E516 Competitive Kingdom

35:35You don't know what they're doing.

35:39But yeah, it was just, there's just so many different little elements that kind of happen at a WNBA game. And some people are going to chirp me or whatever for having gone, look, you know, I'm an underdog. That's where I'm at. But yeah, it was a great, I had a great time, man. It was fun. It just, and I'll say this, the games are a little shorter. It's a little quicker. And you're attracted to some of the ladies on the court. So, you know, they got, it's like, damn. And you, it's just, there's a different thing going on when you are a man at the game, I think. And that's okay, man. It just is what it is.

36:25And so, I had a great time with my family. Dude, I had an amazing, some of my best, the best shows I've had in the past few years were throughout Idaho and Utah this week. I want to thank everybody that came out. That really meant a lot. Just even being in Las Vegas, you know, just getting to be in Las Vegas, dude, it's like you go to Las Vegas and the freaking advertisement goes by and it's me, you know. and I sat there with my mom and we rode in together for my brothers because we spent we spent Fourth of July with my brother. He lives in Springdale, Utah and there's nobody. It's 250 people there and he likes it.

37:12He likes the place and he likes being there and it was just nice. I got to go to lunch with my nephew and just be like you know what's going on bro you know and talk about his life and stuff and um yeah that was cool it made me feel it was nice i'm thankful to god that i got to have that kind of moment just where you know we got to go together and then i'm able you know i'm trusted to take my nephew out to lunch and and we just had a nice time we drove around and just talked stuff you know because i think maybe sometimes for nephews some some things they can't talk about their dads with i don't know but it was just cool you know and um yeah that made me feel like uh like i had some value you know like important like or just like familially like family importance or whatever they call it um but yeah we got to drop we got we rode back in with my mom and she came to my show on Friday night.

38:14And if you were at that show in Vegas, it was pretty cool. You know, I know my, you know, me figuring out like, my, like, yeah, I mean, my mother and I had a tough time growing, you know, we've had a tough time over the years. And, but she still stays, you know, she listens to every episode of this show. which is kind of wild because she couldn't be there when I was young. But I know she tries her best to show up as an adult when I'm now. And so it's just I feel, I don't know. It just, you know, and some of that's been hard for me to like evolve, like, you know, to forgive my mom and stuff. But, yeah, I'm grateful that, you know, even the people, like, I'm just grateful that my mom has been patient while I'm trying to figure this out.

39:21And go through it. And it's gotten a lot better. You know, it's gotten a lot better. And I'm just, I'm really thankful to God for that. You know, and to the powers that be in the world. Because I didn't know, you know, I don't know. sometimes I never knew if I would have any other feelings towards my mom other than discomfort. And that's not the case now. I have, like, feelings that pop into my head where that are new and different. So I'm just, yeah, I'm just thankful that, yeah, I'm thankful about that. But it was just fun, you know. that she got to come and see me do what I like to do. So I'm just grateful for that.

40:20Because every kid just wants to make their mom or dad proud. That's all they want to do.

40:27That's it. I mean, they want to steal their parents' car sometimes too. But outside of that, and they want to freaking hook up with a stranger, or with somebody from down the street when their parents are out of town or whatever. But outside of that, dude, all they want to do is make their parents proud.

40:49So that was really special to me. What else is going on? Sorry if I'm rambling. We haven't even gotten into any of you guys' calls. And really why, I feel the only reason I even want to do these episodes um is so i can check in with you guys bro no cap or for real sorry to say no cap at my age um and so you know i asked in the past the last solo episode and i try to solo episodes are kind of linked and so if you're not familiar with this podcast or if you're new to it um solo episodes are kind of linked and so um i asked in the past who listens to the episode so i'm just going to rattle off a few of them right here here we go hi theo my name is zeta and you're wondering what people do for work i'm telling you what my job is i grade beef yeah and i'm kind of a bigger girl if you know what i'm saying so it's kind of embarrassing because people probably think i'll sneak a snap or something but my job basically is like when you go to the grocery store and you you know buy a ribeye steak or something and it says like pine ribeye or choice ribeye or select or whatever that's what i that's what i grade it's a pretty cool job i love my job i love your job and i love you too thank you for grading that beef shorty give me a c plus i'll be good that's who i am you know i'm saying give me a 75 baby i'm good long as it look as long as you don't see my meat's contaminated baby we good you feel me who else listens to the show hey theo this is neil in wisconsin just uh checking in out here uh delivering carbon dioxide also known as co2 also known as carbonation trying to make sure that everybody's sodas are fizzy and remain that way gang gang amen baby keep it fizzy out there baby keep them bubs bubbing dog you know what i'm saying You that champagne, baby.

