wait idk how to flirt

0:00Let's begin this episode with a story. I have a little crush right now, okay? A little crush. And when I say a little crush, I literally mean a little crush. This is a crush so little that it will never leave the confines of my mind, okay? I will never pursue this man in real life. This is simply a little crush for my brain to enjoy in this moment of being newly single. Like this is just a little something for my single brain to chew on and nothing more. I will never date this man in real life. I can almost 100 % promise you that. I can like 98 % promise you that. Why? Because there are so many variables in place that make it so that I should never be with this man, probably can never be with this man.

0:51Like it just doesn't make sense. But here's the deal. I see him all the time in passing. I see him multiple times a week. and you want to know the craziest part? I have never spoken to him, never once. It's very clear that this person is shy. Apparently I'm shy too. I cannot talk to him. In fact, I can't even look at him. I've barely ever even made eye contact with him. I've only ever like looked at him from afar and been like, wow, really handsome. And then the second like his head moves to where maybe he could slightly see me, I look away. Now this is an issue. Two, I need to get comfortable with talking to boys.

1:29And even more than that, maybe flirting a little with boys. I don't even know how to make eye contact with him. How am I supposed to talk to him? Now, I know what some of you are thinking. Emma, he's not talking to you either. True. And I've thought about it a lot. Like, is that a red flag in a guy if they don't, you know, initiate? I don't think it is. I don't know. I'm actually really conflicted about it. I don't know if it's a red flag or not. on one hand it's like for me personally I do prefer a guy to be forward with me to make the first move I prefer that I kind of need that I can't even make eye contact with a guy that I sort of a little bit have a crush on that I will never date like if I can't make eye contact with a guy where there's no stakes like obviously I can't make the first move with a guy where maybe there are stakes because maybe I actually might like this guy you know what I mean imagine so I really rely on the guy to make the first move.

2:26So for me, is it a red flag if they don't? Well, kind of up until this point, because we just probably won't speak. But on the other hand, maybe it's a red flag. Maybe it's my red flag that I'm afraid to talk to them. What does that say about me? I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by Venmo. Okay, hear me out. Apparently, you can earn cash back with your Venmo debit card. All All you have to do is join Venmo Stash in boom. You get cash back when you shop at your favorite brands. It's kind of an awesome flex. With Venmo Stash, you can get up to 5 % cash back at your fave brands.

3:02Just pick a bundle of your go-tos to shop with your Venmo debit card and earn cash back at them. And you're free to mix things up. You can easily swap out your bundle of brands every 30 days. Start earning when you do more with Stash. Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply. Max$100 cash back per month. See terms at venmo.me slash stash terms. Now back to the episode. If I were to look inward, why can't I make the first move? Why can't I? Fear of rejection. That's it. And I actually know where it stems back to or where it stems from. Stems from high school. This guy I had a crush on at a beach bonfire decided that he was going to make out with me that night.

3:42Lucky me. Well at the time I was very inexperienced and very very very frightened by boys Which clearly I still am perhaps because of this experience. Um, so he like walked me He actually carried me. It was very bizarre. He like picked me up and carried me Kind of as a joke, but whatever into kind of a private area Behind some rocks at the beach started making out with me and I didn't know what to do and I clearly Did not perform well and he very quickly stepped back, looked at me, looked disgusted, turned around and walked away and left me there by myself to just rot. I have never been the same from, wait, this just got so deep.

4:28No, but I have never been the same. And now I'm so afraid of making the first move or like doing anything because I'm like, I don't want to ever feel that feeling again. and there's a potential to feel that feeling if you put a little effort in. Make a little flirty little eye at a guy, you know? I'm like scared to look at this guy that I have a little crush on and maybe like smirk a little. Would I ever do that? I don't even know if that, is that even a thing people do? I don't even know. But I'm afraid to like even open anything up because I'm so afraid of rejection. And again, this is with a guy that I will never date.

5:04Like I'm not gonna date this man. It's just fun for my brain. But I can't make any sort of first move because I'm so afraid of feeling rejected. But I really do think another reason why I'm afraid is because I'm not confident in my flirting skills necessarily. If someone's flirting with me and is like the banter is so good and they're really steering the ship, I can banter easily. No problem. If somebody's good at it, I can be good at it, right? But if somebody's not great at it or not super forward with it, I don't know how to steer the ship. And I think that that'd be a nice thing to know how to do.

