some people hate my style, and i don’t care

0:00I post a lot of things on the internet. But one of the things I post about the most is my personal style, both intentionally and unintentionally. Intentionally, when I take a cute photo in an outfit and post it on my Instagram, and unintentionally, when I just happen to be recording a podcast episode or a YouTube video, and I just happen to be wearing a particular outfit with my makeup done a certain way and my hairstyle a certain way. Both intentionally and unintentionally, I'm constantly sharing my personal style with the internet. And as with all things that are posted on the internet, some of the responses to my personal style are really positive.

0:38People love it. People are inspired by it and they appreciate it. But there are also some people who absolutely hate it, don't get it, think I'm an idiot and think I look like shit. That's just the nature of the internet. And listen, I am sensitive about certain negative comments towards me on the internet. That does bother me sometimes. I'm a particularly sensitive person and I take people's words to heart. And I'm not sitting down here today and saying, no comments ever bother me. I got thick skin and I've learned over the years how to handle it. And it never bothers me. I'm not sitting down here today and saying that.

1:20However, I am sitting here today and saying that I don't care when people don't like my personal style. And trust me, there are people who do not like my personal style. I get comments all the time about my haircut. Okay? I have a little pixie that's bleach blonde. I get comments all the time like, ew, this haircut is hideous. You should grow your hair out and go back to your old hair. I miss the old Emma. This Emma's ugly. or ew, this haircut makes Emma look like an old lady or ew, this is the downfall of Emma. She's ugly now, like whatever. I get comments like that all the time about my hair and about my clothing.

2:00I get negative comments all the time too about how I dress like a grandma, how my style doesn't make sense anymore, how I used to dress so much better and now my style sucks. I get criticized for my personal style all the time And I don't care at all. Now, I'm not here just saying I don't care at all to say a fuck you to everybody who's criticizing my personal style. That's pointless. That's not why I'm here. I'm sitting here today to share with you all how I got to this point where I don't care what people think About my personal style And i'm able to wear whatever I want do whatever I want to my appearance and let all criticism roll off my back Because this is not how i've always been.

2:49Okay This is who I am today in this exact moment, but for majority of my life I did not feel this way I did not have this level of confidence in my personal style. And I want to share with you why I feel this way, how I'm able to feel this way, because I know that it's one of the hardest things to figure out when getting into fashion. I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by The Ordinary. Self-care is important, but it can be super expensive, right? Especially when you're talking skincare products. Thankfully, The Ordinary is focused on quality skincare that's priced to make great skincare accessible to everyone.

3:32And that genuinely works. Formulations created in their lab designed to give your skin precisely what it needs. They've even made a free regimen builder on their website if you don't know where to start. Use code EMMAC10 for 10 % off at theordinary.com. Now back to the episode. If you're somebody who loves fashion, is passionate about fashion, and wants to develop a personal style and wants to experiment with fashion, you know, publicly, wear unique outfits out. I know that one of the hardest things to figure out in that process is not what feels like you, what clothing fits right, what colors look good on you.

4:11Yeah, that stuff's kind of complicated. I think the hardest thing is finding the confidence, finding the trust in yourself, in your personal style, in your opinions, enough where you have the courage to wear unique, interesting things outside and not care what other people think about it. That is the hardest part, arguably one of the hardest parts. And when I was in high school, I did not have a personal style. I dressed exactly like everyone else at school. Same thing goes actually for middle school as well. In middle school, I dressed like everybody else. Why? Because I was terrified of standing out.

4:53I didn't want to stand out. I wanted to fade in. I wanted to be accepted. I wanted to be cool. And so I used clothing to try to do that. Clothing was sort of a tool for me to succeed socially in a school environment. And then when I got out of school and I was in the real world, I realized, okay, wait, now that I'm in the real world and there aren't groups of cool kids that dress a certain way. And I don't know, like I go to a coffee shop and there's so many different types of people with so many different styles going on. It made me realize, okay, wait, maybe I can experiment a bit more because in the real world outside of the school environment, there's so much more variation.