42:52You the champagne in my life, daddy. Let's hear more, dog. Who else listens to the episodes? Hey, Theo. I work as a social worker. Oh, damn. In some jails here in Nevada. I just want to let you know I listen to the pod. You're always playing in the background while I'm sitting here at the jail. after I see everybody and just wanted to give you a call and say, thank you. I appreciate what you do. I'm out there talking to people, keeping them going. And you're back here talking to me, keeping me going. Thank you. Oh, thanks. Yeah. I always wanted to go to jail and, uh, and I might sometime, I don't know.

43:37We'll see how bad my marriage is one day if I get married, but, um, but thank you, love. I appreciate that. And thank you for keeping them boys going. I know people make mistakes and they still need to, uh, they still deserve to help. to get help when they need the most help sometimes, baby. Praise God. You feel that on me, gang, gang. Let's hear another one. Hey, Theo. This is Danielle from Illinois. Danielle-a-noy. Baby, let's hear it. I'm a beauty school dropout turned production welder, and I just heard your pod, the merging, where you asked what everybody does for a living, so I figured I'd call in and let you know.

44:15Amen, baby. Thank you for calling. You's a welder, huh? You welding. that bead work huh i feel you baby won't you freaking me up a little steak baby that's what i would like to see somebody that you know steak by welder and that bitch is just fucking grill do it down that thing look like a bug it down dark mac nugget baby damn baby praise god let's hear more hey my name's Peyton and I am a school nurse and I absolutely love your podcast it's one of my favorites I just sit here dying well thanks Peyton I appreciate you I appreciate you for listening and God the school nurse dude if you got a school nurse that was hot dude it was like God just praying for cancer or whatever.

45:09Onward. I adored your podcast with Melissa Ansel, the school lunch lady. It was hilarious and so relatable. Oh yeah, she's on that lunch game, baby. A lot of broads in them meal streets. Hear more? I just wanted to call in and let you know that I was a nurse and I love you. And I do have a question. How hot is Joe Rogan in person? Well, Joe is a handsome guy. He has a great smile. That's one thing about Joe. When he smiles, it's awesome. He is very fit. I think he's a handsome guy. I'm not a woman. I don't know how, you know, women's see handsome, but for a man, that's, I think of him as a, he, as a handsome guy for sure.

46:14He is, people ask me about Joe Rogan all the time. Literally, I feel like I'm Joe Rogan, like, I feel like I'm a secretary sometimes for Joe Rogan or like, I'm like that, whoever the speaker of the house is or something. it's a lady with the curly hair for Biden who they always ask her questions I think Joe Rogan is very smart that's one thing about him people try to label him I think as different things sometimes he is a smart guy he has a great memory you can't really lie to him because he he remembers so if you tell him some shit it's just like he remembers and it's also nice that he remembers it makes him very endearing you know because he remembers things about you and about the world and yeah he's like a library that's one thing that I really think about him it's like if if they could make a library person it's Joe Rogan you can kind of show up to the desk and ask hey do we have a book about this and he will go into his memory because he's had so many conversations and um and informative conversations and he will share what he can remember or what he knows um and that's one thing that i think is very fascinating about him he's a fascinating man uh he really is and then when you get to go watch him do the ufc it's just like he's like commentating then he goes in the ring like it's fun man i just feel so lucky that he um he helped a lot of comics hell uh and fighters UFC people kind of connect in some weird way um so yeah but that's what he's like I think uh yeah and I think that's um exactly how I uh think about him and I know if yeah if I reach out to him about something he he's he's willing to be helpful and I also know he's a very busy guy so I respect his time um but yeah um what else is going on thank you guys for calling and let me know who listens um yeah hit the hotline 985-664-9503 just let me know who listens i just want to know who's out there um yeah what else man uh let's hit the news really quick we got some we have some callers that called in about their first time uh somebody touching their genitalia we're gonna get to that shortly and then a few other callers that called in um what's in the news today oh biden spotlights support for nato as he looks to summit help reset stumbling campaign um oh i already talked about that yeah that joe biden wants to be the president now they told him he was the you tell him he's the president for so long and then he just walks off believing and he's the president, baby.

49:15Let him cook, son. Let him cook, bro. That's where I'm at. He's our Bidenstein, baby. He's our Presnocchio, baby. You Geppettoed him. Now let him cook. Let him install. I want handicap rails along the Mississippi River. I want free Jell-O for anyone who can whistle. I want free Reader's Digest for all natural-born citizens. Let him cook, baby. let, I'm just so excited now that they made somebody believe something. And now they, that dude is like, no, you're not telling me I'm not the president. I'm running, bro. Things could not get any crazier, man. And so that's gotta be, we have to look at it.

