Ben Nemtin: Building a Badass Bucket List for Your Life and Business | Mental Health | YAPClassic

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24:37Young end profiters. I know there's so many people tuning in right now that end their workday wondering why certain tasks take forever, why they're procrastinating certain things, why they don't feel confident in their work, why they feel drained and frustrated and unfulfilled. But here's the thing you need to know. It's not a character flaw that you're feeling this way. It's actually your natural wiring. And here's the thing. When it comes to burnout, out. It's really about the type of work that you're doing. Some work gives you energy and some work simply drains you. So it's key to understand your six types of working genius.

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25:43I don't like it when people slow me down. I don't like hand-holding. I like to move fast, invent, rally people, inspire. But what I do need to do is ensure that somebody else can fill the enablement role, which I do have, Kate, on my team. So working Genius helps you uncover these genius gaps, helps you work better with your team, helps you reduce friction, helps you collaborate better, understand why people are the way that they are. It's helped me restructure my team, put people in the spots that they're going to really excel. And it's also helped me in hiring. Working Genius is absolutely amazing.

26:13I'm obsessed with this model. So if you guys want to take the Working Genius assessment and get 20 % off, you can use code profiting. Go to workinggenius.com. Again, that's workinggenius.com. Stop guessing. Start working in your genius. So you came up with this bucket list. You were 19 years old. You're a little naive at the time. You know, you didn't have that much life experience. So I feel like coming up with big audacious goals when you're that young doesn't seem as frightening as if you were in your later 20s or 30s or 40s. I feel like as you get older, you feel like it's too selfish to accomplish personal goals.

26:47Like you feel like you've got all this responsibility and maybe you can't do some of the things that you always dreamed of. So I'd love to hear your thoughts about why it's not selfish to have personal goals and also how we can start to think outside the box when it comes to some of these things on our bucket list. Yeah, great point. So I think that it's not selfish to pursue your personal goals because you can't take care of other people if you can't, if you don't take care of yourself, you can't do your job. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't be who you need to be if you're not fueling yourself.

27:19And one way you fuel yourself is by doing the things that you love. So there's this big tie between purpose and your mental health that I think a lot of people are missing. And when you are following the things that you love, that are important to you, that means something to you, that gives you a greater sense of well-being, that contributes to your mental health, and it energizes you. So I think that we need to flip our thinking around this idea that it's selfish to do these things. And I get it. Like, I used to think a bucket list was selfish, considering all my responsibilities, everything that I had to do every day.

27:50But then I started to notice that people around the world were going after their bucket list just because we were going after ours. Thousands, tens of thousands of people through the show, millions of people. And to this day, they come up and say, oh, I saw the show. I was going to school and I decided that I wanted to travel. I met my husband when I was traveling. Now we have four kids and we live in Italy. Or I started a restaurant. And instead of being a doctor, because when you do what you love, you inspire other people to do what they love. Just like you starting this podcast, you probably can't even count the number of people that you have inspired.

28:24So it's not selfish, it's service because you are giving other people permission to do the same and you also fuel yourself. So I think it's the same idea around taking vacation. We sometimes feel guilty when we take vacation because we're taking time off work. Well, you're not taking time off work, you're taking time off for work so that you can come back recharged and you also come back maybe with a bigger idea because you've taken space, You have perspective. So there are so many reasons why it's important to pursue these personal passions. And so the first thing is give yourself permission by understanding that it's not selfish because one, you're going to inspire other people by doing those things, but you're also going to fuel yourself.

29:06Then you look at like, what are these goals that are important to you? And sometimes it's hard to think about, you know, you look at a blank piece of paper and like, what's your list? And it's overwhelming. And that's why I think it's important to separate your list into categories. And so I talked about the 10 categories of life. That's basically what my new book is based on, the Bucket List Journal. It just came out last week. And effectively, you write your list in those 10 categories, mental health goals, physical health goals, relationship, how do you want to give back, intellectual, financial, material goals.

