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Podcast Summary: This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von - Episode E561 with Ari Shaffir
Overview In this episode of "This Past Weekend," host Theo Von sits down with comedian and podcaster Ari Shaffir, whose new special "America's Sweetheart" is available on Netflix. The conversation flows through a variety of topics, including Ari's upcoming farewell tour, thoughts on media consumption, personal experiences in different countries, and the state of comedy today.
Key Topics Discussed
- Farewell Tour
- Ari's Farewell Tour: Shaffir discusses why he’s embarking on a farewell tour, hinting at a desire to take a step back from performing regularly.
- Thoughts on Media Consumption
- News Consumption: Ari argues that people need to take a break from consuming news, suggesting it negatively impacts mental health and perception of reality.
- Current Events: They touch upon political figures and the media's portrayal of events, questioning the authenticity of news narratives.
- Travel and Personal Experiences
- Traveling Insights:
- Ari reflects on his experiences visiting various countries, particularly Cuba and the unique dynamics of its society.
- He shares stories from his travels, including how he interacted with local cultures, the simplicity of life in different regions, and the stark contrasts between American and foreign lifestyles.
- Cuban Culture: Describes the vibrant, carefree atmosphere in Cuba, where locals focus on community and celebration despite economic hardship.
- Comedy and Performance
- Evolution in Comedy: They discuss how comedians evolve over time, with Ari mentioning that performing comedy has turned into a deeper exploration of themes rather than just punchlines.
- Experiences with Celebrities: Ari shares humorous anecdotes about interactions with various celebrities, emphasizing the unexpected nature of such encounters.
- The Future of Comedy
- New Projects: Ari talks about his upcoming projects and plans to take time off after the tour, hinting at a shift in focus toward personal reflection and travel.
- Long-Term Goals: He expresses interest in working on a new comedic framework that might include more structured storytelling.
Key Takeaways
- Mental Health: A recurring theme is the importance of mental health and the need for breaks from media, especially news consumption.
- Authenticity in Comedy: Both comedians stress the value of authenticity in performance, suggesting that personal experiences and vulnerabilities enrich comedic narratives.
- Traveling as Growth: Travel is portrayed as an essential growth experience, providing new perspectives and promoting self-reflection.
Conclusion Theo and Ari’s conversation encapsulates a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful commentary on life, media, and comedy. Their dynamic reflects a shared understanding of the challenges of navigating personal and professional lives in the modern world, all while maintaining a sense of humor. The episode is a testament to the power of storytelling and the importance of taking time to appreciate life’s simple pleasures.
For more of Ari Shaffir’s work, check out his Netflix special "America's Sweetheart" and his podcast "You Be Trippin'."
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:27I have some tour dates to tell you about. We'll end it one of these days when we've gone all the places that we can go. I'm very grateful that you guys continue to support us. Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. He's a podcaster. He's been an integral part of comedy for a long time. Bridges a lot of years and connections between other comics. he's certainly a type of glue in the humor world his latest special America's Sweetheart is now on Netflix you know his podcast You Be Trippin' and he's currently on the Farewell Tour going now through the rest of the year I'm always excited to spend time with him and catch up today's guest is Mr.
1:15Ari Shafir and I will find a song I've been singing i'm gonna stop
1:31too much burrito did you oh i have american serving sizes and they hit you with not like chips and salsa first fill up on those yeah some serving sizes are alarming i can't tell if i'm you know there's an amount of serving size that you want to get right there's but then some places that give too much you're like oh that's this is awesome of them but then you start having it and you're like oh i'm gonna keep eating it i'm a dog and it's not good sometimes they're just overloading you with badness yeah shitty fries we're like there's no seasoning of this and then i ate them all i should have just been like no i'll get fry i have fry money i could go get more fries but i don't like they're right here right now i'm gonna eat them yeah i want like two bites too many would be perfect okay i'm done with like one or two extra bites and then that's it buddy that uh that trump interview was so fucking good i've never seen anyone do it like that where it's like i mean this is why i'm reading it like i'm theo i'm like you're here for me not the other way around really you're gonna facilitate me being theo oh wow yeah yeah i don't know i just felt had it i'd had an exhausted week that week we'd had like a couple of interviews i think it was in in new york and in um nashville and so it was just like a lot of traveling i was like i do not want to do this today yeah you really had to prep for it but it was just like burnt out you know yeah but yeah i think people some people have said that they think it had an effect on the election and stuff i don't really think that i think it was like a neither here nor there he's just sitting there like this for you it's like when i go into bonfire with jay and dan yeah i would just like oh you guys have a routine here i'll just sit back and maybe get one tagline in you know yeah i wish we'd have gotten more time to get to i wish i got more time to talk to Donald Trump because I thought it would have been just I knew we only had about like 55 minutes so that's that's a you know unique amount of time I hate when those big guys were like we have this much like all right I'll do that everybody else like let's just go till we're kind of done yeah but it was like we're gonna need to wrap up in the oh yeah fine but like I'm not some guy in the back some lady like I should have just been like wave it off but I didn't should have been like I don't work for you don't work for me I don't work for you we're gonna keep him here yeah i wish he'd got dude i had a dream last night actually that i interviewed tim walls actually he's the loser guy he was the guy that said yeah hey they he was on the losing team and he was um what'd you interview him about it what'd you talk to him in your dream i can't remember he was so cool in the interview and i was like dude no people don't know if you're so cool or not we gotta we have to come let's talk people you know but i think uh but they're all kind of cool but they're like hey you know what i want to do i want to take power like oh i like that and then when they do it i was like fuck you yeah i think a lot of them just probably either want or they want that's the thing it's so hard to know what they're really like as opposed to what you see yeah until i think you get some sort of like a vert like something of them that seems like somewhat relatable to you yeah and they're all a product too i saw somebody talking about George Bush Jr.
4:32How do you say nuclear? You know, do I say nuclear? And somebody's like. Wait, how would he say it? Nuclear. Nuclear. That's how he would say it? No, he said nuclear. Nuclear. Oh, nuclear's wrong. Sorry, buddy. Which one's wrong? Nuclear. Nuclear's wrong. Yeah. Nuclear. But they were like, you don't think he knew. No, it's nuclear power. Nuclear power. No matter what you put on it, it's always going to be nuclear. Okay. Yeah, I've heard it both ways. I didn't really know which one was correct, but yeah, nuclear. But they were like, you don't think he knew how to pronounce it? His father was the president.
5:02You don't think he knew and he heard nuclear around the house. They told him to mispronounce that so he could be relatable. Wow, you think? Yeah. Damn. He went to like Ivy League school. That's true. He would have been shaken to that. Yeah, I think people are starting to get hip to like how much of it is. Game of Thrones like image shit. Yeah, how much of it is like this person is doing this or they're being told this or this is the plan. Kamala did not have a good strategist whoever her planner was or whatever. Who was that? Who was their campaign advisor? I bet it wasn't that bald guy. What's his name?
5:43He's like the main one. Carville? Dreams Carville? He was cool. Not him. He would have done something better. He's out of Louisiana. I went up to him once and I was like how do you talk to a celebrity? There's no way. I don't know how to do it. They know I'm talking to them because they're them. Not just like, oh, hey, cool shirt. And didn't know who it was, you know? So I saw him on a commercial shoot once. I was like, what do I say? I'm like, I know. He used to call into sports radio in D.C. And he had a great thing, like always been on the home underdog if there were more than seven points.
6:12And I was like, that's what I'll say. I was like, hey, I used to listen to you on WTEM with Kornheiser way back. And he goes, oh, cool. Fuck, fuck. Even that. Yeah, there's nothing worse. Because if your planned line doesn't go good for a celebrity, you have nothing. That's it. You stand out like an asshole like, oh, I've done that. It feels so shitty and then so obvious what you were trying to do. I know. Oh, dude. That's like a – there was a night where Johnny Depp was at the comedy store. Oh, yeah. I heard about that. And everybody – like you got – He's the star. Oh, he was – there was nobody like him.
6:46He was everybody, dude. He was in that movie Peter Pan. He was in that Peter Pan movie. Was he? Yeah. What was it called? uh finding neverland finding neverland oh god it's a good movie but anyway every so then like suddenly i'd never even really been backstage at the main room in the main room i wasn't getting on stage there much of the time and i'm like oh i gotta go back gotta go back john so you walk in the the back the backroom back there was packed like you could barely even move everybody's having like these fake conversations and kind of has their body lightly turned towards johnny depp They all try to laugh louder so maybe he'll join in with our joviality.
7:28I see it with Rogan sometimes. I bet you get it too. You sit and I'm like, oh, cool. Nobody's in this bar. I was like, I don't know. Just fill up. It's like word got out. Theo Vaughn's there. Oh, Rogan. I couldn't imagine, dude. I feel like you never see. I feel like a lot of people, you never see him. He doesn't do a lot of. We get like 20 minutes normal and then it's over. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, I was sitting there. All right. Fucking take it. Yeah. They're like, let me tell you about science. You know? I'll tell you where the AIDS is you're like what's this guy and it's just a gay guy that's flirting or whatever but it was like that was it and he was in the back and then I think oh that's Edgar and who brought him Doug Stanhope from Arizona and everybody was just trying to be in his presence his aura you could soak it in you could just see him and I can't even remember if I got to meet him or not but if I did I think it was one of those things like oh see things are going good or something like that just like like we were from high school together yeah yeah yeah like you want this comment it's never gonna be that it's never gonna be like the best was Dice one time met some guy and he goes oh we should hang out just some fan and Dice's like you know how he is and he's like sure give me a number and Dice called him and texted him 35 times a day bothered him at work to the point where the guy's like hey Andrew I'm working right now.
8:51I go, oh, yeah, work's tough. It's like I remember a couple jobs I had when I was younger. And it's like, Andrew, I got to go back to work. I just regretted trying to be friends with him. Yeah, that's hilarious. It does suck. I heard Brody Stevens went back there and either didn't know or now that I realize probably somebody told him. And he went back and was like, oh, you're not expecting to see anybody, let alone Johnny fucking Depp. And he goes, oh. And then I heard Depp had this way to offset. He goes, hi, I'm Johnny. how you doing or i'm john yeah and then brody's like johnny depp yes heard of it he must have been like this guy's been weird from front of me like no no that's just who he is he's gonna hang himself soon don't worry about that
9:36god yeah that's yeah there's nothing scarier than if you have a line for something to say this because your brain doesn't think it's just like oh everything will go good it's not like well if that doesn't get adhered to then what are you gonna do after that yeah you plan ahead like once that goes great then what do i do from there i'll talk i'll listen i'll say hey i will then i'll ask yeah maybe we can get a photo or something yeah but god it's so scary when that first line doesn't go good because then you don't know what to do oh it's so embarrassing it is harrowing kind of and that was at a time when celebs there was like a real hierarchy to celebrity then i feel like celebrities gotten very like anybody like it's everybody has like um social media you know everybody has a website everybody could be a star you know you also see the real them now the real real celebrities yeah so you're like oh you're just a guy yeah you do the same you're like oh i see you with your dog you're fine you're normal yeah things have gotten yeah celebrities used to be kept more in this kind of hidden realm kind of yeah i met rob low who's one of those big did my travel podcast yeah and he was like can i change in the other room was like yeah sure it's i mean it's filthy i had something sleeping in there yesterday so like but like we got whatever and then it's just like yeah I don't have to cater to them.
10:46You're a guy. Fucking go in there and change. I don't know. Right. Yeah, and that's how they all are. It's weird realizing as you grow up they're not different. Yeah, do you think that's growing up, or do you think that it's changed? Maybe it's changed. Maybe, but I mean, I always take out the fact that I'm getting older and growing up, that that could be part of the realization of things. Yeah, somebody said whenever you have a big movie now, they're like, oh, let's get Matt Damon or Brad Pitt. That'll be a big, big star. but there's like no one under 28 worships that guy yeah so like it's a 50 year old studio exec saying that'll be a headless like no no get timothy chalamet yeah get somebody younger yeah give timothy chalamet or get a lesbian who's a timothy chalamet impersonator yeah without even trying yeah yeah but even that would go further with a young generation sure would they'd be like oh yeah like what the fuck um ari shafir man good to see you bro you too buddy yeah are you living are you living in Austin now?
11:43No, New York. Are you still living in New York? Just publicly. Every time I'm there there's so many fucking pictures. So everyone's like, I guess you must be there. Yeah. You can't do two feet without somebody posting a picture. And they're pretty immediate over there too. Yeah. Like the second you're there you show up on social media. Yeah, you're like it's almost like, hey, how's the crowd I'm about to go on? I notice you. They just post you there. I'm like, oh, alright, they're pretty good. Do you, are you amazed at the success of Austin or with the comedy scene in Austin? What do you think about it?
