In short
Podcast Summary: This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von - E472 Stavros Halkias
Episode Overview In this episode, Theo Von welcomes back comedian Stavros Halkias, who is set to release his new Netflix special titled "Fat Rascal" on December 5th. Their conversation spans various topics, including cultural observations, the American political landscape, and humorous anecdotes about life.
Key Highlights
Guest Introduction
- Stavros Halkias: Stand-up comedian and host of "Stavvy’s World."
- Upcoming Netflix special: "Fat Rascal" set to release on December 5th.
Main Discussion Topics
- Cajun Santa: A humorous take on Santa's character and cultural variations.
- Thick Love in the New World: Discussions about relationships and societal expectations.
- Battle of the States: A tongue-in-cheek conversation about the potential for states in America to compete against each other, exploring how this could change the nature of government and identity.
- George Santos Drama: Commentary on the political controversies surrounding Santos and his extravagant spending habits.
- Osama Bin Laden’s Goth Son: A humorous reflection on how Bin Laden's legacy continues to evolve in pop culture discussions.
Cultural and Social Commentary
- American Imperialism: Stavros and Theo touch on the historical context of American military actions and their repercussions on global relations, particularly in the Middle East.
- Public Perception of Jewish People: They discuss the complexities surrounding anti-Semitism and how it is intertwined with current events in Israel and Palestine.
- Social Media Influence: How younger generations perceive and react to political and social issues through platforms like TikTok.
Personal Stories and Humor
- Stavros shares anecdotes about his experiences with his Albanian heritage and family life, including humorous narratives about cultural stereotypes.
- Theo mentions his childhood memories of family interactions during power outages, creating a nostalgic atmosphere.
- The conversation often dips into absurdity with light-hearted takes on serious topics, maintaining a comedic tone.
Philosophical Insights
- Living with Purpose: They discuss the importance of finding fulfillment beyond professional success, drawing analogies with sports figures and their approaches to life.
- Mental Health and Well-being: The need to disconnect from technology and social media for mental clarity and personal happiness.
Conclusion The episode balances humor with serious discussions about cultural identity, politics, and personal growth. Theo and Stavros create an engaging dialogue that reflects on the absurdities of modern life while also addressing deeper societal issues.
Notable Quotes
- "When your dick gets hard from love, that's special."
- "It does feel like you have to do something because if you're the power to, you are the one that has to figure it out."
Links and Resources
- Follow Stavros Halkias: [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/stavvybaby2)
- Theo Von's Tour Dates: [Theo's Tour](https://theovon.com/tour)
- Theo’s Merch: [Theo's Store](https://www.theovonstore.com)
Additional Notes For those interested in the intersection of comedy and social commentary, this episode serves as a great example of how humor can be used to address complex issues while fostering a sense of community and understanding among listeners.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00I'm NFL linebacker TJ Watt and this is my personal best. YPB by Abercrombie is the activewear I'm always wearing. That's why I reached out to co-design their latest drop. I work with designers to create high-performance activewear that holds up to my toughest workouts. Shop YPB by Abercrombie in-store, online, and in the app. Because your personal best is greater than anything.
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1:32I want to let you know that I have some new tour dates to announce. Charlottesville, VA on February 1. Raleigh, North Carolina, February 2. Columbia, South Carolina, February 3. And Knoxville, Tennessee, go Big Orange, on February 4 at the Knoxville Coliseum. As well, State College PA on February 7th. Syracuse, New York, February 8th, and Amherst, Massachusetts on February 9th. Get your tickets early starting Wednesday, November 29th at 10 a.m. local time with code RATKING. General on sale starts Friday, December 1 at 10 a.m. local time. All tickets available at Theovan.com slash T-O-U-R. don't buy through secondary sites if the prices are jacked up just wait we'll come on back through town but looking forward to bringing the tour near you thank you for the support today's guest has a new comedy special coming out on Netflix on December 5th he's the pride of Baltimore and one of the most entertaining men young men in the universe today's guest is Mr.
2:54Stavros Hell yes. Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I've been singing I'm going to stay
3:24I knew an Albanian girl. Yeah, I remember she got her belly button braided. I'm sorry. I love it. We're good. She was the only girl that had cornrows outside of her belly button. Oh, yeah. A fierce people. Not saying anything about your wife, my friend. But my producer, Albanian also. Really? Yeah, eldest, my boy. but big, dumb, block-headed Albanian piece of shit. And so what is it? Because we just referenced, guys, Stavros Halkius is here today. What's up, bros? We're going to talk about his new special that's coming out on Netflix. When is it? December 5th, Fat Rascal. Wow. Mm-hmm. Next week, bro.
4:03Yeah, that's right, dude. Thank you, bro. Thank you. Wow. This is your first one on there. First one on there. I did my own on YouTube. Yep. And then I've just been putting out a bunch of shit on YouTube and social media and shit. So, yeah, we put it out there. There's something that, well, two things. First of all, we talked about the producer today, Alex Lagos, is in, and he married an Albanian. Yes, that's right. He did, which, you know, sleep with one eye open. That's what I would say. Don't leave any livestock unattended. She might abscond with your goats.
4:40Why is that? Do they just have like a hankering for animals? Dude, so in Greece, Albanians are like, it borders Greece, right? Okay. So my best friend growing up, Albanian, but the relationship of Albania and Greece is like what you might say Mexico is to America, where it's like there's a lot of illegal immigrants that will take any job just to be in the country. That shows you how shitty Albania is. Greece's economy is what they want to get in on. Greece has been bankrupt a few years ago but like literally and my family's from Athens so it's like you know we're fucking high class dude we're like we got the Parthenon right there but I went to visit you know I went to visit you can see it bro I went to visit my friend from Baltimore our families were in Greece at the same time and we drove to his like hillbilly ass hick like village and in Albania and right like northern Greece closer to Albania okay these motherfuckers like still had an outhouse they had indoor plumbing but they just had it for the love of the game just to also shit outside oh there's something about shitting outdoors that really you know what I'm saying it connects you to mother Gaia oh yeah it's like take that government yeah you know I don't need the fucking department of sanitation telling me where to shit that's one vote for Trump right there dude every time you shit in the yard homie Absolutely.
6:09That's how they're taking the census. They count how many turds are underneath, under people's yards. But we went to his fucking village and they straight up had, this was the year, this must have been 2002. They had an Albanian indentured servant. I'm not even kidding. They had this motherfucker that wasn't allowed upstairs. He had his own little fucking basement apartment. And they were like, yeah, we couldn't. The last Albanian took our shoes, so we couldn't trust him in the fucking main house anymore. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? I'm coming from Baltimore. And I'm like, they have light Albanian slavery in these fucking villages, dude.
6:52This was 2000, post 9-11. It was crazy. And you can vote right now on slavery right now on the YouTube. No, look, man, I think, yeah, oh, the first time you see shoes, that's fucking. Yeah, laces. You're like, damn, look at these body tires. This will help. So, yeah, I guess Albanians, and do they have, is there a mental issue with them? I think so. Really? No, I think, you know, my, I think that's what they would. This guy, this particular guy, I don't remember his name, 100 % had a bit of a mental issue. Oh, yeah. Big Smiler, let's say. Oh, yeah, yeah. My boy had Big Smiler. Not the best teeth.
7:34That did not slow him down for one second. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Oh, dude. No windows, but still cutting the lights on. Absolutely. That's my kind of joy. Doesn't skip a beat. Like, they're just hurling, you know, insults at him. He's just taking it with a grin and getting some fresh well water for supper. You know what I mean? Doesn't bother him at all. Heavy petter, dude. Oh, yeah. Kind of dude that'll just stir a thing of hot soup with his hand. Absolutely. Those nerves have been dead for years. Those nerves have been dead after multiple, like, raccoon bites. That thumb is dead, dude.
8:17Let's just say hip-hop harabies, dog. Okay. Yeah. They should study him, dude. How he survived. They should study him. It would take about 40 minutes. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. If you go, well, it would be one. There's one extra something. That would take a little longer. Dude, that extra chromosome, there's also, it must have creatine in it because a lot of people that are, you know, A lot of people call them mentals or people that are missing in action but aren't missing. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Those people are the torque that's in them. Well, yeah, they're literally one extra amount dude.
9:03So they are stronger. They're hyper-masculine. That's that extra chromosome. Is that true? Absolutely, yeah. So the extra chromosome is - Or at least that's one type, one style. Okay. I don't know if it's - We're talking downs right now, I believe. I had a friend whose son had the extra, and I think the extra, X is girls, Y is dudes, I believe. So if you're X, Y, Y, that means you're like a turbo bro. So those motherfuckers, hairy, you know, eyebrows, wild, jacked, jacking off fast, you know, at a young age. Oh, they can jack off and then catch it on their eyebrows. You know? Absolutely. We're talking like, yeah.
9:41It's like hanging up the Christmas lights. Yeah. Oh, damn. Look what Randy... An icicle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bells of... Dude, we had... Yeah, we had... Uncle, he used to masturbate in his sleep, right? He had... I think he had an iron deficiency or something. So that whenever he stayed over, my mom would make more of these jingle bells on his wrists. Ironically, the more they jingle, a little iron probably peeled off, went into his bloodstream. His hand full of iron, puts it on his open cock and he gets into his bloodstream. It's a win-win. Yeah, I think she just wanted to keep things, you know, if he started cleaning himself out, she wanted to keep things cultured.
10:23Well, of course. It's a good safety mechanism, too. But I'm just saying the silver lining, he might be up, you know, he might have more energy throughout the day because his higher levels are regulated. Well, I think he was missing some silver lining, which is what was his problem at the beginning. But, yeah, he was copper heavy, dude. You can see some of those dudes. We had a guy in our neighborhood, he had extra copper in his blood or whatever. And he had real heavy eyelids. So when they blinked down, his whole head would kind of go down like that. That's tough. And then he had a C1 cervical issue.
10:58He had, I think, some kind of spinal issue because of the... Sure, the constant heavy blinking. That copper, baby. That's going to take a toll on the neck. Either it's going to get stronger or you're fucked. and he just didn't have it in him. He didn't have that thick neck. Yeah, he didn't have that torque in him. But yeah, congratulations, Alex, too. Alex just, and he knocked up the lady. Wow. We got a half on deck. Alert the fucking maternity ward. He got a fucking baby with some slippery fingers. He's going to take the other baby's pacifiers out of the fucking... Hey, hide the fentanyl patches.
11:39You know what I'm saying? We got an Albanian.
11:46Dude, that would be the best cartoon. If you ever did a cartoon, it would just be Albanian babies. Albanian babies. Yeah, what do you say, guys? Well, in the Bronx, they're like, that's the mafia. Albanian babies? Well, yeah, babies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure there's some tough Albanian babies. Yeah, Albanians. I love there's something about that Russian like you know you'll get your child like a doll made out of stone yeah yeah yeah yeah like a 30-pound doll yes like yes absolutely a real-life golem you get them a real Jewish folklore they're like look we're gonna have to train against these because they tend to also be anti-semitic and they think golems are real so they get their baby oh yeah are they really anti-semitic well I think a lot of the the eastern eastern world is really Well, because you've got to look at Europe.
12:34They figure ways to be racist. Like Yugoslavia broke up because Serbia thinks they're different from fucking Croatia or whatever. Right. To like, you wouldn't know the fucking difference, right? I barely would. Is it that they also respect their individuality more? I'm not saying. Is that part of it too? That like, because are they anti everything? Are they anti like this? Yes, they definitely think they're the man. Right. Every, like, they think like each little fucking village. It goes back to like village shit. So it's like, but that, but it's so funny to be like, you'll see people who will kill, you know, grandmothers over this conflict.
13:10And then you like zoom out and it's like same fucking guy. You know what I mean? Like there's nothing different. It's like the track suits are slightly different colors. You know what I mean? But they're the same type of, you know, same dude. But it is funny to have like, there's, everyone has pride in that part of the world. Everybody has pride. And then it's like, you can drive through the country. Like you can drive through Greece in eight hours. It's not a big fucking country, but like. Yeah, dude. It's crazy when you go through a trip to Europe and you're like, the French and the English just for thousands of years fought each other and they're fucking, you know, a 20-minute helicopter ride apart.
13:44You know what I mean? Like, it's like getting to Queens, from Queens to JFK. It's like, that's part of France is that close to England. It's fucked up. Dude, that's why. Yeah, it is crazy to think. I wish, sometimes I wish we still, I wish we had more stuff like that. I wish we would sometimes go to state governments. Do you think that we could end up like that over here? Go more individual state-wise, like, you know, the original sort of conception where everybody has their own little vibe? Yeah, I think it would just be, I mean, it would make, sports would be so much more exciting because you would be like, if Georgia is playing California, they are playing California.
14:19Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that is what's cool about, like, I love soccer, obviously, and that's the one thing American sports misses is that, like, these are countries that literally fought each other. like when you have fucking Algeria playing France those motherfuckers colonized Algeria like Algeria wants to fuck them up so it is cool but yes I think you're right it would be a real there'd be a real melee situation I think about that sometimes where it's like yeah what does happen if we just you know everyone calls each other's bluff and we're just like fuck you fuck you we're separate countries and then we see what happens I think it would be really exciting and I think it would definitely be more exciting And also the states are getting really different.
14:58You're having states that are like going bankrupt. You're having states that are keeping it together. You're having states that are like, you know, that can't take care of their people. You're having states that can take care of their people. Yeah, yeah. Totally. You have states that have like legal gun carry and states that, you know, it's like I think you're getting, they seem to be getting more separate than together. And I think we as a country seem to be getting like that at times. Yeah. I mean, it's also fucking huge. You do think about it You're like This really shouldn't be one country We really should break it up You know what I mean?
15:31Yeah, I would love to have a couple countries Yeah, give a couple countries You know Still no past Still like Like the EU I can go vacation there Yeah You know what I mean? I don't want to have to do a bunch more paperwork to get in Right But you know That's the other thing You know the culture war shit would get so annoying Where it would be like If you're from New York And you just want to come hang out in the south You know they would fucking They would fuck with you a little more And vice versa Yeah You know what I mean? They would be like Yankees Yeah, absolutely. You'd have to wear like a gay patch.