50:02I think as the, in the excitement part, you know, um, is pornography causing a problem in your life? That's a good question. It's a real question. It has in mind. It has at certain periods in my life, watching porno and everything and watching porno was making me, it was ruining my life. It was ruining my life, man. Made me feel just so much shame. That's what it did. Well, watching pornography has become commonplace today. and oftentimes men will use porno to numb the pain of loneliness, boredom, anxiety, and depression. That's why I want to introduce you to my friend, Stephen Walt. Steve is the founder of Valor Recovery.

50:47He is a dear friend of mine. He is a dear friend of mine. And Valor Recovery is a program to help men overcome porn abuse and sexual compulsivity. that's right their coaches are in long-term recovery and they will be your partner mentor and spiritual guide to transcend problematic behaviors there is zero commitment if you reach out to them it's just the first step in trying to figure out if you may need some help if you can get some help to learn more about valor recovery please visit them at valor recovery at valorrecoverycoaching.com or email them at admin at valorrecoverycoaching.com. The links will be on the YouTube.

51:34And again, there's no commitment when you reach out to them. But I promise you, only something positive will come from you reaching out and figuring out what type of help, if any, could benefit you. Thank you. What else, man? Yeah, you know what? Actually, I want to share this, dude. I am, this is true for me. Let me see. I am, as of today, I want to let you know that I am 36 days off of masturbation and I am 42 days off of pornography. And that for me is awesome. That is awesome. You know, some people don't worry about that kind of stuff, you know, and that's fine. but for me a lot of my life I like if I felt uncomfortable like you know one day I should do an episode probably maybe about this kind of stuff but um yeah when I was young I didn't you know I had a lot of trouble relating to women or talking to women I was very scared of uh women and dating I think a lot of it was you know I didn't have a connection with my mother and I've talked about that.

53:05I'm not trying to beat that dead horse. But because of that, when you don't have a connection with your mom, that's your first connection with a woman. So I went into the world and I was just so scared. I just was so scared of any connection, any intimate connection with a female. And so when pornography came along, it was easy. It was like, oh, I can have some form of intimacy, but it's not it's not real you know it just it filled like this space that was huge in me i didn't know how big it was at the time and so that for a long time anytime i had a feeling or anything you know i would watch pornography or something or i would masturbate or do something like that because i just didn't know how to handle any of my feelings especially if it was a feeling about like um maybe dating or intimacy or whatever i don't know i don't know a lot of it i'm still learning about but um but yeah so to have this break uh to have this like space and yeah i mean i've had date you know it changed over time like it got better but it still was always this thing like, or if I felt uncomfortable in that, you know, I would resort to that.

54:24Um, cause it would make me feel something. It would make me feel some connection, even if it wasn't real. Um,

54:34so yeah, I'm just, I haven't had this kind of a time in my life where I've had that long off of those things and so i'm just really thankful for that man you know and um yeah i i i started working with my buddy he works at this valor recovery we do ads for them sometimes we do pro bono ads for their company because um i believe in what they do and um yeah so anyway maybe one day i'll do like a more episode about that kind of stuff about um being addicted to that sort of thing and um and that sort of thing maybe it would be you know something to do um anyway um let's get to some calls man you guys have uh spent your time calling in i want to see a lot of people have called in you know we we the last solo episode we talked about the first time somebody ever touched your genitalia which is a very important time in somebody's life because for most of your life, your genitalia, it's yours.

55:39It's yours. 99 % of the time, it's yours. It's your junk. It's your little fucking dirty little secret. But sometimes you let other people touch it and you let them get involved with it. And so that's what I wanted to figure out and see if we could get to some of those calls right here, actually. Yo, Theo, it's Mike from the Quad Cities. What's up, Mike? Quad Cities over there, and I believe that that's Moline. Let me see. Quad Cities, Iowa. It's Moline Bettendorf, Davenport, Rock Island, and Moline. We're coming to Moline as well, man. Let's hear more. Illinois, Rock Island. calling about the statement you made regarding when's the first time someone touched your genitalia.

56:35Oh, yeah, baby. That first junk, fucking too, baby. Because your whole life you've had your penis. You don't even know when you're a kid that you even have a penis. But then you get to like 12 and you're like, holy shit, dude, I got this wand on me. Or you're a woman, you're like, holy shit, I got this pocket on me, you know? I got this fucking little party oyster on me. What do I do? Let's hear more. Besides myself, it was on the basketball court at the fitness center. I was playing a five-on-five full court, and we was playing with a group of older people. I was probably 14, and they was probably around 40.

57:15I don't know. And there was a female, one of them, and she was guarding me. And I cut to the hoop, and she cut to the draw. You know what I'm saying? She rubbed her hand across that shaft. Well, homie, you got molested, buddy. And, you know, I'm not a cop or anything. You know, I'm not a detective for sure, dude. I can't even find my sandals that I fucking, I swear to God, they were at my apartment. But, yeah, you got molested, man. I'm sorry to hear about that. Let's hear another one. What do we got here? Hey, yo, this is Jayden from Indiana. He told us to call in about the first time somebody touched your genitalia.

