YAPClassic: Leila Hormozi, From Six Arrests to $100M Networth by Age 28 | Human Behavior

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27:26Let's move on to your sales skills because you said that you knew nothing about sales when you went to California, but you ended up being the top selling personal trainer in your region, I think within a year. If you didn't have any sales experience previously, you said you got it from experience, I guess What would you say your top things that you learned as a salesperson during that time was? Because now you've carried that skill and used it in multiple ways throughout your career. I think that there's two things. Because Alex and I, when we met, for example, we both had sales aptitude, but we sell completely differently.

27:57And I know that because we sold side by side for a year with each other. And our conversations sound completely different. And we both had around the same closing rate. Most people can sell things that they believe in. And so I think that a lot of times people are trying to... Like if you look at the mechanics of sales, we're trying to fake belief. Like salespeople, sales training is often faking belief in the product. When I think I found a product that I believed in, which was personal training, nutrition, you know, losing weight. Like I truly believed in that. And that was the first thing. And that's why I advise a lot of salespeople that reach out to me.

28:28They're like, I just, I'm not getting it. I'm like, do you believe in the product? And they're like, fundamentally, no, I'm actually, you know, it's like a vegan selling meat or something. Like it's just fundamentally doesn't match with their belief systems. The first step is that you have to make sure that you are being integrous, which means like what you think, what you say and what you do are all aligned. And so for me, the one thing that I realized by speaking with different people, especially I think my boss at that time, he was a sales manager. He was really good. He was like, Layla, do you believe in this?

28:56And I was like, absolutely. He's like, well, then why do you not feel convicted to try and get people to buy it? And that was the unlock for me was if you believe in something and you really know it's the right option and the best option for somebody, I'm obligated to try and get them to buy it. Because I'm thinking, I'm like, what other options do they have? Not many, right? Like, this is the way that it actually has to go. It's the hardest and it's the most expensive, but it's definitely the best. And so I think that it was the first one is having integrity about the product that you're selling, which sounds super cheesy.

29:27It's not tactical at all. But a lot of people are very misaligned. You'd be surprised to have people that message me and they say, I'm just not selling. And then I say, do you even believe in the thing? They switch jobs and then they're the top closer. And that was the first thing for me was I had done it myself. I had lost all the weight. I'd seen how it changed my life. It's not hard to preach that to other people. It's not hard to try and sell someone that because I would if it wasn't paid. Yeah. You need that conviction. So you have the confidence when you're selling. Otherwise, people can just see right through you.

29:53A hundred percent. And if you really believe in it, the conviction comes naturally. You don't have to fake it. But the second thing that I did learn that was a skill was having the right frame for the conversation. Because a lot of people who really believe in a product are still people-pleasing while they're trying to sell. And so because they're trying to get that person to like them rather than trying to get that person to buy or to make a decision, that's what they're really doing, right? They want the person to like them more than they want the person to buy or make a decision. And so they're trying to tiptoe around it.

30:23I had to make that frame shift. And I realized I have to be the authority. Just like, you know, if someone's the leader in a business, you're not going to be liked all the time. It's important though, that you're able to positively influence people in the business. Does that mean they're always going to like you for it? No. But will they be better for it? Yes. It's the same in sales. And so I had to learn how to develop more confidence and more of an authoritative frame within myself, how I spoke, how I led, how I led the conversation. I didn't let them lead the conversation. That was the biggest unlock for me was realizing that I have to be the one leading them through the conversation.

30:55I'm the authority in this conversation. And I should be because I actually give a shit. Yeah. Like who better to be an authority than someone who actually cares about the person on the other side? Yeah. So it's like telling them something like the truth, even though, even though it hurts and it's not going to make you the most liked person, but it's going to help them accomplish their goal. A man could never say this to a woman during consultation, but the amount of times I said, when's the last time you had sex with the lights on to a woman? Because I knew she didn't because I wouldn't have either when I was fat.

31:23Nobody wants to see that. You don't want to see it yourself. I was like, when's the last time that you like put on clothing in front of a mirror? Wow. Because they don't. If someone's out of a weight, they don't even look in a mirror. It's those questions that though they hurt and they don't feel good in the moment, I was like, that is what's going to make someone, that's what's going to get someone to make a decision that's going to better their life. And I think the difference between manipulation and influence is manipulation is getting someone to do something that's detrimental to themselves.

