Adoption & Corruption w/ Becca Rubenfeld

30:21He had a toothbrush and maybe a pair of underwear, and that's about it. And yeah, I mean, so he had raw dogged that whole flight. So why was he in the orphanage in the first place? So, you know, I did clear with him talking about this stuff. So, what I can share is that when he was a young child, he was with his biological parents. He lost one of... And, you know, it wasn't a great, healthy home environment at all. The reasons in Eastern Europe, the most common reasons, are alcohol and drug use, but especially alcohol in Ukraine and in Russia. So, there were lots of issues there. It wasn't a healthy home environment.

31:09He lost one of the two parents who passed away, supposedly by freezing to death on a snowbank. Oh, shit. Which actually, apparently, is not that uncommon. We just get blackout drunk. You get drunk and you sit down to have a rest. Oh, my gosh. So, once one of the parents had passed away, the other became even more unstable. And he, so I think the parent died when he was around six. And at age eight, how big an eight-year-old is, tiny, at age eight, he chose to go live on the streets rather than stay home. And so around age eight to nine, he was living on the streets in a town called Ushgroth in Western Ukraine.

32:02And, you know, sleeping on pipes, on hot water pipes and sewers because the pipes are warm. Living with other street kids, you know, eating where he could do it. He was adorable and smart. Very smart. So smart. And so he was able to use charm. He didn't have to be violent. He can be violent back then. Like, he definitely did have to be at times to protect himself, but he didn't have to use violence to get what he needed. So he could be defensively violent, did not need to be aggressively violent. And so, I mean, I remember him just saying different things about how he would eat and how he would survive.

32:42I mean, things like... Like, at movie theaters, there's a lot of popcorn that gets dropped, right? So, like, you can pick up popcorn and eat popcorn. He kept warm at night. So he... No wonder he was small. Right, right. His whole life, he's been a hardcore gamer. So the reason why he wanted a big city is he wanted high-speed internet. I love it. Just wants a big city and a laptop. Yep. And so he just wanted a laptop to game and high-speed internet. That was that, which is hilarious. Because in Ukraine and many places, there are internet cafes, right, that are 24 hours. So he'd go and hang out there.

33:22He was cute, and they would let him hang out all night for free. And so he would stay warm by going into internet cafes and playing bootleg Russian video games and became a hardcore gamer. He's like a pretty serious gamer. He was highly ranked in League of Legends and stuff. And so, yeah, just kind of survived. And then he, when he was eight or nine, I'm not quite sure, he was playing in a building site and was either pushed or fell from like the second story. Oh shit. And hit his head. And some teenage girls found him and carried him to the hospital. And he ended up spending some months in a sanatorium, like a long-term hospital where he was healing.

34:13and eventually they found his parent and was like, hey, we found your kid. And he, between the options, he actually chose the orphanage. He wanted to go back to the streets. They wouldn't let him and said, no, you either need to go with your parents or you need to go to the orphanage. And he chose the orphanage. And so then he went into the orphanage at age nine. And he, I mean, he was, it was obvious how smart he was. right away. So he explained things like how bad the orphanage is, right? But how good it is comparatively. And that he understood that it might be kid prison, which is how he viewed it, but he would have food and have a chance at education.

35:04And he was telling me this that You know, he was explaining that, especially after a year in the orphanage, he said, for the first year, I was, I just lived scared. That was his framing. Like, he always sounded a little extra profound, because of broken English, that he would just, you know, say exactly what he meant, with no extra words. And so that he lived scared for a year, and the big boys beat the little boys, and the big boys steal the little boys' food, and everything was terrifying, and there were fights and knives and just violence and abuse, like, between kids, right? And that he just, it became obvious to him that his only way out of this life was through an education.

35:53And so, the next year, there was a charity that was visiting the orphanage that worked pretty closely with this orphanage. They were from another country, but they would come in periodically. And he has an inclination for languages. And so he would, when they came, he enjoyed going and talking to them. And just trying to speak Dutch, in this case. And they just recognized how smart he was. So they sponsored him to attend a gymnasium, which is like a prep school outside of the orphanage. And so he, I think there was maybe one other kid, but attended school with what he called family kids. And so he actually then had the opportunity to, you know, get more exposure to healthy dynamics.

36:40There was one teacher, his name is Andre, who took good care of him, who brought him home for dinner with his family, who paid extra school fees if they were going to a museum and needed to bring a few bucks and just looked out for him. There were a number of caretakers at the orphanage who were more caring than others. And there were some bad eggs as well. But then at the school, I think they took very, very good care of him. And so he would walk back and forth.

37:11He said it was very hard for him. I mean, I remember, I think, when he was 15, he got in a fight at soccer camp. And he came home, and he was so upset by this fight. and he just, he was crying that he's always been different, and he just hates it. In the orphanage, he was the school kid. And in the school, he was the orphan kid. And just, he was never normal. And I told him, I was like, Yuri, here you are normal. Like, here you are a family kid. So, like, you don't have to feel different here. And he literally fell down on the ground crying. like in the kitchen, just collapsed crying. Just that idea of being a family kid was just so important and different from something that he had experienced.

38:05But it set him up very well, because he wasn't only in this scary, high-stress environment every minute of every day. He also had really lovely people and smart people. You know, Ukraine actually has a very high standard for education. And so he had a lot of things that actually were going from very well before we met him. And so like we started this conversation talking about like the issues kids can have if they have like a traumatic upbringing. He was obviously older, but he also had been through a hell of a lot of trauma by the sounds of it. So like when he got here, how long did it take him to kind of adjust?

38:42Were there any ever issues with any of that stuff? No, no. He was just a delight from the beginning. He started calling me mom on day 10. Did you cry? Not that moment, but I'll never forget it. The way where we were living at the time, the washer dryer were around the corner. And I made him, I was trying to teach him life skills. I didn't know if we were going to adopt him. And so I made him do his own laundry. I taught him how to use the machine. He didn't know how to turn on a stove. I taught him how to make eggs. I was trying to teach him how to eat for cheap in a healthy way, right? And so he was over there trying to figure out the washer dryer and...

39:30but couldn't see me because he was around the corner. And I heard him whisper it. He was practicing. And so he was around the corner. He goes, Hey, Mom. Hey, Mom. Mom. That is amazing. Hey, mom. And then said it out loud like that. And so I pretended to not have heard the buildup to that. And I just said like, yeah. And went around the corner and I helped him out with what he was doing. And so he just called me mom from then on. And that was while he was here just for the three months? Yeah, that was 10 days after I met him. Wow. He told me that when he was walking up to us at the airport, that he was thinking like, okay, this is maybe my new mom and my new dad.

40:14Holy shit. Yeah. Right. So, I mean, it was very much on his mind for sure. And of course, like any kid that's coming is kind of hoping that, but you know, he was definitely hoping that this was going to work out. And so, no, he was just, he was adorable. He was smart. He was obsessed with gaming. The only kind of conflicts we had were screen time. And we did, we had just drag out fights over screen So how long, because it's funny, because the dynamic is so different to like a mom and dad with a normal 14 year old kid in the sense that like you've just met them. So like how long does it take to have like an argument?

