EP: 012 Part 2 The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Leadership

0:02Welcome back change agents to bread to lead the podcast dedicated to empower you to unlock your leadership potential and create lasting impact. I'm your host, Dr. Jake Taylor Jacobs, and I'm thrilled to continue our journey of leadership, exploration, and growth together. If this is your first time listening to the podcast, I just want to let you know this is actually a pod class. The whole purpose of Bread to Lead is to have little moments every week of teaching and training that can allow for you to take the information and apply it anywhere else. There's enough podcasts that do interviews. There's enough podcasts that do case studies.

0:43But this one, I wanted to dedicate it to actually training and developing you where every week you can inspect or expect that you're going to be trained and taught on the skillsets, soft and hard skillsets that will allow for you to grow, develop, and become who you need to become. Now, this is a podcast and a podcast, no different. If it were live, you're going to hear my mistakes. You're going to hear me stumble over words sometimes. You're going to hear me get excited and get loud and get back quiet again because it's supposed to be like a real encounter. There are too many things that are too robotic, that are not human, that loses the human element, the things of error, The things that happen in natural conversations or real communication amongst being in a training or learning environment is the same type of curated environment I want to create here.

1:42And the best part about it is we all are developing and growing in some form or fashion to become who we need to become as leaders. So this is your first time to the podcast. Welcome to our podcast. Please like, please share, please subscribe. please leave a review because my prayer is that once you get the information that's in bread to lead, your life will not only be changed within the organizations that you serve, but within the families and the communities where you live and thrive. So let's get it.

2:37in a previous episode y 'all we we took a deep dive um into the art and science of influence we talked about things that mattered the most we talked about um the ethical foundations of influence and persuasion we talked about the psychology of influence understanding how and why people are persuaded. We talked about the key principles and strategies for effective influence. Today, we're gonna spend time on the role of emotional intelligence in persuasion and mastering the art of storytelling for impact. If you did not listen to the previous podcast, please listen to the one prior to this. This is part one in our series, three-part series of mastering the art of influence and persuasion.

3:24Today, we're gonna be talking about the role of emotional intelligence and persuasion and mastering the art of storytelling for impact. Remember, when it comes to influence and persuasion, the whole purpose is first check your intentions. If I'm trying to manipulate someone to go against their own will, that's not in benefit of themselves. And that only serves me. That is not a good way to actually use these skill sets that we're talking about. We're talking about where there's a common value that both actually need, that both can actually grow toward, that both see a value. And you're just edging them along the way, because in leadership, there's a lot of times where people just don't know where they're supposed to be.

4:08They just don't know where they're supposed to stand. And you have all of these books and they have all of these theories, all of these topics. All of these perfect scenario situations that are not real to life. And that's the key. Learning how to navigate leadership in the real world when the perfect example of the book or the perfect environment that these books and trainings that we participate in. Curate for us There's a difference between Actively maneuvering Through leadership in the real world Where all these variables of Personalities and emotions And upbringing and Discrimination and perceived discrimination Or assume discrimination Because I'm white, because I'm black, because I'm Hispanic Because I'm Indian, because I'm Asian Because I'm a Baptist, because I'm a Pentecostal Because I'm a Buddhist Leadership is your ability to cultivate And move a group of people Regardless of disposition, regardless of differences For a common goal where we can put all differences aside To move the needle for the benefit of us all Since we're going to be talking about today In the role of emotional intelligence and persuasion And how that actually works with us And as we delve deeper into the art of influence and persuasion It's crucial to recognize the fundamental role that emotional intelligence plays in this process.

5:43Emotional intelligence, often abbreviated as EQ or EI, refers to our ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions, as well as to recognize, understand, and influence the emotions of others. In the context of influence and persuasion, emotional intelligence is not just an add-on skill. It's a core competency that can dramatically enhance our effectiveness. And here's why. The first reason why. Self-awareness. The foundation of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. This involves understanding our own emotions, motivations, strengths, and weaknesses. In the context of influence, self-awareness allows us to recognize our own biases and how they might affect our persuasion attempts.

6:42It helps us understand our emotional triggers and manage them effectively during challenging conversation. It helps us identify our own communication style and adapt it to different situations and audiences. The second subset that emotional intelligence helps us is in self-regulation This aspect of EQ involves managing our own emotions and impulses When it comes to influence, self-regulation enables us to stay calm and composed Even in a high pressure situation Self-regulation allows us to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively to objections or resistance. Self-regulation enables us to maintain consistency in our own words and actions, which builds trust and credibility.