15:58Yeah. If you were gay, you mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, like a Star of David thing or whatever? Yeah, yeah. There'd be a certain place where it's like, if you're trans, we want to know. Yeah, put a patch on. Put the trans patch on if you're coming to Alabama. Nobody's got a problem, but we just want to know what we're dealing with. Yeah, coming to Florida. Yeah, look, it's hunting season just started, and some of these guys can't see well. Ivis. Yeah, we want to. Put an Ivis patch on. Look, if you're sexually uncertain, we need you to put this orange vest on. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's all we need.
16:30Yeah, yeah. Because we want to know if we fuck you, if it's gay or not. That's it. Nothing to do with you. It's all about our accounting. We keep track of our own. You're on vacation. We're not going to fuck with you. But if you get sucked off by our pal, he gets one gay strike, and then he can't. Yeah, three strikes and you're out. Three strikes? They take a little bit of your penis away. Unless you get elected to be a senator, you get two more strikes. Right, yeah. That would be, yeah, that's interesting. It would make, yeah, making state government even gayer, which is hard to do. Dude, I just put, I think I would, it would be neat.
17:07There would be more, like, excitement about your state, I think, or you would have to take more state responsibility. Yeah. I think, what would be some of the good points of that, I wonder? Well, I think a lot of it would be you would get to decide how to spend the money. I worry that – I think it's a good idea in theory. And again, I don't fucking know because it's been so long since I've actually known shit like this. But I think a lot of states depend on federal funding way more than we realize. Yeah. Just say Mississippi if you want to. Right, right, right, right, right. I think what would happen is like – and also it's like once you stop being different, once you stop being – Like, you could in theory be like, well, we're not going to spend money on the military.
17:51Like, there could be like, you know, liberal states are like, we're putting our money into whatever the fuck. And then it's like, first of all, who gets all the fucking planes? Would we play like rock, paper, scissors for that shit? Well, the military would still have to be a general consensus unless you'd have state military as well. Right. But what you're talking about essentially is becoming independent countries, basically. That's true. Or coalitions, you know what I mean? Like if you broke it up into four states. Maybe divide it up by population. Yeah, maybe. It would be. Yeah, it would definitely be exciting, bro, to have that go on in our lifetime.
18:26Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, whoa, we started out as a country. We couldn't do it. Couldn't do it. And so we started to separate. Why wouldn't you fuck up the, like, the liberal country, though? Like, it just feels like it would be a quick, like, all the places with guns. If I were a gun guy and you gave, if you took, you know, New York and LA, these huge economies, it's like, why don't we just go fucking kill those guys? Like, it would be, why wouldn't you just declare war and be like dibs on, you know, this shit? Yeah. Oh, I think it definitely at New Year's Eve when it was like the time where you shoot guns in the air.
19:00I have a feeling everybody would just turn their guns right over to the state they don't love. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. So the bullets all flew over there. You're like, man, we got to. Well, who knows? I know. Who knows where it comes down? Not my problem. I'm celebrating. You're just unloading the clip. Or an Albanian wedding, maybe. Let the clip sing. Let the chopper sing for an Albanian wedding.
19:28Oh, dude, that's fun, man. I would live where would you live? I would have to stay. I would have to stay in whatever northeast country. I'd be a New York guy. I think so. Yeah, I think you would be a... Baltimore As long as Baltimore and New York You don't like the Buddha of Baltimore Yeah Yeah yeah I would hope Baltimore and New York Would be In one kind of Mid-Atlantic I think that's what would happen You'd have kind of like a You know what I mean You'd have clumps It wouldn't be just 50 It wouldn't be 50 countries What we're talking about here Oh you say We'd probably get down to Maybe 20 states or something 20 Maybe 10 You know what I'm saying Yeah Maybe fucking 5 Who fucking knows What if it was some weird state That formed all across Like Georgifornia Yeah They just took Or just yeah Took all the coastline They're like We're the beach state Suck my dick You wanna come to a beach You gotta fucking You gotta go through me That would be fucking bullshit Dude if San Francisco Like commandeered Like all like certain Like all the They owned all the Like certain rest areas Along the way Yeah yeah yeah yeah Well that's what you do With the homeless Put them to work Give them a couple guns Give them You know what I mean Like you would have You would have the You could have the homeless Marine Corps.
20:40You know what I mean? Where it's like, they just got needles, you know, they got little Wolverine hand needles coming at you. You know what I mean? That's... Oh, or they're all, they have like a big needle. Yeah. Yeah. One giant needle. And they just load it up. Yeah. And just... Yeah. And then they just run and inject it into somebody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is it fentanyl? Is it hormones? Who knows? Yeah, dude. I got Narcan. You're just hitting each other with different needles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hooray. That is interesting because my gut reaction would be, well, whoever has guns, you know, Southern states, whatever, would fuck it up.
21:12But every time I feel like you look at Fox News, it's like a different guy that's so scared to go to New York City who's like the toughest guy. It's like you have guns and shit, but you're scared of the homeless. So it's kind of a natural, it would be a natural like stalemate. It's like we would just need a wall of patrolling and then give them houses. Give them little sick homeless huts. Lean-tos on the outside. Absolutely. Get a shantytown. Teach farming to homeless people. I wonder if, well, I think one of the big issues with the homeless is just that it's, there's two, there's like half people are not doing well, half the people are drug users.
21:48There's huge beef on the street between homeless and just drugs on the, drugs, sleeping outdoors doing drugs. Right, right, right. Yeah. We don't know about that culture. Get out of our community kind of thing. Right. Yeah, there's a lot of beef out there between those two cultures. I get that. I get that Dude I talked about this before I think But they had In Los Angeles my apartment is right by a big park right And it's hella homeless out there There's a dude that they caught killing He had a rooster And then they finally found the dude that had it He was waking everybody up right For a four block radius this fucking thing No chickens just the rooster He ended up killing the bird And doing a meal with it And then they had another pair of guys and one of them I think was a woman, but whatever.
22:35Sure, sure. Everybody can do what they want. Yep. And, but yeah, they were two men. And then they stole a bunch of high school band equipment, right? So, bro, it was fucking crazy. If you're going to do homeless crime, make it fun. You know what I mean?
23:00With your dick hanging out of your old ass sweatpants.
23:05They were just, bro, they hit his head sheet music from a high school. That's fucking awesome. Oh, God, it was fucking. You got a lot of time. You got a lot of time on your hands if you're almost master an instrument. Oh, yeah. You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? Like, let's learn how to play the fucking French horn, dude. The fuck? That's nice. Yeah. there's some guy playing taps every night when they go to bed i love that dude that's fucking sick yeah man um but dude congratulations there is something that or i don't know if you feel it because you're from a little bit younger generation than me right or you know probably 10 years younger so do you feel like was there a level of getting netflix that made you it made you feel a certain way because for sure was there yeah yeah i mean And I think part of it was like these last couple years went better than I thought possible.
24:03You know what I mean? Like I put out the special and I started posting clips and people just responded in a way that I'm still confused a little bit about where I'm like, or these like theaters and shit like that. And part of me was like, this is fucking sick. I'll always continue to do this. I love having control over how like people interact with my shit. But at the end of the day, there is something, there's a huge, a totally different type of audience on Netflix, mainstream people that really, even though everything's moving online, that's like, shit moves slower than people give it credit for, right?
24:36So there's still so many people that like, don't know who the fuck you are if you're just on YouTube, even though it might, even though it really helps selling tickets. so it was like I was just like I want one like I have no mainstream credits I have not one like you know no fucking late night no you know no tv none of that shit so it's just like let's get one real one and let's let it be a place where everybody fucking it still has that like like because there's no comedy central hour anymore there's no hbo special anymore I mean I know they exist, don't get me wrong, but it's like Netflix for a while I think became the place for comedy.
25:15And so, and I think they kind of, they realized that with everybody doing YouTube. Like everybody who got specials recently, you know, you look at Shane, you know what I mean? Like Sam, Mark, whatever. Everybody, me, we all had to fucking go do it. We had to almost prove it. And then Netflix was like, oh, fuck, this is going. We missed the boat. Yeah, like, but then they're doing a good job of like, they're like, no, do it here now. and I think it's been a really good thing for comedy where it's like we all made our own fan bases and now it's like now some of us are bringing fan bases there but then it's like there's regular motherfuckers that just want to watch, you know, I mean The Office is on Peacock now but like The Office, just some mainstream shit that have no fucking clue who I am.
25:58So it was huge. It does feel really cool and a lot of people, it's funny because people in your audience will be like, dude, Netflix, hell yeah, that's huge and it's like it is but also like you're here you know what I mean like you found me already why does it matter that I got an F but like it does still matter and to me it feels cool because it's like you know it feels like the place where theoretically it could be some huge not that I'm banking on to be some huge hit but it's like you're at least in the mix where it's like all the mainstream shit is on there so it's like you're at least you feel like you're in a different you know kind of in a little bit of a different like league a little bit yeah so it's cool no it's interesting yeah because I think it It used to feel like, yeah, if you got a special on something or you got, it wasn't, you couldn't tell your friends you were a comedian, it felt like.
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26:44Right. This is just my perception that until you got something on television, you know, or something, you know, something on streaming, something somewhere. Until then, a lot of people thought you were just like a gay guy, like trying not to be gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like, dang, like, dude, this guy, yeah. This is how he gets it out of his system. Yeah, yeah. You know, he can't sing, he can't dance. All these guys telling little stories. He tried playing the homeless trombone. He got blown off the fucking streets. So now he's got to do his gay little stories. Yeah, that was it.
27:14It really is art for the least talented people in the world. That's what we're doing. It's like we have no, we are not showmen. You put us in the 20s when everyone, how you doing, my lady? You know, in between, they had to be their own dance guys. We're fucked. We just got to tell humorous stories. Yeah, we would be on a wanted poster. Dude, we were peeping times before they had windows Yes, absolutely Just trying to Put your cheek up against a woman's window And maybe she rubbed her tits on it for a second Some of that heat gets through that window God, I miss all that And I love that You know Yeah, but there was Something about getting it in a place And I think having it in a place where it's like I think it starts to, if there's any I was just wondering, there used to be this thing in our heads that would be like, oh, man, this thing's spinning.
28:05And if I don't get, once you get something in a place where people can go view it, then it feels like you're at least you've achieved some goal. Totally. I don't know if it's a success, but it's a goal. No, I really feel that way a little bit. So that's what I was wondering. Is it still like that? It feels like a fucking save point in a video game. Right. You know what I mean? You can save it now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like I can take a break. Right. Because, dude, I've been fucking, I've been going, like, I've been not, Since the pandemic ended, it's like it literally has just been like my road business and my mind has kept growing to a point where I felt like I couldn't stop.
28:40I was like I needed some tangible thing, even though that's a little in your head. I think we're both and a lot of people are just a little neurotic in comedy where you have to feel like you have earned a break. And to me, it does. this thing does feel that way where it's like I worked hard as fuck put out a special busted my ass to get more material in a year so that I could potentially do this and now it's like we saved I'm gonna go fuck I'm gonna do some side quests you know I'm in Vice City I'm gonna go I'm gonna go you know to the do the cheat the hack where they suck you off yeah you know what I mean I'm gonna go I'm gonna go to the beach and shoot yeah you know what I mean just like hang out like I can't wait to do that but yeah it definitely feels that way and it's hard because not a lot of there's not a lot of that stuff anymore a little bit of it feels like we we don't know a path there are no answers wow the thing that's except maybe your own podcast which is kind of why i started one too where it was just like that's like you're connected to your people once a week and i love that aspect of it but everything else dude youtube youtube could fucking decide we don't want dirty shit on our platform tomorrow.
29:46Yeah. And then what the fuck do you do? You're fucked, you know? And it's like, even, you know, Instagram, all those motherfuckers can change their algorithm like that. They could ban you. Just, I got plenty of shit, you know what I mean? Plenty of people, all comedians have said some wild, bannable shit if they decide to switch up. So it's like, so it does, but this does feel like, hey, I have this body of work at least, where it's like the big picture thing that's there, and then it'll help with all this other shit until we figure out what the next thing is. Yeah. Yeah, it's cool, man. Well, congratulations, dude.
30:18Thanks, dude. I'm pumped. You really deserve it. And yes, it was cool. I know you and I crossed paths a couple weeks ago. Yeah. Yeah, we were both in Cleveland. In Cleveland. Yes. Yeah, dude. That was cool, man. That was awesome. Yeah, thank you. That was fucking sick. Yeah, that was cool, man. We were in Akron, the house of, you were playing Akron where LeBron, LeBron was built. Yeah, the darkest theater I'd ever been in. Very dark. I had no idea how gigantic it was. I literally thought, I was like, oh, cool, Theo's doing like, he wants to do some small theaters and shit. I thought it was like people right in front of us, and then they turn the lights on, and this motherfucker goes up like that high.
30:48The suicide section, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, we do five or six guys dive off there every night. Yeah, bungee jump off that bitch. Yeah, a couple dudes. Yeah, somebody auditioning for Antifa at my shows or whatever. Yeah, dude, it's crazy. We had a show last night. I am tired, man. We had a show last night in Huntsville. Hell yeah. What was I thinking about? Oh, when you said federal funding. Oh, so say if they did divide into states, right? So Louisiana, there was a time where they were given federal funding and they said we had to change our drinking law from 18 to 21. Can you pull that up, Alex?
31:21What? That's bullshit. And we said. Fuck you. We said, fuck you. Not only are we going to be drunk, but we're going to let our roads deteriorate so we drive them. Yeah, yeah. The following year, there was like 7 ,000 drunk driving deaths. They're like, fucking try us, motherfucker. We don't care. They're like, it's babies with fetal alcohol syndrome driving. Yeah, it's Albanian babies. Pull up an article just if you see something like that. That's fucking awesome, dude. I respect that so much. Well, we tried, I remember, to do that. And for a few years, it stood up and everybody was excited. We can drink, you know.