40:53Because teenagers can be like little shits. He didn't have the teenage little shit thing for a while. But we did argue, but it was more about screen time. We pretty much only argued about screen time for years. Probably until he was like 17. So 14, 15, 16. We didn't really have those teen problems. I think he was happy to be in a family. And we just didn't see those kind of behavior issues. Even when they popped up, it was all well within the realm of normal teenage attitude type stuff, never anything concerning. And he was just so sweet. That first summer, one of the... I mean, beautiful but just heartbreaking moments was, you know, we had a bike for him, and we lived in downtown Seattle, so he was biking but in downtown.

41:48And he had come back from biking for a couple of hours, and I had lent him some sunglasses. And, you know, they were expensive sunglasses. Who cares? But, you know, they were expensive sunglasses. And I was like, where are the sunglasses? And he's like, he had lost them. And I didn't want him to think, you know, that like we're rich now and like you can just be careless with other people's belongings. The sunglasses themselves were not important, but I just, I didn't want him to... It's a lesson. Yeah. And so I said like, well, you need to go look for him. And he was like, you could see, he's like, I have no idea where they are, right?

42:28I was like, well, go look for him. I mean, go put an effort in, right? And expecting him to go look around and look in the obvious spots, look where you lock up the bike. And he didn't come back for a few hours. And when he came back, he came in, he kind of slammed the door, he went to his room, and he was just sobbing. And I was like, you know, come out here, right? And he came out and he's like, they're gone. I don't know where they are. I was like, that's okay. That's okay. Thank you for looking for him. It's okay. And he was just so upset. And I was like, it's okay. Like, calm down. Calm down.

43:07And broken English, right? This first summer, he did speak English, but we used Google Translate and facial expression and body language to communicate a lot that first summer. And so he took my iPad and he's just typing out, he's just crying as he's typing out. And he said that he thought that I thought he had stolen them and that I thought he was evil. And he needed me to know that he hadn't stolen them. He thought, I thought that he had taken them and sold them on the street for money and that he was a bad kid. He always used that phrase, I'm not a bad kid. And, you know, I had never thought that whatsoever.

43:57It's just a careless kid. It's not. Just a little careless and not that big of a deal. And he was just terrified that he had ruined his shot at a family. He was sure that we wouldn't want to adopt him because we thought he was a thief. And so it was just, it was very obvious that he was a sweet, a sweet little boy who was just a good kid, good hearted. And, you know, he's a toughie. Like he's, he, he estimates that he's been in like 200 fights in his life. And some of them are knife fights. A kid got curbed in a fight by him. So, yeah, don't mess with me because I have like, he's tough, right?

44:47So, I mean, he's a banker now. He's grown and he's a banker. So, he's thriving and kind of what we would say is a successful and normal and healthy life. But yeah, he's a tough guy and I love it. I love it. I mean, he loves me and will look out for me in whatever way necessary. But yeah, that's how that first summer went. And then we got to the adoption process and that's when things started getting really crazy. So before we get to the adoption process, like when he's here, how long did it take you to love him? I loved him when I saw that picture. And so when we went through this very long, very challenging adoption process...

45:32Yeah, so what happened at the end of the summer? He has to obviously go back to Ukraine. He went back. And so we started the adoption process. So I assume that was a horrendous goodbye at the airport. That started, honestly, started the story. So everything up till now was kind of normal hosting. A very good hosting experience, but normal. Generally, the experience, if you want to adopt, is the hosting program will do a little research and they'll tell you if the child is available for adoption. So I had done that before the summer started and he was available for adoption. And meaning he had lost one biological parent, the other parent had given up rights.

46:06So he should be free for adoption. And so that's what I understood going into it. So the process when you're adopting international is you start with USCIS, so US immigration. And there's a dossier that you have to assemble of documents and do background checks and have home studies and things like that. It's about a four month process. And so we went through that process. No problem. Went through it in the normal amount of time, four months. And then - I'm sorry to keep interrupting. Before you do this, do you say to him, we want to adopt you? Do you want to come here? Or - I think, yeah, I think, well, he was making it pretty clear that he wanted to.

46:45And I think we started the dossier maybe without asking him specifically. There was a point where we did. I mean, we didn't just start it without him knowing because at that age, they really have to be a willing participant. Actually, I think maybe right at the end of the summer, he asked if we would or if... Yeah, he asked if we would. And I kind of deferred because you're not allowed to talk about it. You're not supposed to. You also don't want to set them up for something that may not happen. Correct, right? And so I really kind of deferred on that. And then we started the process and I had given him a phone.

47:26And so he did have a phone. And that's actually how we learned English is every day, really at 11 a.m. here, which was like bedtime there, 9 p.m. there. We would call. I would top up his phone card. I topped up his phone card using a mail order bride website. I learned how to do so many weird things. And so I would like top up through this mail order bride website his SIM card and then he had minutes and we could talk. And then he would use all his minutes to play games. So it was like a constant thing. But we would talk and because we didn't have Google Translate and we didn't have facial expressions, he really had to listen.

48:05He had to learn English there. So we would talk frequently. and at some point I don't remember exactly when he would be asking like are you going to adopt me and I would continue to not quite answer that question uh and and also my my husband and I were still deciding you know like we had started but like are we sure we want to do this are we sure this is right for us and so we we hadn't like decided decided like I had but I was I was kind of waiting for him. And again, he wasn't resisting, but it's a big decision, of course. And so finally, as we were kind of going through, I think, a few months, again, he's smart.

48:51He interrupted me. He asked, and I was like, oh, I don't know if we can. Like, we're still trying to talk to the government. And we didn't have USCIS authority yet, authorization yet. So I was like, oh, the government hasn't given us permission yet. And he interrupts me and he said, I didn't ask if you're going to adopt me. I asked if you want to adopt me. And I was like, I do want to adopt you. Yes. And he was like, okay. And I was like, damn. Got me. He said he was smart. He's very smart. He's very smart. One of the fun things, they say you adopt a kid, that you choose a kid, if you get to choose, that either looks like you or looks like your spouse.

49:33Oh, interesting. And he does look a lot like my ex. Very similar facial expressions since then too that I think he picked up from him. But personality wise, he's just like me. Really? Yeah. He's like a mini me. I couldn't have raised a kid more like me from a baby. That's so funny. It's so funny. And it's great. I mean, it's very satisfying, right? And so, yeah, so we finished the USCIS. We got approved. We submitted it to Ukraine. which should have started a four to five month process in Ukraine that finishes with you going to Ukraine. So it's about a year long process from start to finish. Should be Ukraine.

50:13It should be less than that, which is one of the reasons I chose Ukraine. It was supposed to be fast and cheap, which at the time meant less than$30 ,000 and nine months was supposed to be. What a Ukrainian adoption should take. So we submitted it and they're like, oh, he's not available. and I was like hmm and they're like yeah he's not available for adoption but you know you can come to Ukraine we'll give you an appointment you come to the Ministry of Children in Kiev and we have a catalog and we'll give you three to choose from and so you can choose you can read about these three and then whichever one you choose you can go visit them in the orphanage so why did that happen?