7:38So when we're talking about emotional intelligence, we have self-awareness. We have self-regulation. Next, we have empathy. This is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. And persuasion, empathy is crucial because it allows us to truly understand the perspectives, needs and concerns of those we're trying to influence. It allows us to tailor our message and approach to resonate with others' emotional states and motivations. It allows us to build stronger, more authentic connections that foster trust and openness. There are two more case points that emotional intelligence encompasses.

8:32The first of the last is social skills. So we already went over a couple. Self-awareness. Self-regulation. Empathy. Now the fourth one is social skills. This component of emotional intelligence encompasses our ability to navigate social situations and build relationships. In the context of influence, strong social skills help us read social cues and adjust our approach accordingly. Build and maintain networks of relationships that can support our influence efforts. And inside of social skills, it allows us to manage conflicts and negotiate effectively. I think it's very important for us to sit on these social skills.

9:22Because there's no way you can lead without having a great balance of social awareness.

9:33where you can read body language and social cues and adjust your disposition or your point so that you can influence someone else to actually see where you are coming from. That's leadership. That's social skills aspect. Yes, self-awareness is cool. Self-regulation is great. Empathy is needed. But to have all of that and not have social awareness and mastery of social skills. Leadership game is a people sport. So if I if I if I can't read cues and body language and and read eyes and see mannerisms of what their face does or how their body tense up or or how they just become agreeable all of a sudden.

10:25And are just trying to move me along the way and how I can maneuver the conversation so that we can get back in communication amongst each other.

10:36social cues and social skills and social awareness allows us to recognize when we are in communication conversing with someone or when we're just talking to them and they're just passively disagreeing to move us along the conversation and then the last point when it comes to this eq development it's motivation motivation helps us persist in our efforts, even in the face of setbacks and resistance, to continuously seek to improve our persuasion skills and to inspire others through our own passions and commitment. Now, let's explore some specific strategies for leveraging emotional intelligence in our influence efforts.

11:22Now, I'm going to pause here. If you're listening to this pod class, If you haven't started taking notes, this is when you start to take notes, okay? Because we're about to go over specific strategies for leveraging emotional intelligence. And in these strategies, I currently have, let me count, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, we have 10. We have 10 strategies, 10 strategies, okay? when it comes to leveraging emotional intelligence in our influence efforts, not manipulative efforts, our influence. I'm trying to influence you to doing what's right for the overall good. So we're about to talk about these strategies.

12:07So write these down. I'm going to go over 10. I may have examples along the way. I don't know. But this is when we actually start working together and you can start seeing these strategies. And realizing what skills you already have, what skills you need to work on to get better, what skills you need to master and what skills that you actually are not good at. So help us with this. The first one, practice active listening. No, no, no. I didn't say hearing. I said, number one, write this down. Practice active listening. This involves fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just passively hearing the message.

12:52It means listening with all senses, giving full attention to the speaker and providing feedback to show that you've understood the demonstrate. And this demonstrates empathy and builds trust. Now, what do you mean by this? To listen with all senses. If I'm hearing you, but on my phone, I'm not listening. If I'm hearing you, not on my phone, but I'm not looking at you, I'm looking at everything else, I'm distracted. If I'm looking at you, I'm even mirroring the mannerisms you make. But in my mind, I'm thinking of everything else that I need to be taken care of. I'm not actively listening. to actively listen means that you are fully engaged with every being of your body in the conversation you're there in the moment nothing else matters it's going to behoove you how many doors will open how many connections you will make where people will you leave will say i don't know what it is about that person but i i like them and you could have said four words but for the first time in their life, career or personal, they had somebody who was fully engaged in the conversation.

14:15Here's a couple of tips. When communicating with somebody, leave your phone in your pocket. When at work, tell your family, I have to leave my phone down. Now, when you're in a meeting, try your best to stay engaged with the meeting. Here's why. Because if you're too busy to pay attention, your earnings go to what you pay attention to. As a leader, you cannot afford. You can't afford for your team to believe that you don't care about anything that they say, but when you speak, you want them to be all 10 toes in. One of the biggest pet peeves that I have is when people pick up their phone in the middle of conversations or pick up their phone in the middle of training or a meeting.

15:19Because I know the moment you picked up their phone was a moment that you were distracted. And you know what people like to do? We like to play the call and response game. If I stop and say what I say, the only thing that you remember were the last three or four things I said and you repeat that. But I actually go deeper and I say, what strategies or what did I mean when I said that? What was the purpose? And that always stumps people. And that lets me know and lets them know, I know that you're not listening. And it's very important that we understand this concept. The second strategy you must master is to use emotional mirroring.