12:11Do you? it's exciting for sure it's exciting they got some shit to overcome they want to be the real scene yeah yeah the they they need to know where they're weak they don't oh where they're weak the comedians you mean yeah there's a lot of like ass kissing there it's like we're great we're great and you really got to focus on why we're terrible self-hating was always driving you better than celebration oh you know what that's a good i don't know if there's as much self-hatred there yeah the store especially when you started going there like right after me it was it was like no one was there like we suck we fucking suck it's obvious no one's here to see us so let's try to be better yeah they've kind of started out like doing well yeah kind of like the john benet of comedy so four-year comics with like serious road draws like oh you need that fucking struggle time you started with a spotter that's not the best way to work out i didn't really think about that yeah but it's still exciting it's a new burgeoning scene and that's pretty exciting you know there's no there's no hollywood there to to fuck it up to like ship people away from what they're doing so they're really just concentrating on jokes yeah yeah it's i've not like at first i was like what's this gonna be like you know it seemed like a lot of like um you know when joe went but then also tom sagura went which is huge and a lot of comedians went like i think the bigger thing is those five six year comics that are gone and in 10 years it's a long game to make that scene something and in 10 years they're going to be the biggest the best comics and they're going to be Austin comics yeah that's kind of the last time I was there I was like you could go up and down that street and do kind of five sets in a night if you wanted that was nice I don't know how you are normally you're so fucking big now it's pretty cool but like I talked with Shane too I'm like can you go up and like get an honest rep anymore Oh, that's a good question.
14:02Especially Shane, I feel like, is the biggest guy in the world right now. Yeah. I feel like he's like, I don't even know who I would compare him to. He's like the big, he's like. Not Dane Cook. Yeah, at the time. When Dane was Dane. Shane and Dane. Shane and Dane. Buddy cops. Well, they don't do anything. They just get drunk instead. And Dane just goes, come on, don't drink, don't drink, don't drink. And Shane just keeps drinking. And they never solve a crime. Dane has a big idea. And then Shane just. seems gay raises his eyebrow and he's like alright I won't seems gay that's hilarious that'd be the best that'd be the best nothing happens every single episode I just sit there kind of half argue yeah you need an honest rep there's times where I go up in New York and it's a big applause and sometimes I go up and it's like one guy's like that and I'm like oh nice okay this is going to be a real I'll really tell if my jokes are good this time this is going to be fair well I think a lot of the people from the podcast or that realm or whatever, people that podcast, it's like a lot of the audiences know us.
15:04They just see us so much. Going ahead of time, they already know your backstory. They saw so many, I mean, they've seen so many clips or for you or things that are out there. And a lot of it's stuff that we didn't even make. It's like other channels making shit. It's like, I know there's like Legion of Skanks has like extra channels that are always just making their shit and putting it out. And it's great stuff, but it's like, so then that just gets so much of it out there. yeah I remember doing one time I was doing when I was doing that Jew special I would do Q &A's to like what do you want to know about Jews and sometimes he'd be like what's Theo Vaughn like no no no just Jew questions and then one time in Houston I was like alright I'm gonna I'm gonna do this they said something about Bird I was like I was like alright Bird did that whatever and then Tom and I was doing that and then this black couple this guy just raising your hand he raised his hand I was like yeah question he goes who are all those people and I was like oh right yeah you don't know the back story I can't do shit like that yeah Well, black people started podcasting a lot more last year.
16:00Yeah, they just figured out how to get online. Yeah, they couldn't figure out the password. They keep changing their phone numbers too much. It's linked to an old phone number. That could be true, yeah. They're like, oh, this is my aunt's email account. Is this your address? Who's asking? Who's asking? Yeah, some guy putting his home address or his email address. Disguises to enter into a password. Like, I don't know how it works. anyway they finally hired some white jew out of college to run it for him yeah now it's all running great i am i am curious about awesome i'm curious because last time i was there just this energy there is a lot of excitement the club will be sold out i mean joe's club will be sold out forever so you saw in seconds yeah but even you go to some of those other rooms you go to red band's room next door you go to um there's the black cat or something uh-huh black rabbit yeah black rabbit my problem is also i can't i can't get any on it i'm a star there yeah so So that's not, it's fun.
16:54It was like, do you remember the Laugh Factory open mic? Yes. So Laugh Factory open mic. Signing up for it and sitting outside. You can only do once a month. And that's what kept you in comedy. Because you're like, I will kill. And the store open mic was like, made you think about quitting. Yeah. But like, it was so good. You need that once in a while. It's just a victory lap. That's how Austin is for me. No matter where I go, I'm like, yes! And I'm like, all right, I can't work on anything here. It's probably because you and Rogan have been friends for so long. You've just been so intertwined with a lot of those guys.
17:24And because you've done so much work yourself. But for new comics, you can get that honest rep there. And that's what's exciting to me. And I think Joe also. He's trying to build a scene, not just a club. Yeah. I think he's doing it. I mean, he pushes. At the end of every episode, he asks everybody. He's like, so? You moving Austin? Oh, yeah. He tries so hard. He really does. Yeah. He tries so hard. I try to tell him the reasons why. They don't make sense to him. Yeah. I'm like, it's like an influencer town. Yeah. And he's like, no, you just get a place 45 minutes away with armed guards every mile.
17:53It's like, okay, that's not going to be my reality, bud. Yeah, he has people just shooting on it tablets. No, it's close. They just get airlifted into the club and get airlifted back. It's easy, man. But it's such a fun time. It is fun. Oh, my God. It's a vacation. Every time you go there, you treat it right. You fill up your own drinks. That's how every club should be. I'm an adult. I get free drinks. Why do I got to borrow this bartender? Let me just make my drinks. And people are like, doesn't he lose a lot of money? They're like, a bottle of beer. It costs$60. Right. No. Like, yeah, if that's that much of the stress, then you guys are having a tough time anyway.
18:26Yeah. Yeah, you make some money. You see your friends with nothing to do when you're there. Getting to be in there, you also, people don't realize you get to meet whoever Joe had on his show that day is going to be at the club that night. There's some congresspersons there. You're like, hello, anyway, we're about to make some Holocaust jokes. Do you want to stay in for this? or it's on you. He's like, I wrote a couple myself. We're like, I think I could fuck AIDS out of a chick. Oh, I'm sorry, Your Honor. Maybe we'll leave. But he does feel energetic there. I'm seriously considering trying to get a little house there someplace where I can be there more often.
19:06Because I want to be able to work on comedy more. I do feel like I get a real rep for comedy when I'm here, actually. Interesting. If it's not a show that I put on. Yeah, right, right, right. Then you get up. because I feel like LA like. At least some rep. Some like I might know you but maybe I'm not a ticket buyer for Theo Vaughn. Right. So you got to win me over a little bit. Yeah or maybe I'm not a fan at all. Right. Maybe I don't like you. Yeah. So win me over. The best was one time when Louis came back we saw security footage camera. Some chick was there in the side so we could see her fully behind Louis and she was like just like mad and then four minutes in it's Louis CK.
19:43Right. So he's the talent there is undeniable. so she's mad after about four minutes she goes and then five minutes later she's like and then by the end she's just dying laughing she's like yeah maybe this guy's alright at the end she's like jerk off in front of me you can do it don't ask I'm not into that she's changing her whole MO dude I really think yeah who I think Louis Bill Burr are probably the funny they might be louis the funniest guy i've ever seen the funniest person i've ever spoken to he's the most creative i think he's always just making jokes and you put him on a pedestal sometimes but he's not he's just a schmuck he's just a schmendrick a fat blob and like whatever we put on that's us putting himself on he's just a dude yeah i'll be honest i've been getting a bit more into crypto just hedging my bets on the market in the future if you love bitcoin or looking to get into crypto, then I got the right thing for you.
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26:20Yeah. And he's so far above me, I can't see it. So yeah, everybody evolves a bit. I've started using my English degree more. Really? Yeah. Doing pretty much my last two specials. Like Othello or something? No, like the five paragraph essay. Oh, like having a real plan to it. Yeah. I'm just like, here's my thesis. Here's my proofs. Now here's a, here's a wrap up. Instead of just a collection of bits. But you know, once you get like pretty good at job, and it's like what do I want to do on top of that? So that's what I'm doing with this, I'm trying to get people off the news. Yeah, is that what it's about more?
26:57Yeah, I'm sort of like, things are pretty good. If you're on there too much, they're gonna think it's bad, but it's actually pretty fucking good. Yeah, I saw a clip where you were with Howie Mandel, he was talking about anti-Semitism, somebody was. How come you can pronounce that well and not nuclear? That's a good question. Yeah, yeah. Programming. Yeah, you've come in contact with one more than another. Yeah, yeah. And he – He was so sure that's a horrible time for Jews. Yeah. And I'm so positive it's not. Yeah. Yeah, I remember he – there was one time he was – oh, I think it was when Trump was running for office.
27:33And nobody could understand how I, like – I was excited that Trump was running because he was a – I was like, if that fucking dude can win, then anybody could win. Yeah, the way Obama gave black people hope. Yeah. Trump gives regular people hope. Oh, dude. The first time that he won, I remember dropping down the street. And I've never even been a big Trumper. I've never endorsed Trump. I don't think I voted for him the first time. I don't remember if I voted for him the first time. But I was like, fucking anybody can win. And if you're born with a billion dollars, yeah, but you also say stupid.
28:05And I'm stupid. So that's the part I'll relate to. Right. You're like, anybody could win. That's the part that was fascinating about it. But I remember how he was scared. It was like, oh, no, when they had that Richmond neo-Nazi, that Nazi thing in Richmond, remember years ago? Oh, yeah. What was that? It was like those guys that bought those tiki torches or whatever? Yeah, no, it wasn't Richmond. Charlottesville? Charlottesville. Charlottesville. Yeah. There was a statue. You know who the statue was there? No one does. Nobody knows who the fucking statue was. And it was a flashpoint of everything.
28:36Was it Stephen Douglas?
28:42symbols of the city's confederate past they don't even know who it is they're all protesting, they don't even know where the fucking statue is totally normal, oh it was Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson, two of them now that's New Orleans isn't it, that's Charlottesville yeah that's Charlottesville I had a school nearby called Robert E. Lee Junior High School I wonder if it's still called that probably changed it, erasing history to Bobby Lee Bobby Lee College of Dropouts dude how does bobby lee not have an elementary school named after you gotta you still look kind of like you're in one you could go undercover bob just shave that stupid stash you can go undercover you look young oh yeah with just insane teriyaki lunches every day yeah just these giant meals you ever go eat with bobby he just like fills up the table and you're like oh is this for us oh no you can order too bobby eats like ralphie may he's a principal he shows up once a year over zoom um you know what i saw the other day oh i was talking to my uh i was talking to this kid and he didn't know what aids was dude what yeah he doesn't know what aids is i was like kid i was like you're trying to educate him like i don't think i'm allowed to tell you but i was like dude what about aids and he's like aids and i was like aids you know the one of the top three things yeah i mean dude it's like but where is it like if kids don't even know about aids man it's gone but that's crazy you gotta talk to gays bro but i talked to mateo because you can't get it we got a force field now oh they do prep oh prep drugs yeah prep so it's like it's like they just can't get it so it's back to 80s let's fuck let's be gay the way gay was meant to be yeah let's fuck in the back of the church let's fuck anywhere gays are they'll fuck anywhere huh they just go for it that's crazy isn't it imagine just I had a guy trying to jerk me off in the back of a bus in Vietnam you did?
30:41and the guy was gay?
30:48I don't fucking know what their I don't know what their culture is that's a big sign usually it. They're starving over there. They could have been ordering soup.
31:02Any joke that ends in soup, Jewish people love it for some reason. I'm listening. It's a little cold. I'll eat half and send it back, but I like that joke. I'll eat half that joke and send it back.
31:15Hold on, almost done. There's our hair in there. It's the biggest problem with Jews going bald. They can't send soup back.
31:27sorry how are you all right that's hilarious dude
31:35um what are we talking about jesus christ this is what the president said oh the eight yeah i miss it it was like a real thing united people united nation aids well i remember yeah they were like at a school or whatever they made us do like a round of applause for HIV or whatever it was it was like something like some some uh thing they had at our school it was like clap for AIDS or whatever I was like clap for it people you would cry it was like somebody would clap as long as they could to raise money for AIDS like one of those things like do it as long as you can like a um AIDS-a-thon or whatever okay and it was like I just remember being in this gym and people just it was like somebody had to keep clapping so you had to tag in somebody else to clap And then if you got to a certain number of hours, then you raise a certain amount of money.
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32:21Wow. Turns out they never got the cure. They just got a pretty much a vaccine. You did it. AIDS. AIDS. Dude, that's not funny. But when you're here, everything's funny, dude. Oh, what is this right there? Oh, an unfortunate product name, A-Y-D-S. AIDS. I was overweight. Look too. Helped me lose 46 pounds. The AIDS diet plan helped me lose 28 pounds. AIDS helps control your appetite. so you lose weight, yet AIDS lets you taste, chew, and enjoy. And the appetite suppressant in AIDS is not a stimulant. AIDS helped me to lose 18 pounds, and it doesn't contain anything to make me nervous. Question, why take diet pills when you can enjoy AIDS?
