E527 Lobster

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0:28I have some new tour dates to tell you about. These are new. I'm going to let you know, Colorado Springs in the Colorado, October 23rd. Casper, Wyoming, October 24th. Billings, Montana, October 25. And Missoula, Montana on October 26th. Looking forward to getting into that beautiful part of America. Also, we have shows this weekend, Las Vegas, August 30th and 31st. Then Bend, Oregon, Spokane, Portland, Vancouver, Oklahoma City, Northern Little Rock, Springfield, Kansas City, Sioux Falls, La Crosse, Green Bay, Moline, Lafayette, and Beaumont, Texas. Get all your tickets at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R.

1:18And thank you so much for supporting live comedy. And make sure you go through that link. Otherwise, you'll end up on a secondary site. And those aren't the prices that we are charging. Gang. I hope everybody's well today. I was touching my legs earlier. I never touch, I, I know, you know, I realized as I get older, I never touch my legs. I just, you know, I'll touch the top of them a little bit. Rarely do I just, I put my hands just along my entire leg on each one. And it just, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. So good to be here and I hope you're having a good day. I, what's going on? We just did a run of shows up through Connecticut and Maine and then out to Moncton, which is in New Brunswick, which nobody, most people didn't know existed, to be honest with you.

2:27Nothing against them. People just, nobody, nobody knew. and uh and then we went out there to Halifax and just beautiful beautiful in the summertime that whole stretch and you know and I and people like law they like lobster out there I noticed that people like lobster and at first you know you get like it's interesting because as you go along that coast up there it gets you know how people communicate about lobster gets it changes i noticed that for sure um like you're if you're in providence rhode island a guy will run up with a gun and be like hey you want some fucking lobster you know but as you get for if you if you you know it's it gets less aggressive and just more like into the word as you get up towards main you know they're like lobster you want some lobster and then uh bang about to banger main like you want some lobs they just keep saying like everybody like i don't care if you say it or not but everybody you talk to wants to talk about all the and then you get further out to New Brunswick and Halifax and they're just like, yeah, I want some lobster.

3:55You want, yeah, you want some lobster. And it just, I, I, I'm amazed how just, I just, I guess I'm amazed how much people love lobster and that it just said it, people get it. It's involved in every conversation as you go up that stretch of the country and of the nation and of the world. And we'll put some of it up on a map so you can see what I'm talking about. But everybody, it's just like, you want some lobs there. No matter who you're talking to, they're like, yeah, we're going to have some lobs there. Tiffany's having a baby, and so somebody's cutting up a lobs. over there. So just fascinating to witness that.

4:53And just, we were really on the, up on that lobster trail up there. But beautiful to see in the, God, it's just like nature is just showing her cooter up there. It is, that whole area is just like, God dang. Mother nature got some new tits. You feel me? It's just like that, that kind of vibe up there so um that was beautiful we got to do that what else um went to a farmer's market uh yesterday i don't know if you've been to one of those recently um there's we get there there's a guy like selling a mitten you know he had one mitten or whatever and he's he's trying to he was saying like well if you have once the one hand is warm then you put it on the other hand i'm like i i just if i'm doing mittens dude i'm doing both mittens you know i'm not trying to be like a creep or whatever but i just i want to i want to do both mittens i don't want to you know i don't want to be some guy who's just swapping putting a you know changing his mitten onto a different hand each day or each 40 minutes or whatever so that was like a concept a guy had this guy like one mitten andy or whatever his name was he had like a little booth and that um they just have the weirdest shit you know they had a guy selling secondhand tomatoes uh and i'm like dude i you know i don't want i just want to make i just i want the tomato i want my own tomatoes you know i want tomatoes that have no mileage on them when i get that bitch i don't want a bunch of old fingerprints on it or like, you know, I don't want, um, the tomato, I want to, I don't want to look at the tomato and it remembers its old family or whatever.

