The Funniest Conversation We've Ever Had - Mark Normand

20:11No one acknowledges anything. You know, like they never go back and go, oh, maybe Palestine was a little angry. You know? Ah, s***. They just keep moving. Then no one ever goes back. Maybe COVID, maybe we shouldn't have opened the border. Oh, maybe COVID was a little, we didn't handle that crazy. You know, they never go back and go, that was bad. So when someone does it, I'm like, I'm in the back of a Waymo jerking off. I mean, if you're going to do it in any kind, it might as well be a Waymo. Yeah, yeah. No victimless crime. Exactly. The Mexican guy was going to clean it. Boy, I feel like you guys are two gays and you're auditioning for the threesome, the new guy to come in.

20:52Francis Foster:That is exactly what this is for. Except it's on camera. Yeah, yeah. With a big audience. Yes. I'm not going to do it. Talking about auditioning in front of camera and being gay, what did you make of the Oscars? Oh, well, I think Conan had a good time. He had a good opening, I thought. I don't know. Did you read the Oscar, like what you need to get an Oscar now? They put out the requirements. And it's like, you got to have so many of this, and the lead has to be that, and this guy's got to be disabled, and he's got to be gay and she's got to be whatever. And you're like, what are we doing? It's a movie.

21:29Like we have all these great movies. Everybody talks about movies now suck. And movies in the 70s were amazing because you could just let people have art. What if stand-up did that? Hey, you got to have six jokes about how whitey sucks and how Jews are bad or whatever. Like you can't put restrictions on this. You know, in the old days, Thomas Edison started a movie company in Edison, New Jersey. And that was like the movie company. And then he made all these rules. So the Jews said, we're going to start our own movie, Hollywood. And that's what became the big movie producer, movie studios. I think it's going to happen again.

22:10See what I'm saying? Yeah. You know, like if you keep implementing all these rules and making people have these regulations for art, I think people are going to make their own. That's kind of what the internet is. You know, you got your Tonight Shows and whatever, and then you got this.

22:26Francis Foster:Right. You know what, though? We like to talk shit about it, but I was watching a John Oliver clip. Well, I wasn't watching it, in my defense. It came up on my YouTube. Yeah. That still crushes. I mean, it gets like millions of views. Online. Online. Yeah, yeah. But he's very good at what he does. So I think they're doing it now for the views online. Yeah, they are. Well, like, I just did Seth Meyers yesterday, and he's a great guy. Thanks for having me. But there's like a guy standing around, a lady doing nothing. And you're like, this is all wasted money. It's crazy when you go to studios now and you're like, we could shoot half of this on our iPhone.

23:01If I did one of these on the toilet, hey folks, check me out at the Chattanooga Dick's house. You know, I think that would do better than all these grips and roadies and gaffers and all this are all on the union die. It's a lot of money. It totally is. And as well, I kind of, I don't take any pleasure in the fact that it's dying. I was watching the Oscars. We were at the comedy set up the other night, and they had the Oscars on. And then I was watching it, and I was going, I used to love this. Me too. I love it. I never missed it. Yeah. And because what would happen is you would see these movies, and go, oh, I haven't seen that movie.

23:44Right. Or I want to see that documentary, or that's meant to be great, or whatever it may be. And you were, it was a way to find more movies and also movies that weren't mainstream. But now I was like... A burst pipe, a dead water heater, the AC calling it quits. Who do you call? HomeServe is an easy way to handle unexpected home repairs with plans covering stuff basic homeowners insurance usually won't. Instead of scrambling for a contractor, you make one call to get the repair process started. Join the millions of customers who trust HomeServe right now. Go to homeserve.com slash podcast for 50 % less your first year.

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24:27Francis Foster:The news doesn't just tell you what's happening. It often tells you what to think is happening. And these days, the biggest red flag isn't what's said, it's what gets left out. That's why I use Ground News. It's the only app that compares how the same story is covered across the political spectrum and show you what whole audiences are not being told. The blind spot feed is one of my favorite features. Every day it flags upwards of 20 stories that are being ignored either by the left or the right. Follow along at ground.news slash trigonometry. Like this, a new study from UC San Diego found that climate change cost almost twice as much as we thought because earlier estimates left out damage to the oceans.

25:05Francis Foster:That's a pretty big update and yet no coverage, literally zero, came from right-leaning outlets. Or this, a recent Gallup poll found trust in the media has hit a record low with just 28 % of Americans saying they trust newspapers, radio and TV to report the news accurately and fairly. That's a staggering result, but if you only read left-leaning news, you likely never saw it at all. Go to ground.news slash trigonometry to get 40 % off their unlimited vantage plan, the same one we use, and stop being managed by the media. Yeah, yeah, same. Well, it's become agenda-driven. It feels political. You just want to go, ah, I'm just trying to have fun.

25:45Before it was like, oh, she's hot. That's a great movie. That was a funny thing. He's a rapist. Sure, sure. She's hot. Yeah. He's also a rapist. Yeah, he's a pedo. But, you know, back in the day you had Billy Crystal coming out on a horse or funny stuff, and now it just feels so box-checky. And, look, I'm all about being diverse. Like we all grew up with Friday, Boys in the Hood, Menace to Society, all great movies, but they just felt like a movie. It didn't feel like, oh, we have to have this here.

26:16Francis Foster:We talk about this all the time. Like the 90s were literally the best decade in human history. And now I wonder, are we just old boomer queefs or is that true? I think both. OK. I think we are old, but also objectively, no one has presented me with evidence that denies the claim. Right. Yeah. Because let's be honest, the 2000s were no better. No. Because you get 9-11 and then financial crisis. Sure, sure. Everything goes to shit. Yeah. 2010s. Oh, then the phone kicks up. Social media, phones. And now 2020s, look at it. Wars everywhere. Yeah. And you know, we have this thing now. It's in the air.

26:54You know, Antifa? We have anti-fun. I just feel like things are anti - U.S. wins the hockey thing. Men and women both win. Yeah, but the women didn't get enough love. And you're like, how do we take the fun out of this? two teams for the U.S. won the hockey. That's incredible. We should be high-fiving and getting drunk. But instead, we had to be like, well, they took a call with Trump and they laughed, and we don't like when people laugh at Trump. And you're like, all right, how did you make this a bummer? You know, so we have this weird urge to just like... fucking ruin everything. Anti-fun comes in.

