E477 Tony Robbins

20:35so when you make a shift in the way you use your brain and it gets conditioned yeah and it does get conditioned so they were studying how it works and so there's a biochemical change that actually happens in the body perspective that's the thing it's like yeah you got to change like yeah instead of just being like i want to have this new year's resolution another rule for myself i need to change the ruler that's right you got it you got like i need to that's what i need to change but a lot of people times we don't even see that we're the ruler yeah that's a great metaphor for this episode is sponsored by prize picks do you love firing on different sports well prize picks is the best daily fantasy sports app for you that's right you can fire on all your favorite sports from the nhl nba nfl ufc and more instead of choosing teams you choose individual players That's what I like about prize picks.

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23:03Just pay$5 shipping. That's BlueChew.com. Promo code Theo. To receive your first month free, visit B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W.com for more details and important safety information. and we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. That's what's crazy. That's a great metaphor. You know, like if you wanted to go to a, I don't know if you're into racing at all, but like a Le Mans, a 24-hour race or a Baja 1000, you could have an amazing car, a Ferrari. It's not gonna last. You have to re-engineer that car to be able to take on the desert or drive for 24 hours or go to the ones that are in the desert there where they have a pipe so that when you go down, it's still gonna get the air to the combustion of the engine.

23:44We have to re-engineer ourselves So the times we're in, we're in a time right now, it feels like winter where there's more fear than usual. Yeah. It's a season, it'll pass. Do you think that's true? I know it's true. You study history. Think of it this way. There's patterns. Cause we see a lot of stuff, right? Like there's so much things going on. It's like, you know, there's all kinds. Yeah. Like we all, it feels like that's true. But it's constantly fed to you. It's hard for me to know if it's true or if it's just. Well, it may be true, but it's disproportionate. It's like, you didn't know 30 years ago, there was an aircraft crash in some third world country, but now you know it in 10 seconds in your pocket.

24:22So you know when people overreact to something, you've ever gotten pissed off over something little, the reason you overreact is it's not that moment, it's that it happened again. Somebody did it again, right? So I call that stacking. So when you stack problem on problem on problem, pretty soon your whole biochemistry, it's hard to get back. But you can also stack the good. That's why I do the morning priming. So when you stack a good thing on top of a good thing on top of a good thing, your whole biochemistry changes. And now you see the world through different eyes. It's not like you're guaranteed to succeed, but your probabilities of pulling it off and enjoying yourself are up about a thousand feet.

24:57Oh yeah. And like, I'll go to, I'll go to like AA meetings. I go to recovery meetings, right? So, and I noticed if I go to a couple in a day, dude, by Friday, I'm a fucking good guy. You know, I'm like hugging people. I'm like telling blind people I'm gonna heal them. I can't. And I'll do this for like 30 seconds on them. You know, it's like, you just feel like, but you're right. It's a, but it takes me, I have to stack them up. And it's like, and then it's usually a couple of days later that I even, I'm like, man, why do I feel so great? It's like, oh, because I did this work over the past 10 days, you know?

25:29And what you did there were actually, when you really do it strongly like that, it creates a biochemical change and that creates a new habit in your nervous system. So what notices that in your body? Like your, your, your chemistry in your body actually notices you're doing something different and wants to - Here's what they found. They did my work with a top professor who was highly rated at Stanford. He did my work word for word, but he didn't do what I do in an event, which is change your biochemistry, change the way you move, you breathe, your voice. All those things change you. He didn't do that.

25:59He just taught it. He got unbelievable results. He's a tremendous teacher and professor, but mine were 300 % greater because the biochemical change. So they followed me for three years. They had me wear this$68 ,000 device that measures heart rate variability. They'd come during every break and take my saliva. They took my blood, do my blood pressure. It was crazy, but they did it on several events over three years and they found all these wild things. And is this Stanford did it? Yeah, Stanford did. And what they found was the same group of Stanford in partnership with a group that's worked with like Tom Brady and some of the greatest athletes.

26:31And they have this thing they called the championship biochemistry. And so if Tom Brady is down in the fourth quarter by 10 points in the Superbowl, how does that guy come back and win? The reason is because there's a part of him that goes in this state, and I do it every time I get on stage, but my audience does it as well, and they measure it. So what happens is testosterone explodes through my body. That gives you incredible drive and push. And I've got to keep this building going. Imagine, you know, 10 ,000, 15, 20 ,000 people. I got to reach the guy at the back for 12 straight hours. The level of intensity is amazing.

27:05Playfulness, fun, but it's still intensity. But normally that has a lot of stress with it. My cortisol, which is the stress hormone, drops through the floor, same as Tom. So what you get is total drive, it doesn't guarantee success, but total drive and not a lot of stress. So you're able to stay centered and go. So my audience, so this amazing thing, the study measured me, they found it like, I jump a thousand times in a day on stage and I weigh 290 pounds. So every time I jump and come down, it's four times your body weight. So imagine a thousand pounds of pressure a thousand times in a day. So my bone density is, you look at it, I look like a gorilla underneath it.

27:38Yeah, you're a stegosaurus dude. I've done it for like 40 years, right? So on the other hand, they also saw that, you know, if you're running with somebody and you can't talk any longer, you've gotten to a four of lactic acid. I'm in an 18 and still speaking. So then they started testing my audiences and they saw it looks like music. When I go into these states, the audience follows me and they measured it then when COVID happened, I had all people at home. And so we had people in 195 countries. So they went to people in 40 countries and measured them in real time as we're doing this. Now imagine at a live seminar - They're measuring them over the - Yeah, I built this, what happened was - Not Zoom, but like a larger scale Zoom.

28:15Yeah, 20 foot high LED screens, 0.67 highest resolution. I built a piece so I can bring people up. Eric Jan from Zoom, he built the system so instead of a thousand people, I could do 25 ,000. I've done a million and a half people in one seminar to give you an idea for four days. It's been wild. So, but when I built this, I wanted to figure out how to help people. And I was like, could it really work through these screens? It was just out of necessity because every stadium was closed. The governor of California calls me and says, March of 2020, we're about to have an event for 12 ,500 people. And he goes, you've only put 100 people in the stadium.

28:45What are you talking about, right? It's not gonna work. So I was like, screw you, we'll move to Vegas. They'll never shut down Vegas. They shut down Vegas like 10 days before we moved 12 ,500 people there. Then I went, we'll go to Texas. The governor there told me he'll never be there. He bent, right? Yeah, we'll do it in Joe Rogan's yard. We did it in movie theaters for 10 people and we did 1 ,250 movie theaters. and they shut down the movie theaters. So I built the studio. So they came and measured the people in all these different countries. And what's wild is like we start here at 10 a.m. for like a four day seminar.

29:15And I have like, I just did one for 14 ,000 people. And we had about a couple thousand people from Australia. We're starting at 10 a.m. It's midnight for them. I go 12 to 13 hours. So they go from midnight to one in the afternoon for four straight days and nights. And we lost 1 % of the people. Good night. So they have, but their biochemistry is changing the same as mine. And so that's why a year later, the changes are still there without them ever interacting with me again. Because people will this last? Well, that's why Stanford did the study. So that's what the study is. So you say, so when the study you were talking about a little bit ago, that was, they went back to people that had gone to your seminar.

29:50That's correct. And they measured them. And a year later, you said? 11 months. 50 something percent of them still had? No, it's a reduction of 72 % negative emotions, increase of positive emotions, 52%. But now, you know, people since COVID, we've got so used to being home. People are like, why should I have to go to work? I don't want to drive to work. And people, offices want people to come to work. There's all these conflicts, right? And there's a lot more people being able to work at home. But now if you read the studies, people are more unhappy now than they were at the peak of COVID because they wanted to be at home, but now they feel isolated, you know?

30:21And so what they don't understand is the path of least resistance never makes you happy. It's like, you have to push yourself. When people talk about self-esteem, I hate this term. Like so many kids were taught to get a participation trophy for something. And they thought, I'm gonna build their self-esteem this way. People can tell your whole life you're a piece of crap and your brain can go, screw you, I'll show you. And you become somebody. People your whole life can tell you you're beautiful, you're perfect, you're the best. And you can still not believe them and be depressed about your life and think you're nobody.

30:51Your life self-esteem, your self-esteem, esteem for yourself is earned by you doing something difficult for you. When you do something that's incredibly hard and you push through it, your brain starts to have inner pride, not fake ego pride. Right, so you're saying none of that other, so that outside of stuff doesn't really matter. Your self-esteem is truly based on your relationship with yourself? Yes, and your ability to grow. I mean, what makes people happy? Progress. If you get some big goal, you achieve a lot of them in your life, right? There's one of two responses when you achieve the goal.

31:21Yeah. Horrible one is, is this all there is? Which a lot of people do after fighting for a goal, is this all there is? Oh, yeah. But the other one is, let's say, oh, this is amazing. How long does that amazing feeling of achieving your goal last? Six years? A year? Six months? Six days? Six hours? What would you say? The actual, for me, it doesn't last really long. I don't feel that kind of stuff very much. Yeah, well, also you'd be numb by those drugs, right? But for most people, it's somewhere between six hours and probably six weeks. Right, so not super long. No, and so the purpose of life is not just to get your goals.

31:55your goals or you're getting what you want doesn't make you happy. What makes you happy is who you become in pursuit of those goals. So the growth, the progress, even if you don't achieve it yet, but you start losing weight, or you start building muscle, or you start making your relationship better, or you start to build a business, the building, the progress is what makes you feel alive because we're all made to either grow or die. If your relationship's not growing, it's dying. If your business is not growing, it's dying. There's no in-between bullshit. That doesn't work. So, and when you grow, you have something to give.

32:22And what makes people fulfilled is growing and giving, sharing it with somebody, because there's only so much joy you can have by yourself. Drugs, alcohol, entertainment, sex with yourself, whatever. By yourself, there's a limit to what you can feel. That's why whenever something great happens, most of us want to tell someone, share it with somebody we love. Because when you share it, it magnifies it. So that's really what we're trying to show people, is how to create that kind of progress. And the problem in New Year's is, as you said, a resolution is just like, what do I want? and they don't think about it in any depth.

32:53They say it and then here's the problem. They don't take it beyond that. They have no plan, right? Or it's a very simple plan. And by February 1, by the 1st of February, 95 % of those things are already broken. But what they're really missing - Oh yeah, I quit my years as loose in December. You know? Well, you need a path. And so if you want to make your relationship better, your business better, your life better, it starts with knowing what you want. You gotta say, what do I want? Why do I want it? And what kind of person would I have to be to have that stay? And then you got a second step where you got to tell yourself, find and tell yourself the truth, which is there's a gap between where I am and where I want to be.

33:27And don't bullshit yourself. Don't go, I'm a little overweight or I'm fat because I'm big boned. No, you're fat because you have poor habits, right? That's how it works. Yeah, some people, yeah, I remember this. People always like, he'll grow out of it. And I'm like, dude, he's 34. Like my buddy's grandma's like, it's just baby fat. He'll grow out of it. It's like, we all have different, but it's like, he ain't fucking, you know, Ronnie ain't growing out of it. Because the reason you don't grow out of it is you have to see what's causing you to have that gap. And it's one of only a couple things.

33:54Either you got fear, so you're not taking action, or you might have, for example, some limiting beliefs like it never works, I've tried everything, the good ones are gone, so you don't even begin. Or you might have some emotion gets in the way or a bad habit, or maybe dismissing the skill. Like no one's ever taught you how to make money or grow a business or have a great relationship. So you're learning on the job and it's painful to learn on the job. So I've always said, find somebody who's extraordinary. at something or many people, figure out what they're doing and do that. It's called modeling instead of reinventing the wheel.

34:26Now you're gonna add yourself to it. But modeling gives you the pathway to power. And then once you know what you want, why you want it, you're honest about the gap, you come up with a quick plan, not a perfect one, and you start taking action. And then you face your demons, you slay your dragons. What needs to change? Like, okay, I'm never gonna have a relationship if I'm numb all the time. So I gotta change this. It's hard, but I'm gonna do the hard thing. right and when you do the hard thing you get momentum and then what was hard becomes easy after a while and that's really the secret dang gosh i'm gonna need to calculate even go through that again but but that's okay you know but it's a lot of great information you know i'm talking i talk rapidly because i'm so passionate but you know you take people through it an event where they get to process it and take time through it to give you sense yeah no i appreciate it man i feel like uh it's nice you to share that stuff with us because i know it's stuff that you learned over the years and you know and it's a lot of value in that and that you even taking that time to just share that kind of stuff with us and i know you guys have a program it's uh not the date with destiny but you guys have another program you guys do oh yeah that program started with uh covid because when all the whole world shut down i was like people need this right now how do i help so i built that studio i told you about and i was like okay why don't i do where you don't have travel because they can't why don't make it so there's no money involved and let's just serve with as many people as we can.