29:39and then you start to move through the barriers that stop you from achieving your goals. So I mentioned there was fear, that's number one. The other big barrier is when these personal goals, you think about them, there's no deadlines and that's a huge problem. That's why we push them. So you need to create accountability around the personal goals. That's why writing your list is important. That creates a small bit of accountability because you take an idea that doesn't exist, you make it real. That's why we share our goals. You share your goals so you can give other people the opportunity to help, but you also share them because then you feel accountable to the people you shared them.

30:12If I say on this podcast, this year, I'm writing a book. That's my number one goal. I'm writing a book this year. And you say, great. And then I run into you six months later and you say, hey, how's the book coming? And I think, oh, I better start writing that book. When you share your goals, you feel accountable when you share them with your community and then they can help you. And then the third barrier, and I think we've all felt this, is that usually with these personal goals, you're waiting to feel inspired to go after them. Or you're kind of waiting for the perfect time. And that inspiration just rarely hits.

30:44So you have to create your own inspiration through action. Like there was never a perfect time for you to start this podcast. You were never gonna have all your ducks in a row. You know, you were never gonna feel completely inspired to do it because the fear dampens that inspiration. So you have to just do it and create your own inspiration. And as soon as you started the podcast, you saw the reaction and then you start to feel more and more energy and more and more inspiration. So you're the architect of your own inspiration through action. And sometimes we just plan too much and we forget that action is a plan.

31:16You don't need to know the plan. You'll figure out the plan after you start. You do the first step, you don't need to know the second step. You'll figure out the second step after the first. It's a momentum. And so the journal is designed to create inspiration through action, to create accountability and then to identify real fear and imagine fear. Yeah, I love what you're saying right now. It reminds me of something that Jeff Hayden talked to us about the podcast called the Motivation Feedback Loop. And basically what it means is that, like you said, you got to take action. And once you get those little wins, you get that little bit of motivation to take the next step and little bit of motivation to take the next step.

31:54But it all starts with action. You have to go out and do something to your point. You can't just sit there and plan and think you've got to take those first steps. Absolutely. That's why most people don't because the fear stops you from that first step. Yeah. Okay. I want to get into some story time because you've got some really incredible stories. You've been doing this for many, many years. You've helped a lot of people. So one story that really stuck out to me was about this guy named Brent, who told you that he wanted to deliver pizzas to a homeless shelter. I don't want to give away the story.

32:24So can you tell us about that? No, it's great because I met you at a speaking engagement. so you were able to see the talk and so some of the you should know my story which is cool so brent was the very first person that we ever helped back in 2006 so take you back we're leaving vancouver island in canada we're heading to the mainland and we start to get in this rv and travel now there's some news starting to talk about we would just camp out at radio stations and we wouldn't leave until they put us on the air so emails started coming and we got this email from this guy named Brent. And Brent says, Hey guys, I'm 24.

33:00Before I die, I want to bring pizzas down to the homeless shelter. And so we're thinking finally someone we can help. Like we don't have much money, but we can buy pizzas. So let's go interview Brent. And so we talk with him and we find out that the reason why he wants to bring pizzas down to the homeless shelters, because he had lived in that homeless shelter for a couple of years. But he said, when people came in with food to the homeless shelter, it felt like the best day because it felt like someone actually cared about him in a world where nobody really cared about him. And we found that he'd actually pulled himself out of this homeless shelter by starting his own landscaping business.

33:33And his landscaping business relied on his truck and his truck had recently broken down. And so the four of us thought we got to figure out a way to get this guy a truck, because when we asked him, is there anything we can do to help? He wouldn't ask for help around the truck. He would just ask for help to get the pizzas. So we thought that's pretty cool that this guy's in a tough spot and he's not even asking for anything for himself. And we didn't have much money at the time. We had $480 between the four of us Canadian. So it's less. So that's like not much cash. So we went to an RV. No, sorry, a used car salesman.

34:06And we said, this is the story of this guy in your community. And the cheapest truck on the lot was$2 ,100. And he sold the truck to us for$480. And then he paid for the insurance and out of his own pocket. We're at the age. We didn't even know that you needed insurance. This is all our money. And so anyways, he was, so this idea of, you know, we gave him a chance to be a hero and he took it. Like they saw that so many times, drive up to Brent, throw him the keys. And he just sort of started to cry and he bear hugged me and didn't let go for a long time. And we hung out with him and his girlfriend that day.

