The Bedroom Secrets Destroying Your Relationship: Dr Tara Exposes all

0:00I'm Dr. Tara. I am a certified sexologist and a tenured professor.

0:05Dr. Tara:Last year I trained to become a professional dominatrix. That day she brought two slaves to help train me. One of them was a TV executive, the other one was a lawyer. The lack of sexual connection in long-term relationships is an epidemic. What's the most common thing you get in the DM? I want to bust inside you. This is going to be a f***ing curve. This is going to be hard. Do you find your partner attractive? You turn the tables here, Dr. Tara. The best way to show people watching and listening how this works is to... We don't know how to have good sex. We were never taught. We were also never told to pick up a book about it to learn.

0:45Dr. Tara:We were told a lie. You should just know how to do it. It's animal instinct. Have you seen animals fuck? They fucking kill each other. Dr. Tara, welcome to the podcast. Hi, thanks for having me. Thank you for joining us. I'm so looking forward to this. Big open question to get started. Who are you and what problem do you solve? Oh, wow. That's a big question. I'm Dr. Tara. I am a certified sexologist and a tenured professor. That's the short version. Should we do a long version or short version? Give me the long version. The long version. Okay, so I started in academia. I have my master's and my PhD in human communication, particularly in how humans interact, communicate in various different relational and sexual contexts.

1:39Dr. Tara:When I finished my PhD, I got my dream job as a tenure track professor. So a university professor. And I've been there now over 10 years. I've been there now 10 years at Cal State University, Fullerton. so when i got this job i was like oh score like i'm gonna be a professor forever love it love the work-life balance you get summer off winter off no better job but then once i earned my tenure um i don't know in england do you do you do you know do you guys have that not massively no i don't think so okay so in academia just like you know in corporate america like in corporations you have like titles right like director vp whatever in academia you come in um ask like you can be adjunct professor which is like the lowest and then you can become assistant professor associate tenure professor um so when you get tenure it's sort of the highest position you can have as a professor usually it takes 10 years it took me five took me five years to become a tenure professor when i learned the news i thought it was going to be this like pinnacle of my career Like, oh, yes, like I have achieved it.

2:47Dr. Tara:Now I can cruise and just be a professor for the rest of my life. But I actually experienced the opposite, almost like sadness of like, okay, so now that big goal is gone. What's next? My students were actually the people that encouraged me to start social media and podcasts because they were like, oh, you're so entertaining in class. Like we just wish that our friends and siblings that don't go to school here can listen to you or watch you. And that's when I started my, I would say, digital media empire that now I have over 2.5 million followers across different platforms. But when I started that, I did not expect this to happen.

3:33Dr. Tara:When I started it, I just thought, oh, I'll have like a small account teaching sex education because the world needs it. And six months later, I was at like 300K on TikTok. A year later, I was at a million on TikTok. A year and a half later, I was at 1.5 million on TikTok. So it blew up. And with that came so many different opportunities. So now my business, apart from teaching, because I'm still a full-time professor, my business is social media. so a digital media website blog and instagram tiktok youtube podcast so i monetize for all of those things as well as doing tv because after my accounts blew up executives um reached out and was like hey have you ever thought about being on tv have you know you'd be you'd be so good at it Do you want to try?

4:30Dr. Tara:And this was four years ago when I tried out for Celebsco Dating and became the sex and relationship expert on Celebsco Dating four years ago because this is my fourth season. And now I have two other TV shows that will be coming out as well. So I'm transitioning. I've been transitioning, I feel like, my whole life because I was a professor. Then I transitioned into doing social media and podcasts. and I transitioned into now doing mass media and like traditional media. And so, yeah, that's where I am right now. And that's who I am. And the problem I solve is I help people feel less shame and more pleasure in their daily life, whether or not it's by themselves or connecting with their partners.

5:18Lovely. So you've got all of these different information outlets. You've got television, blog, social media, and live classroom as well. When you think about the people that consume that information, what are the typical symptoms that they might be facing in their life that they're looking to Dr. Tara to fix?

5:38Dr. Tara:So many. Let's see.

5:44Single people oftentimes experience lack of sexual confidence

5:51Dr. Tara:and that doesn't just involve sex. Lack of sexual confidence show up in dating, in relational communication, in the ability to escalate a relationship, which means not getting friend zoned. Like you have to have that sexual confidence in order to escalate a relationship from first meetup to second date, to third date, to having sex, to developing a relationship together. A lot of single people struggle with that right now, especially millennials and Gen Zs, those that spend a lot of time on their phone, scrolling, and not really talking to people in real life. So that's typical for single people.