50:53I didn't know yet and so that started kind of the two year hell of mystery and that we had to unravel. And so I was like, no, those are not my kids. He's my kid. So no, why isn't he free for adoption? He should be free for adoption. And they were very cagey and they wouldn't tell me why. And they're like, well, we can't tell you why it's very, there's something confusing, but anyway, like, and so we had a facilitator. they were called. And the facilitator was associated with the hosting program, but a Ukrainian. And so if the hosting program, I would say, is a nonprofit, it's American, the facilitators generally are local and they're in the industry, right?

51:40And they make a lot of money off these adoptions. And so she was like, I'll look into it. I'm trying to figure it out. And so she came back and the answers weren't there. And I was like, well, I don't want another kid. Figure it out. Like, he's mine. Like, he wants to be here. We want him here. Like, what are you doing? Like, what's going on? And so the answers didn't make sense. And the answers started conflicting. And one of the hardest emotional things over these two years is I knew I was being lied to constantly differently from every direction, but I couldn't quite piece it together. So it's like, you would ask like, okay, well, what did you hear from the Ministry of Children?

52:25And she would tell me some nuggets of information. And then she'd be like, and they said to come back two weeks Thursday. And so two weeks Thursday, you know, I would be talking to Yuri James. I'd be talking to James on the phone and I'd be like, okay, they said they can't figure it out, but we're going to two weeks Thursday. And so then for two weeks, just nothing is happening, right? So then on, and I'm talking to him and he's telling me, you know, the good and the bad of what's going on and like, you know, the fights that are happening and he's only eating potatoes and rice and like no protein and just, and like bad things are happening and everything that he went home with from hosting has been stolen off his body.

53:12Things are stolen off your body while you sleep. They're all, and you're like, well, can you put it, can you put it inside your pillow? And he's like, like, you think we haven't thought of that, right? So it's like, they have things in the air vents, they're hiding them. And just like, whatever is not attached to you is stolen immediately. And even if it is attached to you, it's stolen off your person. And so like, you can't sleep. You're always sleeping with one eye, one eye open. And so then finally two weeks Thursday happens, comes. And so then I call the facilitator. I'm like, okay, what do you find out?

53:46And it's like, you know, she was like, oh, oh, hi, Becca. Yeah, they said that they looked and there's still something confusing and to call them back on Tuesday. And so this would just draw out and draw out. And you know there's some bullshit happening, you know there's lies happening, but you don't, you have no. You don't know what lies. You don't know what it is. and as a foreigner, I have no right to anything. I don't have a right to information. He, Ukraine, doesn't really have rights for children. So he has no rights to this information. And so you're just at the whim of these people. And so this just goes on and on, and months and months go on.

54:27And we didn't have a good explanation of what was happening. It was just lies. That's all you really, really understood. And so the time is going on and he's, and it was so stressful, not just being lied to, but knowing that he's still in this terrible situation and asking you, mom, did you figure it out yet? And I mean, every few days he'd ask that question and have to answer, no, I haven't figured it out yet, but I'm still trying. And he'd be like, okay, don't stop trying. okay i won't stop trying and it starts looking hopeless and to the point that you know i would assure him hey if if we can't adopt you we'll still take care of you when you age out of the orphanage when you're 16 and you're on your own you're not going to be on your own we'll make sure you have a place to live if you will pay for college like you can still have a good life in Ukraine and he'd be like, okay, but don't stop trying.

55:27And I was like, all right, you won't stop trying. But it was just heartbreaking. I had never really until this medical diagnosis, like that was certainly the hardest thing I ever went through. And actually at this point it still is because it wasn't just the stress, it was fear for your child because he felt like my child already. And again, like, what do you do when your child is being abused and you literally are helpless? And people like to say, I would kill them. Would you? Would you? Would you get on a plane and go to an orphanage and kill somebody? Because I bet you wouldn't. I bet you would be as helpless as I was at a loss to decide what to do.

56:20while your child asks you to save them, and you can do nothing. It was terrible. It was terrible. Hearing him ask, had I figured it out yet, and having to tell him no. And I didn't know what to do either, except that I wouldn't stop trying. And it was the government, right? The government was lying and the people were lying. And they're not all bad people. There's wonder. I love Ukraine. Like, he loves Ukraine. But it is a corrupt, failed system, in particular, international adoption. This episode is brought to you by Anchor Watch. Now one of the things that keeps us Bitcoiners up at night is an idea of a critical error in your Bitcoin cold storage.

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58:31So click the link in the description or head over to blockwaresolutions.com. Had you been speaking to the orphanage director during this? Like, did they know what was going on? A bit. A bit.

58:47Once we eventually unraveled it or got closer to unraveling, he kind of made a like, oh, well, if I had understood that was the problem, I could have just kind of fixed it. I don't think that was quite true. I think he and many of the good characters are actually complicated characters who, this is a money industry. So how are they trying to get money from you for this? No, that was part of the confusion. Everybody who I tell the story to is like, well, this is pretty obvious back then. They were just milking you for money. I didn't pay a penny. not one dollar did i pay for this facilitator these people the team the translators i didn't pay a single dollar so when everybody's like obviously it's just corruption they're just taking your money no they weren't so what was it well so what eventually happened is i fired that facilitator and just we had done a year and he was i went to ukraine and visited had a chance to see the orphanage, to meet people.

59:54What was the orphanage like? Was it terrible? No. It was one of... I think it was a very good orphanage. It was clean. It was relatively nice. The building was nice. The large majority of caregivers are good people. I mean, for some of them, it's just a job, and that's obvious. And for some of them, they really love the children, and that's obvious, and some of them are abusive, and that's obvious. But it only needs a few abusive adults to turn it into a horror show, right? And so, you know, as my son would show me around, and even just a kid, he'd be like, hold your back. Like, don't, like, hold your things.

1:00:40That kid will steal it off you. That kid has a knife. And he would, like, try to protect me and, like, move me towards the wall. And then, you know, the other kids, like, you know, that in the orphanage starts at age five or six. Below that, they're in a baby house. And, you know, five and six-year-olds, especially malnourished ones, are tiny. So there would just be this little cluster of just little babies, just adorable. And we would bring little toys, which, you know, they loved. I got in trouble, though, because it gives the impression that the Americans are the saviors and they don't actually want you handing out candy and toys.

1:01:23They want the caregivers to hand it out. And that makes sense. So I stepped on some toes unknowingly. But overall, it was really wonderful to visit. And more than anything, I got to know his friends. So I got to know his dorm. He lived just in a small room with six boys. And so I really got to know his classmates and his friends very well, and a number of them did eventually get adopted before him. So a lot of kids didn't have this mystery going on, and their families came and they adopted him. No Americans had adopted from this orphanage until this summer. So the summer that we hosted him was the first time that there was a relationship with America.