35:45And so I put together this three day immersion of just three hours a day, not 12. And I said, let's give people an experience where they can really transform. The first year we had a half a million people do it. Last year we had a million and a half people. So we're doing one more this year. All at the same time? All at the same time. Wow. In 195 countries, every country in the world. It's so fantastic. So we're doing one this year, January 25th through the 27th. It's absolutely free. There's no charge, not partially free. And all the people have to do is they go to, it's called time to rise. It's time to change your life.

36:15Oh, I see it right here, timetorisesummit.com, January 25th through 27th, and it's free. It's free for anybody who wants to go, and they can bring their friends or family. They can do it from their house. They don't have travel. They can go to the office and do it with people around them. So it's really amazing, the results. We have had people change their business, change their relationship, get off drugs. I'll tell you one fun example, though. Two years ago, there was this guy that was 735 pounds. He never would have made it to a seminar. He saw it was free. He's been in bed. His brother died.

36:40He got addicted to painkillers. and then his body just blew up. And then he now had, they told me he had to be on an oxygen mask the rest of his life. He couldn't get out of bed. Like a CPAP machine you mean? Yeah, well it wasn't CPAP, it's pure ongoing oxygen. Oh, that's nice. And then secondly, he couldn't get out of bed to go to the bathroom, he had to be in bed. He was naked in bed for five years and seven or 30 pounds. So he watches and I brought him up on screen. I didn't know he was there. He raised his hand digitally. So I raised up and I asked him questions. So he got so inspired by this.

37:10He took this little like clothes hanger bar and just started doing these little exercises. And over 90 days, I told him, I said, you get out of that bed and make it to the restroom. You get out of the restroom and drive a car again, which he hadn't done in seven years. He hadn't been in bed in seven years. And I said, I'll fly you to my Unleash the Power Within event for four days and you'll walk on fire with me and you'll really shift your life, right? He's lost 320 pounds. He, three months later was out of the bed for the first time. He drove a car, he fell in love with this girl. He came to the event and walked on fire.

37:41And now he's like, we have a network of people because once you come to this event, there's people all over the world you become friends with. And he's like the superstar of all these people because they can't believe the changes he's made. And it all happened because he never would have come to an event, but because he could do it from home in his bed, he could do that. It could reach him. Wow. What's something like, I notice there's been times in my past where it's like, I think I didn't want to change because I wanted to keep having an excuse, right? Like I remember even with smoking, I remember it was like um part of me didn't want to stop there was a part of me I realized I didn't want to stop smoking because I knew if I stopped I wouldn't and it wasn't like a it was kind of a subconscious part of me yeah but I knew if I stopped I would I wouldn't have something to blame my inefficiency on or my what I just wouldn't have something to blame it's like it gave me something to blame does that make any sense it does because everything we do even things that seem stupid or derogatory, we do to meet some needs.

38:40There's only six needs people have. We have a need for comfort or certainty. We have a need for variety. We have a need to feel significant, unique, special, important, everybody has that need. We have a need to feel connection and love. We have a need to grow. We have a need to contribute beyond ourselves. It was just comfort, I think. Yeah, it's the comfort and the certainty, what you know. But there is a fear that everybody has, two fears. All human beings at some moment feel that they're not enough. And to feel like you're not enough for someone whose love you crave makes a person crazy inside.

39:08Wait, for someone who's what? I didn't hear that right. Somebody whose love you crave. The average person, you don't care, but if it's somebody whose love you really want. Oh yeah. So if you feel like you're not enough, then you feel like you won't be loved. To be worthless and unloved is like psychological death. So people drug themselves, eat, they do anything not to feel that. Well, what are your choices on changing that? Well, you could take on a new project, build a podcast, build a business, do something, but you have to take risks to do that. And risks, you could look like a failure. or you could fail, which might look like you're worthless, might look like you're not worthy of low.

39:38So subconsciously, we come up with these ways to adapt. So smoking a cigarette comforts you because when you take that big slow breath in and blow it out nice and slow, it changes the tempo in your body completely. You go from stress to comfort. You can do that same shit without the cigarette. But once you're addicted, and it becomes the go-to, some people stop smoking and then they overeat. Because overeating puts all the blood in your stomach and you start to breathe slowly again and feel things and you let go. So you can get certainty and comfort by those ways or you can do it by working out and developing the sense of strength that makes you certain.

40:14Or you can do the same thing day after day. There's so many ways. There's positive ways and negative ways. But we also need uncertainty. We need variety. If every day you know what's gonna happen, how it's gonna happen, you get bored out of your mind. But if you have so much variety, you don't know what's gonna happen, people freak out. So these needs bounce up against each other. And so when people do a behavior like smoking, smoking will give you comfort, certainty. Smoking will give you, in some people's case, variety because you were stressed out and now you change your state, that feels different, it's called variety.

40:43Smoking will give you significance if you think it's cool. Although today it's a little harder to do that because most people think you're an idiot and we put you in a separate room by yourself. Yeah, they think you are. Yeah, so, but it used to be, I'm cool if I smoke. And some people say, you can't make me not smoke, I'm significant, right? For some people it's a way to connect with other people who smoke, right? So when you meet one of those needs, you like it. When you meet two, you're really like, when you meet three, you get addicted. And you get addicted to positive things, you get addicted to exercise, you get addicted to working out, you get addicted to growing your business.

41:14Everyone gets addicted to something. If it meets a bunch of your needs, it's amazing. And in a relationship, if a person is certain that you love them and there's always a surprise, they say, oh, I know they love me and we have so many surprises, We have so much variety in our life. And I feel like the most important person, significant, and I feel so much love for them and we're growing, contributing, I'm leaving. Nobody says that. Because when your needs are met, people stay. Whenever I work with couples, I work 100 ,000 couples over the years. And they always say, one of them always say, I gave him or her everything, everything except what they needed.

41:50If you gave them what they needed, they wouldn't be leaving. Do you think we're afraid sometimes to say what we need though too? Or do you think we even know what we need sometimes? Most people don't, you're absolutely right. Most people not only don't say it, but most people don't even know it. They're not even honest with themselves yet. And how do we get that? Because it almost seems like you're just wandering around in the dark if you don't even know that there's wiring in the walls, you know, kind of. Well, there's a part of your brain called the reticular activating system, big words, that scientists usually call it the RAS.

42:19It determines what you notice. So there are millions of things you could focus on even in this moment. The blood rushing through your ear, the heartbeat, your clothing touching your skin, but you're not thinking about all that, right? You delete all that. You focus on a small number of things. The RES notices what you are gonna focus on. So if you get clear on what you want, you just say, okay, and by the way, when you say relationship, people, I don't know what I want. I go, great. Describe the relationship from hell. What do you don't want? Tell me everything you don't want. I don't want a person like this.

42:45I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be, and that creates energy. When they're done with the whole list, then I go right the opposite and you have the relationship from heaven. Or I don't know what I want in a career or job. Right, everything you don't want. Who do you not want to work with? what kind of work you not want to do. People get their energy going with that. They're okay, right the opposite. You got the job from heaven. So once you know what it is that you really, really want, now all you gotta do is figure out, okay, what's gotten in the way? What do I need to shift? How can I meet my needs in a better way?

43:10But that's why we do events like this because telling people just go do that in their normal environment is difficult. But when you go into total focus, it's like I started to say earlier, if you want to learn a language and you went to high school, did you take a language, foreign language in high school college? Yeah, I took Spanish one and Spanish, I think 2000. I don't know what it was. And do you speak Spanish well now? No, our guy didn't even speak. Our guy was like, he got busted for fraud or something. But I don't know what we learned. Yeah, but I was in there for, I was in there. Yeah, I was in there.

43:39But the reason you don't recall it was because it was a little bit at a time. The brain doesn't learn that way. The brain learns best by immersion. If I said you have the money and the time, I'm not going to teach you Italian. I'm going to drop you in Rome and I'm going to pick you up in 90 days with no teacher. oh yeah 90 days later you're speaking italian because you're in it 24 hours a day seeing it feeling experiencing it that's how i teach that's why i do 12 hours for four days that's why it's yeah that's why it's an intense thing or it's a immersion yeah that's why it lasts because that's why it lasts ah wow man yeah it's pretty impressive it's um i think it's just neat to see that even just using your like seminar as an example that um that it takes immersion it takes real some some real commitment i mean even if people are coming for six days or even if people are going to show up for long days on zoom for four days in a row it's like whatever it is it takes some real commitment from ourselves to be able to do those things so i get a lot of people that get dragged there by somebody and they're like oh i'm gonna get out of here at the first break and you know i remember i had a friend of mine who's now a friend of mine he wasn't before but he came with a client and friend of mine who was an nfl player this guy's a billionaire and he sat down and he saw people clapping and moving and stuff because we move the body it's not a rah-rah session it's to change your biochemistry.

44:50There's a science minor, right? He goes, I'm not gonna do this. I'm a billionaire. I don't do this crap, right? And like 30 minutes later, he's jumping. He's like, this is the greatest experience of my life. So sometimes you have to get in the experience to know what it is. And then when you're in it and it's so enjoyable, this change doesn't have to be painful. It can be enjoyable. But if you don't know what to do and you just do a little bit at a time, pretty hard to get a real change. But when you go for full immersion, that's what happens. But I still write books and do audios and things like that because you need immersion and then you need some spaced repetition.

45:20You need to feed the mind on a regular basis. So I like have three things. I go, I want to feed my mind every day. I'm going to need to read or hear an audio for 20, 30 minutes. So I'm constantly growing in some way. I want to do immersion. Even I do this two, three times a year. I'll go places harder to do now because of who I am, but I'll go to the back of the room. I'll get somebody one-on-one to coach me about something. I did this brain training, for example. It was like four days and nights to put all these electrodes on your brain to teach you how to go on what's called alpha brain, the part of your brain where happiness is a lot easier, right?

45:47so i remember it was like 12 hours a day it was freezing cold in this dark room and you you hear these sounds based on your brains working how to retrain your brain it was hell and i'm like who do i gotta kill to get out of this oh me i'm the one to put myself in this thing but at the end of four days it sounded like you were in guantanamo bay it felt kind of like that but after four days didn't you entertain in guantanamo bay did i read that you didn't i did some shows i heard that that was really cool of you to do that it was crazy i can't believe that. Tell me about that. Well, I'll tell you about it.

46:16So first of all, they have a golf course down there, which I didn't even think you don't think like, cause they're in the, they're in, it's a tropical area, right? So these people, they're down there. It's a beautiful area. So you go down. Um, I remember the flight we went on to go down there. You, they have to, you have to fly in like this crazy pattern, I guess, in case like somebody shooting at you, like you have to be able to evade it. So you go in this crazy shape and then you see like out of the darkness is just like this it looks like a big diamond ring like lit up just all the outlines of the whole base you know yeah and so we went there there's all these big lizards not a lot of ladies bring your own lady you know or something or bring you know bring a buddy who's willing to you know say he's a lady you know but there's some yeah because there's not i think there was i think seven women down there there's like 1100 soldiers down there though seven women oh that's a brutal environment But they are, look, I'll tell you this.

47:11The first day you might be like, I don't think she's my type. By the fourth day, you're like, that is damn Hillary Clinton. And you get to come home. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the four, I mean, there's a wedding ring shop there and it is, I mean. For the seven women. Yeah. They're all just sitting around like this. Yeah. It looks like that collection you have right there. They're just, but it is, that part is pretty remarkable. Oh, just the beaches they have down there are real beautiful. You don't hear anything about them, though, because they're the ones on the military base. So did you go to entertain the soldiers?

47:43The soldiers, yeah. We got to see some of the troop areas, and we got to do some volleyball with some of the prisoners or whatever. But some of the prisoners, they made them wear like, they couldn't even see while they were doing the volleyball. It was bizarre. But, yeah, we got to play volleyball. You play volleyball, and you can't see. Yeah, that's the rules they made for them. But, yeah, and that might be another form of torture. Yeah, it may be. I don't know what the act is or the law is, but hopefully they prevented. Yeah, that shouldn't be allowed. It was semi-fun, I guess, but it was. Yeah, but what was it like?