31:48Whereas influence is getting someone to do something that is beneficial for themselves and in line with their own personal goals and autonomy. That was really the one piece that I needed to succeed in sales, was understanding that I was the authority and I had all the evidence to back that I should be the authority. And I also had the give a shit where it made sense to me to be. Yeah, makes total sense. Great advice. So let's talk about your agenda at one point to find a man, right? I heard a story, I've heard you say the story that you were doing a bumble date every single weekend because you realized that dating was sort of a volume game.

32:23And then you met Alex. So I'd love to hear that story. Yeah. So I'll tell you how it started, which was I actually worked at 24. And my boss at that time, who was a sales manager, he was like, I told him, I was like, I got on Tinder and Bumble. I was like, Tinder's disgusting, but Bumble seems fine. And he was, I remember I said like, you know, I'm going to try and go on a date every couple of weeks, something, something. And he said, you know, Layla, he's like, I think dating is a lot like sales. I was like, how? He's like, well, I think it's a numbers game. Like think about how many consults you have to have with somebody in order to get a client.

32:54I was like, yeah. He's like, well, how many dates do you think you have to go on in order to get somebody to be a boyfriend? Maybe even more. And I was like, interesting. And he's like, and I remember he said this, he's like, don't you think that dating would be very good practice for sales? And I was like, how so? He's like, well, you're meeting strangers. You're having to basically sell yourself to them and you're in uncomfortable situations. And I was like, huh. So he essentially sold me on this concept. And so I said, okay, well, how do I work leads right now in my sales job? Okay, I'm just going to do that.

33:23But for dating, which was, you know, I had a time set aside every day, or it was like for an hour, I called all the leads and whatever, maybe more than an hour. And I would bang the phones. So I said, okay, what can I commit to for dating? I have my lunch break every day. It's minimum 30 minutes. I will just literally swipe and do nothing but swipe while I eat for 30 minutes. And so that was what I did. And that was what I promised myself. I said, my goal is to get a date a week if I swipe for 30 minutes. And so that's what I did. And I started going on dates and a lot of them sucked. Like I had one guy try and sneak me into a movie theater, not telling me because he didn't want to pay.

33:59I had like another guy who took me to a dinner and then told me he wished I wouldn't talk. I mean, like I had so many bad dates. The difference was that I didn't let it discourage me from going on another one. And so I talked to a lot of women now and they asked me about this and they're like, listen, Layla, I did that for three months. I'm like, girl, I did that for 18 months. Get back to me when you've swiped every day for 30 minutes, gone on 60 dates, and then tell me what you think. Just like you're looking for the ideal client, if you're in sales, dating is the same way, which is you have your criteria of what you're looking for, and you're going on dates trying to find it.

34:36And it's just a funnel that you're trying to continue to work through and through and through. And so honestly, I just took the same sales learnings that I had, I applied them to dating and I just didn't give up. I had enough confidence in myself at the time that I was like, there's somebody out there for me. Like, I know I'm a little weird and I'm a little different. You know, like I really like business. I really like working like a lot of women at that time, especially in Newport Beach, California, it felt like did not right. They just want like a sugar dad. But I was like, I will eventually find someone.

35:03And so I think having that, you know, knowing that that was the case and understanding that it was just a numbers game made it much easier to get through the emotional ups and downs, because I think that if dating is just an emotional game for you, then you're going to stop because the moment you have a bad date, you're like, oh, there's no boys out there for me. I'm like, shut the fuck up. Like you're saying that half the population sucks. Please. Like I hate when people say that all men are horrible. I'm like, this is called cognitive bias. You are overgeneralizing. Your brain is saying I had one bad boyfriend.

35:30Now all men are bad. That's not true at all. And then the second piece is understanding that I think a lot of people, what they do is they go on a few dates. Maybe they get in with a few people and maybe they date somebody for like a month or two, and then they break up. And then they take the same amount of time that they dated the person to get over the person. And I think that a lot of that comes from social stigma of, oh, it takes you, you know, half the amount of time that you dated someone to get over them. I'm like, you know, the best way to get over somebody is to go on another date. Like, what do you do when you lose a client?