1:02:08And so a couple of other families did successfully adopt kids, and I'm still friends with a couple of them. And so I fired the facilitator. He came back the second summer. So now he was 15. He's going through puberty. He's all of a sudden bigger and just, but, you know, he's still him. And had a great second summer. Sent him home again. Honestly, sending him home that first summer was one of the worst days of my life. Probably the worst day of my life. We... It was gate A10 in Seattle. And... I had authorization to bring him to the gate. And we got there, and he laid down on the chairs with his head on my lap and just cried and cried.

1:02:59And I cried. And, you know, I petted his hair. And the gate agent knew the situation. I told her that, hey, we're just going to stay out here and right before you close the gate. We'll get him on the plane. And so she did that. They loaded the whole plane. And so the whole gate was empty. And he just laid on my lap and cried. And, you know, had to put him on the plane, not knowing if I would ever see him again, sending him back to the unknown. um just tiny little boy and uh when i got home i just just the grief i felt um and i remember i just stood there i wasn't leaning against anything i was just standing in my living room and just it's like the muscles just melted and i just like slowly just fell to the ground just in a straight column.

1:04:00Uh, I just... It was really terrible that first time. And then things proceeded as I described. The second summer was much easier. He was a little man. He, uh... My ex was former military. He was a Marine. And so he had sent him home with his... Like a duffel. With our name on it. And I have a picture of him walking through the airport, like walking to the gate, carrying his own bag. much more confident, much more confident in us. He knew we were still trying. So it was much less sad the second summer. So then we hired the new facilitator. And that's how we know the first facilitator was no good, because the second facilitator figured out the secret very quickly.

1:04:48So I think what was happening... So what we figured out was there was a large corruption ring that had been going on in this region for many, many years. And I think what happened is that until this hosting program, so what here, the, the, the actual corruption ring was in Ukraine, if depending on the status of the orphan. So whether their biological parents are living or dead, whether, you know, there are particulars that determine if they can be made available for adoption. And there are also particulars in terms of how their parents' property is treated and held in trust for the child. And if the parents had owned an apartment, then that apartment, depending on the status of the child, should be held in trust.

1:05:40So when you age out of the orphanage, then you get to claim ownership of the apartment. The per capita GDP is like six or eight thousand dollars annually, maybe a little higher now. But an apartment, even in Ukraine, was like a hundred grand. So it was life-changing, right? And they were very valuable. And so if what we figured out, and if everything is accurate, the regional Ministry of Children—so not the national one, not the local, not the people who worked in the orphanage, but this regional office for 15 years had been changing the documents, falsifying the documents of orphans, not forwarding the documents to the national database of children for adoption.

1:06:28And by doing so, they were stealing those apartments, and they were selling them on the black market for 15 years. And so what that means is for 15 years, not one child from this region was adopted by foreigners. Holy shit. And, yeah. And so if I understood correctly, it also means nobody was adopted by even Ukrainians outside of the region. So they still could be adopted by regional, because they were on the regional database, but they weren't doing the proper documentation to send them to the national database. and so you have to sit on the database regionally for a month. It's a month local, a month regional, and then 12 months national, and then foreigners can adopt.

1:07:19And so the issue had been that they were saying, look, what eventually came together was they're like, look, we can see that his document exists and we can see that he was once on the national database, which is why we told you originally he was free for adoption. He's not there now. And it was this mystery. So I think probably what happened was that the original facilitator probably figured this out pretty quickly and probably got paid off by them to not explain it to me. That's what I think was happening. So I think she wasn't part of the corruption initially, but she became part of it. And so once I hired the new facilitator who wasn't part of it and who was higher integrity, we pretty much uncovered it.

1:08:10And it turned into a huge national scandal. So that has all completely unraveled now. Yeah, it unraveled immediately. Immediately. Because, look, Ukrainians are lovely people. They don't want to live in the sixth most corrupt country in the world in that way. You can send your kid to daycare and pay whatever fee, and they'll keep your kid alive. If you want them to read to your child and take good care of your child, then you have to pay them a bribe. Oh, really? Yes. It's pervasive. So it's just like there's what things cost and then there's what things actually cost at every level. And it's not that everybody participates, but kind of everybody participates, and then some people really blatantly participate.

1:09:02So the orphanage director's son drives a Ferrari. That doesn't make sense. Sure doesn't. Right? A lot of Ferraris driving around rural Ukraine. So it's like, you know who the bosses are. And it's very obvious. So when this was exposed, people were rightfully horrified. They were outraged. Like, these are our children. These are our country's children. And you've been doing this to them for decades. how many thousands of children didn't have chance at a family for your greed? So they were outraged. And the entire regional office got fired. All of them. Gone. And so then they're like, okay. At the moment, at that moment, there were 235 kids who should be on the national database who weren't.

1:09:56And they said, we'll fix your sons first and his best friend because we had found a family in Idaho. James asked me to find a family for his best friend. And he's like, hey, can you, he wants to be adopted too. Can you find somebody? And so I threw this kind of network of hosting. I found the family. Amazing. And since he was at the center of it and I was at the center of it and they didn't want more bad press, they said, we'll fix him first and him. and but their eyes on us we can't do anything out of the norm so you still have to wait the one year holy shit so from the time you first met him to now how long had passed as in at that point

1:10:44about a year and a half okay a year and a half so probably we had been on this road this adoption and the confusion for about a year. And so we fixed the documents. Huge relief. We were gonna have to wait a year, but it was like, okay, just one more year, bud. You can come back this summer, so three of the 12 months, you're gonna be with us. We'll come visit one more year. You got this, right? And then the war started. Oh, shit. So, I mean, it was like euphoric, right? So this is in like 2014, the Crimea war. Exactly. Yeah. So it started with the Maidan first. So, you know, I was watching this.

1:11:31I would be working and then on one screen, I would have the live feed of the Maidan watching what's happening. It was very nerve wracking because Russia doesn't allow adoption to Americans. So if they had won, then it's over. If they had invaded, it was over. And so then it was just this new panic of, I mean, I was researching like literally getting an extraction team, trying to get him out of there. And then the Maidan gets more serious. And he was also approaching age 16, which is where the United States cuts off adoption. Oh, shit. Okay. I thought you meant he was going to get drafted into war.

1:12:11That too. That was like the next concern. But it was like, okay, oh my God. Like, so if Russia, and so Russian tanks were on the northern, on the Belarusian border, just an hour away from Kiev. And so it was like, you know, they really could take Ukraine in a day back then. Because they could have just crossed the border. You know, the military was not moving yet. This was just a small protest, really. It was like six square blocks, and it was citizens. It wasn't military. And then over the course of these months, so like, you know, I'm watching the clock. And the United States cuts off adoption age 16.

1:12:49Unless they have... This is not in writing. This is not the law, but this is a practice, that if you submit your adoption documents before they turn 16, and you go to the country, to the embassy, and you... You have to physically file them there and take your oath. This is me, the parent. Take your oath and do some things before 16. they will honor it until 18. And they will allow the child to come. And so that was coming, but Russia was on the border, and the Maidan is heating up. And so it's going from a peaceful protest to a relatively violent protest. And the bonfires are there, and the tires are burning, and every day it's getting worse and worse, until the day that it all fell apart.