33:02AIDS helps you lose weight without making you get it. That's crazy. The term, enjoy AIDS. And people are like, where did AIDS start? In chewable form. That's wild. I mean, what's that new drug that makes you lose weight? Oh, Zempic. Oh, Zempic. That's that. They just rebranded. AIDS. Zima did it. They went to Trulian White Claw. They were smart. Oh, they did, huh? I forgot. Zima was just an early White Claw. Zima gives me, what happened there gives me hope for society. Because you're within a 10, 15 year age of me. You remember Zima. Oh, yeah. And it was like, it's like there's a cooler stuff.
33:40And you reach for Zima. People are like, you sure you want to do that in front of people? Yeah. You're going to be called gay for a long time. I mean, you're like, okay, I won't. We went away, and then Truly or White Club, whichever the first one came back, we all kind of made a deal, like, let's not call each other gay. Let's just drink this. And we all were cool about it. And just fucking shit. Yeah, yeah. If nobody calls the other person gay, we can enjoy this. We can do this. Don't be the first one to take that shot in the revolution. Dude, Zima was kind of, Zima was one of a kind. Because it had the bottles, and it kind of, it was a malt liquor.
34:11You kind of had a malt liquor idea to it, but it was, was it lemon flavored? Citrus, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, a touch of citrus. Look at the Jolly Ranchers nearby it. Yeah, put a Jolly Rancher. Is it out? Can you still buy Zimas? Is the IP still available? You can't find Zima anywhere else, though it is sold in Japan. I'm going to Japan. Are you? I mean, now. Zima. It's a weird reason to go. They got a lot of unique stuff over there. Yeah. Oh, what I see the other day, in China, there was a, Did you see this Jackson Hole, this city in China that they built? Jackson Hole. When I was there, they just built a city.
34:49Really? Suzhou wanted to build the district. So they're just like, do it. No bureaucracy. Make it happen. Just build it. It was up in six months. 20 skyscrapers. No waiting. No codes. Look at this place. This guy built. I visited China's$170 million Little America replica town. It's a town of Jackson Hole. wow that's just that's the burbs yeah so it made of jackson it just looks like america this guy went to visit it those drawers from the sleep in and everything in it is uh wyoming yeah what who does this how can you do this that's why they built a few of these how big is that who's Who's building it?
35:38China. Just to bring new people in? Old churches? I think rich people it looks like. Yeah, what is it? Can you give me some information on it? So you can live in China but be in America? Yeah, something like that. Just be in America. Property taxes. Jackson, Old China is a resort town on the border between Hualai County, wedge between Tai Hong and Yan mountain ranges in architecture designed by the town Jackson Wyoming is there a ski in there I don't know let us see some of that information cowboy bar the thousand single home development used stock western home plants from an architect in Oregon adding designs reminiscent of Billy the Kid Geronimo Stagecoast Station Big Bear etc cowhud, antler chandeliers, saddle blankets, all this stuff.
36:33Wagon wheels, Navajo rugs, iron light fixtures, wildlife scene, fireplace screens. This is a whole place that's there. The project was completed in 2009. Liu Yang Yang, the developer of the community, said his selling point was more than architecture. His buyers wanted freedom and spirituality, so he built a Christian church in the center of the community for residence. according to Smith the properties have sold out and nearly tripled in value since being built as the first model was put up in Beijing Park for display people apparently went nuts for it I should have invested in Chinese real estate I know damn I invested in Palisades wow that's pretty cool yeah replica town that's like Saudi shit just interesting and they have a few of them I think there's made to be like Venice the canals yep Replicas of Paris, London, and Jackson Hole, Wyoming.
37:25Just interesting. What? Wait, wait, wait. Up right there. Hold on. That's in China? They have an Eiffel Tower in China? Oh, yeah. They do it all. Because they're like, we have so much land. We have so many expendable souls that we can use to do construction. Yeah. Why not just build it here that we don't have to go somewhere? Dude, I have a map in my studio for my travel podcast. And it's in China. You see all the cities on the right side of it. And then as it goes left, there's just nothing. There's an occasional dot of a city. And I'm like, what's all this? And I think I should have looked it up by now.
37:58What's out there? Yeah, like what the fuck? What's in central China? That's a good question. There's just no reports from there? Is that where they're keeping all the people who talk back? What's in central China? I saw some Korean people yesterday. Is that how they teach people to butt on the subway before you get a chance to get off? Is that what they do? Yeah, they do. They don't understand, though. Like, we get off first, then you get on. Oh, they get off first. They just get on. They just push on. Elevators too. Like, let me get out first. Oh, they say it's up to you. Yeah. It's like you didn't go for it.
38:28What else is cracking, man? It's cracking in the world. Yeah. What do you think of everything? What makes you hopeful? Well, I guess. It's time of negativity. What makes you hopeful? Do you think things are feeling negative right now? It seems like they're pushing you to be negative, but I don't think you have to be. Yeah. So if you center on something, it's like, well, I like this. New Austin scene's pretty cool. We never had a third real scene. That's a good point. Yeah, that's nice. And at first I didn't think, I was like, oh, we'll never really be able to compete. But as I've gone back, I feel like, hey, it is.
38:57I don't think it has to compete. That's the problem, too. You get into that where it's like I come to L.A. I spent a little time hating it the way I hated religion for a while when I left. And now I'm like in school. And I get back to L.A. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm going to get some burritos. I'm going to see some friends. It's great. Yeah, it's just a great new extra thing. You know? Yeah. It's like it's not like which one's better. It's like, well, you don't have to live there. He's always like, you got to move here. Yeah. But it is cool, though. The bars are cool. The honky-tonks away from where he built that club is still cool.
39:26Yeah, 6th Street is a violent atmosphere of people vomiting on one another. It always was. And then they put horses. There's a horse that comes by every 40 minutes and just shits everywhere. Just shits. Let's add this to the mix. Let's up it now. You know all this violence and people are ready to go and barf and puke and drunkenness? Let's add horse shit. And then sit back and watch from a safe distance atop a stallion. Yeah, there's just occasionally people, there's just horses shitting out there. And one of the horses they said was an undercover cop. I'm like, who gives a fuck? I'm like, who's going to let a horse bust him?
40:04Who goes up to a horse like, do you want to smoke with me? She's like, you're under her wrist. Look at this chick. Look at the move. what the fuck are you wearing lady god have some class when the skirt's so short I can smell your thoughts you know I remember going there before it got like kind of meth-y and I saw some UT guys walking along just you know it's like who we used to hang with tangentially just like tough frat guys and they pass some chick, overweight chick they're drunk and she goes you're fat and I was like dude that's how it always was that's sixth street all no one in austin goes to sixth street yeah once a year for a lark nobody real goes there nobody who wants to go do something fun at least broadway in nashville yeah is based on something it's based on the old honky tonk area right there's only one or two left but it's based on something so it comes from a place okay street in austin it's just it's based on nothing yeah it's got a darkness to it yeah it definitely seems it seems kind of spooky about there it seems like people that are just there to get drunk it kind of has more of a bourbon street kind of vibe to me oh yeah maybe yeah and also you're in this like beautiful place at rogan's club and you're like ah it's like a casino no lights no anything so you're like i'll see you guys later yeah what and then a rickshaw comes by yeah guys like you guys want to get in it's only 50 for some aids and you're like whoa We just want to go two blocks.
41:41He'll be like, I'll get you AIDS by then. I'll get you for sure. We can find some AIDS for you out here. What's this from? That's an Aztec death whistle. The coroner we had on Toby gave it to us. If you blow it full, it sounds like a woman screaming for death. That's just a warning. Wow. It sure does. I've heard a few of those in real life. Keep screaming. No one's here. Yeah, I was with Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie when it happened. Really? I didn't leave any dumb fingerprints like Brian did. Oh. That's what she sounded. Oh, the darkness. Gabby, rest in peace. The darkness continues. Do you think there will ever be, I believe there will be a time when people will live forever and people will not.
42:28And I believe that kids right now that are 15 and under, they're going to live forever. Forever. Like they'll have a chance to live forever. Ooh, like they might get the drug. Yeah. but there's going to be this weird thing where there's going to be like can I get it like nah you're too old so like am I just going to age out like yeah it's been nice knowing you all keep in touch with you for a few years but then you're going to get old yeah but they're going to be like oh you're going to die people are going to be like dude your dad died what a fucking loser was he poor? yeah oh man you guys must have been so poor your dad died of natural causes it's so retro oh god he was a real here's my impression you're dead fucking loser you should have worked harder bro yeah look at Timmy's dad but that's what's gonna happen I think there's gonna be a cut off and the government will probably say this is the cut off there will be some bad drugs that will come out of people trying to like get the actual drug yeah some knockoffs or it'll be a chip or something that you get and then slow down all aging in your cellular level I'm in let's do it but then there's gonna be so many people who are not and there's going to be less jobs probably so it's going to be it's going to turn very dystopian.
43:40Would you take it if they had it right now? It's been tested it's safe Here are the options take it right now wait a few years and decide and see how it shakes out or not take it So you have to pick really I give you one week to decide Yeah and or well this won't be for you as much but for me it may be for you too. It's like you can either take this live forever drug or perfectly workable hair transplants. Full head of hair, back to mohawk, back to everything I always wanted. I might go with the hair. So hair now or live forever? Yeah, because then I've got to live forever with that. I think bald's cool now, balder.
44:24Oh, man, spread it. You've got influence. Spread that. A lot of people are being bald and loving it now. Really? There's bald women. I saw a bunch of bald. fat people will love it too really? yeah and we know they're lying to themselves is that a bigger thing being bald? yeah big and beautiful it's like bald and tall is that a shop? big and tall dude bald and tall is a crazy look do you burn yourself in the sun too much? bald and tall is a crazy look yeah Kanye's back on Twitter right there it says God, Hollywood sucks. Jada Pinkett Smith. Kanye is the most out-of-control person I know. What's the point of that post?
45:07Yeah, why did she start that? Why are you looking to be in this? Because you're not a center of attention for a second? And then he went right back out of Rapunzel. Rapunzel, let down your hair. He hit her where it hurt. Yeah. Damn. That's kind of a bad point. Yeah, it was all right. But I heard it just enough. Thank you. It was like something. Well, it's a little thing. It got nothing. It deserves something. Thank you. So there's something. This is very sweet of you. little things that keep us alive um yeah what do you think about kanye being back on twitter oh you try to use your song right for his for the intro to your new special yeah i've had this whole big piece about how great he is that's another thing focus on the positive that's the whole message it's like and then like everyone's like kanye's crazy i'm like he rules the music yeah just the music what what is she writing about anything other than music right to come at kanye it's like yeah if you're going if you're trying to get other stuff out of him he probably shouldn't be your liaison to like anything except maybe creativity and music yeah exactly it's like going to burke chrys for weight loss tips yeah we're coming to comedians for political ideas oh yeah that's another one i heard someone said this about the fires they're not firemen what the fuck they're just they're just like at a bar talking yeah that's it's crazy you go to kanye for anything other than music you're nuts because he's not just okay at the music part he's great at it yeah so i I tried to get one of his songs, Black Skinhead, for my credits.
46:31I was going up to the whole tour, because I was talking about Kanye a lot. And Christine Oakerson, Big J's chick, was like, hey, I know he's popping off like whatever. Have you heard Black Skinhead? And I was like, no. And I was like, oh my god. His anti-sensors got me into this song. And I played it the whole fucking tour. And I was like, let me try to get this for the credits. And I wrote them. I was like, listen, I can't afford it, right? So I'm like, hey, I'm appealing to them creatively. And I was like, hey, I had this whole big piece of how Kanye's really great and how people have lost focus on what's important and I want to close with a song with Blacks Kindle.
47:03It's one of his most killer songs. And I think kind of an underrated song, to be honest. And they go, I hope you're not referring to him as Kanye. He goes by yay now. And it's like, ah, fuck. I'm never going to build it. His whole staff is crazy, too. It's like, yeah, just the fact that that was their first reply, you're like, oh, I got no chance. I have no chance. Yeah, I wonder what his mind is like. I mean, a lot of his - His mom died. Give him some sympathy. Yeah. What? His girlfriend is. His wife is beautiful. Is that a Photoshop? What? She wears like a lot of skin tight suits, that lady.
47:40Skin tight, but like make it a color. Bianca Sensori, I believe is her name. Possibly Italian, I'm not sure. She's like unveiling herself. She's a piece of art to him. Might be. I mean why wear that heavy a coat If you wear that little underneath I don't know Wear a sweatshirt and a lighter coat I gotta get out more Jugs Jugs My god Dude some babies I would slurp if I were her kid So he just keeps fucking chicks That look like Kim I guess so that's a good question I mean you gotta type I know guys that only do Asian chicks I can't say slurp. That's his wife, isn't it? That was pretty rude. Is that his wife?
