E530 Bobby Lee

24:13Alley for the East. Yeah. And then who else is in the Wizard of Oz? They had Cowardly Lion. We had the Panda there. You know what I mean? What about the Scarecrow? Do we change that up? The Scarecrow is... He was full of hay or whatever. Hay, yeah. Rice maybe. Yeah, maybe dried rice. Dried rice. Yeah. Right? Yeah, long grain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We do long grain rice with our house. If you had an Asian poor name, it would be long grain. That would be good, huh? That would be good. Yeah, long grain, dog. This episode is sponsored by PrizePix. Indeed. Do you love firing on sports? Well, PrizePix is the best daily fantasy sports app for you.

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28:26Take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTime app, create an account, and use code WEEKEND for$20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code WEEKEND for$20 off. Download GameTime today. Last-minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. Can I just say something about you? You are one of the nicest guys I think I've ever met in comedy. Really? Yeah. Thanks, man. Can I give you my list? Yeah. Okay. And you'll probably know. We'll talk about men. Okay. I'll talk about women too. But I think, aside from you, let's grade them from 1 to 10.

29:26Niceness. You're singing in well, but let's do it. It is. Okay. Because I'm only going to give you names that are like nice. Okay. Greg Fitzsimmons. Oh. Oh, my God. Nine. Out of 10? Yeah. For sure. And he has a new book that just came out. What's it called? It's a special. And he has a new video book that just came out. A special. Yeah. On YouTube. He was just on your podcast about it, wasn't he? No. Greg Fitzsimmons. Yeah. You know me. So check that out I love Greg Alright so let's go Fahim Anwar Oh Nine Nine Yeah I don't think anybody wants to be a ten Right They have a little bit of thing that makes them not be a ten Yeah they're sick perverts Yeah yeah yeah So that keeps everybody a little lower Nikki Glaser

30:14Eight or nine For men Sex If she's supposed to be male then she's doing a bad job. Female, nine. Yeah, for a female, I think she's a nine. Yeah, she's nice. Let's try to find a ten. There's no ten? The nicest? The nicest guy in comedy. I don't think I can find a ten then. Because if fucking Greg Fitzsimmons is a nine... Maybe Jelly Roll. Sebastian. Sebastian's a nice guy. A nice guy. For a busy guy, he always tries to communicate and stay tapped in. But he's also... But he's only... Oh my God, I don't want to get in trouble, but... oh god I try to edit my you know I gotta edit my shit now man so I gotta think clearly dude but um I want to say so I I believe if you're in his visual range yeah right somebody that he has a relationship with yeah right um that he's a 10 I think he's a 10 but I I don't think that if you're not in his visual range or in his ecosystem, it's hard to get in.

31:19Yeah. Because he's so elusive. He'll park his car, he'll do a set and there's no way of like, you know what I mean, going, yo, yo, yo, I'm a comic too or whatever and developing a relationship. I think the people he knows is who he knows and that fucking roster is filled. Yeah, that's what I think. I think at a certain point you've done all of that and it's like you only have so much bandwidth. You have children, you have a wife and parents. And I think it's just, yeah, that's, you know, I don't know if doing a lot of that fucking glad handing and shit. It's not his shit, really. Yeah, but you're good at it.

31:58Well, I feel desperate probably to be a people pleaser. No, because the truth is last night when I was with those two girls. Three girls you were with. No, the other one was a stray. Well, whatever, dude. She knew that I was going to probably go say hi to you. Yeah. And she went to your show? Well, it's funny that a stray went missing around an Asian, huh? Asian, yeah, yeah, yeah. BLM, BLM, yeah, yeah. But, and I knew that I'm like, yeah, come meet Theo. I don't have that thing like, oh, this could backfire. Yeah. You know, sometimes people are like that, where like a girl will go, hey, can I?

32:36Oh, okay, so my friend Alan Meadows, I grew up, I went to high school with him. he was at the store maybe a month ago and he's never been to the store and he's never he's like so like he's one of those high school friends that is just so stoked for you you know what I mean and I and I I love this guy and we're at the store and he sees Marc Maron and he goes can you introduce me and for a split second I was like I don't know you know I did it yeah and Marc was also eating pizza Which I've never seen him do I've never seen him eat anything I know Me either So it's scary to introduce But he was nice But you don't know Well Mark doesn't pretend a lot I don't think So I feel like you're going to get the real Mark It's like Bill Burr You're going to get who they are at that moment Do you get scared around him?

33:33When you walk up to him Bill? Bill Burr And I feel bad it's just me He came on the show last night, dude. He jumped on the show. Yeah, I know. It was fucking awesome, dude. I stood on the side and I was like, I need to go home and work right now. I did not want to tell a joke. He just, he is, I mean, he is the best, maybe. I think he's the best. But there's just something about, like, me and Andrew were doing Bad Friends. He was upstairs, I guess, as an editing place. And he was editing a special. We didn't know that. So we're just doing Bad Friends. He just walks in. we had no idea and it was almost as if i was tongue-tied you know i mean i mean i he's done tiger belly a bunch of times i've been to his house i'm friends with him i love the guy right but every once in a while i get tongue-tied like i don't know what to say and i'm always like like he's one of those guys where it's like you let him talk yes and then you go yeah man that's cool that's how i was last night i was all embarrassed i was like it was almost like a hot chick was I know, yeah, he's a hot chick.

34:36And you're like, at the certain points I couldn't even look at him, I'd just look at my other friend and we were both like supposed to be listening to him, but we're both looking at each other. Yeah, he just, and he's also a super nice guy, too, which is also rattled. I kind of wish he was a dick. Well, I think his material is so like him that there's like something that's intimidating about him, but I don't think he means it to be that way. No. I think his material is just so... It's in our heads. Oh, totally. It's so funny you said that. Yeah, it's in our heads. Because he left and we're all like, oh, dude, were you feeling like...

35:09When I went back there, the residual of him being there was still around. Yeah. People were like, oh, Bill was just here. Yeah, it was like... And I go, I don't give a fuck! It was like the Wizard of Oz when that storm hit. People were like putting their windows back together and shit, you know? Yeah, yeah. Maybe he could be the wizard in our Asian Wizard of Oz. Anyway, I'm going to tell you something that happened to me the other day. What would you do in this situation? But do you think it's because we're intimidated of his talent? Sorry, I want to go back to what you're saying. And I'll go back to what you're saying.

35:39I just wanted to know. No, no, no. It's good. We can just cut. It's fine. Okay, they're just, I'm going to tell you, like we did with The Nicest, I'm going to tell you who, just in my opinion, when they're around, it has the same vibe. Okay? So, Chappelle, obviously. Chris Rock. Yeah. Like, Chris will go, what's up, man? You know what I mean? and I'm always like, I like you. I get really tongue tied with that dude. That dude, One Christmas dude. Have I told you about this? That's his movie, One Christmas? Yeah, it's such a great movie. Is it really? One Christmas dude. I was on a date. I watched a movie with this girl.

