Lisa Bilyeu: Rewire Your Mindset to Unlock Radical Confidence | Human Behavior | YAPClassic

23:59He could have been the toxic person that brings me down, that mocks me, that mocks my book, that mocks the idea of what I'm doing. Or it could be him where he's like, you've got this. Imagine all the women you're going to help. Even today, when I made my book announcement. He came on my life and he was sick and he's coughing and he's sneezing and he's like, if I've got the flu and I've got the fever, I'm still going to show up for you. That's what the difference between a toxic relationship can do and a healthy relationship. And the impact it can have on a woman and her confidence. I didn't really feel the weight until after my book came out.

24:33So that's really what the extra chapter is about. It's how to identify that you're in a relationship that isn't serving you. It's how to address it. It's whether you should stay or leave. It's how you got manipulated. And the last thing is we beat ourselves up, right? Oh my God, it's my fault. I shouldn't have seen the signs. What I did is I definitely took ownership because I can't control how he feels, but I can control how I show up. So I took ownership over the fact that I stayed in that relationship. I took ownership in the fact that I became toxic too as a defense mechanism so that when he's coming at me, when he's yelling at me, when he's calling me names, how do I protect myself?

25:11Instead of leaving, which I wish I had done, but I didn't feel like I had the confidence to do it, I stayed and became toxic back as a defense so that he couldn't hurt me. I have to own that that was my behavior, that I brought that to the relationship, that just fueled the fire. So for me, it was about identifying all the things that I participated in, then going how do I make sure that I don't do that in the future how do I build my confidence back and how do I make sure that when I get into a new relationship that it's somebody that actually deserves me and how do I set boundaries and guidelines so that I never get trapped again because I wanted to hold on to my confidence and I wanted to make sure that the next person I was with wasn't going to even potentially erode it now here's the tricky thing is you never know You never know who you get with and how they're going to be.

26:05So when I met Tom, I came in with a set of boundaries. I'd already built my confidence back because that's important. I don't rely on him for my confidence. I'd built it myself. And then I sat with him. And when we were dating, over time, I start to reveal, these are my non-negotiables. These are my boundaries. These are my value system. This is my belief system. And over time, how does he respond? If he starts to disrespect it, goodbye. And I just told myself, this is what you stand for, Lisa. If someone disrespects it again, under no circumstances, you're going to let that erode your confidence.

26:38And you're going to have a cheat sheet, if you will, on how you're going to date in future. And so when I met Tom, he held space for me. He held utter respect for my boundaries, for my non-negotiables. And every single time I had an opportunity to be vulnerable, I was. And every single time he had an opportunity to use my vulnerability against me in an argument he never did. And so that's how I went from having a toxic relationship that ripped my confidence, literally shredded it to bits, built my confidence back, and then maintained and even elevated my confidence even more in my new relationship.

27:16This is so good. And to your point, we've got to figure out how to be confident ourselves before we can then work with a relationship and try to make sure that we've got the right boundaries and things so that we have a healthy relationship. It starts with ourselves first, having confidence with ourselves. So you titled this book Radically Confident. What does the radical mean? Why radically confident? What does that mean to you? Yeah. So people kept asking me, Lisa, where do you build your confidence? You're so confident. And it never felt true to me. I was like, who are they seeing? I look at women and I'm like, oh my gosh, she's so confident.

27:51I wish I was like her. Like Serena Williams, right? I'm just like that freaking badass. Like, I want to be confident like her. But I never felt like I was the thing that people would look at to be confident. So it was really surprising to me. So I was like, what are they seeing? And what I realize is they just see me take action. They see me get in front of the camera, but they don't see all the negative mindset and the insecurities that my mind was spinning before I get in front of the camera. They just see me getting in front of the camera. And so they perceive that as confidence. And I realized that it's actually misleading to people.