27:31Francis Foster:People like to shit on things. I guess so. They really like to shit. And we were talking before we started, like, anytime you open your phone now, if you post anything. Yeah, yeah. The comments are just like, everyone's being a c*** of different varieties. And a c*** immediately. Like, straight away. Yeah. Unrelated to what you post, it's crazy. I know, I know, I hate it. And like, one battle after another. I enjoyed the movie. I like Paul Thomas Anderson, I thought it was a good movie. But the right and the left are both mad at it, and I'm loving it. Because the right is like, this movie's too woke, and, you know, it's obviously, about this and about that and you know blah blah blah and then the left is like he used a black woman to win an oscar and he uh denigrated her and all and you're like look at this you're ruining you're ruining your own life and my life enough and go to the movies have some popcorn and go home and try to your wife and get turned down that's life it's just crazy how we can find it's almost impressive how we can find a way to be mad about everything someone's watching this mad no they'll It'll be in the comments.

28:34Yeah, it's just three retards around a table trying to get laid, you know? With who?

28:39Francis Foster:Well, this feels like you guys are auditioning me for the... You already said that, but you're married, right? Married guy with a one-year-old. With a one-year-old. Oh, it's great. No wonder he's so horny. That's true. But we got the C-section. That was her call. So we went in, and I got to tell you, the whole thing lasted 12 minutes. It was incredible. Get the C-section. Really? 12 minutes? Yeah, 12, in and out. They drugged her. slid her open, opened her up like a Tatooine. Is it Tatooine? One of those things in Empire Strikes Back. Get on it, Nicholas. And opened her up, pulled that piece of shit out.

29:16He was black. We were all upset. They hit it with a water pick and hosed it down, and then I took it home. And that was it.

29:23Francis Foster:So you've got a black kid now. Yeah, huge hog. He's sagging his diaper. He's walking across the street slowly. Nice kid. I'm just sagging his tongue. good kid oh yeah is that a thing that black people walk across the street slowly oh yeah that's a thing here right yeah you don't have that do we no no really yeah that's not what i was stereotyped yeah yeah it's it's all culture like african black people i noticed and american black people really butt heads. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Just like, oh, you're a N-word and they're like, well, you're a dumb African and ooga booga and they like, they don't get along.

30:08Yeah, you get that in a different way in the UK where you get the first and second generation Caribbean against the Africans. Oh, really? Yeah, they don't like each other and they kind of, they butt heads about that.

30:20Francis Foster:Please don't do any quotes or the accent. Yeah. And how come you guys don't get any, any slavery backlash? Or do you? Oh, we do. Oh, you do? Okay. Because you had slaves. We send them here. Yeah, yeah. No, we send them here. Yeah. Remember when we used to own you? Oh, that's right. Well, we broke away. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before that. But did you have African slaves or what? Yeah. Yeah, okay. But we send them here. We didn't really have them in England. What? Because we had poor people. They did all the work. You guys are more class-ish. Right. Class-based. That's right. Got it. So we let the poor people do all the work, and then African slaves got sent here.

30:57Francis Foster:But the interesting thing about that is the British Empire is actually the first empire in history to end slavery. But we still get blamed for it. Right. Even though Britain actually spent a lot of money forcing other countries, particularly Arab countries, to stop slavery. Right. Yeah, why don't you get any credit for that? You know why? We don't get any credit for that. You know why? I blame the Americans. And I'm being serious about this. I was giving this some thought. It's because of Hollywood. We're always the bad guys. Is that right? You got James Bond. Yeah, but that's the only one. Think about the Lion King.

31:29Who played the evil villain? Oh, Scar with a British accent. Yeah. Hello, Simba. Okay, I'll give you that. But you also get to be the smart guy.

31:38Francis Foster:Yeah, yeah. Smart guy's always got a British accent. Oh, yeah. That's the great thing about having a British accent in America. Everyone thinks you're about 10 IQ points above where you actually are. Yeah. And in America, you are. Probably, yeah. Your education system is way better than ours. But, yeah, you get the smarter, and I think you guys get classier. You just seem classier. Yeah. Even if it's like a garbage man, he's like, hello, governor. And you're like, look at that guy. He seems cool. Yeah. We can't get used to it. One of the things that I always struggle here with in America, you're kind of blunt.

32:10Are we? Yeah. Yeah.

32:12Francis Foster:Yeah. Well, that's the classy thing, right? You're more direct. Right, right. But you guys are more passive aggressive. Yeah. Oh, much more. Okay. Yes. All right. because we can't actually express our feelings honestly got it that's why you drink yeah i i assume yeah well where do you get it out you got to get it out somewhere in violence oh the soccer games or football football yeah those football games are wild i mean have you been i've been to a few and uh just the the rage in the audience is crazy and the the chants are all very uh cruel and mean and aggressive. Even on the tube on the way there, I could feel it.

32:51It was just like jizz running through everybody. Then they ran out of the train and ran up the stairs and ran to the stadium. It was heavy. It's intense. It's intense.

33:02Francis Foster:That's the word. I used to go to football games and I kind of stopped because of that. I didn't enjoy it. No, no. I much prefer American sports for that reason. You get fans from different teams sitting next to each other having a good time. I prefer that kind of atmosphere. Yeah, I felt like they were going to know I wasn't into it, and I got the hell out of there. Really? Yeah. You know, the thing that I love about British sports is the banter, is the songs, the cruel songs. They were great. It's like, I f*** your wife, your mom's a fat bitch, all this stuff. Yeah, but it's also done with humor.

33:33Yeah, they're more inventive than that, usually.

33:35Francis Foster:That was very American. Yeah. Like, I went to an L.A. Dodgers. Your mom was so fat. Yeah, and I went to an L.A. Dodgers game. The chant was, let's go, Dodgers, let's go. I'm like, come on, boys. That's weak. That is weak. You're right. What's your favorite English football chant? Now we're talking. You know, there's a classic. When you play Liverpool, stand up if you've got a job. You sing to the Scousers. You know. That's good. There's so many. And then there was a guy. You might not get this because it's a European reference. There's a guy who played for Arsenal called Emmanuel. and they used to sing he's blonde, he's quick, his name's a porno flick, Emmanuel, Emmanuel.

34:15Oh, yeah, that's clever. This is good stuff. You know, one of my favorite was, there's a player called Gary Neville and he had a brother called Phil Neville and Phil Neville was much worse and all the fans used to sing to him, you're just a shit Phil Neville. Now, is there a guy who's put on that job who has to figure out the writing or is it just, it's cool how it just pops up. Like, who wrote that? I don't know. I don't know. It's kind of organic, I think. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. That's what's fun about it. Are you a sports fan, Mark? I go to games, but I don't really follow it. I'm not one of these fantasy football losers who's just like, you know, keeping tally with a spreadsheet and all that.

34:55Like, oh, they traded Johnson. Ah, I got to hit my wife now. I'm not one of those guys. But I love a hockey game. I love a basketball game. I love a football game, tennis, you name it.

