E535 Joe Gatto

30:55And he had this condition when he coughed. He would lose his breath and just like pass out, but we didn't know that. So we started coughing, and he was talking through it, right? So it's me, Sal, and Murray, and he's coughing. He's like – and he just goes – and he just shuts down. and so I'm sitting next to him on one side, Merge on the other and Merge just starts shaking. He goes, his guy's name was Jeff. He's like, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. So I hopped up and I was like, all right, I got to do something, but I didn't do the highlight. I did like an over the shoulder, like seatbelt. Like, and I just started like shaking him, trying to wake him up.

31:26Sal ran over and it was at the Hoyt Sherman, near the Hoyt Sherman theater. And he ran and grabbed the phone that was connected to the bell desk. And he was like, call 911 instead of calling 911. He yelled at the phone and I'm hugging him. And then all of a sudden he just came back to life and he's like oh and i'm over his shoulder and he goes did it happen again and we're like what are you talking about dude yeah so i had no skills the only person that had any skills was q because he was a fireman and he was in bed so we couldn't even help hey that's typical fireman if there ain't a fire dude i'm asleep put a hot dog in my jaw and i'm going to sleep yeah so i'm not equipped for any of that emergency stuff yeah that's scary dude we had a um one time me and my buddy Scotty, the same guy I was talking about earlier, we'd eaten some LSD, right?

32:13And we were children, man. And so we went, we got to the Waffle House, you know, and we were so excited. You know, it was like 4 a.m. We're at the Waffle House. And there was, and we were laughing so hard, dude. We had the giggles so hard. And they had a gay gay gentlemen working there right and we never seen a gay gentleman you'd heard about or seen drawings of like a guy like grabbing somebody's wiener or something see somebody chisel that into like a tree or in like a side of a bridge or something but we'd never seen like a gay gentleman in the wild yeah yeah in the wild dude and in the wildest place on earth bro the fucking halfway house that has a waffle maker you know so we're in there dude and he's like being real like he had like as much gay as you could have inside of somebody like in for his frame or whatever and you could just see it kind of bubbling out of his shoulders every now and then you know and uh we were laughing so hard my buddy scott like he when he laughs he kind of does like this choking thing so the guy thought that my buddy was choking dude so he comes around to save the day yeah starts doing that my buddy scott's a little guy starts doing the fucking homic on him dude and I am laughing so hard.

33:36I'm laughing so hard. I remember I had to beat my feet against each other because I needed to get more sound out of it. More energy, yeah, yeah. Dude, seeing a gay guy do the homing maneuver. Bouncing your little friend around. Thinking he's saving the day. Yeah, yeah. It was just like Spamoni on your lap, brother. That's a huge difference. So that was a crazy thing that happened. like the first time anybody ever choked by us or something i've seen i've seen people successfully do it and it's so weird that people don't know what to do that beautiful when people do it for well when they do it well and the piece of the chicken bone just comes flying out whatever and then everybody just starts clapping yeah like it's like the plane landed it's like everybody's like yeah like that's so weird to take a lap because you just saved this guy because he didn't was filet mignon yeah yeah dude we had um what was happening oh dude i was at a hotel in uh hawaii and a guy starts choking at the breakfast bar and it was like it was a nice breakfast bar they had like cereal fruit um assortment of different styles of eggs scrambled hard-boiled yeah they had a couple of they had those little the big silver things you have to open up and see what's in it.

34:49Oh, surprise. They want to keep you guessing. Yeah, it's like Aloha, what do we got here? And then there's like two of them that just have smoke coming out. There's just like warm water. There's water in it. They're like, oh, we're bringing it back out. We're bringing the ham out. I don't think that anything was ever in here, but they make it look like it was. You're scooping the water out thinking it's something exotic. Like I'm getting out of the water in hot water. Oh, God, I'll have another bowl. Honey, give me another bowl. Give me a bowl of that pineapple hot water. That's great. So this guy starts choking and they bring out one of those divider things where you just can divide a room with one of those and they bring that out because there's all these tables right there just eating and so they bring that out and one guy keeps eating and people are like, quit fucking eating, dude.

35:34You don't fucking eat in front of a possible death situation. Seven feet over, you can hear this guy struggling for his life, dude, right? And this guy is chomping on his cornflakes over here. and Magic Johnson was there, dude. So at a certain point, and this took a long time, they were trying to revive the guy. Yeah, yeah. And so at a certain point, everybody starts looking at Magic Johnson, like fucking do something, Magic Johnson. Your magic. Yeah. It's in your name. Like just, yeah, go double dribble on his heart or something. Do that, right? Yeah. Cross over his arteries. Do something. You can tell him, you can't fucking pat him on the back in a special way.

36:12Yeah, at least give him a hug or something, man, on the way out. One more assist, right? And so it got so crazy. and then nobody would eat dude because they were really like boom raging into him and beating on his chest or whatever and and then finally they took him out of there he didn't make it I know that but so that was his last breakfast it was last breakfast but at a certain point we'd all sat there and then somebody has to take the first bite and the guy with the cornflakes is who's laughing now I didn't miss a step. I'm ready to go. Yeah. Taking the first bite in that situation is rough.

36:52Yeah. It just broke my heart, man. And I was like, I told my day, I was like, we're not doing, do not eat first. Yeah. Yeah. You just wait. Magic eat first. I think everybody looks at magic Johnson in that situation. And I think ceremoniously he should be like, let's eat. It's like your dad at Thanksgiving when he's like, okay, we could do it. Like I've done carving. We could eat. Yeah. Like he puts it out, but that was crazy, man. So yeah, I mean, it's crazy because you're in the guy who can, who is magic himself and he could do nothing. Yeah. You know? I think it'd be worse if there was a real magician there.

37:28Like if David Blaine was there and they're like, dude, make the chicken bone and his throat disappear. Like make it come out of behind his ear or something, you know? Keep pulling those rags out until there's a piece of chicken. That's right. At the end, he's got the bone coming out, right? Yeah. I think that'd be tough. Yeah, dude, that flooding stuff is makes me so sad. It doesn't seem like there's much you can do You can donate right I've reached out to a couple of friends to find ways to do A type of event or something Because it looks like it's really bad Yeah they got Came in hard Came up the coast the other side too Asheville North Carolina Look how beautiful that area is too Yeah Man And they had alligators too Did you see those?

38:10I've seen an alligator But did you see them at this? I haven't seen them there no there we go alligator surprise during a hurricane like it's not bad enough now you're gonna have alligators rolling up to your porch yeah oh that's tough man

38:30wow that's a damn gator baby well and they had two alligators at the mall too they found by like an aeropostale or whatever they make them into purses I have no idea but also it's like I guess alligators never the mall if you're an animal you never even get to go to the mall so this is your one shot like I'm gonna go and see what's on the sail rack I got these little arms I gotta keep myself warm the props to this guy for seeing that's an alligator I wouldn't have known that was an alligator right that looks just like another piece of debris I'd have just gone missing yeah for sure yeah an alligator at the mall like do you have a really long medium you know I need you gotta you have a tailor cause I'm gonna need it then they go into Lacoste and they think they get a discount Look, my face is all over this place, man Come on Come on, guys I did a They can't even get up to the counter at like Panda Express, you know He forgot his wallet in the car He's got to go back He forgot his wallet, but then he realizes that his tail's made out of one See an alligator trying to get on the escalator That'd be a good time It's like Wiggle it out Takes up 16 steps Yeah, alligators are crazy And we're joking, guys obviously there's a lot of people that are struggling over there but just trying to bring some laughter to it for sure that's the worst have you been involved in a big tra it's like a tragic environment like that like where did you guys were you guys in new york or during 9 11 11 yeah yeah i live in staten island during the time but i was uh you know new york came together in a way that day there for sure um yeah i think 9 11 is the closest i've come to some sort of tragedy like that yeah um it's always tough but i i do find always and i i people always say this you know people come together when it's that like i find that so true don't you about like human nature shines brightest when it's tragedy when it's wrapped in tragedy i think people just come together in a real way and be like we gotta tackle this thing you know yeah let me help let me grill something let me help i got a truck i gotta but even like you said like you could donate and all this stuff i feel like people just really just like come and do stuff even if they're not there you know what I mean?

40:35It's like just it's really cool that people do that and grill it's cool that people will grill for oh yeah let me get up there and grill isn't that the thing too like it's always people send food right? even like in a personal tragedy like I remember when my when my father passed away and they were like people would send food to the house and my mom was the one that cooked and it was like she's like no I still got this but do you know how to like to pay the electric bill? my god does that work you know it seems so funny but food is always such a thing of like we gotta feed these people right? It's just the thing that people don't want people to have to worry about.

41:06Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. Yeah, it is amazing that the ways that people come together and help each other. Even like when you look at people donating organs and stuff, you know. Oh, yeah. Are you an organ donor? Yeah, I am. Yeah. Yeah, I would definitely. I wouldn't do it to somebody. These are not good. Really? This is a used car. This is no lemon law. And it's like, we got you a kidney. And they're like, from who? And I'm like, ah, shit. Who else you got? Yeah, if you put your ear up to the kidney, they can hear myrrh just giving up. Just don't one kidney want to say to the other kidney.