5:39People don't really seem to be as judgmental. Maybe I can experiment a bit more. And that's when I started developing my personal style. And then over the years, slowly but surely, I've built a sense of confidence. And over the years, I've become more certain in my personal style, in my fashion beliefs. And a bunch of other things have happened that have led me to this point where now I do not care at all about what other people think about my sense of style. I do not care. It rolls off my back completely. And so today I thought I'd sit down and share with you all why I don't care. What's going on in my head that allows me not to care?

6:25Like there have been certain outfits that I've posted on my Instagram that have gotten so much criticism. People are like, this is the worst outfit I've ever seen. I hate this outfit. Not every outfit is like that, but there's been a few where I've gotten just like roasted and it completely rolls off my back. I don't even flinch. And in some ways, it's like a superpower not to care. And I want to tell you my mindset so that you can hopefully, if you're struggling with finding confidence in your personal style, I just want to plant some seeds, you know? Because I think for people who love fashion as much as I do, this is such a superpower that I think I want everyone to experience, you know?

7:08I want everyone to experience it. and that's why I want to share it. And I think that also, I'm particularly talking about having confidence in personal style, but I actually think this can apply to other things as well. And so whether you're into fashion or not, maybe there's something in this episode for you. Anyway, without further ado, here's why I don't care what people have to say about my style. Number one, I trust my taste. I've been developing my taste for years. I've been studying runway shows. I've been scrolling on Pinterest, making mood boards. I've been trying on clothes and experimenting with outfits on my own physical body.

7:56I've sat at coffee shops for hours on end on the weekends and analyzed every single person's outfit that's come through the coffee shop door like I have studied fashion in my own personal way for years to the point where now I trust my taste I know that my taste is not set in stone I know that it's going to continue growing for the rest of my life but I trust it for what it is right now because I know that I've spent time studying it. I've spent time developing my own set of opinions, you know, in general about clothing, but also for myself as an individual, right? I trust my taste. And I think I was able to get to this point where I trust my taste through exposing myself to as much fashion as possible, but also naturally just being somebody who is interested in fashion.

8:53And so naturally just looking at every single outfit with an analytical eye. And now I'm at a point where I know what I like, I know what I don't like, but I also accept that it's going to continue to grow and evolve as I expose myself to more fashion, as I mature, as I have more life experience, it's going to continue to evolve. But that doesn't negate what my taste is today. I trust my taste today and I trust my taste five years from now. I just trust myself because at the end of the day, personal style is for you and you only. It's what you like based on the studying that you've done. And I mean, studying like, not like going to fashion school, obviously, but looking at runway shows, people watching going on Pinterest and making mood boards, reading fashion books, going shopping and trying on clothes on yourself.

9:52I've studied for so long and studied with the intent to figure out my own personal style to the point where now I just trust it. And I also know that within trusting my personal style, I also might experiment sometimes and wear something hideous that I regret a week later. You know, I might like something for a little bit and then hate it a few weeks later. But that's okay because that's how we develop our taste. We experiment. We have opinions. The opinions grow and evolve and change. But in order to participate in fashion, I think you have to trust your taste for what it is in the present moment, accepting that it might not be perfect, it might change, and that's okay.

10:42Does that make sense? But nobody can decide what my personal style is but me. But I find confidence in the years that I've spent developing my taste. That gives me confidence. Because in my eyes and in my opinion, I've put the work in to develop my point of view. And I acknowledge the work that I put in, and I allow it to give me confidence. Next, number two, for the most part, I wear clothes for my own satisfaction and self-expression. I don't really care what other people think about it because at this point in my life, I dress to make myself feel a certain way, not to be perceived in a certain way.

11:25Listen, there are some times where I'm like, I wanna go out and look hot tonight. If I'm single, maybe that's because I do kinda wanna have a hot energy. but I don't really care about what a potential partner would think about my outfit. I more so care about my energy in that outfit. Like I want to dress in an outfit that makes me feel hot and cool because I'm going to carry myself a certain way and maybe be a little bit more flirty, maybe be a little bit more confident in that certain type of way, like in like a more flirty type of way. Whereas a different kind of outfit might make me feel confident in a different sort of way.