35:07Francis Foster:And you mentioned the hockey thing with the male team and the female team won. I didn't follow it, but I guess people were saying the female team didn't get enough credit. Yeah. Did they have a Jewish person leading it, though? No. Because that was the big talking point I heard. It's like, oh, it's one of them. He's a good one. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they never play sports. Yeah. Right. So I didn't know he was Jewish until he bit that gold medal. But I think the thing was the women's team is very good and they always win. Oh, I see. And the men's team hadn't won in like 45 years or something crazy.

35:41So when the men's team won, it was like, oh, my God, we haven't won in decades. So then Trump called the locker room and they put it on speaker. They're all going nuts with Trump. And people didn't like that. And he made a joke about the women. He was like, and I guess I got to have the women at the White House, too. And they all laughed. So the women were like, you see, no one respects us. So I get it. But it's also like, OK, didn't you already hate Trump? so he's just doing another thing you hate. Let's enjoy the win. Yeah, that's such a profound point. We can't enjoy anything anymore. And even, I've noticed this, even when you like something now or when the kids like something, I'm going to sound old, it's always like they're being ironic.

36:21They like something ironic. Yes, yes. Just like something. Just like it. It's a cowardly thing, I think. They're insincere because sincerity takes a little bit of guts. It's too vulnerable. I think they're scared of being vulnerable. So they have to, everything's cringe and dumb and stupid. So they got to, they don't have the balls to actually own something. You see this with these comics. So these comics go like, mug, I took a drink out of here. It was a mug shot. And you're like, why? They're doing a thing where they're making fun of standup. And you're like, oh, you wrote a bad joke and you can't stand behind it.

36:57It takes a lot of guts to actually write a joke and go, I think this joke is good. Here it is. But they have to make it corny on purpose. See what I'm saying? Yeah. All right. Yeah. Sorry, you guys are staring at me. I didn't know what was going on. No, we were listening. Mark, this is normal behavior.

37:11Francis Foster:All right. It's very intense. Not in autism world, but here it's normal. Look back at us. Can you do that? Yes. I got an elbow.

37:22But interestingly enough, that's what I love about Americans. You are more earnest. In Britain, we can't be earnest. You ask a British person to be earnest, especially middle-class British people, they'll have an aneurysm whilst trying to be earnest about something. But Americans, you've got to love America. Hey, thanks. Well, you know, we like you guys, too. Not enough to stay there, but we like you. But yeah, you guys are earnest, aren't you? Nah. Oh, really? Nah.

37:50Francis Foster:Nah. Okay. No, no, we're not. No, we're not. We can't... Next time you're in Britain, right, talk to any person and say, why do you love your country? Ooh. you're going to get some hilarious reactions and none of them are going to be an explanation of why they like their country. Well, that could be like a weird patriotism thing because that's kind of out right now. Yeah. So are you sure that's earnest? Well, partly, but you could ask them anything, really. Anything that requires an honest answer of how you actually feel about something. Okay. You know, why do you love your wife? They'll make some kind of deprecating joke.

38:23Francis Foster:Yeah, you're right. No one's going to be like, oh, I love my wife because she's so sweet and she takes care of me big boobs or whatever it is. And that's just a cultural thing. By the way, I don't know why I said that. I'm not even into boobs. Are you into boobs? Yeah. What? What question is that? See? This is that threesome again. You're auditioning me. How do we like boobs? You like pics? I like pics. I just like men, you know. Yeah, I like tits. I'm not into boobs. Big boob guy. I like boob and butt. I don't know why we have to choose one. I like both. I'm bi. Boob and butt. I like a small waist.

38:55I like a fat. You're married with a small child, so you denied both. How are you finding parenthood? I'm loving it. I'm loving it. I mean, it's okay now. I got to live out in Brooklyn. I got a little money, so that helps. I can get help. And I can go on the road, do comedy, come back with a check. There you go. Life doesn't hate me. Kid's cute. Life is good. My friend had a good point. I was playing with my kid. We were laughing. We're like wrestling. My wife's cooking up some bullshit. I had the TV on, and my friend was over, and he's like, you're not going to know it now, but these are going to be the good times.

39:28Later, you're going to go, man, remember that? And it hit me. It's true, I think. It's true. Yeah.

39:34Francis Foster:Yeah. You want another one? Yeah. Yeah, me too. Yeah, have you got it on the way? You already planned the C-section?

39:44That's a great name for a... Never mind. I was going to say The View. That's the C-section. That's a bunch of Cs. Okay. Now, well, we want another one, but I keep dropping loads in her, but nothing's happening. What am I missing?

39:59Francis Foster:Well, a year is not that long. Sometimes it takes a little while. Right. Yeah, we're getting very anatomical here. Well, the first one was she got the IUD out, and it was right ready to go. Really? Yeah. You're a fertile man. I thought I was, but I can't make number two. I'm having trouble. Well, like I say, it can take a while to recover the fertility for the woman. Oh, is that right? Is she breastfeeding still? No, she gave it up. Did I give it up? Well, she did a couple months. It's like smoking. Yeah. Why'd she quit? I think she was just saying it was getting too tough. And she has a job, so she couldn't really be like, you know, tit, tit on the Zoom.

40:35You haven't retired, though. She wants to work. I would love to retire her.

40:40Francis Foster:Really? She likes it. You know, it's something to do. She has her own money. She has purpose, something to do. What about your lady? No job. Not anymore. So it's all baby. No, I mean, no. She does stuff, and she will do other stuff. But right now, she's all in on the baby. Nice. Yeah, and ours is approaching four now, so. Whoa, is that right? Yeah, yeah. Jeez, that flew by. So it's a good time to potentially have another one. Yeah, I'd say so. And you both want another one? Yeah. Awesome, well, it'll happen then. Yeah. Just keep, you know. Keep plowing. Keep at it. Yeah, yeah. Keep dropping loads.

41:12Francis Foster:That's the plan. Do you know what? One of my friends was struggling to have a kid with his wife, and they did all this stuff and all these interventions, and nothing worked. And this is a true story, by the way. They then went to a wedding, got absolutely battered. He had a little bit of cheeky and they were just like, you know, a little bit of cheeky. And then he went, you know what? Said to the missus, come on, let's, you know, let's just have fun. Yeah. Bam. Wow. How about that? Yeah. Can I just say this is not medical advice? F*** IVF. Do some cheeky. Wow. See that? I think that's something to that.