48:16Yeah, that was amazing, man, just to be able to be down there. Yeah, that's wild. Just to be able to go do comedy there. It's good of you to go and do the Brighten People's Spirits there. It was fun. We got to go to a lot of the forward operating bases during like the, not Kuwait, but maybe Iraq, like after that, like Bahrain. So you're the modern day Bob Hope with a little more color. We went out there, dude. I think they call me Bobby Hopeless, I think. That's awesome. But we still show up, you know. Dude, I met a gal, yeah, one time. I mean, I got to make out with a girl in a Black Hawk helicopter.

48:52Well, I've flown in one, but I haven't made out with anyone. I've flown in one. I was a helicopter pilot for quite a while. Yeah, look, neither me or her were that handsome. I'll say that. Are you sure it was her? Yeah, dude, who knows, brother. She was one of the seven. Whatever you got to do, man. It's the troops, you know? That's awesome. Don't ask, don't ask. I think that's what they're doing now. But no, I noticed - The reason I mentioned that to you, though, is it was worth it. Because in those four days, I've rewired my brain to have a different level of happiness. So you believe this. You know this.

49:27You've done it so many times that that is the key. That's the thing. It's like you excluded out these other things of like, this is fool's gold, this is fool's gold, this is fool's gold. Well, I've been through plenty of fool's gold. Right. That's how you get to the good stuff. Right, that's what I'm saying. But if you give up, if you give up because something's bullshit, most of it's bullshit. But then you find those gems that really work. And we find the gems work, then you can use them for the rest of your life. And then you share them with other people because you can see it really works. And then you get the science behind it.

49:52But in the past, I've just got people the results. That is the science, right? But it's nice now to have science justifying or being able to show people how powerful it is, how effective it is. But you know, I was in the Journal of Psychiatry last year and all the people thought this is gonna spread like crazy. Not one phone call because they're still selling SSRIs, right? Oh yeah, that's a good point. So I'm gonna say people come to me that have always come to me, but nobody from the psychological community on major scale. And they just did a big conference and shared the results again and people were fascinated.

50:20And this came up and asked questions. But there's too much money in the - I don't know, it's just even money, it's just habits. This is how they do their business. It's a business, right, for those people. So what do you say to somebody like me then? Or, I mean, sorry, I'm sitting here. So also me, but yeah, like who's, because there's ways, like I know once I, right when I weaned off of my medicine, right? I got to talk. I actually didn't talk to my doctor, but I've gotten off so many times over the years. I felt like I knew what I was doing. I did let my close friends know, hey, I'm getting off my medicine.

50:48Let me know if anything. What were you using at the time? Just Lexapro I've been taking, right? And I said, let me know if anything seems strange or whatever, you know? But then I started - Even more strange than usual. Yeah. Yeah, dude. If I'm just like masturbating at the house, dude. Yeah. That's natural. That's normal behavior. Right. But if I'm pet shopping, you know, that's a, you need to call somebody. I'm looking at a dog. Can he fetch? Oh yeah. It's getting weird. Um, but what I'm saying is, uh, yeah. So there, but I started running, right? I knew I said - That's great. My biggest thing is I don't want to lose this opportunity to see how I'm feeling because I'm not doing my part of taking care of myself.

51:37You know, I have so much respect for you doing that. It's so hard to do, but you did the right thing, which is what I teach. You got to replace it with something. You don't stop doing something, you replace something else, but what you're replacing it with actually changes your biochemistry. Yeah, and I don't want to run, but now I'm starting to freaking like it, dude. Isn't that cool? I met somebody yesterday and we got some damn Brooke shoes together. Well, that's a good first step. Yeah, literally, yeah. But you're right, but you get the runner's high, and it's a good high for you, and you're making, so it's like, it's not about stopping what you're doing, it's about starting something else that's more fulfilling.

52:05Like running, what needs does it meet? Does it make you feel comfortable afterwards? Do you feel certain you're gonna feel good when you run? 100%. You have variety when you run? It's like a totally different state? Yeah, sometimes I'll go around the track this way, sometimes I'll go around the track this way. Right, okay. And do you have sense of significance? Like, shit, I'm really changing, I'm improving, I'm becoming more. Some guy the other day, like this kind of tough guy, was like, man, you've been out there for a while. That's cool. That made you feel good. Yeah. And do you feel more connected to yourself or God when you're running or the universe or nature or anything like that?

52:34Yeah, I feel like I'm able to have some, or like my brain will have conversations that maybe I've been meaning to have or whatever. They just kind of show up while I'm running. And do you feel like you're growing by doing this running, by getting better? Yeah, I feel like it's not going to hurt me, that's for sure. Yeah, and there may be some form of contribution that will come out of it because you feel so much better, you'll be able to give more. So you meet at least four or five of your needs by running. Versus the drugs made you feel certain. Did they make you feel variety? No, that was the biggest problem.

53:03That was boring. I don't have any feelings. That's the dead. Did they make you feel significant? No. No. Did they make you feel connected? No. No. Did they make you feel like you're growing? No. Contributing to others? No. So it met one need. But when you get in the habit of it and you're numb, it's hard to shift. So the only reason people shift is they hit a threshold. I'll give you the chemistry of transformation. You see how it works for you. Like there's five elements that when they're there, people transform. So the first one that usually happens is satiation. Satiation means there's nothing wrong, but you've been in the same thing over and over and over again after a while.

53:40If your favorite meal was steak and lobster and you have it every day, three times a day, there's gonna be a point where you go like, there's nothing wrong with steak and lobster, but man, I'm satiated, right? And that makes you look around, what might do different? But it doesn't usually make you change. It just opens your mind to change. Then you need the second element and that is dissatisfaction. Now it's not just you're doing it and it's not as good. Now you're doing it and it doesn't feel good. And you started to feel that in the relationship side. You just like this, I don't want to feel this way.

54:09Then that's still not enough. That makes you look more for a change. That's the second piece of chemistry. The third piece of chemistry is now you hit a threshold. Thresholds like you ever been in a relationship like way too long? Oh, yes, brother. You knew it was wrong. I want to apologize too to a couple of women. Yeah, I should have just. You knew it was wrong. You knew it wasn't serving them or serving you, but you stayed because it was certain. It was hard to change. Well, what if I'm alone? I was afraid to say certain things, yeah. But if you got to the point where the way you stay is you go, it'll get better.

54:41It was better in the past or you jump to the future and say it's better. But there's a day we hit a threshold. You go, it's been painful in the past. It's painful today. It's gonna be painful forever. I'm the F out of here, right? That's when people start to change. When you hit a threshold, you get the fourth piece. You get an insight. And the insight is what's really true. And usually figure it out. It's not my partner. It's not my job. It's me. What's going on in me? And you make a distinction. And that creates an opening. Like there's a chance for you to change your life in that moment. You had that when you were here and you couldn't feel anything with this girl.

55:10You felt dissatisfaction. You eventually got to a threshold. You finally said, wait a second. These drugs are just making me numb. I got to do something. and you had to jump through the opening because you didn't know it was on the other side. There's uncertainty. A lot of people go through all that and they get to the opening, and it only stays open for a few moments. If you don't do something with the insight, it closes and you start all over again. You gotta go through all the time period of getting satiated and getting dissatisfied again, hitting a threshold. And some people just never jump through the hole.

55:38So I used to kick people through the opening. Yeah, I've seen a couple of videos where you've done it like, whoa. So, but now what I do more is I bring them the opening over and over and get them to jump through so they get the muscle. Because otherwise, it might last a year or two, but it's not going to last forever. If you do it, you've got a chance to make it lasting for a long time. But you went through that chemistry, but very few people do. You've got to be satisfied enough. I'm thinking of some comedy duos who have gotten it done over the years. Key and Peele come to mind. Faye and Poehler.

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57:05Go to shopify.com slash theo now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash theo. Is pornography causing a problem in your life? That's a good question. It's a real question. And it has in mine, it has at certain periods in my life, watching porno and everything and watching porno was making me, it was ruining my life. It was ruining my life, man. Made me feel just so much shame. That's what it did. Well, watching pornography has become commonplace today. And oftentimes men will use porno to numb the pain of loneliness, boredom, anxiety, and depression. That's all I want to introduce you to my friend, Stephen Wolt.

57:56Steve is the founder of Valor Recovery. He is a dear friend of mine. He is a dear friend of mine. And Valor Recovery is a program to help men overcome porn abuse and sexual compulsivity. That's right. Their coaches are in long-term recovery and they will be your partner mentor and spiritual guide to transcend problematic behaviors. There is zero commitment if you reach out to them. It's just the first step in trying to figure out if you may need some help, if you can get some help. To learn more about Valor Recovery, please visit them at valorrecoverycoaching.com or email them at admin at valorrecoverycoaching.com.

58:42The links will be on the YouTube. And again, there's no commitment when you reach out to them. But I promise you, only something positive will come from you reaching out and figuring out what type of help, if any, could benefit you. Thank you. Are you struggling with keeping your website up to date and running your business? Well, a lot of people are. and now you can binge all the web design and digital marketing you want with Modify. That's right, we use Modify. They run our website. Modify helps you with unlimited web design and redesigns, unlimited website updates, 24-7 support, and digital advertising.

59:30If you always wonder, well, how do I advertise and how do I get people to know about my business online? Modify can do it. plus you'll get a designated designer consider updating your existing website and getting a new one visit modify m-o-d-i-p-h-y dot com slash theo for 50 off the last website you'll ever need again visit modify m-o-d-i-p-h-y dot com slash t-h-e-o for 50 off the last website you'll ever need. Um, one thing that I think keeps a lot of people from progressing in life and stuff, uh, is like shame, you know, how is, how is shame? It's almost hard to find. First of all, people can say you're ashamed of yourself and I could, I could say that.

1:00:22Yeah. I'm ashamed of myself, but it's really a feeling you have to really, and it's so like, it's like a, it's like a, it's so vague kind of, if that makes any sense. It does. But it feels like one of the biggest sicknesses of our being. Shame is one of the most negative emotions because what it does is it shrinks everything in you and it puts you in such a negative state that your energy drops. So think of it this way. When your energy is really low, you do very little to change things. Everything seems impossible. You don't respond to other people the same level. When you're super high energy, you've done whatever it takes.

1:00:57You're either excited about your future or you're present or you're working on yourself or you're working out like running and you're that high energy, same problem would happen. You can laugh at it, crack a joke at it. And it's easy, right? So your energy level with certain emotions increase and other emotions goes through the floor. And when you beat yourself up or you have shame or anything like that, your energy goes down and then it's even harder to change, which then creates more shame. See, I said I was gonna change. I didn't change. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do this? And then you start building up a story that it's something wrong with you.

1:01:27And when I try to explain to people, there's nothing wrong with you. You're not broken, you don't need to be fixed. I'm not here to be your guru. What you need is there's some patterns, some habits in the way you use your mind and your body. If we change those habits, you'll have a different experience. That's all it is. But being ashamed will keep you away from that because it'll put the energy so negatively in your body and you're so wiped out that it's like it's impossible. And then when you're ashamed, you come up with all these negative beliefs about yourself. And once you believe something, whether you believe it's true or you believe it or not, it's true because when you believe something's true, you'll find evidence for it.

1:01:59It's like, I'll give you a little test. Look around this room right now and notice everything you can see that's brown, okay? Everything you can find, some test. Look all around, both sides of you, anything you see that's brown, people at home, look at that in your own room, what you see is brown, okay, close your eyes. Tell me everything you just saw that was red. Now obviously, you saw a lot more brown, didn't you? Why? Because you're looking for it. Open your eyes, now look for red. Look for red anywhere you can find red, any place you can find red. Okay? Did you find more red this time? How come?

1:02:28Because I was looking for red. That's right. Once you develop a belief, you find what supports it. So watch this. You will find stuff that's not even there in order to be successful. I bet you saw some base shit, called it brown just to feel successful, did you? Right over there. I bet you saw some things burgundy and called them bread just so you could feel successful. I factored in some of those now and later. You see what I'm saying? If you think you're screwed up, you're messed up, you're going to find and you're going to color yourself that way. If you think someone else is a jerk, if you think they're your friend and they have a bad day, bad behavior, you're all they're having a bad day.

