Kristen Butler: Could Your Comfort Zone Be Your Biggest Advantage? | Mental Health E309

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27:07I love that you brought up the cold. I recently had Michael Easter on the show. Yes. And he has this book called The Comfort Crisis, and he basically argues that a lot of our convenience in modern life is really hurting our health and our happiness because we just live so much differently than our ancestors did, who they had to work in the fields. They were in really uncomfortable situations. And then now we have so much comfort around us that life is just less fulfilling. And he thinks that we need to make ourselves and force ourselves to be uncomfortable. So what are your thoughts on this? I love that book, firstly, because yes, he's talking about stepping out of our comfort zone and how comfort can be a negative thing.

27:54But really, when I talk about expanding your comfort zone, there's synergy there because we're both advocating for growth, right? The goal is growth. We don't want to stay complacent. We don't want to be lazy. So for me, I'm just offering a new perspective to expand your comfort zone rather than stepping out, to use it as a transformative ally. And there is a difference. Utilizing your comfort zone, you're staying in your power. You're still doing things that you've never done before. It's just in smaller, more incremental steps. And I find that when we do it this way, we don't quit. Before, I would give up because I'd be like, wow, maybe I'm just not good at this.

28:30Or if I failed too many times, eventually I'd just give up. And so it's really a mindset. And I believe that he and I are really still leaning into growth and doing hard things, but making those hard things manageable, making them part of your lifestyle. For me, it's how big can your comfort zone be? A rock climber, Alex Honnold, he rock climbs free solo, sometimes without any harnesses. And he says that he does that by embracing his comfort zone. He destroys the fear. He embraces and expands his comfort zone. So you can literally do hard things. It's just a mindset shift. So give me an example of somebody who's changing in their comfort zone versus somebody who's stepping out of their comfort zone.

29:23Someone in their comfort zone who wants to run a marathon and they set that goal, they're going to make a plan that they begin to run in small incremental steps. So weekly, they might run just a few miles and then they build up. But when someone's outside of their comfort zone, they might just erratically run. I've seen people prepare, you know, and they're like, okay, I'm going to do five miles. I'm going to do 10. And then they might have an off week because they've pushed themselves too far. And there's no balance. It's very chaotic. Someone in their comfort zone, they are using positivity to their advantage.

29:58They might have affirmations. They might visualize about the outcome of their race. And so it's a very balanced place of achieving your goals versus just, I'm going to push myself into this discomfort. I am going to go to the extreme and see how far I can take it. And so many of us are actually creating in our comfort zone and expanding in this healthy, balanced way, and we don't even realize it. Okay, this makes a lot more sense. I'm getting it now. So can you talk to us about how can we tell if we're overworking, if we've gone from hard work to overwork. I really love Wallace Wattles, and he talks about a successful life is doing all the work that we can do today and not doing tomorrow's work today.

30:50And so giving our best effort and doing all we can today. And that's always stuck with me because I think before when I would burn out, I was always trying to do tomorrow's work or heck, even the rest of the week's work in a day. I was trying to see how much work I could really get done. And so being in tune with your body, knowing when you might need to take a five-minute walk outside to get some fresh air, knowing when you might need to do a workout in the morning before you begin work, whatever it is for you that's going to help you bring more well-being to the work that you're doing, you're going to be more positive, you're going to be more passionate about it, and you're probably going to be way more productive because you're not overworking yourself.

31:30So you have this great analogy of comfort zones and you compare it to a home. Can you talk to us about this sea pyramid that you have? The sea pyramid is the foundation of creating your life from comfort and positivity. And it stands for safety, expression, and enjoyment. This is closely related to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, but it applies to our daily life and we can even use it in our work. So safety is really about making sure that you have a safe environment. And this goes a lot to all of the research and work that you hear now about having a regulated nervous system. It's so hard to pursue and to grow if you're not feeling safe in your body, if you're not feeling safe in the environment.

32:20And so that's really foundational. If you want to feel good in life, feel safe. Prioritize that. When I started really doing nervous system work and tuning in to how I felt in different situations or with even different work, it really helped me to see that, okay, when I'm comfortable in my body, when I'm comfortable in my environment, I do so much better. I'm so much more creative. I'm in the flow. I don't have to force ideas. And so safety is foundational. That was really interesting. What did you find out about your own nervous system? And what feelings are you striving for that you feel are healthy versus not healthy when you know my nervous system is not right right now?

