395. Numb, Addicted, or Replaced? Vibrator Myths Busted

0:03Welcome to You Are Not Broken, the podcast that challenges everything we've been taught about midlife, hormones, and sexuality. I'm Dr. Kelly Casperson, board-certified urologist, author, and a leading voice in women's sexual and hormone health. Enjoy the show.

0:17Dr. Kelly Casperson: Hello, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome to our webinar on vibrators. It's super funny when you do webinars on vibrators because the comment section, seriously. So the first thing, if you wouldn't mind telling me in the chat that you can see me and you can hear me, that would be fantastic. Yep. Hey Atlanta. Yes to both. Okay. You guys are awesome. You guys, somebody has never used a vibrator. Ooh, you're in the minority. Do you know that? Like vibrator, vibrator use is now the majority of women, uh, New Zealand, California. Uh, yes, you can hear me awesome thank you so much I'm Dr. Kelly Kasperson I am a urologist and 64 is not old excuse me somebody just said yes 64 and old I'm a urologist and we are surgeons of the pelvis and genital urinary organs and we are blood flow doctors we care about blood flow in order to have sex you need to have blood flow aka your heart and your brain need to work but also genitals need blood flow.

1:21Dr. Kelly Casperson: And if you do not have blood flow, we commonly know that as erectile dysfunction, right, in the men. But all bodies are the same. We're just rearranged in different parts. Estonia, amazing. Ontario, Canada, Detroit, India, new user of a vibrator. Oh, that's so cool. California, Florida, Tulsa, Arizona, Greensboro. You know how American-centric I am is that when

1:49Dr. Kelly Casperson: and a half years old now. I was like, I can't change the world enough from seeing clinic patients in my town. So I should have a podcast because there's a lot of the nation needs help. And then people started talking to me from places like Europe and South America and Vietnam and the Philippines. And I was like, oh, right. The whole world needs this information. How American-centric of me to be like, I should help more Americans. No, we should help all the people of all of the world. Nashville, Arizona, Canada, welcome. Rotan Island in Honduras part-time. Ireland, fantastic. I was recently, side note, I was recently told by somebody who knows that I am supposed to spend weeks in Ireland talking to traditional healers.

2:40Dr. Kelly Casperson: I don't know how I'm going to fit that into my life, but I just there, I just manifested it. Panama and Belgium, fantastic. vibrators are totally acceptable in Belgium. Love it. So going through like the research, so we're going to, we're going to do Q and A's cause that's the best. We're going to go through some recent published data. I've got a bag of vibrators to do show and tell it's, I don't know how we're going to get this all done in an hour, but it's going to be fantastic. Um, but the, my point is like the comment section, right? So I did a post on Instagram, like saying that the webinar was going to happen.

3:16And somebody was like, I love you, Kelly, but this isn't rocket

3:19Dr. Kelly Casperson: science. And I'm like, just because somebody thinks that this is basic education doesn't mean everybody thinks it's basic education. And then somebody else was like, will you be doing a live demonstration? And I'm like, no. At the end of the day, this is private health. Try it on yourself. I will not be doing a live demonstration of how to do a vibrator, but like people, goodness gracious. Um, so there'll be no live demonstrations, but we do have show and tell. So, oh, somebody said my guidance and books helped restore me after an oophorectomy. So grateful. Um, for what it's worth, the You Are Not Broken is now out in Spanish and menopause moment is being translated into French.

4:03Dr. Kelly Casperson: So that is all very, very cool. All right. So I'm going to share screen and do a PowerPoint and talk about vibrators for a little bit. Then we're going to do some show and tells and we're going to do some questions. There is a, I'm not going to be in the chat right now. There, that's Kelly, focus. We'll do the presentation on vibrator 101. Everything you wanted to know, but we're too embarrassed to ask. That is my vibrator on there. That is the Explorer and it's been out since February. Its birthday is Valentine's Day, US Valentine's Day. It's around February 14th. It sold out immediately. And then Oprah Daily did a post on it and then that sold out more.

4:47And it was like, yeah,

4:50Dr. Kelly Casperson: it took a while to get it back in stock is my point. So point being, this thing came out in February and I'm doing this webinar now, which is a long time since then, but like it was on back order for a while and blah blah blah blah blah so um we called it the explorer here's the other interesting thing tangent on my vibrator for a second we called it the explorer because we didn't want people we didn't want to tell people how to use it and then people are like tell me how to use it and we're like okay some people still want to be told how to use it but we called it the explorer so that you can like put it on your breast put around your chest.

5:32Dr. Kelly Casperson: Give yourself a low back massage. Put it on the vulva. Put it at the top of the clitoris. Put it on the perineum. Like all of the things. We called it the explorer because we didn't want to tell you how to do it when sex becomes prescriptive. That's like, that's not how our bodies work. Like some people have orgasms from their ears, you guys. So I think education is good, but one size fits all is not good. And that was my story about why we called this vibrator, which I made with the company Elixir Play, who's amazing, why we called it the Explore. All right. So sex is a can of worms for many, many people.

6:14Dr. Kelly Casperson: But the most fun thing about talking about sex, getting paid to talk about sex, traveling the world to talk about sex. The most fun thing about talking about sex is like once you start talking about it and then like other people start talking about it and then you realize that you didn't die. That's the most fun thing about talking about sex is realizing you don't actually die talking about sex. But realizing it is a can of worms for a lot of people. Sex is a loaded word. It's a banned word in some places. And just realizing the absolute heaviness that can come and that this topic is both heavy and light at the exact same time.

6:51All right.

6:53Dr. Kelly Casperson: I'm starting to do this acknowledgement at the beginning of my sex education talks. The cultural reality, especially for women, that sex is a weapon, sex is political, and sex has been used to control women since we figured out how to document things on pieces of paper. And I always want to acknowledge the heaviness and people's history of this topic before being like, it's amazing, have eight vibrators.

