, anyway, that's just wild because then you're also there with Spade, which kind of gives you carte blanche with, like, other celebrities and stuff. Right. So he meets somebody, I'm like, hey, I'm right here. Yeah. What's Knoxville like? Knoxville is kind of like, he seems kind of serious a lot of times.

56:43Really? Yeah. Well, his dick doesn't work. Oh, really? That'll probably make it a little more serious. Oh, dude. Well, good thing we're, I'm glad we're sitting near each other. Then nobody's, nobody's getting fucked. Yeah, and if a lady shows up, you got dibs. What's he going to do? Go down on her for an hour? I don't know. I'd probably be right there next to him, dude. Yeah, I couldn't. Dude, my 20s, I couldn't even get an erection in my 20s. I had so much anxiety. Oh, yeah. Right And that's fucked up All these kids now They got the blue chew The Cialis All that stuff I'm like man Back in my day Yeah You had to think of something Real in the bathroom And get chubbed up And then run into the room Oh I remember Trying to squeeze My butt cheeks Hoping to push The blood to the front I remember squeezing As hard as I fucking could Oh it's the worst And your brain Is going in so many directions You're like Please Please get hard She's right here Yeah Oh it's so embarrassing Then you have the no it's not you it's me I'm in my head and she's like you think I'm ugly you're like no no you're gay yeah I'm not gay I know you know I have picked I'll draw I'll draw a picture of some bulba right now for you with my eyes closed you know I'm not gay and the saddest part dude I would notice my brain because I would get in those instances you know and I would feel so fucking defeated and I didn't know it was because I had so much anxiety around women I just thought there was something wrong with me i didn't know that it was you know my mother didn't look at me for 14 years so i didn't have any connection to how to if i if a one i like yeah well she saw that big hog of yours as a kid and she couldn't take eye contact it's too awkward but yeah that's yeah she saw that front end loader dude yeah damn unless i'm moving cement in the yard i don't I'm not fucking with this baby Using your dick as the tar mop Flattening it out with the It's a boy, it's a girl, it's a dick Yeah

58:43But I have a weird thing where I couldn't get it up If I liked the girl Oh yeah If I didn't like her, I was a porn star I think there's a term for that Benson If you want to give that a goog Yeah, let's look that up But so I remember My brain would start to say okay you need to have an excuse now right but it would be like 5 a.m. sometimes i know i know and i would always say i'm part of a swim team i remember and that we have early practice damn that's good swim team because no one lies about a swim team right people would be like that's who would say that yeah it's too too specific but sometimes they're like you're 28 years old right right what's you're not even in college you know yeah yeah that's what team are you on Right Yeah The things The places your brain will go To get you out of that situation And I'll be like You don't support the mid-city Finns I'll just yell some shit Like I'll fucking leave Or sometimes I would say I have to go home And let my dog out Oh yeah That's good But I don't know Most guys would fuck her And then get the dog Yeah I feel like But then there's a little bit Like oh this guy's a pet lover This guy's a good guy That's true That's true But women don't have to worry I don't know a lot of women who are like, oh, I just can't get wet.

1:00:00Yeah. Like Jim Jeffery said that great bit where if I can't get it up, it's my problem. If you can't get wet, it's my problem. And I was like, that's kind of true. Also, don't turn a lady down in the throes of passion. She will hit you with a frying pan. Oh, they get so, yeah, they really feel affected by it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sometimes I feel like I should go back through my 20s and just do like an apology tour. Go to cities where some of these women live. Bring them and their current husband up on stage. I had that in Phoenix. I hooked up with some comedy club waitress 10 years ago. Yeah.

1:00:37And I did the theater a year ago, and she came out with her husband, and it was awkward. He was like, I know everything. Ha, ha, ha. I'm cool with it, man. But he's shaking your hand real tight and giving you a weird, aggressive hug. He said he knew everything? Yeah. He was like, ah, she told me everything, but hey, it's all good. You come here, you big dilute. He's noogieing me. And I'm like, this is weird He doesn't like this God, that is weird, huh? Yeah, and this girl had a Nutella fetish So she would make me put my dick in Nutella Ooh, very European Yeah, hazelnuts I gave her the hazelnut Yay!

1:01:14Two pumps Oh, dude, that's interesting Yeah, I'm trying to think of some good Yeah, dude, it was That shit was traumatic for me Oh, the worst Not to keep harping on it, but that was tough, man But that anxiety, yeah, it was just It was so much anxiety being around Oh yeah And then it starts to dissipate It shows how powerful your brain is Because a girl would leave After I couldn't get it up and I was so bummed out And I'd put porn on and I'm hard in two seconds It's all mental Your brain's like a horse You gotta learn how to control it Or else it'll just keep galloping Into a bad place Yeah, into a place with no Boners Yeah, it's tough, but I took finasteride, you know what that is?

1:02:01Oh yeah, I'm on it right now Oh yeah, me too So I would take that and everybody's like, it's gonna kill your boners, man You'll have hair, but you won't be able to get hard And I'm like, oh, that can't be true And I bought into it, and so I would hook up with girls And I couldn't get up, but it was all in my head Literally Yeah But I never had a problem But then I had to sit down with myself and go this is all in your head you're fucking crazy and i i got back to it yeah well i take the blue chews man i like them oh really what i like is you can have a nibbleable amount you know i can eat you know how's the evening going how much are you in love with this girl you've been seeing or something and you can try to take it you know and so you know that is nice to be able to have a nibbleable amount that is nice because the viagras dude i remember when i was in my 20s i remember I would go I went and lit You couldn't just get When they first came out You were like Damn bro Old people are fucking I remember a dude One time This black dude Came up to me He's like Hey bro Bro Bro Bro Old people are fucking You know I heard those old folks Homes are just Orgies And then he robbed a guy And I was like Whoa dude This is That's not even funny dude No I just said that But um But So I remember I went and lived.