36:23Have you been to this Third Street Promenade? Yes. So then I went to this date and I tried to hold her hand in the thing and she kind of scooted away. I couldn't get no vibes from her. And afterwards, the Brookstone, well not Brookstone, what's the bookstore? Barnes and Noble. Barnes and Noble. Dude, all right, there's a better way to say that. Her borders books, which Kamala Harris hasn't visited the whole time she's been in office. Yeah, Barnes and Noble, dude. Right, so you know how they have the magazine section? Yeah. So me and her wandered in the, it was just during Christmas. We wandered in the magazine section.

36:58Two Asians, a couple periodicals. No, she was white. Oh, she was white? A couple of one Asian. Yeah, a couple of one Asian. And a honky. Yeah, and a honky, dude. Meeting over some frickin' southern living. I like it, dude. Yeah, yeah. And Chris was there. What? Yeah. And I swear to God, dude, I had, you know, my relationship with that dude is just pound, say a couple of words, and you're out. Yeah. Right? And he comes out and he looks at the girl. I swear to God And he goes This guy right here One of the funniest In the business Wow He goes Merry Christmas He walks away I hooked up with that girl That night Fuck yeah That was a layup But he's one of them You know who's another one?

37:41For some reason Sarah Silverman Very sweet She's so sweet But there is a little bit Like I want to watch What I want to say I want to You know what I mean I'm a little Self aware of how I'm behaving Yeah You know But then there are people That I don't give a shit Like Like Santino I don't give a shit He's my friend I mean that's what it is Real friend? Bad friend Yeah, Don That's what he is Yeah And he's a BLM guy, he said Bobby Lee Matters, he said Yeah Are you intimidated by Joe Rogan? I think maybe less and less over time He has such a good memory It's almost like Dude, he is a computer chip He is people don't realize it dude he knows everything he just has a really good memory what was I going to ask you about oh dude where were you would look so no you've just been looking more like kind of put together I feel like I feel like you're in your fisherman era you know you know what I'm talking about like boat bobby kind of like live bait bobby I've gone through some things and I've evolved that little yellow bad boy that piss scallop.

38:54You know what I'm saying? That fucking hero. Piss scallop? Yeah. Oh, this must be. Did you hear that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a. But you call me piss scallop. No, I didn't say that. Yeah, yeah. That's something that they said on. That's something somebody. Is this broken? I can't even hear correctly. Yeah, maybe my ears. Yeah, yeah. My ears, dude. You didn't say that. Dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's change something. Dude, where were you when Trump got shot? Let's talk about something else. What do you mean? Where were you when Trump got shot, man? Where was I? The president got shot. I know. I don't really remember where I was.

39:35I was at home. I was at home. And, you know, when I wake up in the mornings, I have a coffee. And I bust out my iPad. And I just start, like, I just go to news. I just want to see what's going on. Yeah. And that was, you know, and then I remember just watching it going, what a sad day for our country, man. Yeah. You know, what was he like? Donald Trump? Were you nervous? He was, I mean, he's kind of. Were you nervous? Yeah. Like more nervous than you've ever been in your life? Yeah. Yeah, I would be too. And then when he, I gotta know, when he walks in, right? I mean, are you, do you have things planned?

40:13Yeah, I had some ideas, but I think I was super nervous. I had a long week and it was like, you ever have like a date you're excited for, but you've had a craziest longest week and it finally friday night comes or something you're like yeah but that's what it was yeah that's what it was and so it was like um you know and so i just and i knew i had a limited amount of time what was the time probably 52 minutes we had 52 minutes yeah that's a long time though yeah but i know we can go fast and he can get on some he gets on some tangents and he'll go goes in now yeah so i didn't why i was like you have to kind curtail him a little bit you know and so I tried to do that.

40:51With the clips I've seen though I think that you were pretty you were good. Thanks man. Yeah you know yeah you were good. I tried my best you know I thought it was interesting I thought he was nice. I got to meet Ivanka and her husband that was cool. Oh that's cool. Yeah there's a lot of Asians for Trump out there do you know that?

41:10How do Asians feel about Trump? Let's say it, man. Can I say something to you? Yeah. I'm not the president of Asians. I seem to think that you seem to think that I'm their leader. Like every month there's a gathering, right? And I get all this information from people. Yeah. And then I go out to the world. I'm their spokesperson or something. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You're like Kim Jong-un. No, I'm not Kim Jong-un. You're like a smaller version. You're like scam Jong-un. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I think that Kim Jong-un and I come from the same body type. I would say that, yeah.

41:47Right? Like if they made a factory of like Asians, I'm the same mold as Kim Jong-un and Benedict Wong. Yeah. You know Benedict Wong? I don't think so. You ever see Doctor Strange? Nuh-uh. You have the very emperor's body. That's Benedict Wong. Oh, you guys. Yeah, that's the era you're in right now. Yeah, so that's like the same mold. He's a great guy, by the way. Wow. Yeah, but it's like, you know, and he just went more action with his body. Good for him. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you have very like the emperor that inherits the castle type of, you know. Thank you. Thank you, dude. That's the best. Yeah.

42:23But I want to say that I don't know if there, you know, I know Stephen Chung. You know him? Yeah, he's, I think, look up Stephen Chung. I think he's an attorney for Trump, is it? Stephen Chung. Yeah, Republican. Yeah, he's with the Trump campaign. Yeah, yeah. So if you want to ask about Asians and Trump, ask Stephen. Yeah, that'd be cool to meet Stephen Chung. Did you see that Asian guy? Looked at the Asian guy at the Trump rally. You see him? No, tell me. Bring it up. Oh, yeah, this is it. Oh, this guy. Okay, what happens to this guy? It's like gays and Asians meeting or whatever. This Asian guy meets this woman.

42:59Let's see what happens. I like to smile. I'm serious right now. I don't know. Guess how old I am. 22? 16. You're 16. But if you wanna kiss me, I will kiss you. Don't act scared. Come on. This is my first kiss. Come on, bend over. I can't reach you.

43:19I came through this film probably to find love. I wanted to find me a good American woman. I'm not a woman. Oh. I'm not a woman. Wait, what? He keeps thinking I'm a woman. I'm a man. Yeah, yeah. That kid kissed that man. For Trump, bro. He kissed a dude for Trump, bro. That's a Gajian right there for sure, dude. Wow, bro. That was fucking weird. It's almost as if it's like AI or something. Wow. G-A-I. Brian. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. His name's Brian. Brian. Yeah, I don't know what went wrong with him, but, you know. Yeah. Play that last part again. Yeah, tell you. I'm trying to find love. I want to find me a good American woman.

44:09I'm not a woman. Oh. I'm not a woman. Wait, what? He keeps thinking I'm a woman. I'm a man. Yeah, yeah. Whoa. That's Elton Young. Yeah, yeah, dude. Wow. Wow. Are there more Asians than Trump? Do Asians support Trump or not? Okay, I think some do. Yeah, I'm sure some people When it comes to the economy probably You know what I mean? What is this one? This is a Trump country We live in the southeast We drink sweet tea We don't drink socialist Kool-Aid Wow So they're out there This is a sweet tea country We don't drink the Trump Kool-Aid What does he say? Socialists with Kool-Aid Wow, dude. I wrote that speech for him.