41:42I think everything is just like, I think if it's not my eyes, you don't want it. He's got a nice set of eyes. Give him his eyes. Get the eyes, yeah. Yeah, the organ donor thing, that's so selfless too. But that's so smart if you think about it. I mean, you're not going to use them. What are you doing? Yeah, what are you going to do? But then I think part of you wants to always feel whole. It's like you want to be like, okay, I want to know that when I'm laying there dying, and I'm still able to like chill or relax or think or whatever. Right, because imagine that's the deal. Like you, that's how it all comes down to it.

42:09You're still thinking you're laying there and you don't realize it because we don't know what happens. You're just thinking that some guy just stole your leg in the back of a college you didn't go to. This is crazy, dude. I had to get there, yeah. It's crazy. That'd be pretty wild, man. Yeah, so with the new tour where you go to, so now you have to start with building the new material and stuff, huh? Yes, I got the new tour now. Let's get into it. It's been really fun. I head off for the summer to hang out with the fam and the kids and stuff, which is great. So I finished this in March, the Messing With People tour.

42:40And now this new one just started in September. And it's cool. It's real fun. As a comic, you're nervous about it. You're trying to build it and whatnot. But then when you get what your ideas are. I'm a storyteller. So I just figure out what stories I want to tell. But I'd always talk about sitting alone. I was stuck with my thoughts so much where I was thinking about how you end up the person that you are. So my let's get into a tour really is like about how did you end up like this? Cause I started as like a real, we were talking like a geeky kid. Like I used to make tests for my father, like open up the encyclopedias.

43:10He would come home and I would have a multiple choice exam from him after his 10 hour day trying to sell life insurance door to door. I'd be like pop quiz, bitch. Get out of here. You know, like that. And now I'm this. So I was always thinking about that. So I just like tell a lot of stories and think about your life. And it's really, it's been really fun. I like this one a lot. I like this one. Yeah. yeah it's funny to see how you'll evolve too and like how your brain will start to think up things that are like a little bit more um you know just more personal or you know like uh how you get out of just telling jokes and try to like share something you know yeah it's kind of fascinating i think how that kind of works out you feel like you share uh more i mean you've talked you talk so much right you talk so much with the podcast and everything right do you feel like do you think about after you because people get to know you in a real way on when you're this is you talking so do you feel like that you have people know you in a way different way than they would like five years ago if you were just doing stand-up you know does this podcast open up a completely different part right yeah i think so because we talk about a lot of i mean yeah we because sometimes we talk about stuff that's personal or like you know i was kind of like a late bloomer i think in dealing with like a lot of stuff from when i was young and so i didn't even know that I had still had to deal with, you know, I didn't even know what was going on.

44:25So I think I've learned about a lot of that stuff, like even a second, the past five years. And so we'll probably try to share kind of like candidly, or sometimes you're talking and you just learn something as you're talking. So like things like that have happened a pretty good bit. Cause a lot of times you get busy with work. And then one of the times that I would sit down and kind of be with myself was when I was podcasting. So you just be sitting there sharing and thinking. And then, yeah, sometimes you kind of get into some stuff that's pretty personal and then um yeah people will come up and say they man i could relate to this yeah that's a cool part thanks for talking about this or that i love that yeah that's that's what's really cool yeah too but i've always been associated with a group so right so the past four years is now just me by myself so it's a little different where you're not you know your opinions are like your your own or your feelings like your own or whatever you're not like lumped into a category of just what everybody and you get to they get to know me.

45:18People who started with fans of like Jokers are like fans of me, which is, it's really it's a cool evolution, which I really like. And you do that. Yeah, was it hard to make that? Was it hard to like were there moments where it was like man, it's tough to do my own thing? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. I think well, you're part of such a great legacy. I like that show. I know. It's like playing with three Tom Brady's and then now you're like, I'm going to go be my own Tom Brady. No. I'll play flag football. I'll see how I could do uh but i think it's the best part about it was like i was part of that and i don't shy away from that because you find people like when they talk to you like oh you know i love joe and they're like afraid to talk to me about jokers but i'm like that's my like i mean i'm so proud of that you know it was a decade of my life 300 episodes like it's not something that i shy away from and even in like my stand-up the show i was me so if you watch the show and liked me you're gonna like me when you see me because it's the same guy i wasn't being a character i wasn't playing an actor so there's just like some benefits to it which is cool and it's part of my personality yeah you know so i don't mind it but it is cool to be able to try different things you know like i want to write a kid's book i wrote a kid's book i wanted to do the stand-up thing you know i've been always wanted to be a filmmaker so i've got some scripts like and i never had time for any of that stuff right that's cool um is this their last season is it uh i think they are they're going to go back into production to finish their last season as of now but you never know i think they'll make they might get renewed again i don't know yeah but i think they'll let them go until they don't want to anymore.

46:44I mean, you know, it's like, it's just so good. Like why? Oh, yeah. I mean, some of my first fans were you guys as fans, you know, from going on the Joker's cruise and getting to meet people on there and then like fans that we'd have for years, you know, and that still are. So thank you, man. You got it, man. They're a loyal fandom. They really are. It's cool. Oh, dude. Yeah, I get them come out to the shows. It's funny too because you see them, they see me by myself now and they're like, wow, you were really funny. I'm like, thanks. like were you expecting not to be like yeah but it's interesting for people to see you in stand up it's a totally different world by yourself 60 minutes talking oh yeah dude that was the biggest thing for me not being on stage with other people oh yeah huh you're like you just be like yeah you take it for a second there's nobody there I got a coffin I'm like just look and sometimes people make you the craziest thing dude this somebody made me this they brought this oh that's unbelievable it's a real taxidermied rat that is the record that is if you open it up it's very real it was real yeah at one point that is that's super cool man pretty cool man I got somebody who made me it was very interesting he made me and him this weekend he made me he made us Funko Pops but he made himself as well and it was me with one of my with my biggest fan he made himself and we're both holding teddy bears because my new kids book where's Barry and he's like hey you don't have one of you with the bear and I was like how'd you know I had any I was like my Funko Pops and it was just like yeah he made me see there's a Captain Fat Belly one there from me in the show that I had pretty famously.

48:10And he made me one, but he made one of himself and he gave me a two pack. And he's like, now we can be together. We can be best friends. I'm like, all right. Yeah. But it was so cool. I love that. Yeah. That's funny, man. Yeah. It's funny. All the things like this little things that people make that are like you talked about on a show or like moments that affected them or something like that, you know, it's pretty cool. But even like you're saying, it's like when people get together, there's a sense of, you know, when people want to do something for one another, you know, like when people want to help out whether it's a um a storm whatever it is you know yeah for sure people want to like kind of latch in you know yeah but yeah they gave me that rat baby and that thing that is that is insane to think first of all to think of it then execute that that's really cool and if you can't see it at home it is a it's in a little uh like a little cot like a protective aquarium yeah yeah like a small like eight inch diameter round aquarium that's about a foot high imagine like the brain that they kept for Frankenstein.

49:07They had that jar. It's the same thing. So it's got a rat in it. And it's got a rat in it and he's wearing like a fancy gown. He has a scepter. Has some flowers. Dude, in New York, they just put out they have a rat problem there. Yeah, huge. You know? Yeah, yeah. You're welcome. That's what they get for that's what they get for fucking being know-it-alls, dude. I'll send more. You'll send more. You think you got it under control? Look out. Here come more. I'll send more. So now they're trying a new tactic against me. The war on rats could soon shift from trash to a new target procreation rat birth control could soon roll out in new york city little rat condoms yeah give me a minute honey let me just she's like you got a dick like a mouse he's like shut up i'm a rat i'm a rat new york city council on thursday will vote on a bill that would introduce rat contraceptives to the city's rodent fighting arsenal if the bill passes city officials will choose two rat ridden zones to place the contraceptives and then monitor whether they reduce rat activity.

50:09How did you do that? The pilot program will last - Perverts. They're setting up some voyeurism going on. It's just right outside of the Kraft cheese plant. The pilot program will last 12 months, dude. Unbelievable. And now rats are going to be hearing that other rats are on birth control and go over there and trying to smash. Yeah, they're going to be like, yeah, it's no risk rat smashing. they it's insane like I've walked down certain parts of the city and you just it looks like the sidewalk's moving it's insane there's just just moving it looks like an ocean like there's just like waves it's crazy it's beautiful yeah the build of Flacco's Law is focusing on mitigating the risk of rodenticides rodenticides rodenticides on other animal populations like birds so what does that mean well the birds are going to be it has a reverse effect on birds it's like viagra so the pigeons are just going to be pounding away

51:09yeah because why do you know what's going to eat it right because if it's just on the floor like birds are going to eat it right pigeons eat the same stuff rats do oh so they can't poison them because they said other animals will eat them in those animals like if owls it says oh gotcha um so that way they can't poison them so they have to try this they have to try birth control unreal dude they don't want to get rid of the owls yeah so now they're going to be on so now big pharma is basically animals are on is your animal in any drugs no no she's she's free and clear we have some animals at home the older ones that are on some sort of things and what not and what do they get on blood thinners or whatever they give them depends what they have trazodone's a big one for dogs if they're nervous like a lot of dogs we have a couple dogs that get nervous during thunderstorms and what not it's like a calming thing you can give it to them before they fly she doesn't need it she's good but like some dogs trazodone is like a big one yeah they get that trazzy in them I'll pop a little trazodone dude you feel a little nervous Just take some dressing, man.