57:59And I have a vivid memory of that, which was I had this gal over to my house when I was about 16. And, you know, it was the first time I had her up to my room. Oh, bro. The first time somebody comes to your room. It's so crazy. you're you don't even know what to do dude it's so the first time a girl comes to your room you're like what i've only seen this on the internet sorry man i just had to relive that moment it's such a moment onward brother i don't mean that i'm not trying to be creepy or nothing but we are creepy brother we're all creepy dude this is the first time we were alone together so it's just destined to happen that something was gonna go down and uh i remember the very first two minutes of my bro just tell us what happened dude this guy's just draw jesus bro tell us what happened onward very first hand job you know my cousin walks into my door and uh my door was a blanket tacked up to the door frame you know just covering the doorway there bro get a freaking door dude you're trying to get a handjob behind a blanket dude like you're some kind of magician get a door whitey fuck dude i hate that i'm sorry to be upset with you sound like you seem like a great guy but i'm i when people get a door man you have a whole room and you don't have a fucking door let's hear more man this guy he just bust through my blanket door what it's a blah it's not a door don't say it's a door tree fort whatever you want to call it of a door and uh he's like oh my god don't ever let me see you doing that again like dude this is my room and here you're coming through my fucking blanket door like an animal and uh it was just something else brother well you put up a damn doggy door dude you can't be shocked if somebody runs in through a damn doggy door, homie.

1:00:20Get well, homie. Praise God, brother. Let's hear more, dude. Hey, Theo. My name is Mandy. On your most recent episode, you asked people to call in about the first time that someone ever touched their genital area. Show anyone that thug. Yes, ma 'am, I did. Thank you for calling in about that. Onward. and my uh now husband uh we've been dating since we were both 15 so when he was over at my house my parents they were out in our hot tub and it was just us in the living room and we were watching um the movie water boy whoa whoa if somebody touches you'll freaking jump to water boy let's hear more and we started like making out and kissing and i was wearing these like dark jeans and he started he like put his hand down there and started like you know rubbing the area but oh my god he's a pervert but obviously you know we're 15 we don't know what we're doing he's like kind of you know being a little aggressive with it a little hard well my mom came in from inside and so we like panicked and like jumped up and then we looked at his hand and his hand was dyed blue like his fingers were dyed blue from rubbing my jeans so hard and then this is kind of awkward because we were only 15 so we couldn't drive home so then my mom had to drive him home so I was a little awkward but after that you know that was the first time so after that we got kind of into it and ended up riding his bike through a blizzard for a few miles to come do it.

1:02:11Wow, you rode a bike through a blizzard to come, dude? That's crazy. That's the kind of shit that I'm like, what?

1:02:26but you know we've all done things to ejaculate or to um i don't know what women do but to you know to pretend we're ejaculating. Wow, rode a bike through a blizzard to come. That's unbelievable. Well, but yeah, oh, I can relate. The jeans, the pant rubbing. Dude, I remember, oh, this is horrible.

1:02:52One of the first times I got, so this girl, like there was these two girls in school when I was in like seventh or eighth grade and they were like, they had like drank alcohol and smoked cigarettes and they were like they knew about the world you know like they probably like played with their you know vaginas or whatever and so my buddy and I went over there and I'm like dude we can't go over there dude these girls are like real girls like we can't handle that we're fucking idiots dude you know we're eating lifesavers and stuff we can't what are we gonna do we go over and this one girl, I rubbed on her, I just remember rubbing on her pants so hard and she had had, she was dealing with a menstrual cycle.

1:03:44She was dealing with a menstrual cycle that had come in or whatever and I just remember just, I mean rubbing on her like a damn genie lamp. I mean, just wishing. Just wishing. And at a certain point, you could see that it was like, hey, dude, this ain't the time to be using this lamp. So it's just, I don't know. I feel bad about some things. But yeah, driving through a blizzard to ejaculate is insane. Let's hear more. But again, so yeah, and now we're married. Oh, you're married now. Well, that's beautiful. Man, God loves and God lives. That's beautiful. Wow. Oh, man, that's good. Thank you so much for telling us that.

1:04:37Let's hear another call that came in. And this is about the first time somebody ever touched your cross. Because there's some times in your life you remember. There's times in life you don't. First time you went to Burger King. Who gives an F, dude? My mom used to work there, actually. Just found out that this weekend. Thanks, Mom, for waiting your whole life to tell me stuff about you. let's hear another call hey theo uh man the first time that i got my genitals touched was uh i was about 13 i just hit puberty and uh it was my 60 or 70 year old doctor uh seemed like after i hit puberty he would always ask my mom to go out in the hallway and so we can do the whatever and He'd fill me up and tell me to do different coughs and stuff like that.