45:04Did you know that? At the meeting I did. You're the speech writer. Yeah, I'm the speech writer, dude. He said it perfectly the way I wrote it. He did. Yeah, the Kool-Aid, Socialist, all that shit was in there, dude. What a great guy. What percent of Asians are supporting Trump, though, do you think? Yeah. Let me ask you something. With this line of questioning, are you trying to get what my political affiliation is? No. I ain't gonna tell you dog and I have to say this I'm in the middle what are you? I am that's a good question man because obviously there are things that I like you know I like both sides like a woman's right to choose I don't give a fuck I want them to have the right it's not me it has nothing to do with me I just think I'm in the middle of one side kind of.

46:00You know what I'm saying? A little bit more. What do you mean? Huh? So you're in the middle of one side. Yeah. Well, okay. I think I've always been, I mean, I love the fact that Trump brought over RFK Jr. Yeah, yeah. I'm still pissed that the Democrats railroaded Bernie Sanders for an eight. Me too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, is democracy even real in this country anymore? Okay. I don't know. Okay. That's what I don't even know anymore. I don't even know if all of us are just being played. That's what it starts to feel like. Yeah, I generally don't like talking about politics, but I'll say this.

46:35I'll say that one side, you know, is more supportive of what I do for a living.

46:51What do you do? Okay. Okay, comedy. You mean comedy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You mean freedom of speech or whatever? Yeah. Okay. I think one side is a little more sensitive than the other side, and so, you know, I struggle with that fact. Yeah. You know? Look, man, I voted for Obama and I voted for Trump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm not a, I am open to anything. Yeah, I've never really voted. Really? No, I voted for Obama one season. You did? One season I did. Um, what, uh, but are Asians? You see, here's what you did. I want to go back to the, remember the original question I had? Yeah. Like from 15 minutes ago?

47:32And then you were like, oh, I want to go back to that. And we never did. Oh, about what? I forgot. Being bisexual or whatever? No, no, no. No, after that. I didn't even explain it to you. Something happened to me the other day. Yeah, what was it? I was going to ask you, like, what would you do in that situation? Yeah, what was it? so I was at a gas station right and I'm pumping gas and there's a guy like right in back of me pumping gas you know and he looks at me and he goes yo dude can I get a photo right and I dude that day dude I went through it I was beaten down I was tired I was in a really bad mood and I go yeah okay and he goes ah never mind then because I wasn't enthusiastic about the photo.

48:23Right. You know, what does one do in that situation? I think you just got to respect it because I think it played out like it was supposed to. But then I go, I'll take a photo. He's like, nah, man. Now you're the bad guy. Now I'm the bad guy. He's like, I don't want a photo with you because, you know what I mean, what he's basically trying to say is because I wasn't like, yeah! Let's take a photo! You and me? Forever! You're right. he wanted that reaction yeah when i gave him an organic like yeah dude i'm you know i didn't say this but it's like i'm fucking tired but i'll do it because i've never said no to anybody well that's part of the problem yeah yeah and it's sometimes you have to like because yeah i would be like that forever and now i started to set my own boundaries sometimes i was like hey man i'm having a bad day i don't feel like it i'm at the gym i'm just trying to work out or little things like that because you also don't want to interrupt your train of thought sometimes your imagination or whatever because every time you like you know so sometimes that can be a bit overbearing you killed it in Sweet Dreams oh in the movie thanks killed it in that thanks dude yeah you're I wish they had more I want to say sex in it okay maybe that's Sweet Dreams too yeah me and your our characters the sweetest dreams yeah yeah but you I'm telling you right now If you wanted to Which I know you're not going to want to do it I know you Why do you look at me like that?

49:55Huh? Why are you looking at me like that? That's how I look Oh, you're like Oh, am I? Yeah, yeah, yeah If you wanted to You could be an actor I know you don't want to though You were just so natural up there Oh, thanks, man It was cool I know you don't want to talk about it, Pod No, I appreciate it, man Yeah, I think I would like to make something I just want to make something of my own. You will. That's the only thing. I don't want to be a part of something anybody else's. I understand that. But the test is, and you passed it, I think, is to do a project that you have nothing to do with, show up and saying other people's words.

50:33And you're doing it with real actors and people that have been doing it for years and just holding your own and being natural and being good. You know what I mean? And so I just wanted to give you those props because you really did kill it. Thanks, man. You're welcome. You always do a nice job, man, of saying nice things about people. Where'd you learn that, I wonder?

50:55Where'd you learn that? Like you always do that, where you say something nice about people. I'll tell you why. Because I hate... This business is... Dude, back in the 90s, I just put out this fucking... You got in a fight with Sinbad or something? Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. No. But check this out, dude. So check this out. So this right here, I just posted this, is a 1998 original room lineup. Wow. Okay. I can't wait to see this, actually. Yeah. And I mean, look at it. 1998. And when I saw this lineup, it brought me back to that time. And in that time in comedy, look at who's in it. They're still around.

51:44Schubert's still around. Johnny Sanchez. Argus is still around. Dice is still around. Rogan. Brian Holtzman. Wow. Right? And this is 26 years ago. Wow. Right? Yeah, the whole lineup. This is July 4th, July 2nd, 1998. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jonathan Gottsick. Okay, Jonathan Gottsick, one of the funniest guys I've ever met in my life. Still does it? No, he quit. Wow. Dave Pierre. One of the funniest guys. I mean, I'm looking at it from 1998, Bobby Lee, but I just remember watching those fools and going, wow, they're funny. Oh, yeah. Maybe I've evolved or whatever, but love those guys. They don't get here by not having that in them, I don't think.

52:26Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jason Galern, hilarious. Bobby Lee? Me. Oh. Yep. Sorry. E.L. Gregory. No, don't know who that is. Jimmy Schubert. Love him. Hilarious, dude. Hilarious, yeah, yeah. Argus Hamilton. Around. Still. Alive, still. Alive, can't believe it. R.I.P. but still here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But still here. Still R.I.P. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Frankie Pace. Pace. Frankie Pace. Frankie Pace. Luke Torres. Andrew Dice Clay. Yeah. Joe Rogan. Brian Holtzman. Yeah. And Rick Wright. So back then, I just remember being a kid. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Because I'm in my early 20s. Yeah. Oh. You all right?

53:04And you were the talk of the town. People said when you came out. No, they hated me. Huh? Are you out of your fucking mind? They fucking hated me back then. Really? Yeah, it was, dude, I would have, dude, I would have, like, white dudes literally walk up to me and go, hey, man, Asians aren't funny. Wow. Yeah. I was, like. Because of the war or whatever? It's what? I said, because of the war or whatever? Which war? Nam? Korean? No, whatever the latest one was with you guys. I don't know. Yeah. You guys keep. The latest one would be Vietnam. No, you guys keep starting shit, dude. I'm just saying.