33:05You know, I think really getting into your body, there's so many distractions that keep us out of our body. So when you find out how to get into your body and truly feel it, feel the sensations in your fingers and in your face and your muscles, you can know when your nervous system is dysregulated. You might feel tingly. Your heart might beat a little faster. Everyone's different. And so knowing when you feel calm, I'd love to have lavender with me. I breathe lavender. Or in between meetings when I'm like, ugh, I've had too many meetings. I'm not feeling good. I'll go outside for a walk. And just truly knowing, okay, how do I feel?

33:46And negative emotions are always going to give you that signal or those sensations in your body. if your nervous system isn't regulated. And then there's so many different things that we can do to get regulated. I love gratitude for that same thing because it's like, okay, I'm not feeling so good right now. How can I feel good in this moment? And just taking a few deep breaths, focusing on two or three things that I'm grateful for in that moment can really bring that balance and that peace back in your body. So the second is expression. And this is really about being your most authentic self and living in a way that honors you and your preferences.

34:27And this has a lot to do with setting boundaries. I wasn't someone who set enough boundaries around myself or around others, around how much work I was doing. And so the second layer is learning to express yourself and learning to know your own preferences and then communicating those preferences to the outside world, which is so important. And then the third one is enjoyment. And if you don't have the other two, it's really hard to truly, authentically enjoy life, right? Because if you're dysregulated or you don't even have healthy boundaries or know your preferences, how can you truly authentically enjoy life?

35:10And that's doing things that you love every day that are going to fill your own cup, not somebody else's. And speaking of enjoyment, I know that you have a lot of tips to live a happier life. You have something called an enjoyment jar. Tell us about that. An enjoyment jar is very much like a gratitude jar, except it's going to boost your mood in a way that gets you to take action. You want to create this enjoyment jar by putting activities that you truly love in that jar. And so once you have that jar created, and you don't even have to put that many things in there, over time you can add them in as you think of them.

35:47Don't overthink it. But when you need that pick-me-up, when you're just having one of those days and you've got some time, go in there, just randomly pick one out. Spontanuity is so fun sometimes. I love to plan and I love my calendar, but spontaneity can really bring that joy back into our life. And so it's an activity that I really love to prioritize. And talk to us about how you've been able to change your self-image. Like you told us, you were picked on when you were younger. How did you transform the way that you actually think about yourself? And do you have any exercises for that? One of the biggest ways that I have transformed my self-image was through affirmations.

36:32I don't know if you love affirmations, but we're already telling ourselves things. We already have affirmations about ourselves. We just don't even realize. And so what it first looked like was me writing down some of the negative things that I was thinking about myself. It was like, wow, I don't love myself. I think these horrible things about me. And it was no wonder that my life was what it was. And so one of the things that I started early on was mirror work. And what that is, what started by Louise Hay, is looking at yourself in the mirror and reciting your affirmations. And it can be a really emotional thing to start because if you don't love yourself or you think very negative things about yourself, which a lot of people do and they don't realize, it can be hard to look in your own eyes and tell yourself that you are enough or that you love yourself but it's so transformative and it can change things change the way you look at yourself in a matter of days by doing it as long as you're consistent and so I really believe in creating a few affirmations for yourself even just three the opposite of what you think of yourself So if you hate yourself, then you want to say that I love myself.

37:49If you don't believe you're enough, you want to say I am enough. If life feels chaotic, then create an affirmation around peace. I am full of peace. Whatever it is for you, we're all different. But when you really recite those affirmations on a consistent basis, it starts to change the way that you feel about yourself, the way that you look at yourself, the way that other people look at you the way that they feel about you. And when you're consistent over time, you can completely transform the way you think and the way other people treat you. It's incredible and it's free and it's easy to do. It's just, you have to be consistent with it.

38:30Yeah. I remember when I was 19 and I learned about the law of attraction and positivity, and I started to get into affirmations. What I did is that I would actually record affirmations and then I would use voice notes on my phone. And then when I was driving, I'd replay it. When I was getting ready, I'd replay it. And I brainwashed myself. And I would say really silly things like, I'm the prettiest girl in the world. People are attracted to me like a magnet. And it just improved my self-confidence so much. And to your point, it improved the way that people perceived me because I walked around with a different energy and with a different sense of confidence.

39:11And that in itself is very attractive. So even if you don't look any different, you might be sleeping better. You might have just a more rested face and look more relaxed and approachable. And you're actually perceived differently when you think positively about yourself. And I just feel like people don't realize that. When I feel like crap and I'm in a bad mood, I never get hit on. I never get, you know what I'm saying? But like, if I'm feeling great, like everybody wants to talk to me. So it's just funny to think. I think as kids, we think that just certain people have confidence or a certain way and that's their personality.