52:04It's so funny because they get, it like dehydrates them too. So they'll just be like laying there panting with their eyes half closed. And then like, you clearly see. Yeah, that's a big one for them. But they get some kidney medicines, the old one. All my old ones, it's just so, I have, so my rescue is all senior dogs. So I get them when they're all jacked up. Really? Yeah, so it's like - You ever get any of the ones that are in the wheel to little chariots? I did, I got a couple of chariots. Yeah, I got a couple of Roman soldiers. Yeah. Yeah, we said, they're going to live. We're like, no, no, we're going to make it.

52:30we had a couple of those yeah yeah so that's uh yeah like michigan that was my first senior the one on the fourth there the one one more over yeah that one so that was my first senior dog and had no teeth the tongue hung out that dog's not on that japanese pill that's just how it lives yeah sure yeah it looks like biden dude that one a little a little bit yeah so he that's what was our first senior but now we get these seniors and they're all jacked up and and where do you get them do you go meet somebody you guys meet at like a howard johnson's or something like How do you pick them up? Up in the era.

53:01Grab some lunch. We get them from kill shelters in New York sometimes, or we get owner surrenders. A lot of them have, when they're this old, like older people die and nobody can take care of the dog. It's like, you know, they've had this dog. So the dog is like 12, 13 years old. And they're like, could you take it? So we do a lot of owner surrender work. We try to find new homes for them. And your wife likes taking care of them too? Loves it. Yeah, that's her thing. She started, really started it. Oh, really? That's her day-to-day kind of thing. She runs it all. And we have come together to work it out now that it's our thing, which is fun.

53:34And do y 'all pet every dog every day, you think? We have volunteers, too, that come and help out. Oh, come and pet them? Yeah, they come and pet them and come and play with them. We have an adoption center in town where people come through. Yeah, right there. That's the adoption center we just opened up last year. And people could come through and hang out with the dogs and pet them a little bit. Oh, yeah. Yeah, if you ever want to see these. Yeah, these are some of our VIPs right here. So if you ever want to come through and pet a dog when you're in New York, buddy, I got you. Oh, I'll come on.

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55:38Thank you. Dude, I remember the first time I ever saw a dog inside somebody's house, right? I was at my buddy Scott's house and they had a golden retriever came around the corner in his house, dude. And it was beautiful. It was one of like the, it had the most beautiful hair I'd ever seen on a man or woman or anything. That was it, but it was a long haired. Google long haired golden retrievers.

56:32Oh, like the wisps. neighborhood it was just dogs outdoors biting a you know just like ruining your fucking birthday because you had to get stitches or something my next door neighbor had uh so we had a little mutt midnight her name was she was a mix between schnauzer or whatever and then my next door neighbors had uh a full doberman pincher her name was ninja and they kept her they had to keep her outside so she had outdoor pen and my dog was like would go under the fence and they would like hang out and he was like afraid like there was this huge like yeah like that like one of those big you know like in the movies those big like german looking yeah like those dogs right like big scare and i had this little mutt and they would just hang out it was the oddest couple and they hung out but they had to keep that dog outside they didn't bring him inside so when jason came over my house and my dog was inside he's like oh you get to play with it like on the couch he's like this is so weird because you play with his in the dirt like in the backyard you know wow dude yeah i guess having that much dogs brings you a lot of joy the other day i was sitting at a meeting and somebody's dog came up and i even when i petted it it makes you feel good yeah yeah it's great for sure you don't you don't have a dog no i'm gonna get one as soon as i get i think after this year coming up late in the year i'll kind of take a break from touring for a while and then yeah that's it get a nice pet you need if you want a messed up one-eyed one you call your boy yeah i'll take care of you yeah and what are some of the tougher things about deal Oh, research has shown that simply petting a dog lowers the stress hormone cortisol.

57:58That's for true. That's true. When I have her on the road with me, I sleep so much better. Really? Yeah, for sure. They said a new study just came out that I had just seen too, that it was if a dog, hearing a dog breathe with you is like kind of lowers your, makes you go into a deeper REM cycle, which is cool. And I have eight dogs that sleep in my bed. So I'm in a coma. Wow, bro. You over, like Joe OD. Yeah, yeah. I get like three hours sleep and I'm set for like two weeks. Wow. Yeah, they have a lot of people. Oh, benefits of sleeping with your dog. Decreased sleep, so you don't have to sleep as much.

58:34Eases insomnia. Comfort. Yeah. Promotes theta brainwaves. Wow. I get them thetas up. Do you? Yeah. Yeah, rush theta. Yep. And then lowers blood pressure, sense of security. Yeah. Warmth. Come on, now they're just fucking. Now they're just throwing in buzzwords. It's like decreases loneliness Yeah because you're not alone You can sleep with a cat And it'll decrease loneliness So that's nothing to do with a dog Oh that's beautiful dude Yeah I wouldn't like to Give me a couple puffs And do like a little Iditarod Or something That's something I'd always love to do An Iditarod with dogs Is be in the Iditarod man Yeah Because there's a parade I think the day before the Iditarod Look up Iditarod parades if you can And all the dogs go through the town Or whatever And you get to see them all That's cool Yeah.

59:22And look at the ones with those blue shoes on. That's mine. Those are fancy. Yeah. I think they're sponsored by Nike or something. Oh. I'd have mine in some fucking Yeezys out there. You know what I'm saying? When we used to have the dog in the city, we used to put these little balloons on their feet because the city's gross. Oh, okay. You know, and then you have these dogs and their paws are like porous, you know? So my dog used to walk around in these little balloon shoes. They were literally like, I was like, dude, dude, dude. Yeah, those, that's them, exactly. Oh, that's it. Oh, look at those.

59:49What, those fresh pawed belugas? Look at those right there, the third picture. Yeah, that's it. Let's zoom up on that a little bit. Something to those guys. Yeah. He's got them. Wow, New York Fashion Week. Oh, they did Yeezy-inspired sneakers for dogs. Wow. How unreal. Some people have too much freaking money. Too much money. Yeah. Yeah, but he said Mark Cuban on here. That guy has a crazy amount of money. Some people are billionaires. Isn't that crazy, dude? That's so nuts. That's so nuts. I can't even imagine. Yeah. And then how do you even - $5.7 billion is what Google's telling us. That's, that's a lot of money.

1:00:21You would think at some point you wouldn't need, want to try and make any more money, I guess. Right, right. Yeah. But is it that like, you're just like so good at it that your money's making money? Right. Cause people say like, why wouldn't you stop? He's like, I did stop. I'm just, my money's making money. Like, what do you want me to do? You know, it's like out there. Like Musk is like, you think he's out there being like, let me clock in. Like his money is just making money. You know what I mean? That's true, dude. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like he just like has to drive over to work in the morning.

1:00:44Bye, honey.

1:00:49yeah wow yeah i think that's a big part of it it's one of the problems well i'll never have to worry about yeah i think i felt like you think at a certain point you would just want to do helpful stuff and not make any more money but then i guess if you want to do helpful stuff you still have to keep making money to do it maybe that's part of the thing yeah i think i think bill gates talked about that right when they were talking about the like the bill gates foundation whatever and he was like people are like oh you could just give all your money away he's like yeah but what do i do when all my money's given away i need to make money to give away the money like it's part of it all you know it's just cyclical you got to keep putting money back in the bank to give it out yeah yeah um you charitable fella yeah i think so man yeah we do so trying to start a foundation and start doing more charity stuff oh cool so did you ever do something like that yeah well i started my for my my my non-profit for the dogs it's like a real non-profit we last year last year we did it oh sweet so got up with friends like a registered one now so that that was our thing but i give to We do a lot of animal, mostly animal stuff, I think I do.

1:01:46But I also work with a couple other foundations in New York. But I like it. But you get tapped a lot to be the celebrity at the events. I've hosted so many things. You end up hosting and doing the charity drives, like the auctioneer and stuff like that. Like Whamaraners for narcoleps or whatever. It's always crazy shit. You're trying to get out there and you have to auction off this trip to Hawaii for these people and you run around like auctioning trying to pit people against each other. So it's fun, but I could see that being a cool, that's a cool part of it. I do a lot with Howard Stern does the North Shore Animal League.

1:02:22That's the big - North Shore Animal League? Animal League is on Long Island. It's a big dog foundation there. And they do their cat rescue with them. So I've done a couple events with the dog with them. And it's so funny just to be at these big events. Yeah, that's - Oh yeah. And see as many dogs as you can. So many, yeah. I try not to take them home. Oh yeah. So cute Yeah I think I have a goal I want to like start Like I want to Well we want to Like make like Kind of like a half house But I don't know what it's going to be for Really like an addiction place You know So We started a group that Meets online on On Tuesday afternoons That's a Zoom meeting And it's like Like Intimacy disorder Sex and love addiction All kind of stuff like that But then It's on It meets online Yeah Once a week Yeah that's pretty good and then um i mean it's awesome what am i saying it's pretty good it's cool you see guys start to turn their lives around and stuff that is awesome yeah but then we want to get like eventually make like a center you know but we'll see one step at a time for sure for sure like right now all the dogs live in my like at my house like i want to eventually have like a little motel yeah i want to it's definitely like a motel six bed and breakfast oh yeah take over that one in seattle did you see that there's a uh somebody made a white house homeless people are just making their making houses they're like literally a lot of them aren't even homeless anymore they're making houses making their own homes?

1:03:48just in parks yeah just like okay building their own stuff? we're building a home yeah look at this guy built a freaking white house somewhere oh my look at that near downtown Seattle the Soto White House that's it he built he made that this guy built a fucking house with the fence and everything.