5:41I think it'd be nice to feel confident in my flirting skills as like an initiator. Because who knows what shy, wonderful guys I'm missing out on because I'm too afraid to do a little flirt first and see what happens. It's confusing because I know I have it in me to flirt, right? I do because if somebody's flirting with me really hard Like i'm there I can show up but they have to really be into me. I have to like no it has They have to like basically be like Yelling in my face like i'm obsessed with you and I need to be with you and I need to see your body Like I like I need that I need it to be very clear and I think that is maybe holding me back from Exploring potential options that could be actually really wonderful options.

6:24Who knows right and so I've decided it's time for me to learn how to flirt. I want to learn how to take initiative because here's the thing. I am very outgoing talking to people, conversating with people. It can sometimes be exhausting for me, but I I'm good at it. I think, I think I'm pretty good at it. Like I avoid awkward moments. I'm good at, you know, like the talking itself is not what I'm nervous about. It's getting a little flirty. That's what scares me. But see, the thing is when it comes to like talking to boys, right? I get intimidated to just talk normally to boys, feeling like, wait, well, what if there's an opportunity to flirt and I don't take it?

7:03So then it just psychs me out altogether. I think I'm not going to like talk to this crush that I see multiple times a week and immediately start flirting with him. Like that's, this is more just symbolic of the work that needs to be done, which is I think if I felt more confident in my flirting skills, if I felt more well-rounded, then perhaps I would be not intimidated by walking up and going for it. And I know that like a lot of flirting and stuff is intuitive. It kind of needs to be intuitive, but I genuinely don't know what to do. Like I don't know what to do if someone else is not guiding the situation and I genuinely want to learn.

7:43To start, I thought we would take a quiz. I just love taking online quizzes, to be honest. I think it's so fun. It's a weird thing that I like to do, but I like to do it. And so we're going to do it and we're going to see, we're going to test my baseline flirting ability because it's like, I can share with you all how I think I am, but let's have a random quiz from the internet tell me how good I am. You know what I mean? Okay, first question, pick an opening line. Option one, is it just me or did the room get a little brighter when you walked in? No one's ever said that. I will never say that.

8:16It's let stop next. Have we met? No, we should fix that. That's pretty bad, too. Well, it's also like, have we met? No, we should fix that. It's like, well, now you're meeting, you know, you already now you've already met because now you're talking. So but that one, maybe next is this seat taken. Do you want it to be? That one's actually not that bad. Like if you really pulled it off, it's a little corny, but like, that's not terrible. Okay. Next. Are you a camera? Because I see you and can't help but smile. Like no one's ever said that. So it's between have we met? No, we should fix that. And is this seat taken?

8:56Do you want it to be? I like, is this seat taken? Do you want it to be? I could see myself doing that sarcastically and the guy cringing a little, but being like, oh, she's cringe, but it's like charming. Like she's being silly with that one. Being like, have we met? No, we should fix that. That's kind of icky. I don't know. That one might not come off as cute. Okay, next. How much eye contact do you use when you flirt? I actually would say I'm pretty normal with the eye contact. I'm not somebody who's going to like stare into the eyes unless I'm like really drunk and I don't drink anymore. See, that's complicated things too.

9:36Whoa, that just added a whole new dimension I'm gonna have an existential crisis because every other time i've ever been single It's been hard enough for me to like get out there and really flirt and really go for it And that was with alcohol now i'm sober You know what it's gonna be an incredible growth experience and for that reason it's totally fine Okay back to the question at hand. How much eye contact do I use when I flirt? Well when I am flirting I would say the eye contact's normal. I I don't overdo it unless i'm like really drunk and it's like really a moment. But for the most part, I would say normal eye contact.

10:12It's the same as like how I would make eye contact anyway. Next question. What's your go-to style of flirting? Option one, make sure to drop lots of flattering sweet compliments. Option two, tend to use humor and my quick wit to draw them in. Option three, honestly, just focus on holding the conversation and see where it goes from there. Option four, I do pretty much anything to get their attention and then keep it however I can. I would say the most me would be either the humor one or just focus on holding the conversation and seeing where it goes. I would say I usually try to use humor, which can be good and bad.