32:04But then everybody's kids were dying. and families were dying. Like, ah, man, maybe we shouldn't drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we should get home safe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is funny, though, if you watch, like, clips of when they passed drunk driving laws, people are just like, are you fucking kidding me? In my own truck? Yeah. The government is trying to fucking, now they're in my F-150. What's next? You know what I mean? It's like, people fight good, like, any regulation tooth and nail, which it's like the way a baby's like, I'm not going to bed. suck my dick. They wake up. And look, let's say this.
32:39This baby does smoke cigarettes and has had a history of gambling online to be able to say that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah. He's got a dirty mouth, a foul mouth, this baby. Yeah, this baby worked offshore for a couple years. Here it says, published March 10th, 1996 at 5 a.m. Let me see for a year. Let me see. Last week, the Louisiana Supreme Court ruled that the state's drinking age of 21 is a form of age discrimination and tossed out the 1995 law as well as the 1986 law that barred those under 21 from buying alcohol. Louisiana has become the only state in the nation with a drinking age of 18. That's not still how it is, though, is it?
33:16No, they had to change it at some point. When the potholes were so big, it was just swallowing entire cars. Oh, there's people doing like spas in a pothole where they put a heating rod down into a pothole. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, dude, they had people, yeah. Some people drove into a pothole. They filmed that movie Tremors in a pothole there. Yeah, yeah. They have a whole soundstage down there. Oh, there's people missing. Dennis Quaid was in that motherfucker. Elon Musk is doing something down in one of them. Yep. When there's little tunnels. My man loves tunnels. The weather is getting cooler in a lot of places.
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34:45That's I-B-O-T-T-A in the Google Play or App Store and use code T-H-E-O. Start saving today. This holiday season, you might be looking for nutritious, convenient meals to keep you energized on jam-packed days. You know, it's that time of year when the days just, they go so fast, and you got to be fueled up. Factor is America's number one ready-to-eat meal delivery service. They can help you fuel up fast for breakfast, lunch, or dinner with chef-prepared, dietician-approved, ready-to-eat meals delivered straight to your door. You'll save time, eat well, and stay on track with your healthy lifestyle while tackling all your holiday to-dos.
35:34That's right, Factor Meals, I love them. They taste good. They taste like somebody just made them in the kitchen. God, they're good. Head to factormeals.com slash theo50 and use code theo50 to get 50 % off. That's code T-H-E-O, number five, number zero. at factormeals.com slash Theo50 to get 50 % off. They are good. They're tasty, and they got all kinds. Whatever your diet is, they'll do it for you. What about the holidays? What's the holidays like up in Baltimore? Because Baltimore and New Orleans are pretty similar. Yeah. Well, first of all, New Orleans rocks. Such a sick city. But, yes, they both are cities with their own vibe.
36:24But I don't know. I mean, we were, my family just did not, Greek people didn't have Thanksgiving. Oh, really? So, like, we adopted that shit while we were here. Obviously, like, you know, you're here, you live in America, whatever. But, like, my family was not a turkey family. My dad, we would always get a leg of lamb. We would always have lamb. And we would go, our Thanksgiving was we would always go to my brother's godmother's house, who lived just in the hood, truly. Like, she, I don't know what the fuck happened. She's the only, she's like a 4 '6 woman, both dimensions. Just a nice squat. You know.
37:00Wears a 38-38 pant. Absolutely, dude. All shoulder. She's the, she rules. Yeah, she's so, she's like very, you want to talk about a low center of gravity. You cannot move this woman. Believe me, if she digs her heels in. And she just like lived in the fucking, like East Baltimore in the 90s. It was fucking brutal. and like that was the first time I was ever scared of a neighbor because as a little kid you don't know anybody it's not like by the way Greek town was not good but we would go there and be like what the fuck is going on here like you know kids just playing like basketball with like like legitimately not ball like what with objects like uh yeah there'd be kids playing with like a big orange yeah yeah yeah and they draw the lines over the marker very large orange you know they peel out you lose you have to peel it for the winter and serve it to him if you lose you get scurvy you don't have you don't have the correct vitamin c it was the only orange that you know live in a food desert of course in the hood so it's the only orange for miles yeah so that's a coveted thing uh but yeah they were and it wasn't literally it was like you know um like not a real hoop it's like one of those crates that you cut out and i was just like what the like and we we We were not, it was the first time I was like, what the fuck's going on here?
38:17And like, why does she live here? Because I always thought she was rich, like in my head. I don't know. She just carried herself like a, you know, rich woman, I guess. And we would just go there and just like, you know, have, watch the parade, have a bunch of weird half Greek, half American dishes. She made some weird mushroom rice and just her sons would fuck us up. You know, like that rough housing of just like, if you're, if you're four and some woman's got teenage sons, they are just, you know, tossing you around, slapping the fuck out of you, being like, you're a bitch if you tell, and you're like, I'm not a bitch.
38:50Yeah, you're not a bitch, but you're in a neck brace. Yeah, yeah, and then you punch them in the dick. That's the one move, like, a little kid has when they're fighting, like, a teen, is just the nice cock punch. Oh, yeah. But that was, our holidays were real, you know, and then Christmas was just. Did they have a Santa? Would you ever do a Greek Santa? Not a Greek, yeah, Greek Santa. Or a Baltimore Santa? Tell me what you want. Yeah. Harry, you know, over here, ooh, beautiful girl, come here. Greek Santa's like the 16-year-old hostess at the diner's like, I tell you what you want, no problem.
39:22Come here, I have. I have for you, you know, tell my wife. Miss Claus don't need to know. Yeah, Greek Santa, all the kids get a handful of feta from his pockets. It's like, reach inside, not too deep. Do not reach deeper. Everybody have to have feta.
39:43but we waited we waited in line to see y 'all did yeah i loved all that shit i loved all that whimsical american shit because that's the other thing greek people do christmas actually not a big deal new year's is when you give gave presents but my they tried that we were like look motherfucker you moved to america i'm getting my shit on this party i'm getting my shit on December 25. Yeah. Maybe even the 24th. But yeah, we were just. Yeah. They're trying to think what they had in our town if we were to go see a Santa. Did you have a little hootenanny? They had a dude. Yeah. They used to have this place.
40:16It was like secondary bread or something. You ever seen one of them shops where it's like you go get the bread, but they should have sold it. Yes. The other day. Sure. Yeah. Soup kitchens. Your mom's like, we're going to a store, Theo. It's all bread in there. But they'd have a dude over there He would pull up this kind of Cajun Santa And he'd be like What do you want that boy Come on We're gonna get your boy Yeah Cajun Santa You want a lisp Like he He gives out the length He gives out lisps It's like You have ailments from Cajun Santa You got a cleft lip now, boy. You going to wake up without your front tooth.
41:08You want a little cleft palate from Santa, huh? Yeah. Your left leg is going to be two inches longer than your right leg from now on. Let me see if I got a little polio in my sack for you there, boy. Let me get something that'll slow you down in the thwomp. The friendship of an alligator. It just gives you mystical presence. There will be one gator, he'll be your friend, but there'll be three gators, be your enemy. He would be like, let me hold your hand, and together we'll pray for your dead twin that was never born. I'm like, dead twin? His eyes roll back in his head. He's like, tell mommy, Todd's going to get her next.
41:51Oh, that's too much Santa real for one day for Santa. Oh, I need gumbo. Quick, get him some gumbo so he can tell the future.
42:04Oh man Get that boy Crawdad Somebody get the head Let him suck on the head Yeah Somebody let him Suck on the head So keep his Quick His powers Keep his energy Yeah That's his present too It's like Crawdad you didn't suck on To completion I left a little head On the meat Little meat on the head There for you boy You been a good boy I got you a hot Warm oyster Out of my pocket Let me give you a warm voice and a couple of Narcan tablets. Welcome to New Orleans, baby. Let's hear of Lil Wayne's boxer shorts. From when he was in the hot boys. Yeah, we got a picture of Lil Wayne's boxer shorts. Police investigating viral photo taken at Mall of Louisiana.
42:54Santa Cash and Gun. Let's see what happened here. There you go. That's fucking sick. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's some dude. Oh, that's a great pick. And what the article says there, brother. I hope the police are searching them to give them the key to the city. Baton Rouge photo showing two men posing with stacks of cash and a handgun alongside a mall Santa. That's a fucking sick look, dude. And look at Santa. He's doing a dab, dude. That's awesome. He's a couple dances behind. Him trying to catch on to black culture. Yeah, dude. Dab came after the Dougie, bro. Get it together. One of the men seen in the photo is 29-year-old Almanzo Paul Almanzo is such a sick name Oh, it is Nope, no, not Alonzo Almanzo Throwing an extra M in Alonzo It's a power move Almanzo Dude, yeah, I love it Yeah, was arrested Thursday on an unrelated warrant out of Texas Wow Snitching For having some Christmas cheer It's fucking illegal to have a nice time with Santa Claus now I think it's the 9mm that got him I thought this was America That could be a Glock That's one of the most American Christmas pictures I've ever seen What are you supposed to do?
44:09Not go shopping? He's got money Santa's at a mall He's putting money back into the fucking economy And he's protecting himself with his second amendment rights Now did he get that strictly legally? Who's to say? Oh now we care about fucking government red tape Yeah, how do we know we ain't a lifeguard, bro? And we need more black lifeguards, too. We need more black lifeguards. Those pools get testy. Yeah, let's just say this. We need more black lifeguards. Look at me, Biden. Somebody. Joe, here's how you're going to win. Here's how you're going to win the next year. More black lifeguards. Dude, they should.
44:50What did I see this morning? Oh, Joe talking to some kid. They have another thing with a kid up there. I feel I'm at the point with Biden just they it's not it feels like they shouldn't do this to an old person. Dude, it's fully elder abuse. That's what I feel like. Yeah. Yes. And it feels like it's almost like they're trying to create Stockholm syndrome within us that we think it's crazy. Like, yeah, like if that were my dad or grandpa, I would be like, hey, don't do this to him. Look how sad he looks.
45:22Holy fuck. He looks so fucking sad. Dude, the other day, one of the - First of all, that looks like a guy wearing a Joe Biden mask. Somebody get that motherfucker his dosage of fucking Super Adderall. What the fuck, dude? They do - I do not want to see him in public unless they've got him dosed with, like, whatever fucking, you know, growth hormone, whatever. Dude, he is - How good - how good do you - whatever they give him must feel awesome. Uppers or peptides, you think? Whatever it is, dude. Some kind of shit we don't even know about. But, yeah, the other day he answered - there was some question.
45:52You see that video he answered? Clarissa Explains It All was his answer. Holy shit. That was when I was a child. That's awesome, dude. That's 20 years ago. But yeah, he just smelled a kid this morning, and he's like, how old are you? There's a new video. And he's like, are you 17? And her brother goes, she's six. Sorry, old habits die hard. He's just clicking. He's got the kind of dementia where he's like, now he's acting like he did in his 40s. And now when he's riding that Amtrak down to Delaware Cute woman sits next to him On the fucking Where you heading honey You're 17 right He knows the age of consent of all the states The Amtrak passes So he goes New York Jersey Each town Your birthday is September 10th Stop the train right here conductor Stop it for 12 minutes Hey let's slow down in Delaware I'm trying to meet a girl He knows the safe havens for the 16-year-old to say it's the age of...
46:52Oh, you know he was up here. Hey, let me know before we reach the Potomac. You know, I got a telegram, my girl. Charge the resurface of Biden and ask a six-year-old girl if she's 17, dude. What is this guy? Want to be a comedian? It's funny, though, to call him creepy. It's like, all right, guys, he's clearly losing his mind. That's what I don't like. Let's get, you know... Yeah, I don't have... He doesn't have the faculties to be a pedophile anymore. Right, that's the unfair part of it. Yeah. It's like. Cut down in his prime. Now that he's finally, now that he's finally got all the power in the world, he's too senile to be a pedophile.
47:29It's heartbreaking to those pedophiles, dude. It's like the fucking, the, fuck. What's the, the old, the old sci-fi? Oh, why don't you're talking about? Twilight Zone. Black Mirror, Twilight Zone. Twilight Zone, where the guy has all the time in the world, and his glasses break, and he can't read anymore. He's like, but there was time now. That's Biden. He's like, but I'm the president now. I could go to Epstein's Island. Yeah. It's over. It's over. Sorry, Joey. The rides are shut down. Yeah.
48:02Just a senile Joe Biden sadly walking through an empty Epstein's Island. He's like, what? Now that I get in, it's fucking done? That was the ticket booth right there. He's just seeing a plaque where there's like fucking Bill Clinton smiling. Yeah. That's why I want a stuffed 14-year-old
48:27That's why I want a goldfish That's what we called him He was a Chinese boy If you do the fucking If you do the fucking ski ball If you do They have those disc toss But it's on a Chinese boy's penis You gotta get it on It's high difficulty Yeah Let's just say High difficulty Wow You're like man There's no way to get this on there You're like complaining I saw Bill Gates do it He did it He had a whole fucking I saw Stephen Hawking Build a robot That could do it Yeah they're like Dice Clay landed A smoke ring on it Trump claimed it was fixed Yeah He was like I can do it Dude, I saw a pothole the other day.
49:19We went to the University of Tennessee football game, and we saw a pothole with just, like, smoke coming out of it. And it reminded me of Trump's hair, dude. Yeah, hell yeah. It was just, like, that hot smoke kind of coming out. He's had some funny clips recently, too. Yeah, it's interesting, dude. He feels like he's getting a little senile, too, which I'm not against. Right. Because it's going to get funny. Oh, I think it'll really get funny if he gets in. I think, I don't know. I just, I am so sick that we're stuck in this two parties. We are trapped in the two party system. You're trapped forever.
49:51It's obvious that we're trapped. I think humans are starting to realize, like, there's no more, you can't do it anymore to people. At some point, we're going to have to break out. You'd hope so. I don't know. I mean, it's true that it's like these, none of these options are good where it's like you see, like on polling, like the little stuff that I pay attention to. It's like when you ask people generic Democrat versus Trump, generic Democrat wins. And you ask them generic Republican versus Biden, generic Republican wins. It's like they just don't want these guys. Nobody wants these guys. And it's like Democrats have nobody.
