Introducing: Bear Hunt

0:28Thank you for listening to We Have Ways of Making You Talk. It is fiction. Resemblance to reality is coincidental. This is Bear Hunt.

1:27The Great Gain It was called. East India Company coined it, but Kipling, many others, all used it. Great game. Strategic struggle between Britain and Russia. Two centuries long. Still going, clearly. Only it isn't much of a fucking game if one player is turning away from the board, eh Alex? Give your old pal Pilgrim a call.

2:06Over the North Sea. And this year, 2025 is no different, Prime Minister. At 2111 hours, the captain and first officer believe the plane to be on course, 225 degree true. ATC confirm and get the same data, but their altitude readings are differing with the cockpit readings. At 2111, if both parties understood that reality, that's not a problem. Because this can happen and does. Does happen, that's right, Prime Minister. Not typically on the North Sea, though. Now, we have from this point at 2111... The, um... Prime Minister? Can we grab you for a second? Yeah, of course, Ezra. Has Henry got a speech?

2:49Can I have this written up, please, Chris? Yeah, thank you. Fran wants to get on top of it because there's reports saying it was a near-empty flight, and that's just... not... What is it? Cobra. Right. It's from Royal Navy ISR vessel, correlated with RAF rivet joint tasking. This vessel was in the North Sea, and these are the abnormally strong L1-L2 signals it picked up at 2100 hours. Right, Phil, can you hear... Did you get that? Yeah. What's Anthony saying? We're talking a signal consistent with... GPS disturbance. Dis... Disturbance. Deliberate, do we think? Phil? Yes, yeah. Yes, it's deliberate, likely deliberate.

3:44Deliberate GNSS interference consistent with spoofing, yeah, from a vessel in the area. NATO. We assess, Prime Minister, with high confidence it was Russian.

4:03There was the, um, someone said it earlier, the oil rig. Yes, Prime Minister, it was, it had incorrect coordinates, same patch of the Central North Sea we're talking about here. Just sort of zooming out for a moment. It's a general activity that they were doing. Spoofed all GPS readings, yes. A part of their grey zone warfare strategy. Grey zone warfare. Right. So this GPS spoofing. He got the... No, no, sorry. No, no, go on. That activity, yes, that got BA-236.

4:52Keep me updated on the search. Prime Minister. Prime Minister.

5:01Afghanistan. Fifteen years earlier. Situation right now in the year of our Lord, 2010. turns out turning poppy fields to coffee plantations here in Helmand is pretty fucking hostile work. Someone decided that since we can't buy Terry out we're gonna dig him out. So it's a fucking piece. Lots of fucking democracy. Have some of that Terry and do things the American way. Q-Op Moshterak which commenced a few months back February 2010 I think it's part of the new war model five months on part of the new war model Americans want a clean up job before we deliver police, engineers and government in a box and today's clean up is to run a link up with a sniper element is that right?

5:58do you want to take this brief necky cunt? I'll finish fucking talking, shall I? Course. Course? Yes, of course, Lance Corporal Wade, sir.

6:16Robertson, is it, yeah? Is, yeah. Go one click north, yeah? Fuck off as fast as you can to Sierra Papa Romeo 03984070 and link up with Duffy. Duffy. Corporal Tom McDuff. Thank you, Lance Corporal. Oh. What's needed for him? He's been there a pretty decent amount of time. Piss will need throwing. Maybe he's got a dump in there for you and all. Understood. That's the thrill of this job, Robertson, mate. You never know. Could be piss, could be dump, could be spunk, eh? hey and if you drink all that you'll get a mention in debrief

7:10step in that vehicle and I'll blast it I'm serious we'll just fucking blame Terry Taliban walk

7:31Corporal. Corporal McDuff. We're in Hellman, not Catrick. Duffy. Robbo, come take a pewman. You're lucky day. Empty piss bottle. Not a drop. That's impressive. Slight dehydration and a packet of Biscuit Brown before we left. I'm locked down tighter than a jock's pockets. You see the Taliban out there? Oh, aye. Of course. There's a set of rangefinders in my day sack. Yep, sure, sure. I spy with my 40 power eye something beginning with D. Desert? No. Deckers. Duo of Deckers with a dushka. Jen? I'll bring you in, I can't see them. See Alpha 1-4? Big compound with a wall, come left a fist to the line of the trees heading right to left, with a ditch behind it.

8:39I can't see him. Are you going to drop him? Not really how things are done anymore, sadly. An ROE issue or what? We're on card Alpha now. What's that? Shorthand for JSP 398A, of course. Of course. We're self-defense only. We lost hostile intent a few weeks ago. Not to worry. If we want to kill two little gentlemen like this, we got at us nicely, Robbo. Tungsten 99, this is Tungsten 32 Alpha. We are at grid Sierra Papa Romeo 03984070. A pair of fighting-age males PID'd in vicinity of Alpha 1-4 with one-times-crew-served-heavy weapon. requesting ROE upgrade to hostile intent. Over. 99, read back, Tungsten 32, grid Sierra Papa Romeo 03984070, PID 2x fighting age males, digging you from vicinity of Alpha 1-4 with 1x crew served heavy weapon, requesting ROE upgrade to hostile intent.

9:44Wait out. They must be using that ditch to move around. Now you're thinking, Robbo. Tungsten 32, Alpha 99. Tungsten 32 Alpha, send it. 99 message from Tungsten 0 Alpha 427. ROE requested that I'd maintain eyes on. Over. We can't touch him. Because of what, Obama? No, we can't, says Mr. Yes, we can. Welcome to 2010. Tungsten 32 Alpha, out. Double press the button at the top of the box. Get me a range to the trees.

10:23Your dick is a total blur to me That's 1760 metres to the trees Roger My usual advice would be If you can't be best, be first But we might have to let them Have the opening pop What do you mean? We can't shoot at them Unless They shoot at us first What are you doing? Peek-a-boo Get on the net, let 9-9 that we're taking effective. 9-9, 3-2 Charlie, come.

11:01Come. Wait, wait out, wait out. Tungson 9-9, this is Tungson 3-2. Contact at last time in given locations. Two times FAM killed, crew served, weapons still operable. No friendly injuries. Maintain eyes on for follow-up, over.

11:22Bear Hunt. Available now wherever you get your podcasts.