6:47I just want the tomato for the first time, you know? And I feel like at farmer's markets, that's the stuff you get, you know, you get like a lot of, like, you just get like a lot of crazy stuff at farmer's markets. you know you'll get um they had to do with like a bunch of lamb eggs or whatever like he he had like 11 lamb eggs and i'm like how do you even egg a lamb how do you even get a egg out of a lamb you'll see some dude who had like the freshest milk or whatever it's like fresh milk is so fucking fresh. The most naturist dude has milk just pouring down his fucking chest. It's just like thick milk.

7:40If you put your ear up to the little jar of milk or whatever, you can hear the cow wisp. It's that fresh. You can hear the um cow just being like this is my milk or whatever just real super fresh stuff over there they had everything's like farm to table and like they had farm to table tables they had actual tables and i was like damn that's that is that's that is that's farm to table you know um and then there's like little tents where like there's like bitches selling whispers and shit and you're like what and yeah for like three dollars some some bitch will whisper to you uh so that was crazy they had everything there they had like um they had like paleolithic eye drops or uh some dude in it with a baby bjorn with like a dachshund in it or something and he's just giving him just fresh milk boy and he just just bottle feeding a fucking dachshund some dude and um yeah and they have like real farmers and stuff and then they have just like like lesbians that get up early or something that are saying that they're farmers or whatever it was um i don't know it was just it was a farmer's market man you've been there they got carrots they got fucking um you know you can get your you can get your name carved in a carrot or something you know Scotty was here or something 1997 or something you know just shit like that they'll do that kind of shit like carrot carvings you know there's people they'll fucking there's some girl with big lips and she'll just suck earwax right out of your skull for fucking nine bucks that kind of stuff man so that was that that was that was Yeah, that was, I guess, kind of some of what's been happening.

9:44A lot of touring. Thank you to everybody that's come out recently. I'm a little tired today. I'm going to like a wellness retreat for a few days. So I'm looking forward to that. What else? Well, there's more. We'll talk about it, man. We'll talk about it in just a second. I want us to get into the episode. um so yeah i feel a little all over the place but that's okay you know that's sometimes how we feel and uh yeah i just i wanted to uh yeah to just spend time today baby praise god let's get into it gang baby

10:28this is there is a light Whenever you're down, out in the cold Faithless and dark, your story's untold Come take my hand and walk there with me I know a place where we can be free There is a light shining for you Guiding your way Helping you through Shadows and gloom Are all that you see We'll find a place Where we can be free Gang baby That is There is a Light By the Stone Keepers Featuring David Manuel and if you like that music uh or that style of music then you like it and that's okay um what's going on um been oh yeah i've been a quite a time i went to uh professional bull riding the other night and i've been involved in some pretty you know some naughty stuff baby You know what I'm saying?

11:55I've done some things with some ladies that you definitely, you know, you'd cover the kids' eyes type of behavior. But I've never seen any of the, I don't want to call it romance or whatever that's going on. But they just, because they get these young fellas, a lot of them, and they put them on these animals' backs. And I don't know if the bulls are male or female. That's the part that, you know, because I'd ride a, you know, I've been on some thick things, baby. But, you know, and that's, hell, that's, you know, if you can't afford heat, baby, that's what you got to do, baby, you know. A thick girl, baby, that's just that wiener mitten, baby.

12:47If it's winter, you know, it is what it is, baby. That's love. love that's the dang lord's freaking love baby um but uh what was i saying oh yeah but i don't so yeah i don't know if there's any i guess there's no eroticism in it but i'm sure for some of the fans there is um but watching that was fascinating my buddy matt west he's been on this podcast before. Him and Jess Lockwood came on and he invited me over there to PBR to watch the games go on. And it was fascinating, man. It's great. If you get to go do that or rodeo, you know, I talk about that a lot. I love those events. And I'm surprised that there's not more gay men watching rodeo, I think, you know, especially for the times when it's a male rider on a male animal.