53:38And we also won that. Okay. We won that one, dude. I agree, bro. Dude, why does everything have to be at war with you, dude? Bro, I'm happy to go over there and fight for you guys. Next time I'll fight for you guys, dude. Dude, Vietnam War, you did fight with the South, I think, against the North. I want to fight for you guys. Yeah, I know. You did the Southern part of whatever. I'm not even Vietnamese. In the South one? I'm not Vietnamese. All right. But in Korea, you guys fought with the South. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Oh, God. This guy is fucking... I know, dude. This is every time I'm with you, dude.

54:13I sweat. Well, you got to give a pamphlet or something whenever you see people. I know. But anyway, let's go back. So this lineup, back then, it was fucking, they were, people were so mean back then. Yeah. And what would they do? They would write stuff on your car or whatever? No. I mean, what do you mean? Like they would, you know, or graffiti or whatever? No, no, no. They wouldn't do stuff like that. But it would be more like, you know, one time I was, I had a list of jokes. that we're gonna try and a comic picked that out of my hand and he goes seen it seen it done it done it seen it seen it done it and just handed it back to me you know what I mean just like flat out fucking rude for no fucking reason because it's like but now because it's because of the internet or whatever it's just like there's you can't you're not you can't afford to act like that right right because it's like everyone has a shot right and it's like and I remember back then going you know if I'm ever in a position where I can be nice I'm just gonna be you do it all the time you know and I and I feel like I think I am you do it well man um what do you mean doing nice well you're nice too what the fuck you're talking about you do it are you good at intros i don't know like when you bring people up on stage oh you're pretty good at it are you good at it i like going up after you i know but are you good at it i think i am all right so if i'm about to go up give me an intro i'm like ladies and gentlemen this next guy uh i'll drop him off at a vfw and see how they treat him over there he is a true hero you know him from bad friends.

55:58It's okay. It's good. You know him from different places on the internet. You guys - It's enough. It's enough. It's not good. You guys give it up. It's enough. Can I teach you how to do it? You guys give it up for Ken Jeong. No. Can I teach you how to do it? Yes. All right. I think I know. Because you're a master at it. I agree. All right. So my theory is this. It's just like, If you do like this next guy, clubs and colleges, and just something that's not specific, right? It's just the audience can tell. There's no relationship between the two people, right? So you put in personalized things. I remember when I first met this guy, him and I had coffee.

56:46You personalize it, right? And then you give him specific credits. Instead of clubs and colleges, you go, dude, I saw him in an episode. Like for me, if I brought you up, I'd be like, dude, I did a movie with this guy called Sweet Dreams. This guy killed it and everything, you know, and he's killing it on his day. You know, just be, you personalize it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, to let people know that you have a real relationship. Vietnam, V-A-W, whatever the fuck you were saying. V-F-W. Whatever you were saying, I wouldn't do that, but, you know. Well. Yeah, okay. I'm just saying, if I took you to a V-F-W and dropped you off in there, right?

57:20What is a V-F-W? Veterans of Foreign Wars. Oh, that's right. That's right. What do you think? If I dropped off, you dropped me off at a VFW? If we dressed you up in like a Civil War uniform, I'd drop you off at a VFW. Right. I have a musket, right? You're like, we're going to kill these guys. Yeah. And then I have one of those, you know what I mean, mustaches that curl. And one of those round bugles. Yeah. What do you think that would happen? Yeah. I think they'd be like. They'd call the FBI. Hmm. Yeah. I don't think that'd be good. A lot of white guys be like, and I walked in. Wow, okay. Yarch.

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59:41I've used them. I enjoy it. What I like about BetterHelp is you can switch therapists at any time and I encourage you to do that. Don't feel like, oh, the therapist is going to be upset if I can't see them again. It's all about you getting better. It's entirely online, BetterHelp is, and it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Rediscover yourself. Get comfortable with who you are. Have someone to help you feel better or talk to. visit betterhelp.com slash theo today to get 10 off your first month rediscover your curiosity with better help that's better h-e-l-p betterhelp.com slash theo to get 10 off your first month dude did you see that pull up that um there was there was one lady that covered the trump thing it was think it was an asian lady you see the thing uh covered the at that time that we interviewed dude, Trump, this is kind of self-aggrandizing or whatever.

1:00:46Oh, here we go. But that's not even all. Trump has wooed this hyper-masculine online culture deeply. During a recent podcast with the comedian Theo Warren, instead of talking about economy or immigration or healthcare or the global conflicts, they discussed cocaine addiction. No. Did you really? Yeah What'd you ask him? Cocaine Have you ever asked him he did coke? He doesn't do coke, right? He's never done drugs He doesn't drink Doesn't drink, doesn't smoke Don't drink, don't smoke Yeah Cocaine addiction Yeah What did you ask him though? What's up with cocaine addiction? We talked about addiction His brother died from addiction Oh wow So we talked From alcoholism, I'm sorry So we talked about that And then we talked about Why he never drank or smoked He kind of led on that he thought There could be some tendencies That he could have the same thing His brother had So I think he didn't want, you know, he had fear about that.

1:01:45I can't, you know, I don't. Do you understand that or no? What, your brother having something you have, you mean? No, no, no, no. Because I've met like, I remember like Dane Cook was like that. Like I don't drink or do drugs. Carlos Mencia for a while was like that too, where it was like, I don't touch that stuff. Like to me, it's like, I love it. Yeah. You love it? Yeah. Yeah, because I just, I think I don't, I, over time, I don't, my, my natural state, I think, wasn't my favorite throughout my life, probably how I felt. So if I could change that in some way, then I want to do that. So those are the things you change it with either, you know, stuff like that, I think.

1:02:24I just don't like feelings. Yeah. Wow, that's interesting. I don't. And I'm sober now, and I've been able to kind of, what my therapist says is to kind of just identify what you're feeling, right? And feel it. But I never liked them. I never liked depression or sadness or trauma. It doesn't sit well in my body, you know what I mean? And so it's like, I always like consume things with it, but it's, you know, but that's more destructive, you know? And so that's why I'm sober. And I, I'm, I feel pretty free now. And I think I can handle most emotions. Well, you take it on a lot more social. You've been a lot more social, I think in the past two years, it seems like.

1:03:12Social? What do you mean? Just like trying to stay busy, do more things, right? Like actually put yourself out into situations and stuff. Dude, I think I never, like you said, I didn't ever like having feelings. I like no matter how I felt I felt ashamed of how I felt that was weird you know like a lot of times I wouldn't feel good I'm not getting into self pity I'm not saying this I feel fine today but sometimes I wouldn't feel good and then I would feel ashamed for not feeling good that's the part that I didn't understand sometimes because that made it so hard to like figure out the first part you know does it make any sense or no it makes a lot of sense And it just struck me that...

1:03:55I don't want to get too sentimental with you, but there are times where I really believe this, that I feel concerned about you. Really? Yeah I just Because I You know I Because I don't know Really what's going on You know I feel like You know There was a time where That we We talked more And there was more Communication But let's Let's face it You've risen A little bit I know you hate to It's hard to hear It's hard to hear It's hard to hear That you've risen But you have Well things have gotten Things have gotten busier Things are so good for you Right And I think with that rise, there's more of a disconnect with your friends because you're so busy and you're doing other things.