12:09Like if I'm going to a business meeting, I might want to dress up in a particular way that makes me feel sharp and chic and classy or something, right? That type of outfit might make me feel a certain type of way in that sort of scenario. And again, it's not really because I care about what people in the meeting think about my outfit. It's more about how that outfit's going to make me feel and how I'm going to carry myself in that outfit. That's why I get dressed. I don't get dressed so that people think about me a certain way. I do think that maybe that's a teeny part of it. I think that might be like 5 % of it for me, but I can barely pick up on it.

12:52I truly feel like I get dressed for me. And I think I was able to get to the point where I get dressed for myself by realizing and truly internalizing and digesting the fact that people are going to come to their conclusion about you based on your personality. You know what I'm saying? Like personality is number one priority when it comes to making an impression on someone. And I don't want to dress to cater to other people's opinions or what they like, because then people might like me for the wrong reasons, because I'm painting the wrong picture with my outfit. If I'm completely myself and completely authentic with my style, I'm going to attract people who like me for me.

13:45You know what I'm saying? And that's important to me. I don't want people to like me or respect me because I'm dressed a certain way. I want people to see exactly who I am through my clothing and through how I want to present myself because that's how I want to present myself. and I want somebody to respect me or like me or give me the time of day because they like my energy, they like my personality, they like my ideas. I think it can be a bit harmful. Like I don't want to manipulate others into thinking I'm in a certain type of way through my clothing. That's not appealing to me. I really do think that clothing does speak volumes and I take that seriously.

14:28And so I don't want to manipulate people into thinking like not that it's like devious manipulation, but it's like because it's not. But I choose to dress authentically and for me because I want people to see the real me. That's more important to me than getting attention from somebody because I'm I'm I'm dressing for them. Does that make sense? And I've realized over the years that if you're being yourself and you're dressing authentically to you, it might be a subtle element of who we attract in this life. But I do think it helps us attract people that are going to like us for us. Do you know what I mean?

15:13Like, I think this applies most, I would say, in dating, right? Like, let's say I had a crush on a guy who was a cowboy, okay? And he wears cowboy boots and he wears wranglers and a flannel shirt and a cowboy hat, okay? Let's say I had a crush on a guy like that. And let's say to get his attention and to make him like me, I started wearing cowboy boots and I started wearing wrangler jeans and I started wearing a cowboy hat and I started wearing a cute little blouse, you know? I started dressing to appeal to him. Well, that's not good because that's not my style. I think all of you can look at me and look at every outfit I've ever worn and come to the conclusion that that's not my style.

16:01You know what I'm saying? And then imagine this guy starts to like me because he's like, oh, we have so much in common. We both like cowboy boots or whatever the fuck. But that's not real. That's not genuine. That's not authentic. Then what happens? It's chaos. It's a mess. Do you see what I'm saying? Like, I think once I realized that it doesn't really benefit me to dress to cater to other people, I was truly able to lean into the fun of dressing for myself and how it impacts how I carry myself. It allowed me to lean into dressing in a certain way to make myself feel a certain way. Next, number three, fashion is a hobby for me.

16:44The simple act of playing with clothes, putting together an outfit, it brings me immense joy. I love it. I'm passionate about it. It fills me with happiness. I mean, okay, maybe not happiness. Well, it does. It makes me momentarily fashion gives me happiness. Now, does it give me like eternal happiness? No, but it does genuinely bring me joy. and I think the mere enjoyment of the act of participating in fashion sort of creates this emotional force field around me where I'm having so much fun doing it. I mean, listen, there are times where getting dressed stresses me out, of course. Like if I'm running out of time or if I'm trying to put something together and I got a time crunch and it's not working or it's not clicking.

17:39Like, sure, there are times when putting together an outfit is stressful for me. There are times when I'm having some sort of fashion identity crisis and I feel confused and, you know, maybe I'm a little bit less confident in my style than I usually am, whatever. Even though not every single moment I participate in fashion brings me joy, overall, if we were to pull the data on how often fashion brings me joy, it's a net positive. You know, I would say fashion brings me joy 75 % of the time, let's say, maybe even 80 % of the time, actually 75, because I do often have to pick out an outfit last minute.

