E463 Bobby Lee

33:04But I did. I DMed El Chapo's her. She just got out of prison. My friend was showing me a picture of her. He's like, she's cute. I was like, I'm a sly, man. I wasn't going to bring this up but we'll see what happens did you ever DM to I have a resentment towards you I just realized yeah yeah yes sir what is it about you think and this is not a lie I swear to God I swear to God on my life okay so you know it's real right I don't know but yeah I'm listening what do you mean yeah okay Okay Whatever Yeah I believe it could be real Three times Okay On Hinge When I was on it And two times on Raya I matched with the girl And in the direct message They said Yo I don't want to hurt your feelings But I'm not really I didn't match with you Because I wanted to hook I want to hook up with Theo And set me up Damn And bro You didn't set me up How hard would that have been?

34:14I made that birthday video for you You know what I'm saying bro? Dude Oh shit never looked at it that way Yeah how hard You think so? How hard would it have been when you know your boys out here Looking for love Oh shit my bad Looking in the Lord's Lost and Found out here Los Angeles You know what you just told me like I was selfish about it huh? Yeah So I could have been like Yo I know you're so hot and I was excited when you matched with me because I thought you liked the way I looked and my comedy, but you think I'm disgusting, but here's my boy's number because I just talked to him and he wants to link up.

34:54You think that should have happened? I think it would have been the move. I think because here's what I'm saying. They say if you give it, you give it away. You give it away. The more people you give it away to, the more it comes back. You know what, dude? Maybe you're right. I looked at it in a selfish way then, but you have to admit, dude, that hurts your feelings. Would that hurt your feelings? I think probably at some point in my life it would have. Now I don't think it would have. I've had buddies steal a girl that I liked. And I think it made me mad. But then I think, well, if they're together, then I'm not supposed to be with that girl.

35:26Oh, dude, you're looking at it in a spiritual way, dude. Like everything happens for a reason. I think you are, dude. I also put Nair in a girl's shampoo one time who broke up with me when I was in college. Times change. Yeah, I get it. I get it. So, yeah, I mean, so I guess those ladies, because I've been scolding them online, you know, on podcasts. Yeah. Hey, lady, whoever you are, fuck you, bitch, and all that stuff. Damn, really? Yeah, dude, I get resentful, dude. You have a lot of resentment towards women, do you think, honestly, or no? Here's what I'm resentful about, dude. Girls, I hit, there were girls that back in the day, like I'm talking about 20 years ago, I hit on, and they're like, no, but now they want to link up.

36:08Yeah. You know what I mean? Now they want to link up Now that you're the top dumpling They want to fucking get in the sauce, huh? Yeah, I'm one of the top I mean, in terms of dumplings, dude I'm in the bowl I made it into the bowl, dude There's like eight dumplings in there Now that you're the boss bun They want to get a bite out of you Yeah, yeah, yeah But it's like, now they're wanting to But it's like, fuck you You know what, dude? What's great about being How old are you? Me, I'm 43 You look great, dude I'm 52 now, dude You just turned 52 Yeah Congratulations Thanks, man You brought that bug We did a saw bug That's not from your apartment That's not one of the things That you have in there, is it?

36:51No Don't leave those in here, man You just got this new place I didn't bring that I'm gonna say You just told me Your place got shut down I didn't bring it Okay I don't bring bugs around, bro That's fucking cray-cray One of your stories Was that your place is infected I know But it's not like they're like you know being like hey let me hit your ride well i just one just flew off of you dude that's the only reason i'm asking man yeah anyway you seem like a great guy go on i just want to let you know at 52 though fuck like sex dude it's just not that important anymore yeah do you understand what i'm saying oh yeah man i've like he used to be number one dude but were you ever were you ever honestly were you ever were you ever any good at sex honestly Like were you ever Bro that's so insulting dude No but honestly I'm great Okay Then maybe you are I'm gonna say something dude I have two forms Yeah Slow form and long form Okay Do you understand what I mean by that man?

37:53Let me think Slow form Yeah And long form Yeah yeah yeah Okay So sometimes I go short Oh yeah I go quick Oh yeah So that involves Rabbit Sewing machine style Yeah yeah yeah right and then i do long strokes oh like just you know i mean you know yeah and that i could do an hour of that yeah it's like a manatee swimming oh like a small manatee yeah like a minute yeah whatever dude yeah whatever dude bro who wants a big huge wiener that's all cumbersome yeah yeah yeah yeah you know you have to have a buddy hold it while you tie your shoes yeah i don't want all like i don't like checking in my bags at the airport dude i bring it on you know that's what i do but so i have those forms and then it's like um but that's back in the day do you enjoy it though do you enjoy sex as much as you used to you think no but i could take i i can go without it yeah you know like when i was in my 20s i would stay up all night hitting on a girl.

39:02You see a girl at a bar. What do you mean hitting on a girl? You mean masturbating at home? Or what do you really mean? Because I'd be at the house. Yeah, no. If you were out, in your early days of stand-up, right? In the early days, you met a girl on the road and they were on the fence. I would hang out with them until four in the morning. But now it's like I would never do that. If a girl walked in right now, and this is the truth, she goes hey so next door I'm at a hotel why don't you come over and I'll fuck and I'd be like how far is it next door I'd go let's do it right here what do you mean right here like in front of you like let's save the moment I'm not moving for it would you move for it let me think to next door yeah I'd probably pop over there maybe that was a extreme example like Encino You're not going far out of your - Yeah, I'm not gonna go to NC now.

39:59You're not gonna get out a map or something. Yeah, and then it's like, also, I've never said this out loud before, but - Say it, man. I can't. Look at me, man. I can't. I can't come. Really? It takes a long time. Wow. Yeah, I'm doing my brother again, dude. Bob's doing pretty good. Bob's doing pretty good, man. Yeah, you can't come, bro. Yeah, yeah. So like, you know. But that's fine. Do you come easy? Me? Yeah. Well, that's one of my problems with sex over the years has been the immediate ejaculation. You know, it's almost like somebody not. Say somebody knocked on your door. Let me see. Okay.

40:41Okay. No, I. All right. I knock on the door. Yeah. You open it and I throw a bucket of water. Oh, shit. That's like. That's. Whoa, whoa. That's crazy. That's too fast. That's too fast. It's really. You want to be able to know like the person and see what they want. But you're saying I opened the door. It's like this. If you even open the little people thing, I'm watering the plants. Oh, I see. I see. That's fine. It's just. Yeah. What do you think that is? I just a lot of nerve. Just like a lot of like, I think I just what I had a lot of nervous energy around women. I was always so scared of women, you know, you know, dude, it's so funny.

41:16I have always been scared of cops and women. Yeah. And it's like Dude back in the day Before I did stand up I couldn't even lock eyes With women Dude same Like if Let's say you're a woman And I met you Yeah I'd be like Hey how's it going Yeah Oh I would even make love And be looking over there What Wait like a Like a spot A specific spot Just like in the You know I just It's like to be It's so hard to connect To what I'm doing Right If it's involved So like I'm making love And this is her head Yeah You're looking over here Yeah I see I think yeah it would just be like I don't know I don't know it always made me so nervous like even getting in a conversation with a woman I could feel my skin crawl off of my body and into my butt it felt like like I would be so nervous so nervous yeah I just could not even but you'd be grateful too there's some gratitude in there oh I'd be like thank you god but I would ruin it I remember one time this girl gave me her number and I didn't know what to do and so I ran and tried to jump over this fence and cut my body open on the barbed wire what do you mean at a party this really yeah she was cute and um and you you started hurtling toward a fence she like i i i i got her number and she gave it to me right i don't know if she was out of her mind or something or she'd been hit by lightning or something but she gave me all seven digits of her number wow wow wow so i'm and i didn't know what to do bro i couldn't believe it yeah yeah and i literally turned this way yeah and beelined we're at this in a in a at a party in someone's yard.

42:48They had a chain link fence and I was like, I can do this. I think part of me is like, I'm going to impress this girl. Oh, I see. And I just tried to jump over and I got my stomach hung up on it and got my hand hung up on it and had to go get a bunch of stitches. It's weird. I mean, because when I play that scenario in my head, it's like, it's like, yo, can I get your number? Sure, here it is. Thanks. Yeah. It's so fucking weird. It was so weird. And she's like, what the fuck is he doing? Right? That's your style? That was what you did? I just couldn't handle it yeah I get what you're saying and I was always afraid to approach I think you just had a lot just a lot of nervous energy around women so then I think even in my 20s I would be like instead of going on dates I would do masturbation you know and because even sometimes I would plan a date but then I would look at pornography do masturbation and then cancel the date it's funny I get what you're saying because sometimes when I'm like I'm going to meet Cynthia but I don't want to go like I met this girl Cynthia and I'm gonna meet her at a bar she wants to go to this bar when I do you recall then I call Cynthia and go yeah I'm tired yeah I like that I like that style I'm tired I have to help my friend move she's like it's 8 o 'clock on a Tuesday night yeah let me ask you something when you're making love to a girl and you're like doing your you're looking around like you do and you look out the window and you saw her in the window what would you do if I saw her in the window you're real scared how scared would you be She was like this Her face is And then you look down And there's nothing there Oh that would be so crazy That'd be cool But you'd want to see her again Because she's a magician She's got talent If that was on America's Got Talent Dude Golden buzzer Dude if that was on America That would be golden buzzer shit How amazing is that Dude we need more golden buzzer shit out in the world There's not enough Golden Buzzer shit, man Explain to your fans what Golden Buzzer is Golden Buzzer is Well, also, a Golden Buzzer is a term, I think, in the gay community Where someone's never Made love to a woman You know what I'm talking about?