1:04:43I get it. But it's like I'm always concerned about if you're sober, is he going to meetings? Is he talking to people about things that are going on? I always feel like things are probably good with you But it's like I have to admit that there is Concern I don't know why Because I love you I love you You know that right I know this is a comedy podcast I don't care I just have to say that Because I've seen it I've seen people rise and then they get lost. And then also there's people around them that don't necessarily care and they're just in it for the ride. I don't know who you're surrounding yourself with or whatever.

1:05:35You know what I mean? So you're probably healthy and doing well. I don't know. But it's like there is a concern that maybe... It's alone when you get higher up. There's more loneliness. Yeah. I mean, how are you doing? I don't know. I think podcasting makes me feel pretty connected to people. you know i think me not living here has been it's been good but it's also been i don't get to see a lot of people as much i don't get to see a lot of my guys from aa i think yeah my sober program hasn't been that good the past month for sure um and so i think really two months like or probably the past month but just yeah not being able to like you know it's like i'll work late and so then i don't want to make the morning zoom meeting or make that you know and then i'll get up late and then it's like I try to go to the gym then I'll miss the noon in person meeting so just yeah I gotta touch base with some people and um dude I was in Butte get honest and get tight yeah I was in Butte for a month Montana for a month for doing what?

1:06:35I did a movie and like Butte there's nothing to do and one day I was in my hotel room there was nothing to do and I called one of the guys that lives there and I go can you give me an AA schedule and I tracked a couple of times all the way to this like in the boonies. Oh, yeah. And I walk into the school and like there's old white people with oxygen tanks and like, you know what I mean? And obviously, Drug mules. Yeah, drug mules. Yeah. And also, they've never seen an Asian walk into an AA meeting there. Yeah. I never saw one black person in Butte. Yeah. So when I walked in, it was just like, Charlie!

1:07:09You know what I mean? Yeah. You know, they get Vietnam flashbacks. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Get down, get down! You know what I mean? You know what I mean? No, I'm in AA too. You know what I mean? and when I'm sitting there even though we don't have the same lifestyles that these people at least I can say to myself I'm trying I'm trying to take care of myself on a daily basis and dude one fucking I went to a meeting because there's only two Uber drivers in Butte and this guy This guy sitting next to me goes, hey man, my name is Derek. And I go, thank you. He goes, I'm a fan.

1:07:52He goes, you want a ride home? A fan, you mean? Yeah. What do you mean? Like an Asian? No, not like that fan. Oh, okay. Like a dad fan. It was a dad fan. I didn't know. No, it was just like a fan of, you know what I mean? Yeah. Of mine and my comedy. Yeah, yeah. Right? And then so I get in the car with his wife. And we go the opposite direction. No. of the hotel. They want to watch you fucking throw that little yavulin, man. Long strokes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then I go, hey, my hotel's that way. Like, we know, man. Where are we going? You're going to our house. Wow. Right? So I go to this house and they want me to meet their kids.

1:08:35Nuh-uh. Yeah. How old were the kids? I don't know, but they were little white kids. Oh, too young. So they came up, there's these two dogs that fucking jump on top of us. Oh, yeah, dude. And then there's just like white kids that come out of the room, right? Wiping their, you know what I mean? They're not crying. You know, when they wake up. Yeah, yeah. Like that. And they're like, yeah, our mommy took us to Missoula and gave us$300 for school clothes. Fuck, I gotta beat their ass. No, you can't beat their ass. Yeah, you can, dude. Like, fuck you, bitch. They have$300, dude. To split amongst them.

1:09:10My mom gave me$30 from the time I was age 5 to the time I was age 18. Oh, you're right, you're right, you're right. So 300 of those kids are pieces of shit. But I was in that house for like 45 minutes. Yeah, it sounds like you're... It sounds like you waste your time. No, but I... What I'm saying is I'm willing to go to like these lengths. Any lengths, I see. To like just whatever, you know what I mean? And they're super sweet. Yeah. I didn't think I was going to get like... Imagine if I was in a well. In the basement. Yeah. Right? And you're like, what would you have throw down? You get two things thrown into the well.

1:09:41Oh, shit. Um... Oh shit, yeah. So I would lube? No, no, no, that's not good. I mean, if you're going to also use it as a beverage, I think it's fine. You're right, you're right. Two things down, water. Yeah, that's good. And then food. Oh, yeah. Like Jersey Mike's. Or seeds. Plant your own food. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it depends on how long it takes to grow. Or you could also eat the fingernails that are in the fucking... Oh. Right? That's protein, right? Is that protein? Yeah. I would just... the fingernails right and eat them you know what I mean a little bit of wall caviar I would be so frightened would you be frightened oh I would be so scared dude and I would probably what would I do down there sing a lot and you'd have to hold your peepee or your there's an echo so what song would you hear sing I would sing I know what oh little town of Bethlehem that's a good one for me Edelweiss Edelweiss imagine I'm in a well and I just go Hey Do Vice Hey Do Right?

1:10:55You get a shrimp And they just They catch it like a fucking Okay, there's drugs, dude Is there a lot of drugs right now? I've been hearing there's a lot of drugs In the Asian community A lot of trank or whatever I've been hearing there's like a lot of I've been hearing that Trank is the big thing In the Asian community Is that true? Like chanks for Trank Or whatever It's like Just hear me out Alright It's like if I said to you Man I heard there's a lot of Shoelaces in the white community Yeah Does that make any sense to you? Like why would Like honestly Okay Man I heard there's a lot of fucking Glitter in the black community I mean it doesn't make Whatever you're saying Doesn't I feel like you're just coming up with Asian shit.

1:11:43Yeah. Yeah. You're just like, you're just like, I heard there's a lot of, you know what I mean? Google. No, no, no, no, no. Don't Google. Yeah. Well, no, what I'm saying is, is that, do you, wait, no, I'm so, you make me so mad sometimes, dude. Really? Yeah. No, I'm fine. I'm sorry. No, no, no, no. Google Asians for Trank. Google Asians on drugs. Asians for Trank. Dear reports widespread, uh. Wait, wait, it's purple. So you've looked it up before. I haven't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why would you look that up already? These guys, some of these guys live here all night. DEA reports widespread threat of fentanyl mixed with xylazine.

1:12:19That's Trank, daddy. Yeah, where does it say Asians on that? Well, let's see. It's going to get there. Xylazine is making the deadliest drug threat our country has ever faced. Fentanyl even deadlier, said Administrator Milgram of the DEA. The DEA has seen xylazine and fentanyl mixed in 48 of 50 states. the system is reporting that in 2022 approximately 23 % of fentanyl powder and 7 % of fentanyl pills seized by the DEA contained xylazine. Okay I know where the Asian comes from. Can I tell you where? Yeah this is what you read. Xylazine is making the deadliest drug threat our country has ever faced.

1:12:52Fentanyl even deadlier said administration Milgram and it says right here um no up no up there. So it's also known as tranc. Yeah you think that's an It's not. But Trank is obviously an Asian name. Yeah, I know, but you can't - You know what I'm talking about? I know what you're talking about, but I'm just saying that's not what it's referring to. I think it's referring to Tranquilizer. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I'm saying is it's like - Oh, yeah. Tranquilizer. Yeah. Yeah, I thought it was like, um, Trank seems like a Vietnamese or Korean nickname. You agree? Trank.