50:25They have no like Kamala Harris has no sauce whatsoever. They're not even making a plan, though. That's what that's the part I don't understand. Like, what could their strategy be? They can't have Joe Biden run again. I don't think it's because it's just not going to be. to me it just gets to the point where it's like that's the part that to me makes me sad it's like can we stop doing this to this guy like it's just not fair let him eat some ice cream bring in come on bring somebody else in his stead right now that at least is somebody who's viable for all intents and purposes we should consider him dead like he's not he's technically breathing but like for all intents and purposes the guy's gotta you know like let him fucking retire let him hang out He's had a whole nice career of being a fucking, you know, one of the most lucky guys of all time.
51:15But I don't know, dude. But his son died, you know? Yeah. His son died. He was in a union fire. He was doing something. He was in the Merchant Marines. He was on the top of Kilimanjaro. And his son passed away. Fell into a black school district. And died at the hands of Narcan and local gunfire. I believe that's what it was. Either that or brain cancer. I can't tell. I would think it was that, though. He might have been. I think he drowned at the Audubon Zoo somewhere outside of Cincinnati when Joe Burrow threw him a pass over the middle. Yeah, yeah. He hung him out to dry. Al Wilson hit him. Yeah, yeah.
51:51You hate to see that, man. God, I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember it like it was tomorrow. But everything is kind of becoming a little bit of like a farce. Like, oh, did you see – and thanks so much for being here, man. This is like the funnest conversation I've had in a long time. And congrats to you. Your episode was like one of my most watched ones, man. I mean, it was so fucking fun. People love you. Thanks, man. Yeah. No, this is so sick. Thanks for letting me fucking promote the special. Go watch that motherfuckers. Fat Rascal. Out, I think now or next week or whenever this comes out.
52:26Do you feel a responsibility to stay fit, kind of? Yeah. You know what? I do. Every time a famously fat person loses weight, it does feel like a betrayal. I will admit that. But I think I could lose 100 pounds and still be generally thick. You know what I mean? So it's like I just want to trim it down a little bit. I want to get it going a little bit. But, yeah, I can never be a skinny guy. Like Fat Joe. The man's name is Fat Joe. He's zamped up right now. Oh, yeah. He is fucking humongous head. Skinny. You can't be skinny, man. You can't take the Ozempic that far. Adjust your dose. Have a little, have some chicharrones and fucking stay, you know, big arms, little titties.
53:12That's my dream. I just want little titties. Go on yourself. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I would like little arms, big titties on a gal. You know what? Not even little arms. Big arms, little titties is a fucking move, though. On a woman? Yeah. Yeah. I've seen some hot big-armed, little-tittied ladies. Big-armed, little-tittied, baby. That's somebody raised on a mountain. Yes, yes. climbing up somebody gotta go uphill pull themselves up a lot absolutely thick very very like the tips of their fingers basically Albanian soup fingers Albanian soup stirrers thick knuckles you know what I mean maybe bales of hay that type that style of bitch although I have not I haven't tangled with too many country girls I'm open to it but it's just never you know I'm not around them I guess I'd love to hear a southern accent while busting would be cool I'm sure you've done your fair chance oh my gosh roll tide somebody said one of my friends said that he fucked a girl from the south and she said she was fixing to cum oh yeah I would love to hear that fixing to cum I would be like that's awesome take your time Because what it would do for me was I would hear fixing to come, and I would both get the rush of a woman saying she's about to come, but just that phrase would make me in my head smell biscuits and think about biscuits and think about other, like, southern traditions, and I think it would be a very powerful climax.
54:49You're fixing to come. I'll have a couple of scoops of to come. Yeah. If you're fixing to come. Well, I've never had to come before. Put some cheese on it, baby. I'll have a little of it. Not much. You know, we ate a little bit ago. Have you ever been fat at all in your life? I had a couple months where I was fat. Something happened. I don't remember. What ages are we talking about? Oh, I got in a wheelchair. Ooh, fuck. For what? I got in a wheelchair, dude. I got my appendix taken out. I was running the bases. I was doing baseball. Oh, shit. Right? As a youth or recently. My appendix burst or whatever as a child.
55:24Oh, my God. And our coach, right? It was like just some guy. He was just so fat. He just hated gay people. Right? That can happen. That can happen. He would lie. If your brain gets so fat it cuts off the empathy part of your brain, so anybody different than you, you want to just fucking, you know, you want to kill them, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. And he would, like, try to point to a base and he couldn't even fucking. He has to do a full body point. He was like John McCain duck hunting, you know. He just fucking couldn't point. Go ahead, make my day. John McCain tried to fucking. Just do it at four degrees or under.
56:02Yeah. Yeah. Having to do like glute bridges to raise the gun. So that was crazy, dude. I think. So your shit popped. And the fat guy. So I'm shut down between second and third, right? Oh, my God. And he's screaming at me to go. And I cannot even. I'm going to die. Move. I am going to die. Holy shit. I'm like crawling towards third base. And our field was kind of downhill. It all went into the right field. So I'm crawling So I'm crawling the uphill way At a slight angle up Oh half of our hits went to right field And uh Cause it was a pretty hard gradient out there And so I'm going uphill Dude it was like Iwo Jima You know And I've got yeah We got like sepsis or something And they took me to the hospital So then I was in a wheelchair for a while And I put some of the medications they made Maybe putting a little bit of weight So I had a lot of water retention Sure, a little puffy.
56:59Yeah, and I think I thought I was going to die, so I just wanted to eat as much as I could. Of course, a little pie on the way out. Oh, at that age. Croissants. Cobbler. Oh, yeah. We didn't have croissants in our area, I don't think. No? Not even with the French, Cajun kind of beignets, nothing? Sausage. We had a lot of roadside sausage. Ooh. What's the strangest sausage? You have armadillo sausage? No, I've had, what's something that I've had that's pretty wild? I've had dove. I've seen a couple brothers grill up a dove outside of our apartment complex. How do you know it was a dove? Huh? How do you know it was a dove?
57:35They said, hey, homie, you want some dove? You want some dove? And I turned them down most of the time. Finally, I had a little. Absolutely. It's not bad, but you have to talk to them for a while. Right. But they're nice. Good guys. They're just too old to be talking to a child. Sure.
57:50Especially for eating a damn church meat like a dove. Of course, of course. What do you think? Do you think they wait in trees above weddings? and they're like they release them and they just fucking you just see some fat black guy jump out of a tree we got him have you seen that dove they throw at that wet at the funeral no oh yeah and it gets got by a hawk or whatever no the one that just that's a funny one where they do that thing where it's like we'll release his soul and literally a hawk comes and fucking takes it and just kills the dove and everyone's like oh everyone's like fuck our grandfather's going to hell Pull that up, man.
58:27Pull up Brother Dove. Release death. Pull it if you can, man. Brother Dove releases death. I think a roadside brother. Peace bird. Deceased. See what you got. Please type that exact phrase in. There you go. That's it right there. You want to put them on for a second stat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. And my brothers, I heard David said just the other day, oh, if I have wings, light this door. For then will I fly away and be at rest. Damn,
59:13boy. That's dinner, boy. And be at rest. That's church dinner. Yeah, nothing wrong with that. I would eat most birds, I would say. Panda, you think you'd eat it? Good question. I mean, they're sedentary animals. They're pretty fat. It wouldn't be tough meat. It would be marbled. Marbled. I mean, people talk about, Rogan talks about eating bear. I feel like I see clips of him talking about eating bear a lot. Or he's had guests on that have eaten bear. Yeah, panda's just a Chinese bear. A little Szechuan sauce on that fucking? I mean, dude, you put something. Look at that bitch right there. You wouldn't fucking have a.
59:50China could send you pandas to the U.S.'s envoys of friendship. Okay. Dude, pan seared? I would take that. I would take a big bear. Can you search, can you eat panda? Yeah, yeah. Because I've seen a picture of a bear steak that's got me thinking I might. Bear would be so. How does giant panda meat taste terrible apparently? In 1983, a Chinese villager, and you knew they'll fucking eat anything. Ling Zizong. Name Ling Zizong. Great name. Tried for illegally killing a giant panda. He told the judge that his wife cooked the meat with turnips, but they didn't enjoy it, so he fed some to his pigs and gave the remainder to his sister.
1:00:29Damn, just a couple of the sister catching strays. Who was Albanian, probably. Damn, yeah, I tried to feed it to my pigs, but they were too sophisticated, so I gave it to my fat whore sister. A Marjorie. got something for you this fall you can start speaking a new language with babble why babble because it works instead of paying hundreds of dollars for a private tour or fooling yourself with language apps that are little more than games babble's quick 10-minute lessons are designed by over 130 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. Babbel is designed by real people for real conversations.
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1:04:38Whoa, what the fuck? This is pretty interesting. The senator challenged him to a fight? Yeah, it's just crazy that, like, this is where we're at. I know, dude. Yeah, let's play it. Now, let's talk about Mr. O 'Brien himself, his behavior. as everybody knows, and it's here in the last time, him and I kind of had a back and forth. I appreciate your demeanor today. It's quite different. But after you left here, you got pretty excited about the keyboard. In fact, you tweeted at me one, two, three, four, five times. And let me read what the last one said. Quit the tough guy act in these Senate hearings.
1:05:15You know where to find me. Any place, any time, cowboy. Sir, this is a time, this is a place. No, it's not, dickhead. You're in the fucking Senate. Okay, that's fine. Perfect. You want to do it now? I'd love to do it right now. Just stand your butt up. Oh, hold on. Oh, stop it. Is that your solution, everybody? And look at how weird it is. No, no, sit down. Sit down. No, no, you're a United States senator. Okay. Get his ass, Bernie. Can I respond? Hold it. Hold it. Get his ass, Bernie. This is a hearing. God knows the American people have enough contempt for Congress. I don't like thugs and bullies.
1:05:54I don't like you because you just described yourself. Hold it. You have the mic. You have time. Make your statement. And let's do this because I did challenge you and I accepted your challenge. And you went quiet. No, I didn't go quiet. You challenged me to a cage match acting like a 12-year-old school y 'all bully. Excuse me. Hold it. No, excuse me. I will say exactly. Senator Mullen, I have the mic. You have questions on any economic issues? We're not here to talk about physical abuse. That's good, man. That's fucking crazy. Meanwhile, that guy has two Uvalde moms sitting behind him, like, so sad about what happened to their kids, and that's what they're doing.
1:06:35Dude, that's insane. The senator's talking about being your bitch made. No, your bitch made. Yeah, and he's 3-0, Mark Wayne. What are you fighting? Uh-huh. Probably, I would guess, a unitard. Oh, yeah, MMA. He played, yeah, in a unitar. You think he had the under giant with the one shoulder? He's out of Westville, Oklahoma. Wow. So he was maybe semi-pro. Interesting. Did he have a nickname, though? That would be his best. Does it have his? Hmm. The senator. What if his nickname was the senator? Mark Wayne. Big government. I like that. Big government. Mark Wayne, you have two names. Oh, he beat Clinton Bonds.
1:07:11Oh, Clinton Bonds, he beat him twice. He fought Bobby Kelly. He fought Bobby Kelly. Dude, stop fucking hitting me, dude. What the fuck? Hey, Lord.
1:07:25That's awesome. But it's just, that's weird, man. Where it's getting now is that it's like, that's how we're going to raise money for their county or whatever. Yeah, because they're like, yeah, he's cool. They're going to do a fight versus an OnlyFans model. And that's where the funding is going to, it's like, the government is dead, man. It's like, it's, it just feels like it's, the tech is the government now. Yeah. Everything is so privatized, which is an issue. I mean, like, I'm not, I don't think government is good, but I just think you can't trust business. Like, it's the thing. It's like, like, I don't, I don't trust the government, but I trust them.
1:08:04We have slightly more direct control over the government than we do just rich people that can do whatever the fuck they want. Right. And that's what's scary is like tech, like you're saying, by default kind of controls our lives. And it's like, you know, it starts out fine. But like we were just talking about, it's like we've made our living, honestly, a big part on with tech companies. YouTube's fucking Google. They're one of the biggest fucking tech companies in the world. Instagram, meta, whatever you want to say. And now everything's fine. But it's like these motherfuckers can decide tomorrow that they can just fucking.
1:08:34They don't want us. Yeah. You know what I mean? This guy's voice, we don't need it. It's not part of a bigger. If there's a – say, like, if those companies get together, what's our goals for the next five years? Yeah, yeah. Okay, we got to weed some of these people out. Yeah. You know, it's like – But you're right in that, like – It's true. And it's scary in that, like, yeah, there's no – people didn't ever respect the government. I mean – or, you know, they did. It was a position of power or whatever. But it's like that's what happens when you don't get money, when it's so clear that these motherfuckers are bought and paid for that you don't respect them anymore.
1:09:04And so then it becomes not who do I trust to like take care of my district, but who's cool. And it becomes a fucking weird popularity contest. And you get a guy who will probably be like, I'm not a pussy. I challenge some fucking dork to a fight. And then some fucking morons will be like, that's my fucking guy. Or like, what's your face jacking off that guy at Beetlejuice. Like that was the coolest thing she's ever done. Oh, I didn't see that. Lauren Boebert. She over the pants jacked her date. First date, I don't agree with her politics, but I do agree with her stances of date. Her date etiquette is awesome.
1:09:41Yeah, especially in a movie theater. And it was a packed movie theater. I remember seeing that. I was like, wow, there's other people right there. And it's the Trump effect of like, yeah, the guy's entertaining. The guy's fucking entertaining. Well, and at this point, that's what I think some people are saying. This government is a—I think we've entered kind of like a privatized communism. That's what it feels like, right? And I don't know if communism is the right word, but it's like a privatized, like our leaders, like tech is the new fossil fuel. I used to say that years ago. It's like that's the leaders now.