6:37Dr. Tara:Couples, I would say lack of sexual exploration. And the symptoms are sexless marriages, sexless relationships, lack of motivation. so lack of sexual initiation very very common just a couple weeks ago i was speaking at an event where it was all women and the number one thing that they brought up was my husband and i haven't had sex for x amount of time is that normal and that x amount of time from the all the people that reported it that day was ranging from like oh we haven't had sex for six months to we haven't had sex for five years. So it is like an epidemic. The lack of sexual connection in long-term relationships is an epidemic.

7:31Gosh. Oh God, I'm so tired. I've just been talking to qualified prospects all day without any wait time. How have you been doing it? Because I've been cold calling people on my mobile and I reckon I've spoke to one person. No, no, no. Stop that right now and use Nooks.ai. Why? What does Nooks do? It finds me the right people to call and it calls them and it connects with them over and over and over again. So you're saying it's Nooks.ai and I can just be speaking to qualified decision makers all the time? No other better connection, right? Wow. Nooks.ai. Where does the, you mentioned shame and pleasure up front.

8:08Where do those two fit into that puzzle there? So we've not had sex for five years. where does that fit into shame and pleasure?

8:14Dr. Tara:Everywhere. So depriving yourself from pleasurable connection with your partner can produce more shame because then you go, oh God, like now there's no turning back. They feel shame that, oh, it's been six months. We haven't touched each other. Are we even normal? Are we even in love? Should we be in this relationship? Are we compatible? Should we get a divorce? What about the kids? What about the house? There's so much shame around not having sex. But there's also a lot of shame surrounding trying to have more sex. So whether or not you're on this side of wanting more sex with my partner, but they keep rejecting me, or God, my partner keeps trying to initiate, but I just don't feel like it, there's shame everywhere.

9:04Dr. Tara:Whether you're trying to initiate more or whether you're rejecting all the time, you both feel the shame. Wow. So where could people, because that sounds like a common thing, right? Oh, it's extremely common when one, so this phenomenon is called sexual desire discrepancy. Right. And it's an extremely common phenomenon where one partner has a much higher sexual desire, aka sex drive, than the other person, which means the person with a higher sex drive initiates all the time, consistently getting rejected. by listening to that, you might think, oh, poor guy. And I'm assuming it's a guy just because statistically in heterosexual relationship, it's typically the guy that has a higher sexual desire, but not always.

9:48Dr. Tara:I was in a marriage previously where I had a higher sex drive than my husband. So not always, but there is a pattern of heterosexual relationship being the guy has a higher sexual desire and initiate more often than the woman um in this scenario people think oh poor guy like he just gets rejected all the time his wife doesn't like give him time in a day doesn't want to connect with him when in fact the woman carries a lot of shame as well the woman's also like oh like it it doesn't feel good rejecting people for any good person out there right unless they're a psychopath and like yeah fucking love rejecting right but generally like if you love your partner and you're in a partnership together and you know you've you've been together for so long and you may have kids or whatever like you love your partner so rejecting sucks but you're just not in the mood or maybe you don't find them attractive and that's a hard thing to say and that's a hard thing to accept a lot of women i hosted this um drinks event it's like um basically drinks and dildos in LA where we have drinks and just like vent about sex problems most of the women in their 40s that I've met that have been in long-term relationships whether or not it's married or just committed relationship have said oh god is this is this bad to say but like I just don't find him that attractive anymore like I find myself like looking at guys and It's just like, oh, wow, like I'd get with him, not my husband.

11:25Dr. Tara:So it's actually really, really, really common. But women are so good at making things private like that. Like the men wouldn't know that they no longer are desired by their wives or girlfriends. Is there advice you give maybe for both parts? So let's imagine it's a heterosexual relationship. But like for a male and female looking to kind of reignite in a relationship, they don't want to be there. They want to bring it back on the table. Where could they start? No, you're fucked. Get a divorce. You heard it first. I'm just kidding. No, there's obviously there are ways to reignite that passion and the intimate connection.