34:42And we sort of all felt like, okay, this is what this is about. And we have to keep doing this. And that was the catalyst to continue to do this again the next summer, you know, this, this feeling that we had never felt before, which was helping a stranger, helping someone we didn't know. And we hadn't done that before in our lives. We didn't have had volunteered in high school or experienced that. And so, yeah, that was very impactful. And so you went on to do a lot of bucket list items that are really impressive. You started an MTV show, you escaped a desert island, you had a beer with Prince Harry, you even got on Oprah.

35:21And you also played basketball with President Obama, which is pretty damn impressive. So what was your favorite story? Tell us like your favorite story and like the crazy things that you did to accomplish your goals. There's a lot of crazy stories. I'll tell the President Obama story quickly. And then there's I'll tell another one after that as well. Very quickly, President Obama, we had no connections to the White House. So we just drove there and started asking people on the street if they knew anyone in the White House, which is not didn't get us very far. But we started to send emails to people that we found.

35:53We just like contacted politicians offices, basically. And we met with a couple lower level officials and they and then we were convinced them to meet with their boss. And then we met with their boss and we got all the way up to the secretary of transportation and he put in the call to the White House and we were stoked. And then we got an official rejection letter from the White House. And then we were like, OK, well, that's too bad. I guess we're going to have to change our tact. And so we said instead of going after the president, we'd go after the president's personal aid because the personal aid of the president, he set up the basketball games with, with president Obama.

36:24And there was these secret gap basketball games that everyone was trying to kind of figure out a way to get involved with. And so we found what we thought was the president's personal aid's email. And we started sending him emails every day with a challenge to a basketball game. So he said, you and the president versus us tonight, 730 at the YMCA be there. And we'd show up at the Y at 730 and no president. We did the next day, no president. So we did this for a week. We pick it outside the white house with signs. We sent letters at this point, like no one is meeting with us anymore. So we just accept defeat and we leave.

36:54Then I get a block call a couple days later and I pick it up and it's the personal light of the president. And he's like, what's this I hear about you wanting to play basketball against the president and I, and I explained what we're doing. And he's like, you know what? I can make this happen. I feel good about this. Give me two weeks. I just need to run it by the press team. They got to sign off on everything. I'll get back to you in two weeks. Calls me in two weeks. He's like, it's not going to happen. And we're like, oh, Jesus. Okay. So now he's like, listen, I'm sorry. I don't know if you're back in DC.

37:23Let me know. Maybe I can give you a tour of the white house. Cut to three months later. We're back in DC personally to the president, true to his word, gives us a personal tour of the white house, walks us through the West wing, shows us his office next to the oval office down the back steps of the white house. By the way, We didn't know what to wear. So we rented suits from a prom rental store. Right. So we're like on the White House basketball courts, manicured hedges, presidential seal on each hoop, one presidential basketball. We're shooting around. And then all of a sudden I hear my friend go, oh, my God, oh, my God, it's the president.

37:54And President Obama walked on the court and he totally surprised us. And we were totally awestruck. And so we met the president. We shot around with him for 15, 20 minutes. Immediately forgot he's the president because he's the coolest man on earth. We were trying to hit shots he wasn't hitting. We were trash talking. It was really, really incredible. And that was amazing because it was. What a great memory. Yeah, it was definitely the most impossible thing I remember writing down. I remember when we came up with that idea for the list, it was I laughed because it was so impossible. Right. I was like, this is this is hilarious that this is so impossible.

38:30Let's put it on the list. It was definitely. And then to see him stroll on the court, I was like, wow, I guess I have no choice but to believe that anything's possible because I just proved to myself that this was possible. And I thought this was impossible. And now it happened. And so now I have no choice but to believe that these things can come to fruition. And I think that that's a very common feeling is that you don't know what's possible until you're doing it. And that's really important. You don't know what's possible until you're actually doing it. You can't even imagine yourself achieving some of these things until you've achieved it.

39:08And then you prove to yourself and everyone has the ability to prove to themselves that these things are possible.