1:03:00If you think they're a bad person, then it's always gonna be that way. What was the first part you said of that? If you think? Whether you think it's true, whether you think it's not, it's gonna be true for you. In other words, whatever you believe is self-evident. You reinforce what you believe. You found what you were looking for. So you gotta train yourself to look for something different. That's why I do priming and that's why I do immersion. Because after four or five days of thinking differently, seeing differently, focusing differently, different beliefs, you have a different life. a different experience.

1:03:27But if you do it for a few minutes, you know, kind of hard to do. So that's why I still do events because immersion has so much power. But some people do it through an audio. They listen to like an audio 30 minutes a day, every day, and they develop a new set of habits. Or they do it by exercising. Or they do reading a book and then they use it right away. So there's lots of ways to get there, but immersion is the fastest way. It is. And that's the fastest method. Can you use it for yourself too? Of course, yeah. It's like going to that class. Why am I still doing that? It's like, because you got to keep growing.

1:03:54and every time you make a new insight, it stacks on all the other good things. You can stack the negative and be overwhelmed or you can stack the positive and feel this tremendous sense of momentum. And that's the other secret, momentum. You're getting momentum right now, it sounds like. Momentum is like you've ever watched a team and they're getting their butt kicked and then somebody suddenly does something magical. They steal the ball, they do something and boom, it creates a spark and then the other team takes over, right? Momentum shifts everything and momentum comes by doing the right thing over and over.

1:04:24And after a while it becomes what you expect to do. Or another one is certainty. You know, I work with a lot of great athletes. Those rings are from all, you know, that's from, you know, I own some teams like the LAFC football club and the Golden State Warriors on a piece of them. The Dodgers on a piece of them, but I've also coached them all. So those are all national championship rings that I've got. So I'm really proud of those rings. They're a representation of what I was able to build by working with these people. But when you look at the people that are the best of the best, They have certainty.

1:04:51If you see Steph Curry, he's with the Warriors, he makes those three-point shots on almost half court, right? He releases the ball. He doesn't wait to go through. He turns around and just like he already knows it's in. Like, how does he do that? Oh, he's a genius. Well, true, but where did the genius come from? He's been shooting 500 shots a day, every single day, seven days a week for his entire adult life and most of his teens. Now think about that. He's been in the NBA 15 years. He's the greatest three-point shooter in the history of the world. He made 3 ,360 something shots now, three-point shots.

1:05:25No one even close. Watch this. 500 shots a day, that's 14 ,000 shots a month. That's 168 ,000 shots a year. That's over 15 years, just his professional career. 2.52 million shots he's taken in practice so that he could make 3 ,300 and be the greatest in history. So people get rewarded in public for what they practice in private. Yeah. Sometimes I have a tough time feeling proud of myself. Do you know what that, you know, and I think I've had other people call in our show that have talked about that, you know? What do you think it is? I don't know. I feel like, I almost feel like it's just, there's a disconnect, like it doesn't even land on me.

1:06:09Or I feel like maybe if I feel like I'm proud of myself, like if I actually feel proud of myself, it'll go against some script that I've always had written or some some thing that was always written inside of me you know it's like it it's almost like it wouldn't if I wrote on the wall of myself I'm proud of you it wouldn't even fucking show up on the wall what emotion would you feel if you saw that um like what emotion would I feel if I saw what I'm proud of myself would you go bullshit would you be pissed off by it would you be annoyed would you just no I think I feel ashamed of myself for even thinking it that's interesting and it produced an emotion in you just now.

1:06:46Even when you just thought about it, I saw that flash in your eyes. It's just a little bit of water, a little bit of fluid. Oh yeah, dude. Fuck, we cry on here every week. Sorry, dude. That's beautiful. No, it's okay. But yeah, we don't have any shame about that. No, you shouldn't. But I'm saying liquid leaving your body in a public place as long as it's through your eyes is not a problem. That's what I'm talking about, huh? Yeah, yeah, don't ask, don't ask. That's right. But my point is there's a real anchor for you there. So let me explain it to you. everybody has what I call an emotional home.

1:07:14Do you ever watch like a place here and let's say, you know, where the cyclone happens every two or three years and it wipes out everything or a tornado comes through? And you see these poor people, all their stuff's all over the ground and they're picking it up and you could have a heart of stone not to feel. They rebuilt, two years again, it happens again, two years later, it happens again. Some part of you eventually goes, why don't you move? You know, it's like, why don't you move? A lot of Vietnam's like that, it floods. New Orleans is like that, it floods. New Orleans is like that. So here's, why don't they move?

1:07:41because it's home. It's what they know. We have an emotional home. We have certain emotions that got built up in your youth. I had four fathers. I had a mother that was pretty intense. And I had a lot of emotions that came out of that experience. If I didn't reprogram myself, I wouldn't be sitting here with you today because my emotional home was not good feelings. That's what I was used to. So even though it didn't feel good, you go there because it's what you know. Yeah. It's comfortable. Yeah, it almost felt like I was deserting myself if I felt good about myself, which is crazy. I'd almost feel like I was leaving.

1:08:13I don't know. Yeah, it's almost like I knew those feelings. Finish that thought. I'm leaving what? Well, it's almost like I feel like I know those feelings of not feeling good about myself so well that I would be, I don't want to leave them alone because we always had each other. And it was like, if I leave them, you know. Have you ever had a friend? If I leave them, I just, I won't. I don't know. Does that make sense, though? Yeah, it does. You won't what? if I leave them, I'll just be letting them down. And they're not even real, but they're, to part of me, some part of me inside of me, I can't even access, they're like his brothers.

1:08:50That's right, they're your home, brother. And by the way, I really appreciate you being so vulnerable because the people watching there, seeing that, allow them to be vulnerable because you're a role model of that. Because you're funny as shit, but to be able to be that vulnerable is beautiful. But let me just tell you something. Those are not your friends. Yeah. And you're not gonna abandon those parts of yourself. You're gonna find these other parts of yourself that need to be in charge. That's not to say that you can't have negative emotions or fears or feelings, but the ones that don't support you, you gotta break that pattern.

1:09:20And the way you break the pattern first is you start to see, you get a new experience. If I get you an experience where you feel like you actually felt proud of yourself without those feelings, and there was no sense of loss, and I did that with you for days and days, you'll never go back. Wow. Because your brain will go, what the F? I'm not going back to that bullshit. Those weren't my friends. It'd be like, it's like having a friend that beats the shit out of you every single day. And it's like, I'm letting them down if I don't want to beat the shit out of me, right? It's like, oh no, I got to be there for him because I got to be there so you can beat the shit out of me on the face, right?

1:09:53That's pretty much what's happening. That is crazy to hear, dude. You're like, damn, here we go again. And so then what happens though is the reason you went for the antidepressants is it's so overwhelming that numbing at least feels a little less. I'd rather see you cry and feel the pain even on once you feel pain as a brother. Yeah, no, I'm grateful to feel it. I want it out of my system. That's right. But the next step for you is drawing a line in the sand of how you really want to feel. So I'll have people in the vent write down, I give them like a minute. I go, draw a line in the middle, write down the left side, all the positive emotions you feel in an average week.

1:10:22Not once a year, not once a month. The ones you regularly feel, whatever good feelings. The average emotions in a positive week? Positive. So what are some ones you feel in a week? In a week? At least once a week. Okay, any emotion? Positive, start with the positive. Positive. Empowering emotions. Hopeful. Okay. Thankful. Yeah. Loving. Yeah.

1:10:45And maybe some pride. Good. And so the pride is sneaking in. Now, that's not ego pride. That's pride of like you're growing. Well, I'm learning about pride. I mean, it's like I said, it's really hard for me to feel proud of myself. So stop saying that. Okay. Because every time you say that, you're rewiring it back into your body over and over. It's a story. It's like, there's an old phrase that says, tell a lie big enough, tell a lie big enough, loud enough and long enough, sooner or later people believe it. You know who said that? Hitler. Oh, I think you're going to say Fauci. Well, same difference.

1:11:13All right. All right. But yeah, I didn't know who it was going to be. We're aligned on that one, brother. You're a quicker thinker than I am. But no, so yeah, we hear what we're saying. But the conversation you've said with yourself, how many times do you think you've said that? said what that you know i'm it's hard for me i i say it i say it a lot yeah it's because i think i'm yeah it's like having a new story for myself i don't you know part of me is still there's a heavy bit even to my whole new story having a new story even having some success in my life it's almost like some of it feels embarrassing you know and some people feel like you know the word people use is imposter syndrome it's all bullshit it's just fear that you're not enough we all have that fear brother yeah i feel that at times i don't feel much now but i'm 63 years old and I've done a shitload of things for 40 years.

1:12:00You've built enough patterns. Yeah, I built up new patterns. It's like a muscle. Everybody's got the muscle. If you use it, it grows. If you don't use it, you lose it, right? It doesn't ever disappear though. It just looks like it's not there. But if you demand it, you push it beyond what it's comfortable with. And that's what you're doing right now. You're pushing beyond your comfort. You were settling for comfort to try to survive. Now you're like, F that. I want more out of this life. You know, I'm not gonna settle for that shit. But then you keep telling yourself the old story. So change your story, change your life.

1:12:28It sounds overly simplistic, but it is true. No, I love it. I appreciate you saying it. Yeah. Yeah, I think a lot of this chat has been about that. But look at the positive emotions you wrote down, or you just told me verbally, right? So you're hopeful. Are you playful or funny, or what would be your term around that part of you? Because I didn't hear that part of you. I know it's there. No, I feel like that part of me became such my work that I haven't had as much free time to be that as I would like to. Oh, on your own. Okay, cool. So those are the positives. What are the negatives you feel in an average week?

1:12:55At least once a week. Not once a month, once a year. What are the negative emotions you feel? Ugly. Okay. I feel incapable, angry, and I feel disappointing. Okay. So which of those emotions is most powerful for you? The positive list or the negative list? The negative list is more powerful. And that's true for most people. Watch this. what's an emotion that if it became the dominant emotion in your life one or two it would get rid of those and i guess like they would have any power over you what would be an emotional state would it be like courage or to be playfulness or to be uh uh let's say joy or would it be you've already got gratitude more gratitude what would be an emotion that's so strong that it would get rid of the disappointment probably love you know there you go and that's that's your core brother i didn't hear you say that on the first one that's all you really want it's probably why you do this podcast probably why you make people laugh me too by the way the only reason i do what i do is i love people i love to see people happy because i was so unhappy myself and i got out of it so i was so grateful it's like i don't it's like you know i feed you know 100 million people a year 100 million meals that's all your charity i've done a billion meals in the last eight years right dude that's almost that's what that's what mcdonald's did isn't it and it was free they're pretty cheap at mcdonald's but dang But I did it not because I'm a good person.

1:14:21I did it because I grew up and I had no money and no food. And when I was 11, somebody came and fed us on Thanksgiving. And I was like, that made me believe strangers care. Strangers care about me and they care about strangers. And so I fell in love with people and I want to make people feel happy. And I know what it feels like night food. I know what it feels like to be absolutely depressed and miserable and saying, do I even need to stick around in this life, right? So I don't want anybody else to feel that. So it drove me to find answers, not just for me. Once I found it for me, I wanted to help as many people as I can.

1:14:47But why did I want to do it? because I love love because when you help people that much, I mean, I have so much love in my life, it's ridiculous. I get stopped on the street every day and people don't come up and say, oh, I like your show or something. Come on, go, you changed my life. Oh my God, I love you, Tony Robbins. And I always say, no, I didn't do it. You did it, but I'm glad I helped. But I love the love that comes from it. So we all really want love, but we're afraid we're not enough. And you, my friend, you are growing like a weed right now because you're doing things most people never get out of.

1:15:12And I'm not blowing smoke your way. I'm not a bullshitter. No, I don't feel that, man. I appreciate you saying it. Yeah, it's the truth. It's been it. But you gotta notice your progress and you gotta stack the good and then you gotta stop the old story and the minute you start to say that phrase, bullshit, that's an old story, it's not true anymore. Yeah, I think a part of me is afraid that I'm gonna leave a part of me, like if I even, if I be successful. So let's investigate that for a second. Like if I be successful, I'm gonna leave a part of me behind. Well then you're effed right now because you're already successful.

1:15:44You got, I don't know how many millions of people I'm sure that watch your podcast. You make people laugh all over the world. You have people that - I think I'm embarrassed sometimes. But all those emotions are old habits. They're just habits. So I understand that. And by the way, when you feel embarrassed or you feel these negative emotions, it also makes you feel for yourself for a little bit. So that's the other part you might be afraid of. Like some people - Like what do you mean by that? Well, like for some, I don't know if this is you, but some people are so busy trying to make everybody else happy all the time.