1:13:30Trunk? I just Like Matthew Trunk I know Matthew Trunk Yeah I know Graduate I know Graduate sociology major Yeah so dude I want to let you know dude But that is Trunk That's fentanyl I understand but that has nothing to do with Asians Okay Okay let's just move on Google go to images then See if we get any

1:13:55Okay here we go Yeah you're right maybe Right there you tell me that face is an ASEAN? I think you're right. Asians for Trank? Yeah, I think you're right. Well, you know, I learned something new. Thank you. I'm sorry for attacking you. Yeah, it's okay, man. It breaks my heart, though. It's just sad. Is this someone on Trank right here? Look at her sneakers. She has a brand new druggie. This is somebody on Trank, dude. On fentanyl. Dude, can you pause that for a second? Dude, sometimes people with their own fentanyl, it's almost as if they're doing yoga, but then they freeze. Like, I want to do downward dog.

1:14:41Oh, it's so sad. I shouldn't have even made a joke like that. Well, it's sad that it's just like... Have you ever done fentanyl? No, I hope not. Yeah, me either. Because I remember years ago, Vicodin really fucked me up. Really? I was addicted to Vicodin for two years. Would you take it at night or during the day? All day long. like from like dude I got dude Drew Barrymore I swear to God I think still hates me because of that wow I'll tell you why for doing Vicodin no because I used to have a bowl of Vicodin in my fucking dressing room at Mad TV and the Strokes played one night oh wow right yeah and I guess the drummer was dating Drew Barrymore right he was trying to get sober or something like that but they all ended up going into my room and eating all my pills.

1:15:27Yeah. You know, because I'm generous. Yeah. Fuck it. Go get it. Right. And then I heard that she was mad at me. Because you had it. It's not your fault. That's true. It's not your fault that you had them. I know. That's true. We can't, you know, it's weird to blame the dealer unless the dealer was like pushing them on you. Were you pushing them on them? Yeah. I was. Dude, I'm sorry if I'm being rude. I feel now am I being like. Dude, what are you talking about, dude? All right. Listen, guy,

1:16:01what what oh no okay listen guy yeah what what are you doing I'm listening oh that's you yeah I'm listening you if I'm really mad well you know because you didn't give me your number for a long time yeah but you know that when I have a resentment I didn't know it also yeah you did fuck off all right Yeah. Fuck you, dude. You're right. Yeah, yeah. If I was mad at you, I'm very comfortable of going, listen, I have an issue. Have you ever had an issue with me? Be honest. Have you ever had a resentment toward me? Like, I wish he didn't do that or. No, sometimes I feel like it's a little tough to try and get to know you kind of.

1:16:47But I think it's tough to try and get to know comedians, you know? Yeah, but that being said, I mean, I'm a comedian, right? It's hard to know any comedian. And I think you're people, everybody loves you so much that it's like you want that guy to know, you want to know that guy better, I think, you know? Dude, I, out of all the comics I know, I feel like I'm closest, you're one of the closest ones to me. And if that, I mean, I'm trying my best. You know what I mean? I like you, I like Bert, I like Whitney, I love Andrew. You know what I mean? Tom, Segura, you know what I mean? But it's like, you know, I try, dude.

1:17:23And you're busy. Yeah, I'm pretty busy. You know what I mean? But it's like, you know, we do the best we can with what we have. Yeah. And what's going on, you know? You are, um... You are, um... You are... You are... You are... You are, uh... You are, uh... You are, uh... You are, uh... Baby! Donk, donk, donk, donk, donk! Are you a gun owner or not? Nah. You a gun owner? Nah, nah, nah, nah. You don't have a gun at home? Numchucks. What? Numchucks, dude. Chinese stars, dude. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I do the Chinese stars. Eh? Yeah. Have you used Chinese Star? No, I've never used it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:17:57Oh, well, well, well.

1:18:02Yeah, yeah, yeah. I lie, I lie. No. That's not a real gun, dude. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a real - or is that one of those guns that starts a race? Yeah, but that is you idiot. Ready, set, go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The burglars just run off? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you fire it? Yeah. That's a plastic BB kind of a gun. What's the other one? Still a gun. And that looks like a gun. Yeah, yeah, but that was on a TV show. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, um... Wow. Look at that acting. That's Miami Vice, huh? Fucking terrible. No. Isn't it? It was Magnum. Um... Well, on what? Have you been dating a lot or not?

1:18:38All right, let's... You want to get into it? Yeah, because it seems like a lot of stories you tell have had dating in them.

1:18:46I'm trying to... Okay, um... I'm trying to find, um... the love of my life. Are you really? I think I'm ready. Okay, Bob. You look like Stevie right now. How are you doing? No, I, I, listen, I'm, I like some of the girls that I'm dating now, but they're kind of flaky. Like, you know, like, I'll, like, I won't call in on a Thursday because I know, because I've said like, let's go to dinner and hang out. Right. and so then Thursday will come around like nah I don't want to do it now or I'm busy like bitch I sacrificed stage time you know how valuable stage time is you know what I mean it's like that kind of shit and then it's like yeah I just do I fully trust them you know what I mean I think so man I want to be able to find somebody that I fully can confide in and go, this is how I feel.

1:19:51You know what I mean? And I want somebody to also give me suggestions or like feedback that I kind of honor and respect and go, oh yeah, that's a good angle. You know what I mean? It's just like, but then also I want somebody hot, right? So to find that combination, you know what I mean? You want somebody you're attracted to. Yeah, somebody I'm attracted. Like what I find attractive isn't necessarily what you think. I think so though. I think you and I like the same maybe. I don't know. You know? No, I never... The couple of girls I've seen you with over the years are people, I mean, are people that I would be like, I mean, there's this one girl that you used to see that I just thought you should marry, but...

1:20:32Yeah.

1:20:37I remember. Hey, what's up, dude? Good, I just saw regret there. I just saw regret there, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's the thing. I think that you and I have the same kind of issues. I think we have intimacy issues and I think that it's hard for us to get really vulnerable I mean I had that with Kalilah for 10 years but she was the first one in many many years that I could do that with there's just something about her that I was able to we were able to do that but it's like but did the intimacy freeze up after a while like it was hard to be like sensual or whatever you know what the truth is I think that oh god I can't fucking I think it's this you want me to say f*** it or not no no no what I want to say don't say that yeah yeah but what I want to say is the problem with us because number one we we go up on stage right and what's more exciting than that the business inherently is super exciting and there's dopamine hits right I'm gonna get a lot of feeling from right there Right.

1:21:45And so then also you and I are also recovering drug addicts. So we like excitement. Right. And we don't like the same old thing. Right. So there is something about meeting somebody new. Right. Right. It's almost like you get that. Yeah. You get that forgetful syndrome. It's like you. Right. Yeah. But at the end of the day, I'm going to I've never said this out loud before. And I think I fucked it up with Kalilah. and I think that I wish I would have done it over again because I would have changed something at this point it's too late we both have moved on but there's a lot of regret there and I swear to God I will the next girl I meet and there's a couple of girls that have potential I'll be honest with you right now but the next thing I'm going to do it differently number one I'm going to get rid of all my machines wow really?