39:47But what I found is that it's really not your personality. It's just might have been what you heard around you or just the way that you were being. And you can always change your beliefs and change the way that you're being. And so affirmations are just such a quick way of doing that and giving yourself confidence, especially if you feel like you don't have it. I also love how you've paired the mirror exercise with showering. Can you tell us about that? So when I take a shower, I visualize the negativity. Anything that has happened during that day that wasn't ideal, or I was feeling a certain way that wasn't ideal, I just let it go down the drain.

40:26And it's such a healing thing. And then afterwards, I do my mirror work because it's so convenient. I love to double up on my habits and habit stack in that way. What are the ways that you infuse gratitude in your life? Early on, I was one of those people, write 10 things down on a piece of paper that you're grateful for, right? And if you're consistent, that really works. For me, I was consistent and that really worked well. And anyone starting with affirmations, I would totally recommend starting in that way, especially if it feels awkward, even just looking around and writing down what you're grateful for.

41:04but taking it a step deeper and being specific about what you're grateful for putting detail into it and really diving in in a way that you start to feel the gratitude because it's truly the feeling that's the transformative part and when you make it a habit for me when I made it a habit over and over it just became who I was and the fact of you just wake up happier feeling grateful for. Wow, I love the view out the window. It looks beautiful. Even if it's raining, you find ways to enjoy it. Looking in the mirror, looking at yourself, looking at certain things you're doing, thinking about the day and preparing.

41:45And so you're living and feeling that state of gratitude throughout the day. I learned something from Michael Jervis. And it's something I've been saying pretty often on the podcast because it's really helped me. He's got this 90 seconds before you get out of bed gratitude practice, where as soon as you wake up, first thing that you do is what am I grateful for? And when I wake up, especially lately, I'm Palestinian. I've got a lot of negative thoughts going around with the genocide happening, everything like that. So I wake up and a lot of the times, first thing I think about is, oh my God, what kids did they kill today?

42:26That's literally the first thoughts that I think about when I wake up. So this has helped me because I'm able to be like, all right, you had that thought, but what are you grateful for? And then he says, visualize three things that you want to get done today. And then you get out of bed. And the third thing is to just sit with yourself for a moment and then you get out of bed. I just love that because I feel like a lot of us are like this. As soon as you wake up, even if you weren't dreaming about your problem, let's say you're going through a breakup. As soon as you wake up, oh my God, I'm back to reality.

43:02I had a breakup or whatever it is. This helps you reset and make sure you start off your day on the right foot. So I loved that. Oh, I really love what you just mentioned. That was really great because when you start your day in a grateful way, it just shifts the energy. I know another way that you suggest that we do hard things, grow, change, is to expand ourselves. So not only expand our comfort zones, but expand our personalities, just like Beyonce did with Sasha Fierce. I think Ethan calls this the Batman effect. Talk to us about that. In the book, I talk about expanding yourself and really embracing that next level version of you.

43:48There's so many people that have done this. Like you said, Beyonce, Marilyn Monroe, what I did was, okay, who is that version of me that is ideal? And that's where positive Kristen came. I'm like, okay, if they're doing it, I'm going to do that. This is positive Kristen. And it's really true when you do this, when you name your expanded self, you step into that person and you can really become them much quicker. And so I tell people to to really visualize who that person is. Be specific. In fact, actually, the more specific you are, the better, because that's your preferences. That's your desires.

44:28That's what you want. That's where the passion comes from. This isn't some kind of silly gimmicky thing, right? This is really you growing and becoming that next level version. And to embody that person, you need to really give it a character. And so name that person. Think about what they're wearing, where they're going, what are they buying? How do they feel? Because let's be honest, we're human and we're going to have bad days. We're going to have bad moments. We're going to have feelings where we're like, okay, that's not me. I can't even identify with that. But if you spend a lot of time naming this person and visualizing about this next level version of you, you can actually attain it.

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49:28So I think my favorite part of your book and idea in your book was this idea of luminaries and gluminaries. I thought that was really cute. And I thought that it made a lot of sense. So talk to us about surrounding ourselves with the right people and how we can tell if we're with luminaries or gluminaries. And if there's a place for both of these types of people in our lives. We all hear that we become the five people that we surround ourselves with, right? But this is taking it a little deeper. We're really looking at the people in our lives. And if we're someone who, and a lot of you listening are people who love growth and love expansion, the truth is, is that when we grow, we outgrow the people around us.