28:24and it's misleading if you think that just because I get in front of the camera, just because I speak my mind that I have confidence. And it isn't. What I have is radical confidence. And to me, what that means is I'm freaking petrified. I don't believe in myself. I have insecurities. I have a wild ego just like everybody else. But what I do, and the ego gets in the way, right? Don't do that, Lisa. You're going to mess up. I have all of those things. But what I do is I just keep going back to what is my goal and does that mindset serve me yes or no? If the answer is no, how do I have some ability to keep showing up?

28:58And that ability became radical confidence. It means that I have no idea what I'm doing. It means that I don't have the confidence that I'm actually going to do a good job. But you better believe I'm going to learn. And so now, anything that I tackle, I just have a mindset that says I'm a learner. And so put me in front of Congress. I have no idea what the hell I'm going to say in front of Congress. But you better believe anything I say when I leave, I would have learned a lesson and I would have been better and more confident for it. But it becomes the stacking stones and the bricks. And what I realized was is that confidence is misleading.

29:33I needed another word for it. And so I feel radical was just so on point for what it means to keep showing up every single day. It means you've got the radical confidence. You're going to get metaphorically punched in the face over and over and over again, especially if you start a business, especially if you're trying anything new. And so how do you keep going? It's radical confidence. So something in your book that I love that you say is that you say we should use our insecurities to drive ourselves, to fuel ourselves towards our goals. So how have you done that in your own life? And can you explain to us how we can do that?

30:09Yeah, our insecurities are, it's the thing that used to hold me back, right? It's like, well, I'm not good at that. So I won't try it. I don't know this, so I won't learn it. And all those insecurities in the past really did hold me back because I didn't want to be mocked. I didn't want to be teased. And I didn't want to look as stupid because when I was at school, I was teased and bullied by girls. I was mildly dyslexic and put in a special class. And so all of these things contributed to me never showing weaknesses, failures, because the last thing I wanted was to get mocked or bullied. And so the insecurity held me back time and time again.

30:49Now, over time, I've just assessed, why am I still not where I want to be? Why was I stuck for eight years serving everybody else except for myself? It was my insecurities. It was my insecurities that someone's going to judge me that I decided I wanted to be in business instead of being a mother. And that judgment would break me, right? So it's all these judgments, people's opinions that I thought would break me. So I always wanted to protect myself. But what I realized was I was actually doing the opposite. I was actually feeding my insecurities more and more and more instead of eradicating them.

31:22And so I asked myself, what would it look like if you just had to eradicate your insecurities? Okay, it means you have to embrace them first. And so what I did was I just embraced what is my insecurity? So let's just take being in front of the camera because that's the one that we're here right now in front of the camera. So I had a mission to help people. I now really want to help women. Okay, I know my goal. I know what I'm trying to get to. And so I was like, I said to my husband, you know what, babe, I'm going to start a podcast. This is about four or five years ago. I'm going to start a podcast.

31:50But I had insecurity, so I didn't want to go on camera and I didn't want to interview women that intimidated me. So my response was, but I'm just going to interview women that I know and I'm just going to do it on Zoom and I'm just going to do it on audio. So I'm not going to release the video. I'm just going to release the audio. And he just looked at me and he said, we have a set. So at this point, my husband's already got his show. So we have the studio that you see. We've got six cameras. We've got lights. We've got the team. And he's like, babe, why wouldn't you go on camera? That makes no sense.

32:20And I was like, oh, I can't get on camera. And in that moment, what I realized was I was putting my ego ahead of my mission. I was so worried about being mocked and about being teased that insecurity was what was holding me back. But my mission is to help women. So in that moment, I just asked myself, with utter grace, because there is no right or wrong answer, but with utter grace, I just said, Lisa, what's more important, your ego or your mission? Now, I decided my mission was more important. Okay, so now how do I take my insecurity and use it to help me? Because it was just holding me back.

32:55So I started to listen to that negative voice. I call the voice in my head the critic or the bitch, right? She's just mean. She's cruel. She just wants to ridicule me. So I said, okay, maybe I should just listen. What is she actually trying to tell me? Now, in listening, I started to write down, all right, Lisa, you're gonna be made fun of on camera. Okay, why do I think I'm gonna be made fun of on camera? Well, because people mock your big nose. Okay, well, I'm not gonna get plastic surgery, so it is what it is, right? And I would just keep going. And I would start to answer my own insecurities.