1:04:11So it's crazy that suddenly - Get out there and build it and they will come, man. You just do it. You solve your own problem. This guy built his own life. Look, he's like, stop filming my house. He came out to get the mail or something. It even has an address on a number 12. Go back and look at it again. He gave himself his own address. If he gets mail there, that'd be amazing. What? That is amazing. Yeah, that's pretty wild. That's pretty impressive, actually. Oh, it's unbelievable. A lot of stuff people are doing, and there's so many great, a lot of homeless people are just taking on ways or like they're in between homeless and not homeless, you know what I'm saying?

1:04:43But they're finding like a way to make it work. I mean, there's people building all kinds of like small businesses and stuff that just out on the street, you know? There's a lot of, the bartering's up, right? It's going back, it's taking like a step back inside that community where it's like, you know, help each other out. Yeah, I'll treat you soap for nails or whatever. Something like that, yeah. Yeah. Human ones, no, I'm good. Even got some nails I'm trying to build this White House. Yeah, that's changed. A little bit, dude. Yeah, but it's interesting to see how that community starts. Sticking together.

1:05:10Yeah, it's the same thing, man. Oh, yeah, because you see how much people, they're usually in big groups. If you go down to some of those areas. We were just in Vancouver, and they have a street there. I can't remember the name. Hatching or something. Oh, it was Vancouver. Hastings, that was it. Hastings, yeah. And, man, we went down there at night, but they're still all in groups. Somebody's got the grill out, and somebody's like - It's like a tailgate. somebody's a jets fan or whatever you know right yeah but yeah yeah but it was just like out there everybody working together somebody's cooking up a drug somebody's you know yeah they're all that that's that's like a sense of like people are busking they're trying to make some money you know i watched somebody the other day play tears in heaven on a vacuum cleaner down there so it's a real talent is what i'm saying get down to hastings in vancouver you want the next justin Bieber you got a tear coming out of your eye and the carpet's clean how can you lose but that's what I'm saying there's so much skill out there in a lot of these communities and they're working together you know yeah you want to cut the AC on a little bit it's a little warm in here do you think or no you fine I'll take some AC if you got it okay I was in the ice bath oh really earlier yeah I was in a ice tub or something yeah it gets and then you're so cold you don't know what's going on.

1:06:32How long do you do it for? I stand for 10 minutes. 10? Yeah. I've never done it. I did a cold plunge in a spa once, and I was like, this is not for me. But people love it. You're more that warm boy, huh? I'm more that warm boy. I love a good sauna, steam room. At night, do you sleep in bed with your dogs or not? Yeah. Yeah, I got eight of them in the bed with us. Oh, my God. Hold on. There has to be like an Amy's law or something. There has to be some sort of... yeah this is this is yeah this is pretty close to it actually yeah those are my and do they all do they get just Pomona oh no no Sponi's not in this picture actually that's Biscotti my favorite on the top do they all have to pee at the same time kind of like a women's basketball team or whatever they hold it they hold it for 10 hours nuh uh yeah they go to the bathroom at like 7 o 'clock we take them out and then at 5.30 they're up and we take them down wow so 5.30 you gotta take them down yeah wow yeah yeah even in the winter that's why I sleep so good I get that 4 hours are ready to go, baby.

1:07:31Yeah, even in the winter, in the rain. The rain's rough. Rain's worse than winter in the rain. But we have a run so they could go by themselves. I don't have to walk them, thank goodness. But yeah, that's tough when it's in the rain. They don't want to go outside. Yeah. Yeah. What's a crazy gift that somebody brought you guys one time? Did anybody go? More of it's the tattoos. You get this too, right? People tattoo themselves. I saw this woman just tattooing our faces on themselves and stuff. This woman on her upper thigh gave a caricature version of the Jokers, of each of us, around her thigh.

1:08:04And I was like, that's for life. It's great. You sign people. They put their tattoos on you. That's crazy. I started doing this thing where people asked me, oh, could you sign me so I could make a tattoo? I said, can I just draw you something instead? I said, because I feel like that'd be. So I just draw a heart with a paw. That's a heart. I was like, this is important to me. It'll be cool that you do that. But yeah, see, this woman has her name all written on all of us. she finally got all of our signatures who held out? I think the last one was she had to meet Q you can tell by the placement she met Sal early Sal's got the Sal look at Murray's always in the back creeping but yeah people get our signatures a lot but then people get interpretive stuff too where they just be like a bowl of mashed potatoes of mashed potatoes look I got scoops keep it on me i'm like dude it's like thank you i guess that's very odd all because of a joke you made you know so that's really weird but we've gotten like i get a lot of fan art of like drawings like i see you notice you have some drawings and stuff too i get some drawings and some of them are just like really really well done and it's like wow and then you just get some that are like that's really bad oh yeah it's like horrendous or interesting a lady this week gave us a painting and it had a rat and an open vagina on it.

1:09:22The rat, it was very like a vaginatic or whatever. It was, yeah, something in heat or whatever. Yeah, gotcha, gotcha. Well, you got to send that thing to New York. Solve that problem real quick. It was crazy, dude. It was just like, it was a really neat painting too, but it was definitely wild, man. I'll have to put the picture on the YouTube if we can. I don't even know if we can put it up. I had this woman who took a picture off my Instagram of me and my daughter. It was a jewel, and she made a jeweled painting of it. So she used like jewels, just different colored jewels, and she made me and my son and my daughter.

1:09:56Oh, that's beautiful. And I framed it, and I put it in my office. It was really cool. I get some really cool stuff. It's so funny because they're so talented, and I can't, because you draw, I can't draw for sure. I'm so unartistic. So I'm like taking a backbite. I'm like, wow, this is really, really nice. Oh, yeah. If our teacher tried to get me to draw, I'd accuse the teacher of touching me or something. I'm like, dude, we're shutting this down today. I didn't have, we had art history which is still in high school like we didn't even have like our art class was art history bro is there anything worse when you think it's gonna be art dude and it's art history dude you get in there and you're like where's the art at and they just give you a fucking book about stone you gotta read and you're just out here reading about art reading about art is the worst it's the worst thing let me read about art instead of doing it yeah Even if when you're at the gallery or something, you see the little thing with the name.

1:10:49I'll read only like a third of that little card that has a guy's name. Tell me what his inspiration was. Oh, God. I do like going and sitting amongst art. I feel inspired by it. I like taking a look, but I don't read the things about it. I don't know anything about artists. Yeah, I don't know. I could pretend about some stuff, but I don't know that much. It's like some stuff I know a little bit. Do you have any art? Yeah, I got a nice piece of art. This lady. Tell me the history of it.

1:11:22This lady is an artist out of Louisiana, and I saw her in Hawaii, and I bought a piece of art that she had. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, Korkowski. Korpowski, can you look it up? Korpowski? Laura Korpowski, maybe?

1:11:40Maui artist, L-A-U-R-A. laurie kaprowski wow yeah yeah she had some really cool art man um i like that so you saw it at a gallery you got them yeah yeah i got it and uh it spoke to you as they say yeah it just makes me feel like i don't know you can feel when somebody puts something into something you know for sure yeah yeah but she had some really neat things and she was from louisiana and we met each other in hawaiian so i was like oh this is like a cool sign or whatever yeah uh there's a i did um i was in san diego for comic-con and who's the guy that drew uh bugs bunny no mel blanc right so they did uh they did uh the old warner brothers lot used to have a bugs bunny stop sign so bugs bunny would be standing there with a stop sign when you pulled into the lot and he did 50 versions of it and i bought one of those and but it's huge it's the size of like this so i actually mounted it inside a sliding door in my house.

1:12:39Oh, so it stays in there? Yeah, it stays in there. I was like, that's a really cool thing. It's signed by him and stuff. He only made like 50 of them. And it wasn't that expensive. And then I went back a couple years later to Comic Con again. The guy was like, you said about that Bugs Bunny, right? I said, yeah. And he's like, it had gone up like exponentially. No. And I was like, really? He's like, yes. So some things, I didn't get in for the game. I just love Bugs Bunny. Yeah. Grew up with it, you know? So I was like, I was like, that's really cool that actually it is something. But now it's a door in my house.

1:13:02So like, I wanted to sell it. I have to sell the door. Yeah. It's that stop sign right there. Bugs Bunny stopped at the lot. Yeah. I remember seeing that on the shows a lot. That's it. Yeah. So Chuck Jones, that's it. Chuck Jones. I'm trying to think of other things that, anything else? I've got another piece of art. I don't know if it's a piece of art or whatever. It's just like, there's some other nice things that people have drawn us that, that are up in the studio in Los Angeles. Yeah. Some other stuff. Yeah. But yeah, it's amazing. man. People like the other night, two kids gave me these little bracelets that they made.

1:13:36I love that. Yeah. They make the bracelets and say stuff. Yeah. That's cool. That bracelet culture because Taylor Swift, she did something right there with that. I mean, everybody's giving out bracelets. I love that. You get them all the time. So I get bracelets from the kids and I actually bring them home and my daughter loves them. My daughter will like keep doing stuff. It says, yeah. Yeah. I have a pretty good collection or like different like rocks or something. People give you rocks, but then somebody brought me their molars one time. they'd gotten taken out somebody brought me what's the story behind for a reason or just wanted to give it to you uh i can't even remember what it was yeah i have oh it was crazy people have brought me um like a box that smelled so fucking bad dude opened it up and it just there was nothing in it and it just smelled fucking horrible like it's hot soup water from why it's probably just what you know it's terrible I've gotten I've gotten some like weird stuff too but a lot of people just like to bring me food yeah because I'm known for being like a sweet tooth kind of you know kind of guy so I'll get people bring me in cannolis and like pastries and like donuts and stuff that's awesome you know but I'll never eat like I made you these cookies at home I'm like I'm not eating these it's like in a saran wrap like it's still like greasy I'm like I'm good they're like eat one I'm like I'll eat it later like make sure you do yeah like it's so weird there's like tracking devices in it oh I had a guy bring me 10 hits of LSD one time.