10:48It can be good if we're working with somebody who's funny. It can be bad if we're dealing with somebody who maybe isn't so funny. So it's like hard to bounce off of them. Perhaps like, I don't know, they're not getting it. So I'm gonna say humor because that's what I like to do. if it works out. Okay, next. Choose your favorite physical way of flirting. Ooh, scares me. Option one, sly, suave, wink at just the right moment. No one does that. Like, I would maybe do that. Like, I'm trying to imagine, is there any world where I would do that? Maybe as a joke. As a joke, maybe. But even, I don't think I would ever do that.

11:26And I would probably do that if I was like friends with a guy that I wanted to flirt with. Like, if we had been friends for six months and the crush developed and then it's like, okay, a little funny wink, maybe, but not, that's weird. Nobody actually does that. Seriously. I feel like maybe I'm wrong. Next option, accidentally brushing hands together for a moment of contact. I would do that. Yeah. Next option. Sorry. I just had a memory of one, somebody of one's, one of my exes did that to me and it made me kind of sad, but like not that sad, but like it just, it brought back in memory. Let me be nostalgic.

12:01Moving on. Next, shifting in my seat to face them and give them all my attention. I would do that. And lastly, biting my lip super seductively. Again, no one does that. I wouldn't even do that in the most seductive of moment. Like I, it could be, I can guarantee you this. I will be on my deathbed and I will have never bit my lip seductively seriously. Like I will be, I will look back at my most sexist sex. I will look back at the most, oh my God, wow, Emma had sex that day. Like that was the day Emma had the most sex she ever had. And I will have not bit my lip. Do you know what I'm saying? Like that will never happen.

12:44So I would say the most likely thing I would do, I think before I'd even be confident enough to brush the hands together for a moment of contact, I would probably shift in my seat to face them. I do that anyway. Like that's just who I am. So maybe actually that's not flirting because I just would do that. I would do that with a guy and I'd do that with an old woman I met on a bus. You know what I'm saying? So I'm going to say accidentally brushing our hands together because that's actually flirting, whereas the other one's not. Okay, next. How close to the other person do you like to be when you flirt?

13:19Option one, super close as long as they're comfortable with it. I like to have each other's full attention. Option two, close enough to touch them if the moment feels right, like we're good friends. Option three, I like to keep a respectful distance away, like a table between us. Honestly, that's clearly me right now. Option four, I'll flirt from across the room if I have to. I like a challenge. I would say in an ideal world, how close would I like to be? I would say not super close. I don't like being super close. It's a little bit too much for me. I would say close enough to touch them because I think like being a table length away.

13:55Listen, that sounds wonderful because I'm so afraid of flirting. But I think in an ideal world, if I'm flirting with somebody and the vibe is good, I mean, I want to be close enough to touch them. What the fuck? Next question. Do you like to make the first move? No. Okay, easy one. Next, do you like having a wingman to help set you up? Yes. Oh my God. I forgot about this. Yes. I can't. It is so hard for me to flirt alone. I am so guilty of like having a friend next to me and like bouncing off of them and like using them as a crutch. It's so bad and I need to stop. So I'm answering sometimes it helps.

14:33I won't lie. Next question. How do you usually feel when someone attractive is nearby. Option one, someone attractive? You mean me? I feel totally comfortable wherever I go. Option two, they're definitely on my radar, but I keep it casual, normal. It's no big deal. Next, I might get a little nervous, but I think I keep it together pretty well. And last, I feel like they're competition and there can only be one winner. Oh, wait, but why are you competing with somebody you're attracted to? Oh, what? Okay. Well, I think the answer that seems to be resonating most is they're definitely on my radar, but I keep it casual, normal.

15:08It's no big deal. But sometimes I'm like too casual, too normal, too no big deal to the point where it's like, I'm like not even like looking at them. Okay. Next be honest and no judgment. Have you ever lied about your interests to impress someone else? No. Well, I mean like maybe when I was eight, because let me tell you, I have been in a cycle of having a crush consistently since I was literally four years old. Like I have barely ever had a break. I love having a crush. I always have a crush. It's just who I am. That's why I have a crush right now. That's like not even somebody that I actually should ever be with because I just always have to have a crush.