33:28And one of them was, Lisa, you're very squeaky. Okay, well, if I'm squeaky and I'm going to be mocked for it, do I want to change my squeak or do I want to embrace being mocked? But either way, I'm going to get in front of the camera. And so as I started to process that, I said, okay, well, what would it look like if you weren't squeaky? And I said, well, that's just me. Okay, well, you want to show up authentic. You don't want to pretend. You are squeaky. So I guess you're just going to have to embrace that some people call you squeaky. Great. So I just started preparing myself for what my insecurity was telling me and how I could eventually turn that critic in my head into my coach.

34:08And that was the final piece where I was like, oh, the bitch in my head is actually my BFF. She's helping guide me. She's telling me what I'm weak at. She's pointing out all the areas where I may get trapped, but she's pointing them out ahead of time so I can preempt and have a plan in place. Thank you, Negative Voice, for helping me process this in order for me to show up in true authenticity on the path of my mission. It's so good what you're saying, like how you can use your insecurities to then help drive you do the things that you need to do. Even though it's uncomfortable, there are things you need to do to accomplish your mission.

34:48The other thing that you got over was your identity. So you had basically drilled this identity of housewife, mom in your head, and you were very laser focused on that. And that was something else you had to overcome to then accomplish your dream. So talk to us about that. Yeah, identity is what I call like the velvet handcuffs. So it makes you feel good, right? When someone says, oh, you're a great fill in the blank. So you're a great stay at home wife. Now imagine, I don't want to be a stay at home wife, but they've put great in front of it. It's like, oh, well, at least I'm good at something, right?

35:22Because I didn't believe in myself. Again, this is before Quest. So I don't believe in myself. I'm being told time and time again, oh my God, you're such an amazing wife. I can't believe how much you take care of Tom. I got that from Tom. I got that from my mom. I got that from my dad. I got it from everybody, every couple that met. They would turn to Tom and be like, oh my God, you're so lucky. Your wife takes care of everything. What a great wife. So I started to identify with being a great wife. but I didn't want to be a stay-at-home wife. And so here I am tying my validation to my identity and the identity wasn't even something that I wanted.

35:58So you can see how your identity can actually trap you. And so what I do right now is I reassess what my identity is and if it still aligns with the person I'm trying to become. And if it doesn't, then A, I go, cool, how do I make sure I now no longer get my validation from this identity that doesn't serve me. That becomes a skill set. What do I need to do? Okay, if I'm feeling great about people saying that I'm a great stay-at-home wife, what can I do that's solely based on me and my own ability to validate myself? All right, well, I really like working out. I really want to do 50 push-ups. So you know what?

36:37I'm just going to build my validation on the fact that right now I can only do two push-ups, but I'm going to promise myself that I'm going to show up at the gym every single day in service of trying to get better at push-ups. It's abstract. It has nothing to do with work, but I'm building the validation within myself because I said I was going to do something and I'm working every day to achieve it. The same with the book. I said, I'm going to write a book. I'm going to build my validation every day in working on the book. I said I was going to write it and I freaking wrote the book. I need to be proud that I wrote the book.

37:09And the problem is if you start to identify as, let's say, I want to be number one New York Times bestseller. I do want to be that. But if I tie an identity to only that, now you can see I'm not even happy or validating myself that I wrote a book. I'm actually invalidating myself that I didn't hit New York Times number one. So be careful of what you identify, whether that's in a title, right where it's just a job description so right now my job description technically is I'm president of impact theory I love that but I want to make sure every quarter I go back to Lisa do you still want to be the president of impact theory because the identity I know too well will keep me trapped and the validation of being in front of amazing women like yourself where you're like oh my god impact theory is so great you mean that as a wonderful compliment I take it as a wonderful compliment.