1:03:19A buddy of mine, his dad, was getting a prescription. So I went and lived with him. He was my roommate. So I could chirp off his Viagra. Wow. That's the only reason? I mean, you know, I like the guy as well. Sure. But the prescription helped. It was hard. It was like plutonium back in the day. It was expensive. It was hard to get. It was 60 bucks a pill, homie. Yeah, that's right. Because they know you need to get laid. Yeah. It's like that AIDS guy who jacked up the price, Martin Scarelli. Oh yeah, that fucking That chooch Slime ball He was that T-cell Hitler What a piece of shit I know, he's just walking around He's free now?

1:03:59Yeah, he's out, he's doing podcasts He just did Legion of Skanks, they got him No way Pull it up there, Benjo What was his name? Martin Slurka Something like that Legion of Skanks I think Gillis was on it as well I think Gillis called him out even But yeah that guy really Yeah there he is See with the doofus hair He got the Hitler hair too He's got the swoop Down one Martin Skrill I can't believe they had him on I know I mean he's an interesting get Let's see him there he is wow He looks like a 10 year old He looks like all of the West Memphis three Ha ha ha ha Mushed into one He kind of looks like the kid from Toy Story

1:05:17Oh yeah, he does, huh? It's parties Yeah What else were we talking about? Boners Oh yeah But I remember living with that guy But then the problem with the Viagras was You'd start taking them And here was the problem Your face would get so red Yeah And I remember I couldn't bend my arms on someone When I first started taking them Even your arms were boners You would Oh yeah Wow Yeah Damn Cause that shit is strong Oh yeah I felt like a cricket judge You know You're like the guy at the airport Yeah That's all you can move? Yeah, it was, that shit is strong. I would, I took a half if I needed it. Oh, yeah, well, I would start getting nibbleable chunks, but then even then, I still had problems.

1:05:59Really? Yep, it was just because it was still so in my head. Well, here's a question. Let me, I wonder if I gave you a Viagra, but it wasn't real? I bet if you ate it, you'd still be able to get a boner easier than if you didn't just because of the mental. Yeah. You know? Yeah, I bet you're right. Like sometimes when I'm really hungover, I drink a cup of coffee and I feel better. Sometimes if I smell coffee, I feel better because your brain's like, oh, it's about to come in. Just the smell of it. So no caffeine has hit me, but just smelling it, my brain goes up. We're good. Pretty wild. Yeah, I think it's I think we don't even know the powers of our brain.

1:06:38And I think the direction we're headed as a society. I don't know if we're we're not. That's not the thing we're trying to learn. No, we're trying to learn. We're so addicted the other way. It's like. So true. I mean, we are addicted to our phones. We are addicted to that next thing. We are addicted to vaping, to sugar. It's almost like, I don't know, sometimes it feels like the puppeteers, if you will. Oh, yeah. The people that big sugar. Yep. Big tech. You know, big pussy. Big pharma. Yeah, big pharma. Big pussy. He was on The Sopranos. Oh, yeah. Big puss, yeah. Oh, bring him up. His birthday's today.

1:07:15Shut up Bring him up What the hell Is Mercury in retrograde We're connecting here Our periods are synced Bring him up Yeah we should be on a volleyball team Bring him up dude You know why It's because it's WNBA All-Star Oh boy The spotting Must be crazy Oh the spot shooters out there Are fucking nuts Just bring up Big Pussy Birthday on Twitter There he is is it 77th birthday today well a day ago or so a day ago still scroll a little yeah that's awesome dude i i saw this because somebody keeps scrolling uh somebody put um they accidentally put joey diaz's picture one fat italian for another vincent pastore oh actually he's cuban sorry yeah Cocksucker God, dude, what a one I mean, how do you find a guy like him?

1:08:16Yeah One of a kind One in a mill Hope he's alright Yeah You ever taken one of those edibles he has? No, we did shrooms on his show once I don't think I took an edible over there They don't do it They're called like Stars of death Stars of death Hey, Lee You just feel You remember when Elon Musk sent a convertible into space? That's how I felt when I took one I was just in space, floating, alone Brutal Hated it Well there's still that famous episode Where Owen Benjamin couldn't He couldn't He went too deep Damn It's like a mental Viagra Cause you're like You know when they say If you're hard for four hours Call the police or whatever This Your brain is so high You feel like you'll never get back to normal Yes Scares the shit out of me That is That's the exact Dude that's the perfect statement That's the That's the scariest part about some of the drugs Is that you're not gonna get back to normal Yes, it's that Alice in Wonderland shit Where you're like, I guess I'm here now This is my life Oh, the worst feeling Yeah, how will I ever make a sandwich again Oh my god, forget about it Yeah, god, that was unreal I know I don't love weed Yeah, you know, I never could But then here's one thing that I noticed after a while Weed, a certain type of weed Would make me be able to Do boners Oh, whoa, really?