1:14:55He's like, I know you're sober, but here's 10 hits of LSD. And I was like, this could go. Do you know how sober means? Any direct, this could go, this could go poorly. But yeah, a lot of times just some super neat stuff. Yeah, it's crazy. And then just people adding to your world of your podcast or of your show, you know, or of you guys' podcast, which is kind of fascinating. What else is going on, dude? Oh, I saw that But the SpaceX, they're going to pick up the astronauts that got stranded. You see that? Oh, I did not. So two astronauts got stranded, right? You knew that part. On the International Space Station and for the stranded astronauts, the arrival of their ride home.

1:15:41Perhaps an additional reason for Butch and Sonny to celebrate.

1:15:49The SpaceX rescue mission was launched from Florida with just two astronauts on board. The other two seats kept free for the extra passengers when it returns to Earth in February. It is a coup for the company, but an embarrassment for Boeing, which is still trying to work out why thrusters on its own Starliner capsule failed as it docked in June, leaving the test pilots marooned. lots of cheering here in the room there you go so they called an Uber they called an Uber they're like can you come get us they called UberX dude so yeah Elon SpaceX is going to pick up these two stranded astronauts bro imagine being just stranded out there that's insane imagine you think you're going home you're supposed to go home and then they're like no it's gonna be from June to February it's gonna be seven more months.

1:16:42Eight more months. Dude, I mean, there's got to be... Nine more months. Sorry. Nine months. Do they have enough? Do they have enough food? Packets of oatmeal? Do they kind of have enough stuff, right? I bet they pack like a head, but like, surely... Nine months more? Yeah. That's a full baby being born. And even the person who packed it up was probably like, they're not going to be out there that long. Yeah, yeah. Let's take some of this oatmeal home. 100%. They don't need this much of this oatmeal. You think they need 80 jars of apple sauce? give them 68 to let them know the difference meanwhile they're up there like licking the spoon we just had 12 more jars god dude but yeah Elon's going to get him I actually tweeted at him the other day to see if they would let me I wanted to interview the oh go it would be sick dude they're sending Theo to go pick him up would you take that risk you think if they said you could go no definitely not definitely not that's a big risk it would feel like yeah but that would be that's a one in a bajillion thing.

1:17:40Nobody else would ever say they did that. You know, I picked them up. Who'd they send? Did they send people that were equipped to do it or was it? I don't know. Hopefully they sent Ben Affleck because he's working on the drill. Him and Bruce Willis is who I'd want to send, right? They got that work experience. Bruce Willis is out of space currently. I think he has dementia right now, which is basically free outer space. You know what I'm saying? And I'm just joking, Bruce Willis. But no, So Sunita Williams and Barry Wilmore have been stranded on the ISS since June after the Boeing spacecraft suffered thruster failures.

1:18:14SpaceX rescue flight will not return until February. Oh, wait. It arrived already, though. So they already picked them up. No way. But arrived just after 10.30 p.m. on Sunday. Oh, so they already picked them. They're there. They're already in. That was really them picking them up. They're in today. They're in. But at the ride back, they're hitting some traffic. It looks like the Waze map is telling them that they're going to be hitting some traffic. Okay, so they got them. So halfway there. So coming back must take so much longer then. Yeah. Yeah, how'd they get there? So quick. That doesn't make sense.

1:18:46I guess so. Let me see. When did they leave to go get them? NASA confirmed in August that the two will return to Earth and will not return until 2025 with SpaceX now in charge of rescuing the astronauts on a crew dragon flight. But what's the plan if they don't send SpaceX? What's the plan? How do they get these guys home? They put their homes out the side. They're like, oh, I need a war. A crew situation? Like, come on, stroke, stroke. Take me to the river. What is the plan? What is Boeing's plan? Oh, that's crazy. If Elon doesn't bail him out like that. That's crazy that there's a late, yeah.

1:19:19But everybody's flights are getting delayed now. That's the crazy thing. You're equating a Southwest flight being delayed? It's still a flight. It's true. I guess I'm a favor. Everybody's having trouble, dude. Nobody's above it, man. We're all just human at the end of the day.

1:19:38but yeah I wanted to get to interview the two astronauts podcast with them yeah but they'll come you think so I mean it would be interesting yeah if they're fans yeah sure if they're just they don't have anything if they don't have anything to do also you know I mean their job's done they never have to work a day again in their life right they're done they get some sort of pension oh you kidding you're name a bigger hero you went and saved two people from space. That's a movie plot, a real life movie plot. But that's working for NASA. That's working for the government, man. Dude, you work at the post office.

1:20:10They barely give you a fucking, you know. That's true. Some guy was stalled over on McDougal. They couldn't pick him up for three weeks. Where's Jim? Oh, his car broke down on McDougal. We'll see him in March. Yeah, so let's don't put it past the government. First of all, if the government said, hey, I want to take you and a buddy to space, I'd be like, fuck. no dude you guys can't even decide on a correct price of stamps dude all all expense paid you guys are going to space thanks i'm gonna be like dear god no but everything's become privatized now that's just how everything is you know yeah yeah even rescue missions apparently yeah yeah it's crazy it's like it used to be everything was kind of like the public things were rocking you know and then now it's like not yeah it used to be the postal system now it's amazon you know It's just like everything's kind of, or a lot of things have become more that way.

1:21:07What else is going on with you, man? Sorry, I feel kind of tired today. Okay. Do I seem tired? No, you're doing great. Really? Am I boring? No. Okay, good. You're doing great, dude. I've been trying to fast a lot, and so I think it's slowing my energy down some. Yeah, you look good, though. I feel pretty good. Where are you in your weight loss journey or your weight gain journey? Are you trying to do something? No, I've just been trying to fast just to see if it helps my brain get more sharp. Yeah, just sharp. They say it can reduce inflammation and stuff like that. Gotcha. But then you find yourself suddenly you can't think or anything.

1:21:40Get cloudy. Yeah, but maybe it's just part of the process. Do you drink caffeine? Do you drink coffee and stuff or no? I've been off of it for a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I do a cup of coffee. You do? Yeah, I do coffee. I had a cup before I came here. That's why I'm so bright-eyed. I normally have one earlier in the morning But I didn't get one I was kind of late getting it But I got one in the afternoon And I realized it woke me up a little bit So that's good Oh yeah dude One time I took 30 days off a coffee man And I felt wide awake dude Did you? Yeah I felt like rocking bro Really? Yeah I think for sure I also like the taste of it There's some people that don't even like the taste of it But I enjoy a cup of coffee There's some people like Oh I need my coffee when I wake up Because it's gotta wake me up I never drink it to wake me up I drink it just because I wanted to like I enjoy a cup of coffee Oh yeah A nice warm beverage Yeah It's nice You know Yeah there's something nice about it Something kind of romantic About it a little bit By the fire Cozying up What else is happening dude What else is going on Joe I got Lots man You know I got my kids book came out Where's Barry's really fun Yeah and what's it about So You did You had another kids book A few years ago I had a book A cookbook It was a photo book Photo book The Dog Father, my love of dogs, desserts, and growing up Italian.

1:22:56And I was during COVID, I had taken pictures of my dogs, because I'm a photographer, amateur photographer too, and I had done a bunch. But my Where's Barry book just came out. Oh, that's cool. It's like a legit book, which is cool. It got published by Penguin. No way. Yeah, yeah. Dude, congratulations. And Spumoni's actually in the book too, but that's my son and my childhood bear. He animated for me. So that's really cool to see that happen. And what happens with Barry? What's he dealing with? What is it? Um, so my son in it, Remo, he lost his bear in his bedtime. So he's having a little bit of a meltdown, you know, and that's like the worst catastrophe for any parent.

1:23:30So he has to go find it. But in reality, it's based on a story. My son is beside himself at night and he's like, I can't find it. And I was like, all right, well, where'd you put it? And I had to teach him how to like calm down and trace your steps. But he had, he was decided in real life to play hide and seek with it. And he hid it under a pot in the kitchen, like in a cabinet. I never would have found it ever. So I had to like calm him down and he went and found it. so I wrote this book up and I sent it over and the guy that did it, Luke Flowers, is awesome he's a huge Jokers fan he put a bunch of Jokers like Easter eggs in it, which is really cool when I got the first things but it's a really good book I like being a part of bedtime, I think it's pretty fun I read it to my kids, my kid and my son, I went to their school, got to read it to the school, which was fun so my son's like, I'm in a book it's really cool Was he excited when his dad came to school or not?

1:24:18Yeah, yeah. He's super excited. They love when I get to come to school and do stuff. But they come on the road with me too, which is cool. They're going to come on the road with me next week, actually. They're going to be in two weeks. They'll be with me. And they're going to come hang out on the road, which I love. I love to get to take them out. Yeah? Yeah, it's fun. They love coming on stage at the end and bowing like they did at the end of the special. It's really fun. But they just like to be room service. It's like, can we get pancakes? It feels like a king, which is fun. They get to see these towns, which I like too.

