going back to reality

0:00You know what sucks? Going back to your life after a moment of pure escape. Okay, let me give you a classic example going back to school after summer break Let me give you a more mature example Going back to work after a fun weekend trip with friends ew that sucks And the unfortunate thing is we can't spend our entire lives on vacation Hanging out with friends going to parties celebrating holidays with family We can't spend our entire lives doing that. In fact, if we did it wouldn't be enjoyable anymore We'd find a way to get stressed out and to feel pressure in that environment. The reason why escape feels so good is because reality is so challenging.

0:41It comes with responsibility. It's mundane. It's tedious. There's work to be done. And that's really rewarding too. But our day-to-day routines are not nearly as enjoyable as our escapes. But that's what makes the escape feel so good, is that we experience both in our lives. In my experience, one of the most challenging parts of this balance in life is the transition from escape back to reality. That's actually a struggle I'm going through right now. I just got back from a really long trip. I went to Paris and Milan in New York for Fashion Week and for some photo shoots. And even though technically, I guess that's considered work, it was undeniably an escape from my day-to-day reality.

1:31I wasn't at home. I was there with my best friend, Jared. And for a little bit, my other best friend, Owen, was there too. I had a lot of time off to just hang out, walk around the cities I was visiting. I was definitely removed from reality. And returning home has been challenging. I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by The Ordinary. Self-care is important, but it can be super expensive, right? especially when you're talking skincare products. Thankfully, The Ordinary is focused on quality skincare that's priced to make great skincare accessible to everyone and that genuinely works.

2:11Formulations created in their lab designed to give your skin precisely what it needs. They've even made a free regimen builder on their website if you don't know where to start. Use code EMMAC10 for 10 % off at theordinary.com. Now back to the episode. I've experienced this so many times throughout my life, whether it was, as I mentioned earlier, going back to school after summer break, experiencing the weight and the sadness that comes with going back to school and going back to reality, or after the holidays, going back to work, you know, after like two weeks of hanging out with family and feeling so connected to myself and my peace and then going back to sort of the fast-paced reality of work.

2:57Even on smaller scales, like going to a music festival for the weekend and then coming home, having a really fun weekend with friends. Maybe I'm in Los Angeles at home, but maybe there was a lot of activity going on that weekend and it was particularly exciting. Even going back to work after that, going back to reality after that can be challenging. Over the years, I've slowly but surely developed a method to making this process easier. Do I have it all figured out? No. Because as I said, I just got back from this trip and I'm struggling a little bit. However, I think I would be struggling more if I didn't have the method that I have in place.

3:40I think I've somewhat cracked the code on how to ease the transition in the best way possible to minimize negative emotions. And so that's what I'm going to be sharing with you all today. Emma's method to returning to reality after a moment of fun and escape. And the thing is, I'm grateful for my life. I love my life. It doesn't even matter if you love your life. There's something about going back to reality that's tough no matter what's going on in your life. I definitely think the experience is worse and more challenging if your life is in a particularly challenging place. But even if you're in a good place, reality is reality.

4:26Responsibility is responsibility. And hopefully my method that I share with you all today will help you all. And as my yoga instructor says, take what you want and leave what you don't. Okay, this might not work perfectly for you. But take the elements that you want and leave what you don't. And if that means leaving all of it, then leave all of it. But without further ado, this is Emma's guide to returning to reality. The first thing I like to do before the escape begins is remind myself of my history, remind myself of how the transition back to my routine later impacts me. Analyze the last few times and how it went.

5:09What could I change and do better this time to make the transition easier at the other side of this escape? Now, again, this could be anything. Vacation, holiday break, a fun weekend. It doesn't matter. Analyze my history, know myself, and try to figure out how to best prepare for that inevitable transition that will happen in however long. And that analysis usually reminds me that when I get back to my life, whether I'm returning to a life that's stressful or not, I tend to feel an intense sense of dread and sadness. Like inevitably, I just feel sad. So I take note of that. I also take note of the fact that usually when I return from some sort of escape, I feel exhausted.