36:00You go get another client. Like, I refuse to believe a lot of the things that society tells us. So I was like, am I actually upset about this person I dated for eight weeks? No. But I think I'm supposed to be upset. And I think that's what a lot of people do. And I think the reason I was able to go through very quickly and find somebody is because I didn't let that stuff stop me or drag me down or make the process take longer. Yeah. So smart. And I have to say, Layla, I love your personality. You're so funny and just give such good advice. I love talking to you. I think the audience is going to love this conversation.

36:31So you met Alex, right? Talk to us about that first date. What was he like? And what did you seeing him. I mean, you had all these suitors and you decided on Alex. Honestly, it was tough because like, I'll be really real. And you've probably had this too, or run into this as a woman who's ambitious. A lot of guys didn't like that. Yeah, 100%. Like a lot of men just wanted me to be a housewife. They wanted to have kids very soon and all these things. And I was like, that's just not in the cards for me, man. Or they think they want it. And then they realize like, oh, she's going to be more successful than me.

37:00I don't know if I want it. 100%. So if it wasn't, oh, I don't want you to do this thing. It was, oh, I'll try and suppress you so that I'm better than you. Which, listen, I don't have anything against people who do that. I just don't want to be in a relationship with them. When I met Alex, it was interesting because we matched on Bumble. And then Alex, I messaged him because it had to be the girl. I don't even remember what I said. I was so bad at it. I would be like, hey, what's up? I never said anything cool. I was kind of nerdy. So I was like, hey, how's it going or something like that. And he messaged me.

37:30He was like, fuck this app. Let's get off this app. Can I call you? And I was like, I like that. Like somebody who's like serious about this, who takes it like literally. So we get on the phone. I remember the first thing he said, he was like, listen, he's like, this is basically like a first date. So what we're doing right now is we can have our first date now on the phone. And then later when we actually have a first date, we don't need to talk about all this stuff. Cause we haven't talked about it. It'll be basically our second date. And I was like, this guy's efficient, which I liked because that's kind of how I was running it as well.

37:57So I was like, this is a good match. And I remember feeling like, I don't really know, like this guy's kind of like blunt to the point harsh. He's not really flirty, but I appreciated it. And so we meet for Froyo for our first date because it's low commitment. So we could leave if we didn't like each other. That was the agreement. And we go and I'm sitting there waiting for him. And he comes up from behind me. And I remember he was like, okay, like not smiling. And I was like, what? Is this guy I know he's smiling at me. Turns out, so what some people don't know, is I have an entire back piece.

38:30And I was wearing a tank top dress. And he saw I have angel wings on my back when I was 18 and getting drunk. And he saw them. And I guess like he really doesn't like tattoos. And so for the first like 15 minutes of the day, he just didn't even look at me. Like we go in line for Froyo. He's not really looking, making eye contact. I'm like not knowing what's going on. And then finally we sit down, we start talking. And I just start asking about his business That's because he owned some gyms at the time. And then it was like he lit up. And then from that point on in the conversation, we talked for, I think, four and a half hours.

39:01We went on a walk, walked like, I don't even know how many miles. It was insane. And by the end of it, I just remember thinking, like the one thought I had was like, I just want to keep talking to him. Like, I don't even care if we're dating or not. I just like finally feel like I found somebody who sees reality the same way as me. I felt like he wanted the same things from life and was looking for the same things. And it was just, it was like a breath of fresh air to talk to anybody, you know, female or male that actually felt that way. Honestly, from that point on, it was, we hung out every day.

39:33I think he had to go to like a dinner later that night. And then he called me after and we talked till like 2 a.m. And then the next day he came to my work during my lunch break. And then I went to his house afterward. And then it was just like, from that point on, but we weren't working together at that point. You know, we were just dating. And I want to say like two weeks in, And he was like, you should really just work for me. And I was like, because he knew that what I was trying to decide of is like, am I going to start my own gym or am I going to have an online training business? And I had opportunities on both sides.

40:02I wasn't sure what to do. And I was telling him about this decision. He was like, I think you should do neither of those things. And instead, you should come do this with me and we'll make way more money than either of those things. And I was like, yeah, but then I'm working for you. Like, this is weird. We're like dating right now. He was like, whatever. We've only been dating two weeks. I remember he said that. And I was like, true, good point. You know, it hasn't been that long. And I was really torn. But at the same time, I was like, all right, let me look at all the decisions I've made that have been the best decisions in life.