38:04But you can see how that could potentially trap me in the future to never leave that position because I've got amazing women like you giving me compliments that I'm president of a company that maybe you admire. So talk to us about why it's so important to not have validation externally. Why you say it, no one's coming to save you, right? You've got to validate yourself. Why is that so important? Yeah, because now you're dependent on other people. You're dependent on how they feel, what their mood is, what they're going through, what their hormones are, what's happened in their life. So I was relying on my husband to absolutely validate me.

38:40But he would go to work, he would come home, he would have a hard day at work, he would be miserable, he wouldn't want to talk about work, he wouldn't even ask me about my day because he's miserable. Now imagine I build my validation on how he greets me every day. If he comes home and he's like, babe, you're amazing, you're such a great wife, look at all this, right? On those days, I feel amazing. On the days that he feels terrible, that he hasn't slept well, that shit hits the fan, work isn't going well, he's had employees, people have quit, and he comes home and he doesn't even notice that he's got his food cooked.

39:13He doesn't even notice that I've cooked and cleaned. Then I interpret that as my validation of maybe I haven't done a good job, but it's all reliant on him and what he does. And so I realized over time that I cannot rely on him in that way. I think a partner is super important. Having a loving partner that supports you and uplifts you, I wouldn't trade that for the world. My husband is the most important thing to me in my life. I would burn my company to the ground before ever doing anything detrimental to my relationship. So I'm very clear. But even in saying that, it isn't fair on him. And it's not fair on me that my validation and identity is built on anything else other than something that I choose to.

39:57And once I realized that, I spoke to him about it because sometimes he's just like, but I like being your knight in shining armor. And so here's the difference between, I'm like, babe, you are, but I can't turn to you to save me. I need to be able to get up myself and then we can ride off on the horse together. But I have to have the ability to get up. and I appreciate that you're standing next to me and you're there to uplift me and help me, but what if you're not? What if you've got a bad day? What if, what if, what if, what if? I can't rely on that. So discussing it with the people around you and then making sure that you're always going back to oneself, that I can't control what other people do, I can only control how I show up, it became the biggest hack, if you will, on how to feel great about yourself.

40:45Build it yourself, don't rely on anyone else.

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43:57Young and profiter's. I know there's so many people tuning in right now that end their work day wondering why certain tasks take forever, why they're procrastinating certain things, why they don't feel confident in their work, why they feel drained and frustrated and unfulfilled. But here's the thing you need to know. It's not a character flaw that you're feeling this way. It's actually your natural wiring. And here's the thing. When it comes to burnout, it's really about the type of work that you're doing. Some work gives you energy and some work simply drains you. So it's key to understand your six types of working genius.

44:32The working genius assessment or the six types of working genius framework was created by Patrick Lencioni, and he's a business influencer and author. And the Working Genius Framework helps you identify what you're actually built for and the work that you're not. Now, let me tell you a story. Before I uncovered my working genius, which is galvanizing and invention, so I like to rally people and I like to invent new things, I used to be really shameful and had a lot of guilt around the fact that I didn't like enablement, which is one of my working frustrations. So I actually don't like to support people one-on-one.

45:03I don't like it when people slow me down. I don't like hand-holding. I like to move fast, invent, rally people, inspire. But what I do need to do is ensure that somebody else can fill the enablement role, which I do have, Kate, on my team. So Working Genius helps you uncover these genius gaps, helps you work better with your team, helps you reduce friction, helps you collaborate better, understand why people are the way that they are. It's helped me restructure my team, put people in the spots that they're going to really excel. And it's also helped me in hiring. Working Genius is absolutely amazing.

45:33I'm obsessed with this model. So if you guys want to take the Working Genius Assessment and get 20 % off, you can use code profiting. Go to workinggenius.com. Again, that's workinggenius.com. Stop guessing. Start working in your genius. Something else that you discuss in your book is having a well-defined goal or plan towards your dreams, right? You say hazy, foggy, goggled dreams stay floating up in the clouds. And it's so true. If you don't define your dream, if you don't know what direction you're going, you're going to go nowhere, right? And so one of the things that you and Tom do, you play this game, which I loved.