41:54Francis Foster:There is something to that only in the sense that if you chill out and don't put any pressure on it, I think A, it's more enjoyable and B, more likely to happen, I think. Right. Yeah, I guess you're right. Because I'm now going into it like IDF. You know, hey, we got to drop some bombs. Get in, get out. Do you wear the uniform? Is there really that much collateral damage going on? Well, she has a beeper. Does your wife watch any of the podcast appearances that you do? No, God, no. Yeah, because I don't imagine she does. No, she's cool. I mean, she's with me. She knows what the deal is. She gets it.

42:29We do all kinds of horrible things. At the house, I got Tourette's. I mean, I'm saying crazy shit and jokes, and I do gay voice. You guys do gay voice at the house? Which gay voice? You know, you open the fridge and you go, Hello, blueberries! And it's no hate to gay. It's just so fun to do.

42:47Francis Foster:It is, isn't it? That's the thing that I actually felt we lost. And maybe we've won it back a little bit. But there was a time when you could be funny about things without immediately being called hateful for that, right? Yes, of course, of course. Yeah, those were the days. And that's what Blazing Saddles was and all that stuff. And we just somehow, we just turned a corner where everything's hateful. And I'm like, so I just keep doing it. I'm just going to keep being that guy. And you can yell at me and yell at me, but I'm not going to change. And then hopefully it'll change back. Well, you've written that really well, to be honest.

43:19Francis Foster:Oh, thanks. You've got the Netflix special. By the time this comes out, I'm sure it's absolutely crushing it. Hey, I hope so. So you are the mainstream now. Yeah, isn't that weird? That's a real sign of a society in decay. If I'm the mainstream. I think the opposite, actually. I think through the fact that... Oh, thanks. I think it's a sign of society making a comeback. I've been doing that thing where you tell yourself you'll sort your finances out properly at some point. You know, when life calms down a bit. spoiler life does not calm down what actually got me moving was realizing I wasn't just bad at saving I was bad at knowing what I was saving for Monarch changed that for me because it's not just tracking what you've already spent and making you wince it gives you actual targets debt payoff timelines saving goals net worth all in one place so you can make decisions that move the needle rather than just logging your failures in real time.

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44:53Yeah, I just want to have fun. And not everything is a thing. Not everything is activism or an agenda. I'm just trying to, I call my tour mumbo jumbo. Because I'm like, it's just silly bullshit. There's no point. There's no message. I'm not trying to save the world. I'm a comedian. And that's so important because one of the great things that comedy does is it gives you a break from life.

45:15Francis Foster:You hope, yeah. He started looking at us now. I feel very uncomfortable. Now you're doing eye contact. So you need to chill out a little bit. Yeah, it felt a little intense in the beginning. I'm not going to lie. Interrogation. Where were you at the night of the 15th? It's getting better. Is that a memory you've got, Mark? No, no, no memory. I was not on any island or anything. But yeah, yeah. Just, uh... Never been arrested? Oh, I've been arrested. Really? Yeah. I thought we all had. No, I've been questioned by the police, but not arrested. What for? Uh, so... There's some sheer stories breaking here.

45:52He was on the island and... And, yeah, I looked, but I didn't inhale. No, I, um, I was walking with a friend who was black. And, um... Humblebrag. I'm just that kind of guy. And there was somebody put a pint glass through the pub window of the pub down the road. And they blamed my friend. Oh, because he was black. So we got stopped in search and whatever else. And it wasn't. It was just because he was black. So they blamed him. Damn. I thought that was an American thing. No, that happens over there. No, this was in Essex. And if you know anything about Essex, you'll be like, OK, that kind of makes sense.

46:32And this was like in the early noughties. So everybody was like, oh, the black guy did it. We actually had a game we used to play. We used to go to the sports store, and he used to walk in, and then the security guard would follow him, and he would just do laps of the store with the guy behind him. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, if you bring a black guy to a convenience store, you can steal, because they will take up all the attention. Fun fact. So the decoy, so how did you get? Decoy, that was his name. Decoy Jones. So what's your story? How did you get arrested? It's all booze related. I got pulled over drinking and driving.

47:11Boy, let's see. One time, this is a bad story. I was a real alcoholic. I had a real problem. And I was at a bar in New Orleans called Balcony Bar. And they had tables out there on this giant balcony. And it overlooks Magazine Street. Big street in New Orleans. And they have glass ashtrays on all the tables. And I was so drunk, I was just whizzing them off like Frisbees. And you could hear cars like, you know, whatever. whatever so eventually i throw one and i hear a guy from down there go what the fuck i'm gonna kill you what the hell happened and i forget all about it i'm drunk as hell and i go down there and the guy's like jumping up and down around his car he's like look at this look at this and i see a glass ashtray sitting in a windshield like right in the middle just sitting there and he's like i'll kill whoever did this that's my my cars my baby whatever and i was so drunk i was like oh that was me.

47:59And so he's like, I'm going to kill you. He starts chasing me and he's gaining on me. He's a big, big frat guy. He had shorts and a polo shirt and boat shoes. And I'm nervous now. So I start trying to get into cars parked on the sidewalk because I'm so nervous. And I get into a car. It's his car. I see the ashtray in the window. So now he's like, get out of my car. I'm going to kill you. And I'm like, hey, back it up. I'm not going anywhere. And he starts doing the boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. So the locks are going up all over the car and I keep hitting him down. And eventually we do this bullshit lap of retard.

48:36And he goes and gets a cop. The cop comes over, pulls me out of the car. And he tells the guy like, hey, back up. He's like, I'm going to arrest this guy. Give me some space. Pulls me out of the car, cuffs me. Guy runs up, hit me. I'm dropped to my knees. Very embarrassing. Cop picks my limp body up and puts me in the cop car. Go to jail. Drunk tank. You know about the drunk tank? Explain. Drunk tank is, you know, all these idiots go out drinking all night. They do something stupid, fist fight, whatever. They're not really bad guys. They're just too drunk to drive or function or whatever. So they just throw them in a drunk tank and you just sober up for like two days and then they let you out.

49:17So they threw me in drunk tank and I was the only white guy in there and they just throw you in. So I'm like, and I'm in there. I'm the only white guy. Everybody's hanging out. And my phone rings. I had a cell phone on me and it's just like, and they all were like, what? You got a phone? So then they start ganging up on me and they're going through my pockets and they get the phone. They all call their baby mamas. And it was the 90s. So I was like, my minutes. And then eventually they let me out. Wow. And I walked home. So you've never done time, though? No, no, never done time. Wow. Yeah.