1:10:11It's like whoever, like, yeah, we can be shut down in a heartbeat because somebody doesn't like our voice or somebody doesn't like what we say or our direction or whatever it is. And so those are the leaders. Those are the masters. and you kind of need a government, but it's like now the government's just being used as this shell company to kind of like that everybody's masquerading behind, you know? Yeah, I mean. And also to funnel our funds into whatever they want. Totally. I mean, yeah, it's like I wouldn't say communism. I would say like it's kind of like a fucking oligarchy, which is like the few control everything.
1:10:43Okay, that's better, yeah. Which is like they're not redistributing fucking shit. Yeah. Like that's the other thing, dude, is like we don't even want that much. like at this point I'm just like dude you want to you want your pedophile like Tim Dillon has that point where it's like just go you know to go on your pedophile on just do whatever but it's like could we have some health care like can we have could we have the bear like yeah before I have a neck brace so at least when the pedophile at least when the pedophile story breaks I can sit up and look at my television yeah yeah you know but it's that's the thing is like it's not like 40 years ago the rich didn't have better lives than all of us and the government didn't use their you know senators didn't you know the kennedys were using state police to ferry 18 year olds from boston in and out of that bring them beer and like the powerful have always whatever you want to say like they are going to have more privileges than us and that's something we can work on long term to get rid of but like now it's like they are sucking people dry completely yeah and it's like they don't care anymore everyone every like all these senators are like insider trading inequality is so fucking crazy where it's like normal people cannot pay their fucking bills at all and it's like and then you have like scapegoat issues the playbook is always like let's turn people against each other whether that's like you know big like you know blacks and whites blacks and rays gays and russians trans all this fucking yeah it's like that's always the playbook where it's like that doesn't fucking really if everybody had their shit If everybody just had health care, they had a job that paid well, they didn't have to worry about, like, you know, if an emergency happens, am I going to fucking be out on the street?
1:12:20Oh, yeah. If people had blood pressure medicine, they wouldn't say the N-word, I think. Absolutely. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely, dude. But sometimes your blood pressure is so high, you got to look off. You get over 180, dude. You got to drop at least a soft A. I mean, you got to fucking let some steam off the top. They prescribe that. You go to certain first aid or emergency rooms. They give you a bag. Nobody can hear it. Just shade into this, please. And a muffler, a silencer. It's a megaphone, but it's like a gun silencer. You're like, go ahead, sir. Shout it into that. And it just comes out so quiet.
1:12:54Beep. And it actually registers like a dog hears it. Yeah. It tells your blood pressure at the same time. Yeah. So if you do hit a certain blowcrunch, you're like, well, it's allowed. Or it comes out in Morse code. You say it, it's like beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Dude, yeah, there was some story about a guy who was doing Braille, the N-word, all over the place, and people were fucking reading it. I think that was in Outside of Philadelphia. Oh, man, that is, I got to admit, that's pretty good. I don't like N-word vandalism, but it's a pretty hilarious— And if you're blind, you only see black anyway, so just to be able to fucking pull it up with the run of a finger here or there has got to be— It has to make you giggle, and I think blind people deserve to laugh.
1:13:45That's a good point. Blind people deserve to laugh more than anyone. That's a very good point. Thanks, man. And if putting a couple N-bumps on Chipotle tables is going to do it, if carving a couple N-bumps at a TJ Maxx— And that's our health care. That's the closest we're getting to health care. Yeah, I know, dude. It's tough not to be like almost like nihilistic where the shit's just not going to get better. Where you're like, it just feels like they're going to suck people dry so much. And I just don't see any representation of like what a lot of, I mean, it would have to be like a youth movement, I think.
1:14:22Right. Of like young people just having enough of this shit. And like, cause old people are just going to stay conservative. That's how it goes traditionally. And I just think like, I don't know, man, you just gotta, shit has to get shaken up and we just need just basic shit. I mean, you saw, obviously I was a big Bernie guy and you, there was a big outpouring of like, like Trump and Bernie. It's not a, it's not a coincidence that two kind of outside different things really registered with people. I wish they'd have ran together. Yeah. I really do. because I think then you have where the two, or if one of them gets revised, one of them gets president, they have to compete.
1:15:00They have to work, really work together. Yeah. Instead of just working with some guy you picked, you have to work with the other side's guy. I know what you mean, but there's no way, like those guys were so apart on so much shit, but I know what you mean. But as a person, an American would have been like, oh, this is what I need. I think that actually would have resonated with people just because it's like, you know, They were saying some – I mean obviously their solutions were very different. Yeah, yeah. But like they were saying similar stuff about like this shit is just not – I don't know that Trump was talking about inequality obviously.
1:15:34But like they just felt like outsiders in a way. Trump was saying more general stuff. Bernie's message was I think way more like economically focused and redistributive. But like yeah, everyone just wanted something new at that time. And we didn't get it and we've doubled down on like – and then ultimately I think Trump got into office and it was like, a pretty run-of-the-mill. He didn't really do anything crazy, you know, anything like he didn't really shake shit up too much. And then you get Biden, who's the most, like, you know, it's been the same shit again over and over again. Right, that's what everybody's realizing, I think, is kind of no matter where it goes.
1:16:08Yeah, yeah. And that's the thing. It's like, I think that's where people are at. It's like, is this salvageable, or is America just this experiment of freedom that didn't pan out? Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, are we realizing that this is how capitalism falls? Because a lot of it is really greed. I think there should be a cap on how much money you can make as a human. Dude, I fully agree. I think, like, when you look at how many, what, like, big projects happened in America, like, when we got out of the Depression, all this stuff, it's like, after a certain amount of money, you got taxed at 90%.
1:16:41And it's like, I know that sounds crazy, but it's like, when you have, when you're making$100 million a year, do you really need$110 million? You know what I mean? Like, that$10 million makes such a difference to other people. And it's like nobody's saying you can't be prosperous and you can't make a ton of money and you can't do any of that shit. But it's like, just also let's fucking take care of the people that, you know, because that money comes from somewhere. That's what pissed me off. It's like Amazon made so much money during the pandemic. I know. And it's like, that was people's money, dude.
1:17:15That was like people were, yeah, exactly. Businesses figure out a way to like never pay any fucking taxes. And you have to be so rich to figure that shit out. And it's like, you know, the people that get squeezed the most are in the middle. It's classic stuff. It's people who work hard as fuck, but don't, you know, you make like, you have a family, your taxes are fucking crazy. You're a small business owner, your taxes are fucking crazy. But if you make$40 million, somehow you don't pay any taxes. You know what I mean? It's fucked. Yeah, there's a lot of ways for people to hide stuff. It's definitely tricky, you know?
1:17:48Yeah. And then the lie that, oh, that our tax money, that it's not, like, the foreign aid thing, I think at a certain point it's like. Oh, totally. How you can fucking walk out of your house and want to contribute to America. Like, you can only burn people so much. Yeah, totally. Before they're like, you know what, man, you win, fine. Yeah, right, right, right. I don't mean anything. Right, right. No, I agree, and it's. You can only do that so much to so many generations. and then people see it happen to their parents. They see it, you know, and it's like we never protected Americans' information.
1:18:20Like that's another thing. It's like people's information just became backhanded deals and bullshit and everybody's mother is getting fucking scammed or losing. It's like your phone number is even protected. I get numbers from some dude, some guy, some Argentinian guy all the time telling me to fucking vote for him. I don't live in his country. I don't live in his country and I can't understand half of what he's saying. but this sounds hot yeah yeah some south of the border it's just basic stuff man so yeah no i agree and it's the information thing is really interesting too because it's like talking about how big tech like kind of controls everything it's like why don't those motherfuckers pay us for our information they've just taken people basically they're using us as free lab rats for all their shit it's like why doesn't google just pay everybody four thousand dollars a month yeah Why not?
1:19:12They're making way more than that off every fucking human being. Why the fuck can't they provide, like, pay us for the fucking work we're doing for you. And it's like, no one, and it's like, yeah, look, I'm at the point where you're going to steal my information. But instead of just like, you know, instead of just like opting in and that's that, it's like, well, fucking pay me for it. Right. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, like, pay us. If this is our world and you're using us to fucking test all your shit and you're using us to do all this shit, pay people for that shit. and it's like, you know, I don't know, maybe universal basic income is kind of, that's something that's kind of interesting.
1:19:45It's like if AI gets really crazy, it's like, well, let's have people have like a basis, have all their basis covered. And then, hey, if they want with that basic income to just hang out all day, be kind of poor, but have their, you know, have all their needs met and just paint and draw and do whatever the fuck you want. It's just fucked up that like AI now, now they're like, how is, how did fucking computers become the thing and machines became the thing that does art and humans are the ones in fucking Amazon warehouses? Like shouldn't, shouldn't the robots be working so we could paint? Why the fuck, how the fuck are, why the fuck do you type like Superman with tits and blonde hair into a computer and the computer does it?
1:20:30And then it's like, but some guy's putting a 16-hour shift for no fucking money. Why aren't the robots the fucking slaves? How are humans the fucking slaves? And we, like, that should, we should have lives of leisure with the AI. It should be the coolest thing of all time, but that's not how it happens. We need to get some Albanian robots, man. We need to get some of them that don't know, yeah. You want them to be Albanian because they're not going to get smart like Skynet. They know their place. Dude, it's cool. You see that chat, GPT. They just fired, or the CEO, they did this whole Facebook backhanded thing where some of them voted.
1:21:07The Sam Altman guy got voted out by his partners. Oh, okay. It was like some Yiddish melee, and they all, in the middle of the night, they all fucking voted each other out of the shit. Yiddish melee. Interesting. And that's that. Yeah, I don't follow that shit too close. GPT shit too, too closely. But yeah, that was like the first one. Chad GPC maker, OpenAI, fires founder Sam Altman, pushed its co-founder and CEO Sam Altman, pushed out its co-founder and CEO Sam Altman after a review found he was not consistently candid in his communications with the board of directors. What was he lying about, I wonder?
1:21:44I don't know. They don't get into that, it doesn't seem like. All that, yeah. Who knows? This is Hit20, who co-founded OpenAI about eight years ago with a handful of others, and the idea was to create a nonprofit. Huh. Yeah. As you know, while ChatGBT became one of the most viral tech products in... Scroll?
1:22:06Oh, this is a transcript of a podcast. Oh, it is? Never mind. Yes, it's too much. But they voted him out. A girl came in, and now there's... Pull up a picture of these guys, of the ChatGBT group. Founders, yeah. Yeah, let's see. I bet they're hot as shit. No. He's not that bad. He's not as bad looking as a guy. No, no, he's a handsome guy. Sam Altman's a pretty handsome guy. Look at, but there's a group of four of them, if you can see more. His eyes, though, I don't trust his eyes. They're sad in a way that looks like he wants revenge. Yeah, he's not doing well. Oh, there they are, right there.
1:22:41Oh, man. My man's mid-hair transplant. Zoom in on them. What the fuck is going on there? Zoom in on those dudes. Scoot over. So Sam Altman is the guy in the back, right? Yeah, yeah. They, in the middle of the night, the guy in, they voted him out, I believe, and the guy in the middle. The other guy was like, only one bald guy is allowed. Only one guy with fucked up hair. And then the guy who ended up fucking them all somehow, I think, is the guy on the bottom right. Damn. I mean, if your hairline's like that, you're a fucking, you're a menace. You want the world, you want to take back what the world took from you, which is that weird little fuzz top he's got.
1:23:23Oh, yeah, dude. Who's the piece of ass? I don't know. She is pretty, though. She's dressed like Elizabeth Holmes, which you wouldn't want to do if you're a tech person, right? Remember that? Oh, yeah, the blood girl. Hey, this blood, yeah. Put your blood in this Xerox machine. And it'll literally print out what your blood type is. Like, literally, people were dripping their blood into a glass Xerox machine, putting the lid down, and it would print out if you needed vitamin D or not. That's how fucking stupid people are. This dude needs hat GPT, dude. He really does. I'm going to go ahead and say that.
1:23:59What's that dude's name? Fuck all these creeps. Amen, brother. Because at a certain point, people are just ruining society. Yeah. At a certain point, why isn't there a politician that's like, hey, this shit that we're doing is ruining our America. Why don't we get to vote? Like, hey, this shit's ruining society. Yeah. We don't even feel like a person anymore. You feel like a victim to your phone. You feel like there's no use to you anymore. Like you're literally killing the spirits of people over time, right? I totally agree. And it's like. And not to sound like a downer. I love life. I'm grateful to be alive.
1:24:37Absolutely. But I just feel like there's more to our lives. And it can be a richer experience if we don't let it get sucked away by just by technology. I don't know how you do it. But I bet people would vote to say, yeah, I kind of agree with you. I think they would in the abstract, but in – because I'm with you fully, right? I have this discussion with my friends all the time because I have friends who make good points. They're like – I mean they're like, look, this is just how society is. Constantly technology is fucking – at least in our lifetime, right? Like since the Industrial Revolution, it's like every fucking 30 years shit gets crazy, right?
1:25:14Like, and I don't think it's natural, obviously, but it's like a lot of the shit we do is not natural. Right. We're fucking podcasting right now. You know what I mean? Like they didn't have this man was not meant to podcast. You know what I mean? But and so on one hand, I'm like, well, look, technology is always going to expand. People are always going to like relate in different ways. But I do think that we are getting to a point where it's like this is getting so unnatural where it's like I think we. and the only solution though is to take a really to take a really active like step and say i'm off my phone this amount of time or regulate your phone use or like because people agree with with us i think but then they're like they're not gonna stop looking at right how can we do it you know what i mean it's like you all it's almost like we are it's like waking up and realizing fuck i gotta go to rehab but it's like the entire world is fucking needs to go to rehab exactly it's like it's like runs on these systems and it doesn't, it doesn't feel like it's going to go away at any point.
1:26:14And I think the only, it's almost like a privileged thing. Like, look, me and you could fucking go take a, take a two months in a cabin and not be on our phones. We'd be okay. Yeah. We can fucking hire, you know, like I literally hire somebody to post on Instagram for me cause I don't want to be on it. Right. Yeah. Cause like I would fucking go crazy if I was, but like a lot of people don't just like we've backed people into corner where it's like so much of life happens online. that it's like, what the fuck are they really going to do? You know what I mean? I wish it would be, you know, one of my favorite times as a child, like our family wasn't real close.