1:13:38And so on that day, this is the day that Yanukovych, the president was chased out of the country. And the reason he was chased out of the country is because what I think and what many think were probably Russian snipers came above the Maidan in high-rises and started picking off protesters. So it had already been fairly violent for a couple of months, and the government and the police were not having luck getting people to go home. And so these, especially young guys, were just camped out there, and they were organizing themselves into what were called hundreds, which is an old Cossack military organization.

1:14:19And so little units, and they had shifts, and women had kitchens, and it was this little military organization just keeping the protest going. And if the police came in, you know, they would throw the bricks. And so, but on this day, these snipers started picking people off. And I remember, because I was watching it all day, every day, on my side screen, and there was a particular view on the camera where I watched people get murdered. And again, this is just a camera. This isn't a video. This is a live view. And people were hiding behind streetlights and trees. and this is right next to the maidan and so the the camera view is switching between like three different camera angles all day every day and just kind of rotating through these camera angles and people you would see them take a deep breath you know maybe they stood there behind the lamppost for an hour and then they would take a deep breath and they would make a run for it and get murdered right there on on my computer screen.

1:15:38And so this went on all day and it was horrific. And you would just see people bleed out on the screen and then somebody tried to go out and like pull them back and that person would get murdered. And And so while I was watching this, I bought a plane ticket to Kiev because I think that would have been either the last days of February or the first days of March of, yeah, I think so. And... but his birthday was in May. And it was so close to Russia taking over that I was like, the only thing I can do now is at least make sure these documents are submitted, and I take the oath before the embassy gets shut down.

1:16:34And so while I'm watching people getting murdered, I buy a plane ticket, and I run home, and I pack a bag, and I go to the airport, and I fly to Ukraine. and by the time i got there um i think of 70 70 something 77 people 90 people i can't remember the number had been murdered that day by the snipers and but overnight the people had chased yanukovych out of the country so a lot had happened in this day and therefore by the time I landed and I was there, it was actually fully peaceful. Janukowicz was gone and I met the facilitator's team. They took me to the embassy. I went, I submitted the documents, I took my oath.

1:17:27My job was done. He was a 15-hour train ride away so I couldn't go see him. But I did go to the Maidan, and it was very heartbreaking. It's a small area, it's just a few square blocks, and so there was no doubt about where things were happening. And the whole, it felt like the whole city was there. Everybody had come out in their Sunday clothing. They were dressed up, wearing their fur coats, lots of fur coats in the UK, you know, wearing dresses. They had their children with them also wearing their Sunday clothes. And there were just millions of flowers everywhere, and they were piling flowers at each spot, you know, different activities.

1:18:16And so there were the burned-out tires and burned-out, you know, where just the wire is left from tires being burned and turned over buses that people had been hiding behind. And I've got pictures of myself in all of these. And the side of a bus that's been spray painted, and somebody told me it says, stay on this side of the bus. Because if you go on that side, you're going to get shot. So, like, people had spray painted the safe areas. And just at all these kind of different points, just mountains of flowers. I mean, physical mountains, 10 feet of flowers, just where everybody had just brought flowers.

1:18:54And everybody was sobbing. The citizens were crying at just the horror of this situation. And I had mentioned that they had organized themselves into these hundreds, this unit. And so they ended up calling the people who had been murdered that day the Heavens Hundred.

1:19:13And so I was walking around just taking all this in. It was very sad. And then I got to a point and there was a light post in front of me. And there were like two bullet holes here and here, right in front of me. And I just, I realized that this was the camera angle. This was the light post. Right in that spot. And I looked down and my feet were in blood. Oh my God. There was blood on my shoes. And I just, I realized I was standing in this spot. And I think in this spot, something like 11 people had been murdered, like 30 hours earlier. And their blood was still there. and it was just it was very sad right and but we had gotten the documents submitted and so then there was a moment that felt okay uh so again this was spring and his year was going to be up in november so we still had a long wait and so for a little bit it felt okay Like, the threat was removed.

1:20:19And then they invaded Crimea. And so then we just... There were rumors that the orphans were being drafted first. And he was turning 16, and did turn 16, which is normally the age you age out of the orphanage. They agreed to keep him for 10th grade. Usually you age out at 9th grade. Since he went to this other school, he was able to stay. So they kept him in the orphanage for an extra year, and he continued going to school. But it was just this fear that he and his roommates were going to be drafted. So then it was a race against him being drafted. And then, obviously, at that point, there would have been no hope of getting him out either.

1:21:01And just watching, so I was, I just watched those years, the first couple of years of the Ukraine crisis very, very closely. And, you know, he was on the West, So he is very pro-Ukraine, and that's his bent, and he still feels that way and loves Ukraine, and so do I, because that's where he's from. And, you know, but definitely all my network... Well, his network was in Western Ukraine. People in my adoption world were also Eastern Ukraine. So I really was very attentive to the early days of that conflict, whereas I think a lot of Americans didn't really start paying attention until the last, you know, maybe four or five years, whenever it became more national news.

1:21:51So yeah, I watched the early days of this war very closely. And then finally, we kind of got a break. So once we hit his one year, he hadn't been drafted. He was still kind of safe and sound. He was 16, but we had had the documents submitted. And then happily, kind of everything from that point went smoothly and normally. And so we finally... November came. I think it was November 15th was our appointment date. So you go to Kiev, you go to the Ministry of Children. They offer you three children from a binder. Momentary panic. We're here for a walk. And, but then they were like, no, no, we know.

1:22:38Trust us. We know all about you. And everything from there went very smoothly. So my ex and I, we spent about three months in Ukraine. You can go back and forth, but we just, we chose to stay there. And so spent quite a lot of time in Kiev, spent a lot of time in Ushkrad and the smaller town where the orphanage actually was. and, you know, honestly, like, had a really good time. We actually got to enjoy the culture and the people, and finally the terror, the fear that this wouldn't go through, was pretty much passed. Everything went very smoothly. And at the end of it, we had courts. And you asked earlier about this bonding and at what point, you know, the man versus the woman kind of really bond.

1:23:25When we finally got to the court and the judge signed off. Well, first of all, we've paid massive fees, expedite fees, as they're called. I mean, tens of thousands of expedite fees get paid in this industry. All totally legit, of course. Of course. So we get to the point, fees have been paid, and the process proceeds as it should. And the judge signs the document, and he was our son, legally. And Ukraine, because they don't do the Hague Convention, they actually finalize the adoption there in Ukraine. You don't have to come back and re-adopt here. And so when they come here, as soon as they step on American soil, they are a US citizen.

1:24:16And so when that finally happened, it was a nothing to me. He had been my son for three years. I had gone through all my terror. Yeah. Previously. I look over, my ex-husband, that's when he was crying. That's when it became real, real. Now he had a son. And... That's so interesting that that was the moment. That was the moment. I mean, he loved him before then, but like, that's when he had a son. And I didn't need the document for him to be my son. He had been. And it was beautiful. He's a great dad and loves him very much and vice versa. And so that was really nice. And then we had maybe two final weeks where you run around paying more fees, getting all the documents reissued with his new name, showing us as his parents.