46:06It's called No Bullshit, What Would It Take? And that really helps you understand what do I actually have to do? Talk to us about this game and when you guys play it. Yeah, so identifying the goal is going to be super important because so many people are like, oh, I haven't reached my goal yet. Oh, what's your goal? To empower people. Then how do you know if you reached it or not? Because you haven't actually drilled down into what that means. So what does empowerment mean? I want someone to interact with a piece of content of mine and then they make a change in their life to better themselves All right now you've actually drilled down you said you're doing a piece of content You said that when someone watches it they change now You've got a way in a mechanism to know How many people have seen my video if I want to do on a global scale?

46:50I want a hundred thousand people to watch 10 of my videos Consistently for the next month now you've got metrics that you can hold yourself to to know if you've got there or not. Okay, that's the first part of why you need to hold a goal. Because otherwise, for your own sake, you will never hit it. A fuzzy target is hard to hit. Make that target super freaking crystal clear. Now, the second part is so many times if you set a goal, you'll be like, well, I can't do that. And you'll dismiss it and then you'll move on. And then you'll wonder, unfortunately, years later, why you never actually hit your goal.

47:24So what Tom and I do is we play the game. No bullshit. What would it take? And what that does is it removes all reason and excuses of why you can't do something. So let's say, for instance, I just said, I can't remember how many videos to 10 videos, 100 ,000 views within 30 days, right? Is what I just said. Okay. Now, instead of me going, I can't do that. That's a lot of videos. That's a lot of people, right? And then I move on. I go, no bullshit. What would it actually take for me to make 10 videos? That's the first step. All right, maybe I have to cancel date night. Maybe I have to say no to hanging out with my friends.

48:00Maybe I can't afford to go on that Starbucks run that I do every day because I need to save the money to make the video so I can afford an editor to cut my video. That's how detailed I get. In no BS, what would it actually take to get 100 ,000 people to watch 10 of your videos within 30 days? And now you just ask yourself, am I willing to do it? Am I willing to not take the Starbucks? Am I willing to not go on date night? Am I willing fill in the blank? Then you can just remove your blinders. And if the answer is no, actually I would rather live a life where I get my Starbucks and I enjoy my date night.

48:35Amazing. Then you know that's why you didn't reach your goal. You don't beat yourself up over it. You just acknowledge that that's what it takes to get to the goal. You've assessed it. You said that's not the life you want and that should be celebrated. it. That notion that you know, actually the goal you set doesn't lead to the life you want. So, so good. Such good advice. And so one thing that happened recently is that me and you met in person at Podcast Movement. And my business partner, Jason, after we met, it was a really funny response that he told me. He goes, wow, have you ever met another successful business owner?

49:13That's like your height. You guys are so cute together because me and you are both like five foot tall, both wearing super high heels. I'm like, yeah, I'm like five and I'm about five one. We look like we're the same height. Right. And we're both very petite, both very successful female entrepreneurs. And he was like, have you ever really met another female entrepreneur who's your size? And he was like dead serious. And I thought about it and I was like, I guess not really, but I wasn't really thinking about it because I don't walk around thinking about like, I'm a five foot woman. I just walk around thinking I'm halataha, you know, and I don't think about it.

49:48So let's talk about our external appearances and what we can do to build our confidence, because you're petite, but just like me, you don't walk around like you're small. What's interesting is I've got a question for you then. Have you always not thought about your height? And do you think it has zero impact on your capability and your personality? This is such a good question. I feel that when I'm in spaces where people know me, like if I'm at a podcast conference or something where I've made it to the top of my field. When I'm in those spaces, I feel big and powerful. But then if you take me to like a family wedding or something where nobody gives a crap about anything, then I might feel small again.

50:30I might feel like nobody knows who I am, especially if it's people that don't know about the personal improvement space or podcasting, then I feel small. So unless people know my company and my background and everything I've built, I feel small. And that's really powerful. Thank you for being so honest. Because for me, I acknowledge that growing up, I was the chihuahua. And what I mean by that is chihuahuas are freaking tiny. And they bloody yap the loudest. Have you ever seen those videos of chihuahuas with Dobermans? The Doberman is just sitting there super freaking chill, just commands the room.