7:20Dr. Kelly Casperson: That oftentimes before you can get to the joy and the pleasure, you have to travel through the darkness or heal the trauma or at least acknowledge it, that sex is both things. We will never have it just be one thing. Somebody just said, talking about sex that is both heavy and light at the same time, great insight because it's so true. Yeah. So I always wanted to say that. my other why so i i joke that sex got me into menopause um and the reason is the podcast you are not broken my podcast originally started out to be female sex education like talking about desire and arousal and orgasm and general urinary syndrome of menopause and and how to talk about sex and how to communicate about it and kind of all of the stuff like toys lube there is enough content just for a sex podcast.

8:11Dr. Kelly Casperson: And my podcast originally was in the sexuality category in Apple. And I basically climbed to the top of the charts in sexuality. And then some very wise woman who worked, I think she worked at Spotify. I can't remember. But she was like, you're a big fish in a small pond, time to go to the bigger pond, which is the health and wellness category. And at that time, I had already really started talking about hormones a lot more because of the amount of people saying, well, you know what happens to your sex life with menopause? You know what happens to your sex life with menopause? And then people not understanding what menopause actually is, that it's a profound hormone deficiency and that your body changes whether you want it to or not.

8:55It just does when you don't have hormones and how that affects his sexuality.

9:00Dr. Kelly Casperson: And then that kind of spawned into the menopause and the menopause and the wild ride that has been the last three years. So sex got me into menopause. And now my podcast, You Are Not Broken, has all the topics. All right. Picture of the clitoris and the vulva. This is an interesting slide because the only part of the female genitalia a majority of men and women can label correctly. correctly is the clitoris and that was only 70 % of men. Remember 90 % of men are heterosexual. 90 % of men are heterosexual. But only 70 % of men actually know what the clitoris is. The clitoris is the penis. The penis is the clitoris.

9:46Dr. Kelly Casperson: It is the same structure rearranged in different body parts, but it comes from the same embryologic origin, meaning it is the organ of pleasure. The vagina is not. The vagina can stimulate the clitoris, but it's not the clitoris. Same as the scrotum is close to the penis, but the scrotum is not the penis. So why is this important? The majority of women do not experience orgasm by putting something in their vagina. that was like the start of my podcast because I was like, oh, people don't know that. And they think they're broken. But it's like rub a scrotum and see how many times a guy's like, that's a phenomenal experience for me.

10:31Dr. Kelly Casperson: It's like, it's close to the phenomenal experience, but it's not the phenomenal experience. This podcast is sponsored by FIGS. So much of what we talk about on the show is knowing that you deserve to feel confident and comfortable. And that's true not just in your personal life, but everything. And as a healthcare professional, I realized that the same standard should apply to the way I show up to work every day. That's why I wear figs. Figs is my absolute go-to for scrubs when I'm in the clinic. And to be honest, even when I'm not, because they're so incredibly comfortable. They're lightweight and breathable with four-way stretch so you can actually move in them.

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11:54Dr. Kelly Casperson: But so many people don't know that. And of the people who do experience orgasm by having something in the vagina, the majority of that is still through clitoral stimulation. Now, we can go very expansive and say yes, and the cervix and the breasts and the earlobes and all the other places that can lead to orgasm. But by and large, if Alex Trebek on Jeopardy had a question and it was the organ of orgasm, the answer is clitoris and penis. All right, but we must know the external structures, the labia minora, the labia majora, the clitoris is behind those on the inside. And I've got some more slides to show you this.

12:42Dr. Kelly Casperson: But that's why when I developed the Explorer, it's for the external vulva. Number one, I wanted to take penetration out of it. And I wanted to stimulate the clitoris and the vulva without putting something in the vagina so that people can learn about pleasure and arousal. without, and penetration is difficult for a lot of people. Surgery, radiation, severe genital urinary syndrome of menopause, history of sexual trauma, right? I wanted to create something that can cause blood flow and orgasm without penetration. All right, so this is the old school sexual response cycle, which nobody ever got taught.

13:20Dr. Kelly Casperson: Don't worry if you don't know this. but this is the original Masters and Johnson work from the 1950s. First you have desire, then you get arousal or what they call excitement, then you have orgasm, and then it finishes. Very linear experience, aka men, not by and large women. But the problem is when you think that you have to have desire first and you don't have desire, then you don't have sex. I am not saying have sex that you don't want. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying women are sitting around, not surrounded by sexual cues, thinking, do I want to have sex? They're like, no, because I don't desire for it.

14:02Dr. Kelly Casperson: When in fact, how the female body tends to work more is Rosemary Besson's model of desire can happen during sex, desire can happen after sex, desire can happen once the blood flow started. So this whole like, I don't have desire, so I don't have sex is a very linear way of thinking about how sex works and really not the way that most women actually experience sex, which is surround yourself with sexual context and the desire will then show up. All right. So what was your sex education? Did you get it at home? Did you get it in medical school? Did you get it at primary school? Did you get it from your first boyfriend.

14:45Dr. Kelly Casperson: What did you, what's your sex education? Somebody said, I try to achieve orgasm in the morning so I can get out of bed with a better mood. I love that. Gal, life hack right there. From books I found in my parents' library. I love that. Somebody got it in grade school. Fantastic. I love that. Most education is disease and pregnancy prevention. It's not how do you talk to people about sex? How do you negotiate a condom? How do you negotiate different desire within two partners? Somebody said sex ed in high school. Somebody said just learn to orgasm at 40. Basic sex ed in grade school, but not sexuality.

15:26Dr. Kelly Casperson: Oh, I like that. Sex ed is not sexuality. Truth. Absolute truth. Friends at school, word of mouth, somewhat at sex ed in school. Somebody said for me, Oh, yay. I try. I basically like create the sex ed that I wish I had, which is like facts, facts and education, and then set you free and be like, this is yours to make it your own. Siblings and friends. Yeah. Nobody's saying their first lover. Interesting. Self-exploration, reading porn, sadly, until I learned it wasn't healthy sex. Yeah. A good sex ed should include the education that porn is not accurate sex. It's fictionalized and made to be very, very overstimulating for the tend to be the male gender.