12:02Dr. Tara:There are prerequisites though to get there because people ask this question all the time and I always give them proper answers. But it's not an applicable answer if the people that listening don't have the prerequisites. Okay. Let's talk about the prerequisites. Are you guys married? I am. I'm within partners. Well, I've got, yeah, she's a partner. Okay. She's not a wife yet. How long have you been together? Four and a bit years. Okay. Seven years. Okay. So you're about seven year itch at the moment. In research, it's typically the time where people start questioning about their intimacy. Okay.

12:42Dr. Tara:Because you've done life for so long together. Interactions can become logistics based. What are we having tonight for dinner? Who is going to drive to this place on Saturday? It becomes a little bit more logistical. And when there's a lot of logistics involved, it takes away the excitement, novelty, and curiosity that a highly passionate sex life needs. So in research, we call it the seven-year itch. We have a three-year hump and a seven-year itch and then a 10-year divorce. so wow we're not there yet doesn't mean lots of people are very successful in their relationships and they get over these things but because they are proactive um but yeah at that about seven years is when people start questioning like oh like do we have enough sex do we do we prioritize each other enough and then the the three-year hum is typically because like the honeymoon phase is well over right that oxytocin dopamine at the beginning like the new relationship energy like the nre we call it nre um it's gone so now it's like we're doing life together what does it look like so there's that and then there's that but going back to prerequisites and i wonder if you guys can reflect and see if you have it i think the first prerequisite in the ability to reignite a passionate relationship, the first prerequisite would be a growth mindset.

14:19Dr. Tara:Like two people need to be the people that go, let's do something about it. Like, it's not my fault. It's not your fault. We both kind of fall into routines, but let's do something about it together. I'm willing to learn. I'm willing to grow with you. Let's find ways to find passion back into our relationships. Do you feel like you have that? Yeah, I've got four children as well. So like me and my wife definitely are you mormon no definitely not but me and my wife have definitely had that thing of like shit the kids are asleep like now's the time so probably a bit of logistics mixed with like spontaneity you have crazy sperm uh thank you thank you can we we'll tag them on instagram four kids yeah four kids um but yeah so i can definitely reflect i think something that maybe i've learned in the last few years as well is like someone's cycle like how some obviously there's like a week where me and jack always laugh about like your partner's very attracted to you and then maybe a week where you're like oh have i done something wrong and just learning how that flows and works has been helpful and you have a business does she have a business as well yeah she's a therapist so both well she's a therapist well that's kind of a cheat code isn't it so she has to have a growth mindset yeah right that's what she calls me growth mindset or a grower well I mean that should be easier if two partners are very very much in like growth mindset philosophy where it's like I'm always willing to learn I don't I'm not like offended by anything give me feedback so you're good with that what about you do you feel like you have that prerequisite of both people loving like being in a growth mindset yeah definitely I think like we talk i don't know this is like the right thing to say but like we we will openly compare our relationship to like other friends so she's got friends that are that have young children as well who maybe they're having like a very sexless relationship or it's not where it could be but we i don't know i know comparison is the thief of all joy but like by knowing okay that's the lay of the land for maybe other people it reflects of this feels like we're in a good place but like when we talk about growth mindset it's always about like it's core whether it's sex relationship business it's it's personal development yeah two entrepreneurs on this side of the table we're both attracted to people that like want to get better otherwise would be a bit like but but my partner as well she's very much like uh she's like a real homemaker like she was a nurse now we've got two children she was like i just want to this for this chapter i think yeah growth mindset check okay i'm happy secondly this is gonna be hard but i don't know if you if you are willing to be honest you've turned the tables here dr the best way to show people watching and listening how this works is to actually apply immediately so this is actually the best way rather than you asking me theoretical questions

17:18be honest

17:19Dr. Tara:from 1 to 10 do you find your partner attractive 1 is she can work on things 10 is fucking smoking hot can't stop jumping on her I'm a 10 I've got a new baby so when the baby's not crying I'm a solid 9.5 so you can look at your partner and go like wow wow, I am lucky. Yeah, I don't walk down the street and see other people and be like, oh my God, I want to bone something. I'm like, sorry, mate, sorry. It's all coming out now. You don't want to bone him? It depends. How many pints now? So both of you have the second prerequisite, like you truly find your partner attractive. So for those that are watching and listening, if you're here and you're like, oh, shit, like I might be struggling with that a little bit because sometimes in long-term relationships, unless people have been taking care of themselves.