1:24:48They get to go to different places. I like to not be sheltered. I want them to see the world and stuff. Yeah, we were just in Milwaukee. Milwaukee was a really amazing city that I didn't know it was like that. Oh, yeah, Milwaukee is great. Bro, I had no idea. And then there was another city that we were just in. Springfield, Missouri. Springfield, Missouri. Yeah. Yeah. It's a sleeper. Yeah. Yeah, it's a fun one. Yeah. And... Yeah, I don't even remember where else. Jesus. Yeah, but that's like my favorite part about it is like when you go to these little towns. Two years ago, I wanted to perform live comedy.

1:25:22I wanted to perform live in all 50 states. So I did it. I checked off all of them. My last one was Fargo, North Dakota. Yeah. You remember there? Yeah. Which is a cool, such a cool little town. Oh, yeah. And then you get to all these little towns. I love that about going down Main Street. You see all their little stores. Oh, yeah, little things. Bob and Pops. Every street's got like a Candles and Bullshit kind of store, and they got their coffees. And you just walk around. I love that. That's so cool. Yeah, that is awesome. Oh, yeah, just a simple fact to get in to see certain places, man. Like we got to go through like Eastern Oregon, and that was just - Did you ever do the coast drive?

1:25:56Did you ever do that drive on like the Pacific Coast Highway? I've never done it. Oh, no? Yeah, that's really fun. Oh, wait, I've done it down by California, but I've never done it all the way up. Yeah, so my wife, when she was still my girlfriend, I picked her up. She lived near Seattle, this town in Seattle. So we took her from Seattle, and I drove her down to her parents in San Francisco. So that was such a pretty drive. and then when I lived in LA, I never did it all the way, but I've connected each piece, you know, but it's really cool. It's like movie sets. It's unreal. Yeah. It's pictures of it.

1:26:21It's so pretty. Yeah. America's a beautiful country, man. Yeah. There's so many cool spots. Yeah. We just saw some Mennonites too. We were in Little Rock, I think. And they, we saw some Mennonites outside of there. Bring up a Mennonite. There you go. Was it creepy? No, they were cool. It was just. Did you see them at night? No. They disappear, right? I don't know what they're, I don't know what they're up to at night. Well, we saw some lit up ones. We saw some daytime ones. Daytime Mennonites. It's my favorite time of Mennonite. Nighttime Mennonite, that's kind of creepy. Yeah, that's like a major trope in horror films, right?

1:26:57It's like that type of life. Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. I could never do that. What are people feeling? Do you see a lot of political stuff up in Staten Island? Long Island, yeah. Not really. I mean, I feel like it's polarized everywhere. Yeah. You know, but I kind of steer clear of that stuff. I don't, I don't really try to put my opinions on people because I don't know much about anything, you know, their own thing. Yeah. Do you find yourself getting in the mix a lot? No, I think so. Like, it's like, it's hard for me to talk, think about it and talk about it at the same time. Sometimes it's like, and I don't know when to like kind of put my thoughts in.

1:27:35Like this year we started having just different people on, like, um, like we had some politicians on and then we had like, like even last week we had Mark Cuban on and we talked about some political stuff, but sometimes it's hard for me to like think and share what I want at the same time, you know, just some of those conversations, it's not as fun, you know, it's just, it's not as fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then you want to, that's why people don't really talk about politics, you know, because it's like, yeah, it's a divisive in nature. Yeah. You got to pick a side. So yeah, you want to be respectful too, of what somebody thinks, but at the same time, sometimes it's like, you don't want to get into like a rebuttal.

1:28:08And then it's like, you know, so it's just some of that. It's kind of like a learning curve, even with doing podcasts. And it's like, how do you get into conversations with people also when they have more knowledge than you do too about stuff or they're learning and contributing or they think they have more knowledge, you know, because then you feel like, well, I think something, but I may not know a fact on it, but it is how I feel, you know, and like when to speak up. When people try to talk you out of feelings, that's like the worst thing ever. When you feel a certain way about anything, you know, and they try to like disprove how you feel about something.

1:28:41Like, I feel like that's wrong. Well, blah, blah, blah. And I hit you with all these like facts, which some were probably made up. You don't even know. And it's like, okay, but I still feel that way. Yeah. What are you trying to talk me out of? You know? Exactly, dude. Yeah. That's an interesting thing there. What else is happening in the news? What else is going on, man? You read the news when you wake up. how do you get your how do you get your news uh that's a good question yeah probably tiktok yeah websites um that's it really stuff that comes across your radar yeah kind of like that are things that i'll see kind of over and over again dude you see that snake that's head got bit off and it still bit itself ring it up watch this they cut the snake's head off right that's it's head at the bottom that is insane and so yeah that's from Satan dude you think it's having a bad day and then it just gets way worse oh bro look at that it's head was a foot away from the end of it's body it taps it and then there you go And then the other end of the snake curls over and touches the head just reflexively.

1:29:56And it just opens his mouth and instinctually just chomps down on itself. And now the snake is like, not only have I lost my head, but now it's biting me. Look, I've tried to do some things to myself. That's the talent right there. In junior high or whatever. But this is kind of crazy, bro. Do you have a fear of anything? Are you afraid of snakes? Oh, snakes make me very nervous. That makes me nervous. I'm not really afraid of snakes. That clip changes my opinion. Well, it makes me feel like they're directly from Satan. Also, huge corporations make me very nervous. Snakes and huge corporations.

1:30:31And sheer evil. Yeah, those are tough. Those are tough. Yeah, and genocide also makes me nervous, too, a little bit. And we're talking in no particular order. Yeah. I don't want people to. All three of those things make me pretty nervous. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes you see animals pull off some stuff, and you just can't believe that they're real with stuff. You ever see like when you see these falcons, they're like 100 feet out of the water and they see a fish and they just dive, get it out of the water and just come up and have lunch? It's like, I missed a turn on the way here and I have GPS. You know what I mean?

1:31:03It's like crazy. It's crazy what some of these animals could do. But biting yourself with your head off, that's bonkers. That's some diddy shit, dude. Look at those. These are nuts. They just die and they go underwater. They can't breathe them. They're just diving and going. He's like, boom, I'm just going to grab this fish right out of the water. If you could train a falcon to do that and you showed up at a bass tournament. Everybody's there with their rods. You're just there with the little helmet on it. Go ahead, Maximus. Time to eat. In 30 minutes, you're done. I love birds. You're done for the day.

1:31:38You do? I love birds, man. If I could have a falcon, I'd have a falcon. I had an African gray parrot for a minute. No way. The best. Maximus, his name was. It was a little bird I had. It was so fun. Yeah, those guys, they're super smart. And are these the ones that can read and write or no? Yeah, they're the most intelligent of the parrot. Yeah, they've got that red tail. They're really fun. But I didn't teach it how to talk because I only taught it to go like that because they live to 80 years old. I don't want 80 years old to like, hello. I don't want 80 years of saying hello to this bird. so I didn't teach it how to say anything.

1:32:12Oh, dude, come on. So I'm like, what am I going to do? I'm going to be answering questions? That's like having a toddler or whatever. You don't teach him anything. It's a bird though. He liked his life for a while. It was great. And what happened in the end? I moved, I ended up moving to LA and I didn't have an apartment or anything and I was living with a friend so I couldn't bring a bird in a bird cage with me. So I ended up, there was this bird rescuer that worked at with the Bronx Zoo and she came over and took it and interviewed her and she was really nice. They got a good zoo in the Bronx, It looks a lot of union work, a lot of union animals.

1:32:42A lot of union animals up there. It's clean. A lot of union animals. Yeah, the Bronx Zoo is like one of the biggest ones. Wow. They do a big thing at the holidays too. I think all the zoos do it where they light up and do that like at night thing. Oh, yeah. And it's really, really cool. Animals at night or whatever. Like, yeah. When I went to Australia, I did the weirdest thing. They had the nocturnal animals. They changed their clock on them. So they make, they're all indoors in this facility, right? There's like these mice and whatnot. and they change their clock because they are supposed to be asleep at night that they make it sun at night inside this building.

1:33:15It's sun up. And then during the day, they make it night in this building. Isn't that a war crime doing that? I think it is. I think these mice are like, hey, if they ever get out in the wild, it's not going to do it. But it's great. You walk in, it's like you're walking through the prairies at night. I think it was in Sydney, the Sydney Zoo or wherever I was. And it was crazy. Like you walked in and it was like you were walking through and they had all these mice running around, all these different owls, bats. It's crazy. Yeah. I wouldn't be able to be a night animal, dude. No, you're too lazy.

1:33:41Well, it's just too risky out there. Something attacks you in the dark or something. Something always sees better than you. Yes. That's tough. Yeah, dude. And if you can't see that good and it's nighttime or whatever, and you're like, I'm an animal or whatever, you're done. These scary movies, too, where people run through the woods at night. No, I'm going to stay here until the sun comes up, and then I'll figure it out. Like trying to run through and stuff. I can't do that. Yeah, like they said, it was Friday the 13th movies. They were like that. Did you ever watch those? Yeah. Yeah, I did. I did.

1:34:08I like some horrors and stuff. Yeah, that's it. Nocturnal house. The Taronga Zoo, upper nocturnal house, Australia. So see that? That's the indoor. So they totally change it. It's broad daylight outside. You walk in tonight. It's these crazy squirrel things. And all the Australian animals are all batshit crazy. They got some weirdest animals over there. Well, even if you think about like, it's funny because if you looked at, like say if you walked into the forest or whatever and they had, you saw a bear in there, right? But he was drinking, you know, he's sitting there drinking like 20 cups of coffee and smoking cigarettes.

