E506 Sal Vulcano

27:04That's exactly right. Or straight into Price is Right. Well, Price is Right was 11 a.m. And then Little House was where Or I was. It was actually a... Wasn't Little House Prime Time, though? Or am I thinking of Highway to Heaven? Highway to Heaven. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And we're huge fans here, both of those. Yeah, Michael Landon's staying all the way. Yeah. Michael Landon. Somebody sent me a video of his hometown the other day, and his childhood home and stuff is pretty cool. Of Michael Landon's? Yeah. Someone sent you a video of Michael Landon's childhood home just recently? Yeah, just sent me, like, this is where he lived at.

27:40This is the bench he used to spend time on. and just some pieces from his neighborhood. Where is he from? Connecticut? I have no clue. I want to talk more about this special, man. Forest Hills, New York. Now, this sounds nice. Have you been here? No. Is that Queens? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. I've been to Queens, of course. Is that Queens, Forest Hills? Yeah, go back to it. Let's see. Landon was born to Eugene. Maurice Orowitz. October 31st, Halloween. No way. No way. That's when we hung out. We're still in the neighborhood of Queens, New York. His followers were Peggy. Oh, yeah, it's beautiful there, dude.

28:24Wow. It looks like you're in old Europe or something. It's all these old, like, there's an old section of it. Yeah. Ooh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks like you're in, like, a cottage. Like, it looks like you're in the foothills of Switzerland and some of the places in Queens. Wow, yeah. So, yeah, this was some of the footage that somebody had sent me. And now this is apropos of nothing they sent you the Michael Landon treats? Yeah, people know. People know I'm a fan. Is that right? Yeah. Oh, all right. I'm a known fan. Of that kind of programming or him specifically? Him specifically, I think.

28:56Just like, you know, it was just... He was good, wholesome, fun. He was the fatherhood. Yeah, he was. He was kind of that father, that television father. When I started podcasting, an online store was probably the furthest thing from my mind. And, you know, I was just concerned with getting the episodes out. But eventually we put a T-shirt online and we started selling it. And then that evolved and people wanted more. And so next thing you know, we were selling a T-shirt and a dang sweatshirt and a high heel even at one point, I think. And that's where we are now. And it's been so easy all because I use Shopify.

29:38Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business. That's been one thing. It's nice whether we were selling just one item or we evolved to have a couple of items. Whatever stage you're at, you can stage up or stage down with Shopify from the launch your online shop stage to the first real life store stage all the way to the did we just hit a million orders stage. Shopify is there to help you grow. Right now, you can sign up for a$1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash T-H-E-O, all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash T-H-E-O now to grow your business, no matter what stage you're in.

30:25Shopify.com slash Theo. Everybody likes having skin on their body, covers you, holds you, keeps everything together. but what I want to talk to you about is that second skin, maybe. That Tommy John, you know what I'm talking about? That lightweight, breathable, comfortable, doesn't ride up, perfect fit underwear and undergarments and garments, period. The most comfortable underwear I've ever worn. That's right. I can't even travel without my Tommy Johns. I can do everything better in my Tommy Johns. I feel good. I feel capable. I feel like just touching the world. Tommy Johns are different from other brands I've worn just because of the sleekness, because of that hold, the comfort, because it makes me feel like I just feel better than I even feel.

31:20And I want to let you know you can get 30 % off site-wide right now at TommyJohn.com slash T-H-E-O. And if you don't love your Tommy Johns, you're covered by their best pair you'll ever wear or it's free guarantee. That's right. So there's nothing to lose by even trying this comfort. You can save 30 % off site-wide right now at tommyjohn.com slash t-h-e-o. See site for details. Great time to get something for yourself or something for Father's Day. A little bit more about the special, man. So yeah, like what has that been like for you? Like the comedy road? Like did you start to really feel like, okay, this is what kind of comedians go through?

32:04Because you also got into comedy where people already knew you. Was that scary? Like, oh, they're going to judge me? or did it feel more like they're going to support me? Yeah, I know what you mean. Well, I did stand-up like 20 years ago. Like out of college, I did it for a little bit. And then I started getting into sketch comedy and like improv and stuff. And then that's how I really got into comedy because I started to get a little successful with the sketch stuff. This is like 2000, you know, 99, I started that. And then I got on the show and I was like, well, the only thing I ever really wanted to do was do stand-up.

32:39But it just, I didn't go down that path. And then I was like, you know, if I don't do it now, I mean, I'm not, I have to start doing it now. I have a platform now, you know, but I was like, uh, I was very into this. Like I was into the standup world a little bit because I used to host a, I owned a bar and I used to host like comedy on Tuesdays. And this is 2008, nine, 10, 11, 12. And so every comic, every New York comic played my bar. And so I became friends with everyone like years before I like started going hard at it in New York. And so everybody was like, I was friends with everybody. And also like, I just went at it really, really hard.

33:15Like I was, you know, I didn't half ass anything. I mean, it's what I, it's what I do and it's what I wanted to do. But I understand like, it's a, it's a thing like, okay, people know me from television. Like am I back doing it? Am I going to have an act? You know, like, you know, but if you just like, if you're out there every single night at every, I mean, I'm playing bars with three people in it to this, to that, to the next thing, five, six spots a night for years. So it's like, you know, and then it's like, you know, if you're if you respect it, I mean, you know, so luckily everybody was really cool with me.

33:47And would you feel like personally, that's a little bit more what I mean. Like, I think you seem like an authentic enough guy where like you would be realistic about what you were really doing. You know, if you're just trying to create a fun show that was like a like a Joker show, like, you know, or just like bring a lot of that to stage. or if you were trying to really rock in a stand-up and really go through it. And I know that for years you were performing. But yeah, was there anything for you in your own head? Like, do I need to prove to myself? Was it some of that a little bit, you think?

34:20Yeah, but that's a motivator. Because I tour with the guys. I've been touring with the guys for 13 years. Well, we toured back in 2000. But now, since the show, we've been touring for 13 years. We're on our fifth. you know like we do you united states every market and then uk every mark you know this is our fifth one in 12 years so and you know you know our story was like you know we started really small we started playing literally when we started like nobody wanted to really invest in us oh yeah you know like even our agents they like we're like oh yeah you can do live stuff you know and we started in like literally like c rooms you know like really like at like hole in the wall places but it it got better and then you know a few years went theater and then and then we started you know playing big big big places and then uh but it is it's different it's not it's not stand-up you know it's like it's like a multimedia show it's oh yeah it's for our fans we tell stories it's interactive it's like geared toward the fans yeah and i love being there i mean so many of my first fans were fans that were came over from you guys oh no really oh yeah i mean um is that just because of you like you i think from going on the cruise that we went on and then some of the fans like um would come to my shows you know you guys have uh jokers had some of the most loyal fans um by far yeah yeah that's true that is really true by far i mean it's like the bible and then jokers i feel like no but they're good like that if like we vouch for someone that's like they will attach themselves because you know they're not really stand-up fans you know like they're they're fans of the show maybe they're fans of comedy and everything but they find a lot of people through us.

35:54Yeah. You know, so it's like when we tell them, oh, this person, like, they're like, they're so happy to have someone to seek out and to become a fan of. Yeah. They're like more like human fans kind of. Human fans. Like just like usually just pretty fun loving people. You guys have said some of the best fans, I feel like. Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think so too. And they're just so like, uh, they're so invested and they're so loyal, you know, it's we're only on the air this long because, you know, because of that kind of, I don't know, that kind of dedication they have to it, that loyalty, you know what I mean?

36:23Like, we just signed. Season 10 just finished airing. And, I mean, we didn't announce this yet, but we signed for season 11 and 12. So I'm shooting season 11 now. Wow. And I can't even believe it, really, because it's like 300 episodes. We've been doing it since 2011. Like, I didn't think that shit. But it's because of them. It's really it. It's because of them. And, like, they, if someone is in our orbit of the show's orbit, Like they want to Like that's how much They love us They just want to Like they want to Kind of They're cool They're cool to be like A fan of What we're a fan of You know what I mean Like that kind of thing By extension Yeah yeah They want to carry Yeah they And also they trust your Acumen Or Whatever like Yeah Whatever you think Is on your charcuterie Board of humor Right They like want to get it They're like Yeah like you're my Fig jam babe Yeah You know what I'm saying I'm like try some Fig jam right here You're my fig jam babe That's another good shirt.

37:20We're going to make a lot of shirts today. Let's see how many pieces of merch we can come up with by the time this episode ends. Right now we got two. Yeah, we got two. We got gout. Gout happens in your motherfucking jam. Yeah. All right. But I want to branch out. It can't just be t-shirts. Maybe we'll do some like. Oh, we'll get into socks. I don't know what. Maybe some, yeah, socks. Maybe laptop covers or something like that. Ooh. Socks. Yeah. Maybe like a wind chime. Ooh. You got to get, you got to, that's a secret with merch. You have great merch. You got to throw in something like people don't normally get.

37:49Really? I think so. Yeah, I think I just didn't want to end up having like all kind of like, you know, I got like hats for disabled people or I got like, you know. That's too niche. Children's vests. Not that there's not a lot of children's vests. You know, you're like, what is going on, you know? Yeah, but you should do one. Or cinnamon, like, oh, Theo's got a cinnamon. Do you have anything like that? No. I'm surprised you don't. You don't have like a rub or something like that? You don't? Dude, come on. You're the Southern King, man. You got to get yourself a rub or something like that. Bro, I've got a rub, dude.

38:24You're not allowed to use it near school. I'll tell you that, brother. I did a peanut butter for charity. No way, sales. Well, our podcast. So I do Hey Babe with Chris DiStefano and Taste Buds with Joe DeRosa. And together we're on this No Press Network. It's on YouTube or whatever. And so I had this peanut butter that I loved. saratoga peanut butter company was this uh family-owned like woman-owned business and she used to be from staten island where i'm from and i found her at a christmas market not even her i just found a stand and i was loving it loving it loving it and i would mention it and like you know it's a support and then they reached out and like we combined and made a like a peanut butter for charity did that once oh saratoga peanut butter put in like the no press i bet you it'll come up because it was cool they're on the we're on the label and stuff like fun you know oh that would be really cool yeah i never thought about some of that i guess uh pickles one time pickles we did i don't know i just worry i guess about like trying to sell to me there's something that gets weird if i feel like i'm trying to sell people too many things oh for sure i didn't sell that that was just the money went to charity and that was i was just oh i see what you're saying yeah i didn't make my own yeah i didn't make my own yeah of course of course man q i was on a so So Q, my buddy, you know Q.

39:42He made cucumbers? No, that would be good. He owned a beer company. He bought the rights to and revived a beer company from Staten Island from like 100 years ago that went defunct. What a great idea. Right? And yeah, and he was so passionate about it. He doesn't have any more, but for years he had it. And to mess with me on the show, he made, there was one time on the show where they renamed me Prince Herb. Okay. And I had to go by Prince Herb in my whole life for like a year, like late night TV, the news, any press, going up on stage, please welcome Prince Herb. They pierced my ears. They made me wear these big cubic zirconia earrings.

40:21It was very embarrassing. So I was known as Prince Herb. And so, I mean, everything I did. Like I would go to Starbucks and get like a latte and be like, Prince Herb. Yeah. Right. And he made a Prince Herb brew. And it was. Was that you in a picture of you? If you pull up Prince Herb, that's all me. Oh, yeah, that's Prince Herb. They put Billboard in Times Square. That's a billboard of me with the earrings. No way. Yeah, that's the New Year's Eve billboard. That's the huge one in Times Square. Yeah, that's the size of the building. You have gout in your cheeks, dude. That is huge. Dude, it was like 60...

41:01What are you looking at? The t-shirt, the Prince Herb for 2024. No, if you put in Prince Herb... Who is that? That's another thing, I'll get to that That's me That's me, that's the worst picture I ever took 2003, I had the flu and I was 60 pounds overweight And I gave them the picture to put on Jokers, because we like, help each other out You know, like we want to do something like, here, take this bad picture Of me, go ahead And they kept using it for like 6, 7 seasons Right? And then I was like This joke is getting old And then just when I thought I was getting old It became a meme, dude Like the crying Michael Jordan face Not that it's that big, but I'm saying like that People just started using it.

41:36I don't even understand why. Dude, it got so big that college campuses across the country. I go to college shows now. Everybody in the audience has that face on a shirt. Or they put it on quilts. And they put it on these blankets. And they hang them in the dorms. Wow. Dude, at their graduation, my fat head's on the cap and everything. And I never made a dollar from that. Someone made so many millions of dollars. I mean, dude, I can't tell you the amount of merch that that thing is on. Who is that? That's me, dude. That's me. I look like Andre the Giant, bro. Yeah, it's just a bad angle on a bad day.

42:14I was in Santa Monica. I was at lunch with Q. He took the picture. And I was at, I mean, that one's blown up. Someone widened it. But it wasn't good. I understand the one with the glowing orbs come out of his eyes has been edited. I don't know what. I ask the kids when I go to the colleges, like they hold them up on the blankets. Like they get this, they spend real money. Oh yeah. They get it blown up. And I'm like, what, what is this? And they just like. Quiltery is very costly. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know much about it. Yeah. But I didn't think college kids could do quiltery, can afford quiltery.

42:46Look at this. Oh my God. Sal, I didn't know you had all this happen to you. Yeah. And so, but when it first happened, I didn't know what it meant. Because it looks like the guy died. Yeah. I think that's part of it. Everybody, when they look at that guy, they're like, oh yeah, I remember him. It's terrible He used to gamble I look like the whale I didn't see the movie But I look like I locked myself in my house And I didn't come out for a while You look like the whale if he rapped I feel like Like that's the element that's also There's a very Brooklyn Or very like Okay There's a run DMC Like kind of a little bit with this I don't see run DMC In just my big peach fat bald circle head But if you say it I'll take it Because anything to make me feel better about this photo Okay there is a Hasn't run in a while DMC Has not run Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah.