18:18They look different from the way they look

18:20Dr. Tara:the first year they were dating or second year they were dating. And not only look different, maybe sometimes they act different. Their personality changed. Maybe when you met, oh, they're so ambitious. That was really attracted me to them. And then they sort of hit a plateau and they're just like, you know, fuck it all. I don't care. You can lose attraction because of that. Because, oh, where was this person that I met? you know a couple years ago so attraction is not just physicality not just physical attraction it's like personality task competence intelligence ambition for life um sense of adventure like all these things right because if people change but they don't change for the better then you are allowed to not find them attractive right like monogamy i assume both of you are monogamous monogamy doesn't mean that you are required to always find your partner attractive it's like both people need to be working on that so if you have that prerequisite then the third prerequisite this is gonna be a fucking cup third prerequisite is um previous sexual experiences with them and whether or not both of you have the sexual attitudes of exploration do you find that both of you are quite traditional when it comes to sexual exploration or do you find there's room for exploration and you are curious what where do you think you let's get an example from you on that so like what is what is the spectrum yeah so actually in my book how do you like it if you go to chapter one the very first chapter is what is your sexual profile you need to take that quiz and the quiz the results will tell you what your sexual profile is one of the dimensions and I mean I tested this scale on like 3 000 people before I wrote it in a book and published it but one of the dimensions is whether you're leaning traditional or you're leaning kinky traditional means you enjoy like conventional sex and that could be like missionary, doggy, hand stuff, oral, but nothing too crazy, right?

20:40Dr. Tara:Maybe a vibrator. But things that the general norm, the public would say, yeah, that sounds about right. That's like leaning traditional. If you're leaning kinky, it means you like, or you're interested in non-traditional, unconventional sexual practices. That could be anything from anal, BDSM, tantric sex, orgasmic hypnosis, anything like that. Sex parties, erotic workshops, anything outside the norm would be leaning towards kinky. And of course, even kinkiness itself is on a spectrum, right? You can be a little kinky and you can be like, you know, strapped in like electrocuted. So there's range for everything.

21:32Dr. Tara:So do you guys think you are in more of the traditional sense or do you have the sense of interest of exploration? I would personally say traditional, but there are like occasion normally led by my wife of like, and you quite spontaneous as well of like this is something that i'd like to do or this is something that i'm going to introduce the kids are away kind of thing let's introduce this um i would personally say like i sometimes worry that i'm maybe like a bit vanilla sometimes but i'm super open to it to everything like trying things but some that's a good that's a good attitude like when you're like yeah when you're like you know what it's just like the time hasn't been right like or have we haven't had time but i'm so open which means if like let's say if i say hey this weekend there's this retreat um and it's like yoni massage and penis worshiping retreat you should go you guys should go maybe you'll find a nanny for your kids and then you'll go you know what i mean versus some people go like oh that's not for me yeah straight away without even thinking like fuck yeah i'll go yeah yeah um but then i do i do meet people in particularly in like the business world who have quite extreme what i would consider like quite extreme fetishes and then I think oh I'm I'm definitely not that you know what I mean so like sometimes I think like in the spectrum I'm probably quite vanilla but kind of open to tipping over yeah yeah yeah yeah oh man I mean what you just said is on point because last year I trained to become a professional dominatrix so before that you know I have written about pdsm and dominatrix and taught taught you know my class in the university theoretically about what that power dynamic looks like but then last year i kind of hit a wall with like teaching theoretically i'm like i don't want to just talk the talk i want to walk the walk so i'm gonna go and get an intensive class with this um with this dominatrix that has been a dominatrix for 25 years and i was trained by her and now I have a certificate and everything.

23:44Dr. Tara:I'm a qualified dom. Thank you. But you know what I found? That day, she brought two slaves to help us, like to help train me. One of them was a TV executive. The other one was a lawyer. And it was really interesting because they were, I mean, there were so many rules that day. Like they had to be on their knees um they couldn't ever come up at the same level as us like they always have to be under us they couldn't look at us in the eyes unless they're spoken to and they can't speak to us until we're they're spoken to so it was really interesting to like do these things and actually you know like walk the walk afterwards i felt like so much more confident in that arena because I've done like dom sup stuff in bed, but it's like so vanilla comparing to the training.

24:42Dr. Tara:And so that gave me a lot of confidence so much so that I've been sort of an advocate for just women in general, taking the dom class just for fun, because it helped me negotiate my deals better. It helped me negotiate my time better. It helps me communicate better with my partner, like my boundaries, it just, it helped. I was already confident, but it made me even more confident after that training. So I've been telling all the women in my life, the ones that I feel like would try, that they should go try this class. Zach Thompson, do you ever get sick of calling kebab houses and nanas when you're trying to speak to qualified decision makers?