1:34:45And it's like on his computer all day. You'd be like, something's wrong with this fucking bear. The other bears are just having fun, scratching their backs on trees, dude. You know, eating berries or whatever. And he's just over there like, you know. Gotta get this report to corporate. Like this bear's got something wrong with him, right? It just shows you what sick animals. We are just like humans. We've gotten kind of sick, you know? Bear appears to carry a laptop, a computer at Montana Roadside. Never mind, dude. This guy, he was like, dude, I got to give Theo a story. Wow. People get stupid around bears, though.

1:35:23They always want to pet them. Yeah. It's got to be the number one animal attack. There's always a video in the background. The kid's like, touch him down. And people think they're scarier than them. They're going, oh, oh. Meanwhile, the bear ripped their head off. It's so dumb. don't be a wimp dot dad puts a bike helmet on and goes to fucking talk to the bear it's okay and he puts his hand down what are you doing the bear I'm gonna eat you you dumb human it's so stupid people get so ballsy or so scared of bears it's unbelievable I don't know why people think bears are friendly because they look cute but the people are like oh they're friendly but nobody goes up to lions and tries to pet them lions are cute too but they're not as bears have been commercialized as being so cute.

1:36:08The Berenstain bears. The teddy bear. Yeah, the teddy bear. Bear grills. Yeah. People approach them like that.

1:36:21People just bear spray them all the time. No, no, no. Give them a finger to a bear. He's like, you're not going to eat me today. Dude, that'd be the best you see a bear like in a Hakeem Olajuwon. Jersey somewhere or in a Nuggets jersey and the bears, the bears going. Yeah, dude, nature's crazy, man. Do you think that we are, we're like divinely separate or do you think that we're just part of nature? Do you think? I think there's a, I think we're, I think we're part. Yeah. It's, it's hard. I, I think we are part of it, but I'm not sure if I think we fit in a different way. We think we fit in a different way than we do.

1:37:04I think it's like we're supposed to be part of the mix way more. We're not in charge of half this shit. Yeah, we're supposed to be part of the mix way more. Yeah, 100%. Like we have to put these animals in cages to control them. And so I'm like, where are the dominant species? Like, yeah, really? Let them out of the zoo and see what happens. I think it's crazy that way. Yeah. I love animals, though. Yeah, man. I think I wish I would spend more time around. We had this neuroscientist on, and she was saying that, yeah, being around animals, being around horses. horses even just if you have a big family and you all sleep together in the same house that it creates more um like uh feelings of like low stress you know yeah horses are used a lot in therapy right equine therapy what they call it where you like hug a horse you go to a ranch for like a month yeah those are big they think it's like a horse hugging that's the thing i didn't make that up but then it can escalate too i married this horse i found love in arizona you'll end up in uh d and one of those donkey shows or whatever how does equine therapy help trauma victims that's a good question equine therapy is an excellent option for trauma victims who have a hard time opening up about their experiences or who feel overwhelmed anxiety or panic equine therapy provides a unique environment in which individuals are able to heal their invisible wounds in a way that is intuitive and fun it's fun therapy could be fun man this is a website i think trying to sell something is there actually do you can you find something that's a little bit more information just like the actual information please i'm curious about that yeah there's a because how do you do it you know so it's basically just kind of like you're around because they're low stress animals or like you know you that you have to be calm around a horse so you have to calm yourself down i think that's part of it so i think that's that that does it but it's it's weird like you see these people like they're laying down with the horses and just petting them and they're you see what the problems they're dealing with it's crazy Oh yeah, I met two alpacas outside of a Lowe's Outside of

1:39:00Park City What were they picking up? They're picking up some Two by fours No, I don't know what they were doing One of them named Macaroni, I remember that That's great, love that The movement of horses can improve motor function And core strength No, the psychological effects of Equinist is that they have become from the horse's ability to recognize human emotions and provide an intentional response okay so if like you're freaking out they'll just come over and be like look it's okay i'm a horse improve self-esteem okay um yeah man i think my brain just feels slow today do you ever have slow days you take days off sometimes i just got off the road too for a few days and it was just that's always the hard one yeah you think yeah i think when you get back to settle in it's it's nice you're trying to readjust because your clock's off too, right?

1:39:51Because you're having that high of doing a show at night, meeting all those people and doing everything, right? So it's a little different. You don't get that at home. What time do you normally go to bed? If you're at home? If I'm at home by 11. Oh, really? Yeah. What about you? I go to bed probably around 1. No way. 1 a.m.? 12, 1. Yeah. Joe, that's late. Yeah, I know. I probably should get more sleep. But like I said, I sleep hard with these dogs i get a good five hours i'm raring to go i'm a napper though sometimes i'll shut it down for 20 i like a good cat nap oh yeah i'll grab a nap you nap yeah dude i like that's the best i think they're the best could you could you nap for longer though like if i go over like 25 minutes half hour i'm like i slept like i need to go to sleep you know my dream is to take an alarmless nap dude wake up when the body says it's time yeah dude god starts pulling on your strings again.

1:40:45That's right, yeah. Blacked out curtains. Yeah. Maybe the AC's on. I like it. AC on, ear plugs in, fan on. Yeah. One of those Vietnamese water fountains playing in the back or whatever. You got it, of course. Water dripping directly on my forehead in the center. Like, I like to be like a POW. That's it, getting out, right? Oh, I want, yeah. Do you do ear? I want somebody to just slip me a small tin of beans around 8 p.m. Do maybe little paper cuts on your foot? Yeah, dude. did you do ear do you like i'll do earplugs yeah earplugs yeah i'll wear earplugs now sometimes till like 11 a.m it's like there's just too much noise in the world i don't want any of it i don't care i've heard so much of it put the earplugs in see people they don't know oh yeah talk loud to them my god neighbor's loud yeah theo's got his ear is going do you have them in now no i don't I know.

1:41:38All right, good, good. But I'll put them out. Yeah, I'll put them in a lot, dude. That's good, though, to shut you down. What else do I do? What's something else that I like to do a lot? Oh, I used to sleep in a neck brace when I was young to try to make my neck longer. Do you ever do anything like that? Stretch it out? Yeah. No, I didn't sleep in a neck brace, but I had a - It's hard. It's pretty hard to do. Did you ever have braces growing up? Oh, yeah. Yeah, so I had braces. I was the last one that I'd get if some - my doctor totally threw this thing where, you know, he had the headgear thing and like he, cause I was the last one in the family.

1:42:12He was like milking it. He didn't want the gattles to be out of that orthodontic game, you know? So I had to wear a headgear for like, for five, I braces for five years. And it was like, you had to wear the headgear, you know, when you sleep. And I was like, you know what? I don't want to wear it for five years. I was going to wear them all the time. So I just used to wear it like 24 seven. I would have the headgear on. Like an air traffic controller. Yeah, I would have just had the like bees thing. Yeah, similar to that. That's a little bit, yeah. Could you Google like 1980s? Like that's like, keep your mouth open thing.

1:42:46Yeah, that thing. Yeah, like the headband thing. Still the same thing basically. So bro, early braces was crazy. When you saw somebody with that shit on you, like what are you a part of? I know, I'd go to school like that. Yeah, what culture you did? Because I didn't want to wear braces for so long. Oh. Yeah, it was weird. That's the only thing I really did. but that was because I wanted to get be done with it sooner that might be me actually that picture right there that third one that guy third one there that guy's trouble dude yeah he's like I don't want to do this yeah those things were crazy dude yeah like what were the first braces ever I wonder what did they look like the first teeth braces I don't know any before this besides the silver things they would glue to your teeth right they put it on with the adhesive to the front of your teeth that's what I had the exposed ones kind of like 2d has right there yeah and then they put The ones with the little rubber bands on them.

1:43:36Rubber bands underneath here. People see that. You have to bring back the overbite. But then the big one was when they went to a clear front, clear one, so they were trying to fool you that it was clear. Egyptian mummies were found with metal bands around their teeth, and archaeologists believe they used cat gut to tie the bands together to move them. Primitive orthodontic appliances were also found with early Greek and Roman artifacts. Really? They were getting in that straight-your-teeth game early. But imagine using cat gut Cat gut your tongue Cat gut your tongue That's probably where it comes from We thought it was gut, it's cat gut your tongue And we're solving mysteries here Cat gut your tongue You got cat gut tongue Look at this shit bro Oh my god Oh they like drilled through the teeth though That's not right That doesn't seem correct Horrible ideas Who knows if this is a reliable website it's 123dentist.com so they might have put this up together in Canva in the back and just like threw together a graphic bro that's the crazy thing about news nowadays you don't know what's news and what isn't I mean it's crazy you don't know what is real what isn't you can go down a rabbit hole you can and even you find something gets disproved on the next page yeah and the real news channels they're not even serving you news so it's like what the fuck are they they're opinions Yeah, yeah.

1:44:57That's why I asked you where you get your news from, and you said TikTok. Yeah, dude. Which is an insane answer if you think about it. TikTok, rumors. What my neighbor says. Oh, for sure, dude. Whispers at the coffee bean. People things yell out during sex or whatever, anything. Did you hear about that? Yeah. I heard it from Doreen, my neighbor. Yeah, dude. Trust me, every now and then when Hank's home early, she leaves her window open and you'll get the real scoop. Oh, she's yelling, SpaceX is saving the astronauts. Like, God, when do you guys come already? I'm probably sick of hearing this. Earpods.