44:59No Or Golden Wizard, what is it called? A Horned Wizard or whatever It's a I don't know, I've never heard anything like that before, man Gold Star Gay Sorry and I think yeah and you also get free chili I think over there at um no what I was saying is I like podding with you because when I pod with you it's we it gets it's like every time there's some cool weird shit but I was thinking to myself are you like that with other guests you know I mean because I like it oh really yeah yeah yeah I think I don't know I mean that's the weird thing about podcasting is is that you don't really know how it's going to go you can kind of have a little bit of a plan sometimes but i don't think you can really know how it's going to be you don't know how you're going to be feeling you don't know the other person's going to be feeling you don't know what's really going to go on you don't know if people are going to tell you sometimes about what's really happening with them or just want to talk about just you know the weather kind of yeah because i had uh bobby robert kennedy jr yeah i saw that was hard i saw that because it looked so scared in the beginning me he did yeah he was frightened yeah yeah but but then once he was frightened you know i mean then i got kind of scared because i'm like oh i don't think i know what i'm doing you know i mean but sometimes you're pawning with people and you go i don't think i know what how to do it oh yeah yeah yeah it's so weird well yeah i think you just don't know i mean i think for one you have to you don't know why people listen and you don't okay that's okay let me say something i'm glad you said that i literally don't know why they listen sometimes you know people go you changed my life or you know i mean i'm connect i go i talk about farts You know what I mean?

46:35Like how did I, you know? So that's the first thing. And second thing is, it's like we do it so much. I mean, I bought so much. There are times where it's like, what else can I say? But we keep doing it. But today we talked about things I've never talked about. It's miraculous. Really? Oh yeah, I've learned things. I don't know what gold star reviews are. I don't know, you know, there's just a lot of things, things about you staring out from the distance when you're making love. That's a new piece of information. Oh good. So I'm learning a lot from you. You know what I mean? But what I'm saying is that it's such a strange job.

47:12Yeah. Because sometimes it's hard, man. You know? Well, I think it's hard. Yeah, I think there's times where it's like, I don't know what the, like, there's times where it's tough to drop into a conversation sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes they start and go a crazy way and you don't know what's going on. Yeah, yeah. Let me see what these gold star gays are. I want to be for sure on this. in LGBT slang oh they got rid of Q LGBT what was the Q? Q was for queer in I think they got rid of it wow in LGBT slang you think the queers are mad? a gold star lesbian yeah they're mad have you ever met them? yeah so I'm sure they're not geeked out about this in their slang a gold star lesbian is a lesbian Who's never had sex with a man And a gold star gay Is a gay man Who has never had sex with a woman So I'm a gold star heterosexual No I've Have you ever had sex with a man?

48:14Well what's sex? Sex I think is putting your body inside of their body Never did not I've tasted some things Have you really? You had a little bit of that That front soy huh? A little bit You ever had the soy? You had a teaspoon of some fellas show you, huh? Yeah. You never had front soy? No. No, boy. You had a little bit off of a fella. Where were y 'all? At a rave. Wow. Yeah. Back in the day, you know, instead of glow sticks, we, you know, there are other things going on. No, you've not. Honestly, you've never had a gay experience. I've never had a gay experience, man. How close have you gotten?

48:54This is, I'll tell you how close. I was on a porch one time and this girl told my buddy, she told him, she said, hey, if you kiss my friend and she had a gay friend there with her gay male, she goes, if you kiss my friend, then I'll hook up with you. And the dude, my buddy was like, all right. So he kissed the dude and then the girl didn't hook up with him. Oh, so, oh, no, she didn't? How mad were you? I just thought, I was like, man, I feel bad for that guy, you know, kind of. But also, I think that guy's a little bit gay, you know? so I think it was like a mixed bag yeah yeah that's the closest you've gotten yep closest I've gotten let me think if I've ever seen anything else that seemed there was a gay dude I think or seemed pretty gay who passed out on our front porch one time when I lived in Charleston but we didn't we just saw him there we didn't do anything to him that's just a guy who passed me out but still you're asking how close have I ever gotten if that's the closest you've gotten then you're not close at all oh a fella came on my arm one time at the movie theater when I was young.

49:56Well, that's pretty close. Okay. Did you know him? I did know him. He passed away, too.

50:03Really? Yeah, he passed away. Passed away. Oh, that's my bad. In a car accident. I mean, I'm sorry. I mean... It wasn't your fault, dude. Unless you were on the road, dude. You guys... I didn't go. You guys have a penchant for causing... Yeah, I've actually, like, kissed a penis. Like, intentionally. Wow. Yeah. Because I didn't... You know, what flavor is it? First of all, you don't... Like, I know what vag tastes like. Yeah. Right? To me... what they taste like has kind of dropped off a little. It has. It has. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, a lot of these women, it's like, you know, clean out your purse.

50:33Yeah, so it's past the expiration date too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You should put a date on there. Yeah, if you have a handbag, make sure that, you know, like it's not just like a bunch of... But it's a different flavor, Vag, than dick. So for me, it's like, I want to see what the flavor, and guess what? What? Don't like it. Don't like the flavor, dude. but how are you gonna know if you don't have and never had it? You guys will eat anything though, dude. Asians? I'm just saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen some mukbangs that are pretty intense. I mean, because I've been to a China, like, Chinese market before and you look at some of the shit that, like, butterfly wing?

51:12What the fuck? You eat that? Right? Or it says like a shoulder of a meerkat? Like, you eat that? Like, they eat like fucking sloth toenails. Oh, dude. They'll mix that in. They'll have a jar human freckles there you can eat that you can you can sprinkle you know you want the you want my freckle why why are why are asian people capable of eating anything why is that ah okay i'll try to explain it to you because it's really true man it was not that it's not true because let me say something i want to make the opposite argument right like i don't know if i I think Chinese people is like, white people, they eat sometimes squirrel.

51:54Right? Like, maybe they don't fuck with squirrel, but squirrels are weird. Like, I bet you've eaten squirrel. Yeah, I've had squirrel. Asian will eat squirrel. You think so? I don't know, maybe. Yeah, dude. You're right, you're right. I think you're right. You're right, but I'm just saying that there are groups of people that eat things that we're like, oh, that's weird. But it's a cultural thing. I think their theory is that if they move, we eat. Oh. Right? because it's protein yeah right so if you eat like the shoulder of a meerkat you're getting protein right it's about survival it's about survival yeah and then it's also it's like check this out they don't eat certain things like you can't go to a Chinese market and get panda oh wow think about it or a koala well it's also they won't eat cute shit but meerkats are cute meerkats are pretty cute yeah but I don't know man I think I think it's because of survival I think it's a regional thing.

52:50Like, all we can get is butterfly wing here. Yeah. Butterfly wing. Yeah, butterfly wing here or whatever. Butterfly wing. Yeah, but you know what, dude? Hey, butterfly wing. That's so cool. Yeah. Butterfly wing. You think I could be Asian or not? Dude, I'm telling you right now. I dig that. If they had a surgery. Yeah. You know what I mean? They wouldn't have to do much. Really? Well, from the waist down, nothing. yeah no I'm kidding I don't know I think it's good remember dude I accidentally grabbed your wiener the other night remember that yeah why'd you do that it was an accident yeah it was you gripped it then I didn't mean to yeah but you did I just went like this no you went down and you grabbed a little it was on stage yeah so that's probably the gayest thing I've ever done that was probably the gayest thing yeah Yeah, but I can't believe you met up with some.

53:50So if you get face-to-face with a wiener, then what do you do? Who makes the first move? That's an interesting question, dude. I stared at it for like a good 45 seconds. There's always a showdown. Yeah. Like, you know, the Western. So I was there. I backed up. Well, I turned around. I did some steps. Right? Then we both turned around. Wow. Right? And we just stared at each other. You know what I mean? I had my fucking Yeah On my mouth I mean Whatever Yeah And then I went That wiener baby That long But dude Also I was 14 years old 13 years old Oh wow You know what I mean So it's like At that time I was like Maybe Yeah And then I did it I was like no They call it that long pussy Some people call it that They do?

54:41In prison Long pussy? In prison Yeah yeah yeah They call it Say hey buddy He got to get you a cut of that long pussy. Get you a cut of that long pussy.

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58:57Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. But I feel like you don't do weird shit in bed. Let me guess. Your favorite position? Missionary. My favorite position is making love to Civil War music, dude. Okay, so what are you talking about? Really? Yeah, put on some good Civil War hits.

59:28Oh, I see.

59:34Yeah, dude. Your dick is like a musket. Yeah, yeah. It goes off. The war's over. Yeah, yeah. It was fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a short war. I mean, the Civil War, you'd be north, right? Or you'd be south? Oh, I'd have to ride with the south, man. You know, the Civil War, if they ran it back, who would win now? I don't know. Oh, dude. Oh, there it is. As long as you go.

1:00:04Yeah, yeah, yeah Something kind of nice about it Yeah yeah yeah You want to talk about the movie we did or no? Yeah we can talk about it man What was I thinking about? We did a movie Yeah we did a movie We talked about it a little bit last time Yeah we did? Yeah it's going to come out Maybe not We'll see We'll see Well the strike is going on You see what Drew Barrymore What she did about her show? What she was going to do and now she can't She's going to do it She got bullied into not doing it I know That's what's so crazy I don't think bully is the right word. No. I don't think she should have done it.