43:31Yeah, there's a has and a has and a has. Thank you for the in a while. I appreciate that. But, you know, it's one of those pictures you see, if you notice, you go to, and I hate to say this out loud, but a F-U-N-E-R-A-L, and one of the pictures that's on there. Why don't you want to say funeral? Because people pronounce it differently, and it means something bad. Well, if you say funeral, it helps soften the blow. That's a good call. Yeah. Yeah, say we're at a crazy funeral. Somebody hands you a famphlet And you see a fixture on it It looks like that guy A lot of times Like damn, R.I.P. Yeah, just say a frere Just say a frere for me R.I.P.

44:09Ricky Too soon Like a lot of that kind of stuff Yeah, that's what it looks like It definitely looks like that But when it I didn't know what they meant Someone texted me and was like I gotta tell you something You're sitting down That's what they said I said, what's up They go, you become a meme And I was like, what is that What do you mean I become a meme? I know what a meme is But what do you mean I become a meme? and they're like, the picture of you that you hate that was on like, because I was like, this is not funny anymore. You did it till it's not funny. It's like, they used it for like seven seasons and then it happened.

44:35And then dude, for like one year, if I posted something, if I, my DMs were, I couldn't get to regular messages. I couldn't see, if you DM me, I couldn't see it. If I put something online, 800 of that face right underneath in the comments. And it was like, I thought it was funny at first, but then it was like, it's just not funny. I have to communicate. I got to use the internet. Every time I post, I can't just get that head in. So I don't even know where we're going. Oh, but anyway, the Prince Herb, it was a non-alcoholic hot pink beer. And it said a corny beer for a corny mofo. If you put Prince Herb brew, you'll see the can.

45:17Now, this is a funny story. You'll see the can with me on it. It's a hot pink can. like Prince Herb, there it is on the left there. Oh wow, that's a real future looking can of beer. And that's Q plugging it right there. Yeah. And it said like a corny bruf or a corny mofo. Now here's the thing, this is the funniest thing ever, it was unintentional, but he shipped so many of those things. It was hot pink and it was non-alcoholic. And he shipped so many of them and what we did, he wanted to get it done in time for that punishment where they pierced my ears, put them on the billboard, so it was all part of the same punishment.

45:51So I didn't know he was doing this. So after they brought me out to Times Square They told me I was going to become Prince Herb And I didn't know what they meant And then they said turn around And I saw on the billboard And then they took me inside Pierced my ears For the whole season I had to wear these big cubic zirconia earrings Oh I didn't see this Yeah And then that came up And they told me about that in the moment So I guess in the haste In the haste to produce the beer Make a recipe of a hot pink non-alcoholic IPA Something was wrong in the measurements of the recipe and he shipped out like, I want to say like, I don't know, hundreds and hundreds of cases or hundreds of cases and he got word back that they were exploding.

46:33And what happened was if they were not refrigerated and only, they had to stay cold and that's it. Once they were cold, they had to stay cold. And if you didn't, if you took them out of the refrigerator, they exploded, bro. And I don't mean like they leaked. They exploded. Which is actually, in full circle, it's the funniest thing I've ever heard of in my life. Because it's like, he didn't intend that. But people started reaching out, being like, it's exploding all over my house, my fridge, everything. Because you could also leave it out to them, put it in the fridge, and it exploded in the fridge.

47:05But these things were popping like grenades. My cat's wet, my kids, yeah. Dude, so they were expanding. And so you'd see the metal in the bottle just start to expand until the things pop like grenades. And it happened to everybody. and he had to give all the money back or whatever. I think it was to charity involved too. And then I got a case of my own just like here, you have it? And I didn't know and I put them in the fridge right away. And then so then I had like two cases. I had 48 of those in my fridge and when I realized that they were gonna start exploding I was like I can't, I need room in the fridge.

47:42It's my main fridge. And so my lady's like we gotta get these out of here and I was like but I don't know how to get them out because they're gonna start exploding. And so we took out I left two in there Now right now there's only one in my fridge And it's expanded But I put it back in time So it's like the top is like It's almost like a point And it's ready to explode if it loses like 5 degrees But it's in like the The crisper Yeah it's a safe drawer But we took every one of them out And I put them in the sink I put them in the sink in my kitchen And I just put a blanket over it Dude, it was like Sarajevo in there, dude.

48:23After like 20, 30 minutes, it was like, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. And dude, it was, I mean, and then part of it. Don't call it a comeback. It was exploding. It was hot, pink, sticky beer all over my kitchen. I mean, and it was scary, actually. It was scary. Non-alcoholic. It's non-alcoholic. But I would try to like pop them open to preempt the blast. And so I would go and I would like, but then you'd pop them open and they would just still explode. Yeah. I got to send you a picture of the one in my fridge. It's like, it's just two degrees away. I know it's going to happen, but like, I just, I'm keeping it for like the, like the, what do you call it?

49:03Just like a gender reveal. No, like, like just a keepsake. That would be really funny. You know what it sounds like these would have been great for is gender, gay gender, like gender reveals. if your cousin was gay or your brother's gay. Like, hey, mom and dad, we got an announcement to make. Like an out, like a coming out. Or yeah, like a coming out reveal, which I guess is a redundant. Sexual reveal. Or preferences reveal or something. You'd be like, mom and dad, we want you to know something. You just set one in front of them. And everybody's waiting a couple minutes and it's just fucking...

49:38It's like a Trojan horse. Really? And you're like, Danny's gay. and they're like, no shit. We fucking, we knew he was gay. And now you fucking ruin your mom's new wallpaper. That's the problem, dude. But it's just so funny to think that they were exploding all across American people's homes unintentionally. Oh yeah, but beautiful. There's something so special about that type of thing. Sitting in your chair at home, right? You're relaxing, you're cute, right? You've made a lot of beer. You got Prince Herb Brew just hit the, you know, it's on the ships heading out to different homes. And then you know it's starting to blow up and you're like, all right, things are going poorly.

50:23You hear like, boom, like the email. Boom, boom, boom. Lucky nobody. You've got malpractice. For real, though, for real, lucky nobody got hurt. Oh, for. Because I'm telling you, dude, I'm telling you, the sound was like where you would go, Yo, just that was one can. I had 48 cans. Yeah. Thank you. Baby Angel, that is so heavy. Yeah, it is heavy when that kind of stuff is going on, when there's a dangerous product that hits the scene, I think is very scary. Kid Rock, I know, made a beer. Yeah. And the first batch of it was good. It was like badass beer or something it was called. Yeah. And the second batch.

51:07It was called Not Bud Light. Yeah. It was called straight beer. Even though the craziest part is he drinks Bud Light every day. You get over things. It's like a bad breakup. Yeah, it really is. Time will heal his Bud Light wounds. That's a good point. It did quickly. But badass, that was his beer. Badass beer. American lager. And the second batch of it, they just made it bad. Whoever made it, it was a bad beer. Like they messed up the recipe or something. Oh, so it didn't taste good. Tasted horrible. Tasted bad ass. Tasted just ass. They had to just get like a Sharpie and like blackout bad, and they could sell it for what it was.

51:46Then it wouldn't be like false advertising. People are like, what are you drinking? You're like, ass, man. Disgusting. Somebody put ass in a can. Exactly. Which is so ironic because he didn't want to do Bud Light, but then people are like, yo, I'm eating ass. I messed with ass yeah you're like hold on you can send me a can of horrible ass but you can't support a beverage of some guy who maybe prefers a little ass every now and then like what kind of world are we living in but the simple fact that he had his second run of the beer he was all fired up and then it just was the recipe was bad I'm sorry to hear that because he's a guy who needs a break.

52:35Oh, yeah. You ever go to his compound or whatever? Oh, yeah. It's nutty, right? I know you kind of know him probably, right? Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, it's pretty interesting. Where was I with him? I went to one of his shows. He played in my sister's town a couple of weeks ago in Louisiana. Okay. And so I got to fly over with him. He has his own plane, so I got to go on a private plane. And then we flew over there and flew back late at night. Is he a nice dude? Cool dude? He's a really sweet guy. It's not constant badass, right? Oh, no. Well, he's also... He's also just... Is he normal? He's a unique individual.

53:10He's a really unique individual. But is everything badass? Like, if he eats a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, is it like in a badass way? Like, what is he... Like, when does that go away? Like, you ever with him and he... Do you ever see him weep? Oh, never weep, I don't think. Yeah. Maybe... No, he like... He loves like... Kid Rock is an interesting dude, man. He's the kind of guy, if you go do something with him, he'll send you a card or a nice picture of something y 'all did together. Oh, that's so sweet. You're like that, actually. You're like that. Sometimes maybe I am. You are like that.

53:47You are like that. I remember when you did the cruise, actually. You sent me a gift after. Oh, I did? It was the sweetest thing. No one's ever done that. Thanks, dude. It was so nice. Sometimes I think I got so busy That I just didn't even know who I am sometimes But um But then Bob also would be the But then Kid Rock will also be the kind of guy where if you're in a car Like one night we were in a car we were leaving Oh you call him Bob I was about to ask you Oh yeah so I call him Bob It just depends kind of But you ever call him Kid I call him fucking retard half the time And we can beep that out But people know what it is

54:29but oh he's the only guy I've ever been with in a car and everybody's just chatting and having a good time that's wild bro the only guy you ever been with in the car kid wrong yeah just as a craziest uber it's like uber black and then uber fucking dirt lord you know and he comes and gets you but he was in the car one time he's like hey can we turn down the radio so we can talk about me. That's what he said. So he has this other element of like... Like a Kanye West thing? Yeah, it's just a cocky thing, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he'll be like both of those things a lot of times. But he's tongue-in-cheek about it?

55:13Cocky, but he's... You can't tell a little bit sometimes. All right, all right. You can't tell a little bit. Interesting. But a nice guy. I think if I needed something, he would be willing to help out you know like what level of needing something like if i needed Like to borrow 20 grand or something. Really? Oh, that's pretty good Yeah, but he's also the kind of guy Like if I called him I needed something You know, I think he's helpful He likes to all Like, he'll help you think about stuff He's been through a lot You know Yeah Have you gotten to see his Like White House replica? Has he shown you that?

55:50Have you been over there To his White House? No It's like the capital of the South I think I was For some reason or another Maybe there was an event Going on in his compound Or something And there was an opportunity For me to go I've never met the guy But I didn't end up going But I thought Tyler Perry had the White House replica. Oh, maybe he does. Yeah, what does Bob have? That's what Bob has. Go down one picture. Wait, is that a replica that you can walk into or a replica like a snow globe replica? That's a replica you can walk into. The picture to the right is his home. Wait, the White House is his home?

56:19Yeah. Wait, he lives in a replica of the White House? If that's the White House, I can't. I don't know what the White House looks like, but that's what - It looks like that, I think. Oh, then that's that. But wait, but Tyler Perry has a, I think he has a, whatever it is, he has like a compound that's like a state. In Atlanta. It's like a huge state wide, like it's like 308, whatever it is. And he built a, I think a three-fourth identical scale of the White House every room, like whatever. So that they, and then he lets movie productions film there as the White House. Wow. Did you not hear about that?

56:53I didn't know that at all. Is that not a wild endeavor to have somebody rebuild the White House at three-fourths scale that meticulously? Well, it's like people are like, hey, does media, like what really runs America? And if you don't think it's media, the fact that somebody rebuilt a White House somewhere else. Right. And is using it to shoot. It's wild. Yeah. It's media and it's Duncan. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's definitely Duncan, dude. Hey, fellas, I'm going to need you to blink if you haven't purchased a Father's Day gift yet. Yep, we thought so. Today's episode is brought to you by Manscaped, the leaders in below-the-waist grooming.

57:33Maybe your pops has had a brush since the 70s, and that's okay. But our friends at Manscaped have crafted the total package for his special day. Whether it's for the boys downstairs, his beard, or even the best pair of underwear out there, Manscaped has his bases covered. Head over to Manscaped.com and get 20 % off and free shipping with code THEO. You know that beard trimmer that your dad's been using since you were in grade school? Yeah, it probably needs upgrading. Introducing the Beard Hedger Pro Kit, the complete beard maintenance kit for all the bearded kings. This Father's Day is also the perfect time for your old man to stop stealing his wife's nail clippers and finally have a kid of his own that will last him a lifetime.

58:22Get 20 % off and free shipping with code Theo at Manscaped.com. That's 20 % off with free shipping at Manscaped.com and use code Theo. Never forget where you came from, if you know what I mean. Happy Father's Day from Manscaped. You know, there's an old Abe Lincoln quote that says, good things come to those who wait. That's true. That's actually only part of the quote. The full quote is good things come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. That's right. Well, if you're a business owner and want the best people on your team, the same applies. Thankfully, ZipRecruiter puts the hustle in your hiring.

59:07so you can find qualified candidates fast. And now you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com slash T-H-E-O. That's right. Zip Recruiter has a smart technology that finds top talent for your roles or your positions right away. Immediately after you post your job on Zip Recruiter, their matching technology starts showing you qualified people for it. So if you need someone and you know what you want them to be able to do, you post that and ZipRecruiter does the rest. Let ZipRecruiter give you the hiring hustle you need. See why four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day.

59:52Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash T-H-E-O to try it for free. Again, that's ZipRecruiter.com slash Theo. Zip Recruiter, the smartest way to hire.

1:00:32I just figured I'd give you a call to see how you're doing. Oh, nice. I played that for her. She already loved you, but she was like, she never forgot that. It was just such a gentle, sweet thing to call to see how we're doing just in a general sense. But then to say it like that, it was like, thanks, man. I love you, buddy. You have such a big heart. Yeah, thanks, dude. Yeah, I think I just have a tough time remembering sometimes that I'm a decent guy. Is that true? Yeah. Why? I think I just have a tough time. I don't know why I think I have a forgetter. I just had this like I have this forgetter inside of me You can stray from like What you know yourself to be like you just kind of have ebbs and flows about how you feel about yourself?