48:21Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. Try it again, but use a different word other than slurp. I would. She's a beautiful lady.
48:38Obviously, she's into showing her body off, though. She's got some really. Like, if I were a baby. It's rude to not show it off. Right. That's a good point. if I were a baby dude I would I would not I would just pretend like it was morning all the time just like breakfast yeah that's gotta be fun when you are a baby huh god it really does underrated part about being a baby yeah yeah if you're a baby and you put him down if you put the baby down between and it's a breastfeeding baby between that chick and like I don't even know who Karen Feehand who do you think that chick is that baby's gonna go right for that fucking chick big fucking lot of food Oh, yeah.
49:14Makes sense. Did you think you'll have any children already? What do you think? No, I had a vasectomy. You did? Yeah. No way. I was taking chances. You were. I was taking too many chances. So you were actually trying to have a child? No. What? Sorry, what were you saying then? No, I was just pulling out late. Oh, you were? Yeah. I don't understand how people do that. I know a lot of black guys like to just do the nut or whatever. I mean, the nut is great. I know why they want it. Yeah. The nut's great. Yeah, but it's also great outside of it. It's less great. Is it? What do you mean, is it? Shut up.
49:50I've never done it.
49:55I've never ejaculated inside of a woman in my life. Then you haven't lived. Really? What is all this? This is a facade, buddy. Just get what you need to get. None of this is real. We never said we had done it. No, but I mean this. All this is like a fucking, you're just like buying time until you can get a cream pie. This is all just because you've never cream-pied. Really? You've got a nut inside, buddy. What do you mean you've never done it? What do you mean you've never cream-pied inside of a woman? I've never had it in my life. I swear to God. You've fucked, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What?
50:23Oh, yeah. What? But every time I do the... What if she's like, I'm on the pill? Oh, that's... I barely know her. So I'm not believing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how many chicks I fucked that said they couldn't get pregnant that I later found out got pregnant from somebody. Really? And I was like, wait, you said I was blowing loads in you. I'm like, oh, I thought I couldn't. Based on what? Oh, you're in there just like one of the Ghostbusters that's throwing ectoplasm in there. Coating the walls. I was a salad for some other guy's steak. Yeah, I've never done that in my life, man. Well, let me recommend something to you.
51:04I'm going to end up being a father. People are always getting, I don't want to be in a lawsuit or something. Find some old chick. Find some post-menopause subject. Get to me more. I want to get a regular wife that likes to. The last of the Golden Girls died. It's too late for that. Nuh-uh. Yeah. Estelle Getty? No. Maybe. Estelle Getty Museum? What was her name? Not sure. Who was the last? No, Estelle Getty. Betty White. Estelle Getty was so. She was old when it started. Right. She was the looker. Rue McClanahan was the one that everybody, my dad kind of had hots for. The youngest of the slutty one.
51:35Yeah. Blanche Devereaux. God. What a great series. Hot take. Golden Girls is just sex in the city. They're both written by gay men about gay culture. And this one they made old women play it. And the other one they made fucking horse face chicks play it. Do you think they will cure? Do you think that being gay will be something that will be eternal or one day that that will be hacked or something? That we can cure it. Or that would be hacked, you know, that they'll be able to hack the genetics. So if you were a scientist working on the cure for gay and you were like halfway there, you lost a lot of funding recently.
52:14Oh, that's probably true. Yeah, they're probably like, we're not paying. We don't want it anymore. You don't think? There's a small segment of the population. Like, we got to cure this. Everyone else is just like, who cares? Oh, I think most people are like, who cares? But I just mean maybe cure is not the right word, right? Do you think that they would do you think that they'll ever? A vaccine. Vaccine, yeah. So you won't ever get it in the first place. Right. Yeah. Kid when he's two. Then they say vaccines made kids gay. Wasn't that a rumor for a while? I don't know. We're going to find out soon if Bobby Kennedy gets in there.
52:45Yeah. So while they know gay kids after a while, like I ended vaccines, you know, it's all this stuff. He says people like, that's ridiculous. I'm like, really? I don't even know the words he's using. It seems smarter than me. I don't know. Shit. I know the earth is round. The latest guessing the latest viral COVID-19 conspiracy theory boosted by QAnon falsely claims vaccines turn children gay or trans. Wow, I didn't know that. And that's a false allegation that COVID-19. Yeah, I mean, a lot of kids, I will say, seem very gay, though. Do you notice that? Like, if you talk to like a... They're post-gender.
53:19Is it? Yeah, they don't care. The man can wear a dress. Like, you cross-dressing, they're like, what? When I grew up, you couldn't wear pink as a dude. You'd be ostracized. Now, there's no gay color. That's where we're past that. So those kids are past that shit. They're wearing top hats and skirts. It doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. Okay. Yeah. So, yeah, we see them as gay, but they're like, oh, dude, we're not even using those terms. Yeah, you're from a different universe. That's why you go to Bushwick or something, and you're like, oh, this is the cutting edge kids. I've heard rumors that a lot of Haitians moved over there to the parks and stuff and were selling sex and stuff like that.
53:54Have you seen any of that over there? Hookers in Bushwick? Yeah, in the parks over there. Selling their bodies? Yeah, they were selling sex and oral sex over there. I mean, Haitian, that's not who you'd want. I mean, who you want is who you want. I guess it's the, I don't know what the pace and the rate is. It's just a bunch of dark black, very thin hookers. I'll check it out. I haven't heard anything about that. Yeah, one of my friends was telling me there's a lot of hookering going on over there. Haitian hookering. I think they said Haitian. I would have to ask them. You know what there is, though, for real, for real?
54:28Casual hooking. Really? Like chicks who do it like three times a year. Housewives. Regular chicks who are like for a little extra cash. What do you mean? I mean like, oh, your friend seems cute. It's like, hey, my friend's cute. She likes you. Would you be into it for like a couple hundred bucks? Like, oh, no. In New York? Yeah. Huh. Regular chicks just occasionally like, yeah, I'll fuck for money. The guy seems cool. They're not going to like on the street taking all callers. Right. But like occasionally for extra cash instead of driving Uber. Do they tell the husband? I don't think so. Possibly.
55:03I don't know everybody's situation. Would you? Is there a thing where people let? You think the Obamas are still together for real? That's a great question. You think the Clintons are? No. No, right? So it's a possibility that there are such things as sham marriages. Yeah, for sure. I wonder. She didn't show up to the Carter funeral. She didn't show up to the inauguration. I could see like, hey, I never wanted to be in the public eye like this. Yeah. I just wanted to ball. Yeah. Dunk on these bitches. Yeah, that's it. That could be it, you know? Yeah. Yeah, it's a good question. That whole inauguration thing was just such a game.
55:38You went. Yeah, I had total Game of Thrones energy over there. What did you think? Because that's not you. Oh, not at all. You were going there the way I go to Comic-Con. Yeah. I'll just stare at everybody. I don't know. What's Spider-Man? Oh, I was like, I should not be here. You should not be there. That's how I felt. At least you're not doing the endorsing thing. Yeah. That a lot of comics are doing. I thought we were supposed to just make fun of everyone in power. Do you feel like it was weird that people were endorsing? Endorsing? Who's endorsing? What the fuck are you talking about? You have a literal sports team you root for.
56:08You don't endorse Tottenham. Yeah. Like, it was so wild. But all right, he's in power now, so let's see everybody go after him. Well, I think a lot of people were endorsing. Just make fun of all of them. Yeah. It seemed weird. Well, I think the biggest thing that seemed like it was on the table for me is just the free speech stuff. You start to worry about, like a lot of these social media companies, limiting speech, limiting what's possible. It affects me, for sure. Yeah? For sure. So if somebody's like, hey, I want to do this, I'm like, great, I love it. I also loved when Trump gave us all 600 bucks during the pandemic.
56:43He got everybody really partied in New York. Love that. Do you worry about, yeah, but - But I'm not going to get involved in getting it there. But then some of these guys have a lot of influence, to be honest. But also they're like, how can you have this guy on your podcast? I'm like, I'll have everybody on. I had Tucker Carlson on my podcast. the travel one we just talk about travel people are why didn't you call him on his shit i'm like was he lying about the uae that's all i care about right the travel part i don't want getting involved in this but so i get that part of it like somebody seems interesting a former president i'll have him on a podcast oh in a heartbeat yeah people gave me grief for going to the um inauguration inauguration i was like dude you don't but if you got invited to the to the i don't know bush inauguration or the obama or the reagan one you would have gone Yeah, I would have gone.
57:24He's like, oh, I'm not political. I got invited to the presidential inauguration. Yeah, he's like, how am I not going to go to inauguration? I have no idea. What if it's not even real and there's video? It's the moon landing. Who knows? So I went and at least saw, like, okay. So what was everybody doing? Did it feel, like, powerful? Did it feel like these guys are deciding fates? Or was it just like the Oscars where they're all, like, glad-hitting each other and celebrating success? I guess I didn't get to be there long enough. Was there food? at the ball the food was not good. That fucking broke my heart.
58:00What do you mean? Tony was there. He's like, we did it. And I'm like, the food isn't good. We didn't. We still have room. What do you mean the food wasn't good? It wasn't that good. And then it only had like 30 chairs in this whole ballroom and there was probably 1500 people in there. 30 chairs? That's like my house. I have four chairs and I have eight people over and it's like we're sitting on Amazon boxes. so that was the hectic that was the most hectic part but yeah just to be there to be in washington dc to see that happen for sure i was like fuck you i'm going i would never be weird i would never think it was weird if anybody was that you there no but pull those people back up so this was the part that was fascinating to me these were this was these are the guys deciding our fates who's the brown in the middle this is the olajarchy right here sundar pichai from google so he owns google so these guys all decide how we think about the world these one two three one guy the chick i'm assuming is the other one yeah there's zuckerberg yeah zuckerberg's most evil of all of them you think yeah because if i think he was like cigarettes where they didn't know what they were doing and then when they found out so there's no problem they're just giving cigarettes they didn't know it caused cancer then they found out it caused cancer and they go hide that shit right zuckerberg at first like i don't know i just i'm too autistic to have interactions so i I want to see a world where we don't have to meet eye to eye.
59:15And now he goes, yeah, he made us live like autistic people. But then he found out that we're all fucking turning on each other and cutting off our uncles. And he goes, yeah, keep pushing it. I think he should be up. I think he should at least be take his company taken away from him and it should be shut down. Facebook and Instagram should be shut down. Push the button. Well, it's like it's not making our society better. Well, I agree with that. But say I'll say that type of thing. People will be like, well, a government can't decide what can and can't make their society better, right? I think they can.
59:47I think that it might be abuse, but at some point it's like, this is too much bad. Right. Well, I feel the same way about porn, about porn channels, you know? Yeah, or like, let's have some oversight. Oh, yeah, porn too. It's like it's nonstop. Like, you can't, like, push porn to kids, right? They had to stop making THC gummies that are in the shape of clowns because they're like, hey, we're not actually giving these to five-year-olds, and you're kind of marketing them to five-year-olds. Yeah. They had to stop putting – Steve Simone was eating all of them, too, I think. This is a Steve Simone joke.
1:00:15Love you, buddy. They had to, yeah, there he goes. Look, he's always smiling. I know, huh? Where are the bodies? yeah he's our gacy he's our john lindy gacy wow on the surface that's insane man i'm yucky he's the sweetest guys He is. Even if you think it's a bit overhyped, AI is suddenly everywhere. From self-driving cars to molecular medicine to business efficiency. If it's not in your industry yet, it's coming fast. But AI needs a lot of speed and computing power. So how do you compete without costs spiraling out of control? Time to upgrade to the next generation of the cloud. Oracle Cloud Infrastructure, or OCI.
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1:01:57That's oracle.com slash Theo. Life in general can be chaotic. But if you're in charge of order fulfillment for an e-commerce business, you know that that's its own special kind of chaos. But with ShipStation, you can count on your day-to-day remaining calm. Save hours and money every month by shipping from all your stores with one login, automating repetitive tasks, and finding the best rates among all global carriers. One thing I love about ShipStation is how its automations allow me to smoothly print shipping labels at the click of a button. you'll never need to upgrade ship station grows with your business no matter how big it gets calm the chaos of order fulfillment with the shipping software that delivers switch to ship station today go to shipstation.com and use code theo to sign up for your free trial that's shipstation.com code theo yeah i think it's like really bad and that you're doing you You can't just put in like additives into fucking baby, baby formula.