1:00:40How insane is that? I deeply apologize to writers. I deeply apologize to unions. I deeply apologize.

1:00:53I wanted to own a decision so that it wasn't a PR protected situation. and I would just take full responsibility for my actions. I know there's just nothing I can do that will make this okay for those it is not okay with. This is bigger than me. And there are other people. That's wild, huh? That's wild, yeah. What do you think about it? So the reason that they're striking is because it's like about residuals. it's about the AI where they're using like there's a lot of issues right there's a lot of issues and I believe I mean I'm supportive obviously of the strike I'm both writers and actors with her it's like just what in her mind did she think that like even if like if I was supportive of her decision or not it's suicide like with Bill Maher too it's like suicide like just don't work it's also on top of it dude you're a millionaire you can't wait a year like i don't have no idea what the fucking thought process is yeah it's fucking crazy dude it's like i don't know dude but so what so what is the thought process that they that they just want to still be able to work but it's not we all want to work right so then why are they why would they even be able to work i think the justification it's like we're like because you know they're you can do reality shows right now right those aren't effective yeah spade just is hosting yeah so spade is you can do game shows so in their minds are probably But the problem with those kind of shows With Bill Amar and her show You need writers for bits They're not improvising it And the writers are on strike Yeah So she's saying I'm going to go back and do it And we'll just hire my own writers that are not Or I'll improvise it And at that point you kind of just have a podcast Like if you and I Yeah exactly if you and I had our own show on HBO Which we should But if we had our own show on HBO You and I would have a discussion like yeah but we just make shit up anyway so why can't we do it yeah so i kind of get that but it's like at the end of the day you and i would have looked at you said yeah but just it's not gonna look good optically yeah you know i mean so it's like no i don't i don't know it's just fucked up it's a weird thing now but also i want to say this she's feeling the the pressure of people online and and and that heat and she's worried that maybe my career is over i think that's fucked up too You know what I mean like am I cancelled You know what I mean I'm not I don't back that at all You know what I mean so it's like she apologized Let her Apologize because you know we have no room In our society for redemption Or like you know I'm sorry You know what I mean so she apologized So we're like we're good just don't do it again And if Bill Maher apologizes we're good But that's not what's going to happen There's going to be people in Hollywood That's going to be like fuck her forever It's fucked up And Bill Maher too Well Bill Maher I think is still going ahead with his show But his is just online right now I don't know No no no they're talking about his real time with Bill Maher on HBO That he's bringing back without writers And they're just not doing a monologue It's just gonna be a panel His podcast is on YouTube Ah interesting Yeah yeah Now is that I mean what are people's Arguments against it If he's just interviewing people Well then what's the problem I don't know Right Because you and I are doing that now Right that's a good question I guess because then maybe it's just still on television it's like about that platform I just don't see how this just doesn't ruin or you know hinder that whole platform even more yeah this is an interesting question what if comics went on strike and we couldn't do stand up or podcasting what would we do would we cross the line I think people would cross in the first week probably I know because we're like

1:04:57We'd be over there I know because imagine like Oh so there'll be a lot of comics too And I can name them They'll be like no I don't work anyway Oh Theo and Bobby aren't doing the fucking improv This weekend book me And they would book him he would do it That's a good point huh I mean there's so many comics that are great comics Who right now can't do clubs Because now clubs are booking people that can draw. Which is like a business thing. But back in the day, dude, stand-up used to be this. Especially with the improvs. We don't care if you can draw. We want quality acts. Is that true? Oh, yeah.

1:05:32Back in the day, the improv was like that. We know so-and-so doesn't draw, but we think he's talented, so we'd rather have him than the guy that's going to sell out. But now it's all corporate shit. They only book people that can draw. That's why YouTubers and shit, you know what I mean? They have a fan base. Sometimes I'll play a weekend somewhere. or at 3 o 'clock we have a YouTube show and it's sold out I get that it's a business 3 o 'clock foosie is going to come in here and overdose but 30 years ago they never did that they didn't care we only book people that are really good comics I remember when YouTubers were coming in and doing comedy clubs I think all of us were a little bit for one we were jealous because they were selling the places out I know dude I know.

1:06:19And it was just, that was crazy. It was before we were doing podcasting and stuff. And then. But we took advantage of what they were doing. It was funny because I used to go look at YouTubers and go, my shows aren't sold out. Right. But Jojo Santana, I don't know. Yeah. Is selling out because he's, you know, he has a. Yeah. And then it's like. Hemroyd Wilson or whatever is selling out. Or whoever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. But then I was like, well, how do they do that? Oh, online. Oh, let's figure this out. And we figured it out. and we figured it out and now we did what they're doing by putting out content and grabbing an audience that way and we cut out the middleman which is Hollywood do you did you see those Mexican aliens

1:07:08what do you mean you didn't see them I have no idea what you're talking about Mexico found the aliens oh I thought you said Mexicans were aliens look at it right here Let me see.

1:07:26They found two aliens, dude. Is that real? Yeah, they're a size nine and a half. They're little, dude. Yeah, they're little, dude. They did like an unboxing. Do aliens are Chinese? Like it's a Marcus Brownlee video. Yeah, bro. And first of all, why does that one have asbestos, dude? I know. But they're little. and they have little Asian eyes and he's doing this. I'm not saying, yeah. It looked like a Chinese dude who was using a straw and he got hit by a nuclear attack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go back to it. Whoa, dude. That's crazy. So they found it, huh? Yeah. They found two aliens, dude, and they presented them in these little coffins.

1:08:11That's insane, dude. I love how there's like dirt around. Yeah. Wow And one of them had eggs in it too they said No Yeah Dude I mean There we go dude Do we have any more information about it But come on That guy looks like Yeah It looked like he was raised Face first in a In a tuna can Yeah What's wrong with him I know Yeah Wow dude Wow Look at the little nostril That's cute though Oh I think Dude I wish aliens looked like that Oh a lot of chicks I'm sure Already been in this aliens DMs For sure Yeah yeah yeah Did they show the dick? I have to know the dick I mean I bet it's pretty similar To what?

1:08:56To Chinese people? I don't know But Yeah Wow what a cutie And that looks like a government thing Was that like on like Mexican It was Mexican government Yeah they had like a government Oh yeah zoom in I want to see That's the whole body Let me see No dick look oh some dick it could be a woman get in closer what do you mean there's a little pile of something yeah yeah god they're so cute huh yeah why have people been putting cigarettes out on him though that's what i want to know yeah yeah that's crazy dude look at the posture too good posture i think unbelievable yeah yeah and it's just so like like dude yeah they can't they can't fucking break dance i'll tell you that right now imagine them dude you know i mean it's more of a mock around Macarena?

1:09:45It's something, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a Cupid Shuffle, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, dude. Man, that's so interesting. It's so interesting, dude. Who do you think is most like aliens that's already on Earth, based on the looks of this creature right here? Based on the looks of this? Oh, shit. Here we go. You know, people with progeria. Really? You know what that is? Mm-mm. Progeria? Let's look it up. You don't know what progeria is, dude? It's that disease. And I'm going to get in trouble for saying this. No, you're not. Yeah, watch. When you see it, you're going to be like, oh. Oh, that guy, huh?

1:10:26Is that guy as progeria? What is progeria? Can you bring it up? They age super quick. Oh. You know what I mean? It's like the reverse Benjamin Button. No, it's like Benjamin. Yeah, reverse Benjamin Button, maybe. Progeria, also known as Hutchinson, Guilford, progeria. Oh, dude, I've never seen a black one before. Let me just say the black one. extremely rare progressive genetic disorder. I've never seen a black person with progeria before. Let me see. Look at this white guy in blackface trying to do it. Go down there. Right there. Left. That's not. What? That guy? Right there. That's a black guy with progeria.

1:11:00Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like. Well, I think the attire made me think that it was a white guy. I thought you were saying a white guy with progeria was doing blackface. No, I thought it was a white guy doing fake progeria. Oh, fake progeria. Okay, okay. I see. Yeah. Well, what a condition, huh? I can't. So go back to what the condition is. Can I look at it? It causes children to age rapidly starting in their first two years of life. Children with progeria generally appear healthy at birth. Wow, so it's a surprise. If we're going to go down this lane, do you know what harlequin itchiosis is? uh-uh really don't even fucking google that then harlequin itchiosus yeah yeah it's not a it's people that you sure are you talking about it's not a movie character is it joker's girlfriend no harlequin itchiosus is people born with like a layer of skin or something oh look it up yeah that's yeah that's what the baby looked like oh that's so sad like a it almost has a don't don't there's no don't do a joke I'm not doing a joke they have a almost a Aztec look.

1:12:11You know what I'm saying? Like a if you saw like art or it almost looks like a wall painting. Like a cave wall painting. Yeah. Is that what you're saying? A cave painting? Yeah, that's not bad. Yeah. Isn't that sad? Mom says toddler is happy, smiley, despite painful skin condition. Yeah, but then they grow up to be they can survive this condition. Oh, wow. Yeah. So, you know, that's cool. That's amazing. Did you or there were a lot of fears in your culture a lot of birth fears? Are there a lot of birth fears that don't happen in other cultures?