1:25:06So reissuing his passport, showing his new name. Reissuing birth certificate, showing us as his parents. And was that when he changed his first name as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he... It's very common. A lot of them want American names. And, you know, whatever you want. So he spelled his name because he knew Dutch before he knew English. He was spelling Uri with a J. So J-U-R-I-Y is how he was spelling it. And so we were like, well, what name do you want? And he's like, I don't know. Like, do you want a J name? Like, keep it consistent. He's like, okay. And so literally it was like, well, first of all, Uri means George.

1:25:48That's the equivalent. So we're like, it could be George. He's like, no, not George. And he hated the name Yuri. He said it was just like, it was like a plumber name. That's what he thought. It's very kind. There's only like 10 male names and like eight female names in Ukraine. Everybody has the same name. And he thought that Yuri was just like, like a worker's name, and he wanted a different. So I was like, well, what about George? He's like, no, it's the same name. Like, and so we threw out some J names. And so like the third one was James that I threw out. And he's like, James, James, James.

1:26:28I like it. James. And I was like, okay, you don't have to pick that quickly. You don't have to choose that fast. Exactly. He's like, nope. James, James, James, James. And then he was James. And then he was James. Until literally the day that we were filling out after the adoption is done. and now we're getting the documents redone. He had seen a Jason Statham movie. He's like, Jason. And I was like, absolutely not. Like the grandparents, they're all calling you James. You have email addresses that are James. You've been James for 10 months. And he's like, Jason. Jason's such a cool name. And I was like, and you know, I'm just like, it's his name.

1:27:15Should I let him? Like, I was like, no, dude, your name is James. And he's like, all right, James. And so, yeah, so we did that and flew home. What was it like when you actually landed on American soil with him as your son? I mean, it was all the relief already done kind of thing. It was mostly done. It was mostly done. We, so we got home, we did, oh, you know what was great. the adoption went final on Christmas Eve. So, and like I said, I'm half Jewish. So in my family, we always celebrated both Christmas and Hanukkah. That year, Hanukkah was still going on. And so Adoption Day, the years that Hanukkah is the same time as Christmas are my favorite years because it's Christmas Eve, Hanukkah, and Adoption Day all on the same day.

1:28:11So that night, we had a hotel, and that night, he, for the first time, was allowed to come stay in our hotel with us. He didn't have to sleep in the orphanage. And I had, out on the street, had bought like a little Christmas tree, you know, that they had done the little cross to hold it up. So it was like a freestanding little Christmas tree, maybe three feet tall, and had bought a little string of lights. And just, we had that in the room. And so just, we had our first family Christmas. Amazing. That night and so yeah when we came home a couple of weeks later that two weeks was very busy because you really are you're running and everything has to be notarized and then you're paying fees to every notary And and you really are just hustling hustling and so yeah, we get home The customs line was like five hours long.

1:28:59We got to skip it You just went up to the front and said like hey, we've got an IR3 visa now like okay, and they took you into a room He had to go be questioned because of his age He had to go through and do it alone and get questioned by immigration and then came out from there. Really, once we got through immigration, he was a citizen. And so that was cool. And then we got back to Seattle. And again, because of his age, over the age of 14, if you're under the age of 14, it's done. You're a citizen. That's all there is to it. But above the age of 14, you still have to take the oath of citizenship.

1:29:38before you get your certificate of citizenship and you need that to get a passport. So there's a few extra steps, but they're procedural. And so to do the oath, they do those group oaths that you've probably seen on TV or something where there's a big room of people and you repeat the thing. I can't remember what we had going on. Like we needed, we couldn't do it on that schedule. And so I researched and I found out that that's the one way to do it or a federal judge can do it. And so I emailed one of the local federal judges, and I just explained the situation. I said, hey, I adopted this boy.

1:30:14We need to do an oath. Can't do it during the thing. Is this something that you'd be able to do for us? And they emailed back, and they're like, yes. We've never done this before. We'd be happy to do this for you. So we made an appointment, and unfortunately, my ex couldn't be there. He had some conflict. So I took my son, and the judge turned out to be Quincy Jones's brother. Because Quincy Jones was raised here in this neighborhood, right where we are. And so Judge Jones and his chambers, his staff, had actually prepared for this, because it was a really special opportunity. So they had balloons.

1:30:56Oh, that's so cool. And a cake. And he had brought in his father's, grandfather's immigration papers from Jamaica. And before we actually did the oath, he and my son sat down together, and he gave him a talk about how everybody in America is an immigrant, one way or the other. Either old or new, but this is a country of immigrants. And if he feels different, don't, because he has every right and privilege as anybody else in this country, and he also has every responsibility that everybody else in this country has. And he talked about his own family and showed him his documents and letters from his own family and just made it a very, very personal, beautiful ceremony.

1:31:49That's so cool. It was really wonderful. And so then they stood up and took the oath and took some pictures together, which are some of my favorite pictures, and walked out with all his documents. And then just kind of a funny moment, we stepped out into the hallway, and there was a Native American man standing there waiting for something unrelated to the procedures. And we stepped out, and we had the balloons and the flowers and the documents. And the man looked, and he said, Did you just become a citizen? And James was like, Yep, I did. And he goes, Well, on behalf of the first Americans, I welcome you as the newest American.

1:32:35What a cool experience. Very cool experience. And then we just got to normal life and that's it. He started school and, you know, started high school. I put him back a couple of years figuring more time, more better. And that was dumb. He didn't need more time. That probably created some frustration because he was a couple of years older than his classmates. But went through high school and school and now is a banker and lives a few miles away with a wonderful girlfriend who he's been with really the whole time. And just really is thriving and has a great relationship with me, my family, my ex, his family.

1:33:14He loves having a family. He's like, I'll talk to my parents and who live, you know, a ways away, over an hour away. And without my knowing, they'll just be like, oh yeah, James came over today. He did a few hours of yard work and then we had lunch and we played Monopoly and and then he went home and I'm just like it's so beautiful that a guy in his young 20s his early 20s and that I mean now he's 27 but in his early 20s would just like take his time and do that voluntarily he's I've got a young niece and he's just wonderful with her he just loves having a family he doesn't take

1:33:58I don't think I saved his life, but he does. And he says so regularly. Like he's so smart and so charismatic that I think he would have thrived wherever he was and we would have supported him. But he views it that way. And frankly, it's his life experience. You definitely allowed him to have opportunity he would never have had otherwise. Probably. Yeah, I'll own that. Yeah, I certainly, I view this adoption and any adoption, especially of an older child, is one where you do change the trajectory. And so throwing money around to charities, you never know where that's going. There's a lot of corruption.

1:34:37But when you find an individual who has the ability, like, who their makeup is such that...