1:03:14But why do we keep doing, why do we keep building stuff that's bad for it? Like, but if people say, well, if your government says you can't, then that's like a, it's a form of communism, right? Like your government says you can't have this and you can't have it because we shouldn't have, I mean, we just had a woman on, we're talking about Pornhub and extremely high percentage of their content was totally unregulated. So they had rapes on there. They had unconsensual sex. They had sex with minors. they had sex with babies on there, on Pornhub, on the website. But their whole goal was just to have as much content as they could have because then they sell more advertising dollars because, like, we have this many URLs.
1:03:49We have this many links that people can go to. So they were selling in bulk, but they didn't have anybody or they had very few people moderating any of the content that came through. Yeah, so we have some laws, right? You can't blast music at parks. Right. Because, like, oh, this is kind of infringing on other people's, like, rights sort of here, you know, there's a privacy, it's quiet. So there's some regulation. I don't understand all this. I don't know what the line is from socialism to not. I don't get any of that. It's not my thing. I just know this is really hurting us as a society, and nobody's doing anything about it.
1:04:18You can't sell guns on a street corner just to anybody. Right. And it's like, well, if it was bad for you, you wouldn't do it. Like, nah. You need someone to step in. As a society, that's not allowed. You're making us hate our brothers and friends and shit. Yeah. See the world as a terrible place. We didn't sign up for that. I don't like it. Twitter does that a lot I noticed Twitter definitely can be a place where you can really get trapped in there do you notice that Nick you think yeah wake up in the morning and just piss myself off by reading all the lines start angry it's not a good way to start right you've been on the beach but when you start like pleasant you know it's a better feeling when you're at the beach than you're on Twitter showing you what's to be mad about yeah there was a guy who used to work in Google to see which of the things had to go to the dark web and which were allowed so his whole day was spent looking at snuff films and fucking car crashes and child endangerment and stuff like that.
1:05:10Every one of those guys had to go to therapy for the rest of their lives. Yeah. Because you're not supposed to see that stuff. And we're seeing versions of that. I hate it. I hate it. God, let's draw on quarter Mark Zuckerberg. I mean, I don't think we should do that. I don't know what we should do. That's Luigi him. But is it just him, though? It's must do. It's anybody who now knows what you're doing to society and you're not doing anything about it. You actually have the power to stop it, and you're not doing it. So like, fuck off. Well, that's the same thing that I noticed with this woman talking about with PornUp.
1:05:41It was like, they would bring up these cases. There were cases of people who had been raped and their footage uploaded, right? Oh my God. And you can't just go, what? It's an open source thing. Like, no, no, you're facilitating it. Right, right, that's the thing. People were like, well, we, and they, at one point, she said they only had one moderator who would spin, and something had to be flagged like 15 times before. Before it even comes into. Before it even comes into the moderation queue. Too late, you're already fucked over. And the moderation queue would be like hundreds of thousands of videos long that they have to sit there.
1:06:06And then there's just one person deciding. Yeah. Adult, not adult, consensual, not consensual. The problem is you start with like they need to have some oversight. They're going to go too far. Yeah. And they're going to make like, well, this joke they had about who's on top. We can't have that. That's not how our society wants that. You're like, that's too far. And I don't know what it is. You can't trust the government to regulate. I don't know what the answer is, but right now it ain't working. well and then you wonder or is is a society human society supposed to have this success story or is it a unsuccessful experiment or is it just it is pharmaceuticals had to be regulated you can't just give everyone side effects you have to like you have to show your side effects right and it barely is right but you have to show your side effects you have to go at the end yeah yeah you have to at least do something but then it's like i think people have lost total faith that their country's gonna do a lot they're not gonna do shit they're not gonna do shit right they're just gonna let it go you go to another country you eat like garbage for for a week and you lose seven pounds you're like how's this oh there's not that many chemicals in other countries and shit right but i think like i mean we talk about a lot in here like with the sackler family the company that made all the drugs and they god Damn, and they're still alive.
1:07:19And they're still pushing it to people. You should do Oxy. You should get on Oxy for pain. My dad had to get on something. I go, don't take that. Take ibuprofen. Don't take that. If you get hooked on it, you can't kick it. They're still selling Oxycontin? Oh, yeah. Doctors are still pushing it. They're incentivized to financially. Who's even making money? Is it just to go back to pay for victims? Oh, they're not paying those bills. Those fines, they're not paying those. Really? Yeah, same thing with PG &E. All the forest fires, half of them were caused by PG &E, not doing the safety measures. Look at how many forest fires in California are started by the utilities.
1:07:55Hold on. Let's get this really quick, Barry. Purdue Pharma, Sackler Families, boost contribution in opioid settlement to$7.4 billion. The company and the once prominent family behind the drug OxyContin agreed Thursday to increase their financial contribution to resolve mass opioid litigation. Sackler and Purdue Pharma boosted their settlement contribution to$7.4 billion. if approved the new plan would end the costliest corporate bankruptcy resulting from the U.S. opioid crisis. So they have to pay$7.4 billion over the next 15 years. How much do they make a year? Go back. This is the same thing as like a – Scroll, scroll.
1:08:28Under the new settlement, the terms of Sackler's control of Purdue Pharma ends, the$7.4 billion – Oh, they have to give up the company. – will go directly to communities across the U.S., including states, counties, cities, and territories over the next 15 years. Well, that's good. That's good. But even this headline is like, oh, they decided to boost their contribution to the lawsuit. Yeah. Now they killed hundreds of thousands of people. Yeah. All the Gulf oil spills, they paid this big fine. It was still less money than it would have been to do the safety measures. Right. So they're like, it seems like a big number, but not compared to what they're making.
1:09:01You know? There was a time when if I got a parking ticket, it would break me. Oh, yeah. And now I've seen rich people like, I'll park here. It's like a legal park. It's fine. I'll just park here. Yeah, it's fine. If somebody takes a car, just buy a new car. Yeah, Chris Rock, instead of pulling into the lot, would just park in front. And they're like, they might give you a ticket. He goes, I don't care. It's$80. And I'm a millionaire. He doesn't care. It's not going to de-incentivize him. Yeah, I mean, it just. Oh, look at this. So this is a wildfire. It's caused by power lines. Okay, so why are we looking at this?
1:09:30I'm saying, like, they're supposed to worry about safety measures. They don't. We fine them. They don't pay the fines. look at all those fires caused by that and then they just don't do anything because they know what are you going to do not use us you could all be like in the dark for your fucking years yeah we use a candle hundreds of forest fires maybe thousands by pg and e and they won't do shit so that's the government's not doing shit it's like why even pay attention to any of it yeah what are you gonna be you're just gonna use yankee candles all day fucking dude some of the candle smells have gotten crazy it's really up in it that's what makes you hopeful yeah the candle game is it's it's bar none the shapes and everything yeah i saw a candle dick in washington square park really and they lit it up yeah no you can oh but yeah i don't know what the smell is i never lit it up i have one though in my house i'm good yeah they have somebody of a guy trying to smoke his own dick or whatever he's laying on his back pulled his nut like brought his legs over his head tried to put his penis in his mouth and try to light his nuts like he was like an Ebola weed.
1:10:32How do you do? Huh? How do you do? The video cuts off early. But just unreal behavior. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? That's one vote for Trump right there. Did you get to say anything to him? Like, you should take care of this? Is it Trump? Yeah, I always have this dream. Like, there's an outside possibility I can run into him. Oh, yeah. It's an outside possibility. And I'm like, if we all get to be like, hey, I just want two things to do, what would you hit him with? Two things to do in the world? Yeah, in America, anything. I would probably say sentence the Sackler family to death, I think.
1:11:07I like it. That would be probably my favorite thing. And that would put other people like, I mean, you grew up in a town that's fucked by this. Well, yeah, most of America. I mean, just the AA rooms alone, you see so many more people that aren't alcoholics. They're opioid addicts. From pain relief straight to heroin. And it's a different thing. It's like the AA program helps them, but it does. It's not the same. It's like these people, their database has been compromised and altered. I don't know. Can opioids affect your genetic makeup over time? Can they alter? Lose teeth. Your DNA? Yeah, they can definitely alter your body.
1:11:42Your grill is affected by sugar. Your grin. But, yeah, yes, opioids can alter DNA, which may contribute to opioid use disorder, these changes. So then you're not even talking to a human then. You're dealing with someone who's been compromised by a drug. Yeah, yeah. They're not people anymore. And why is this not being talked about all the time? Every city in America, Democrat and Republican, are failing under this. And no one's doing shit about it. That's not even what I'd tell them. At least they stopped them from doing it. But now they have another new anti—what's that? There's a new opioid I just saw that they were putting up.
1:12:15Pravus Proc— You think they just rebranded and came back? Like a college bar that gets busted for underage. And they go, it's a new name now. It's my brother runs it. It's a different company. Oh, that's the best. Bro, when I was in college, they had this group of gay fellas that would come and they'd fist fight. It was called, I've said it before, we'll beep this part out. But it's called F***ing Fist Fights, right? And it was their company. They came. It was gay men would come. You'd pay five bucks, go there, you get a beer, and you get to watch fights. And they would beat the living shit out of each other, dude.
1:12:47Wow. Pretty cool. In Texas, they have a bunch of midget wrestling. Yeah. And it's just like signs for it. it's not like a hidden back back back room thing yeah it's a cock fighting of the i don't know who uh have ever been no cock fight no but there is midget versus cop versus uh rooster or whatever oh right near the border how about midget versus gay we got to make odds on all these things three midgets two gays you know what's the like over under oh three midgets versus two gays what kind of gays are we talking about is it like luck of the draw yeah are you talking ariana grande fans or are you talking like hardcore?
1:13:25Mateo can take somebody. He's strong enough. He's very strong. Yeah, but can he fight? And can he fight down? I bet he could. You got to be able to overcut. I think he auditioned for Newsies and got pretty far. So I bet he could. Dude, don't pick that fight. You're not going to win that. Yeah, you're going to win this fucking. Is that Carlos Mencia? Why does he dress like Carlos Mencia? Is that crazy to say that? Looks a little like Shane in the face. He's dressed like Mencia, and he's got a face like Shane. Shane Gillis? Yeah. How can you even see that's in eight pics? Wait, when he turns. Let me see when he turns.
1:14:02Pause it when he turns, and we see his face. There. Shane, bro. That's Shane, bro. That's Shane, bro. He's one of my friends. That's Shane. Tell me it's not. That is a little bit. Okay. Love that chicken from five miles. That's a new commercial right there
1:14:24That's him Wow That's great He's wearing an eagle's hat That is so great That's great What were we just talking Oh but what's the new drug you see it Nick This is a non-opioid that was just Yeah there we go FDA approved Novel non-opioid treatment for moderate to severe acute pain Yeah that's what they need Yeah, this just happened. Journavix, J-O-U-R-N-A-V-X, is the first drug to be approved in this new class of pain management medicines. 50 milligram oral tablets, a first in-class non-opioid analgesic to treat moderate to severe acute pain in adults. But wouldn't you just get addicted using this?
1:15:04But does that mean you don't? But it's non-opioid. Maybe it's not addictive. That's what I'm wondering. Do you not feel? Like melatonin, you know, which helps you go to sleep? Not melatonin. Melatonin? Yeah. But then, like, sleeping pills will become addictive. melatonin is like it just it's fine so there's not opioids in here what the fuck's an opioid too targeting a pain signaling pathway so unlike opioids which act on receptors in the brain gernavix works by targeting a pain signaling pathway involving sodium channels in the peripheral nervous system a lot of words i didn't know in that yeah blocking pain signals before they reach the brain so it's stopping the signals instead of the receptors in the brain oh there's like the difference between LimeWire and Napster.
1:15:46It's pretty much the same, but it works different. That's a good comparison. Thanks. Evidence of non-addictive properties. Clinical data showed no evidence of withdrawal or drug-seeking behaviors in patients. That's it. Right. The drug does not activate opioid receptors or induce euphoria. Well, they said the thing with oxycodone, oxycodone, whatever, was that they were like, well, what about getting off it? We haven't seen any problem with that. And they go, did you test for that? And they go, no, we did not. And so it's like how do you know how hard it is to withdraw? You've never tested it.
1:16:18Meanwhile people are just fucking sleeping in fucking baby beds and shit. God those lean backs are fucking crazy right now. Opioids are a class of drugs that interact with opioid receptors in the brain and body to reduce pain perception and produce various effects that can be natural semi-synthetic or synthetic chemicals. Yeah. Well, I don't know but yeah they gotta do something. That's a good one to tell them. Yeah. Kill backlers. Because once you kill them, the rest are like, let's get approval for this first. Yeah, people will start to, I think, be a little bit unnoticed. There will be some sort of, yeah, because they're serial killers.
1:16:52I don't understand how they were not. They're serial killers. They're mass murderers. And they go, well, it's a company. Yeah. You know what they did in China? They were testing for purity for baby formula. And so one company put an additive in to make it test pure to go from like 96 to 99. But that additive ended up killing 12 babies. yeah and the government found out there's no bureaucracy there they hung the board the whole board and like no the company has it goes no you guys killed babies is it true yeah so it's like we're done with this yeah i want to see that they just hung it but you can't just do you can't break the law and kill babies you're out you're out yeah and hopefully this will be assigned to everybody else yeah there's enough chinese they might not have been the ones that It might have been different ones.