1:12:47Is there a lot of do Chinese people, do they have Can I ask you something? Yeah. I honestly believe this. I believe that you don't know what I am. Because several times in this podcast you've referred to China And then you look at me Do you think I'm Chinese? I don't know if you are Be honest I don't care if you are I know you don't I know that you don't care that I am I know that you don't care I mean I do care but it doesn't matter to me It doesn't matter to you You're welcome around me I know you love me regardless But it is information That you should fucking memorize Okay well chill bro It's information you should fucking memorize Because I've known you for 20 fucking years Whatever dude It's not about chill or not chill Right?

1:13:42It's about memorize that shit dude Because every time I fucking see you dude It's like China, China You people in China, why do you guys eat this? You know me, how come you guys run this way? How come you fly, you don't know how to fly Whatever, whatever you're fucking saying I'd be happy to fucking answer those questions But memorize what the fuck I am My bad, dude. I'm Chinese. All right. Dude. I fucking knew it, dude. Dude, why do you do that shit? I'm Korean. Are you really? Yeah, I'm Korean, dude. I'm fucking Korean, dude. So it's like. Just admit it. Get it off your chest. It's not a secret.

1:14:22Google it. It's not a secret. What I'm saying is that ever since I've known you, you think I'm some other fucking Asian. Like when I came in here What'd you say? Mong, mong Yeah, you did, dude Mong, mong or something I'm not from mong I walk into you That's the first thing you fucking say, dude Damn, brother It's insane, dude Memorize that shit, dude Yeah, you're right Let me ask you some questions And you tell me what they are Okay Margaret Cho Margaret Cho Let me see Cho Cho, Cho, Cho I'm gonna say Well I'm gonna say Chinese no no no let's forget it try one more let's try one more oh you wanna try another one yeah um here's a here's a complex one uh Steve Byrne phew mmm

1:15:21I would say Chirish

1:15:28chyrish yeah that's what you just said chyrish chinese and irish yeah no dude really yeah korean too oh yeah koreans will surprise you then we got to write this down huh yeah he's kyrish we got to write he's kyrish not chyrish we got to write this down you know the right right no honestly bro let me let's be real dude yeah i love you dude like a brother dude right what i'm saying dude yeah it's not something you need to write down it's something that you could put in your brain you know how you like memorize different kinds of corn yeah right and like different kinds of like condition like white people conditions you know what i mean yeah like bowlegged or whatever asthma yeah asthma whatever you can memorize what people's you know ethnicity is and their nationality and stuff korean exactly dude it's not hard do koreans do well around like what is the...

1:16:22Who is y 'all's arch nemesis in the Asian realm? Do you guys have like a... When you say realm, it's like you're talking about Lord of the Rings or some shit. It's not a realm. It's just a part of the world. You know what I mean? Realm. Okay. Yeah. No, it's not okay. Oh, sorry. I'm just saying you're like... They were like warlocks or some shit. Not at all. When you see realm, I'm just saying What wizards don't you fuck with It's like no we're just a part of the planet How about this Don't say realm again But if y 'all were in a zoo Let's say that Don't say that I can go with that Are you in the zoo too White people are in the zoo too It's a human zoo So the aliens have created a zoo And there's a human zoo There's two aliens in Mexico They created a zoo I think they can mix, you know what I mean, different races in an environment.

1:17:25What you're saying to me is that aliens would go to the human zoo and go, let's go to the Chinese section. You have to look at Epcot Center. What do you think that is? Oh, you're right. All right. So what – yeah, you know what, dude? They would probably have an Asian section and separate them. So they would probably put like the Vietnamese and Cambodians and the Filipinos in one section. yeah that's fair yeah they would put but i think they would put the chinese in its own section that's a lot and they would put koreans and japanese aftermarket too a lot of it what do you mean a lot of that's aftermarket isn't it what it was aftermarket chinese they make a lot of aftermarket products i'm talking about yeah yeah like if you want a replica of like a um rearview mirror or something like that what would that have anything to do with them being in a fucking zoo i'm just saying that's you put them maybe in a special section go on because of the aftermarket?

1:18:17I'm thinking outside of the box. Oh, yeah. You're thinking too much. I am. I think the Koreans and the Japanese would have to be separated, but I don't know because time has passed. But you have to understand the Japanese back in the day did some fucked up shit. Yeah. They invaded China. They invaded Korea. They invited the Philippines. You know what I mean? But they've chilled over the years. Now they're into like Hello Kitty and you know what I mean? Yeah, relaxing. Relax. Yeah, they're into relaxing. They like to relax, dude. They don't have a military anymore. Wow. Japan doesn't. No. They don't have a military.

1:18:47I think the only kind of gun you can get in Japan is a shotgun, and then you have to get a bunch, you have to do a bunch of classes and shit. You know, to get one. But my point is that they've chilled over the years. That's what the two bombs did, and you know, shout out to Oppenheimer. Damn. So are you pro Oppenheimer? No, I'm not pro Oppenheimer. That was fucked up. But I'm just saying that, you know. Yeah, man, I'm sorry. It happened. Yeah. Right, so. Oh, it feels horrible. It's horrible. There's a lot of pain in the world. You tell me dude So much pain in the world dude There's a lot of pain in the world Is there pain in your life?

1:19:23I'm trying to think what's been going on I think the toughest thing for me probably Has just been thinking about getting married And stuff like that Is there anyone Right now that you want to marry? No I've kind of been dating somebody There's nothing I don't think But I think it's just a general fear of getting married Do you have that you think? I think when it comes to you dude and I don't, you know, at the end of the day, you and I are very similar. Yeah. And I think we have commitment issues. Yeah. I think you and I have exterior struggles that we relate to. I don't know how you are with porn.

1:20:01Is that an addiction for you? I don't know. I've watched a decent amount of it. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, I've seen a lot. You could be a critic for a newspaper. Yeah. If there was a porn critic, you could be one. That's how much you've watched it. Don't you think? I've seen enough over the years. I don't need to see any more. Yeah, you could write articles. Yeah, I could. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's bad for you, but I don't think I need to see any more. I've been off for a little bit. Yeah, I watch it a little too much. Do you? Yeah, but my point is that, and here's another thing too. It's like, I know women like you.

1:20:35I hear it. And yet, here you are, alone almost. I don't know what that is, dude. are you still in therapy yeah Tuesdays every other week at three yeah yeah so I don't know but because you know I've known some of the girls I know you're not vocal about it I would never but I've seen you in situations like with people yeah and some of these girls that you've seen I've liked really oh yeah like I there was one in particular years ago where I went I hope that happens yeah I think I remember that one yeah I hope that happens but it never happened It never happened So I think that you and I are I think it just seems so scary Have you been married?

1:21:20No Of course I'm not You've known that You're gonna die man You're gonna die too dude Yeah well you gotta get married I got somebody Maybe I will Maybe I will dude Would you propose Where would you propose at? Oh shit You know what I would do dude? I would have Shin Lim do something. Shin Lim the magician? Yeah. Yeah, bring him up. Shin Lim. I love things like that. A lot of Asian stuff, you can just make two sounds and then suddenly you can be a magician. Yeah, yeah. I want Shin to because I love Shin Lim a lot. He's so talented, that guy. Oh, unbelievable. So when I propose, I'm going to have Shin figure out how to do it.

1:22:01You know what I mean? But I want it to be a surprise and I want some magic involved in it. And think about how easy he thought his name up. Shin, right? And it's in a limb. Shin Lim. Yeah but limb is Anyway Spelled differently Without the B Like see the smoke stuff I would like to do that But out of my dick Or something You're like a vape Yeah yeah Yeah I want to vape Out of my dick And then like And then the ring forms Right Write your name And I go Stick your finger In the smoke ring She sticks it in And then vroom And I go Will you marry me Yeah I imagine Smoke coming out of my dick That's how I'm gonna ask Shin about it Oh I love that You think that could happen?

1:22:40Yeah. How would you propose? I think I would probably get...

1:22:48Probably something old school. Not on a cliff. I'm not doing anything on a cliff. Wait, wait, wait. What if you get a cliff? I've never even heard of that. Just people always do proposals, and then a lot of times they... It's like... They fall. Yeah, there's an accident. Yeah, I don't like that at all. So that's too risky. I would do something more ground, like more sea level. I would do I don't know You don't want to do something Like Where you hide it In a soup or something I feel like that's kind of ridiculous Dude I've never heard that before Really? Like an alphabet soup? Yeah Dude But all the letters Just spell like Marry me or something Dude that'd be dope dude Have shin work on it And then After it says marry me It floats to the surface Of the ring What do you think dude?

1:23:32That's never happened before Did you see though That one guy went underwater And wrote marry me on a piece of paper and he drowned trying to propose to his wife. You see that? No. Let's see that. There's no way that's a thing. Oh, it's 100%. It's so sad. God, man. Don't cry. I'm not. It just makes me sad. Louisiana man drowns after an underwater marriage proposal. You never got to hear my answer, his girlfriend said. No, really? Yeah. That's a real thing? A Louisiana man reportedly drowned after he asked his girlfriend to marry him in an underwater proposal, she said in a social media post. They have the drowning on camera?