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43:30Quo. No missed calls, no missed customers. I want to touch on this point because I really, really resonate with it. I always tell my listeners and when I'm getting interviewed on other podcasts. People are like, what is your secret to life? How did you become successful? And I always say like, you have to believe that life is limitless. And I feel like once I really believe that, that's when everything started to happen. Once you really believe that there's no limits to your life. And so that's really awesome that you had that mindset shift. And I'm sure that's helped you achieve more and more of these goals.

44:01So tell us another one of your stories. And then I want to hear what's still on your list. What have you not yet accomplished? Okay. One quick story is we tried to streak a field and get away. We didn't get away. We ended up spending the night in jail, but spending night in jail is on the list. So that was, at least we crossed off one. A double whammy. One of the things on the list was ask out the girl of your dreams. At the time, the girl of my dreams was Megan Fox. This was back in the Transformer movie days. I snuck onto the red carpet at the premiere of the Transformers film, pretending that I was working for Us Weekly.

44:37So I had a spot on the red carpet. I had a microphone and the cord of the microphone was just going into my pocket. And I had a camera guy with me because we were filming. And I snuck onto the red carpet in the in the press line. Megan Fox coming up. She comes up right up to me. I start interviewing her with this microphone, by the way, is not connected to anything. And I'm like, hey, how you doing? My name's Ben. And she's like, oh, my first boyfriend's name is Ben. And I'm like, uh, I get super nervous and I start talking about something. and then her publicist pulled her away and I completely blew it.

45:11I failed. I didn't ask her out. And we did that on the show, by the way. And it was a complete, it was an embarrassment. I didn't, I didn't ask her out. But then the next season, Duncan was like, I'm going to redeem you, which didn't, it's good, I guess, because he was like, I'm going to ask out Taylor Swift. That was his girl of his dreams at the time. So we dressed up Duncan, like a fake country music star named Boone McCaw, because we knew that she was going to be at the CMT Awards, Country Music Television Awards. So we dressed him in all white, handlebar mustache, cowboy hat, Boone McCaw.

45:46Dave was his guitar playing partner named Patagonia. He had a big jacket with tassels, another mustache, a wig. I was the publicist. So I was wearing like an earpiece and I was like, I was running alongside them because then we rented a big horse and chariot and we were going to just bum rush the music awards to try and get in. And we had at that point, it was season two. And so we tweeted out and we had probably like one or 200 fans come out and we made fake country music. I forget what the magazine is, but like basically Duncan's face on as Boone McCaw on the cover of this magazine. We had I heart Boone t-shirts.

46:21We had all these. So like country music, television awards that they're happening. All of a sudden this white chariot in a horse with horses starts to just run towards the entrance of the awards. There's cops everywhere. And as soon as it happens, all the fans are around the entrance and they start going crazy. And I'm running along with my earpiece on and my walkie talkie and cops let us through. We go to the front of the red carpet publicists. Everyone's letting us through the producers. And then someone recognized us and they're like, no way buried life. You're out of here. Cause CMT is, uh, the, um, Viacom owns MTV and, uh, this and the awards.

47:03And so they, they knew about us and they were, someone tipped them off that we were coming or something. And that's why we had to wear fake mustaches and stuff like that. Anyways, we didn't give up. I snuck in the back, by the way, if you ever want to sneak in anywhere, just wear all black and hold a walkie talkie. You basically look like a roadie. If you have a clipboard, that's even better. And you can pretty much walk in everywhere. So I walked in the back and I ended up nagging, nabbing two passes. I said, I was part of Kid Rock's crew. I got two passes. I came out, I gave one to Duncan. He got in all black.

47:33He went in the back. He walked right up to Taylor Swift, who was sitting in her seat, passed her a note. The note was asking her out. And then he ended up actually going out on a date with her. So that was a success. Ooh, wow. What a great story. Great. And I love your tip about just wearing all black, pretending to be like a PR person, get it anywhere. That's so funny. So I know that you guys have like other items on the list that are going to be really hard to accomplish. I think you want to go to space. Is that right? What other items have you not yet achieved? Go to space, make a movie, right?