1:09:37Because it just, it like trumped whatever little part of my brain was and i could do boners whoa oh that's interesting oh i remember even texting my mother when i when at first and i said mom because i told her over the years you know about this you know i have this problem and really bro it was traumatic man it is pretty traumatic and then you're in relationships and i couldn't have sex with my girlfriend oh man this is horrible can marijuana save your sex life um a growing number of doctors are prescribing THC for everything from erectile dysfunction to difficulty orgasming. Look at that. You were ahead of your time.

1:10:14We've known for a while, at least anecdotally, that cannabis can enhance the sexual experiences of women. Now, I've also noticed it'll make your wife feel like a new woman you've never met. When you're high. When you're high. Totally, totally. Like, oh, these tits are new. These shoulders are new. Yeah, yeah. But a recent survey of medical cannabis users conducted by HelloMD, a telemedicine. Let's scroll down. platform found that men and women had seen a boost in their sex life. How do you like that? See, when I'm high, I'm not horny. Really? I'm just in my head too much. I'm thinking about sofas and cookies and poodles.

1:10:52But is that an indica, though? I wonder if it's the wrong strand. Maybe. I don't know my strands that well. Yeah. Indica's in the couch, and then sativa is the energetic one. Oh, I think it's vice versa. Oh, is that right? Okay. Ben, what is it? Yeah, they say the IndiCouch thing, so it's basically Indica's kind of mellow, and the other one will kind of give you an energy, but it really doesn't matter at this point. Oh, damn. Well, then I've been doing it all wrong for a long time, dude. You're smoking something and getting boners. Yeah, but that was good, man, when I got those boners, dude. It was fun.

1:11:23It's a great feeling. You got married, huh? You're off the market. I'm off the market, happily married, got a great lady, and we're going to maybe have some Rugrats do the whole thing. Are you guys doing Embrya? Are you guys going to outsource it now? No, she's young enough, so I think we're going to just try to shoot loads. Fill up that yum tunnel. There she is. Hey, there's the lady. Oh, wow, dude. Bro, was that scary for you? Was it scary to commit to being married and stuff? Of course. Terrifying. I still wake up every day scared. Oh, wow. She's hot, huh? Oh, hey, thanks. I mean, I'm not looking at her, but she seems hot.

1:12:01She's got an ample bosom. Great gal. Funny. She's funny? Yeah, really funny. I can't. She says horrible shit around the house. Like, if anybody, if Alexa was just like, I've been listening the whole thing, I'm going to tell everybody, we'd all go to jail. Yeah. But I like that. You know, you're hanging out with a girl and you say some offensive joke and she's like, okay. Yeah. Like, all right, we could never hang out. Yeah. She's the opposite. She's a psycho. Was that one of the first, like, is that, that's definitely a thing. You have to have a woman who's funny or gets, at least also who gets jokes.

1:12:35Gets it. That's even more important. She's got a great laugh. Don't you love a lady with a laugh? Yeah, dude. I used to think, yeah, if I could have got my mother to laugh at me, then I don't know if I ever would have done any of the jokes. No, you'd be sane. You'd have no mullet. You'd be working at, you know, Pinkberry. Yeah, I'd be a manager. Yeah. You'd just have a normal life. Oh, I'd have said, yeah, I'd have been a local attorney. You would have been, too. Oh, really? All right. I think in Louisiana. I do declare my client did not rape that woman. They're always sweating, too. Like, there's no AC in the South.

1:13:10Yeah, dude. Even if they are, we'd have been wearing seersucker suits. Oh, yeah. We'd have been eating fried shrimp every day. Yeah, mint juleps. Oh, yeah. And begging some judge to give our client some leniency and probably some ambulance chaser fraud. Oh, remember Morris Bart? Oh, yeah. One call, that's all. I'm on your side. Yeah. Remember Chip Forstall? Yeah, whoa, you're blowing my mind. Chip Forstall takes care of it all. Dude, every town, the family that I went to live with, the dad worked for Chip Forstall, so I got to go meet him. Whoa, that was big. He was a celebrity. He was a big shot.

1:13:52In Louisiana, Morris Bart, Chip Forstall, Morgus the presenter. Oh, shit, yeah. How about 1825 Tulane? Whoa, you knew that one out in, was it Covington? Covington, we knew that. Yeah, dude, that was good, man. No one knows what the hell we're talking about except for like three people. Yeah, they were just small. Everybody has their local attorneys or - Grocery stores. Yeah, the billboards you see. Yeah. Yeah, Louisiana had theirs, and those were some of the biggest ones around the area. Yeah, and you know what's fun is when you do the road, and you just flip through the hotel TV and some like, Crazy Carl's fireworks!

1:14:30Sunday, come on down! Half of them! It's Wheelchair Wednesday at Crazy Carl's. We've got the ramps out. Right, right. I love that because it feels homey. You feel like, oh, this is a little community here. Well, it's another thing that we've lost by everything just being so like, like when Sirius bought out all the radio stations, when everything just got so big. It's like the value of your hometown or whatever, unless you really care, There's not as many little things that bring people together in a common space. 100%. Those old auto guys, like they were selling used car guys were great. I see, I see.

1:15:07Let her have it. Let her have it. That was the guy by us, dude. Yeah. I think it was a furniture store. Well, there's that famous racist furniture ad that goes on. There's like, bring up racist furniture store. Racist furniture is a funny horror movie. You sit down in a chair and you're like, I hate Jews. Like, it makes you racist. Bro, yeah, yeah. It's like that hat on Harry Potter. Oh, yeah. Woo. We're in the courtroom like, he had the hat on, sir. He was laying on the racist couch. He loves Asians. Oh, man. What was I thinking about? What were you talking about? Oh, well, let's see. Are we talking about boners, racist furniture, special?