49:51Francis Foster:Wow, you're a wild man, Mark. Well, we had a crazy time back then. I was a feral child. My parents just said go, get out of the house. So we used to do a thing where we'd knock, we'd take a Doc Martin sticking out the car window and knock rearview mirrors off cars. You guys do that one? No, we did. There was an equivalent, but yeah. Okay, so then we eventually got caught and a guy chased us in the one of the cars that we knocked the mirror off and uh he was like showing us a knife while driving he had it coming out of the sunroof like i'm gonna kill you and we were like 14 14 year olds we had high school uniforms on and uh he eventually got us in a traffic jam and he came out he started shaking the car big dude no shirt on because he was in his house just hanging out shaking the car and he's slicing the knife up and down the car so we're freaking out we call the cops on a phone So the cops come over, see him with a knife doing this to the car.

50:44So they arrest him. And we got out of it. Apparently he had a bunch of priors. That doesn't surprise me. Yeah, yeah. Big Asian guy with a ponytail. Yeah. How was his driving? Great driving. He had one of those Lexuses with the hard top that would go into the trunk, I remember. So it was like a sporty little car. We were in a Jeep. Yeah, I mean, that's quite an achievement to hold a knife up and drive at the same time. Oh, he was, you could see the ponytail waving in the wind. I mean, this guy was, he was like a Seagal character. Defying all the stereotypes. Yeah, yeah. Big buff Asian guy. So we got a court date.

51:19We had to go meet him in court because, of course, he's pressing charges on us. We had this, we stayed up all night making up this horrible story. We're going to stay in court. We're going to lie under oath. And we get to the courtroom and we're terrified. We're in our dumb suits and he didn't show. And we're like, oh, he didn't show. What happened? And they go, he killed a guy in a bar fight two nights ago. So he's not coming. You're good. So we got off. Wow. You were kind of playing with fire a little bit. Oh, yeah. That was my whole childhood. I'm lucky to be alive. Wow. Drunk driving, fist fights, you name it.

51:53Good times. I just thought you were a bit of a nerd, Mark. No. I mean, I guess I am. But you get a little sauce in me. I turn into Popeye. It's my spinach. So you don't drink anymore, I'm guessing. No, I'm hungover now. But I don't drink as much. I mean, before it was like TikTok to blackout. Really? Yeah.

52:11Francis Foster:Wow, that's kind of rare. Most people, if they were like that, they have to go all, they have to go down to zero. Yeah. But you just managed to taper off. Yeah, well, I had some scares like that and that kind of, and I failed out of college three times. I mean, I got mugged three times in New York just from being drunk. So I had a lot of like wake up calls and eventually I was like, all right. And then you start wanting to be a comedian. You want to have a family. You want to have somewhat of a life. So I had to kind of get my shit together. Because you grew up in New Orleans. Yes. And it's a great town, but it's a wild town, isn't it?

52:44Wild, lawless. You can drink outside. There's a million bars and jazz fest, Mardi Gras. Like, we get off two weeks for Mardi Gras. Two weeks for parades. What kind of society is that? Latino society, mate. Yeah, I guess so. It's La Carnival from Brazil or whatever. But it's just kids running around drinking at like 11. And so that must have kind of influenced you in the way that you behave. Maybe. Because if you grew up in a society or a town like that where everybody's wild, everybody's drinking, what are you going to do? Are you going to be a nerd? No, you're going to drink. Yes, of course. I loved it.

53:19You know, I'm an anxiety-fueled weirdo, so that was a nice way to, like, medicate, too, back then. Oh, yeah. That's the thing. That's the thing most people don't talk enough about. When you have a drink problem, they go, oh, my God, it must have been terrible. You're like, yes, it was. But the early days? Ah, fantastic. Had a great time. I wish I could remember it. This is also not medical advice. Well, I don't know. Don't you find life's kind of boring without booze or drugs or cheeky or whatever the hell? I mean, you guys are killing it. You're workaholics, maybe.

53:55Francis Foster:Yeah, yeah, yeah. We like work. Me too. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I just watched the Paul McCartney doc. It's not great. All the Beatles meat has been taken, I think. But they squeezed some stuff. But it was about wings and how he went to sh**. The Beatles were over. So then he's like a nobody who had to try to come back up with wings and failure and the bad reviews and all that. But he had one great line. One guy, one interviewer says, you're a workaholic, huh? And he goes, well, I play music. So I'm really a playaholic. And I want to just keep playing. And that's how I feel. This is play. Stand up is play.

54:30Drinking is play. It's all play. Yeah. You know, and that's a great point because sometimes you see stand-ups and they take it so seriously. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, mate, because what we're doing is we're pushing back against society and we're doing this and we're the free thinkers. Like, mate, you're doing jokes. Yeah, yeah. You hope they're doing jokes. You know, this whole save the world thing. Nobody wants that. Some guy works at a mill all day and he's like, all right, I'll scrape together$18, I'll go see a comedy show. And then they're like, racism is bad. Whoa, what a take. Oh, my God.

55:04I never put that together. Also, that's not funny. Tell me how racism is good. Now we got a joke. Now we got something interesting. Why is racism good now? Well, I'm not saying it's good. Somebody's going to clip that. Some fucking asshole. But it's good. There's some perks, I guess. Racism is funny. I watched, you know, going back to the 90s scene. It's very funny. I watched Rush Hour. Do you remember Rush Hour? Oh, classic. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. Hilarious. Hilarious. It's the amount of black jokes, Asian jokes, gay jokes, Latino jokes. It was incredible. He makes him say the N-word in the movie.

55:37He makes Jackie Chan say the N-word. He's like, I don't want to do it. He's like, come on, say it. And he says it. Really? Yeah. I don't remember that. I might have made that part up. But give that a fact check there. He says, you my N-word. You my N-word. And he's like, come on, say it. He's like, all right. So he says it. And the whole theater's laughing. Yeah. You know what? I think that everything went to is like, OK, you got the Farrelly brothers. I'm a big movie guy. They did Dumb and Dumber, something about Mary, me, myself and Irene, all these fun comedy movies. Then they made Green Book, which was a movie about a racist white guy who has to drive around a super smart black guy.

56:20And it won the Oscar. those goofballs made all those wacky kooky slapstick comedies that were all hilarious and then they realized the way the wind was blowing and they said let's make a movie about a racist guy with a black guy as a lead who's a cellist or whatever he was a trumpet player and then they won the oscar and then you're like okay fun is out dumb and dumber is out that is in and look it's a fine movie but i'm just saying a shift has been made that that was the shift You know what I hated about those movies, above all else? It's like, the white guy was always a bad, evil one. The black guy was always his paragon of virtue.

57:01And I'm like, just for once, can the black guy be a dick? Just like black people are in real life. You get nice ones, you get dicks. Right, well, I'm trying to think there's got to be some black dicks in movies. Wait a minute. Well, there's got to be some mean black guys, right? You get them in the 90s. Yeah. You know, like when you like Menace to Society, for instance. Or like Boys in the Hood, which is a great movie. Great movie. Which is actually very nuanced. It's just the movies now, it's like, that person's a hero, the white guy. And it's like, come on.