1:24:09I guess some of it, yeah. But I guess part of it, they didn't. You never emerged from the depths. You never got to hear my answer. Yes, yes, a million times, yes. His girlfriend, Kenesha Antoine. Of course she's going to say yes. Yeah, especially now. She's going to say no? Yeah. Even if she was going to say no? Oh, we wrote it on Loose Leaf, too. And put it in a Stephen Weber. Aw. Dude it's like might as well just do it in an active volcano Like why would that's the dumbest idea in the world You think? Yeah dude underwater Yeah I guess why do it There's so many places on like earth Like on land that you Could be original with why would you do it In a place where you could die Well because then that adds an element of risk to it It's like I'm gonna take a risk for this love Oh And you know what I think there is something to be said for that You know and he was in an underwater bedroom Apparently there's a bedroom that's underwater and you get to and you can oh so he went outside of it wrote it down and proposed and I guess he couldn't hold his breath for very long oh my god it's so sad I can't even look at it I know man he never emerged in Tanzania oh how much time have we done I don't know about an hour we'll do a little bit more what you do more than an hour yeah a little more why if I'm hanging out with a buddy you know because I don't get to talk to you that much I'll see you next week You're not coming over tomorrow, it's next week I'm gonna come to the meeting tomorrow Wednesday morning?

1:25:41Please come Wednesday morning is at noon isn't it? It's at noon, yeah Please come I will That's awesome Is that going well for you though or no? The program? Yeah Yeah You didn't go out, I mean how much time do you have now? 16 months maybe Wow, that's incredible dude Because I'll have two years in January Will you? Yeah dude January 25th I'll have two years Did you ever almost relapse or no? I thought about it. Have you thought about it? Yeah, I thought about it last weekend. Yeah, yeah, I've thought about it. I'm so stressed. I just thought about just getting me an ice cold beer. Yeah, yeah.

1:26:12It's not just beer. It's like sometimes I'll be like, you know what the thing is when people are on shrooms? That makes you want to do it? Yeah, because I haven't had shrooms since I was 17 years old. Like every time I relapse, I never had it. Really? Which I should have done it then. Yeah. You know what I mean? But I've never had it. So people are on shrooms now where they go, dude I'm microdacent dude yeah you're like oh I don't know what that feels like or like some of these other mean things like ketamine yeah ketamine therapy boy yeah ketamine or um some of these things but it's like but it's a it's a brief thought and then I can just move on yeah you know what I mean but um sometimes especially when you're on the road bro and you're like at a bar sometimes it's hard dude but you know what I'm not at a bar on the road really you never I don't go to a bar really A couple of times I've had girls go Me and my friends are here We're at Charlotte's Place And I'll go over there I'll go if they're super hot And I'm at Charlotte's Place And I try to act cool and stuff But it's not good And then they're drinking But then I thought to myself If I did drink I would probably do shit that I would regret the next day Like hook up with somebody that yeah because you know i'll be honest with you you and i our tastes have been sophisticated or sophisticated really it's like a fight you're not i don't know i think it is what do you mean when you say that what i mean is like i you know i i like to date women that are not just only attractive but there are that you know i mean are bright and cool and have all the you know i have the checklist of things you know i mean a couple of i've had some suspect ones have you oh my god I mean I can't talk about it but I have Have you met a girl off of the DMs And just went to met a meter at night In the middle of the night I did that a couple times Was it scary I mean I did some stuff I can't even talk about on this podcast That were like wow Like I should be more careful Really Like crazies Lady of the nights You know what I mean wild eye And is this Have you been to any like sex dungeons or anything like that like you ever been in anything no i've never been in a dungeon man a sex dungeon that's not my thing yeah have you done that no yeah i don't like dominatrix you know it's so funny my i'm just as a human being i'm a very simple guy dude really i like a nice meal you know i mean do you eat the same thing every day it's funny if you look at my postmates and my door dash there are six places that I just rotate.

1:28:52Like, what are yours? I like Mediterranean food about once a month. So I go to Mediterranean, so I'll go Panini Cafe. Have you ever been to Panini? Mm-mm. So I get kebabs there. Oh, yeah, yeah. They're good. So I'll get, like, chicken or steak kebabs. I'll get, like, a salad, and then, you know, it comes with the balsamic rice or whatever. But I also get, like, cucumbers and hummus. So I do that. So I fuck with that. Another thing that I go to is I'll do one smash burger place. Yeah, yeah. I go to Hi-Ho. Like Fatty Burger? Hi-Ho. Yeah. Like Fatty Burger. They always, some of the names are kind of offensive.

1:29:23It's like, hey, fat bitch. Burger. And you're like, what? Yeah, yeah. Like Fat Sales. That's a place. Yeah, Fat Burger. Yeah, yeah. Don't put fat in the fucking thing. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. Yeah. I don't go to those places that often because of that work. Yeah. Another place that I go to is like that, that. And then I'll do, dude, I do sushi once a month at a place. Have you ever been to Austin Abo? Austin Abo? In Studio City. Is it good? It's the best Really? Yeah I gotta take you there And then Dude I fuck with hot dogs bro Really? No here's another thing You're that glizzy gobbler huh?

1:29:59I'm a gobbler You like glizzies? I love it But here's another What? I don't know what you're saying How many have you had? So many glizzies Glizzies I love the glizz Pull up a glizzy dude What is it? It's like a hot dog at a black guy's house I think

1:30:17Really? Yeah You haven't heard of glizzies dog? But you know what? I'm addicted to a fast food. Arby's, dude. Oh, there you go. There's Adam. What's his name? Adam 22 eating one. Yeah, there's a guy using one as a gun. Yeah. Glizzy gobbler, homie. Shit, dude. A lot of Democrats eat it, huh? Yeah, I guess so. Fuck, dude. That's a grizzly? Gizzy? Glizzy? Yeah, that's a glizzy, homie. Don't you like hot dog? You like hot dogs? I like hot dog, yeah. You like hot dog? Hey, you like hot dog? Would you rather be, you think, you think you could be Mexican or not? Dude, put these glasses on. Let's be Mexican for a minute, dude.

1:30:56Okay. Hey, bro. Hey, bro. How you doing? Hey, homie. Hey, homie. How you doing? I'm doing good, brother. Hey, bro. Yeah. What you watching, bro? Oh, what I'm watching right now, son? I'm watching my tío play horseshoes. Oh, shit, bro. You know what I like, bro? What? I like El Mariachi, bro. Oh, you do? You old school, hombre. Old school. Hey, bro, look at me. Check me out. Yeah, dude. Also, dude, you know what I like, dude? What is it? I like Carlos Santana, bro. Yeah, yeah. I like peso pluma. Oh, you do, bro? Bro, I like señoritas, bro. Yeah, dude, and la fiesta. I like El Chica Sake Dude, we would be so cool Dude, we would be the best We'd be the best Oh, oh I want to say something to you And I wasn't going to say this And I'm sorry, you might have to cut this out Yeah But I have a, dude Where's my camera?

1:32:04Right here? Yeah

1:32:10Last night I went to the Ice House Have you been there? No You know what it is? Yeah, they redid it They redid it And I wasn't going to say this It broke my heart when I was there last night I'll tell you how The Fishers used to own Bob Fishers Do you remember him? Great guy It used to be like the comedy store You know what I mean? Like Legend They didn't change it When you walked in like Oh yeah, this is the Ice House from back in the yesteryear It felt that way And I walked in there It was like walking into like Andes hotel They changed it Not only did they change it So I park in the alleyway where I usually go And listen I'm not I know I'm not Dave Chappelle I know I'm not Chris Rock I know where I am in the comedy scale Alright But also I'm not an open miker either I've been around, I've done some shit So I park in the alleyway Then I go, how do I get in the club I knock and there was a guy that works there He's like yo man what do you want And I go I'm playing in the main room Tonight two shows You gotta go around Can you just open this only comics I open that for I go it's Bobby Lee Yeah go around So I finally get him to open it And he goes you better be a comic Damn that's what the guy says So I go okay well I walk around I don't know where to go so I go to another person I go where's the green room he's like why would you need the green room That's for comics yeah I swear to God you think they was doing like a prank no it wasn't a prank then I walk around I see a fucking waiter that had been there in the old days so where's the manager the manager is sitting right in front of you and I look at him he won't even look at me he doesn't say listen I haven't been there since it's changed the assistant manager and the manager they don't know who the fuck we are and I'm sorry dude If you're at a comedy You think we're getting too old though Bobby It's not about that It's not about that dude I was at Cleveland Maybe they like Bryce Hall Or they're like fans of like You know So they're only Trevor Wallace fans I don't know We only like Taylor Tomlinson and Trevor Noah People that are in their 20s and 30s I don't think so dude I went to three days ago I was in Cleveland and I went to a restaurant and it was next to Hilarity's and I looked at Jesse Johnson and I go, let's go to Hilarity's I want to introduce you.

1:34:48When I walked in there, I wasn't playing there that weekend. The owner comes, gives me a hug, gives Jesse a hug. They give me a tour. They go, whatever you want. We love you. They're like family to me. Then Jesse Curson was performing. Jessica Curson. Jessica Curson. I went to go say hi. Hugged her, right? You know what I mean? It's family. That's what we are, dude. This is what it is. When I walked in the ice house, dude, it was like I went into a place I wasn't supposed to be. And then Whitney and Natasha was there too. I didn't get deep into it, but I feel like they felt the same way. Really?

1:35:28Yeah. So my point is that change your shit, man. Wow. It's disrespectful, bro. Wow. Don't act like you don't know. I don't belong there. Yeah. I mean, I think it's strange. If you go somewhere and you don't feel like you believe, then you won't want to go back, man. I'm never going to go back. Wow. And I'm sorry. You know, it's so funny. It's like I have these little weird things. I mean, and maybe I need to go to therapy about it because I get mad about little shit like that. Oh, yeah. No, I'm being real. There's little things. Like one time I was playing Bellevue Parlor Live. Oh, yeah. I've been up there before.