40:32Putting my back against a wall, putting myself into a situation where most people would fail or falter, and putting myself into situations that there's risk. I was like, there's really no better time that if I were to do something like this than to do it now, because I'm young. And so I talked to a few mentors. I did a lot of thinking and I was like I think after After he went and he did a launch on his own for gym launch what was to become gym launch And I saw that it actually worked and a lot of people by the way They give me shit for this because I was like I saw that he made a hundred thousand dollars launching this gym Of course, I want to see that he made money.

41:07I was making plenty of money on my own I'm, not going to go stop to go do something with somebody who hasn't made any money or proven a concept I'm, like I have my own shit my own business going on And so once I saw that it worked. I was like, okay, this makes sense for me financially so it makes sense to take this risk and that was when I think the next week I talked to all my clients I talked to the gym that I was working at the time and I just got rid of everything and I had a week between getting rid of everything and flying out to the first gym to do the launch for this idea for this company gym launch and that was really the beginning of not our relationship but our partnership.

41:44And so if you really think about it, like we only had, I don't know, six weeks that we weren't working together, like in our entire relationship now, which has been seven years. And the rest of it was from that point on, it was learning how to navigate being in a new relationship with somebody that you're also building a new business with while losing money, living out of motels, basically eating shit every day. And it was really hard. So that was, I was like, I just realized where I was going with that. I was like, that's the story of our relationship. I mean, it's so interesting. And now you guys are such a powerful couple.

42:16And I'm sure starting a business and able to have you guys bond together, but also, you know, spending that much time together probably was really tough and maybe felt like you guys needed your own experiences and things like that. So I guess, how did you deal with that? How did you deal with keeping it romantic still, even though you're business partners? Oh, God, it wasn't romantic at all for the first two years. It was no romance. It's funny because people ask that stuff and I'm like, no, the first two years were us trying to not be poor. We were just trying to not go bankrupt at that point.

42:50Our relationship was not in the forefront of mind. So it was really the first year. I think that what we did learn by necessity was how to communicate with each other. I learned how Alex works. A lot of people get really intimidated by Alex because what you'll learn if you get close to him is like he likes one word answers. Like he'll be like, okay, you're like, you write him a whole novel. He's like, thumbs up. Yeah. I thought Alex hated me after my, I was like, why does he hate me? Most people think that, right? Yeah. He's just like, not, he's not like you bubbly sweet. Like not like that at all.

43:19No, it took me time to learn too. You know, I joke with everyone that's on our team. I'm like, listen, I thought he hated me too. When we first worked together, and then we got married. So apparently he didn't. It was really learning how to communicate with each other, learning like, what are my nuances? Like how does Layla behave? And then how does Alex behave? And like, how do we behave together? The hardest part was that. And I think when you get into any relationship and you're under stress, because we were under intense stress those first couple of years, it was learning how to use that to our advantage to become better versions of ourselves.

43:51Because being around somebody else in close quarters exposes you when you're under stress of where your flaws are or where your weaknesses are. And I know for me, like one of the best lessons that Alex taught me early on by just pointing it out was I was very cold. And I think that I have substantially warmed up. I think that if people meet me now, I seem pretty warm in the beginning anyways. And I was not that way. I was scared. I was stressed and I would just shut down. And I remember one time we were sitting in the car and I shut down on him because there was something that he said and I was upset about it, but I didn't want to tell him.

44:25And he looked at me and he was like, I just want to let you know that if you keep doing this cold thing, this relationship won't work. But it was funny because what I actually thought in that moment, I wasn't angry. I wasn't defensive. I was like, you know what? Any relationship I have in my life, this will be a problem. Why not solve it now? He's right. I am cold. And I remember that was like the switch for me. And that was the biggest thing that I had to work on the beginning of our relationship. And on the other hand, you know, for Alex, his was probably ego or temper. You know, he used to get angry pretty easily.

44:59And I think under stress, even more so. And typically when someone's angry, it's like, are they angry at themselves? You, the situation, you don't really know. But he would get angry and then I would shut down because he was angry and I was scared. And so we had to learn that about each other, talk about it, and then learn how to speak each other's language. You know, like if Alex is angry, I know how to deescalate him. If I'm stressed, Alex knows how to deescalate me because we've learned and we've talked about it enough that I've said what I need and he has said what he needs. It's a conversation that we have.