1:16:14They don't take care of themselves unless it's a big ass problem. And then for the first time, even if it's a negative feeling, at least I'm feeling for myself, I'm feeling for me. And that might be what you're afraid of losing. Let's try it for a second here. What if I told you, you could go back and feel like shit as much as you want and it'll never stop. But you don't have to have it be the predominant emotion of your life. That this need to beat yourself up or be ashamed or not be too happy, that it's an old story that got wired a long time ago and it has nothing to do with who you really are.

1:16:47But when you keep telling yourself, it's like my friend, I take care of, I'm gonna lose a part of myself. No, you'll never lose that part. There's a part of me that would be a victim very easily. I was beat as a child. My mom was a beautiful woman. I'm not denigrating her. But when she put alcohol together with prescription drugs, she was crazy. And I was 5 '1 in high school, believe it or not. I'm 6 '7 now. I don't believe that. I tell people the difference is personal growth, right? But I had a tumor in my brain that made me grow, but I was this little guy, she would slam my head against it.

1:17:17She'd put liquid soap down my throat because she said I was lying and I wasn't lying. And when the person you love most is trying to hurt you, you can do a number on your head. But I look back now and fortunately, I didn't let that stop me. And I didn't settle for that. I struggled for a long time. I look back and I can honestly tell you, if she was the mother I'd hoped she'd been, Like if I was well-fed, do you really think I'd be trying to feed a billion, I've done a billion people, now I'm trying to feed a hundred billion people. You think I would be spending my time doing that if I was a well-fed kid?

1:17:46I don't think so. If she had been a mother I want, I wouldn't become the man I'm proud to be. So those emotions are not you. They were a part of your past. They were a pattern. It's a pattern of what you do with your body and breathe, but it meets some of your needs to feel yourself or feel sorry for yourself or feel sad. You follow me? It's like a self pity thing. A little bit. But what you're really wanting is not self-pity. You're wanting self-love. You just haven't learned how to give it to yourself. My way of doing that is gratitude. Because when you're grateful, love flows naturally. Is that a common pattern that sometimes, because I noticed over like about two years ago, I noticed that one of my biggest addictions sometimes was self-pity.

1:18:22I didn't even realize it. I thought I was helping myself by like focusing on myself, but really I'd been too, I was feeling too pitiful. I didn't, it was, man, it was, I realized my alcohol was self-pity. Anytime I do. Also, alcohol is a depressant. So what's gonna do is lower, it feels good in the moment, but then it lowers your energy and your blood sugar, everything, right? Same for self-pity? Self-pity, same thing. Now your energy, think about it. Self-pity, if you're in self-pity right now, zero to 10, 10 is total high energy, zero is no energy. Where are you in self-pity? Where would you put it?

1:18:53Oh, two? Yeah. Where are you when you're feeling excited? Where's my energy? Zero to 10, yeah. My energy when I'm feeling excited is like a nine. Yeah. Which one do you want to be? I'd rather be the nine. Yeah, well, why the fuck why don't you just do that? I know. You know? Yeah, I think, but I think you said a lot of it is pattern. I think that's the thing. And a lot of people, I think you don't notice when you're in self-pity, man. I had no clue. Like I was still living a life and it was going well and it was going, but there was just a lot of times I was drinking my own self-pity, you know?

1:19:21And I don't feel like I do it a lot now, but there's times where I can fall back into that. So if you do, it's just like, if you do, it's like, oh, I'm going to self-pity. You don't beat yourself up. You just got that old pattern. I don't do that shit anymore. Let's get out. And the best way to get out is go for your run, do something physical or shift what you're doing or focus on doing something for someone you love. Any of those things will get you out of your mind. Cause here's the biggest problem. All these words you're using are just forms of suffering. Pain's part of life. Suffering you've heard is an option.

1:19:50It really is an option. But what happens is when you focus on yourself, there's always suffering. There's three things that'll trigger your suffer. If you think three words, lost, less, never. if you think something you did caused you to lose or have less of or never have love or respect or free time or financial freedom or anything. Yeah, I think that's my one. I think I feel that something that was something I did that made it that way. Yes. And by the way, some people do the opposite and some people do both. They look at what other people did, what the government did, what this person did, what some system did, something outside themselves that makes them believe they've lost something or will never have something.

1:20:30When you think lost, lost, never about yourself, the mind, you're not your mind. It's like all the thoughts. You ever thought, I want to kill this mother F. Have you ever had that thought? Yeah, I don't do it, but I do think it. But you just, the key is you don't do it. I don't do it. Do you think that's your thought? Are you the first person to have that thought? No. How long do you think that thought's been around? Probably since the Bible, I bet. Probably before. Yeah. Right? Maybe before. Yeah. So if I told you 100 years ago - Or Cain killed Abel in the Bible, that's why I said there. Yeah, that's good.

1:20:59But yeah, and also there was definitely people killing each other before that. But check this out, think about this for a second. That thought is not your thought. You're being used by that thought. If I said 100 years ago, there's gonna be a little box in your pocket and you can pull it out and you'll be able to touch it and see people on the other side of the earth because there's invisible waves going around the earth and it's gonna come in your box. You go read between the lines, asshole, right? It's not gonna happen. But think about that. or we're gonna fly to the moon and back. They used to call the people who said that lunatics.

1:21:27That's where the term comes from. People thought we could go to the moon. Well, we've been to the moon and you now have a phone that does those things. Well, thoughts also have been around forever. And think of your body as like cable. You turn one channel and it brings down a signal of comedy. Another channel, it's a horror picture. Another channel, it's effin' drama. Another channel, it's adventure. And so when you drop your body of this, you get a different channel of what you see, feel, and tap into than if you're like this or whatever your state is or giggling or laughing and shit, then you get a different channel.

1:22:01So the pattern of how we use our body determines what part of the thoughts we tap into. But the biggest thing is if you're gonna be pissed off or sad, at least get a unique thought, one you created. Don't just copy everybody else, every other asshole that ever lived. You're just copying it. Change your body, change your life. Change your story, change your life. So you've already begun it. You've gone through the chemistry of being dissatisfied enough to say, I'm not gonna do the drugs. I'm gonna start to run now. I'm not gonna like in this feeling. But then you get pulled back a little bit because it's new.

1:22:29Your old stuff you know well. And so you gotta just cut it off. And again, you could do that through immersion. I'd love to have you come to one of my events and be my guest and just have your own experience. But regardless, you can still do it on your own just by changing the habit, changing the habit. You change it enough. It's like the more you go down a path, the more it gets wired. They did this at the UC Irvine. and they took monkeys, they taped four of their fingers down and then they manually bend their finger like this 10 ,000 times. Well now they untape the hands and what does the monkey do?

1:22:58No kidding. Well, you're not a monkey, but many people drive to work the same way every day, get on the same subway. And one day they're supposed to go a different direction, get off at a different off ramp, but their brain's so used to it, they get off on the wrong off ramp. Well, that's kind of what you're doing. You get off on the off ramp of some old pattern. And so what you gotta do is stop going down that path. So do it, stop it, stop. So what they found by the way, you don't have to do 10 ,000 times. So imagine they found they could do it with 12 of these instead of 10 ,000, get the same wiring.

1:23:25And the way they did it was they stimulate the pleasure center of the brain. So it's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And each time they did it, imagine instead of one thread of connection between neurons in the brain, nerve cells in the brain, one, instead when there's joy there or excitement or pleasure, you get a thousand of them. So they could do 12 and get the result without emotion, to get the same result of 10 ,000 movements, right? Wow. So we wire ourselves, like you can - So I have control over that you're saying. Yes. Because some people, they don't even notice it though. That was amazing to me.

1:23:56For years, I didn't notice that's what I was doing. Yeah, well, that's part of growing, right? Right. How old are you now, may I ask? I'm 43. Right, so most people, when you're, think of it this way, zero to 21 is like springtime. You don't have to figure anything out. You learn, you grow, things occur. You might have problems and upsets, but it's an interesting life. of 22 to 42, you're kind of the soldier of society. You go out and test what you've been like. I don't know if I believe the shit I was told. Let me try this. You think, by the way, you're invincible. I'm the president of the United States, a multi-billionaire, and have 100 relationships simultaneously, and everyone's gonna be happy.

1:24:30But somewhere around 35 or 40, you know, 45, you start going, you know, relationships hard, and I'm not very good at this shit, and I'm not a billionaire yet. Well, what's the deal here? And so then you have to go on a journey, the hero's journey. You're being called to go into the unknown and try new things. And if you step into the unknown, you'll meet new mentors, new people. You'll learn to slay the dragon. You'll become the hero in your own life. But ages basically 43 to 63, that's the reaping time of your life. This is my rookie year then. This is when you're coming brother. That's the stage of life by the way, when people are the most happy, right?

1:25:02If they're healthy. And the very happiest is usually 64 to 84, if they're healthy. and people can live to 104, all those people 120. But each stage has different problems and different opportunities. So you're entering your power and it's showing up, right? You've got a large audience, your humor's become more playful, more refined. But now you're like, I want more, I want me to be happy. Look at comedians that have killed themselves. I mean, we can make a long list of people that made everybody happy except themselves. Oh, yeah, people think of Robin Williams, Brody Stevens. those are just a few.

1:25:38Yeah. And there could be a bigger list. I'm not good at thinking of Lucy, all those guys. Oh yeah. You go further, right? Yeah. So if you think about it, if you make everybody happy, but yourself, I always tell people success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure. And so you're starting to go, look, I want to be fulfilled too. I don't want to just be successful on the outside. I want this to be inside me. And you're on the path brother. The way you get on the path is you decide what you want. And you're going to decide, I want more than what I had before. Second step, you say, okay, there's a gap between where I am or where I want to be.

1:26:12What's getting in the way? Is it a fear I need to face? Is it a habit? Is it an emotion? What is it? Is it a skill I'm missing I need to get? I don't know how to do this. Someone's got to show me so I can get better. Once you have faced that, then you get a little plan together and you start taking action, not a perfect plan. And then you got to slay your dragons. You got to make the change. You got to, okay, so I'm not going to do the drugs anymore. Okay, I'm gonna run instead. And then you get momentum. And you're starting to get momentum. So now the only thing that puts the brake on your momentum is those old emotional patterns.

1:26:42So you gotta go, that's not me. That's an old pattern, F that. Here's what I'm gonna do now. And here's the other part though. As long as you focus on yourself, you suffer. See, suffering comes from focusing on you. That's why contribution is so valuable because when you're doing something for others, you're not thinking about you unless you're trying to do it to get something. Right. And a lot of people had to focus on themselves because it was a survival mechanism. Me too. So they didn't have a choice. That's right. So some people, you don't even realize it. Your whole life, you might be focusing on yourself and you might think, well, I'm selfish, but some of that might be just old habits because you had to focus on yourself to make sure you were okay.

1:27:18That's right. But then what happens is we don't update our software. It'd be like using one of those old digital or not even digital phones. You'd be like, what are you doing? You an idiot? Oh, yeah. Using a pencil. Yeah. I mean, what are you doing? Somebody's like, oh, this guy's a pervert. But it's time to upgrade your software. And that's what you're doing. You're upgrading your mental software. Yeah, and there's some loss. I think there's a little bit of sense of loss with letting go of the old software because it felt like home. Yeah, exactly right. And it's like, I'm old enough, I had one of the first portable phones.

1:27:48It was this Motorola phone, you ever seen it? It was like eight pounds. It was like a buck a minute. It didn't charge for more than 20 minutes. We just called the police too. But I was so proud to have that phone. now i meant sting so i meant sting it would call him was he in the police yes okay if you give the if you give if you've got a phone today they'll give it to you for free as long as you got a contract and you got everything on you got 100 000 songs you got access to everything so why would you go back to the old style i kind of miss it okay well go get yourself one of those phones you can go visit it go put it in some part of your house and go visit for a little while if you want to but after a while you get bored with it and you'll move into the new stuff and that's what's happening for you brother yeah once you evolve into something new yeah once you make a change it really does feel good it's just hard to make it sometimes but i'll tell you i'll tell you one more secret for changes to last it has to become your identity let me explain we all have a way of defining ourselves to ourselves so for example if you see lance armstrong right was the greatest biker of all time he gets told that he has cancer not just cancer cancer in his lungs cancer in his brain and oh yeah in your testicles oh by the way i ride a bike for a living they told him he's to die but his core belief is i always find the way so he's survived cancer most people don't he also found a way to win no matter what he broke the rules to do it and that cost his brand and so forth but the same thing that made him healthy actually got him into trouble in the biking side but before he used drugs he was still unbelievable one of the best in the world and guess what he got there because of a belief so you have to have a new identity his identity is i find the made him healthy.