1:45:36Dude, what about all that Diddy stuff, man? He's going to go down, huh? Did you ever meet him? I never met him. Never met him, no. We're asking everybody now. In New York, he was always around, but I never met him. I mean, that was, you know, I'm only in the public eye for a decade now. he's been around forever i never really ran i know him seeing him though is kind of crazy seeing that all that happened you know i to me it's crazy i wonder if say he does have tapes or information on like other people other people yeah i wonder if they are gonna use that to get people to support different like i wonder if the government is going to use that to get people to support different um agendas agendas political agendas like that's what i wonder it's like okay this tape won't come out we need you to support this candidate or we need you to support this bill or policy or something yeah i mean it's not beyond comprehension right i don't think so yeah i mean there's definitely stuff that people are afraid to have out there for sure i mean you know he famously said that he's got tapes and stuff and everybody knows so and then imagine if you were ever even there yeah even if you were just eating an hors d 'oeuvre really hard before you realize what's going on you're just having some deviled eggs and you turn to your left and you're like i should leave but i already got you on camera deviled eggs you know that's rough a couple four eggs and a baguette in your mouth or something and people are like this guy's involved i don't know that would be oh yeah that's right i mean it's gonna be interesting how it shakes out for sure i think it's gonna be that's gonna be a long time coming out though right that's not going to be like a i think it's going to go on for a while yeah they got to drag that out drag that out for sure yeah yeah um what else is going on this is a you're such an interesting fellow i am you are yeah do you feel that because you are one of the most interesting people to sit down with i love every time we sit down dude i love it really i just feel like i yeah i feel like my brain is a little bit off today kind of it's actually it's been good i just sometimes feel a little bit like, I don't know.

1:47:42Like you got too much sleep, you didn't get enough sleep. I don't know. It's a mixture of both. You need a nap. We got to tie you up and drop some water on you. We okay. Get you in some sleep. Yeah. Did you ever go do one of those military shows abroad? Military tours? No. No, I didn't. I wanted to. I never did that. Have you? Was it cool? Yeah. You get to go to places you never would even think that we have military presence and you're like, oh my gosh, we're in this place. And like suddenly you're performing and there's just like people, you know. Do you get like the military escorts and all that stuff too?

1:48:15Is that like when you're going on the way there? I had a girl who offered a BJ to me once in a Blackhawk. That's not that kind of escort. I meant like they take you. Not like a girl who's in the military offering. Yeah, I know what you're talking about now. No. This girl, but she had like, oh my God. yeah i just remember in a black hawk yeah she's like there's black hawk down yeah she was black hawk down man well i don't know what she was into she was white hawk but she yeah and i um i d i just i didn't do it i think i got too nervous she also had a big huge pimple on her neck and it made me nervous too yeah that's a that's that's not gonna do it for it just made me so nervous i was like i don't you know that you have one neck her piece

1:49:13so i don't know that shit man but then oh one time there was another time on a military i think it was an air force base they were doing like runs in the morning and some girl came by my room in the morning and um i don't remember what it you know i don't exactly remember what happened but it was all above board or whatever yeah yeah but uh it's above board they need love to on the on the basis i'll yeah she was she probably a little late for work two minutes late for work but still yeah just a couple minutes i'm not gonna brag she was yeah 80 seconds late for work a minute 30 at most yeah i hear that um what's been something that you didn't expect about heading off in a stand-up comedy?

1:49:59Like, did you expect it would be different? Do you expect it would be, like, the challenge of it? Like, I know you've always been on stage and been a performer. Yeah, the challenge of it, for sure. Like, to have to talk for 65 minutes, like, you know, and do all that and just put it together that way. That was really, like, the crafting of the hour was such a, it's such a really cool thing to do, you know? And being aware enough to be like, this isn't as funny as the other stuff, this has to go. That was such a weird thing. Like, the editing of the hour, you know, It's like where you think this is going to be a great part of it, and then you go and just some other stupid thing that happened, and you're like, oh, wow, this is so much funnier than that, and it becomes a big piece of it.

1:50:37Like a year into the tour, I found a different story, and I just was like, oh, I got to pull this out. This is not as funny as the other stuff, and that was pretty cool. I never really experienced that because you think you have it. You're like, oh, this is a great hour, and then you have something like, no, this is a great hour, you know? Yeah, I just had my son, and I had a story about my – in the new special, Messing With People, I had a story about my son going on a Star Wars ride. and he didn't really, he'd never been on a ride and he never saw Star Wars. He's five years old and he thought he got abducted by aliens.

1:51:06So he legit, he started screaming, I want to go back to earth. And it was so funny. And I was told Steve Byrne that story as we were driving and he's like, dude, you got to try that in the hour. He's like, that's funny. He's like, got to tell that story. And I was like, what? And that night we were driving that night. He's like, just tell it, just start telling it. And I told it and then I just started in belt, like working it out and figuring out what a punch is wearing. It's such a cool part, but I had never really talked about my kids at all. And that was like, that's a really cool piece to add to the puzzle.

1:51:31And a really cool way to do it. Let's see just a bit of it. Big Star Wars ride. Any other Star Wars fans up in here? I got to go on that Star Wars ride that they built. And if you don't know about it, they spent like hundreds of millions of dollars on this ride. It's basically a movie set. It's unbelievable, but it's also an immersive experience, which means everybody who works on the ride is in character. They play a character. So when the ride starts, you're in the woods with all the rebels and they're moving you down the line. Thanks for joining the fight. You go through the woods, a big alarm sounds, and they go, the First Order's coming, we gotta get you out of here.

1:52:03You turn the corner, there's this humongous spaceship. The doors open, you get in with these big LED monitors all around you, these 90-inch TVs. Wow. And you take off into outer space. A battle begins, you get sucked onto the Death Star, and the next time the doors open, you're on the Death Star face-to-face with 100 animatronic human-sized stormtroopers with their guns pointed at you. And I was like, this is the coolest thing. I thought, are you kidding me? This is so cool. What a cool experience for me. Not for my five-year-old son, who's never seen a Star Wars film or been on a ride. That's good, dude.

1:52:41Wow, that's hilarious, dude. Yeah, when you take it back and think about that. Yeah. I think he's going to think he was abducted. Yeah, sure. Later, he's going to be on a Netflix documentary. being like, I got sucked in his face and they sucked on my butt. Why is it that everybody is taking a space? Everybody gets there and probed. Everybody. What is so interesting about our assholes? I don't know. And we can't even see them, dude. That's the scariest part. If all the information is there and you can't even see it, that's the shit that just like, what are we fucking doing out here? That's why they're the higher intelligence.

1:53:20They got all the secrets we keep in our asses. Yeah, dude. Meanwhile we look at dogs like look at these idiots They're all like reading each other's QR codes Oh That's the devil's QR code right there dude That's true huh And you know no two assholes are the same It's just like your fingerprint Same exact thing I don't know if that's true Really It's the 11th fingerprint dude they call it that Yeah Google the 11th fingerprint see what it says I think you know what it seems possible but I don't know if that's a fact but also how do you prove that you got to know everybody's asshole print yeah what is the rarest fingerprint type well that's not it arch that yeah arch holes yeah

1:54:1011th fingerprint I use the numbers I think you have to write it out E-L-E-V-N-T-H yeah it's gonna be one two three dentist is gonna tell us with one oh they're fucking hiding the truth that's it here it is man we gotta ask your neighbor google's yeah wake up spumoni yeah come on she's doing great man thanks oh she's doing great um joe got her you got the new special messing with people yep it's out now on youtube it came out september 17th yeah 13th uh september 17th yeah september 17th yeah um you have your Your new children's book, Barry. Where's Barry? Where's Barry? Where's Barry? Where's Barry?

1:54:46Where's Barry came out. And then I got, I'm on tour now on my new hour. Let's get into it, tour. And where is the, where's Barry? What ages is it for? It's four to eight. It's a picture book. Beautiful, man. Or people who just one day want to have children. You know, if they don't have kids now, it guarantees that you'll procreate, actually. Really? Yeah, it reads, it's on the back flap. It's the opposite of the thing for the rats. So that's why the rats can't read it. If you play it backwards on a record player, it says that. You can play it. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks so much, man. I appreciate you got shows coming up in Memphis, St.

1:55:20Louis, Indiana, Akron, Oklahoma, Texas. Yeah. I'm in Atlantic City, October, I think 19th. Wow. You're doing a lot of shows. Yeah. Yeah. I've been, you know, so I just kicked off the new tour. So, you know how it is, you know, you get out there and do it. Yeah. I'm excited. Yeah. Well, dude, thanks so much for all the entertainment over the years, man. You're the best. It's always so great to sit down. It's been awesome. And thanks for the nice gift. You gave me a nice, like, it's almost like this, it's like a counter puzzle thing that you had sent to my room whenever we're in Milwaukee. Yeah.

1:55:52It was just thoughtful. It had like a funny note on it. But yeah, thanks for all the thoughtful humor over the years. Congrats on the new special, man. And yeah. And you also have the podcast. Yep. Two Cool Moms. Two Cool Moms with Steve Byrne. With Steve Byrne, yeah. You'll find that wherever you get to your podcast. Thanks so much, dude, for hanging out. You're the best. Appreciate it. Love you, buddy. Love you, man. Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take