13:48Because you can't see that kind of, you know, you got to pay a lot of money to watch some illegal shit, you know, some illegal streams probably to see some of the stuff that's you can almost witness or imagine when you see some of these uh fellas you know just i mean just riding these animals god and it's yeah it's like i don't know some of it some of it's a lot but um yeah what else dude uh we went to interview donald trump that was crazy bro i'm like we go up there and now there's like a lot of secret service getting into it was at bedminster golf course so there's a lot of secret service getting in there so you got to stop here and this guy kind of touches your pockets or whatever and this guy you know somebody's reading your ribs or whatever they got a mystic out there reading your ribs they You got to, you know, people patting you down, people patting you up.

14:55One dude's patting you up. I'm like, oh, this guy's, you know, obviously doesn't have a wife. And so, yeah, you stop. There's a couple locations you got to stop and get frisked and patted and wanded and wizarded. And, yeah, they just ask you craziest questions, you know. Like, they'll be like, oh, what's your middle name, you know. And then they'll be like, oh, does your mother fuck a lot? And you're like, what? all right you know they but they're trying to you know see where you're at and see if you know anybody from rush or whatever and i had like 40 minutes from when i got there to when it was time to do the interview so only had a limited amount of time and i had to you know i had my clothes with me i had my uh suit coat and i had two shirts i had one pair of boots one pair of regular shoes

15:48and bathroom kit, hairspray, just to, you know, look the best that you could. And I was super nervous to get in the room, and I'm just kind of making sure, you know, the producers, Zach and Nick, are there. My tour manager, Bizzle, is there, my right-hand man. And so we were, you know, just getting everything, like, organized and making sure it all looks, you know um just like we normally do making sure everything is legitimate and and then they had and they had like the flags in the background i'm like holy shit bro we are you know we are where this is like the damn pledge of allegiance came to life bro it was you know it just felt super real at that moment and there's like a um there was a secret service guy kind of over just like in one corner of the room i believe it was it was just a guy and and he was kind of by the near the restroom and so i was like i'm kind of afraid to go piss or whatever because i didn't want you know i don't know if they if they're like listening to you piss or whatever i don't know what they're everything that they do or whatever you know if he's like thinks i'm like you know using pp or piss or whatever to do like morse code into the water or something, you know, I don't know all their training or whatever.

17:13So I'm like super scared in there. And I was, I, yeah, I, um, ended up just peeing in what they had a, uh, cup, like a red solo cup that I brought in there with me. I peed in it and then just poured it into the toilet, dude, like along the side of the toilet wall. So it would be real quiet. You know, I just, I was kind of, I think I was getting super paranoid. And then, um, so anyway, it starts to get like uh we talk with his advisors people start to kind of come in just to make sure everything's cool um and this room has all been like uh searched or whatever and uh you know drug dog bomb dog uh sword i think they had a sword dog come in um two dogs just came in we're like who the fuck are these dogs dude you know and one of them ate a thing of peanut butter crackers that my buddy had but um so anyway so we're sitting there and like you know I'm going through like my questions and my thoughts and you know uh and yeah I was just nervous like you know uh yeah I was just kind of mostly I was just nervous I think you know I'd met uh Donald Trump before a few times at UFC and I'd met his sons enough so that, you know, right when I saw him, I could say, Hey, you know, I met you with Dana White and yeah.

18:43So he comes in and I kind of walked over after he came in. Cause he was like, not in the little place where we're shooting yet. And just like, you know, said, Hey, and just let him know I was thankful for his time. and and then we sat down and sorry if this is getting boring I'm just trying to think we sat down and yeah and then yeah we just went through the interview you know and I thought one thing that was nice I thought it was nice that he said that his son had had been the plug to have me come in you know um i know dana white had had obviously helped a ton and made it happen but um that he'd asked his son is this a guy's uh podcast that i should do so i thought that was kind of neat just to know that he like you know checks in with his son baron or whatever about um about different stuff you know uh so that was that was yeah it was cool it just went so fast i only had a kind of a limited amount of time and it went so fast and the next thing you know we had to wrap it up and i was like i i couldn't i wanted to ask like one more good question but i didn't know what to ask um and i know that um sorry i'm saying um a lot guys i think i'm nervous even reciting this for some reason i I think I just feel like a lot of energy or something.