45:29It's not like I'm guessing, you know what I mean? I'm not like, what do you want me to do? You're like trying to figure out what he wants me to do when he's angry. I'm just like, Hey, when you're angry, what do you want me to do? And I think that's been the biggest blessing of our relationship is the same way that you would talk with a business partner. How do we do this in the business? We've taken that into our relationship, which is there's nothing that's not talked about like anything to a very high degree. We talk about every problem, everything we notice if we're like, hey, we feel pretty distant right now.

45:55Do you feel distant? He's like, yeah. And we're like, okay, let's work on that. Or if we're like, hey, I feel like we need some space. Like, I'm just feeling like we are way too close right now. Like we've had way too much time together. I just need like a breathing room. We're like, okay. And so that's been, I think what's been a huge contributor to the success of our relationship would just be that, you know, taking those same principles that you would apply to any productive relationship inside of a workplace and using it in our marriage. Yeah, that's so healthy. Like I know a lot of relationships, they do not feel that open in terms of the communication.

46:25Like they just feel so scared to tell each other how they actually feel about things. So it's so great that you can work through that. Also, I would say this. Yeah. You can either be scared to communicate something to your partner or you can be scared of losing yourself in the relationship. And it's like you get one or the other, which is if you're constantly living in fear of what your partner will think, you lose yourself. And so I have always kept that forefront of mind. I will not compromise, nor will Alex, who I am and who he is. I always, and we both really accept each other for who we are, but it's one thing that I'm very adamant about.

46:58If there's something that's happening that I need to communicate how I feel about it, or I'm dissatisfied with, and same with him, we will do it even if it hurts our partner's feelings, because we both know that we have to put ourselves and what is true to us forefront of mind. Otherwise our relationship will never work in the long run. It might feel good in the short term to avoid that thing, but in the long run, you're setting yourself up for dysfunction. Yeah, 100 % and total failure. So smart. We'll be right back after a quick break from our sponsors.

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51:27So I feel like this is a really good segue into behavioral change because you mentioned, and Alex mentioned this on the show, that you were the fastest person he knows in terms of changing your behavior. And so from my research, I found out you used to be afraid of public speaking. And now you essentially do that probably every day as a part of your career. You also thought you would never be a good manager. And that's literally what you're known for now in terms of like your management styles. So how do you continually adapt and change your behavior in order to succeed? I think that when a lot of people talk about behavior change, what they're really asking for is belief or thought change.

52:05Because if you think about changing behavior, that's not very complicated. It's like, don't eat the cookie. But I think a lot of people want to know how, well, how do I not want to eat the cookie? That's what they want to know. Because people are like, how do I lose weight? I just can't lose weight. I'm like, no, you can't be hungry. You don't know how to tolerate hunger. That's why you can't lose weight. And so it's not that I lack anxiety, stress, nervousness. When we got on this podcast, I was like, my heart was racing. Really? Happens every time with every podcast. If I go up to speak the last speech I did, I got on the stage and I couldn't, my mouth was so dry.

52:37I thought I was like, I was like, the words for sure won't come out. Like I still get terrified because I care because I want to make sure that I do a good job. I want to feel like I give value to the audience, right? But what I've learned is to one, not judge myself for that. And two, I can be nervous. I can be scared. I can be anxious and I can still act like I'm not. And that's the biggest thing that was the unlock for me with behavior change. And what has always been was I don't need to eliminate feelings. I just need to change my relationship with them. Most people, what they do is they think, oh, I feel anxious.

53:10I feel scared. I feel nervous. I I can act in accordance with my values and with the behavior that I would like to have. But that's not the case at all. I need to learn how to befriend these feelings, how to live with these feelings, how to manage these feelings and be okay with these feelings and still take, you know, steps forward anyways. And so for me, it's always been if I'm feeling stressed or anxious or whatever, and I'm trying to change a behavior, I just remind myself you have to level up. It's above the situation. It's not about grabbing the cookie or not grabbing the cookie. It's about what's my relationship with hunger.

53:43And so for somebody who's dieting, it's not that you're hungry. It's not that you need the cookie. It's not that it's that you don't know how to be hungry. You can't tolerate the feeling of hunger in your body. For people who get stressed with public speaking, it's not that you can't public speak. It's that you cannot tolerate the feeling of nervousness in your body before you go on stage. So what I do, despite not wanting to, is I force myself into situations where I know that those feelings will be provoked. And I practice like visualizing ahead of time, the thing's going to happen. I'm going to feel like I'm nervous.