5:55Like I might need to schedule in time when I get back if I can to sleep a little more. I also know that the first few days back, I tend to not get as much done. Actually, it's not always a few days. Sometimes it's like one day. Sometimes it's just the first morning back. Sometimes it's the first week I'm back. It depends on how long the escape was. Like if I go on a 20-day trip, that takes longer for me to recover from than a fun weekend with friends. right? And lastly, I know that when I return to my reality, I tend to experience creative mental blocks, usually because I think when I'm in some sort of escape, I tend to let myself indulge in things that I don't normally let myself indulge in.

6:41And I'm not talking about like food or relaxation, like laying down. I'm talking about the internet. I let myself indulge in the internet when I'm having a moment of escape. Like if I want to scroll on Instagram when I'm on vacation, fuck it, you know? I try not to, but that's the time that I let my guard down the most and those things tend to happen the most. And I have noticed a direct correlation in my life between scrolling on the internet and consuming a lot of internet content and experiencing creative mental blocks. I feel like the noise of the internet clouds my creative mind. And so I know that after a moment of escape, it might take me a few days to tap back into my creative mind, you know, depending on how much I indulged in the Internet.

7:31Now, sometimes I don't indulge in the Internet at all during my escape and I still return to a creative mental block. And that could be because perhaps the fun that I had in the in the distraction that I experienced shut that part of my brain off. I don't know. But that does tend to happen. The internet part makes it worse, but even if I'm not on the internet, it's still a struggle. Maybe less so, but still a struggle. So I know all of that about myself, and so I can begin to plan my return and how I'm going to sort of give myself the time and the space, if possible, to recover properly. You know what I mean?

8:13And so that leads me to my next step, which is planning ahead. Before an escape begins, I try to get as much work done as I possibly can so that when I return, I have a bit more wiggle room. I have a bit more space to recover and I'm not returning to like a to-do list that is daunting. And this is helpful for two reasons. Number one, because I'm able to fully enjoy my escape and I'm not stressed about what I'm returning to, which we'll talk more about that in a minute but that's one reason why it's helpful but also because I know myself and if I return to an overwhelming checklist of things to do I'm going to end up feeling frozen by the stress of that and I'll actually get less done like I'll return and be less productive because that pressure and that stress of that to-do list will overwhelm me to a point where I literally can't do anything.

9:12I'm frozen in time. Another way that I plan is I try to plan my escape in such a way when possible where I can maybe have a day off before I get back to my normal routine. Like for example, let's say I'm planning a weekend trip with friends. I might plan to get back Sunday morning so I can have that whole day on Sunday to relax, enjoy the rest of the weekend at home, re-acclimate so that on Monday I can get back to it. Now, if that's not possible and say my escape ends on a Sunday and I gotta go back to work on Monday, I might plan a really light work day for that Monday if possible. Now, again, depending on your school or your job, like this might not always be possible, but I try my best to plan a day of chill at least before I go back to my life, you know, because it really is helpful to have a day to reacclimate.

10:15And I also try to figure out what I'm going to work on on that first week that I return so that I have sort of an understanding of what I'm returning to before I even leave. Like I already know when I get back, I'm on the first day I'm going to record a podcast and then I'm going to go grocery shopping. And then I'm going to like, I like to know exactly what I'm returning to so that I feel prepared and I'm not returning to a bunch of question marks. You know, there's something nice about knowing what you're returning to before you even leave. You just feel more prepared psychologically. You don't feel like you're returning to chaos.

10:56You're returning to control. You know exactly what you're coming back to. And there's something about that, that again, not only allows you to fully escape, but also it's in your subconscious. You've planted a seed. So when you get back, it's much easier to get right into things because you already know what you're getting back into. And you've known that since before you left. Now, my next step is to fully enjoy the escape. Okay. Now this is something that's kind of hard for me because I have a tendency to like try to combine my work life and my time off because as many people in my life call me, I'm very much a workaholic type of person where I'm like every moment I have free, I'm like, well, I might as well use this to work on this thing that I, you know, I have a tendency to try to optimize my time.

11:47Like I'm very particular about how I spend my time and I'm very type A and I like to use every moment wisely. And so it can be very challenging for me to fully escape, but it's so important because if you don't use the time that you're escaping wisely, if you don't use your time off wisely, then you're not recharging. And that's actually a shame and is technically less productive. We need to recharge in order to go back to work and go back to reality and our responsibilities with vigor and excitement and motivation. We have to recharge. It's so important. And listen, sometimes we need to recharge and we can't.