16:15Dr. Kelly Casperson: Who are you? I read Masters and Johnson when I was 14. That's fantastic. Vibrator helped me orgasm. Yep. So understanding what I'm talking about, we have to understand. And I learned this as I became more of a sex educator, is we have to understand what we know and what our biases are before we can be open to new information, right? And to be like, did you get a great sex education? What did it teach you? What did it teach you that wasn't great and that you might need to unlearn? All of those things. Self, parents, don't get pregnant, friends. Yes, totally. Learned most from a sociology college.

16:54Dr. Kelly Casperson: An open lesbian professor in 1993. Fantastic. friends give you your vibrator in your 20s awesome uh joy of sex books with sketches and positions that's enlightening love it oh the height report yes you guys if you haven't seen the disappearance of share height it's a documentary that came out about two years ago what is her name there's a famous actress that was a producer maybe somebody might say it anyways height report it's an incredible documentary about share height and what she did and how she was basically damned and stalked and had to end up ultimately leaving America but like was incredibly famous and basically wrote a book that said you know women orgasm by clitoral stimulation and not by penetration and like wrote the book 80s I think 1980s and like here here I am being like most people have orgasm by clitoral stimulation and it's like the interesting thing about that is like it's kind of like discovering and rediscovering the clitoris we forgot about the clitoris we remembered the clitoris we forgot about the clitoris remember the clitoris is like women's work gets erased and then women have to redo the work that was already done and i'm like that's what i profoundly feel both with sexuality and with hormones is like women and doctors knew hormones were great and it's called the 1980s and the 1990s.

18:24Dr. Kelly Casperson: Like the work we're doing is just redoing the work that fear and shame and limitations took away again. Does the G-spot exist or not exist? Great question. So let's go back to the clitoral. Okay, so you can't, this is a wrong angle, but basically if you can see where the urethra is if you go into like basically your first knuckle i know everybody's fingers are different sizes first knuckle in the vagina up on top underneath the urethra it's called the clitoral periclitoral urethral complex is like the medical term for the g-spot it's called some some people don't call some people don't like it called the g-spot for a couple of reasons number one uh we're kind of sick of women's body parts being named after men who the quote unquote quote, discovered them.

19:20Dr. Kelly Casperson: So if you want to start, and yes, there are other genital parts that are named after men. Bartholin cysts, skeins, ducks, those are all named after the men who discovered them. So Grafenberg spot is a gynecologist, a male gynecologist who discovered the G spot. So some people don't like to call it that because why are we saying men's names when we're talking about our genitals? And then the second reason people don't like the word G spot is because they're like, it's not a spot that makes it sound small. It's actually this whole like entire area underneath the female urethra anteriorly, very superficially into the vagina.

19:58Dr. Kelly Casperson: So just a very highly sensitive, erogenous, nerve filled area. It correlates to where the prostate is in men. So there you go. So is it, or is it, is it the bee's knees for every single woman? No. Is it, does it uh it's it's considered like nerves of the clitoris go under there so it's still you know when we say vaginal penetration causes orgasms the g-spot's technically in the vagina but it's nerves again nerves of the clitoris so excellent excellent question um this is also but he's like please hold off on questions but that's another is squirting real let's get back to that one so like when we do questions like let me get through my stuff and then we'll that's a good question so this is Rosemary Bassan.

20:43Dr. Kelly Casperson: Basically, she's like, screw the linear model of desire coming first. Desire can happen during, it can be spontaneous, it can be responsive. You can want sex without any sexual stimuli, or you might need sexual stimuli to want sex, all of these things. So that's why Rosemary Bassan is famous. Nobody knows this. It was published 25 years ago. but some people are like but I need emotional intimacy and you know my nervous system regulator before I want sex yeah you're that's normal too it's all it's all normal sex is all normal as long as it's between consenting adults it's all normal but when you don't have a good sex education you think you're just sitting around in your living room and you don't desire sex and then you never have sex.

21:35There you go.

21:37Dr. Kelly Casperson: So this is a better image of the clitoris uncovered. So if you have skin, the bulbs or the arms of the clitoris are underneath the labia majora labia minora. But this is basically what a penis looks like, you guys. If you take a penis out and you kind of bend the ends of it to put a vagina through the middle of it, this is what a penis looks like. so I was listening I was at Ishwish this past year and this amazing talk was given and he was basically like the penis is a prolapsed clitoris and I was like I need to write that down it's it's a very good statement um basically like the penis is a clitoris that fell out of your body like I love it all right so this is why again going back to why I designed my vibrator When you put the Explorer on the vulva, it is stimulating blood flow to those arms of the clitoris.

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23:52Dr. Kelly Casperson: All right, this is another fascinating thing that I wish people got in sex ed, is the unaroused vagina is shorter. I'll say it again. The unaroused vagina is shorter than the average penis length. So this is very important. if you are unaroused meaning you don't have blood flow pouring in preparing your body for sex and you put an aroused penis in an unaroused vagina it causes pain sex ed 101 somebody said very important knowledge indeed um aroused but aroused vagina four to seven inches average length of an erect penis 5.1 inches sorry for the people who are international these are u.s measurements.

24:37Dr. Kelly Casperson: Sorry. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't say no to the metric system. So this is why I, when I saw it, when I'm in my urology practice and I see two women in one week in their early twenties for pain with sex. And I say, tell me about sex. How does sex start? What do you, and sex starts by putting an erect penis in her pelvis without any female arousal. Another word for that is foreplay. Not everybody likes the word foreplay. it hurts do not put erect things in unprepared pelvises do not it hurts so combine that with a pelvis that doesn't have any hormones in it with gsm don't be surprised why these people don't want to have sex anymore doesn't fit doesn't hurt there's not enough lube so we need blood flow the clitoris needs blood flow the vulva needs blood flow just as much as a penis needs blood flow but a penis gets erect and we can see it it's way if you know what you're looking for you know what your aroused vulva clitoris looks like compared to unaroused like if you spend some but it's not as light switchy as an erection so and then nobody gets sex ed so we just think like somebody one person has an erection and we're good to go but like this is the basic sex ed 101 one.