15:45And right now, for whatever reason, this guy has just become my crush. But like it could, I will drop it in a second if I, if something that actually makes sense comes around. But I just, for my brain, for whatever reason, need to always have a crush. I've always had a crush. It's who I am. yeah I don't need to lie um like these days I'm not lying that's weird okay next who do you usually flirt with option one I usually only flirt with my date option two I tend to flirt with total strangers option three I mostly flirt with people I've known for a little while option four I'll flirt with just about anyone who seems interesting I would say I've I mostly flirt with people I've known for a little while, for sure.

16:26Mainly people I'm dating who I know like me. And even flirting with like somebody I'm dating can be hard. No, well, maybe not hard, but like once you're dating, the flirting changes. It's not the same type, you know? So then it's kind of in a different category. Okay, next question. Choose a way to impress someone you're flirting with. Option one, recite a classic romantic poem from memory, that is hell to me. Hell. Who? No. That is no. To me, that's a little, maybe a little cringe. And I'm very afraid of being cringe on accident, you know? Like I don't ever want to be, it's not even, it's cringe because it's a little performative, you know?

17:05But then again, I don't want to be like rude. If somebody, you know, memorized a poem and wants to share it, like who am I to judge, right? But if I were to do it, it would feel performative. And so that's why I think it would be cringe. Okay, next. I bring up a tiny detail they mentioned earlier to show them that I'm paying close attention. That's me coded. Option three, I do something small and polite, like hold the door or pay for their meal. I would also do that. Option four, I show them one of my special skills, like tying a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue. See that, it would be nice to have some sort of like little, like subtly, almost kind of like hot little thing like that.

17:45I don't have that. So that's definitely not, I mean, I'd love to do that. But see that also, I feel like would be performative if I were to do it. So no, I would say the most me is bringing up a tiny detail they mentioned earlier. And last question, do you like to give gifts to the other person to win them over? no gift giving is not my love language at all so no and like I already get anxiety about giving gifts if it was to somebody I had a crush on like no okay let's see my results um oh it says you've got natural charm you're not a huge flirter true but you've got tons of charisma and you tend to charm the people you meet anyway sometimes you're probably not even aware you're doing it that's so nice and I needed to hear that.

18:31I like start crying because I'm so scared of flirting. When you flirt with someone, they tend to have fun just talking to you and seeing what you'll say next. And if you're not spending the rest of the evening chatting together, they're walking away with a smile and a little flutter in their heart. And we know you already know, but just remember to stay respectful and make sure others are comfortable, which is key to a successful flirt. Now get out there and strut your stuff. It says, thank you, WikiHow. Randomly, my favorite website. Yeah. That's the other thing with flirting. I always am afraid of weirding them out or creeping them out.

19:08I don't ever want to be creepy. And so my fear of being creepy also gets in the way. It's like, there's so many things, so many mental blocks that I have getting in the way of me flirting. And to be honest, perhaps it's not even that I need to look up a guide on how to flirt online, which I'm still going to do anyway because I'm curious if it'll help me. But perhaps it's actually addressing the root issue, which is that high school trauma, but also to fear of rejection, but also to being afraid of being creepy. Right. Like I know I'm not creepy. I know I would never do anything creepy, but it's like I'm such a overthinker that, you know, I psych myself out.

19:48But anyway, that's reassuring. Like I have it in me. Even this random quiz I found online told me I have it in me. But let's get into this article I found also on WikiHow. How to flirt with a guy. Let's see what it has to say. I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is brought to you by State Farm. Insurance may all seem the same on the surface, but having insurance isn't the same as having State Farm. It's like planning a day trip to what you thought was a lovely lake, only to arrive at a pond full of pests. Technically water, not the vibe you wanted. You wouldn't settle for a sludgy swim spot, so don't settle for just any insurance.

20:25When it comes to getting the help you need, State Farm is the real deal. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Now back to the episode. Part one, flirting from across the room. Number one, make eye contact. Eye contact is a key flirting technique which can be implemented anywhere at any time as long as your crush is in sight. While you don't want it to look like you're staring deep into his soul, lingering eye contact will show him you're interested. Here's the thing. I, and see, this is why I'm nervous. Because this, okay, I have to preface. This crush that I have now, it's so not serious.