20:24I'm not sure. I feel kind of activated, I guess. That's where I'm at today. So, oh, so I had one more question, and I wanted to ask him. Michael Jackson used to live in one of the buildings that he owned. So I wanted to ask him about that because we've been trying to learn about Michael Jackson. So yeah, that was it. And then it went pretty quick. And then he had to go do something. There was the next thing that he had to go do. And then some of the workers came up that worked at the golf course. And we walked around and took some photos. I got to meet Ivanka Trump and her husband Jared, which was pretty cool.

21:10And it's rich there, dude. They got a nice, they got a pool where all the umbrellas are nice. You know what I'm talking about? The umbrellas are nicer than, it's the kind of umbrella where they take it away when the rain comes. You ever been to somebody's place like that? like when it rains they put the umbrellas away because they don't want them to get messed up and it's like well that's its job so they had nice umbrellas they were like probably 200 thread counter 700 and um yeah and the umbrellas i think had a special pattern on them or something this was what somebody was telling me one of the security guys was telling me there's a special pattern on the umbrellas where birds will not defecate on that on that umbrella if they're passing by because it's like an optical illusion or something.

22:03So I thought that that was pretty cool, man. When you got enough money or enough nice stuff where you're, you know, the birds aren't even shitting on you. You're like, damn, that's nice. You know? And that's crazy to know that just because if you're poor, the birds shit on you. So that was like, that kind of blew my mind. I was like, damn, I want to make enough money one day where the bird, where, where, you know, I'm free of these, you know, these chains of bird shit or whatever that bind us. What else was interesting about it? I'm not trying to brag about it. I just think that some people would think that it's interesting.

22:43You know, I wanted to talk with him. I wanted to learn more about his, just his family a little bit if I could. Yeah. I wanted to ask that Michael Jackson question and I forgot I wanted to ask if I thought that if he if he thought that he had a better chance of running against Biden or Kamala and yeah and then I just wanted to talk to him you know I wanted to you know I know he had a brother that passed away from alcoholism and I wanted to uh just to talk about that just to learn about it a little bit and and see what that was like you know because i know that a lot of times we talk about that stuff on here and if people if there's a way to talk about it with people so but yeah i was super nervous it even makes me nervous i think even thinking about it uh i wore like a suit coat or something um and that made me you know that just makes you fucking nervous you you know you just feel like a damn stuffed animal when you put those things on you feel like just a little teddy bear or something you know you feel like you're just supposed to do you know like you're just supposed to get angry at your secretary or something and uh and then cheat on your spouse or whatever you know just you know you just feel like you just can't handle it kind of shit like those jackets kind of make me feel like that too but I wanted to um be respectful you know it's definitely it's a respectful environment.

24:17And I'd never gotten to talk to a president. I mean, you know, I'd gotten to say, you know, see one kind of in passing and, but it was just fascinating. So that was, yeah, that was fascinating, man. And then, oh, this was one thing that was really cool. So afterwards there's a restaurant at the golf club in Bedminster. you know it's really i mean it's beautiful but the grass all looks like it actually went to super cuts you know not like a just somebody did it with a mower it's like so you know like somebody you know it's like the the lawn looks like it waited in a chair for its appointment with a barber it's just nice and um oh and there's secret service this is the craziest part.

25:07So there's people playing golf and then there's just secret little setups of secret service people with, I don't know if they're cannons or whatever, you know, hand cannons or something, you know, artillery just placed in different spots. So yeah, I think you just got to be careful where you hit, where you hit your ball over there. But so there's a restaurant. So we go up there and I'm sitting and I'm eating dinner before I have to leave. I'm getting some dinner with one of his staff members and we're sitting at a table. It's just me and him. Um, the guy I'd been communicating with, his name is Alex.

25:44Nice guy, really creative guy. And then Trump comes up for dinner at some point. I didn't know this. And they play the song proud to be an American when he comes up, right? Which is kind of, it's crazy. You know, it's a vibe and and uh but they play it and so the song so everybody's standing up and kind of clapping and um and you think the song's over right it's a kind of a long song and then it's like you think it's like over and then it's like and i'm proud it does it one more time you're like all right let's go for this ride again and then he sits there he keeps at his table he keeps the ipad with the ox cord or whatever.