1:01:14No, just like a remote. It's like I almost feel like Like I'll forget that People know that I care about them, right? I feel like it's this constant thing you have to remind people about or they don't know it it's like I didn't understand that if you care about somebody then they will just know that you care about them and that sometimes it's okay to like kind of show it or express it but it doesn't have to be something that you have to like remind people of all the time yeah and I don't know what that was I think it's gotten a little bit better as I've gotten older but I think yeah I think for a while I just didn't know like I would you felt the need to be expressive like you actually it It would be on your mind to make sure you would have to express it.

1:02:03Right. Because then you thought that they wouldn't know, people wouldn't feel it from you or something. Yeah, yeah. Like as if your feelings weren't real to people. All right. Or something. Yeah. Like if I seem like I had a nice time, I don't know if they knew it or not. Okay. And so I need to make sure that they knew they had a nice time. Or if I was thinking about somebody, I needed to, I guess, let them know maybe. Or if a time meant something to me. I don't know. And some of that's kind of normal. But I think I had this, I don't know. I can't explain it exactly. You know, I am that way. But I'm that way, like, not because I need people to know.

1:02:44But because I just, not need or want them. Well, I want them to know. But not because I think that they don't know if I don't tell them. But that's the way I grew up in my family and just how I am. Like, I never want to miss a chance to tell someone, you know, anything that I'm thinking about them, that I admire them, that I love them, that like, you know, any little thing. I'm just, I don't hold anything back like that. Wow. It's the best. Yeah, you're good about that, too. It helps me, too, because I, like, I, it makes me feel good to tell somebody that I love them or that I care for them or that I'm thinking of them or I admire them or, you know, anything nice.

1:03:21When I greet people and when I say goodbye, or anything, I don't know. That's just the way I am. I don't think I can be another way, really. Yeah, you couldn't be. You are trapped being a nice guy. But that's what I'm saying. I feel that from you. Yeah, I think I just get like, I just like am self-tormented a lot of times. But yeah, no, you always seem like the, you seem like just like a little campfire that's allowed to be inside of people's homes, you know? Is that the first time you ever said that? Yeah, yeah Really? You just conjured that metaphor up? Well, I'm digging I know you're good with words, man I know that you are the person You're the person I know the most That will say a phrase That I've never heard before I mean, off the top of your head, man I mean, you're one of my genius friends You have a way with words But that's such a good That's merch You're a campfire that's allowed indoors Yeah Well, no Now you switch it You're a campfire that's allowed indoors Seems like a rule I think it's like you're a campfire in people's homes Was the sentiment It's two different things We'll have to go back and see exactly what we said But You're a warm soul man You need those That's what you are I appreciate that When I was a kid I remember I used to write postcards all the time To my kids that weren't born yet Because I wanted them to know that I was thinking about them.

1:04:50That's kind of crazy. That's unreal, man. I think when I was a kid, I didn't know if my parents were thinking about me or whatever. And so I always grew up with this uncertainty about it, I think. And so I don't even remember this. My roommate from when I was 20 was like, dude, you got these postcards. You used to send them to yourself. Really? Send them to your kids. You put unborn kids or something on it. You put postage? Yeah. Oh, I'd send them. I'd put them in the mail. They'd be from other places I was doing comedy at or something. Really? And he goes, and you would just say like, hey kids, I haven't, I didn't meet your mother in this city or whatever.

1:05:26Like just saying what's up. I've wrote, I've written, I did that one time for, you know, I did that once. And wrote something to your future children? Yes, I did. Wow. One time. But like, yeah, I did that. Did you really do that? Yeah, I swear to God. Oh, that's awesome, man. That's awesome. It was crazy also. Like, cause I remember my roommate would be like, do you have them? I think I probably He sent me like 9 or 10 of them Because then when you have a kid I'll give them to him But was it like You were just like jokey Like I don't know if I'm going to meet your mother here Or was it like hey one day when I am a dad Or when I am your I hope to do What was the angle of it I think sometimes I'd put in a little joke But it was like hey unborn Children But you were being silly No I was being serious I didn't realize at the time I'm like now I'm a, I have a better understanding of like how, um, the exchange of, um, like, uh, emotions, I guess a little bit more than it.

1:06:31Yeah. At the time I just didn't know. I think I, I think it went from when I was a kid. I didn't know if my parents were thinking of me or whatever. And so I was like, I want to make sure my kids know I'm thinking of them. Oh dude, that's heavy. But then I'd be like, yeah, sometimes it would be fun. I'd put something funny on there. Like I didn't meet your mother. or I hope I didn't meet your mother in this town. Yeah, you got to throw a little, it's got heart and humor in it. Oh yeah, sometimes. Yeah, we put some funny stuff in there. You just reminded me of this, when I was younger, like one of my first girlfriends that I was serious with, like my first love kind of thing, that kind of thing.

1:07:01Oh yeah. So I thought I was going to marry her. It was like, we dated for years as kids, like 15, 16 to like 20, 21, something. No way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I really thought I was going to marry her, Like our families were close. And we said we were going to and I wanted to and stuff. It didn't end well.

1:07:23But so I did this thing. I wrote her a letter. The first time I knew that I was like in love with her, you know, it was like not that far into our relationship. Let's say a year, maybe a year or whatever. And we ended up dating like five, six years or something. And I wrote her a letter to propose to her. until I wanted to marry her and how I felt about her and to be like, I feel this way now, and I know one day this is going to happen, but I just want to let you know that I've been feeling it from right now. And then I mailed it to myself, and it was postmarked, and it was sealed. Wow. And so I was like, when I proposed to her one day, I'm going to give her the letter and let her open it, and it's kind of the postmarked date on it from all the way back then.

1:08:05Oh, that's romantic. Yeah, I don't know why or how I thought of that, but I did, and I did it. And I didn't propose. I did the letter and everything. And I'm like, you know, five years later, we broke up or whatever. And, you know, I would call it it was on her. Let's just, you know, whatever I was calling. Yeah, it was probably on me. No, it was on her. Like, it was, you know, whatever, whatever. Right. We broke up. God bless, you know, but, you know, we're kids. But I remember, too, because it was like, oh, my God, dude, it was the worst timing. It was like a little bit after, like, Christmas, I think, or her birthday.

1:08:37and I had gotten, now dude, this is, this is, oh God. This was the 90s. It was like the - Would you get a jet ski or something? No. That would be great. A jet ski? I was like, no, I was like 20. No, it was like the 90s. It must have been like 96, 97, maybe something like that, right? Oh, yeah. Rent. Rent was the huge Broadway musical. It was like the, do you know Rent? Remember Rent? And you were dating a woman? No, not even who the Broadway musical was. Oh, you're from New York. I forget about this. Yeah, right. Yeah, that makes sense. I've been going to plays and music. No, but that's a thing, right?

1:09:16Oh, yeah, yeah, rent, yes. They have everything from like the Lion King to whatever. You've got the golden ticket. Yeah, that's exactly the right one. And, you know, like now, like how it's like, who's the hot ticket of the president? Oh, Hamilton. Yeah, yeah. It was like that, right? Then, and I spent$300, and she wanted to see this thing. and I spent back then do you know I was 19 20 whatever $300 if you were just for inflation now it's like it's one tenth of your salary it was like $20 ,000,$30 ,000 oh yeah maybe more and I got these things and I I surprised her with them and it was that night and I called her on the phone and I said to her I got these tickets the rent tickets surprise you know whatever like I got these like it's something she wanted to see for so long it felt like it was like unattainable because it was so expensive oh yeah wow and I got I remember I was like I told her I was gonna surprise her with something and so I got ready I like had it on a button-down shirt like I got like all nice because I was gonna pick her up and drive there and go see rent and so I got all ready and I called her and I told I was gonna pick and then I told her I was like you know we're gonna I got tickets to see rent and this wasn't the only time this happened because it was like rocky toward the end, like broke up, got back, broke up.

1:10:37But she broke up with me on the phone. No. Like a few hours before rent. And I was like, I was, I mean, I was devastated, dude. Right? This is worse than the gout, dude. And this was like the gout in my body, the whole body. Like a gout heart. I had gout heart merch. That's a subsection of the gout merch. there's gonna be a gout tab if you have gout in your heart you are dead dude my heart needed crutches right and I'm bawling crying I'm bawling crying and which borough were you in? I was in Staten Island oh thank god

1:11:20so rent is now at 8 o 'clock it's like it's like 3.30 and I was like I spent my life savings on these tickets so dude I got in my old beat up car all dressed up and I drove to the theater crying I paid to park sorry I was laughing about something else I know you would never laugh at this but you know when you cry so hard that you look like you got punched in the face my eyes were like I looked like the photo of me that became a meme I wasn't that heavy but my face just blew up When you cry so hard that it looks like you got straight up punched in the eyes. That's how I got out of the car. And my goal was not to see Rent.

1:12:11I couldn't do it. I've never seen it. I was too – I'll tell you, and I never saw Sleepers in Seattle because she ended up going on a date with a guy who took her to see Sleepers in Seattle. And it broke my heart. And so I never saw it to this day. I mean, a Nora Ephron classic. Tom actually would think I would see it. I still to this day – Now I would see it now. It doesn't bother me. But I just, I kind of like think it's fun that I haven't. Yes. But I, and then I was like, how do I, so then I was like, I got to scalp these. Because I couldn't eat the tickets. Yeah. And I wasn't going to go with sitting there next to a blank, next to an empty seat and cry through rent.

1:12:44So I'm standing outside. I'm like 19 years old. My face is puffed out. I still have, I'm crying there. I'm crying trying to scalp. I had two rent tickets in my hand. I was in a black button down shirt. I was crying. and people were going into rent and I was like, excuse me, and let me tell you something, those scalpers, I give them respect because people don't even want to, they don't give you the time of day. Wow. You know, I was a young kid, I was dressed respectfully, I'm right in front, I got two tickets in hand, I'm not going to kill you, I'm not going to run. They, it was like Crip Tonight, is that something?

1:13:15Sick person. Yeah, Crip Tonight. If they were all Superman. Yeah. And I'm crying, which also probably in hindsight looked really weird, like here's a young boy crying, you know, right in front. Outside of rent. I ran outside and just saying I'll give them to you for 280 instead of 300. Like, I don't even know if that was a deal or not. Dude, it was so sad. And then what I ended up doing was after it was like everyone rejected me and it was like almost start going to begin. And I was like, now I'm like, I didn't know what to do if I lost that kind of money. You know, like I was like, it would have been so sad.

1:13:47So I went to the box office and I pleaded with them. And I just said, my girl, I said everything. I was talking to the box office lady. She was like 80. I was like telling her my life story I'm like she broke up over the phone I was like I'm keeping this a sacred And she goes alright Here's what I'll do I'm not supposed to do this She's like but the next people that walk up to buy tickets Cause it was sold out She's like I'll refer them to you And these two women walked up And she referred them to me And I don't remember exactly what I got for them It wasn't full price But I was able to unload those Did you feel any better after you sold them?

1:14:22No Not at all I didn't see rent I took a hit on the money and she was still gone and where'd you park? let me tell you something I parked you know in that area there's a lot of parking garages nearby so I wasn't too far but they get you they get you they get you you go to a Broadway show it's like maybe a four hours total it's like$80 nowadays that's rent that's rent yeah they charge you rent and park yeah they do it's insane so anyway so after she broke up with me I told her about the letter oh yeah I would do that kind of stuff to show how romantic I am it wasn't spiteful or anything I was like but you don't understand from five years ago I thought I can't believe this and I guess she was I don't remember her exact I think she was moved by it she must have been moved by it I have to really think on it because I know I told her but I just call at the moment.

1:15:25It's been so long since I spoke about this. Oh, yeah. But check this out. About I call it three two, three years later I was in the workforce now. I was out of college. So was she. And I used to work at Prudential Securities. And I was at a desk. I had like a college, you know. And I got an email from her. And she said, can you give me a call or whatever at her office. So I called her and she goes, hey, listen, I just want you to know, there was this site called, I think it was called Daily Candy. I think it was like a daily blog or whatever. I don't know what it was about. She said, and they were doing a contest

1:16:14where you submit the most, if you're married, submit your engagement story and the most romantic would win. and she goes and so i submitted what you did for me uh she didn't send my letter in but she told the whole story but as we as if we got married because you had to be the married person so you know so she said i i said that i am married and this is what my what you know what my how my husband proposed and she won the contest and they gave her a five thousand dollar shopping spree and she called me up and said, do you want to split it? Do you want to do some of the shopping spree with me? And I was like, no, I don't want to do half the shopping spree.

1:17:02I was like, I don't think I was, I wasn't like I was still mad, but I was still hurt. And I was like, you know what it was? I was more like, that's fucked up actually. Like you didn't experience this. We didn't experience it. Like I was, I thought we were going to, we didn't, we didn't. And now you're profiting off of it. It's a lie, dude. I was like, you just like, if you, I mean, how, like, wouldn't you not want to do that? Because like you, you, you, you broke up with me. So why use that story? And, and she won, wouldn't you know? Cause of your work. Yeah. And I was like, nah, you take it, you know?

1:17:43And I, but in my, in my, in my head, I was like, I think it's kind of messed up that you submitted that. At least for me to hear it It hurts a little bit But that's a letter I wrote to the future You know You're a romantic You're a romantic Sal Salvatore How can you not be romantic with that name Salvatore Is y 'all's family full Italian? Half My dad is Italian, my mom is Puerto Rican and Cuban Oh wow I don't know if you want to add this in there but it looks like you spent about the equivalent of$720 in 2024. Yeah, maybe just pull that chart up. How are you adjusted? Let's adjust the value of the rent tickets and your love at the time.

1:18:321990? When was it, 90? It was 90. I'm going to call it 96. Okay. $300 and then now$600. Yep. It's not jump chains, man. and then how much was$5 ,000 I guess double right it'd be$10 ,000 yeah right the shopping spree she won I mean that's basically gonna keep the same right yeah even if it was two or three years later yeah pretty close so we're double we're basically 28 years later we are double wow we doubled up I remember like I broke up with my girlfriend and then I tried to learn like she was like learning French or something so I tried to learn French in like three weeks or whatever and like how'd you do that Rosetta Stone or like I got a book or something.