25:55Dr. Kelly Casperson: Do not put an erect penis in an unerect female pelvis. It can cause pain, and it certainly is more challenging to have an orgasm when you're unaroused. You need blood flow. It's just like men. Very hard for an unerect penis to have an orgasm. You need blood flow, right? Sex ed. Is this landing? Are we landing? Are we landing? Is this what people need to hear? Okay, good. I got one I got one yes. I'm good to go. I shall continue. Okay. This I got from Barry Kamisurek. He is a orgasm researcher and he speaks at Ishwish and he says, the more roads going to roam, the better your chance of orgasm. And what they actually researched this.

26:39Dr. Kelly Casperson: So the pelvis has three nerves, pelvic nerve, two dundal nerve, and another one. And the top of the cervix is also a vagus nerve. So we have multiple nerves going into the pelvis. The more those nerves are stimulated in a pleasurable way and are receiving pleasure going up to the brain, and this can include other skin areas, breast stimulation, neck, whatever. The more roads you have going to roam, the more intense the orgasm and the more success with orgasm you will have. Meaning, if you just touch one area, which might just be a hard penis and a vagina, it's a lot harder to have an orgasm than if you've got everything going up to Rome.

27:31Dr. Kelly Casperson: We've got vibration, we've got breast stimulation, and we've got blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Just the more people going to Rome, the bigger the party at Rome is, and this is scientifically proven. All right. Everyone has erectile tissue. This is a picture of the clitoris, again, and a picture of the penis showing basically that they are the exact same organ, just different. The inside part of the clitoris opens up to have a vagina and a urethra go through it, whereas in the penis, the urethra goes through the middle of the penis. So this is sex head 101. We have to know how we're built. Otherwise, we just think we're broken.

28:08Dr. Kelly Casperson: Everybody has erectile tissue and blood flow matters. All right. So that said, the amount of research on the clitoris pales in comparison to the amount researched on the penis. My friend, Dr. Maria Yoloko, another female urologist, published this paper in 2023 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, clinical implications of the historical medical and social neglect of the clitoris. Basically, the clitoris is studied zero times for every 10 times the penis has been studied, and they're basically the exact same damn organ. But we use that as sex med doctors to extrapolate and say, if we know these things about the penis to be true, they're probably also true about the clitoris, meaning smoking hurts it, heart disease hurts it, blood blood flow issues hurt the nervous, you know, diseases of the nervous system can hurt it, all of these things.

29:06Dr. Kelly Casperson: I wanted to just do a quick side note on the role of testosterone in vaginal function only because I get a very, I get very much a bee in my bonnet when people say the only indication for testosterone is desire. Testosterone has been proven to help every single domain of female sexual function, including arousal and orgasm. So I just, this is your slight testosterone detour. This is not a talk on testosterone, but testosterone helps vaginal function, decreases pain, helps inflammation, helps lubrication, helps orgasm. The amount of women I start on testosterone, systemic testosterone, and they're like, oh my gosh, the orgasms feel so much better.

29:45Dr. Kelly Casperson: They just feel stronger. They have research. We have no FDA approved testosterone product in general, let alone vaginal, but they have studied it for vulvovaginal atrophy, and it works. So every time somebody says the only indication for testosterone in women is libido, you need to fight back because they're literally erasing published research on that, and it just irritates the shit out of me. So multiple published papers looking at the role of sexual function, vaginal function, and testosterone. There's actually two studies looking at systemic testosterone helping with bladder leakage, stress incontinence.

30:24Dr. Kelly Casperson: So not great studies. Of course, more is needed. But here we go. Been on T for almost two months, had my first manual orgasm in years, no toys, shocked and surprised me. Yes, testosterone helps orgasm. God bless, right? So cool.

30:42Dr. Kelly Casperson: So blood flow drugs, Viagra, Cialis, they're blood flow drugs. This is where vascular and heart health intersect. We know that erectile dysfunction can be an early warning sign of heart disease in men, but we never ask that about orgasm and arousal in women, but it's probably the same. so what's good for blood flow is good for your genitals that's why smoking is so bad for erections and the same as in women different types of lube i want to talk to you before we get into vibrators uh three basic types water-based silicone-based oil-based people have orgasms easier when they use lube they have less pain when they use lube normalized lube i always say don't expect the vagina to do to do the job of everybody else the clitoris is not self-lubricating and a penis is not self-lubricating so don't make the vagina do everybody else's job uh lube decreases friction i get a little bee in my bonnet about don't use silicone lubes with silicone toys i think if you have good high quality silicone toys i just have a massive silicone lube bias.

31:53Dr. Kelly Casperson: I love it. I think water-based is cold and kind of tacky, meaning it's a tacky like a stringy sort of sensation, not like cheap. Oil-based is great. I love it. I think it's like the warmest of all of them. It's just not good for condoms. So it doesn't really matter, but play around with it. See which ones you like.

32:16Dr. Kelly Casperson: Here's a couple of brands. I like Naomi Watts' says oh my glide for oil based i like uber lube for silicone based um then and some people really like water based so i like silicone especially with dry atrophic skin gsm because it doesn't like dry skin like sucks up the water-based lube because it's like i need moisture whereas silicone doesn't dry up okay so roll of vibrators they vibrators help with blood flow help with sensory like oh that's what my genitals feel like oh dropping back into your body oh let's focus on the present moment right we've got evidence-based uh and it helps with the body brain connection so we've got some data of course we need more data on vibrators but that's the data we're going to go over some data on the role of vibrators um toys in the bedroom how using sexual devices is associated with higher female orgasm intensity arousal and sexual satisfaction and it's amazing so this was published in the journal of sexual medicine 2025 uh then they researched in 2026 american journal of obstetrics and gynecology intimacy and empowerment in urogynecology a qualitative exploration and vibrator use themes of improved self-confidence mood sleep libido orgasm and self-reported improvements in urinary incontinence pelvic health, blood flow, blood flow and muscle strength, vaginal dryness and pelvic pain.