18:20And that does stress me out. But my point is, I get so much joy from participating in it, that that joy almost creates an emotional force filled around me that protects me from criticism, protects me from judgment. I don't care because I enjoy participating in it. You know, I think when something brings you enough joy, it can protect you from unnecessary judgment or criticism. Now, listen, I will say I'm about to go off on a tangent here, but allow me to indulge. Criticism isn't a bad thing. And especially when you post on the internet, criticism is inevitable and can sometimes even be helpful.

19:05Like, I don't think criticism is always bad. In fact, it often isn't. However, with something that's ultimately harmless, like somebody's personal style, criticism is arguably unnecessary. It's like, it's like, it's unnecessary for the person receiving the criticism to take personal or absorbed because it's not, it's, it's fashion is ultimately, it's harmless, right? So when I say that I'm sort of immune to criticism and judgment due to the joy, partially due to the joy that fashion brings me, that's not me saying that criticism is bad. Like it's inevitable on the internet and people can say whatever they want.

19:50I can't stop them and I won't. Do you see what I I mean? But what I'm saying is it's not necessarily beneficial for me to take criticism about my style to heart because other people's opinions about my style doesn't really matter. Like if people criticize me for other things, like there are certain things that people criticize me on that maybe I should pay more attention to. But that's actually kind of a whole, now we're, are we really going to go down this rabbit hole? We can. Arguably, criticism on the internet is...

20:24I mean, I think people should be able to criticize on the internet, okay? I definitely, I stand firm in that. I think that's fine. I think that's inevitable and I think that that's fair. However, on the receiving end, do I think it's ever helpful to internalize criticism? I don't know. I think we all need to come to our own conclusions on our own. I think sometimes online criticism can be helpful and can help us learn. But I also think a lot of times it's more impactful to listen to the criticism of the people in our lives who know us personally, who know our circumstances. Do you know what I'm saying?

21:05I think that's the criticism we should be listening to, not necessarily people on the internet who don't know us, who we don't necessarily, I don't know. I could go back and I go back and forth on it, on whether or not it's ever necessary for a public figure to internalize it. I mean, I think in extreme, I'm not referring to extreme cases here. I'm referring to like more harmless stuff, like fashion criticism, or, you know, if somebody makes music, right? Criticism about the music, like, oh, this latest album sucked. Or criticism about art. Somebody's a painter. You know, criticism about a movie.

21:44I don't know. Anyway, let's move on. The moral of all of that is that the joy that fashion brings me allows judgment and criticism to roll off my back. I just don't care. Because the joy creates this warm, soft bubble around me that protects me. I just don't even feel it. I don't even care. I feel like I sound kind of petty, petty in this episode. I'm like, I don't care. You hear me? I don't care. Like, it sounds like I'm kind of like, defending myself and being defensive, maybe a little bit. Maybe I don't sound that way. I can't tell. But it's coming from a place of like, I want everyone to experience this feeling of not caring.

22:24And I don't feel this way about everything in my life. I wish I did, but I don't. But I've been able to find it in my personal style, in my fashion identity. And I just want everyone to experience it. So I'm talking with conviction, less because I'm defensive and more because I just want everyone to feel that way. I briefly paused this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by State Farm. Insurance may all seem the same on the surface, but having insurance isn't the same as having State Farm. It's like ordering the cutest vintage chair online, but when it shows up, it's a tiny doll-sized chair.

23:01You wouldn't settle for dollhouse decor, so don't settle for just any insurance. When it comes to getting the help you need, State Farm is the real deal. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Now back to the episode. Okay, moving on. Number four. I'm not trying to fit in to any particular group of people. I don't care if any particular people think I'm cool. I don't care. And as I mentioned earlier, when I was in school, I used to dress like everybody else because I desperately wanted to fit in. And criticism of my style would have sent me into a spiral because I was using clothes as a tool to help me fit in.