1:17:41Come on, Theo. I'll say this. If you show me 40 Chinese, dude, I don't know how I'd feel. You know, you just on the same one over and over again. Be honest. Well, it's kind of like this one time. This lady paid us to go get her cats in her yard or whatever. And she was very old and she would give us like, I think, a quarter for each cat that we brought in. Yeah. And me and my buddy William just kept bringing the same two cats in over and over again. when I had to get my visa to play China I went in there and they're like what are you doing there I'm like I'm working I got gigs where's your letter of invitation from the government where's your$50 ,000 and I'm like I don't know it's like early when you go to China I mean Canada you have to tell them you're just visiting a friend it was that too I didn't realize so I called the promoters I was like what do I do they go go back only Bieber can afford the proper channels to play China go back in there and tell them you're just there to see the Great Wall and I'm like but I was just in there and he goes so you know how we can't tell them apart it's a two way street just go right try not to go to that window but if you do it won't matter and I got called in that window she goes hi how you doing I thought she was fucking with me I'm like here to do some traveling in China okay that was it damn did you go with the same group that I went with did you go to I didn't go with that Lee guy I went with Turner Sparks and Andy Curtain.
1:19:03That was a different group, I think. That was one of the best things about doing comedy, man, was just the places you got to go. You couldn't afford it. No. And you just never would have been able to do it. And it flew you to fucking Suzhou, China, Guangxi, and all these places. You're like, dick jokes are paying for this. It was wild. And you meet the local scenes. I'm like, there's a comedy scene in Hong Kong. That was the best, man. It was so cool. Iceland. You're going to Australia, just weird spots. yeah we went to one right there that's guantanamo bay with mike that's in cuba yeah who's that guy on the right guy jewish guy too mike e no my smoothie mike um mike is that mike costa with us patrick degear oh that's costa yeah it looks like costa patrick degear mike costa the blind one oh yeah patrick degear yeah he's blind where's that's you on the left yeah damn i had good hair look how angry your hair is yeah exhumant and that kid never nutted inside a chick never what an idiot that's a nutter that's another guy that was his time bro he nutted in his shampoo bottle a few times you never won a title in your prime yeah wow fuck i was young as fuck bitch damn i was doing good look like dane cook there yeah bro Dane and Shane get that off the ground come on NBC make a comeback so you just went all over that's the Guantanamo Bay Lighthouse behind you went to Guantanamo Bay isn't it so fucking cool you can go out places like that crazy went to the dude Guantanamo Bay I didn't realize first of all nice golf courses there underrated you'd never know we got to see the prisoners play some volleyball wow really yeah you're playing your jeans and no shirt like in Top Gun no they wouldn't let us get that close to them or whatever.
1:20:57And some of them had blindfolds on or whatever they were still playing. Unbelievable. Just to do like to get out in the yard or whatever and have a... Oh, the prisoners? Yeah. Oh. Yeah, they had these... They could play volleyball? Iguanas down there, foxes, rodents, unique animals. They had a beach, this thing called Glass Beach that had all this used to be glass, but it all was rounded out now. From the tides? Where else they send you? Where else did you go? I went to Azores. We went to the Azores, which is somewhere. I don't know. Is that Portugal? Yes. Off the coast of Portugal, between Portugal and America.
1:21:35Pretty amazing. What about you? I just remember I saw Paul Morrissey today. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Three-point Paul. He's a basketball player, too. He's great. We got flown to Switzerland, Montreux, Switzerland, for a festival. Yeah. And then we made a deal with each other. Like, let's keep going places. Yeah, Iceland, Australia. But the China gigs, those weird gigs. like Dominican Republic. And you're just like, you look at the Dominican Republic? Mm-hmm. And you're just here on their dime. The Anchorage gigs. Oh, I never did that. Those were good. They take you on either a thing above the glaciers or deep sea fishing.
1:22:09Me and David Taylor were deep sea fishing. We cut one open right there. It had all these like dots in it. He's like, what's that? He's like, well, it's egg. It's pregnant, so it's eggs. And he goes, is that caviar? Yeah. Can you eat it raw? Yeah, you can eat it. He showed us and ate it. And David's like, I'll have some right out of the thing. every pregnant one we found David just started filling up on it did he get sick? so sick you're not supposed to fill up on caviar on a boat especially when you're poor you can barely afford a burrito and you're eating fresh out of the womb caviar if somebody brought caviar to me I'd fucking served in a womb I'd fucking serve a sword to their neck you can't fucking eat caviar if you're poor dude your stomach's like chill out you know your system can't handle it god those gigs were good they just fly out somewhere and it was just like on their dime and you're just like they cover the hotel they they let you know where to stay there's no arranging you never made any money yeah right but it was just like broke even maybe but then like you're living like on a vacation to the level i can barely afford now yeah all covered it's it was so cool dude we went one time to what's the blue stuff that they put in drinks it's um they put in like a oh curse yes boom that place it's an island oh so we went there you went there on comedy yes it's zoom out from the map i want to see where this is in the map go and then slowly zoom out yeah yeah night near bonaire okay out out out where the fuck is this i really don't know content today's yet me neither okay in the caribbean every couple years they move this place somewhere else it's like the island from lost we went go look at a picture of it dude it is like a small place there's only one area that has a few buildings and then there's this military base there but they manufacture this blue liqueur there yeah that's the area it's very small it's beautiful it's beautiful but there's nothing i mean this is it right and then we went to this military place i think we did a show and then they had uh they put us up in these rooms and then you go into the facility where the rooms were like and it just kind of looked like a bear like um almost like a community college type of like an old high school just like the cinder block kind of wall you know with painted over and stuff then we opened the door to this one room and it was the most eccentric craziest room i'd ever been in dolled up yes like i think fancy like operatives or somebody came down there every once in a while and they put them up in this crazy place and probably get him some chicks or whatever.
1:24:52But it was unbelievable. We went with cheerleaders from Houston Texans cheerleaders. What? Yeah. That's when you would have nutted. Yeah, should have. Who's that? That's the room I was in. Wow, that is crazy. Me and Jay Davis were in it. But every other room was normal, and then they had this one room that was crazy. He had like mirrored ceilings, like heavy cocaine vibes. Me and Jay Davis. Yeah, that was a coke vibe for sure. Yeah. It was just crazy. There's me and him just. Wait, back up. Wishing we had some women. Are you in shape there? I was in shape. God damn, bro. I used to. Wait, what?
1:25:29Yeah. That's you on the left. I used to jerk myself off. That's how good looking I was. Damn, dude. You need to lower those pants a little bit. Show that V. What? Who is that? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm a BLM, dude. I don't know what's going on over there. But that was pretty amazing. That's cool. But yeah, going places like that was unbelievable. Military, you ever do any of the ones where you were in Iraq? No, I just had Nate and Louis Katz and Joe List on my podcast about going to Kuwait with a stopover in Istanbul. Wow. And it's just like that same thing. I'm like, what are we doing here?
1:26:07It's all paid for and set up. Yeah, that was great. And you just thought you were like, this is crazy. Because when you grow up, you're like, I'll probably never go there, ever. Let alone on someone else's dime. Yeah, they had a woman in a black – they had a woman gave me a BJ and a Blackhawk on the ground. They arranged that for you? No, she arranged it. Okay. She arranged it. And she said, oh, the airfield is unattended or something tonight. But, yeah, pretty cool. And then what else? Oh, another time. Wait, wait, wait. Wow. I know. Pretty neat. I think that was in like - Would she hold your hand and make a man out of you?
1:26:51I don't know what happened. Wait, you got a blowjob in a Blackhawk helicopter. Pretty cool. Did she leave no man behind or did she like - I don't remember. I remember she had a huge kind of zit on her neck or like a goiter or something. You're just looking at that the whole time? I think she was from like Philly or something. It's a way to last longer. But really a sweet gal and - Seems nice. Oh, there was another group that went jogging in the morning in the Air Force, and she slipped over into my little cabin or whatever. She slipped out of line of the jog? And I couldn't get an erection. I was too, like, freaked out or something.
1:27:30I thought they were going to come over with guns. I didn't fucking know how the military worked. Where was this? This was in somewhere near Kuwait, Arifjan, or one of these bases or something. Pretty cool. Wow. Those were good. Yeah, it was good. A good time. It was good for everybody. It was just cool. Yeah, they would take you out in the middle of nowhere. You'd just shoot a bunch of guns, you know, and just. That was Kuwait? Yeah. You went to Kuwait? Yeah, whatever the one in Iraq. Yeah. Air of John is where we flew in. They went to these forward operating bases. I think that's where they went to.
1:28:00I think it might have been the same one. It's pretty great. So, yeah, the special. Let's get a little bit more about it. I want to know about it. Are you touring off of it now? Is there going to be a new tour? Not touring off a different hour. Okay. Yeah, I'm touring a little bit for like until April. Then I'm going to take about a year and a half off. Yeah. Off the road. You always do a good job of that is taking time. You're the one guy who's always like dude You got to take some time off for yourself, and I'm like I will and then I never do yeah I always try to get you to yeah you do yeah You could I know one of them that will yeah one day.
1:28:27I'll just take time off forever You know I think that's probably maybe my save it up and then go yeah It's like when people save up their PTO or whatever it's save it up to the end Once you quit like I get all that. Oh, that's the wrong way to live you think should be taken along the way Yeah, yeah, so I'm gonna go backpacking for like six eight months just traveling You've been to some pretty great places over the years. I went to Cuba this year with Bobby Kelly. Did you really? Yeah. We were there for a hurricane. That's not why we went. We went to get away from the election. No way. Yeah, we got there on Monday.
1:28:57We didn't find out who won until Sunday. Wow. They don't even have elections there. You're like, what happened to the election? I don't know what that word means. Elecciones? No se. No se. Wow, what was it like there? I mean, it was pretty wild. You can see the remnants of what it would have been, the extravagance. Same buildings. They have an embargo there. That's one thing I tell Trump. Come on, end that already. They're just poor people now for no reason. And so what does that mean they have an embargo? So you can't – they won't trade with America. They won't trade with anyone who trades with America to a degree, I think.
1:29:30So we won't trade with – did we do that or they did that? We did that. Okay. And so Obama ended it and opened up travel and everything. Trump put back on the embargo, but you can still travel. and then Biden also stayed full embargo, but you can still travel. So there's 20 flights a day from Miami and Houston. Okay, so you can travel to Cuba. You can't bring back cigars, can't bring back alcohol. And we don't do trade with them. Yeah, and so that means they can't grow extra stuff in trade. All their sugar cane, all their tobacco, there's no reason to grow extra because it'll just rot. Right. So there's just poverty there.
1:30:05So it's just poverty, but it's also just poverty because the government takes probably like funnels a lot of the money just in themselves right they're doing okay but that hurricane they evacuated everyone they had to evacuate like it like really well there was three people rushed to the hospital that's it during a type three hurricane that's nice yeah i mean it's heavy the whole island lost power for two days so there was no power in the entire country for two days so that was like weird but then we just wander around outside afterwards just like looked at the devastation hmm U.S. business conducting trade or commerce current embargo status yeah President Donald Trump taking office for second term on January 25th so if we reverse several actions taken by the outgoing Biden administration well that happens a lot like the one so for a couple days the things have changed so you know I think I know what this is so Diaz told me this gave me a clue they wouldn't Florida didn't vote for Hillary Clinton because they never forgave bill clinton for giving back ellie and gonzalez because they those cubans that fled and went to florida who who are all and they they breed you know so there are a lot of them they hate the the castro regime over there and anything you can they tell their grandkids you can never visit cuba fuck that place and so they're mad at them giving this kid back to his real father he should be in america so they just hate him so it took obama for like well i've already run twice and won so i'm not going to run for a third term so now i can end this embargo if he didn't florida goes against him so trump same thing is like i want that cuban vote let's put that embargo back on biden too i want that cuban vote put that embargo back on yeah florida's a big vote it ain't maryland yeah if it was maryland like i don't care florida's a lot of points right so i'm hoping he's like well i've already in dang yeah so it's just it's just whatever but so then when you go like can you bring anything like yes light bulbs or it's not even expensive like we just can't get shit here batteries a battery charger we would love that huh yeah so he was like hey the hurricane's coming we're gonna lose power charge everything wow um yeah that's wild you don't even think about the things you would need suddenly yeah so you can see all the buildings they look kind of decrepit but if you like blink and like imagine it with like a clean coat of paint you're like oh yeah this would have been the vacation spot maybe one day it will be again well i guess well you guys went there for a vacation how was it I loved it.
