The Most Ridiculous Business Interview You'll Ever Listen To - James Martin

0:00James Martin, we're back. Welcome to the We Have A Meeting podcast. We have a meeting. Hello team.

0:06James Martin:Hello team. I don't say it like that. I don't say it like that. I didn't get to where I got to, stroking babies and kissing puppies. Such a knob. First question, James Martin. I feel like bookended. Who are you, what problem, and how many bedrooms have you got in your house? 12 bedrooms in my house and I solve problems for entrepreneurs to get to where they've got to get to without too many deep scars snog, marry, avoid Princess Diana, King Charles or the Queen but I won't tell you which one I don't mind snog which one? oh Princess Diana right Princess Diana if you're in but if I could get the social post out of it I'd do Charles.

0:53I'd snog Charles.

0:54James Martin:Absolutely. Think of the media. You just like do Charles. No, no, no. Context again. Do Charlie. Is that what your tendency is? Oliver, I'm not in a safe place. Please come and rescue me with a helicopter. I don't feel safe. This is a bad idea, Ollie. Why did you come up with this idea? I feel pincered. They've even got another chair. They said it would have to sit between them. What's the dirtiest commercial property you've ever visited? I bought a property from the local authority Don't be so serious with it And they had pigeons in it And we thought we could clear it out ourselves And it was illegal Because pigeon poo apparently is very toxic We had to get a company to come in and do it Very dirty Fair enough What's something that you would sack someone for in the 80s Because it was cheeky But now would be a HR nightmare Well I famously told the lady That was smoking a great big joint In one of the garden centres I owned to just leave the property and go.

1:49James Martin:And we were meant to actually help her by putting her on a course of drug-ability or something. And it cost me 17 grand 18 months later in the court. You're joking. Oh my God. It did cost me that. You called it a garden centre. Garden centre. Yeah, I owned three garden centres. She was just getting high on the supply, right? She was just out the back having a great big joint and we bought it. It was the first day I owned it. And I met her round the back of the sheds. Oh, did you? Oh, right. Jackson, a few things round the back of the sheds. I have. We're not allowed to talk about it in front of my mum.

2:19If you were a piece of software, what kind of software would you be?

2:26James Martin:Robust and forthright. Oh, but that's not a... They're descriptive words. Yeah, but that's what the software would help you do. It'd be to the point, no bullshit software. Two people, alive or dead, that you would like to see get married at Baddow Park. Da Vinci and the Russian Evita Evita Da Vinci and Evita great couple powerful couple they'd be very artistic and very very stern ladies how would you be involved in the wedding if in an ideal just be dry hire take the rent say that again just be dry hire that means that you just rent the place to a great man wouldn't be involved at all a dry hire that's it yeah that's terminology you don't understand it's terminology you don't understand He's doing a dryer.

3:16James Martin:I've seen not in the game of the world. No, we're not. We'll learn. We're going to, you're going to run your own networking evening, but you've got to get everybody to play a game that was popular in the 90s. What are we doing? We'll be playing Kung Fu Fighting on the discs, and everybody will be doing the row dance in the middle of the dance floor. What's the biggest sort of bullshit you've heard since you've been here? Well, it's funny you should say that. But off air, I've had a conversation with you two. It's unbelievable. It's like they're on drugs. They have a clean cut. That's the problem.

3:54That's the problem. What do you think we've medically got wrong with us?

3:58James Martin:All of the isms that you possibly could, from ADHD to everything. It's just that you've got too much electricity in your body and you should get a grounding mat. I do have one myself. It keeps me steadied for the start of the day. Do you think we've got magnesium? No. I did. You said we've got all the isms. Oh, I see. An ism isn't an ism, though, is it? Yeah, that's a spell. It's a sum. Yeah. It's a sum. What have you got wrong with you, then? Probably very ADHD dyslexic. See all the labels. We spoke about this on this stage the other day. All the labels, let me all go and have one. Because I just think people learn in a different way, and that's what makes them who they are.

4:40James Martin:Take the labels, throw them in the bin. just say to them they're nice people and you've got to learn differently with them or treat them in a different way or let them have space to be able to operate done great next question please who's the one entrepreneur that if you saw them coming your way at ideas first you'd actually get in the tombola yourself and hide

5:04you've got beautiful eyes

5:05James Martin:you can't answer that oh no James legally for legal reasons I'm not allowed to answer that I'm Jack yeah he's Zach that's what I meant he meant but it's Zach alright me and Jack are both drowning and you can only save one of us who do you save and why? Jack what the fuck that was so fast because you'd be able to save yourself because the buoyancy in the brain is a lot bigger on your side of the world than it is on everybody else's of course you would you said it so far his head is so small it's only like a little pin He would drown immediately. It was a premature behaviour. James Martin, if I was going to sing at your funeral, and bear in mind it's me that's going to be singing it, what song would you like me to sing?

5:50See, I can't remember one of your greatest hits. Do you remember what we walked into when we met you for the first time?

5:56James Martin:No. Michael Bolton. Tell me how am I supposed to live without you? Yeah, that one. Yeah, that one. It'll be that one. All right. What kind of music gets you in the mood? I like a bit of Elton John. I like Rita Ora. I love Rita Ora. She's very nice. Collective taste. And I really do like the police. I love the police. I think they're great. Very eclectic taste. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thompson Twins. I love the Thompson Twins, yeah. He's a Thompson. Thompson Twins. And I also like Paul King. I love Paul King. He was great in the day. Paul King. Paul King. I thought you were just saying, what do you like?

6:38James Martin:I like it. All they want to do is do sexual innuendo. It's disgusting. In your end. For this day and age, it's unbelievable. How do they get away with it? Is there someone monitoring this stuff before it goes out? No. James Martin, you've been beautiful. We love you, James. Thank you so much. Say something nice about us. Is it over? Hello, James.