1:19:14It was like Merle's French or something. And so I start learning and my parents are like, what are you doing? You just learn individual words? That's not teaching you syntax or anything, is it? It's not teaching you like grammar. Look, homie, I was crying in my backyard smoking Newports, okay? I wasn't. It's just like, oui, oui. I couldn't think of another French word.

1:19:44You end up going to her and be like, I learned French. Napoleon! But definitely, bonsoir. How old were you? I'm like 24. I love that. I love the idea, like, this will get her back. Oh, that's what I thought. I just dropped some Pepe Le Pew on that ass. That's what I thought. I made up this story about us going sailing or something, and I made this little sailboat. Dude, the whole thing was so sad. Wait, how old are you? 10. You were 20, nothing? A story about you guys sailing. Who knows, dude? I don't remember what happened, dude. There was a lot of different things going on in the area at the time.

1:20:23But I do remember. Oh, this is so gay. G-A-Y. I don't want to say it. But it's actually gay dudes don't even do that kind of shit. This is like kind of Shakespearean sadness. is but then i remember dude i hitchhiked so i went to a sailing thing in biloxi mississippi right and my ex-girlfriend had moved up to charleston south carolina and when i'm there there's some guys that are there who were from the sailing team of college of charleston so i told my friend who i went there with i was like i these guys said they'll give me a ride to charleston I'm going to roll with them, right? And she's like, what?

1:21:10And I was like, yeah. She's like, we're in Biloxi. She's like, it's like a 10-hour drive. I was like, I know, but I got to. Wait, so you hitched a ride to Biloxi via Charleston Sailors. I hitched a ride to Charleston from Biloxi. Oh, okay. So in Biloxi, I meet some people that are sailing from Charleston. I hitch a ride back to Charleston with these guys that I met. You're like the mom in Home Alone, like driving with John Candy in the polka bed. You're like, I got to get there. I got to see my son. Bro, I end up, we pull up there like 1 a.m. probably into Charleston. I end up, I knew her, my ex-girlfriend, this is, I think, a crime, but I knew where she lived.

1:21:52I go to her place. I'm on the porch of her home petting somebody's cat out there. and thank God a floodlight came on and kind of like knocked me into my senses. I wasn't going to go inside or anything. I was just like seeing where she lived. Oh, she doesn't know you were there? I don't know. Oh, you didn't announce yourself? It was 1 a.m. But then you made a U-turn? You saw her the next day? I went back to those guys' place and crashed on their couch for a couple days and then she and I finally met up like a week later. She did not want to see me. Okay, but your intention was to see her and you saw her.

1:22:29I saw her a week later. So you posted up. At the time I was just, I guess I was just. You posted up in Charleston for like. I ended up staying there for like six months. So then we kind of fell out of each other and then I had, yeah. And then you just lived in Charleston? Yeah, I had a great time. Loved it there. Did you really though? Yeah. I think I stayed there for a year. Are you like a nomad? You're roaming from place to place in search of food and water? I could have at the time. And then once podcasting started, I had to be in a place that It had to be more substantial. But this, but. You know?

1:23:00But before that. My math is off? One's podcasting. Oh, but you, pre-podcast, you felt like you could. You could be wherever. You could, wherever you set your bags down. Yeah, I was a little. I could never do that. Really? No, I'm the opposite, man. I wish I could. I wish I could. I go on vacation. Yeah. That's about it. I can't, I can't, I can't. I don't know, man. I'm so rooted and it's something I'm working on in therapy. I have attachments. I have a, you know, I don't know. I don't like change and I have attachments and stuff. And I just can't pick up and leave like that. I can't relocate. I feel like anchored to where I'm from.

1:23:38I don't know if it's a good thing, you know. I don't know if it's a bad thing, though. Yeah, yeah. You know, to know. Yeah, it's like because you have so much joy and love. There's sometimes you can go to another place and I don't know. And also at the time I was younger, it was easier to do that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, that's true. For sure. Do you remember your first girlfriend? Like a kid? No, I guess not a kid. Oh, yeah. But yeah, my first real girlfriend wasn't until that, until 15. But I remember being a little kid. I remember I used to live in these garden apartments, right? And so, I mean, from grammar school, that kind of age.

1:24:10So I was little, from zero to whatever, like 10. And it was in its own complex. So all the kids from all the buildings, we all grew up together. and we were there young enough so that we were allowed to be, because all the buildings were surrounded, like a courtyard, parking lot, pool, in the middle. And so our parents were like, you can hang out anywhere in the property. You can't go out of the property. Which was kind of cool because we had more autonomy than we should have at that age. Because you were kind of caged in. Right. But then, you know, yeah, so it's kind of cool. But yeah, but we all grew up together there.

1:24:48And I must have been, I'll call it like fifth grade maybe. And it was summer. Yeah. And we had a pool area there for the residents, right? And I remember like it was just one of those summers where we were talking about before how like when you were a kid, time went so slow, which I wanted to touch on that because I have a theory about that. Because if you took away your phone and your internet and your car, you know what I'm saying? and you didn't have a job and then you just had to find time in the day, like you basically reduce yourself to the options you had then, I think that we could slow time in a way.

1:25:27You know what I mean? Time is, it only gets faster and faster. It's burning for me right now. But like, you know, get up at eight, go outside, come back in at six. Yeah. You know? And then see how long the days feel. And I've been having such a hard time with how fast I think life is going right now, especially because I hit an age where like I'm, for the first time I see my, I look older, that's the first time it registered with me. You don't, you feel it until you feel it and then it's too late. Yeah. And then my parents, you know, I see them, you know? And so like for me right now, I'm going through that and like really, like I'm having that like existential thing going on.

1:25:59And so I've been given this thought and I was like, why did time feel so slow back then? You know? And I, you know, I thought through it. I was, I like daydreaming, but I'm like, I'm literally like, I want to just do a thing where I like, just go, stop working, you know? And then just like, don't, don't, don't use the internet. And I just want to like get up and go out and just spend my days like I was, if I was a kid, like try that for like a month and just see if it feels like everything just slows down and what that does to my psyche and my, my day to day. And you know, I really want to like, but anyway, that's, I mean, I really do feel like it was like, I remember just being like, you came back at six o 'clock.

1:26:38It felt like you went on a pilgrimage and that was daily. You know what I mean? And you really are much more in touch with yourself And you're really spending This quality time with these kids All day long and it's just like I don't know man it just was like Oh things had more value then For sure because you Did them you experienced Them now we Consume so many experiences and just Have less of them I think And to the point That everything's on to I mean it's just buzz buzz but next thing the next thing, appointment, this, that, that. And it's just nonstop. Oh, the times where you would sit, I remember just laying in my bed, just thinking about a girl or something that didn't even exist.

1:27:22Thinking. Yes. Just laying there thinking. Name 30 people that are thinking. Right. Right now. It's probably not. I don't think anyone is, really. Everybody is reacting. Just sitting down thinking. I daydream about, I just want to move to the country. Not even like Like, sure, remote part, I want a porch, and I want to sit on the porch all day long and think. That's what I want to do. I swear to God, dude, I've come this close to almost doing that and just leaving this life, this career life. You know what I mean? Or just at least going six months on, six months off. Yeah. Do you really think you could?

1:27:59I don't know, but I'm romanticizing it right now. Yeah. You know, I grew up in this city, and I have six jobs. It's a hustle. You know, if you hustle, you have to hustle. You know what I mean? It's just like, I don't know. Like, I'm just so tired of like, even when I do allow myself, like, all right, the afternoon, like the morning, I'm not going to look at my phone. Or like if I, let's say I go away on vacation, you know, if I do and it's like three or four days and I'm like, I want to stay off the grid. I have this anxiety of all the things that people are waiting on answers for that are piling up.

1:28:31That's what might be important. Or like, God forbid someone needs my help or like, you know, whatever. and that when I get back, I think about the hole I'm going to have to dig out because it's piling up. And I can't even enjoy the off the grit days because I'm like, I'm going to get slaughtered. If I don't at least mitigate it a little while I'm on vacation, when I come back, I can't dig out of it. Dude, I don't know how you are, but right now, look how many text messages I have unanswered right there. Oh my gosh. That's insane. Look at the missed calls. Oh my God. I can't live like this. Who are you, dude?

1:29:03I don't know. You got that too, right? You can't possibly answer. I just changed my number, dude. I know because I was texting you. I was like, oh shit, Theo ain't getting back to me. The other day, the worst part, some kid the other day sends a thing. I guess he got my phone number, right? Okay. So he's like some guy from Berlin or somewhere, some other country, maybe Africa. He gets my number. He's like, I got a burner phone for three weeks. It must be Theo Vaughn's phone number. He's like, so far I've talked to MGK and Jordan Peterson. and that's what he said. Because people were texting him?

1:29:37Texting him, he just thought it was still me. No shit, dude. I just forgot to, I literally told probably 15 people closest in my life and then I was like, I'm gonna shut my life down, bro. I just couldn't handle anything anymore. I so understand, dude. Because, you know, I will tell you though, because when I went to text you last, I like, you know, whenever it was, like a couple months ago, whatever, what was there was the last time I texted you. And I guess in the interim, And I looked at it and it was a voice note. And I was like, oh. And I just, I played it. It was a while back, but I played it.

1:30:11And it was like this voice note I left you that was like kind of like, it was like, not sentimental, but it was like. Nice message. Yeah, it was like a message. It's kind of like the one you left me. Yeah. Like I'm thinking about you. I just, you know, I hope you're doing well, man. Like I'm always like, you know, I know you're always on the go. Like I just, it was like a whole, and I listened to it. And I started cracking up because I was like, I forgot. But I was like, he didn't even answer that. I was like, no, but I'm like, but not because you didn't answer. Because I was like, look, I haven't answered 200.

1:30:40You know what I mean? But I was like, oh, shit, dude. That's like so funny. I got to tell him. And then when you change your number, I was like, oh, he never even. He never probably even got it. Never got it. Yeah. But it's all right. Yeah. That's the worst part. The world knows I left. I left it. I left that message. Thanks, man. So now you know. Some kid in Berlin is probably decoding it right now. No, but Oh no, so I lived in this compound, right? So that summer, everybody was like Everybody had like crushes and was getting girlfriends and stuff Like all my friends Pressure suddenly Yeah, like, and it's like young kind of like Sandlot kind of thing, kind of You know what I mean?

1:31:17And you'd hear like, Samantha likes Randy First of all, I didn't know who Samantha was And I didn't know who fucking Randy was And when I found out, I can tell you right now Randy didn't deserve Samantha You know what I mean? But even if I didn't even know who they were If I just heard that sentence Samantha likes Randy I was like Oh my god I know We gotta get somebody To like us You felt left out Yeah Dude I felt so left out And so I was I got to the point Where I went up to the Went up And it was midday The pool's open all day It was midday And I just felt like I was trying I was like Midday Midday I went up And I was like Sad And my mom was like What's the matter I'm not trying What grade I was in Yeah it was probably About fourth or fifth and uh i actually was like everybody's got girlfriends like nobody likes me i was like crying and stuff and i'm like i don't know and she's like what's it mad i'm like no everybody has a girlfriend i don't have a girlfriend or whatever i'll never forget what my mom did she's so sweet i gotta remind her of this i don't know if she knows this or remembers this so i was crying so she comforted me and she's like you can you can get a girlfriend too you just didn't meet the you know the right girl yet or whatever and i'm like yeah but he i was naming her like matt has a girlfriend jason has a girlfriend and i'm like they're out there I like it.

1:32:28Nobody likes me. And she's like, you can get a girlfriend. She's like, we're going to get you a girlfriend. So she makes me put on like a nice outfit. Right then in the middle of the day in the summer. That day. I remember what I put on. I put on these dark gray jeans. Capizio. There's a leather, black leather shoes that Michael Jackson used to wear. Capizios? I think they were called Capizios. Bring them up. Bring them up. And I got those because I was obsessed with Michael Jackson. So I had Capizios. These were like special day, like Easter shoes. So I put on my Easter Capizios. I put on like dark gray.

1:33:01And I put on this like mock white, like cream turtleneck kind of shirt. Oh my God, this gets worse, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also better. Yeah, yeah. So, and then I put jewelry on, you know. Oh, yeah. And so I didn't really have jewelry. And so my mom gave me like a gold chain of hers. Yeah. And I put on my mom's gold chain. And she put, she's like, you're going to go out. You're going to dress up. So I put on this outfit. I put on her gold chain. She sprays me with her perfume because I didn't have cologne. She's like, little cologne. And she's like, look, it's like cologne. And she's like, put on whatever she had.

1:33:36I don't know. I guess I was wearing like Chanel or whatever the hell. I don't even know what it was. And she gave me five bucks. And she's like, when the ice cream man comes, you just go up to a grill that you like. Ask if you want to buy her ice cream or whatever like that. And my mom sent me out. And I went out with like women's cologne. My mom's chained$5 and Capizios. And I was like just circling the pool area. Like looking for a girlfriend. Oh. Yeah. Wow, that's so romantic. And that's how you ended up being a pimp, basically. Yeah, that's basically how I ended up being a pimp, yeah. Gosh, dude, that's so romantic.

1:34:06I ended up buying five girls five ice creams, and then they were in my stable after that. I whip them with the shit. No, it's pretty sad now that I think about it. Yeah, but it's so beautiful about it. The mom was beautiful. That's beautiful. Great choice. Yeah, you're right. It is beautiful. but I really felt sad then. That was like the foreshadowing of like the feeling I had with the rent. Yeah. Yeah. I was, I don't know. My best friend got all the girls when we were like kids or whatever. So I'd always be like running the notes for him and that sort of guy, you know? But you got, you, but you are popular with the ladies.