54:15I'm going to feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm going to feel like I'm going to panic, like whatever it may be. How will I act despite feeling that way? So for example, if I'm public speaking, I visualize myself having a panic attack on stage before I'm on stage. And then I walk through, what would I really do? Because a lot of people just go, Jesus, I'd have a panic attack on stage and that's it. That's it for me, right? I'm done. Or I'm like, okay, say I have a panic attack on stage. Then what? If it only lasts for like two minutes, what's going to happen the next two minutes? I could make a joke about it.

54:48I could use it as an example for resilience for everybody else that's watching. Like I could make fun of myself. There's so many things that I could do next to actually make that an opportunity, turn that challenge into an opportunity. And then I could continue and give my speech. Yeah. So like if the worst thing happened, what would I do? And how would I turn that around? Then it makes it not that scary because then you're like, well, if something bad happens, this is my escape plan. Right. And but here's what I will say. It's not even that because that's reassuring ourselves. That's saying, OK, well, even if the worst happens, I'll figure.

55:18OK, well, what if you don't figure it out? Because that's the other route, which is like, you know, I talk to business owners and they're like, what if my business does die? And like, OK, then your business dies. Then what? They're like, well, I'm like, you have like millions of dollars in the banks. What are you going to do after that? And then they're like, well, I guess I would start another business. And I'm like, OK, so let's talk about the steps. And so I think it's one, talking about what I would do if the worst case scenario happened. And then also making peace with the fact that sometimes when the worst case scenario happens, we don't act in accordance with what our plans were.

55:49And visualizing that and visualizing how I would get over it, that it would be okay. So what? I expect that at some point in my career, giving a speech or something, like I'm sure at some point I'll like, nobody will know, but I will have a panic attack on stage because I can get through it now. I can talk through those things, but I'm sure it will happen. And when it does, I've visualized it enough times that I'll be okay with it. I'm not going to judge myself for it. And I hopefully can use it as a lesson for other people to show them that you can do things and be scared at the same time. And that's really been like my whole life.

56:19Like, you're like, how do you get rid of the anxiety and all that? I'm like, it's never gone away. Like hanging out next to me all day, every day, but I've just learned how to live with it and really act despite feeling a certain way. And I think that if you're not constantly trying to get out of a feeling, the feeling will naturally go away anyways. Yeah. But when you're constantly trying to rid yourself of a feeling, what happens is that feeling sticks. But if you're not trying to rid yourself of it, it is much more likely to fade away. So I want to stick on something that you lightly mentioned, which was being uncomfortable, right?

56:50And I know that you say that one of the things that holds back our younger generations is that they don't want to be uncomfortable. I had Wim Hof on the show. He's the Iceman. He says something similar, but he talks about like being physically uncomfortable and the importance of that, that we all wear clothes. We have, you know, the temperature control on, we don't even want to be cold. That's how far we go with it. And then we don't even unlock the power of our bodies. It's hard to work out. So we don't work out. But I think you take it more from like also a mental perspective. So I'd love to hear from you in terms of why it's so important to be uncomfortable sometimes.

57:26Yeah. I do actually think that the physical aspect is useful in many ways. I don't go to the extreme with it. Like I lift and I lift really heavy and hard and I've done that for a while. And that taught me a lot in life, which is you make the most progress when you're in a lot of pain under the bar. But I think that it's important because what feels good is often not good for us. And I think that I've learned that early on in my life, which is Most of the things that feel good for us are not. But if you, this is what a lot of people think. They think, well, gosh, I don't want to be uncomfortable all of the time.

58:00But here's the thing, is that those things that are uncomfortable, if done, repeated enough times, become comfortable. And so if you do it in enough areas of your life, it's ironic because then actually everything that is uncomfortable becomes comfortable. And so I think it's just breaking through, getting yourself to take that first step because our brains don't like unpredictability. And so the reason anything the first time is so hard is because we can't predict what happens next. But the moment we do do that thing, our brain has a new association. It has a memory it's going to make, right?

58:32And most of the time, it's not as bad as we think. And so I think that it's almost a practice in the sense of I try to do things that are uncomfortable for me every day. I try to push myself. I try to not lean into my feelings, not because I don't want to. I want to, like today, for example, like had a not great night last night and then didn't sleep well because one thing or another that happened at work and then woke up, had calls at 6 a.m., was going, I was like, I feel like absolute ass. I was like, but you know what? I'm going to fucking show up here and I'm going to crush it and I'm going to crush my meetings later.