1:36:03And that guy falls asleep sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a condition. Yeah. And then the second show I did there. He passed away too, I think. So I did a show Thursday Friday night First show Second show I left Came back And they wouldn't let me In the club And the doorman goes Hey man we're sold out And I go I'm the headliner Like you know what I mean Yeah what do you think I'm just some fucking Lost fisherman Right When that shit happens I don't know why But I lose my shit dude I just I don't know Is that me Is that ego Am I too sensitive I don't know Is it ego It could be ego I don't know But we all have ego Ego gets scary, man.

1:36:40That's the scary part about all of it. I think your ego can be so dangerous. It's a part of you that grows. Sometimes you don't even know what's going on. Yeah, it's funny. When I was reacting like that last night, I tried to stay in the moment and go, are you overreacting? Let's see what this is about. And then I realized, no, it's fucked up. I do spend time and go listen where are you at what's your part to play in this well I think places are just having tough times hiring people like you'll go to a bakery now and the guy working there does like oil changes I think people don't have like people that know comedy working at comedy clubs anymore people are just hiring whoever they can you know no but that's ridiculous because it's like if you go to the laugh at your improv they cannot There's not a single moment in my life where I've walked into the Laugh Factory and they go, no, you're not allowed in here.

1:37:41It's always like they don't say anything because they just know you belong there. But they have a history of knowing that you've been in there, I think. I've been going to the Ice House since I was in my 20s. But I think that you, these people. I don't know, dude. but I think yeah it's like you got a guy who's working at a you know you got a guy who works at Jiffy Lube now working at the bakery counter you set that up I'm just saying you got a guy it's a weird analogy yeah yeah yeah what do you mean like I'm in a bank around like hey bro I used to work at Jiffy Lube so I don't know how to make bread is that what you're saying no I'm just saying you'll have a guy be like hey bro you want you need two quarts in your apple in your apple fritter I see what you're saying You have people who don't know what's going on.

1:38:28Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if you have a butcher working at the barbershop, you know? Yeah, I don't need much, dude. All I need, this is what I need at a comic club, right? I don't need, you don't even have to be a fan. You know what I mean? I don't need people to go, I'm a big Bobby. In fact, there's a lot of people that don't think I'm funny at all, right? I know that. I don't care. But just at least treat me like I am a comic. Yeah. That I belong to this place that like, you know, it's crazy. Right. Well, I think that it is. You get people that don't even know about comedy. It's like, I'm a door guy.

1:39:01I'm a bouncer, whatever. I'm a chef. But I was talking about the manager and the assistant manager didn't know. And then finally the manager comes up to me and goes, hey, man, I heard you were upset. I go, yeah. I mean, I walk in here. 45 minutes. Now I meet you. Yeah. He's like, well, what's your problem? And I go, well, I mean, I haven't been here since you guys changed. I've been coming for three years. You would think that the manager would be like, hey, this is what's changed about it. Show me around. And he goes, well, I could show you around now. Yeah Like it's too late Yeah Well we want things when we want them dude I gotta ask you this man What about Joe Biden falling asleep all the time How weird is it Do you think it's weird we continue to put him out there As like a Like as he's a normal dude It starts to feel like really mean Don't you think It's a thirst trap what you're doing Not at all man I'm not gonna bite the bait Do you think it's a bad thing to talk about I just think it's Here's the deal

1:39:59Both options I don't like. But to me, one guy is still the lesser of two evils. That's all I'm going to say. What do you think? I think that it's wrong to put a guy out there who is not doing well mentally right now. It just seems like he's suffering. and no matter who the person is, it's a bad look at how we treat our old people if we put a guy out there who it seems like has dementia. I could be wrong. Maybe a lot of videos I see are edited. I think so too. But the other day he said, I'm going to sleep. I'm going to Betty bed right now. Yeah, because he was tired. That's what people, old people, I see that too when I go, I'm going to Betty bed.

1:40:43Yeah, yeah. So it's like, you know what I mean? You're right. You're right. Let's just see it. Yeah. If you don't know what you want at the meeting, if you don't have a game plan, He may have a game plan. He just hasn't shared it with me. But I tell you what, I don't know about you, but I'm going to go to bed.

1:41:06Yeah, that's what people say. That's a good point. Yeah, we talked about at the conference overall. We talked about stability. We talked about making sure that the third world... Yeah, maybe it's fine, never mind. I mean, if you go, hey, Joe Biden, how's life? I'm a Taekwondo instructor. Yeah. Like if he's like Answering questions like that Then I'd be like Whoa dude So you need another level I need another level Of like Of crazy for me Because even when Mitch McConnell froze Later they did a cognitive thing And And Other senators were like Ah he's fine Yeah He just freezes Freeze every once in a while dude Oh dude If I've had a lot of ice cream I'll fucking get all Mitch McConnell Yeah Yeah If Mitch McConnell was the quarterback For the You know LA Chargers And you freeze during a play Then that's one thing Yeah But you can freeze every once in a while As a politician You're right dude We're kind of overreacting I think we're overreacting We got some pictures That we made We got some AI pictures Of a lot of comedians Put together Cool Of being children Let's check it out dude Yeah we've been Playing around with AI We asked it to show us Scenes from famous comedians From their childhood Okay cool Do I guess who that Oh my god Oh that's so Can you send me that We'll see what we can do No can you send me that I don't know if we have A copy of it We have a copy That's me right That's you This is AI What AI thinks your childhood was like It makes me heartwarming You look very handsome Pretty cute God you were cute And look what you were eating too Go back and see what he was eating Wow That looks like Shoulder of a meerkat It looks very I'm not gonna say illegal Yeah But uh Do I look Korean or Chinese there?

1:42:43Okay let's move on Next one Cute Okay That's you? Yeah That's pretty good dude you again that's really good awesome okay now here we go oh that's so funny that is Caleb yeah that's awesome yeah that's a great picture yeah Shane Gillis Shane Gillis' Civil War that's amazing let's see if I zoom in who is that Shane Gillis again nope see the next one That's David Spade. Oh, that's David Spade. Oh, I know that guy. It's not Fred Savage. It's not? No. Do you know who it is? Yeah. Oh, I know. Can I guess? Yeah. Sam Moreau? Oh, that's a great guess. It should be. It's Mark Norman. Mark Norman? We can't all.

1:43:44Can we guess? Tom Segura.

1:43:51Oh shit, that's That's Chelsea Yeah That bike is cool, huh? Fuck, who's that? Dude, I don't know who that is It's Hannah Gatsby Isn't it? Yeah, yeah, now That's Hannah Gatsby now Who is that? Stavros Halkius Oh, I see, that's good, that's good, that's good Okay, I'll buy that That's awesome Next Tim Dillon Yeah, it's Timmy D, boy That's it for these and then we also asked it to show us older what you look like when you're old Okay, that's good handle it fun. I can handle it Yeah, that's me. Oh, I took that photo you did yeah Yeah, it sources from like what's out there on the internet Wow, I hope you okay Yeah, that's me look at you making the sporting equipment Yeah, and we asked it to advance to end of life.

1:44:46Oh What are the odds you were just saying earlier with you not having any legs? Yeah Yeah. Oh. That's end of life. How'd you lose your legs, you think? I didn't lose them. They're inside my body now. Oh, they are. Yeah, I got the operation. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah. We got old Theo. Oh. Damn, dude. It's getting bad. It's getting bad, dude.

1:45:12Oh, Andy. Andrew. That's a cute picture of him. So cute. That one looks exactly like how he's going to look. That's what it's going to look like, dude. Yeah. That's what Andrew's going to look like. oh oh there's no way Whitney's gonna look like that that isn't Whitney man that's your ex-wife is that Kalilah? yeah oh fuck she's hot what if she moved out man alright let's move on dude I don't wanna talk about that anymore oh Joe but that looks like Robert De Niro yeah that's Joe yeah oh um that's uh Big J Big J yeah he looks the same looks the same yeah looks great Gabriel oh yeah

1:45:55oh Joey

1:45:59this is gonna be sad though Shane go wow oh it's gonna be sad yeah there is something sad about it yeah you know what's weird is we enter the second half of our lives Bobby that's what I'm I'm in the second I'm in the last dude I'm in the last chapter right now dude think about it the last dynasty or whatever yeah it is it's the end do you start to think I mean is there any do you feel honestly dude like really do you feel like it's time for you to have a family like it's time for you i think it is i'm ready i'm not only am i ready for it but it's like um i want it i want it and also because i'm good with kids dude i mean this girl that i'm seeing now has a kid really yeah and um how tall is the kid pretty tall wow you know and um i'm really good with I, you know, we go to arcades and we talk about Pokemon and then we also do this stuff and we play with the stuffed animals in his room before he goes to bed.

1:46:52Oh man. And I like all that stuff and I think that I could be a good dad, dude. Really? I'm not good at the disciplinary stuff. I'm not good at like, I probably wouldn't get up in the morning and make lunch, but I'll pick him up from school and I think that I could have to say some wise shit. You know what I mean? But you know what? The love would be there. I think it feels the same with you I think it would change our lives dude Do you think it would change your life? Yeah I think it would man I think it would What do you think has been the scary thing for you And I mean I'm happy to talk about it for me too But like what's the scary thing you think about going there About like doing it you know It's stuff I have to give up Right I gotta give up Starfield And Stardew Valley and video games I can't play it as much Yeah I think that I would have to change my sleeping schedule like today I woke up at 1.30 I texted you oh dude you have this sleeping schedule of a wombat yeah yeah yeah I do so I'd have to change that and I think I would change my language really?