51:06And the chihuahua is like, chuan also inserts authority to the Doberman. and the doberman just looks down. I was a chihuahua. Growing up, because I was little, I was pushed around a lot. I think that had to do with partly why I was bullied and mocked was for my looks and for my height. I go to any crowd, people don't see me, so I get stepped on, people don't apologize. And so growing up, I was very aware of my height and how small I was. And I would use my voice and aggression, aggression, just like a chihuahua, as a protective mechanism. And what I realize is that isn't a good strategy, Lisa.

51:42So over time, I just built my confidence. And I actually don't think about my height at all anymore, at all, no matter where I am. Or actually, that's a lie. Unless I'm in a shopping mall and I can't find my husband because I'm so short, he can't see me over like the aisles. So we have like a whole family whistle so that we can locate each other. That's the only time that I am aware of how short I am now because I've just built my confidence. Because to be honest, I'm so damn strong-willed now and I have such a solid, concrete, codified brain, mind in how I think. That doesn't mean I'm great at everything.

52:19That doesn't mean that I'm perfect. It just means I am so strong in the way that I think that now any insecurities I just process in real time. I'm not perfect by all means, but I realized that my aggression and my behavior and feeling small came from the fact that I was small. So I can't change my height. Obviously, I can wear heels, but I surely can change how I feel if I'm in a room with someone that is either physically taller or feels bigger than me. But I was very aware of that. And then same with my looks as well. I use my hairstyle as a calling card. I use jewelry, just like Wonder Woman puts on her cuffs.

52:57These are all little tips and tactics that I deliberately lean into to build my confidence so that I have the confidence whether I'm five foot or not. Totally. And that's how I feel too. I feel like if I'm dressed in the way that I feel comfortable, not in the way that other people want me to dress, if I have my hair and makeup in the way that I want, then I feel the most comfortable and powerful. So I'm totally with you about having your own style, embracing it. So let's move on to your new chapter of your book and dig a little deeper on that. So you define what a loser is in your book. You say, number one, a person who is incompetent, constantly fails and is destined to disappoint.

53:37And number two, somebody who wrecks your confidence and keeps you from finding the person who actually deserves you. So how does dating or marrying a loser quickly shatter our confidence? If you're with someone that's truly toxic and my ex was verbally abusive, there's so much manipulation that goes on where you don't know what's up or down. You don't even trust your own thoughts, your own feelings. and when someone can mock your dreams, I said this earlier, if someone's mocking your dreams, you start to question, are my dreams silly? They feel good, but he keeps saying it isn't. So maybe because you love them.

54:16So if you love someone, hopefully you show respect for them. If you respect someone, you hopefully listen to what they say. Now, when that's not two-sided and you're doing that and you're just listening to what that person's saying over and over and they know you're listening and they know that they can somewhat control you through the manipulation, then they're going to lean into it. And so what I did is I respected him. I listened to him. So he was mocking my dreams. It made me doubt whether my dreams could be achievable or not. He would mock my weight. He would pinch my thigh and be like, oh, you're getting a bit fat, aren't you?

54:51Now imagine I'm completely insecure. He's my first boyfriend. I'm 16 years old. My validation comes from him and he pinches my waist saying that I'm putting on a little fat. That spiraled me into bad relationship with food. Now, there's a lot of other reasons. I had a mom that was borderline anorexic, so I don't just want to pretend it was just him, but it absolutely contributed to me putting validation to you get love, affection, appreciation when you're skinny. What does that do to an insecure 16-year-old? You better believe it doesn't help her build her confidence. That damages confidence. That makes me eat less.

55:29That makes me look at my body more. That makes me focus on appearance more. That makes my confidence go down. Because if you eat one thing that makes you bloated that day, that made me feel badly about myself. And so over time, it's the drip. And the perfect analogy that I've realized I've come up with is a water dripping on a rock. If you ever seen over time what happens to that rock? The rock ends up changing shape. You do years and years of something that's water, soft. Over time, starts to erode the rock just enough that it loses its shape. That's how I feel about our personalities and our self-esteem and our confidence when you're with someone that doesn't serve you or is manipulative.