23:37That was it. There was no art in it. There was no interest in having a personal style. I was using fashion simply as a tool to help me socially in school. And so any criticism about my style would have completely derailed my confidence because I was trying to fit in. And if I didn't pull it off, that's embarrassing to me. Like that would have shattered my confidence and made me feel embarrassed, you know. But now because I'm not using fashion as a tool to fit in, I'm able to just use fashion as a tool for self-expression and a hobby and empowerment, ultimately. When fashion was about other people for me, it was not something that reliably brought me joy, right?

24:28And it's the same thing with your confidence in general. If your confidence relies on approval from other people, that's a pretty unstable source of confidence. So your confidence is going to be all over the place. If your personal style and how you feel about your personal style and your fashion identity is dictated by other people's opinions, it's going to be all over the place. It's going to be fragile. And that's not enjoyable. When I was able to let that go and I stopped using fashion to help me fit in, again, it made me not care anymore because if somebody is a low enough person to judge me because they don't like my outfit, I don't want to be friends with that person anyway.

25:10Does that make sense? Like, I want people to judge me based on my character. I want to be accepted or to be interesting to people because of who I am on the inside. And so I think it's morally wrong for my style to play a role in whether or not people want to give me the time of day or want to accept me or whatever. Like, you know what I'm saying? But also, too, like, I don't care about being cool anymore. I think we care about being cool when we're younger more so because we're confined to the school environment where the social situation is incubated in such a way where being cool matters more.

25:53Being popular matters more. Once you leave school and you're in the real world, as I am now, there is no social hierarchy like that as much anymore. You know what I mean? There is no popular group as much anymore. I mean, there still is at times, but it holds less power. And I think most people mature out of caring about that. So even if there is, say, some sort of social hierarchy at work or in an industry, Like, I mean, I would say in my industry of entertainment, if you will, there are like clicks in a way. There's groups of friends. There are cool groups. But it doesn't hold the same weight because there are so many different groups of people to choose from in the real world.

26:41Whereas when you're in the bubble of school, you don't have as many options. You're forced to see the same people every day. There's just a lot more pressure to fit in. you know? And if you don't fit in, you have a lot of underdeveloped brains that don't have social skills yet that are cruel about you not fitting in. Adults don't care as much, you know what I mean? So I don't know. I think part of me stopped trying to be cool, stopped trying to fit in because I grew out of it and most of my peers grew out of it. None of us really care about that anymore. For the most part, there are still little, little, you know, there's remnants of that vibe in adulthood, but it's far less powerful.

27:26So I think that's part of the reason why I don't care about fitting in anymore. But I also think too, I've realized that I want people to think I'm cool or awesome or great because of who I am as a person, not because of how I present myself. You know what I mean? Like I want people to make their decisions about me based on that. So I'm not going to dress a certain way to cater to anyone. And I'm also not going to fear what anyone thinks about my personal style because I want people to accept me for who I am. And if they don't do that, and if they can't do that, I don't want them in my life. So it's actually also kind of a tool I use now to find good people.

28:03Okay, next, number five. Now, I'm not saying this to be rude or disrespectful to others, but this is truly something that has allowed me to disregard people's opinions about my sense of style. And so I have to mention it. But saying it out loud makes me quiver a little bit, but it's true, so I'm gonna say it. I don't like most people's style, to be honest. Like, I sit at a cafe and watch people walk by in their outfits. And out of 100 outfits that I see, I might like one, maybe. And that's okay. I'm not judging anybody. I'm not, I don't think less of them, but I just don't like their style. because that's their style.

28:51The only person who needs to like their style is them. And I assume most people like their own style or maybe they don't even care about style, which is actually a decent portion of people. A lot of people just don't even care, which I also respect. And there's also actually a sense of personal style even in that in a way. But I don't like a lot of people's style. I scroll on Pinterest. I look at runway photos. I read fashion books and I don't like every single thing that I see. There's a lot of things that I don't like. There are also a small portion of things I do like, but I don't like most things.