26:26And so throughout the meal, he's just playing songs. You know, he played... What did he play? He played some Poison, I think, Unskinny Bop at one point. I think. I'm trying to remember. He played... Oh, during Soup, they played Trick Daddy, which I thought was... That was awesome. You know, I've never had Soup to Trick Daddy. And then... baby because i'm a thug and then oh at dessert i that during dessert they played smooth criminal which i thought was the best thing ever bro uh so anyway the whole thing was it was just interesting you know it was like and it all happened so fast and then i left immediately to the airport so it just all happened so fast um if you're like me you're constantly thinking of ways to keep things safe around you, especially in today's world.

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29:00What's not normal is not getting help. Better help, that's who you can call. I'll let you know that better help, if you're thinking of starting therapy, That too you should try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. That's right. Never skip therapy with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash T-H-E-O today to get 10 % off your first month. that's better help better help.com slash theo and we thank better help for supporting this podcast yeah and that's what went on man you know that was the interview and um what else oh something great that was that happened recently we got to go over to stowe vermont and go swimming they had like a beautiful uh it's like a beautiful town if you've never been there it's really great even in the summer i think it's a skiing place but apparently the skiing i think is like um it's like east coast skiing whatever that means i'm not sure what it means but but during the summer it's nice they have all these like uh places you can swim and cliffs and we went fishing up on this like kind of small mountaintop or this like really high hill

30:34yeah that was pretty magical I'd never gotten to be in that area so that was pretty stunning to be up there and just be even close to where people start talking about

30:48yeah it's like however you can say whoever says the deepest is like the best person in town or whatever it gets to be the mayor once you get into Maine and up there out in the you know that eastern can and it's like lobster every now and then there'd be like a Mexican guy and he'd be like lobster and he'd be like hey lobster this guy he's doing it differently you know cause there's the old fashioned white guy who's like lobster and then you'd have the Mexican guy that's like hey lobster you know hey que paso que lobster and then you'd have a brother in there and be like lost dog lost at all lost though where these hoes at lost a lost a so anyway that's what's going on over here you ever had a lobster riley mal you ever had any lobster i have nice brother and where'd you have it is that a traditional food in your aquarium or whatever?

31:55It is not. Okay. Okay, and where'd you have it at, Buddy Bear? I had it up in Boston. Ooh, yeah. That's where they'll punch the fucking lobster to death. They fucking fist cook it. They'll be like, get it, get it, get it. They hit it 45 times in a row, you know? and that's where some girl up there will give a lobster freaking bj wearing a uh kevin euchless jersey or something you know or a dustin pedroia jersey and she's up there bj in a lobster was it good up there buddy it was nice man uh what's been keeping you busy riley mal Wow. You know, just working. Oh, yeah? Yeah. And you're feeling good.

32:47How's your health and your body and everything? Really good. Really good. And how do you know if you're healthy? What signs do you get from your body? You know, just if I feel good. I feel good. All righty. Anything new in the dating world? Uh, kinda. Yeah, what you got, you little squirrel buddy? What happened? Um, well, back in March, I, uh, had a little, little incident with a, with a girl. You had an incident? And was a, you mean like, was a cop involved or it was? No, it was more, um, I met her at a bar. Mm-hmm. And then went home with her that night. Whoa, whoa, bro. and where was the lord brother that's what i want to know uh it was up there wow okay bet man um all right we'll come back i want to talk to you about it in just a minute man i want to take a couple of calls i want to look through a little bit of news here um what happened i see oh trump brought out rfk jr in arizona um you know we got to have bernie sanders and donald trump come on you know i i loved uh bernie sanders i felt like he got really just screwed over by his party i thought that that was really messed up i'd always hoped that they would have had a trump and sanders ticket i thought that that would have been interesting you know i know people don't like politics and stuff and i'm not uh i'm not i don't really care who people support you know i think it's good to vote for sure i sometimes wonder what our vote means anymore but but that's out of our control right now.