1:34:42I started getting dates, um, probably later in high school. Yeah. You know, I got a girlfriend pretty quick. Yeah. But then I always kind of felt, uh, you always kind of feel a certain way. though i was kind of too sentimental i think at times and shit i don't know but you you don't think like women didn't girls didn't like respond to your you have a gentle way about you uh nope no they weren't into that really they would like a tougher guy you know it was just like young southern kind of you know there wasn't a lot of like you know there was like the drama you know there was like yeah it was just you know it wasn't bad but it just wasn't like I mean I remember when I was younger they locked me in this room with this girl she had a chipped tooth pretty badly yeah she had that that Lloyd Chris a little bit yeah that's bad that's bad it's a lot for a kid that's bad I chipped my tooth on a Miller High Life once making a joke I went to take a swig on it for comedic effect and I hit it and I chipped my tooth I chipped like I would call it less than 5%.

1:35:50That's the only thing I looked at when I looked at my face for a decade after that. So a third? Dude, I remember one time somebody came in the room. I think I was either jerking off or just pretending I was jerking off. And I went like that and chipped my own tooth. What room? A room in your home or a room in school? A room in a home. My home or somebody else's home. That's fascinating. If you felt comfortable enough to masturbate in someone else's home. And I went like that. And then fucking. So now. Where you chipped it on your dick. Oh, I. Where did you chip it on? I just chipped it on my bottom tooth.

1:36:27Just. I just like. Your tooth chipped your own tooth? Yeah. I was so. Oh, my God. It's like a Civil War in your mouth. Yeah. And then I was like. And I was just like. Did you stay the course? No way, dude. I'm not crazy. You think I'm jerking off with a chipped tooth? No, that would be crazy. It's just the fact that you were in someone else's house doing it. Like I'm some kind of homeless person? Hell no, dude. I only jerk myself off if I have a fucking... You weren't good enough for yourself after you chipped it. No, I'm like, I ain't jerking off. I mean, you do it feverishly then, yeah. This guy with a chipped tooth.

1:37:03You're a spirited masturbator then? I don't know what that is. You're chipping teeth. Oh, that's it. Well, I think I was so shocked that somebody had come in the room, you know? I don't remember exactly what happened, but I've chipped my teeth a lot over the years. Really? Yeah. Well, the microphone, you hit those a lot. Oh, I hate that. And that'll bounce them. And people can hear that too. And they're all like, I'm making it. I've done it. I haven't chipped, but I've done it. And every time I hit it, I go, oh, no. And I feel it right there. Because I'm like, please, no. But wait, so what happened with the girl?

1:37:29It's the one third. Oh, yeah. People locked us in a room and made us kiss each other or whatever. And we're kids. I don't remember if we kissed or not. I think we did. People? Like neighbors, other kids. Oh, other kids. Because I was going to say, this is bordering on something that sounds not good. Yeah, you know, it was on the up and up. No, nothing like sexual, just like, you know, you better get in there and kiss you little queers or whatever they would call us. And then we had another family, this Protestant. But she was a girl. Oh, yeah, she was a girl. And they still called you queers. And her brother.

1:37:57I guess that's a tough town. Yeah, and she had a short haircut, too. Okay, okay. And you had a long one. Yeah, and people were like. Now it's making sense now. Like, you gay kids better get in there, you know.

1:38:11And then what else was there Any good love stories We had a lady that would always be drunk And her husband I think was gone Or missing or whatever And she would like be just drinking And laying on her Corvette Just like This was an older lady like a Miss Robinson Yeah trying to be like all sexy Like yeah Like this vet She would just be saying that to nobody and we're like, what is this lady doing, dude? And she was like, I think kind of a tramp or whatever. But then we had this other guy. He was kind of like a homoerotic kid or whatever. And he might have been like a young man, but he would always like.

1:38:51It was unclear. We would do like the Navy in his, they had like a big bathtub and he would have us pretend like we're in the Navy or whatever and like swim around in his tub or whatever. But he wouldn't do anything. He was just like an older kid and he had like used hairspray and stuff. So he was like, I think he didn't know if he was gay or not, but he was gay, you know? And he would have us do the Navy or whatever at his house. How did he do the Navy? Huh? How did he do the Navy? You just swim until somebody yells and fucking throws something at you. How many kids were in the tub? Probably three kids.

1:39:25And were you clothed? I mean, it was bumper to bumper in there. There's not a lot of room in the tub, you know? I think we had our underpants on or something. It was submarine. there was like a submarine yeah yeah it was like tight yeah it was like buds or whatever i don't know what that what that thing is that guys go through but yeah a lot of just just some navy action yeah just kids being yeah just like when you're at home during this just like a lot of that summertime stuff like what are we going to do all day and then other kids parents are going to end up doing we you know just being around like the days would get so long because then you'd have a friend that went to summer camp and you didn't go to summer camps you would just be literally laying face down on the sofa at home.

1:40:03Yeah. The TV's going. Yeah. And you have nothing but just nothing. Nothing. I remember we used to play like, we called it Manhunt. You know what that is? I don't know. It sounds like the Navy that I was in. Yeah. It was like outside, like almost like tech, like teams of like whatever. It's just five kids and five kids right against. And so basically one team goes out and hides and the other team is a job to capture all of them. And there was like, you know, a home base and there was like where they locked you up. And so we would have the whole apartment complex. And there was hills and grass. There was some things in it.

1:40:35So we would go out and play Manhunt all day. And it was so intense that, like, there was a time where, like, we split up. And you used to hide. I got so into it. I used to put, like, on camouflage. And I used to, like, burrow under bushes. Really? Yeah. We got that intense with it. You think that perfume would give you away? Absolutely. Yeah. It's like, there he is. I smell lilac. I remember one time I went under this bush up on this little hill and I mean if you could find a good spot, great. And you stayed there and you would hear screaming and running and you would, oh he's getting caught and then you would have to come out and if they were in the jail, if you got there and tagged them, you would free them again but if you got caught, now it's high stakes, right?

1:41:21Because let's say three people, your friends are POWs and now you've got to go So now there's five people still searching for only two of you. And like now they got people guarding the jail. So they're hunting you down. And now you got to get past that guy who's already guarding it. And then once he yells, it's a swarm. So it was like really like you had to get strategy with it. So I would commit to it. So one time I dug under. I mean, I went under a bush, dude. And I put like dirt. And I was looking. And 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 40 minutes. Hour was easy. I'm talking like dude I'm talking like two plus hours and I stopped hearing everybody and like I was like do I come out like this is a great spot I swear to god it was getting dark out and that's when I was like I don't hear anybody it's getting dark like and so I came out it was like two, two and a half hours I was under there who has the time to lay in the dirt for two and a half hours just to play a game this is what I want to go back to but I came out and I start looking for them and I can't even find them and we live in these apartments and I live on the second floor my friend lives on the first floor and I said I'm just going to go home and I start to go home and I hear I hear people I hear people and they're all singing happy birthday and I hear like and it's coming from the first floor of my friend's house one of my best friend's house that lives there all the windows are open I'm like what the hell and I look in everybody's in there for a birthday party just having a birthday party they're already at the cake they're already at the cake and I was just in the dirt for two and a half hours just like hoping not to get caught by by these and the crazy part was there was nobody to tell that story to it's just like you get inside it's like do you want some cake now I was like guys like you usually like alright we're calling it yeah you know what I mean but yeah a lot of bad intel comes at a different time yeah dude it was like I mean I had nothing I used to come home one time we moved I moved in with my grandparents when I was around It was just after fifth grade.

1:43:21And I moved to my grandparents. And then I moved away from those people. And they didn't live in the best neighborhood. So we weren't really allowed to go outside. It was like a really bad neighborhood. You would hear gunshots and stuff. Like just in the summer, we didn't have air conditioning. So we had all the windows open. And you'd just hear like pop, pop, pop, pop. It was normal. But my grandparents lived there for like 50, 60 years. And so we lived downstairs from them for a bit when we were trying to get our footing or whatever. And I had nobody. It was just me and my sister, right? So I'd get home from school, and I just would, like, whatever.

1:43:54That's how I was beating Mike Tyson, like, one hand behind my back. But I remember one time I was like, maybe I'll get a pet. So I used to, I don't know if you ever had these county, like, these fairs or these festivals at your school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You ever had those? We did. They would, like, come, like. Confetti eggs and stuff. We would have different things. Like, they would come, like, carnage. Like, you would open up the truck. It was, like, a Ferris wheel. They would come for a few days, like a mini little, what do you call them? Not carnival, but like a fair. Like a fair. A fair. Yeah.

1:44:26We just had a carny in here, actually, which was pretty cool. But yeah, we had fairs, too. Oh, really? Yeah. I can never tell if you're joking. We had a carny in here. Why you said that? We had a carny in here. How did you book a carny? We had a carny in here, actually. How did you book one? We just searched for him. We searched for him. We found a decent guy. But yeah, but they had fairs, too. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. So we had these fairs. You had them come to your school? Yeah. They would post up in the parking lot. And it was also a way for the school to raise money because it would also be like casino night at the church.

1:44:57Oh, yeah. So like the parents, they would get, you know, so it was like. But they had those games that I would come home with like a stuffed animal, you know, whatever. And they had this thing where you threw a ping pong bowl, goldfish in these little. Oh, yeah. You know, there was like maybe a grid, like 20 by 20 grid of these little bowls with goldfish in them. and then it was like 50 cents. You threw a ball. If a ping pong ball landed in the thing, they bagged up the goldfish for you. And they gave it to you. Yeah, they shouldn't be doing that. I mean, people don't give goldfish any respect at all.

1:45:28They're just as good as nothing. They're like ants. It's not fair. People eat them and throw them back up like Steve. But goldfish get a really bad, they're really born into a bad life if you think about it. They don't have a memory. A lot of them are used just to feed other fish. It's almost sex trafficked almost in a way. It's really bad. But no sex, yeah. Yes, and if you're a goldfish, I mean, I don't know, man. A goldfish is a terrible life. You get split from your family. You don't even know who your family is. You don't know who your family is. You get immediately put, you either live alone for your whole life, or you get thrown in with people you don't want to be with.

1:46:02Yeah. And then you usually die of an infection. Your eye has a big freaking cotton ball on it or something like that. And you die slow. Yeah. Nobody knew how to reverse a goldfish death when I was young. You got it, and then when it started to die, you're like, oh, there's the white stuff. A couple weeks now. He's got a couple weeks. And then you'd still feed him, and you'd just watch him with one flipper. You'd stare at this thing looking at you like, I have been dying for two weeks. So as a matter of fact, I would get them and bring them home, and like, oh, this is going to be past the time.

1:46:37I have something to take care of now. My mom never knew. I never got the setup She never got me a tank A filtration system I didn't know you needed a filtration system Yeah I did not know Because when you threw the ball in the thing There was no filtration And they just threw them in that water Well You know that water has to be cycled And filtered Those are all goners And if the ping pong ball don't hit They're dying anyway Right It's like a kill shelter Basically for fish Right And so I would bring them home And I would put them in a salad bowl I'd just fill up tap water Throw them in a salad bowl I'm like this is like the ocean Oh Italians think you can solve anything In response to throwing it in in a salad bowl, dude.

1:47:13Dude, I was like, this is his biggest, this is eight times bigger than where he came from. He's like the Jeffersons, right? He's moving on up this thing. I'm in a big salad bowl, right? Fino Burrell for you. And I would just, bread, it was white bread. I would just put white bread in there. And I was like. Oh, what the fuck? Because I'm a kid. What are you making, a sandwich? Dude, when we were a kid and we went fishing at the lake, we would ball up Wonder Bread till it became like a boil. Oh yeah, a little nugget and put it in for him. And then put it on the hook. And we did it with Wonder Bread.

1:47:41So I would just feed it one bread. And, you know, it wasn't until way after that I realized the fish would eat. Like I would break it and throw it in chunks and it would suck it right in and then shoot it right back out. Some of them wouldn't come back out, but most of them would shoot back out. And I just was like, he's full. But I guess he just didn't want white bread. I don't think they can take it in. Yeah. So they would always die. So I felt so bad. So then I realized one day, like I was like the fish store, because it was a fish store near my cousin's house that we used to. It was on the same square block.

1:48:13We weren't allowed to cross the street. So we can go to the fish store without crossing the street. So one day I'm in there and I'm like, oh, there's these bubbles. Like I don't have that. I got to get bubbles. Yeah. So one time I went in and I brought a fish home. My mom wasn't home from work yet. And I was like, I got to. I don't want this fish to die. And so I took a straw. Yeah. And I put it in the salad bowl and I blew into the salad bowl to keep the fish alive. I blew bubbles for three hours until she got home at 6 o 'clock. Thing was dead that night. I'm blowing carbon dioxide directly into the thing.

1:48:50I literally poisoned the fish. I'm sitting there going. And I named him Harry. And I remember because I named every fish and they all died very quickly. And so here I am three hours blowing with a straw And I just thought the bubbles did it So finally when I got older My niece won a fish And she brought it home Or maybe my little sister or my niece Won a fish, brought it home Was it beautiful? Was it big? It was a little, right? But I was like I'm not letting this happen to this fish I was like Right, this is going to be different I was like 20 I was probably 23, 24 Who am I if I continue to let this happen?

1:49:31Went right to the store, bought the whole setup I came home, rocks Like fake coral Yeah, castle, little DMV in there I had the treasure chest And like a little DMV kind of thing Little perk dealer Yeah, all that I had the whole neighborhood in there, right? All the people in the neighborhood But I had all the accoutrement And I got into it, you buy the rocks I don't know if you've ever had a fish But then you roll the rocks through a strainer because the dye has to come off a little bit. Oh, no. You put them in there. I got so into this. I bought medicine, food. I would do the water. I would test it, the pH.