33:44Dr. Kelly Casperson: So I get a little cringy anytime somebody says use it or lose it. I don't like it. I don't like shitting all over women's sex lives. I don't like telling women that you better have sex or else. So I have a lot of problems with the use it or lose it. And there is some truth to that, especially when it comes to vibrators. So I don't think there's evidence saying putting a hard penis in your vagina does a damn thing. But vibration is blood flow. Blood flow helps tissue quality. Blood flow helps muscles. Orgasm helps muscles. So purposefully having sex with orgasm, even without orgasm, there's vibrator data that didn't tell women they needed an orgasm.

34:28Dr. Kelly Casperson: It was just vibrator use seems to help pelvic health conditions. So again, I'll always kind of cringe with the use it or lose it, but there is truth to that when it comes to vibrator therapy.

34:48Dr. Kelly Casperson: The role of vibrator in women's pelvic health, an alluring tool to improve physical, sexual, and mental health. And this was the headline when this paper came out in 2024. Are doctors is going to prescribe vibrators again. That said, here's my two cents on that. When you have a 10 minute doctor appointment and you are coming in with all your biases against sex or sexual trauma or bad sex ed and the doctor is only talking about sex either and now you only have 10 minutes and you're brave enough to bring up a sexual function issue and then the doctor's first solution is here to try a vibrator. Maybe she's never tried a vibrator in her life.

35:28Dr. Kelly Casperson: I just think it can be a little tone deaf.

35:33Dr. Kelly Casperson: So like, what's my point? Know your audience, know how educated they are, know what they think about vibrators. Like it's a conversation that should include vibrators. But I think just saying a vibrator is the solution to everything can be a little bit tone deafy. Patient perceptions of vulvar vibration therapy for refractory vulvar pain. many people vibrator treatment is acceptable they were satisfied it's comfortable to use 73 % indicated sex is less painful since starting vibration treatment and 88 % would recommend vulvar vibration therapy to others which is very very very cool so this was basically a paper that asked women what did you think about doing this and overwhelming positive not a hundred notice none of this was 100 % you cannot pun intended you literally cannot please everybody but by and large the majority of people thought that vibration therapy was great Dr.

36:34Dr. Kelly Casperson: Corinne Men and I are writing up our HEAL protocol this is focused primarily the goal is for cancer survivors now I just interviewed a cancer survivor stage four breast cancer for my podcast today it'll probably come out in a couple of months but you know she reiterated like I wasn't thinking about sex for like a full year. Like you're just trying to survive. But the majority of women say, nobody told me, nobody told me the tissue damage, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So the HEAL protocol is H is for hormones. E is for, this is for sex ed after cancer, but I think it's not just after cancer. This applies to everybody.

37:12Dr. Kelly Casperson: HEAL protocol is H is hormones. E is education, sex education. A is arousal and vibration. And And then L is lube and moisturizers. All right. So we're going to normalize tech. I have three vibrators for my mouth. I have an electric flosser, a water pick, and then an electric toothbrush. Why? Because it turns out that this technology does a better job at cleaning my mouth than my hand does. And a piece of plastic.

37:47Dr. Kelly Casperson: We use tech everywhere. you're listening to this talk right now because of tech it's just very funny to me that people will like embrace tech in their life and i'm not like a huge tech person like i actually don't like the vibrators that like have the app and the ai and the 17 different like i don't like too much tech but completely poo-pooing tech in the bedroom but not poo-pooing it anywhere else in life is kind of kind of silly uh so normalizing tech so many different types of vibrators and during my show and tell, I'll pull some out. Many, many different types. So when people say, what's the best?

38:26Dr. Kelly Casperson: Understand you're just getting somebody's recommendation. You're going to have to try it out yourself and then try other things. Unless you're in Texas, then you're only allowed to have six vibrators because seven is apparently you're dealing in them then, and then that's breaking the law. Anywhere between 50 and 80 % of women own vibrators. This is a bullet vibrator. somebody had just said what's a small one to have during penetrative sex bullet vibrator for direct clitoral stimulation is useful this is the magic wand so magic wand is really good for intense, it's very intense but for people who have trouble holding things they might not be able to hold something small magic wand is very tactile buttons buttons can be very tricky for people with you know arthritis or tactile or vision issues so the magic wand is kind of the oldie oldie but the goodie this is a thruster so they actually make them that thrust i would my advice for that is they're fabulous if you're appropriately turned on but make sure you have arousal first before you start um thrusting but the thrusting can be delicious for people.

39:41This is my Explorer.

39:45Dr. Kelly Casperson: So you can palm it. You don't, you don't have to hold it. You know, if you have mobility issues, nothing for penetration. So not intimidating. It's very quiet. It's a high quality motor. What's the difference between a$20 vibrator and$140 vibrator, the quality of the silicone and the quality of the motor. I'd say the thoughtfulness put into the product. What's the difference between$140 vibrator and a$400 vibrator?

40:18Marketing.

40:18Dr. Kelly Casperson: Marketing. I'd say a good vibrator should be less than$200, but if you're spending less than$80, you're probably getting a cheap vibrator. Which lube is best for the Explorer? I just use silicone. Just clean it. So any vibrator should be washed off with soap and water when you're done or when you wake up in the morning if you want to go to bed whatever

40:42Dr. Kelly Casperson: um so i like it i like it this i i as the as the person who fully understands clitoral anatomy and the role of the vulva and the role of arousal i wanted something that didn't immediately go into the pelvis because i think too many women rush to put something into the vagina instead of actually focus on their arousal so that's why i developed elixir play is the company i partnered with because the founder is amazing. These are the pleasure pulse technology. I call them clitoral suction devices, but I think they prefer air pulse technology. I like the WeVibe Melt personally. It's not as clunky as some of the other ones.