1:15:59Uh-oh. Yeah, these killer whales are running amok. Yeah, well, they killed a bunch of them at this. I saw this. There was a cruise ship pulling in a port. Where was this at? What? A lot of times on cruise liners, people will go out and witness when the ship comes into port. Mm-hmm. It's like a big moment, and people are out there with their kids, and like, hey, we're there. We're in, you know, Mexico. We're in some made-up Mexico, like Plinta Baia or something. Like, oh, have you been to Plinta Baia? Right, right. Every year it's like a new place that never existed the year before. I know, like Tulum.

1:16:30I never heard about Tulum, and then one day, that's all I hear about it, is every white person's going, well, we're summering in Tulum. Yeah, and it also seems kind of sex traffic-y, doesn't it, Tulum? Oh, yeah, there's a lot of that going on in the Mexico. It seems like a lot of people just, like, a lot of companies just flying chicks down there and banging them. Yeah, yeah, and more power to them. You're making the world a better place. Not for them. They're like horrible. A cruise line has apologized to over 1 ,000 of his passengers after one of its ships arrived at the port in the middle of a whale hunt where dozens of the marine mammals, I shouldn't be laughing, were being slaughtered.

1:17:08Aren't they endangered? Yeah, why were they doing it? Can we go up and see this? These poor whales, man.

1:17:20incredibly disappointed that this hunt occurred at the time that our ship was in port oof well no wonder the orcas are pissed yeah as has been whaling still occurs in the faroe islands today um they've eaten pilot whale meat and blubber since they first settled the island so it's just part of their tradition there today as in times past the whale drive is a community activity open to all damn see it's funny how progressive people love brown people and immigrants, but they couldn't agree less with progressive people. They're like, we're gonna kill animals, there's a lot of gender roles, you know, like, these old school tribe people, or whatever you want to call them, they're wild.

1:18:03Oh, I see what you're saying. They're like, we should give all this place back to the native inhabitants, but then the native inhabitants do stuff like this, which is something that progressive people would be totally against. Exactly, exactly. Like, we make a gay joke that's off-color, and people are like, you know, cancel them. these guys are doing crazy shit. Yeah. Like hitting their women and stuff. Well, it's also like, I used to think about how like they would sell like, like at fancy spas, they sell like mud baths and stuff. Yeah. But if you go to, but then they have countries, literally where kids are bathed in mud and they're like, we got to help them.

1:18:39Right. Right. What do you mean? That costs$300. That's hilarious. You ever notice too about these spas? I did a gig in like San Diego. It was like a rich area. and it's all these hot moms with little dogs and their Mercedes. Oh, yeah. And they go into a spa all day and get massaged and the kiwi on the eye and all that. And I'm like, who needs a spa less than you? These roofers or landscape, they need a spa day. They need a foot massage. Oh, yeah. Dude, imagine. Have you seen that guy Vic Blends that rolls up and cuts people's hair? No. Like a drive-by cutting? No. That'd be too hard. It's consensual.

1:19:15Yeah, it's consensual. Okay. He pulls up. Um, what? It's really neat guys on TikTok and he pulls up and it's mostly, and he likes trimming up brothers. Right. Yeah. Really? Which is, you know, he favors a black community. I think I haven't seen the ones I've seen. It's all young black men that he's trimming and it's cool. It's like, you know, it's a lot of times it's a guy I saw one the other day. It was a garbage man. Right. The guy's in a truck work and he's like, Hey man, once you take a break for Tim, you know, 10 minutes, let me tighten you up. Right. Yeah. So he kind of like gets You know It's just like It's pretty beautiful What he does Okay Because right now It feels like a trap Yeah This does feel like It feels weird Yeah Give me your kid For 20 minutes Yeah This feels So he does that And then Oh shit What were we talking about Uh Wait shit What was that Right before that though Oh shit I just had it Oh spa Oh yeah the spa So Who needs a spa less The mud bath Right wouldn't it be great If there was a foot massager That did what Vic Blenz does Oh yeah And he just rolls up On a couple brothers Like hey boys Y 'all look like y 'all Had a tough day out here I don't know if the bros Would go for that That would still be Fucking wild That would be wild Hey let me touch up Them low nuggets homie You know what I'm saying boy That's why I'm so jealous Not to change something But I'm jealous of guys who are in the feet.

1:20:45Yeah. Because they're everywhere. Like, we like tits. Mm-hmm. But you don't really get to see tits out in the wild, but flip-flops, open-toe sandal, barefoot women, they're just there. That's true. I never thought about that. Must be nice. Yeah, it must be nice to live just in a smorgasbord. Like, everywhere's a nudist colony. Yeah, exactly. I mean, and you could be one of those guys, like, hey, you coming in here, you gotta take your shoes off and come to my house. I can't do that with a bra. You know?

1:21:17And everybody wants a foot massage Yeah Oh yeah that's the thing You roll up like hey let me just Let me touch them hooves baby Yeah and they're like please I had a hard day in these heels Dude if somebody came up right now A strong I'd have to be a woman though for me to do it I don't want a man pushing around in my feet And feeling me like that Nah I think I'd prefer a man Really? Well I got bad feet I got a yellow toenail, a bunion, a canker, a hemorrhoid. It's bad down there. Why have you a hemorrhoid? Well, what do you got? Bunion. Oh, yeah. That's like a foot hemorrhoid. Like, yeah, if you're shitting out of your foot, you're not doing good.