1:05:31So it was definitely my doctor. It sounds like you got molested, buddy. And I'm not trying to accuse anybody. I don't know the guy. But if you stand in there and the guy is like, I'm going to hold your penis while you cough the Star Spangled Banner or whatever, then you are getting molested, dude. You know, you know. if the guy's like I'm gonna hold your penis while you cough the lyric or you know while you cough the beat to um forgot about Dre then you got molested you know and it's nothing personal and I feel sorry about it I don't know how else to say it um but yeah but yeah man you just got to take care of yourself dude and I hope you're doing better now and I really do hope that man I really do.

1:06:22And I love you, man. Let's hear what else is going on. Let's hear another call. Hey, Theo. This is Yvonne from Texas. Hey, Yvonne from Texas. Thank you for calling. I have a very interesting story for you. So I'm black, right? Okay. And that's fine. I know a lot of black folks. Onward. And I was chatting it up with this white guy, right, that's like 40-ish minutes away from me. And so he called me on Snapchat, right? So, like, we're on a call. And then he says that if I was a slave, he would buy me. And the worst part about that story is that it turned me on a little bit. So, I don't know. What are your thoughts on that?

1:07:24I mean, you know, I think, well, different things turn different people on, you know? There was a time in my life where I would put chocolate on women's back, you know, and call them chocolate backs or whatever. And that shit would, you know, make me, would, you know, turn me on and make me want to just fucking, just really just rattle inside of them, inside of those women. and there's, you know, I think if he said, if you were, I mean, this is crazy to be saying, if he said, if you were a slave, I would buy you, but then what would he do? Would he set you free? I think that would be my question.

1:08:10Because if not, this guy is a sex trafficker, you know? So that's where I'm at with. I would find out the next chapter of this book, you know, how many years a slave, you know, that's what I would find out because that's some, that's some wild shit. But then I, you know, I think there's some people that don't care, you know, a lot of some of that stuff, it just, it's so far in the past. Some people are able to just look past it and they think that it's, it can be okay. It can be a Halloween costume or whatever. We had a Halloween costume one time. it was a mixed couple that showed up to our door and they were like in like a slave and like slave owner role or whatever.

1:08:51And the woman had the guy on a leash or whatever. So, you know, some people, it might be like a party thing. I don't know what kind of parties there are out there. Like if there's like any like, like Harriet Tubba Palooza or whatever. I don't know the kind of stuff that's happening. I don't know. I'm attracted to black women. I think some of them are taller than me, but some of them aren't. But I don't know. I don't know anything. But I hope you guys are still in love or whatever if you want to be. And I hope that you got – this isn't funny. I hope you got emancipated if he was willing to do that because it sounds like you guys are into some weird shit.

1:09:39What else do we have going on?

1:09:44Here we go. We got a call right here. Hey, Theo, I needed some help, man. I figured you was the guy to call about it. So I got an uncle who's handicapped, and he's in a wheelchair, and I had to carry him in. Well, hopefully he's in a damn wheelchair. Hopefully y 'all ain't just dragging him around, you know? Let's hear more. To carry him in to the house because he can't walk or anything. And I touched his wiener a little bit. And I was just, I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact, you know, that we make contact. And I was just trying to figure out if I was... Y 'all didn't make contact. You touched his wiener, dude.

1:10:33That's what you just said. You touched his wiener. If I go to a zoo or something and somebody's standing there looking at the pandas or whatever eating popcorn and I touch the guy's wiener, it doesn't have anything to do with him, that guy. He's enjoying animals and eating carbs or whatever. I'm touching the guys. If you carry somebody in, let's hear more. This is confusing. My uncle who's handicapped, and he's in a wheelchair, and I had to carry him in to the house because he can't walk or anything. And I touched his wiener a little bit, and I was just – I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact, you know, that we make contact.

1:11:18Yeah, look, now I understand a little better. So you was carrying him, and he touched his wiener a little. Now, I'll say that if you carry him back out and touch his wiener and he keeps saying, hey, carry me in, carry me out, carry me in, carry me out, carry me in, carry me out, and then you got to change his pants or whatever, then that shit seems illegal to me, dude. Then you guys are gay, I think. So, yeah, I think if it's – but if once a day you carry him from here to there or whatever and touch his wiener a little bit or just keep him fired up or whatever about the next day or whatever, I think that's fine.

1:11:51But if you're carting him all over until he ejacks or whatever, then you, to me, you're a bad guy. And that's what I'll tell you, brother. And I'm not judging you because I don't know you, but you've been touching that guy's wiener. And he's handicapped.