59:00I'm going to crush my interviews later. And I think that every time we do that, what we do is we build confidence within ourselves so that every other thing in our life that's uncomfortable is easier to accomplish. And so I think it's just a matter of building momentum. A lot of people are like, well, I just, Layla, I have a really hard time getting uncomfortable. I'm like, but you've made a habit of being comfortable. So you know how to make a habit. Now we just got to make a habit in the other direction. Yeah. It's funny, but it's really like you have the power of inertia on your side once you start doing it, which is if you start leaning into comfort more and more and more.

59:29I have a friend that wrote a book called The Comfort Crisis. You start to do everything in your life in accordance with the comfort. And it's called the comfort creep. That's why he named it. Versus the opposite direction, you start to do everything uncomfortably. Then it's discomfort creep. You start to notice in every area of your life, you start to make yourself a little more uncomfortable and you start achieving more and more. Because achieving things comes from like the only reason that accomplishments feel good is because we did something that was uncomfortable. And often people think I have to rid myself of this discomfort to do this thing.

59:59But no, accomplishments without the discomfort don't actually feel good. And so the reason that successful people are so confident isn't because they didn't have discomfort and did something, it's because they had so much discomfort and did it anyways. And so I think for me, it's just always been, I encourage people to get uncomfortable. I encourage people to also So be aware of how to make themselves uncomfortable in a way that they can manage. It might be, let's try some small steps first. Okay, if you're terrified of public speaking and you're going to throw up when you get on stage, let's do some podcast interviews online first, right?

1:00:29Like maybe let's make some YouTube videos and then let's get a stage maybe six months down the road. And I think that you can stair step your way up to your greatest fears or your greatest discomforts. And we all have to know ourselves and know what works best. Some people can throw themselves in the fire and just like go straight into the most uncomfortable situation and come out great. Some people that wouldn't work too well, and they have to stair step their way into something that's uncomfortable. I think it's a matter of figuring out what works for you. Yeah. So I love this topic. I kind of want to stay here for a little while.

1:00:57I love the topic of motivation because I feel like a lot of my listeners reach out to me telling me like they don't know how to find their motivation and they feel like it's this external thing. And they always feel like they need to have the feeling of motivation to get something done. And I know that you have said in the past that you don't always stay motivated. You don't do things just because of the way that you feel. So I'd love to learn a little bit more about that. I think that most people don't have motivation because they don't have enough responsibility. Go look at the single mom who is raising four kids.

1:01:31Does she lack motivation? No, she has responsibility. And so I think a lot of people, when they're talking about motivation, what it really is, is that they lack responsibility. I am responsible for all of the people that work at my company. I am responsible for all of the companies that are in my portfolio. I am responsible for an audience that supports me. That's what I think in my mind. So am I going to take the selfish action of doing the thing I want to do? Or am I going to take the action of doing the thing that's better for all of them? And I think that what a lot of people do is they avoid responsibility, which then decreases motivation.

1:02:05You don't feel like doing something when you don't have a big enough reason. create enough reasons, which is usually people, and you have more motivation to do things. So it's not that I feel motivation every day, but I have a responsibility to the people whose lives I have influence over. And so every day when I wake up and I have to make the decision, am I going to do this? Not going to do this. I'm going to do that. I'm not going to do that. That's what I'm thinking with. And so I think that for those people who are asking, you know, I just don't have the motivation, take on more responsibility.

1:02:33You won't even have time to think about how you feel because you've just got to do it because you're responsible for other people. And I think that we live in a day and age where people lack responsibility. I mean, if you even look like the family construct in this country, it's like completely different than it was a long time ago. And so we have less pressure to do well. We have less pressure to stick with our commitments and we have less pressure to get uncomfortable. But if you're the person that's responsible for many other people's lives, you'll have the motivation much more than you wouldn't.