1:26:45And one of my favorite times was like sometimes the power would go out. Yeah. They'd get the candles out. So we had to get the candles out and we'd all have to get together in the same room. Yeah. And we hated each other. But for that four to 40 hours, because we're in the poor area, you get power last. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, we would go to school still hadn't had power. Other people had power. There were rich kids showing up with pictures of power that they'd drawn at their house. Yeah, they have a little electricity. Oh, extra. Static shock in you. Yeah. Like, we got extra, bitch. A lunchbox is just a couple watts in it.
1:27:23They're eating, yeah, they're eating light. Yeah, yeah. You see a go down their throat, their fucking stomach glows. I bet you wish this was powering your grandma's pacemaker, huh, pussy? but so but that was like the kind of the nicest time in a way because you needed each other yeah like i needed if i wanted to walk to the other part of the house i needed my brother to go with i needed there was just so much connection and i wonder if like you could just say hey on sunday i think yeah it's off yeah absolutely shut it down i mean but that's the thing that's never going to be worldwide it's something people have to do for themselves it's something people have to just take an active role in their personal lives.
1:28:03And it's swimming upstream from society, which is like, use your phone, do all this shit, pay with a fucking QR code, all this shit. It's crazy. And I'm with, like, I, when I'm done the tour and I'm done, I'm doing a bunch of podcasts, I'm trying to promote the special, but I'm taking a couple months off and just not doing stand-up at all, just not doing shit, just like truly chilling. I'm getting a fucking flip phone, dude. I'm going flip mode and I'm just, I did that. a couple years ago for two weeks, and it was like, I just cleared my head in a crazy way where it was like, no phones before.
1:28:38I would literally check my phone for like one hour, and I would not check it for like a couple hours until I woke up. I would read a book. That's what I would be like, because your brain's like, let me check my fucking, let me check my shit. You know what I mean? Like you're just wired that way. Oh, your brain's. Totally. Absolutely. It really is trying to betray you. your brain is trying to fucking get you dude it's like who's who's paying attention to me yeah you know what i mean well that's a scary part too about the ego you know like uh having an ego is so scary because that thing's growing while you're not even noticing yeah that thing is planning it's plotting against you in a weird way it helps you in the beginning but then it kind of plots against oh and that's a that's a whole other fucking like you know can of worms right like that's a whole other thing you have to take care of but it's hard and it's a different a different problem but yeah dude reading a fucking book and like not going for a walk and like just truly but dude the amount of effort that took I planned it yeah I told people I was like I will not be available constantly text this fucking number you don't know because it's my fucking burner that's the only way to get a hold of me only contact me if something is fucking serious and it's like you have to almost like plan for it when it's you can't just slip into fucking being a regular human being you know Yeah, it takes an effort.
1:29:56It's true. And you have to want it. And part of you can easily be like, you know what? I don't want it. I just want to stay here and be stuck in this hamster wheel. Joey Pantoliano in The Matrix. You want to eat the fucking steak, dude. You know what I mean? Is that what he did? Was it an Italian? Yeah, yeah. He's the guy who betrays them. Oh, there's Italians? It's in the AI? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, you should have known. It's in the code. You know, not to believe them. There's a bunch of Italians in the code. I got it. Now you're definitely out. I just, I don't know. I think people are, I don't know.
1:30:28I don't, I just, I'm going to need to get a little bit more land to separate myself. A moat. You're going to get a moat. I got close neighbors, dude. You just get a moat with like black teens playing innocently. That would keep Italians away. Black teens playing innocently? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just ride their bikes. You know, not up to anything illegal, but Italians would see that and be like, I got to get away from here. Hey, this neighborhood's not what it used to. It's just like black kids drawing with chalk, having a nice Sunday. They're like, Jesus fucking Christ, what happened here? We used to beat each other over gambling debts at this playground.
1:31:04Now these fucking kids are playing checkers. Yeah, now we got a couple black Taylor Swift fans out here. That's when you know the world's getting crazy. There's black Taylor Swift fans, dude. I know. I know. They just had a blackface occurrence. Where was it? Can you bring that up, brother? Wow. Somebody else tried it. They try to pass Halloween. Yeah. A November blackface is a very interesting move. Yeah, this is kind of the off-season. Absolutely, dude. Come on. A middle schooler who went to a football game at my former high school has been suspended for wearing blackface. I was in attendance at this game, which took place on October 13th.
1:31:41The student attends Murelands, which is right next to the high school. Can we see a video or picture? Let me see. Oh. Oh, there he is right there. I mean, is that blackface, though, or is that just... Emulated the style of eye black worn by many athletes. Yeah. Yeah, the dude, I think, is just a shitty... That's not blackface. He's just a shitty painter. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Either he's a bad... Yeah, or a bad racist, also. Yeah. He could just be... Yeah, he's definitely a shitty painter, but it's like, did he mean to do blackface or did he mean to do eye black? We don't know.
1:32:13He's that bad at painting. Yeah, I think the guy is. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's crazy, dude. I think... Yeah, and he didn't even do his forehead. I think you could call him mixed. You know? I think that's how it works. It's not percentages. You could say the guy did the guys out here Ben Simmons-ing. He's naturally pretty Ben Simmons, though. Yeah. He kind of looks like young Ben Simmons. Yeah, definitely. Look, so that I think is fair. You can't say this dude is fully blackface. No, that's not blackface. I think at this point in society, you should be able to do half blackface. Oh, you think you should do a nice mocha?
1:32:48Well, people are mixed. Yeah. I said, yeah. Yeah, what if you're a Honey Badger fan? Well, I still don't think you should do, I don't think you need to paint your skin his skin color to show that you're a fan of, maybe just his jersey would be fine. Yeah, you can do just his jersey, but I think if you really want to freaking get in there. Okay. Get in the game. Wasn't that somebody's motto for a while? EA Sports. Yeah, get in the game. It's in the game. Okay, okay, this is interesting. If you want to do blackface, you have to prove that you are a hardcore fan of the black person that you're doing the blackface of.
1:33:18Okay. You know? That's fair. You can't be doing it. There has to be a true homage. Yeah. You have to pass a driving test, but it's like, what college did Terramatho go to? How many interceptions did he have in 2012? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you ace that, then you get to go to Sephora, get a foundation that matches his fucking skin completely. They should have that Sephora m****** section. Sephora Sephora For the modern racist Look They're not all Coal black There's Yeah let's be Let's be realistic Let's be realistic They're half white Just cause we're racist Doesn't mean we can't have Some artistic integrity It's funny too Cause I think some guys Wouldn't care No one's lips are that red Get the real lip color I think some guys wouldn't Some people wouldn't care It's I think we're probably One generation away from probably people being able to dress like their favorite if there's an athlete that's black.
1:34:21I think we're also probably two generations away from everybody being mixed, you know? Yeah, I think so. I think we're getting there. I personally don't want, I would love to have, like everyone in my family's white. Yeah, get you something, huh? Let's mix it up a little bit. Oh, yeah. You know, I don't want, now look, I fall in love with a white woman, I fall in love with a white woman, what are you going to do? But why not get a little something going? Also, adoption. I feel like more people should adopt, if only because why do you want your genes out there? I'm a fucking idiot. My family's dumb as shit.
1:34:52We should end this. An adopted kid is like taking a fucking lottery ticket, dude. It's a scratch off. Yeah, but some of them will kill you in your sleep if they're from Russia. Yeah, well, that's what. Scratch off. Sometimes you get fucked. But sometimes it's like, uh-oh, Asian girl that didn't want this to affect her going to grad school. You know what I mean? But then you scratch it off. It's like, oh, meth heads who tried to sell the baby. Like, damn. Fuck. This is tough. I knew I shouldn't have bought that from that gas station. The pump said out of service. I should have known. I had a friend who did have a Russian or maybe he was like Lithuanian adopted brother.
1:35:36Didn't kill anybody, but had a hammer on him. Wow, really? And it really affected my friend because he was like, this is my brother. But man, because he doesn't have, he's not saddled with our little dick jeans. He has those big fucking, you know, nice fat Lithuanian cock jeans. For a dick to make it all the way across the ocean. He rode on it. It was buoyant enough to support him. That thing's got to be, yeah. That's like the life of pot. You got to be able to travel. Yeah, it's the tiger. It's attacking people in the boat. What other news did we get, man? What else happened? Bin Laden's letter to US stuns young Americans.
1:36:16Oh, yeah, this was on TikTok. Oh, wait, first on TikTok, can you see the blackface charcoal guy? Can we look that up?
1:36:25Just YouTube, just cool. More blackface. There must have been some blackface when you were growing up. Blackface does blackface. Head in bag. Do that. Blackface charcoal guy, head in bag. Cool guy.
1:36:43As long as you don't talk in a different voice Yeah I think you're good with the charcoal mask Yeah You can't do a voice You can't do a voice There it is right there Guy puts a bag with a barbecue charcoal on his head Let's see if this is blackface or not Interesting And this is in Russia Oh, Russia
1:37:05Oh, yeah, this guy's a GWAR fan
1:37:10oh damn that's an even coat god damn wow why did he do that huh because it doesn't feel like he's being racist it feels like he's being weird and russian yes see that's interesting that is interesting if he'd have put on a james harden jersey right and kept switching teams right yeah something tells me he wouldn't pass our test yeah he wouldn't know heart what year which Which year's Harden won MVP. Shout out to Harden, by the way. Really? I love it, dude. Did you see that thing that the guy did the other day? Yeah, he went off on it. But here's what I'll say. That guy, that is the most I've ever connected to an athlete.
1:37:50Because it's like, yeah, fuck working hard, dude. Go get fat as shit and still get what you want. That's awesome. He's not going to win a championship. Jordan, I cannot relate to Michael Jordan at all. Being obsessed with your fucking job like a fucking nerd. wanting to be the best in the world not having a relationship with your kids Harden is living life dude and if you're thinking about the kind of guy you want and he gets he's always won everything he's gotten to play with all his friends like when he moved to the Nets and it was like I just want to hang out with KD again that's the most like yeah dude you're past your prime you won your MVPs they did video games a lot I heard yeah dude they got drafted they were in OKC together and they was like fuck it we're going back there and they played with Russ again And it was like, I relate to being in your 30s and just wanting to hang out with your boys when you were 20.
1:38:40Yeah. That's a great point, man. That's a great point, Stav. Because we all, we judge these athletes on like, they have to be these fucking serial killers that care about anything but championships. Like, no, Harden has made$300 million,$400 million. Look, would he win it? Is he going to win a championship? Probably not. He's got two MVPs, I think two MVPs. And yes, he falls apart in the playoffs. But, okay, he's still better than 99 % of human beings that have ever played basketball. And he made$400 million. He never had to work that hard. Yeah. Oh, he didn't show up in the playoffs? Yeah, dude, you know what happens when it's Thanksgiving week?
1:39:18I don't fucking answer emails. I'm like James Harden. My boss calls me at 11 p.m. It's going on mute. I'm not answering. Oh, the office is on fire? I don't give a fuck. It's the fourth quarter. I'm off the clock, brother. Yeah. Yeah, this is overtime. I'm here, but I'm not going to work hard. That's why he's getting fat. He's spending all his money getting pussy. I love it, dude. Bro, that is excellent, man. You're right, dude. James Harden, you're doing it. He's the man. He's American. That's the most American shit of all time. Yeah. Like, all right, if I try really, really hard, I still might not win a championship.
1:39:59so why not not try that hard at all and have a sick life yes that's why I fuck with Shaq too Shaq fucking dude Shaq could have won way more championships but he got you see him when he was at LSU he's like a skinny guy oh yeah and he's just like I'm just gonna keep getting fat as fuck yeah might as well I'm gonna do Shazam in the off season I'm gonna do I'm gonna rap I'm gonna get fat I'm gonna fucking buy Burger Kings and shit like that and even today to this day Shaq's on TV dude talking about basketball, clearly does not watch the games. Yeah. Just like has no fucking idea what's going on. Yeah.
1:40:38Icy hot. Yeah. The insurance. He's just constantly doing commercials, dude. Yeah, he'll sell something dangerous and then the insurance right after. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll like, get the new Shaq archery kit. Right, right, right. You got a neighbor that's out of line, he'll just grab a ball off a rim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not anymore. Right, right, right. No, it's nothing to do with archery. No, it was Shaq Arrows. Yeah. Shaq's Arrows. Yeah. Hey, and then the next commercial is like, oh, is somebody shooting at your house? Yeah. Get the insurance. It's perfect. Yeah, you need the guardian or whatever it is, that little fucking insurance guy.
1:41:14Oh, yes, the general. Yeah, put icy hot on your grandmother and get the general. But yeah, no, I respect athletes that are just like, this is my job. It rules. I'm gonna have the best time in the fucking world and I'm not gonna be Jordan dude look at the fucking last dance Jordan is sad his eyes are fucking yellow yellower than that 24 right there you know what I mean like he's drunk as fuck these like he put everything in those years and yeah he was the man right and of course Michael Jordan's the fucking man I respect him but it's like you'd rather be a guy who's a choke artist in the playoffs but made millions of fucking dollars.
1:41:58And by the way, Harden had some good games against the Celtics when he was on the Sixers. He had a couple bangers. But still, I would rather just be a guy who's awesome as shit and never wins but has no stress versus a guy who lives and dies. You hear Larry Bird talk about championships. He's like, it just doesn't feel disappointing when you win. And when you lose, you want to kill yours. It's like that crazy. and like his and it's like that's a fucking serial killer and yeah he's awesome but i don't want that shit dude i want to have a good ass time it's a great it's a great it's a great point man i think it's just an overall good point about how like we get caught up in having to be the champion yeah and how unrealistic it is that everybody's going to be the champion totally and to recognize do i really want to do all it's going to do to possibly be the champion and then what are you realistically left with like yes there's some recognition to it but is that worth the things you might sacrifice along the way you know yeah totally and yeah and just because something's your job doesn't mean to be the champion only you show up do a good job and have fun have fun entertain people you know what i mean awesome that's great man i really appreciate you thinking about that yeah yeah of course dude yeah it's just it's true it's like because you get on this It's almost like instead of walking, when you get to the airport sometimes in Minneapolis, which, by the way, they've done a great job.