1:21:58Not there yet. Yeah, the roll-up foot massage, that's not bad. What else was I thinking about, dude? So you guys are living in New York, though? Living in New York. You and the spouse? You feeling good about it? Feeling good. We're going to buy a place in Brooklyn, like a bigger place with a yard and stuff. Sorry. So that'll be fun. And yeah. You see my boy Louie around ever? Louie CK? Sure. He's around. I love him. Yeah, he's great. God, dude, I don't know if there's anybody funnier than him. I mean, he's definitely one of the best of all time. For sure. Just his, like, I'll talk to him on the phone.

1:22:35And I'm not trying to, like, humble brag or anything. I mean, I love, he just, and he, I'm laughing so hard. Yeah. He loves you. He really, I listened to that episode, and he really blew you, which is rare for him. It was nice of him. He and I have become buddies. Oh, that's great. Yeah. It's, again, like David Spade. Did you ever think? Oh, I can't even imagine. I used to watch him on Comedy Central when I was in college. Yeah. Crazy. Dude, yeah. That's what's great about comedy, is, like, if you're just some guitar, bar guitar guy, you're never going to meet Mick Jagger. Yeah. He's the top. But we can meet top comedians.

1:23:10I've met Seinfeld and all these guys, and it's not that weird. We're all comics. There's less pretension in comedy. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, there's less pretension in it. Yeah, one crazy thing. So at the UFC, Shane Gillis had on Versace, huh? Yeah. Has he changed her? That did not feel like him. He's always the black t-shirt guy. Yeah. I was like, wow, some of the, you know. Yeah, well, you get out there with the Rogans and the UFC. You start changing, you know? You get that evil in you It's something that happens, man You want to buy a tiger and buy a cool car? Yeah, get a face tat Yeah, Mike Tyson What community would be most likely, you think, to get a face tat?

1:23:59Well, D 'Lea got a neck That's as close as you can get Yeah, face tat's tough Yeah, who would it be? Maybe Louis J? Oh, yeah. That's pretty good. Because he's in fighting and stuff. He's in a jujitsu. Right. He's a tough guy. I don't think it would look bad on him. No, it would work. Right, it would work. I think Cat Williams could do something. Something nutty on the face. I can't decide what he would do. He's my number one podcast guest that I want to have. Oh, his feet wouldn't hit the floor. Yeah. He's so little and cute. Oh, he's tiny. But he's so fucking funny. Wow. Oh, yeah. I always thought he should have done comedies and cars with coffee Just those two in a car together Couldn't be more different Oh man that would have been gold That would have been so gold Wow Yeah he does these arenas My friend used to open for him he's got stories Really?

1:24:52Yeah one time he was late apparently And he gets paid in cash In an arena you're making a lot of money And how does he have to use two hands probably to put that bag on his back That's a lot of Tons of cash But he was late for the gig so he felt bad So he said, pay me now, and he was throwing the money out into the audience. Wow. Crazy. And he's only famous from, I guess he did some BET stuff, but I think he was just on a movie. Well, he did that comedy special in the green or purple jacket. Which one was it? He's had a couple. But, yeah, he's so funny. Oh, he does have a face tattoo. Oh, I called it.

1:25:33Oh, he tattooed a goatee on. Damn, he could have just waited. Yeah You didn't need to do that Oh, there he is right there That was the one Whole little tink tink, remember that? Yeah, Pimp Chronicles God, it was so good Imagine seeing him at an open mic How does a guy like that start? Was he like, hey, milk's weird Or did he just come out of the gate in that suit? That's a great point Imagine Cat Williams That he's going to do his first comedy set Wild Well a lot of black guys are just built Black people have something just built in funny Black people have so much fun Joking and making fun of me It's like they're it's always like that Like the kids around the Middle school table That energy keeps Forever in the black community I feel like I know it's a lot of energy And ball busty And they say funny shit like you gotta You gotta head like a Box cutter And you're like, damn, how'd you think of that?

1:26:34Damn, Larry got that box cutter. Larry got that box cutter. I know. Do the box cutter. Then it's a dance. Yeah, exactly. It never ends. It never ends. It's like, damn, I was hoping that box cutter, they wouldn't catch on. Damn, Larry working for UPS with that head. That's one nice thing about growing up in Louisiana. We were exposed to a lot of that. That's a good point, man. And there was always, you always wanted to make black people laugh. I mean, if you could get them and also black, a lot of black. When I was growing up, you know, a lot of black guys were real scary. You know, there was violence.

1:27:11So you had to fall. You had to be like, I got to make this guy fucking laugh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely. He doesn't have a dad. Yeah. Somebody's got to fucking bring some. I have to at least bring like, yeah, there was something about that, man. Yeah. Like if because you had to find some way to communicate with black. It was tough back then. It was a little different It was definitely different There was a clear tension You know, like you would walk up and the record would scratch Yeah, dude You felt definitely uncomfortable Yeah You think that tension will ever go away in the world Like the tension from Because there's a lot of There's also a lot of like People always Racism always gets blamed on white people, right?