1:03:04Does that make sense? Oh, it totally does. I align so much with this. I even wrote down some thoughts about this and it's like we're very close in terms of what we were saying our approach would be to... So for example, you were saying before this interview, you kind of felt like crap. You didn't really want to do it, but you showed up, right? Me too. I almost broke up with my boyfriend last night. I had a terrible night. I was like, oh God, like I have to be, I have my game face on. But at the end of the day, we have to show up because that's why we're successful because we show up even when we don't feel like showing up and like you I zoom out and I think if I don't show up here I'm putting my employees at jeopardy if I don't show up today I'm putting my fans aren't going to have an episode Layla gets a lot of money to talk I'm not going to cancel and like ruin my reputation with Layla it's like all these things to your point like you hit the nail on the head I'm responsible for a lot lot of things.

1:03:57So the only way I'm canceling an interview is I literally have strep throat and I can't talk. And the other thing I think about is like, if I'm physically able to do the show, if something actually does happen, that's bad to me down the line, at least I did the actions that I could to get myself as far as I could. And then when I actually am sick, I can be like, all right, I deserve to be sick. I can cancel this interview, you know? So I think we're aligned there. I love that. So interesting. All right. Let's talk about the GSD muscle. You talk about this get shit done muscle. How can we build and develop that muscle?

1:04:31Yeah. I think this muscle comes from having a low thought to action threshold, if I could put it in right terms, which is if you think a thought and then you take action on that thought. A lot of people don't get shit done because they spend way more time in the thought and less time in the action. Now I know how to think, but a lot of the times what I need to do is go take action. And I think that a lot of the times, and this is like what we were talking about earlier, it's just a theme that I've noticed, which is people are staying in their heads so much now. It's overthinking, overanalyzing stuff.

1:05:04I'm like, you gotta build the get shit done muscle, which the only way you do that is if the moment that you think about something, you own your power by taking action immediately. The way that you get more power is you take action on a thought faster than others, faster than you used to, faster than you did five days ago. And so for a lot of people, it's that. That paired with being able to face the discomfort. I mean, like we just talked about, I think that if you want to get shit done, you're going to be uncomfortable. And I think that you build that muscle faster when you put it under tension on a more frequent basis.

1:05:36And so when I think about the get shit done muscle, it's like any other muscle, which is you've got to go to the gym and you've got to put time under tension, right? It doesn't matter if you're doing high reps, low reps, weight on the bar, like it's time under tension that builds a muscle. And it's the same for the get shit done muscle, which is the moment that you realize that it's, okay, thought to action threshold. How many more times can you do that in how many situations? And so what I like to do for myself when I'm trying to instill that, when maybe I feel like I'm in a season where something happened and, you know, didn't go my way or I'm scared or I'm stressed or something's happening, I write down what are those things on a daily basis that I can do.

1:06:09I read it at the beginning of the day and I'm like, these are the small things I'm going to do to build that muscle today to do my time under tension. It might be a hard conversation with a coworker. It might be that I have to have a hard conversation with a portfolio company. It might be, you know, I start asking myself, like, what are these things that maybe I'm avoiding or could avoid that if I were to do today would make me stronger tomorrow? And that is what the get you done muscle is. And I think that a lot of people don't have it or it's atrophied because they're okay living with the pink elephant in the room.

1:06:38I think that if you have a very strong get you done muscle, you don't have a lot of dirty laundry. Whereas if you do have a very strong get you done muscle, there's nothing like there's no pink elephant in the room. Like there's nothing there. Like you have a clear conscience. That's how I keep my headspace clear. I don't like having to think about a lot of situations that are like, I want to say like not complete, not resolved. Open loops. Yeah. Open loops. Like I don't like having that. I don't like having, if anything bothers me, I feel like there's anything off with the teammate. I just address it immediately.

1:07:06And so I think that that's really where the muscle is and what it comes from. And it's just like anything else, any other muscles, like time under tension is how you're going to build it. I love that. Okay. So last question to close this part of the interview out. What would you give advice to people in their teens and their 20s, upcoming generations who want to achieve the level of success that you did by your 30s? What's your main piece of advice for them? I would say learn to act despite how you feel. Yeah. Big theme of today's episode. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's just learn how to act despite what you feel because you're not going to feel good most of the time when you're making progress towards your goals.

1:07:44You know, people congratulate me all the time on the success of the companies that we sold and the success that we're having now. And I'm like, yeah, but all the success is propelled by things that are painful, right? They're experiences that we've been through, right? And so understand that you just have to learn to act despite how you feel. And feelings are something to acknowledge, but they're not directives in terms of how to live our life.

1:08:18I'll see you next time.