S4 E3: Being Seen Can Come With Some Growing Pains

0:00Hi everybody, welcome to Built to be Seen. For people ready to show up. I'm Toby. And I'm Kaz. Are you ready to be seen? Welcome back to another episode of Built to be Seen. Today we're going to be talking about how being seen and being visible can come with some growth pains as we start to get comfortable with putting ourselves out there. But also, I guess, comfortable with any kind of change. Yeah. whether it's to do with our business or you know personal life outside of our work but also with our branding you know um as things start to grow and we start to evolve with the way we do things there's always going to be little challenges along the way aren't there yeah i think when i was thinking about this episode i was thinking how like it can be quite exciting at the start of anything at the start of personal branding at the start of building a business at the start of like just putting yourself out there and new technology and all of this and there's that buzz of it and then you get into the flow of it and then there's a constant like oh I could also do that and I could also do that and I could learn that and I could do that and I could get better in that area and I can and sometimes I think we go through all of that and we're like there's there's always something more there's always something better there's always thing and I know for myself personally why I really wanted to do this exercise was that it can get to points in your journey where sometimes you look at how you are where you are the skills you've got the level that you're at and almost there's this also where you want to be yeah and you can feel so far away from that end goal and so like the more you get better and the more you learn about yourself the more you do personal growth the more you can almost feel like i am so broken like there's so much to do to get better and be better and get my eventual goals and dreams and aspirations like and I think sometimes that can be um scary and overwhelming you're pulling yourself in all different directions aren't you and don't actually know where you're heading for yeah yeah and then you've got to show up while you're doing it and be visible and go ahead and authentic and do all of this and it's like that's great but i'm struggling right now and i don't know why and i'm i'm the only one that's struggling because everyone else is smashing it out there look at them all they appear to be they appear to be yeah everybody i think everybody has a lot to work on we're humans yeah we've got we're constantly evolving changing and growing so everybody's got a lot to work on it doesn't mean that we can never get there if we have a lot to work on it just means that we need to like maybe pause and breathe for moments take it steady take smaller steps like look up maybe our further away dreams and goals and think okay that's one day but what can i do tomorrow to get a bit closer to that and sometimes that could be stopping and I say just being at the moment so I was I got into the kind of personal growth and personal development when I started my network marketing business about eight years ago now and ever since starting that business I was like personal growth podcasts books everything soak it up soak it up soak it up seminars conferences be better be better be better set goals in January try and smash those goals achieve get a new business started with quirk do do do do do do do do do and oh my gosh it got to like last December and I was just like actually eight years is a long time to be continually striving to get better yeah I just need to be for a moment I just need to be I just need to be take stock of where I am not even worry or think about where I'm going just be enjoy more of the moment yeah of where I am and what I'm being and just just be i don't know how else to explain it no i think that i think that's pretty clear it's yeah and embracing what you have achieved you know rather than constantly looking forward to what you need to do because otherwise you're just you're you're always incomplete and you're living in that constant state of chasing something um you know i'm really guilty of see a new bit of camera gear all I can think about is I really want that I really want that new lens I really want you know and I'm not actually taking in what I am capable of with my current equipment you know I can achieve exactly the same thing you know near enough only I would know the difference that that new bit would make and it's the same when we put that into like our self-development it's like you know the people around us they they like us for who we are right now not who we're yet up here where like I need to be somebody else or you know bring it back into the context of business you know this is at the same your business is constantly growing and evolving and if you don't have those days where you just check in and go what's the picture look like now compared to this time last year all right yeah I've come pretty far or you know it's actually segway into a different area I didn't expect it to and now I need to bring everything else in line with that and if you don't do that you're just constantly kind of journey on but on the hamster wheel yeah chasing chasing chasing chasing chasing yeah definitely yeah and when you think about like eight years to be doing that kind of thing is it's so much information but yeah but then you also look at people who have bought into your journey and that followed you have been inspired by that so you kind and don't want to take away from any of that like you know i'm sure you wouldn't say you have any regrets about doing that or anything it's just you just need those moments to stop for a while don't you and go and i feel like i'm going on a tangent here now but the days you probably stop and think where am i going like i just want to be it's tiring doing this trying to progress and be better all the time um they're probably challenging because you probably feel for whatever reason on that day like you're not getting anywhere and that's the exact same in business isn't it like we all have those days where we're like what is all this for like why am i in my own business i could be working for someone else get a guaranteed salary not have to be chasing clients not be chasing invoices to be paid you know with everything else in life that's going on as well but those days i think are just they just happen regardless regardless of what is going on like you know there'll always just be those little peaks and troughs where like you know whether it's mood or just energy things catching up with you if you had a busy period december's always a classic one for christmas isn't it end of a year going into a new one yeah that you just kind of have to yeah like you said take stock and just yeah i also think and i've found that when i stopped so one of my things for example like one of almost one of my success markers or one of the things that I was sort of chasing a little bit as well is a bit more financial money rewards whatever and I found that as soon as I stopped in December and literally just went we're having a bit of a break on this now money appeared from nowhere and then also going into the new year um new year new me new goals whatever whatever that narrative's around isn't it but i just went again i was like no actually i need longer to pause need longer to pause i'm just going to continue into the new year um and i'm not going to set any goals and i'm not going to set any things i want to tick off my list and get better at i'm just going to be again for a bit and it's funny how it's all kind of worked out in the new year to kind of almost open my mind up to new possibilities and things as well but but better ways of doing it something in a business sense better ways of being better ways of living my life but like so that pause and that just being and not striving and doing has actually enabled my mind to almost catch up and some of the things that I've probably missed those great light bulb moments those great moments of inspiration and the gut punches that I didn't hear because I was just constantly chipping away and doing I've now started to hear them nice and I it's it's almost like magic like you start trusting yourself a bit more and there's this intuition that comes through to you don't know I can't explain it but we were again isn't it but yeah like maybe part of this rebrand of the podcast has kind of come from that period you know because we could have just plowed into 2020 20 things again and just gone, right, let's just continue.