1:29:22So think of it this way. If I set the thermostat in this room at, I think you'll relate to this, let's say 68 degrees. All right? And that's a metaphor for your comfort zone, your identity. This is, you know, that's 68 degrees is how much, not much money I want, but you know what I'm used to. 68 degrees is what I'm used to in a relationship. It's not what I want, but it's okay. You know, it's pretty good. It's what I know, you know? So think of that as comfort zone. Now, if the temperature drops to 65, 64, 62, 59, all of a sudden the brain, the computer goes, hey, you're a 68 degree or what are you doing at 59?

1:29:58And I'm sure you've experienced it. Like this is bullshit. And they're like, boom, suddenly the heaters kick on and you got drive and you go deal with it. You go lose the weight or you get off the drugs, you do whatever it is. But here's the part that most people don't understand. Let's say you get back to where you were and now you get new momentum and you're doing better. You go to 69, 70, 80, 89, 99 degrees. And all of a sudden the brain goes, what the hell are you doing up here? You're a 68 degree, you're not a 99 degree. And the first thing that happens is the heater stop and you stop growing.

1:30:26And if that's not enough, the air conditioners kick on and you start to sabotage yourself to get back to where you believe you are. So cigarettes, if you used to smoke, right? So if I came to you today and I offer you a cigarette, what would you say? Yes, sir. Nobody or nobody. No, sir, no. No, sir, nobody. Okay. You know, so why? Because I don't want it. Yeah. Why? Because I don't, it doesn't make me happy anymore. Yeah. Most people, you wouldn't say, what brand is it? You go, no. And the reason why is you're no longer a smoker. It's not your identity. If you thought you're a smoker, you might go, well, what brand is it?

1:31:03Well, maybe I'll have one. You know, whatever it is, right? It's like when people tell me, you know, I'm on day four of not drinking or not smoking. I go, why are you counting? so you can tell people how many days you last this time before you go back again. It's like when you change your identity, I'm not one of those, you're not gonna do it anymore. So you are in the midst of transforming your identity. You're in the middle of it right now and you're doing a beautiful job. I'm not, again, blowing smoke. I'm not a bullshitter. No, thanks, man. I appreciate it. No, but I hope you take it in because you need to own that on your own, your own instincts have led you to a place of real progress.

1:31:35You're not there yet, not where you wanna be. And by the way, when you get wherever there is, it won't be enough. if you want to do more because we're all supposed to keep growing that's what makes us happy yeah i want to keep learning i think it's it's important and i like learning about why people feel certain ways yeah that is like uh and so does a lot of our listeners it's important to a lot of us yes um let me tell you why people feel a lot of us we don't get understanding nobody kind of explains to you what's going on yeah while you're feeling so it gets confusing you know so like yeah i don't know that i'm changing and i'm feeling sad about you know just that i don't know some of the stuff but let me give you and your viewers three things because what I spent decades - You always have so many things, man.

1:32:15I will say you got a lot of things though, but it's good. I do. I'm loving them. I got decades of taking complex things that make them simple because - I appreciate it. Complexity is the enemy of execution. If it's too complex, you don't do it, right? Right, that's exactly what I'm just saying. Yeah, it's too complex. So let me give you three. You can think about this for you and your viewers. Whatever you're feeling right now, whether you're pissed off or sad or frustrated or excited or passionate, whatever, it doesn't matter. There's only three things that made you feel that way. three patterns the first pattern is what you're doing with your body so let me give you an example if i said there's a depressed person behind curtain number one over there and i'll give a hundred thousand dollar donation to your favorite charity i bet you could describe them physically without seeing them depressed person where are their shoulders probably down forward where's their head probably looking like probably maybe something like that that's right are they talking loud or quiet it could be probably a little bit subdued maybe that's right fast or slow?

1:33:07Probably slow. That's right. And when they're doing that, think about it. Why do you know that? Because you've practiced this shit before, we all have, right? But if you take that same person, and I do this over and over again, and you change what we call their physiology, the way they move, the way they breathe, they put their shoulders back, they breathe different. It literally changes their biochemistry. If you change that as a habit, you change the biochemistry on a regular basis, better than a drug, because you're not dependent upon anything. Second thing determines how you feel. So think of - That's right.

1:33:35And you're the dealer and the user. Exactly right. So if you're excited, what's the body like? Yeah, you're a little more pumped up. Yeah. Is your head up or down? Up. Yeah, where are your shoulders? They're there. They're good. Yeah, they're loose. It's a different feeling. They're doing what they want. That's right. Is the voice monotone or does it have more variety to it? Variety. That's right. Right. So you think about that. You're breathing more full or more shallow? More full. That's right. When you're depressed, it's more? Yeah, probably more shallow, except for some occasional big ones to get you, keep you down there.

1:34:05That's right, well you let it all out and it's deflate, right? Yeah, yeah. So we change your breathing, we change your movement, change your posture, and your entire biochemistry will change that fast. But people have habits how they use, like there's 37 muscles in your face. This is the largest area of unemployment in the country because people do the same facial expression over and over and they feel the same feelings over and over again. You change the body, you change it all. Now the second thing you change is what you focus on. So, example I gave you, if you're thinking about, oh my God, they're not here, they're in a car accident, you're a worrier.

1:34:36If you think they don't give a shit, they did it again, you're gonna be pissed off. So whatever you focus on, you feel, even if it's not true, you will feel it. And then the third one is the language you put to it. Because words change meaning. So if I said to you, look, during the break, we have some nutritious snacks, the audience goes, you know, we got some delicious snacks, oh, interesting. Just one word change changes the biochemistry. It's not the words other people say to you, it's also the words you say to yourself that change your biochemistry. And it's not just words, there's certain phrases that change what you even perceive.

1:35:10So I don't know if you've ever had this when you were a kid, but I remember, you know, I finally get to sit down and have dinner and I was responsible for all of making the dinner, doing it all. And then my mom or dad would say, could you get the salt? Just, I don't know what the salt is. And I'm not lying, I don't know the exact GPS location of the salt, right? I don't know what the salt is. And you know what the salt is in the kitchen, go get the salt. I know the salt, you go get the salt, fine. Oh my God, what am I saying? I don't know what the salt is. I don't know what the salt is. It's over on the second shelf.

1:35:35I open it. I don't really look at it. I don't know what the salt is. It's not here. My dad walks by, reaches right in front of my face and goes, what is this? You ever had an experience like that? So here's the question. Did your eyes see the salt? No. Yes, they did. But your brain did allow you to perceive it because you hypnotized yourself over and over again telling the lie to yourself. I don't know what the salt is. I don't know what the salt is. So it doesn't want to turn you into a liar yourself. So it's called a scotoma, a blind spot. So when you tell me something, but I don't want to lose those friends of mine from the past that made me feel like shit.

1:36:02And you do it over and over again, you can't even see the other option. That's why our language, our focus, and our physiology, the three of them together control. If you make a little change in your body, you'll feel a little change in how you feel. But for example, sound. Do you like to sing when no one's around? Oh, not that much. I'm not a great singer. No, I'm not either. But when no one's around, like in the car, great songs, something like that? Sometimes, yeah. So some people, most of us don't sing well. So what happens? We're in the car, we're singing, we're rocking, we're rapping, right?

1:36:31You get the stoplight, you're still doing it. Look over at a car next to you, somebody staring at you. You pick up your cell phone and act like you've been talking to somebody or some shit, right? But what's happened is it makes you feel good to sing because you're using parts of your body you don't normally use. It lifts you emotionally. And so what happens is that's why even though you don't sound good, people like to sing when no one's around. But when somebody's around, they don't want to sing because they don't want to be judged. So you can change your focus, your language, and your physiology.

1:36:57If you change all three, you make a radical change. So when we do like a seminar and you have the fire walk, the fire walk's just a metaphor for breaking through whatever stops you. But when you get in front of 2000 and you're burning hot coals, you have a state change. Like all day you might have found really good and they're like, oh my, I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it. And I'll look at them and go, I couldn't do it either if I talk like this and put my shoulders like this. I say, stand tall, put your shoulders back, scream yes, yes, scream yes. And I make these, yes, yes, that's a go.

1:37:20And then boom, the person who couldn't go 10 seconds ago storms across the fire. because what we do is based on the state we're in and you can change your state by the way you move, by what you focus on and by the language you use. Change all three radically again and again, you change your life. Wow. Tony, man, thank you so much for thinking about this stuff with us. I know that you have, before you go, I know you have a book that's coming out, The Holy Grail, right? Yes, yes. Is it okay if we pivot to that for five minutes? Sure, I'd love to. Okay, so I know it's about finances, right? And it's about the disparity in the world kind of?

1:37:51Yeah, well, I've written three financial books. This is the third one of the trilogy. It's the final of the trilogy. Okay. And the first one was Money Master the Game. It's the most read, most successful financial book of the last 23 years. I'm really proud of it. Wow. But as time went by, I wrote that book by interviewing 50 of the smartest financial people in the world and saying, how do I take this complex stuff, make it so my billionaire clients love it, but the average person can really use it. And it shows you how to go from nothing to where you want to be. Then I wrote a book called Unshakeable to prepare people for 2020.

1:38:20I didn't know it was going to be COVID, but I knew there was going to be a giant market change because you can predict that it's going to come. We don't know when, but it's going to come. And I want people prepared. And then now there's so many people unprepared for their financial future that they're in the hole. And so in order to get where you want to go, you need compounding. With a tiny amount of money compounding, you can get wherever you want. Like, you know, if you start when you're really young, you're 19, you save, you have no overhead, you save 300 bucks a month and you put it, you know, let's say in the stock market where it's an 8 % return, you can go from 17 to 27.

1:38:52you put very little money in, right? 3 ,000 bucks a year roughly. But that money will grow over time to provide several million dollars if you stopped at 27 years old. You start at 28 and do it. You gotta put money until you're 65 and you'll still have less money. That's how compounding works, right? So it doesn't take a lot. But if you could compound with a higher rate of return without taking too much risk, because you take too much risk, you lose everything, right? And is that higher rate of return still? So it feels like there's not as much, it feels very risky these days or it feels like the stock market, like it's just a front facing thing to the public where everything else is done behind the scenes.

1:39:30I think that's what a lot of stuff starts to feel like. Well, and there are some truth to that because there used to be 8 ,000 stocks. Now there's only 3 ,600 and most of them, like in the Russell 2000, which is one of the, you know, the young companies, 40 % of them aren't even profitable. When you look at what's called the S &P 500, the list of the top 500 companies in the stock market there that S &P lists, those are the best ones. There's about seven that represent about 80 % of the profits of what's going on there. Wow. So it's a very small number. That has changed over time. And we didn't, people used to, in order to protect themselves, if you went to financial planner, they'd say, well, put this much in stocks and this much in bonds because there's something called correlation or non-correlation.

1:40:10When things move in the same direction, if you invest in both of them and they both go down, you got nothing. If they both go up, it's nice. But when they go down, it's a problem. So I met with this man, Ray Dalio. Some of your viewers may have heard of him. Ray Dalio? Ray Dalio. He's the greatest hedge fund investor in history. He manages almost$200 billion in business. Oh, wow. And I interviewed him 14 years ago and became good friends. And I asked him a question one time. This guy's a genius. He literally manages money for countries. And he's got the greatest track record. Like 2008, when everybody, when the market went down, whatever, 38%, whatever the number, I forget the exact number.

1:40:44He was down 3%. Damn, Ray. And by the end of the year, he made 9%. Good job, Ray. I mean, just brilliant guy. So I asked Ray, I said, what is the most important investment principle that the average person or a billionaire would want to know? What's made you so successful? The most important principle. And he didn't even hesitate. He goes, Tony, I spent 20 years to figure this out. He goes, I'm going to tell you the answer. And he said, it's called the Holy Grail, right? He goes, the Holy Grail of investing is to find 8 to 12 investments that are not correlated. So let me explain. Stocks are designed to go up and then bonds where they are.