1:47:57yeah I'm filthy yeah yeah like yesterday I also behave so yesterday me and Jesse you know how sometimes you have to take a from the rental center to the airport you have to take a tram you know what I mean? So we were in one of those shuttles it was packed completely quiet and literally me and her are the only ones standing and I go watch this and I bent over and I ripped a fart that was so loud and it made it so uncomfortable and me and Jesse were laughing but everyone was pissed they were pissed? yeah yeah I mean there was one dad that was like dying laughing because it was so loud but it's like I do that all the time and I have to change probably that dude I'd always you always I feel like the thing that that's like the uh you want to always everybody wants to really rip one in like a public setting you know let the gods speak you know yeah yeah so it's like um but do you think you could really do that and could you live in a house where when you wake up and your wife is right there with you in bed and then like then if you go in the kitchen she's also in the kitchen yeah it also that sounds disturbing to me she's everywhere like that's the part to me for some reason that feels overwhelming and also number two I noticed because you know the girl that I'm seeing now she's showing her best side you know what that's what they do and I'm showing my best side like I don't do fucking gook rippers you know what I mean in front of her what is that blowing it out your nose or something no just fart oh yeah yeah I don't do like you know some of my and ask your shit.

1:49:38Yeah. I say, you know, I show her the best sides of me. Yeah. Right? And then, you know, what happens is you commit to the person and you guys live together and that's when, oh, she's in every room. Oh, now it's a problem that I'm playing video games too much. Yeah. All those things that come up. So I'm not really interested in that. I'm not doing that. But are you going to let them know first, this is kind of how I live my life? Like, that's a scarier thing as we get older is I hear from my friends who haven't gotten married until they're older is that it gets harder to get like like the it gets harder to match with somebody because you have too many, you know.

1:50:18But but when you I've thrown my boundaries out there already. I've never done this before. So I've said that like, you know, if I ever get married, we're sleeping on two separate beds. Yeah. In two separate rooms. Yeah. And they're like, well, that's weird. I go. I just think that it's better if I have to go on the road or, you know, I mean, or I'm playing video games. All night I don't want to keep you up Right and you do your own thing So it's like that's that And if they don't like that well then it's not Going to work out I mean there's just certain things that like also but another thing that I do Is you know I'm like But you know what dude every meal I pay for Whatever you need you'll have Whatever you need you'll have Unlimited dim sum And you can do whatever you want I will support you If you're like you know me and my son we want to go to Canada For like and he's never seen Vancouver I'll fund it go go go go I don't give a fuck, right?

1:51:07But it's like, don't get into my shit and tell me when to sleep, when to wake up. Do any of that shit, dude. What do you think? I think, yeah. I think the scary part is just like, I don't know. I never wanted anybody to be at, like, I never, I don't know. I always like kind of being by myself. I always like being able to do whatever I want to do. Yeah. What about this then? But at a certain point, it's pretty lonely. Yeah. Let me ask you this. Could you do this? Could you do, this is your part of the house and this is my part of the house and then you design your part the way you want to design it and every once in a while, several times in a week, we'll meet in the middle of the house, have meals, smash, do whatever, hold hands or whatever, but for the most part, I'm going to stay on your side and you stay on your side.

1:52:00Would that be good for you? Like a Red Rover, Red Rover? Yeah, like a Red Rover, Red Rover. Like Red River, Red River, I'll see you at dinner Yeah Yeah, I think I could maybe do something like that Yeah, but they would never go for it You'd have to meet a girl that would want to do that But I also, I have a problem sometimes Of being, like saying what I need In the beginning So it's like then things get going And it's like I don't say what I need That's what I'm telling you to do it now I've been trying to do it now Like this is my thing Also here's another thing I say up front You can never say, hey, can Sunday nights be about us and not do stand-up?

1:52:42No. Stand-up and my business and my career will always be first. Really? Like, if it's your birthday, yeah. Our anniversary, yeah. Yeah. If someone dies and your Uncle Jimmy dies and we have to go to his funeral, I'll go. Yeah, if we can smoke there, I'll go. and I also want to dress the way I want to dress I'm going to wear my poncho and my fucking cowboy hat bro but my point is that so there's certain things like that but it's like no it's literally what I do and it's who I am podcasting and stand up and acting like imagine a girl going yeah you can't do that movie because it's our anniversary and you told me we're going to go to paradise no no I'm doing the movie so you got to say that up front Do you think you'd be willing to spawn your own child to hatch your own prawn, as they say?

1:53:37I have proof, but I'm not going to tell you what it is. My cum is strong, my friend. Really? So you can do it, Syl? Strong as fuck, dude. Wow, boy. Boy. It's good. You got that damn yum on you. Yeah, I got damn yums, dude. How about your cum? I don't know. It looks a little risky sometimes, but I haven't really gotten in there. and I haven't gotten in there with like a magnifying glass or anything. Yeah, you don't do that. You can go to the fucking doctor and do it, I think. You don't have to do your own home kit. I think you just put it under like a microscope. Yeah. Can you see if your semen works well just at home?

1:54:19You don't think you can? I'm sure you can, but I just never heard like a home kit. But why drive over to somebody's place you don't really know? waste a load at his house. Okay, here we go. There you go. And what's the rating? Like how much, what's the max you can get?

1:54:40But that's on a chart though, is it? Oh, normal range. Yeah. That's something that I think about, dude. But you gotta still have that. I have it still. You gotta have some beef in the batter, homie. I still got some beef in there, dude. Yeah, how to test sperm count. Oh, you can do it with water even. Oh, you come in water? So, yeah. Oh, they're like sea monkeys? Yeah. Welcome to the zoo. Yeah. May I take your order? That's what I feel like the zoo would be like in - On a different planet? In, well, a different country. I feel like an Asian zoo would be like, welcome to the zoo. Can I take your order?

1:55:23And they'd have great food. They'd have the best food. The photo down there, is that what sperm looks like? Yeah, let's get that sperm. Let's see a real close-up look of real sperm. Can you Google that? High-res sperm. Dude, that's high-res right there. Look at that. Whoa, dude. Whoa, dude. Papa got a brand-new bag, huh? Whoa, dude. That's crazy. They look great, huh? They look pretty good. Yeah, yeah. Wow, it's very And the ovary looks like The sun It looks like one of those bosses on Breath of the Wild Yeah, maybe Or when that moon comes up, you know what I'm talking about? Looks like those yellow Asian sprouts That you eat at Korean restaurants Oh, yeah We had a couple news stories Is there anything good?

1:56:18And then we'll get Bobby out of here Dude, how long do you go? For podcasting? Yeah, hours? I do 50 minutes. You do? Yeah. What is this? Why do you do it like this? I don't want to get to fucking hang out with you, dude. I'm going to see you again. Will you? Yeah, dude. What is this? Why do you do it so long? It's fun. It's... You're on a flight. Look at these guys. They want it. What do you guys think? Call me a bitch again. Call me a bitch again. Yeah, you guys did nothing wrong. I said you showed up. No, you shut the fuck up. You shut the fuck up in here bitch. Film me. I'm Instagram famous, you fucking bum.

1:56:59Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Wow. I'm not shocked that people, I mean, planes are getting weird, huh? Yeah. People are stressed out. And people are not used to being around each other in person anymore. People are starting to get, I think this is what's happening. Okay, tell me. Online, people can say whatever they want, right? so when it gets back and people are online more than they're in real life these days so when it gets back to being in real life people think they should be able to say whatever they want to online but they can't because it's not the same setup and it makes it it creates this weird uncomfort you know does that make any sense yeah what she just said on Instagram famous too I think people are entitled to like that bitch thinks she's entitled to say mouth off like that.

1:57:50Right, I think, yeah, people think - She thinks she's better than the people that are in the fucking plane. Yeah. We're all the same, man. Yeah. You know, so it's like - That's why I wish everybody should have to carry a piece of their own shit with them. Cause then nobody would think they're better than anybody else That's interesting In a bag though Not like out Like in the open I think in the open dude Cause then somebody's Gonna have a nicer bag Than somebody else Somebody's gonna have Their shit bedazzled Well Gucci could make a bag Yeah How about this No it's not No how about This is the best way Somebody's gonna have A Fendi turd or whatever We have It's a law Okay Right It's like You know An Altoid box Yeah So it looks like An Altoid box But it's see through It's like completely clear You put your poo in there But it's sealed Then you wrap it Around your neck and it's like a bling, right?

1:58:39But everyone has to have one. I think that would humble people. Like some people might have like things in it like peanuts. Mine has peanuts, how about yours? Yeah, but you guys use a lot of peanut and a lot of sauces and stuff. Yeah, but yours is just a solid brown? No, I think mine, I tend to run a specific color like during certain seasons of the year I think. Oh, like in spring it's different. But I think if you had to carry it in your hand, it would be very, okay. I mean, that's insane. Yeah, that lady seems like she's nuts. On to the next story. Yeah. Lauren Boebert. I know about this. Oh, yeah.