8:54More personal blogging. Got to get it done. Got to get it done. Brand you. Go, go, go, go, go. And then do you know what? Without stopping now, would we have found ourselves in trouble five years down the line when the other podcast finally catches up and, you know, we've both been having the same name and would it be a detriment to our podcast? Would stuff have happened? And actually we needed that time to be able to think about that and to rejig. It's so interesting, isn't it? I feel like this episode's come about stopping now and about pausing. Yeah. Because I've got better at being self-employed but taking holidays, like taking breaks.

9:33Before it was like I'd still be checking my emails, trying to do as much as I can while I'm away, whereas actually now I can go, you know what, all that will be there when I come back. And actually, as you've just summarised, when you do have that break, you probably still have, you kind of block the daily thought patterns and admin routine things that you do and that makes space for all the creative thoughts about your business and about your angle and journey going forward come in and you can kind of like actually process those you come back going you know what i kind of know where i'm going now and yeah um i need i needed to stop in order to kind of see that and maybe they're then more aligned so even coming back isn't then like oh no I'm back to it and I'm back in it and it's stressful it's like oh no I've got a new energy and this is going to be more aligned actually so it feels better coming back as well yeah it's so interesting I just think that a lot of people personal branding and again building business being seen publicly means that you are having to level up it does mean that you're going to have to grow and evolve so i think a lot of people are probably out there feeling like that or have felt like that before or will feel like that again in the future and i think there's a it's nice to know that you're not alone sometimes isn't it and you're not broken because you need that pause and that i think that's been maybe my mentality in the past yeah the really interesting thing about um I had coaching session a few years back and I told her in the coaching session that you know I can do do do do do I can go go go go I'm on all these things I'm everything yeah brilliant and then I just need to sit on the sofa and watch back-to-back Netflix for a whole day and do absolutely nothing she said how does that make you feel so that makes me feel really lazy yeah and like then you know of course something else isn't working because you're lazy because you had to have that day she said well instead of that being like your story and and what is actually real what if that is your time that you need and actually you need that space to just do absolutely nothing because you are doing everything and she said there's there's polarities in life and you need those polarities so if you are everything that also means that you are nothing or you need times of nothingness as well yeah to recharge for the everything and i was like oh my gosh light bulb she gave me an affirmation to say to myself which has stuck with me um and i always remember and it's um at first i may retreat this is part of the process while my nervous system recalibrates to where it's going next right so i've my my almost my word towards the end of the year I kept saying it was like I'm hermiting I'm in my hermit era like I just want to hermit I just want to be in my house don't want to go out after dark don't want to do I want to sleep well I want to just you know I'll go and do work and job and I'll I'll do all the stuff I need to do but around that yeah I'm gonna hermit and it was lovely um so that ties in with kind of that doesn't it like I was allowed to hermit because there was change happening and Quirt was changing and I was going into marketing labs more and now the podcast has changed and that's changed a bit so life does look a little bit different now as well I think you need to give yourself that time in that transition period what we just took it wasn't on the podcast was it we were talking before that about business club so that we've got a Lincoln business club tomorrow and you were saying what oh yeah what are you gonna introduce yourself as now and I was thinking 10 second intro yeah I was like oh my gosh it's probably gonna be longer if I say it all but I was like I'm just gonna say hi I'm Kaz and I'm transitioning I'm in a transition period I don't know yeah yeah I don't know who I am right now Here I am right now, but she will appear at some point.