1:32:26I had so much fun. Did you go to the beach and stuff? I smoked cigars all day. I went to the beach. Nobody was on it. They cooked you a lobster right there for$10. It was so cool. It was so much fun and free. I got to practice my Spanish. So it's a great place to go. God damn. And we didn't get out of Havana. We would have gotten out except for the hurricane, kind of put a damper on it. But it was a cool experience anyway. But like, yeah, I would love to go back. I would love to go to Trinidad, like the city of Trinidad in Cuba in the east. Was there a nightlife there when you went? Really? Dancing and music.
1:32:56Oh, yeah. That Cuban music. We went to what's left of Buena Vista Social Club. I was dancing. They picked me up to dance. This fucking hot black chick, like Caribbean black chick. Yeah. Just dancing with me. And I was like, I remember a little salsa class. Saltwater sisters, baby. Yeah. I was going for it. Dude, it felt so good. It was so fucking fun. Yeah. Everyone's out. Everyone's smoking and just casually smoking those cigars and just like drinking. Are they busting on you? The Cuba Libres. Do they bust on you because you're American? No, not at all. One guy goes, I know it's not you. I know it's your government.
1:33:28I was like, I wasn't even thinking about it. Wow. We went when I was a student. We went. I want to get you on my podcast about that year. When I went there, semester at sea? Okay. Did I come talk about that? I never talk about it. I met a guy. It would go perfect with that pod, but also like. Journey. What's it called? You'd be tripping. Just about a place you've been, but I haven't had ocean as any. But like I met a guy in my neighborhood. I never talk about that whole trip. We were talking. and he goes do you know Theo Vaughn I was like yeah yeah he's a friend of mine and he goes I was on a boat with him once and I was like oh weird and he goes no no it was like a six month thing I gotta get his name to see if you remember I gotta remember his name semester at sea white guy yeah white guy James James was his name James but anyway yeah and I was like oh that'd be perfect that sounds so cool oh it was great yeah semester at sea it was like a floating school took off out of Canada out of Vancouver over there and just went around the whole world finished in florida we stopped at cube on the way you did on the way back yeah fidel came and spoke to us too it was pretty crazy really yeah but then but then we just tried to get out oh dude i'll tell you this fun thing that happened so we went out and nobody spoke any spanish or whatever we would just do like that if somebody talked to us in spanish you know we would fucking just do that in order in order of cuba libre you Oh, man, they're great there.
1:34:52Oh, yeah, the Havana Club. Yeah, we went to the Havana Club. We saw a guy picking his nose so hard for so long. So long. I have a picture of it. I can't show it because there's too much hate. Hard workers over there. No, there's a white guy. There's a white guy getting rid of that fucking pollution. Yeah, a lot of people travel over there, pick their nose. It hits different in Cuba. The flick goes further. And then so we were at this thing. we're just walking down the streets and finally we find this kind of party going on it looked like there was some people there was like a birthday cake and stuff for this old guy and these people like we're drinking and we were drinking so we all just start kind of dancing in this little kind of foyer area like off this the edge of this house and stuff and we're hanging out and stuff and um we're singing happy birthday and dancing and then you start to realize look over and this old guy is going down on this woman they were hookers that they'd hired for this birth for these two old dudes and I had some hookers for their birthday.
1:35:48What? And we're just fucking there like cutting the cake with them and shit. We're like, what the fuck are we doing, bro? There's a lot of hookers there. Yeah. Was there? Yeah, I didn't get any. You see them though. I'm like, I haven't seen any hookers. And you notice like, oh yeah, yeah, that. Oh yeah, that. They're like, hi. And you're like, yep. They're just different. Yeah, that was. And then when we took a baseball game. We had to go get bread and cheese. You got what? We were staying with a guy and they were like, should we help? Should we help? He goes, no, no, I got it. I got you and then when the hurricane was coming I was like should we go out and get supplies and he goes yes he was like oh shit you're worried so we were like on the hunt for bread and cheese and everywhere we went they were like we're out we're out and then Bobby Kelly was like alright let's go let's go to the next place we gotta go and he goes well hold on there's cookies here I'm like Bob it's not a cookie time dude let's go so what else did you see an alcoholic with a dessert it's hard it's a replacement what else did you see there what else did we see we went to a baseball game ooh I miss doing that And when we left, we were throwing everything we had off of the edge of the ship.
1:36:48Like tennis shoes. Just because they didn't have – just things that like – We're like, what are we going to do? Take this shit. We don't even fucking care. Who cares? Because you kind of made friends with the people while you were there. They had this guy named Henry that was taking us around. And he – and it was just – so we were just throwing everything we had just off the edge of this boat. Take it. You take it. Take it here, here, here. They'll get used it. Clothes, all kind of stuff. Yeah, because they could use it. But that was pretty awesome. That was really great. Yeah, it's crazy that they don't have access.
1:37:17It's weird when you go to another place, you see a cultural difference that you hadn't even noticed before. You're like, oh, I have access to shoes when I want it. I might not be able to afford them, but I can get them. Yeah. And they had horse meat. That's what they served us at this conference. They served us horse meat. And then they had also, like you wore this translator machine. so whenever Fidel was talking and the speakers were talking, you could hear what they were saying. And then some people got to ask him questions and shit. One kid got him to sign his passport. Fidel Castro? Signed somebody.
1:37:50Wow, that's a perfect thing to sign. Signed somebody's passport. Wow. Pretty fucking cool. You met Fidel Castro? Some little slurper. I don't know if I met him. I don't think I did. But you saw him. Yeah, we saw him. He came and spoke to us, like 600 students or maybe. And then I'm trying to think of anything else that happened that was super great over there. I just have them pretty quick and we just drank with a lot of homeless people a lot of times you would pull in you were on a boat docks you were always around homeless people and shit and wherever boat docks are that's not the typical vibe of a city sometimes it was cool like Miami and then sometimes it was like you were in Jersey it was hit or miss some of these ports you went into so you'd roll off thinking we're going to be in the lap of some cool area and you'd just be in the industrial in the docks like in Belfast or something yeah exactly who would go here yeah no one in la goes where the ships dock people just getting fucking wasted it's just at some i've been to sea for nine months get me hookers and drugs now oh dude all the staff that worked on the cruise ship they were from like uh trinidad and tobago and stuff like that and so they were all they would all go get hookers the second that the boat docked you'd see them file out like ants just to go get hookers in these different countries I went last year, Trinidad and Tobago.
1:39:03Yeah? For a carnival. Was it nice? It was so much fun. For a carnival. I dressed the whole outfit with the big fucking feathers. You just dance and drink for days. Wow. It was so much fun. Who'd you go with? A chick. Yeah. I met my friend. My friend's in line to be the prime minister there from college. Really? Yeah, his dad was the prime minister. And then when I met him, he was the ambassador to America. White guy? Tobagon? No. Dark skin black. Dark skin black. Yeah, they only have Indians and blacks there pretty much. Oh, yeah. But everyone's dancing, whining on each other. They're whining on me.
1:39:42They were playing This Not Happening for some reason on loop. No. On loop. So for like four hours a day, they were playing This Not Happening in Trinidad. No residuals. And so I was getting recognized in Trinidad and Tobago. Some chick was like, are you Ari Shafir? And I was like, yeah. She goes, can I whine on you? I'm like, yeah. She's just fucking backing it up. That's what they do there? Yeah. It's not even sexual. It's just like backing it up right on your ass and just rub it and they just go all the way down. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's great. Oh, and what do they call a wind on you? Wining. Wining.
1:40:12It's their dance. Wining. And it's Tobagon? I guess so. Steel pan, all that shit. It was so fucking cool. I love that. What do you notice after traveling to some of these places? What do you, what are the things you miss about America? And what do you think are the things that we lose by being such a capitalistic environment? food is cleaner other places like in Cuba they don't have much but they don't have like chemicals to put in there either and then it's like the need to like work for life oh she's teaching how to wine I might have watched this video before I went god and what do you do stand there lift one leg around them try to go down with them you can't do it but they're like it's funny the white guy trying but they're not like mad at you for being there there's so few whites there are?
1:40:58yeah yeah i think the real one has more whoa pregnancia you just that's when you really that's when your nuts go missing right there wow let's learn to run jesus lady i know alto alto i caught a pickpocket in uh croatia one time got a picture with him he pickpocketed you called him fucking just like that and then you're like i'm not mad at you let's just take a picture Let's get a photo of you and he ran off. Little guy, little fucking Fievel goes thieving. He's crazy. He's like, hey, no. He's like, all right. Yeah. Fair is fair. It's just like you notice like, oh, we have some good things where we are.
1:41:40You get to appreciate that. But then also like the need to work as your method of reward. It's like, nah, it shouldn't be that. It should be work to play. Like how much value we put on that. Yeah, it's like never any work till you die. and there they're like they work for the weekend. You try to go towards like some fun. So there they have like carnival season. It's a month plus long. Parties, parties, parties. It's great. Jouvet, everyone's like throwing paint on each other and mud. Jouvet? Jouvet. Jouvet. It's like Jouvert. That's in Trinidad? Yeah, it's a night before. So you're up all night.
1:42:17You get two hours of sleep and go back to drinking and whining. Yeah, that's Jouvet. Jouvet. J. Jouvert. Dash. Yeah. O-U-V-R-T. Everyone's fighting with... Wow. And they're fist fighting? No. Partying. They're fighting with paint. No, they're not. Yeah, they're in a great mood. It's all pretty safe. Let's look about Jouvet. Can you find me any information on it? It looks beautiful. It's the day before. So color. A traditional carnival celebration in many countries throughout the Caribbean. The parade is believed to have its foundation in Trinidad and Tobago with roots steeped in French Afro-Creole traditions.
1:42:51Wow. Such as Canboulet. Canboulet. What is that? Yeah, it's all so fucking weird. And it comes from some weird version of Christianity and slavery celebrating. Oh, yeah. Canbouleh is a precursor to Trinidad and Tobago Carnival. The festival is also where Calypso music has its roots. Steel drum. You know why they do steel drum? Because they outlawed drumming because you're riling people up. So let's get these abandoned steel drums, like the oil drums. We'll make music out of that. Go back to that information, Nick. It was originally a harvest festival in which drums, singing, dancing, and chanting were an integral part.
1:43:34Huh. Yep. Kanboula has played an important role in the development of the music of Trinidad and Tobago for it was the banning of percussion instruments in the 1880s that led to the surreptitious innovations that gave birth to steel pan music. Oh, that's cool. yeah here's me in my fucking costume wow fun yeah it was so fucking fun so he showed us how to do it my friend brian dude that's so cool you look like a native bro yeah i got i got i got lost in it you look so native it was so fun um i mean they party they do it right there's no status there's no any of that like what do you mean they party they go to let loose like a filipino lady and like all the filipinos and like china and stuff when it's the weekend they party they just dance on the docks together right they go for like let's let loose it's not about like who which table am i at who's gonna be here yeah it's the party for the sake of party and it's like the downstairs on the on the titanic yeah you know yeah everything else just gets a little bit fucking ridiculous out here that i think you definitely notice that more in big cities yeah club club life clubbing in europe is about like doing drugs and dancing.
1:44:47And here it's about like bottle service and velvet ropes. Prestige, yeah. Yeah, that kind of stuff starts to disappear once you even get out of, I feel like, some of the bigger cities. I always notice too that Australians travel the most. I felt like. It's like they go do it. It's how they... We can't even comprehend it. You see one in the audience. Like, oh, what are you doing here? It's like, I'm on holiday. And you're like, oh, so just LA in the back? Like, no, LA, Vegas, Miami. And then Copenhagen, London, whatever. Like, how long are you going for it? Oh, a little field of dreams we're going to.
1:45:20There's always, like, one outlier thing they're going to see. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, why? Nobody goes to that. I want to see Mickey Rooney's grave over there. Yeah, they go for, like, two months. I know. It is really incredible, huh? They'll go. It's almost like that Amish thing, like, what's the, where they go? Rumspringa. Rumspringa. Yeah. Australians almost have that. We're like, I'm going to go see the world. And Australians, all they really want to do is try the different Cokes from around the country. Oh, they like doing cocaine? Yeah. They love it. And they have the worst. Oh, yeah. They love it the most and have the worst.
1:45:49Yeah. So it's like, imagine you dunking. I love to dunk, but I can't really do it because I can't really do it. But then you go to, like, the moon, and you're like, I can dunk now. All you want to do is just dunk all day. I believe it. Yes. Just fucking just jumping. Right past the sun. Would you see that picture that just came up about Mars? Did you see that? What about it? They found this crazy thing on the photo. If this photo is real, did you see that, Nick? Yeah, they found like a perfect square on Mars. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. What? That's kind of fascinating. That's unsettling.