57:32Francis Foster:Right, right, yeah. White people are brilliant. A producer, instead of fact-checking, he's on the phone now. Yeah. Who are you calling and what are you reporting us for? With Jackie Chan. Oh. She did say the N-word. Jackie Chan said the N-word. There we go. Maybe don't brace your fists like that. Oh, sorry. That was horrible. Jackie Chan did. He should be ashamed of himself. He owes us all an apology. Yeah. You know what, though? The movies have been terrible for a while, but we watched Nuremberg. Did you watch that? I have no. With Russell Crowe? Yeah. No, I saw the ad for it. Really? And very funny as well.

58:04Francis Foster:Really? Yeah, sorry. I talked over his punchline, so he just sounds like he said inspirational and meant it. That's funny. That's a good friend. Yeah. So just trying to help you out there, mate. But yeah, it was really good. and funny. Okay, funny. Yeah, really funny. Nuremberg is a bunch of Holocaust stuff. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, but they have some funny bits that they've introduced to take the seriousness off it every now and again. It's a really good movie. Well, Jews are funny. Yeah. Wait, are the Jews funny or the Nazis? There's not that many Jews in there. Oh, I thought it was all Nazis. It's kind of after the war, so the numbers are down a little bit, Mark.

58:40Francis Foster:I don't know how closely you followed it. Yeah. I think it's all a hoax. But, uh... No, no, what Jews you can still trash? I've noticed. Oh, yeah. On stage. That's kind of popular right now, isn't it? Very popular. And they get no victim credits. Yeah. Or victim points. Right. Which is weird. Yeah. Because I thought, hey, we're all about helping the downtrodden. Well, they're having a tough go. Ah, fuck them. What do you think that's about? Well, I think it's because people think Jews have lots of money and power. Which isn't true. A lot of them are poor. Sure. Yeah, I mean, the word ghetto, I think, is a Jewish word.

59:20Francis Foster:Yeah. Maybe? Okay. They didn't do it like black people, though. No, no, no. Like, if you said he's ghetto, like, not the same. You're not thinking of the Warsaw ghetto, are you? No. No, no, no, you're not. That's a good point. Oh, that's a good point. I lost it. Sorry. Yeah, we'll come back to it. But you were saying something about the Holocaust being hoax. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, come on. Six million. I see Jews every day. You know what's weird about Jews? They ask me if I'm Jewish. I walk through Brooklyn and they're like, you Jewish? You Jewish? I'm like, no, but it's weird that you don't know.

59:54Also, it's weird to hate Jews when you can't even tell who's a Jew. You know what I mean? You hate black people or Asians. Especially Asians. You can eyeball it. But Jews, you have to be like, what's your last name? How's your penis?

1:00:08Francis Foster:Where are you from? But even that, American men are mostly circumcised, right? It's going down every day, but yeah, mostly, I'd say. Well, and why is that? Yeah, why do you cut your foreskin? Well, I think we have a lot of influx of people coming in, and I think there's a hygienic thing involved. Or some people think it's wrong. It's wrong. What? Foreskins are wrong. No, no, cutting it is wrong. Right. Yeah. Because you're mutilating. What I'm asking is, like, you know, in other places like Britain, the only people who would be circumcised are people who do it for religious reasons, so Jews and Muslims.

1:00:41Francis Foster:Right. Whereas here you get other types of Americans who also get circumcised. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think there was a big mutilation movement. You know, it's circumcision and mutilation. Oh, right. Okay. But are you guys hooded? Yes. Yes. Oh, you got a cap on the toothpaste right now. Wow. Now I can't stop picturing it. And you're not? No, I'm wide open. I'm at graduation. My hat's off. Hats off to you. Yeah, yeah. My head is out there. It's like a squirrel coming out of a tree.

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1:02:54Francis Foster:That site again is monetary-metals.com slash trigonometry. Commit to the shot. Tempo. Hold your finish. golf is a mental game but you can't focus if you're not comfortable lululemon golf gear frees your mind and your swing with fabrics that breathe wick sweat and block uv streamline cuts clear distractions from your backswing and your follow-through so whether it's the first tee or the last hole your mind stays where it matters on your next great shot dial in your game this summer with lululemon golf gear available in stores and at lululemon.com you know do you get As somebody, I get mistaken for being Jewish all the time.

1:03:34You know, have you ever been in a Jewish wedding where people start... I remember once I was at a Jewish wedding and someone goes to me, oh, what synagogue do you go to? And I went, I don't. They went, what, you don't go to synagogue? What does your mother say? I'm like, I'm Catholic. And she just refused to accept that I'm Jewish.

1:03:50Francis Foster:Well, you're not Jewish. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, refused to accept that I'm not Jewish. And I guess, like, I don't know, I've forgotten what my point is. Let's do what we did last time and just end the show Yeah Yeah, they want you to be Jewish Yeah, but I guess my point is It's like, no, I've forgotten I've forgotten, you started I tried to get your back Circumcision, Nuremberg Yes, I guess my point is The reason I kind of kept it Is the knowledge that if things go south For the Jews, my real concern is I'm going to get bundled in You think that when the Nazis arrive They're going to be like Pants down Let us see your penis I don't think that's going to happen They're going to take one look at your face That's my concern Genuinely Genuinely Because when the Jews stuff When the anti-Semitism starts rising Yeah I kind of feel invested Oh I see So what you're saying is When the Nazis do come back Yeah You'll just drop your pants And be like I'm not one of them Yeah I'm not Look And you'll start speaking Spanish as well Which annoys me You should be short just for that Yeah Yeah, and they'll go, oh, it's a Venezuelan Jew, get in the van.

1:04:59Oh, yeah. But I guess that's my concern. Because, look, you're pretty much the way there. You kind of look Jewish. You're a comedian. You're funny. New York. New York. Yeah, yeah. No hood. No hood. Neurotic, angsty. Yeah, you got it. I mean, you've got the whole set. I got the whole set. I can throw a ball, though. That'll be my proof. And I go, you Jewish? I'm going to go, watch this spiral. And I go, all right, he's good. A ton of Jewish football players. Well, you get some hockey players. We got one. We got one now. Or one or two. Yeah. Beckham's apparently Jewish. No, he's too handsome. No, yeah.

1:05:37All right. He's not Jewish. Yeah, he's come out and he says that he's got Jewish heritage.