1:22:46yep I have a vacuum cleaner

1:22:52and what is that like a sex thing or something? oh you mean an actual carpet cleaner? no dude I showed up at Bad Friends one day and somebody had sent me something that I swear to god is the size of a vacuum cleaner right? it was like this big with all these tubes and stuff it was a sex toy No. Yeah. Of course, I took it home. And you used it? I plugged it in. Oh, dude, I have so many of them. Oh. I have so many of them. And I stick it in. Doot, doot, doot, doot, doot. Doot, doot, doot, doot. And what does it play? It just Beethoven's ear or whatever? Yeah. Da, da, da, da. Da, da, da, da. Yeah, yeah.

1:23:31It's a, and it, right? And you, doot, doot, doot.

1:23:38Doot, doot, doot. Doot, doot, doot. Doot, doot, doot. Doot, doot, doot, doot. Da da da da da! Woo! Woo! Hey, put it on Christmas. Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell! I swear to God, these new machines, dude, it sucks you in, dude. See, I don't do any of that. They never let go, dude. I'm 80 days off pornography right now. Wow. I'm gonna give you a machine, may I? No. Please. I don't want anything like that. I know, but you gotta try it. What does it do? It does three things. Okay. Okay. Not just one thing, dude. Okay. All right. Is it gas power? You plug it in. No, it's not good. No. So the vacuum cleaner, I will probably not use again because I almost, I had to grab parts of my penis inside the fucking little filter there, right?

1:24:19But it took stuff out. So it was too powerful. Okay. But I want to say this. Okay. I have one that I bought at the Hustler store. Yeah. Right. And it does three things. No, really just two things. So it vibrates and sucks. Wow. Right. And so, you know what I mean? Does it sort coins? I think it might. Hell yeah. Yeah, I think it might. Yeah, yeah. How long do you have to stay on it for? Eight seconds? No, what I do is I... It's also waterproof. That's a key. Yeah. Yeah. But, so... So, yeah, I know. So, the next relationship I'm in, that's what you do? It makes me just... No, daddy, no. Stop, don't touch me there, daddy.

1:25:05Who's daddy? It hurts, but it feels good too, daddy Daddy sounds like a man, dude What? Daddy sounds like a man, bro Yeah, dude, yeah There better be a chick named Daddy Yeah, don't do Do you miss your dad? Huh? Yeah, I miss my dad, dude When did you die? What year did you die? Bring up a picture of my dad He died in 1996 1996

1:25:38do you miss him though? yeah I don't know cause I didn't like yeah I miss him I just wish that I knew him better do you miss your dad? yeah you just hit it on the fucking nail on the coffin is that the wrong way to say it? you hit the nail here's the thing I don't know nothing about him really? because my dad didn't speak English right and I barely spoke Korean so everything was like for instance you know like when you're in high school for instance and you're going let's say I was a white kid I was going out and your dad gives you like a little pep talk like you know don't drink and drive right also you know if you're in trouble give me a call or whatever they say you know what I mean but my dad didn't do that he would just go I go goodbye dad he'd go don't do and I go okay I won't do I mean that's it that's the that's it if I ask my dad tell me about how you feel I don't know you're good but they don't like what the fuck are you talking about what's your favorite pasta oh I like it's very good dude he never bro he didn't know what music was he didn't know what music was Yeah, dude.

1:27:04Right? So when he had a stroke, right? Oh, gosh. I didn't know that. I knew your dad passed away. I don't know if he had a stroke, though. Yeah, he had many strokes. So he had two major strokes and a couple of many ones. Different strokes. You ever seen that show? Yeah, I love it, dude. Yeah, he had two, you know, Willises. What you talking about, Willis? You know what I mean? Anyway, great show. Oh, yeah, and one Mr. Drummond. Yeah, dude. That's the one that really shook him. So what was I? Oh, what I was saying. Oh, so he had a bunch of strokes. And I had like AirPods and I was at his house in Phoenix.

1:27:38And I go, dad, he's like, you know, he goes, yeah. I go, will you listen to music for the first time? I mean, obviously he's been in a mall and he's heard it, right? But he doesn't know, he doesn't have a fanfare band or he doesn't know what Beethoven is or whatever. And so I put in Eric Clapton's, what's it? Tears in Heaven. Tears in Heaven. I put it in my brother my Steve was there too my brother and we pushed play and tears came down my dad's face no way right it was the first time he goes dad beautiful wow it was incredible and then he died damn yeah so he didn't I didn't learn anything from the dude but were you ashamed of him it feels like you were embarrassed by him for some reason I hated him and you know I've told this story before but not on this I don't think when I was I've told this a couple of times do you mind if I tell this story?

1:28:43yeah no I haven't heard it I don't know it you know who do I live with? your friends Noah I have cats I have three cats you have a couple of cats yeah and so when I was a kid I loved them something about them the cats just cats in general yeah and um when I was eight I go um could I get a cat and they got me a cat a kitten I named him Tommy and they wouldn't put him in the house we put him in the garage we had like a little fence thing in the garage that's fair yeah good compromise and then over the summer every day I just sat with Tommy eight hours a day however long he was the love of my life and then one day a couple of months later, three months later I go to the garage, he's completely gone so I you know, I go, mom, dad, and they came in the garage I go, where's Tom?

1:29:42and my dad goes mommy, she allergic and I go, uh-huh he's like, Tom gone and he goes, stop crying and then he just left the garage there was like no room for compromise or anything like whatever he's that's why I hate authority figures right there was no room for discussion I didn't know where Tom went stop crying shut the fuck up and that's it and that was the day where I looked at my parents and I went okay it's war it's war I started doing drugs raising hell lighting things on fire I didn't give a fuck. Embarrass the family. Yeah, and it's like, um, that's why if I, I mean, if I had a kid, I mean, how would you approach that?

1:30:32I was a kid, your wife is allergic to the fucking, you know what I mean, cat, and I'm your kid. Be real. I would probably - Don't do comedy, don't do comedy right now. I would probably get a shit. So I'm your dad, I'm your son. Okay. Hey, Dan. I'm a baby. No, no, you don't have to - Do it, sorry, just do it like me? Wait, wait, wait. You don't have to have an Asian accent. I don't know what country we're in. No, no, no. You're you. Okay. Got it. I didn't know what country. I don't know where you're going to have an Asian accent. I don't know what country we're in. No, we're in America. Okay. Who gives a fuck?

1:31:05Well, give me a setting there. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I have to be that specific? Yeah, you're just okay. You live in Nashville. Okay. Your wife is white. You're my son. Yeah, I'm not Asian. All right. Make believe that I'm your biological son. Okay. Right? Yeah. Hey, Daddy. Hey, Chucky, what's up?