1:34:49it's fertile ground, then you can invest your time and maybe some money into that individual, and you can really see them take advantage of that. And that's what we did with him, and he did take advantage of it. And it's great. When you adopt an older kid, it's not about saving their childhood. We had missed it. We missed the boat to save his childhood. The goal was to give him a healthy adulthood, was to make sure when he has kids that his kids have grandparents and that he has a healthy adulthood, and he does. And that's the goal. It's an incredible story. Thanks. What a thing to go through.

1:35:28Years and years, but here you are with an amazing son. Yeah. It's incredible. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you for sharing it. Yeah. We started this with you saying the reason you want to start to share this story now is because you feel a little bit of time pressure because you've released a diagnosis. Yeah. I'm sure you're sick of talking about it. No, I find it helpful. Okay. I find it helpful. So, I mean, you've been pretty open with what's going on on Twitter and things, but for anyone that doesn't know, Do you want to just explain where we're at? Sure. On May 1st, I... Well, actually at the 100K party, at the Sailor party on New Year's, you were there, we saw each other.

1:36:08I was wearing a very low cut dress. And after the party, I was looking at photos of us, of our friends, and I saw a lump through my skin. I could see it in the photo. and so I paid attention to it and I figured if it didn't go away within a few months because sometimes they do they'll go away if they're hormonal and it hadn't and so I eventually made an appointment and on May 1st I had a mammogram and they told me there in that mammogram that I had breast cancer. You know, they would need to verify it with pathology. But from what just the picture, they were very confident that not only I had cancer, but also I would need a mastectomy.

1:36:59And so for the early part of May, I knew that. Again, they were not uncertain about it. They were very clear what they saw in the image. And at that point, what they told me is, if you have cancer, this is the cancer to have. Yes, it's a mastectomy, but it's stage zero, and it's a 99 % survival. And even that was traumatic, right? Because the idea of a mastectomy is just horrific.

1:37:31But I didn't tell anybody. I kept it a secret for those weeks, because I figured before I rocked my parents or my son's world, before I did that to them, before I disrupted anchor watch. I would do the biopsy and let's get it confirmed and let's make it real real before I do that to others. And so for a few weeks, I was alone with this information and it was very damaging to me. Holding that in. Yeah. Yeah, and I've explained that I think to do the job of Anchor Watch, of being a co-founder of Anchor Watch, and to build a company from nothing into what we expect to be a very successful company, and we're well on our way, and a company that's going to be around and contribute to our industry, it's very demanding, and I have to be very hard.

1:38:35but my personality is not that hard. I mean, I hope in this story. I almost like know Becca, the friend and Becca, the business woman. It's almost like two different personalities. A bit, yeah. And that's not on purpose. I think that's natural. But when I'm working, I'm working. And so I'm very hard. I'm very demanding. I expect excellence. from my team, from counterparts, and happily, man, does our team deliver? So, you know, Rob and I are definitely aligned in kind of our vision for what this company can and should be and what it's going to contribute. And so it used to be, when I was still working at Starbucks, I still kind of had that vibe.

1:39:25I built and ran a large program, like, you know, that had really significant dollar responsibility, billions and billions,$20 billion moving through our program. And before that, I had hundreds of millions of dollars of AUM that I managed. So it's like I was used to this high-pressure thing, but in my home life and when I dated, you know, I was much softer. And so at home, I feel like a woman. I feel soft. I feel like me. And when I'm working, I feel hard, and I feel like a killer, and I feel like me. They're both me. I'm comfortable, but both are part of me. And with Anchor Watch, there's no time for the softness.

1:40:16I don't have a social life. I've set my dating life, for the most part, aside, because there's just no time. I'm fully devoted to this company and to make me a success, which means I'm hard all the time. And so when I got this diagnosis and I knew that I would be having a mastectomy, it was very traumatic because it felt like I was being forced to make my body match. Just this half of me that wasn't the complete me. So I felt like I had to kill the woman in order to survive. And I felt like myself, like with a capital S self, I felt like it was being sucked from my body. And I had to let that happen, because if I didn't let that happen, I was gonna die.

1:41:08And so that's where I was. I was in this very troubling personal experience for these three weeks. And then I got the biopsy and it was confirmed. But it was confirmed as what's called triple negative breast cancer. And triple negative means it doesn't have estrogen blockers or estrogen receptors or two other hormone receptors. So it's negative for all three of these receptors, which means there are no alternative treatments that can work. So you can't take estrogen blockers or progesterone blockers or HER2 blockers. So it means you have to go through like chemotherapy. Chemo and the knife are the tools.

1:41:47And so already then I knew it was at least serious, and it's more aggressive, and I was like, oh, dear. But it was like, there's actually invasive and non-invasive cancer that I have. And at the time, they said, like, the non-invasive is very large. It's eight centimeters. The invasive is quite small, but it's still triple negative, which is very serious. So at this point, I knew that now I had this very serious situation. And so it was time to tell my family and tell Rob and tell the team. And so, but Vegas was coming up. You know, it's the largest Bitcoin event of the year. And I knew that all my friends would be there.

1:42:30You know, all my friendships have kind of moved into the Bitcoin industry, people that we work with. and um and i just decided i couldn't do this alone anymore um and so uh i had previously tweeted how how in in shape i am right now i'm just i'm very strong i haven't been this healthy just i'm i feel the best i felt really in my entire adulthood and i tweeted that a few weeks earlier and so uh i told my investors you know i had already told my family and my son and and told Rob, told the team, and then told investors. And then I found that tweet from a couple of weeks earlier, and I quote tweeted, and I said, JK, I have cancer.

1:43:18That's such a classic back away of delivering names. I was very gratified that people have found it funny. A lot of people told me they thought it was a good way to do it. And so I tweeted it out, and it has just been immensely helpful for me. I've been showered with love and showered with support to an overwhelming extent. And I went to Vegas, and it's just like the hugs and the love. And it was just, I had this catharsis of finally sharing, And which kind of resolved the horrible mental state I had been in. And then to replace that just with all this love was so amazing and important because the diagnosis has continued to get worse and worse into the point that just we finalized what that diagnosis is yesterday.

1:44:11And so the reality of the diagnosis is that it is triple negative, it is stage 3C and grade three. So... And what does that actually mean? What it means is that it is highly advanced locally. So stage four would be if it had moved to a distant organ. So if it were in my blood, bones, brain, lungs, that would be stage four. And with triple negative specifically, that would have been 95 % mortality. And it's just, it's very serious. So stage three means it's locally advanced, and then A, B, or C means how advanced. And it's C, which puts it around 45 % survival, 55 % mortality. And so, yeah, telling this story...

1:45:08Look, I've never been in the bottom 50th percentile in anything in my whole life. and so the idea of me falling to the bottom half now doesn't sit well it's just i believe i will be fine yeah um but i start chemo in a week um i'm gonna shave my head in a week you'll join me yeah we're gonna be matchy matchy we've talked about you know rob and i are gonna have some pretty epic co-founder photos you'll be the best looking ball person at watch for sure. Sorry Rob. Maybe, maybe, uh, the most notable bald person in Bitcoin for a bit, but, um, yeah, it's, uh, I'm about to get my ass kicked in a very real way.