41:19Dr. Kelly Casperson: This is a light switch. This is like, if you just want to have an orgasm, maybe without even any arousal, like it's a light switch, I think, which is great for some people. I call it the finisher. He had a great sexual experience, but just wasn't enough to quite orgasm. Finisher with the WeVibe Melt. I call it the finisher. Amazing, amazing technology. I think everybody should at least buy one of these and try it because they are worth it. Again, I, personal preference WeVibe Melt. It is a lower profile. It's not as clumpy. A clunky is what I'm saying. Somebody just said the Melt is, in my opinion, the best suction toy that fits between bodies nice yeah it's a lower profile i like it um so myths about vibrators um that you're replacing a partner technology does not replace partners it's i think it's when you actually like intellectually think about that like no this thing is meant to vibrate your pelvis it's all it's meant to do um and you that you'll get desensitized they actually looked at this they looked at the level of vibration vibrators give the pelvis compared to technologies that actually desensitize people like jackhammers or you because what that means actually like you become numb right and the level of nerve stimulation is not enough for nerve damage with vibrators uh there you go so what not to say in a 10-minute office is that this made this was 2024 it made the surface around the internet, the best kept secret for menopause relief, masturbation, because they found that orgasms can help people sleep, can help mood, but again, what not to say in a 10-minute doctor visit when you talk to your doctor about sexual health issues, oh, just masturbate, maybe this person has never masturbated in their life, like, and furthermore, oh, somebody, this is a good reply, bad sex for life will make you numb, as opposed to vibrators making you numb, yeah, I like that, um so yeah I think sex is an amazing experience that you get to have with yourself or with partner or partners it's an amazing what your body can do as far as being designed to give you pleasure but I think just to tell somebody to masturbate for their menopause relief is actually very bad medicine dismissive and tone deaf all right so five things I tell every woman you are not broken.

43:48Dr. Kelly Casperson: Pain is not normal. Pleasure is allowed. Desire is not a fixed state. You will never want, you will never desire mushy broccoli. So when people come to me for low desire, the first, one of the first things I care about is how is the sex? Because if it's not good and if it's about the other person, no medication will make you like that. And it's never too late, never too late. All right. So let's stop sharing. I'm going to do some show and tells. mushy broccoli can be made into soup I love that unless it's also moldy unless it's also moldy broccoli um okay this is one of the clitoral suction devices this is a wee vibe I think I just think it's big but but if somebody wants to palm it it can work this part goes in the clitoris on and off buttons right there I just think this is the clunkier of the two this one, we can do a side to side.

44:48Dr. Kelly Casperson: This is the WeVibe Melt. So you can see it's a lot lower profile. I just think this is, it's a lot smaller than this one is. So I like this one. This is, this goes over your clitoris, but it's intense, you guys. I don't think this is the beginner vibrator. I think this is advanced vibration. All right. This one is CERE. It's very bendable. So this can go inside and this can go on the clitoris. So like this, which is kind of cool. um high quality silicone i don't know prices on these so i'm sorry uh but this vibrates you can put this on the clitoris beginner vibrators i'd say my explorer is a beginner vibrator because it's you're going to experience pleasure and orgasm without penetration also like the bullet vibrators this is a bullet vibrator it's very low profile just for the clitoris but sometimes again remember that all roads lead to Rome.

45:57This might not be enough roads to stimulate the whole vulva.

46:04Dr. Kelly Casperson: How does air pulse technology work for someone with complete clitoral hood fusion? I would see a urologist or urogynecologist to help with your clitoral hood fusion if you want. It might work, it might not work. A lot of people, so the foreskin of the penis coming over the shaft of the penis, the clitoris has the same thing. It's called the clitoral hood. And with low hormones, especially also with lichen sclerosis, that it's kind of like a turtleneck getting stuck on your head. And women will say it's harder to have an orgasm. I feel like I'm trying to have an orgasm through a blanket. It's like there's an extra layer there.

46:41Dr. Kelly Casperson: So to me, mild clitoral phimosis can easily be held with hormones and gentle retraction in clinic. if it's complete fusion uh see an expert to help release that what else do i have this is another one who are you i think this is another we vibe kind of similar so another clitoral suction device this is another one by elixir play i just wanted to be able to see see how like there's literally like gardeners that just looked in and i'm like okay um this is a little thicker of one meant to go into the vagina like this. Very stretchy, not hard plastic at all. Somebody just asked, is there vibrators that have clitoral suction and penetration?

47:25Dr. Kelly Casperson: Yeah, this one by Siri is clitoral suction and penetration. So you can do both. Or you can start just with penetration or turn it this way and just do clitoris, all the things. Here's mine. This is the Explorer. It comes in this nice box.

47:47And it's double.

47:48Dr. Kelly Casperson: It's hard to see this on the two dimensions. So this side is ridged. So it can sit in your vulva just a little bit like this. Feels really good. This is a little bit more, for lack of a better word, pointy. So it can be on top of the clitoris like this. This has a ridge in it to sit on top of the clitoral body. So on your mons, right? Or you can have it turn it and have it be on your pelvis. or just have the clitoris be touched with more pinpoint on here, kind of like the bullet vibrator. It's a little more pinpointy, right, if you want to do that. You can place this pointy part like almost in the vagina or this can go down on the perineum.

48:28Dr. Kelly Casperson: So this is your vulva. Perineum's down here, also good. Very nice design, your explorer. Thank you very much. Did I miss the rabbit vibrators? I don't have a rabbit vibrator, but they're too big for some people. So if you have pain with penetration, don't go super big. This is another one by Elixir Play, which is kind of more of a rounded flat surface for the clitoris. I think this is a nice beginner one. So this is the Elixir Play. I think this is Emerald. I think that's what it's called. Elixirplay.com. Because you can do just clitoris, just sides of the vulva. or you could do mild penetration with it and it's not too big.

49:15Dr. Kelly Casperson: Let's see, what else do I have? This is more, again, of like the bullet or the palm one. This one is by Taboo and it's external only, right? So this one's even smaller than mine is. If you look at mine, so mine's designed to have the whole vulva vibrated. This one is, again, a little bit more for just the clitoris. on the clitoris, but you could use it as a palm if you want. Again, for people who have mobility issues, you can just palm them.