1:12:14That's the scariest thing about touching a handicapped guy's wiener is they can't stop you. so if you want you could do unlimited touches on it and that's where the devil lives brother um what else do we have going on here here we go we got a call right here i like this man i can already tell by the tagline hey man this is cody from alabama i just calling to to say hey and tell you that i appreciate you I listen to you every day when I'm at work. Thanks, Cody, man. I appreciate you too, brother. I appreciate you calling as well. And just taking some time to share some of your life with us, man.

1:12:56Onward. I work for a machine shop, but I took some advice that you gave when you had Dave Ramsey on. You had suggested ways of, you know, making extra money. So I went and bought a pressure washer. and just as expensive as things are now. I've got a family. I've got three kids, and, you know, they're not cheap. So I just needed an extra way to make some money. So I took your advice, and, man, I'm cleaning up. Like, I'm getting, you know, one or two jobs a weekend now. So I just wanted to call in and say thanks for the advice, and I appreciate, you know, everything you do. Hey, man, thank you so much, dude.

1:13:48I'm going to reach out. I'm going to hire you for a job, dude. I got your number. I know you called in here from the hotline. I'm going to hire you for a job somewhere. I'm sure I got a friend down there who could use some pressure washing, so I'm going to put another job on your calendar over there, my boy. Yeah, I appreciate it. Look, man, thanks for trying it out. I think it's something, it's like, you know, it's that next step of how do I become my own boss? How do I work for me? You know, how am I in control of what I do? And the pressure wall is just the most simple little thing. But people don't want to go out and deal with it.

1:14:25You know, I remember when I first moved to Los Angeles, I put up flyers. I said, I'll clean your refrigerator. Clean your refrigerator. People don't want to clean their refrigerators. You know what I'm saying? you think about it, you clean your whole house, but that bitch is fucking weird in there, and there's some weird things on the wall, there's some damn mustard here, something sweated on the fucking glass or plastic in there. You know, I remember doing that, man. Putting up flyers, I remember fucking getting called people come clean my refrigerator. Some lady, I went over to her house, and she kept showing me her damn, her damn produce drawer, you feel me?

1:15:03She was showing that. right over there off of damn Barrington, brother, out in Los Angeles. Amen, brother. Thank you for trying. I'm going to hit you up. I'm going to email myself right now so I don't forget. I'm going to hit you up and I'll hire you for a gig. But I appreciate that, man. And congrats for you. It's the little things where you start to take control of your own life or just trying to like, okay, well, how do I be a boss of myself? you start to learn about yourself some of it's kind of fascinating i think to to be brave enough to do that let's take another call that hit here uh uh just calling again from michigan just wanted to let you know i passed over the month mark yesterday and i'm uh over a month sober now let's go my dog

1:16:03man that's so cool dude wow

1:16:10wow man thank you for sharing that with me bro hell yeah that's the best thing about the program dude is when somebody gets a month or gets a year and you just you know that you've like you've been there so you can feel that excitement so much you know just that feeling that something new is possible.

1:16:33That feeling that something new is possible, that's the feeling, man. That was the feeling I would get when I was stuck in like addiction or stuck in like mourning over like a relationship or something and you finally get that day, that one day where you feel like something new is possible. Man, thank you for sharing, man. Sorry to, you know, I'm almost kind of stealing your joy here. But, yeah, it just makes me feel so good, man. You know? Because to be a month away from the pain you were in, that's what makes me feel like.

1:17:16You know, it's just so important, man. It's like to be a month away from that pain you were in. You know? And I'm not trying to read your life or anything. I don't know, you might have been fine. But just so many times you see guys and you can feel that just like that, hoping that I'm a month away from the pain that I was in. And I think maybe I just even think about it for me. But it's something that a lot of us can relate to in program, dog. And I'm so proud of you, bro. Congratulations, freaking relations, boy. I will eat somebody's ass, dog. You feel me? Better be a woman. And what's up? And it's actually quite great.

1:18:01Everything's kind of shaping up. I've found God. Yeah, but a little show. But when you put it together, the Lord, I will say this about the Lord. Once you do your shit, he kind of come around. But I don't say so. Sometimes when you ain't doing your part, he, you know, the Lord kind of waits you for you to start a little for he show up. I ain't judging him. But that's what the Lord kind of do, bro. I got a whole new meaning in my life, man. And I'm doing it for me, man. I just wanted to let you know that you're an absolute inspiration to me and many others. And I keep doing what you're doing. Oh, I'm just a retarded guy.

1:18:45No offense if anybody's retarded, man. I just am just a human being. And you are too, man. And we're just trying to be, you know.