25:22I do. Well, I think I might have found the solution. 98 % correct qualified data which means when you're cold calling you're always going to be speaking to the right person Do you know what the solution is? It can't be Prospio, can it? Prospio, let me spell it for you P-R-O-S-P-E-O dot I-O Al, if you're looking for great qualified data then you know what the solution is Prospio.io What's the, this is fascinating so what's the psychology I can see the benefits from maybe the dom side. So you said like TV executive, lawyer, so like real high performance roles. Is there anything that you've found in the psychology of like why that is enjoyable for people from these maybe high performance roles that enjoy being submissive?

26:13Dr. Tara:It allows them to surrender.

26:18When you have high caliber professions,

26:25Dr. Tara:all day pressures on you to perform all day pressures on you to make decisions you make hundreds of decisions every day some big some small but you can you're consistently expected to make good decisions that impact hundreds or thousands of people in the company so much pressure right people generally want to surrender they don't want all this responsibility do you like paying taxes no no one fucking wants responsibility but we have to because we live in a capitalistic world like we're not just roaming around in the field collecting food and you know uh kumbaya right like we we participate in this capitalistic world and that's why for these people majority men they just want like two hours off completely off my dom tells me exactly what to do clear boundaries clear communication i know what is expected of me and i'm here to just let go and just do whatever i'm told fascinating so so we spoke about like at the beginning two different sides you've got the relationships and then you've got the single people one of the things you're talking about was like uh sexual confidence so i think like if we put that over there if I think about just confidence without thinking of sexual confidence in order to build confidence you need to have some form of evidence so we talk about it in our book about the evidence shelf so you can collect all these different pieces of evidence that say you are the person that you say that you are if you don't have any of that confidence to be sexually confident how do you start the journey to start collecting those pieces and become more sexually confident I love that by the way i love the evidence shelf i love that i might start quoting you for it yeah um i would say it's the same method uh start with education give yourself some grace none of us have received comprehensive instructional education when it comes to sex we were teens hormones, raging hormones, erections, wet pussy, and then all of a sudden just expected to know how to do it when we're 16.

28:49Dr. Tara:You're in a relationship now, have sex for the first time, like how does it work? Just put it in, right? We don't know how to have good sex. In general, society does not know how to have good sex. We were never taught. We were also never told to pick up a book about it to learn we were told a lie that you should just know how to do it it's animal instinct have you seen animals fuck they fucking kill each other they literally like some animals will explode when they orgasm and die like are we animals or do we just want to have some orgasms. Like, shut up. We need to grow up, learn and move on. So I always tell people the very first thing to do is to educate yourself properly.

29:43Dr. Tara:And that can be through so many modalities. It can be through reading sex books. And that's the easiest one. Read it or listen to an audiobook. So reading is the first one, reading a book. You can read a lot of articles. There's a lot of articles online now, right? Whether it's Cosmo, Men's Health, GQ, there's so many articles about pleasure and how to approach sexual wellness. You can listen to sex-related podcasts, expose yourself to those ideas and concepts and explorations, and then you want to start applying that to yourself. So you might want to start self-pleasure. Like if you've been masturbating your whole life one way maybe learn other ways to do it and then try it on yourself it will help you then explain to your partner how to give you pleasure i have had men in my practice so i have a private practice in la long wait list don't don't try very busy but men will go like oh i just don't my wife doesn't know how to give me a blowjob like it's good but is not great i feel like it could be better i'm like well have you ever given her feedback they go oh no like she'd be pissed she's like already i should be grateful she's giving me a blowjob i said well that's not a good position to be in isn't it you're getting a mediocre blowjob from her and you're not giving her feedback to get better so both of you are just in this loop of like mediocrity one day someone will be like fuck i hate this because i'm sure she's not loving it if you're not showing like that you're loving it and you're into it she's probably just doing it just because like a maintenance blowjob you know all married couples have that maintenance blowjob um so so in in that case then that could be a problem but like communication is extremely important and i think when you expose yourself to these things like reading sex books together listening to sex podcast together then that is a conversation starter like oh i just listened to this episode about you know like let's say using a butt plug while having penetration to have dp specific example i just had that episode actually because people were like one of the most common porn videos that men watch is double penetration because they just think it's So taboo, kinky, and hot.