1:05:43Francis Foster:Yeah. Oh, Jewish heritage. This is a bad time to be outing yourself like that. Yeah, that's true. I mean, look, he's ultra successful. He's made, you know, very rich. How many banks does he own? He owns arguably one of the biggest football clubs in the world because of Messi now and into Miami. You know, he's a successful guy. Is he done? He's done playing. Oh, yeah, of course. Long time ago. But he's just set for life? Yeah. Wow. Must be a billionaire at this point or a protein. I don't know about a billionaire. In terms of assets, maybe. Yeah, so yeah. Is David Beckham a billionaire? Or is he Jewish?

1:06:21Francis Foster:Same thing, really. His maternal grandfather is dead. Oh, then he's not. Because it's on the mother's side. Yeah. Wait. Was it his mom's dad? Maternal grandfather. Oh, maternal. Oh, you're right. This is like that meeting the Nazis had before the war. When they were trying to work out who goes in the class. He's a quarter-joist, but he's down the mazeline. No. But yeah. Is he a billionaire, though? But I bet if he had his wife's money in, that kicks it up a bit. She was having to bail her out because her fashion company was... Oh, the spice money's over. He's not a billionaire. After he married his wife.

1:07:00Francis Foster:Well, you know that super old joke? It's actually my mum's favourite joke. Can a woman make her husband a millionaire? Yes, but if he's a billionaire. Oh, that's good. That's a great joke. And you hate to be that guy, but all the richest women in America... Divorced from billionaires and millionaires. Yeah. Sad to say. Not true in Australia. you know the richest person in australia is a woman okay she actually worked for it what'd she do uh she owns a bunch of like coal and another like big uh industrial good for her lesbian uh let's do the eyeball test billy is she lesbian we need a name kind of you know that he's gonna go richest woman australia lesbian could be could be are we gonna are we gonna are we gonna let's find out yeah billy's sweating at this point you really start to appreciate jamie yeah yeah yeah i mean jamie would have had this done lately jamie's working with a computer and not an iphone that's true but you know billy's got four fingers up i don't know what that means yeah oh well what is that that doesn't mean anything can you answer our question though she's got four children but could be adopted could be a surrogate inseminated knowledge okay there you go there you got to shout her out uh gina now some guy's got to marry her and divorce that's the plan presumably she's already married i would think that's true well he's got to pull out of that marriage and get that cash what's good maybe he's happy mark i'm just joking no but maybe he is i'm just saying it's so cynical fun when it goes the other way sometimes i think britney spears got got raked through the coals with her husband yeah yeah what's happening with britney spears because literally the last time I saw Britney Spears, it was like 30 years ago with Hit Me Baby One More Time.

1:08:49Francis Foster:I haven't followed her since. And then I opened my Instagram the other day and she's like there with the knife. Yes, yes. What's happened? She just got a DUI actually recently. I think she's in jail or something. But I think that's another great sign of the shift. Right. You know, Britney Spears, fun, cleavage, pop star. Here we go. And then, ah, I can't take it anymore. I'm on pills. I want to cut you with a knife. I'm dancing alone in my underwear. Something happened. Sounds kind of sexy, actually. Yeah, sure. Just bears alone in her underwear. Yeah. Yeah, watch out, though. She'll cut the hood right off with those dinner knives.

1:09:24So are you hopeful for America, Mark? I'm hopeful, yeah. Well, you know, things always come back. You know, like things always change. You know, like the word gay when I was a kid was an insult. Now it's like cool. Yeah. So that's progress. So you never know where things are going to go, you know. look at a... Wait, hold on.

1:09:47Francis Foster:Where is it a good thing? To be gay? Yeah. I think in New York, if you're in the arts, you go, hey, I'm bi. Yeah. There's a lot of people pretending to be bi, a lot of people pretending to be autistic. But that's just straight people who want in on the action. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying, right? Yeah, yeah. But I think real, regular gay, if you're like, oh, we got to have a gay guy in this movie, call that guy. So that's a plus. But you see, why do you want a gay guy in your movie? This is Hollywood. There's loads of them. them in your movie well i think we just count any minority as better you know or hollywood does yeah uh so you ever thought about going by uh for the roles i just i could lie because it's one of the things you can't really prove so i can i can say i'm by but i don't want to i don't want to be one of those guys because then i'm just another liar i i think that's what you should have to do if you're going to declare that you're bi at the audition, then you go, okay, Mr.

1:10:45Francis Foster:Smith, please drop your pants. Yeah, well. Mark, let's see it. I heard, and get your fingers ready there. I heard that in Russia, if you're gay, you don't have to serve in the army. Really? But you have to prove it. But you have to prove it. Yes, this sounds a little far-fetched to me. And oral does not count. So you've got to send a video in of you doing anal or whatever. so giving or receiving either you hope to give yeah i think you do yeah that's not as gay exactly i mean if it's a choice between this is a great episode i'm yeah yeah between receiving and fighting in ukraine i mean which one would you pick yeah you're getting either way yeah that's a good question yeah billy gone it might be another official thing but there's no legal ban on the state of 29 minutes.

1:11:36Ah, damn it. Where did I see that? There's no legal ban. Is there a legal ban anywhere in that area? On case in the military. Because it could be like Slovakia or some that I'm forgetting. Lithuania. Somewhere. We're all the same two, are we? Just vodka monkey angry people. Scary whites. I'm not saying you guys. I'm talking about that. I'm from Russia originally. Do you not know that? Oh, that's right. Yeah, I forgot that. Yeah, you really throw that around. Yeah, yeah. Good timing on that one.

1:12:07Francis Foster:Or bad timing. Or bad timing. So, Billy, is anywhere in Eastern Europe that bans gays from the military? Eastern Europe. That's the word you were looking for. Two words, in fact. I think being gay was almost illegal in Russia. Yeah. Well, yeah, in the Soviet Union, it was illegal. Okay. Wow. What a weird thing to call the cops on. Saw two guys kissing. Get over here. They're breaking the law. I mean, it was gay in the UK until, what, 1964, I think it is? Still is gay. Yeah. It was illegal. Illegal, yeah. It was illegal to be gay. Wow. Yeah. Crazy. So they're not banned in any particular areas officially, but there's apparently a Don't Ask, Don't Tell or something.

1:12:50Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Yeah. Okay. You know what? I'm going to be controversial here. Yeah. I kind of like Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I like it with everything.

1:12:59Francis Foster:I don't want to know anything about it yet. Yeah. So what do I need to know? I've never looked into it. What does Don't Ask, Don't Tell actually mean? It means you just shut your mouth and keep it to yourself. Yeah, he's clearly gay. I'm not going to ask him, and don't tell me either, and we'll just move on about our day. Yeah. What you do in the province of your own home is cool. Yeah. Don't Ask, Don't Tell sounds kind of progressive. Yeah. You do your shit. It's like libertarian. I'll do my shit, leave me alone. I think that's a good way of being. I think that's the problem now. We don't do enough don't ask, don't tell.