15:51This technique involves subtly matching the emotional tone and energy level of the person you're trying to influence. If they're excited, show enthusiasm, man. If they're concerned, have empathy. Demonstrate that you take their concerns seriously. This creates a sense of rapport and understanding. This is not manipulation because think about it. if someone that you love truly love came to you and they were sad you wouldn't be happy in that moment you would match them because you're in tuned with them someone that you love you don't even know why they're happy they just come to your house they jump in for joy they smile you smile you're excited you don't even know what they're about to talk about guess what emotional mirroring and you know the most unfortunate thing many of us miss this in our own homes with our spouses with our children emotionally mirroring where they are my daughter comes home and she's telling me about all her friends that made her mad who she's not a friend with i don't tell her babe they're not gonna be your friend in three years they're none Because right now in her world, she can't see till fourth grade because she's never been to fourth grade.

17:16Till her friends being upset at her is her real world right now. And I saw how when I was dismissive in a way, like girl, get over that, you'll be fine. How it dropped her demeanor down. But the moment I started to say, why am I so open? I'm matching energy levels at work, but not at home. I started to match her energy levels. She want to talk about it for her. I say, girl, let's get some popcorn. Is this popcorn time or is it just real quick? She's like, oh no, this is real quick. Or she's like, it is popcorn. I sit down on that floor. I put my phone down. We eat popcorn. She get her little sparkling wine.

17:58I get my wine. And guess what? We engage emotionally, mirroring her. And that little 10 minutes to her feels like a full day of being seen. Imagine if you as a leader, your organization sees it that way. That when in the moment with you, they feel like nothing else matters. You will have people run through walls, brick, jump over the moon. For you, your mission, and your belief. Number three. The strategy is important. Learn to manage your own emotions. Before entering any influential conversation, take time to center yourself. Be aware of your own emotional state and potential triggers. If you feel yourself becoming upset or frustrated during the interaction, take a moment to breathe.

19:03Re-center before responding and ask questions for clarification.

19:11The best thing to mitigate emotions are asking questions for understanding.

19:22because a lot of us get frustrated when you're going to come to an impasse anyway that person that's talking to you has already made up in their mind that they're going to do what they're going to do you've already made up in your mind that you're going to do what you're going to do it's a point of being upset if y 'all don't want to compromise

19:42one of the keys of emotional intelligence is controlling your own emotions

19:52Being able to separate when you're not delivering From what people are saying Hey you're not delivering on what you said You're hearing they hate you They don't like you They think that you suck No what they're saying is You're not delivering on what you said that you could do Two different things Controlling your emotional state Hearing what's actually being said is important. I'll give you an example. I was golfing and I hit on a golf course, you know, you have the houses on the side and I hit the ball into somebody's yard. There's a rule on a golf course. This is my first time golfing at this new golf course that you can't go into someone's yard to pick up the ball.

20:36It's their private property. So when I hit it, I sliced it. which means when I hit it, it went hard right. Little golf ball. And it landed in somebody's yard. So when I was trying to find a ball, I saw my ball. So I ran into that person's yard to get my ball. I grabbed it and I started kind of walking back to the green. And this guy starts beelining. And I'm a black brother. And he's a white brother. He's beelining to me, sprinting out his house, cussing me out. mad in that moment I could have said oh it's because he's racist or oh because he doesn't like that I'm young and golfing in the middle of the day I don't know but in that space I centered myself I mirrored his emotions I managed my emotions I paid close attention to what he was saying and he was like you should know that you don't belong on this land this property you see the freaking sign in there.

21:44Don't come on my property. That ball technically belongs to me. And I looked at him. I said, sir, I actually understand. This is my first time golfing here. And to your point, I did not read the sign. I was just looking for my ball. And I actually understand your emotions. I understand why you're mad. You probably get a bunch of people running on your lawn, getting balls and stuff out of there. And you're probably mad. You can't even have a fence right here. He looked at me and immediately his emotions dropped. And he said, I'm sorry for yelling. I'm just frustrated. This always happens. And I have to keep repeating myself over and over again.

22:24And I said, I understand. I shook his hand. I said, now that I know, I can promise you one thing. I won't step foot on your lawn anymore. And I hope that when I see you, I can wave to you and at least we'll be cordial. He looked at me and I said, I hope, is that okay, brother? He said, brother that's fine with me. Look at that. Managing my emotions, hearing what he is saying. We could have started fighting over a golf ball. But in that space, I tried to figure out where he was, which takes me to number four. Validating others' emotions strategy. This is a strategy of EQ. Even if you disagree with someone's perspective, acknowledge their feeling.

23:10Phrases like, I understand why you might be upset. That can go a long way in building rapport and opening up people, opening people up to your ideas. Actually, I actually do understand your perspective. I don't see it that way, but I understand why you can. Can you break down to me why you see it that way? And I'll break it down to you. I see it my way. Maybe we can come up with some type of compromise. You know what I noticed in my relationship, personal relationship with my spouse? I don't validate emotions enough. I know I'm right. I know she's emotional. But versus saying, hey, I actually understand how you feel on that.