21:00It's so not that deep. But this is like the first guy that I've been exposed to enough where like a little crush has been able to form. there's actually an opportunity where it's like oh maybe I could talk to him and flirt with him and have a little bit of fun not even like flirt with him who knows right I'm still trying to get over the barrier of just even talking to him at all or even making eye contact with him but he's more of sort of this wake-up call for me of what I need to work on because I'm imagining what it would be like if there was like an opportunity to flirt with him where it made sense like a little something.

21:34And I'm like, oh, wow, I'm not prepared. So just keep this in mind. Anyway, I see this man so often and I literally have never looked at him. And there was an opportunity literally today where we walked right by each other. And you want to know what I did? Looked at the ground. I kid you not, I looked at the ground. I walked by, oop, head down. I am really, I'm bad at even this, okay? you know I think eye contact is like the easiest first step but I think what's hard about it is like you don't want to be caught staring because that's kind of see that feels creepy to me that's the issue with like looking from across the room is I don't want to seem creepy and to me like staring seems creepy and then it's like okay if he looks back and I like smile a little and look away.

22:25That's not really creepy, but I'm scared that I would get startled if he looked back at me. And then I would like look away really quickly because I would get startled. That's my fear. And I'm also afraid of like, what will my little smirk look like? I don't know. I literally don't know. So I don't know that I'm ready for this one. I actually feel like this one's more advanced than we all would think. I think I need to build a little bit more confidence first, But at some point, it would be nice to feel the confidence to look from across the room and make eye contact and then do a little smirk and maybe look away.

23:02Well, that leads us to step two, when flirting across the room, to smile. Studies have shown that smiling actually makes you more attractive to other people. So work that into your advantage by flashing those pearly white C. I will say there is something that I do that is a weird indirect form of flirting, which is that for whatever reason, naturally, when I'm around somebody that I have a crush on, I will smile so much more. I can't stop smiling. I can't wipe the smile off my face. And I think it is a subconscious thing. I know deep down that that is an attractive thing. It's almost biological.

23:36It's instinctual. I know that. Also, I think too, because I'm feeling so joyful because how joyful it is to be around a crush. What's better? But this I actually think I already do. However, smiling from across the room, no. But smiling around them, yes. In fact, with this particular crush that I have right now, I can't stop smiling and laughing when I'm around him, even though he's far away and is not looking. Okay, next. Use body language. Even if you haven't opened your mouth, you can say a great deal by just using your body language. Smiling and eye contact are part of this, but there are a few other things you should be aware of.

24:12Don't cross your arms. Ooh, see, that's a bad habit I have. When I get nervous, I do cross my arms. And a lot of times when I'm around a crush, I will sometimes get a bit agitated inside and I will like cross my arms out of instinct. I know that I do that. So that's something to consider. And you know, people have given me advice before. They're like, Emma, just be open, be light. And I'm a very tense person. So that's hard for me. Next, it says flip your hair. Well, that is not going to work for me because I don't have much. And next, play with your jewelry, such as a necklace. I don't really wear necklaces a lot, but yeah.

24:47Okay. I just need to be more open. I need to have a more open, loose energy. I need to be mindful and loose in these moments. Okay. Next, find subtle ways to put yourself in his path. This is something I'm actually better at. I'm good at that because I'm you know, like I'm good at the plot. I can plan ahead. I'm a planner. I love planning things. I love my Google calendar. I love my paper planner. I use a Google calendar and a paper planner. That's how much I love planning. So planning an interaction for me, planning like a run in, you know, not in like a creepy way, but like being like, oh, he's walking this way.

25:23Maybe I'll walk that way too. Or like I'll cross path. I can do that part. But then once I'm in the moment, I'm looking at the floor. I am looking at the floor. Okay, next. Look your best. Give yourself an added boost of confidence by looking your very best whenever your crush is around. This doesn't mean tiny skirts, high heels, and lashings of mascara. It just means you should take some pride in your appearance by being well-groomed and neatly dressed. I think this is good advice, and I actually think this is something that I do. I, now more than ever in my life, like to feel put together, well-groomed, clean.