12:27That's just reality. That sucks. But whenever we get the chance to escape, I think it's best used in full. Like lean into it, turn the work side, the reality side of your brain off and just enjoy the peace and the fun and the lightheartedness. I think that's what makes an escape most productive, which sounds counterintuitive, especially to the workaholic like me who's like, well, but if you can get something done while you're escaping, then, you know, that's actually even more productive. But I actually, through life experience, have realized that is not the case, like at all, because what ends up happening is when you return to reality, you end up no more rested than you were when you left.

13:14And so you return and you're actually even more sluggish than you were before because this transition back to reality is even more painful because you expect to feel a sense of invigoration and excitement to be back and then you don't. And it's disappointing and you're like, wait, I wasted my time when I should have been enjoying my break, but instead I used it to work and now I have to get back to work and I'm exhausted and I'm not recharged at all. And so I think it's really important to allow yourself to truly enjoy it and truly escape. I really, really try to force myself to compartmentalize and let my escape be an escape and let my work life be my work life.

13:57There are rare occasions where, you know, I might get an idea for a podcast episode and I'm really, really inspired and I really want to write it down and start working on it. Like, sure, you know, there might be a moment where I'm on vacation and I have a video idea and I always bring cameras with me and maybe I want to film a YouTube video. But again, that's only when I'm so inspired that I like literally can't hold it in. I have really worked hard over the years to establish a balance and truly compartmentalize. And I really think it helps with the return because you return with more energy, you know.

14:37Again, is it still going to be uncomfortable? Yes. But if you allow it to be as much of an escape as possible, you can come back with at least a little bit more energy. But also too, there's more to life than productivity. And not everyone needs to hear that. Some people have a good grasp on that. I'm somebody that needs to hear that. I am toxically, if that's even a word, at times obsessed with being productive and getting things done. and it is a good thing sometimes and a really harmful thing at other times. It's beneficial when I have the energy to perform at that level, but then eventually if I continue performing at that level with no break, no escape, no nothing, I burn out and I burn out bad and it's really hard to get back up.

15:30And so I've really tried to get into the practice of remembering that there's more to life than being productive. There's more to life than, you know, checking off your to-do list. Like, it's very important to enjoy vacation, to spend time with friends and family, to do something spontaneous every once in a while, even if it gets in the way of productivity sometimes. Actually, a great example of that just happened to me, to be honest. I got invited to go to Disneyland on a Monday. Literally this week. Actually, that happened this week. I got invited to go to Disneyland on a Monday. Now, what was my immediate reaction?

16:12I can't do that. I have so much work I have to do. I can't do that. This is the type of type A person I am. I was like, there's no way I can swing that. There's no way. But then I had to remember, I can move things around. I can do this. And it's so much more important that I go and make memories with my friends at Disneyland. By the way, we never get to all do stuff like this together because everybody's so busy. This is so much more important than being productive for one day. Technically, I can do this, so I should. And you know what I did? I successfully managed to compartmentalize and the entire day did not go on my phone.

16:50I did not get one work-related thing done. Not one. I ate a churro. I had Dole Whip and I smiled and I went on roller coasters and it was great. Was the transition back from that? Oh my God. It was like a double whammy because I just got back from my trip. And then a few days after getting back from my trip, I went to Disneyland and it was like, oh my God, this is like now it was extra hard to return to reality from all that. But because I let myself fully enjoy those two experiences, I did come back with more energy than I would have otherwise. I did come back feeling a bit more recharged. I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Squarespace.

17:33I've always believed that if you have an idea, like something you really care about, you should own it. Literally. With Squarespace, you can grab the domain name that feels like you and start building from there. No tech stress, no random fees, just your name, your vibe, your space online. Go to squarespace.com slash Emma for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use code Emma to get 10 % off your first purchase of a website or domain. Now back to the episode. Okay, next. Now we're back to reality. The fun is over. We're back to reality. What now? Well, the first thing that I try to do is focus on mindfulness.

18:14Focus on my mindset, my lens that I'm looking at my life and the world through. And I try to find something that I'm excited about in my routine. Could be something small or big. Perhaps I'm returning to something I'm excited to work on. Perhaps, you know, I'm just excited to sleep in my own bed if I was traveling. You know, like I try to find something that I'm looking forward to. And I also really try to focus on on gratitude. Gratitude for my life. Gratitude for the fact that I have, you know, something to work on when I get back. Gratitude is so important. And a lot of times gratitude is a choice because I don't know, I feel like I have a tendency to, I don't, I don't think I'm necessarily a negative person.