1:27:51Sure I feel like, which is very exhausting Because as a modern day person You can't do anything to go into the past I know, I know And I get it. I get the anger. Yeah, if I could go into the past, like, you know, 600 years ago or something and work for the Coast Guard or whatever. Sure. You know, I would have shut all that stuff down. Yeah, yeah. But you think. Maybe. But it was so normal then. You might have just gone with it. It's like being a Nazi. I don't know. I think I would have. I don't think I would have either just because I want to be liked. So I don't care what you look like. Yeah.

1:28:23I'm still going to tap dance for you. Yeah, that's a good point. You know? But, yeah, that is tough. But do you think that And then I think the hatred and stuff like that It just gets stuck in Sometimes it gets stuck in DNA Of course I think some of that stuff takes If your grandparents went through a ton of pain Or an unfair life Then I think that gets in the DNA And it takes generations for it to pass through Yeah I agree But we'll find any way to hate another group It doesn't have to just be skin color Like Rwanda What is that the shoot twos and the Shiites Oh, yeah, the Hutus and the Tootsies.

1:29:00Yeah, they're both black, but they hate each other. We'll always find a way. You know, with the left and right. It's all you need now. Yeah, I wonder if that is... Yeah, you know, I think a lot about that. Is that just part of nature? Because nature is that, too. You know, a zoo, if you took the cages down in a zoo... Oh, yeah. Half those animals would immediately kill the other half. Exactly. It's like jail. They always go Aryan nation, black guy, Mexican guy Yeah And if you're Asian, you're getting fucked Yeah, dude Oh, you're like a little Christmas ham A little sitting duck sauce Yeah, dude, yeah Oh, that's good, dude Yeah, it's just tribal It's in the DNA We had to survive like that for hundreds of years And sometimes I wonder Do we ever get to a point where there isn't any of that?

1:29:53Or is that just... You know, like, will that just always be nature and this idea that one day everything will be completely harmonious? Well, it's better now than it's ever been. Yeah, I think especially with young people, you see that. Definitely, definitely. Like, you'll see young kids of, like, different ethnicities and stuff hanging out and it's totally chill. Yeah. I'm like, holy, you don't even realize this guy's a Chinaman? I know, he's got the chopsticks and everything. Yeah, it's like, what are you kids doing? I know. Yeah, if you want to be racist now, you have to have a chart. You literally have to know math.

1:30:27You have to be able to divide and figure it out. But now it used to be racial divide or gay divide or men-women divide. Now it's, oh, you disagree with my ideology or whatever. You're no friend of mine. Yeah. It's all become opinion-based now instead of color-based. So we still have hatred. We just put it into a different gutter. yeah it's just kind of you know that's the thing being it being alive is just interesting because you're like okay will this kind of stuff always be there i know i just think you can't get rid of everything and it's all cyclical like i saw this thing in the 70s where like battle of the sexes men and women aren't getting along and you're like oh that's just like now we're not that different yeah but you know you ever see a dog about to take a nap and he circles the rug three times and sits down.

1:31:16Oh, yeah. You know what that is? It's sundowners, isn't it? What is that? Oh, a dog? You know what? It circles around, then it sits or lays down. Yes, yes, yes. They're flattening the grass from the wolf days. That's just in the DNA. So that shit is imprinted. Yeah. So I'm just saying, like, we're always going to be tribal. Right, yeah. I think about this. Like, the other day, I don't like being in traffic that much, right? and if it's on the interstate sometimes and there's a hold up i'll go around the side sure right i'll just go i'm willing to get up there and see the cop and he's like hey you're going to jail that's fine i'd rather go to jail than sit back there yeah and wonder why somebody's holding me up i'm with you but then i realized the other day what if if like 20 cars just said you know what fuck it we're not doing the rules anymore yeah how how far after that tipping point Like if one police precinct gets taken over by a group of fucking anarchists or whatever.

1:32:20Oh, yeah, it's happened. The scale doesn't have to tip much before everything goes into anarchy. Oh, dude, it's so true. We had a hurricane in New York a couple years ago, and all the power went out. It took 20 minutes for it just to become martial law. You heard gun-shy glass-breaking a woman. You didn't know what was going on. It was pitch black in the city with millions of people. It happened in 20 minutes It went to full chaos Yeah, like it's so fragile The line that we're on of like Oregon like the It's basically lines in the road They keep us in shape but it's real Easy to drive over that line Yeah and that's what I realized, I was like oh I can just Do this, like of course I can face Some repercussions but if everybody right now Decided to do this Then what are the cops going to do?

1:33:07Yeah, all it takes is enough people saying fuck this right now at the same time. Exactly. That's how gays got marriage. Enough of them got together like, we're gonna break shit or fuck each other or fuck you in the ass, so you better let us get married. That's a good point. And that was the move gay dudes should have done. Like, hey, governor, we're coming to... Somebody's fucking you, buddy. Like, alright. Alright, do whatever you want. Yeah, do what you want. Yeah, go to Claire's. Make it happen, man. You can have Claire's. You can have this neighborhood. Man. Gays will fix the neighborhood.

1:33:46Yeah, there's something special about gays, huh? They really are. They're a magical people because they can't reproduce, but they keep popping up. Isn't that wild? They're not even worried. Jews are like, we gotta make more of us. We're going away, but gays are like, we're gonna be alright. Yeah, God's doing it for us. Somebody is. Yeah. Well, they had that, you know, Kennedy was on Rogan talking about that atrazine can you look that up where they put some frogs in this chemical called atrazine they put it in the water where the frogs live and some of the frogs their gender changed no way over time and then he was saying that there's a level and don't quote me uh maybe you can quote me on this if you can bring it up um that there's a level of atrazine in the water supply in some places oh shit so that could be part of the reason why suddenly you have people whose gender kind of seems like in the wind.