32:15Dr. Tara:But a couple asked me, like, how can we have it without involving another guy? I'm like, a butt plug. If you put in a butt plug and have vaginal sex with your partner, that's DP. Isn't it? Yeah, yeah. So that's what I told them. That's what you do. But ultimately, if you are in a relationship where you are able to communicate to one another and you can give feedback and you expose yourself to these sex related content whether it's podcast or reading a book that's a really good start okay so so we've got one under the spectrum of people who maybe aren't as confident one of the things that we hear about young people about we hear about it i'm sure you hear about it is like more the the bonnie blue extreme of is is that someone who's a advocate for sex like be sexually empowered have sex with lots and lots of people or is that someone making the most of sex cells and extreme things sell and I can kind of hack into men's brains by pushing this out there?

33:17Dr. Tara:I have a professional answer and a personal answer. Okay, give us both. A professional answer, I would say, the woman is exercising body autonomy and therefore I support it because feminism. If she feels like this is how I want to use my body, I'm not going to be the one moral police and go oh but that's wrong or you shouldn't do that right like professionally support that because it's a woman making her own decision and if she's a brilliant marketer and millions of men subscribe to her giving her 5 million bucks a month like she's a good business woman if I'm looking at it professionally as a business owner and feminist on a personal on a personal level I wouldn't want my daughter to do that just because I know through experience professional and personal experience that when you do have sexual relations with people and I mean I'm all for casual sex but I don't know if I would have sex with 2 ,000 people at the same time is that how many people?

34:30Dr. Tara:1 ,000 was it 1 ,000 or 10 ,000? I don't know can someone Google it? 1 ,000 I know there was a lot of 1 ,000. Got some experts in the room. I mean, he's 25, let it be. It's her demographic. But personally, like, I wouldn't condone something like that just because it affects you mentally, psychologically, physically, emotionally, energetically. So personally, I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't want my daughter to do it. I wouldn't want my friends to do it. But I can respect a woman being in her grind. So that's why I have two different answers. Do you think there's a, because there's a thing of, so there's obviously only funds and things are readily accessible.

35:21Dr. Tara:Oh, RIP, the owner just died. Yeah, the owner just died. The other thing that maybe is a new thing is this AI boom has created AI girlfriends and AI chatbots. I've had a few companies reach out to me to make a Dr. Tara AI so people can date me. Wow. So when they approach you and they present that as an offering, what do you think about the concept? I'm not opposed to AI or technology. Like, I'm with it. You know, let's make life easier. Let's free up more time so we can be with our loved ones. I don't want an AI of me. I don't want it to be readily accessible to all these people out there. and people can say like oh but why but it's not you anyways like it's it's a clone of you that lives on the internet like who cares you know it's not like affecting me personally we've only known each other for a couple hours but i'm a very spiritual person like highly spiritual i pray every day i also masturbate every day but i pray every day right after i pray i masturbate um uh but i i believe in the higher being and i believe in energy and i believe if my being is out there on in the ether and people can date date tara online and jerk off to it and you know do all these things i feel it's gonna affect me energetically and that can be that can sound woo-woo to some people but if you truly studied energy and read through some of what like Nikola Tesla or Albert Einstein talked about energy like you understand it's real and it's very very very true just like natural science I wouldn't want that on my energy like I want my energy protected and pure directly from the source there must there must be things on that though that become because you're so out there on social media and television you're like people are already jerking off to you on your social media it's probably true because you should we have a section where we just look through my dms please please get them out it's horrible what is it what's the most common thing you get in the dms i want to bust inside you wow i get that as well but it is a there's this parasocial relationship where people are building this image of what what you are in their head and like you say there's many sides to you how do you how do you combat that to to remain kind of true to yourself because you're now out there in the public eye and you're known for talking about sex it probably creates a weird How do you keep those boundaries?

38:05Dr. Tara:I don't engage with them. I think people can throw a lot of stones at you, but unless you pick it up, it's not your stone. So I don't pick them up. I get a lot, a lot of creepy DMs out of any of my friends that are influencers because they're not sex positive influencers, right? It could be like beauty influencer, exercise, gym, like business, whatever. I get them the most and I don't pick up the rocks. Like I don't pick up the stones. They can throw it at me. I'm really good at blocking them energetically and mentally. You know, I see them and I kind of laugh. Not making fun of these people because for whatever reason, they feel like that's satisfying to them.