1:43:22Great airport. Great airport. You get there, and you can go on that track, or you can just walk. You know what I'm talking about with the moving floor? Yes, of course. And it's like you just get on that moving floor, and you're not even really thinking about your steps. No. You're just, you know. But it does feel cool, I will say. It is nice. Sorry to muddy up the analogy. No, it's nice. But I feel fast as shit when I, like, you go on those, and you, I even pick up the pace, and I'm like, I'm fucking Superman. I'm bionic. Oh, you'll go fast? You'll walk on them? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. I love that.
1:43:52You feel so fast. Yeah. Oh, you feel like you're in a threesome, I feel like. No. That, for me, historically, that's nervous, blowing it, you know, having the worst time of my life. I've had a nice one, but most of them have been brutal. Yeah? What city do you have a nice one in? Chicago. Okay. And one in New York. But, yeah, had some bad ones in a couple other places. Oh, you've been in a multitude of them. I've been in a couple, yeah. I ended my special with a, did we talk about this last time? It feels like we did. I don't remember. Because I feel like you were in one. I was in a unique one outside of Missouri one time.
1:44:26Yes, we talked about it. We talked about it. Grateful that everybody made it out okay. To be honest, you know, it's just. Yeah, but if you're crushing it, if you're crushing it in a threesome, that's probably what that feels like. Well, my thing was I didn't know one of the girls, so I was trying to small talk while I was hooking up with this other girl. So it's like, hey, where are you from? You know? Oh, do you have family? And you're just making it just. The whole thing was just ridiculous. What other news we got? Let's bring a little bit more up. I think you just got to turn that brain off, brother.
1:45:00When the dick is hard, the brain is off. That's, I think, how it needs to be. Oh, that has been my number one problem. I remember when I used to be able to smoke weed sometimes, my erection, because my brain would shut off. Yes. And my erection, dude, it would be like, oh, my God. It would be like somebody that had gotten to the top of a hill for the first time in its life. Oh, my goodness. This view is unbelievable. It stayed up there. It was doing selfies. Yeah, dude. I'm with you, too. That is always my problem because when I actually like a girl, the first time I fuck her, I have been hard 0 % of the time because I'm worried I'm going to blow it.
1:45:35But then if it's like, you know, just we both know the score. We're just here to bust. No problems dickwise. And then again, if I break through and I've been dating somebody for a while and I trust, you know, all that, all the like anxiety of like, does this person like me? All this shit. When that truly goes away, not just intellectually, but I feel it's going away. My dick actually truly gets hard. Really? And then we broke. Literally, this happened to me where I dated somebody and we finally, I felt like we finally got all our shit figured out. And my dick was getting harder than ever to the point where she was like, what's up with your dick?
1:46:10Like she was literally like, something's different. Your dick is like actually – she was like mildly uncomfortable for the first time ever having sex with me. She was like, your dick has gotten not small anymore. Like that was essentially not big. Oh, wow, yeah. Not big, but not small, you know. Yeah. And then literally we broke up. It felt good. It felt good. It was feeling positive, yeah. Yeah. Man, yeah, that's – I never try and work through that uncomfortable phase to see if there's a real phase on the other side. It's so hard for me, man. It's scary. For me, too. That's the only girl I've ever done it with.
1:46:46And I will tell you this. It took a while to, like, get over that. But once it happened, it felt awesome. And, like, I've been too busy the last couple years. Like, I don't feel like a – I don't know if you feel this way, but it's, like, on the road constantly and shooting a special and working on other projects. I don't even feel like a person. Like, I barely see my friends. I barely see my family. You can't have a dating life because you're just not in a fucking city. for longer than whatever. And so I'm really looking forward to focusing on that shit in the next year. I'm taking most of the next year off.
1:47:18Wow, really? Yeah, yeah. Good for you, man. I can't be a – yeah, I can't. Like from the road anyway. Like I'll do local shit. I'll work on my act. And I'm going to say, you know, you lose a lot of money doing that, but it's like what do you have the money for? Yeah. But yeah, dude, I would say give it a whirl. It's worth it because I felt it was – and, you know, it ended up we weren't right for each other for other reasons. But, you know, when your dick gets hard from love, that's special. Oh, wow. You know? That's a special thing. Yeah, I want that. I think you can have it. You're a wonderful guy.
1:47:51A girl would be lucky to have your truly hard dick anxiety-free. Oh. I can't even imagine that, really. I know. It is hard to imagine. When it happened to me, I was like, what's going on here? No way. I can't imagine having natural re-hardation. I'm re-harded. I'm a re-hard. Yeah, dude. The way you know you're in love when you fuck like a re-hard.
1:48:27Yeah, I do not. I am like a sniper. I literally have to get my wiener hard, run in there. Go, go, go You're getting the signal I'm like a Navy SEAL, dude Shout out my friend Lance Tecker But I had to get out I would have to get erect Run in there Do the damage And then slip out Yeah, yeah, yeah I mean before the gates even close I'd have to make it back out I get that, man Oh, man What else? What other news we got? Botox, ringer, and dorsal Oh yeah, this dude. This is just exactly where we are again as a society. George Santos. They said he spent$400 ,000 on OnlyFans. Of his campaign funds. I gotta say, respect.
1:49:18Because this guy's a fucking idiot. And he's like, that's the thing. This guy's a crook, right? Yeah. And he realistically was like, well, a way to be a crook, a sick way to be a crook is to be a... Or a representative. And he's just fucking killing it, dude. Yeah, this happened more and more. He spent a honeymoon in Vegas. He did a Hamptons holidays. Where is that? Being a chubby guy with Botox is also... Not Hampton Inn, huh? That's not very expensive. No, no, no. The Hamptons in fucking Long Island. Oh, fuck that, dude. I like Hampton Inn, bro. They redid them about 12 years ago, the Hampton Inns.
1:49:54They're great. You're a Hampton Inn guy? I love them. Elevators are all the same. They have like a little nice positive thing on it. Okay. With like a black kid on a rope swing. Or like a white kid, like getting a lemonade from his grandma. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I was always a Holiday Inn Express man when it came to the lower levels. I haven't been to it. I'm not a Hampton Inn guy. My top spender, she put up. Well, here's his problem. He also put George Santos as his screen name. Wait, what the fuck? That's a girl. Right. That was her. But her top spender, she's saying she's an OnlyFans model. But he's gay.
1:50:27Santos is gay. Is he? Yeah. Well, he spent$435 ,000 attempting to not be gay. What the fuck? Go to this girl's... Is she trans or something? Or does she peg guys? Yeah, let's see if she's transed up. Or maybe she fucks guys? Wow. I mean, if she's trans, I'm sucking that thing, no problem. If she's trans, dude, Red Rover, Red Rover, I'll be right over. 6 '2". Uh-oh. I might have to... I'll be right over. Wow. What's her name? I mean, she seems like she has a... She might be trans, which, again, no problems here. Soog-ass sex, huh? Why don't we scroll down just a little bit. George Santos was looking at her.
1:51:09I thought that guy was gay as hell. Yeah, he might not be gay anymore. I think for$435 ,000, you can make it out of anything.
1:51:18You know? Yeah, that's true. Where I'm from, anyway. That's a nice chunk. Yeah. That's a nice chunk. Absolutely. You can stuff the condoms full of money just to keep your dick hard that way in a woman. Worst case scenario. Doesn't Santos also have like a hot also scammer sister? I think I saw somebody tweet about that. Well, a lot of people are just making it to politics now. But it's like they're – well, it's funny because you don't want lifelong politicians, it feels like, because the system is so dirty. Of course, yeah. But then it's also like you get these just fly-by-night kind of people, like Fetterman, who I'm not saying is bad or good, but he's just, you know, as long as he shows up like it's an off day or whatever.
1:52:02Yeah, he's got his fucking sweatshorts on. Me and him dress way too similar. Oh, that's a good point. Although he's not this dripped out, but, you know, on my travel days. No, if you're dripping, he's a leak. Yeah. It's like he wears, like, champion athletics. Yes, yes, yes. You know, which a lot I respect it. It's comfortable. There we go. Tiffany. He paid her rent. That's his sister. Oh, George Hendo's sister. Tiffany hasn't paid rent since 2020. Respect. Another scammer in the family. Yeah. So it's just that's a lot of what's going on. Yeah, absolutely. What else? What was that other story you had up?
1:52:39Oh, this was interesting. Bin Laden's letter to U.S. stuns young Americans. He was right. A decades-old document allegedly written by Osama bin Laden Entitled Letter to America recently went viral on TikTok With some young Americans believing that the Al-Qaeda founder Made valid points about their own country I mean, I don't know this letter But American imperialism definitely led to fucking terrorism There's no way around I mean, that's the thing Innocent people shouldn't have died Terrorism's fucked up in any way But it's like, you can't say that America didn't act fucked up It doesn't, to this day, act fucked up in foreign countries.
1:53:18And we've been destabilizing the Middle East for, you know what I mean? Go back to that article, if you don't mind, please, brother. I just want to see a little bit more. Keep going down.
1:53:30It's wild and everyone should read it, said one TikTok user, warning that the letter had left her very disillusioned and confused. Bin Laden, the son of a wealthy Saudi businessman, founded Al-Qaeda, or the base, in 1988 following the Soviet defeat and withdrawal from Afghanistan, a conflict in which he fought. I didn't know he was a fighter in that. We fucking supplied them because they were fighting the Soviets. Oh, we supplied them. Yeah. We supplied Osama. Because it was a proxy war. Yeah, absolutely. Under his leadership, the group launched several deadly attacks and bombings in various nations, including the attacks on September 11, 2001.
1:54:06The base is an interesting name for a terrorist group. Yeah. It's the base. You think they were fucking... You think they were fucking... Terror, terror, terror, terrorism. Death, death, death, death, death. Death to a bodyguard. And they do that cool yodeling shit. The creation and continuation of Israel is one of the greatest crimes, and you are the leaders of its criminals, bin Laden wrote. Each and every person whose hands have become polluted and the contribution towards the crime must pay its price and pay for heavily. Oh, here it says, The Saudi-born militant then wrote the Palestinians had to be revenged along with the people of Afghanistan.
1:54:43So what he's saying is, oh, and here it is. The American people are the ones who pay the taxes which fund the planes that bomb us in Afghanistan, the tanks that strike and destroy our homes in Palestine, the armies which occupy our lands in the Arabian Gulf, and the fleets which ensure the blockade of Iraq. This is why the American people cannot be innocent of all the crimes committed by the Americans and Jews against us. All right, we had to hit us with a J, didn't you, Osama? But so what is he saying here? He's saying I mean he's basically saying That we have a We We can't You can't just look at America's actions As no repercussions of them I think so I mean look Obviously Osama I'm not Osama bin Laden's off here Right?
1:55:24Like obviously I'm not aligned with Osama Where he's basically like No neither one of us are He's basically like Yeah yeah I know I'm sorry I don't mean to be like I don't mean to be like you No no But I think He's basically I think he's saying that like Like by just living in America, no one's innocent and you're able to fucking – I think that's how they're talking about terrorism and stuff like that. But I do think what he's saying – obviously he's wrong about that shit, right? You shouldn't kill fucking innocent people at all. But I think he's saying that American imperialism is like people are going to be fucking pissed off about that.
1:55:59Yes, America has supplied Israel with tons of billions of dollars, and they need Israel. America needs Israel because it's a strategic base in the Middle East. It's the only ally that they have there. And so we've all kind of turned a blind eye to the situation in Gaza where it's like they're completely – they don't have an independent government. They're under the rule of Israel, and each year it gets like a little, they take more and more of their, like, you know, the land or whatever. And I guess the whole point is like, yeah, America has been acting in a lot of fucked up ways that fucking a lot of people are pissed off about.
1:56:47And I think a lot of people don't know about either, probably. Totally, absolutely, absolutely. Like, you don't think sometimes that, like, if you go and do something in a country, if your forces, it's like you want to cheer your forces on because they're your team, right? They're the people that are keeping your country free. But if you kill people in Iraq because you're hunting al-Qaeda. Totally. And you kill a ton of civilians. Totally. The children of those civilians and the brothers and fathers of those civilians are going to want to repercuss that. Absolutely. They want revenge. It makes sense.
1:57:19It's a true empathy thing of like think about if this is how you lived. If you're in Iraq, if you're in Afghanistan post-war, if you're in Gaza under occupation, you see your loved ones get fucking killed by a foreign country, a foreign country's army, and you're not, it's like the Cat Williams joke where it's like, what does the Iraq army uniform look like? You know, like, I'll wait. Like, we've never seen it. He's like, we're just killing motherfuckers. We're calling them insurgents. Dude, Cat has the best. that's the best Iraq war joke that on the Pimp Chronicles it's the best Michael Jackson joke and it's the best Iraq war joke I think but anyway that's the thing it's like yeah people are going to be fucking pissed off about that yeah that's the same thing I think that it's like you always hear like the free Palestine movement you know for me it's like if a place when you hear the free thing that place usually needs help right that's the place that needs It's like, yeah, you don't hear free America.
1:58:25You don't hear free Israel. You don't hear free China. Yeah, you don't hear free South Carolina. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you don't hear free Nevada. No. You hear free Palestine. It just, man, it just, it's heartbreaking over there. Without question, yeah. And our news doesn't even cover it fairly either. No, it's not at all. I mean, no one is for terrorism. And it's like when you point out that the people in Gaza have been under, you know, military occupation with like not, you know, not access to water. Like they have like a ton of crazy shit. We're not even getting into, you know, what's happened now, which is like they're killing so many civilians it's fucking out of control.
1:59:11It's insane. And it's like to like the the responses. I mean, it's like a it's like a moral crime what's happening. And but we've ignored the context of that situation, which is like, yeah, dude, these like think about exactly what you said. It's like think about what would happen if Americans were put under that. You know, that's the whole point. Right. Of like, I mean, especially if you're like a second like the guys who always talk about I have a gun in case the government were to fucking like that's happening to those people. They have no right. It's crazy the situation over there. Right now, it's like hospitals are getting bombed.