1:50:08I would condition the water. Oh, yeah. And I took this fish, and I had it for six or seven years. No way. And the fish became like this big. And I don't know if it's a thing, but I would just feed the fish. I would put my hand, and the fish would eat out of my hand. That might be one any of them do, but it really felt like we had something. Like if I put my hand there He didn't jolt away He's she He would just like He would like Go in my hand And just like stay there You know And so You don't see a lot of that You don't see that now These days with goldfish With people like that right Anyway one day He died Or whatever And I think I honestly think he was murdered I really do I'm not making a joke I know it sounds like I am What I think I think that It was a spot I think Maybe he got murdered Out of spite From somebody in my house I think Or a friend because I had just done the clean the fish tank he was in perfect health I just did a full fish tank cleaning you did it like every three weeks I mean I I dumped it out I put him in another bucket yeah you had to do this whole thing you put half of the water in the bucket with him because you wanted to stay like the ecosystem that water oh yeah it's like FEMA or whatever yeah exactly I was basically like I was basically like Red Cross yeah my cousin worked for FEMA for a while they had to do all that shit he'd be fucking putting wet people in shoe boxes for two hours while they fucking vacuumed out there I was I was fuming it up.

1:51:26And I put it in. I tested everything. I had this thing on the science thing. Oh, beautiful. Seven years, right? And it looked beautiful, too. It flourished. Then the next day, he was in the clean water, just dead. Not even a slow death, just dead. I suspect foul play. But this fish moved with me to three different locations. So I'm in the third location that I've owned this fish in in seven years, and that's where he died. and I it was a summer and I felt guilty I didn't want to flush the fish it just felt disrespectful, seven years and the pipes too, are you in New York at that time? Yeah I don't want to put the fish that I called my friend, where people shit, yeah that's a good point actually, hey fish I love you people, that's nothing, people just flush the goldfish when they die, it's so disrespectful they have no platform, no voice, anyway I didn't want You're right They don't People look I didn't want to So I was I'm going to bury it In the yard Yeah And it was a summer And I just didn't want to bury it Because I felt like It was going to stink And decompose and stuff Maybe it'd be dug up By like a raccoon And so I was like I have to wait Till cooler weather And so I Put it in the freezer I did Wow Did I tell you this story?

1:52:43No Because I told it before I was thinking What would somebody do? I put it in tinfoil and I put it in my freezer. And you know, I kind of, half and half, half was I forgot about it. And like maybe I missed a cycle. Maybe you don't want to remember because it's painful too. Sometimes your brain will hide information. Yeah, like I had to unearth it in therapy or something. But one thing led to another. And a few warm seasons passed and I still hadn't done it. And then it got to the point where I was like, I don't know I just felt bad I was like whenever I just felt bad and then I moved it could have been toxic shock syndrome or something you know a lot of animals if they move too many times they get really sick yeah well I mean not to worry about that with him because he was dead oh another thing was I thought that they had only died when I I was like it's bad luck to name him so I never I had this seven years I didn't name him oh that would kill anyone I called him fish it was fine He didn't care And I moved And I moved I took the stuff from my fridge and freezer with me It's not like I'm going to throw stuff out I took them And I moved again So I moved from that house And what kind of compartment is he in?

1:53:54Are you keeping him in a little bowl Or just a little bag with water in it? It's tinfoil Okay He's not in water And so the place I had him Do you have like a couple grams of a fish Rolled up in tinfoil? It's like this big of a fish And it's in my freezer right He's in my freezer right now Like a Socolay I guess He's in my freezer right now. And it has been, it has been, since he died, it has been 2010. It's been about 12 years since he's died. And I have, I moved into the house 2010 that he died in. And then when I moved to my next house in 2015, he was already dead. So he died somewhere between 2010 and 15, 2012, 2013.

1:54:37The fish is frozen in my freezer Right this very very second Wow still today Today 12 years I have a frozen fish in that I've told the story in my pockets And people started sending me fish coffins Little fish coffins And I was going to actually have a fun roll for him Yeah Because I told him my pod years ago And so people started sending him in And we were going to do like a Like a Patreon like fun roll for him Oh man And then you know what I ended up taking him I hadn't done it but we talked about it so I got him out of the I used to film it at my house so I got him out of the freezer and I opened it.

1:55:09No way. Yeah I was scared. I did. He's still there. I put him back in but I was scared to do it. Did he have any how did he look? It wasn't good. He was still whole but he was very very light gold. It was even a gradient. It was maybe like a 10 % gold. Zirconium maybe? Yeah, it was like whitish. It might have been close to white, which is a hint of gold. And his eyes. It was like the cheapest high school ring you could get. Exactly right. Yeah. Yeah. Like he turned. Local gold or whatever. They would have like a term. They'd be like, oh, yeah. Special mountain gold or something. Yeah, just something they tried to sell you on.

1:55:54Yeah. Yeah, that turn. And his eyes, they were like not there. which was he had like the sockets but the balls they were kind of not there i don't know what happens to balls when you freeze them over time if you're a goldfish well i'll say this we had a guy named max moore on and he uh runs the cryonics institute which is where they freeze people in arizona and it was how was that conversation it was interesting i don't know if it's a scam or not i believe that in theory it's a it's a good idea i really wonder about that i really do but they keep bodies in like these big um vats of uh nitrogen and they just keep them at really low temperatures in the hopes that one day they'll be able to uh yeah like walt disney and caller shimsky right yeah like start them back up yeah um that's wild though would you do it i mean some people like it's all the same you're gone you're gone why not put it in there and see if to i've had this kind of because like what do you want to wake up to like what's it let's say in 300 years they can bring you back because it's like the technology's there.

1:56:57Yeah, like PrizePix brings you back or something. You know no one. You know nothing of that world. It's like, yeah, you're just being, yeah, like this draft is brought to you by PrizePix and you're just drafting you back in a time. That's definitely going to be what it's like. When you think about it in the future, you're going to be able to create your own player like you can do on video games but out of DNA that's actually in labs you're going to be able to create your own like player that will play in like some special gym universe somewhere and that will actually eventually go onto the court and play like that's going to be a real thing people can do I have my DNA and sperm stored.

1:57:38You do? Stored, yeah. And I just did the 23andMe premium package. Really? What are they? I mailed it out 10 days ago. It's like five to six weeks it comes out. Dude, 20 years ago, I've always been like, I need to know as far back as I can go. I need to. It's so fascinating to me. Oh, yeah. I've asked to be on that show. Oh, with history? It's like, hey, this is where you're from. There's two of them. One's a PBS version and one's like, and it's just like where you came from, whatever it's called. I've been asking them for years because they do all the legwork. The black people one's always just Chicago.

1:58:12It's like, you're from Chicago. And you're like, that's not fair. That's crazy. There's been some crazy ones, though. Like, I've seen people go on there like celebrities and then realize that they came from, like, really bad people. Yeah, I've seen that, dude. I've seen, dude, I did my 23rd. I was like 40 % Thousand Island dressing, I feel like. They're all the Thousand Islands. That's a term? I don't know. That dressing went downhill, didn't it? Yeah, I never liked it. Wow. Yeah. it's doing too much it's also a mystery to me it's like kind of like orange right yeah it's like an orangey it kind of feels mayonetic I don't like a mayonetic base I don't like it but you did do it or no you didn't do it?

1:58:52French dressing was big remember? Yeah you don't hear much about French dressing anymore everything's a vinaigrette now yeah it's vinaigrette it's ranch or it's blue cheese blue cheese yeah I don't like ranch either French was very scary to be a child and they would have French. No, thank you. It was orange, right? No, orange was Thousand Island. But there was a really fine orange one. Wasn't French the liquor? No, that was the Italian one was like the oil. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, there it is. No, I wouldn't fuck with French. French was very shocking. It doesn't look appealing. No. I'm not a big salad dressing guy.

1:59:29I'll do a little red wine vinegar. I just stick to that. But I'll eat some blue cheese. but what the hell is that, did you really do the 23andMe or not? So what did you, because I did this one now where you could like find out you can go back like it says like, I mean hundreds of years, like they tell you like Oh really? I read a review where the guy was like, I found out that like my great, great, great, great I'm not joking, and I was like he's like I found out like my great, great, great great great great grandfather died by an arrow that's the kind of detail he got I don't know how but I read it and I was like hell yes I want to know all of this you know I can't wait for the results to come back I can't wait I've done ancestry I know my breakdown but I didn't do it where it's like genetic testing I did that traits you know predispositions everything like if you're a night person what stuff you should eat and not eat and then as much history of your family tree as possible.

2:00:35Yeah, do you think you want to know all that? I guess sometimes I like a mystery. I really do. Well, I've lived with a mystery for 40-something years already. Now I want to know, you know what I mean? I just feel like, you know, I don't know. How do you not, you don't really know your, you know yourself, but you gotta know. I have a longing to know exactly where I came from. Was it a big thing in y 'all's house? Did y 'all's family was like, this is where you're from? Because that is the thing that I feel like is very important that should be in more homes probably. It's like this is who your grandfather was and this is like where our bloodline comes from and this is what we've been through.

2:01:10I think everybody should know that. We didn't do it at all and I think that's why I longed for it. Like I knew one great grandparent. She passed away at 99 and I was still young. And then I had a very great relationship with my four grandparents. I mean very close. And I still have one of my grandmas. And they all, luckily, I had them until a decent age. So I was really tight. And I was like, I just wish I knew about. You blow your mind thinking about like, even just go back. It's crazy that we don't even know our great-grandparents. Never mind just a few times removed. Just how about great, great, great?

2:01:46No idea. And that shit's like, that's long enough ago to be like, oh, he was a blacksmith. I don't even know what. You know what I mean? He lived there. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, a lot of times you just know like, oh, my grandpa drove a van or whatever. You're like, what? What the fuck? The guy lived a whole life. Right. He created your dad. Right. And all you know is that he drove a van. He smoked Paul Mons. Yeah. That's all you know. He smoked unfiltered cigarettes. Yeah, the guy lived a, yeah. He had a chicken coop. Yeah. That's really it though, right? That's it. Like, oh, yeah. Everybody likes to almost, yeah, there's like, there's this mystery.

2:02:21Whereas I think a long time ago, there used to be a lot more, um, probably, uh, familial lore that was passed down. And now it's just like, um, a lot of that's not present in a lot of families. Like my dad, did I remember my dad was like, she'd be like, I think my dad liked to drink a pretty good bit. Like my dad was very, my dad was born and he was, he was 70 when I was born. So he was an older guy. Yeah. I know that. Um, he was like, I talked about that in your first special. yeah he was like by you know in a lot of ways um but yeah he was like he would my dad would like drive us to school or something my dad's car he always hit stuff with his car so he always had like spare tires in his car like in the back seat was stacked with fucking tires that were blown out or one that was still usable dude um and so a lot of times you just get in the back seat of his car so you'd like he'd take him to school sometimes and i would get out in all my clothes and skin would be just covered in like black tire marks like i just wander into school like just trying like i'm a diversity hire like pig pen from peanuts yeah like yeah like i'm part of the diversity coal miner like a five-year-old coal miner um and then yeah he just saw his like you know he just so that was very did you know so you should what did you know of your grandfather other than your paternal.

2:03:49Oh, Mike. I knew we had a step-grandpa that would smoke a lot of cigarettes, you know? And he would wear his, like, he used to wear motorcycle goggles even when he was just sitting on the porch for a long time. He wore, like, that... He had, like, that old-school kind of motorcycle hat with the goggles, you know? And he just wore it on the porch? And he'd sit on the porch. I think he wanted people to know he was about to go ride his motorcycle all the time. I want to know that guy, you know? And he wore, like, a onesie kind of, but a worker's one. Oh, like a... Yeah, like a... Dickies, like a jumpsuit thing.

2:04:19Yeah, and he worked at a factory and stuff like that. Oh, see, yeah, this is like, yeah, that's like a salt of the, that's what I'm talking about, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I want to know that. Like, I don't know, man. You know, my grandparents all had like eight or nine siblings. Yeah. You know what I mean? But what did your dad do? Did he do, was your dad kind of a neat guy? Do you have any good, like cool memories about him when he was a kid? My dad? Yeah. Well, he's still with me, luckily. Yeah. Or even just like memories when you were a kid of like your dad. Like, what was your, like, my dad would have these big shoes that we would put on sometimes, and that was pretty cool.

2:04:50My dad would put his shirt, sometimes he would take his shirt off. He liked to drink, and he would have a couple drinks or whatever, and then he would just take his shirt off and, like, button it up, like, in front of us. And he'd be like, oh, you got my shirt on, huh? And he would say stuff like that, and then he would just pass out on the couch. Sounds like a very warm guy. Just the physicality that you become when you're talking to him, like, you got a shirt on. Put a shirt on. He'd be like, you got my shirt on. That was his playing with us or whatever. Big game. Who wants to wear my shirt?

2:05:22And your eyes were burning with brute and old spice. He'd be like, you got my shirt on. And by the time you got the shirt off or whatever, he would just be asleep on the couch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd be like, this is good. My dad, I'm lucky. I have a real good relationship. He's like my best friend, really. Growing up was cool. I got hit by a car with him. my body, not in a car accident, we were playing Frisbee in a parking lot by my house. And it was a gated parking lot. And it was like one of those posts, those like CW, no CW, what do you call those? Those veteran VW posts, right? You know what I'm saying?

2:06:02And it was like a big parking lot and it was gated. Oh, VFW. VFW. Yeah, yeah. And so we used to play like stickball and that thing and like hockey and things like that. And so they, but, but because it was always closed when it wasn't an event, it was a big empty parking lot and it was gated and it was pretty big for a kid. Like it was like, you know, it was a good, like I would call it, uh, maybe about a hundred and maybe 25 feet long, something like that or more, you know, and pretty wide. And, uh, in the buildings we lived in, it was right in the front of them, those buildings. And he was, he had like so many jobs and he was a superintendent of those buildings.

2:06:36So he had an office there and we also lived there and I would go visit him in the office and go around and like help him fix. I watch him fix like you know things oh he was a super yeah he was a super oh wow yeah and he was also a garbage man but he did both and so he had an office he used to lift weights in there and I used to go hang out with him and the guys that worked there and everything they had like posters of girls on the wall in the office and like they played darts and stuff but my dad like he didn't drink he wasn't like he wasn't into sports he didn't drink he just was like I don't know man he just he was very unique he was a healthy guy very into fitness but But, you know, I hung out with him a lot.