1:31:23How was school, buddy? Chucky's good, Daddy. Chucky's good? Yeah, Daddy. How was school, huh? School was great, Daddy. I hear they're holding you back again. They're holding you back, you know, like fire like sun, Daddy. Yes, sir. Yeah, yeah. Hey, dude, you know what I mean? Gang him up. Gang him up. Boy, I love you, Chucky. Hey, Daddy, gang him up. I know we had a cat here yesterday. Yeah, yeah, so where's Tommy? Your mother's allergic to cats. Oh, so where's Tommy, Daddy? Mom gets sick I understand If we have cat, mom gets sick I know, but where's Tommy now? Tommy is gonna be at your aunt's house And you can go play with him in the afternoon That's, dude That's it That's what you're supposed to do Now your aunt drinks a lot of wine And she gets a little handsy with the kids, you know?

1:32:10She gets what they call Franzia hands Yeah, Daddy, I don't need to know the specifics of like how My auntie's behavior is going to be like Is she going to hurt When she gets drunk is she going to hurt Tommy? No she just might love him as much as you do Chuckie Because I know my cousins have all black eyes Your cousins are black That's why Oh they were adopted I forgot daddy So you just got to roll with me here I love black people daddy you taught me that Amen brother I'm going to go inside now Can I come inside today? You relax out here Daddy can I come inside today? You relax I know. Why do I have to sleep outside, Daddy?

1:32:45You don't just wait till the sun comes down. Yeah, I'll sneak in again. All right, Daddy. But I wish I could just have my own room and stuff. No, we're going to put some treats right up by the door for you, all right? We're going to put a craft single out here. I love you, Daddy. Love you too, boss. Gang them, Dad. Gang. Gang, gang. Pretty good. Yeah, pretty good, dude. Good Dad, dude. Pretty good, dude. You'll be a good dad. How long have we gone? We'll finish up in a second. Halloween's coming up. Well, let me know. Can we cut this part out? Yeah. How's it going? This podcast? Yeah, I have no idea.

1:33:13It's very funny. We're gonna happen. No, honestly, how is it going? I feel like I've been the worst I've ever been on this show. No, I swear to God. This is this is awesome. It's been fun, man Do you ever get that though? Because dude, you understand Monday I did two hours with Bert. Then I did probably three fucking Tiger Bellies, which is like over an hour apiece You talk so much you just fucking don't know at one point. Dude, you and I have talked think about it thousands of hours of nonsense. Yeah. Fucking nonsense. Crazy, huh? Yeah. And there's times where, I'm sorry, you just kind of go, I don't even know what else to say anymore.

1:33:54Yeah. You know what I mean? That's why we got to have experiences in the world so we can have more stuff to talk about or we have to talk about people that we can learn stuff from that have had experiences. Yeah, George. George is here, my producer. He's great. He's okay. And so George, he's changed a lot. Oh, so much. But George, Dude, it's like I've talked so much Are you trying to bleed me dry? No, you're doing great This is the best ever Now that sounds like condescending, dude Yeah, it sounds like something He sounds like that guy that killed Elvis Remember his manager or whatever? Snowcone or whatever that dude's name was Wait, his name was Snowcone?

1:34:29Yeah You mean Tom Hanks' character? Yeah Would you fuck Austin Butler? Would I fuck Austin Butler? No, I'd fuck Elvis probably Would you have fucked out with this? I don't know. Would you have? Cleopatra. Who was that? In the history of... She was the Egypt queen. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's hard to know what she really looked like. Yeah, that's true. But if you're going to travel all the way back in time, you got to smash. You feel me? I think you'd have an easier time smashing than me. What about Frederick Douglass? The black guy? Smash or past? Smash, smash for sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Although he is probably...

1:35:06Oh, look at him. Do you think he has a gapey butthole or no? Huh? I don't know. I heard he's got an underground railroad. That's insane. That's insane what you just said there. We're going to hell. No, no, but I did hear that he was gay, but I don't know that. They should bring that hairstyle back. A lot of my black friends told me that he enjoyed the pleasures of men. Dude, that hairstyle, it has to come back. Oh, yeah. What is that? It's like an afro, but conch. Conch? Conch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Conch? The conk? What's that hairstyle? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's interesting. It's not really straightened, but he kind of combed the afro.

1:35:46What is a conk hairstyle? What is the conk hairstyle? Yeah, there it is. It's the conk hairstyle. A conk is a hairstyle that was worn by some African-American men between 1940s and early 1960s. The name comes from the Congolene, a lye-based gel used to chemically straighten or relax hair. Once straightened, people styled their hair into pompadours or wore it slick back. Yeah. They have It kind of has a look That maybe Bruno Mars Would kind of Right Right Right Right Malcolm X did it a lot In his book Bruno Mars is Filipino though In the Malcolm X book There's a lot of Conk hairstyles Yeah yeah I could see Bruno Having it Rocking it though What a talented man Yeah Yeah Let's look at a couple TikToks and let's get Bobby on the road Anything new that's Happening TikTokin Yep we got a couple This is the This stuff Are you good at this stuff What is it Looking at Like looking at stuff and then commenting on it?

1:36:37No. I just think of some things. Why do you do it? Well, I like to show things that I'm amazed by. Okay, listen. I want to be amazed. This is a deaf rapper.

1:36:56Oh, shit! Emsi Baba. Ooh! Moo! Moo! Moo! Moo! Dude Chains! We're going to hell, dude. We're going to hell. What else we got, man? Hit me one more. Off of my faves that I starred. Unmasking me. Oh, yeah, look at this. I'm not saying they're taking our jobs, but look at it again, dude. Smoking. Bro. What is going on, dude? What is going on, dude? Yeah, fumar, you know? Fumarky mouse. Yeah. I mean, dude. Wow. There should be a rule. Yeah, dude. There should be a rule. What do you think the rule is? I think I want many in the costume to be a woman. That's the number one rule. Yeah. Yeah. What about a Mexican woman?

1:37:44That's fine. That's fine with me, too. Me, me. Yeah, but with a Mexican man who looks like the guy that works for Jimmy Kimmel, what's that? Security guard? Oh, a Hortensio or whatever? Yeah, that's him, dude. Yeah. I don't want that. Yeah, that's like a tall Hortensio. I don't want that. They don't have that. One more. Bring it up. Oh, this is a marriage proposal. This is crazy, bro. This is what you got to do, Bobby, if you're going to meet someone. Yeah. It's a carjacking, right? Wow. Take the husband. They take the husband? Yeah. Break all the car windows.

1:38:33You fucking... That's insane. Imagine, dude. You know what? Love is love. Love is love, dude. Wow. It's good to know. You know what's funny, dude? One time whenever we do this, we'll both be married. We will. We have to start to believe that, Bobby, because if we don't, dude, then we never will be, man. And it's going to get weird, bro. Can we promise each other this? We can do group vacations, like couple vacations. Yeah. If we're married. And then when they're like girls are surfing or doing their little thing, you and I can get together. Yeah. Hit a meeting, chat, do something. Yeah, that'd be fun.

1:39:15Anyway, it's really nice. I'm going to see you soon, right? Yeah, I got to do bad friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Thank you. I love you, man. Love you. Yep. Thank you.

1:39:34I'll reach that ground. I'll share this peace of mind. I found I can feel it in my bones. But it's gonna take...