13:47Yeah. It's, yeah, I think, I've got a question for you then. Given that kind of journey that you've just shared with us, all the way through this, you're still trying to show up, you're still trying to be visible, still trying to put outcomes about your business. does that add pressure because you feel you need to sustain your audience's expectations because I think there might be a lot of people that will resonate with well I just post because I have to and then that has to be in line with my previous stuff as well and actually we find ourselves putting on this kind of building a front without even realizing we're doing it probably that actually when we stop it feels really really vulnerable to go well I'm letting all that go now all that work I've been doing but actually when you review it yeah was it as specific and as accurate as you needed it to be could you have done less that was more intentional like we've talked about on the last episode yeah was there any pressure you felt yeah because of what you were sharing it's not pressure I don't think I've ever felt I'm I'm really good now at not feeling pressure from the online world and my online presence I don't I don't really feel the pressure like if you see me online because I enjoy it and I like it and actually it almost gives me it allows me a voice in a world and sometimes what I share is me processing stuff as well so so because I am me and I'm honest and you you see all of it online as in like I'm not I don't hold anything back when work changed I didn't in the exact moment but a few weeks later once I processed it I told the world about the change so that again they're not thinking hold on what's she doing now and suddenly like none of this yeah um kind of goes together but there's an element I feel like on my Instagram is a lot more personal and a lot more like so LinkedIn I can I can still do LinkedIn and LinkedIn is still fine and there has been a change that I've documented but I've documented the change and now we're through the change it's the next lot of content is very clear again it's the next phase of that change so LinkedIn cool fine instagram is another kettle of fish for me which i have stepped back a bit on um i've not let it go completely because there's still some stuff within that that i can share my personal opinion of and experience of but i have been more confusing in my messaging there and because i've been more confused now what do i personally stand for as a human yeah um um what am i sharing and it and it's maybe not resonating at the moment with the audit because again it's in that interim point um but i anything that you've seen on there it's because i've needed to get it out word it in a way or it's been a benefit for me to share creatively just in a fun way it's been a bit of a release um but i am sharing some really vulnerable stuff even even the quote there's elements of that I was like do you know I want to share my actual opinion on this and I know business-wise it's been a good move I know why why the decision was made and I was part of that decision process and all this I totally get it so consciously your brain's like yeah this is the right way to go and this is great for everybody uh yeah brilliant but inside you were trying to push a business forward and you didn't quite get it forward enough in that time frame that was given so you your brain always goes to you failed at that like like could you've done more you failed at that what if you'd done that instead what if you'd done that what if you'd spoken to those people or more people or done at the time you're juggling everything like you yeah I did what I could do so you've got to give yourself some grace um but I I wrote about that in some of those posts about that vulnerably because the people that I look up to most online that I get the most from that boost me to be myself and evolve and be okay with that are the ones that share that too so I like that so therefore I would like to be that to my audience as well and my audience even on Instagram I'm going through this change but the people on my Instagram that are following me and that messaging I speak to them in person and there's such a there's such a crossover to what I'm going through personally and little snippets that I'm sharing that gives them permission to share so vulnerably themselves as well and actually there's a few people going through this bit of a change in life and a change in the world and they're not quite sure of stuff and I think it's so powerful to to not keep that hidden because again it's would I want to do it properly and professionally and I don't want to I just want to connect with people I want to connect with people people to connect with me I want to be inspired if I can inspire anyone else great um let's all just do our best and get through life as best we can um and i think we can only do that if we do share so yeah probably a long-winded way of saying it but no i like it yeah not enough vulnerability it's good it's good like you said it's needed it's needed yeah because we all go through these things so if none of us talk about it like you're just really lucky i haven't mentioned the perimenopause word but I don't think you're prepared for that.

19:46We'll save that for another episode, guys. I'm going to go big on Toby with this. So for those of you who don't know, Headshot Toby's studio is based here in Spark House in Lincoln. They offer flexible office spaces, business mentoring and even have virtual offices if you're not quite ready for a full time desk. As a sole trader and a photographer with lots of equipment, it was really important that I found somewhere that had space for me that was affordable, so that I had plenty of room to grow my business in a way that was scalable. And Sparkhouse may just be the perfect solution too for you.

20:23Get in touch today by emailing sparkhouse at lincoln.ac.uk. And you'll also find our email address in the show notes below. and I think what is important about sharing is we're we're being authentic not because of we're saying things that happen to us for the sake of it just to appear authentic we're sharing them to kind of highlight that we're not a complete package like the journey is never done there's always things to be learning progressing it's just how you approach that your brand is always evolving it's always changing whether you like it or not like you'll be taking on new clients that pull you in a different direction or whatever you offer you offer it slightly differently to each person and it's just good to sometimes take stock of that and go yeah actually I really like the way I've been pulled that way I want to do more of that you know and to know that you're not finished with that like yeah you've been pulled in that direction at this time but in a few months time who knows what then the direction will go what you'll need in that moment and or what you'll want or what you want yes because that changes as well your own desire of like what kind of photography I might want to do you know it's always been around headshots but it might be yeah I'd love to do football I'd love to go over sports personalities you know but it's how you kind of get there isn't it yeah yeah and if you want to something like that'll appear at some point and you'll get this opportunity that will then lead down that area and it'll be like wow but only again if you've paused maybe and you've understood that about yourself in that moment of pause and if you don't I think yeah it's the hamster wheel sometimes you need to get off of it have a drink in your little hamster water bowl drink of your choice we're not advocating water yeah what water in the bottle water in the bottle and you have to drink it from a bottle that's the hidden truth well that's all we've got time for today in today's episode of Built to be Seen make sure you're following along on Instagram and wherever you get your podcasts so that you keep informed of when new episodes drop see you next time