2:07:13And so he took me one day. I'll never forget it. He's like, oh, we're going to go play. And he threw, it was a Coca-Cola, red Coca-Cola Frisbee. And we went down the block. We went in there. Not a car in the place. Gates closed. And we're throwing the Frisbee back and forth. I'm young. I'm probably, I was like five, six years old, tops. And, you know, I don't even know. To this day, I can't really throw a Frisbee. I throw the one that just does that. Oh, really? Yeah, you can throw a Frisbee? Yeah, yeah. It must feel like a superpower. It does feel good when you learn it. because when you don't know how to do it as a dude, it is a questionable look.

2:07:44Yeah. I mean, it's anybody's guess when I throw it, how it's going to look. If it's going to just sail to the right, if it's going to wobble, if it's going to hit the floor. Can you throw it like that? Huh? No. That dude is also closet engaged, I think. I'll throw it like a regular dude. Yeah, and bless him, yeah. But that dude is like, yeah, any of that dude. That dude's trying to steal your lady, too. He's skipping it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's skipping it off of a fucking Toyota Tercel or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's a show-off. Nobody likes a show-off. That's what I don't like is that guy.

2:08:19Yeah, I could just make sure I get it to where it's going. In the area. So if we were playing, if we having a catch? Having a catch, yeah. Having a Frisbee? Having a Frisbee catch? Throwing Frisbee. If we're throwing a Frisbee, I could be far away from you and you could be like, I got you. I got you, yeah. Can you get me? That's really nice. Do you have to spin in a full circle before you let it go or no? Can you just do like that? No, I didn't really throw like a disc. I had no skill whatsoever in that department. Yeah. So I would just like, you know, let it go. Yeah. And. Sorry. It's all. Dude, what happened to me?

2:08:50I had a traumatic experience. I seen three gay dudes throwing a Frisbee in a Hampton Inn.

2:08:59A hot tub. Like a big hot tub. And to this day. Yeah. That had to be bigger than the place the tub you played Navy in. Because they were throwing the frisbee? Well, they were all just sitting there just kind of throwing it to each other. And it was just the most craziest thing I've ever seen in my life. Wait, what was crazy? The fact that it was kind of like a little sport. And they were only sitting like four feet from each other. And then they kept throwing this little frisbee to each other. I love that you described that. Would you say a dramatic? Would you say a crazy experience? It fucking broke my heart.

2:09:39Because that's when I knew that our military was done.

2:09:46That's when I knew, dude. Oh, God. To me, it sounds like a party broke out, though. Yeah, you're right. I think I got to say, and a lot of it for me is a perspective issue. It's like I show up. It is, man. I show up with a negative perspective. I'm like, look at these guys. Look at these Air Force guys or whatever. Oh, I must have missed that part. They were in the Air Force? Oh, no, no, no. They were in the Navy probably. You saw you weren't in the tub and you're just having like PTSD about the Navy. Was it you? I had a lot of bad experiences.

2:10:28That's hilarious. Well, mine went wide. And it was our neighborhood. and my dad saw a guy that he knew walking by in the street outside the other side of the gate. And so he was like, I'm going to, he just walked over to the gate to say hello to his friend. And he's at the gate talking to his friend and he threw it to me and it was like over, it went over there. So I was like, all right, I was walking to go get it. I mean, there was two things in this parking lot, me and my dad. And so I'm walking to get the Frisbee and then I look up and from the other side of the parking lot, I see a station wagon is now in the parking lot.

2:11:03And it's driving toward me. And even at that age, I'm like, I didn't mind. There's no way he didn't see. It wasn't like, oh, my God, a car's coming. I was just like, no, he saw me. And I'm walking to get the thing, and he's driving toward it as well. And I remember it so vividly. I got to the Coca-Cola Frisbee, and I looked down. and I looked and the car was still coming at me. It wasn't going that fast. I'm sure it was going like 10 miles an hour, whatever, something like that. And I went to go pick up the Frisbee. And my dad's talking. He's not looking. And I go to pick up the Frisbee. I remember I picked it up and I dropped it.

2:11:43I fumbled it and it dropped back down. And I had this moment of, do I pick it back up right now? I just remember being like, it happened fast and I went to pick it back up. And the next thing when I woke up, I was in my dad's arms, and he was running with me in his arms to get in his car, and we had to take him to the hospital. I didn't get any broken bones or anything. I got bruised up. But yeah, I blacked out completely. The car hit me. Now, in hindsight, I know the story. My dad got so mad. He turned around. He just, I don't know what you must think to see your five-year-old get hit by a car.

2:12:24Yeah. and I didn't know this until later on but I found out that he just went nuts and he ran, the guy hit the thing and he ran up to the car and he was like just punching, like get out of the car just punching the car and the guy wouldn't get out and he's like get up and he's trying to rip it and my dad's friend goes Sal, Sal don't worry about that, get your son you know and he was like oh and they just grabbed me and we ran and went to the hospital he was punching the car you know, but that was a big guy you know, he was punching the car and everything And then, yeah, so I got hit by this call Hold on, son!

2:12:57Yeah, it's like, stay with me! I'll be right with you! Smash! It later turned out that it was one of my kids in my grammar school's grandfather But anyway, and we sued him But it was like, man, it was really a disappointment of a lawsuit Yeah Because I got five, I mean, it was like, what was it? It was like probably 1981 But I got 5 ,000 bucks That's a lot of money then Yeah, adjusted for inflation from 81. Hit me out. And then I couldn't touch it until I was 18. And so when I was 18, I was 12 grand when I was 18. It was 12 when you were 18? Yeah, I think 12, 13 grand. That's about it. 5 ,000 to...

2:13:39That's a lot of money. 12 grand when you're 18? Yeah. What'd you do with it? You know, I don't really know ultimately, but I'll tell you what I thought I was going to do with it. I thought I was going to buy an engagement ring with it yeah that's what I told her I was like oh I'm gonna just take this money to buy you an engagement ring I love that you've taken like a like a like a knee from me so many times it started with the gout so many times you really like you really felt my pain thanks man yeah I mean that's a fucking god yeah when I get I'm gonna get her that ring and we're gonna get a little home or something it sounds like a there's so much like I haven't spoken about like it's just it sounds right now that I'm like yeah man my life with this woman and I'm still thinking about it it's like I didn't remember that that I was gonna do that but when you asked me I was like I think yeah I remember telling her that like I'm gonna get you a ring with this money yeah yeah yeah I think yeah well oh I remember a girl she broke out with me and then I got in like oh I'm gonna I remember calling her mom I'm gonna to buy her a ring, you know?

2:14:46And like, I took that avenue one time. Like, I was just, yeah, doing that stuff and planning ahead is, relationships are fucking hard. Especially when you're just figuring out about love and am I in love, what's going on, you know? How many, have you been in love? Yeah, I've been in love, man. How many times? You know, I think maybe three, four times, I think. You know? That's about right. That's about, I think, three for me. I gotta start dating towards a family, you know? You want one? I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Because otherwise, I'm like, what happens if you don't get one? Then you are, are you, it's sometimes it gets a little strange when I still go like to people's things or something and it's just me.

2:15:34I get that. Yeah, I get that. It's like, I got to start bringing somebody. Do you. But you want to bring some boot, like, you know, you don't want to bring like something that's not like potential. Yeah, right, right, right, right. So wait, so are you feeling pressure just externally because of those situations and maybe your age? Or are you feeling internally, biologically, like I long for this and I feel like I'm ready to, I feel like I'm kind of ready to start a family. Are you feeling that? or are you like where are you at yeah I think it's a little bit of both I think it's like if I'm gonna do it I have to do it at some point do you feel or I'm gonna be like my dad right you know or not really but I'll be I see what you're saying in a parallel yeah you know but I think there's part of me in that that's always like oh you could do it whenever I think that could have been my mindset that I got too you know like I can always yeah so you wanna put my shirt on I don't know man I got to set you up with somebody or something.

2:16:35I don't know. I don't really play matchmaker, but. Keep your ears open. People sometimes try to matchmake me, but I just got to be more like. But you're not looking for it? I mean, I'm keeping my eyes open. Nashville's kind of tough because it's a lot of like college and then a lot of married. Also now, you know, you're so, you're so famous. Like you're famous. You got to, like how you meet someone has to be a little more intricate now. Like you got to make sure you meet someone. you're investing your time in someone like that's for the right reasons. And like, that was the thing with me. Like my, my, my girl that I'm with now, I've been with since before I was like in the public, you know what I mean?

2:17:15It was like, it was like right. Well, just like right about that time. But I, I've known her, I knew her like, I would say like seven, eight years before, even before that. Yeah. So, you know, I, I didn't have to navigate being in the public like this and then trying to right you had somebody myself out there for somebody like that you know be vulnerable and you invest that kind of time and not you know um yeah it gets a little spooky because sometimes you're afraid to like message somebody if you like if you meet somebody online you know and you don't want to feel forced to like have to meet somebody that's also in like has you know i'd love to just meet a yeah i just want to meet whoever i'm supposed to meet yeah so i just want to make sure i'm able to be like in a good space you know and just be ready yeah you know yeah and i just feel like a little bit of that kind of change and like i think i'm ready for something a little bit more realistic you know yeah i i i never really talk about it um i never talk about but i uh yeah i was 43 i bet i i'm married yeah i never really talk about at all but um people know that i'm with my lady for a very long time i always reference her yeah you know She's wonderful.

2:18:24You've known her since back then? Cute, too. Sorry. I shouldn't have said this. She's wonderful. I'll say that. She's beautiful. She's my best friend, man. That's what I was going to say. Yeah, I was going to say beautiful, but then I'm like, dude, you can't say beautiful to the guy. That's, you say cute, right? Is cute weird? Dude, she's hot. Yeah. I'll just pretend I didn't say anything. Yeah. Honestly, dude, I'm so, so private. I just never want to, privacy is like the last thing I have. You know, once I give it away, I can't get it back. And it's just weird because I've spent a decade on television as myself.

2:18:55And so there's a different type of filter between me and the people that enjoy what I do and stuff. And there's a familiarity. And it's like good and bad. So some people are just very curious because I am so private. So that kind of brings Stokes curiosity. But then also just sometimes people, they just feel like they know me. And so there's a little bit of a line crossing. I was very private my whole life. so this is like to the umpteenth for me you know so like i just keep it i just keep that to the vest because it really what is what does it matter what does that detail matter right it doesn't matter you know and i but but it's but i also want to be able to speak freely about your own life i do that's exactly right that's exactly right and i i do want to talk about my own life and i was i was what i was saying was my next special that i'm working on now i am going to like i want to do it on my own terms and stuff so i am like it's going to be speaking about you know her on stage and stuff so i was like you know what i just gotta like you know just put it out there and stuff yeah it's important yeah yeah well yeah it's it's it's interesting it's like you want to be able to be yourself at the same time you want to protect the few things you have that feel like that they aren't public and protect her as a person because like you know you know how you know the internet is and all that stuff it's just scary it is you know and i just like i don't like it you know i want to keep the people i love the most away from it you know but but there's a sent to me that also wants to speak about my life and you know and you know i mean like i love her she's my best friend i talk about her but like she's always like you know if you say you say you know but you know she's like i don't mind if you you know you know and i'm like i just want to say good once i say it you know it's just a thing you know i don't know if i make more of it than it should be in my own head but yeah dude i've never really said it so uh i think one other time dang yeah well yeah thanks for talking about it man i felt make me comfortable thanks bro yeah there's been times in my life where I didn't want to say that I was dating somebody because I would think I was worried about what people would think or if people would try to find that person.

2:20:46Yes. You know, and but then at some points I felt bad that I didn't try and honor them a little bit more, you know, or if they felt like that, you know, that's the struggle I have, you know, and she's very understanding. She's the best. But like, you know, so it's like that balancing. It's balancing all those things, you know, and so it's even like it feels weird for me to even say it out loud. Yeah, I can tell you. It's a little bit nervous energy. Yeah, because once it's out of the bag, it's out of the bag. But it's like a big step. We can always take it out, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. If you think about that, totally fine.

2:21:17Yeah, right on. I mean, do you want to talk about building a family, or you don't want to go into that? You think you're okay? That's really going there, but I guess I'm going to do it as well. I mean, I don't know. Yeah, to say that I have a kid is like a... You don't feel like you have to at all. You don't feel like I think you have to. No, not at all, babe. Not at all. I feel totally comfortable. I'm just saying to myself, like... Dude, I have never really said it. It's like, you know, just one of the, you know. But, and I, so it's, yeah, it's just like, here it is. Does it feel scary to admit to yourself, you think?

2:21:50No, I've, I mean, even in my regular life. Yeah. I don't even, like, if you come up to me with my wife, this is my kid, like, I don't, it's, that's real life. Right. But why do people that see me for 22 minutes a week on TV need to know that? Why do people, you know what I mean? Like, in real life, I honor my real life, you know, but this is just like, this is entertainment for you. I don't know if I want to invite you in I don't want people to come up to me like Hey how's your wife That's a good point Yeah but I think it's more with the daughter It's like super protective You know what I mean But it's the best thing that's ever happened to me I mean If I start talking about her man I'll get tears in my eyes I love her so much I want to express that You know I'm so scared I'm so scared too What do you think?

2:22:38Yeah I don't know You know I don't have that response I don't have that Like something that I'm responsible for But also I wanna It's funny I think about that a lot I think about like If I have kids Would I let people know Do I feel like people need to know But then also Do I wanna be Honest about my own life But then who am I being honest to Like Can I still just be honest to myself And be like a good family man I think with podcasting I think it gets a little different Because It's like A lot of times we do share stuff that's real to us. And so then people get to know us in a different element.