56:13And so those are just a few examples. He thought I was cheating on him when I really wasn't at all. He confessed that he cheated on me. but he did it in a way that he lied to me. And so he actually just dumped me, didn't tell me what he was doing, made me question myself. Then I started to beg, which of course, that's Lisa that didn't have the confidence. I just thought my validation was tied to him. So I need him back so I can feel good about myself again. So I would beg for him to come back. A week later, he confessed that he cheated on me with 10 different women. Now at the time, it was just kissing, but still at 16, that's still a very big deal.

56:5110 people is a big deal. And even the way he told me, so he dumps me first. So he makes me needy. I then am desperate to get back with him. He then drops this bomb. And guess what I do? I'm like, oh, it's fine. I just want you back. So the manipulative tactic that was played in the strategy to keep me, even though he cheated on me, You do that enough. I was with him for almost four years. So you can imagine by the end how I felt about myself, how I saw myself, my insecurities, my unworthiness. And so once I left him, it took me a good year to assess, rebuild my confidence so that when I met someone like Tom, I was very confident in laying out my ground rules and my non-negotiables.

57:39So I'm with the other women that talked to you when you were telling me about you releasing this chapter, you said a lot of women told you that their confidence eroded from a bad relationship. And when I think about the worst times in my life where I didn't have a lot of confidence, it was in a bad relationship. So I totally agree. And I know we're running out of time. So my last question for you is what words of encouragement would you have to a woman out there who believes it's impossible for me to find a perfect partner who could uplift me, who can support me. And there's no perfect person out there for me and I just got to settle with who I have right now because I'm never going to find somebody who loves me like him.

58:18Like, what are your words for encouragement to get out of a bad relationship? If someone came to me and said the exact words that you just said to me, my response is you're right. Now, the reason why I say you're right is because you just said it's impossible. So if you think it's impossible, then of course, that's where you're going to end up in that type of relationship. What you need to do as the words of encouragement is you need to start changing your freaking words. Tell yourself that it's possible because if you don't believe it, it's not going to happen. It is possible, but the first step is you have to understand and believe it.

58:52Otherwise, you won't act in accordance. Our actions are a reflection and an echo of our belief system. So if you believe it's impossible, yes, you will end up in a relationship that is terrible, that It will ruin your confidence. Obviously, I don't hope that, but I'm just saying, if you don't think it's possible to find someone that's going to uplift you, then you're going to settle. How do you make sure you don't settle? You gotta tell yourself, and I have a husband that is generously supportive. And so if nothing else, proof of concept, it does exist. I'm not gonna say it's easy. You have to work on yourself.

59:27That person has to work on themselves. So there's a whole load of things that need to go into having a healthy relationship. but never ever should anyone think that they have to settle for what is in front of them. You freaking deserve more and you have to stop believing you deserve more and that all starts with telling yourself that it's possible. Amazing. Well, thank you so much, Lisa, for joining us on Young and Profiting Podcast. Again, her book is called Radical Confidence. She's re-releasing it with a new chapter. If you guys are in a relationship that's hurting your confidence, I highly recommend that you go check it out.

1:00:01We did not cover nearly as much of the good gems that are in that book. So there's so much more to learn from Lisa. Lisa, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. And I just want to take one moment to let your audience know, like when I met you in person, homie, I was so freaking impressed. And I love to surround myself with empowering women that uplift, that think positive, that have huge goals because you are the epitome of the five people you surround yourself with. And so in meeting you and what you stand for and what you're doing, homie, I freaking applaud you. And I'm so damn impressed of what you've built and what you're doing in the world.

1:00:39And I just want to encourage you. And I'm a freaking cheerleader of yours. And I hope you feel it because I've got my pom poms for you, girl, and I'm cheering you on. Oh, you're the best, Lisa. Thank you so much. I love spending time with you. You're always welcome on Young and Profiting Podcast. Thank you so much for dropping all this wisdom today. Thank you, homie. Thank you.