49:50Dr. Kelly Casperson: This one is more of a G-spot one. So again, G-spot anterior vagina. I don't have a penis ring example. I'm sorry. I didn't grab that. But so this goes in the vagina and up at hitting the up top of the anterior. So G-spot, they'll sell them as G-spot vibrators. are usually just a little curved up so they hit that anterior vaginal wall. This one is a penetrator. It's pretty big. This is a bigger one but this is the one that goes in and out. Can I actually show you? So that's what a penetrating vibrator looks like. It goes in and out like that. I don't know how my screen is big. I don't know why it looks like it's not big to you.

50:34it's big on me um and now i'm not gonna be able to turn my vibrator off please hold okay there we

50:41Dr. Kelly Casperson: go so this was the penetrator one that again goes in and out somebody else said my screen's fine good this one is made by oboe um o-o-b-o and which is an american brand and this so again g-spot vibrator where this goes in and then this vibrates up around the clitoris so yeah somebody said the in and out. Whoa, exactly. But if you're ready for something new, it's pretty amazing. What is the name of this one? You guys, I don't even, I think it's called, well, on it, it says evolved. If somebody wants to do a quick Google search, it says evolved, but you might want to Google evolved thruster vibrator or something.

51:21Dr. Kelly Casperson: Again, high-end silicone. All of this is soft and skin like. The cheaper you go with your vibrators, the more hard plastic brands you're going to get. I think hard plastic is cold, number one. Yeah, the thruster ones are more noisy because it's like literally a moving part. So that is all of my show and tells. Clearly, I can't do this in Texas because it's more than six, but I'm not currently sitting in Texas. So they want me to turn my Explorer on. I don't know if this Explorer is charged, you guys. I don't know if my Explorer is charged. So things I didn't check out before my webinar. I told Elixir the next version should have cold and hot buttons.

52:11Dr. Kelly Casperson: Oh, I love that. So for the Explorer, you have to press it twice to turn it on. There. So you press it twice. A lot of people have questions about turning it on. there you go a question about turning it on you have to press it twice because you if you press it once it might be an accident you don't just want these things to turn on all of a sudden so you have to be intentional and that's why i have to touch it but it's very quiet i don't know if you can see my hand vibrating now um there i turned on it still has some charger um code not broken 20 on the elixir play website for 20 off is somebody had asked is square yeah it's very it's very quiet it.

52:53Dr. Kelly Casperson: I love it. Um, can you please go back to my question about squirting and can I do squirting with a vibrator? Yeah. So squirting is real and not everybody can squirt. There are squirting classes. Um, you basically, it's basically a, it's very intense. So the squirting classes, as much as I used to poo poo it, cause I'm like, we're not all Toyotas, blah, blah, blah. but like they'll tell you like it's you kind of have to breathe into your pelvis some people like they just squirt normally have been ever since they were a teenager like magic unicorns but to learn to squirt it's really kind of a getting into your pelvis and breathing and like relaxing and it's not always correlated exactly with orgasms so you can squirt and not have an orgasm um if there's a lot of fluid there is a argument about whether it's urine or not and then the next argument is who cares it's pleasurable as a pelvic surgeon when it's a copious amount of fluid it's urine until proven otherwise because you have to be able to take out the organ that makes that much fluid and prostates make fluid and bladders make fluid but there isn't anything else in the female body that like can store that amount of fluid um so it's probably the the ducts around the vagina also and a combination of both lubrication maybe during pleasurable feels fantastic those who know know not everybody can do it but you can take classes um yeah so my husband always assumes that when i squirt up orgasm that i have to tell him to keep going yeah separate things you're like on the vibrator lecture i learned that the that there's difference between squirting and orgasming yes there you go um yeah discount code for the explorer is not broken 20 to zero not broken to zero on the checkout page on elixirplay.com so my it's currently running for 140 um we can't make it any cheaper to make the motor that good in the silicone and a lot if you go on the we vibe site lilo's another high-end brand womanizer they're all going to have vibrators between the$100 and$200 range.

55:06Dr. Kelly Casperson: When you start getting into$300, $400, that's marketing. I don't think there's a vibrator that's worth that. My personal opinion, everybody's, again, everybody's different. But when you start getting a vibrator that's less than$100, you're really cutting corners on motor quality, quietness and the external touch and feel you're going to get a lot more hard plastic you're going to get a lot less nice like body similar silicone with that so um

55:42Dr. Kelly Casperson: somebody just said i agree no vibrator gets any better above 200 yeah i agree is it okay for women with prolapse to use an internal vibrator yes absolutely if anything uh because we know this with physical therapy, right? Strengthening of the pelvis, which an orgasm is a pelvic floor muscle contraction spaced out every 0.8 seconds, that it can actually help mild prolapse. So it can't reverse like stage four, but a stage one or a stage two prolapse can get better with pelvic floor muscle exercises and orgasm. All right. We're at the very end. We're talking about anal stimulation now. anal stimulation is definitely a thing yes absolutely erogenous zone totally do not put anything in your anus without being properly lubricated properly protected and properly turned on do not put anything in an unaroused pelvis that's like if i had any advice for women do not put anything inside an unaroused pelvis thank you um could you give the discount again Yes, not broken 20.

56:54Dr. Kelly Casperson: Two zero. All right. You like how I'm drinking coffee and talking vibrators? I mean, who better? Oh, thank you, Nora, for typing that in there. Not broken 20. I love it. All right, we've got time. We've got five minutes left. We've got time for questions. Thoughts about Joylux red light vibration and heat? There is data on red light helping bodies. there is. I think that product is hard plastic. If you're going to spend$400, why'd they make it out of hard plastic? And I don't think most people are going to use it enough for what's required for red light therapy to truly work. In addition, if you're using a vibrator to try to treat a medical condition, I would want you to go to somebody who was like, who wasn't making money on the product to be like, I think this will actually help your medical condition instead instead of hormones, pelvic floor, physical therapy, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

57:55Dr. Kelly Casperson: Is there such a thing as silicone allergy sensitivity? If there is, it's not common because silicone is an inert substance. So I certainly see metal allergies and sensitivities more. I'm not saying it can't happen. I'm just saying because silicone's inert. Yeah. Somebody said to help with lichen sclerosis. So my question is, are you being optimized medically with the lichen sclerosis? And is it something that a regular vibrator can do? And if you're going to buy an expensive red light one, are you actually going to use it enough to see a difference? Are some people allergic to silicone gloves?