1:46:25Perfect. Oh. The square structure of Mars behind branded wild has space fanatics completely baffled. Yeah, that's a straight line. Yeah, I'm trying to see if we can get a clear picture of it. I'm sure they were too. Yeah, facts. Oh, that's it right there. so you start to wonder like because your mind also starts to say well okay that's a square but but also it's like is it just like right there the rocks broke down just that way that's not it's like bigfoot shit or it's like or ufos every time ufo like look at this like i can't see context yeah that looks like a dot and with the shittiest thing for me is ufos have been in the water recently do you hear that a couple like a month ago yeah why wouldn't they hide in the water and you're like okay so you're telling me this whole time we've been looking up and they're down And they're down.
1:47:12Oh, you tricksters. It's like part of a Scooby-Doo episode. It's like, what? I'm not worried about them harming me. This was a – they tell me something. CBS News? Yeah. Tim Burchard said in an interview on Wednesday that an admirable whom he did not identify told him an unidentified craft moving at incredible speeds in the sea. It's always incredible speeds. And you're like, how about it's far away? Look, look, if you have something really far away and it's moving across the screen like that, you're like, that's slow. If it's right here, it's like, oh, my God, that's so fast. Yeah. It's just you can't see the fucking scale.
1:47:46You can't see where it is. But also, oh, they've been in the water. Oh, we were looking up here and they're down there. You never thought to tell us about the water? Oh. Got to discover it. You got to be a real scuba do. It kind of makes, yeah. That was good. That was better than the other one. You went around. But I was like, this is so fucking dumb, dude. Now they're in the water. It's like, so they're not up here. It just was so dumb. Yeah, where else are they going to be? Where's next? In the fridge? I know. Where do you want to go? Still Argentina? Yeah. Bariloche. You know a place. Map that for me.
1:48:25Let's see Bariloche. Where the women swim like swine. Let me see it. You don't know how to spell that. Yeah, I was going to say, how do we spell it? It's up to you, really. You're a way American. Yeah, it's up to fucking you, bro. It's up to you, boy. Miraloche Miraloche Why that place? What'd you hear about that? You just heard about it from somebody? It's so funny when you hear about something when you're a kid And you just remember it forever, you know? You're like, yeah, I gotta go there It's time with Bon Jovi Wow Wow Oh, so it gets cold there too Oh, it looks perfect It does look perfect San Carlos de Miraloche Looks beautiful Halifax is beautiful You've been there I just went for the first time Did you?
1:49:04I've been trying to go to eastern Canada for so fucking long and my Jews just keep telling me it's not worth it for the money. And I'm like, I want to go. And they go, fine, only winter. I'm like, no, no. You gotta be outside during that. Like you'll draw less. I'm like, guys, get me out there. And I finally went. I loved it. Beautiful. Weird, cool people, isolated. Yeah. Strange, different people. Real fucking, what's that movie where they put that guy in a box? And they burned it alive. I think one of them, I think Nicolas Cage did a remake of it. not matchstick match wicker man wicker man is it looks like wicker man ish for sure yeah it was great yeah i love that lacrosse wisconsin was a place that i liked in america yeah outside mount pelier very beautiful it's uh just like a perfect place i've been doing that now a lot when i meet somebody from another country i'm like what's what's your tips and they go oh we'll go to buenos aires i'm like no no no you're from buenos aires can be a restaurant a bar or where you go hiking outside of there yeah and then they tell me and i put it on google maps and i'm like i'm getting there give me the grass roots and that's lacrosse wisconsin it's i think it's one of the best little cities barroche barroche yeah where the women swim like swine oh yeah there you go there's granddad's bluff over there
1:50:27barroche oh yeah bro that's what we need more barroche in america yeah and then i would say in america probably i would go with lacrosse wisconsin as a place that i really think is a great place to go tour or see just nice it's like if you thought of a like ideal place in america yeah like especially like we're like in the fall the leaves change color and it's like it's a cool mountain but you could still ride your bike everywhere you wanted to in town as a kid and you have just enough of a little downtown with like some three-story buildings we were like oh that's downtown yeah ours yes and everything but some cool old shops and stuff downtown where it really feels cool how many people live there in lacrosse wisconsin 52 ,818 so a good enough size too where it's like you know you'll have some neighbors you have some good sporting events and stuff like that um you're close enough to drive to green bay to cheer for the packers but yeah right right but far enough away like we don't go right like this is their downtown so everything you know just kind of perfect this is where gerosa lives in pennsylvania a city like this yeah yeah like like an hour outside philadelphia pennsylvania's got some beautiful places yeah but like a small downtown just like that he's the mayor wow yeah you got one light yeah that place is a great spot that's the kind of thing you do when you're on the road where it's like all right i'm gonna go i'm gonna stay a few days longer or go a few days early chill out then do my shows or stay there and drive in for your shows and go back yeah we have all day yeah i want to do some more like i think it's maybe after this year then i would just get a camper and do like a a year where i just go around the country do some like interview just regular people in different places and you're good at that too and just have a just i saw you interview like a school bus driver once go touring who do we interview did you have a school bus driver or a bus driver we have a hostage negotiator coming on no it was somebody more regular and we got a native america a couple years ago we had a female long-haul trucker a mortician lunch lady.
1:52:16Maybe he's mortician. Maybe he's lunch. But yeah, that normal shit that you can get a lot out of him. That'd be fun. Who'd drive the RV? You? Or you could have somebody else be driving it or switch off. Probably switch off. Or if I have a family at that point. You're looking? I gotta get a family at some point. Well, if you do that, guess what you're gonna have to do first? Nut inside. Nut inside, buddy. That's it. It's for you. It's all there. You don't say. that would be cool me and uh o 'neill and matt egger did one where we did a spokane and we did tacoma yeah no tacoma then spokane and then so two days there two days there in the interim we found a fire station a fire lookout station that had been redone so it was an hour hike to get up no roads in took all our shit and we stayed up there for like three days doing mushrooms there's hundreds of acres around us.
1:53:09There's nothing up there. And it was a 360 deck on top, so none of the animals would get at you, but you could be out there. You just found it? Yeah, O 'Neil found it. Damn. And the guy was like, yeah, we own this, we retrofitted it, they don't need these fire lookouts anymore. That's cool. But that's all there, if you're willing to take the week in between. Yeah. Skiing, doing anything. Yeah, I think some things just get, like you want to work, but then you're like, have I done enough work? I don't know. but then you start working so much you don't even know what you're doing anymore sometimes too just autopilot wasting time it's funny i have two different sets of friends and half of them are like pity me for not buckling down enough and the other half look up to me for for like paying it back in enough i think i look up i think i always admire the fact that you go and do these fun things that seem to keep you alive i got a proposition for you maybe i'll tell you off there okay that's fair yeah i want to come i want to talk about the semester at sea that's what i New York?
1:54:05New York or if we're in Austin together we can do it then. Okay. Yeah I have a studio there too. Yeah that'd be fun to go to the different places I've never really gone through and thought about. Yeah you'll think about it. You're gonna remember stuff as we go. That's what happens to everybody when they're doing it. When they're doing one of the episodes like and then it went oh that chick Margaret. Oh yeah. It's that moment that I love. Dude we had a girl she fucking hit it did a water slide somewhere in like Vietnam which nobody knew they even had. Broke out both of her front teeth and got knocked up by a mariachi player dude a mariachi player in vietnam i know who what do you mean we had a girl i don't know she was on the she was just on the cruise ship too because that would be it you'd go you'd land in a port with the cruise ship you would take classes while you're on the ship and the program's called semester at sea and it's amazing you'd take classes but then once you got to a city you would just people could go do whatever they wanted you could be back at whatever be back when the ship leaves at like oh 1700 or something so people would come back with drug habits some people would come back with amazing stories people come back with their teeth in their pocket in a wow that's like fantasy island it was just some people would people would stay with a couple people like fell in love this fucking state they're like fuck it couple people got busted with drugs or whatever and they just left them there no yeah rules are rules man yeah wheels up wheels up at this time yeah yeah anchors up so that was All of that was kind of fascinating.
1:55:31Do you think Fantasy Island was a precursor for Epstein Island? I'm not sure what Fantasy Island. Was it a real place? No, it was a TV show. Oh, it was? Yeah. I never saw it. With Herbie Villachette or whatever. No, my buddy's dad was in Love Boat. Yeah. Really? What was he in Love Boat? He was a captain, I think. What? He was a captain. Captain Steubing? Yeah. I think so. I don't know how to spell it. Yeah, him. That was your buddy's dad That guy slung I guarantee you that guy came inside You think? Dead at 90 He was fucked until he was 88 and a half Guaranteed Oh no this wasn't his dad then He was just the captain on a boat He fell in love on a boat And he was the captain Yeah that's it You're going to not continue I'm not lying about any of these things I love there was a clip of you on Rogan when you were like you're doing the Theo thing you're like I can't do the act like man these bees are exploding and Joe just starts laughing and you're like yeah they're exploding he's like what are you talking about look it up Jamie and everyone thinks you're a lot and he goes yeah there's exploding bees and he goes yeah what do you mean every now and then you bring a piece of information that he doesn't have that's when his mind is blown how did you know this well he's a library imagine going to bed when you're a library he's a fucking library it's like you go to the front desk and you're like hey do you have this book and he's like let me see what I have and then he shows up with the information that he has he really remembers it quite a lot he's a hard worker but I think he's he just has an endless memory and a lust for knowledge genuinely curious I know enough dude I know so little and I gave up then I think that was my M.O.
1:57:25Ari Shaffir, we got the new special. America's Sweetheart. America's Sweetheart. On Netflix. On Netflix. Congratulations, man. Thank you. Yeah, I wanted this one more regular people to see it and less YouTube people. Yeah? There's lower views on Netflix for people at my level. But it does take time for people to get to it, too. Yeah. But then also just like I'm trying to really get through with humor of like chill, chill. Everything's nice. so hopefully some people i've seen some people feel hey i put down the phone all day because that's special i'm like great getting through to you yeah yeah because that's how they really captivated you yeah it's like man yeah the closer is the darkest one yeah yeah so get to the closer i guess and then i'm on tour cool all over america the farewell tour before i go backpacking man that's gonna be nice dude i'm out okay as soon as we're done i want to suggest something to you okay I'm ready to take a suggestion Yep Thank you guys, America's Sweetheart Ari Shafir, his tour After the backpacking or before?
1:58:29What? The tour? The tour's now And then I'm going to end that and leave Let's go a couple more months of hanging out in New York Having fun and then take off Take off and then I don't know But the UB Trippin podcast will still come out I'm gone, I'm already like 30 ahead Just for this What a great idea too So it's all about trips to be able to take in Like one trip you took Come back Tell me about a different trip Come back Tell me about a different trip Stay in that place And it's not like What am I supposed to do It's like What did you do Right I fell in love I fucking Danny Polachik was like I had dengue fever in Laos But the whole time In a sand floor hospital Perfect Tell me about it Fuck Yeah I just love it Sometimes I finish the episodes And I just like Sit there I'm like sigh Like I want to go there Yeah And sometimes I'm like That was bad I didn't care I think Sometimes we do an episode, I'm like, how was that?
1:59:19So, and like, that was the best ever. And I'm like, you guys are fucking, we're all idiots. It is fascinating how, like, the idea of planning a trip is so hectic, and then you just plan it. And then like, the day comes where you're sitting on the plane, and you're like, this is the best decision I ever made. It's the best. You're nervous, you're nervous, I'll do it later. If you just, my booker in Romania, he goes, I'm trying to go to Thailand, I couldn't go, and you know what? I'm buying a ticket. And then I'm gonna force myself to go from six months to now. if I have the ticket I'm going and he did and he went and he's just like and then that thing if you get off the plane you're still in an airport seems familiar but when those sliding doors open you go outside and there's a little smell difference and you just feel like the signs are in a different color and you're just like oh here we go it hits you and you're like oh and you just gotta get by the cab drivers are trying to hustle you and you're just like oh it's just the best yeah god it's good yeah we had a taxi took us in Vietnam straight to a bird animal place that had hookers in the back.
2:00:21So pet shop front, hooker, back. How do those go together? Just what a combo. Hey, kid, play with the puppies. Dad's going to go in the back. It was kind of like when you see those Pizza Hut Baskin-Robbins or whatever, was that merger or whatever. Uh-huh, yeah. You're like, yeah, I'll take a couple of scoops. Scoops and a wing. Yeah, dude. I'll take a fucking piece of pie And a fucking And a gerbil
2:00:51Alright Shafir man You endlessly continue to create content man And put your comment out in the world man Yeah I'm trying to have fun Yeah you always do Thanks for coming and hanging out man Great seeing you buddy
2:01:13Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones, but it's gonna take... X Thank you.
From the publisher
Ari Shaffir is a stand-up comedian and podcaster. His new special "America's Sweetheart" is out now on Netflix, and you can also check out his podcast “You Be Trippin”.
Ari Shaffir joins Theo to talk about why he’s going on a “farewell” tour, what’s really going on in Jackson Hole China, and why he thinks everyone needs to take a step back from consuming the news.
Ari Shaffir: https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir
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