1:41:17If stocks go down, bonds usually go up. But in 2020, they both went down. 2008, they both went down. And so that doesn't always work. And so you've got a lot of risk. He said the secret is, if you can find eight to 12 investments that are not correlated, you reduce your risk 80 % and you increase your upside. There is nothing on earth that's more important. You can try to pick the right stock or the right bond or the right piece of real estate, but you're going to be wrong. You're going to try and do the right time. You're going to be wrong. The one thing you can count on is reducing the risk so that you're right more often.

1:41:47And he said that that reduces the risk about the most, by eight to 12 investments? Eight to 12 that are not correlated. So what are some examples of just places that things wouldn't be correlated? Well, that's why I wrote this book, because the average person thinks, okay, well I got stocks and bonds and maybe your REITs or real estate. And the problem is even REITs often will go up and down with the stock market, right? So I've been around a while, I've worked with the best people in the world and I've done well financially. And so I get opportunities at times because I'm well aware of the fact that private equity, private real estate, private credit, are actually much bigger businesses.

1:42:19For the last 35 years, hear this for everybody. For the last 35 years, private equity firms have done better than every stock market in the world on average, better than average of all those. So of example, the S &P 500, the one that most people know in the United States that they will invest in. If you put that, that's over the last 35 years has gone up 9.2 % compounded on average per year. So you put your money in and it keeps growing. It's pretty nice. Yeah, you're doing pretty swell, yeah. But if you were an average, not, by the way, when I went to interview people for this, I interviewed the 13 biggest private equity guys in the world that run$100 billion, right?

1:42:55Who make more money than God, basically, the smartest ones in the world. So to find out what they're doing, because these guys all make like 20 % plus per year, not 14 and a half. So 9.2 versus 14.2. 14.2 is the average private equity. These are not average. That's 50 % better per year to grow your finances on. Let me put that into what people understand. You compound what that means. If you put a million dollars 35 years ago in the stock market, it's worth 26 million right now. It's unbelievable. But if you put a million dollars in private equity it's worth 129 million, same money, same amount of time.

1:43:29God. Yeah, so it's like, so most people know, they don't know that much. Yeah. But they know private equity does really well. And one of the reasons is your money's tied up for five years so if the market goes up and down They don't have to go sell. So when the mark goes down, they buy, right? And they build, they buy a company, they build it up. They make it more valuable and they sell it to another company or they take it public. And they, when things are good, they sell them. When things are not, they buy. So they've got a lot of room. And they make money a lot of ways. If you put your money into these firms, they get 2 % of your money every year, no matter what, for managing it.

1:44:00Oh, wow. So they make money or lose it. So if they have a billion dollar fund, they make 20 million a year for five years. They have a hundred million dollars guaranteed before they open their mouth. Then they get 20 % of the upside if they help it to grow. It's not uncommon for these guys to go from a billion to two billion in five years. That means they make 20 % of that additional billion. They make another$200 million. They make$300 million on what originally was a billion. So when you look at the Ford's 400, the richest people in the world, and you say, are they tech guys? Are they real estate guys?

1:44:27No, the number one are financial services. It's private equity. So watch this. This is mind boggling. Because this sounds like it's all for rich people. That's what I want to tell you. Okay, I'm just saying that. So, no, and you're right. And it has been. but here's what's changed. Congress, the House just passed a law, bipartisan, that said the richest people in the world having access to this is not fair. And the argument has been, well, it's more sophisticated. Well, they came up with a way to do it, which is you made a minimum money building a business. You don't know about investing, but you get to make these investments if you can get in.

1:44:58They passed a law that now says, and now the House has done it. The Christmas vacation's just come. They're coming back and they're gonna vote in the Senate. it looks like it's gonna pass there as well. You can take a test, I can show you a study for. You pass the test, you get access to these things. But there's another problem, access. Because it's like buying an exotic car. If you got like a, you know, one of the new Ferrari's not a standard one, it's one of the high-end Ferraris. There's a line of people waiting and they buy them all just like that. So it's not enough that you have money, you gotta know the right people.

1:45:27So these funds, you know, as I got more money and I was more famous, I knew people, I could get into some of these funds but I could get a sliver or some I couldn't even get in there already sold out. It was like, I was so frustrated. So one day I'm talking to my friend Paul Tudor Jones is a partner that broke off and started his own business. I'm basically saying, this is so frustrating because these opportunities are so huge. I've got resources, but I can't even get in. Yeah. He said, Tony, I'm going to tell you a little secret. I'll tell you where I put most of my money. And I'm leaning forward because this is a big, big player, right?

1:45:57Yeah. Yeah. Get the shovel. Tell me, tell me what it is. And he goes, there's this company in Texas that does something really unique. There's a few, but they're the best I've seen. I said, Texas? Normally you hear Singapore, London, New York, right? He's in Connecticut. He goes, yeah. He said, Tony, you don't have to fight to become an investor in one of those funds. He said, when you are an investor in a private equity, they call you a limited partner. That's the legal name they use for it. The owner of the fund. And private equity, just explain what it is really fast. It's buying companies that are not public, which is most companies.

1:46:30Right. And you build it. They put money in it, they bring a new CEO, they build a new team, they do a new marketing, they make the company stronger and they sell it. When you sell a business, you get a multiple on the profits. Okay, got it. So you're investing in those sorts of things, that's private equity. That's right, and they have funds that invest over a period of time and they do that. But they're not open to the public. Well, they're open to the public, but usually they're gone, if they're really good. Oh, they're really gone. They're gone right away, right? So he says to me, he goes, Tony, you can become an owner in the business itself and all those funds, not just own a fund, and you can get the same two and 20, like you earn the 2 % and 20, you'll make about 10 % on your investment per year as an owner.

1:47:10Oh, wow. And you get all the funds, past, present, and future. The ones they did was low inflation, the ones in high inflation, the future ones they want to do. I'm like, how do you do that? He goes, I'm going to introduce you to these guys called Caz, C-A-Z. They're based out of Houston. So I meet this guy. It turns out 25 years ago, he started his career using my stuff and started this business. He's been incredibly successful. He's one of the biggest. It's called GP Stakes. You own a general partnership stake. You're an owner. You get the benefit of an owner and you own all the funds. So I now own a piece of 65 different funds.

1:47:40They're not little funds. They're not billion dollar funds. They're a hundred billion funds like Vista. They have a hundred billion dollars and they're growing like weeds. And I get huge income like I'm an owner and I get the upside like an owner and I get what an investor would get all the same. And then you say, well, why would they do that? Are they wanting to retire? No. Years ago, they used to just get companies and to try to leverage them and sell them for pieces. That's old business. Nobody does that anymore. They build them. But they have to put their own money in too. So investors go, if you're on the line with me, I'm willing to invest more.

1:48:12So there was a company called Bain that after 2008, when people were shaky, they said, we're going to raise$4 billion or we're going to put 800 million of our own money in. That's kind of the standard now. So if you're putting money in, you open a new fund every couple of years and it's tied up for five years, your cashflow can be tight. So they want more money to keep growing. So if you know the right people, you can do things. So now I'm a part of that, but anyone can become a part of that. All the ignorance is not bliss, right? Ignorance is poverty. Knowing this changes the game. I'll give you another one.

1:48:40So people can learn that in this book now? Yeah, I explain exactly how to do it. Okay. And then another one, like all these rings, right? For years I wanted to be a professional athlete. I wasn't good enough, so it didn't work out well. But then I was like, wow, I got to work with all these athletes and turn them around. So the best in the world, you know? I get to visit with a guy like Tom Brady, go work with all these guys, see what they're like and what they're doing. Well, I started turning these teams around and I started getting the championship rings that I would have, and I've got them here from hockey, I've got them here from NBA, I've got them here for all these things.

1:49:10Kind of like your dreams came true in this alternate way. In a whole different way. I mean, how many people like Michael Jordan, a few other people have six MVP rings. I got to read about anything. Who has six rings, Ian, anyway? Especially if it's a man, you know? Unless they're Italian. If it's a man. You know, unless they're 100 % Italian. But they're cherishing me, but here's what I'll tell you. So then I was like, I want to own a sports team. You know, I finally got enough money to participate and I finally, you know, then they take a microscope to for a year to do it, it's unbelievable. And so I helped build the LAFC football club.

1:49:39I was one of the original investors in it, it was great. But now there's a new rule that's come about in the last couple of years, it's specialized. And it allows you to buy a piece, even a tiny piece of multiple sports teams and be an owner. and the reason you want to do it is this. Sports is not tied to the stock market. It's non-correlated. Stock market goes up or down, doesn't affect sports. Sports have done well during recessions, depressions, player strikes, COVID, everything. They've still done well. The return from Major League Baseball, from the NHL, from the NBA, from soccer, those four spots has averaged at 18 % a year in the last 10 years.

1:50:18So it's twice as much as the stock market, to give you an idea. and it's fun, but here's the best part. They're no longer just putting butts in seats and they have a legal monopoly. They own that city. No one else can compete with them. And their fans, the word fan comes from fanatics. Their customers are fanatics, multiple generations. So my friend, Peter Guber, he bought the Dodgers with my other friend, Magic Johnson and a group of other people. And no one had paid, he paid$2 billion to the LA Dodgers, 2 billion. No one had paid a billion for a team yet. and everybody said it should have been a billion overpaid by a billion so i went to peter and i said peter i know you're no dumb he's my partner in businesses we own sports team together lafc and i said uh you gotta tell me the secret because i know you're not dumb you're not gonna overpay by a billion dollars that's a lot he says to me he goes tony you know he's made 52 academy award made movies he's a total genius so he said you know i'm not dumb you're right he goes how are you what i want to leave you in suspense i'm going to make an announcement in two days then you call me, come on over and we'll laugh together.

1:51:18So sure enough, two days later they announced he paid two billion for the team. He sold the local TV rights for$7 billion and made five billion instantly. No way. Then - Just for the soccer? No, that's for football. I mean, excuse me, for the LA Dodgers. Oh, for the Dodgers he sold the rights. Yeah, so seven billion. Now you also, when you own a sports team, the NBA, MLB, Major League Baseball, whatever, you get a piece of the ad revenue for every single team. Doesn't matter if you're big or small. So his local rights alone made him$5 billion. So you probably saw the gentleman he just brought on.

1:51:52She-Otani. Yes. She-Hey, is that his name? Sho-Hey. Yeah. And I'm so - The amount of money - So-Ray. The amount of money he's being paid is more than anybody in history. Wow. And how are they doing it? Well, they're doing it because they know that the ad revenue they get from Japanese advertising and so forth will pay at times many more. Do you know if you watch television today because of cord cutting, nobody wants to watch commercials. So 92 of the last 100 top shows are sports because you don't have, think about making a film for Netflix like a series. You got to pay actors. Nightmare. All that's got, you set up your cameras, you shoot.

1:52:27It's cheap to do. And people are willing to watch because it's live. And then they'll watch the ads, just like the Superbowl, right? People watch all the ads. So that business, and then they buy the real estate around it. They become media moguls. So now I own the Warriors. I own the Dodgers. I own the Red Sox. I own the Pittsburgh Penguins. Because you have a piece in what? Which I teach in this book. It's a piece of these different businesses, these sports businesses, and it's non-correlated. And people can get into that. Shows you how to do it. And you can do a tiny amount, small amounts. I'll give you one last one.

1:52:59Bonds, you're probably not very familiar because you haven't done a lot of best things here. Oh yeah, they caught him. What did he do? Oh, not only Bonds. Oh, what are you talking about? No, I'm sorry, I'm talking about stocks and bonds. Oh, sorry. Yes, no problem. But bonds for years, because of low interest rates, have given you no return. So people are taking bigger and bigger risks. So back in 2021, you're making no money. So there's a type of bond that is not very stable, it's very risky, and they call them high yield bonds. They're actually called junk bonds, because they're very risky. They were paying 3.9 % in 2021 before the interest rates rise.

1:53:34and people were buying them because there was no other place to get income. I was making 9 % on private credit. What is private credit? Banks don't loan to a lot of people. Really high-end businesses, 100 million to$3 billion businesses need money to grow. Well, where do they go? They go to private credit now. These organizations now loan you money and they usually loaned it just a few years ago at like 5%, 6 % for a loan. So banks are borrowing money from people? No, companies need to borrow money from banks and banks don't do it. And Apple will get their money, somebody like that. Right, but a lot of businesses won't.