19:00I'm definitely grateful. And I have gratitude on a daily basis, but I also have frustrations and anxieties and stresses. And I don't know that that can sometimes overpower my gratitude at times because I'm I'm neither one or the other. I'm neither overwhelmingly positive or negative. I fall somewhere in the middle, which means that there are times where I can be negative and I can maybe not feel gratitude towards things that I could if I dug a little deeper. And so I really try to focus on my mindset and I really try to choose a positive mindset because I really do think that we can choose that to an extent through just thinking smart, you know, like paying attention to the negative feelings and choosing to replace them with positive thoughts.

19:52And does that mean that it's going to work seamlessly and perfectly and the return to reality is going to be super comfy? Again, no. But a little bit of mindfulness can help. It's not going to fix everything, but it can alleviate the discomfort a little bit. The next thing that I like to do is plan my next moment of fun to have something to look forward to. It's so important for us as human beings to have things to look forward to. It's so important. And especially after you just came off of a fun time, it's so important to have something in the horizon that's exciting. Now that could be something small like, oh, you know, maybe this month I'm going to try a new restaurant, you know.

20:39It could be, oh, this movie just came out. This weekend I'm going to go with my friends to go see this movie. Or I haven't seen my partner in a while. We're going to do date night this weekend. Or you know what, fuck it. I'm going to start planning my next vacation right now. Don't necessarily need to buy the plane tickets, but maybe start researching. It doesn't necessarily need to be something perfectly set in stone, but just having something vague on the horizon to look forward to is so important. I would say for me, I usually tend to stick to like smaller things in the near future, even just getting excited about the upcoming weekend.

21:21You know, I'm somebody who tries to experience a little bit of escape every weekend. Now, some weekends don't really feel like an escape. They just feel like a routine weekend. So like going back to work and life after that is pretty easy because it's what I do, you know, every weekend. There are some weekends that are more exciting that are even more of an escape. And then that's a bit harder. But even just looking forward to the weekend can be helpful. Just having something on the horizon that's exciting. I find that that gives me something to daydream about when I'm having a hard time and when I'm feeling stressed.

21:54It's like, okay, there is another light at the end of this tunnel. And a lot of times you won't even end up needing that light at the end of the tunnel as much once you get back into your routine and you get back into the flow of things. You might not even need it as much, but I think it is nice to have. And I find that it really helps me. The next thing I like to do is romanticize returning to my routine, Like really lean in to the slightly indulgent, more enjoyable elements of my routine. Like for example, I like to take an everything shower after my escape. You know, I like to take a 20 minute shower where I shave and I exfoliate and I just let myself sit there and enjoy the warm water.

22:42Like I really just let myself enjoy a shower. and I like to get out and do my skincare routine, maybe do a mask, do the stuff that I don't always have the time to do when I'm in the sort of minutia of my routine, the stuff that I tend to neglect. I lean into that because it feels so good, you know? And I think making yourself feel good really helps with the transition. You know, I like to enjoy going to bed early, getting to bed early, maybe, you know, watch something fun on the TV. Like really lean into getting back into a responsible routine. I like to romanticize going to the grocery store, put my headphones in, really take my time, perhaps find some fun recipes I want to make to get me excited about cooking for myself again if I maybe wasn't cooking for myself during my escape, you know, during my break.

23:36perhaps set aside some time to really clean and organize my home so that it feels as wonderful as possible. Set some candles, open a window, like enjoy it. I really try to romanticize getting back into the swing of things and I try to make it feel less like a chore, you know, because when you're on a break, a lot of times you're not cooking for yourself. You're not cleaning. You're not like, I don't know, you're not you're not thinking about grooming yourself as much like you're just not thinking about this stuff like you're escaping. It's like if you are doing these things, it's it's in a fun way.