1:59:50If your army is such a talented army, as Israel has, why don't they send guys, people in, especially if you already control the area. You're telling me you can't. I would rather have our Navy SEALs go in and do the job in an effective manner, efficient. I know. There's no way. That's the thing. Against the terrorist people Right, right, right The people who did it Then fucking block It just seems like the Not only cruel But the dumbest fucking thing Well it's like Especially for people That have lived through Iraq Like we lived through that shit We Our gener Like we This country did There was obviously A protest But We basically were like Alright We're taking you Okay I guess And then it's like It was complete bullshit They were no They had no fucking They had no weapons They didn't have a water gun Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, Saddam's fucking sons were too busy buying golden fucking whips to hit their fucking slaves with.
2:00:48They were buying tigers and shit to eat curds. Yes, they were horrible people, but they didn't have fucking nukes. This is his son right here. He's a goth son. He's actually going to be in. It looks like an older woman, which is kind of hot. Wow. It looks just like his father. Yeah, dude. That is funny to be goth Osama.
2:01:11yeah dude it's like uh what's a good goth man that starts with l um lamb of god's not goth Or like heavy metal Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I'm thinking of a lot of M's. Megadeth, Metallica. Jeez, I'm really blowing it. I was just trying to think of a good play on words. Sorry, man. I'm out sourcing it. We both check swinging. We're like, we'll take another pitch. We're going to pass on that riff. I wonder if it would be interesting to talk with that guy. Oh, are you kidding me? It would be fucking fascinating. I bet that would be fascinating. Well, I would love to talk with that guy and just see what, because he's just a son, you know, like, I can't even imagine what his life is like.
2:01:56I mean, he had a ton of kids, Bin Laden. He did? They were so, I mean, they were rich as fuck and, you know, I believe culturally it's like you just have a ton of fucking kids if you have that much. I mean, his paintings suck dick. That's like. I would buy that probably. That's not bad, I guess, if your fucking nephew did it. But also, you don't end up painting a cave, dude. I think he's in America. We don't know if he is. I don't know bro Who knows Fainting by fucking Lamplight Yeah dude If you're painted by Lighter Although didn't they When they found When SEAL team got him He was in like a McMansion in Pakistan Wasn't he Where was he at You know there's a lot of Rumor that the guy Who said that they say Shot him didn't shoot him Ooh He's still out there Or they were just Oh no no He's deceased Gotcha Cause didn't they throw his body But the guy that did it Or claims to have done it I've just heard that There's rumors That that's not the right thing Oh yeah cause there was like One guy who's on podcasts all the time yeah michael o 'brien i think is his name it does feel like i read the book the book's amazing okay his book and uh he's a neat guy i've met him but people say that who knows yeah but i think there's this or maybe there's just a thing it also could be this you're not oh robert o 'neill that you're not supposed to say what happened if you did it yeah i think that's the code of conduct apparently it feels a little like you know it's like you know act like you've been there before.
2:03:20Like, don't do a dance like a wide receiver. Hand the ball to the ref. Go kill the next fucking terrorist. You know what I mean? There's a lot of rumors like that. Which I get. But yeah, that stuff's heartbreaking. I want to have some people on that know more about maybe that kind of stuff. Yeah, I'm too stupid. I mean, you know, but yes, absolutely. I mean, it is. It feels like you have to, like, it feels like you have to do something. because if you're the power to, you are the one that has to figure it out. The other entity that's not as powerful or doesn't have any powers or only has limited powers is they can't, it's not, there's no way for them to figure it.
2:04:03Yeah, I mean, you definitely should have somebody on who knows more about it, but it's like the history is crazy because it's like, yeah, not only do they have, it's like the people there, they've tried for two state solutions in the past, But nobody wants to talk about how like Israel didn't want that. Anyone who was trying to have a peaceful thing, like they assassinated a lot of peaceful leaders. And they there's even like they helped fund Hamas because they wanted I believe they wanted the PLO again. But like it's just it's just the kind of thing where this this thing is so it's so fucked up.
2:04:37What's been going on for 50 plus years in Gaza. And it's like I don't it's not that I don't understand why Israel is, you know, I understand why Jews are a little on edge I get it like there's so much anti-Semitism in the world but it's like that does not in the world yeah I do think there's generally anti-Jewish sentiments but I also oh yeah yeah there probably is but I also think like that doesn't we're not talking about Jewish people we're talking about the state we're talking about a state government we're talking about Israel yeah exactly government and it's like those aren't the same thing and a government that has people that are extremists in it is different than you know Well, that Netanyahu guy seems, he just seems, he gives me the creeps.
2:05:20Yeah, they have, I mean, they have people in the government that are just like, we should exterminate them. Like, they're just straight up saying crazy racist shit. And it's like, that has to also, people also need to know that shit, dude. Like, it's not, it's. Especially if you were a group that somebody has already said that to. But maybe that's like the thing where if like somebody says something to somebody like hate creates hate, you know, I don't know. I don't know how that stuff gets stuck in people's DNA and stuff like that, you know. I know. But yeah, it just, I don't know. This shit is fucking heartbreaking.
2:05:49It's completely fucked. And now there's too much visibility now where we are in like with social media and everything for people not to see what's going on. I do think, and I also think there's like a generation of people that like for younger people, it's like they're just seeing what's going on right now. You know what I mean? They're just like, this is fucked up. Like you can have any, you know, any, you can have the reasons you're doing this. But like we're 19. We're living through this moment right now, and we can't believe what the fuck we're seeing. Right, and they don't look at the history of stuff because they don't really have a long history in their lives yet.
2:06:22So they don't really – history is not a part of things. To them, it's like what's happening right now? How does it look right now? That's the way society is now. How does this look right now? But it's also – I do think obviously you should know proper context and you should do your research. Yeah, yeah. But I also do think there is something to that idea of like it's also free of a lot of thinking where it's like, oh, yeah, we're just taking these at face. value. Like, we're just seeing this and this is not acceptable to us. But who knows? Obviously, I'm not the guest for super in-depth shit like that.
2:06:53But yeah, what's going on is like... Yeah, you're like a Gorgonzola judge. Yeah, dude. Bring in some aged cheeses. Bring in a fucking rib. Bring in a ribeye. I'll tell you which one's good. Give me four ribeyes. I'll slurp a bowl of brie down. What are we having for dinner, by the way? What are we going to get in between before the show, man? That's hilarious. That's what we got to be thinking. about. Listen, let's keep potting, but in the back of your head, can you think about dinner, brother? What could I go for? A porterhouse? Doesn't sound too bad. Don't sound too bad to me, brother. Cordell Stewart blew a guy at Shenley Park over there.
2:07:33And in the fruit loop. Dude, Pittsburgh is fucking unreal. Yeah, I mean I mean, that white trash is everywhere. Baltimore talks like that, too. Baltimore does, too? Baltimore, Philly. It's a little different. Dang, dang, dang. Oh, my God. What the hell are you talking about, yo? Here's what I say about Israel Palestine. Let them fight it out. Arabs versus Jews, who gives a shit? That's what those guys think. Put it over there, Joe, make it a Ravens country. Put a statue of Joe Flacco up there. we will annex Israel for Baltimore start serving crab cakes out of that motherfucker Ray Lewis was a Jew they'll start saying all kinds of shit oh yeah Matt Stover he was Jewish we should get the country that should be for the Ravens I know I feel bad for my Jewish friends too that are like fuck why are we getting if they're getting flat from people because their country because they're like or because they're yeah well you should absolutely it's ridiculous to blame Jewish people right like it's not and that's why I don't want but that's like you know you don't want anti-septism to get worse because of this obviously like you don't want this like really we need you gotta fucking stop bombing the place immediately like you gotta have a ceasefire it's fucking crazy not to do that and then it's like let's can we actually try and have real fucking productive like peace talks could something good happen out of this I don't know why can't we step in and try to help America is part of the group and Britain that helped create it it was a British colony before and then they were like alright we feel bad about you just take this essentially you can't ref the first quarter and then fucking alright boys call your own fouls yeah
2:09:34But one team owns all the balls Yeah One team's got all the whistles Yeah
2:09:43That's perfect, dude That's why you're great, man Because whistles was the right joke Yeah, it's alright, man Whistles was the right joke
2:09:54Stavi, anything else you want to think about, man? I think we've talked a lot, huh? Yeah, I'm good, bro I mean, we could go, this is the easiest podcast in the world. We could do this for fucking 10 hours. We've got a show tonight. I'm trying to think if there was anything else that we wanted to learn. We got the special is out. The special, yeah. People can watch it. It comes out December 5th. December 5th on Netflix. I'll make sure to post on my socials too. Appreciate you, bro. On that day, man. I'm sure people are going to be excited to see it. I just watched Trevor Wallace's new special. I thought it was really cool.
2:10:20I haven't seen it. Where's it on? It's on, I want to say Amazon maybe. Oh, sick. Or Hulu. But it was just cool. Yeah. Trevor's a hard worker man that kid yeah yeah yeah he's a great dude and I love just his whole thing is like so ridiculous um they they do a podcast where it's like just to talk to porn stars because I really respect that I think they have them on sometimes yeah yeah yeah they're still jerking off a lot yeah yeah I respect that from a philosophical standpoint it's like like you know who's the king of that is that guy Glennie oh Glennie Balls I mean I gotta meet that guy because I feel like that's a path my life could have gone down He just has a show with the express purpose of trying to fuck porn stars.
2:11:00Yeah. He's the man. I respect. All of Buffalo cheddar before you come. Yeah. I love that. Yeah, that's the best part. It's like I've seen a couple clips. He's not good at interviewing.
2:11:16And like these girls also are not like the fucking most talented orators. So it's like not compelling content. It exists solely for Glennie Balls to get his dick sucked. And honestly, salute. Yeah, dude. Welcome to America, Glennie. Just like James Harden. Respect. Yeah, you're the James Harden of the industry. Just having a good time, dude. Oh, Glennie's hilarious, dude. Glennie is the most lovable. If you see him, he's literally like a French bulldog. Love it, dude. But that had a lot of croissants. Oh, absolutely. Soft. A fluffy old French bulldog. Oh, he's got some flake coming off of you.
2:11:57No, I respect that. Yeah, like I just, I don't know the guy personally. Oh, yeah, he's great. But no, the show is, he's like, yeah, you like having tits in your bra? Yeah. Oh, man, I'd love to know his conversion rate on the podcast. He says all the time, I don't try to have sex with these girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like, well, if you don't, then what are you doing? Yeah. Then you're an Albanian. You're just a journalist. You try to get on 60 Minutes? You think this is step one? Bro, then you're just an Albanian. Yeah, exactly. That is Albanian TV. It's like, we find the biggest Brestian village, and we ask questions.
2:12:39And we see with Cameron Brest the whole time. I did go to my Albanian friend's house one time as a child, and they had just gotten Albanian TV. Oh, it's beautiful. And they had, it was like a variety show where it was like skits. And it's obviously all this comedies, you know, back 80 years there where it's like all the skits are like men dressed as women. You know what I mean? Like just like that level shit. And then the DJ in between skits was someone called DJ Topless. And it was straight up. You're not going to believe it was Theo. A woman with her tits out on TV. What's on like on a Sunday afternoon.
2:13:18dude, this woman just had her tits out spinning Euro trash music. It was fucking awesome. See, that's the kind of diversity we need in this country. Absolutely. We got to get the titties out. Free the nipple for sure. Free America, dude. That's right. Before it's too late. Before it's too late. We got to figure it out. We just got to keep communicating too and thinking as much as we can and making people laugh. And you do a great job with that, so thank you, man. This is a highlight of my month. Thank you, dude. Anytime. And dude, we got to get you on Stavvy's World sometime here in New York. And where do you tape in New York?
2:13:47New York, yeah. Okay. I'll come do it this year. Hell yeah, dude. I'll come do it this year, man. I'll do it next. Fuck yeah. Yeah, I got a couple IOUs. That's a tough thing with pods. It's like you get a few IOUs and then you're doing your own and then you start touring and you're like... No, I get it. And maybe we can figure some shit out on the road. Who knows? But anytime you want to fucking come on and, dude, I'll do this show every week if you want me to. Oh, no. Well, you're always welcome, but I owe you, man, so I'll come over there. Hell yeah. Yeah, congratulations, dude. Thanks, big dog.
2:14:13It's exciting to see you manage this and just have an experience. And yeah, that James Harden approach, I like it. That's all. Obviously, my favorite player is Giannis. He's the fucking man, and he's more of the like, I'm going to fucking work hard, and I'm going to improve. But he's also got his family, right? There's different approaches to it, but at the end of the day, I just tip my hat to a man who fucking just says, yeah, I'm not going to care about being that good at my job. I'm going to care about my life being better. And I'm going to be a little more Harden this year. I was a little too much like fucking Kobe last year.
2:14:48Yeah, be a little more hardened on yourself. Yeah. Yep. I'm going to be hardened and then I'm going to get re-hearted. Yeah. I'm going to find a woman and get re-hearted. We really came up with a great loophole. Oh, I can't wait to shut down my central nervous system and get an erection. Bro, that should be our national anthem. Yeah. Fucking unreal. Absolutely. Yeah, I'm a Marshawn Beauchamp fan, dude. Hell yeah. Yep. Awesome, dude. Yeah. Thank you so much, Stavi, and congrats again, brother. Thanks, dude. Thanks for having me. Peace. Alex Lagos, congratulations, too, on the baby. On the Albaby.
2:15:25Yeah, the Albabian.
2:15:30Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take a little time
From the publisher
Stavros Halkias is a stand-up comedian and host of the weekly podcast “Stavvy’s World”. His new Netflix special “Fat Rascal” comes out on December 5th.
Stavros Halkias joins This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von for the second time to chat about cajun santa, thick love in the new world, what happens if America has a “battle of the states”, the unfolding George Santos drama, Osama Bin Laden’s goth son, and much more.
Stavros Halkias: https://www.instagram.com/stavvybaby2
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