1:45:57Uh, the chemo is going to be the hardest chemo there is the most hardcore real deal chemo is how they phrased it. I've been flying around the country, getting second opinions from the best, and I'm blessed to be able to do And we've gotten to the point, so yesterday I got the results back from the PET scan, which was looking for metastatic tumors, and it didn't find them. So that's how they were confirmed to me, okay, now we know the diagnosis. We're going to say it's C3. 3C, sorry. And so now we have the beginning of the treatment plan set, which is to get going on immunotherapy and chemo. And when does that start?

1:46:36Is that imminent? It's the 30th. Yeah, so it's what, nine days from now or so, something like that. And so I've been getting ready. Bitcoin has been amazing to me. Here in this region locally, they have, you know, last weekend, a group of Bitcoiners along with my family, they came and they did my whole summer's worth of house chores and yard chores for me. That's so cool. It was so amazing. I mean, amazing. Like, imagine, you know, people are giving up their time. People have been generous in every way. My house has not had no flowers. Like, my house has been in flowers. I can see them behind you.

1:47:18Yeah. I've had, you know, just flowers. I tweeted about how, you know, I'm preparing for war, which is how I feel. And my oncologist yesterday, I was talking about shaving my head and she's like yeah with your personality go go fold gi jane and let's go kick some ass and i like that i like that image right and so i had tweeted that just day before yesterday and and last night uh i got a package from amazon from crypto graffiti uh and he sent me some war paints love that uh so people have just been awesome and i've heard horrible stories of people's own cancer experiences, right? People who, including my own investors, more than one that I didn't know, who had stage four with 95 % mortality and survived, right?

1:48:12And so some days that's intimidating because I'm very cognizant. I'm like, yeah, you're one of the five. The 95 are not here telling me about their experience.

1:48:24But look, I have the confidence of being me with a 50-50 shot. And I don't lose. And so I'm very confident that I'm going to be able to survive this, and I'm gonna go through chemo, and it's gonna beat the shit out of me. But I am gonna make it through it, because I am strong. And any time that I am terrified, which I am, I'm very scared.

1:48:57I have all this love. And I literally, I think about somebody's face that I saw in Vegas. Looking, you know, with their face right in front of me and just like kind eyes and maybe tears in their eyes, but telling me it's gonna be all right. And, um, and it makes me feel better. It really does. And I just, I've got thousands of messages from people. And then I think about these people with their horror stories, their stage four stories of... Imagine how that feels. Like if I had been the opposite and last night I had found that I have a 5 % chance of living for three years. Look, I would still go into it the same.

1:49:42I would still go into it ready for battle, but imagine the difference in that feeling where, you know, you can say, look, I don't lose, and I am always in the 95th percentile at things, but, you know, luck. Luck is playing a way bigger role here when you're in that. And so these people who are telling me their stories and going through that level of terror, the existential fear of knowing you're going to be dead soon, and you have young children, not a grown son who's capable of taking care of himself, who you've seen launched, but a young child. And so also have the fear of taking care of them and trying to keep life normal for them while also making plans for you to not be their parent anymore.

1:50:33And how awful that is. Or one woman who had stage four while pregnant. Holy shit. And the fear of not really dying, but like, can I live long enough to give birth to this child? That's my goal. I don't care about myself. Like, I need to stay alive long enough that this child makes it, right? And so people have gone through just horrific emotional experiences and without the benefit that I have of these thousands of people telling me it's okay and that they're here for me. And so even if my family is amazing, they're supportive, they're loving, they're going to be here for me. They live locally.

1:51:23But I cannot tell you how profound all this love is. It's profound. I will, look, whether I live for three years, or for 50 more years i just i will never get over how amazing even just these six weeks have been how how it's it's not even i've lived a whole life in the last weeks time is time makes no sense anymore and um yeah it's i mean it's only what three and a half weeks since i i told people publicly and just the amount of just it's just love and um it's amazing and i'm so grateful and i'm and i'm so overwhelmed and i cry all the time right i'm not really a crier but i cry every day and just usually just for a few seconds right like just it happens almost all the tears are just gratitude for all the things i'm lucky about having all this love and support having my family, being physically strong.

1:52:40This is going to be financially very damaging, but it's not going to bankrupt me. I have excellent doctors. I have the access to the best in the world. I can fly around. I have people cleaning my yard for me. I'm so blessed. And this is not fake. This is... I am so lucky to be going into this war with all of those things. Everybody is gonna face their thing. We all hope that it's when we're old, right? But, you know, some people do get hit by a bus. Some people get hit by a missile. Like, sometimes you don't even have the chance to consider your end. And I'm about to go to war. But when I think about all of these things, I have nothing working against me.

1:53:42The fact that I have to go to war is just the hand I've been dealt. But I have everything working in my favor, including all this love from this community.

1:53:55And I don't know how bad it's going to feel. I have, you know, the chemo is going to be bad. The hair's gone in a week. I'm shaving my head in a week. What they've told me to expect is obviously the nausea. They said it's not as bad as it used to be. You're not puking your guts out anymore because the anti-nausea medicines are so much better. I'm going to have neuropathy in my fingers and toes. I'm going to have, my mouth is going to be filled with sores. um i'm going to be on immunotherapy drugs which doesn't have that many side effects but there's risk of diabetes and organ failure and all kinds of stuff i'm going to be picked and prodded and then i'm going to go into surgeries and have surgery after surgery after surgery and maybe i'm going to have radiation so it's going to just beat me up but the way i feel right now is that when I go through those things, I think I will, just like I do now, I think I will be able to think of all the support I have, and I expect it to still be there because that's what people have showed up for me and demonstrated.

1:55:04I think it will make it easier. And the easier it is, the more likely I am to get through it. So when you hear about people, no fault to them, but just they can't make it through the chemo. It's just too devastating. It's the hardest chemo there is. And at some point, just begging for it to end. That's not going to be me. That is not going to be you. It's not going to be me. I'm not going to tell them to stop the treatment. I'm going to say, keep pounding it. Pound it until it is dead and then keep pounding it. And when I am just in absolute misery, I've got all this love and all this support and everything going for me.

1:55:44And I'll be in the top 50th percentile. I would never bet against you on that. Like, I know it's cliche, but you're a tough motherfucker. Like, if there was someone I was going to back in this fight, it would be you. I mean, it's obviously an incredibly hard thing that you're going to have to go through. But you have got this. They, look, it's a little cheesy, but I keep reminding myself that you can't be brave unless you're scared. Bravery as an emotion does not exist without fear. and I am scared, but I feel brave. I feel brave. I'm ready to face this and I'm ready to win. You're going to win.

1:56:29You're going to keep winning. Thank you for recording this with me. No, thank you for doing it. It's amazing that you've just been so open with everything. I'm looking forward to doing this podcast in however long when you've kicked cancer's ass and we can talk about that story. Okay. But I appreciate you so much. Likewise. I know you've got this. Everyone knows you've got this. You've got the support of everyone. We love you, Becca. Thank you. Thank you.