1:13:31Yes, you're right. Now we come out. As a woman, as a Jew, as a Russian, as a gay lesbian, whatever you guys are, we just come out with it. I love the way he pointed at you when he said gay lesbian. Gay lesbian. I mean, I do look like a lesbian. However.

1:13:46Francis Foster:Unlike Gina Reinhardt. I'm going to be in trouble. However, I genuinely think that. And this comes to opinions. We don't need to know every one of your opinions. No, and saying as a whatever doesn't make you worthier or anything. Just be you. Yeah, and I long for the day when we just, you know what? When you just go and watch the football or whatever else, let's not talk about Iran. Right, right. Because of the show, I always, and I know Constance does as well, people come up to us and they want to talk about politics, and I get it, and I'm just like, right, can we just not? Yeah, enough's enough.

1:14:25I'm curing for the urinal. Can we just like, just call it just for a minute, you know? Let's talk Bonnie Blue.

1:14:32Francis Foster:So she is pregnant. Well, she slept with a thousand men, right? In a day. Yeah. Is that how she got pregnant? I assume. I don't think she's going on extra credit after that. Well, if you and wife continue to struggle. Oh. Could I watch? All right. We'll get you a little destiny turn in the corner. No, did you see that tweet that went viral the other day. It's a guy who got a message from Bonnie Blue. I did on LinkedIn. Yes. Yeah. What happened? So he got a message from Bonnie Blue in 2020 when her, under her real name, which is Tia Billinger, I think it is, when she was a recruitment consultant.

1:15:12Francis Foster:Okay. And he was just like, hey, really nice to see you. Have you thought about applying for these jobs? And he's like, man, this lady has taken, her career has taken a turn. She's world famous. Yeah. Why did you want to talk about bonnie blue she's british right yes okay well i think the uh the ayatollah are like guys waiting to bonnie blue because they're just in line there's one after another and they're just waiting to get fun all right it was i forced it in like uh harvey cut that that was terrible no that's good um but we actually interviewed her like you know you know you know there's like a messi and ronaldo of the only fans shagging everyone girl so there's bonnie blue and there's lily phillips yes that's right we had lily phillips on the show and i wasn't sexually did you plow her i'm a happily married man francis that was for the you know that was for the patreon oh nice you got to see yeah paywall content paywall content we had to pay them to watch that exactly could you ever be one of those guys in line no that would be horrible I don't know that I'd be able to perform under those circumstances.

1:16:22Yeah, especially looking at who's before you. Right. Ugh. And the balaclava thing, like, wouldn't that make you feel kind of claustrophobic? What's that? A balaclava is a... Ski mask. Ski mask. What? I didn't know that. Yeah, loads of those dudes, because they want to hide their identity, therefore they wear the ski mask. Whoa. Well, could you say in a weird way she's curing the loneliness epidemic? A lot of incels out there. Bonnie Blue comes to town. they get a little relief. Yeah. I mean, Andrew Schultz in that very scene said that she's curing grooming gangs.

1:16:55Francis Foster:She's the solution to our grooming gangs. Oh, that's not bad. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. It's a weird phenomenon, isn't it? It just shows how the internet just distorts everything. Completely. I think, too, they always say, like in Roman times, the end of society is crazy, promiscuous women, gender stuff, and then something else. And it's a lot of shit. They're like, oh, we're in that. Well, inflation and war. There it is. And we have all that. So we just happen to be born in this crazy... We've had a lot of shit go on, just the pandemic and school shootings and fentanyl and war and Gaza and Ukraine.

1:17:35And I mean, the list goes on. BLM, Me Too. You know, it never ends. This is a lot of stuff we're taking in. And I don't think we're evolved for it.

1:17:45Francis Foster:Mark, before we go, is there anything we forgot to talk about? He's turned away from me again because I got serious. I scared him. I feel like I let you down on that. I was going off on a topic and then you're like, all right, we got to get out of here. No, no, no, no. No, we've been talking for like an hour and 15. Oh, geez. Well, after editing, we'll get that down about 31. No, let's see. What do we want to talk about? Well, I wanted to bring up the anti-fun. I think that's a real problem in our society all over the world. I think it's a global thing. I will say, I went to Australia, and it feels like America in the 90s.

1:18:17Yeah. Everyone's thin, they're on coke, and you can say retard. It's a fun place. Their politics are a little kooky, but I like it over there. Well, everyone's getting thin here now as well. Have you noticed that? I got a bit about it. The body positivity movement was a sham. They lied to us.

1:18:32Francis Foster:Yeah. They all wanted to be slim. Yeah. There's a shocker. And these fat, they made us call them pretty. Yeah. What the hell? And then they took the jab, and now they're happy. Well, no, they're not. They're slim. They're still not happy. But Lizzo was the fat champion. Now she's getting skinny. Oh, is she? Yeah, I liked fat Lizzo. I stood behind her. You just couldn't see me. But yeah, yeah. She's getting skinny now. And you're like, I like when reality kicks in. That's very fun for me. Like, did you see there's a girl who identifies as a dog? And she got attacked by a dog. And it's on video.

1:19:07It's a real story. Pull that one up, Chachi. Dog bites dog. Yeah, exactly. So you want to play in these waters, you know, you're going to get bit. Yeah. So, Mark, final question, always the same. What's the one thing we're not talking about that we really should be?

1:19:24The climate. No.

1:19:28Francis Foster:What do you think about the climate? I think, you know, the glaciers are melting. We are losing coral reef. But I think we do overblow it. I think people use it. it's kind of like a guy with anxiety sure he might want to fly with his dog but that doesn't mean everybody wants to fly with their dog and i think here's something we need to be talking about two things can exist we need to come back to that world where two things can exist you know we go hey trans is a real thing these people deserve rights you shouldn't be mean to them but also maybe not every actress has 17 trans kids two things can exist because if you go hey this lady has nine trans children feels a little off statistically.

1:20:13And people go, whoa, what are you trans? And you're like, no, I'm just saying I'm believing this, but I'm just saying this is bullshit. Two things can be true. I wish we could come back to that. You know, we just go right for the jugular immediately. Everyone's running off emotion. So let's go back to the world where two things can be true.

1:20:30Francis Foster:Perfect. Awesome to have you on. Everybody go watch the special. But before you do that, head on over to triggerpod.co.uk where Mark's going to answer your questions. With more comics today having podcasts with huge followings, do you think they'll become more politically influential, like Theo, Rogan, Wilbur, Trump? Where's this all going?

1:21:08We'll be right back.