1:18:58you know and I know it's weird to connect through a fucking radio or whatever but I think we're so like I don't know we're starved for connection I think I don't know maybe I am I who knows but I'm just proud of you man I really am and I can hear in your voice bro that you're proud of you and I think that's what I think really makes me feel something you know just hearing somebody be proud of themselves just at a cellular level to hear somebody man man i'm proud of my you know you don't have to say the words but we can feel it so that's great man amen brother god bless that what else do we have uh Let's hear one more about the first time somebody touched your genitalia.

1:19:51Let's hear it. Because it's such a crazy time. Hey, Theo. My name's Holden. I live in New Brunswick, Canada. Holden. Thank you for calling, brother. Talking about my first time someone touched my genitalia. This was back in high school. I was at a party. You know, we drinking. And this is the first time I'm kind of drinking, too. So I obviously don't know the consequences of what that does to your genitalia. Oh, you don't know the consequences of what drinking does to your genitalia. You understood, Onward? I see this pretty girl, and I strike up a conversation, and one thing leads to another, and we're in the bathroom.

1:20:28But my little Peter decides not to work, and I'm embarrassed. I'm like, ah, this never happens. Oh, yeah. Every now and then, your penis will file for unemployment. Onward? It never happened ever before. she's like oh it's okay it's okay we get out everything's fine go to school the next day my new nickname baby dick and that situation kind of sucked but we're past it now yeah we're past it but you just told everybody about it um but yeah that's tough dude i remember when i was a kid if a girl even tried to touch my wiener i would just say my wiener's super long. I would repeat that over and over again almost to try to trick them.

1:21:12My wiener's super long. My wiener's super long. My wiener's super long. My wiener's super long. And they would touch it. I think they didn't even fuck. They were like... One girl, I remember her pulling it. Like, is there more of it? It just doesn't seem like there's that much more of it. So I think, yeah, there's a little bit of reverse psychology there when it comes to somebody touching your wiener, you know? But it is what it is, man. But thank you for sharing that with us, dude. And just, yeah, it's such a time in your life. All right, let's finish this episode. I want to say thank you to everybody that came out in Idaho and Utah, everybody that came out in England and Ireland, everybody that's come out everywhere.

1:22:00I think one of the disappointing parts about not doing a lot of solo episodes is not being able to thank everybody for the different shows and different weekends. Man, I even did a show in New Orleans, and I don't even know when I was on stage if I thanked the people that were from my hometown for coming. Some of it's nothing purposeful. You're just going. I mean, sometimes you just don't know what's going on. You're just trying to keep your head above your shoulders.

1:22:30But I just want to say thank you guys for bearing with me and I'm trying to focus the second half of this year. I want to start some type of a foundation or something and start to create ways to give back to people or groups or something. I don't know what it is yet. I know we've talked about it for a while, but I just feel it in my heart all the time. I know we all feel that. I have so many people that reach out and I'm like, I just want to help people. I just want to, you know, and so, yeah, I don't know how to start putting that together, what it is. And some of it I think I'm just going to pray about, you know, and see what God shares with me.

1:23:18But, yeah, just thank you guys for just giving me just a lot, just something to do, you know. thank you for being a part of my life and uh let me be a part of yours i mean that hi ceo um it's david froiland from indiana what's up david nice to hear you call brother young fella here obviously it sounds like or a man with a very young vocal box onward my whole family is a big fan of you they listen to you all the time I am personally I think you're one of the funniest guys on the planet and you keep doing what you do man god bless and don't ever let anyone bring you down okay bye bye see you I love you gang man I appreciate that

1:24:24you know it's kind of funny it's almost like it's like a kid like me calling from the past or something

1:24:36you know i wonder if that i mean i believe that's a real person and obviously it's not me calling from the past but i think it's interesting how voices come in to your life or and it could as just as well be you calling from the past imagine if little you could call from the past and say, hey, man, we love you and don't let anything bring you down. Man, how cool would that be?

1:25:06And maybe sometimes even as humans, as adults, we can sit there and we can take that call, you know?

1:25:14If I were to just sit there and kind of lay by myself in my bed or something, it may sound crazy to some people and that's fine, or sit by myself in my car and just almost, visualize, you know, that it's a young me calling. Let me play it again for myself here. David Fraulein from Indiana. Okay, let's not play his name because that makes it not me, but let's play the rest of it. My whole family is a big fan of you. They listen to you all the time. I am personally, I think you're one of the funniest guys on the planet. And you keep doing what you do, man. And God bless him. Don't ever let anyone bring you down.

1:26:00Okay. Just a little thought. It's just kind of funny, you know, if I could sit there and think if a young me called, man, what would he say to the future? You know, what would he really say? I don't know. All right, let's take one more call that came in, man. Hey, Theo. This is your fan and supporter, Tommy Gill from Roanoke, Virginia. Tommy boy, what's going on, Cat Daddy? I just want to tell you, bro, you came back here this past October and killed it, man. I had a really good time at your show, man. I had a blast, dude. And I rocked that Rat King t-shirt everywhere I go. and people always ask me about it.