23:55I can see why you feel that way. it's not my intentions but I can see how you feel that way can you explain to me why you feel that way it's so funny how many of us believe we're just so much in control of our emotions when in fact we're not the fifth strategy use emotional appeals ethically while it's important to engage people's emotions do so in a way that's authentic and aligns with your message. Listen to me. Don't manipulate emotions, but rather connect your ideas to values and aspirations that resonate emotionally. There's nothing more worse than manipulating someone's emotions for your own gain.

24:48Because can I tell you something? What will always happen? that bounce back, that anger, that wrath that you'll get when people feel like you played them, manipulating their emotions for your own game, it'll be worse for you. Worse than you can even imagine. This is why ethics are important. And understanding disposition is important. And understanding why people will be upset is important. and controlling manipulative thought processes and asking yourself, is this truly in the benefit of us both or am I getting more benefit from this? As a leader, can I tell you something? I will much rather my team feel like they're getting more from me than I'm taking more from them.

25:47Six, number six, the sixth strategy. You want to develop your emotional vocabulary. Being able to accurately name and describe emotions, both of your own and others, can enhance your ability to understand and influence emotional states. Can I tell you something? This goes beyond just happy, sad, or angry to more nuanced emotions like apprehensive, intrigued, or conflicted. You see that? The older we get, our emotional status should be more than just, are you happy? Are you sad? Are you angry? The older we get, the more complex our life. It becomes nuanced of emotions, sometimes a mixture of some.

26:36I'm apprehensive. I'm intrigued. I'm conflicted. I'm conflicted, meaning I want to do it. But something inside of me is telling me not to do it. I'm at a crossroad. That doesn't mean I'm happy, sad or angry. I'm just conflicted. Strategy number seven. We want to practice empathetic communication. This involves not just understanding others perspectives, but demonstrating that understanding in your communication. Use phrases like it sounds like you're feeling or from your perspective. It seems that. This shows you're truly trying to see things from their point of view, not just your own. So if you don't understand where they're coming from.

27:32Tell them what you're hearing from them, what you're seeing from their body language and allow for them to correct or confirm. what you're seeing. The eighth skill set of emotional intelligence is to manage relationship dynamics. Be aware of the relational context of your influence attempts. Consider power dynamics, past history, and current relationship status. Tailor your approaches accordingly. So if I'm looking at the dynamic of who I'm talking to, Who you're talking to should dictate how you talk to them Who you are talking to should dictate how you're talking to them If you have a one tone, one inflection, one way you communicate I'm just like this, they need to get used to it That is not a high sign of emotional intelligence You're telling everyone the world revolves around me you have to assimilate to how I am versus you meeting people where they are because as a leader scripture says that the greatest among us will serve all so if I'm going to serve all think of it like a fast food restaurant restaurant everybody doesn't want the same meal cooked and done the same way.

29:06Everybody has a different way. Now, the goal is to feed them food, but how they want to digest their food, I have to consider that as a restaurant owner and give them what they need based on what we provide on our menu. So as a leader, yes, you're going to have to assimilate to what their desires are if you want to get them to do what you need them to do. So I have to consider the power dynamics, the past history and current relationship status in regards to me or their life to determine how I'm going to approach something. Number nine. As a strategy, write this down, you have to develop emotional agility.

29:50This is the ability to navigate a wide range of emotional experiences with curiosity, flexibility, and kindness. It allows you to respond more effectively to various emotional situations you may encounter in your influence efforts. Listen, y 'all. You can't be a one-trick pony and be mad. that no one can understand you, God. Because if you're a one trick pony when it comes to how you communicate emotionally or connect with people, that means your circle of people you can connect with are small. That means your impact and influence range is capped. But if I have the agility to work with all types of people in all different types of ways, this allows for me to be able to grow and teach and train and connect with all types of people from different circumstances from different backgrounds, with different communication skills.

30:57Which means my impact will be larger. Opportunities and doors I can walk through will be plentiful. And I won't be subjugated to this. I like to liken this to an actor that can only play in a certain type of role. When an actor doesn't have range, it limits the amount of opportunities that they get. But when as an actor you can show you can have range You can be serious, you can be a villain, you can be a superhero You can have emotions, you can cry, you can be a lover boy You can take on different languages, you can take on different personas You can take on different dialects, you can take on different tones You can take on different ways of saying things All of these things here, can I tell you something?

31:45All of these things here are showing agility. The more agile you are in your communication skills and your emotional skills, emotional intelligence, the more opportunities you'll get and more doors will open and the more impact you'll make. And number 10th and final one, use nonverbal communication.