50:12And it's just part of life. If they're not growing with us, it's not a negative thing. It's just we're vibing out, right? And so I had to really look at my life, the people in my life who are luminaries, the people who are lighting me up, they are supporting my growth, they're supporting my journey and that next level version of who I am. They don't see it as, oh, you're changing, right? They see it as a positive. And so those are luminaries. But in contrast, you know, and I call this gluminaries, but there are people who they don't want you to change. They're afraid of you becoming something different because they're clinging to the person that you are.

50:51But if you're someone that loves growth, you need to be around people who are going to support that growth. And so gluminaries, they might be negative. They might drain your energy. There might be a trauma bond that actually brought you together. There's so many things that could be part of a gluminary relationship, but it's important for us to identify that. And sometimes someone can be a luminary and then a gluminary. I mean, we ourselves can do that as well to other people. But it's important to acknowledge it so that we can say, okay, this relationship might have helped me with this trigger or this thing I was going through.

51:27And we were trauma bonding in that moment. But I've outgrown that now. And it's okay to outgrow that relationship and to pursue other relationships. You know, and it can be any kind, work, friendship, relationship, whatever. I just found that when I up-leveled my relationships, my life up-leveled. And so sometimes it wasn't what I was doing that was holding me back. It was the people and the environment that I was around. Do you feel like there's a way to transform somebody from a luminary to a luminary? Like if you just have a productive conversation, like, hey, I don't want to talk about what happened anymore.

52:04I don't like talking about this topic, but I want to have a healthy relationship with you. Let's just move forward with these boundaries or something? Is there a way to do that? I love that you said that. Yes, I'm so big on boundaries and I talk about boundaries in the book and you're exactly right. Communication is everything, but some people aren't willing to truly communicate and meet you at that level. And so sure, if they are more negative in your life, but you want to keep them, you love them, maybe their family, have those conversations. Those tough conversations are so important. If they can meet you there and they can honor those boundaries, then that's a positive.

52:44Then you guys will be growing together. But unfortunately, that's not always the case. And it's important to identify that because that can hold you back. A lot of the folks listening are entrepreneurs. We all have competitors. How should we think of our competition in a positive way? I used to think of people as competitors. And then somewhere down the road, I got creative and I started seeing them as propellers. So instead of looking at them and being envious about what they have or wanting to beat them in some way, I started to see them as propellers, that they were showing me the potential of where I could go.

53:22And I started to look at them in an inspiring way. And I think it's so good to do that, especially today with social media. We can constantly be scrolling and feeling negative emotions for hours, depending on how long you might be doom scrolling. But if you can look at the people you're following, and even if they're further along than you are, that's potential of where you can be. What anybody is doing, that's something that you can do as well. And you can be inspired by them. You can look at what they're doing and say, wow, that's something that eventually I could have. You could befriend them, whatever it might look like.

53:56But turning the competition in a positive way as a compelling really has been effective for me. I no longer look at other businesses that might have the same model as me or other influencers as a negative. And I don't feel envious. I'm cheering for them and I'm excited for them. And it's like, wow, maybe I could do that too. Yeah. I love that perspective. I always say collaboration over competition. I like to just collaborate with my competitors. Everybody who's my competitor now is just in my podcast network. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I love that so much. Yeah. I love that so much. You have to turn it into a positive.

54:36That's where the world is evolving. All right. So, Kristen, thank you so much for joining us on the podcast. I end my show with two questions that I ask all of my guests. The first one is, what is one actionable thing our young and profiters can do today to become more profitable tomorrow? Journal about your feelings around money. I would make a lot of money in my early 20s, and then I would lose it. and I didn't understand why because I was working so hard. But what I found out is I was carrying limiting beliefs from my past, from the people that I grew up around, living in poverty, and I was holding onto those and I didn't realize.

55:16And so I started to journal about how I felt about money. And I realized I had a lot of negative beliefs around money and I spent years swapping those and thinking more positive. And now the words like rich and wealth, that feels so good to me. And my business is thriving because I attract it, I allow it to stick around, and I feel good about it. I don't feel bad. And so that's so important. Often we are doing our best and our beliefs are holding us back. I love that advice. And what would you say your secret to profiting in life is? And this couldn't go beyond business, just like your secret to a successful thriving life.