1:54:09There's 200 ,000 businesses in the United States between 100 million and 3 billion to give you an idea. Gigantic, they need money. So there's become a new market. It's these private equity guys loaning them money, but they put their own money in it. So they don't sell the loan off. So they are really picky about who they put in and they build good long-term relationships. They have less than a 1 % failure rate. No bank on earth has that. They'd be dreaming about that. There, you know, if you, I'll give you an example that maybe your audience can relate to. If you had a house and you had a mortgage that was fixed, when interest rates went up, you don't care.

1:54:42You're still, it's only 3%. But when you bought a loan on a business, it's usually a floating rate. So when interest rates go, it rises up. So those same private credit firms that loaned you money at three and a half percent, guess what? Excuse me, five or 6%. Now it's 11 % plus. The same loan with the same company and you're making twice or three times as much money as before. So when people are taking risks at 3.9%, I've got a 1 % failure rate and I'm making 9%. Now I'm in the high teens on my private credit. And I own those firms. So I also get the 2%, I get the 20 % and I get the upside on those pieces.

1:55:19So those are just three examples. I give you seven examples of industries that you can do and show you exactly how to do it. And then the second half of the book is these 13 masters of the universe. These guys that, you know, like Robert Smith, who runs Vista, it's a famous firm, a hundred billion dollars in business. He started with nothing. He's the wealthiest African-American in the United States. Genius of man, I love this man. Oh, hell yeah, that's cool. And he focuses on one industry and software as a service called SaaS, but he knows it so well that he can take a company. He already knows what to do with the CEO, what to do with it, how to grow it.

1:55:54He grows it rapidly. He's got a whole system for doing it. he grows the business and then he sells it to a bigger company or takes it public his returns i can't quote his returns because you have to ask him about it but they're all above 20 for decades wow for decades so think about what that would do to your financial future what would have taken say 10 years to double you can do in three years and so this isn't the only thing you do yeah but it's one of the most important things that most people don't know about and it was never available before now it's available so you're saying because of the new legislation a lot of this stuff is available.

1:56:25That's correct. And is there downside to it? I mean, there's risk with everything. That's right. Well, least amount of risk compared to bonds, less. But then the second, other than say treasuries, on the private equity side, again, since they have your money for a longer period, you get a lot larger return, but there's less risk. The reason there's less risk is because when things drop in the stock market, they don't have to sell. They go buy then, right? When things are up, they go sell then. So they have more room to play within time. Instead of, oh my God, what are you gonna do this quarter?

1:56:53or where are you gonna get the stock up this day? They don't have to do that. It allows them to make better decisions. Got it. They had - Anyway, we give a hundred, my last three books I've done, this is giving 100 % of all the profits in the book go to Feeding America. So while you're helping yourself, you'll help people that are really in need as well. Same for this one, the profits are going to that? 100%. Oh, that's amazing, man. Thank you. That's cool, man. I eat, you know. I know we're all grateful for that, you know. Can I get a copy of the book too? Of course. Oh, that's sweet, man. Yeah, of course.

1:57:23There's like, this is my last question. So there is, we're kind of at a time in the world where I think a lot of people are under a little bit, it's a precarious time, it feels like, right? A lot of uncertainty. And some of that may be media influence. Some of it may not, we don't know, but there's just a lot going on. There's a lot going on. And it used to feel like you could leave the world a better place, right? It used to be something that I think gave people a lot of purpose, right? Like, I want to leave the world a better place. And I think now there sometimes feels like the world has gotten, it's flared up and we can't do that.

1:58:05I'm not saying that's true, but sometimes it feels like that. And so I think that causes a lot of people to, it really takes away a sense of purpose at a level, probably an almost limbic or animal level that we don't even realize. What can people do? to combat that. The first thing I do is I would cut down my consumption of the news, turn off all the things that go on your phone, not to become a hermit or something, but you gotta remember the news people are good people. They don't have bad intent, but they have to do one thing. They're doing their job. Their job is make more money for the shareholders.

1:58:39There's only one way to do that. Get more of your eyeballs. How do we get your eyeballs? Upset you, anger you, produce fear. If I do those things, we all know in journalism, they talk, if it bleeds, it leads. It used to be, again, a plane crashed in Nigeria. You didn't know about it. Now you know about it within seconds. So it's, there's actually, all the studies show there's less violence today, but we see everything more magnified, right? We're also in a stage in kind of history. We go through stages. I don't want to try to be complex, explain the whole thing to you, but if you study a thousand years of Roman history, 500 years of Anglo-American history, we go through 18, 20 year cycles where we run an emotion as a culture, as a whole.

1:59:18Doesn't mean you're going to feel that way. So in the springtime, everybody's optimistic. I don't mean physical spring, I mean that season. and things grow and it's easy. So like after World War II, we went in springtime. Everybody's like, oh, thank God it's over. Everybody had lots of sex. That was the baby boom, right? Oh yeah, I would've. If you were a veteran, you were like, you got to have a house for free, right? No money down, nothing. It was a cool time for a lot of people. Not everyone, but a lot of people. Yeah, yeah. The culture. But then from 1945 to 1963 and 63, we're the height of optimism.

1:59:49Kennedy's the president, John F. Kennedy, and he gets assassinated. And then Robert Kennedy. and then Martin Luther King. And what happens is we go through a summertime where everything's tested and there's fighting within the country. There's, it's called summer. It's like, it happens every 80 years like clockwork. I can take you, there's a really cool book. This is the Strauss Howell generational theory, is that it? That's it, that's it, you guys got it. So if you read Strauss Howell about generational theory, there's a book called The Fourth Turning. I interviewed these guys. Fourth Turning?

2:00:17Fourth Turning. It's a book worth reading. Cause what you'll be reading about how life is and it's like right now, and then they reveal it from 80 years ago from the New York Times. And then you read another one, it's from 160 years ago. And you're like, this is crazy. So it's a cycle that we go through. So after we're done with the optimism, we get burnt out, we go through the summer of tests and upset. Then we have another good time. We have fall where everything's easy. You want a house, you have no money, we'll give you a loan, right? Yeah, my buddy. Easy, easy money, right? And everything's easy.

2:00:45Then that's always followed by a winter. Now, some winters are long, some are short, some are hard, some are relatively easy, but you never go from fall to spring. You've gotta go through winter, right? We're in winter right now. So think about it. The people that were growing up in, try this for size. Most people don't study their history, but just take this for a second. If you were born in like 1910, what did that mean? Well, World War I was going on while you were growing up. So you were protected. You didn't go to war. You didn't have to face it. Your family looked out for you. It had been a tough time, but you made it through it.

2:01:15And we won the war and came home. Right around that time, like now, there's a massive technology breakthrough like we're experiencing with AI and so forth. What happened? We went from nothing to radios, televisions, cars, planes, like, and the roaring 20s. So if you're growing up and you're in that zero to 21, you were born in 1910, you're thinking, when I'm 19, 20, I'm getting a car, I'm gonna party. And the kids then were looked down on. They're called flappers because they were irresponsible. Very much like older generations often talk about millennials or seed generation. Because millennials and teenagers are great people, but they haven't faced anything really bad.

2:01:49They think violence is words, right? You know, Chris Rock says, if you think violence are words, no one slapped the shit out of you on national television. That's violence. That's a different thing, right? So, but you've never experienced anything. You think that's pain. Is that your idea of pain, right? So they're right about that, but I have no worries. These are gonna be the heroes. Millennials and Z's are gonna be heroes of the future. Here's how I know it. 1910, when they turned 19 and they thought they're gonna go party, what happened? It was 1929 and the whole world was upside down. Suddenly people jumping out of buildings, standing in food lines, the Midwest is a dust bowl.

2:02:20Stock market crash. Everything. So these people had to get tough. They were weak as shit, but they had to get tough because it was required to survive. So by the way, they do 10 years of the depression. It's not bad every day. There were some ups and downs, but pretty rough times. A lot of soup. A lot of soup. That's a good one. But now they turned 29, it's 1939, and that's when World War II breaks out, and you and I weren't alive then, but Hitler was taking countries one after, it looks like we're gonna lose. They fought that war and won. They became what's known as the great generation, the greatest generation, because they faced these difficult things.

2:02:54Well, at the end of the winter, it's springtime. At springtime, once we got through that, then we went through a hot summer. Think of how the 60s and 70s are so different than the 80s, 90s, or 2000s, right? And so we go through these cycles. So we're in winter right now, and winter makes it look much worse than it is. But here's the good news about winter. It's gonna take that younger generation and they're gonna become heroes. They're smart, they're connected, they care, but they're not as strong as they will be because they haven't, it's like lifting weights. If you take a lightweight and lift it, I don't care how many, you do 100 curls, you're not gonna get anything.

2:03:26You take a weight you can barely lift and do, you can only do eight curls and your trainer makes you do 11, and that 11th curl gives you 90 % of the growth. We're gonna go through that experience, we already are to some extent, but what people need is to create a compelling future. They need to know that this went, No war is forever, no economy is forever, no pandemic or plandemic is forever. Right, don't get addicted to the story, don't fall in, that's a trap. That's right. So you also have to have a plan for yourself. And you can see that, like if you were the universe or God, after the night you create the day.

2:03:58Yeah, because you get bored of it. That's how it works, and that's what makes us grow. And winter also gets rid of the weak and strong, not only survive, but they find a way to thrive. When you look at the biggest companies in the world, called Fortune 1000, 80%, excuse me, 70 % of them were developed during a recession or a depression. Wow. Because when you do well then, you're gonna do well during all the other seasons. So if you start a business right now and it's hard, but you do it well, like I started my business during the last really tough time, which was when interest rates were 18%. Nuh-uh, they were really that?

2:04:3118%. You're lying. I'm not lying. Today, people are freaking out going 7%, oh my God, I can't get a house. Try it, I bought my first house. at 18 years old, it was 18%. You're not going to make any money at 18%. I lost money on the house. It was horrible, right? But that's what it was in those days. But I had to get strong. And here I am 46 years later, and I've done very well. Well, a lot of other people started when it was easy and they're gone. Yeah. Wow. So that's good. It's a good way to look at it, man. I think it goes back to even what we said in the meeting is talking about perspective, you know?

2:05:02Yes. Like have a perspective. Need a bigger perspective. Have a bigger perspective. Have a bigger perspective of what's going on in your own life. Man, I don't think there's anything else. Do you guys think of anything? I think we've spent a lot of your time too, and we're grateful. Well, I really enjoyed this, Theo. Yeah, me too, man. And listen, I loved your humor, but I really want to thank you for your vulnerability because I got a lot of people watching you and you're leading by an example. I'm not being perfect. I'm not saying you're supposed to, I'm not perfect. Nobody is. But you're growing, brother, and those emotions you felt, you're gonna feel those a lot less as you keep on this track.

2:05:31Pretty soon, they won't be something you identify with. It'll be like cigarettes. You'll be like, by the way, do you feel bad about the cigarettes so you're no longer there with them. You've left them behind. I don't miss them. Yeah, you're not going to miss those negative emotions. It's never like I go like, you know, go like just, you know, do like - Go visit them. Hey, dude, I'm sorry. Or use a Ouija board, like to talk to a pack of Winsons or something, you know? Yeah, I don't do anything like that. I'm glad to hear that. But thank you, man. Thank you for taking some time and to just help us learn about that.

2:05:59Because I think a lot of my listeners are really similar to me. And so I'm grateful for that. And I hope they join me because it's free. Help I have a God. Oh, and that's January 25th to 27th. Yeah. All they got to do is go to timetorise.com. Timetorise.com. Register, no cost to it. And then it's about three hours a day for three days in a row. And you'll be blown away. It'll give you a new momentum for your new year. Dude, I'll say this. Sitting, listening to Tony is really, really interesting. Even just being here. So if this is anything what it's like at the summit, it's cool, man. So, yeah, I'm excited about it, man.

2:06:30January 25th to 27th. I know my good friend Aaron Levy has been to a couple of them. Timetorise.com. time to rise summit.com. And we'll put the link right here below guys. We'll put the link everywhere and we'll share it. So about a million, million and a half people will do it from all over the country, all over the world, 195 countries. So you'll meet some cool people to online too, which is kind of fun, man. Well, thank you for, first of all, just learning about stuff over your life, but also being willing to share it. I think, you know, when we don't share stuff, it's like, it keeps things from other people.

2:06:59That's right. So, um, it's been, I think a lot of people have, have, have been, uh, helped by that. And so thank you so much. Thank you, man. It's been great. Yeah. Cheers, brother. Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take...