1:34:39Whoa. Fascinating. And scary. What do we got here? If you expose frogs to atrazine, male frogs, it changes their sex and they can actually bear young. They can lay eggs, fertile eggs. Transphibian. Yeah, that's transphibians, dude. Whoa. And find another article on that. See if we can see an article where we can not see it in. Alex Jones got yelled at for for making that frogs game meme. It's the exact same thing. Oh, it is? Yep. But is there another article, if you go down anymore? Oh, yeah. The herbicide atrazine is one of the most commonly applied pesticides in the world. So it's in a lot of, they're spraying it on crops.

1:35:21As a result, atrazine is the most commonly detected pesticide contaminant of ground, surface, and drinking water. Atrazine is also a potent endocrine disruptor that is active at low ecologically relevant concentrations. previous studies showed that atrazine adversely affects amphibian larval development the present study demonstrates that the reproductive consequences of atrazine exposure in adult amphibians were both demasculinized and completely feminized as adults 10 % of the exposed genetic males developed into functional females that copulated with unexposed males and produced viable eggs damn scary stuff I mean, that's, is this legitimate?

1:36:06What site is this from? This has been a thing for a long time, actually. Okay. Atrazine induces complete feminization and chemical crustacean in male African clawed frogs. Dude, and if you can do that to an African, you could easily do it to a white. That's true, yeah. African makes everything, kicks it all up in an African killer bees. You're like, oh shit, I'm not fucking with them. Yeah, but some local honeybee dude will sodomize that thing. Yeah. Yeah. But no, African is tough. You know, it's tough. I mean, Africans are made out of tough. They, you know, they have tougher heads. They're tough.

1:36:39They're a fucking tough. Tough people. They're tough people. And they have the history, you know. Dude, I remember looking into an African dude's eyes one time. And you could see, bro, I feel like you could see a fire like 30 ,000 years ago. I believe it. You don't want to fuck with them. Like the timeline, you know. Yeah. He was just digging a diamond mine. four years ago. Oh, yeah. And now he's selling a purse on Broadway. Whereas you look into some, you know, you look into some honky's eyes over there in Topeka, you know. It's somebody having a muffin two weeks ago. Yeah, exactly. It's a chick holding a small dog in there.

1:37:16That's it. With a yoga mat. What topic were we just about to get into? Let me wrap up. I know you got a show. Oh, shit. I'm going to jump on stage with you. Is that okay? Please. That'd be great. I want to see this new old bit. Yeah, dude And I don't want you to have to work too much tonight Oh yeah, I'm on fumes But we're gonna have fun Yeah, I had to get I mean, I didn't sleep last night I just went to the airport And yeah, I got a new disguise that I wear when I go through the airport Oh really? Yeah Well, I guess you can't give it away Yeah, I probably can, but I'll put a picture in Okay Because I don't have the shades on me that I wear It's just a full Klan hood Just walking through an airport credit cards sign up for your credit cards no there was something we were just oh do you think I don't want to get Roseanne here really?

1:38:14sometimes I worry though your episodes are getting clipped like crazy oh yeah they got yeah that was kind of crazy man but I had a lot of people reach out and support and then Elon Musk shared the episode that's insane Which if he can If they could find a way Where you could say post Episode onto If they could just find a way To make a player on there Oh like a little Like a screen A TV thing Right right Because now you can put a full episode But if they could make it Where if you click on that Like you know Twitter has a little box Whatever you want to watch So you're on your laptop You see like this little Okay this is here I can click on it and make it bigger Yeah If you clicked on something that had a video in it, right, if it went, if it expanded into a bigger player, like an actual, like, okay, you can navigate the screen easier just for the video things.

1:39:10That's like a streaming. Right. Yeah. If just when you clicked on that, it expanded into a stream, immediately that square went into a, like, morphed into a streaming platform of sorts. That's good. then it would be really fascinating because now you have an avid player that people can put stuff in and they can move on the timeline easier I think that's what they're trying to get to I think that's a great idea and the porn on Twitter is wild that's another thing you're trying to learn and then you're jerking off yeah you got an animal attack and then anal it's a lot Colin Quinn always says Twitter is like giving yourself schizophrenia because there's just a million opinions and ideas and hate and anger and a sandwich coming at you at once.

1:39:55That's a lot of shit. Yeah. Yeah, it is. It's like, and I think we're starting to realize that this stuff is really bad for our brain. Oh, 100%. And it's defeating people. It's like people don't have their own ideas anymore. And I notice, I have to give my brain, I have to say I cannot look through stuff. You got to do it. Because that's the war these days. You want to Vietnam these days? The enemy is whatever's trying to take your attention. I know, and they're so good at it. They got that algo TikTok. I got twerking Chinese women and shit. And you're like, how can I turn this off? Yeah, it's like Down syndrome guy who loves pro wrestling.