48:07I'd like to finish the Buried Life documentary that we started. I've been filming for all those years on the road through the show and everything. So it's a really cool story to tell there. Tell a judge you want the truth. You can't handle the truth, but it has to be real. We've gotten invited to do it to judges, but I think that we got to be in a real courtroom. And then I think host Saturday Night Live is the last one, which would be probably the hardest. Yeah, go to space is going to be tough, but I think I'm going to do that in 2024. I'm talking with this company called Worldview, which is sending these capsules up to space and a big air balloon.

48:40And it's like eight people can go in it. that'll be probably 2024. Awesome. Well, I can't wait to see you on SNL. I think it's definitely going to happen. So Ben, we're going to wrap up the interview now. I'm going to ask you a couple of questions that we always ask our guests, and then we'll talk about where everyone can find the bucket list journal. So my question to you is what is one actionable thing our listeners can do today to become more profitable tomorrow? Yeah, write down your goals. It seems simple, but it's a very big step to write down your goals. It makes them real. They're not ideas anymore.

49:12Then they're a reminder that they exist. It also forces you to slow down to think about what's important to you. And in a world where 76 % of the population, their biggest regret on their deathbed is I wish I would have lived for me, not what others expected of me or what I thought I should do. It's important that we slow down to think about what's important to us. Again, it's all coming back to being true to yourself. and that's one step to being true to yourself is reflecting to understand what you really want and make sure that you're not subconsciously doing things because you think it's what's expected of you, right?

49:49So 76 % of people on their deathbed, their number one regret in their entire life, and this comes out of research from Cornell, their number one regret, I wish I would have lived my ideal self, the life I wanted, not what others wanted for me. So no one should have that regret on their deathbed. And basically the bucket list journal is hopefully designed to solve that problem for you so that you identify what your goals are. And then you start to build accountability, build inspiration through action and move through the fear so that you don't end up on your deathbed regretting the things that you didn't do.

50:19Yeah, I love the journal. I've been starting to use it. So thank you so much for giving me an advanced copy. And Ben, what is your secret to profiting in life? Thinking about your death. And it sounds weird, but if you think about what's important in your life, you look at the top five regrets of the dying, okay? And they don't have much to do with money. The top five regrets of the dying are, I wish I would have lived for me. I wish I would have told people how I really felt. I wish I would have worked less. I wish I would have let myself be happier. And I wish I would have stayed in touch with my friends.

50:54Okay, so those are the top five regrets that people have at the end of their life. So you need to remember that your time is finite. to put things in perspective. So yes, you want to make money. Yes, you want to be successful. But when you do a eulogy for a friend, you don't usually talk about how much money they had. You don't usually talk about how successful they are. You talk about they were a good friend. They embodied these values. And so these types of things, and if you just look at the five regrets, you want to make sure that you can keep death close to you. So it reminds you that your time is limited so that you live with intention.

51:31And you hear this all the time. I had a near-death experience and everything changed. My dad died and everything changed. Why does it take a traumatic experience to wake us up? How can you keep that perspective without going through that trauma or without it being too late? And that is, I think the big goal is to remind yourself every day that this could be your last. I mean, it sounds cliche, but that's the truth. Like best case scenario, you have another 50 years. But it's just interesting that like, if you see a 90 year old person, you know, with a cane hunched over, shuffling down the street, you never think that that's going to be me.

52:10You don't even think about it. Well, the only thing you can count on is that will be you. Best case scenario, you might die in a week. And we just don't think about, we think we have all this time. You don't have the time because when you look at the research, that's the biggest regret that people have in their life is they wish they would have done the things they didn't do. So start now. A year from now, you'll wish you started today. That's the truth. Yeah. I love that message. And so many really successful people who have been on the show have a similar thought. Robert Green, Matt Higgins, Donald Miller, everybody that I've talked to lately seems to always talk about how you need to use death as a motivator and death can be your life's greatest motivator.

52:52So I really agree with that perspective. Ben, where can everybody get the bucket list journal? You can get it on Amazon. If you search the bucket list journal, should be the first thing that pops up. Or you can go to my Instagram, which is at Ben Nemton. And the link in the bio will send you to the bucket list journal website. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for this eye-opening conversation. Thank you so much for having me.

53:26You