2:23:11Isn't it weird? And you've been doing it so long, right? Yeah. And so talk for so many hours. And then sometimes you'll see someone come up to you and they know something intimate and you're like, oh, I guess I, because we get so comfortable with each other and you know, we're, and this is what, you want to have a real conversation, right? Yeah. And then it's like just so weird because over time, when you've talked for 1 ,000 hours, people can really like take notes and be like, oh, this is, they really know your shit. Oh, I'll get notes at breakfast. I'll be eating somewhere and somebody will be like, hey man, I could tell kind of how you were feeling.

2:23:38Just shit that we were like, fuck, I'm fucking fucked. I know. And it is weird because like, do I want to have this exchange with you? Right. It's sweet, but it's like, you know, do I want people to come up to me and be like, so how's your daughter? Right. All the time. Like, I don't want to talk to you about my daughter. You know what I mean? You might not want to, but then she's also probably super, I mean, I know you sent me those pictures. She's so cute. Yeah, man. God, that must be cool, huh? She just loves you. You know, you hear it. You know what it's supposed to sound. You know what it's supposed to be.

2:24:09You know what it is. You heard descriptions of it. You have it. You know everything. It's the best thing ever. It's hard. She's my best friend. You'll do anything for your kids. The reason I live, the reason I breathe. You hear it all. But then when it happens to you, there's not words to describe it. Wow. So I had her 20 months ago. And feelings I've never felt. imagine having a new feeling after 45 years 45 years a feeling i never felt in my life is unlocked and it's the deepest feeling that i've ever had in my life and i love my family i love my wife what was the feeling it's a feeling of inexpressible pure happiness and joy that you feel like you are floating in the air and it's overwhelming.

2:25:00You cannot process it. You can't believe it. You can't process it. To this day, I can't believe she exists. Every day I wake up and I take a deep breath and I look at her, I'm overwhelmed. I've never not been overwhelmed looking at her. I've never been able to process my love. The love is so strong that I can't understand it. It's tough, man. It's insane, dude. that's awesome it's and it's just there you know it's just there and it's not going to go anywhere oh and uh i had gotten to some deep some dark places really dark did you feel like it was gonna like that must have been shocking because you said that it's not going to go somewhere was there yeah like fuck yeah so just to think that i just to think that i will have her uh you know and then my brain is such that then it gets dark like oh then one day i'm gonna i'm gonna be gone and she's not gonna have me i'm not gonna see how the second half of our life plays out And then I go to depression And I'm working on this There's a weird thing where I could be like something so good And then my mind wants to go You're going to lose it though One day it's not going to be that So then I'm not going to know This is deep But I'm not going to know then how her story ends Isn't that crazy To think about The air I breathe is for her And then to just think that She might have a good 40 years Hopefully 100 years on this earth where that post me that I don't get to know.

2:26:27I don't get, the thing that I care about most in my life, I don't get to know the end of that. Yeah. So it's like this dichotomy of like this deep, deep, it's such a deep love, but it sends you because like if you let yourself go there. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of wild, man. Right, but that's also kind of a creative and, you know, it's a deep thought. and deep thoughts are, you know, depth has darkness in it a lot of times. You know, the deeper you want to get into stuff, the more, the more that can be in there. But wow, I've never even thought about that. It's like if watching your favorite, it's like you, it's like your favorite movie, but you don't get to see the half, you know?

2:27:07Right. But you got to make the movie though. Oh, dude, it's like nothing you've ever felt. That's crazy. Yeah. The feeling that you said that it's not going to go anywhere, that really sent me, man, because yeah, I think, I didn't realize until you said that there's this feeling always inside of me that that it's going to go somewhere you know that it's not

2:27:32you know that it's not like it's not reliable or something I think it even goes back to me like not knowing how to you know you got to check in and make sure people know you care all the time it's wild that I get to wake up to I wake up now at like seven in the morning every day, like, or, you know, we're eight, but like, but I was never a morning person. You know, I was never, I was a bartender. I'm a comic. Like I, I'm not that guy. And like, and I wake up and I, so here's another thing. I remember what it was like to feel naturally, organically, truly feelings of happiness, you know, whether it was just a general feeling or whether I got good news, like this feeling that would emanate, like a joy, like joy, like pure though.

2:28:22Right. You're all, you're a very joyous guy. But I lost that. Like, and, and for a while I got like, you know, I was depressed and I, I, I, I, I would register that I was supposed to feel happy and, and I would say, Oh, I'm so happy about that. But I would say, but in that feeling is not here. I'm telling myself that I'm happy and I'm happy. Right. This is great news. Or this is, Oh, that's wonderful. Oh, I'm excited. You know, But this thing that I used to have where it's like you walk around like with a pep in your step and you're cheery and it's coming out of you. Yeah. Like it's coming out of you.

2:29:00You're emoting it. Like it's beyond you. Your body, you're not in control of it. You're happy. Right. Not that you now live life and you know, oh, this is good news. I'm happy. I'm supposed to be happy. But it's not the same. No, and I stopped feeling that. What happened? It's amazing you're saying this. It's exactly how I feel a lot of times. I look at old videos of myself. I'm like, man, that guy was so happy. Right? And I would get really sad about that because it's like I have no reason not to be happy. I have such a wonderful support system, family, friends. I am so lucky in my life to do what I want in my career.

2:29:32I feel blessed. Every day, every day I know how lucky I am. I take nothing for granted. And so why? Why then do I not feel that? But the odd thing is that I can feel viscerally sad. I have immediate access to sadness immediate access and I didn't used to it like flip flopped and if I wanted to sit here right now and talk to you about something sad I could bring up something that's sad to me and in one minute I could be bawling and I feel it like I feel it emanating but the happiness it's kind of like I had to either work at it or just like accept this new version of happiness and with my daughter

2:30:18is free again it's more than it ever was it's crazy to have someone pull that out of you and it's it's at the ready and it's just limitless I don't need anything I don't need to access it if I hear her voice, if she walks in the room if I look at a photo of her right now something happens to my body that's cool man yeah yeah even if even if we don't i didn't mean to get this up hey we can save this and you can give it to her one day you know yeah i i didn't mean to get into this you know like i know that you you know it's cool with you like i know you go everywhere on your podcast and stuff no it's okay i hope your listeners are cool with it like i just if if we keep it in like i just uh i know it's not all it not laughs but no it's okay yeah it's dude to see that somebody how much somebody cares about their kid you know yeah i think it's yeah it makes yeah because it's funny that's where I'm at in my life is I think I'm like could I do it like would I be able to be okay you will you know like they say it's true everything is true you never know you think you're ready you will never be ready yeah something just happens man you don't know if you could do it you don't know if you're ready will you be a good this will you be a good that that happens naturally immediately I mean you it's just something a switch flips and you, it's not, could you do it?

2:31:46It's, I want to be the best at it. You know, it's, it's, the doubt is erased. The doubt is erased. You immediately, like you thrive off of it. You know, like it's, it's, it's, it really is purpose. I mean, all those cliches, all those trite things that people say, but it's true. You know, it's like, I thought I had meaning and purpose and I do, you know, I, I, I, you know, like I said, I just, I'm so lucky. And I, even like people are unfulfilled in certain areas, but I'm lucky. I love my job. I'm a comedian. I wanted to be a comedian since I'm a little kid. A little kid is all I wanted to do.

2:32:20And I didn't even start doing it like this until very late in life. And I, I'm so lucky that I did it. Cause I could imagine I could have never done it. It's all I care about, you know? Like, so, and I, so I always am like blown away every day that I am a working comedian. Like, wait, my dream came true. Like, it's wild to me. Cause you could be a comic too. and it's so hard to like stay the course and then to get by and make a living and all that stuff. And I really don't think, what is the percentage of comedians that get to that level, like that can say, this is my job. You know what I mean?

2:32:54Like, I don't know. But like, I never would believe it. And so that's, so I feel like I have a purpose and I love my family. Like I'm just, I am very self-aware and reflective and everything. But like then when I had, you know, my daughter, it's like it's like everything just melts away. Like it's like there's just one thing that matters. It's it's so fulfilling and it's a source of joy and energy and and just the love. The love is a different level of love. And so it's like it's not like, oh, I'm afraid. Like, oh, you know, I hope I don't fuck this up. It's like, it's the best thing that's ever happened to you.

2:33:39You're going to honor it. You know what I mean? Like you, you die. Like you become a new person. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I am, I am, I've had, I, I'm late in life. So I feel like I was, I'm always getting, I'll never be, you know, always getting in touch with yourself and learning. Oh yeah. But I did have a so late in life that I feel like I, you know, just to say like if I had a kid when I was 25 or 45, I know who I am more. So in that respect, I feel good about that. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you have a new title, you have a new job, you have a new purpose, you know. And it's so beautiful because everything that she consumes, how she learns life, how she learns what life is about and who people are and who she is and everything from just her brain developing and learning words and just to emotions and the things she observes and molding the person that she becomes and wanting to give her.

2:34:47do better than you always want to do better and do better. And, you know, and, you know, I'm, I'm always like trying to, you know, we fail, but trying to better myself. And like, she just, it's like on step on the gas, you know what I mean? Like everything I do, I run through the filter of her, everything now. Like, I mean, like it has nothing to do with her. I say, will this, if my daughter saw me doing this, if my daughter saw me working on this or talking to someone like this or speaking like this or handling myself in this way, like we'll make her proud, you know, it will set an example for her.

2:35:21And so like, I just like, I walk around thinking of that all the time now. And it's really great. It's really great to hold yourself to a standard, which I did before. But like I said, this is a deep new level and to hold yourself to the standard, but, but want to do it and be proud to try and then be proud to, and then succeed at it, you know, like, and know it oh hi i'm right i have an integrity you feel like i i'm big on integrity man i my whole life and so as a guy who has always been on like my word i give you my word i'm honest like i i uh i'm not i've tried to be genuine i don't fucking i can't stand phony people i don't like you know i just i don't i don't like people that aren't kind you know like i'm just very i don't know whatever my my work everything i do i try the hardest i can i kill myself with that shit But like, so being a person like that already, to then have the marker be her and how the person she becomes and how she thinks of me, what's going to be her perception of me, that's the highest.

2:36:21And so it's like the Super Bowl of integrity. And it's a wonderful thing. It's not a hard thing. It's a gift. It's like a gift. This probably sounds so corny to people. I don't think it sounds corny at all, dude. And it's like, I know everyone says it and I probably just sound like I just realized it, but it's like, like I said, it's just different when it happens. We never talk about it on here. I don't have a, yeah, I never really talk about like to friends about their, about kids or anything like that. And it's just funny because it's a place that I'm at in my life now. And I don't wonder how that'll look.

2:36:55And it's just funny how like God kind of puts things together and is like, oh, well, how about this? Why don't I connect you with this awesome example of a guy who feels like he's got, who has been bringing joy forever and found a whole new level of joy. This guy made 300 episodes of joy. And now I trumped him with one episode of joy. Right, right, right. You know? Yeah, it's wild, dude. Now it's out to end. The episode never ends and there's no commercial. There's no commercial breaks. Oh, and so your special is? it's coming out next week yeah it's great it's called Terrified it's on YouTube Savalcano Terrified on YouTube it's on 800 Pound Gorillas channel oh yeah they're great man I made my first album with them yeah yeah yeah so yeah I'm super excited about it man and a tour is going on sale the same day okay nice yeah I got the whole tour coming up jeez the next year Everything's Fine tour tickets at SavalcanoComedy.com so it's a big week you know next week wow yeah everything so hopefully Hopefully people want to come see me.

2:38:00Hopefully people want to come watch it. And want to watch it. Yeah. Thanks for coming and talking about that with me, man. Yeah, that's so exciting. So to have a big tour heading out right on the back of the special launch. And this is your first special. Yeah, this is my first special. Not my first tour, but to come out together, it's like a big hold your breath day. You know what I mean? Because it's been a long road. It's a long road for a comedian to get to his first special. It means so much. You know how, you know, I remember your first Netflix one. people are so excited when you yeah when you get a chance to do your first special it's like yeah i'm doing this i dude i worked so hard i mean i know we all do it's just like i was in this zone you know never mind that it's like 10 years of whatever the material but like just the last like ramping up to it the last six months i i spent hours on it every single day for like to the point of the day after i filmed it i felt like i was gonna pass out because it's like i can't believe i don't have to think about this thing oh yeah getting meticulous with stuff you You know, like every little thing, you know.

2:39:00Getting it like that. And everyone that worked on me with it, I just want to say thank you because they did such a – I had a huge team. They did such a good job. I think it looks really great. Like, it's just – I'm really – I'm proud of it, you know. I hope you – I'm anxious because, you know, like you get like people that just – they don't care. They're going to hate you no matter what. Yeah. You know, but I really – it's very – it's personal, you know. And, yeah, and then the tour launching with it, I hope it like – I just – I'm just hoping for – for big things, you know, like, you know, I just, cause I'm, you know, I just want to go ahead.

2:39:31Like, I just want to be full on standup. And, and, you know, like I said, I'm lucky that we got another season of the show and stuff, but you know, after that is kind of like what I, you know, what I'm jumping into, but it's been tough touring nonstop, you know, with the show, but dude, this is just like, I'm, I'm, I'm really, I'm just psyched. So thanks for having me. Thanks. Let me talk about it and stuff. Yeah, no, it's huge, man. I mean, that's like, oh yeah. Getting your first special. Man yeah I know We just realized that Your time We gotta get you out of here Yeah my flight board's in 17 minutes I'm sorry man I didn't mean to run out like that No it's okay I could have talked to you For another two hours dude Yeah same Same here man We can I'll have to come up And visit you guys Please And Come over the house Have dinner and stuff Yeah I'd love to man I love you man I love you buddy I'm just happy I get to spend time with you today Right on I told you I texted you I was so excited to see you You didn't disappoint I always love Catching up with you bro Thanks man Same Congratulations on your first comedy special Thanks bro You started off a comedian You still are man And thank you for all the years of entertainment Sal Bucano Appreciate you Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone Oh but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take