1:59:15She's the Colorado rep. Yeah, I know. Somebody was yumming on them. Somebody was handing on them yummers, baby. Yeah, so this is the actual surveillance video. Yeah. Somebody was hamming on them porch milkers, baby. God, huh? Do you think she should apologize for this? No. Here's another thing. Let me say something, okay? it's another thing of entitlement she's like I'm a congresswoman I can vape she's vaped in there too right I can vape in there I can mouth off I'm above everyone else I can behave in a way that's out of pocket just because I'm a congresswoman but do you think she should be able to get her breasts felt in public that's not out of line if her and the man want to consensually do it in the dark if her titties are being rubbed in the theater that's fine if that wasn't the thing If that was the only thing, that'd be fine.

2:00:06But she was acting a fool, too, like vaping and heckling. Yeah. Wasn't she heckling? I haven't seen heckling. I just heard vaping and groping. All right. Well, that's... Damn, boy. She got them bomb tonsils on her, baby. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. She got them real... Would you marry her? I don't know if I would marry her. I don't know her. I don't know her either, bro. But I, you know... Yeah. I'd probably... I'd go see a flick. Also, watch the movie, Beetlejuice. Why do you want to go to a little play? That's true, huh? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if she's my type. I don't know. Yeah, no.

2:00:39That's not my thing. But apparently she's got them big dippers, baby. All right, anything else, brother, in the news? There's just something going on right now. There's a jet that's missing that just went missing. Oh, yeah, and they're asking the public's help for that. That's the weird thing. Wait, wait, what's missing? A jet, an F-35. Was it F-35? Yeah, it's a fighter jet just went missing over South Carolina. The pilot ejected safely, but I guess they just found debris of it. Yeah. Well, if he ejected, then he's fine. He's probably in a four or somewhere. The pilot's fine. They can't find the plane.

2:01:16They left it on – let me see it, Zach. Yeah, this just came in. They're starting to find a little bit of debris in South Carolina, but they haven't found the whole plane. But it was crazy. They were asking the public, have you seen our plane? That's what's crazy. That's crazy. dude it's getting to this weird space where um oh did you see that musk might charge for twitter did you see that yeah i'm i haven't been on twitter for two years because they stole my account oh they did yeah some guys running my twitter account for two years i can't get it back really yeah and then now he's selling computers on it dude i haven't been on my twitter and i've tried to hire professionals yeah to get it yeah i'll I'll give you 10 grand.

2:01:58They're like, we can't do it. You guys, yeah. Anyway. What do you think about this, though? Suggest he will charge? Because he's saying this is the only way you can get rid of bots. Is that what he's saying? Elon Musk may flip the switch to make X, the social network formula on Twitter, an entirely subscription-based platform. Wow. I mean, that way, maybe I can get my fucking account back. To your point. Because the guy that stole it might not want to pay for it. To your point. Yeah. That's what he's saying. He's saying nobody's going to pay for all these bots, and if you have to. Can you scroll up some?

2:02:26Musk didn't mention the timing of his plan to charge Twitter users, nor did he say how much it would cost. I think that's a great idea, dude. Because it's like people can like, you know, like, you know, I know dudes that like comment shit, like dudes that like rip me apart, right? And then like I block them, but then just create another account. Because I can tell that it's the same guy in terms of the language and their aggression. You know what I mean? So maybe that's a good way to do it, dude. Because apparently the advertising sales, I guess, because he's the CEO, People think he's, I guess, maybe they don't politically align with them, or they just don't align with them.

2:03:00It says 50 % that ad sales have plunged. We're still negative cash flow. Advertising revenue. Maybe Twitter will go down like fucking Vine. I don't think it can, though. Why? I think you got to have it stay up if people can just talk on it. Where else would people be able to communicate? The one I'm enjoying, Truth Social, dog. Is that what you're on? Is it good? No, I'm kidding. Trump's one. Oh, it is? I do belong to it. But I only do it so I can read the crazy shit. There really is a crazy shit on there? Well, I just love seeing people go... I just love the things that people say. The QAnon people.

2:03:37I like reading their crazy ideas. There's some deep stuff in there. I don't know enough about it, but what is this? Go down a little bit more. I just wanted to see one more thing that he said here. X's other benefits. One of the chief perks of X blue is getting verified checkmark. But everybody can pay for their checkmark now. I think they're saying if there's less, if he will pay for it, that there won't be as many bots because he's trying to get all the bots off of the app. Also, can I just say about checkpoints and stuff like that? It's like the whole point of it was because and I'm not I mean, I don't care one way or another, but it's like the reason why, you know, we I wanted to check mark is because 40 dudes were like making accounts with my name.

2:04:19Yeah. And I want people to know that this is the real one. Yeah. But now like other people are like, I want a check mark too because it's like a sign of like privilege or, you know, being cool. But it's like, why? Yeah, someone's like, my wife died in a fire. I need a check mark. And you're like, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They think that anything, you know, I guess it's a feeling of like, I'm important. You know what I mean? Like I know a comic that like never got a check mark because it wasn't big enough. And then like, but then now he pays for it. Now he feels great. But fine. I don't know why.

2:04:49Dude, let's go. I got to eat. This is insane. It's like two hours I didn't know you've been here two hours You've been here one hour and 21 minutes That's not true Yeah it is Right under two hours Hour 40 Yeah that's fine I'm gonna be on Yeah go promote Tiger Belly Next week right? Yeah Or tomorrow And let me see Next week Next Tuesday Yeah I don't know when it'll come out though It's fine And then also I wanna also say that dude Dude, I mean, I'm just so proud of you. You're killing it. Oh, thanks, man. You guys are too, dude. We're doing pretty good. I think we're all good. But I look at you and I go, oh my.

2:05:29Like, I remember me and Andrew the other day were like watching one of your crowds. That's pretty crazy. Yeah, and we were like, holy fuck. I mean, it's like you could just tell it's a completely different deal, dude. Thanks, man. But guess what, dude? What? You don't intimidate me at all, man. Really? I don't give a fuck, man. Dude, I'll fucking hide drugs up your ass, boy. I know you would, man, but honestly, I'll hide drugs up your ass and throw you over the border. I don't know what happens, man. You know what I'm saying? I'll say this, though. You've been touring a lot more. Thank you, man.

2:06:03I feel lucky, for sure. Yeah, I've been touring a lot. You've been touring more than you ever have. I know, man. How is that? Why has that changed for you? Because you didn't used to do that. Oh, it's just Andrew making me. What, are you enjoying it? No. But I'll tell you what. No, here's why I like it. I like it because you know honestly if I wasn't touring I would just be like oh I'm a loser or whatever but you know it's nice to go out because then you realize because in LA no one says anything but when you go out in the world like people are like I'm a fan and you kind of go oh well maybe I am reaching an audience and stuff so it feels good in that way I like meeting people and hugging them and going and talking to them like thank you for listening and you know and you get to like because we do meet and greets I don't know if you guys do those.

2:06:47Yeah. And it's like, it's good to hug people and go, thank you so much for your support. And it makes me want to keep going. So it's nice. It's cool in that way. We had a guy that got hit by a train and I got to meet him recently. Yeah. He came out. Yeah. He walked. He walked. He's walking, bro. Okay. Walking. Walks across a train track. Train hits him. Motherfucker. Had headphones on. Listen, I was going. Holy shit, dude. Got to meet him. There he is right there, buddy. That's it. Rail baby, they call him. That guy got hit by a train Yeah he did He looks so I mean he's so small I don't know I think there was more of him Before he got hit He just kind of flew off of it I don't know He got drilled pretty good man He's an American hero dude Yeah yeah And uh But yeah you'll meet people That are calm People let you One lady let me Hold her tit With the side of my arm The other day Biggest tit you've ever seen That's interesting You see people with We had one guy Lost part of his skull Doing something And uh He came out He had a hat on But he took the hat off and you could see part of it was missing.

2:07:46But then he could go like this and it would fucking inflate to full, dude. No way. Swear. No way, dude. Bro, we met some of the greatest people, man. Yeah. People are doing nice cross-stitch for you. Somebody made me a rat crown the other day with different rats on it. Yeah, also, you know, I'll be honest with you. It's like I, you know, like we do the South or whatever and I go, oh shit, like, I might be a redneck, man, because it's like they look, like I think I have that vibe. You guys have a lot of the same stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Catfish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like eating pussy from the back.

2:08:18Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. In fact, I'm kind of redneck, dude. But I go out there and I go, and I love them. It's like, we hug, dude. I feel their bony bodies against my body, you know? They're bony, dude. Yeah, yeah, well, it's sharp. Anyway, I got to go eat something. Bobby Lee. Get the fuck out of here, dog. Dude, happy belated birthday, man. I love you, too. See you later, man. And I hope this is a big year for love for you, brother. See you later, man. All right, buddy. Bye-bye, man. I'm going to keep talking to you even though you're leaving, okay? Are you real? Yeah, well, you're good, though.

2:08:49You're going to keep going. I'm just going to pretend you're here. How long? Why do you keep it? I'm joking, dude. Why do you keep it? That's insane. Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind. I found I can feel it in my bones. But it's gonna take... ABC Wednesday. Shifting gears is back. He has a risen. Tim Allen and Kat Dennings return in television's number one new comedy. What was it? With a star-studded premiere including Jenna Elfman, Nancy Travis and... Hey, buddy!

2:09:38A big home improvement reunion. Welcome. Oh, boy. That guy's a tool. Shifting Gears. Season premiere Wednesday, 8, 7 central on ABC and stream on Hulu.