34:42You just do the best you can and you go vote. That's what I feel like, or for me. I'm not telling anybody to do, you do whatever you want. But I thought this was interesting though. Oh, because I always thought it would be interesting if you had, like whoever didn't win the presidency should be the vice president. That way you still you have to have like a not an enemy, but somebody who has different views in your same thing so that you guys have to like negotiate and figure out the best thing for everyone. You know, that's something that I always kind of wished that that's the way that things were, you know.

35:27So like if a Republican won, then the Democratic nominee was the vice president. And if the Democratic won, then the Republican nominee was the vice president. I always thought that that would be interesting because then it creates constant, constantly where it would seem like you're having to work together to get a solution on different topics and stuff. But I'm novice and things like that. I don't know. But, yeah, getting to meet with Bernie was amazing as well. I'll talk more about that next week. What else was I thinking? Oh, but Trump brought out RFK Jr., you know, and I love Bobby Kennedy.

36:05you know, he and I have been friends for years. Uh, he is, people can think whatever he's an awesome guy. You know, he's just a good guy. He's a, he's, I feel like he's just dedicated. He cares. He's smart. Um, and I think he wants wellness for people. And so that's why I think it was pretty fascinating that, um, that Trump offered him a spot if, if he gets the election And the Democrats kind of shot themselves in the wiener or the trans wiener or whatever people have to have. Now, I'm not claiming anybody has anything, but because they should have, you know, they didn't really make it. They made it so hard on Bobby to get on the ballots that he didn't really have a choice except to kind of join a side with the hopes and the promise.

36:57it seems like that he will get to be in charge of or spearhead the things that he cares about most, which are people's health and getting like big pharma out of our bodies, you know, and out of our influence and everything, I guess. I don't know. I'm rambling. I'm going to get off politics now because people have different thoughts about it. But anyway, I just thought that that was interesting. it's funny because it seems like Trump is just being different you know even when you saw like when he brought out Bobby Kennedy he like it was just more it's felt more thoughtful than he had like spoken in the past um you know I don't know just seemed kind of interesting but that but I thought that that was that that's super that that Bobby has a chance to get a job uh or not a job because he doesn't need a job but that he has a chance to get like to do what he really cares about.

38:01I thought that that was pretty super. And then people, you know, people say, oh, well, Trump, you know, people often refer to Trump as like a shady businessman. But it's funny because politics now, it's not like who's the best person or anything anymore really politics the whole thing is a shady business it's a dirty fucking business that's compromised at every corner it's not about who's the best it's it's it's about the it's so you need a dog in there i think that's one thing i'm realizing you need a dog in there because yeah politics is just a dirty business so yeah you You don't hire a peacekeeper to do a thug's job.

38:54I know that. So anyway, what else happened? There's a U.S. pilot, it says here, who took magic mushrooms and tried to cut the engines while they were in midair, I guess. Oh, this is pretty interesting.

39:11An Alaskan Airlines pilot who attempted to shut off the engines of a passenger plane mid-flight after ingesting magic mushrooms said his actions were unfathomable. And some of his first public remarks after he was indicted on 83 counts of reckless endangerment. Wow. Unless he was listening to that song, I Just Wanna Fly by Sugar Ray. If he played that while he did it, that's kind of a vibe. I don't know. I've never been a pilot on drugs. What else? The Taliban says he wants people to visit Afghanistan. I'm good. No, you know, I'm good.

39:52And, yeah, that's what we got, man. We're going to get to some calls here in just a second, and then we'll check back in with Riley Mao and see what's going on, baby, and seeing if that little bust guppy has some, if he's been churning that butter, baby, you know what I'm saying? If he's been buttering that lobster. We'll be right back. Man, when I put my Tommy Johns on, I feel good. I feel comfortable. I feel, it almost feels just almost athletically emotional in a way. I feel calm and capable. That's what Tommy John does for me. Tommy John fabrics can keep you two to three times cooler and then dry four to five times faster than regular cotton.