24:15Like if you are cooking, you're cooking with your family because it's Thanksgiving. Or, you know, if you are grooming yourself, it's because you're getting ready for like a fun night out with friends and you want to look hot with your friends. and it's like fun. You're not getting in the shower because you're going to sit down and sit at your computer. You know what I'm saying? So it feels more fun. If you're cleaning up, it's because you're cleaning up your hotel room. It's fun. And so I think trying to romanticize it can make it feel like you're still on vacation in a way. Setting aside the time to do that can be really helpful.

24:51Now, I mentioned this earlier, but once it's time to really get back into the swing of things, I think it can be really helpful to make your to-do list the bare minimum, the bare minimum that you have to do. Because I'm setting myself up for success if I do that. I know myself. I know that when I get back, I'm sluggish, I'm slow, my brain isn't working as efficiently as it usually does. I can't get as much done. And so if I am ambitious and, you know, put everything I have to do and more on my to-do list, chances are I'm not going to be able to accomplish all of it. And then I'm going to get disappointed and then I'm going to be in a worse place.

25:28So by putting the bare minimum on my to-do list, I have a higher chance of succeeding at checking everything off. And that is rewarding. That feeling of checking everything off and accomplishing everything I want to accomplish gives me a little hit of dopamine that inspires me to get back to work the next day. If I'm too ambitious and I can't complete all of it and I fail, I feel even more discouraged than I did before, you know? And so listen, obviously, we can't always control what's on our to-do list, but I think we can control putting the bare minimum on there. We can. And so that is what I try to do.

26:06I think keeping the goals simple and reasonable for the first few days to the first week back is the best way to do it. I also think, too, limiting social interactions can be really helpful. Maybe not for everyone, but for me, Like, I find that I feel a social responsibility at times to like say yes to dinners with friends or, you know, say yes to a lunch meeting with like a work related person. But I know myself and that sometimes can feel a little bit like work or a responsibility because it is kind of exhausting at times, even if it's fun, it's still kind of exhausting. so I will often limit those things when I get back so I can really fully focus all my energy on getting back into my routine and then once I feel solidified then I can go back out and be social again you know and find that balance again but I think sometimes you just got to take things one step at a time you know another thing I allow myself to do when I get back is do do things that I wouldn't normally do to make my routine feel more comfortable and maybe even a bit easier.

27:16Like, for example, I try not to work in bed anymore. I used to work in bed every day for years. And the reason why I don't do it anymore is because as comfortable and as cozy as it is, there are some downsides when I do it all the time. For one, it kind of makes my bed feel like less of a sacred place. Like I like to get into my bed at the end of the day and it feels so wonderful because I haven't been in it all day, you know, like, and so if I'm in bed all day, then I get into bed at the end of the day and I'm like, I've already been here. You know what I mean? Like I, this doesn't feel as relaxing as special.

27:53Also too, you know, I think being in bed like triggers you to feel sleepy. So I'm oftentimes less productive in my bed than maybe I would be sitting at a desk or sitting at my dining room table or whatever. There are downsides to it, which is why I don't do it all the time. However, it is really comfortable and really enjoyable. And a lot of times when I get back from a trip or get back from some sort of escape, I'm tired. I've had fun. I've expended energy or I relaxed the whole time. And so I'm just kind of sleepy from relaxing. And so working from bed can be wonderful. You know, it can be a nice way to transition back into working at a desk or working at a dining room because I'm continuing the relaxation a little bit, but I'm balancing it with work.

28:36I also might allow myself to order food delivery, which is another thing that I don't allow myself to do during the week, usually, because I believe in the value of cooking for yourself and putting effort into yourself in that way. As much as I think convenience can be an amazing thing, I also think it can strip the value from life in a way, not to sound dramatic, but I've actually made a full episode on this. I think it's called the convenience paradox. So you can go listen to that if you want to hear me talk about that for like an hour. But I don't know, I find that there's so much value in going to the grocery store and being there in person and touching all the produce and, you know, and then going home and cooking it for yourself and then eating it.

29:17Like there's something very soulful about that experience. And I find that, you know, getting into a routine of food delivery can kind of strip that meaning from food. And I don't know, I just I, I try not to order food delivery all the time. For the most part, I'm successful at that. But when I return from some sort of break, I will let myself order food delivery. Why not? You know, it's like a treat. It helps with the transition a bit more. I also will let myself wear pajamas all day. I've recently adopted the habit of getting somewhat dressed for the day every single day, even though I'm at home most of the time I work from home.