58:34Dr. Kelly Casperson: I think you're thinking about latex gloves. So yes, latex allergy is absolutely a thing. But they don't make silicone gloves. Those would be probably expensive gloves. Not single use. All right. Three more minutes for questions. You guys are amazing. Here, I'm going to go into the Q &A. As a woman with physical disabilities that affects hands, we need a vibrator with easy on-off buttons. Yeah, I think that's hard to come by. They all make them very flat. The tactile buttons, like the... What am I thinking of? I'm thinking of the big one I showed you. That is like sold as the back massager. That one has more tactile buttons.

59:16Dr. Kelly Casperson: um but yeah that one how easy is the button to push on the explorer i think trying to push it twice because a lot of people don't know you actually have to push it twice to turn it on i think it's easy to push but it's like they're holding it down and getting and pushing it twice there now it's on you have to push it to get a vibration and then you push it again and now it's on so i think it's easy to push but i don't have issues with my finger um but otherwise tactile child buttons. I know when you have a real picture of genitals, the image is labeled as porn. So how can you really see how to guide to show your partner about techniques because porn is just fake and performative?

59:55Dr. Kelly Casperson: You know what I like? Look at the vulva puppet. Somebody can type that into the Q &A for people. It's a website. It's like literally a woman who makes vulva puppets. They're made out of like velour and velvet and they're actually kind of expensive. And she makes like handkerchiefs with really amazing anatomy on it. You can get clitoral 3D models, vulvar 3D models. It's very cool. Is it normal to have low abdominal pain after a huge orgasm a couple of days later? Some people feel achy. Yeah. Cause it's like a pelvic muscle contraction, but the medical doctor, I'm always like, can you get a pelvic ultrasound?

1:00:36Dr. Kelly Casperson: Is there a fibroid? Is there something? Does a physical therapists can they find a tight hip etc etc so i'm always thinking medical but if you haven't had sex for a while and then you have sex yes you can absolutely be sore afterwards very similar to um i lift weights and i haven't lifted weights in a while and i'm sore that afterwards because it is it is pelvic exercise um do all antidepressants affect sexual arousal and climax i'd say to there there is no antidepressant where people are like well this works on the brain but not on sex like the brain is your biggest sexual organ there are some that are less sexually affected than others but i i can't think of one where people are like there are zero people with sexual function issues on this one um i used to be able to orgasm during penetration before my husband since i met my husband he orgasms too quickly and i can't orgasm anymore.

1:01:32Well, he's not allowed to work on him not orgasming as fast, if that bothers you,

1:01:38Dr. Kelly Casperson: if it doesn't bother you. But the only thing that I hear, this is what I, as I'm talking, I'm clarifying my thoughts. If sex ends when he orgasms and he orgasms quickly, that's a problem. But if he orgasms and now he's taking care of himself and he can focus on you, God bless. Fantastic. Wonderful. So that's what I would say about that. Um, maybe it's not your husband, just thinking you're older. So maybe it's hormones. Maybe we do need to introduce a vibrator. Maybe you are putting his penis in before you're aroused fully. There's lots of things that you can work. I always, I think because I'm a surgeon, I think in flow charts, right?

1:02:17Dr. Kelly Casperson: So I'm like, if this, try this, if this, try this, lots of things you can do about that. How about the older vibrator, the magic wand? Yes, we like the magic wand. um do you always need to clean yourself after orgasm does it cause infections if you just go to sleep no most people should be able to go to sleep it's fine some people are like very sensitive and need a little cleaning up but lots of people just go to sleep it's fine uh is vibrator good for beginners i took the online test and it suggested a different one i think my vibrator is very good for beginners because it's not intimidating and it gets you used to arousal without putting anything inside.

1:02:59Dr. Kelly Casperson: So this webinar will be recorded and put on the website for purchase, and I'll also be putting it on the podcast at some point. So yes, to answer people's question of how do I get my husband to listen to this one. I like how you tested it out first, though, before you let your husband in. That's so good. Thanks so much for everything you're doing, Dr. Kelly. I love how you show us the research and data for all things related to menopause. I love it. Yes, and this webinar will be available to members for free because you're a member. So you'll get that too. Yeah, I mean, to me, I always say like nearly everything I say, unless I say this is my opinion, nearly everything I say is because I've read research and data on it.

1:03:40So there you go.

1:03:42Dr. Kelly Casperson: And yes, we absolutely need more data on vibrators. But by and large, vibrators are safe. They are healthy. they improve sexual function, they're non-habit forming, even though I'm like, people are like, can you get addicted to a vibrator? I didn't put that one down as a myth. We'll wrap with this one. Can you get addicted to a vibrator? You can get used to doing things that make things easier. Like I don't like walking to the grocery store and carrying all my groceries back because the car is like so much better at that job, right? Does that mean I'm addicted to my car? No, it just means my car is a more pleasurable experience when I go get groceries.

1:04:19So, you cannot get technically addicted to it.

1:04:24Dr. Kelly Casperson: Anatomy lesson was great, especially since I never learned this in school. Oh, your OB-GYN loves me. That's like the best compliment ever is when other doctors are like, thank you for getting the knowledge out. All right, guys, I love you. Thank you for coming. Go have fun now. Now you get to go play. And now we play. All right. Love all you guys. Till next time. Thanks for being here.

1:05:17and all content from Dr. Kelly Kasperson is intended for educational and informational purposes only. And this is not a substitute for individual medical, coaching, or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the guidance of your qualified healthcare professional with any questions you may have regarding your health. Never disregard or delay medical advice because of something you've heard on this or other podcasts. Thanks for being here, And remember, you are not broken.