1:40:31You're like, oh. Black people seeing magic. Yeah. You can't beat it. Yeah. Yeah, and right when you almost get a little bit bored, they flip it to a new thing. You're like, what's this? Yeah. So. Did you know historically? Yeah, I get a lot of those historical things, too, that come through. And then the murder of the crime report Brian Koberger They just found a glove Dude, I was thinking about this, man About like With a lot of people that come out to see Comedians and I noticed I have a tough time Like, do you ever have a tough time Feeling proud of yourself, do you think? Of course, yeah, it's hard to absorb that I'm working on it You gotta sit and just Tell yourself to be grateful well being grateful I think but yeah like I can feel grateful I think but I think feeling proud of myself I'm noticing because I notice a lot of times people like man you should be proud of yourself you know and it doesn't even land anywhere with me like I hear them and I believe them and I know that and it's not like I don't want to but it's almost like no it's like you never learned that like there was never any knowledge put into you of like this is how you feel proud of yourself this is what pride feels you know like yeah I have the same thing why do we have that i don't know because one negative comment i'll i'll sit on that for three weeks yeah but the pride thing nothing you know why is it so hard why is it so hard to feel because proud of yourself you're saying somebody's saying hey uh you should feel good about yourself for this thing to me a lot of times if i start to feel proud of myself it goes to ego it's like you should which you don't want that either right right you and you really don't you really want to try and stay away from that so yeah i don't know it's interesting i wonder too if it's something that and i'm not trying to have self-pity or blame parents or anything but is it something that you have to learn as a kid like do because that's a weird thing you wouldn't think to teach your kid yeah but how do you teach being proud you know like i have i get i don't get pride with comedy even though we should look at you've built an empire you got your big house with the studio and the specials and money and all this.

1:42:41But then that does nothing for me. And then if I'm at a party and somebody goes, that's a good question. I'm like, oh, I had a good question. Oh, totally. I love that. But the comedy thing is hard to take in. Yeah, man. And it's funny. Dude, it's like, and I have a nice home here and it's nothing crazy. This is beautiful. Thank you. Yeah, it is. But it is nice, right? I'm happy to have. It's funny. I felt as a shame to show my home As I did to show my apartment That we lived in when I was a kid Just a different kind of shame? That's big? Well, like, I don't want people thinking I don't want people seeing that I don't have anything And then I don't want people seeing that I do have something Yeah, I totally get it I know what you mean Because you'll get zinged either way Yeah, I can't figure out what it is It's just like, no matter You don't want to stand out You want to be in the middle.

1:43:38We want to blend. If you're poor, everybody's like, look at the poor loser. And if you're rich, you're like, look at this asshole. Yeah. And I think I always hate, I think I always, rich people when I was growing up was always the nemesis, dude. Of course. Still is. When they found those submarine queefs, they were like, oh, these poor guys. And then they go, hey, they're billionaires. And they go, ah, fuck them. Like, wait, what? Still have people with feelings. I never got that rich hate. But it's 100 % right. In the movies, it was always the. Yeah the fucking rich guy And I don't think Part of you never changes I'll always hate the fucking rich guy Yeah yeah You know Because I think also I know I could easily The part of me That's the poor guy Is always going to be there Of course The only things that are easier Is just knowing that My rent will be paid And that I'm going to have food That's nice But outside of that It's like how do I I want to figure out Better things to do With earning money Or with making things fair In the world I think I don't know Yeah But do you ever think if you had if you started feeling proud you might work less like that non-pride is kind of motivating you to chase it yeah oh yeah there's something about like the desire to want to do things that you're so fortunate that that's in you yeah yeah it's it's kind of a double-edged sword because you're never happy with your work so you keep working right but if you were happy with it you might just take a break yeah or slow down yeah it's just interesting to think about and i'm sure A lot of people deal with that And so that's why I wanted to think about that About how hard it is To accept pride So it makes you wonder Is it a good thing Or a bad thing Because it sucks You can't accept it But it's also keeping you A fire in your dick Yeah You know And you need that You need people that have a fire Like what if guys like You know Some of the greatest creators Of our time You know If Einstein If Mattel Oh yeah If Tyson, you know.

1:45:38Chicken or the boxer? Chicken. Okay. But if people just got, like, after his first nugget, he's like, I'm done. Right. And he never makes the meals. Yeah, you see? It pays to be insecure. Yeah. Keeps you going. Yeah. There's some value in all of it. Soup to Nuts, that's your new special. Oh, yeah. And do you plan a tour right after? How many people get these plans? Does it matter to you? What are you thinking about? I got a big theater tour selling hotcakes, but hopefully after the special it sells more. We start adding shows. But again, I need some new fucking material. If any of you come up with it, fucking by tomorrow.

1:46:16Oh, thanks. You're so funny, man. Well, I'll try anything. I'm throwing shit against the wall. You'll see tonight. It's going to be a shit show. Yeah, good. Good, man. I'm happy to be over there. Thanks for letting me jump on. Hey, anytime. Mark Norman, people can check out your tour online, on your website, everything. Oh, yeah. MarkNormanComedy.com. Yep. And, dude, thanks for making time, dude. And congrats on all your success, bro. Thank you. And always a pleasure to see you there, Fatty. Yeah, I'm proud of you, man. I'm proud of you. A couple Louisiana boys made good. What the hell? I mean, if you would have showed us at an open mic, I would have gone, these guys are going nowhere.

1:46:54And then here we are, sitting on some racist furniture. We are, dude. Yeah. Oh, this thing is fucking, I feel, I'm warming up, dude. Yeah, I hate it. I better slur if I could set the coolant in. Oh, yeah. All right, Mark, thank you, brother. Thank you. Praise Allah. Comedy. Comedy. Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones. But it's gonna take