55:56I think my secret to a successful, thriving life is co-creating with, I call it God, but you can call it universe or divine energy, co-creating with God because that takes the pressure off of me. It's not all up to me. I don't know everything. I can't do everything. But with God, I feel like I can. And so I don't overwork because of that anymore. And I pursue the goals in my heart because I know that they're there for a reason. And I know that there's an energy on the outside that's helping them make them come true. I love that. Sort of like your alter ego persona, but an external one that's like helping you along the way.

56:40Yeah. So Kristen, where can everybody learn more about you and everything that you do? Oh, thank you so much. PositiveKristen.com or I love to go on Instagram. I'm at PositiveKristen and my brand is Power of Positivity. You can follow us and we love to help and inspire our community. Awesome. Thank you so much, Kristen. Thank you so much. This was amazing. I appreciate you.

57:08Learning to take better care of ourselves can be challenging for entrepreneurs. We spend so much of our time looking after the needs and interests of others, from our employees to our clients, that like Kristen said, we can forget to fill our own cups. Sometimes that means taking a day off or going to the gym for an hour. Sometimes it's as simple as taking a moment to be thankful for the things that you usually take for granted, like contact lenses to help you see. We also hear so much about how chasing challenges and discomfort can help us grow that we forget that we can also grow from a place of comfort and stability.

57:45So if you're suffering from stress, burnout, or anxiety, then perhaps it's best to take a step back and think about how you can expand your own comfort zone instead of just trying to push yourself over that next obstacle. Kristen had some great pointers for how to do this, including by bolstering your own sense of enjoyment and security. Create an enjoyment jar and fill it with activities that you truly love. Spend some time visualizing your ideal self and give yourself a new name or persona if you want. And finally, try collaborating with your competition for a change. You may find that you can grow in a positive way together.

58:22I hope you've grown in a positive way from this episode of Young and Profiting Podcast. If you listen, learned, and profited from this conversation and want to send some positive energy out into the universe, then please share this episode with somebody who could benefit from it. And if you did enjoy this show, why not leave us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. In fact, I read your reviews every day. I've got some of the reviews up right now that I'd love to shout out. So we've got a recent review from Brandon Wesley. And he says, I love the Young and Profiting podcast.

58:59My life is given hope, love, and excitement every time I listen to the podcast. Each episode gives life to the listener and provides detail on keys to improve your daily life and improve your business and family life. I love the podcast because of compassionate conversations and powerful advice on creating success. I'm thankful for this podcast and the wonderful community created by this podcast. Thank you for the daily inspiration given and your podcast will make a very positive impact on the world. I love taking notes on each podcast and my favorite part of the day is listening to this podcast.

59:33Thank you. No, Brandon, thank you for taking the time to write such an amazing review. I appreciate you so much. We love you here at Young and Profiting Podcast. The next one is from Ars D from Great Britain. Hi, Holly. Your interview with Patrick Lencioni was exceptional, providing valuable insights into our working geniuses for individuals and teams for high performance. Thank you so much, Ars, for listening to the podcast. I appreciate it. I loved that episode with Patrick Lencioni on working geniuses as well. Thanks for tuning in. And the next review is from Ivan Ebru Luciano. And he's from the US.

1:00:11And he says, this is dope. To be honest, this review is very simple. This is a great podcast if you're a young professional looking to stay up to date on the type of mindset needed to be successful. A lot of podcasts interview leaders in their industries with decades of experience, but here you get a great group of young entrepreneurs building great things. Would definitely recommend. Well, thank you so much, Ivan. I interview a lot of young entrepreneurs. I also interview a lot of old entrepreneurs, but always from the lens of young entrepreneurs. So I appreciate you so much. and I just appreciate everybody who takes the time to write a review.

1:00:46I read your reviews all the time. They mean so much to me. So please take a couple minutes. If you listen to this podcast, please tell me why. Please tell me a little bit about yourself, who you are, why you listen, when you listen. I'd love to know. I truly would love to know. It helps me understand who I'm reaching, how you guys are tuning in, how I can create a better show for you. Let me know in the reviews. If you guys want to watch us on YouTube, you can find us on there. If you want to find me on Instagram, it's at Yap with Hala on LinkedIn. Just search for my name. It's Hala Taha. Of course, I got to say thank you so much to my Yap fam.

1:01:20I love my Yap fam production team. I love my Yap fam listeners. I love you all. This is your host, Hala Taha, a.k.a. the Podcast Princess, signing off.

1:01:41Namaste.