1:26:44I tell them, look you up, man. Thank you, dude. I appreciate that, man. My brother has a Rat King T-shirt that he wears sometimes and it's like it makes my day when he wears it, you know. You know, I know he wears it because he's proud of me, but it just, I don't know. There's just something about it that makes me feel good. Anyway, that seemed a little bit weird. But thank you, dude, for sharing. Thanks for coming out to Roanoke. dude i felt like that was a tough show kind of to be honest with you but uh i appreciate you coming out onward uh i just want to show you support man i just hit a uh uh alcoholics anonymous uh i got a month chip today it's not the first time but i did do that today so i'm feeling pretty good about it man and i just wanted to share with another person in recovery and someone who understands because I'm a little lonely out here, bud.

1:27:43Yeah, tell me why. That's awesome, dude. I know we had another call a minute ago about it, but that's awesome, man. There's just something about it, bro. There's something about it. And thank you so much for calling and sharing that with me, man. I'm sorry it took me a while to get to this call. But yeah, man, there's just something about it. 30 days off of anything, bro. 30 days off looking at your hands. and see if you can do that. People can't do 30 days off of anything. So to do 30 days off of something, man, it's just so powerful. Because it's you saying, hey, I want to have a say in how I behave.

1:28:23And there's no judgment against people that don't do it. It's just because some people don't need to do it. They're fine. They're behaving fine. But fucking guys like us, Tommy, other girls will be here soon. You know what I'm saying, brother? that girls are never coming Tommy oh man dude I'm so happy for you I really am just like it makes me it feels like my heart just comes to the top of my fucking body and smiles or something you know onward yeah man I hope you're doing well man you know we all got problems but I think our problems are a little more manageable when we're not drinking and when we're not trying to suppress our feelings and we can clearly think about it.

1:29:14Listen to that. You hear that? You hear what that is right there, guys? That's a young man who has a little bit of clarity and he's able to see his life a little bit more as when you're viewing something, like looking out of a window as opposed to viewing it where you are looking out of a drain.

1:29:42And I'm not judging. I don't know what your life was like before, tell me, but I just think it's like for all of us. You're not looking from the complete bottom up anymore. You're looking out of a window or a third-story window. Just something you can get a little bit of a view and you can realize that everything's okay, that you have a chance. Man, I love you, bro. I appreciate you making that call. Just filling us in, dude. Because, yeah, it's moments like this, man, that make other people think that they can keep going. And me, too. You know, it makes us all think that we can keep going. You know?

1:30:22Because I believe that God picked us to live out here in this life. And I think that that means something. And I don't know what it means yet, and that's okay. But there are moments when I connect with other people, like in little moments, that I almost feel like I find the meaning of what it means to be alive, you know? It feels like I get a little closer to it every time I make an important connection with somebody or have a moment with somebody. I'm not trying to glorify myself or anything, but just every time there's a moment where I see two people connect. It could be somebody waiting at the airport, you know?

1:30:59Sometimes you get to some airports and you see somebody waiting for their loved one to get home from military sometimes. They've been in service. And you'll see somebody waiting for flowers. You'll see a guy waiting for flowers for a girl that he cares about. You don't see it that much anymore. But when you see it, there's like a moment like that. Or if somebody's walking with their kid and the kid looks at you and you smile or wave at the kid. And you're not a pedo or something. You're a regular guy, just happy to wave at a child. like oh that me it just there's little glories like that little moments like that in life that make you feel like okay maybe I'm on the right path here anyway sorry to get in all kinds of shit today but what do you expect dude I'm a fucking WNBA game goer I'll admit it dad

1:31:55but yeah I'm just, thank you. Thank you guys for being a part of my life. We're going to go out on this show the way that we come into it, baby, because we didn't do it right on the way in, but we're going to go out right on the way out, baby. Let me slurp that teddy. Sorry. The devil said that, but he used me to do it. I love you guys, man. Be good to yourselves. You know how it is, baby. Bishop Gun, dog, the way we do, son.

1:32:35I'm just sitting on your front porch Wondering how could I be so far from my home Gang, gang, baby! And my mind is somewhere else But when I find it I'll patch up where it's been blown

1:32:57Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be calling a stone Oh, but when I reach that mind I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take a little time For me to set that parking brake And let myself unwind Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I will sing it just for you you guys be good to yourselves baby praise god man i love y 'all and um i'll see you guys soon and i thank you for being a part of my life as always the hotline 985-664-9503 baby gang gang i'm upstairs

1:34:27Thank you.